《Born (Born #1)》


 Page 1

    Chapter One


    They say that the world is built for two, but in the silence of the old cellar two feels like a long lost dream. It''s an ice cream cone on a boardwalk with the sun above and the sea below. It''s the wind rolling around you gently, trying to persuade in all the directions at once and mixing sand over your feet as your toes dig in. It''s a perfect place none of us tries to remember.Advertisement


    In any mind left functioning the world was built for pain. Perhaps once there had been a place where love and companionship was something to push your life toward.


    This isn''t that world anymore.


    To me that world had never existed anyway. The world has always been a selfish place where love is fleeting and people are fickle. Once upon a time, true love accidentally happened to the fortunate. They polluted and corrupted it, and like everything else it got sick.


    I''ve seen it. I''ve seen it and in the end when it''s taken away the people who protested or cried the loudest, were the ones who had taken it for granted the most.


    I look around the cellar, in four days I have barely moved. It''s my rule and now because of it I can leave easier knowing I''m safe. I always end a shopping trip with a quiet few days in a cellar or basement.


    I wasn''t born to this. I''ve had to learn how to move around quietly, how to sit still.


    I know what I need to do to live. I have lain amongst the dead. I have run through the woods in the dark, feeling my eyesight clear like a wild animal and embrace the darkness.


    I creep out into the beam of dust lingering in the air, sparkling from the sunlight that found its way down two stories into a dark cellar. The beam of light almost makes me smile. I admire the light''s determination. I shake my head to bring my thoughts back around and take my first step toward the stairs.


    The explosions never destroyed this home in any way. The stairs are in one piece, which has become a bit of a novelty. The old farmhouse is too far from any major center to have even been aware of the problems, at least in the beginning.


    The blood smears on the white siding outside prove that sickness has touched every inch of this world.


    The hard wood creaks under my first step. I hold my breath and hope the creak went unheard. I take a breath and the second step slowly, allowing my body weight onto it softly. I hesitate taking the third, giving the sounds space and distance. My heart is beating like it might attempt to get free from my constricted chest. I wait a second longer, it''s another rule. Never leave when you feel it''s safe, always wait one more second.


    I put my feet to the far sides of the stairs, where the nails attach the boards to the frame. Shallow breaths make sounds in the new world, in the borderlands anyway. No electricity, no cars, no phones, no buzz. The world sits quiet, as if sighing and taking a long inhale after what seemed like forever with mankind and the noise pollution. I am at peace when I am home, but here in the open world I am one of them. One of what is left. What scrambles to survive, most of the time separate of anyone else.


    I look through the cellar door and try to keep my anxious heartbeat low and my breath quiet. My body needs to make some noises, but others can be controlled.


    The house is simple. Farmhouses are the best houses. They always sit a long way off the road, not that roads matter.


    They always have canning and pickling that will outlast any human. They always have safety supplies and extras of everything. Farmers lived the longest, just like my father always said they would.


    Two trips a year is rarely enough, but I know if I travel anymore than that I will be caught.


    I walk into the country kitchen and am amazed at how pristine it still is. Everything is still in its place, just as it was the first time I came here. Now though, layers of dust have found their way into the home, along with the bits of weeds that grow in though the cracks. With no busy little granny to buzz around dusting and tidying it, everything shows its years of abandonment. Vines grow up the sides of the house, like all the houses. As always I stand against the doorframe and put my hand at the top of my head as a measurement. I turn and look at how much higher it is than the mark I once foolishly put there.


    I look away from the mark and push away the memories of the little girl. I walk low to the ground toward the backdoor.


    I can''t help but laugh inside at how I still felt safer leaving through the backdoor, even though there is no front or back. There are only doors. They don''t go anywhere anymore, because there is no direction.


    Nothing goes anywhere.


    I position the heavy pack on my back carefully. It contains jars full of heart and soul and survival. Each jar is like a kiss from the old lady who canned and pickled her own farm fresh vegetables. I assume there are no preservatives, no added salt and no colorings. There aren''t any labels to contradict it, for all I know she was using MSG in everything. I smile at the letters MSG, they meant something to me once.


    That was before.


    I fight back memories of nice old ladies and the world before. I have been to many worlds in my life, and being nineteen feels more like fifty most days.


    I harden my heart and feel my instincts sharpen, as the hate surges through me. I take a deep breath and creak the door open, as if the wind has opened it. I close it again and open it. It looks like the wind coming off the brown dry fields is playing with the door.


    My animal eyes focus on the dirt yard. Nothing moves, beyond the dust playing in the light. I should be waiting for night to travel but I have stayed too long this time. I need to get back. Things only live so long alone. I know this well. My garden has died many times before.


    The old barn door swings in the soft breeze, making it creak slightly as the long brown grass sways and the dusty driveway pebbles scuttle along. Everything moves in sync with the wind.


    I had to learn how to spot this.


    I pull the door open and cringe. I know this is always the worst part of the walk home. I hate leaving this house.


    I feel my eyes squint shut, as the intense light of the sun nearly blinds me. My pack feels like a ton of bricks but I take my first steps, desperate for it to be over with already. I don¡¯t jostle the pack too much. I don¡¯t want to break any jars. I have learned that pickle juice is hard to get out and backpacks are even harder to find.


    Walking across the gravel and dirt driveway to the field is the worst. It''s wide open to the yard. I look around, walking with my shotgun in my hand. I practice regularly at home with my rifle and silencer, but on the road I always bring the shotgun.


    It''s my lucky gun. The cold thick metal of it makes me feel strong, even though I know what strength is.


    Strength is not pulling the trigger. At this point I have yet to prove my strength to myself. I always take the cowards path. Just like my dad told me to.


    My boots crunch along. I walk softly but some noises are unavoidable. The noise will last until I reach the huge wheat fields. Then I will be a whisper in the wheat.


    I enter not looking back.


    When I reach the field I know the rule.


    My legs groan under the first steps. My arches ache at the push in the beginning, but after the first quarter mile I start to warm up and my legs enjoy running.


    My back is the biggest issue, what with the pack being so much heavier than I have ever trained with. I grip the shoulder straps tight till my arms can¡¯t stand it for another second. Even then I push it until I reach the forest.


    I run deep into the woods, always the same side never the same path but always the same destination. The branches whip past me, as the edge of the forest is always the thickest where the light penetrates the deepest. As the forest clears I see him. He''s smiling like always. He''s calm. He doesn¡¯t run and jump. He waits to ensure I have brought nothing with me. He¡¯s seen them before. He knows how bad it can be. Together we have seen the people get swarmed and taken, usually women.


    ¡°Leo.¡± I whisper out of breath.


    Instead of the warm greeting we both want, I turn around and hold my shotgun. I walk backwards as Leo saunters over to watch the forest. We sit behind a tree and wait. After a few minutes I put the pack down and climb one of the huge trees. The thick branches are rough against my hands. They soften up over the spring when I don''t have to chop wood. I sit on a branch and look through my binoculars from the viewpoint.


    I can see the entire field of brown hay from here. I have a weak moment and let myself imagine living in the farmhouse one day and harvesting the hay.


    I feel my eyes strain. I try to find even a single strand of the long grass moving in a way that would signify I have been followed. I look at the farmhouse sitting still and alone. I hope it will sit that way until my next visit. I wait before I pull the binoculars from my face and let the breeze sway me on my perch.


    I wish for a second that I could fly away into the white clouds that look the way they always have. It''s like they don''t know the world has ended and they don''t need to make shapes for us anymore. There is no us. I look past the farmhouse and watch as everything moves, just as it should. No one has followed me. I climb down, tired and eager for my own bed.


    When my feet touch the ground again I look at Leo, whose gentle yellow eyes confirm my findings. We are alone. I drop to my knees and greet him as he bounds toward me. The large timber wolf licks my face and lifts his massive paw up to hug me. I hugged him so often when he was a baby, one day he hugged back. He''s done it ever since.


    He nuzzles me softly and nips at my arms. I rub his huge soft ears and stand. I pat him gently on his huge grey head.


    "Ready?" I ask.


    I pick up the heavy pack and adjust to it being on my back again. The walk home will take the entire day, if I can manage to keep a solid pace. Leo starts the walk home by heading past the old broken oak tree. Our meeting place.


    Chapter Two


    I sit by the fire zoning out in the flames, as Leo sits and presses against me. Suddenly his ears perk up. My aching feet twinge, begging me not to follow through with my instincts and stand. I watch Leo. His hackles rise. He makes no sound. I believe it to be a survival instinct that he has picked up from me. He never announces himself with a growl like a dog. Instead he hides in the shadow, waiting for his prey to make a move. He creeps to the door of the old cabin. I pick up the rifle with the scope and silencer I stole from a military base. I creep along low, just as Leo does.

 Page 2

    We sit in the dark, waiting for a noise or a movement. I never turn the lanterns on. I rarely use fuel for anything. If anything is here it''s followed the smell of my smoke.Advertisement


    Suddenly, in the dark of my cabin lit only by the glow of the fire there is a sound.


    The sound at my door is worse than anything I''ve ever heard. This category includes women being dragged into trucks while their children scream on the side of the road, abandoned. Worse than listening to the infected eating people, who are still alive. Worse than the sound clothing makes when greedy fingers tear it.


    It is a knock.


    A simple yet slightly quiet knock. A timid knock.


    It feels as if the person knocking is afraid to knock, but has no choice in the matter. It''s like their failing bravery can only muster this tiny pathetic little tap.


    In the same breath it is pathetic, the knock is also more frightening than anything I''ve ever encountered.


    It might as well have been one of the infected, clawing at the door and making the high pitch moans they make. Either way it means I''ve been discovered. It makes my stomach hurt like it used to, before I found the cabin.


    Leo looks at me. He too seems confused by the weak little knock at our cabin door. The very cabin where I found Leo outside whining and scared of everything in the world, just as I was. The cabin where we sat together hiding, hoping, praying, we would be left alone.


    I stand frozen, holding my gun and tremble.


    Leo slinks into the shadows of the coat and boot closet. I slide up against the wall and take my breaths slowly.


    I don¡¯t move. I watch Leo''s yellow eyes. They are hypnotic the way they never move. They relax me with the way they wait, focused and calm.


    I nod at him, which makes him crouch lower, ready.


    I put the chain lock on, making no noise just like I''ve practiced.


    I put my hand to the knob.


    I step back slowly and position my gun.


    I put my finger on the trigger.


    Commanding my hand not to shake, I turn the knob of the door and open it silently.


    I''ve positioned one foot behind the door, in case whoever it is decides to kick the door open.


    In the tiny crack of the door I see two eyes, blue eyes. They belong to a girl, young than me. She''s maybe fifteen but no older. She has dark hair and a gaunt face. Tears clump her black lashes together, which makes the pleading look she gives me tremendously convincing.


    "I-I-I''m s-s-sor-ry pu-pu-pu-lease d-d-d-on''t hurt m-m-e." Her lips tremble. She is shaking in fear.


    She sniffles.


    I close the door and click the lock. My stomach sinks. I know I''m in for the fight of my life.


    She is bait. If ever I''ve seen bait, she is it.


    Leo cocks his head, saunters to the door, and sniffs. I think about just opening the door and freeing him on her, but his tail wags. This makes me doubt his ability to eat the adorable girl.


    I see his sloppy wolf face emerge and I raise an eyebrow at him. He retreats moaning.


    "Please miss. I need your help. Please." She shouts, no longer stuttering.


    Her voice is desperate. She bangs on my door, "Please he''s dying, my brother is dying, please."


    I have watched children left on the road screaming. I''ve watched teenage girls dragged into the woods and been forced to listen. I''ve survived because I watched and listened. I''ve ignored everyone at every cost. Several times I have lain under a truck with my eyes closed and waited for it to end. Waited for the screaming to stop.


    She is bait.


    I close my eyes waiting, but the banging gets louder. If they aren¡¯t already here they will hear the banging.


    Dejectedly I open the door again, putting the tip of my gun through the door. I am ready to shoot. Again I feel the path of the coward before me.


    "If, if you kill me, please just go find him afterward. He''s hurt. They¡¯ll find him. He''s in a hole south of here. Please."


    Her words aren¡¯t a plea. She is resigned to die for him. She isn¡¯t a coward. She isn¡¯t like me.


    I slump and pull the gun back. I close my eyes for a second and let myself acknowledge that this is a bad idea. I will no doubt regret this.


    I open the door.


    Leo walks cautiously to her sniffing and circling.


    "Please if you must kill me just go to him. He''s back a ways down the big hill. He''s fallen in a hole and broken his leg I think. He isn¡¯t conscience."


    I watch her eyes, they never dart. She speaks the truth.


    I grab the bundle of rope I keep on the storage shelf and close the door.


    "Thank you so much. Thank you. My name is Anna." She holds her hands together like I''ve saved her life. Her tears still pour down her face. She is small and weak, but she appears stronger than I am. Braver.


    I look at her, choosing to ignore her. After I have gotten her brother out of the hole, she will be on her way.


    Leo rubs himself against the girl.


    "He''s not going to bite me?"


    "He might. Let''s go. Stay in front of me where I can see you."


    She nods and tucks her long brown hair into the back of her jacket. She is thin, everyone is thin, but she is thinner than anyone I''ve seen in a while. I frown at myself. Who have I seen in months? No one.


    Her gaunt face tells me her brother and her have been alone since the beginning, like me. And Leo. No one takes care of her. She fights for everything she has. This makes her my enemy.


    I know the exact hole her brother is in, if he is really in there.


    I keep my ears sharp. Thankfully she never speaks. I know she is a survivor, she has common sense. She walks silently as I do. Her breathing is even.


    As we approach the hole I wait at the far side, assuming I am being led to be pushed in. I have a bad feeling they will take my cabin and leave me to die. She gets onto her knees and crawls to the edge, "Jake?"


    "Anna?" A guy''s breathless voice rises from the hole.


    She starts to cry, "Jake we got rope, I found her. She''s back now. Everything will be okay now."


    My hackles rise at the words ''she''s back'', "How long have you been following me?"


    She puts a hand out, "Let me have the rope."


    I take a step back as Leo takes one forward. He senses my agitation.


    "Just let me have the rope please, he''s hurt." She pleads.


    I shake my head and point my rifle at her face, "How long have you been following me?"


    She slumps, "Two months. We stayed in the woods outside the cabin. We needed the well water. I''m sorry."


    I want to feel nothing but I know, I know I''m lucky. My father told me about the cabin in the woods his family owned. I knew I had somewhere to go when it all ended. They were, no doubt, left with nothing. This doesn¡¯t take away the sick feeling I have in my stomach, knowing I have been spied on for two months. I glance at Leo and raise an eyebrow. He slumps slightly under my scrutiny. He is ashamed but doesn¡¯t know why. He knows my looks.


    "I am sorry. We didn¡¯t mean to scare you. We saw how many guns you had and we knew you had the wolf. We wanted to leave you alone but we had no where to go."


    The voice speaks from the hole, "Look don¡¯t hurt my sister, just pass me the rope and I''ll pull myself out. We won''t bother you again. I know you''re scared but we really are just regular people like you."


    Like me. I hear my father''s voice, ''it''s us and them Em'' and remember there are no regular people.


    I lean my gun against the tree. Leo stands beside it at the ready, just like I trained him to. I turn and tie the rope around the tree next to me. I toss the remainder of the rope down the hole. When they''re gone I will set up booby traps. I won''t be caught by surprise again.


    "Tie it under your arms." I say toward the entrance of the hole.


    I can see the rope moving as he ties himself up.


    "We will pull you up just try to help a little okay."


    "Okay."


    I look at Anna and wait for her to come help. She looks back at me expectantly.


    I frown, "I''m not pulling him up alone."


    She laughs slightly. It feels weird for me. I don¡¯t know when I heard someone laugh last.


    She gets up and walks to me. Neither of us trusts the other. She eyeballs me, as much as I do her. We each take the rope in our hands. I wrap it around my hand and she does the same.


    "Ready?"


    She nods, just as he calls up from the hole. "Ready."


    "One, two, three."


    We dig in with our feet and pull hard. I can see her neck straining against the pull.


    It is the hardest thing I''ve ever done. I grow frightened of just how big he is. He weighs a ton.


    I watch a huge hand reach up out of the hole and claw at the dirt. Anna drops the rope and runs to it. Another huge hand pops up and digs in. She reaches down and pulls on his arms. I try not to gasp as a massive man crawls from the hole. I can tell he''s thinner than he should be. His frame towers over Anna.


    He smiles at me, "Thanks. I never thought I would get out of there. I honestly didn¡¯t think you would help us."


    My heart does something it has never done before. It skips a beat. His dark shaggy hair hangs around his forehead at eye level. His blue eyes sparkle, even in the faint moonlight, up through his hair. His smile is devastating, with chiseled features and a strong jaw line. I imagine the feel of his lips against mine for the faintest of seconds.


    "Uhm hello?"


    I shake my head, seeing the smile cross his lips, "What?"


    He laughs, they laugh a lot.


    "My name is Jake and this is my sister Anna." He stands on one leg resting his arm over Anna''s shoulder, supporting his hurt leg in the air.


    "You''ll need that set." I point at his hanging leg.


    He smiles again and I feel a fire somewhere inside of me being lit. "You can do that?"


    I nod my answer and try to calm the disturbing feelings I am riddled with. I point to the cabin, "Let''s go." I pick up my rifle.


    "What''s your name?" He asks. I like his voice.


    I walk to him trying not to stare, "I will help you, I think I''m stronger than her." I don¡¯t trust myself around him, but the faster I help them the faster they can leave.

 Page 3

    His warmth crashes onto me as he clutches my shoulder. I have never wondered if I am short, but he makes me feel tiny. I can smell him all around me. His smell makes my insides hurt.Advertisement


    I look at Leo who walks up to Anna and nuzzles her, encouraging her to start walking.


    "Traitor." I whisper.


    Jake laughs again, "She''s really good with animals. It''s the only friggen reason we are still alive."


    I don''t know what that means. Is she going to try to eat my wolf? She doesn''t look like the kind of kid who hugs and pets her food before eating it. I''m not sure there are even kids who do that.


    We walk the short bit back to my cabin in silence. He tries talking but I just listen, not to him but everything around us. This isn¡¯t how I want to die and I don''t know how much noise they''ve made thus far. He doesn¡¯t seem to have a clue how to be quiet. His sister is the opposite. She listens like I do.


    I feel considerably better when I smell the fire of my cabin and see my front door.


    "How did you find this place?" He asks when I open the door.


    I put my finger to my lips and creep in with my rifle raised. I never locked the door. Another rule I''ve broken.


    I clear each of the two rooms and the bathroom. I check the closets and then turn the small lantern on, creating a tiny warm orange glow.


    He hops along the couch and sits down, grimacing in pain. My house feels exposed. No one has ever been here before.


    "Jake you''re going to be okay, right?" Anna kneels in front of him and looks back at me. I lock the door and close the curtains completely. I feel vulnerable. His eyes watching me make me feel worse.


    I need them gone.


    "He''ll be fine, just let me take a look." I bring the lantern and sit on the floor beside her, "Go sit by the fire and warm up. There is a stew on top. Get a bowl and eat." She doesn¡¯t have to be asked twice.


    I look up at him. He lays his head back on the couch and looks like he will fall asleep at any second.


    I smirk, knowing he will be wide-awake the moment I touch the break.


    "You can''t scream okay."


    He lifts his head and smiles bitterly, "I screamed like a little girl when I fell in the damned hole."


    I take a breath and put my fingers to his button on his jeans and undo them. My fingers tremble. I have not touched anyone in ten years. It''s been me and Leo for eight. He''s all I''ve touched.


    He grins, "Don¡¯t I get any stew before you try to take my pants off?"


    I glare at him, "No, you''ll throw up and we don¡¯t waste food here." I don¡¯t appreciate the awkward joke.


    He laughs weakly, gripping the couch with his massive hands. I unzip the pants and start to gently pull them down.


    "I would probably be enjoying this if it weren¡¯t for the unbearable pain. I need to get injured more often."


    His stomach flexes, revealing muscles like I have never seen before. His hipbones stick out a little too much, but otherwise his body is strong and amazing. He looks like the men on the cover of granny''s romance novels.


    I start to slide the jeans down his hairy legs just below his grey underwear. I try not to notice his grey underwear or what''s beneath them. I try to pull the pants down but they get caught on his thigh. I grimace. He cries out.


    I have seen disgusting things in my life and as I feel around his thigh for the break I prepare myself for the worst.


    Fortunately there is no break, but a large piece of wood has pierced his leg. I don¡¯t think it''s hit the big artery in his leg. His blood loss is nowhere what it could be if it had been pierced. I wonder about removing the stick and what damage will be caused. I don¡¯t actually know where the artery is, I just know there is one.


    "Your leg isn¡¯t broken."


    He looks down at me, "What? I felt the bone sticking out."


    "It''s a stick not bone. A stick must have stabbed into you. I need some things. I''m going to have to cut the pants from your body though."


    Anna speaks though mouthfuls, "I can sew them."


    "Don¡¯t watch this Jake. Just lie back and give me a minute to get everything I need."


    He nods and lays his head back. I walk to my bathroom and sit on the earth friendly toilet, my grandpa had installed because my grandma refused to use the outhouse any longer. It runs when the weather is good but in the winter it''s useless.


    I sit and cry in the dark. I look at my filthy hands. Even in the dark I can see the dirt. I could cause an infection and he would die from that. I could pull the stick out, rupturing his artery and he could die from that. I don¡¯t know exactly where the artery is. I wish I''d read more of the books than I have.


    I don''t know what my options are, but the thought of him dying hurts me more than any possible loss I could face, beyond Leo.


    I think about my family and the years of life experience that have brought to this moment.


    I light the bathroom candle and stand to see my reflection in the mirror. I am a ghostly girl in the muted light of the candle. My mother''s bracelet and necklace glisten in the dark light. I forgot I put them on when I got home. I lightly touch the metal. I wish she were here. Not just her, any adult. I don¡¯t want to do what I''m about to do. I grab my medical kit and take a deep breath.


    I walk to the kitchen and pour a pot of water and place it on the counter, "Boil this now."


    Anna hops up and grabs it. She stokes the fire and puts the pot on it. I am glad I don''t have to tell her how to do it. She is capable. I like her for a moment. I close my heart and turn away from her. She still has to leave when all of this is over.


    I grab the whiskey from the cupboard and crack the bottle. I''ve never opened it. I pour some on my hands, it stings a little. I scrub my hands and pour more on. I dry my hands with a towel from my fresh laundry pile.


    I drink a swig of the whiskey and carry it to my couch. My throat is burning. I grab a thick blanket and put it under his leg. He moans slightly. He is falling asleep. I take the scissors and will my hands to be steady. I cut the fabric away quickly, trying to stay along the seam to make it easier to sew back. I pull the pants off completely and pass them to Anna, "The sewing kit is in the bathroom."


    I turn back and look around his leg at the stick. It is about half an inch thick and looks to be flaking slightly. This might be a problem. It has gone in and broken off. It''s gone in deep. I grimace as I touch the opening of the cut.


    I walk to my tool bag and grab a wrench. I pour the whiskey over it and my hands again. I drink another swig. The fire is inside my belly now.


    Anna returns with the sewing kit and looks at his leg.


    "At least the stick went in to the side."


    I nod and pass her the whiskey, "He''s going to scream when I do this. You need to put a pillow over his face and hold him down. I will need that boiled water the minute it''s ready."


    She takes a drink of the whiskey and nods, "Okay."


    I drop to my knees and place the old wrench around the nub of the stick. I tighten it so the bark makes a very slight crunching noise. I look at the blanket I have ready and take a deep breath. Anna goes around to the back of the couch holding a pillow and wraps her arms around her brother.


    I try not to think about what I''m about to do.


    "One, two, three." I pull the stick hard and fast, ripping it from his leg. He jerks as hard as he can, kicking me in the face with his other foot. I am suddenly on my back on the floor.


    He screams but his sister and the pillow muffle it.


    I see stars for a moment but find my back to him. I pick the whiskey back up and pour it all over his wound. He screams again, ripping the pillow off his face and shoving his sister off of him.


    "FUCK! FUCK! WARN ME NEXT TIME!"


    He looks at me like he could rip my head off. He scares me.


    I nod, "I''m going to do it again."


    A tear slips from his left eye but he nods. His jaw trembles slightly from the pain.


    I look at the wound, blood rushes out. The flow is lazy, it isn¡¯t the artery. I sigh, at least that won''t kill him.


    I poured more alcohol and mop up the blood and liquor. I push a towel against the wound and wait for his body''s natural clotting to at least make an attempt.


    As I look down at the wound I see blood dripping onto my hands. I touch my fingers to my face. My nose is bleeding heavily. I grab the other towel beside me and push it against my face. Leo nudges me to check. I rub my elbow against his fur to try to soothe him.


    Chapter Three


    "Where did you learn to stitch someone?"


    I look back over at my guest and frown, "My dad was a survivalist. He made me go to survivor camp every summer and took me hunting and camping all the time. When it all started he planned for us to come here. The book shelves are lined with his survival books and manuals."


    She frowns, "Did he come with you or did you come here alone?"


    It flashes in my eyes, my father is pinned by the truck. He reaches for me and whispers his love. I can see them coming as I feel his fingers pushing me away. My feet listen to him and start running. They move against my wishes.


    I shake it off and look at her, "Where are your parents?"


    Her eyes blank like mine, "Mom died of sicknesses in the beginning. She went to work and never came home. She was part of the first quarantined. Dad, well he''s gone. He''s gone too." Her voice quivers a little. I know that feeling.


    "They''re all gone Anna. All that¡¯s left is us and them." I almost twitch when I say the words us and them. I included her in my us.


    Her small face is blank. I know that feeling too.


    "Anna." A sleepy voice comes from the living room.


    She is up and out of the bed, before I can even pull the covers back on my bed.


    "He''s burning up."


    I nod and walk into the room stretching, "Good. His body is fighting the infection. The bark of the branch was really flakey. I tried to flush the wound as best as I could but some bark might still be in there."


    I feel a small spark as the back of my hand rests against the balmy skin of his forehead.


    He takes my hand in his. It''s a moment of intimacy I''ve never had before. I don¡¯t pull away but I don¡¯t know how to react. He squeezes my hand.

 Page 4

    "Hard to thank you when I don¡¯t know your name."Advertisement


    I feel my hand trapped in his. I look at him over the back of the couch and smirk, "Emma. My dad called me Em."


    He pulls my hand to him and kisses the back of it, "Thank you Em."


    I feel expressions attempting to cross my face. I fight them and pull my hand from his sweaty palm.


    I walk to the left over boiled water and pour him a huge glass of it. I pass it to him, "You''ll be needing this."


    His blue eyes sparkle. My stomachache is back.


    "Thanks. Thanks for everything. I know you could have left me in that hole."


    I break his stare and look at the hardwood floor.


    "It was nothing." I say.


    Anna looks at us and grins, "How old are you Em?"


    I feel my cheeks flush, "Nineteen."


    "I''m sixteen."


    I feel sad when she tells me that. I realize she was six when her mother never came home from work.


    "Jake is twenty-one."


    I don''t know what to add to the conversation. I don¡¯t have conversations.


    Leo senses my awkwardness and saunters to me. He nuzzles his face into my palms.


    "Where did you get him?"


    I scratch his huge face and smirk at Anna, who has already won him over.


    "He was at the doorstep one day. I heard his mother dying in the woods near the house. She got the infection and died just after giving birth. Her cubs ate her and got the sickness too. Leo was the only smart one. He never ate her. He found me instead." I try not to think about having to shoot the baby wolves, as the madness took them.


    Anna beams at the large wolf, "He''s huge."


    "Very. But he is good company and he helps out with the chores."


    She laughs at that. She is bubbly. I remember my granny calling kids bubbly. I wonder how bubbly Anna would be if she had a normal childhood. I wonder what I would be like.


    I look at Jake who is sleeping again, "He falls asleep fast. We need to make him some soup." I walk to the door and look back at her, "Can I trust you?"


    She shakes her head, "No. I like it here. I will do whatever you want to let me stay but if it comes down to it, I will sell you out to save my brother."


    "Fair enough." I like her candor. I point to the books on the shelf, "Start with the top shelf. They''re the easiest reading."


    She bites her lip.


    I roll my eyes, "You can''t read?"


    She shakes her head, "Not so well." Standing next to the huge bookcase teaming with books, she looks tiny and vulnerable. I know not to let myself believe that. She is a survivor.


    The wood paneling of the out dated cottage is comfortable and bright with the light filtering in the huge windows. I haven¡¯t seen my cabin for what it truly is, until this moment. Seeing Anna and Jake in my house makes me realize how lucky I am. I wonder when the last time they rested on comfortable furniture was.


    "The books at the top are easy reading. Practice makes perfect."


    Leo''s yellow eyes meet mine. He speaks to me with his look. He wants to stay with them. He doesn¡¯t completely trust them either. I can see it in his eyes. I nod at him and walk out of the cabin.


    I need grouse or pheasant or wild turkey. There aren¡¯t a ton of them but I know a sweet spot. The cabin sits surrounded by huge tall fir trees and brush. Green is everywhere. It made me nervous in the beginning. It was so big compared to me. I felt the eyes on me from a million different vantage points. I could see the infected stepping through the brush, arms reaching for me. Blood running from their eyes and seeping sores covering their skin. The tattered clothes and the smell would overwhelm me, as they pulled me to the ground.


    I could see the others. I could hear myself screaming as their greedy fingers bit into my skin and they dragged me into the woods. In the woods where I would scream like the other girls. The tearing of the clothes haunted me in the beginning. The infected tore flesh and the others tore clothes and the sound could swallow you up.


    Now I see the greenery and listen to the sounds of the forest, and know I am safe. The forest is my friend. It was a tense relationship in the beginning, but it has earned my trust over time.


    Like Leo, it has become part of my family. Where I lost one family, I gained another.


    The branches break under my foot but in a way that keeps the birds chirping and squirrels nattering. It is a gift. I learned it from Leo. He is able to wander the forest quickly, but in sync with the woodland creatures.


    I stop at the small dip in the forest. I have a great view here. I blend into the trees and listen. I close my eyes and wait. The noises become like a song the forest sings. You only hear it when you stop being you and become part of the forest. I feel the waves in the music rising and falling with the wind.


    I grab my bow and arrow and get read. I wait for it. I hear the sound I am seeking. It is a pheasant.


    I see the bizarre looking face of it and the spectacular colors. It is a male. I take a breath and on the exhale, release the arrow perfectly. It took me two years of constant shooting to be able to down a pheasant at this distance. The male drops without a sound, as the arrow pierces his throat just below his head. I wait and watch. The forest continues its merry song. I wait an extra second. I put the bow and arrows back in the small hole beside the tree.


    I retrieve my catch, constantly looking over my shoulder. Jake and his sister watched me in the forest for two months before I became aware of them. My sense of security in this place is questioned. A heat flushes my cheeks as I walk carrying the bird by his feet. I think about Jake. His dark hair and blue eyes and long eyelashes.


    A stabbing pain rips through my thigh.


    I look up to see the reflection of a scope from across the small gully. I drop to the ground and whistle. I lay amongst the brush frozen. My heart is beating out of control.


    Anna.


    I know she has shot me. She wants my cabin. She made that perfectly clear. My heart hurts for the smallest of seconds. I force it back into its cave and harden myself to the fact I will have to kill her. Flashes of her sweet face and how much she looks like her brother fill my mind.


    I hear the shots whizzing past me in the brush. Panic fills me. She is using my own silencer against me. I wonder if Jake knows.


    I hold my breath and wait. I know Leo will come to me. I have trained him to come to me. He will come.


    I hear footsteps.


    The forest is silent as the predator moves through it. The birds can hear the panic in me. My heartbeat reveals all to them.


    I feel a sickening hurt as I realize I have been betrayed. I never should have helped him out of the hole. I should have never opened the door.


    I should have cracked the whiskey and listened from inside my cabin, for her to die or leave.


    I knew I would regret it.


    I look around. There is too much brush surrounding me. Any movements will stir up the bush and reveal my spot. I can hear her footsteps as she draws nearer. She is heavy in step. She breaks the branches roughly, making the birds and woodland creatures even quieter.


    Her footsteps are on top of me. I am certain she can hear my heartbeat. I am also certain she is going to shoot me in the back.


    I hear a whizzing noise again and bullets hitting the tree behind me. The ricochet lands not far from me. I wonder what she is doing. Has she lost the spot where she shot me? Thankfully the bush is thick around me.


    I hear a thump and some rustling near me. I don¡¯t know what''s going on. I am panicking silently.


    "Em." A whisper fills the forest near me.


    I look around without rustling the bushes.


    "Em."


    I feel Leo''s breath on me suddenly.


    I look up to see Anna squatting beside me. She has walked silently toward me like Leo does.


    I see the rifle in her hands. Rage fills me, but I know the bullet in my thigh is not going to allow me to jump up and fight for the gun. I will not be defeated by some kid. I look at Leo, who is on edge. He is hunting as if Anna is his partner. That hurts more than anything.


    "Em I killed him but there might be others."


    "What?" The words leave my mouth, before I have a chance to check my volume.


    She puts a finger to her lips, "He probably isn¡¯t alone."


    I look at my gun in her hands, "You never shot me?"


    She points to a bush beside me, "He shot you. Why would I shoot you? What? Where are you shot?"


    I ignore the shooting pain and get up on my knees. I almost cry out as I make it to my feet in a hunched position.


    I see the boots of the man on the ground.


    "Those are military issue." I speak softly, scanning the forest.


    "Great."


    I limp to him and bend over. My leg is pouring blood now. I take off my outer shirt and tie it around my thigh tightly. I fish his pockets. The warmth of my blood is seeping down my leg. He is older, forty maybe. He has brown hair and looks like he''s been eating quite well. His butt is remarkably large. I take his gun and a knife I find in his boot. I take some beef jerky he had and throw it at Leo.


    "We could have eaten that."


    I look back at Anna and frown, "Never eat anything you take off another human. Could have the infection or be rotten."


    She points to Leo, "He could get the infection."


    I shake my head, "He''s immune."


    "No one is immune."


    I smile sarcastically, "I have downed sick things before and he has eaten them. He never gets sick."


    She makes a face as she unties his boots, "Oh god, so he ate his mother and lived?"


    I nod, "Yeah probably. I try to not think about it."


    "You said he never ate her."


    I shrug and scan the forest speaking softly, "I didn¡¯t want to gross you out or scare you while I was touching your brother''s wounded leg. We just met. I was trying to be polite. Get the bird."


    She takes his boots, the bird and walks to me, "You need a hand?"


    I lean on her. Leo comes up to my other side. He is less startled now.


    "He got all crazy and started scratching at the door. He tried to open the door himself. I knew something was wrong. He led me right to you."

 Page 5

    I brush a hand into his dense fur and stroke. It''s not the first time he''s saved me and I know it won''t be the last time.Advertisement


    We walk back to the cabin. I feel sick and afraid. I have no doubts the army guy is not alone.


    My small defenseless cabin is under attack. My shirt around my leg is soaked red and I feel weak. I''m afraid the bullet is still in my thigh. I think about the fact that Anna is the only able bodied person now and we are going to be attacked any moment. My safety and comfort is gone. In my mind I can hear the tearing and the screaming again.


    As I walk through the door, Anna helps me to the other chair. I sit on the edge and try not to get blood everywhere.


    Leo looks worried. His eyes are concerned and full of expression. He nudges me. I scratch his face and kiss the top of his head.


    "I can''t believe you thought I shot you. That''s really what you think I would do after you help Jake?"


    I wobble slightly from blood loss and smirk, "No, but I was scared. I''m glad it wasn¡¯t you."


    I feel the chair against the back of my head as the ceiling starts to spin. I feel sick but then everything goes black.


    Chapter Four


    "Seriously you both have to be hurt. I''m going to get Leo to bite me so someone else gets a turn at laundry and cooking."


    Pain shoots everywhere. The light in the cabin is too much. I feel like I''m on a boat like when I was a kid. Everything feels thick like I''m moving through mud.


    "Oh you''re awake."


    I bat my eyelashes at the fuzzy being in front of me.


    I feel hands on my face, "But still hot. Anna what did the book say about fevers?"


    "I never read that part."


    I cough and sniffle, "I need fluids and salt. I need my body to get hydrated again.


    Jake brushes his hands over my face, "You look really uncomfortable. Want me to take you to your bed?"


    I sit up as best as I can. I feel weak.


    "I''m okay here. Did my artery get shot?"


    Jake''s face comes into view completely, as my vision clears.


    He shakes his head, "We don¡¯t think so but you lost a lot of blood. I think you''re anemic. Our mom was anemic."


    "I eat a lot of meat."


    "She always ate a lot of veg though. Something found in radishes and purple cabbage and beets was what her doctor told her."


    "Well that would explain it." I feel crabby. My leg hurts.


    I look at the huge white bandage on it.


    "Who did this? Did you get the bullet out?"


    Jake limps back to his bed on the couch, "Anna did it. She did exactly what you did for me. Only you weren¡¯t awake for it."


    I catch the bitterness dripping from his statement.


    "Stop being a baby I saved you. What about the man?"


    Anna brings me a glass of water, "No one else has come but at the same time we haven¡¯t exactly been leaving the cabin."


    Leo is sleeping beside the loveseat I am stretched along.


    I reach my fingers down and let the tips slide through his fur, "Someone will come looking for him. I think we should go to one of the other houses." I can''t believe I''ve said it. I''ve never helped anyone. The words feel unnatural for me.


    Jake laughs, "You have other houses?"


    "Supply houses where I''ve hidden the food and the supplies. They''re all farmhouses with bunkers or shelters and cellars."


    Jake whistles softly, "You are an amazing girl Emma. How long have you been alone?"


    Visions of my father creep in but I''m too tired to fight them. My lips move on their own. "The whole time. He died, my father died in the first month. When the panic hit the cities and everyone fled." I don''t tell them he was the first person I left. The first one I ignored.


    I see the pity cross Jake''s face, "You were nine?"


    I nod once.


    "How have you made it this far?"


    "I don''t help people. I haven¡¯t helped anyone. He told me to run. Always run. Don¡¯t look back Emma just run. Then hide."


    Anna sits on the couch beside her brother and beams at me, "Until us."


    I look at her and think terrible things about being shot and the fact the man no doubt followed them to my cabin. Instead I smile, "Till you."


    Jake reads my thoughts, "And look where it''s gotten you. I think you''re right. As soon as we get back on our feet we should get moving."


    I need to look at the wound on my leg. I need to make sure she did it right.


    I lift the leg and ignore the pain. I tear the tape wincing and slowly peel the layers away.


    Blood seeps through the closer I get to the wound. I feel nauseous seeing my own blood filter through the cotton. It''s stark compared to my blood that has made an image of a flower appear.


    The top bandage is soaked. She hasn¡¯t stitched me up properly.


    I want to get angry with her but I speak softly, "I need the water boiled and the needle and floss."


    She looks hurt, "Did I do it wrong?"


    "Yes." I grit my teeth and speak through them, "But you tried."


    She passes everything to me on a plate. I want to chuckle at the fact I''ve been downed by a sniper, but I can''t. I should have noticed him, instead of daydreaming about Jake.


    I glance up at him. He looks worried.


    "How''s your leg?"


    "Fine. It itches but my fever is gone. It looked really red and angry when Anna changed the bandage earlier."


    I point to the bathroom, "Anna I have tea tree oil in the cupboard. It''s antiseptic and antibacterial."


    She returns with the small blue bottle. My father had left bottles of it in here when he was stock piling his supply cupboards.


    She passes it to me. I dump it all over my wound. It doesn¡¯t sting. It feels like nothing, but the smell burns my nose with mint freshness.


    I put the lid back on and toss it to Jake. He is sitting in his underwear on the blankets. He undoes the bandage and smothers his leg in the oil.


    My fingers tremble as I pour whiskey over them. I try to thread the needle with floss but I can''t. I close my eyes and sigh. I feel the cool nose of Leo press against my ankle. I open my eyes and thread the needle. It''s the smallest needle we have. I grit my teeth and remember the day my father took me to the San Francisco Pier.


    The wind was warm and filled with exotic smells. My stomach rumbled as the breeze lifted my dark blond hair up into the air. People shouted and squealed in joy at every turn. I had never seen a two-story carousel before. I remember the magical feeling of climbing aboard my horse. It had a dark golden mane that matched my hair. I ran my fingers over the warm hard mane and imagined it was real. My father took pictures and waved at me as the ride stared up.


    I press the needle into my skin. I am somewhere else. I am the girl on the carousel. Her smile becomes forced as tears slip from her eyes and land on her pale yellow blouse.


    Chapter Five


    Leo whines. He never whines much but he senses it. I can''t look back. The sickening feeling that is creeping around inside of me grows with every step I take. The cabin is a parent, a hug, a haven. It''s the only thing I have from before. Turning my back on it feels like cutting myself. Every step I take is a betrayal of my soul.


    "We''ll come back Emma."


    I look over at her. I want to scratch her eyes out and roast her flesh over a spit. My face expresses this. I know because she winces when she meets my eyes.


    Leo rubs against my side, his back comes up to my hipbones. I rest my fingers in his coat. I grip the fur, as if holding onto him will ground me and I will get back a semblance of my safety.


    Fingers brush my arm and then squeeze. I''m pulled back into an embrace. I want to fight against it but the warmth overwhelms me. I can¡¯t fight my tears and Jake so I let him hug me.


    "Emma we will come back one day. We didn¡¯t hide all that food for nothing. It and the wood and the supplies will be here when we come back."


    I push his body away from mine and crane my neck to look up into his bright blue eyes, "Don''t you see? We can never come back. This is always going to be a place that¡¯s watched. They won''t stop until we''re all working the farms."


    His eyes grow passionate, "We erased all of the signs of life. Give it time. Not that many places have a functioning well Emma. We can''t afford to just ignore it."


    I want to push him away but a funny thing is happening to my skin when he touches it. It''s just like in the books I found in my Granny''s closet. He makes me swoon and shiver simultaneously. Then he frustrates me. The romance novels were right.


    I shake my head and tear from his grip, "Look we need to get going."


    The path down the mountain isn''t my favorite hike, but today I feel distracted. I walk quickly listening to the forest song. It speaks of happiness and peace. Leo seems content. His sloppy wolf face is a great indicator of what''s what in the forest.


    "Anna remember the second house dad hid us at?"


    She ignores him. I wish I could.


    "I think it was near here. Remember it had the pool and we swam in it to get clean."


    I glance at her, her jaw is set.


    He looks oblivious, "God then we found that pantry full of food. Cherry pie filling on toast made on the barbeque was my favorite."


    I imagine the cherry pie filling for a half a second but catch a glimpse of Leo in my peripheral. He''s crouched with his hackles up. He stalks into the long grass.


    I imitate him and crouch low. Anna follows along, not from watching me but from seeing Leo. Her eyes haven¡¯t left him.


    "What?"


    I groan, "Get down." He ducks along with us, but he''s too large to actually hide in the grass.


    I raise an eyebrow at Anna who rolls her eyes. It makes me snicker. I''ve never actually snickered before.


    "How are you still alive?" I whisper.


    She laughs quietly, "Luck. Not even kidding."


    I glance back at a red-faced Jake and smirk.


    "Nice to see you have an actual personality Em."


    I stick my tongue out at him until I hear it.

 Page 6

    The high moan.


    I feel my eyes close in fear and disappointment. One of us is going to die. Whoever can''t run fast enough will die.Advertisement


    Leo looks back at me for a second. I see the worry. I nod. He creeps forward along the grass. I lick my finger and put it in the wind. The breeze is behind us and carrying our smell down the hill. They are the survivors that don''t seem to die, we are screwed. They hunt like an animal.


    Anna licks her lips. I can see worry and fear crossing her face like clouds moving in the sky. Her heartbeat is pounding in her neck. I can watch it increase. She looks around and points to the trees behind us.


    I shake my head. Climbing only puts you in a tree surrounded by the infected. I look for another option, my brain flexes under the strain.


    "The river." I whisper.


    Jake looks at me unconvinced, "How far?"


    "A mile."


    "Emma your leg and mine won''t make it outrunning the infected for a whole mile."


    I know he is right. I know this to be a truth but I don¡¯t have anything else.


    I pull one of my guns from my sack and pass it to him. I look into his blue eyes, "Don''t shoot unless you have to. Don''t shoot me or yourself either."


    Anna takes the rifle with the scope, which she has grown fond of, and takes the right flank. Leo stalks down the middle of the field and I take the left. We leave Jake on the hillside. His injuries are worse than mine.


    The bullet never made its way very far into my leg. The new stitches, lavender and tea tree oil have made it heal fast.


    I look at Jake''s dark head of hair poking out of the long grass and sigh. He is too big to try to hide. He will be the death of us all. I know I will leave them if I have to. I force myself into the agreement. No matter what happens, my father never died so I could waste my life on strangers.


    They don¡¯t feel like strangers anymore though.


    I focus my thoughts and scan the grassy and thin forest.


    Bile rises when I see them. They''re slumped over something. They look disgusting and diseased, even from the distance I am at. One shoves the other and the high pitch moan shrieks out across the emptiness. It takes up all of the space. I feel the walls of fear closing around me. I see a hand come up and down on whatever they have on the ground. One of them is striking it. It is still alive. It is sick now, infected like them. They are the closest things to zombies. Not real zombies. They are human but they live with the sickness in a way that would never be considered survival. Their skin is covered in sores, open and scabbed over. Their hair is falling out where the sores have taken over their scalps. They cry tears of blood like the fantasy movies that were out when I was nine. The first thing the virus destroys is the throat. The high moan is from the scaring in the throat and the brain damage the high fever causes.


    I look toward Anna and hope she isn¡¯t scared. I force the thought from my brain and look back at the infected dinner party. The last time I worried about either of them I got shot.


    I pull my mask from my back pocket and slide if over my face and loop it around my head. It''s not a guarantee but it''s better than a gamble.


    It''s a rule. I wear it whenever they are around. The virus should have died out years ago but the ones who got sick after it mutated survived, if you can call it that. They are contagious but don¡¯t seem to die, no matter how sick their bodies get. There aren¡¯t many of them left but somehow they still manage to ruin lives.


    I count the heads, seven. Not to mention the one on the ground, if it''s a human. It could be an animal. The infected have no sense. They attack anything that moves. Their hunger is too great. I''ve seen them attack a bush on a windy day.


    I can take down three at least before they will at least get close enough to make reloading my bow a gamble. I don¡¯t like gambles. I know Anna has a pocket full of bullets, but I will be forced to trust she can shoot them before they get to me. It too feels like a gamble when I think about it.


    I feel stuck. My back is against a wall. I know Leo will take down one. Together we can guarantee four. It doesn¡¯t feel safe enough. I turn back and look at the hill behind me. I want to go home. I want to climb the hill and climb into my own bed and lock the world out. Again I regret opening the stupid door. I should have left them. I should have left him in the hole.


    I am about to run and whistle when I look at Jake once more. He winks at me and grins. My stomach does the hurting twinge thing. My lips grin back. I never told them to do it. They seem to be making choices for themselves.


    I pull the arrow back and site in the largest one. I feel the gusts of wind and the cycle they seem to come in. A large gust hits and then leaves space in the air until the next one. I exhale and release the arrow. He has dark brown hair and his face is swollen. He was a man once. I turn my heart off to him and reload instantly.


    I feel the next gust and fire compensating for it. The arrow slices into a matted head of dark blonde locks. I reload ignoring the tickles on my cheeks. The infected have noticed two are down. They turn their faces around, searching. My next arrow hits the milky eye of an older one. The remaining four stand up and begin to make the squeal. I cringe knowing the sound will haunt me for weeks.


    My next arrow hits the one pointing at me. She drops the second it slides through her open mouth.


    I feel a shiver at the sight. I reload as the remaining three shriek and start their mad dash toward me.


    I drop another one before I turn and start to run for the nearest tree. I want to run the other way. I want to run into the hills and leave them but my feet don¡¯t listen to me. My leg won''t make it far with the bullet hole in it. The long grass tangles in my feet and pulls at me. My leg burns and tries to convince me to stop running.


    "Emma. Emma." I ignore the voice and run. I feel the panic hitting.


    "Emma they''re all dead."


    I reach the bark of the huge tree. I want to climb but the pain in my thigh is killing me. I grip the massive branch and pull myself into the tree using only my arms. I''ve practiced this. I pull myself up and sit on the branch. I look down at the two people standing in the grass looking at me like I''m nuts. Leo paces. He understands. We''ve run from them many times.


    Jake approaches the tree limping slightly. He puts his hands out like he is scared of me, "Emma they''re all dead."


    "How?"


    Anna beams, "I shot them. I waited for them to run to you and then dropped them all instantly."


    "You? You killed them?"


    She tilts her head, "You still don¡¯t trust us to help you?"


    I want to say yes but I sit for a moment in the tree.


    "I''m stuck."


    Jake stands below the huge branch and puts his arms out, "Jump."


    I throw down my bow and arrows and look around. The field doesn¡¯t move, except where the winds stroke the dark amber colored grass.


    I turn over on my belly and lower myself from the branch. I hang there for a second before the strong arms circle me and hold me tightly. The screaming agony of my leg is dulled suddenly.


    Leo nudges my legs and whines.


    Jake''s breath brushes against my face as he speaks softly, "You looked a bit like you were going to run away."


    I don''t realize how close our faces are until I see myself in his eyes. I bite my lower lip and shake my head, "I panicked. I''ve never been hurt like this when they were close before."


    He pulls me close, "I''ll protect you Emma." He looks toward his sister, "We both will."


    I can see the darkness in her eyes, it''s the same look I give everyone.


    "Thanks." I say it just loud enough.


    She nods, "You killed most of them. You have to leave more for me to kill next time"


    I still feel scared and alone.


    Jake places me on the ground softly. "Emma you''re like Robin Hood."


    I smirk, hearing the reference to the novel I love.


    Anna sighs, "Jake don¡¯t start again on the stories."


    I smile at him, "I love reading too. I''ve read the same books for ten years. Sometimes I get lucky and find a small paperback that I can fit in my pack. Robin Hood is one of my favorites. My granny read it to me when I was little."


    Jake smiles and I see it again. There is a joy inside of him that I have never seen before. I think I must have in the world before, but I don¡¯t really remember it. I want to be near him. He makes me feel things I''ve only read about.


    Instead of enjoying the feeling of being near him a heavy disgusting feeling blankets me. It forces away the borrowed joy from him.


    I almost left him. I almost left them. I will leave him. It''s my nature.


    He frowns at me, "I''d ask a penny for your thoughts but I think it would be more than I can afford."


    I laugh, but it isn¡¯t the free feeling of joy I had seconds ago.


    I walk away from him and pat Leo, who is needy suddenly. He rubs up against me and jumps up on his back legs to stand. He wraps his paws around me. I hug him back.


    "I love you too." I whisper into his fur. I glance at them and nod in the direction of the farmhouse. "It''s a days walk to the house." I point down the hill.


    "We need to deal with him too." Anna points at the beige mass at the bottom of the field and trees.


    I squint, "It''s a man."


    "Great. You get to kill him."


    I laugh bitterly and hand over the bow and arrow to her. She thinks like me and I like it. She never fired once when I was shooting the arrows. She understands conservation.


    She gives me a wide-eyed smile and takes the bow, "Really? I''ve never done this before."


    "We need to walk closer to him. When you pull the arrow back control every inch of your arms. It feels hard at first but you get used to the tension.


    We walk to where the hill crests. We are near one of the fallen infected. I can smell him. I point at a tree further to the right, "Let''s stand over there."


    We walk away from the smell of the rotting sick carcass. At the tree she attempts to pull the arrow back. Her skinny arms tremble.


    She looks frustrated.


    I laugh, "I know how you feel right now. It took me two years. It won''t happen on the first try."

 Page 7

    She pouts, "Can we make me a bow maybe?"Advertisement


    I nod excitedly. We haven¡¯t had much to talk about.


    I take the bow and arrow. I pull back and sight in the dying man. His body trembles slightly. His skin has chew marks. The infected will eat anything.


    "Hold it steady, sight in what you want to shoot and then take a deep breath." I exhale and release the arrow. We are close enough that it makes a slicing sound as it enters his temple. "Always exhale when you release." I grimace as I see the arrow sticking out of his bleeding head.


    "Wow."


    I nod, "Yeah it took a lot of practice."


    "Sweet fucking god."


    I turn. "What?"


    Jake is standing behind us, "You guys do realize that''s a person you just shot. These were all people."


    Anna scoffs, "They''re infected Jake. They''re not like you or me or even the city people."


    I frown, "City people?"


    Jake looks down at the grass.


    Anna looks at me, "We saw it. We went close enough to see it."


    "Electricity? Running water?"


    She nods, "Everything. No cars but a subway and houses and pretty big buildings. It''s on the edge of the desert."


    I feel sickened by asking the question but I ask anyway, "What about the farms?"


    She shivers, "Up and running still. I think the babies go to the city after they''re born."


    Jake sighs and runs a hand through his hair. He appears to be bothered by the conversation.


    "He''s military."


    "What?" I look at Anna who is pointing at the dead man with the arrow sticking out of his temple.


    I look at his boots and shake my head, "We need to be far away. Now."


    We don¡¯t talk. We leave the arrows sticking out of the faces of the people on the ground. I never take the arrows from the infected. We walk across the small field and into the forest on the other side.


    I watch Leo the entire walk. It stops me from watching Jake. Leo is the best warning system. Jake is a distraction.


    Chapter Six


    The farmhouse sits quiet, just like I hoped it would. I''ve never come back to it so quickly. It serves our purpose the best though. It has the longest, most off the beaten track, driveway of the four and it''s the closest to my cabin.


    We peel off our soaking wet clothes. My wound burns from the cold river water and the exertion of wading through the river for such a long ways.


    I have done it before, but it''s not my favorite way to get to the house. I''ve been followed before. I don¡¯t know if we were followed today but I can''t chance it.


    I can''t help but steal a glance at Jake as he pulls his wet shirt off and drops his jeans on the floor. His wound is bright purple. The brand new scar that''s the developing is lumpy and ugly.


    "It''s bigger than I thought it would be."


    I look up at him smiling at me, staring.


    I pull my pants off and notice for the first time he has drawings of dinner rolls on his boxers.


    I raise an eyebrow.


    He laughs, "Buttered buns."


    "I don¡¯t get it."


    "That''s because you were nine when the world went crazy."


    I feel my face blushing, realizing it''s obviously something filthy, "You were only eleven." I say out of spite.


    He laughs, "I was but my older brother was sixteen. So that makes me more like fifteen when it happened."


    I stop smiling, but he doesn¡¯t stop talking.


    "Will was a bad kid. Our dad used to get so mad at him. He had a magazine collection that could shock a whore."


    I flinch at the word. I know what it means and I know how it works but I''ve never physically heard anyone say it. The conversation feels wrong suddenly.


    "One time he was dating this girl Angela and he¡­"


    "Jake."


    I look back at Anna who is making a distasteful face, "Dirty Will stories in your underwear is creepy dude."


    I smile. Jake blushes. He looks at me through his bangs and my heart feels like it''s too big for my chest.


    "Where is your brother?" I don¡¯t want to ask but I know I have to.


    Anna answers from behind me, "We hope dead."


    I nod. I leave it at that. I know that feeling.


    Jake''s face is haunted. I swear I see guilt but I leave it.


    I feel weird being in the house with other people, not just because it''s one of my havens but also because I am never with other people. Ever.


    My leg aches. I know I won''t sleep. I look at Anna, "You guys sleep first. Me and Leo will take first watch."


    Jake frowns, "Why don¡¯t we all just sleep. There is no way anyone followed us Emma."


    I want to slap him, it is irrational, but his survival skills leave a lot to be desired.


    Instead I turn and walk away, Anna has it.


    "Dude we will take watch here every night. It just feels safe here, that doesn¡¯t mean it is."


    "Fine. Whatever."


    I pull the knife that I stole from the dead military guy out of my boot and rub it down with the bleach I pulled out from under the sink. I wipe the blade down and my fingers. I pour water from my bottle over my fingers and the blade. I hate that I touched something of someone else''s.


    I catch Jake watching me.


    I ignore him. I ignore my heart''s desire to flutter every time he glances at me.


    I will leave him. It''s in my nature.


    Instead I look at Leo, who has positioned himself in front of the back door and curled into a ball.


    "So much for helping, hey boy."


    He opens one yellow eye and closes it again.


    I take my new knife, my bow and quiver and my bottle of water to the door. I rub Leo''s head once and head out into the night quietly. I stealth across the gravel silently.


    I open the barn door and slip inside. The darkness of the barn is frightening, but I grip the handle of the blade for strength. I climb the stairs, feeling like something will grab my feet any second and drag me down into the hay. I will finally hear my greatest fear, my own ripping and tearing.


    I climb into the hayloft and sit in the open window. The dark night is silent. I don¡¯t like silence. I like the sounds of animals telling me I am safe. I open my ears and close my mind against the sounds that haunt me.


    I hear them suddenly.


    The night creatures that will warn me of any intruders fill my ears. There is a cricket, a single cricket out in the field. I hear a bat off in the woods south of the farm. Something snorts behind the barn in a way that makes me smile.


    Whatever it is, it''s rooting. The signs of life fill me with a mistaken and misguided hope. I know the reality of it all. I am not fooled by the warm and fuzzy feelings.


    I know we are lost, all of humanity is.


    I know what we have done to each other. We are no longer human. Our humanity is lost. The animals have bested us in behavior and survival.


    The door to the house slips open. Anna crosses the driveway carefully.


    A smile crosses my lips, she is a survivor.


    "His leg is infected."


    Her whispered words cut me. I know what we must do but I''m not prepared to do it.


    She sees my face in the dull moonlight, "I know. I feel the same way."


    "The medicines are all expired."


    "We have to go for him. His fever has returned. The red lines have started. My dad warned me about the red lines."


    My eyes leave the deserted yard and fix on hers. They glisten in the moonlight.


    "I will go alone."


    The glistening spot in the dark lowered, "I can''t ask that of you."


    "He can''t travel."


    "But I can''t ask that of you. He is my burden."


    I laugh softly into the cool night air, "He really is isn¡¯t he? How is he so clueless?"


    Her lips curl into a grim smile the darkness can''t hide from me, "He worshipped our brother. They joked and laughed while dad tried to teach us how to survive. Dad always called them the grasshoppers who played all summer."


    The reference makes me flinch, as my granny''s face flashes across my mind.


    "When dad died Will took care of us, but he wasn''t a survivor. It wasn¡¯t his fault. Dad let them play." I can hear the tears filling her face, "When Will got taken I was eleven. Jake has tried but he''s, well he''s a moron."


    I look back out into the yard, "He''s amazing Anna. He''s still full of the things we''ve all lost. He smiles and laughs and sings. I heard him humming the other day and I almost shot him myself and then I realized I haven¡¯t hummed since I was nine years old." My skin shivers when I think about spying on him humming. I couldn¡¯t take my eyes off of him.


    "He''s a goof. We will travel together Em."


    I look back harshly, "He will die if we make him travel. Those red lines are blood poisoning and once they reach his heart he''s dead. I will go and you will stay and keep him safe."


    I am risking my life for him. I feel like I am back at the cabin door and she is knocking. I am going to regret this decision.


    "I''ll leave tonight. You will have to keep Leo with you. He can help you."


    Her voice is small, "I can''t ask this of you."


    It''s my turn to smile bitterly, "Guess you''ll have to trust me."


    I stare out into the night, it''s peaceful and quiet. It scares me more than anything suddenly.


    I feel my jaw tense, "If I''m not back in three days you''ll have to cut the leg off and clot it. Don''t give him liquor before you cut it off, it thins the blood and he will bleed out. Clotting is done with a hot iron. You press it against the stump where the leg bleeds to seal the veins."


    I don''t look at her. I can''t. "The red lines means he has a week at the most. He will need tons of soup and water and rest. He can fight it somewhat with those things." I stand, "I''ll leave tonight."


    My leg aches at the thought of leaving.


    The barn feels less scary with her in it and I realize my whole life feels that way.


    Chapter Seven


    I don''t look back. I know he''s watching me. I can''t bear to see the look on his face. His eyes will haunt me forever. I''ve never left him before. He''s always part of whatever I undertake. He waits in the woods while I raid houses, but he''s there. This is the first time I turn my back on him and I don¡¯t know if I will be back.

 Page 8

    I just put one foot in front of the other.Advertisement


    When the sun rises I am in the middle of nowhere. I walk and listen to the music of the birds. The sun is above me and hot. Spring isn¡¯t like it was when I was little. It''s warm and muggy now. I know I''m about halfway. Lost in the trail and thought I hear something I haven¡¯t heard in a long time, a buzz. I follow the noise to a hive. It''s small and only half built but it makes me hopeful. If the bees aren¡¯t dead like I feared they would be, maybe there is hope. I haven¡¯t seen a bee since before.


    I look at the small hive. Humans could do that. We could rebuild. If we stopped trying to be on top, we could stand a chance. I watch the busy bees for a moment and turn back to the trail. It isn¡¯t a real trail. It''s just a direction I walked once before.


    The sun sets, making me tired. I''ve walked nearly twenty-four hours. I climb a huge tree and lay against the trunk, in one of the high up branches. I close my eyes for a minute.


    Flashes fill my head instantly.


    My father is pushing me along the road. Cars and trucks fill the freeway. People sit in them still, but my dad doesn¡¯t think we have enough time to get out. He has waited for this day his whole life.


    "Em we need to get to high ground and we need to get away from these people." His fingers bite into my back, poking it.


    "Dad maybe we should go back to granny''s." My voice is small, compared to the noise from the masses.


    "No. Run faster Em. We need to run." He is in front and dragging me up a grassy hill. My little legs hurt. He''s made me workout and run since I can remember, but it''s late and I''m tired.


    I think a bad thought. It''s a thought I will regret always. His erratic behavior forces the thought.


    His hand squeezes mine.


    I hear a cracking noise. My father''s face fades.


    I wake and look around but I see nothing. My eyes are blocked by something. I lift my head to realize I''m face down in a bushy branch. The smaller branch, I''m resting my weight on, is breaking. I struggle for a moment and pull myself up but the branch below me snaps loudly and falls. It hits every other branch on its way down. I cringe, as each noisy strike fills the air. The rustling of the bushes overtakes the night.


    I pant loudly, waiting.


    My heartbeat is throbbing throughout my body.


    I have nowhere to go if anything has heard my noise. I stay perfectly still, willing my body to calm itself.


    I can''t believe how close I came to falling out of a tree. I never sleep in trees, I always choose underground, but tonight I have no choice. I have no plan. It''s one of my rules to always have a plan. I feel naked without it.


    I stay in the tree, resting my eyes and listening to the sounds of the night.


    I climb down before the sun comes up. I never move much in the day. It''s one of my rules but I have no choice. I''m limited for time.


    I walk quickly, trying not to imagine the fever that has flushed his cheeks or the pain the leg is causing. His eyes unnerve me, even in my own mind.


    I see the trees thinning. I am close. My stomach is a bundle of knots and nerves.


    I walk as close as I can with my weapons. I grip them close to me as I have my last few seconds with them. I''ve only been here once and it scared the shit out of me.


    I tremble and I put them in a hole under a tree. I stuff the bow to the very back of the hole and my knife. I shiver from the nakedness of being without them and I cover the hole with branches.


    I walk away, breaking a branch with my hands every few steps. I leave the snapped ends hanging. It looks like a bear or another large creature has roamed the woods.


    My father''s craziness will live inside of me forever.


    The first few steps from the woods feel like wading through the river. My legs ache, but the anxiety of being on an open road is making them feel like I''m wearing cement boots.


    My breath increases. My peripheral vision becomes sharper. I see a leaf blowing down the concrete. I see an old brown stain and force my brain not to hear the ripping and tearing. It feels weird to walk on a road. It''s been so long I can''t remember the last time.


    Just when my stomach can''t hurt worse, I hear them.


    They''re a ways down the road but they holler at me. I know it''s me they''re shouting at.


    My legs break into a run for the gates of the town, before I dare to glance at them. My muscles push and my bullet hole stings.


    I run in a way I haven¡¯t in a long time. No backpack to weigh me down, just a small sack in my hands. No heavy clothes what with the spring sun popping out. I wearing just a long sleeve t-shirt, cargo pants and my thick-soled boots I took from the dead. I''m faster than I remember being. It could be that I''m more scared than I remember being.


    My arms pump as my legs dig. The ground is passing by me in a blur.


    I see the guards. They won''t protect me unless I reach the town. They''ll watch the men tear my clothes from my body and rape me in the field out front.


    The voices behind me are closing in on me. They''re fast too. They run more than I do.


    "Don''t run baby. We''ll make it worth your while."


    I blast through the guard gate and drop to my knees inside the walls.


    I hear a guard through the blood pounding inside my ears, "Halt."


    I turn around to see four guards suddenly there. They stand in front of the gate with huge guns.


    The five men, who have chased me, are bent over and breathing heavy. I see the smirk of one of the men as his eyes meet mine.


    He points at me, "See you on the way out. Maybe we can give you an escort home."


    Shivers travel my spine. His grin scares me.


    He is seedy and dirty. His smile makes me want to gag. I move away from the contact of a hand gripping my arm suddenly. An older woman helps me stand, "I won''t bite." She looks back at the man and gives him the middle finger. My dad called it the bird. "Not like them anyway."


    She smiles at me. Her teeth are brown. She was probably poor before the world ended. The poor lived longer than any of the rich. They already knew how to survive.


    I hate the smell of the town. I remember that now, as the different smells wash over me. Sewage being the more distinct one.


    "What can we do for you dear?"


    I glance at the old lady. I don¡¯t trust her. No one should trust townies. I have to remind myself of the desperate situation I am in.


    "I need medicine for blood poisoning."


    She winces, "Are you injured?"


    I shake my head, "Not for me."


    "What kind of injury?"


    I pause not wanting to talk to her, but I know I don¡¯t have time to take any chances, "A stick went into his leg. I sewed it up but I think bark is in there still."


    She nods, "I have just the thing." She pulls me along.


    The town is a shantytown, made up of rundown houses and lean-tos. They would have been nice and pretty fancy before. Now the lean-tos almost seem nicer. The walls surrounding the town are made of sharpened poles like out of a medieval village. I see the smelly people peddling their wares to the pass-throughs and I feel like we have entered a dark age. I wish knights in armor were part of this nightmare.


    I am permitted to sleep one night with a purchase. I feel excitement I can''t explain at the idea of sleeping. My rest in the tree was terrible.


    I am a pass-through. I may buy whatever I can carry. Buy is trade and I have very few things I can trade.


    We enter a rundown house with stacks of papers and garbage inside. I can smell the garbage before I enter. The people who sell things raid old towns and landfills. It''s funny that the world before made enough crap to last us even now.


    She clears away a stack of plastic bags and other garbage from a long wooden counter. She lifts a white metal chest up and grins a brown smile at me.


    "This is very special. It''s from the city. It''s what they use to treat the breeders. My son works there. He lets me have some, to help us here."


    Her words both disgust and scare me.


    I can''t help but look around the room. I feel the ambush is upon me any second.


    She laughs, "Kid don¡¯t be a fool. He was taken there. He doesn¡¯t work there because of the special perks." I gag at the way she says perks and raises her eyebrows.


    "He''s a doctor. All the doctors were taken."


    I don¡¯t feel better at the thought. I feel myself panicking at the idea of the breeder farms.


    "Girl you''re going to have to wow me, for me to give you some of this."


    I pull out the big guns on the first try. I would try to bargain but I''m in a hurry to get some sleep. I have to sneak out of the town in the middle of the night. The wolves at the gates have changed my initial plan.


    I pass the small blue bottle to her. Her eyes light up instantly.


    "Is it still sealed?"


    I nod. She snatches it and kisses the bottle. I feel my nose scrunch up.


    She eyeballs me with her crazy eyes, "How did you get this?"


    "My father had a health food store. He left me a couple bottles. This is the last one." I hate that I''ve given it to her. It''s not really my last one but it''s still priceless.


    She pushes three vials at me from the white chest and points to the door, "Leave and tell no one what I''ve sold you."


    I nod, "Likewise."


    She hands me the slip I need to get a nights sleep at the Inn.


    I leave feeling her eyes on me, but when I look back she is hugging the bottle of pure tea tree oil like a nut. Her messy long white hair makes her look like the evil queen from snow white, hugging the poisoned apple.


    I walk out into the broken concrete street and look around. I see the Inn in the far corner of the shops. I keep my eyes low to the ground as I cross.


    "Bread miss? Eggs?"


    I look at a young man pointing to a house. I shake my head. I don''t eat anything that comes from other people. Especially not townies. The sanitation here is far below the standards we had as a civilization. I had heard rumors of a new plague the last time I had come through.


    I enter the Inn and look around. A woman with bright red hair eyes me up and down. I pass her the slip of paper. Her face brightens up.

 Page 9

    "Good to have patrons this early in the spring."Advertisement


    I look around, "How safe is the town?"


    She shrugs, "Depends. A sweet piece of virgin ass like you is going to have troubles no matter where you go."


    I frown, "Thanks."


    She croaks a laugh, "Precious you are risking a fuck of a lot coming here. The hunters are looking for breeders like you. Clean virgins."


    I pass her a diamond ring from my pocket.


    Her dark brown eyes light up, "Luckily, a lady like me runs this Inn. You''ll be safe."


    I smile bitterly, "Wait until you see the ring you get when I leave here in one piece. Virginity intact."


    She raises an eyebrow at me, "I''m starting to think maybe you''re not too virginal. Most girls who look like you are slightly more fun to mess with."


    I shrug, "I aim to please." I''ve read the line in a book once and always wanted to use it.


    She croaks again and turns away from me.


    "I''d sneak out in the night if I were you. The things that circle the town have what they want by sundown." She turns back to me and grins a bright white smile, "Like I said, the girls that look like you are more fun."


    I meet her smile, "I''m fun. Just not in a way anyone appreciates."


    I climb the stairs, trying not to let my exhaustion be too obvious.


    Chapter Eight


    A hand slips over my mouth. I instantly think of the germs. I squeeze my lips together.


    "Don''t move princess. They''ve come for you. Those fuckers sold you out to the breeders. Or it was that old bitch. You should know better than to trade with the first person who talks to you. You bush people are stupid." Her bright white smile flashes in the darkness, "Don''t look so scared, I have a way out."


    I nod. She pulls her hand from my face and puts it out in front of me. I slip my hand into my sports bra and pull out a massive ruby ring. I took it off a dead woman in a pile of rubble. It''s gorgeous. It sparkles, even in the muted moonlight filtering in through the thin curtains.


    She turns her back on me and walks to the closet.


    She opens the door. I follow her. I''m holding my sack close to my chest. She pulls the rod for hanging clothes in the closet, making the wall pop out. She pushes it inside and walks into the wall.


    She enters the darkness. I put my hands out. I hear voices coming to the room. I close the wall behind me, shutting them out and me in.


    I feel her hand grip mine suddenly. I want to scream but I don¡¯t. My pulse is vibrating throughout my body.


    Words are whispered into the darkness. "Stairs." I put my feet down to the next level slowly.


    I hear men''s voices above me, "What the fuck is this?" They sound like they''re right on top of me.


    "She was here."


    I hear the old woman''s voice. I feel cheated and betrayed. For trade she would sell me out. Sell me out to the farms. I know humanity is a disgusting disappointment, but I still have a hard time imagining a woman turning another woman into the farms.


    "She was here please. Let him just come home for a few days."


    I continue down the stairs, feeling for each step with my toes. It feels like an eternity has passed by the time I reach the bottom. The voices are gone. Replacing them is a dripping sound and dank cold air. The kind that can only be found underground.


    I look into the darkness, "This was your house wasn¡¯t it?" I whisper.


    "You guessed it kid. My husband had this installed when we built the house. He worked for the CIA."


    I feel her hand grip mine again and pull me, "The ground is flat. We have to hurry."


    I am stunned, no one knows about her underground bunker. Not as stunned as I am that she is helping me.


    "You could have sold me to them."


    I feel her grip my fingers. Her voice has changed. "They have no right. No right to do what they''re doing." I feel her fingers on my shoulders biting into them. She shakes me, "You must hurry. Don''t come back here. The girls all get taken. The hunters are dressed up as traders but they''re not. Run. Feel your fingers along the wall until you see light in the ceiling. Climb up there. It¡¯s a latch. I have to get back."


    She is gone before I can even thank her. I am alone in the dark.


    The fear is crippling me. I reach a trembling hand out into the darkness. Cold hard stone meets me somewhere in the black. I run my fingers along it, running as best as I can.


    I''m scared. I hate being scared. I decide I need a rule about being scared and doing things that make me scared.


    I see the ring of light up ahead. It casts a dull beam in the shape of a circle on the floor. The morning sun is rising. I''ve slept later than I thought I would have. I should have been halfway home by the time the sun came up.


    I feel like I''m stepping into a magical light, like in the movies I watched with my granny. The dark of the bunker is held at bay by the tiny ring of light. Dust sparkles inside of the ring.


    I reach my trembling fingers through it, making the dust dance in the light.


    I look up at the ring of light. I put my hand out at the small ladder I can just see. I climb until my head is at the wooden hatch. I listen to the silence. Nothing makes a sound. I don¡¯t want to open the hatch. I want to hide in the dark of the bunker and never come out.


    I hear a whisper on the wind. It''s a sound I would know anywhere. It isn¡¯t close to my location, but it hurts me just the same. It could be me.


    I take a breath and put my hand on the bottom of the hatch. I try to calm the shakes, but I can''t. I push on the hatch. Light floods the small space even though the crack is tiny. My eyes adjust to the bright morning light. The sun hasn¡¯t completely risen, just as the moon hasn¡¯t fully set. It is dawn.


    I see greenery everywhere around the hatch. Moss and brush surround me. I don¡¯t see anything but the sounds of the screams have filled up the air. The animals make no noises, as the people have taken over the space with their screams again.


    "Puuleeease. Please. Stop please. I have money. I have riches."


    Her voice scares me. The desperation frightens me. I have never been that desperate but I know I have it in me.


    "Please sir, please. Don''t you have a sister or a wife that you would want kept safe. Please. I''ll let you do whatever you want please just don¡¯t take me. Don''t take me back there. I will die in there. Please."


    I want to rock back and forth on the ground. I wish they would just kill her so she will shut up.


    I''m frozen. I don¡¯t leave my bunker but I don¡¯t close the lid either. I don¡¯t move.


    I know I''m in danger. I take a deep breath. I think about Leo and Jake. I think of poor Anna alone and taking care of Jake. I feel bravery, or stupidity, for the smallest of seconds. I pull myself out of the bunker and slide along the moss and brush. I make very little noise but every movement or rustle feels as loud as a gunshot. I creep along the ground on my hands and feet like Leo does. I move away from the town. I don¡¯t know where I am but I''m scared.


    I get to a crowded bunch of trees and bushes and decide I need to risk it and stand. I need my bearings. I take another deep breath and slide my body up along side a tree. I try to blend in. Hoards of people have gathered in the street in front of the town. I can see the field and the cement road. I''m on the right side.


    Women and girls are being loaded into trucks. They sob and reach for their loved ones. One girl looks about thirteen. I feel anger welling inside of me. There are the four guards from the gates and five other men milling around the trucks. The tenth man is inside the cab of the truck.


    My brain is screaming at me to help the girl. She''s a kid. That won''t stop them. The sweaty men who take turns. I close my eyes. I shake my head, to rearrange my thoughts.


    I turn my back on them. I run away, like the coward I am. I run until I find the broken branches. I use them to lead myself back to my weapon stash. I breathe easier when my bow is back in my hands. I could kiss my knife. I tuck it into my boots and start the run back to the house. I run faster than I did the day before. I run with new fear.


    xxxx


    I reach the house in the middle of the night. I see Leo''s eyes. He stalks to me. He sniffs me everywhere. He''s checking to make sure I''m okay. When I bend my knee to kiss him, I sob. He''s seen this before. He knows sometimes I just need to get it out.


    "Em?"


    I look up to see Anna pointing a gun at me.


    I smile and hold up the sack.


    She lowers the gun, "You okay?"


    I nod into the darkness, "No, but it''s not anything new. How is he?"


    I can see her grim look in the moonlight. My stomach sinks. I want to panic and cry out.


    "He''s fading fast. I was about to cut his leg off when I heard you."


    I sigh and break into a run. I burst through the farm door, something I''ve never done before.


    I''m pulling the needle out of the sack with one of the vials, as I kneel before him. His dark hair is matted against his sweaty face. I can see the moisture in the moonlight.


    Anna pours the vodka we found in one of the cupboards all over my hands and the needles and vial. The liquor is splashing all over me. She holds the bottle up to my lips. It burns its ways into my empty stomach. The bits of food I''ve eaten are long gone. Thank god. She wipes his arm. I finish putting the vial together and stab him in the arm. I push it in slowly like my dad showed me. He doesn¡¯t stir. He doesn''t register that I''m pumping his arm full of antibiotics.


    I pull the bandages off his wounds. The red lines are everywhere. I swallow hard. Anna puts the vodka back to my lips. I drink again. I pour the tea tree, she has next to the vodka, all over the wound and the blade of my knife. I slice into swollen part the injury and milk the puss from it. I pour the tea tree after I douse it in vodka. I am careful not to rupture the blood vessels and make more infection. When it''s clean again and no more puss comes out. I smother it in the old tube of medical salve, the farmhouse had in the bathroom. I cover it again with a gauze bandage and tape.


    His fever is still high. He licks his lips and looks down at me with blood shot eyes.

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    "You made it back."Advertisement


    I nod. His expression is breaking my heart. He looks weak.


    He reaches a hand to mine and squeezes, "I was worried."


    "I can take care of myself." I don¡¯t even let the bizarre day I''ve had cross my mind. It''s not the moment to stress him out.


    "I don¡¯t doubt that. You scare me."


    I laugh. I can''t even help myself. He''s huge and no doubt strong, stronger than he knows. Stronger than me. I try not to think about the young girls in the truck. I am a coward.


    "I''m going back to watching." Anna is gone suddenly and we are alone. I feel funny about it.


    He pulls me up on the couch, "Come lay with me."


    It''s the first human contact I''ve had in a while. Watching TV with my granny is the closest thing to a snuggle I''ve ever had. I don¡¯t know what to do. I go limp. He laughs.


    He pulls me alongside him on the couch. His arm is burning hot. It feels amazing. He wraps his arm around me. I shiver from the heat.


    "Tell me a story Emma."


    I pause, I don¡¯t have any. I want to tell him something fun about my childhood but it basically looks just like my life now. Well with more showering.


    "I went to the town once a long time ago. The infection was newer then. I ran through the woods and broke the branches to make a path for myself to find the farmhouse again. Just like my dad taught me. I was excited when I saw the gates. I was so stupid. I thought being with other survivors would be better for me. I went in and begged for food from a lady. She laughed at me."


    I feel my air getting trapped in my throat. The shame filling me is my punishment. I deserve it.


    "I went out her door and sat in the narrow alley near the back of the houses. I was hidden by a bunch of old buckets and garbage. The lady and her daughter were walking around the back with bags of stuff. Some men came. They started tearing at them. They stripped them and hurt them."


    I choke slightly on my next sentence, "I ran into the store and stole as much food as I could carry. I ran and gorged myself in the back of her store. I could still hear her screaming and I did nothing. I ate."


    He squeezes me and kisses the top of my forehead. I stare into his black t-shirt that¡¯s soaked with sweat.


    "You''re kind of bad at story telling. I sort of wanted to go to sleep. Now I think I''ll never sleep again."


    I laugh. I laugh with him. It kills the moment of suffering I deserve.


    He kisses my forehead again, "Do you have anything lighter? I don¡¯t want that to be the last thing I think about when I die."


    I laugh again, but this time I want to cry. He''s dying. I know this. Instead of me leaving him, he''s leaving me and it hurts.


    "I have one memory of my mother. She was in the hospital bed. I was two years old. She looked like me, dark blonde hair and green eyes but she was really pretty. Her lips always looked like she was pushing them out."


    "Duck lips."


    I frown, "What?"


    He laughs, "They were called duck lips back then."


    "Oh. Well she had those. She was in the bed and she let me climb up with her. I sat on her lap and we watched TV. It was a cartoon about dragons and some little Mexican kids."


    "Dragon Tails. I loved that show. LOVE IT." He speaks in a high pitch voice.


    It makes me smile. He remembers things so clearly.


    He nudges me, "What happened then?"


    I shake my head, "Nothing. We just sat in the sun on her bed. I remember how soft her nightie was and she let me eat her pudding."


    "Yeah okay that is another bad example of story telling."


    I want to defend myself, but I know it will only make him feel sorry for me.


    He smiles, "Once when I was six, me and Will went and played down by the river behind our house. Our mom was really strict about it and never let us go down there. We figured ''cause Will was old enough to baby-sit we were good. We brought boats we made out of newspaper. We went to the edge of the river and pushed the boats in. They floated perfectly until mine flipped over. I reached for it before it got too far away and of course fell in. Will grabbed me before I got pulled away. I would have drowned for sure. We ran back to the house but we were too long getting home and mom was there already. We snuck in the back yard. I thought we were dead, but Will grabbed the hose from the side of the house and sprayed me. Mom came out the back door at that moment. So she walks to the backyard to see Will hosing and me screaming. He got grounded for a week for being a bully. He was the best brother ever."


    A weird feeling overtakes the other feelings I have. I am jealous that I don¡¯t have a single story like that one.


    I look into his eyes and feel lost. I feel like I''m part of them.


    He smirks, "That is a story, jackass."


    I frown at him.


    He lifts my chin and presses his warm lips to mine.


    I love it.


    I love him.


    His warmth rushes through me. His lips part mine. His tongue caresses my lips softly.


    He pulls back, but I want more. I watch him pull away.


    He smiles, "You''re supposed to close your eyes Emma."


    I blush, "I liked that."


    He laughs, "It was on my list of things to do before I die."


    His words sting.


    I snarl at him, "You haven¡¯t ever kissed a girl before?"


    He shakes his head, "Not a girl I really like."


    I blush harder, "Your fever is making you crazy."


    "Good." He pulls me back and kisses me until I''m dizzy.


    Chapter Nine


    The sunlight coming in the window blinds me, as I wake up disoriented. I shiver from the cold breeze that¡¯s coming from down the hall. I notice I am laying on Jake still. I smile thinking about the night before, but stop when I notice his shirt is soaked in cold sweat. His skin is clammy and cold.


    Tears stream down my cheeks, "No. No." I push on him. His body compresses against my push, but he doesn¡¯t stir.


    "Emma what is it?" Anna comes running in the room.


    Jake sputters and snorts. He rolls over on the couch knocking me off and onto the floor. I start to laugh, "He''s alive. I thought¡­ He''s cold. Oh my god he''s alive. His fever broke. He''s going to live." I jump up and grab the next vial of medication.


    Anna rushes to his side and feels his face, "Oh frig, I was scared. I thought for sure he was gonners." She hugs me when I come back. She smells like Leo and I smirk. We traded sleeping partners for the night.


    I hug her back, but notice the difference in our bodies. She is melded into me, squeezing me where as I am rigid.


    We give him his next shot and pull the bandages off his leg. The red lines have receded but the wound still looks red and angry. I know we aren¡¯t out of the danger zone, but I feel good knowing that we are one step closer.


    He sleeps the entire day and Anna and I hang out. We take turns keeping watch and playing with Leo. I can see his affinity for her is getting stronger. I know even I feel different. I am getting closer to Anna and Jake.


    "Em what are we having for dinner?"


    I shrug down at her from the window of the barn, "I can go kill a bird."


    She nods, "Alright. I''ll start the fire."


    We seal up the house completely and cook in the bunker. It''s gross and sweaty with a fire down there, but it makes perfect sense. No smell escapes out into the wind.


    I climb down with my bow and quiver and head across the grass. I slip into the forest, but instead of finding a tree to climb I freeze. I smell them before I see or hear them. I slide back up against the tree and wait to figure out where the smell is coming from.


    "It was rude of you to leave without the escort we offered."


    I turn to the voice but something smacks me in the forehead and everything goes black.


    xxxx


    "Wake up."


    Pain overwhelms me as I open one of my eyes. I see bars in front of my face.


    "Please wake up."


    In the muted firelight I see a small girl poking me with a stick. It''s made a small bleed on my arm, but that¡¯s not where the pain is coming from. I close my eyes tightly and then open them again. It''s dark. Firelight licks across the dark metal bars of my cage. I turn to small girl. "Where are we?"


    "The others have us." She says.


    My stomach falls into my bowels. My heartbeat and breath quicken. I push the door to the cage with my foot. My boots are gone.


    "Where are we specifically?"


    The girl frowns at me, "What?"


    "Our location."


    She shrugs. She is young and filthy. She makes me think about Anna, which makes me panic. I wonder if they knew Anna and Jake were there. I see my bow and quiver leaning against the tree near me.


    "There she is."


    I look up at the filthy scumbag who had chased me to the town. He is grinning again. He seems very proud of himself.


    "You are a pretty girl. What''s your name I bet it''s something pretty like Jessica or Stephanie or Grace?"


    I lick my lips and put a finger to the source of my pain. He winces as I touch the red sticky spot, "Sorry ''bout that. I had to surprise you. Bet it hurts doesn¡¯t it."


    He kneels on the ground in front of my cage, "Wanna tell me about how you got outta that town?"


    I gulp.


    He rattles the cage suddenly and starts laughing at my horrified expression. "Jesus you aren¡¯t mute are you? I like it when you girls scream." He points to the little girl next to me, "I guess we can make her scream for you."


    She shies away from the bars and curls into a small ball. I want him dead. Right now.


    He points at me again, "You''re going to fetch us a good price. I know it."


    Fear rocks me. I don¡¯t have a plan. That¡¯s one of my rules. My plans where capture was a possibility have never included a cage. I always thought the girls were grabbed and dragged to trucks.


    He walks back to the fire and howls into the night air. I watch as he unzips his pants and pees on the fire.


    "Jesus Christ John that¡¯s disgusting. You fucker."

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    I look at the little girl who has a disgusted look on her face, "I don¡¯t know about you but I don¡¯t want that inside of me."


    I gasp at her language.


    She grins at me, "Name''s Meg."


    She is a savage. "Emma but everyone calls me Em."


    I look around for Anna and Jake. I don¡¯t see them anywhere.


    "How old are you Meg?" I ask softly.


    She spits on the ground outside of her bars, "Fifteen."


    She is malnourished. She will be made to work the farms. She won''t be a breeder.


    I won''t let either of us end up that way.


    I see a small silver thing on the ground. I look at her, "Poke that stick this way again."


    She slips her skinny arm through the bars and passes it to me.


    I look back at the men. They are getting drunk and the fire is starting to dim.


    I flick at the silver thing and drag it back to me with several small movements. It''s an old rusty nail with a silver tip. I reach my fingers through the bars and grab it.


    "How old are you?" She asks watching the men.


    "Nineteen, almost twenty."


    "You look older."


    I want to frown at her, but the nail in my hands feels too amazing to bother. I pass her the nail, "Pick your lock."


    She eyes it smiling, "Wow you''re good." She reaches her hands through the bars. She makes a funny face and I hear the clunk of the lock. She picks locks faster than I do. I''ve only ever picked a couple.


    "Stay in the cage with the lock open."


    She nods, "Momma says we have to do whatever it takes to not be a breeder. I will die before I go there."


    Her words remind me of the girl in the back of the truck who screamed. I feel sick. I am even more determined to save her.


    The rusty nail clanks in the lock.


    "Want me to do it?"


    I give her a look, "They¡¯ll notice your tiny arm slipping through to my cage."


    I fumble with it again.


    "Dipshit is coming back." I pull my arm in and sit on the nail.


    He grins at me, "I think I wanna taste the merchandise before I give it away."


    He pulls a key out of his pants and licks his lips. He gets down on the ground in front of my cage and sticks the key in.


    "You''re gonna like this."


    I feel like throwing up.


    He opens the door and reaches in lightning fast. His huge hand grabs my thin wrist and clamps down. He drags me from the cage. I kick at him but he''s really strong. He pins me to the ground on my stomach. He pulls my hair and whispers into my ears, "Scream and I slit your throat."


    He lets go of my hair with force and shoves my face into the pine needles and dirt. I cough and choke. My eyes flicker at the young girl. She looks terrified.


    "Don¡¯t do this in front of her." I beg.


    He shoves my face in the pine needles again, "She needs educating. Where you two are going, you''ll both be needing to know how to make a man happy. Think of me as your teacher."


    I feel him grind himself against me. I throw up. I can''t stop myself. I don¡¯t have anything in my stomach but bile fills my mouth. I spit it to the side of my face, fearful he will rub my face in it.


    He pulls my pants down. I feel his hands on my underwear. I want to scream and fight but my hands are pinned. If I scream he will kill me. I make a snap decision that death would be better than this. I open my mouth to scream as he puts all his weight on me and covers my mouth.


    "Shhh Em. Don''t scream. We need to go now. Before they find him."


    Tears spring from my eyes as I look back and see his open eyes still staring at me. The rusty nail sticks out only a little bit from his head, next to his eye. Blood trickles down his face.


    She heaves him off of me quietly. The fire is only twenty feet from us and I can see that the group of men has dwindled. They must have gone to sleep. I push myself up and grab my pants. I see my knife in his boot. I take it. I hold it tightly. I want to stab it into him.


    She grabs my hand and points to the woods.


    We walk hunched over. I grab my bow and quiver and follow her into the forest. We run fast, even though we are bare foot. I recognize the forest after a few moments. Even in the dark I know where we are.


    "Oh shit."


    I stop, hearing her speak. I''m ready for the worst and instead it''s the best. I see yellow eyes glowing in the dark. I drop to my knees, ignoring the branch that cuts my knee. His paws are around my neck within seconds. His warm breath is in my hair.


    I cry. He holds me like a mother would a child and I feel soothed.


    "He''s yours?"


    I nod through the tears, "Leo."


    He pats his ears, "He''s a big dog."


    I smile, "He''s a wolf. A timber wolf."


    "Well we better get moving before they find us."


    I stand and run toward the farmhouse. I know it''s through the woods and not far. We can hide there until they''re gone. My brain can''t seem to make my own survival important. I need to know if Jake and Anna are safe.


    The dark shadow of the farmhouse looks like an outline in the open field. I run faster.


    Meg runs as fast as I do. Her footsteps are a whisper in the grass beside me. I burst through the door. The house is dark and silent.


    "Anna, Jake?" The living room is empty. The blankets are gone. I don¡¯t know where to go. I don¡¯t know where they would go. I run down the basement steps into the bunker. Nothing is there, just my panting breath.


    I run back up the stairs, "We need to go hide. They''re gone. They might be looking for me."


    "Who?"


    "My friends." The words feel funny in my mouth.


    I grab her sweaty fingers in the dark and pull her back out to the barn. We slip inside the dark of the barn. I drop to my knees in the hay and feel for the hatch. It has hay glued to the top of it. It''s impossible to find even in the bright of the day. I only found it because it was open when I arrived.


    I groan lifting the hatch and whisper, "Hurry climb down here."


    Leo jumps down into the hole like he has before, many a time. Meg feels for me in the dark and then the hatch. I climb down after her and pull the huge hatch back over the hole.


    I feel in the silence for the stools. I sit and suddenly the pain in my feet is overwhelming. I know they¡¯ve been cut.


    "Did your feet get cut?"


    Meg is closer than I think, her whisper is right in my face, "No. Momma makes us walk and run in the woods barefoot all the time. They always take the shoes."


    "Smart."


    "Yeah momma was a warden at a maximum security prison before. She says she knows all the worst things people can do and she knows why they do it."


    I shiver at the thought.


    We don''t hear voices or noises. Eventually I fall asleep on the wooden floor against the warm fur of Leo. Meg sleeps against me. She touches me and tries to hold me in her sleep.


    My feet pound too hard for me to get a good nights sleep.


    Chapter Ten


    "It''s been five days Em. He walks to the same spot and makes weird noises. I have a hunting hound. He does the same thing when he wants me to follow him. We need to get following him in the woods."


    She has not stopped talking for five days. Momma this and Momma that. I don¡¯t know what to do to make her be quiet. She doesn¡¯t take my silence as a hint.


    "Yup that there wolf is trying to tell us the way to go to find them. Are your feet better?"


    I look at the cuts on the bottoms and nod, "They have scabs."


    I rub salve into the bottoms of my feet and pull my thick socks over the scabs. I pull on the boots I had stored in the farmhouse bunker ages ago.


    "For a survival expert you''d think he woulda told you about thickening the soles of your feet. I can walk across coals with mine." She lifts a foot showing off her padded feet. I want to grimace at the filthy things but I know she''s right.


    She throws a huge bone for Leo. He runs and gets it and chews it in the field, "Not so sharp is he? My hound brings it back."


    I look at the bone and grimace, "Is it a human bone?"


    She shrugs, "Does it matter?"


    Leo picks up the long thin bone and walks toward the same spot in the field he has for five days. He whines.


    "Okay let''s follow him then." I sling on my backpack. I look back at the farmhouse. I''ve left a note in the bunker under the barn. Anna knows it''s my favorite hiding place. My heart hurts. I don¡¯t look behind me. I don¡¯t run through the field. Leo trots along like real dog. He doesn¡¯t wait at the meeting tree.


    Nothing is the same.


    I opened the cabin door and suddenly my life feels lost. I knew I would regret opening the stupid door and helping her. I never imagined the regret would be being separated from them.


    My heart hurts when I think about the kiss I shared with Jake. My stomach hurts when I think about Anna being taken.


    Leo picks up the pace as we enter the woods. I reach out and brush my fingers along the meeting tree. Instead of going the way home to the cabin he cuts a hard left and we climb a different hill.


    "So then when I was eleven she says that she wants to try to go to the city. So we get all dressed up and I mean bathed and spiffy. We walk all the way to the city but they don¡¯t just let us in. We have to go through a bunch of tests and other nonsense. The city was brand new. It looked like nothing I''ve ever seen. Anyway they come to us in the bright white clothes and make me take all my brand new clean clothes off. They burned them. Momma was mad as a wet hen. Aunty Lisa failed the diabetes test they gave us and so if we wanted to go into the city we would have to leave her behind. No diabetes in the city. Momma said they could shove that up their behinds. So we left the city. My aunty Heather got grabbed there. Momma thinks because she tested healthy they told the bad ones to take her to the breeder farms. They drove up in their trucks and held guns on us. They dragged her into the truck. She screamed and reached for us. Momma never moved. She just watched. I never seen aunty Heather again."

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    "I''ve seen them taken too. They always leave the kids behind."


    She puts a finger to her lips, "Shh you hear that?"


    I listen. All I hear is my own heartbeat and it dawns on me that as she natters on, she listens to the forest song the way I do. I don¡¯t hear them. No birds, no squirrels. I stop walking. I pull an arrow instantly and hold the bow ready.


    A branch breaks to the side of us. I swing the bow with the arrow trembling in my hands. A huge black bear groans and walks past us on the ridge below us. Leo growls and crouches. He looks at me but I shake my head.


    We don¡¯t turn our back on it. We walk up the hill backwards until the bear is far enough away. Leo''s dark hackles stay up until he starts sniffing the ground again. He wanders in a circle for a moment.


    "So then I was saying to Momma¡­hey look I think he has a smell. Not totally useless is he?"


    I glare at her.


    She puts her hands up, "What? He''s no hound but I think he''s got the scent."


    I follow him through the thick woods until suddenly he stops walking. We''ve hiked for hours and this is the most animated I''ve seen him. He growls in his low tone and crawls along the forest floor on his belly. We follow him low to the ground. I am scanning the forest but I see nothing.


    "There." Meg points to a man wearing camouflage high up in a tree. He holds a sniper rifle. There is no way we will get around him. I pull my bow out but Meg stops my hand and points to a man in another tree just behind him.


    "We wait for dark." She whispers.


    I look at her and frown, "Where is your home?"


    Her brown eyes look haunted, "It''s back closer to the town by the big river. Momma was taken when they were looking for some girl. They searched all the houses and found my aunty Lisa and Momma hiding. They didn¡¯t find me. I snuck out the back and over the pointy log wall. The others snatched me outside the gates. The hunters were long gone though, so they were gonna wait for them to come back."


    "It was me." The words slip from my mouth.


    She crouches in some larger bush and sits and waits for nightfall.


    I speak after a while. I feel awkward in her silence. She''s never silent.


    "I can help you find your mom."


    "She never got taken."


    "Where would she go?"


    "Knowing Momma she went to hell. She was a mean and spiteful woman. Full of piss and vinegar is what Aunty Lisa always said."


    It hits me like a club to the face, "She died?"


    Meg glances at me, "I told what she always said. You do whatever it takes to not go there. They woulda put her in the fields anyway. Her insides were injured having me. She couldn¡¯t have more babies."


    I want to cry. She had a mother. She had someone. It feels like it''s my fault somehow.


    "I''m really sorry Meg. Do you have anywhere you can go? Do you have other people?"


    She shakes her head, "Nope it was me and Momma and aunty Lisa."


    I won''t ever leave her. No matter what I won''t ever leave her.


    The day fades to night slowly. Spring is further along and the days are longer. The cool air is still fresh and crisp but the sun is getting warmer.


    Leo sleeps against me and Meg whittles a small piece of wood. She passes me the finished product. I don¡¯t know what it is.


    "It''s a rook."


    I raise an eyebrow.


    "For chess." She says it like I''m an idiot.


    "The game?"


    She nods and smiles, "I''m making the pieces for a board. I guess I have to start over. Mine were in our village."


    I look confused, "You have a village?"


    She shakes her head, "Nope. Had. The others came last month and burned it to the ground."


    "Life is hard Meg. I''m convinced the god that everyone talked about before, hates us."


    Her brown eyes harden and she pulls her dark brown hair back from her filthy little face, "Don''t ever say that Em. No matter what we have to believe that he''s going to help us. The evil is us."


    Leo jumps up but it''s too late. As I hear the branch snap behind me I see the black hood go over Meg''s little face. I jump up but the guns are on me.


    "What have we got here?"


    The man standing before me is grinning. He holds a rifle at my face.


    Leo is ready to attack but I put my hand out, "No Leo. No." He looks at my face confused. I can see it in his eyes. I shake my head.


    I look at the man, "We''ll walk with you but you can''t put that over my head. If he can''t see my eyes he''s going to lose it and kill at least one of you."


    He nods, "You walk with the wolf. I will kill him if I have to." He removes the black hood from Meg, who looks like Leo. I give her a sharp look too, "No Meg."


    I know the desperation on her face is trying to over take, I feel the same way. But we can''t win the fight. We can die like her mom.


    One of the other guys with a gun smirks at me. He''s young and bold looking. He speaks to me and I can hear the smile on his face, "I''d ask if you were spies for the others but you''re girls. What girls would help them out? So that leaves me with only one assumption," He grins and nudges me, "You''re looking for a date."


    I frown at him. I don¡¯t speak.


    Meg snorts, "You wish. No we''re looking for our friends. The others had us but we got away."


    I shoot her a dirty look. She scowls, "Don''t give me that look Em. Momma says we need to remember some ways of the world before and manners is one of the things we all seems to forget about."


    The man with the gun smiles, "Her momma sounds like the kind of girl we are always looking for. Warm my bed, bake my bread and say please and thank you like a lady should."


    Meg shoves him, "My momma never warmed no man''s bed. She weren¡¯t no lady. She was a survivor. She was a fighter."


    He shoves Meg back. I catch her.


    "Easy kid."


    The leader gets in my face with his gun. I look up into his dark blue eyes angrily, "Her mom just died creating a diversion for her to escape the hunters."


    He makes a face that surprises me, remorseful, "I''m sorry Meg, is it? Never speak ill of the dead, unless they''re one of the monsters who started all of this." He holds his hands out.


    She sniffs and wipes her nose on her arm, "It aint no thing. She died the way she wanted."


    I know the pain Meg feels and the strength she hides behind.


    His eyes tell me he does too.


    Leo nudges against me. He is nervous. He whines. I look as we enter a huge camp. The fires are lit making the woods smoky and smell of food. My mouth waters as my stomach grumbles. I don¡¯t remember the last time we really ate.


    "New recruits?" A man asks looking me up and down and nodding his head. Leo lunges at him. I seriously think the wolf can read minds and that man''s mind is not pure.


    He jumps back, "Holy shit is that a timber wolf?"


    I laugh. I can''t help myself. Leo is hovering over him snarling.


    The men who''ve escorted us laugh at the fallen man. I call him, "Leo."


    He snarls once more and runs to my side. He stands tall and proud with his chest out. He snarls at everyone.


    "You have my friends here don''t you?"


    The man with the smile frowns, "Who?"


    "A girl and a guy. They''re brother and sister."


    His eyes narrow, "No one has come recently. Except you."


    "Don¡¯t lie to me. He''s tall with dark hair and blue eyes. He has an injury on his leg. She is younger and about my size. She has dark hair and blue eyes too. They look alike."


    He shakes his head, "Look we don¡¯t have anyone here. We don¡¯t take prisoners."


    I look at the guns surrounding us and raise my eyebrows.


    He laughs, "You were spying on us and have a huge timber wolf as a pet."


    I don¡¯t laugh. I want Jake and Anna.


    Meg gives me a look, "Why would he bring us here if they''re not here?"


    I shrug, "The smell of food."


    The guy with the gun in my face points to Leo, "Keep him under control and we can drop the weapons."


    I pat Leo on the head and scratch his ears. He shakes his head once. He still is agitated.


    The camp is like nothing I''ve ever seen. It reminds me of the band of merry men Robin Hood joins in the forest.


    I hear a noise I''ve never heard before. I turn my head when I see where it comes from. A small boy with white blond hair runs past me. He has his arms stretched out. He latches on to Leo, making me jump to his rescue but Leo looks at me and lowers his body for the child.


    "Andy no. Not the wolf. Oh my god I''m so sorry." A dark haired woman walks up to me. She looks older, maybe thirty. She''s dressed in a long gathered skirt and a blouse. She''s pretty in a simple way. She looks at Meg and smiles motherly, "We need to get you cleaned up and get some food in that belly. You look like you must be starved." She looks at the man next to me, "Watch him for me while I get her taken care of?"


    The man nods and kneels next to the boy who is shrieking and hugging my huge wolf. Leo pants contented.


    "His name is Leo. Be careful okay Andy." The man puts a hand out for Leo to sniff.


    Meg gives me a pleading look as she is dragged off. I want to reach for her but I don''t. The woman with the brown hair has dark doe eyes that instantly make me comfortable.


    I look around and notice that there are fires everywhere. Small tents line the forest and lean-tos are staggered amongst them. I''ve never seen anything like it. Clothes hang from lines in the trees. The canopy provides the perfect shelter. I feel like I''ve entered a sacred site. Everyone is bustling about, as if on a mission.


    "This is like the Shire."


    "You''ve read The Hobbit?"


    My neck almost snaps as I look back at him, "Yes. Have you?"


    He nods and pats Leo once more.


    "Wolfie wolfie wolfie." The white haired angel cries into Leo''s dark fur. Leo looks done with the hug. He struggles to escape.

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    "He''s done."Advertisement


    The man pulls him off, making the boy make an ungodly noise, "Nooooo Will. I wanna hug the wolfie. I wanna wolfie. Miiiiine."


    I gasp, "Will?" The eyes and the smile. He looks almost exactly like they do. "Anna and Jake''s brother Will?"


    His face drops, "Anna and Jake? My brother and sister?"


    I nod.


    His face grows savage. He lets go of the boy and grips my arms harshly. He shouts into my face, "Where are they?"


    I point, "I thought they were here."


    Leo doesn¡¯t like the struggle going on. He leaps in between us and knocks Will to the ground.


    He has him by the scruff of his shirt and is making a noise I''ve never heard before.


    "Leo."


    He ignores me. I sit on the ground and make a whistle sound. He tugs once more on the shirt and backs away. He turns and saunters to me. He''s overwhelmed. I am overwhelmed. He curls up in my lap. I stroke his ears. He trembles.


    Will stands up and walks to me. Leo growls and snarls in my lap. I look up at Will, "I wouldn¡¯t move if I were you."


    His dark eyes play in the dim light of dusk, "They''re alive?"


    "Last time I saw them."


    His jaw tenses.


    I turn to see a ruggedly handsome man walking up to where we are. "Will I need to go over some things with you."


    The white haired boy sees the man and starts his tirade all over again. He is stamping his feet and pointing at Leo who trembles. I wrap my arms around him and glare at the young boy. I hate children.


    "Stop that you little brat. You''ll get us all killed." I hiss at him. The noise will no doubt draw the others or worse.


    Will laughs at me, but his expression is lost.


    Meg walks up to me in a clean dress with patches. Her hair is slicked back and wet. Her face is stark without the film of dirt she has been covered in since I met her. She is holding a platter of sorts covered in meat and something white.


    "Em thith ith cheeth. You have to have thum." Her mouth is near bursting as she speaks. I grimace watching her stuff her gourd, as my granny always said.


    She sits beside Leo and I. He raises his face instantly and starts eating from her plate. She doesn¡¯t even bother to fight him for her food. I suspect she brought it to share with him. His body vibrates as his jaw reaches for the food.


    The man beside Will has picked the boy up. He''s crying and reaching for the brown haired lady with the doe eyes.


    "You little monkey." She twirls him around. She loves him so much. I can see it on her face. I think she loves everyone, in the whole world.


    Meg sits cross-legged with her skirt hiked up. I laugh seeing her tanned legs and underwear.


    The dark haired lady scowls, "Megan sit like a lady."


    Meg looks up with a drumstick of a bird hanging from her lips. Leo makes the same face with a large chunk of dark meat.


    Will bursts into fits of laughter.


    Meg frowns at me, "Wha?"


    I shake my head, "Nothing." She brings levity that no one can resist.


    "I can see your under garments Megan."


    Meg looks up at her and frowns, "Then give me back my pants. Or stop looking."


    I snicker at her saucy ways.


    The doe eyed lady frowns, "Those pants are being burnt. We will have new pants for you in a bit. Until then try to act like a human being."


    Meg blushes and pulls her skirts around her knees, "Yes mam."


    She glances up at me with a hidden smirk.


    Leo is making his weird wolf noise that he makes when he''s happy. It nearly sounds like a cat purring but it''s lower and deep inside of him.


    The platter is empty and I''ve had nothing. I can''t stop looking up at Will, who is talking with another man. He glances at me every now and then. I can see he wants to talk to me.


    "The people I''m looking for, Anna and Jake. Will is their brother." I point to him subtly.


    Meg raises an eyebrow, "You think that¡¯s why Leo brought us here?"


    I shrug, "Maybe. I think he smelled the food."


    Meg grins with food in her teeth, "Thank god for Leo and his belly."


    "I''m worried about where they are though. If they''re not here where could they have gone?"


    "The farms." She says it nonchalantly, even though I know she fears the idea of it whether she has met them or not.


    My skin prickles thinking about them in the farms. Anna is old enough to be put to "work" and Jake is strong. He will be made to work hard labor.


    I look up and see people eyeballing us. They pretend to be working near us, but they watch Leo eating. It makes me smile. If only they knew what a pussycat he is.


    I feel fingers bite into my skin, "Wolfie mine." He shouts into my face.


    The little brat is back. I hate him. His greedy little fingers are wiping an orange paste on my shirt. I lean away from him.


    "Don''t look so horrified. He''s just a kid." Will picks the little monster up and carts him back to the doe eyed lady. I feel sorry for her. Her life must be horrid.


    I look at the orange stain mixed with debris smeared across my sleeve.


    I glance up at Will, "Is there somewhere I can wash up?"


    He nods at the dark haired lady, "Mary can take you."


    She smiles, "Follow me." She passes the evil beast with the white hair to a man next to her.


    I look at Meg who nods, "Just don¡¯t get roped into the dress and them brushing your hair. It''s a bad experience. Leo''s fine with me."


    I walk away from him, not looking back. He''ll see my fear and follow. I don¡¯t want him anywhere near the little monster. It''s going to touch him and hurt him and Leo will bite and they¡¯ll defend their little brat. Then we''ll have to leave and it will ruin my plan to have a good night sleep.


    "You''ve never seen a child before have you?" Mary asks sweetly as we walk past a grouping of tents and lean-tos. She leads me down a steep narrow dirt path.


    "Not in over ten years. Just the ones left behind when the mom''s get taken. I don¡¯t hang around long enough to get to the know them though."


    "That''s horrible. You leave little kids alone?"


    I don¡¯t care if she judges me. I am alive. "I was a kid too Mary. I barely took care of myself and Leo."


    She crosses her arms, "He gets tired once it''s after six. He really is a sweet boy. Once you get to know him, you''ll love him."


    I try not to be rude but speak my mind, "He will get you killed with noises like that. The infected love noisy things that lead to food."


    She looks back aghast, "We never leave the camp. None of the children do."


    "So you have an agreement with the infected and the others that they stay out of your camp so the kids can be as noisy as they want?" My sarcasm is filled with more sarcasm.


    She laughs, "You really don¡¯t have any social skills do you?"


    I shrug, "I''ve made it this long out there, alone."


    She looks shocked, "How long have you been alone?"


    My anger and pain is pulled away from me when I see it. I stumble past her and sigh, "Since the beginning."


    The walls surrounding it are high and rocky. Nothing can get to the massive lagoon of crystal clear dark green water. The only visible path is the one I''m standing on. I pull my boots and socks off. My scabs sting on the dirt and rocks. I pull down my pants and rip off my shirt. I look back at her and smirk. I run down the remainder of the path. I run out onto the huge flat rocks that make a platform in the water. I dive in before I can chicken out. The cold rips through me instantly but I have never felt this clean. I remember my baths as a small kid. They were filled with bubbles and hard plastic mermaids. This is much better. The freshness of the water makes me feel alive in a good way. I lie on my back and float. The huge rocky walls surrounding me are amazingly high and rugged. The tops are high enough that even if I was spied upon I wouldn¡¯t know who they were and vice versa.


    I look over at Mary as she jumps off the rock. I blush as she enters the water with a big splash. She had been completely naked. I''ve never seen another naked woman before.


    "So where are your parents?"


    Apparently she has no problem going for the personal details right off the bat.


    I lie back again and watch the sky grow dark blue, as the evening fully starts to set in.


    "My mom died when I was really little. She had cancer."


    "Back then everyone had cancer."


    "Yeah I guess so. Anyway she died and it was me and dad and my grandparents. My dad was a survivalist so when things got bad we got out early. He taught me a lot of things I needed to know."


    "Wow I heard about those people. I remember hearing my mom and dad call them wing-nuts and crazy."


    I laugh bitterly, "Yeah. That¡¯s how I felt about him. Well until the infection hit and Japan had those massive earthquakes and the tsunamis hit the west coast. Then I was pretty impressed at his resources."


    "Did you get separated?"


    I shake my head, "No we hid at a friend''s bunker till we could get out of the urban areas. We were on our way to my grandparents cabin when we were in an accident. He was pinned under the jeep. The hunters were coming. He told me to run."


    I don¡¯t look at her. I have always been ashamed of that moment.


    "After he was taken I was on a hillside and I heard a gunshot. I knew it was him. I ran for weeks until I got to the cabin. I was there alone until a few weeks ago."


    She splashes me. I look up at her grin and frown, "How many times have you swam in the last ten years?"


    I feel confused and lost in the conversation suddenly, "Uhm three times. Once I was being chased by the infected. I''ve crossed rivers without really swimming lots though."


    She laughs, "How great is this moment?"


    I''m annoyed by her randomness, but I nod, "Really amazing."


    Her eyes are glassy under the light of the dark sky, "Then leave the rest of it where it happened. They ruined everything ten years ago, we can''t let them ruin the future too." She splashes me again.

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    The anger is sucked out of me. She''s right. I''ve lived afraid of making friends and helping people.Advertisement


    Suddenly a noise rips through the air. I turn as several people jump into the water. The waves and splashing take over the lagoon.


    "Oh my god it''s freezing." I see a blonde girl who''s a little older than me next to me. Her teeth chatter. I realize suddenly mine are chattering. I see a huge hand come up behind her and push her face under the water. I swim away quickly in a panic. A young guy laughs as she breaks the surface and shoves him, "Ass."


    They''re playing in the water. Memories of people playing in the water flood my mind.


    "Kim you know you love me." He pulls her into his embrace and kisses her with force. Suddenly she is pressed against him and they''re kissing like people did in the movies, before.


    I feel someone swimming up behind me. I turn suddenly to see a huge hand coming for my head. I try to swim away but my foot is grabbed. I am sucked under. I panic kicking as hard as I can. My legs are pulled back and I''m squished into a warm body. I swallow water before I''m able to break the surface. I push on the skin I touch and force my head above the water in a panic.


    I hear a man''s voice over the sounds of my own choking. "Jesus calm down. Are you okay?"


    I sputter and cough. I feel sick but also terrified. I never drink water that isn¡¯t boiled or fresh from my wells. Anyone of them could have the infection. It could be in the water. I swim for the big rock and pull myself up onto the platform. I lie on my stomach against the cold stone. My skin trembles and shivers.


    "Hey, are you okay?"


    I look over at Mary at the edge of the rock. I nod and push myself up. I pick up my clothes and run up the hill toward the tents.


    "Asshole."


    "What?"


    "Mark you have to be careful. She''s lived alone since she was a kid. She doesn¡¯t get it."


    "I didn¡¯t mean to."


    I run faster to get away from their voices. I feel like a freak. I make my way to the nearest fire. I am alone, until I feel the warm breath at my hip. His cold nose feels warm against my bare skin. I go to pull on my stinky dirty clothes but Mary is suddenly there. She holds out a pile.


    "Here." She is dripping wet too. We stand looking at each other in the firelight. She is so beautiful in her soaked dress with the water dripping from her.


    "Thanks." I put my bundle down on the dirt and take the pile she offers. They smell funny. I pull on the shirt and the pants over my soaked underwear. I pull my bra off when the shirt is on and covering me.


    She takes it in her hands, "What''s your name?"


    I feel my lips tremble, "Emma."


    She leans in and kisses me softly on the lips, "Emma it''s okay. You''re safe here. No infection and no others and no military. We take care of each other." She takes my soaking wet bra and picks up my pile of filthy clothes and leaves. I stand alone by the fire realizing she kissed me. I liked that she kissed me. It was a nice feeling. Not nice the way Jake''s kiss was. Hers was sweet and soft. It makes me feel happy.


    I look down at Leo, who turns his face in the light of the fire and whines. I pat his head and look to where she''s walked. She drops my clothes in a basket and points to a bright orange glow in the woods across the camp. "Come to the fire. We sing and play guitar."


    I pull on the dry clothes and wrap my arms around myself. Leo and I follow her through the woods to where a large bonfire is burning. I can hear the music faintly in the crackle of the flames and embers. It''s folk music but better. It hits me with a wall of emotion. Everything lifts away from me. The music becomes embedded in my soul. I haven¡¯t heard music since before. I feel like an outsider but the people at the fire smile at me. Someone shoves over on the log in front of me to make space. Leo sits and watches me sit in a crowd. He doesn¡¯t know how to respond to this. He whines a little.


    Heat waves rise from the huge fire making it hard to see across where the musicians are. The logs are built higher than the people sitting. I can make out a man with a small guitar. He''s old and has a beard. A man starts singing with the soft guitars. His voice is incredible. It''s raspy and sweet. I am in a trance. I sit and close my eyes. The music brings back something soft and sweet that I never realized I was missing. It''s return aches in my chest. The sweet voice makes my skin shiver and my throat thick with unfelt emotions. We sit in a huge circle, warmed by the fire and the raw human emotions inside of the song. It''s about love and sacrifice. A woman''s voice accompanies the man''s and the guitars. She adds softness to the song his raspy voice doesn¡¯t have.


    This is the greatest moment of my life. I have experienced nothing like this, even before. Time passes. I don¡¯t know how much. Songs are sung. Whiskey is passed. I drink and sway my body with everyone else. My guard is not only lowered but it is destroyed in the camaraderie of the people at the fire and the song in our hearts.


    In the light I can see Mary. She sings and laughs and drinks. Her eyes sparkle vibrantly in the orange glow.


    Slowly people trickle away from the fire. Leo has crept up and is lying on my feet. The pile of logs and lumber on the fire has burned down to ash and in the embers I see something I never expected. Will''s the singer with the haunting voice that has me lit up. He feels the music. I can see that. His eyes are closed and his fingers gently stroke the guitar. He finishes the song and I can''t help but see him differently.


    He walks to where I''m sitting and sits beside me.


    "You''re a good singer."


    "We need to talk."


    Sitting beside him makes my insides crawl. He doesn¡¯t look sweet and soft like Mary does. He looks annoyed and angry with me. I feel intimidated by him. He doesn¡¯t seem like the goof Anna described. He is intense.


    "I know."


    His long legs seem huge compared to mine. He is thick and strong looking. His face is handsome like Jake''s, but more commanding. I want to listen to him for some reason. I feel like he could keep me safe, like he does everyone else here. I don¡¯t know why I think it''s him that does it, but I do.


    "So where are they?"


    I shake my head and try not to watch his mouth. "I don¡¯t know. They were at my farmhouse last time I saw them."


    "How did they look?"


    I gulp, "Great. Jake was hurt a bit but I got him medicine. They were fine when I left though."


    "Where did you meet them?"


    "First my cabin." I start the story at the beginning and try not to stare at his lips as he processes what I have to say. I want him to sing to me some more.


    Chapter Eleven


    I wake with a wolf foot in my face. He kicks slightly in his dream and scratches my cheek.


    I push it away and look around. I''m more comfortable than I''ve ever been, since before.


    Meg is passed out with her arms around Leo. He loves to snuggle when he sleeps. I smile thinking he''s met his soul mate.


    The light of day is filtering in through the canvas of the tent. It''s a small and cozy tent, so the air has grown stale with three of us breathing it.


    I look down at my feet and amazed at how much they¡¯ve healed. The scabs are flaking away and the sores are tiny compared to the scars. Leo kicks at me again. I sigh and climb out of the tent before I end up getting a paw in the head again.


    I stretch and realize what I''m wearing. It''s a tight t-shirt with the word rock and then a star below it. It''s bright purple and too long for me. I''m also wearing jeans with tears and holes in the knees. I feel a bit of breeze in the back and feel my butt to discover holes back there as well. I frown. I need my pants back.


    "You''re up finally."


    I turn around to see Will smiling at me. He is beautiful. I can''t stop myself from gawking at him in his baby blue t-shirt and dark denim jeans. His eyes meet mine. He has noticed the way my eyes traveled his body. I blush.


    "How come you get jeans with no holes?"


    He laughs, "We only have so many clothes. The last trip to a mall was three years ago. We share everything."


    I glance at Mary snuggled into a guy and holding the little brat, "Everything."


    He turns and sees what I''m watching. He laughs again, "No not everything. She is really friendly Emma. She is like that with everyone. But if you''re interested we have a few girls who are single."


    I frown, "What?"


    "If you''re interested."


    I shake my head, "I don¡¯t know what you mean." He laughs at me. He is in a joke that I am not.


    He sighs, "So want to go over the map with me?"


    This makes me laugh, "I told you last night I don¡¯t know maps. I know where I''ve been by remembering the woods."


    He frowns, "Well back to the farmhouse then?"


    "Okay but I need a favor." I say.


    "What?"


    I point to the tent, "I need her to stay here and be protected. She''s fifteen. She''s lived a hard life. Her mom was a prison warden."


    He makes a face that makes me laugh, "Yeah I figured she was staying. Wow a warden?"


    I nod, "Her mom and aunt just died. Her other aunt was taken to the breeder farms."


    His blue eyes sparkled, "She is just our kind of girl then."


    I am confused by him, but don¡¯t have time to figure him out. I can''t get the picture of him playing the guitar in the firelight out of my head. It is almost like there are two of him inside of his body. Sweet Will and Business Will.


    Mary comes over carrying the monster.


    "Andy what do you have to say to Emma?"


    He looks down at the ground and pouts, "Sorry."


    He fidgets with her blouse. She looks up and meets my frown with a smile.


    I nod, "Okay thanks."


    Will and Mary laugh.


    "Mary will you take care of Meg till I get back?"


    She leans in and hugs me. "Be safe Emma and hurry back."


    I hug her back. I still hug like an iron rod. I notice the way she hugs like a person and I hug like a robot. She hugs just like Anna. My heart hurts thinking about them.

 Page 15

    I turn and open the tent, "I''m leaving Meg. You need to stay here and help out okay. They need the extra hands."Advertisement


    She wakes and instantly gives me a snarl, "No. I''m coming with you."


    I shake my head, "No you need to stay and hang with Mary. I''m taking Will to the farmhouse. I''ll be back in a couple days."


    She lays back, "Fine."


    I look at Leo, "You coming or staying?"


    He stretches out on the sleeping bags and snuggles into Meg who laughs sarcastically, "Ha. He likes me better."


    I roll my eyes, "Traitor."


    I zip the tent back up and walk back to Will, whose eyes sparkle in the morning light.


    "What?"


    He shakes his head, amused by me for something, "You''re funny Emma."


    xxxx


    The walk back down the mountain is less painful and considerably faster than the walk up. My feet don¡¯t hurt and Will keeps a fast pace. Unlike Meg, he never speaks.


    When we make it back to the meeting tree, we both take a pause and listen. I lead across the open field with a sprint.


    We make it to the edge of the field. I crouch down to look out for any signs of life in the driveway. The barn door swings open and shut.


    They''re back. I know I sealed the barn door completely when I left. I can hear Will''s breath on the back of my neck as I watch the house silently.


    I turn and whisper, "Let me go look first."


    He shakes his head and points to the barn door. I turn and look again.


    I almost jump as I see them. It feels as though they''re watching me. As the barn door swings open and shut a pair of eyes watch from inside. Stains of bloody tears streak the gaunt cheeks below.


    My stomach twists and turns.


    I back up but Will puts his arms on me to stop me from running away.


    "Stay still."


    His words make my skin shiver, as his hot breath lands on the back of my neck.


    I don¡¯t move. The barn door opens and closes several more times. Then suddenly it opens and the eyes are gone.


    I look up at the loft window to see the thin figure pass by it. The window over looks the field perfectly. We will be seen. Suddenly I''m on the ground, in the hay and wrapped up in Will''s long body. He holds me close to him.


    The wind plays with the hay around us, it whispers to us.


    I can feel his heart beating against my chest. We are face to face but my eyes dart around us. I hear footsteps. I hear something else, it¡¯s the way an exhale sounds when your throat is a ragged mess.


    The infected are near us. I want to pull my shirt up over my face. I want to run. I need my mask but I''ve left it behind. Another rule I''ve broken.


    Will strokes his thumb along the back of my neck, where his left hand lays. He''s trying to calm my nerves, before I give away our location.


    In the gusts of warm wind and the calm silence of the ragged exhales, I hear a sound I don¡¯t expect. It''s the hollering of men and the high moans of the infected.


    The footsteps leave the hay around us. The moaning and ragged breath becomes harder to hear, as distance is put between us and them. It''s always us and them.


    Will whispers into my forehead, "Oh my fucking god." We lay in silence for a moment.


    He peeks his head up to look around, but I pull him back down, "One more minute."


    He frowns but as I speak it the barn door closes several times hard. A raucous noise fills the air, different types of commotion begin after it.


    "We need to leave now." I whisper into his throat.


    His jaw nods against the top of my head.


    He pulls back a bit and looks at me, almost through me with his intensely blue eyes. He tilts my chin with his free hand and lightly feathers his lips against mine. His kiss isn¡¯t intense like Jake''s was or soft and uncertain like Mary''s. It''s somewhere in the middle and filled with more of everything. He kisses beside my mouth and whispers into my cheeks, "We''re going to crawl from here and then make our way to the forest on the other side from where we came. We don¡¯t want to lead them to the camp."


    He kisses once more just along side my lips and lets me out of his firm grip. He moves away from me and slithers backwards, away from the farmhouse. I follow him. The hay slices along my skin giving me small cuts. When we get to the halfway point between the forest and farmhouse, he stands and walks hunched right over. I do the same listening intently to every sound.


    We make our way into the forest where he breaks into a run. I follow him until we reach the bigger trees. He climbs one of them quickly. I look around and start to feel uncomfortable. I don¡¯t like being on the ground without Leo. I climb the next largest tree. I scramble up the branches until I''m as high as he is.


    The farmhouse, my farmhouse, is nearly the entire view. I can see the field I''ve crossed too many times to count. Pain creeps around inside of me as I imagine my bunker and my rations and my clean little spaces, all torn apart by the infected.


    "So Jake and Anna were here with you?" His voice betrays his lack of hope.


    I nod.


    I see a small cluster of men fighting the infected like fools. They will get sick. They will become infected and maybe they will die because not everyone is able to live with running sores and bloody tears.


    "God, they should have run."


    I recognize one of the men. He is the man who shouted the loudest when the man with the evil grin peed on the fire. The man named John who pulled down my pants.


    "Those men held me captive. They''re the others."


    "Do you know where their camp is?"


    "Yup. I''d like to avoid it."


    "What if they have Jake and Anna?"


    The pain in his eyes hurts me somehow, "I never said I was going to avoid it. I said I''d like to. I''m betting they have Jake and Anna."


    I take one last look and know it will be a long time before I ever come back, if I ever do. I take my last look at the white siding and the small windmill in the front yard waves goodbye to me.


    As my feet make their way back down the tree, I see something that makes me feel the smallest amount of fear and hope simultaneously.


    On the ground is a small bandage and above it is a broken branch. I look deeper into the forest and see another broken branch.


    "They got away. They''re this way." I point.


    Will looks at the bandage and frowns, "Emma that could belong to anyone."


    I shake my head, "No it''s not. It will smell like tea tree and the branches." I point to them, "I told Jake it was how I always found my way through the woods."


    He bends his face to the ground and sniffs the air around the bandage, "It is tea tree."


    I turn to run, but he grabs my arm as he stands and pulls me into him, "One thing first." He puts his hands on the small of my back and lifts me into his arms. His lips meet mine with desperation and excitement. His tongue slides into my mouth, caressing mine. He sucks my lower lip and nibbles it. His hands take up most of my back and rub and caress me. Suddenly his hands make their way lower. I don¡¯t feel uncomfortable as he cups my butt and lifts me into him. He wraps my legs around him. I''m feeling the way I used to when I read the romance novels granny had stored at the cabin. I feel a heat rising low in my belly.


    He lets me slide down his body, till my feet touch the ground again. Air rushes between us. I open my eyes, not realizing I had closed them, and look up into his face.


    He grins, "I am going to have a hard time staying focused."


    I giggle like a schoolgirl, as my granny always said. It is the first time that has left my lips, a giggle that is.


    He kisses me softly one last time and walks away toward the broken branches.


    "I never imagined they were alive. I went back to where they were when I got taken and I couldn¡¯t find them. I knew Jake was young and not very responsible. Well neither of us were." He runs a hand through his dark shaggy hair.


    "Anna told me you guys were pretty bad for paying attention."


    He chuckles and I catch myself staring at his butt. It is round and firm and when he takes a step, it moves in a way I enjoy. I realize when I watch him I feel a small amount of guilt. Jake kissed me too. Jake made me smile and made me laugh.


    Will makes me scared of him but safe against the world, where as Jake makes me feel the opposite.


    Chapter Twelve


    The sun sets as we reach the top of a hill I have never climbed. It is in the opposite mountain range from where I''ve been and I am nervous of it. I don¡¯t know what lies on the other side. My feet hurt and I''m tired.


    He lays a bunch of bows on the ground and gives me a very appealing look. It makes my stomach hurt.


    I walk to where he has chosen to sleep and smile at it. There are branches on the ground making a mat for sleeping. He has chosen a huge tree with great bows to protect us in case it rains. He is like my father, more than I expected him to be. Not that I ever expected to meet him.


    "They think you''re dead."


    He puts the last bow down and sits on it. He takes the jacket he has brought with him out and puts it down. He pats it for me to sit beside him.


    My steps hurt my feet now that we''ve stopped walking. I drop onto the ground beside him and watch his eyes sparkle as darkness takes over the night sky. I tuck my bow and quiver next to me, always close.


    "I was taken to the work farms. We were hiding in this old house like your farmhouse there. I wasn¡¯t smart like you though. I never even thought about bunkers or having a few different houses and traveling between them. I was an idiot. Anyway they came. I hid Anna and Jake and let them take me."


    His face is stoic. I want him to kiss me again. I start to wonder if he''s going to.


    "How did you get away from the farms?"


    "I met some people while I was there. Doctors who were forced to work the breeder camps and other scientists. They convinced me I needed to start a revolution from the outside. I escaped with some of them." He shakes his head, as if his thoughts entertain him and brushes his hands through his hair again. He looks at me and smiles, "You know of a good spot to clean up around here?"


    I shake my head, "Never been here before. You''re starting a revolution?"

 Page 16

    He nods, "The camp we were just at is one of our peace camps. It''s like a retreat. The children and young and old stay there. We have people coming and going constantly. Didn''t you notice how easily you were welcomed?"Advertisement


    "I guess. I just thought that¡¯s what people were when they live in a camp like that. After the machine gun escort that is."


    He laughs again. I like the sound of it but it reminds me of Jake.


    "Well that is big timber wolf Emma. How did you end up with him?"


    "His mother gave birth and must have gotten sick shortly after. Leo was waiting for me at the door to the cabin one day. He was tiny then. I could hear his brothers and sisters in the woods. I found the mother dead and half eaten surrounded by the other cubs who were weak and sick. It was awful. I shot them and burned them. It¡¯s the closest infection ever got to my cabin. He''s immune anyway so that''s helpful."


    "He''s immune? Naturally? Maybe he never ate any of the mom."


    I shake my head, "She wasn¡¯t the only sick thing Leo has eaten. He likes the infected."


    He grimaces, "That''s disgusting. Disgusting and lucky all at the same time."


    I nod, "It is."


    "What do you know about the start of the infection?"


    I shrug, "People got sick and some died and others lived but went a little crazy."


    His eyes look dark as his expression looses its humor and the sun sets completely, "No Emma people didn¡¯t just get sick. The infection was spread on purpose. Everything that¡¯s happened has been a plan all along."


    "That can''t be true."


    "I wish it weren¡¯t. There was something called the United Nations. They did all of this."


    I feel sick, "They were evil?"


    He shakes his head, "Not evil just detached. The world was running out of resources and everyone was constantly putting a hand out to them and asking for aide and food and money. The UN had been warning us forever about the global warming and the ice melting and ocean becoming acidic. Anyway in 2012 all of Greenland''s ice and snow melted in a week. The earth started to enter a drought. We thought it was a cyclical event but it wasn¡¯t. It was man made. We had pushed it too far. The same time all this was happening, a conference was held in Rio about the environment. Canada, the US and China pretty much pulled out and admitted they had no intention of slowing their pollution to the recommended level. It would be too hard on their economies. That was the final straw. Apparently the UN had a backup plan for a worst-case scenario such as that. They had a plague. It had a vaccine, which made it easy to spread and then control. The problem was it mutated. They spread the virus at the same time they had bombs placed deep in the ocean along the Japanese coastline. They bombed the shelf and pretty much wiped Japan off the face of the earth and made the west coast of North America a target for huge tidal waves."


    It felt like a movie. It didn¡¯t feel real. It felt like the ramblings of my father, before.


    I shake my head, "How could you know all this?"


    "The work farms. I met people who had been part of the initial plan. The plan was to reset everything. Instead the UN decided they wanted to start humanity over but set it up to succeed this time. The breeder farms were built where only the fit and healthy were allowed to reproduce."


    I shivered imagining it.


    He laughed, "It isn¡¯t what you think. I know what everyone thinks happens but it''s not. The girls only breed every three years and only up to three times. The pregnancy isn¡¯t the result of rape, it''s done using science. The baby is made in a lab and then inserted into the woman''s womb."


    I gag and he laughs.


    "The religious had the same reaction. The UN never mentioned this plan to anyone but the very high up. It never went well."


    I frown, "The girls are still taken against their will and made to make babies against their will."


    I see his head nod in the dark, "Yup and the babies are not God''s children to the Christians. Anyway the UN runs the military but again they sit in their closed office and plan using numbers and facts and data. They don¡¯t leave it to see what the world looks like or how corrupt the military is. They have built six cities world wide from the ashes and rubble of the previous cities. They plan on cleaning every inch of the world."


    My head spins, "What about the borderlands?"


    "They can''t use anymore bombs without affecting the weather and pollution again, so the plan stands at leaving us to our own devices until they have this part of the world cleaned up. Then they will round us up."


    "Why?"


    "They want the diseases and illnesses bred out. They won''t allow those people to live and breed."


    "Oh my god it''s like a nightmare."


    "It is. On that note we need to sleep. You sleep first and I''ll keep watch."


    "That''s some bedtime story." I liked Jake''s better.


    He laughs. I watch his silhouette in the dark for a moment. He doesn¡¯t lean in to kiss me. He watches the hill we climbed.


    I lie down on his jacket and snuggle into the smell.


    "How long have they been breeding the science babies?"


    His outline turns to me and I see the shine of his eyes in the dark, "A long time. They started in the early 2000''s."


    "Are the babies different than the rest of us?"


    "Yes."


    Chapter Thirteen


    The broken branches lead us to a camp in a valley on the opposite side of the mountain where my farmhouse sat. The size of the camp is disturbing.


    Will smiles as he sees it and walks directly up to the man holding the gun amid the trees.


    "Halt."


    "Lancaster." Will shouts.


    The gunman smiles, "No shit, Willy boy you''re alive and well. I heard they caught you."


    He laughs, "They think they did. Is Marshall still in charge?"


    Lancaster points to the camp, "He''s in the smallest tent, you know what he''s like. Still paranoid they will bomb us."


    Will laughs and points to me, "This is my friend Emma."


    I feel hurt he calls me his friend. I don¡¯t know why but the word stings.


    "I''m John." He puts a hand out and I notice he has a nice smile. I meet his gray eyes and smile back, "Nice to meet you."


    His eyes flicker on Will for a moment and an even bigger smile crosses his lips, "So where did you two meet?"


    I look at Will.


    He shakes his head, "She walked up to the mountain retreat the other day with a huge timber wolf for a pet and an unruly teenager."


    John''s eyes grow wide, "You have a wolf?"


    I nod. I want to find Anna and Jake. I don¡¯t understand why Will isn¡¯t busting inside to see them. I feel myself fidget.


    "Well I''m going to go see Marshall and see what''s new on this side of the hill."


    We walk toward the camp as the sound of a bird squawking fills the forest. The gunmen lower their weapons as they hear the sound and we walk past them. The camp opens as the forest spreads thin.


    It looks like the camp we were at before except that everyone is wearing a firearm or a knife. At one point I swear I see a sword. There are no children here.


    "Will. You''re alive!"


    A girl with long blonde hair in two braids and cut off shorts runs and jumps into his arms. My heart stops. She kisses his lips. The lips that only just kissed me the day before. I feel heat radiating from my cheeks. I''ve read about rogue men in the romance novels and feel sick that I''ve fallen for one. All the years of reading the novels and judging the females who seem strong and smart and then fall for a jerk. Reality hurts. I want Jake and Anna and my cabin with Leo and Meg. I want to let the world kill itself and hide up in the mountains. I will never kiss him again. I can''t believe I was so reckless.


    "Star what the hell. You know me better than that." He twirls her around and looks sheepishly at me, "This is Emma."


    I nod and grip my bow.


    She beams at me, "Wow nice find Will. He save you from the farms too?"


    I raise an eyebrow, "I don¡¯t need to be saved. I''m the hero of my own story." I''ve died and gone to heaven when her face drops. I read that in a novel my granny had. I''ve always wanted to say it.


    She looks at Will, who is staring at me. I walk past him and start to look around. If he doesn¡¯t want to find his siblings that¡¯s his problem. I''ll be damned if I will let them live another moment without the knowledge their asshole brother is alive and well.


    "You pissed at me?"


    I don¡¯t turn. I continue along. My eyes desperately scan the crowds of people.


    "Willy boy." He shakes hands with a very tanned man with the whitest smile I''ve ever seen. It almost glows in the dark.


    People continue to greet him, but I can''t hear them anymore. I see what I''m looking for. I see a tall guy limping with shaggy dark hair. I break into a run. I run through the crowd and dive as I get close enough for the arm of the man.


    As I make contact he turns. His face is exactly as I remember it. He has me in his arms before I can speak a word. He is mauling me like a bear, like granny always said.


    "Emma oh my god. Emma it''s you. Holy shit I thought they got you." He is planting kisses everywhere across my face.


    "Where is Anna?"


    His kisses stop but his grip on my face stays strong, "They took her."


    I want to collapse into his arms and sob.


    "Jakey."


    Jake drops to his knees in front of me. His hands leave my face and fall onto the tops of his knees.


    "Will? Will? Is that you?"


    Will rushes at him and lifts him up. He pulls him into his embrace. The brother''s hug is fierce but all I hear is the sentence ''they took her'' repeating in my mind.


    Jake looks back at me, "You found him?"


    I shake my head. I have no words.


    They hug and cry and laugh but I am stunned. Finally able to speak I mutter. "Where did they take her?"


    Their reunion no longer means anything to me.

 Page 17

    People pass by me, becoming a sea of faces. All I can think is how I will get her back, too. I will do anything to get her back. It seems it has become my centennial project. I wonder if I will ever just have the people who have become my new family all together, or if I will die still looking for one.Advertisement


    "Where did they take her?" I ask again.


    The huge boys hug and rub each other''s hair. I want to shout but Will saves me the trouble.


    He looks around, "Where''s Anna?"


    "Hunters got her two days ago. She went looking for Emma and I heard her screaming at the edge of the field. I couldn¡¯t run. They took her in a truck."


    "I''m so sorry Jake."


    He shakes his head. "Emma you went for food after you went for medicine to save me. None of this is your fault. We''ll get her back." He looks at Will and smiles. It amazes me how much they look alike.


    "I can''t believe you''re alive man."


    Will ruffles his hair again, "You too little bro. You should have died a long time ago with your survival skills."


    Jake blushes and laughs, "Anna."


    "We need to get her back Jakey."


    He nods.


    I can''t laugh with them. I can''t pretend that everything is warm and fuzzy.


    I shove him. "So how did you end up here? Why didn¡¯t you stay at the farmhouse in the barn bunker?"


    "I tried to go after them. I went over the hill and broke the branches like you told me. I knew you''d find me." He shakes his head at Will. "She''s like a fucking terminator."


    Will laughs, "I know."


    Jake fixes his hair, "Anyway I came here yesterday. They all know you Will."


    Will shrugs, "I made friends at camp, just like I always did Jakey."


    I hate the way he calls him Jakey. I hate him in a horrid way. I wish he was at the breeder camp and Anna was with us. Him and his girlfriend in the shorts.


    They have their mini reunion. I turn away and walk to the nearest small tent. I look in the flap. A younger looking guy is asleep inside. Half his face is burned.


    I walk from one small tent to the next, until I find one with a barrel-chested man with red hair holding a pen and looking at a map that¡¯s spread across a table, "Are you Marshall?"


    He nods, but looks suspiciously at me.


    "I need to know where the closest breeder camp is."


    He chuckles, "Little girl you aren¡¯t thinking about volunteering are you? The food''s not that bad here."


    I don¡¯t laugh I look at the map. I don¡¯t know how to read maps. I add it to the list of things he should have taught me, before.


    He stops laughing and raises his eyebrows, "Why?"


    "My friend was taken. I need her back."


    He starts laughing again, "What do you plan on doing?"


    I look up into his older gray eyes and his bright red beard and stare him down, "I''m going to get her back."


    He scratches the back of his fuzzy red head, "Look kid I get you''re upset but there is no getting them back. They go in and nine years later they get a nice house in the city. It''s not a bad gig. They get healthy food and a place to sleep. Your life here is harder."


    I feel my face change.


    He puts his hands up defensively, "Look we have bigger fish to fry than worry about one girl at a breeder farm."


    He turns his back on me and looks at the wall of the tent where other maps are hung. I feel my fingers twitch. I want to pull an arrow.


    I leave the tent disheartened and lost.


    "Emma where did you go?"


    I look up at Will and Jake walking toward me.


    I scrunch up my face and walk away from them both. I don¡¯t know how to be dramatic. I feel the need burning inside of me, but I don¡¯t physically know how to get angry without using my hands.


    I walk to a group of ladies who are standing around a fire.


    I smile sweetly and look at the one who looks the most like my mother did, "Hi."


    She raises her eyebrows and the corners of her mouth at the same time, "Hi sweetie."


    The rebellion people are nice.


    "Do you know where the nearest breeder camp is?"


    She frowns, "Yeah." She looks over at a dark strawberry blonde who has a scar along her mouth, "Beth where was that camp that you all saw not far from here?"


    "South east, over two small mountains and a ghost town. Used to be a place called Lincoln there. Stay on the outskirts of that place."


    I nod, "Thanks so much."


    "You aren¡¯t trying to go there?"


    I shake my head, "No way. Just wanted to know where my friend went. Her nine years is almost up."


    The lady with the scar laughs bitterly, "Honey she aint coming back out here to shit in a ditch. She''ll get herself a nice place in the city. I hear they even got air conditioning again."


    A lady with a t-shirt with a big tongue on it laughs, "Oh girl, what I would do for air conditioning."


    They all laugh and it makes me grin. I walk away from them and go back to the small tent.


    The man looks less than pleased I am there.


    "Really, you''re back again. Look kid I''m not sending a bunch of men to their death over some girl."


    I smirk, "I''m not asking you for a thing. I just want to see the map."


    He holds him arm out at the one on the table, "Have at it."


    I look at the compass on the map.


    "Where are we?"


    He drops a fat finger onto the map next to a blue line.


    I drag my finger southeast to the place that says Lincoln. I look up at him, "Which way is south east from here?"


    He points to the back of the tent where the other maps are. He''s blocking my view of them purposely.


    I nod, "thanks." I walk in the direction he''s told me.


    My quiver isn''t very full. Normally I make arrows once a month but I haven¡¯t had a chance in the last month.


    Nothing has been the way it would have been back at the cabin. I think about the moment I stood at the door as Anna knocked outside of it. I remember the regret.


    I see Will and Jake. I walk faster. I don¡¯t know what to say, but running away from them seems like a pretty good idea. Jake still limps from the branch, but they move quickly.


    "Em wait up." Jake''s voice picks at me.


    I want to be alone. It figures the only boys I''ve ever liked have to be brothers. My mom would have been proud. She too had a thing for brothers.


    Fingers bite my arm and spin me around.


    Will towers over me, "What are you doing?" He looks annoyed.


    I pull my arm from him, "I''m going to find her." I look at Jake, "Stay here and get better. That leg wound isn¡¯t going to heal with you traipsing all over hell''s half acre."


    He looks hurt.


    Will grabs my arm again, "Em we aren¡¯t going to let you run off half cocked. We need a plan."


    I feel angry, maybe because I like them both and maybe because they''re not running after her, like I expected they would.


    I glare at Jake, "When you fell in that hole she did the bravest thing I have ever seen anyone do. She told me that she didn¡¯t care if I shot her but I had to come find you."


    He shakes his head, "We need a plan."


    I point south, "There''s probably a three day hike, we can plan on the way."


    Will''s grip on my arm tightens, "We will be down a mountain and in the woods alone with no resources when we find her. What plan can you come up with there?"


    I shake my head again. "I''ve made it this far without anyone." I pull my arm free and take a step back, "I don¡¯t need either of you."


    I feel something in my stomach. I should have grabbed food. I start my hike. I realize I not only have no plan but that I''m starving.


    I hear their footsteps behind me.


    "She''s really stubborn." Jake tries to whispers but I hear him.


    "I did notice that. How''s the leg?"


    I make a face but don¡¯t look back at them.


    "Good. She did surgery on it. I don¡¯t think I''ll ever win the Boston Marathon if it comes back in style."


    Will snorts. I want to laugh but I''m pissed off.


    "Anna been a handful?"


    Jake laughs, "Oh my god. The year she started the road to womanhood was the beginning of the end. Oh my god it was bad."


    I feel my face flush with heat. I remember getting my first menstruation and cringe. I had thought I was dying for a few days. I read granny''s encyclopedia to health and found the answers I''d been seeking. I made rags and stayed indoors. I rubbed the clary sage oil on my stomach for the cramping like the book said and put warm compresses on my belly.


    It was the first thing I added to the list of things he should have told me about. Being twelve and alone in the forest was daunting. Bleeding every month for no reason was much worse.


    I realize how far ahead of them I am when I come out of my daydream and can''t hear them. I look back. They are laughing and walking like it''s a stroll in the park. I glance up in the trees to see the guards placed strategically. I know we are still safe from the others but I can''t imagine laughing and joking and catching up the way they are.


    I walk faster. I miss the silence and uncomplicated days of traveling with Leo. He would hunt and we would touch each other every now and again but neither of us needed to make a sound.


    I look back at Jake again and notice the way he lumbers through the woods. I sigh.


    The bottom of the mountain leads to a valley. I climb a tree and sit up in it.


    "What do you see?"


    "A highway. There are cars on it, they''re burned."


    It frightens me. Scavengers are always nearest to the old remains. I stay away from the remains.


    "Do you see movement?"


    I shake my head but narrow my eyes to improve my vision. The sick have a way of not moving when you need them to. The sun is going down. I want to cross the highway and be halfway up the next mountain before it''s completely dark.


    I climb down the tree and try not to look at either of the hulking men standing next to me.

 Page 18

    I pull an arrow and crouch low to the ground. I shut my mind off. I try to not think when I''m scared shitless.Advertisement


    I can hear Jake behind me walking, no doubt completely upright and picking his teeth with a piece of grass. If he starts humming I decide to shoot him myself. The grass on the side of the highways is long. As I slip through it the wind plays with it, making it whisper. The birds are not the kind who warn you of prey, they''re scavengers. They want you to die.


    The long grass sways and plays with my hair.


    My heart is beating faster when my foot touches the gravel on the side of the highway.


    I look back at Will. He nods. Jake''s lips curl into a smile. I can''t help but want to smile with him. I see myself back at the cabin for the briefest of seconds. Images of he and I laying on the couches fill my mind. I smile remembering the way we tried not to get caught staring at each other.


    My mind snaps back.


    I close my eyes and listen to the wind. There is no sound. I climb out of the huge ditch and walk quickly and silently up onto the broken asphalt. It''s started to crack from the weather and lack of care. Where my foot steps first it crumbles. My eyes scan every inch of the deserted highway. Burned out cars, sit staggered along the long straight road. The people caught in the traffic jams when the tidal waves were coming or the bombs were dropping to contain the sick. They fled from their vehicles. They left everything and ran. I remember running. My father had waited too long in his friend''s bunker. It was the only mistake he ever made.


    I shake my head back to focusing. I slip between an old burnt SUV and the skeleton of a small car. The hood of the car is lifted and the battery is gone. Not uncommon.


    "Which way?" Jake asks louder than I would like.


    "Shhhhh." Will whispers soothingly.


    The gravel on the other side is a welcome sight. When my feet touch the grass I break into a run. The bushes hit me in the face when I enter the forest. I run until I see the tree I want. I climb it and sit with my arrow pulled and at the ready. I scan the highway and the ditch vigorously.


    Jake is huffing and puffing like the big bad wolf below my tree, "Oh man you can run. Holy shit. I thought your leg was hurt. Whoa."


    "Jake." Will is back to being Business Will. There is no fun with him, only survival.


    I don¡¯t take my eyes from the road. Nothing moves.


    I am about to climb down but I wait one more second. I see the bushes across the highway move. I pull the arrow back tighter.


    It looks like an animal. I can''t see it clearly.


    "I see something." My voice is low.


    "What?"


    I shake my head, "Animal. Dog maybe."


    "Shit."


    I look down through the thick branches at Will''s look and raise and eyebrow.


    "Trackers."


    He doesn¡¯t finish the sentence and my eyes are scanning across the highway again. The animal is gone. Nothing moves. I climb down fast and turn to face the dense woods, "That way."


    Jake looks pained, "Seriously. We''re going to run some more?"


    I look at him and nod, "Think about what it''s like for Anna right now. She''s terrified. She thinks the breeder camps are what we all think. She is waiting for her turn no doubt."


    He flinches, "Jesus Em. Easy with the visuals. She''s my little sister for Christ''s sake. I''m not bitching. My leg is just killing me."


    I glare, "Is it bleeding?"


    He shakes his head and looks down at his pants, "No but it hurts."


    "Climb the tree and wait for us." I hand him the water bottle from my belt.


    He shakes his head and looks at Will who is stoic.


    "Will I''m not staying."


    Will licks his lips and thinks for a second, "You can''t hold us up."


    Jake rolls his eyes and sighs, "Let''s just go." He points into the woods.


    I hold the water bottle out for one more second but he doesn¡¯t take me up on the offer.


    I turn and start to run. My leg is sore and my stomach is empty. In my haste I never stocked up. Anna has been hard on my rules.


    When the sun is setting, we are where I want to be. Jake hasn¡¯t complained and Will is starting a small fire. I take my bow and find a nice quiet spot to sit and wait for something to make a sound.


    The silence of the woods is alarming. I''ve never been in the woods here. I''m exhausted but I focus.


    I hear the crunch of a stick. I raise my arrow in the direction I heard it. A large hare hops over a branch and sniffs the wind. It''s ears twitch. It smells me. I release the arrow anticipating the hop it does. The arrow slices through the neck of the rabbit. It tries to move for a second and stops. I wish this isn¡¯t my life for the seconds it takes me to retrieve my arrow. I gut the hare where I killed it. I never bring it back with all its guts. Leaving guts outside the cabin proved to be a mistake. I skin it quickly with the skinning knife my granny had always kept in the cabin. I leave the animal''s remains and carry the carcass back to the fire.


    I hear the cracking of the wood when I get close.


    Will is standing over the fire and Jake is sitting on a log next to him.


    "So is there something between you two?" Will asks but doesn¡¯t move his face.


    Jake shrugs, "I don''t know. She''s a tough one to get to know. We kissed. It was a mistake."


    Will looks at him and smiles, "I hear that. You remember the Laura Croft movies where Angelina Jolie was all hot and quiet but would kill anything that moved?"


    Jake laughs and points, "Yes. Exactly. Jesus, give her some pouty lips and bam, Laura Croft."


    I feel my insides trembling. I don¡¯t remember the movies they''re talking about. I can''t help but want to cry.


    Will laughs and shakes his head, "But what a bitch though hey."


    I grab a rock from where I''m standing and toss it back a few yards. They can''t see me if I crouch down.


    "She''s back. Manners." Will speaks low and starts poking the fire. I stand and walk from the bushes. I just want to throw the stupid hare down and leave them there, but my stomach is growling. I am exhausted. I will stay as long as it takes to eat and then I''m sleeping in a tree. Maybe if I''m lucky I will fall in my sleep and wake up in heaven.


    Will holds out a small sack, "I have some potatoes from the camp and tinfoil."


    I nod, "Okay." I feel awkward. Kissing them both was obviously bad, but having them call me a bitch after they kissed me is awful. Having Jake say it was a mistake is killing me. I can''t look in his eyes. I walk around him and find a good stick to make a spit with.


    I search the ground around the fire until I find a good branch. I strip the small branches and leaves from it. I smirk and I shove the stick into the open neck. I am imagining it''s one of them.


    "You''re a scary little thing."


    I frown at Jake who is watching me get the hare on the spit.


    "It''s a compliment."


    I don¡¯t stop frowning. It doesn¡¯t feel like a compliment. Even if it was it wouldn¡¯t stop the pain of the kiss being a mistake.


    I build a spit with rocks and branches and twine from my backpack. Will has sliced the potatoes and laid them in the tinfoil. He places them high on a rock with a flat surface in the fires circle of rocks.


    Will glances at me, "So what''s the plan?"


    "Get captured and free us both."


    He laughs.


    "I can do it."


    He shakes his head, "I know you can it''s just funny that¡¯s all. You''re willing to sacrifice yourself to save my sister?"


    "She''s the first person I''ve met that I liked. Genuinely." It''s a dig at them both. Fuck them.


    He raises his eyebrows, "Fair enough." He looks hurt. The image of the girl in the short shorts doesn¡¯t leave my mind easily.


    Jake looks hurt, "What am I chopped liver?"


    I smile, my granny used to say that if I hugged my grampy first. I hate that I''m smiling. I hate that he makes me smile so easily.


    He grins at me and I remember his hands on me. I can''t stop staring at his lips. It makes me feel sick.


    Will clears his throat, "So how will you get captured?"


    I shrug, "Just act lost near the area." I glance at Jake who is still staring at me. His grin hasn¡¯t left his face. I dig my stick in the dirt and draw a circle. I hit a rock and dirt goes flying up at Jake on his stump.


    I laugh. He wipes his face clean, "Thanks."


    Will laughs, "Stop being a baby."


    Jake shakes the dirt out of his hair, "You did that on purpose."


    I put my hands up with the stick in them, "I didn¡¯t, I swear." I wish I had.


    "I don¡¯t think you should go in there, Em."


    I dig the stick again, "I have to." I don¡¯t say that I led them straight to her. I don¡¯t say that it''s all my fault. I don¡¯t have to. We all know it''s true.


    Will turns the hare on the spit slowly. The smells are starting to make my stomach make noises I haven¡¯t heard since before I found the cabin.


    Will looks around, "When you get captured you need a way out." He gets up from the fire and mutters, "Jake turn the hare." He goes to a tree and rips off a branch. He sits next to me on the log. The warmth of his body touching mine sets my nerves on fire. I swear there is electricity where our arms and legs touch.


    He bends down and draws a rectangle. In each of the corners he makes small boxes, "There is a section that is for the women who are pregnant or about to be impregnated. This is probably where you''ll go. Then this wing is for the younger girl who can''t have babies yet. This is for the women with the babies. This is where the little girls are kept. Girls they raise to be breeders." He moves the stick to the other side and makes a smaller box, "This is where the men are, if there are any men. Sometimes they don¡¯t have any there." He clears his throat nervously and draws an X in the middle but off to one side, "This is the fertility lab. This is where the lab coats and doctors and cleaners all stay. This is your only chance. They will have a dump somewhere near the clinic. The garbage goes every few days."

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    I frown at him but Jake asks the question burning in my mind before I can, "Dude how do you know so much about the breeder farms?"Advertisement


    Will blushes in the firelight, "I lived there for a time."


    Jake raises an eyebrow, "As a cleaner or a doctor?" He laughs like he knows the answer.


    Will laughs, "I wish."


    Jake shakes his head, "Nasty dude. Nasty."


    I feel lost. I look blankly at them both. Will''s face looks like it''s on fire, "I was forced to uhm, donate."


    I don¡¯t understand what they''re talking about.


    Jake makes an odd motion with his fist, "He had to wank his pud for the man."


    I don¡¯t know what this means but I nod before they explain.


    Will watches my face and laughs again.


    Jake turns the hare, "So how many little Willy''s are running around?"


    I feel my stomach drop. I understand. I feel judgment burn its way across my face. He shakes his head, "I don¡¯t know. I wasn¡¯t exactly in on the plans."


    Jake pokes the hare, "How was the life there?"


    Will laughs, "Thinking about signing up?"


    Jake looks up, "Hey if there are three square meals a day and I get all the, uhm, reading material I need to deliver the goods, I''m in."


    The humor falls from Will''s face. He almost twitches when he shakes his head, "No. No three squares and material Jakey. It''s more like milking a cow."


    Jake ignores the terror on his brother''s face and grins from ear to ear, "Are there milk maids?"


    Will nods, "Not the kind you''re thinking of. Mine was a guy named Dr. Angles."


    Jake gags, "Oh shit. Never mind."


    Will looks down at the drawing again and chuckles but I can tell he''s haunted by it. "There is no human contact Jake. It''s all done by machines, the girls and the boys. Anyway this section here has the surgeon''s clothes and booties. Change and climb into the garbage bin in the morning on a Tuesday or a Thursday or a Saturday. The garbage comes around lunch and the best chance you have at not being noticed is then. They will be looking for you after lunch."


    I feel sick thinking about the plan. I''m not as strong as the look on my face suggests I am. I gulp.


    "I think this is done." Jake pokes the hare.


    I shake my head, "Always over cook wild animal."


    Will nudges me with his body, almost playfully, "You sure about this?"


    I nod and reach into the flames to turn the potatoes. The fire licks at my skin but I ignore it. It hurts. It''s a warning of pain to come if I continue to stick my hands in the fire. Sitting between the two men I can''t help but feel like it''s appropriate.


    Chapter Fourteen


    I crouch in the woods gripping the branch of the tree next to me. My stomach is tumbling inside of me. If it weren¡¯t for the fact I was scared beyond functioning, I would blame the hare. It feels like food poisoning.


    I look at the gravel on the road in front of me. I glance back at Jake and Will in the forest hidden by the trees. Jake smirks at me like a goof. Will looks worried. His face is the one I trust. He knows what I''m about to do.


    "Em we''ll wait okay. We won''t leave you." Jake whispers loudly.


    "You leave me and Anna if I''m gone longer than two weeks. They''ll have us pregnant by then anyway." I say. I''m talking to Will. I know Jake has no survival skills. He would die in the woods waiting for us. He is loyal to the death. Will will leave me before the two weeks is up.


    Will clenches his jaw, "You be fast Em."


    "Sneaky. Fast and sneaky. Oh and don''t get pregnant." Jake says. I gag.


    Terror rips through me as I hear the truck. I look at them one last time and hate myself for kissing them both.


    I take a deep breath and push myself away from the tree. I run across the road into the ditch, when the truck rounds the corner.


    "HAULT!"


    I run, not as fast as I can. My legs want to push it hard but I have to keep reining them in. They want to flee. They want to do what they''re good at. But if I let them go they will outrun everyone in the truck. I will outrun the truck if I have to. I see a log on the grassy field in front of me. I brace myself for what is going to come next. I half jump and feint tripping. The ground isn¡¯t as soft as I assumed it would be. The strands of grass are filled with sticks and branches I can''t see. They scrape their way across my body as I tumble.


    The footsteps of the men, who jumped from the truck to chase me, are coming. I pretend to scramble up to run some more, but they are too close.


    Huge hands rip into my arms and throw me to the ground. They pin my face into the rough grass.


    A man speaks softly as he fondles my entire body. His hands run my legs and in between my legs. "Stay calm and we won''t hurt you."


    I feel a tremble roar though me. The fear has taken me.


    "She''s clean."


    "She looks freaked man. Cuff her."


    A knee digs into my back. I cry out as cold metal grips my wrists. I''m lifted off the ground by my elbows, which bends my arms at painful angles. I want to fight. My body is screaming to defend itself. I breathe heavily, as tears stream from my face.


    I look down. My shirt has drops of blood starting to make shapes on my chest.


    "She''s pretty at least."


    I see them for the first time. One man is incredibly tall. He must be a foot taller than me. He looks like a man my father was friends with, named Serge. He ran an ammunition and hunting supply place, before.


    He looks at me and narrows his eyes for a moment. The other man grabs my arm and pulls me through the grass. He''s closer to my height and has the fieriest red hair I''ve ever seen. He grins at me, "I hope you have diabetes or something."


    I frown at him. I look back at the man I''m almost positive is Serge. He looks at me and nods, "She''s going to be healthy. You can tell."


    The redhead smirks, "Maybe I can find a way to fall on her before we drop her off."


    The Serge guy grips my other arm and drags me closer to him, "No. You leave her alone."


    The other guy looks confused, "Fine if you want her that¡¯s cool. Jesus like I care. There are plenty of ladies in the back of the truck. She has no tits anyway."


    My chest is heaving with panicked breath. My face is stinging where the blood is dripping.


    I sniffle. Serge takes a cloth from his belt and wipes my face. He gulps and whispers, "Lenny. You knew Lenny?"


    I look at his green eyes and see the panic. I nod. Lenny was my father. He is Serge.


    "Em?"


    Of course he recalls my name. Dad bought my first camouflage from him. He laughed at my dad for outfitting me at the tender age of four. He hasn¡¯t seen me since I was nine.


    "You look just like him."


    I want to smile and remember him. I always thought I looked like her. I''m too scared to do anything.


    Serge leans in, "Go with what I say okay?"


    I nod again, but glance at the redhead.


    The truck is a huge delivering truck. Men stand outside of it with guns. They smile when they see me.


    "Nice find boys."


    "Look at the ass on her."


    "Sweet god."


    Serge almost rips my arm off as he pulls me into him, "She''s a fighter. I caught her, I get first dibs."


    The other guys laugh, "Dirty bastard. You''re old enough to be her daddy." One of the men opening the door winks at me as he laughs.


    "I''m gonna be her daddy alright." My stomach turns and twists. I know, no I hope, Serge is saying it to protect me but I don¡¯t know what he''s been doing for the last ten years. Maybe he likes his job. He did chase me down.


    The redhead leans in, "She smells bad Serge." Serge takes my cuffs off as the back door is swung open and I''m pushed toward the opening. I look back at the woods once and climb inside of the truck. I''m thrown forward. I feel something jab between my legs. My face hits the wooden bottom of the truck. I look back at the redhead grabbing at my thighs. I kick before I can stop myself. My boot lands on his nose. I hear a crunch as he is thrown back. He screams. Serge sees what I''ve done and closes the door. I don¡¯t notice the other people in the truck, I just see the light leaving me as a scream tears through he air. "She broke my fucking nose."


    People pound on the door and muffled screams fill the air around us. I can''t make it all out but it seems the redhead should be allowed to break my nose as revenge. The other men are calming him down.


    In the dark cold air of the truck I hear others. I hear breath and fear in the blackness.


    I press my sore hands into the wooden floor and push myself up onto my knees. I put a hand out in the dark and feel nothing.


    A woman whispers into the darkness, "Sit against the wall before we start moving girl."


    I crawl my aching body to the wall of the truck and sit. I press my back against it.


    In the dark I sit as reality fills the small space I am trapped in.


    In flashes I remember it.


    The crystal clear image of my hands pressed against the gun.


    The sound of her crying outside my door.


    The feel of the vibration from her pounding in her fit.


    The fear in my heart that everything will be different if I open the door. The look in Leo''s eyes.


    I miss Leo.


    Will I ever see him again?


    Does he miss me?


    The truck starts up. The air and metal and wood vibrate with the engine. I take a breath. I feel something tickling at the back of my hand that¡¯s pressed against the hard wooden floor. It''s a hand. I turn my hand over. It''s an automatic response. It''s not something I would have done before, but the endless list of things that are possible in my world are taking turns in my mind.


    I feel a small hand fill my palm. It''s a child''s. Its small body is suddenly pressed against mine. I try not to shake or tremble. It must be more afraid than I am.


    We bounce down the road. I know we are less than a day''s walk from the breeder farm. It can''t be far in a truck.


    Soft whimpers and moans fill the truck that is no longer cool. The body heat creates muggy warmth that makes my skin feel dirtier than it is.

 Page 20

    The little hand in mine is hot. My hand is sweating. I want to switch hands or just drag mine up and down my pants for a second but I don¡¯t. I wrap my hand around the small hand. I won''t look away. I won''t let it suffer and cry while I hide. I am different now.Advertisement


    The truck comes to a stop suddenly. We are all jerked forward after getting relaxed in the repetitive motion of the drive.


    Metal scraping along the back of the truck fills the warm silent dark of the truck.


    The door swings open filling the huge delivery truck with light. The white light makes my eyes seal instantly. I cover them and brace myself. I squeeze the little hand. I see dark shapes moving around the opening.


    "Out you go bitches."


    I force my eyes open to the light. It takes a second for them to focus. I don¡¯t look at the open door. I turn and look at the little blonde girl who is sobbing silently next to me. She is about ten or eleven. Her hair is matted and dirty. The tears have made lines of clean face in the filth. Her bright blue eyes are filled with terror. I hold her hand. I won''t let her go.


    I look at the other women. They range from the young girl next to me to a lady I think is in her thirties. Fat, thin, dirty, clean, tired, crying, frozen, confused. The group is diverse. Except in color. I notice everyone is white.


    Before I can process this too much, I notice the redhead giving me a death stare from outside of the truck. He grips his rifle and watches me.


    I look down as the grin spreads across my face. I feel a nervous giggle about to burst from me.


    Serge is standing at the back of the truck. He gives me a look and grabs my ankle.


    "Let''s go." He drags me from the truck. I drag the little girl with me. She won''t let go.


    I see something I haven¡¯t seen in along time. A huge shiny white building stands surrounded by a parking lot with cars parked in between the lines. There are no vines or grass growing up the sides of the building. It''s clean and sparkly like before. The pavement is flat and new. There are no cracks or weeds growing up through it. There are no cars burned out or missing all the parts. The cars are real and whole. They even shine.


    My feet hit the ground with a thud. His fingers dig into my shoulders. "Don¡¯t move."


    The little blonde is standing next to me holding my hand. She is hiding in the curves of my body.


    Serge digs his gun into my ribs, "Move."


    The men are jumping into the truck and hauling, screaming and sobbing women from the back where they¡¯ve watched me be dragged. I walk toward the huge building. It''s five stories high and looks very long.


    The little girl curls into me as Serge jabs me again with the barrel of the gun.


    I shoot him a dirty look. He winks at me.


    I hear screaming in the truck behind me. I look back to see several women walking with us, mostly the young ones. Few guards are with us. The rest are jumping into the back of the truck. My stomach curdles.


    Serge shakes his head, "Don¡¯t watch." He whispers and hits me with the gun again. I can see the regrets in his eyes. Shame crosses his face. He knows I know. He would have been in the back of the truck with the screaming women chosen to stay behind. I can hear the tearing and screaming. It always sounds the same.


    I shake my head and squeeze the blonde into me. She clutches me tightly. I look around and make sure the other little girls are with us. I think I see them all. I want to take Serge''s gun and kill the guards and save the women in the truck.


    Instead we walk through a door and a blast of frigid air hits me.


    Serge has the gun in my ribs again. I remember the feeling of the cold air. It brings a memory with it. My dad and me at the mall. He hated all the people, but he needed to get some things. I smile and remember the carousel. I''d never seen anything like it. He put a dollar in the machine and I climbed on. The horse had dark golden hair like mine. I gripped it and the machine started. The joy that hangs in the cold air fills me with bravery and courage for a minute.


    A doctor walks toward me with a white spaceman suit on. He grabs my arm and tries to separate me and the blonde. She screams and I grip her arms. I wish she could have ridden the carousel. She would have liked it.


    "She stays with me."


    The doctor rolls his eyes behind the plastic and nods, "Fine. In you go." He points to a hallway. I walk down it and am pushed through a door.


    Serge is against me and whispering in my ears, "I will come for you. Be ready. I will send you a message. I won''t let you die in here."


    "Get off her soldier." The doctor sounds funny behind his mask. Serge pushes me one more time.


    I''m gripping the little girl and standing in front of a door. It opens suddenly. A lady in a space suit peers out. She smiles at me with bright pink lipstick behind the plastic, "Come this way my dear."


    Her voice is sweet.


    I glance back at Serge and the other girls being led to the hallway where I stand.


    Serge turns the corner but steals another glance at me before he vanishes.


    My arm is taken and we are led into a huge room.


    The lady bends on a knee to the little blonde hiding in my armpit, "What''s your name sweetie."


    The blonde shakes her head and nuzzles into me further.


    I look at the woman and frown, "She has never seen a space suit."


    The lady looks up at me confused, "What?"


    I point to her white suite, "She hasn¡¯t ever seen one of these. She probably doesn¡¯t think you''re human."


    The lady laughs, "You know in ten years of doing this job I never thought about that." She looks back down at the little girl, "Am I scaring you?"


    The blonde holds me tighter.


    "You are." I say.


    She stands and points to the huge white tubes, "Well we have something for you two to do and then you can be cleared to be around people without the decontamination suits."


    I hold the shaking child to me and walk to the tube.


    I try to step away from her, silent tears are pouring from her bright blue eyes. I look at her, "Want to get something to eat?"


    She nods.


    I point to the tube, "When we are done in there and they are sure we aren¡¯t sick they will feed us." I say it loud enough that the lady in the space suit, who is now talking to the other woman, looks at me and nods, "Yup we will get you some food."


    I pry her tiny, balled up hands from my clothes and smile softly. I step into the tube. It powers on and blue lights flash on me. A flat surface comes down on a robotic arm and a face comes on the screen in front of me, "Please place your hands on the pad."


    I smile at the little girl and put my hand on the pad. A sharp poke digs into one of my fingers. A red light moves from my fingertips to my wrist and then back again.


    The platform drops away and my hands drops down. The floor starts moving like at the airport, before.


    Suddenly fast moving air blows across me and I move deeper into the tunnel. I get to the other side and it all stops. I step off and another space suit woman comes to me, "I just need to take you to the sanitation area."


    I point to the little girl, "I have to wait for her.


    "Sorry that''s not allowed."


    I growl, "I''m waiting." She sighs.


    I shout through, "See, it doesn¡¯t hurt. It was kind of fun. Just step in. It''s going to be okay. I''m right here waiting for you."


    Her breath is still slight heaves. She doesn¡¯t make a sound. She puts a shaking hand out and steps onto the platform. She cries harder as the robotic arm comes down.


    "Put your hand on. I promise it was like a fast little pinch and nothing more. Then you''ll come to me."


    Her blue eyes are filled with terror. She shakes her head.


    I nod, "Do it. They won''t let you come to me if you don''t do it."


    Her left hand hugs herself and her right hand rests on the pad. I see her flinch when the small prick comes. She ducks when the sharp wind hits her and she looks like she might have a heart attack when the floor moves. She has never seen anything. She was in the womb when the world went crazy. Technology is not something us borderlander''s see. Ever. In the borderlands nature has taken things back. This feels like a small corner humans still control.


    Before the floor stops moving, she leaps off and is under my armpit again.


    The lady laughs, "Okay you''re both cleared."


    She brings us to a small white room. There is a white table in the middle of the room with nothing else but a door on the far side.


    "Please put everything on the table. It will be sanitized and given back to you if it can be."


    She stands and waits. I realize she is going to watch us strip naked.


    I want to have a fit. I want to smash her in the space suit face and run from the room but I look at the little blonde and take a deep breath. I pull my shirt off. I pull off my sports bra and stand with my breasts out, exposed. It is the first time I have ever been naked in front of anyone except my granny and my mother.


    I remember swimming in my underwear and bra with the naked people at the camp and smirk. The little blonde would love it there. The majestic swimming hole would make her happy. I decide she is coming with me when I run. My brain tries to think its usual ''look out for number one'' excuses, but I can''t. I think she''s alone in the world.


    "The jewelry too."


    I look down at the silver bracelet and necklace my mom wore when she died. I remember my father removing it from her and putting it on me. I feel sick taking it off. When it touches the cold table I feel like I will never see it again.


    I nod at her and she starts taking her clothes off. We are naked and filthy and both doing our best to cover ourselves. Finally the lady walks to the door and slides a card on her wrist through a slot in the door handle. I need one of those cards. The door opens.


    "Now we need to clean you." She points into the stainless steel bathroom. The walls are metal, the floors are metal. There are several showerheads along the back wall and a drain in the floor. The little girl grabs my hand seeing it. She doesn¡¯t want to cuddle naked, thank god, but she wants to hold my hand. The water starts by itself, making her jump a little. I smile. I''ve seen a shower before.

 Page 21

    I put a hand out and feel excited. The water is very warm. I step into it and sigh. The warmth of it is something I haven¡¯t had in a long time. Not without heating it on a fire.Advertisement


    She watches me and feels the water running from my hand to hers. She puts a hand out and smiles at me. It''s the first time I''ve seen her smile. Her teeth are gleaming white. It doesn¡¯t suit the rest of her face. She steps into the water and lets it rain down on her.


    "It feels great doesn¡¯t it?"


    I glance back at the lady watching us. It makes me uncomfortable she is there.


    "I remember my first shower too."


    Her voice is hollow. She hasn¡¯t been here since the beginning. She works here because she was captured. Her dark eyes give me a knowing look when she smiles under the space suit.


    "The soap is a special kind. It will wash anything off of you that you don¡¯t want there. Do your hair too."


    I cringe. I can''t help but wonder if she was one of the ladies who got to stay behind in the truck for a bit when it arrived at the farm.


    I pick up the bar of wrapped soap. I peel back the plastic. The girl watches me and does the same. I smell the soap and almost moan. It smells like lavender and tea tree. Of course it does. Natural cleaners for the body. Tea Tree became a hot commodity when everything stopped being produced.


    I lather and scrub. At one point I sit on the floor and scrub my toes out. I don¡¯t even care how bizarre I look. I scrub the wound on my leg trying not to cry out in pain.


    Other women start to filter in. They cry with joy as the warm water washes them.


    Space suit points to a hallway, "This way." I walk with the girl holding my hand. I look back at the shower and miss it already.


    My nerves are shot. I need to find Anna. I need to protect the girl beside me. I need to find out how to get us all out without casualties. I might need one more shower before we escape.


    I''m dripping wet as I pad along the cold cement floor. I shiver. She takes us to a stack of towels in plastic. She passes them to us. I tear the plastic and pull a white terry towel robe from it. I pull it on and instantly feel better. White terry towel slippers fall onto the cement floor. I turn them over with my toes and look at the girl. She has the robe and slippers on, but on her they are swimming.


    She grins and hugs herself.


    "Can she speak?"


    I shake my head, "I don¡¯t know."


    "She isn¡¯t yours?"


    I shake my head again, "No." I grin at the girl, "We found each other in the dark."


    Space suit walks through a weird shower. Her space suit is rinsed completely. She steps out and points, "Okay this way please." Space suit looks annoyed suddenly. We follow her through a huge white door and we are in the white rooms and hallways again. The cement and stainless steel is gone. We walk in our plush clothes to a waiting room, "The doctor will be with you in a moment."


    I go and sit on the white plastic chair that looks formed. Everything sparkles. It feels sterile.


    The girl sits in the chair next to me and space suit leaves us there.


    There are no magazines like a real doctors office or windows.


    "I''m scared."


    I look at the little girl who apparently can talk, "Me too."


    Two more ladies come and are seated next to us. I''d bet they''re in their late twenties or early thirties if I had to guess.


    A chubby one smiles at me and speaks with a bubbly voice, "Has anything happened since you got here?"


    I shake my head.


    She frowns, "God. I hope this doesn¡¯t take all day. I''m exhausted. I heard we get our own beds and rooms and food at every meal."


    The skinny mean looking lady next to her grimaces, "Did you see what they were doing to the women at the back of the truck? We aren¡¯t here for a vacation. We''re here to be raped and reproduce."


    I scowl. "Don¡¯t." My eyes dart to the little girl.


    The mean looking lady rolls her eyes and crosses her arms.


    The little girl smiles at me. I smile back.


    A man comes holding something in his hands. He looks like a doctor. He is older and has glasses on.


    He glances up at us and smiles, "You." He points at me.


    I look around at the others. They all look frightened. The girl grips me.


    "She wants to come with me." I say.


    He looks at the little girl, "It''s your choice. She should be with the other healthy children."


    I hug her to me as I stand, "She comes with me."


    He shrugs and turns and walks down the white hallway.


    He walks to a room with a bed, just like my doctor back home had. There is another chair and a curtain and a small desk. Everything is white. I feel like I can''t actually see the depth of things because of all of the white.


    He points a hand toward the bed, "Have a seat. Are you sure you want her to see this?"


    I look up and frown, "See what?"


    "I have to give you an internal to make sure you''re healthy."


    "Wasn¡¯t that what the tube was for?"


    He puts the thing in his hands on the desk and pushes his glasses up. He closes the door, "No."


    I see the curtain, "Can you pull that around us so she can see my face." I don¡¯t want her traumatized. It''s bad enough one of us is about to be traumatized. I know what an internal is. I read about it.


    I sit her on the chair across the room. I hold both of her shoulders, "It''s going to be okay. Okay?"


    She nods. She looks scared but I can see her being brave.


    I walk to the bed and climb on. I lay back. He pulls the curtain around us so only my face is showing. I turn my head to her and smile. I''m dying inside but I can''t show her.


    I look back as he places my slippers into a pair of metal grips. He slides something and I feel the bottom part of the bed is gone. My butt feels like it''s sitting on the edge. He puts gloves on and smiles at me, "Relax okay?"


    I swallow hard and nod.


    He pulls my knees apart. I feel a tear slip from my eye. I can''t look at her. I look up at the white ceiling. I don¡¯t feel anything. I close my eyes and I''m high in a tree. The wind is pushing and pulling me, swaying the tree and me. I feel the breeze on my face. I hear the birds and the sound the branches make when the wind plays with them.


    Something stabs me sharp.


    I try not to cry out but it hurts badly.


    I look up at his face.


    He looks hardened and distant from me, "Sorry. I didn¡¯t realize you were virginal. Most girls your age, well you know."


    I don¡¯t know. Most girls what? My stomach hurts like a monthly cramp for a second. He steps back and removes bloody gloves and I see a glint of metal. "All done."


    He slips some thick cotton white underwear into my hand, "You will need these. Go back to the waiting room."


    I look at the padding in the center of them. They are like the rags I''ve made myself. I feel sick. He leaves the curtained area and then the room.


    The girl looks worried. I shake my head, "It''s okay." She isn¡¯t fooled. The tears streaming down my face tell her otherwise.


    I pull the underwear on over my slippers and lift my butt to get them underneath of me. They feel thick and heavy between my thighs. My chest is rising and falling rapidly. I don¡¯t want to scare the little girl but I am a little girl too. In my heart I''m still the nine-year-old running through the woods. The nine-year-old who was lost and confused. I don''t feel as though I''ve aged. I''ve grown cold and bitter but aged, no.


    I push myself up and sit on the bed for a minute. I see half her face through the curtain from where I sit. She looks scared.


    I step gingerly off the bed and walk around the curtain. My stomach hurts like I''m having my monthly. It''s never hurt like this though.


    She stands and takes my finger. We walk from the room and down the hallway. The other women in the waiting room look me over. I see relief on their faces when they don¡¯t see a difference.


    I am different.


    I feel broken for the first time ever.


    I sit back down and try to ignore the feeling of the warmth in my underwear. She snuggles into me. If we could join skin and become one person I think she would ask for me to do it. She is terrified.


    "You can come with me now." I glance up at a woman in a white coat and matching pale blue pants and top. The other women want to ask me things. I can feel the tension in the air from it. I look at them. I can''t smile and tell them it will be okay.


    I stand. The girl follows and walks along in the crook of my arm.


    "So now that that part is over with we will assign you a room. This is where you will stay for your duration with us." She has short brown hair that¡¯s styled with big round curls. She is shiny and clean. I''ve never seen anyone like her. Her skin glows. There is no old dirt anywhere.


    She is the whitest person I''ve ever seen.


    "I''m Gloria. I''ll be here with you guys. We do a rotation, four nights and then four days and then four off. If you don¡¯t see me for four days don¡¯t panic. It''s just my days off."


    I don¡¯t know what she''s talking about. Days off from what?


    "So you''ll be in the wing where the women who are younger stay until they give birth. How old are you sweetie?"


    I look up. She is raising a perfect brown eyebrow at me.


    "Nineteen." I mutter.


    "Okay. So yeah the girls in your wing are anywhere from about sixteen to twenty eight." She lowers her gaze as she walks, "And how old are you honey?" The little girl ignores her and tightens her grip on me. The nurse shrugs.


    I can''t place her age. She is ageless. She acts like the older women in the towns but she looks my age.


    I look down at the girl who is curled into me. "I think she''s about twelve at the most."


    Her eyes don¡¯t rise to meet mine. They stay fixated on the girl, "You sure you wouldn¡¯t be happy with the other younger girls? They all live together. They have TV''s and video games over there."


    I see her little head trembling.


    Gloria''s eyes meet mine again, "Give her a little time. She''ll be begging to get away from the lot of you hormonal women."

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    I want to tell her I''m not a woman. I''m not.Advertisement


    She uses her wrist card to bring us through a large metal door and suddenly the air is warmer. It feels like a nice night with the fire lit, but a cool breeze blowing in the window. Not stuffy but cozy.


    I almost jump as other girls are walking about as we turn a corner. I see swollen bellies and rosy cheeks everywhere. They look like Gloria. Shiny and clean. I look down at my hands and frown. Will those spots of dirt ever come out? Will I look like these girls if I stay here?


    The area we are in looks amazingly bright and clean. Everything is white. It''s styled like a house I saw in a magazine at the cabin. There are couches and plush pillows and a fireplace with glass over the hearth. There is a kitchen like I''ve never seen before. It looks like a restaurant from the same magazine.


    Girls are sitting and eating at small tables in the kitchen or on the couches. Some are walking and rubbing their bellies. They''re all dressed in white robes and pants and tops. Everything they''re wearing looks fluffy almost. The entire open kitchen and living room is surrounded by glass. A small garden is on the other side. There are windows on the other side of the garden. It must be a private garden and surrounded by the building we are in, except the roof. Real sunlight filters in from the roof of the garden.


    Out of the corner of my eye I see her.


    Gloria is talking about a room where we have to spend a certain number of hours a day listening to music and a gym and a pool. I don¡¯t care about any of it. I see her.


    She is sitting at a table. Her hair is the first thing I recognize. It''s dark and shiny in a way that looks like she''s run oil through it. Her white skin is bright and clean. Her lips curl into a smile as she speaks to the blonde girl next to her. I can''t imagine the transformation she has undertaken in such a short amount of time. She looks like a person from a magazine. She looks like she belongs in the white room with the white girls everywhere. I notice suddenly everyone is white. There are no other nationalities. The borderlands are diverse. This is the only group of all white people I''ve ever seen. It''s creepy.


    The girl curls into me.


    The girls in the room start to take notice of me. Their eyes look haunted as they see me. They bite their lips and try not to cry. I see it in their faces.


    Anna''s dark head turns slowly. Her eyes recognize me and pain crosses her face. I give a subtle shake of my head. Her lips tremble.


    "So where do I sleep?" I ask.


    Gloria''s lips curl into a big grin, "This way." She points to an open hallway. I walk through the room, never letting my eyes fully take Anna in again. I float across the room and ignore her, even though I know exactly how many running steps it would take me to cross the room. I know how long it would take to stab the cooking knife on the counter into Gloria. I know how much force it would take to break the glass that surrounds the room. I know how long it would take for me to climb the drain spout leading to the roof.


    What I don¡¯t know is how fast the girl could do it all. I know how Anna would do. I can see the fight in her eyes, even though I''m not looking at her.


    I follow Gloria down a long wide white hallway with wooden benches that stand out against the white everywhere. They are covered with white pillows and nestled next to huge potted plants. The greenery is bright compared to the white pot the plant is in. The brown dirt inside of it makes me miss the forest.


    "So this will be your room and since you have her, you won''t be getting a roommate."


    She opens a white door and reveals a room with two beds covered in soft looking blankets. There is a closet that''s open with white fluffy clothes inside. They are robes and gowns and fuzzy looking pajamas that I would have worn as a child. I imagine the sight of a girl running across the brown borderlands in one of these stark white outfits and I know why they¡¯ve made everything this way.


    I step into the room and feel exhausted instantly. The bed is inviting. The clothes make me want to stay. It''s a fleeting feeling of someone taking care of me. I let it sit inside of me for a moment.


    "Well if you need anything you just push the red button just here." I turn to see the only thing with any color. A red panic button on the wall. I''d seen them at the hospital in the bathroom. Dad said they were for sick people who fell while going to the bathroom. The idea of it always made me shiver. Being on the floor with one the cruel backless gowns spread everywhere, unable to get up.


    Gloria touches my arm and I resist the urge to break her long manicured creamy white fingers with bright red nail polish, "I will have someone down to re-hydrate you two."


    She lets go and is gone.


    The girl has walked away from my armpit. I close the door and turn to her.


    "I''m Emma. What''s your name?"


    She looks at me with her bright blue eyes that seem muted without the filth all over her face.


    "Sarah."


    "How old are you?"


    I go and sit on the bed on the left hand side.


    "Eleven."


    She sits beside me. I guess we are sharing a bed. I lie down and stare at the bright white ceiling. I wonder if it will dull in the night or if it glows in the dark. Everything is too bright and too clean. I feel exposed.


    Our door is burst open and Anna leaps in, scaring Sarah into a ball. Anna closes the door and fights the tears that stream down her cheeks, "You came for me?"


    I am off the bed and hugging her into me instantly. She feels heavier. Less gaunt.


    "Will and Jake are waiting for us in the woods."


    She pulls back, "Will? Will who?"


    "Your brother is alive Anna."


    "No. No. It''s the wrong Will. I know it."


    I nod, "It''s him. He''s with Jake. He''s fine. He''s part of a rebellion now."


    She laughs, "Well you''ve met the wrong Will." I laugh with her. She sniffles, "I can''t believe he''s alive. All this time." She stops herself from losing it and looks at Sarah, "What''s with the girl?"


    I look back and wink, "We met in the dark."


    Anna smiles at Sarah, "I''m Anna."


    "Sarah." Her little voice makes me scared again. The strength I mustered when I saw Anna is gone again.


    "They''re coming to see me and re-hydrate me."


    She nods, "It''s not so bad. Just a small needle and a bag of water that drips for about two hours. They''ll bring you food too. The food is good. It''s full of fat and flavor."


    I look at her stomach and can''t help but wonder. She has been here days. Have they already put a baby in her?


    She rubs her belly. "They have spent the last few days getting me healthy. They won''t put anything in there yet. It''s not as bad as we thought anyway. It''s done with robots and needles and they put you to sleep."


    "I know. Will knew all about it." I raise my eyebrows hoping she will get the hint to stop talking about it.


    She shrugs, "Will. Weird. I can''t wait to see him."


    "He was in the breeder farms for a while."


    She grimaces, "Gross."


    Before she can get into details and scare Sarah I change the subject. "How are things here?"


    "It''s not that bad."


    "We need to figure a way out of here."


    Anna grins, "I will miss the food. Better than Jake''s cooking. What''s the plan?"


    I shake my head, "Give me a couple days to work it out."


    She sits on the empty bed, "Okay." She sighs, "How''s Will? Is he okay? I can''t believe he''s alive."


    My face flushes. "Good. He''s a man and he plays the guitar and sings. He''s quite good." I look down immediately.


    She bursts into laughter, "Oh no way. You and him."


    I shake my head but I can feel the heat on my cheeks betraying me, "No. No he''s good. He looks good."


    She covers her face, "Gross. What about Jake?"


    I feel silly, "It''s not what you think. Really it''s not. I like them both as friends."


    Anna raises an eyebrow and looks at Sarah, "Hmm I think she has bewitched both of my brothers."


    Sarah is giggling and covering her mouth.


    I am humiliated.


    Anna kicks a leg at me, "Oh they''re big boys. Let them fight over you. I will say I hope Jake wins though. At least in some corner of this world people are falling in love still. Let me tell you there is no love in this place."


    Somewhere deep inside of me I wish for him to win too, even if I don¡¯t think he will.


    The door opens and carts are wheeled in. My stomach almost rips itself from my body when I smell the steaming food on one of the carts. Sarah looks like she might attack the lady pushing the cart.


    She lifts the lid and I see spaghetti and meatballs. Tears flow before I can stop them. Sarah is at the cart shoving one of the trays of food into her mouth like a wild animal before I can stop her. I look at the cart lady who laughs, "We all know that feeling honey." She passes me the other tray before Sarah can eat it too.


    I use the fork and twirl the noodles. I am dragging out the first bite. The sauce is glossy on the plump noodles. I close my eyes and let the heat and flavor fill my mouth.


    I am at my granny''s table.


    I am laughing at the show I''m watching as the noodles slop on my face and fill my mouth.


    Had I known it would be the last time I ever ate my granny''s spaghetti sauce I would have savored every second of it.


    Here in this frightening white room I am grateful for every bite that fills my mouth. I don¡¯t even chew every bite. I swallow mouthfuls of noodles before I realize I''m running out. I pace myself and savor the last few bites. My stomach cramps as the food hits it.


    Sarah eyeballs the meatballs on the side of my plate. I nod. She takes them, stuffing them in her mouth one after the other. I''m certain she never chewed them at all, but swallowed like a snake.


    She burps and I laugh. The lady with the carts is laughing.


    Full and covered in red sauce, I sit back. I am sweating from the amount I''ve eaten.


    "Yeah you''re gonna puke. I did the same thing. It was cutlet night and I threw up everywhere."

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    Sarah shakes her head and lets the cart lady wash her down. She looks less like an animal and more like a kid suddenly.Advertisement


    The lady hands me a warm white cloth. I wash myself and sigh into it. I love this place. I will let them put as many babies as they want in my belly. I will give them anything they want. I never want to leave here.


    She smiles a soft smile and notice for the first time she is black. She is the first black person I''ve seen all day.


    "I just need to put a needle in your arm. Want to get comfortable for me?"


    I lie back on the bed and cherish the grossly full feeling in my belly.


    "Do they keep the white people and black people and Asian people and native people separate?"


    She blushes, "Honey there aint no black people in here except us nurses and cleaners."


    I''m lost, "Is there another center?"


    Anna clears her throat, "They''re only breeding the whites around here."


    I feel the disgust in my face and the nurse laughs, "That was my thinking. Now this is going to pinch a tiny bit."


    She wipes my arm and swiftly she has a needle hanging out of my arm. Sarah is beside my and curled up in my armpit. She''s hurting my side by laying on it because I''m so full.


    The needle is suddenly pulled away and a rubber hose is sticking out of my arm. She wraps it up with tape. She looks at Sarah and raises an eyebrow, "Now if I leave you a bottle of water will you drink it or do I have to give you a needle to?"


    Sarah puts her hand out to the sweet looking nurse. She puts the huge bottle of water in her hands and chuckles, "Figured as much."


    "I would have drank a bottle of water." I say.


    She shakes her head of curly hair that I notice is shiny too, "Nope you gotta have that needle. They need you to take meds and antibiotics."


    She squeezes my hand, "I am so sorry honey." Her eyes glass over for a second and I know I can trust her. She lets go of me and hooks several plastic bags to the clear hoses running into my arm. Water starts dripping into the hose and as it hits my needle mark my arm gets cold there.


    "How''s that feel?"


    "Cold."


    She nods, "Okay I will check on you in a bit. Try to rest."


    She wheels the food cart out and pokes her head back in and gives Sarah a stern look, "You drink that now you hear?"


    Sarah cracks open the plastic lid and starts drinking. The nurse chuckles again.


    Anna watches my arm. She looks distant.


    "What''s the deal with only white women being bred?"


    She shrugs, "Well you and I aren¡¯t women firstly. We''re girls. Secondly I don¡¯t know. Some of the others have said they think it''s like the Second World War where the racists wanted everyone dead."


    Chapter Fifteen


    I sense him. It isn¡¯t a feeling of his body next to mine but his eyes watching me. I want to reach out and touch him. I feel myself toss in the sheets and tangle myself up in Sarah and the blankets. I open my eyes and climb off the bed. I rub my eyes and climb into the other bed. The empty one that Anna sneaks into in the mornings. The sheets are cold and crisp, compared to the sweaty bed that¡¯s filled with a needy eleven year old.


    I stare at the glowing white ceiling and feel a smile cross my lips. I knew it would be too bright to be dulled by the black of the night.


    I can see his wolf eyes if I close mine. He is looking for me. I feel a tug at my heart.


    He''s never been away from me like this before. I knew his staying with Meg was a bad idea. I can feel his hopeless panic in my heart. My stomach makes a knot. The past two weeks have been amazing. I can''t even try to lie to myself. I''ve eaten meals I never imagined I would, ever. I''ve had dessert every day. I can feel my body stretching and gaining and trying to find room for the extra weight. Anna and Sarah are the same. Sarah has started to get a little potbelly that Louise, our first nurse, has started to make fun of. Sarah eats and rubs it. I''ve learned Sarah was sold to the military. Her mother got liquor and smokes for her. She kissed her on the top of the head and told her not to be a bother.


    I have a small plan of hunting her down when we escape.


    I know Jake and Will have left us. I was worried for a few days and even felt guilt for not even trying to get out, but the food is to get better.


    Anna says it''s like the story of Hansel and Gretel. The witch kept making better and better food but in the end she intended to eat them.


    Anna says we need to worry about anyone who wants to give as much as the doctors and nurses do. Louise has grown oddly quiet in the last couple days. She mutters to herself and gets emotional in our room sometimes and then leaves quickly.


    I try not to think about it all and let my eyes close.


    As my thoughts fade into simple things that make me sleepy, I hear the knob on the door turn. I know it''s Anna.


    "You sleep with Sarah this time." I mutter as she closes the door.


    "Emma honey wake up now."


    I shoot up to see Louise standing in front of my door. Her clothes are dark, not the white coats and pale blue pants and tops. I would know her voice anywhere.


    "You girls gotta go tomorrow."


    I frown and rub my eyes, did I fall back to sleep?


    "You gotta get out of here baby girl. The doctors are going to take Anna in the morning for tests and then you have got to go. Do you understand me?"


    I nod, "Why?"


    "This place isn¡¯t what it seems."


    My mind starts functioning, "I can''t. I''m waiting for my dad''s friend to come for me. He said he would send a signal."


    "I know Emma. Serge sent me. Tomorrow there will be a huge garbage dump truck. You girls need to be in the back of it."


    My stomach knots tighter as my nerves twist, "Okay. How do I get there?" I remember the garbage thingy being in the middle. Will had been positive it would be there. I hadn¡¯t been prepared for everything to be stark white and look exactly the same.


    I feel her weight on my bed. She sits by my feet, "I have something to tell you."


    I feel twitchy.


    "The garbage isn¡¯t for regular garbage. It''s for the girls. You all will lay with the dead girls."


    It doesn¡¯t hit me in the way she''s expecting it to. I''ve lain with the dead before. I''ve covered myself in their blood. Women used to die from childbirth even before. It doesn¡¯t bother me.


    "Okay."


    "They take the babies three times and then when the third one is born they get rid of the girls. They think we don¡¯t know but we do. They take their organs and put them to sleep like a dog."


    My stomach lands somewhere very low in my abdomen, "What? What about the condos in the city? The healthy ones go live in the city."


    I can see her dark curls shaking against the white wall behind her, "No baby. They don¡¯t. That was a lie they made up. They built the city on the children from those women but they never leave here."


    Tears have formed in my eyes, "What?"


    Her hands reaches for mine in the dark and squeezes it, "That¡¯s why you have to go. You have to get little Sarah and Anna out of here. The scientists have done studies. A baby only needs its mother for the first two years of its life. After that it can easily be raised by anyone. It gets the milk and love from its mother for the first two years and then it gets adopted out in the city. That nurse Gloria, she is waiting on you to have a baby. She''ll be old enough to raise your baby by the time the first one is old enough to go."


    My hands go to my stomach where my unfertilized eggs sit. My fingers bite into my skin, mine. Those eggs, those babies are mine. I would never let her take them. Not even from my cold dead fingers.


    I feel a cold sweat on my skin. I have never given a single thought to having a baby. I can''t imagine bringing something into the world and making it learn to be what we are.


    Louise stands up and grips my hand, "You need this." She slips a piece of plastic in my hands and a small folded piece of paper.


    "Thank you." I say. I don¡¯t know what else to say.


    "No. Do not thank me. Just get out. Tell everyone what you''ve learned." She opens the door.


    "Come with us."


    She sighs, "I can''t. You take my love with you." She closes the door.


    I lie back onto my bed and know I will not sleep no matter what.


    Images of women in body dumps, like the ones in the borderlands I''ve seen, start to flash in my mind. If I close my eyes they get brighter, more colorful. If I open my eyes I can see their faces swirling in the bright white ceiling that never dims.


    I hear their voices filling my head. My eyes grow heavy against my will.


    When I wake Sarah is sitting on my bed eating an apple. It''s bright and red and reminds me of Snow White. Her red ruby lips and white skin is so shocking against the bright red peel. The sun is up. Small round lights let in the sunlight instead of light bulbs. Like a skylight my granny had but tiny and round.


    Sarah looks pretty this morning. I see such a difference in her. Her skin glows, her blonde hair is shiny and her blue eyes sparkle with life and health. If I close my eyes I remember people looking like that all the time, before.


    "What''s your mother like?" I ask because of her white teeth. They''re cared for. It''s obvious.


    She shrugs, "She''s young. Like thirty. She''s kind of mean. She made me wash with really hot water every day and brush three times a day and floss too. She would scrub my skin like I was a potato."


    I laugh. I wish I''d had a mother. Even if she scrubbed my skin like I was a potato.


    "What did she do before the fall?"


    "She was a secretary for a dental firm. My dad was a dentist."


    I take an apple from the plate she has beside her of fruit and cheese, "Is your dad still there with her?"


    She shakes her head and takes another big bite. She chews for a second and then talks with her mouth full spitting tiny apple bits, "He stayed with his family."


    I take a small bite and leave it at that.


    Anna walks in looking funny. Her eyes seem dark, like the pupil has eaten up all the color.

 Page 24

    "Hey."Advertisement


    "You okay?"


    She shakes her head, "No. I feel gross I went for testing and they put me to sleep. I threw up a minute ago. It''s like the room is spinning."


    This changes things.


    She sits on the bed and seems off. I can see the sway in each of her movements.


    She lays down and curls into a ball, "I just need to sleep it off."


    I touch her arm and squeeze, "We have to leave now. You can''t sleep."


    She opens one eye "What?"


    I nod and pull out the paper and white plastic card, "Louise came to see me last night. We need to leave. Now. A garbage truck is coming today. My dad''s friend told Louise the garbage was coming today."


    She groans and nuzzles into the bed, "Nooooo. Let''s just stay for one more day."


    I fidget with the plastic ID card, "That¡¯s not all Louise said."


    Anna groans and rolls around, "Does it matter? I don¡¯t want to leave. Not yet."


    Sarah frowns and tosses her apple into the compost bin that gets emptied everyday. She gets down on her knees and looks at Anna at eye level, "They''re murdering the moms after they give birth. They take your babies at two and then give them to women in the city. After three babies they murder you. The condos are a lie. There is no life in the city afterwards."


    Anna licks her lips and tilts her head back to look at me. I nod. I feel sick. I never knew Sarah was awake when Louise was speaking. It sounds much worse coming from the lips of a child.


    Anna pushes herself up, "Okay. Let''s do this." She drinks from the bottle of water next to her. "I''ll be okay. Just let me wake up."


    I drink a huge drink too and pass it to Sarah.


    She looks at the apples and cheese on the plate, "I''m going to miss this place."


    We all laugh.


    "Louise drew a map on this paper. She said when you got back from the tests we should leave immediately and hide in the garbage."


    Anna nods and rubs her eyes, "Okay."


    I feel sick, "There is one last thing."


    She looks up at me. I can see her fighting the grogginess.


    "The garbage is where the women are put. After."


    She makes a face.


    I stand and walk to the door, "One at a time, we walk out into the garden. Don''t make it obvious."


    I leave the room.


    A small piece of me stays in the white room. I want to go back as soon as my feet take their steps down the hall. Every movement feels pronounced and slow. My arms swing at my sides. I tuck the paper and card in my pocket and walk out into the bright living room and kitchen. Girls are everywhere, talking and laughing. They''re eating, as always. They''re wiping sweat from their brow after leaving the exercise room where we run and walk on a track that moves. They''re leaning against the marble counters and taking huge drinks of water with lemon slices in them. I''m going to miss the cold lemon water.


    I don''t look at them. I watch them but I don¡¯t look. I push the glass door open and sigh as my feet touch the shaved bark and dirt on the ground. It feels like the forest if you close your eyes and let the smell of the wood and trees fill you. I slip to the far side of the garden and smell a flower. Anyone who has noticed me leaving for the garden has turned back when they see me being, well, me. Smelling flowers and touching trees. I''ve spent a considerable amount of time in this garden. I stand by the door on the far side of the garden that leads to the other side of the dorms.


    Anna walks in next. She walks clumsily.


    She meets my eyes and goes and sits on a bench. I can see the drugs in her system. Everything she does is clumsy.


    Sarah comes last. She goes into the kitchen and takes some cheese from the board where the cook is cutting. Cook smiles and rubs her head. Everyone has adopted Sarah. She is the only child on our side.


    She grins and eats the white cheese.


    She moseys around for a moment and then slips down the hall again. She walks out into the garden and shows me her piece of cheese. I smile at her. I can see eyes on me.


    Louise walks into the living room. She sees me and smiles. I smile back. She doesn¡¯t give me a signal or anything. She turns away from the window and walks into the kitchen. She pulls out something from a cupboard. I can''t see what it is but the girls inside of the kitchen and living room go to her. They seem excited.


    I walk to the door and open it.


    "Now."


    I speed walk to the metal door at the end of the hall. Anna and Sarah are right behind me. It''s just like we''ve talked about. No talking just doing. Follow the leader.


    I slide the card and the door opens.


    We walk fast. I glance at the paper and see we need the fifth door on the right. I count them as we walk silently. At the fifth metal door I slide the card. The door opens. Once we are inside I look around.


    We are in a room with clothes. Scrubs are what Louise has called them. I pull the pale blue scrubs on over my white clothes. Anna and Sarah will never pass for a nurse but I might.


    From this small room with hallways leading from it we take a left out the door opposite we came in. I feel sick walking through here. I don¡¯t see anyone or hear anyone.


    The lights seem brighter somehow, like they are blinding me.


    I hear a man speaking, "I''m telling you it''s twins. There is no way she is that far along."


    "Impossible." A woman''s voice speaks to him.


    The map says the next door on the right. I feel my hands shake as I slide the card. The man and lady are one room over. The door opens into another hallway. This place is a maze. No one would ever get out. Not without help.


    We walk straight and I open a door to the left eight doors down. I hear feet on the floor and people shuffling about, but I see no one. I wonder if it''s break time or something.


    My face is covered in sweat and my heart is pounding. My chest hurts.


    The door opens to a small room with black garbage bags and metal counters. There are beds with wheels and a huge square door. It is the biggest door I''ve ever seen. The room is freezing cold and smells like something I have never smelled before. It hurts my nose like the air is sharp.


    I glance at the map and feel more frightened than I have yet. I look at the words. They fuzz out I look at them so hard.


    "Get into the bags."


    Sarah looks at me. I point to the black bags, "Hurry. Climb in a bag."


    I pull a soft plastic bag from the shelves and open it. The sides stick together so I shake it the way I''ve seen my granny do. Air separates the sides. Sarah and Anna do the same thing.


    I roll the sides and step into the bag. Every sound we make is echoing off the cold metal walls. Sarah has the bag up to her face. I tie the ends of it into a bow at the top of her head. I look at the note again and swallow hard. I open the huge door on the far wall. It makes a suctioning noise when I pull the huge silver lever. The light and heat of the midday sun beat in on us instantly. I feel like an ant under a microscope. The natural air and feel of the day is overwhelming.


    "We have to jump in."


    Sarah hops to the platform over the dumpster. A massive green bin is at the end of the platform. It is a ten-foot jump down into a bin filled with black plastic bags.


    I feel sick looking at it. Sarah looks at me through the hole in the top of her bag. Her blue eyes are watery.


    "Just jump Sarah. Try not to think or smell or anything. Just be there and know it''s the way out okay?"


    She nods and closes her eyes. She lets herself tip over the end of the dirty metal platform. I see her eyes pinch as she falls slowly into the heap. A small hand comes out of the bag with thumbs up. Anna hops in her bag to end of the platform.


    "This is insane." She whispers harshly.


    I nod. I have nothing to add. It is insane. We are going to be in the dumpster with a bunch of dead girls until the garbage truck comes for us. I want to cry just thinking about it.


    I lean forward, "Sarah roll to the right so we don¡¯t land on you."


    The dumpster is huge and I can''t pick out her bag from the others. Not until I see it rolling over the body bags and moving to the side.


    Anna hops down into the pit, letting her legs fold under her. She rolls beside Sarah.


    Closing the massive door, I see a weird nozzle on a hose in the shrinking gap between the metal door and the doorframe. It''s identical to the one my grampy had for washing his car.


    I turn and look around at the huge parking lot. We are behind the building. The garbage bin I''m about to jump in is one of five. The bin below me is about half full. I wonder if the others are as full. There must be thirty dead girls in my bin.


    I step off the ledge before I start processing things and scare myself, more than I already am.


    My feet land amongst the soft and stiff bodies. I let my legs fold. I wiggle down into the bag and before I tie it off I look around at us. No tears in the bags, no clothes showing. Everything is just a sea of black bags. I pull the ends up and tie them.


    "Em. I think I''m going to be sick." Anna makes a gagging noise.


    "No just close your eyes." I listen for her to get sick. Then as if instinctual I recall what my father used to do when I was having a panic attack.


    I lick my lips and whisper softly, "I want you to try to imagine something. I went to this place. I met Will there. It''s where we are going right after this. It''s like a sanctuary in the forest. When I saw it I was stunned. A forest full of people. Normal people who live together and protect each other. They have a tent city but amongst the trees. The trees are huge. Like giants. Everyone was nice and they gave me food and medical help and a tent to sleep in with warm blankets and a soft bed. I went with one nice lady down a path. We walked for a few minutes through the trees and then suddenly it opened and there was a huge swimming hole. It''s completely walled in with rock cliffs and no one but the tent city people go there. It''s protected. They swim in the cold water and they play. They play in the water."


    Anna doesn¡¯t speak again. I hope she is imagining the tall trees. I hope she is ignoring the smell of old death. I can feel it trying to get in the bag I''m in. Like fingers made of smoke, it claws at my bag and tries to take over the air inside of my small space.

 Page 25

    Inside of the darkness with the heat of the sun bearing down on the black plastic bags we wait.Advertisement


    I think I''m falling asleep when I first hear the sound. It''s a truck. It makes a grinding noise. A sharp scream of metal fills the parking lot we are in.


    "Emma." Sarah whispers. I can hear the panic in her whisper over the plastic crinkle of her moving bag. I look through the small hole that I''ve been breathing through, to see Sarah''s blue eyes watching my bag through the hole in hers.


    I open the hole a little and smile, "Stay calm. This is our ride out."


    Her eyes are full of worry. She nods. I can see the terror as the sound moves again and then moves closer.


    The sound is what I imagine it would be like being in a factory before the fall.


    My grampy worked a toilet paper factory when I was really little. He took me on a tour when I was six. I only saw a small part of the factory but the sound of it is burned into my memory.


    I feel the metal bin start to vibrate. I know the truck is closer. My breaths are so short and rapid that I feel dizzy. I can''t seem to pull a longer breath than the little ones I''m getting.


    I am vibrating along with the metal dumpster.


    A loud bang knocks against the front of the bin. It pushes me back. I feel my foot tear through the bag. I struggle to push it down so that it isn¡¯t sticking out and looking like a nurse is in the bin. I forgot to take the scrubs off.


    The vibration is so intense that I feel myself sinking into the pit of churning body bags.


    "Emma."


    I hear Sarah crying out.


    "Stay calm." I try not to shout, but I have to over the noise of the machine lifting us into the air. I feel the bin tilt to the front. I hear screams. I know at least some of them are ripping from my throat.


    My bag is tossed and turned, until it slides forward and is tossed into an abyss. My stomach lurches forward as I freefall for a second.


    I land against metal and bodies. Some are stiff but most are soft. I am lost in them. I don¡¯t know which way is up or down. I can''t feel gravity. I can feel the vibration again and the screech of the metal is everywhere.


    In between the sounds of the metal and gears I hear sobs. I don¡¯t think they are mine.


    There is a final loud bang and then a jerk forward. I open the hole of my bag a little more. I can''t see the light. I am under the bodies.


    I feel like I''m struggling for air. I don¡¯t think it''s that there is no air. I think it''s a panic attack. My palms are covered in sweat. I need Leo. I need to run my fingers in his fur. I imagine I am touching him. I slide a hand out of the bag and feel with my fingers. My arms are trapped. The sobs get stronger.


    "Emma."


    "I can''t see you, just a second. We''ll be out of the gates in a minute. Just don¡¯t freak out okay."


    Anna speaks softly, "Sarah we need to stay still until we get far enough away from here. Just try breathing through your mouth. See the hole is right there."


    I wish I had a hole leading somewhere.


    I remember what my dad told me about avalanches. I spit and feel it go up in the air and land back on my forehead. I wipe it off with the arm I''ve freed. I am on my back and have spit on my forehead.


    I start to wiggle and push through the bag above me. I tear the bag and push a body off of my other arm. My chest is tightening. The air is harder to get.


    I reach my hand up until it feels the air of the moving truck.


    I feel myself panicking. I want to claw myself free.


    I pull my arm in and look at the light in the gaps of the bags above me. I see other things in the tears I have created in the bags, but I try not to see anything but the light.


    I feel the truck lurch forward and come to a stop.


    I hear men talking. I hear them laughing.


    I am lying in a sea of death and they''re laughing.


    The truck moves and I feel the bodies on top of me start to shift again. I count to ten and make myself wait an extra couple seconds.


    One Mississippi


    Two Mississi¡­ Fuck it


    "Get them off of me. Get them off."


    I feel the shifting and the moving.


    "It''s okay Emma. It''s okay I can see you." My face is cleared suddenly and I can see the smiling face of Anna. She is about three bodies above me.


    I reach my hands up and start clawing at the bags.


    Anna''s face grimaces, "No stop. You''re opening the bags. Just give me a second to move them."


    I am vibrating. I can''t wait. I want out. I want out now.


    The weight of them is crushing me. I never noticed but as they are lifted off, I feel relief.


    My upper body is freed first. I sit up and use the two dead women next to me to push my legs free. I kick and scramble until I am out of the clutches of the black bags. I see the light of the bright sunny day and the brown of the borderlands. I have never been so grateful to see old hay and dead crops. The green of the forest off to the left side wakes my heart up. We are driving very quickly. We need to get out of this truck before it takes us to the body dump. The drop at the one I saw was huge. It was a canyon. Bodies were splayed along the canyon walls and ground.


    Anna is breathing hard and sweating. Sarah is crying.


    I point to the back of the truck, "We need to jump."


    Sarah shakes her head. I grab her face and focus it on mine, "You need to trust me. You need this. Think about the swimming hole. We will be there in three days."


    She sobs with her eyes closed. Her little face trembles. She feels like she did the first day I met her in the dark. Frightened and tiny against the massive world that wanted to destroy us. It feels like nothing will ever change.


    I scramble over the bags of death. I don¡¯t think about what I''m touching or doing. I climb to the edge of the filthy truck. I try not to imagine the diseases that linger on this metal ledge.


    "Don¡¯t touch your face or anything until we can wash."


    Sarah sobs. Anna nods and watches Sarah.


    I sit on the ledge and feel the wind whip around me. If I close my eyes I am in the back of the truck and my dad is driving. We are on a gravel road in the middle of nowhere and he lets me ride in the back.


    I grip the ledge and look back, "Climb on here with me."


    They listen and move quickly.


    We sit on the ledge together. Gripping the metal and waiting.


    "When you feel the next sharp corner we jump. Tuck your arms and legs and try to roll for the ditch. The truck will slow for the corner."


    The truck is moving fast. Not fast enough that we will die but fast enough we may be injured.


    I feel the brakes hit hard and jerk us forward, as the truck veers and I shout, "Now." My fingers try to grip but I force them to let go. I roll from the truck.


    I hear the screams faintly in the background of the pain and ringing noise. My body bounces on the gravel. Dust is everywhere. Sharp pains cover me. I feel my body come to a stop but my head feels like it''s still rolling. Hot liquid is seeping from above my eyes. When it covers my vision the world turns red for a moment.


    Through the blood I see a dusty haze. Sarah is picking herself up and pulling at Anna''s arms. Anna shakes her head to straighten her vision out. They hop down into the ditch. They''re shouting at me. My vision is clouded for a second. I see their faces screaming. I look behind me and see another ball of dust coming our way.


    It''s another truck.


    I stand and run into the ditch. I dive between the thick grass and pull it over me. The truck roars around the corner spitting rocks everywhere.


    I can barely hear it over the ringing in my ears.


    I turn on my belly and throw up. Blood mixes with my vomit. I''m not going to die here. I force my trembling and twitching body to crawl out of the muddy ditch. I drag myself up the bank and climb over some dead fallen trees.


    "Emma this way." Anna is waving an arm at me. I can hear her but she sounds like she is shouting in a can.


    I turn and stumble to where they are sitting behind some trees and bushes.


    Sarah has a cut on her face that looks like road rash. It''s not deep.


    "Can you move everything?"


    She nods.


    Anna has no wounds I can see but she is favoring her right arm. It hangs funny.


    She looks terrified, "I think it''s broken."


    "Okay we need to get going. They can fix it at the camp."


    It''s going to take us days to get back to the camp.


    "Can you walk?"


    She nods, "I have to walk Emma. It''s not if I can or not. I''m not going back there. We need to bandage your head. It''s bleeding bad."


    I nod and watch her tear at her scrubs. She ties a dirty white bandage to my forehead. It stings.


    "Okay. I think it''ll hold."


    I offer Sarah my hand. She takes it and we start the long trek back to the building we''ve just left. I need to get my bearings and the trail back to the camp.


    Chapter Sixteen


    I look around for a sign of them but find nothing. I knew they would leave me but I never imagined they would leave me empty handed.


    They took my backpack even. I see the broken branches and can''t help but smile a little. They may have left me but at least they make the walk back obvious.


    I point at the hillside in front of us, "It''s this way."


    Sarah moans.


    I look at her and try not to snap, "We walk till dark. That¡¯s the rule okay?" My head hurts and it''s making me a little mean.


    She slumps and starts walking. We are filthy in our white and pale blue clothes that are now stained and torn. Dirt cakes our faces mixed with the dried blood. The cut above my eye needs a stitch. It''s not going to get it. I''m going to have a deep scar there.


    It''s hard to care when I made it out alive. I never died there. I still block out the images of the torn bags and the things I saw in there. My little cut is nothing.


    My feet ache. The slippers are bad for hiking. I slip a few times. Anna is cautious. Her arm still looks funny.


    It takes all of our second day to get back to the place where I camped with Will and Jake and we roasted the hare. I lick my lips and think about the hare.


    Somehow remembering the hare makes me miss Meg. Her nattering took up the free air where my brain liked to roam while we walked. She stopped my thoughts and drove me insane in a different way than the hunger that is gnawing at my belly does.

 Page 26

    Sarah and Anna are like me. They''re quiet. They think a lot.Advertisement


    "I could go for a piece of the lemon meringue pie." Anna whispers the worst thing I''ve ever heard. My stomach grumbles. I can taste all of the food. The hunger is driving us all insane obviously.


    "I could go for the spaghetti from the first day." Sarah rubs her belly.


    I laugh, "No the pancakes, bacon and sausage breakfast."


    Sarah moans, "Ohhhh cook always whipped me up something she called hollandaise, secretly, to eat my home fries dipped in."


    Anna laughs, "You''re disgusting."


    We pass the camp and the small charred fire that they tried to cover over. I roll my eyes when Sarah points to it, "Hey look a campfire."


    "Three guesses who hid that one when we camped here."


    Anna laughs, "Oh god I miss him."


    Sarah looks confused as she climbs over an old log, "Was it Jake?" We''ve told her enough that she knows he isn¡¯t great at survival.


    "Yup. The branches are leading this way."


    We make it into the valley just below the camp by nightfall. We have walked non-stop. I know we are hours from the camp. I see the exhausted looks on their faces and cringe, "We need to keep going. Anna that bone is going to set wrong and you''ll never have a range of motion with it."


    I don¡¯t know how to set it. It almost looks dislocated. I tied it a sling with strips of my pale blue scrubs, which now comes up to my midriff.


    Sarah sniffles a little, "Em I''m so tired."


    I rub her arm, "I know. But we have to keep going. We''ll be at the first camp in like a few hours. We will get food and a bath."


    Sarah looks defeated. She slumps and we continue walking. We look like the infected. We are covered in blood and dirt and our clothes are torn. We even walk like them. I''m going to be pissed if I walk all the way to the camp and end up getting shot.


    The forest grows dark. I would be scared if I had even an ounce of common sense left in me.


    I have a fever. I know I do. The chills of the soft breeze make my skin hurt. My head is no doubt infected from the filth on the bandage.


    I push myself on. One foot in front of the other. Anna is stumbling almost now. I have my arm around her and am pulling her up the hill. My legs burn. My chest aches. I''m coughing from the sickness starting inside of me. My body wants to fight the infection. It''s strong from the weeks at the breeder camp but I''m exhausted.


    I feel my legs giving way and am about to collapse. My head lifts to the sky and I see an angel of mercy. He is pointing a gun at my head from a bird perch in a tree.


    "Halt."


    My dry throat barely makes out the slightest of words, "Help. Help us." I hear the croak of it.


    He is waving his arms suddenly. The forest comes alive. Torches are brought and arms reach out for me. Anna is gone. Someone is carrying her. Sarah stays at my side. I grab her arm firmly, "You''re safe. Find Will and Jake."


    Her blue eyes fill with terror as I collapse. I feel fingers grabbing at me but their faces fuzz out. I slip into the darkness.


    I hear things. Sometimes it''s Sarah and sometimes it''s people laughing. I think they''re laughing at Sarah. She never leaves my side as far as I can tell. My body isn¡¯t ready to wake up. Something is withholding the waking world from me.


    Weird confessions float in the air around my head. Strange things like, "I should have killed you when I had the chance."


    "Emma I love you. Please be okay."


    "You saved her Em. You did it."


    I don¡¯t know if the voices all belong to one person or if they are figments of my imagination. At one point Leo is beside me. He is reading a book sitting in a chair with glasses on. When I look at him he smiles his wolf smile and says, "You never should have left me Emma."


    The blackness takes me. It''s like I''m on a roller coaster and we keep going in tunnels where I can hear but not see.


    I feel something bite into my arm and I scream awake. I''m sitting up and covered in cold sweat. My clothes are gone and a bandage is across my chest. No one is in the tent with me. I look at my arm and nothing is there.


    I feel a cold shiver. My arm still hurts. I can''t help but wonder if it¡¯s the ghosts of the dead girls. They''re pinching me and telling me that I''ve slept long enough. It''s time to wake and stop the breeder farms.


    I grab a robe next to my bed and pull it around me. I am thinner again. I sigh. All that eating was for nothing.


    I stumble out of the tent. My legs are weak. They feel like sticks. My feet are sore. I look at them surprised. They''re covered in bandages. I lift my foot and touch the bandages. My feet sting.


    "You were bleeding from everywhere."


    I look up to see Will sitting outside of my tent on a chair.


    His eyes meet mine and I feel like he knows everything. He can see my soul.


    I put my fingers up to my head and wince when I touch the thick bandage I find there.


    He stands and walks to me. His body towers over mine.


    "You made it back." His words are a whisper suddenly. It''s as if he was terrified he would never speak the words and even now they scare him.


    I nod once and try to fight the tears that fill my eyes.


    He wraps his body around mine and lifts me into him. I feel like it''s the safest place I''ve ever been in my life. My father, my grandparents, my mother, no one has ever made me feel like I do in his arms. It''s the safest place in the world.


    "You never do that to me again Emma." His words sound wet in the crook of my neck. He''s trembling. "You never do that again."


    I shake my head. I can never leave him again.


    My legs buckle. Partly from lack of strength and partly because I''m emotional. I don¡¯t know where to put all of the emotions. They''re everywhere.


    He compensates for my lack of strength. His strength becomes mine. He holds me up.


    I sob. I sob for the women and girls in the black bags. I cry for the people who have no idea what''s going on. The ones who think they''re family members are living in a condo and have forgotten about them. Children who have been left to believe their own mothers are living it up with air conditioning in the city, instead of suffering in the woods with them.


    I sob because a small shallow part of me misses the food. I will never eat like that again.


    I sob because a doctor took my virginity. When Anna explained what had happened to us both, I never cried then. I was strong for Sarah. Now I cry for my loss.


    I sob because I never imagined in all my life I would be here in this moment. It''s a dream come true.


    I feel other arms beginning to hug me. I feel fingers biting into me.


    "Emma." I know it''s Sarah''s voice.


    Will is holding me so tightly I can''t see anyone. My face is buried in his massive chest. I am breathing him in. It''s the sweetest air in the world.


    "Emma." I hear Anna scream and another body is crammed into the massive hug.


    I tap lightly on his chest. He lets me go a little but not completely. His eyes are red. I don¡¯t see tears. He gives me his smile that makes my insides twist into knots. I turn away from him. His arms stay on my waist. I pull Anna and Sarah into me. We hug and shake.


    Sarah snuggles her way into my armpit.


    "You smell." She whispers. I laugh into Anna''s mass of dark hair. Her and Sarah both look shiny and clean again.


    I look down at my dirty skin. "All that work to clean me up and I came back just as dirty as when I left."


    Jake walks up with his goofy grin, "I think you''re dirtier." I feel Will holding my waist tightly, but I pull away and run to Jake. My robe is flapping. I pull it around me and hug him. His arms sweep me up into his embrace. He kisses my filthy face like he did the other time.


    "I missed you Em."


    "I missed you too."


    "Did you follow the broken branches?"


    I laugh in his chest, "Yeah. I did notice you left me nothing. Not a water bottle, nothing."


    He pulls me back, "We didn¡¯t know where to put it." I look back at Will. He is smiling with his mouth, but his eyes are aflame. I hug Jake harder and ignore the flames in Will''s eyes. I haven¡¯t forgotten the girl in the micro shorts who mauled him like a bear. Or the fact he called me his friend. He has no right to feel slighted by me hugging Jake. I knew him first.


    Jake puts an arm around me, "So what''s the plan?"


    I look at Will, "The other camp. The rest camp." I need to collect my wolf and my friend. I''ve been gone too long.


    Will nods, "Yup. Anna and Sarah should be there anyway. And probably Jake too."


    Jake''s eyes narrow, "Hey!"


    Will smirks, "You have no capabilities here Jakey. You''re still healing."


    "Anna how''s your arm?" I ask.


    She moves it gingerly, "Dislocated. No biggie. Still sore but at least it''s back in the socket." I gag. She laughs.


    Jake leans in and whispers, "Did you really miss both of us or just me?"


    I give him a shove.


    "We leave today."


    Will looks at me and stare for a second, "You sure?"


    I nod. He looks at Jake, "Get a couple back packs ready." He looks at Anna, "Go see Lisa at the big tent over there and find out if they have anything they need brought up with us." He looks at Sarah last and smiles, "You find out if any other kids need to come too okay? Ask Marg at the far side."


    Everyone looks at each other and leaves.


    He looks at me, "You need to put some clothes on."


    I look down, "I need to clean up a bit."


    He takes my hand and starts through the crowds of people. I see people looking at me when they talk. I feel my face flush. His hand has eaten mine up. My arm burns slightly where he pulls it. We get to a tent with pails and a small hose coiled around the floor. He takes a white sheet and holds it up, "Okay, go hard."


    I raise an eyebrow.


    "The buckets on the right are clean water. Scrub yourself and I''ll hold the sheet up so no one sees you."

 Page 27

    "I don¡¯t want you to see me."


    He smirks, "I won''t peek. I swear." I don¡¯t trust the glint in his eyes.Advertisement


    I hesitate for a second and decide I care less about him seeing me than I do about having the remnants of the garbage truck on me.


    I wince when I lift a small pale of water. It''s cold but I can see straight to the bottom. It''s clean. I pick up the soap off the shelf where it''s dried. I can smell the lye. It stings my skin as I lather and start to scrub.


    "How bad was it?"


    I am trying not to fall over as I peel the bandages off my feet. The sores looked mostly healed. I scrub everything.


    "Bad." The lye stings the blisters on my feet. My eyes water. I rinse my feet quickly to get the soap off.


    "How bad."


    "What did Anna say?"


    He peeks over the sheet, "Nothing. Why the hell do you think I''m asking you?"


    I blush, "Hey turn away." I sigh and start scrubbing my arms and chest. I have to keep rinsing the soap because it gets caked easily in blood and filth.


    "It was scary bad. The place is so white that you feel like a ball of dust and dirt walking in there. The nurses and doctors are all shiny and clean. Like the fall never happened. They glisten and seem like they want to help you. The rooms are clean, the food is amazing."


    "Doesn¡¯t sound too bad."


    I peek over the cloth, "It''s not real. It''s an illusion. They''re fattening you for the slaughter. They get you pregnant three times and then they kill you. We rode out in body bags in a garbage truck full of dead women and girls."


    I watch his face. His lip curls into a sneer, "You''re positive?"


    I nod, "The bags tore when we were scrambling in the truck trying to get away."


    His mouth betrays very little emotion but his eyes are full of it. I pour a pail over my body and rinse off. I don¡¯t get my face wet and when I rinse my hair I tilt my head back. My arms tire easily from the scrubbing. I''m not looking forward to making the trip to the other camp. I force myself to focus on Leo and Meg.


    "Can you get Anna? I need my back cleaned." I don¡¯t normally wash it, but I want every bit of the garbage truck off of me.


    "No. I''ll do it." I want to argue but I don¡¯t. I''m not sure why.


    I just try not to think as he bends and picks up the soap and a pail. I close my eyes. His hands drag the soap softly along my back and then the soap is gone. His fingers are creating heat trails up and down my spine where he touches me, bare skin to bare skin. His strong hands knead my shoulders, relaxing me.


    "Relax." He whispers into the tent. I don¡¯t look at him. I ignore him and enjoy the feeling of another person touching me. I imagine my granny cleaning me.


    The cold water is shocking where he has touched my back. He tilts my head and rinses my hair again. My hands don¡¯t move. They cover my breasts. I''m frozen like a statue.


    His huge hands stroke the long locks. I can feel myself thinking things, things I''ve read about.


    He squeezes my hair, "Emma what happened before with you and Jake."


    My stomach clenches.


    I feel a towel wrap around my hair and twisted up.


    I don¡¯t turn and face him.


    He wraps a thick towel around my shoulders. I wrap myself quickly.


    He turns my shoulders, "Is that what you want? Do you want to be with my brother?"


    I shake my head and his eyes light up. I open my mouth to speak but he bends and presses his lips against mine. His kiss is soft but hungry. I push on his firm shoulders but his arms have pulled me into him. I finally get my face away from his and gasp, "I meant I don¡¯t know what I want."


    His grip tightens. His blue eyes sparkle with anger, "You shook your head. That means no."


    I feel intimidated by him still. My lips tremble. I clutch the towel.


    His lips turn into a bright smile, "Don''t look at me like that Emma. I can''t be mad when you look like that."


    "Why are you mad at me?" I sniffle. I want to shout things at him. I don¡¯t know how to be around him.


    He pulls me in again and kisses me softly. His hot breath makes me shiver again. "I''m not going to stop fighting for you."


    I nod into his face. "I need clothes."


    He kisses my forehead beside the bandage, "You need that tended to before we go."


    He walks to some huge trunks in the corner. He opens one and pulls out a pair of khaki pants with pockets on the sides and a long sleeve black t-shirt. He throws them at me.


    I miss my underwear and sports bra. I had kept it for years. I miss my mother''s jewelry.


    I pull the t-shirt on and try not to notice the pain in my body.


    "You are black and blue you know that?"


    I look down for the first time and see my skin is all bruised.


    "I was clean and shiny. My hair was glossy."


    He nods, "I saw the girls at the breeder camps. They looked like people did, before." I wiggle into the pants without revealing my naked body to him. That doesn¡¯t stop him from watching.


    His blue eyes are scaring me.


    Anna pokes her head in and smiles, "You guys ready?"


    Will speaks but doesn¡¯t take his eyes off of me, "Yeah, just need Emma''s head re-bandaged."


    Her grin is annoying. I glare at her. She puts a hand out for me, "Come on, I know the way." I give him a wide birth and take her hand. I look back at him watching me like a predator.


    She smiles, but I frown. "He scares me."


    She laughs, "He is different. Let me tell you. He used to be such a dork." I grip her hands tightly.


    An hour later, a new bandage, and a shot for tetanus and antibiotics and we are on our way. I chew a leg of turkey Jake found for me. I gobbled a bowl of oats when the first aid guy was redoing my bandages. Sarah has apparently eaten them out of house and home. I tried to explain she is used to a lot more food. That earned me a cruel grimace from the cook.


    The trail doesn¡¯t seem familiar. I see the broken branches and want to smile but I don¡¯t. I touch one with the tip of my turkey free hand and glance back at Jake. He grins and winks at me. He''s so easy to be around. I love his carefree smile and worry free ways.


    I slow down and toss the turkey leg into the bush. I miss Leo. He would have eaten it.


    "How the head?"


    I look at Jake who''s waiting for me.


    "Good. Sore. How''s the leg?"


    He nods in the direction of the turkey leg, "Better than the turkeys." I laugh. Meg is going to love Jake. I know this.


    "Did you miss me?" He asked and nudges my shoulder. I feel my face light up instantly.


    I nudge him back, "Yeah. I missed everything. Anna missed you a lot. She was pretty excited when I told her you made it to the camp."


    He nudges me back, "I missed you."


    I feel my lips curl up into a smile, "I miss Leo."


    He laughs his hearty loud laugh that will one day get us all killed, "I miss that wolf more than I missed my own brother." I see Will''s eyes glance back at us. He doesn¡¯t look impressed, "Hurry up you two."


    Jake laughs again and nudges me harder, "I think he likes you."


    I smirk, "I think he likes girls in general. Did you meet the one in the tiny shorts and barely there tank top?"


    Jake laughs, "I did. She is uhm, interesting. She''s a masseuse actually."


    I raise an eyebrow, "What''s that?"


    He snorts, "She rubs your skin to relax you. It''s called a massage."


    I roll my eyes, "Big shocker there. I know about massages. I just never knew the people who did them were called that." I think about her touching Jake or Will and I want to stab her in her pretty blue eyes with a fork or a spear, which ever was on hand. Hopefully the spear.


    "Did you get a massage?" I ask.


    He laughs, "No I saw the line up of dudes going in and decided to wait for you to come back."


    The smile on his face makes me feel like we are the only two people in the world.


    I bet Will has had a few massages. I want to break things. Instead I focus on Jake and a funny story he tells me about killing the turkeys.


    Will is making a fire when Jake and I crest the hill. Sarah is helping him and listening to every word he says. Kids love Will. It''s weird. The little white haired swine who attacked Leo liked Will too. Thinking about the little brat at the camp makes my skin crawl. I''m grateful Sarah is a good kid. Her and Meg are my kind of kids. Not really kids but still young enough to be called a kid.


    Will gets the fire going quickly.


    I take my bow and quiver that he kept safe for me while I was away, and head into the forest.


    The quiet of the forest fills me. I relax and feel the bow in my hands. Everything is relaxing. I can feel the tension leaving my shoulders as I roll them a few times. I pull out an arrow and pull it back. I hold it taut and ignore the pain in my arms or the tremble of my line.


    I listen. I hear a crack on the forest to the right. I see something beige. I hold my breath and narrow my eyes. I see the tail of a huge cougar. It''s a female. I don¡¯t kill cougars. I don¡¯t kill cats. It''s a rule I have.


    I wait for it to leave the area. I know nothing is going to move or make a sound while it''s there. It stops and looks at me for a minute.


    It''s beautiful eyes meet mine and we stare for a second. It sees the bow and leaves.


    After about a half an hour of just listening to the forest I hear another noise, beyond the birds that have returned. I pull the arrow and wait. I see a spike deer. It''s more meat than we can eat but it will be good to bring meat to dry into venison jerky. I focus on its soft brown eye. When it takes its next step it senses me. It turns its head and instantly the arrow is let fly. The arrow pierces the eyeball and the deer drops. I wait a few seconds. Just in case. Nothing moves beyond the odd twitch of the deer.


    I pull my knife out and squat next to it. I gut it. I split the back tendons and hang the deer from a branch. It''s heavy, even gutted.


    "Wow."


    I look back at Will standing watching me.

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    I pull the fur and drag the knife along it.Advertisement


    "I think I love you."


    I laugh, "Good you can carry it." I have let it bleed and decapitated it. I drop the head and leave the skin and innards in the pile of blood. I know the cougar is waiting for us to leave. I cut a huge hunk of the tough meat along the front quarter off and leave it there too.


    He throws it over his shoulder. It''s about seventy-five pounds with meat and bone.


    Will carries it like it weighs nothing.


    "You are an amazing shot."


    I nod, "I know. I practiced for years. I hunt regularly."


    He laughs, "Good to see you''re humble."


    I look at him offended, "I am humble."


    He shakes his head. I don¡¯t get the joke.


    "What''s the plan for the breeder camps?" He says.


    I look at him and know he can read my face perfectly.


    "I don¡¯t know. We have to do something. They''re killing them off for no reason. Healthy women."


    "It''s not no reason to them. These women will live long healthy lives and become a burden to society. They will require help and old age assistance. The New World Order is all about breeding to succeed not recreating the entire population. They don¡¯t want the women, just the babies. Grown people are harder to brainwash. They want the new children to see that what they have done was for the greater good."


    I stop "You don¡¯t believe that do you?"


    He frowns, "Christ no. They have killed billions of people off Emma. They don¡¯t deserve to run the world just because they''re more organized than we are and they were prepared for the fallout. I''m just saying how they think."


    We walk into the camp to see Jake making the girls laugh. I smile and feel like I brighten up. He makes everything feel lighter.


    He scrunches up his nose, "What the hell is that?" The girls giggle at him.


    "Venison." I say.


    He looks relieved, "Oh I actually like venison."


    I roll my eyes at him and Will and I start taking the deer apart. We cut several small steaks and stew meat. Anna starts making a stew in the pot and Jake grills the meat. Sarah cuts up some apples we got from the camp. They seem really small and old but none of us care. She adds them to the stew. Apples and venison sounds weird but when Anna adds water it makes a sweet gravy.


    Will looks at me and frowns, "Guess we''re in the same boat as last time. Nowhere to wash up."


    I shrug and hand him some of the cooking water, "You clean me and I clean you?"


    He nods and grabs a small piece of the lavender soap Jake still had from my cabin.


    We walk to the edge of camp and he pours a small amount on me. I wash up my arms and hands and face. He pours the water on me slowly.


    When it''s his turns he removes his shirt. I watch him scrubbing his body and feel my stomach knot up the way it does around him. His skin is soft and strong looking. I want to touch it. Instead I pour the cold water on him. He strips to his boxers and I pour more water on him. His tanned skin gets goose pimples. I rinse him off some more and try not to get lost in the water trickling down his skin.


    We walk back over to the camp. He puts his clothes in a backpack and pulls on the baby blue t-shirt he was wearing when I met him with a pair of jeans. The shirt stretches across his chest.


    "Emma."


    I look at Anna smirking at me, "You want to get the bowls?"


    I nod and she giggles. I blush. I know I got lost in him. I know if I''m not careful I will lose myself to him. I can feel how big he is to me. He could swallow me up whole.


    Chapter Seventeen


    The old farmhouse sits alone in the field. I close my eyes and let the wind sway the tree and I. I had feared I would never see it again and here I am. Nothing moves in the field, the door to the barn swings with the wind. Everything moves in sync with the wind.


    I climb down and take my bow.


    Will and I sneak through the field first. I can hear the others as they enter the field. It''s no doubt Jake and his inability to do anything quietly.


    We slink up to the farmhouse and wait in the hay.


    Will gives me a signal for going to look. I shake my head and creep from the field. I have the bow. I kill quieter than he does.


    My arrow is at the ready. My feet make their first crunch on the gravel, which starts my heartbeat.


    I don¡¯t do circles. I know Will has my back. It''s a nice feeling. I lower the bow and put the arrow back. I unsheathe my hunting knife.


    Sweat lingers on my face. Summer has started. It comes earlier every year.


    I look in the barn first. I hear footsteps but I know they''re Will''s. He is walking behind me, watching my six. Anna is next out of the forest. Hopefully she has left Jake and Sarah in the field.


    The barn is empty. I lift the bunker cover on the floor and am excited when I see my stuff sitting there.


    "We''ll clear the house."


    I look at Anna as she walks behind him into the barn, "Don¡¯t forget the basement cellar." She nods. I pick up my hunting rifle with scope and toss it at her. She beams when she sees it.


    Will frowns, "That¡¯s a lot of fire power for her." He''s too serious.


    I raise an eyebrow, "She saved my life with it. She''s probably a better shot than you with it."


    He snorts. She pushes his arm but it looks forced. I can see she isn¡¯t as playful or friendly with him yet. She sees the differences in him. At least she is pushing and teasing him now.


    I pull the boots off and rub the bottoms of my feet. I pull on some socks I have stored and the boots I always stock piled here. My feet sigh with relief as I tie the laces. I instantly feel better.


    I grab a few sealed bags of jerky and some water bottles.


    Jake and Sarah are standing in the wheat field. I can see his face.


    I wave at him to come.


    I am happy. I wish we could live here. I can see us running this farm.


    I don¡¯t hear it until it''s too late. Sarah and Jake are walking across the gravel chatting like blue jays.


    A shot echoes through the clear sky.


    I see a dust spot rising from the ground in front of Jake and Sarah.


    I hear a scream, "RUN!" My arms are waving. The jerky drops from my hands and the water bottles roll along the gravel. I have an arrow out and pulled and am running to where they are ducking.


    Jake picks her up and sprints in his hobbled way to the side of the house. I see the flash from the scope and let loose the arrow. I have another pulled and am searching the windy field.


    I don¡¯t see anything but a shot rings out again and a dust spot appears to my right. I run into the field. I duck and run with the arrow drawn. A dark shape appears through the wheat and leaps me from the right side. I am surrounded.


    My bow drops but I have my hunting knife out again. I am stabbing but the person taking me to the ground moves faster than I do. His hands grip my wrists. I see his smile as he takes me to the ground.


    He pins my wrists to the ground and I cry out, "Why?"


    He laughs, "I knew you would have places like this. I knew he would set you up."


    Serge has me pinned. His weight is holding my body to the ground. I try kicking him, but he is too wide between my legs for me to get a good kick in.


    "You sure have gotten pretty Emma Ray."


    I cringe, "Fuck you."


    He presses himself into me, "I think that can be arranged." He whistles. I hear the hay whisper where the other people are in the field. It sounds like the wheat rustles in about seven locations.


    "I never imagined you would be a rebel though. When we saw you heading there, I was pretty surprised. Your daddy would be proud of the woman you''ve become." His eyes leer. He licks his chapped lips. I gag.


    I expect several outcomes. Will will fight and probably kill three, Anna will get at least two and Jake will die. The rest will take us captive and Will will die trying to stop them.


    What I don¡¯t expect happens as Serge lowers his face to mine. His hot breath is an inch from my face, when a dark shape rolls him from me. I see fur and fangs. He cries out but the huge jaw tears open his throat.


    I reach for the fur. Leo growls at me. He is scolding me. I know this. I bow my head to him. He snorts and shakes his head. Blood coats his muzzle.


    I hear a gunshot and know the fight has started.


    I lift the bow from the ground and pull an arrow fast. My hand trembles. I steady my arm and release the arrow hitting a man with red hair in the throat. It''s the man who''s nose I broke.


    I pull another arrow. Tears start to drip down my cheeks. I hit a dark haired man who is holding Sarah around the throat and pointing a gun at Jake. My arrow slices through his temple.


    Anna has shot two men and Will is ground fighting with what I think is the last of them. I don¡¯t see movements. I hear the sobs in my chest but I can''t stop them. It''s like my body needs the release and whether I like it or not I am going to cry. I look down at Leo and drop to my knees. He doesn¡¯t leap at me like normal. He can sense the differences. He comes slowly. He nudges me and covers me with his warmth. I cry into him. His thick dark fur sticks to my tears and spit. He senses the shift in me. I know he does.


    I sense it in him too. I''ve left him for too long and he''s come looking for me. He''s thinner than I remember him being. How long has he waited in the fields for me to come to him? A moment passes that contains all of the things that could have happened. I don¡¯t fight the bad thoughts. I let them pass through me and leave from the other side.


    "Jake, it''s Leo." Anna is running to me.


    Her footsteps on the gravel scare me. Not because someone is running to me but because she is making noise in a place that¡¯s always been quiet. The quiet is gone. I fear for the old farmhouse.


    "Goddamn Emma. That was disgusting. His brains came out the other side. Sarah is throwing up." Jake says making a gagging sound.


    I chuckle. It''s soft and probably not a real laugh but I need something. My father''s friend was going to tear my clothes and tear me the way he probably has a hundred other girls. The world is upside down now. Nothing has goodness in it except the people we are with.

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    I hear my father''s words in my head, "Survival means taking from everyone else. It''s just you and me Em. It''s us and them."


    But my circle of hugs and warmth grows and it''s not just him and me. I feel Anna join and Jake. Then Sarah who is nervous of the wolf and hugs me only. Will hovers over us.Advertisement


    "You are a deadly shot Anna. You deserve that rifle."


    She looks up at him and smiles, "Someone had to keep Jake alive."


    Jake laughs. Will smiles but I can see the hurt the comment causes on his face. She doesn¡¯t mean it the way he takes it.


    Leo sits with his eyes closed and his mouth in his wolf smile. He loves the pets and strokes Anna and I are giving him.


    "I missed you too. I missed you bad. Where''s Meg?"


    His eyes open. He whines. I sigh, "Christ, is she gone?"


    He nuzzles into me.


    "You speak wolf?"


    I laugh at Sarah''s bewildered face, "No I speak Leo. He doesn¡¯t speak wolf either. He speaks me."


    I hold his massive face and look into his yellow wolf eyes, "Buddy is Meg gone?"


    He licks his lips and whines. I feel sick. He''s anxious. Something isn¡¯t right. I look up at Will, "Do the camps get attacked?"


    Will looks like he might say no, but he stops himself and nods, "Once. It was a long time ago. Not that camp but another one. Why, is he saying that?"


    I shake my head, "He''s anxious and I left him with Meg. He left food and a bed to come find me. Seems weird. He''s lost weight. He''s been hunting for himself. He leans out when he hunts alone. Sometimes when I would camp out in one of our houses he would stay in the woods nearby and hunt. He would always lean out."


    Will looks toward the mountain, "We need to get going then."


    I want to stay one night but the dead men scattered about the yard make me rethink that plan.


    "Anna go close off the bunker and Jake close up the house. I''ll get Leo some water and refill the water bottles."


    Will smiles, "I''ll stay guard and Sarah can give me a hand."


    She smiles at him. She likes him a lot. I wonder if she feels safe with him the way I do?


    I stay focused on his blue eyes for a second and then force myself up.


    I run my fingers along Leo''s fur as we walk to the huge well. I pump the primer and then lift and pump the handle. I always let the first few pumps of water leave the spout and spill on the ground. Leo knows not to drink them too.


    He waits patiently. I pull the pan I leave lying around the well house, out of its hiding spot. I rinse it and fill it with the cold water after about fifteen wasted pumps. Leo laps it up fast. He looks when the shallow bowl is empty. I fill it three times before he doesn¡¯t seem interested.


    I fill the water bottles in my backpack. I drink one full bottle of the fresh clean water and then refill it. Anna comes over and drinks one and lets me refill it too. Jake joins Will and Sarah. His limp is still pronounced. I wonder if it''ll ever be better.


    We leave the farm in a way that makes me feel odd. We walk and talk and snack on the jerky I had stored the last time I was stocking my supply cupboards.


    Leo doesn¡¯t seem to like it either. He is restless.


    I worry about Meg. We pass by the meeting tree. I can see Leo has slept here. The grass and branches around it are in the shape of one of his nests.


    We turn the opposite way of my cabin and my heart tugs. I want to go home. Leo stands there for a second and whines.


    "Come on boy."


    He trots after me and keeps perfect pace with me for a while. Soon he relaxes and starts to trust I am not going anywhere and moves ahead. He scouts perfectly. He is silent and sharp.


    We move along the hillside without talking. I have given Jake a dirty look every time he started talking to Sarah.


    I look up as we near the camp to see the scout in the tree. Will waves and the scout shouts down, "Holy shit look what the cat dragged in."


    Will waves and laughs, "Actually it''s what the wolf dragged in." He looks back at me.


    Leo raises at lip at Will. I stroke his face.


    The camp is bustling, just as it was when we left.


    Mary comes running up and I hear the squeal of the little white haired brat.


    "Wolfie!"


    Leo curls into me. The little monster comes barreling at us. Before I have a chance Anna has his little arms, "The wolf is going to bite you. We trained it to bite little kids."


    She turns and growls at Leo who growls back. The little monster cries and runs away.


    Anna gives me a look. I''ve warned her about the little monster.


    I laugh. Mary gives me an evil stare. I laugh harder.


    "He means no harm." Her voice is soft and insulted.


    He runs to her and hugs her. He fake cries and snuggles into her. He looks back at us and makes the production even louder. I roll my eyes, "Mary this is Sarah."


    Will cuts me off, "And my sister Anna and my brother Jake." Mary smirks at Jake.


    Jake blushes. I feel funny. She kissed me and now she''s eyeballing the guy who I happen to like a lot. I feel angry. I don¡¯t know why. Mary isn¡¯t my girlfriend and Jake isn¡¯t my boyfriend but the idea of them being together hurts me.


    She walks over and kisses Will on the cheek, "Well come home and welcome to the rest of you."


    Okay I''ve had enough. I walk away and head to the tent.


    Leo is clinging to me. He keeps looking back at the bratty kid in Mary''s arms.


    I look down at him, "I know buddy. I won''t let him hurt you."


    Our tent looks smaller than I remember it. I open the flap and feel heat rise in my face instantly. Meg is in the embrace of a guy I would guess is somewhere around thirty. Before I wait for explanations or introductions. Meg''s eyes flicker on me and she starts screaming, but I can''t stop the momentum. I leap into the tent and rip him away from her. I''m choking him on the ground and she is tearing at my arms. Leo is in the tent and growling. His slobber is falling all over the man''s face.


    His hands go up in the air. He tries to choke words out but I''m holding his throat with all my might.


    "Emma sweet mother of all things holy stop trying to kill him. He''s my boyfriend. Eric honey this is Emma. Emma. EMMA!"


    I ignore her and smash his head down on the soft cushy pillows. I wish it were a rock.


    Leo leans in closer. I understand his anxiousness. He knows this pervert has been taking advantage of Meg. She probably kicked him out of the tent. I want to throw up thinking about this asshole hurting her.


    "EMMA!" A man''s angry voice fills the tent.


    I feel arms grabbing me. Strong hands lift me off of him but I kick. My boot lands square in his face. I hear the crunch. Blood gushes from his face. His hands fly to protect his face but I get a few more kicks off before I''m dragged from the man''s body.


    Meg is in my face slapping me, "STOP EMMA! STOP!"


    I growl, "He''s an old man Meg. He''s taking advantage of you."


    Mary is in my face. She pets my cheeks, "Emma, Meg''s turned sixteen. She is allowed to choose her lovers at sixteen."


    I kick Meg in the thigh with my boot, "She lied to you. She doesn¡¯t turn sixteen yet. She''s still fifteen."


    Mary looks at Meg who blushes. Mary looks pissed at her but looks back at me, "You have no right to attack anyone Emma. Not here. We are a peace camp."


    Will shakes me from behind and grips my arms tighter, "Emma call him off." I can still see the tent wiggling. I know Leo is probably eating the bleeding man. I wait and let him suffer for a few more seconds.


    Will grips me harder and I scream as my arms go up my back. Leo is out of the tent before I have to call him. He jumps at Will and knocks us both to the ground. He is growling in Will''s face.


    Meg cries, "Leave him be Emma. You aint my momma. Eric? Baby?"


    I look at her and point, "Get him out of my tent. I will kill him before you turn sixteen Meg." I get back on my feet. Leo still has Will on the ground.


    The bleeding half naked man stumbles out of the tent. His arm has a good bite mark on it that is seeping a slow stream of blood.


    He glares at me, "Crazy bitch."


    "Fucking pervert." I spit at him.


    He comes at me but I am ready. I punch him in the eye. He screams again and stumbles back. I leap at him but my body is caught mid air. Jake holds me to him and covers my face.


    "Meg is it? Get your friend out of here." Meg is on her knees crying. I want to choke her, not to death. Just till she loses her memory and forgets he exists.


    Mary steps in the way, "No let me. Eric and I have some talking to do. This isn¡¯t his first offense in this area."


    Will gets Leo off of him and grabs my arm, ripping me out of Jake''s embrace, "Jesus Christ you are insane sometimes."


    Jake laughs, "She was raised by wolves Willy boy. What do you expect?"


    I laugh. It isn¡¯t bitter or angry, it is a real laugh. It bolts from my body and I double over from it. It feels like a release similar to crying. I feel a cramp in my guts I laugh so hard. Leo looks scared and nudges me. He has never seen me laugh like this. Tears pour from my eyes.


    Will shoves me, "You are insane."


    Jake catches me. I don¡¯t feel the pain of the rejection from Will. I know I will later but for now I laugh and it feels good.


    Chapter Eighteen


    Her tears bother me. I can''t stand that she''s upset they can''t be together.


    "You''re not like Romeo and Juliet moron. He''s, like, an old man and shit. He''s a pervert." Anna is trying to talk sense to her. She sounds like Jake as she talks. Meg ignores her and howls in pain. Sarah holds her tightly and strokes her head.


    "It aint easy to find a good man who''ll take care of you."


    I feel my nails cutting into my palms. "You don¡¯t need a man. I''ll take care of you."


    Meg cries louder, "I hate you Emma."


    I sigh and look at Sarah, "You ready for a swim?"


    She nods. She seems intimidated again.


    "The same thing is going to happen to you if you date old guys. I kill old perverts."

 Page 30

    Sarah frowns, "What''s a pervert?"Advertisement


    I sigh, "Let''s go swim kid."


    I leave the camp area and walk the path that I have thought of a million times. Every branch and stone is burned into my memory. It''s the first time I felt something amazing enough to make this kind of a mark on my mind, a positive one.


    I have no words for what Sarah is about to see and I don¡¯t want to ruin it for her. I want her to see the whole thing the way I did. It feels more dramatic at night.


    We crest the hill and walk down the slope. Sarah is behind me. We walk into the clearing and the swimming hole is visible to the right of us. I see the awe on her face. She takes a breath and takes it all in.


    She walks to the large flat stone and stands there, mesmerized.


    Mary is beside me suddenly, "What''s her story?"


    I shrug, "Abandoned by her own mother. Sold to the military for smokes. Sent into the breeder camps. They take them young now and get them healthy so they can breed them as young as fifteen or sixteen."


    She looks horrified.


    "It''s so much worse than you can imagine."


    Mary squeezes my hand suddenly with her warm soft hand and whispers. "Let''s not ruin the moment for her then by discussing it."


    I love Mary. I can''t help myself. Her kid is a pain in the ass and she lets grown men have relations with sixteen year olds but I still love her. Even though we kissed and I liked it, I love her like a sister. An older sister. She is free the way Jake is. None of the bullshit has destroyed the joy inside of her.


    I pull my shirt off, determined to be the first one to crack the flat glass of the calm water. The moon is full and high in the sky. It is reflected perfectly on the lake water. I push my bottoms off and see Mary pulling her dress off. I kick my boots off, run for the water and shallow dive in just like my dad taught me to do.


    The cold water shocks me. The air is warmer than last time but the water is still really cold. I want to scream and holler and have fun. I look back at Sarah.


    "Can you swim?"


    She shakes her head.


    I swim back but Mary steps in and mothers her.


    "I won''t leave your side. We will do it together and I won''t let go okay."


    Sarah smiles and pulls her shirt off. She kicks her pants off and sits at the edge of the water and dips her toes in. She gasps from the cold.


    Mary sits on the edge beside her and lifts herself into the water delicately. She hangs onto the rock and takes Sarah''s hand. Sarah lets her body flop into the water, not gracefully.


    She panics and slaps her hands around like Leo does when he swims.


    Mary takes her hands and focuses her face, "Calm. Swimming is all about being calm."


    Sarah is gasping in fear. Mary takes her hands and kisses them both, "Stay calm. Now trust me and we''ll have you swimming in no time."


    Sarah stops slapping and splashing. Mary turns her on her back, "Just relax. Let me float you. You look at the stars."


    I decide to do the same. I lie on my back. I let go the nerves of watching Sarah freak out and just float. The water calms me and Mary''s soft voice whispers to us both.


    "Relax the body and let the water lick at it. Feel my hands holding you up. I''m strong enough to do that. Look at the stars. Look at the shapes on the moon."


    The moon is so bright and blue. I''ve never seen it like this before.


    "It''s so blue." I say to no one.


    Mary laughs, "It happens once in a blue moon. The moon appears blue because of dust and debris in the air."


    I feel sad. I know they¡¯ve blown something else up. The bombings in the beginning were bad. The TV''s in Brian''s bunker were filled with images of the war in the beginning. The sick wandering the streets dying, or somehow living with the sores and brain damage from the high fevers.


    The bombs dropped when the countries assumed it was viral warfare from each other.


    The mess they left us is bad enough, but to have the group who masterminded it all to be left behind with us is unfair.


    I lose myself in it all and watch the moon. We made such a mess of this place.


    I look to the side of me and the water is flat again. Sarah and Mary have climbed out. The stars are reflecting in the water. I am lying amongst the stars. I am one with the universe.


    The only ripple comes from my body. I lie completely still and am one with it all. I am in the sky, floating and being.


    The moon is so bright the stars seem muted up close to it. I feel the waves rock me. I look up to see Jake in the water with me. I let my body sink. I am naked. I imagine he as well.


    "It''s so amazing here." Anna shouts from the shore on the big rock.


    Jake looks up. The beauty silences him.


    Anna jumps in, barely making a ripple in the water. She surfaces next to me.


    She smiles, "Meg is never going to forgive you."


    I snort, "She''s lucky I don¡¯t tan her hide with Jakes belt."


    He frowns, "Keep me out of your savagery. I''m a lover, not a fighter."


    Anna rolls her eyes, "Who have you been loving?" Her face goes red when she realizes what she''s said.


    He laughs.


    I see a white figure jump from the rock in a perfect dive. Will surfaces beside Anna. He makes a face, "Are you guys naked?"


    Anna swims away from him, "Okay gross. You couldn¡¯t keep that conversation in your mind? I''m in my undies."


    Jake laughs again. "Me too."


    Will nods. "Okay good. Me too." His eyes dart to me. I can see the glisten of them in the moonlight. "What about you?"


    I laugh and point, "Just stay over there."


    His booming laugh echoes off the rock walls. There is joy and mystery in the swimming hole.


    Jake looks at Will, "So this is where you were?"


    Will gives a short nod, "Some of the time."


    Anna snorts and splashes him, "Rough. We were out running away from slavers, the others, the infected who just don¡¯t die, and you were here?"


    He looks sad, "I came for you."


    I feel awkward in the conversation. I want to climb out but I don¡¯t want to flash my naked butt at them when I do. I turn and look up at the moon again and try to keep my body in the water.


    Her voice is emotional. The humor is gone, "When? When did you come for us?"


    "Anna they made me work in a camp for a year and then they tested me and sent me to the breeder camps. I was there for three months. I looked for you after that."


    She sounds pissed, "How long? For how long?"


    "Anna stop okay. We''re altogether now." Jake pleads with her.


    "No Jake. He left us."


    Will sighs again, "Anna I looked for two years. Every town, every bar and brothel. I looked in the slaver camps I snuck into just in case. I looked. I mourned you. I made a small headstone and had a funeral because I couldn¡¯t bear to be empty anymore. Ask Emma. When I met her and she said your names I almost got eaten by Leo for attacking her. We walked across the mountains and looked for you. I looked. I''ve crossed the country three times."


    She sobs, "You left us. We starved. We ran and fought and ran some more." Her sobs are muffled.


    I look and Will is holding her, "I have you now. I will never leave you again."


    Jake is in on the hug. I pretend to watch the stars and moon. I wish I were on the moon. I am cold and uncomfortable. I don¡¯t understand what is happening. How can they say such cruel things to each other and then hug?


    They all hug and sniffle and finally I can''t take it. I dive under the water and swim under it all the way to the flat rock. I leap out and pull myself up on the rock. I grab my clothes and run up the hill. I hear their voices calling me.


    It''s just like the first time. I need to start making reservations so I can have the bloody water hole to myself. I pull my tangled and sopping wet clothes on, on the trail. I can feel the dirt sticking to my feet and being dragged into my pants. Before I''m even fully dressed I run up to the fire to hide out.


    Mary walks up to me with a mug of cider. I take it and sip it. The sweetness is overwhelming but the warmth is amazing.


    "Meg isn¡¯t the first girl with Eric. I''m sorry I doubted you."


    I want to nod and say okay but I know I broke the law too, "I''m sorry for fighting. Is his arm okay?"


    She laughs, "Nope. He had to get stitches and you broke his nose and blackened both his eyes."


    I grin and sip the cider, "I want to feel bad. Does that count?"


    She giggles and the white haired devil comes to my side. Leo is lying at the fire.


    Mary kisses his little hands and speaks softly to him. "No wolfie okay? He''s sleeping and he will bite you."


    The little beast curls up in her lap and I have a hard time hating him. It''s fleeting. A spark lands on him and he shrieks. She caries him off to bed.


    Meg walks up but doesn¡¯t look at me. She speaks as if it''s to the fire. "I don¡¯t want to forgive you but I know what you was at. My momma would have liked what you done. I have to be honest about that. My momma always said no older boys."


    I hand her my mug and she sips it.


    "That¡¯s generous of you Meg. I didn¡¯t mean to lose it. I just don¡¯t do well with that sort of stuff."


    Meg bumps against me with her arm, "Oh shoot Emma I knows you a virgin. You got a sign over your forehead, it says pure."


    I cringe, "Not so much anymore."


    She turns sharply, "What? With Jake? I figured Will but after meeting Jake I don¡¯t know which I''d take. Though it''s good you picked cause between me and you Mary has been eyeballing the younger brother like a bear in heat."


    I laugh. My granny always said that.


    I shake my head, "At the breeder farms¡­"


    "Oh lord. No. Not you. Not like that." She interrupts and covers her eyes.


    I shake my head, "No it''s not like you think. It''s all done with machines and instruments. No men. The doctor did it with a metal rod I think. I saw a flash of silver anyway."


    She looks horrified. She crosses herself and it''s the first time I''ve seen someone do that in a long time. "No wonder you come back and attacked Eric. You aint never gonna have sex after something like that."

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    I laugh. I''m not traumatized from the event. I explained what had happened to me when I saw Anna in the center. I know what a virgin is. I know I am not, not technically.Advertisement


    "I feel okay with it. It was bad for a day. I''ve done worse things in my life."


    She accepts it and smiles, "Aint that the truth." She sips the cider and in the firelight.


    I forget everything. I let it burn and float away with the ash from the logs.


    "So you aint picked one of them brothers? They both like you."


    I shake my head, "That''s a dilemma."


    She giggles, "Not a bad dilemma if you ask me."


    I shrug and sit on the log. I hear a twig snap and look to the right where the path is. I laugh instantly. Will is naked. He''s holding clothes over his genitals.


    "I want my clothes Emma. Now."


    "What?"


    "You took my clothes." He raises an eyebrow and walks into my tent.


    His bare butt almost makes me stop laughing. It''s muscled and for a split second I glance at Meg. She makes a biting gesture like it''s an apple. I nod and follow him to the tent.


    I contemplate for a split second just taking the clothes off and standing naked outside of the tent for everyone to see. I might actually be safer outside naked, than inside and half naked.


    I stand there for a second and contemplate my dilemma and how much it just got worse.


    Looking down at the outfit, I can''t believe I never noticed how huge the clothes I''m wearing are or that they smell just like him.


    "Emma. Now." His voice makes me jump and without thinking I step into the tent.


    I can''t see him in the dark of it. I am grateful. That means he can''t seem me either.


    I pull the shirt off and hold it out into the darkness. His hand meets mine. I take the clothing in his hand and pull it on. I pull the pants down and feel weird being half naked in front of him. I hold the pants out for him but he pulls me into his naked embrace. My t-shirt is the only thing either of us has on. His hands are on my bare backside.


    His lips meet mine. He pulls me up and squeezes the air out of me. His face is buried in my neck. My feet touch the floor of the tent again and his lips drag up and down my throat until he meets my lips again. He sucks and kisses and I feel lost in it all. His tongue meets mine as his hands roam my back and bare bottom. I hear myself moan. My skin is on fire. I don¡¯t even know what I''m supposed to do next. I can feel his body against mine and I know what he wants to do next. I panic and push him away.


    He laughs a throaty laugh, "You''re a little tease. It''s only going to last so long."


    I stumble back and quickly pull my pants on. My body feels funny. My pants feel tight and constricting. I feel weird about his hot and cold routine. My brain instinctively reminds me of the girl in the short shorts kissing him.


    "I don¡¯t want to be a notch on someone''s belt Will." I walk out of the tent and feel proud of myself. I love when I can use lines from granny''s romance novels. It feels like she handed the wisdom down to me through the books.


    I don¡¯t actually get the image of notching a belt every time you make love to someone but Will is exactly like the roguish men in granny''s novels. He is too good looking and cocky.


    I want to be the virginal bride who falls for the right guy. The guy like Jake. Honest and loyal and fun and sweet.


    I stand at the fire and let the heat seep into me.


    Meg glances up and smiles, "That tent''s been awfully busy lately."


    I frown at her, "Remember you''re fifteen, please. You aren¡¯t twenty-five."


    She shrugs, "Aint no one getting to no twenty-five Emma. We gotta live for today and enjoy what we got right now. Two months ago I had a momma. Now I got you. I''m grateful. Even if you are a pain in the ass."


    I snort at her.


    Sarah walks up and snuggles into my arm. I think about the creepy guy who got his dirty old man claws into Meg and I whisper in her ear, "You stay with me or Meg or Mary or Anna at all times okay?"


    She glances up at me and nods, "Okay."


    "Don¡¯t go in the woods or tents with anyone you don¡¯t know or any men. Men are the devil."


    She responds with a shiver and a cuddle. I should probably follow that advice as well.


    "I like Will and Jake." I hug her tighter and walk to the bonfire. Jake is already playing the guitar. Apparently they''re a musical family. Anna is sitting on a log waiting for me. When I sit she passes me a glass of cider. It tastes like it has liquor added to the already strong cider.


    Will carries his guitar over and sits beside Jake. They smile at each other. Will joins in and starts singing. Their fingers move fast. Meg smacks a tambourine.


    "This was our dad''s favorite song. Group called The Lumineers. They were huge in 2012. Dad and Jake and Will saw them live in Denver." Will''s voice is perfect for the song. He and Jake sing shouting something about Ho and Hey. I am in love with them and how big they make my world feel.


    People are dancing around the fire and drinking. I feel like I''m camping not hiding in the woods as the word falls apart.


    Chapter Nineteen


    I watch Sarah and Leo splashing around the swimming hole. Her dog paddle matches his.


    Jake sits next to me, "You avoiding me?"


    Heat creeps up my cheeks, "No. I just, you know. I just, well. No."


    I am an idiot.


    He laughs, "You are. I''m sorry I kissed you that day. If I''d known you were going to get weird I wouldn¡¯t have done it."


    I glance at him without taking my eyes off Sarah and Leo, "Don''t be sorry. I''m glad you kissed me."


    His goofy smile makes my face hotter. His eyes make me happy. He''s sweet and honest and I love him. I know I do.


    He leans in to kiss me but I pull back and look at Sarah, "Not in front of her."


    He looks down, "Sorry. I forgot you''re a role model now."


    The idea of it makes me laugh, "Yes. Either there is no god at all or he has a great sense of humor."


    Sarah splashed Leo and he swims to the shore. He shakes and splashes dog water on us. I put my hands out as if they will stop the flood of raindrops being fired at us. He makes his silly wolf face and shakes once more.


    "You little brat."


    He pads to where I am and lies in the sun.


    Sarah swims to the flat rock and looks at us. Her blue eyes sparkle in the sun like Jakes.


    "You guys kind of look related." She says.


    I look at Jake and raise an eyebrow.


    He wraps an arm around me, "Maybe one day we will be. By marriage."


    I squirm out of his arms, "You''re a goof."


    Anna comes down the path. "Hey guys."


    She pulls her shirt off and her pants down. She jumps in the water. A flash of beige underwear and a white tank top fill my view.


    Jake covers his eyes, "It burns. It burns. Why don¡¯t the villagers knit swimsuits? Jesus."


    Anna laughs and splashes us. "Yeah because I would wear knitted undies moron."


    She swims in a circle and smiles at me. "I love this place."


    "It''s pretty awesome." I say.


    "Are we staying here?" Sarah asks and pulls herself up onto the rock. She lies next to Leo in the sun. I can tell by the shift in his position that Jake is uncomfortable. Underwear isn¡¯t great coverage.


    I look at the water and nod slowly, "You and Anna and Meg are. I have to go and free the women from the breeder camps."


    Jake looks back at me. He disapproves. "You aren¡¯t doing anything that involves that place."


    I look at him but don¡¯t bother starting an argument. I know what I have to do.


    I turn to Sarah and smile. "It is amazing here. We are lucky."


    "Jake you and Will are amazing musicians."


    His cheeks redden. "Yeah dad was big on music. Only miss thang over there and mom were non-musical. Me and dad and Will were always playing instruments."


    Sarah grins at him, "Can you teach me?"


    He nods. "Yeah maybe I can teach you and Emma at the same time. You know this week sometime."


    I glance at Jake and try to ignore his incredibly long eyelashes or grin, "I''m going up."


    He stands awkwardly. His leg is still not one hundred percent. "I''ll come with you."


    "Anna can you hang with Sarah and make sure she doesn¡¯t drown?"


    "Yup."


    Jake takes my hand in his and pulls me up the hill. "Want to take a nap like the one we had on the couch at the farmhouse?"


    I chuckle, "No I want to find out what the capabilities are of the camps. We''re going to need help."


    He kisses my hand, "I think the nap is a great way to brainstorm."


    I grimace at his lips on my hand, "I don¡¯t know the last time I washed that."


    He spits on the ground, "You are the least tactful person I''ve ever met."


    I grin, "I was raised by wolves. What do you expect?"


    He laughs and pulls me into his arms. He presses his lips against mine and guilt rips through me. I push on his chest and think about his brother''s lips against mine only days before.


    He looks hurt, "Is there something I should know about? Something with you and Will?"


    I shake my head, "No." It''s a lie. I know this but my lips speak before my brain can think. I can''t bear the thought of hurting him.


    He kisses me softly, "I think there is."


    I close my eyes. I feel like I might cry, "I need to save the world before I can have this conversation." I can feel his lips curl into a smile against mine.


    "Let them all kill each other. Stay here with me."


    I open my eyes and let the few tears that have built up drip down my cheeks, "I can''t."


    He looks hurt again, "You mean you won''t."


    I bite my lip, "Does it matter? I can''t leave them there."


    He shakes his head, "You''ve changed Emma. You never cared for anything and now you care about everything. You pick up strays every time you go out there."

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    "My dad warned me, if I cared about anything I would care about everything."Advertisement


    He kisses my lips once more, "We broke you."


    I shake my head and pull away from him, "You saved me." I walk up the hill fast. I know he can''t catch me. Tears blind me.


    I break into a run and flee for the safety of the forest. I know the guards in the trees can see me running but I don¡¯t care.


    My hands dig into the soft dirt on a hill as I pull my way up it. I jump over the other side and let the sadness of it all flow out of me.


    Images of the garbage bags tearing open flash behind my closed eyes.


    I cover my eyes with my hands. The dirt on them blends with the tears.


    I hear a loud snap. I look up expecting Leo. He always knows when I''m sad or lost.


    Through the water works I see a man. I know who it is instantly. I can smell him.


    He sits and pulls me into him. I want to fight him but I can''t.


    I sob into his shirt. "They were hollow. The bags ripped open and they were hollow. No eyes. No guts. Just flaps of skin. I can''t leave them there. There was a girl. A little girl."


    He strokes my head, "Okay. Okay. We won''t leave them there."


    His fingers brush the top of my head.


    Will kisses the top of my head. His hot breath on my scalp calms me.


    "When I was there I met a guy named Dillon. He was young like me, eighteen. We worked an apple orchard together in southern Utah. When the doctors came through looking for young healthy men they picked us both. We went to the breeder camp you were at. They tested us and made sure we were healthy. I passed the tests but I guess Dillon''s blood showed he carried a gene for Huntington''s disease. He didn¡¯t have it but if he had kids they could get it, maybe. Maybe not." His voice lowers, "They told him he was going to be let go because they couldn¡¯t use him. He shook my hand and told me best of luck. Said he would see me again. Told me he was going to try to find his mother and father in Idaho."


    He quivers and he takes a breath, "I was walking through the halls, past all sorts of windows. Dillon and three other guys we had been brought there with were walking out in this garden area. Through the window I watched as a man came out with a gun and shot them all before any of them could register what had happened."


    I had stopped crying halfway through the story. I hold my breath and look up into his watery eyes. "They said it was an accident they walked us that way. They didn¡¯t mean for us to see it. But I knew. They did it as a warning. Bullshit wouldn''t be tolerated and each of us meant nothing to them."


    He doesn¡¯t look at me. He speaks like he is inside of the story and can''t break away, no matter what. It is his guilt to live with. The guilt of being the one to live.


    "So I know what you feel about it all. When I met the scientists who were there with a gun against their heads I knew there was still a chance. They wanted to stop it and let mankind start over. Humanity exists Emma. It''s inside of every one of those garbage bags. It''s inside of the people trying to eek out a life in the mountains like you were."


    The memories of my old cabin fill my mind and I smile.


    He laughs, "The smile that crosses your lips when you think about that old cabin is hilarious. You go from slightly insane and moody to Susie home-maker."


    I frown, "Who''s Susie?" He''s one to talk about looking grumpy.


    He laughs again and kisses my forehead. "We need to go back."


    I stand, "Thanks for letting me, uhm, cry."


    "You are the most incredible person I''ve ever met. You lived through it all." He pulls me into him and grips my back.


    I hear a noise and see Leo watching us. He looks sad. I drop to my knees. He jumps up on the log and down in front of me. He puts his paws up and hugs me.


    I breathe in his fur. The smell of him brings me home.


    "I love you too boy."


    He looks at Will and makes a throaty noise.


    "He hates me."


    I pull back and stroke his huge ears, "No he doesn¡¯t. He hasn¡¯t even tried to eat you yet. Don¡¯t be a baby."


    We walk back and I am resolved in my debate about going back to the breeder farm. I glance at Will and Jake''s words ring in my head. I never feel guilty when I''m in Will''s arms.


    I silently agree with Jake, I am broken.


    Chapter Twenty


    "I don¡¯t give a good goddamn what the fucking conditions in there are Will. I am not sending my men into the fucking farms. It''s a suicide mission. Think with your brain and not your cock. Jesus."


    The crowd can''t help but watch from outside the tent.


    A man beside Marshall glares at me, "She''s filling your head with stories. Lisa''s sister went and got a condo in the city. They don¡¯t fucking kill them." He paces around the maps like a caged animal.


    I feel my fingers twitching but I let Will do the talking.


    "She saw what she saw. She isn¡¯t making it up. My sister saw it. Are you calling my sister a liar?"


    The red-faced man throws his arms in the air, "I''m not calling them liars, just confused. Some of the girls aren''t going to make it. Not every woman lives through child birth."


    He is back peddling.


    Will leans over the table and looks at Marshall, "Marshall huge dumpsters full of dead women in body bags. The nurse told them what was going on. There are no condos in the city."


    Gasps and whispers fill the crowd outside the tent.


    Star is there beside Will suddenly. She reaches down and touches his lower back with her hands. I want to focus on Marshall and the fighting but her cut offs look shorter than ever and her tank top is tighter.


    I leave the tent and walk away. I am not waiting for them to decide. I''ll figure it out on my own.


    "You were the one in the farms?"


    I look over at a lady with long brown hair. Her face is old but I would bet she isn¡¯t that old. Her eyes look young.


    I nod.


    "My sister is there. She went last year. They took her."


    "I''m sorry."


    "Is it true? Are they killing them?"


    I nod again.


    "I knew it. I was in the city last year. That''s how she got caught. We went there and she got taken and I got kicked out. I was a smoker, before. Said I have a seventy percent chance of getting lung or throat cancer. Wouldn¡¯t take me. Then they kicked me out of the city."


    I sit at a small table with some stump chairs, "What was the city like?"


    She shakes her head and sit across from me, "Like nothing you ever seen, even before."


    She rubs her dark eyes, "There wasn¡¯t no one like us. You know looking like they spent any time out in the woods or old abandoned houses. We tried sleeping in an alley but they patrol them all night. Me and Amanda, my sister, we found a place under a building to sleep. There was no one like us. The women are all thin and pretty and they have little kids and everyone is too clean. They eat like they aint never been hungry. Pick at it and then throw it away."


    My lips curl into a smile, a bitter and expressive smile. "Well maybe we should show them what it''s like to be hungry."


    She puts a hand over mine, "The kids are weird. They aint normal. They are like little adults but they have bad tempers. We was hiding in the back of a building and a pack of them came along. They was maybe twelve years old. All beautiful and perfect looking. They attacked an older woman and killed her. They smiled while they done it."


    My skin shivers.


    She shakes her head, "If you want help getting them girls out I''m in. I got people here too. When they find out Amanda is going to be killed after she has her babies they''ll help."


    I admire her bravery. She may be skinny and tired looking but I can see a fire in her tired eyes.


    "I''m Emma."


    She cackles and coughs, "Everyone knows who you are sugar bee. I''m Nannette. Everyone calls me Nan." She put a boney hand out. I take it. It feels soft compared to mine.


    "How old are you?"


    "Twenty-nine."


    I honestly would have guessed forty. I hold my face muscles still and smile, "I''m nineteen."


    "You look about fourteen. You''re plump like them city people are. Having enough water and food does that to you."


    I look at my forearm and know it''s the truth. I''ve always had enough. It wasn¡¯t grand or amazing but it was enough. Something cold presses against my hand. I look at Leo''s wolf face. His muzzle is wet.


    "Hey boy." I scratch his face. "This is Leo."


    She nods again slowly. A smile creeps across her lips like she''s in on a joke and I''m not, "He''s the reason everyone knows who you are kiddo."


    I smile at him, "You''re a superstar Leo."


    She looks intimidated by him.


    "Well Nan it was nice meeting you."


    "If you planning something you let me know."


    "Oh this is me letting you know. Get me about seven or eight of the more dirty looking guys you know but who can fight and keep their temper at the same time. Meet me at the south east side of camp in two hours. Pack light, food and water."


    "Sounds good kid."


    I stand and leave with Leo next to me. I need to do this with a small group of people. It needs to be done delicately. I know exactly how to do it.


    I walk to where the group of women had been the last time I was at the camp. There are less of them milling about as they peel vegetables.


    Most of the others are watching the arguing going on in the tent between Will and Marshall.


    The older one smiles at me, "Got out I see."


    I smile back, "I did. You know of any women here who can fight?"


    She looks at the four women beside her and opens her arms wide, "What are we chopped liver?"


    I shake my head, "No."


    Putting her hands on her hips, she blows a piece of hair out of her eyes. I notice now how much they sparkle. "I was in the military before. I left to start my own business after twenty years was up. Good thing I have that military pension now or I''d starve."

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    They all laugh. I''m lost.Advertisement


    "I was a chef. I can do a lot of things with a knife." The woman with the scar on her face says.


    "I''m going after the women in the breeder farm." I say.


    The dark haired one glances at the older one. They exchange a look.


    "We''re in. How many women."


    "Five would be ideal. They have to be fit. Be ready to leave here in a couple hours. Pack light but bring food and water. Meet me at the south east side of camp."


    She laughs, "You little shit. You''re going to let them fight and sneak a small group of us out aren¡¯t you?"


    My eyes sparkle right back at her, "I don¡¯t know what you''re talking about."


    I walk to where the water well is dug and start filling my water bottles.


    Leo makes a noise in his throat. I glance up and see Eric watching me. His dark eyes still show faded bruising under them. I wave. He shakes his head and starts laughing. Leo growls. He puts his hands in the air innocently and walks away. I didn¡¯t know he was at the camp here. I knew Mary asked him not to come back to the retreat. Too many fifteen year olds for him to be tempted by.


    I look down at Leo and rub his fur. We could kill Eric in the woods quietly and no one would know. Leo could eat him. I pull an arrow from my quiver and notice it''s nearly empty. I decide I need arrows more than Eric dead.


    I walk into the forest off to the side. Leo lies in the brush while I whittle new arrows. The forest here doesn¡¯t feel like home. I miss my cabin. I know Leo misses it. I know after this is all over and I find my inner peace again, I am going home.


    The feeling of need is burning inside of me. It is a bad feeling that haunts me. It won''t stop nagging at me to help the girls in the breeder farms. I wonder if I will ever stop? Will the need ever be filled and go away?


    A giggle breaks my silence and thought. I look up to see short shorts hanging off of Will again. He''s talking to a man with black hair and a big beard. She is clinging to him and hitting him softly, like he''s making jokes. My stomach falls and my chest feels heavy. I hate him. I hate him for tricking me and making me care about him.


    I get up from the log I''m sitting on and walk deeper into the forest. I pull an arrow and pull out my bow. I hold it steady and listen to the forest. A bird makes a sound and I release the arrow. I feel sad when the arrow hits him because I''m not going to eat him but I need the feathers. I don¡¯t like waste.


    I walk up to his dead body and pull the arrow out. I pluck the feathers on the wings and try not to think about it.


    "You should be using willow branches you know."


    I look back at him, trying desperately to fight the scowl across my face. I want more than anything to not care about him.


    "I read it in a book. Willow branches make the best arrows."


    I roll my eyes, "Will, what do you think my bow is made of?"


    He smirks, "I don¡¯t know."


    "The bow has to be willow. The arrows can be any wood."


    He sits beside me, "Good to know. So I heard a rumor."


    "Yeah well if you''re the star of the rumor keep it to yourself please. My imagination works just fine for cooking up ideas on the things you do that are noteworthy."


    He laughs, "You''re jealous."


    I snap my face at his, "I am not."


    He kisses my nose but I back up fast and fall off the log, "Don¡¯t touch me."


    I snatch my things and stalk away.


    He grabs my arm sending my feathers and sticks everywhere. I feel like I''m going to cry. My lip trembles. I will it not to but I can''t help myself. I am furious. I''ve never actually felt this emotion. It appears the angrier I get, the closer to tears I get.


    I feel my body shake back and forth. I feel his arms biting into my skin. I feel his hot breath on my face but I don''t hear the words he''s shouting.


    I shut down. I feel limp in his grip, like his hands are the only things holding me up.


    His blue eyes are on fire. They narrow and his lips thin in a sneer. He''s very angry. His mouth is moving savagely. His eyes dart to the side. He looks to the side and stops shaking me. I follow his gaze to see Star standing and watching us. The world stops moving and his fingers stop clawing at me. He drops his hands. He glances nervously at her. She bites her lip. Everything moves slower. He runs a hand through his hair and sighs. He points one of his big fingers in my face, "I''m watching you. You don¡¯t do anything stupid."


    I bend, and try not to fall over, to collect my things from the ground. I wish I could leave them there. He has humiliated me. I can feel a build up of emotions ready to burst from me. I hate that he has yelled at me like I''m a child in front of his girlfriend of the week. Maybe she''s been his girlfriend all along.


    I hear his feet crunching on the ground and her giggle. My fingers want to grip an arrow and drive it into both of their chests.


    I feel Leo nudging my arm.


    The fire in his yellow eyes reminds me who I am. I am the hero of my own story. The girl who lived alone in the woods and never needed anyone. The girl who is going to free the other girls.


    The world is growing distant to me again. My emotions are shutting off. When I am done saving the women and children I am going back to my cabin.


    Chapter Twenty-One


    The ragged group of people is exactly what I imagined they would be. The desperate look in their eyes is exactly what I was looking for. I pull out a map I stole when Marshall was out of the main tent. It''s one of the smaller ones he never uses, as far as I could tell.


    "This area here is a high traffic area." I point to a roadway a few miles from the farm. I look at the two younger looking women, "We are going to get you and you to walk along the road there and get picked up. You look pretty perfect. Once they stop I will drop them from a tree on the side of the road with my bow. Who here can shoot?"


    A man, who reminds me of my dad a little, nods. "I can. I have a rifle." He pulls it off his back.


    "Okay good. You and I will shoot everything down there but those two ladies. Everyone else hides at the edge of the woods and ambushes after the initial are dead. We climb aboard and ride it to the farm with us women in the back as captives. There are few guards at the drop-off. Maybe four. They will expect you guys are guards too. From there it''s mostly doctors and nurses. We sneak inside and¡­"


    "And what Emma? Blow up the building? Kill every doctor you see whether they''re guilty or not?"


    I sigh and close my yes, "No one asked you for help."


    I look at the group of people and ignore the giant angry bear of a man at my back. "We are all here voluntarily right?"


    They eyeball him and nod weakly. He must look really pissed. I don¡¯t care. I hate him.


    "Honey you have to think this through." I hear a sweet giggly voice.


    I turn and try not to shout, "What have you ever done besides fuck guys in a camp? What do you know about rescuing people and avoiding death? Your short shorts and big boobs have pretty much guaranteed your survival. Sorry if I don¡¯t listen to anything you have to say. For Christ sake. I''m not looking for advice on how to style my hair." Her pretty face becomes stoic. She looks at Will and turns on her heel and stalks back to camp. Will grabs my arm and drags me into the woods. I fight him but at some points my feet aren''t touching the ground.


    I prepare myself for the shaking of a lifetime and for his fingers to push in where the bruises are still fresh from last time.


    Instead he sits on a log and pinches the bridge of his nose. I frown. He is quiet. It''s more creepy than anything.


    "You are a child Emma. You don¡¯t realize it but you are. I know you''ve lived through incredible things and you''ve been alone and that you don¡¯t have social skills like normal people but you can''t talk to someone like that. She was trying to help."


    All I really hear from his sentence is ''child'' and ''not normal''. My feet are backing away. I feel a sickly knot in my stomach.


    "You need her. Her brother is a genius of sorts. He''s holed up in a creepy old mansion. We need to go there and get his help if you''re serious about saving all the farm workers."


    I don¡¯t hear him. I''m backing up slowly like I used to. Not making noise.


    My plan was a good one. We''re sticking to it. I know it will work. I don¡¯t need a bimbo like Star or her brother or the moron she has wrapped around her fingers.


    I feel a branch snap under my foot as I''m about to turn and run.


    He glances up and frowns, "What are you doing?"


    I swallow hard.


    "Why do you look like that?"


    I watch his face and roll up my sleeve on my right arm slowly. His fingerprints are still in my arms. The red has faded and instead a slight blue is appearing.


    He focuses on it and shakes his head, "What?"


    I swallow hard again and pull the sleeve back down, "I''m done with you bruising me and shaking me. If you want to talk we can do it this far apart."


    He looks frightened, like I''ve cornered him and made him angry.


    "What was that? Did I do that?"


    I don¡¯t say anything. Instead a memory burns through my mind. A memory of being with my best friend Lana.


    Once we hid under her bed when her parents were fighting. Her dad was beating her mom. All we saw were feet. His in black socks with jeans bunched at his ankles. Hers were bare with red nail polish. She was on her toes and struggling to touch the ground. She made a weird gurgling noise. Slaps and grunts filled the air mixing with his shouts. Suddenly she was on the ground beside us. Her dark brown eyes widened when she saw us. Her lip was bleeding making it look like lipstick as the droplets rolled along her lips. A tear slid down her red cheek. She winked at us and pushed herself onto her knees and crawled down the hall. He followed. His shouts followed too. As she got further away we could see more. I looked at Lana. She was covering her face and sobbing silently.


    I looked back down the hall to see him kick her until she didn¡¯t move anymore. He stalked down the long hallway of the trailer and went into the small kitchen. I heard the fridge door open. He made other noises and closed the fridge. He walked to the end of the hallway and looked at her. He opened the beer in his hands and drank a bunch of it. He turned and walked out of my sight. When Lana was calm we snuck out the window and went barefoot to my granny''s. She made us pancakes and we made crowns out of craft paper and sparkle glue.

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    The look on his face reminds of her dad for a second.Advertisement


    "Emma."


    As his feet move a step closer mine move a step further.


    I see the pain on his face but I fight my urge to make it okay again. He has humiliated me and treated me like a child and a victim. I am none of those things.


    My voice is small. I am scared I will cry but I know the memory of Lana makes me strong. "I am a hero. I don¡¯t need you. I never asked you for help in this because I don¡¯t need you. You make me feel bad about myself. I don¡¯t need that. I might not be normal or a woman because I''ve chosen not to sell what I have to the highest bidder. That doesn¡¯t make me worthless or a child. You can stay here and play house with Barbie over there. I don¡¯t need you or her. I have gotten along fine without anyone."


    I don¡¯t turn my back on him. Not until I feel the soft fur of Leo in my fingers. His back isn¡¯t up like it should be.


    Will takes a step forward and I take a step behind Leo.


    "Emma. What can I say besides I''m sorry."


    I shake my head, "Your kind are always sorry Will. Sorry I beat you. Sorry I humiliated you. Sorry I cheated on you. Sorry I killed you by accident because I forgot to stop hitting and kicking."


    His eyes flash, "I would never hurt you."


    I rip my sleeve up again, dragging it up my arm and scratching myself, "But you did."


    He runs his hands through his dark hair, "Not on purpose Emma. You just make me so mad. I don¡¯t know what to do about you. Tell me what I should do. I don¡¯t want to feel this way about you. I don¡¯t want to love someone that is so reckless with herself and is willing to die for other people. I will die if you die." He doesn¡¯t look angry. His eyes are passionate but in a way that breaks my heart.


    I take a step back, "I don¡¯t want to love someone who has sex with other women and lets them crawl all over him in front of other people. I don¡¯t want to love someone who leaves marks on my body because he gets angry and then humiliates me and calls me not normal and a child."


    He laughs but it sounds pained as it cuts through the quiet of the forest. "Touch¨¦." He takes a step forward with his hands out. "I would rather die than hurt you."


    "But you have. You have already so many times." I take another step back.


    He bites his lower lip and looks at me through his thick lashes. "What are we going to do?"


    I shake my head, "Rescue the women from the farm."


    He laughs again, "What about us?"


    A single tear escapes the hold I have over myself, "There is no us. There never was. There was you and me and Star and whoever else you freely let into your bed. It never was just us." I turn my back on him but Leo stays. I know I stole that one from one of granny''s books too.


    "Emma there is no me and other women. It''s me and you and this fucking wolf. Leo come on boy. Let me past. Come here Leo."


    I hear the growling and I smile.


    The group is sitting and laughing about something. They stand when they see me, "Are we going or what?" A man asks.


    I nod and pick up my bow and quiver, "Let''s go."


    I whistle once and Leo comes bounding. I know Will is behind us. I feel safer with him there. I hate that.


    The walk down the mountain is easier than the last time. I am much less exhausted and the fear of what we are about to do is driving me forward.


    "So is that your boyfriend?" One of the older women asks.


    I look back to where he is walking with one of the guys and talking. His eyes move to meet mine. I look back at her and shake my head, "No. I don¡¯t have a boyfriend. There is a guy I like. He''s really sweet and kind and funny." I laugh, "He has no survival skills whatsoever but it doesn¡¯t matter. He makes me feel like it''s before the wars and the sickness."


    She nudges me, "Then why do you have that stricken look on your face when you see him?"


    My eyes narrow, "It''s his brother. He thinks he should be able to treat me like his little sister I think."


    She shakes her head, "Girl he doesn¡¯t treat you like a little sister. Trust me I was married twice before the wars. That is not the look a sister gets."


    I glance back, "He doesn¡¯t exactly do the single relationship thing."


    She looks at me and smirks, "None of them do honey. What you need to do is flirt with other guys to give him a taste of his own medicine. That thing you have going with his brother is probably driving him nuts."


    I smile at her but have nothing to say. I''m as guilty as he is. Being with Jake makes me feel happy. Being with Will makes me feel something different. Something I can''t name. I look at him again and know it isn¡¯t happiness he makes me feel. It''s stronger and scarier. His eyes don''t meet mine. I rub my arm to remind myself of what he is capable of.


    We get to the bottom of the mountain and make camp for the night.


    The night air is getting muggy. Summer is painful, the heat is almost unbearable. Even at my cabin I would lie awake some nights and sweat.


    Leo is gone hunting. Whenever I make camp he spends his time circling it. He sleeps on the outskirts of it and watches. Some might find a pair of yellow eyes watching them from the woods disturbing, but I find it comforting.


    I drop my pack and roll out my thin roll. The women stay to one side of the fire while the men sit at the other. In the dark it is hard to make out where everyone is, but in the firelight their figures flit about in the background like ghosts.


    Distracted for the moment with my bow and quiver I walk into the forest. I can feel Leo near me. His protection of me is most of the reason I feel safe in the woods.


    I sit perched and wait. Something scurries off to the left of me. I wait for the light of the moon to reflect on its beady little eye. As the glint of muted light hits the shine of the eyeball I release the arrow. A small squeak confirms my success. I walk to it before I lose it in the dark. As I reach for it, a stabbing pain hits my hand and wrist. It moves one final time


    "Shit." I whisper and pulled back. Quills are everywhere. I kick the beast over with my foot and pick it up with my other hand by the belly. I nearly drop it. It weighs a ton. It must literally weigh thirty-five pounds. I struggle with it and end up hugging it. The quills are slicing into my chest and stomach. I wince.


    I carry it back to the camp as fast as I can. It''s huge.


    I drop it at the fire and look at the quills all over my hand and the front of me.


    "Oh shit. Are those barbed?"


    I shake my head, "I don¡¯t know. I''ve never been stuck before. I don¡¯t shoot porcupines ever and Leo is smarter than to attack them. I couldn¡¯t see it in the dark."


    Mona, the older lady I''ve become fast friends with, comes and sits. She pulls out a small kit from her backpack. When it is unrolled she pulls long tweezers from it.


    A deep voice breaks the silent inspection, "You have to be careful. If you break it off it''s harder to get out. Then you have to dig around. They''re barbed, they move deeper when you move."


    We both look back at Will hovering over us. She hands him the tweezers and rolls her eyes. It makes me smile.


    He takes my other hand and pulls me to a log closer to the fire. I try not to notice the way my hand feels inside of his.


    I sit down. He holds my hand so it faces the firelight.


    He sits and starts to pull them out in an abrupt jerk. I don''t notice the pain. I notice the way the light hit his face. I notice how intensely he looks at my wounds. I notice how soft his touch is.


    My stomach whirls inside like a tornado is in there.


    Mona and a man, who looks older like her, start to prepare the porcupine. Some of the other people brought other food to the camp. A hare, an owl and a large rat looking thing were all laid on the ground in front of the fire.


    Berries and roots are dropped down by the fire. People had gathered along the hike down.


    "I''ve never cooked a porcupine before."


    "Joe you gut it and skin it just like anything else. It''s good."


    "Here let me."


    "No you aint got no control with a skinning knife. There won''t be any meat left."


    Will grins listening to them.


    "They''ve been married for a long time." He whispers but never takes his eyes off my quill situation.


    "How did you find all these people?"


    He grins, "Me and Marshall got out of the breeder camp together."


    I grimace, "They had Marshall at the breeder camp?"


    He laughs, "He is a scientist. He is a disease specialist. He was never used like the rest of us. Too old and fat. Plus he has diabetes. No we left together. He got me out."


    I can''t help the feelings I have for him. They are stronger than anything else inside of me.


    "How did you find all the people?"


    "Marshal freed them from a work farm." He looks at me, "Star''s brother helped."


    I gulp.


    "He was a CIA tech guy. Anyway he has this fortress over near the farm. It''s the kind of place you could ride out the entire war and live out your life without worrying about outsiders. Anyway he lives there and has Intel on all the farms and how their systems work."


    I don¡¯t want to talk about Star but it''s like a train wreck and I can''t look away from the dead scattered across the tracks. I ask without the ability to stop myself, "So what''s up with you and Star?"


    His eyes dart to mine, "I saved her from the breeder farm."


    I feel my eyebrow rise skeptically, "That¡¯s it?"


    He grins, "What else do you want it to be? Do you need for there to be more to the story?"


    "What?"


    He plucks me like I''m a chicken and blows on each hole after the quill is out. "You seem bent on there being more to the story."


    I pull my hand away, "There is more to the story. I can tell. She touches you with a familiarity only a girl whose ''known'' you would have. If you can''t be honest with me then I guess I don¡¯t really care what the answer is."


    I stand and walk to the far side of the forest. In dancing light of the flames I pluck my own hand and chest. It is sharper and more painful without the warmth of his touch. The stomach hurts the most.

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    I know he''s watching me but I ignore him.Advertisement


    Leo stalks out of the woods forcing momentary panicked looks, until they realize it''s my friend. He nestles in next to me and waits for the food.


    I pluck and try to ignore the hollow feeling in my chest.


    Chapter Twenty-Two


    Her name is Muriel. I''ve never heard the name before and I''m afraid she is going to die in the crossfire and I will never hear the name again.


    She is twenty-three and has a sister in the breeder farms. She got taken on the way to the towns. Probably by the same assholes who stole me in the woods.


    When I hear the truck coming I feel a sickening panic overwhelm me. I want to tell her to abort and run like a wild woman into the woods. I don¡¯t want to go back. It''s fleeting but more powerful than any emotion I''ve ever felt.


    Instead I take a deep breath and run my fingers through his thick fur for a moment. It''s cathartic and brings me peace.


    I pull my arrow and line it up. Muriel sells it. She hugs herself and stumbles.


    Her dark hair is ragged and dirty. She naturally has the face of a tortured soul. She is the perfect bait.


    I see movement to the west, something I never expected to see. It''s a group of them. Leo must be able to smell them or sense them. He licks his lips and makes a low growl. I turn my bow and gauge the distance. They walk with the gracefulness of a mummy. Their bodies are seizing up from the scurvy and diseases they are riddled with. How they live through it is beyond me.


    It''s the largest pack I''ve ever seen.


    I put my arrow in the quiver and slide the bow over my shoulder. I look at Leo and burst into a sprint. The bushes are flying past me. I see a colorful blur in my peripheral vision. I forgot I wasn¡¯t alone.


    "The infected. To the west. They have to die silently." I don¡¯t shout but I speak loud enough that they can spread the word.


    At the base of the hill I scramble up a tree. Leo hides in a bush at the base, as he always does.


    I feel my tree moving as if a windstorm has taken it. I look down and see Will climbing the same large tree as I am.


    I climb faster.


    Finding a fat enough branch to sit in, I wrap my legs around it and steady myself.


    "Where?"


    I pull my arrow and bow and ready myself. Dust is starting to rise in the east. The truck is closing in on Muriel. They will see her soon.


    I steady my shot and wait. The infected don''t see her yet. She has stopped and started to walk toward the truck.


    "Stay calm Emma." Will whispers. I release the arrow when I think they are close enough.


    The arrow lands a few feet in front of the one I was aiming at.


    There is no breeze thankfully. My aim was dead on. I give it a few more seconds and release the arrow I have at the ready. The arrow drops the taller one.


    Nine left.


    A scream fills the forest.


    Muriel has spotted them. She is making her own bit of dust on the gravel road. She runs fast but the infected have heard her scream. Somehow they move faster than she does. They''re gaining on her.


    "Fuck." Will is shaking the tree and nearly knocking me out of it as he climbs down. He jumps when he''s close enough to the ground and sprints through the forest. I release another arrow as soon as he is out of the tree. Another drops.


    Eight.


    They are running fast. My next arrow misses.


    I climb down fast but by the time I reach the ground the gunfire has filled the forest. The truck has rounded the corner.


    Leo and I run for the disaster the infected have created.


    I want to run away. I''ve made the mess in front of me.


    I push my legs. When I arrive the truck is pulled over and Muriel is being dragged behind it. Guns are firing like mad. Bullets come from the truck and the forest. No one notices at first that the infected are running hard for the truck.


    "Holy shit Blake." A man shouts and one of the others turns to the infected. He shoots his automatic weapon and drops them to the their knees. They crawl and drag themselves. I pull an arrow and from the woods I hit the man in front of the truck in the eye. He drops a massive gun.


    I fire another arrow but I miss the man holding Muriel by the throat. He drags her to the far side of the truck.


    Four men with guns surround the huge white truck. Bullets are being sprayed into the woods. I hear the bullets knocking on the trees around me. I duck and wait. My heart is pounding in my throat.


    The truck door opens and Muriel screams for a second. The closing door cuts her screams short.


    "Let''s go." One of the other''s shouts.


    The truck drives away but the bullets still pelt the forest. When I glance up I see the bullets come from the man standing on the side of truck holding onto the mirror and shooting as the truck speeds away.


    I cover my eyes and wait for the panic to subside.


    I am tackled and thrown to the ground.


    Fingers grip my skin and my throat. I feel something hard against me. A loud growl fills the forest followed by a scream. My back is against a stick. It''s stabbing in. It hurts a lot.


    I see something black flash across the canopy.


    "LEAVE HER ALONE!"


    Stars flash in front of my eyes like when my granny used to take pictures of me. I try to focus but my head hurts. I see things go black but I can feel his fur and hear his growl. I know he''ll kill anything that comes for me.


    xxxx


    Waking from a blackout is a bad experience. The pain is the first thing I feel. Then the alarming sense of confusion takes over. As the light hits my eyes I wince and lean to the side. I throw up and try not to notice the pain everywhere.


    A cold nose is pressed against my cheek. The weak sickening feeling is everywhere at once. I want to close my eyes again but her scream is locked in my memory. She is caught because of me.


    I hear his voice, "You are not responsible for everyone on the planet. It''s us and them. You need to take care of you. That''s survival Em."


    I can''t make that my mantra anymore. I cost a life today. I am responsible. Like the women who were taken when I was in the town. Meg''s mom and aunt. I am to blame.


    "You know the rules." I hear talking. I open my eyes.


    I can''t see much, it''s dark. I put a hand out and feel fur. Leo is sitting guarding me.


    "A life for a life Will. You made the fucking rule."


    "I made the rule for reckless loss of life. Muriel might not be dead firstly and secondly Emma never cost her life on purpose."


    "I want her back, god dammed. I don¡¯t care how you feel about that fucking kid."


    "Your vision is clouded Will. This is just like Star. You''re risking the good of everyone for a piece of ass. Now that a new piece of ass has come along you''re doing it again."


    "I told you already once you don¡¯t bring Star up. She''s off limits."


    "Yeah well you always have had a thing for a pretty face and a tight ass. I vote we take her to Marshall and he chooses. It''s fair."


    "You guys want to kill her you come through me." Will''s voice sounds frightening.


    "Marshall is going to be the one to decide. We leave at dawn." A scuffle starts up. I hear branches breaking and a man grunting.


    The light of fire flickers on the trees high up. I look around me. I am on my bedroll. I see my bow and quiver next to me. They are leaning against my backpack. I drag them slowly to me. I pull the backpack on. Leo doesn¡¯t move but I feel his awareness of me. I put a hand on his back and whisper, "Shhh Leo. Down low buddy. Down low."


    He knows the command. He stays put. I roll away from the bedroll and slither through the woods. I make no noise. I might not have been born into this world but I have mastered surviving it.


    When I am in the lower part of the hillside they''re camped on, I stand but maintain a crouch. I run.


    My head hurts and I want to throw up again but I hold my breath. I can only breathe short inhales and exhales.


    I stumble and trip. I''m far enough away that they don¡¯t hear me. I can''t hear their bickering.


    I hear a crunch behind me and sigh when I see the yellow eyes. I''m sprawled out on the ground. Leo nudges me and helps me stand. We run.


    We reach the bottom of the hill where the road was. I feel the gravel beneath my feet. I don¡¯t know if it¡¯s the same road. I can''t see anything. The moon isn¡¯t out.


    I am lost. Leo growls.


    I stop and wait for him. My hand is out. His fur is suddenly in my hand. I grip it lightly and let him pull me. My eyes are still fuzzy from my knockout. I hear something. A scratch on the gravel and a high moan. Shivers tickle up and down my spine. We are on the same road as before. The infected are here.


    The gravel beneath my feet makes a thousand noises I wish could be silenced. I know they can hear me. If they have upper body strength the infected are dragging themselves to me. Madness could overwhelm me if I had listen to their scratches on the gravel.


    My knees nearly buckle as the ground slants into the ditch on the other side. My eyes are clearing and I''m able to focus. I can see a log in front of me. I jump over it with Leo and we start to run again. My back is aching and my neck feels like it''s been cracked the wrong way. My throat hurts to swallow. I''m sure I couldn¡¯t scream if I had to.


    I ignore it all and run into the woods. When we reach a place with a high canopy I climb into a tree. I hug the tree and try to piece together what I can. The villagers no doubt blame me for the Muriel fiasco, which is entirely my fault. Will had sex with Star and for whatever reason that makes me angrier than the guys trying to kill me. The rough bark of the tree reminds me of the last time I felt this alone. I was happier then. It was Leo and me and no one else in the world mattered.


    I wait for the night to feel less intimidating but it never does. I want Will as deeply as I loath him. I smile and think about Jake. His soft touch, his shy kisses, his funny smile. He is everywhere but where it matters. My heart belongs to Will.


    I am fickle in love, just like my mother. I never would have imagined her two years with me were enough to influence me. There is a place reserved for her in the back of my mind. It''s a dark little corner where the things I remember about her tend to cower. The memories of her have a stain that taints them. The only untouched memory is the one of us in the hospital bed. The stain of my father''s contempt ruins all the others. Long before I was born my mother had an affair with my father''s little brother, my uncle Rick. My father discovered Rick and my mother. My mother swore it meant nothing and it would never happen again and my father believed her. He loved her and he let it fool him until she died and he was able to see things for they really were. My mother loved two men at the same time. She never gave up my uncle to be with my father. She just kept the secret better.

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    I am like her, more like her than I ever imagined I would be. I love them both for opposite reasons. I hate myself for that.Advertisement


    I fall asleep against the rough bark with the images of the things I cannot change and the things I can, floating around in my head.


    When I wake I use the rising sun to navigate my way back to the breeder farm. The area is starting to feel familiar, that bothers me.


    Leo and I hike through the woods like we did before, only now I barely notice the birds or the animals and I don¡¯t feel the freedom of just the two of us. Now I feel the weight of other people in my life. I understand the word baggage and how it applies to people. Somehow I have gained baggage in the short time I have known them all. There is only so much room inside of people for things. I see that now. I used to have room for many things. Now those things seem unimportant and the people have taken over the limited amount of space I have.


    I hear trucks along the road and I grimace, the plan had been flawless but I never accounted for the infected. It was a mistake. One I will never make again. As much as their numbers have dwindled they still manage to destroy the things we love.


    Through the light of the canopy I can see the roof of the breeder farm. I don¡¯t have a plan. I pull my backpack off my shoulders and grab the handgun I was given by Mary when we left the camp. It''s her favorite. She had said it was Australian. I smile and remember her favorite features were the seventeen rounds and silencer. Anna looked like she was going to pee her pants when Mary handed it to me. The cold polymer gun feels heavy in my hands. I grip the handle that was clearly fitted for a man. I adjust my hand to compensate for the large grip. I promised Anna I would bring it back and she could use it. I want to keep that promise.


    I sling my bow over my arm so the quiver and it are easily accessible and put the extra clip of ammo in my pants pocket. I stuff the card that opens the locks in my other pocket.


    I leave the backpack on the ground and take a deep breath. I take my first step from the woods and feel the sickening fear inside of me subside as my instincts take over. Inside of me are animal instincts. They were born in a world I wasn¡¯t. They take over when I need them to. They''ve taught me how to survive. I have learned it is the most important part of the world I live in.


    My feet crunch on the short dry brown grass. My eyes narrow and plan for the moment I am spotted. I move quickly and as silently as I can. I get close to the building and recognize the door in front of me instantly. It is the door I was brought to. I run along the side of the building to the place where I left the building. The huge bins are lined up. The still air stinks like a cloud that is stuck in a valley.


    My feet move quickly along the large part of the garbage lot to the staircase that leads to the door I came out of. I never in a million years imagined I would be trying to get back in.


    I pull on the door before I have to shoot the lock. It opens with a hard pull. My heart pounds. I look in with my gun ready. No one is inside. Whoever left there last never closed the door properly? Inside it looks as it did when I was last here. The hose with the nozzle like the one my grampy had is sitting as if no one has been by to touch it. Leo saunters in sniffing and watching me. I close the door. The door inside has no weird scanning thing for the card. I turn the handle and the lock clicks open. It''s one sided.


    I look both ways down the hall before I creep out. Leo and I leave the garbage room and walk down the hallway. It''s only early in the morning. The staff tends to get to work at around nine. The clock on the wall says seven eleven. I smile and remember it was a store. I called it the slushy store. My stomach growls but my animal instincts kick in and push my smile and hunger away.


    I hear a rustling of papers and take a breath. The footsteps inside of the room on my right sound heavy. I glance in nervously. A man in a white lab coat is looking for something frantically.


    I look at Leo and wink. He drops to his belly against the wall and waits. I hold the gun up and round the corner.


    When he looks up I don¡¯t recognize him.


    "I''m one of you." His words are fast.


    I look him over. He looks like a doctor. He doesn¡¯t look shiny like a citizen of the city.


    "I worked with Marshall. I''m helping the rebels if that¡¯s who you are."


    I put my finger on the trigger and take his pass from his desk. I check his door. The pass must be used to get out. I tear his phone out of the wall and rip the cord out of the back.


    "Sit. " The large older man sits at his desk.


    "Leo." Leo stalks in and growls.


    "Push your chair back."


    He does and Leo rests his growling face in the doctor''s groin.


    "That¡¯s a fucking scary dog lady."


    "He''s a wolf." I mutter and tie his hands to the armrests on the chair. "If you are one of us you''ll need proof you tried to stop me. This looks convincing." I finish the knot and smack him in the eye with my gun. He winces but doesn¡¯t cry out. His eye is red and swelling instantly.


    Holding his pass I walk to the door and look both ways. Leo makes a grunt and leaves his groin.


    "There is a destruction level in here."


    I glance back, "What?"


    "You have to come back and get me out before you detonate."


    I nod.


    He sighs, "In case the infection ever makes it in. It''s new. Every building has one now. The infection got into a building in the south. We have a way to wipe the building. All the breeding institutes have it. It''s in the basement, in the far left corner when you come off the elevator. It''s a time-release detonation bomb. The building implodes like how they demolished buildings, before."


    "How can I get the women out first?"


    "Each wing has a pool. It''s their best hope. It''s where we were told to go in case of detonation. The building has an alarm. The minute you set the bomb the alarm will go off.


    "Like a fire alarm."


    He nods. His eye is watering and swelling.


    "I will come back for you." I take a doctors coat off the back of his door and shrug it on. Leo and I walk out again and look around. I need to get the women out before I blow the building. The pool sounds like a bad idea but I don¡¯t see any other hope. If I set the alarm with too much time they could stop it from blowing up the building.


    I try to remember the way back but I realize it doesn¡¯t really matter. I need to get them all out. I have to go to every wing.


    I see a nurse ahead of me I recognize and follow. I assume she is on a night shift. She leads me through a doorway. I stay far enough behind that she doesn¡¯t pay attention to me or the giant wolf behind me. We end up in the hallway that has the windows to the garden. The place I used to escape.


    "Hide Leo."


    I open the door to the garden and let Leo in there. He leaps in and hides in the garden.


    The nurse goes through another doorway and I break into a run. I arrive at the first door and open it.


    "Get up and wake up the girls next door."


    A very pregnant redhead wakes with a start and looks at me startled, "What?"


    "The infection has gotten inside. Everyone needs to go to the pool. Immediately. We''re doing a lockout."


    She waddles out of the bed and starts banging on doors.


    I walk until I get to another door that needs my pass. On the other side of the door there is another hallway with a kitchen and garden like our side. I run and open the first door, "Wake up and help wake the other girls. You have to tell them the infection has reached us. We are all going to the pool. RUN!"


    Two women get up and start gathering their babies. This is the baby hallway. I hear babies starting to cry as I make my way to the next door with a scanner on it. When I open it I see a man talking to a young girl on a couch. He''s rubbing her leg and shaking his head. I raise my gun and take aim. They don¡¯t see me. His hand squeezes her thigh and my finger pulls the trigger before I reason with myself. His head jerks back. Blood seeps down between his eyes. She sees the blood spray on the back wall and screams. She screams louder when she sees me.


    I put a finger to my lips, "The infection has gotten in. Tell everyone to wake up and get to the pool. Hurry. They''re destroying the building."


    Silent tears roll down her cheeks, "He was such a kind man." She whispers.


    "If you want to stay here with him feel free. You will be dead shortly if you do. Then you can be together. Forever." She''s up and running before I have to say another word.


    I knock on another door just in case she decides to be a moron.


    I wake a young girl with a swollen belly. She can''t be older than Anna. I gag a little, "Everyone needs to wake up. The infection has spread here. Everyone to the pool. Wake everyone and go there now."


    I go to swipe the card to open the next door at the end of the long hall but it opens. A shiny woman with a pretty face frowns, "Who are you?"


    I lift the gun and pull the trigger before she has a chance to scream. She drops to the floor. I step over her and see another nurse. I know I am in the little kid section. I shoot the nurse in the back of the head. I look back and see a girl with brown hair who has a slightly swollen belly, "Come and help the small kids get out."


    She follows me but stops when she sees the dead nurse.


    "They''re going to leave us here to get the infection. The alarm is going to sound in a minute or so. They plan to blow the building up. The pool is the best bet apparently."


    She bites her lip hesitantly. "You are a doctor?"


    "I''m one of you. I was on the women''s side. They''re going to let us die."


    She steps over the nurse, "I never liked that bitch anyway." She smiles at the small girl in front of her, "Hey you need to come with me okay."


    I turn and walk back. Every hall I pass through has women running scared. Nurses are on the floors trying to calm everyone. I shoot the few I can hit without injuring anyone else. It makes the screaming worse.


    I round a corner and hear a woman speaking. "When the alarm sounds we know then that it''s an evacuation. Not until then."


    I sneak my way behind her and run to the garden where Leo waits. We leave through the other door. I feel lost.

 Page 37

    I leave the doorway and enter into a staff area I see a map on the wall. I tear it off and start walking. I climb a set of stairs and enter another hallway.Advertisement


    "Hey you. Where do you think you''re going?"


    I turn and shoot without thought. The man in the lab coat drops. I know the guards will be coming soon. Normally they aren¡¯t allowed in where the women are but dead doctors and nurses are going to alert someone.


    I look down at the map again to see where the elevator is. I smash the glass it is in and pull the paper out. I fold the small map and put it in my pocket. I round the corners with stealth. I shoot one doctor who is on the phone. He drops it onto the desk and collapses. I scan my way onto the elevator. I push B. I assume it means basement.


    When the door opens I am instantly afraid. It''s dark and steamy down here. The place makes noises I''ve not heard in long time. Noises motors make.


    Leo is afraid. I can see it in his stance and the hackles on his back.


    I peer out into the dim lighting. No one is there but I am terrified. I step out with Leo next to me. We walk slowly looking all around us. My stomach is knotted tighter than when Will touches me.


    A hissing noise blasts beside us. Leo and I jump as steam is released from a valve. I almost laugh when it happens but I feel nauseous for a moment. My injuries are clearly not gone.


    A red light starts flashing and a loud alarm goes off. I see the red light on the wall. In the flashes of red light I see the far left corner where the detonation place is. I run to the corner. I look at the red flashes and wonder if the dead doctors and nurses have been found.


    The panel is something I''ve never seen before. It''s huge and covered in buttons and diagrams. The wall above it has steps.


    1. Open the beige metal lid


    2. Press the number of minutes you wish to allow for evacuation


    3. When the red light flashes Re-Enter the number of minutes and press the green button to set the time


    4. Lock out the doors you wish the seal


    The lid is already opened. I look at it and press the one and the zero. The red light flashes and I press the one and the zero again. I press the green button and look at the labels. I push the black button next to the doctor''s lounges, nurse''s rooms and the guard''s desks. The remainder of the doors I leave open I don¡¯t touch the buttons.


    I fire several shots at the number pad and ruin it. There is a slot for a key card. I shoot it too. The bullets ricochet off the walls and pipes that hang low. Steam starts to come out of several of the pipes above me. Water comes out of one.


    I look at Leo, "We need to go now."


    We run to the elevator but I have a bad feeling about it. I see an exit sign and run for it. The door has no scanner. I push it open and listen. There is no sound but I wait one more second. I hear men shouting. There is a stairwell above me. I climb a flight of the stairs and listen for the men. They are not in the stairwell. We climb the stairs. On the second floor I scan my way out. I poke my head and see the hallway I was in before. The broken glass from the map is on the floor. The dead doctor is also still on the floor.


    Leo growls. I feel it too. I look around but see nothing. The alarms sounding have doubled. There is a red light and an orange light flashing opposite each other. My heart is in my throat.


    There is something around the corner and through the doorway that is bad. I can feel it.


    I raise my gun and glance quickly around the corner. Several men stand in a group.


    "Rebels in the halls and on the grass" is all I can make out. I look at Leo and nod at the door next to us. I open it and we slip inside and wait. I know we have about eight minutes if we''re lucky. The office is empty but it has a window. I look out and see the several gardens in the middle. There are four. Each wing has it''s own garden. The building is a giant rectangle with the four gardens in the middle. Each has a glass roof over it. The kids and moms all get natural light from them, like greenhouses.


    I stand at the door and listen. I hear footsteps and voices. When they pass I almost open the door but I wait ten more seconds. I hear someone run past the door. I open it and look out. No one is there. I slip back into the hallway where the stairs to the lower level are. The hall is empty. If they are trained like I was, they won''t double back. This section is cleared. I reload my clip. Thank god for the seventeen shots. I get why Mary loves this gun.


    We have minutes at most. I start making my way back to the office where the doctor/spy is tied up. Girls and women are running every which way. Nurses are telling them to go back to their rooms but they fight them. I raise my gun and shoot one nurse who is dragging a young girl to a room. The girl looks at me and smiles.


    "Get to the pool. The building is about to blow up. The infection is here. We need to get away. The pool is the only safe spot." I shout but it only makes them scream and run more. I run through the building to where I locked the doctor in. I scan his door open to see him sitting looking terrified and annoyed.


    "About fucking time. Jesus Christ. What kind of plan is this? We have three minutes until the building implodes for crying out loud."


    I untie him and wince when I see how swollen his eye is.


    "Sorry about that."


    He shakes his head, "If they had opened my door it would have saved me."


    We sneak out of his office and run down the hall to where the women''s side is. I scan the door and we run into the main kitchen area.


    "Get to the pool. Please run now or you will die. The building blows up in three minutes. Hurry please." He is herding them.


    I am scanning the crowd for one face.


    In the chaos I don¡¯t see her. The doctor leads us to the pool. The room is huge. There are windows on one whole side of the pool.


    "Get into the pool." He tries to talk normally.


    He jumps into the pool and starts shouting, "COME AWAY FROM THE WINDOWS!"


    There are far more women than I imagined there would be. I smile imagining there are three other pools that look like this one. Pools full of women and children about to escape.


    "Emma."


    I turn and see Muriel. Her face is beaten up a bit but she is running toward me. I run and hug her.


    "I''m so sorry."


    "No, the infected. What could we do?"


    I shake my head, "No. I should have been prepared for them too. I never even gave them a thought."


    She hugs me tight and talks over the loud women panicking in the water. "Is this you?"


    I nod, "It''s all I could think of. The building is going to be destroyed in a few seconds. The pool is supposed to be the best bet."


    She grips my hand. I grab Leo, who is starting to freak out, by the scruff of his neck and drag him into the water. It''s cold and not inviting. Leo starts his splashing as he enters, he loves the water but he is more nervous than normal.


    People are looking at him and me and raising eyebrows.


    "To the deep end ladies. If the ceiling collapses it''s our best shot at surviving.


    Those of us who can swim all swim in a chaotic hoard for the deep end. The others cry and scream at the shallow end. The noise is unbearable. Leo is panting and panicking. He wants out of the pool. I let him go. He knows best. His instincts are better than anyone''s. He swims to the edge and climbs out. He slinks to the corner and sits there. A girl who doesn¡¯t look much older than me follows him. She curls against him and cries.


    The noise is too much. Suddenly another noise rises over everything and shakes the building around us. I blow my air out and let myself drop to the bottom of the pool. I look up at the feet above me. They seem calm and collected for a second. Then it looks like red ink has been spilled into the pool. The water starts to froth and churn. I can''t see above me anymore. My chest is crying out for air but I stay down there and watch. A woman is shoved under. I grab her hand and pull her down to me. I swim, towing her to the shallow end. The frothing water is everywhere. It looks like the rapids of a river. When I pull her out of the water I am elbowed in the face. I see stars for a second but keep moving. I am shoving people out of the way. I drag the girl to the shallowest part and start patting her on the back hard. She chokes out the water and starts coughing. I am tripped and pushed under. Feet trample me. I grab the girl who was coughing and push her up out of the water. I am under water and drowning but holding her out of the water.


    A hand grabs the scruff of my neck and lifts me from the water. I look up to the see the worried face of the doctor. He points to the broken windows that lead to the outside.


    "Freedom."


    Leo is already out the window. He is watching me from the other side.


    I shout, "THE WINDOWS. BREAK THE WINDOWS MORE SO WE CAN ALL GET OUT!"


    The women rush at the windows and start smashing the lounging chairs against the already damaged glass. One window is broken and a girl is pushed through. I see her skin scrape again the glass. She screams. They are panicking. I unscrew the silencer and fire a shot into the cracked and ruined ceiling. The women stop and look at me. I walk to the dark haired girl on the ground bleeding, "THIS IS WHAT YOU WANT? TO KILL EACH OTHER? SINGLE FILE FOR FUCKS SAKE!"


    The doctor picks her up and climbs out of the jagged glass. The women leave, obviously calmer, but still in a hurry. I climb out and ready myself with my gun. There is no one on the brown grass.


    The doctor shouts back, "RUN FOR THE WOODS!"


    The doctor is running across the grass with the girl in his arms. I hear a shot and he drops. The girl screams.


    I look up at the roof to see a sniper team. I aim and fire several times. The first four men drop off the roof making the women and girls scream more. The fifth man sees me and shoots. I feel a hot burning feeling in my left arm but ignore it. I aim and fire and knock him back. He''s too far for me to kill but I know I winged him.


    "RUN NOW!" I scream. They all scramble. I grab the girl under the dead doctor and help her. Leo is running ahead showing them the way. I look to the left and see a group of women with screaming babies fleeing for the woods. Some fall as gunshots ring out. Their babies fall with them.


    I hear my father whisper to me. ''You can''t save everyone Em.''


    I shout at the women with me, "Run and break the branches. Stay together. I will follow the broken branches and find you. I will lead you to safety."

 Page 38

    "Emma I will lead them to the trail to the camp." I see Muriel and I nod, "I''m right behind you. I gotta get the young ones and the babies."Advertisement


    She nods and starts shouting at the crying women.


    I head across the forest. I hear a crack and turn to see Leo standing beside me.


    "You came back huh? Ready to kill some shit?" He pants. I know he''s freaking out.


    Through the woods I can see the building is on fire. The ledge where the snipers are is the only part still standing. Everything else looks blown out and in ruins. It warms my heart a little.


    I run to where the screams are coming from. When I get to the women who made it to the forest I point to where I just cam from, "Follow the tree line until you come to a bunch of broken branches, follow them. Safety is that way."


    They run holding babies and small children.


    I run through the herd and come out at the opening. A man is grabbing a woman. I shoot him and hit his ear. He grabs it and I fire again. I hit him in the throat. The lady grabs her baby and runs from the dying man. I shoot at the last few men on the ledge. I hit one and two duck. I keep shooting as the women make their way across the grass and into the woods.


    One man pokes his head up and I fire, skimming his head.


    I feel something grab my arm. I turn looking for Leo but he has a man on the ground and is tearing out his throat. There is a hand on my arm. I point my gun but I stop myself. Will''s blue eyes are on fire. He drags me into the forest. I see tufts of grass blow up into the air behind me as shots are still being fired at me. I fire a shot at the men on the roof.


    "Let me go. I need to save the girls. There is another side of young children. They need help." I pull at him.


    He doesn¡¯t speak. I kick and claw at him but he doesn¡¯t budge.


    The fight must look like a bratty two year old being dragged from a store. He has no problem dragging me into the forest. I kick and fight. Frustrated tears blind me.


    "LEO. LEO HELP."


    Leo comes running in with fresh blood on his muzzle. He sees Will and stops running.


    "Leo, bite him."


    Leo licks his lips and falls into stride with Will. He senses no danger.


    I try to keep up but my feet stumble on a log and I lose my footing. Will drags me for a while. My legs bang on sticks and branches and rocks but still he drags me. My arm feels like it''s coming out of my socket.


    "Just let me go back please. I promise I won''t ever run again. I promise. Let me save them Will."


    He stops and picks me up. He throws me over his shoulder. I am defeated. The children are dead. He let them die. I let them die.


    Chapter Twenty-Three


    The sight is beyond what I can comprehend. Children are everywhere. There are toddling about in every direction or breast-feeding. They cry and make noise.


    I smile at the sight. I have no idea how he did it but I know it was him.


    "Thought you hated kids."


    I take the water he offers and drink slowly. I am starved and dehydrated and probably still very sick from the head wound I got the day before.


    "How?"


    He looks angry. No pissed. He looks pissed. "We followed your trail this morning. When we figured out what you had done, we couldn¡¯t get in so we decided to wait outside and see which exit you came out with guards gunning for you."


    I am amazed.


    "You sat at every exit?"


    "We paired off. It was pretty obvious what you had done when the blast happened and the smoke started filling the sky."


    "So many made it. Did we lose any of us?" I ask.


    "We lost two yesterday in the giant fuck up we called an ambush. They were shot trying to save Muriel." His eyes flicker on mine. I feel sick. I add them to the list of people who I am to blame for the death of.


    He shakes his head like he is reading my mind and sits across from me. "You aren¡¯t responsible. Muriel has talked them down. Everyone knows it''s not your fault."


    That changes nothing. I sip the water. I am to blame.


    My arm stings suddenly as if it is a delayed reaction. I look at my blood soak shirt. I pull it back and wince. The bullet grazed my arm. There is a thick scrape that burned out a path along my left bicep.


    Leo is beside me licking my hand. I pat his head, "It''s nothing. Just a scratch."


    Mona walks over and smiles, "You are one crazy girl. I will give you that. You are balls to the wall, nuts."


    Will snorts and walks away. He still looks pissed.


    Mona tears my shirt a little and looks. She pulls my shirt open and looks at the quill marks in my chest and hands.


    "These are infected. That''s going to get infected." She points to the bullet wound.


    I shrug, "I''ve shown up at camp in worse shape than this."


    Her eyes flash. She pretends to be looking at my wounds but whispers in my ear. "You need to lead these women to the retreat. They can''t stay at the camp with Marshall and everyone. They don''t have enough food and supplies for all these women. Plus you''re sort of showing Marshall up. You just single handedly rescued over fifty women and children."


    My heart stops, "What? No I had help."


    She nods subtly, "He isn¡¯t going to take kindly to you leading a mission to save all those women. People are going to ask how come he never did it."


    "He''s a moron. People should be asking what he''s doing up there."


    "Well either way you need to take them where he can''t touch them."


    "Does he know we have to hike all the way to the retreat with all these babies and pregnant women?" I whisper just as softly as she does. She knows who I am asking about. She nods.


    "What was his opinion?"


    She chuckles softly, "Honey he came and saved you. That¡¯s as far as he got."


    My stomach warms but I roll my eyes. "He did the same for Star. I''m pretty sure I know what he wants. Once he gets it I will be just another her. See the way he leads her around now. She follows him like a lost puppy."


    Mona crosses her arms, "That¡¯s not exactly how it is."


    I raise an eyebrow and feel my face flush, "I heard you guys all talking the other night. They called her a piece of ass. I might not know a lot of things but I know what that is."


    It''s her turn to blush.


    I nod, "As I thought. Anyway the lost puppy thing isn¡¯t really my thing. I like to be the hero not the simpering damsel."


    Mona cleans my wound with a salve from her kit, "Well it''s what I like the most about you."


    I sigh, "My granny always told me not to fall for boys who care what they look like or play in a band."


    Mona laughs, "Sound advice."


    I can''t stop imagining him singing and playing the guitar. The way his lips move when he sings makes me feel funny, good funny. "Yeah well fat lot of good it did me. I always have to do things the hard way it seems."


    She puts a bandage on and smiles, "Speaking of doing things the hard way, me and Joe are gonna come with you. To the retreat. We''ve had enough of Marshall and his shit anyway. They sit on that damn mountain and plan things that never come to fruition."


    I don¡¯t know what that word means but I can guess. "He isn¡¯t my favorite either."


    I look at the huge group we now have with us. There are pregnant women everywhere and little kids. The oldest isn''t two yet because that¡¯s when the doctors take them. They are going to hate the two-day hike to the retreat. It''s going to take more like four. I cross my arms and look at Mona, "I''m taking them to the fucking camp. Marshall and the other people there can kiss my ass. We''ll stop one day there and then leave the next morning. They can live with one day of sharing supplies and food."


    Mona eyes me up and nods, "Okay if that¡¯s what you want to do."


    "I''m not in charge Mona. I just don¡¯t see how all these babies are going to make it that far without at least one day of help."


    She raises her eyebrow at me, "You sure you''re not in charge?"


    I frown, "Yeah. I''m positive." Will is in charge. He avoids it as much as I do but I know everyone listens to him when it counts. I look around the camp and sip my water.


    I notice the new girls look different than the rest of us. They are shiny and clean still.


    I grin, "I''m pretty sure we won''t have any shortage of male volunteers to help with them."


    She laughs, "They are all healthy and fertile young women. Not to mention how pretty they all are."


    I look at her, "It''s creepy isn¡¯t it?"


    She nods, "Very. Like cyborgs."


    I don¡¯t know what she is talking about but I nod. Cyborgs must mean pretty.


    Will is talking with one lady who has a small child in her arms. He appears to know her. I wonder if any of the babies are his. It makes me disgusted. I know it''s not fair.


    Joe pulls Mona away and I barely notice. I am lost in thought and smiling. I can''t help but love the fact that Mary is going to be pissed when we get there. There are at least fifty if not seventy-five gorgeous young women in our group. Mary won''t be the special one at camp anymore. I wonder how many she will kiss the way she kissed me. I feel my face blush as I bring my fingers to my lips. I feel confusion about her and her kisses. I don¡¯t feel like I want her to be my lover but I wouldn¡¯t protest more kisses. They were nice.


    "Thinking about me?"


    I look up at Will. I shake my head and blush more.


    He still looks pissed. "My brother?"


    I frown.


    He shakes his head, "Then I don¡¯t even want to know who else you¡¯ve been kissing."


    I am tired and still feel sick and it''s only just dusk. I get up and leave. He grabs my arm not realizing it''s been shot.


    I wince and cry out.


    "Emma are you okay?"


    I nod but cradle the arm in my other one. "I got shot."


    He sighs and pulls me into him, "Stop pushing me away Emma. Let me take care of you." He lifts me up and carries me away from the noise. There is so much of it. I notice a buzz in my ears when we are far away from it.

 Page 39

    I lie perfectly still in his arms and let myself enjoy my damsel in distress moment. He makes me want to act feeble and give into it. I wonder for a brief second if Star used to be a competent girl and he ruined her. I tighten up.Advertisement


    "What?"


    "Nothing."


    He set me down on a log, "What? I felt you tense."


    "It''s nothing. I was just wondering something."


    "And that was?"


    "Did Star used to be a normal girl or has she always been the puppy dog that follows you around? Did you ruin her?"


    He laughs and rubs his eyes. He looks exhausted. "Oh Emma. You drive me insane. Can''t you just leave it alone? It''s private."


    My brow knits, "I can yeah." I climb off the log and walk away. He grabs my arm again and I cry out.


    He winces, "Sorry. I keep forgetting."


    I mutter, "Yeah I know exactly how that feels. I watch you sing and be sweet and I forget what you''re really like."


    He looks like he''s holding his breath but then he speaks. "She was raped savagely. Imagine the worst thing you can think of happening to a fifteen-year-old girl. I was escaping and I saw them. I tell everyone I met her at the breeder farms but that¡¯s not entirely the truth of it. She was in the back of the truck with four of them in the parking lot. There were a few of them back there. It was the most disturbing thing I''ve ever seen."


    I shiver and gag a little. The women who were kept behind. Their faces will haunt me the rest of my life. I remember them sitting at the back of the truck. I remember the screams.


    "I saved her. I saved them. That''s it."


    "How?" I feel like an ass. I wish I could take it back.


    "I killed them. I killed all four of them. She''s been very, uh, well, grateful ever since."


    Grateful¡­Gross¡­ "Grateful?"


    "She thinks I''m her knight in shining armor. I take care of her. She goes where I go. She cooks for me and stuff. Grateful."


    Angry words fly from my lips. "She''s grateful that''s disgusting. She doesn¡¯t act like any victim I''ve ever seen. The women I''ve seen who were raped are timid and shy. She acts like a whore. She''s always half naked and hanging off you."


    "Emma!"


    I know it''s the wrong thing to say but it''s the way it seems to me. No one talks about the things that are right in front of them.


    He takes one of his giant steps and holds my arms. I don¡¯t cry out. I tremble. His fingers bite right into the wounds on me.


    He shakes me slightly, "Why would you say such a horrid thing. If I ever hear you say that again¡­look at me."


    I don¡¯t. Tears flood my eyes. His fingers dig and scrape my gunshot.


    He tilts my face but I avert my eyes. I break from his grip and run. I head back to the camp.


    He grabs at me but Leo has had enough of his manhandling and so have I.


    When his hand grabs my non-wounded arm this time, Leo dives at him and knocks him to the ground. He growls at Wills throat.


    I wrap my hand around my wound to try to stop the warm liquid running down my arm, where Mona has butterflied it. His eyes notice the red liquid seeping through my fingers. I see his regret.


    "I just can''t stop hurting you." His words sound broken somehow. They don¡¯t make complete sounds. "You just make me so mad."


    Through the tears I don''t see him clearly. I still see the man I am madly in love with. I still hear his haunting voice filling the smoky forest. "I think you need a girl like Star. She always needs you to rescue her. I''m not the right girl for you. I think that''s the thing I like the most about your brother. He just wants to be with me. He doesn¡¯t want to try to run me or save me. Do me a favor when we get to the camp, just stay there. I don¡¯t want or need your help."


    For the first time I see pain on his face, real pain.


    I don¡¯t feel the satisfaction I think I will. The ache in my heart feels like it''s fractured. I feel dizzy. I turn away from the pain I''ve caused and walk to Mona who can repair my arm at least. I''m not sure what to do about my heart though.


    xxxx


    Seeing the camp and the excitement on everyone''s faces should have been enough. Sister''s reuniting. Husbands and wives embracing in fits of kissing and tears. This should be the payment for the pain but my heart feels barren and dry.


    I spin in a circle and watch the villagers running at loved ones and strangers alike. Tears of joy and excitement are everywhere, at every turn.


    A pair of dark eyes watches me from the corner. I smile at them. He laughs and shakes his head. He points at his tent and then me. I walk to him, but not fast enough. I am still in the crowd when Star comes running at Will and jumps into his huge arms. I heave a bit. He hugs her. Tears build a dam in my throat.


    Marshall slams me on the back in what would be a friendly pat on a man''s back. My tiny back aches from it. "You are a real pain in my ass. I should have killed you when I had the chance. I''m not even kidding. I knew you were trouble the minute I met you. Too damned smart and too damned cute." He paces the tent when we get inside.


    I stand ready to receive the only real tongue-lashing I have ever endured. Part of me wants to cry. The other part refuses and forces the snotty look my father hated across my face.


    Instead of screaming at me like I assume he will his face turns bright red and he smiles, "How? How did you do it? How did so many get away?"


    I''m stumped. He''s being nice. Nice-ish.


    "Luck." It''s all I really have to offer.


    He watches me for a minute and then belts out the most terrifying laugh I''ve ever heard. I jump, startled by the sound.


    Leo is at the entrance growling. I waved my hand at my thigh to signal.


    "You cheeky damn bitch. Luck. Luck she says." He wipes his eyes. He''s apparently crying he''s laughing so hard. "Okay was there another aspect of the mission you felt was successful beyond luck?"


    I watch his dark eyes and nod warily, "I found a scientist friend of yours who told me about a self destruct panel in the basement. It''s for if the infection makes it''s way into the farm."


    His eyes widen, "Does every farm have one?"


    I nod again feeling less frightened by him, "Yeah. I guess a lot of places have them. They still fear the infection. It got into a breeder farm not too long ago so they installed the bomb things to implode the building."


    His eyes twinkle. He''s hiding something.


    "You did a good job. You''re a pain in the ass and I have no idea how to feed them all but you did amazing. I heard that you did it all alone."


    I shake my head, "No. Leo helped tons."


    He tilts his head at the growling wolf in the flap of the small tent, "The wolf?"


    "Yeah. And actually Will and everyone got the children and younger girls out. I only got the pregnant and newborn wards out. And honestly that was your scientist friend who did that. Not me. A lot of women and babies didn¡¯t make it though. Your friend died too. Honorably. He was carrying a young woman to safety."


    "It''s always sad when life is lost."


    "It''s worse when you are the reason for it." I don¡¯t expect he will coddle me for my mistakes. He doesn¡¯t surprise me with any kindness.


    He plays with his beard and thinks. "When can you be ready again?"


    I don¡¯t understand. "What?"


    "The closest breeder farm is many days away but your idea with the truck ambush was pretty smart. It would work."


    I feel panic rising in me. He wants me to go back.


    A deep voice speaks behind us, "She was dead on. If it hadn¡¯t been for the infected she would have had us in there no problem. We could have used the truck to get women out easier too."


    I don¡¯t turn around. I hate him.


    Marshall watches my face and nods at me, "You can go clean up kid." I turn to leave but Will takes up the entire opening of the tent. He doesn¡¯t move.


    "Marshall I think she should take the women to the retreat. It''s far and hidden." His huge chest is in my face and taking up all of the space in front of me.


    I turn back to Marshall. He looks at me and plays with his beard more. "You willing to lead them? I was thinking you could head to the next one once your wounds are better."


    Will cuts in again. "Marshall me and the guys have this. We can use whatever women are in the trucks as bait. She doesn¡¯t need to come. She should go to the retreat and stay there."


    I hate him. He''s trying to tuck me in like I''m a little girl. Like I''m his responsibility. Like he speaks for me.


    Marshall watches me. I shake my head, "I just need a week or so to rest. I''m pretty injured and tired."


    He shrugs, "Too long. I guess we could do it without you. I just don¡¯t want to worry about the farms figuring out our ways and adding more guards and snipers."


    I blurt, "I''ll do it. I''ll get ready to leave later tomorrow. I need some sleep though for now."


    He cheers up, "That¡¯s my girl. Excellent. Get the medics to take a look at all those wounds."


    Will doesn¡¯t move. "Marshall she should be staying with the women. She knows the way better than anyone."


    Marshall beams at me, "It''s up to her Will. She''s a big girl."


    I smile at Marshall and turn to face the huge chest in my way. I don¡¯t look up at his face I speak directly to his chest, "Can I just get past you?"


    "No. You''re bleeding again." He takes my hand softly and pulls gently.


    "She needs rest Will." Marshall shouts as I am dragged from the tent.


    "Thanks Marshall."


    Will leads me to the medic tents. His grip on my hand tightens the thicker the crowd gets. I try to pull my hand away but it only earns me a sore hand.


    "Emma! Will!"


    I turn to see Jake bounding to me. His run appears improved. He runs and pulls me right out of Wills hand. He hugs me and spins me. I pinch his skin. I don¡¯t believe he is real.


    "Ouch! What the heck was that for?"

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    I lean in and smell him. "You''re real."Advertisement


    He laughs. "Of course I am. Hey Willy. Anna''s here too. We came to help out in the fight!"


    Will puts his arm around Jake. "Jakey. Where is she? Where is Anna?" I hate it when he calls him that. I end up in the middle of the two of them and being hugged by both.


    "She''s at the tent with the food. She is determined to maintain her plump breeder farm look. I heard shit went nuts with your rescue mission. You guys scared me. No one thought you''d make it back." Jake says. How did he know? How did the camp know that? A screaming Anna interrupts my thoughts.


    "Will! Emma!" I looked up to see Anna running to us. She is holding a leg of meat.


    I wiggle out of their arms and attack her with a fierce hug.


    She hugs me so tightly her muscles tremble. Only she will ever truly understand what I have been through. We share the moment. Nothing is spoken. It doesn¡¯t need to be. She knows what I went back to. She knows what I saw. She was there when the bags ripped.


    She squeezes me and laughs, "You scared me, dick."


    "I scared myself."


    She pulls me back and kisses the tip of my nose. "Stop doing that to me."


    "Yeah. One day maybe." I say. I''m dreading leaving again tomorrow. My feet ache at the prospect of it.


    Jake frowns, "Huh?" He looks at Will. Will shakes his head.


    Anna lets me go and hugs Will. They are less cold around each other since the retreat. The music made them see each other again. Leo squeezes his way in and Anna drops to her knees and hugs him hard.


    "How''s it the dog gets more love that I do?" Will crosses his arms.


    Jake shrugs and punches his arm lightly, "We''re chopped liver dude."


    Will laughs, "I guess so hey. So we leave tomorrow for the next breeder farm. We are going to free the women."


    Anna looks at me. I nod. "We destroyed the place. Burned it to the ground."


    Her eyes twinkle with mischief, "I want to be there for the next one."


    I glance at Will. He looks at Jake, who shakes his head.


    I clear my throat and touch Leo''s fur. "Well now that this place is packed with pregnant women and babies, I was sort of hoping you''d help them get back to the retreat?"


    She stands and puts her hands on her hips, "What? Screw that I''m not a babysitter and besides I hate kids. That little monster of Mary''s is enough to drive me around the bend."


    I laugh. I can''t even pretend I don¡¯t know exactly what she is talking about. Kids make me nuts.


    She looks around distastefully, "I will kill myself here. This is not the place for me. I''m coming." She grins at me, "Besides you always said I looked just like bait."


    She stalks off. I know she is going to find Marshall and make him agree. She is good at that.


    I look at Jake and Will and clear my throat again. "Well I better get to the medics." I walk around them and almost break into a run.


    The medic''s tents are full of pregnant women and babies. I take a seat on a stump and wait.


    "Marshall wants her seen now." Will''s booming voice beckons over a doctor.


    The poor doctor looks at Will and the shitty look on his face and hurries to my side.


    I sneer at Will, "I can wait."


    Will crosses his arms and shakes his head, "No we leave tomorrow and she has infections."


    The older man smiles at me and kneels in front of me. "What''s the problem?"


    "Besides him?" I ask quietly and hold out my infected quill pokes and open my shirt a bit to show the others. I slide my sleeve up gingerly and show the bandage, "Gunshot and a porcupine and an asshole."


    He winces, "You are a mess and those are infected. Let''s go. In the tent."


    I''m sweaty and filmy from the muggy spring air. I pull off my over shirt and walk into the tent in my tank top. My bandage is soaked again.


    He unties it and whistles, "This is bad. It doesn¡¯t look very good."


    Will''s face flushes from the entrance, "That¡¯s because an asshole kept sticking his fingers in her cuts and dragging her around the woods like a madman."


    I chuckle. The doctor looks lost but I know I look softened. He looks at me under his lashes and I melt. I hate him. I want to anyway.


    "That¡¯s great. Maybe try not to let assholes touch your wounds. Try not to get shot too."


    I don¡¯t listen. I stare into the beautiful blue eyes that are watching me from a humble face. I shake my head. He nods. I look away. Jake''s smile fills my mind.


    I wince a couple times but mostly I ignore the doctor and the things he does. I have a new bandage and ointment everywhere. He bandages my chest and hands. I look at my hands and laugh. "I can''t fight like this doc. You have to figure out a different way to make me better."


    The doctor points a meaty finger in my face, "Twenty-four hours like this. Then you can go traipsing all over hells half acre."


    I grin, "How did you know that¡¯s where we''re going?"


    He laughs, "Water and take these pills."


    I look at them. I''ve never taken a pill in my life.


    "Antibiotics. You need it. The quill infection holes are actually starting to show signs of blood poisoning."


    I remember Jake having it and I drop the pills in the back of my throat. Will hands me his water. I drink huge gulps.


    "Thanks."


    "Send the next lady with an infant in."


    I feel badly for him. It''s going to be a rough night for the doctors.


    He looks at Will, "Be a good asshole and make her rest okay."


    Will grins and looks at me, "Doctors orders."


    My stomach flips, "You''re still an asshole."


    He takes my padded hand and holds my arm. He drags me gently through the tents and small structures until we reach a tent. He opens the door and climbs in. There are blankets and bedding everywhere. I step in and feel my stomach twist when I hear him closes the door. We are alone. I still hate him. Sort of.


    "Leo."


    He looks at the wolf through the screen, "You sleep outside."


    I look at Leo and shake my head, "He sleeps with me."


    Will closes the tent door. "No, he''ll bite me in the night."


    I laugh and lie down on the bedding and kick off my boots. Every inch of me hurts. "You can''t sleep in here with me."


    He lies beside me. "But I''m going to."


    I can feel the heat coming off of him. It makes me shiver. I feel my body melting into the bedding when he speaks. "Is watching Star come running up and hug me as annoying as watching my brother do it to you?"


    "Too tired Will. Ask me tomorrow."


    "I''m serious."


    My eyes are closed but I can imagine exactly how his face looks. "Yup."


    "Wow that annoying huh?"


    "Yup. Except your brother is a sweet and kind guy who wants nothing but to make me happy and make me smile. He never wants to hurt me or make me jealous."


    He sighs and touches my arm. "You''re killing me."


    "No but I''d like to."


    "Emma I''m being serious. I don''t know how to be with a girl like you. I don¡¯t know what you want."


    I open one eye. "I want to have this conversation after, like, a week of sleep? I''m exhausted and Marshall has me invading the farms for the next year."


    He rolls over and wraps an arm around my waist, "No. I need this conversation now."


    I groan, "Sleepy. Doctor said sleep." I pull away.


    He kisses my nose, "He said resting. This is relaxing."


    I shake my head and close my eyes again, "No it''s not. Please don¡¯t touch me."


    His lips brush mine, "I have made a grave mistake."


    "You''ve made a few. You''re making one right now."


    He brushes his lips against my lips again. "You''ve made some too."


    I know I have. I just don¡¯t know how to say it. I am making one by not stopping him.


    "My biggest mistake is falling in love with a girl who doesn¡¯t need me. I know I should probably be with someone who fulfills that big man taking care of the little girl but I love you. I want you. Even if you don¡¯t need me, I need you."


    I open my eyes again. His blue eyes are all I see.


    "You''re wrong. I do need you. Just not to save me from the world. I need you to give me space and earn my respect. Being with you and Anna and Jake and Sarah and Meg is amazing for me. It''s the first time I''ve ever felt like I''m part of something. I need you to see that. You all have become a family to me. I''m not good at this stuff. I need you to see that I love Jake. I love him for all the right reasons."


    He winces. "How do you love me?"


    I close my eyes, "With all my heart and probably my soul."


    He kisses me again, "I want to give you everything you want and need."


    I yawn and shiver, "I need sleep." And to never have this conversation again.


    He kisses my nose, "Sleep." And I do. I sleep because he is there and I feel safe, even if I hate him.


    Chapter Twenty-Four


    Anna walks down the road gripping the hand of the Muriel. Together they look like little lost sisters.


    "So what''s the deal with you and Will?"


    I look at my sniper partner and frown. "Nothing. Nothing is up. We''re friends. Why?" Mitch and I don¡¯t talk much. He''s the strong silent type.


    "Jake said something. Said he figured he''d lost you to him."


    "Seriously?" I turn and look at him. "You guys are like little old women."


    Mitch, who is a year older than me and best friends with Jake, laughs. He watches through the scope on his gun.


    "We got some action."


    I pull an arrow and ready myself. "Who would you pick?"


    "Jake. Will is an asshole."


    The truck rounds the corner. It''s a huge white cargo truck. Will calls them furniture trucks. It has a symbol on the side of it I''ve never seen before. My bow is ready. My arrow is taut.

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    "He is an asshole."Advertisement


    "Yup. Ready?"


    "Yup."


    The first guy climbs out and just like the last three trucks we''ve tricked, they immediately go for the intimidation. One guy slams Muriel against the truck. My arrow slices through his neck. He falls to the ground.


    Jake and Will and the other guys come up out of the forest. My second arrow hits the guy grabbing Anna. Anna retrieves my arrow from his heart and wipes it on his shirt. She retrieves the other arrow from the throat of the other man. She wipes it on his pants. I smile. She is disgusting.


    Jake and Will drag the dead men to the ditches. Mitch uses a hunting rifle. He has dropped three in the time it takes me to drop my two. Will opens the back door of the truck and shoots a man as he jumps out. I can see everyone climbing in. Leo and I run down the hill following Mitch into the back of the truck. I close the door and get ready. Leo pants in the dark.


    Girls cry in the back of the truck.


    "Only two arrows Em? Mitch out shot you this time." Anna teases me in the dark. The girls in the back with us cry harder.


    Muriel talks softly. "We''re going to free you. We just need to drive you to the place where you''ll be set free. This is a bad location."


    "You''re not the others?" One of the captives says.


    Jake laughs, "We''re like the other others. Can you all find your ways home if we drop you at Green Mountain?"


    "I can."


    "Yup."


    "Thank you so much."


    "God bless you."


    I fish a flashlight out of my backpack and shine it in the back to see the faces. Some are young but some are older, more like thirty-five. I suspect what those ladies are for. I know it''s not the breeder farms.


    "Who are you people?"


    Another flashlight shines around the truck and lands on my face. I shrug, "Just regular people." Leo growls.


    "Oh my dear lord you''re the girl with the wolf. I heard about you. They burned my village looking for you."


    I look around for a second, not realizing they''re talking to me. I feel my face heating up, "What?"


    The flashlight shines on the roof so we can all see each other a little bit. A small woman with dark hair and a fat lip nods, "Yeah. They come looking for you. Said they were looking for information about a girl who traveled with a wolf. Said to tell you they was looking for you. Had something you might be interested in."


    I look at Will and Jake. They both shake their heads, "No Sarah and Meg are back at the retreat."


    I look at her and frown, "They had something that I wanted?"


    "Yup."


    "They come to my village too."


    I look at Will. He shakes his head, "Impossible. They''re trying to get to you."


    I look at the young girl who spoke, "What did they say?"


    She shrugs, "Just asked if we knew ya."


    I feel dizzy. "So they know who I am?"


    She shakes her head, "Nope. Couldn¡¯t describe you. Just a girl with a wolf. Said you was some kind of vigilante. Causing trouble for folks like us."


    I laugh. I know that word.


    "Me a vigilante?" I put my hands out, "Well this is the kind of trouble I like to cause them."


    The women smile, "You are the hero we need girl. Everyone needs hope. You got a name?"


    "Yeah, Emma. You see those men again you tell them everything you saw. They will probably pay you with food and maybe leave you alone."


    They all shake their heads simultaneously. The oldest looking woman speaks looking defiant. "Nope. We need you. They say you''re going to overthrow the government that they worked so hard to create out of the ashes. I say they burned it all down so the ashes that¡¯s there is all their fault anyway. Make them pay for everything they done to people. I hear they shipped the blacks and Asians and South Americans and Indians home to their countries. Poor people lived in America longer than most whites but they got put on slaver ships. Every country is doing the same as here. They breeding their people like here. Blacks in Africa. Indians in India. Asians in Asia. It''s crazy. Whites here and in Europe. I hear Canada is still free though. They aint got slaver camps and ships."


    I nod, "We had a black nurse in the farm and she confirmed they weren¡¯t breeding blacks there. Only whites."


    "I heard a man say that mixing the religions and races was a sin and god smote us for it."


    "That''s bullshit. God didn¡¯t drop the bombs or make the infection. They burned the world and now they gotta live with the Phoenix that rises out of the ashes."


    "You are the Phoenix Emma. You need to spread your wings and soar. Don¡¯t let them catch you."


    The women all speak trying to motivate me. I feel sick. I''ve caused death and destruction. My actions have had consequences. Not to me, but to innocents who never met me before. Innocents have suffered because I have stood up against the breeder farms.


    "This is crazy." Joe looks stunned.


    Jake looks horrified and whispers to me, "This is creepy." I lean in and whisper back. "I know right."


    The truck rolls to a gentle stop. The back opens.


    Mona smiles, "Well we''re at Green Mountain."


    The ladies in the back stand and stretch.


    Each of them touches my hand and squeezes it or hugs me as they climb from the truck.


    "You guys sure you''ll be okay?" I ask in between hugs. I feel lost in too many thoughts.


    They nod.


    "We all got picked up fairly close to here."


    "Good luck Emma and may God be with you. You are the Phoenix. Don¡¯t ever forget it."


    I can''t smile. Not without losing the control I have. I want to shake them and tell them to stop speaking such treason or the others will come for them. Instead I look out at the bright day ahead of them and mutter. "Stay safe."


    Mona closes the door and I hear her laughing as we sit in the darkness. Will sits beside me. He kisses my cheek silently and whispers, "You okay?"


    I shake my head and push myself away from him. I feel more ready than ever to kill something.


    We ride in the dark for a while but then we feel the truck veer off to the left and slow down. We hear talking and the truck starts moving again. I have my bow ready. I stand at the back of the truck and press my back against the metal. When it comes to a stop and the door opens I am ready.


    When the first bit of light hits I let the arrow soar. I''ve already pulled a second arrow and shot my second guard when necks are broken and knives are slashing. Mona backs the truck up and parks over the dead guards. Their guns are thrown in the back of the truck and Will and Jake each take one.


    My bow is left in the truck but the back of my pants is filled with knives and scanning cards. I have a gun with a silencer too.


    When we enter the facility I let Will snap the neck of the first nurse. I try not to watch him kill. It makes it harder to watch him sing later around the fire with images of him snapping necks and stabbing people.


    We move silently and effectively. We are always split into teams. Will and Jake are doctors and have Anna as a patient in tow. I am alone with Leo. I always dress as a doctor. Mona and Joe stay with the truck. Mitch and Muriel are a doctor and nurse team. Everyone takes a wing and guides their group to the pool. I take the girls around Anna''s age who are fit and don¡¯t have babies in tow.


    I have to blow up the building.


    Each building is the same. They are made like a cookie from a cookie cutter. Every room and garden looks the same.


    I don¡¯t ever take the elevator. I take the stairs and sabotage the elevator when I''m in the basement.


    I slink down the stairs and open the door. Leo growls. He hates the boiler rooms of these places. I dig my fingers into his fur.


    We walk into the place just as cautious as the first time.


    I look around. Something feels off. My stomach hurts. I stop in my tracks and turn around. Leo leaps at the same time a shot is fired. He falls to the ground mid jump and whines. Everything slows down. I scream as loud as I can and leap for him. I''m firing shots at the men standing behind the elevator. Two fall. I land on Leo and everything gets hazy. The steam releases and the valves make their noises. I dig my fingers into his fur. I feel a dart. He''s not shot. He''s poisoned. His breathing slows down. I sob into him but my head feels heavy. I try to lift the gun but I can''t. I manage to lift it once and shoot the pipes several times. Water and steam blast everywhere. I shoot the boiler in the far corner. I look at my left arm and see the dart sticking out of me too. My eyes grow heavy.


    I grip his fur tight and feel my breathing begin to pace with his. The darkness takes me quickly. I try to fight it but I can''t. The last face I see makes my stomach clench tight.


    Marshall.


    XXXX


    The End