《Willing Captive》


 Page 1

    Chapter One


    A series of unfortunate eventsAdvertisement


    Lily


    She wrapped her small hand around his thick girth and squeezed. ¡°I can make you happy. Just give me a chance, baby.¡±


    ¡°Don¡¯t do it, Brock. Don¡¯t fall for it,¡± I mutter to myself. Tapping the screen on my eReader to turn the page, I cringe and whine, ¡°Oh, you stupid son of a bitch! She¡¯s sleeping with your brother!¡± Shaking my head, I sigh, ¡°Serves you right for falling in love with a ho.¡±


    My bedroom door opens and my sister, Terah, creeps in and shuts the door behind her, careful not to make a sound. I look at her ensemble and already shake my head vigorously. Her face pleads. She says nothing just smiles huge and nods excitedly. I sigh, ¡°No, Terah. I almost got busted last time.¡±


    ¡°Lily, you¡¯re gonna dry up like an old prune. You¡¯re only twenty-two, sweetie. Live a little!¡± She sounds exasperated.


    Suddenly feeling defensive , I scowl at her. ¡°I live just fine, thank you very much.¡±


    Terah¡¯s face softens, and she sits on the edge of my bed. ¡°He can¡¯t hold onto us forever, you know? We gotta grow up sometime.¡±


    I know she¡¯s right.


    I hate when she¡¯s right.


    My name is Delilah Flynn. Everyone, except my dad, calls me Lily. I spend most of my days right here, in my bedroom. This has not always been my choice, but over the years, I¡¯ve grown to love my room. It¡¯s become a sort of sanctuary to me.


    In this room, I can be who I want to be. No pressure. No expectations. I can do as I please. And I like it like that.


    Our family owns a transport company called Flynn Logistics. My father came over to America from Ireland when he was thirteen. His family had nothing. When I say nothing, I mean nothing. He tells me stories about how my grandfather would come home from work and remove his coat only to hand it to my father so he wouldn¡¯t be cold when he walked to his job as a grocery store shelf stocker.


    They had to share a coat. It was a communal coat! That¡¯s how poor they were.


    Mom met Dad when she was in high school. High school wasn¡¯t really an option for my dad. His family couldn¡¯t afford it, and back then, there was no shame in that. Mom and Dad happened to live on the same block and soon became friends. A year passed and Mom fell hopelessly in love with Dad; she never cared about the fact that he was poor. Her family wasn¡¯t much better off. But she figured if she could only have him as a friend, she¡¯d somehow deal with that. What she didn¡¯t know was that dad loved her just as much, maybe more, but he wouldn¡¯t ask her out until he was sure he could provide for her properly. Dad says he loved her before he even knew her name.


    Talk about being brought up with an unrealistic view on love, right? Like that would ever happen to me. The probability of that happening to anyone is maybe one in a billion.


    I admire my dad so much. What he¡¯s accomplished in his life is short of miraculous. He started working in a transport sorting center when he was sixteen for a major logistics company. He spent the first year working his ass off and showing his superiors he was reliable and enthusiastic. Eventually, he was moved up from the sorting center to manager of transport. He spent five years with them and learned all he could. From packing and shipping items, to understanding how sorting machine do what they do then working up to managing a ground crew. He saved every spare penny and resigned when he was twenty-one. That¡¯s when he started Flynn Logistics. It was a huge risk. Luckily, it was a risk that paid off. As my dad always says in his thick Irish brogue, ¡°Can¡¯t lose a thing if ye¡¯ve got nothing to lose.¡±


    Flynn Logistics now goes head-to-head with the major transport companies. We¡¯re competition, a huge threat to them, and I see the pride light my father¡¯s face whenever this fact is brought up.


    My father is somewhat overprotective. When I say he¡¯s somewhat overprotective, it¡¯s kinda like Channing Tatum being somewhat good looking¡­as in tremendously. So, here I am, a grown woman with my sister as my only friend. If I want to leave the house for anything, anything at all, I need an escort. The same goes for my sister, but she¡¯s sneaky and finds ways around the rules. I never really understood why this was, but my father is not a person you argue with. Don¡¯t get me wrong, my dad is a loving, caring man. He rarely raises his voice to anyone and it takes a lot to get him angry. He¡¯s a good dad, just a little over the top and extremely paranoid. But in our household, my father holds a lot of respect, respect he¡¯s earned. So, rule number one, you don¡¯t ever question my father.


    Our family isn¡¯t big. It¡¯s just me, my older sister, Terah, my mom, and my dad. We live in a mansion in an exclusive suburb in Atherton, California. I thought this house was a little over the top when we moved in. I mean, I know we have money, but dad insisted we move from our old home, a sweet four-bedroom house, into this monstrosity four years ago. Our newest house includes ten bedrooms, six bathrooms, a library, three offices, a sun room, a huge pool with matching pool house the size of our old place, a tennis court, and, of course, a state of the art monitored alarm system.


    I hate this house. There is nothing homely about it. It¡¯s sterile. It feels like a prison decorated to look like a palace. But I know better; I see it for what it is .


    My dad was so excited to show me my new room that first day here. When the door swung open and he shouted, ¡°Ta da!¡± I almost fainted.


    My bedroom is freaking huge. It¡¯s five hundred and thirty square feet, which is half the size of our old home. If I stand at the door and look into my room, this is what I¡¯d see: On the left-hand side is a mahogany, four-poster, king-sized bed with a floral-print bedspread. Next to it is a matching mahogany dresser that is just for looks because I don¡¯t have a lot of clothes (I¡¯m not a girly girl who likes to shop), a desk which I never use because I prefer to do any school work on my bed. There¡¯s a door leading to my built-in closet, and a second door leading to my private en-suite bathroom. On the right-hand side, is a complete entertainment system with a big screen LCD TV, DVD player, a PlayStation 3, a brand new stereo, which also acts as surround sound when I watch movies, two comfortable sofas, and my favorite feature is my library lining the entire back wall.


    Reading is my escape. It makes my brain work, which gives me a short reprieve from my isolated life.


    My room has been painted a pale-peach color, which I love. I have several paintings lining the walls, and a huge bay window leading to the small patio outside.


    Terah, who is twenty-four, has a room that looks identical to mine, just on the opposite side of the hall. Our bedrooms are the only two that are permanently occupied on the second floor; the rest are guest bedrooms. Mom and Dad occupy the only bedroom on the first floor. Dad said it¡¯s safer for Terah and me in case any intruders come thieving in the night, that way, theirs would be the first bedroom approached. Can you believe that? I¡¯d rolled my eyes and told him he¡¯d been watching too many ¡®CSI¡¯ shows.


    Looking up from my eReader, I sneak a peek at my sister. Her puppy-dog eyes are wide in pleading and she bats her lashes at me. She looks like a constipated shih-tzu . I laugh, ¡°Don¡¯t even try it. I¡¯m not going. You wanna party? Party, Terah. I¡¯m staying right here.¡±


    She throws her hands down on the comforter and growls at me. ¡°Fine! Become a crazy cat lady. See if I care. Don¡¯t say I didn¡¯t try to help when you¡¯re stroking your pussies all night long wishing someone was stroking yours.¡±


    I burst into laughter as she slides off my bed and makes her way to the wall to wall mirror in my walk-in closet. Stepping out of the closet, she asks, ¡°How do I look?¡±


    Looking up, I silently take her in.


    She¡¯s beautiful. As always. Wearing a pair of black short shorts that make her already long legs look impossibly longer. The deep-green sequined halter she has on makes her emerald-green eyes pop, her deep burgundy hair cascades down her back in soft waves, and the small-heeled sandals make the whole look deceptively innocent. She takes a pair of my gold dangly earrings and puts them on.


    Truth be told, I look a lot like my sister. When people see us together, they ask if we¡¯re twins. We look almost identical to the way our mom looked when she was younger: deep red hair, green eyes, tall and slim. My dad always said he hoped we¡¯d be ugly like him. That never fails to make me laugh because my dad is really quite handsome. He¡¯s tall with a solid frame, dark brown hair, and light-green eyes.


    ¡°You look beautiful, Rahrah.¡± I say wistfully.


    She smiles at my use of her childhood nickname. Her soft eyes peer into mine. She whispers, ¡°Please come with me. Just one more time.¡±


    Dipping my chin, I shake my head slowly. ¡°Naw, I¡¯d just become the life of the party.¡± I shoot her a wicked grin. ¡°I know how much you like being the center of attention. Wouldn¡¯t wanna take that away from you. You go. I¡¯ll cover.¡±


    Stomping over to me, she sits back on the bed and wraps her arms around me. I hug her back as hard as I can without choking her. She snickers, ¡°Ha ha, bitch.¡± She holds me a long time before she mutters, ¡°Not always gonna be like this. You¡¯ll see.¡± And it makes me want to cry.


    My eyes blur and the bridge of my nose tingles.


    ¡°I know,¡± I mumble into her shoulder.


    Squeezing her once more, I release her and put on a huge fake smile. ¡°Go. Quickly.¡±


    Terah runs over to the windows that lead to my patio and blows me a kiss. She opens the door and steps out when we both hear the intercom in my room hiss before dad¡¯s voice clearly sounds. ¡°Terah. Delilah. Downstairs. Now.¡±


    Terah¡¯s stunned facial expression is priceless. I burst into laughter and say in a sing-song voice, ¡°Someone¡¯s busted.¡±


    Eyes wide with shock, she whisper hisses, ¡°No way! There¡¯s no way he knows. This has gotta be something else.¡±


    I shrug. ¡°Lucky you didn¡¯t go. We both would¡¯ve been in lockdown for a month.¡±


    Terah looks down at herself. She looks like she¡¯s going clubbing and we need to cover her up quickly before my dad sees. ¡°Take off your shoes and put on my robe. Wrap it up tight.¡±


    She slips into my red Japanese silk robe and ties it so tight she¡¯s probably cutting off the circulation from her waist down. We make our way downstairs and into the dining room. As soon as I see my dad, I know two things: he¡¯s tired, and worried.


    Shit. Not good.


    Mom sits next to him, holding his hand, looking equally as tired and twice as worried.


    Double shit. Something¡¯s wrong.


    Terah and I stand just inside the dining room door. We look at each other with obvious concern and she takes my hand in hers and squeezes. I clear my throat and my dad looks up. He puts on a fake smile. ¡°Ah, there ye are. Come in, my girls. Take a seat.¡± I love my dad¡¯s accent.


    Terah and I sit close to each other. I look from mom to dad and ask, ¡°What¡¯s wrong? And you can¡¯t lie for shit so don¡¯t say ¡®nothing¡¯.¡±


    Dad glares at me. ¡°Language, Delilah.¡± I hate being called Delilah.


    Mom pats his hand. She looks to me and my sister and explains, ¡°There have been some problems at Flynn Logistics.¡±


    Terah and I look at each other in shock before my sister whispers, ¡°Are we losing the house?¡±


    Dad¡¯s brow furrows. ¡°No. This isn¡¯t about money,¡± he sighs and runs his hands down his face. Whatever this is, it¡¯s affecting him¡­a lot.


    My heart squeezes.


    Sick of the run around, I look right at my dad. ¡°What kind of problems?¡±


    Dad inhales deeply and leans back in his chair. ¡°Well, there have been some accusations thrown around. These accusations are the kind a person can go to jail for¡­for a very long time.¡±


    My sister and I both squawk in disbelief, ¡°What?¡±


    Mom cuts in. ¡°Calm down, girls. Your father hasn¡¯t done anything wrong, so there¡¯s little they can do. We¡¯ve allowed the police full access to computers and documents at the warehouse and to whatever else they need.¡± She smiles, but it doesn¡¯t reach her eyes. ¡°Everything¡¯s going to be fine.¡±


    Dad nods. ¡°Jett and Jamie are helping as much as they can. We¡¯ve shown the police we¡¯re being cooperative. I¡¯ve left them to it. The police don¡¯t want me back there till this has been sorted.¡±


    Silence covers us like a thick fog. I shrink into myself. ¡°Well, this certainly sucks balls.¡±


    Dad¡¯s lip twitches. ¡°Yes, darling. It does suck balls. But like ye ma said, everything will be okay. I¡¯m sure of it.¡±


    Terah asks the question I¡¯ve been dying to. ¡°What exactly are the accusations?¡±


    Dad looks between us a long moment before he answers, ¡°Well, it¡¯s complicated. All ye need to know is that we¡¯re upping security here and at the warehouse. College is out of the question until this enquiry is complete.¡± Looking toward my sister, Dad¡¯s face softens in apology. ¡°Sorry, Terah.¡±


    Terah looks as if she¡¯s about to burst into tears. This is her second year of college. I¡¯ve been working with dad at Flynn Logistics the past two years. He calls it an internship; I call it a sly way for him to keep an eye on me. The only two people I really see there are Jett and Jamie. I rarely leave the office.


    Jett and Jamie Harrison are my dad¡¯s right-hand men. They moved here from Ireland about three years ago. Well, actually, Dad brought them over from Ireland to come live with us and to work at the warehouse. Dad¡¯s best friend growing up was a man named Kian Harrison. Although I never met him, I heard about him a lot and spoke to him on the phone some. He was a happy man, always laughing and making jokes. It never seemed to faze him that dad had become a big-shot businessman. To Kian, he¡¯d always be Ciaran Flynn with the muddy face that played soccer with him whenever he could. They remained true friends until one night three years ago when Kian¡¯s wife, Aileen, called to tell us that Kian had died from a heart attack. Dad spoke with Aileen a lot to check on her welfare. He sent money which she declined. Dad was devastated. No amount of money could fix this. Aileen called one night, and after a short conversation, Dad asked what he could do to help. He told her he¡¯d do anything that was in his power. She timidly asked whether he¡¯d give her twin sons jobs at Flynn Logistics. Dad was more than happy to do that. If Kian¡¯s sons were anything like their father, they¡¯d be a great addition to the business.

 Page 2

    Turns out Kian¡¯s sons are exactly like their dad was. Sweet, polite, and funny. Both are hardworking men at twenty-six years old. They¡¯re identical twins. And gorgeous.


    As in Meow.Advertisement


    Tall and slender, yet muscular, black hair and grey eyes that almost look silver. They are just¡­wow. I¡¯ve seen them both eyeing Terah. They¡¯re smitten. And the problem is that she¡¯s just as smitten¡­with both of them. A recipe for disaster, to be sure.


    Dad breaks me out of my thoughts with, ¡°I¡¯m sorry, girls. I canna do anything about this. Terah, I¡¯ve deferred the rest of the college semester and ye¡¯ll stay home with Delilah and me. We¡¯ll work from home doing what we can till they say we can go back.¡±


    Dipping my chin, I nod to the floor. Terah¡¯s hand grips mine so tightly that I know there¡¯s nothing more she wants to do than screech at the top of her lungs and throw shit around the room. I get it. I do. College was her only freedom and with that gone¡­she¡¯s going to become like me.


    Defeated.


    Standing abruptly, I announce, ¡°Well, if that¡¯s all, I¡¯d like to be excused. I¡¯m a little tired.¡±


    Dad looks up to me. ¡°Of course, dear. If that¡¯s what ye-¡± Dads cell phone vibrates on the dining table. The screen flashes bright red. When my father picks up his phone to look at the display, he visibly pales. Looking between me and Terah, he says firmly, ¡°Girls, go to ye rooms. Right now. Lock the doors from the inside. I don¡¯t want ye to come out until ye hear from me. No one else but me. Do ye understand?¡±


    My blood runs cold. I can¡¯t move. I¡¯m petrified.


    ¡°I said do ye understand me?¡± Dad booms and it jolts me. I nod vigorously and from the corner of my eye, I see Terah do the same. Dad focuses on something passed Terah and I, in the distance and whispers, ¡°Run!¡±


    My legs move of their own accord.


    I drag Terah down the hall, running in my socks and slipping every few steps. We bolt up the stairs, and when we reach our rooms, I pull her into a hard hug. She whispers, ¡°It¡¯s probably nothing, Lily. Do what Dad says, okay?¡± I nod into her shoulder.


    We separate. I hear her go into her room and shut the door. I open the door to my room, with my hand still on the knob. I freeze, solid as an iceberg.


    Oh, fuck my life!


    Chapter Two


    Kidnapped


    Lily


    Pressure builds in my ears, my palms sweat, and I lock my knees to stop them from shaking.


    Staring into the masked face of the tall, muscled, olive-skinned intruder, I try hard to think about what I should do, but all my brain is giving out is white noise.


    He stands by my bed, motionless, wearing a tight black tee, black cargo pants, and black army boots. The mask he wears is black and looks to be leather too. It¡¯s a peculiar looking mask. It¡¯s been sewn together and covers his whole head. The eye holes are round but covered with some sort of mesh so you can¡¯t see directly into the person¡¯s eye, same with the nose holes and mouth. I¡¯ve never seen anything like it before. I almost want to ask him where he got it from . It looks very steam-punk, and if I¡¯d seen him on the street and not in my room being all creepy and shit, I would ask him where he got it.


    What the eff? Focus!


    My brain currently wears a sign that says ¡°Gone Fishin¡¯¡±.


    Movement at the door to my closet tears my focus away from the intruder. When another identically dressed, masked man appears, only bigger and taller, I figure I¡¯m screwed.


    Well, that¡¯s that. Goodbye cruel world. Be sure to fuck thyself on the way out, you mean-assed son of a whore.


    I should¡¯ve snuck out with Terah tonight. God, she¡¯s gonna be so pissed at me!


    A muffled scream from Terah¡¯s room makes me break out into a cold sweat. I panic a moment before courage blooms from the center of my gut. I breathe deeply and steady myself.


    I am not going down without a fight!


    My hand stiffens on the door knob. I take a small step back, and the man at my bed shakes his head slowly. And shit! It freaks me out.


    I take another small step back. My sister screams again, louder this time, and it slices right through me like a hot knife through butter. The man at my closet steps closer to me. I hold his masked gaze and take another step back. Before I can think about what I¡¯m doing, I turn and run as fast as I can to my sister¡¯s room. I thank God she didn¡¯t have time to lock the door. I open the door to see two more masked men restraining Terah. My hands shake as I take in her tearful face. I rush over to her desk, pick up the crystal vase that sits on the corner of it, and creep over to masked man number four. Unable to see me with his back to me, I smash the vase down onto his head as hard as I can without a moment¡¯s thought. It shatters to pieces and the man falls to his knees yelling, ¡°Fuck!¡±


    Strong arms wrap around my waist and lift me. I kick out and shriek, ¡°No! Let my sister go!¡±


    Balling my hands into fists, I swing back over my shoulders and connect with another masked man¡¯s face. He growls, ¡°Stop!¡±


    Stop? Are you shitting me? How about¡­no!


    ¡°Limp dick motherfucker! Let me go!¡± I yell out through heaving breaths.


    My knuckles throb but I try to hit him over and over again. He¡¯s moved his head behind mine so I can¡¯t reach his face. Pulling my arm forward, I wrench it back hard and elbow him in the ribs. He drops me and I hit the floor with a thud. Scrambling to my feet, I run forward two steps before bigger, taller masked man number two hauls me over his shoulder and runs with me down the stairs. It hurts my stomach so badly, I feel like I¡¯m going to puke. I don¡¯t even realize I¡¯ve started crying until I can barely take in a full breath. The man takes me down the hall and toward the front door.


    The nerve of these guys! Kidnapping us through the front door?


    Now that¡¯s just cocky.


    I screech, ¡°DAD! MOM! HELP!¡±


    A muffled argument I can¡¯t quite make out reaches my ears and I hear my dad yell out, ¡°Delilah!¡± just as the masked man takes me out the front door.


    Anguish slices through me. My stiff body slumps in defeat and I sob into the man¡¯s back. I cry out, ¡°Please let me go! Oh God, please!¡±


    But the man¡¯s pace never slows.


    As we pass the property line, he holds me tightly and carries me into the back of a large black van. The van takes off as soon as my butt hits the seat. I have no fight left in me. The courage I felt earlier is completely demolished by the one thought circling around in my head¡­


    It¡¯s official.


    I¡¯ve been kidnapped.


    The back of the van is pitch black. I can¡¯t see a damn thing. I have no idea where I¡¯m being taken. All I know is that Humungo won¡¯t let go of my arm.


    The van stops after what feels like about twenty hours of driving when in reality, it¡¯s been around twenty minutes. The side door slides open and light floods the back. I look around me and fear clogs my throat.


    There are another three people in the back with us. They¡¯re all so quiet that I hadn¡¯t even noticed them. They¡¯re masked, too. If the devil had minions, this is what they¡¯d look like; I¡¯m sure of it.


    Freaking. The. Eff. Out.


    Humungo tugs on my arm and steps out of the van, pulling me out behind him. I look around. We¡¯re in an underground parking lot that¡¯s completely empty. I squeak when he lifts me over his shoulder again and carries me like I¡¯m a sack of potatoes. I don¡¯t mind not walking right now because I don¡¯t think I could even if I wanted to, but damn, his shoulder in my belly hurts like hell. My face is pained as I strain through gritted teeth, ¡°Please put me down. You¡¯re hurting me.¡±


    To my absolute shock, he does.


    The man places me on my feet in front of him, grips my upper arm with one hand and removes his leather mask with the other. I¡¯m suddenly staring into a pair of blue eyes that are so cold, if you looked up arctic in the encyclopedia these eyes would be pictured underneath.


    ¡°Don¡¯t even think about trying to run.¡± As he says this in his rough and husky voice, I realize I¡¯m trying to back away from him.


    Fear washes over me. I take a moment to look around.


    Dark. Desolate. Deserted.


    Two options flicker through my mind; attempt to escape, or go with the husky voiced, gruff man. Mentally, I weigh my options. Escaping means running. Running on Jell-O like legs likely won¡¯t get me far, which would leave me captured once more by an extremely pissed-off abductor.


    I scan my surroundings again , desperately looking for a means of escape. My face falls when I can¡¯t find one. I look up into the face of my kidnapper and nod in resolve.


    The dickhead smirks and I want to knee him in the jingle bells.


    My face must convey what I feel because his smirk flares into a wide, gleaming, crooked smile.


    The man is actually not bad looking. Not traditionally good looking, but gruffly attractive in a manly way. His nose is crooked and looks like it¡¯s been broken a few times, but he has high cheek bones and a strong chin. His full lips surround his teeth which are white and a little crooked on the bottom. This man doesn¡¯t look like he was ever meant to be a pretty boy. His dark hair is buzzed. His tall, muscular frame is extremely intimidating; his arms alone look like they could squish a person¡¯s head to mush with no effort.


    His gruffness, his appearance, it works for him in a mean, scary way. Damn shame he¡¯s an asshole criminal who I want to gut with a jagged, rusty blade.


    When the others come out from the van, I¡¯m shocked to see a woman amongst the men. What kind of woman would take part in this sort of thing? She must be a heartless bitch. When she removes her mask, she offers me a sad smile that I want to slap right off her pretty face. She is taller than me, fit and lean with long, dark-brown hair and hazel eyes. An olive-skinned man, who I¡¯m sure was the one standing at my bed, removes his mask and smiles at me. His dark hair is short but not buzzed. His brown eyes are warm and soft. He jerks his chin at me and says, ¡°Wassup?¡± and I glare at him.


    These guys are clearly bananas. Mentally unstable fruit loops, every single one of them.


    The third man doesn¡¯t remove his mask. He gets into the passenger front seat of the van and it drives away, leaving me with this strange and potentially dangerous group of people. The lady approaches me and asks kindly, ¡°Would you like some water?¡±


    I don¡¯t want anything from these people. Avoiding her gaze, I shake my head.


    The man and woman casually flank me while Humungo hottie holds me in a tight grip. He jerks his chin to the left and the olive-skinned man and the woman jump to follow some unspoken order.


    Oh shit. He¡¯s the boss-man. Just wonderful.


    I risk looking up at him to find his narrowed eyes searching me. He searches a while before his gaze fixes on my hair. I¡¯m sure I look like death warmed up and I don¡¯t give a damn. He¡¯s the reason I look like shit and I wear the look with pride. I straighten, stand taller, and glare right back at him.


    Take that, asshole.


    Okay, so I¡¯m mentally shaking in my boots, but I can¡¯t let him see that. Right now, I have to go with the flow of things, wait for the right moment and try to escape.


    Be cooperative. Be polite. Make them think you¡¯re going along with this whole scheme .


    Okay, okay. Time to change tactics. I drop my glare and clear my throat. ¡°Excuse me, uh- um- man. Can you please tell me what I¡¯m doing here?¡±


    He looks into my eyes but doesn¡¯t answer. I try to hold his gaze, but his blue eyes pierce mine. It¡¯s getting a little awkward so I lower my eyes to his chest and try again. ¡°If there¡¯s something you want, I can help you get it. If you could just tell m-¡±


    He cuts me off with a curt, ¡°No.¡± Then turns away from me, gripping my arm tighter. He turns me to face away from him and I¡¯m suddenly blind.


    ¡°Hey.¡± The asshole blindfolded me! ¡°Hey!¡± I yell again and try to remove it. My arms flail as I fight a very one-sided fight with him. He takes hold of my hands in one of his large ones and clasps them firmly.


    ¡°If you struggle, you lose what little freedom you have right now.¡± His voice speaks low and directly into my ear. I break out into goosebumps and still.


    I don¡¯t want to lose that little freedom, but I can¡¯t stop my mouth from spewing out, ¡°You know you¡¯re an asshole, right?¡±


    A smaller, colder hand grips my arm and I hear an amused feminine voice say, ¡°He knows, alright.¡±


    We walk and walk and freakin¡¯ walk some more before I hear the squeal and creak of a door opening . The woman whispers , ¡°Be prepared. We¡¯re gonna be here a while.¡±


    Sigh. Just great.


    Hours of sitting in this awful chair is starting to numb my ass. I move from side to side, wriggling until one of my captors sighs loudly and runs a hand through his hair.


    It¡¯s the hot one. Of course.


    I look him in his icy-blue eyes and beg softly, "Please. I don''t know what you want from me, but I¡¯ll do anything. I¡¯ll give anything for you to just let me the fuck go. I never saw you. I''ll never speak a word of this to anyone." I duck my chin, my voice trembles as I whisper, "Please." My head remains lowered and I watch in slow motion as a tear drop falls into my lap.


    I hear my captor¡¯s chuckle and devastation breaks my resolve. I burst into sobs and my captors laugh louder.


    I lose it.


    "You fucking assholes! Getting off on a petrified girl? What kind of men are you? I''ll tell you what kind of men! The kind that no one likes, so they have to stick together or they''ll be left at the bottom of the food chain to fend for themselves like rabid fucking dogs!" My chest heaves with rage. Both men have stopped laughing and wear matching scowls. I look the hot one in his hard, cold eyes and screech, "You are lower than scum and I fucking hate you!"


    I realize I¡¯m hysterical and burst into laughter. Laughing hard, I yell, "I''m locked away in a shithole!" I laugh so hard I¡¯m wheezing. "No one knows where I am!" I snort through my chuckles. "I''m going to die alone!" Laughter forces its way out of me for a good minute, slowly fading out until I finally stop.

 Page 3

    I''m hollow. Empty. And numb.


    The olive-skinned man asks, "Feeling better now?"Advertisement


    I don''t look at him. I keep my eyes averted and shake my head once. I whisper, "No. Not at all." I finally look up at him. "How would you feel if you''d been kidnapped?"


    His lips twitch and he looks over at hottie Humungo. Hottie Humungo¡¯s eyes meet mine. "You tied to a chair?" I look down at my bare wrists and shake my head.


    He fires another question. "You been slapped around?"


    I look him in the eye and shake my head. He nods in agreement. I blurt out a meek, "I just wanna go home."


    He raises his brows. "You''re so fucking annoying that there is nothing more I want to do than to let you go right now...but I can¡¯t." I fight the urge to call him a motherfucking douche canoe and glare down at his shoes, my lip curling. He leans back in his chair and states, "You haven''t been kidnapped, Delilah."


    Eyes wide, I lift my face to look into his and ask, "Who are you?"


    Hottie¡®s lip twitches. "The person who just saved your life, baby."


    What the mother fuck?


    I look around the damp, concrete room. All three of my captors wear matching expressions of amusement. Leaning back in the ass-numbing chair, I try to speak but my mouth opens and closes like a fish out of water. The olive-skinned man laughs, ¡°Shit, Nox. You broke her.¡±


    The woman rolls her eyes at him. ¡°Leave her alone, Rock. She¡¯s been through enough today without your ass-ery.¡±


    ¡°Oh, c¡¯mon. I¡¯m adorable. Everyone loves me.¡± He winks then blows her a little kiss and she glares so hard I think she might lose her cool and punch him.


    And here I sit, all confused and shit, while they banter.


    Finally finding my voice, I ask quietly, ¡°Can someone please tell me what¡¯s going on?¡±


    The woman opens her mouth, but the man called Nox cuts her off with a firm stare. ¡°Later.¡±


    She nods once in agreement then shoots me an apologetic smile. She comes over to me and holds out her hand. ¡°My name is Constance. But if you call me Constance, I can¡¯t be held responsible for my actions. People call me Boo and I¡¯d like if you did, too.¡±


    Well, she¡¯s knocked the wind right out of my sails and I¡¯m finding it hard to be indifferent toward her. She seems genuinely nice¡­but it could be an act. It probably is an act. Yes, I¡¯m sure it¡¯s an act. Reaching out, I take her hand. ¡°Delilah. But if you call me Delilah, I can¡¯t be held responsible for my actions. People call me Lily.¡±


    She smiles then tilts her head. ¡°Lily.¡± She says my name thoughtfully than shakes her head. ¡°You don¡¯t look like a fragile little Lily to me. Maybe I¡¯ll call you Deedee?¡±


    Deedee is one of the three-hundred-and-fifty-seven nicknames my sister has for me. My lips twitch and I nod. She smiles at me and whispers, ¡°I think we¡¯re going to be good friends.¡±


    The olive-skinned man stands abruptly and walks over to me. Pushing Boo out of the way none too carefully, he holds out his hand. ¡°Rock. But you can call me¡­¡± He lifts his head in thought. ¡°¡­ThunderPants.¡±


    I bite my lip to stop my laughter. Lord knows I don¡¯t want another pissed-off captor. Boo doesn¡¯t stop herself though, she bursts out laughing. ¡°What the fuck? ThunderPants? Why? Are you the king of flatulence?¡±


    Rock holds out his hands in argument. ¡°No! Because of my massive dick!¡± Boo laughs harder. So hard she doubles over. Rock glares at her and turns to Nox. ¡°C¡¯mon, boss. It¡¯s a cool nickname, right?¡±


    Nox¡¯s lip twitches but he shakes his head at Rock. Rock¡¯s face falls dejectedly and he turns to me. ¡°Okay, no ThunderPants. Rock will do just fine.¡±


    Who the hell are these guys?


    I¡¯m sure this is how Alice felt falling down the rabbit hole. I stand and all three of them look at me cautiously as if I might run. I¡¯m in an underground room, an underground, soundproof, concrete room with a heavy, metal door locked with a rusted latch.


    I mean, I¡¯m badass and all, but I am no MacGyver. MacGyver is the king of badass. Seriously, who else could escape Bulgarian extremists by making a bomb from dental floss, lemon juice, and bleach? That shit¡¯s impressive.


    Nox¡¯s watch beeps and he stands. ¡°Time to go.¡±


    My stomach knots. I don¡¯t want to leave. I feel safe here.


    When all three of them walk to the back of the room and move a storage cabinet out of the way, I¡¯m shocked to see there¡¯s a secret door hidden there, a door almost identical to the one we came in through. Boo tries to open it but it doesn¡¯t budge. Rock tries next and it creaks but doesn¡¯t open. Nox tries last and his arms bulge as he strains.


    Nothing. Nadda. Zip. It¡¯s safe to say the door is stuck.


    ¡°How are we getting out of here?¡± I haven¡¯t realized I¡¯m so close to Nox until he turns around and we¡¯re almost nose to chest.


    He looks down at me coolly. ¡°Wanna see how explosives work?¡±


    My eyes widen and I want to shout hell yeah! But I contain myself and say in a bored voice, ¡°Sure. Whatever.¡±


    His lip does that cute twitchy thing again. Rock and Boo go to work placing something that looks like grey play-doh onto the door hinges. Nox pulls me to stand behind him, shielding me with his large frame. Boo shouts, ¡°Fire in the hole!¡±


    Two small firecracker sounds go off with little poofs of smoke. And I gotta say¡­I¡¯m a little disappointed. ¡°Well, that was anticlimactic.¡± Rock and Boo chuckle while they work the door open. As soon as fresh air hits my face, I shrink into myself. Nox turns and I ask quietly, ¡°Where are you taking me?¡±


    He looks at me for a long moment before he answers. ¡°Home.¡±


    Chapter Three


    Homeward bound


    Lily


    When Nox said we were going home, I assumed he meant he was taking me back to my home. This is the reason I went so willingly. I practically skipped to the large, black van smiling like a fool and yelled out, ¡°What are we waiting for? Let¡¯s ride!¡±


    So we¡¯ve been driving for an hour now and I have no idea where home is. They won¡¯t answer any of the hundred questions I¡¯ve asked, and I¡¯ve reached the point where I see Nox¡¯s cheek tic. He scowls at me. ¡°Don¡¯t you ever shut up?¡±


    Slumping in defeat, I mope. I¡¯m officially peeved. I don¡¯t have my cell phone to check on my parents or sister. I suddenly realize that I haven¡¯t asked where they¡¯ve been taken and my heart skips a beat. I¡¯m panicked. ¡°I know you said we¡¯ll talk about this later but please, just answer one thing.¡±


    He sighs then snaps impatiently, ¡°What? What is it?¡±


    ¡°My family. Are they safe? Where is my sister? Is that the place where you¡¯re taking me?¡± I rush out.


    He looks annoyed. ¡°Firstly, that¡¯s three questions and the answer to those questions will result in a lot more questions. So the answer is no, I won¡¯t answer any of your questions right now.¡±


    With the windows still covered, I¡¯m suddenly grateful for the dark. My eyes sting and my chest aches. I just want to know they¡¯re okay. That¡¯s all. I shut them tight but tears leak out of the sides of my eyes. I steady my breathing as much as possible, but out of nowhere, my breath hitches loudly and I know he knows I¡¯m crying. And that sucks. I don¡¯t want to be that girl. You know, the whiney, pissy cry-baby. That¡¯s not normally me. Okay, these are extenuating circumstances, but I still don¡¯t feel good about it.


    This Nox guy isn¡¯t doing a thing to make me believe that he¡¯s protecting me, and I was so hoping it was true. When you face bad circumstances, you want to believe you¡¯re going to get the best possible outcome. And that¡¯s what I was wishing for. But I can¡¯t trust this guy. Why else would he keep something as simple as my family¡¯s safety a secret?


    Maybe the guy¡¯s just an asshole?


    He is an asshole! No maybes about it. This is all too bizarre.


    After my breath hitches a second time, Nox sighs. Shuffling closer to me, he tilts his head to the side, closer to mine and whispers, ¡°Your mom and dad are fine. Your sister is fine. We¡¯ve separated you for a good reason. They¡¯re safe, okay?¡±


    Unable to look at him, I nod into the covered window. It¡¯s funny how a few simple words can alter your mindset. I¡¯m feeling unexpectedly stronger all of a sudden. I read a lot, so I know that words hold power. They can bring you from the lowest low to an ultimate high in a matter of moments, and just the opposite, too. I¡¯m thankful for Nox¡¯s reassuring words. I force my tears down and remind myself that everything will be okay if I just go along with what they want. I mentally chastise myself. No more tears. I¡¯m tougher than that.


    I wonder how much longer it¡¯ll take to get home.


    The van stops abruptly. No one speaks. They move around without a word and it¡¯s starting to freak me out. Feeling uneasy, I break the silence. ¡°Are we there yet?¡±


    Without answering, Nox releases my arm and slips the blindfold back over my head.


    Son of a bitc-


    Nuh uh. I don¡¯t like it. The blindfold has got to go. Sighing loudly, I reach up and yank the blindfold above my eyes. ¡°I think you know I¡¯m not going to run. Where the hell would I run to?¡±


    Nox¡¯s glare is harsh and his lip curls. ¡°For fuck sake, Delilah! When I put a blindfold on you, there¡¯s a goddamn reason.¡± He leans closer to me and whispers, ¡°Don¡¯t push me, little girl. You don¡¯t wanna see my bad side.¡±


    I blink a second before my eyes widen and I lean back from him as I whisper hiss, ¡°This is your good side?¡±


    He says nothing but his cheek tics again. I¡¯m thinking that might have something to do with me. I haven¡¯t confirmed this yet.


    Holding up my hands in surrender, I concede, ¡°Okay, okay. Sheesh. I¡¯ll wear the freakin¡¯ blindfold. Don¡¯t get your panties in a twist, oh captain, my captain. And don¡¯t call me Delilah.¡± I see his jaw clench tighter and I bite my cheek to stop myself from smirking. Pulling the blindfold down, I hold out my arm which he grips tightly and leads me out of the van.


    We start walking, and after a while, I do not like the silence. Just as I open my mouth to say something, no doubt crass and sarcastic, I trip over a jagged stone and stumble to my knees. Nox hauls me up not a second after I fall. ¡°You ¡®kay?¡± He says this in a way that could have been interpreted as ¡®You are a burden in my life and I don¡¯t like you¡¯.


    Currently blind, I push my arms out towards the sound of his voice and they luckily connect with his chest, pushing him back about a hairs breadth. My face flushes more from embarrassment than rage. ¡°Goddamn it! Watch where the hell you¡¯re going! This is why I don¡¯t like the blindfold. Blindfolds are used in trust exercises, you moron, and I think it¡¯s clear that I. Don¡¯t. Trust. You!¡±


    I¡¯m shocked when he apologizes. ¡°Sorry. Got distracted.¡±


    This doesn¡¯t placate me. Not one teeny bit. ¡°And you¡¯re meant to be protecting me? What the hell? Jeez, just feed me to the sharks, why don¡¯t you!¡±


    My knees sting like hell but I don¡¯t utter a word of complaint, because let¡¯s face it, Nox doesn¡¯t seem like a giver of fucks. What I have noticed is that his grip on my arm is marginally lighter and he¡¯s walking a lot slower, too. We stop and I hear footsteps, but no one says a word. Some loud mechanical whirring sounds start up and I jump back in fright. Nox squeezes my arm in what I¡¯m sure was meant to be reassurance. It feels more like a threat, though. We walk another short while, then I hear a door creak open, and suddenly, I can see again.


    Whoa! Where the hell are we?


    This house is fab-u-lous. My mouth gapes and Boo appears by my side. ¡°It¡¯s the shit, huh?¡±


    Eyes wide, I simply nod. I shake my head to clear it. My voice is low and shallow as I ask, ¡°Where are we?¡±


    Boo opens her mouth, but Nox cuts her off. ¡°Safe house.¡±


    More like safe mansion! I scan the room I¡¯m in. It¡¯s not as big as my house but it¡¯s big. And nice. And open. At a glance, I can see a modern kitchen complete with marble countertops, a six-burner stove, and an oven big enough to fit to three Thanksgiving turkeys in it. The dining room has a sixteen-seater mahogany table with matching chairs.


    Who the hell entertains for sixteen people? That¡¯s not a dinner party, that¡¯s a freakin¡¯ fiesta.


    The sparkling white walls confirm the owners of this house plan to have no children. The chandeliers in the main hall and dining area are large and gleaming. The ceilings are as high as high can be. The furniture is all mahogany and stunning. This place is timeless. This may very well be my dream house. It¡¯s so homey and warm. I love it. But this place is huge. Spinning around, I risk a question that I¡¯m not sure I¡¯ll like the answer to. ¡°Is my family coming here?¡±


    Boo¡¯s face falls and I know the answer before Nox says it. ¡°No, Lily. You¡¯re to remain separated. You won¡¯t have contact with them until the threat we¡¯re protecting you against is gone.¡±


    My heart lurches.


    How long will that be?


    I don¡¯t risk asking another question I may not like the answer to. Reaching up, I rub my temples with my fingertips. ¡°Can you please tell me what the hell is going on? Why am I here?¡± Even to me my voice sounds tired and strained.


    Silence. I open my tired eyes and look up at Nox. He searches my face. ¡°Eat first.¡±


    Too tired to argue, I nod, and drag my feet after him.


    Nox


    This is bullshit. This is not what I signed up for.


    I sneak a glance at Delilah Flynn and I know, I just fucking know that she¡¯s gonna be trouble. As soon as she smashed that vase on Ricky¡¯s head, I knew I was fucked. When you look at her, you think the word pushover.


    You see this pretty girl stuck in the body of a tomboy. She 5¡¯8¡± and wears a pair of black loose athletic shorts that come just above her knees, a yellow football style tee that¡¯s two sizes too big that comes just above her stomach showing her bellybutton and a pair of white sneakers.

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    Her choice of clothing doesn¡¯t suit her face.


    She¡¯s pretty. And when I say pretty, I mean pretty. And she doesn¡¯t even know it. Which doesn¡¯t help me in the slightest. Her long, dark-reddish hair has half come out of its ponytail. It¡¯s thick and has a wave to it. Her face is clear and her skin has a peaches-and-cream thing going on. She¡¯s pale. Almost like she¡¯s never seen the sun, but it suits her. Her bright-green eyes are encased by long dark lashes. She doesn¡¯t wear a stitch of makeup. She¡¯s naturally pretty. But that hair¡­that fucking hair. I haven¡¯t seen anything like it. It¡¯s thick and shiny. She¡¯s got nice hair.Advertisement


    And that blows.


    When you have a job like mine, you expect to come across contracts that you don¡¯t like from time to time. Solution? Get it done quickly and forget about it. I¡¯m being paid a lot, and I mean a lot, to babysit Miss Delilah Flynn for as long as it takes, so unfortunately, the quick and forget thing might not be happening.


    I¡¯m sorely regretting the decision I¡¯ve made. I should¡¯ve passed this job on.


    Without a word, I place my hands under her arms and lift Delilah up onto the kitchen counter top. She yelps then growls, ¡°Would you stop picking me up like I¡¯m a freakin¡¯ sack of potatoes!¡±


    Leaving her, I open the cabinet above the pantry, take out the first-aid kit, and bring it over to her. She looks down at the kit with obvious confusion but doesn¡¯t say a thing. I lift her leg and place her foot to rest on my thigh. It¡¯s then she sees her scraped and bloody knees and mutters, ¡°Of course. Great. Just great.¡±


    Dear god, please give me strength to make sure that I don¡¯t become the threat against the girl I¡¯m trying to protect.


    This little woman is grating my nerves something fierce. With her smartass comments and talking back, I¡¯m gonna go nuts locked up here with her. Especially when I¡¯m technically not allowed to let her out of my sight for as long as this thing takes. And I don¡¯t know how long that¡¯ll be. As far as I know, the threat hasn¡¯t actually been confirmed just yet.


    I tear open an antiseptic wipe, and as soon as I press it to her knee, she squeals then bursts into laughter while trying to kick me away. ¡°No!¡± She quells her laughter and scowls, ¡°No. Give it here. I don¡¯t like people touching my knees.¡±


    Shaking my head, I wonder why she didn¡¯t just tell me she¡¯s ticklish. I hand her the cloth and she carefully wipes her knees until they¡¯re clean. I take out two square bandages and hand them to her. She places them on her knees and jumps down from the counter.


    Shit. Now she actually looks like a kid. Skinned knees and all. And I feel like a prick for checking her out earlier. I know she¡¯s not underage or anything, but firstly, it¡¯s not professional, and secondly, I am not going there, so I shouldn¡¯t even be thinking about her like that. I never get involved with anyone I protect. I distance myself as much as possible. It maintains a clear mind.


    Boo carries over a plate full of sandwiches then excuses herself. She¡¯s on watch until midnight, so we won¡¯t see her again until then. As soon as Boo walks out, Rock walks in and jumps up on the counter, semi-glaring at Delilah. ¡°You tried to knock me out, woman.¡±


    Her eyes widen in acknowledgment. She swallows her mouthful of sandwich before she speaks. ¡°I knew that was you in my room! What the hell was with the freaky-slow head shake? Of course I tried to knock you out, bonehead, you kidnapped me!¡±


    ¡°Hey now, we did that for your protection. And by the way, you might¡¯ve connected with my face, but you¡¯ve got a weak hook. All you did was piss me off, babe.¡± He grins.


    ¡°I am not weak. I¡¯m badass.¡± She scowls at him. Her lips pout a little. It¡¯s pretty damn cute. ¡°And don¡¯t call me babe.¡±


    Fuck.


    Rock lifts her hands high into a boxing stance. She watches wide-eyed with complete interest as he shapes her fists the way he wants ¡®em. She stands taller and mimics his pose. ¡°What you wanna do is hold ¡®em high, but not right in front of your face, just high enough so you can deflect any incoming blows. You might not deflect ¡®em all, but you will stop some of ¡®em. So what you gotta do is¡­¡± Rock looks up at me smiling. His smile fades when he catches the look of disbelief on my face. Clearing his throat, he leans down to Delilah and says, ¡°We¡¯ll continue this lesson later.¡± And then he¡¯s gone.


    Delilah looks up at me while finishing her sandwich; she speaks around her mouthful. ¡°Will you please stop fart-assing around and just tell me what¡¯s going on?¡±


    Picking up another sandwich, I bite into it and watch her. She rolls her eyes at me and nibbles at the rest of her sandwich. I have to show this girl that she can¡¯t demand things of me. There are reasons I do things the way I do them. I do not explain myself to anyone apart from my superior, Mitch. A question sits upon the tip of my tongue, and I just can¡¯t seem to stop myself from asking. ¡°Why don¡¯t you like to be called Delilah? It¡¯s a nice name.¡±


    She scoffs, ¡°Yeah, right.¡± She swallows the last of her sandwich before picking up another. ¡°Okay. So you know the Bible, right?¡± I nod. ¡°Well, whenever we were in church and there would be reference to the story of Delilah and Samson, everyone would stare at me. And I mean everyone. Even the freakin¡¯ priest. I didn¡¯t like it then, and I don¡¯t like it now. I prefer Lily.¡±


    ¡°What¡¯s the big deal about that story?¡± I ask confused. I¡¯m not religious but my mom is. She¡¯d box my ears for not knowing. We were a church going family.


    Picking at her sandwich and avoiding my gaze, she answers, ¡°Delilah betrayed Samson. She was basically a nark. She used her sex appeal to her advantage and deceived Samson. She watched while they humiliated him, and that sucks because Samson was a good man. His only crime was falling in love. And she fucked him over¡­fucked him right up the ass.¡± She looks up at me, eyes blazing. ¡°Delilah was a gold-digging whore.¡±


    Still confused. ¡°But that¡¯s not you.¡±


    ¡°I know that¡¯s not me. It didn¡¯t stop people from looking at me like I was destined to become someone like her.¡± She yawns. ¡°Please tell me why I¡¯m here so I can go to bed.¡±


    Since she doesn¡¯t give any appearance of dropping the subject, I figure it¡¯s time to drop the bomb.


    ¡°Well, Lily, someone¡¯s trying to kill you.¡±


    Chapter Four


    A cell fit for a king


    Lily


    ¡°What?¡± I shriek. Shaking, my chest heaves with every heavy breath I take.


    Nox looks stunned by my outburst. He stands with his hands outstretched in front of him in a pacifying gesture. ¡°Calm down. You asked, so I told, but you only heard one damn sentence. Let me finish, will ya?¡±


    So many thoughts rush through my head but I can¡¯t seem to voice any of them. I nod and he looks a little more relaxed. ¡°Your father contacted us about a month ago. He asked for protection for your family after someone anonymously sent him a threat. The threat looked false to me so I declined the job, but something didn¡¯t feel right. A few nights ago, I hacked into your father¡¯s email and saw there were other things being sent there. Hate mail and more threats. I immediately saw a pattern regardless of the threats being sent from multiple email addresses. I declined the job because I thought there was nothing to it, but when I saw the other things he hadn¡¯t told me about, I decided to make a snap decision and get y¡¯all out of there quick.¡± There¡¯s a twang to his voice I hadn¡¯t heard before. ¡°So that¡¯s when we broke into your house, and as you like to call it, kidnapped you.¡±


    I¡¯m stunned speechless. After a few moments silence, I ask quietly, ¡°Why didn¡¯t I know about any of this?¡±


    Nox shrugs. ¡°I assume your dad didn¡¯t want you to worry. I don¡¯t blame him. Women tend to overreact.¡±


    I blink a moment before I screech, ¡°Someone is trying to kill me! I think I have the right to overreact!¡±


    He runs his hands down his face and mutters, ¡°There she goes again.¡±


    Shaking my head in disbelief, I ask, ¡°What exactly were the threats?¡±


    ¡°One threat. Kidnapping and murder of Miss Delilah Flynn. Just one threat made multiple times.¡± He says this as if he¡¯s reading out of a diner menu. No feeling. No emotion. Just cold.


    I¡¯m confused. ¡°Why me? I don¡¯t go out or anything. I¡¯m at home ninety-nine percent of the time. It doesn¡¯t make sense.¡±


    Nox leans his hip against the kitchen counter. ¡°Well, from the past few days surveillance I¡¯ve had you under, it has shown me that your father is more protective of you than your sister. I think that has something to do with it. But I could be wrong.¡±


    He¡¯s right. My dad is a lot more protective of me than of Terah. I never really understood it. When I asked my parents if I could go to college, dad got angry. He said he expected that one of his girls would take over the business and Terah wasn¡¯t interested. She was already at college. I was basically guilt-tripped into doing an internship at Flynn Logistics. I do all my studies externally in the warehouse office and send it off to a training institute to get signed off. It feels like I¡¯m being home schooled.


    I whisper, ¡°Are you wrong a lot?¡± Holding my eyes, he shakes his head. I sigh, ¡°I was afraid of that.¡± Then I remember something he said and glower at him. ¡°You had me under surveillance?¡±


    He nods. ¡°Yup. Sure did, darlin¡¯. And don¡¯t look at me like that. You never would¡¯ve known if I hadn¡¯t just told you.¡±


    He¡¯s right again. Shit. Folding my arms in front of my chest, I ask, ¡°How do I know I can trust you?¡±


    A small smile lifts the corner of his lips. ¡°You don¡¯t.¡± My shoulders slump in defeat and he asks seriously, ¡°Have I given you any indication that I mean to harm you? Any indication at all?¡±


    Being my smartass self, my mouth opens before I can think about what I¡¯m about to say. ¡°Well, now, let me think. There was the time when I was minding my own damn business, and I got restrained and kidnapped. Then I was blindfolded and taken to a place I¡¯m not even sure is on a map. Then I was thrown down to my knees while I was being¡­¡± I use my fingers to make slow quotation marks, ¡°¡­protected. Now I¡¯m here being told that I can¡¯t see or talk to my family. Indefinitely. You have no idea of the harm you¡¯ve already done, Nox.¡±


    Although it felt good to get all that off my chest, as soon as I see Nox scowling down at me, I regret my decision to run my mouth. Too late to apologize now. He leans down until we¡¯re almost nose to nose. ¡°I have a mind to tell you exactly what you can do with your thoughts, Delilah.¡± He smirks when he says my name.


    He smells good. My cheeks heat. I try one last plea for tonight. ¡°If you¡¯d just let me speak to my father-¡±


    But he cuts me off. ¡°No.¡±


    My eyes burn with unshed tears and I hate myself for it. I don¡¯t dare blink because they¡¯d be sure to fall.


    You¡¯re so weak, woman. Walk it off.


    Dipping my chin, I shift from foot to foot. I don¡¯t look up when he says, ¡°I like this situation about as much as you do, Lily. We just gotta make the best of it. I am not a babysitter.¡± I raise my head at this comment. I¡¯m close to calling him some choice names when he adds, ¡°Not that I¡¯m calling you a baby. Because you¡¯re not. I¡¯ve never had a job like this before, so take it easy on me, okay? We¡¯re both experiencing something new here and it would go much easier for all of us here if we got along. We¡¯re gonna be spending a lot of time together.¡±


    We¡¯re gonna be spending a lot of time together? ¡­Well shit.


    His eyes bore into mine, his brow bunched in a way that I know he¡¯s expecting me to say something nasty. If I were more myself, I probably would, too. But right now, I¡¯m so damn tired that sarcasm evades me. That¡¯s pretty damn tired, if you ask me. My eyes are suddenly heavy, too. I puff out a long breath. ¡°Whatever, boss man. Can you please show me where my room is? I need a shower and sleep.¡±


    He steps towards me and reaches for my arm. I flinch back and his brow furrows. I tell him, ¡°Don¡¯t do that. I¡¯m not going to run and I¡¯m sick of being manhandled. Just escort me, please.¡±


    His arm still outstretched, he nods once, and drops it before walking ahead of me. ¡°Follow me.¡±


    Following him up the stairs, I can¡¯t help but look around. All the rooms are open and immaculate. The beds are made, the bathrooms are sparkling, and the windows gleam. This place is beautiful and has such a homey feel to it. I suppose it really doesn¡¯t matter. I¡¯m not fooled. I know what this place is. You can dress a prison cell any way you like, but it¡¯s still a prison cell. Speaking of cells, I need to get my hands on a cell phone and I know Nox has one. Being sly as I can, I ask innocently, ¡°So where do you sleep?¡±


    His eyebrows raise in question. Once I realize how that question could¡¯ve been construed, I flush bright pink but don¡¯t say a thing. His gaze falls to my cheeks and he grins. ¡°I sleep in the west wing with the rest of the guys. You¡¯ll be in the east wing with Boo since she¡¯s the only other woman here. I should warn you, though, that you won¡¯t get much privacy while you¡¯re here. If I see your bedroom door closed, I don¡¯t care if you¡¯re half naked or not, I will open it. The only place you¡¯ll get some consideration is in the bathroom and while you¡¯re in there, you¡¯ll be timed. You¡¯ve been warned. I don¡¯t like closed doors. Locked doors in this house get broken down.¡±


    My heart skips at that statement. Oh, I really don¡¯t like it.


    What choice do you have?


    I¡¯d say none and then some. When I walk in front of one room in particular, I stop and stare with a gaping mouth. Nox walks ahead of me and up the hall where he announces, ¡°This is your room.¡±

 Page 5

    Obviously having noticed I¡¯m not behind him anymore, it takes a few moments, but he clears his throat right at my back. I don¡¯t look to him. I can¡¯t. Literally. I¡¯m a moth drawn to a flame. This room is¡­is beautiful. I¡¯ve found my temporary happy place . I feel his curious gaze on me and answer his unasked question. ¡°It¡¯s beautiful.¡± This comes out strained.


    Looking over my head and into the room, Nox sighs. Not an annoyed sigh but more of a relaxed sigh. ¡°Yeah. I like it too.¡±Advertisement


    Books everywhere . The walls are lined with them. I¡¯m not talking a couple of book cases, but wall-to-wall books. And it¡¯s not like it¡¯s a small room either; it could double as a ballroom. The walls are actually shelved and I can¡¯t see any free space. I wonder aloud in awe, ¡°How many books do you think there are?¡±


    His voice carries a hint of amusement when he replies, ¡°At least ten thousand.¡±


    And my ovaries explode .


    Slightly weak-kneed, I hold onto the doorframe and choke out, ¡°Wow.¡±


    I know it¡¯s highly unusual for people to get this excited over books. But if you¡¯re a reader, you get me . I don¡¯t need movies. I don¡¯t need TV. But books¡­I can¡¯t live without books. To me, a book is better than any movie. All I need is a good book, my imagination, and I am set free. I¡¯m in literature heaven. And thank God, this may be the only thing that keeps me sane while we¡¯re here.


    ¡°You¡¯ll have plenty of time to read while you¡¯re here. C¡¯mon.¡± With loose hands on my hips, he pushes me along. I look back in the doorway one last time and mouth ¡®I love you.¡¯


    Oh, screw sleep. I have to explore that room once I¡¯m unstinky.


    He squeezes my hips to stop me from walking and pushes me left into a bedroom.


    It¡¯s beautiful.


    I feel the concealed amusement coming off Nox in waves. And I get it. He thinks I¡¯m going to hate this room. Well, screw you, buddy, because I so don¡¯t. I know I may not look like a girly-girl but the truth is, I don¡¯t really mind that stuff; I just can¡¯t be bothered with it normally. I¡¯m usually so busy with work, that all I want to do when I get home is curl up on the sofa with a good book.


    Reading trumps anything.


    On occasion, I like to listen to music of my mp3 player, but I don¡¯t have it with me, so I guess reading is all I have. And I¡¯ll take it. Gladly.


    Walking forward, I face-plant on my bed with a huge sigh. Rolling over, I stare up at the top of the soft pink four-poster bed. The window has been left open, no doubt to try to get rid of the musty, unoccupied smell, and I watch as the wind moves the sheer draping.


    I really do like this bed.


    Sitting up, I look around at my new room. It¡¯s simple. It¡¯s tidy. It¡¯s similar to my old room at what I like to call the ¡®normal¡¯ house, which is, of course, the house we lived in before dad moved us into the mansion formerly known as Alcatraz two-point-oh.


    There is an open door that I can see leads to a sparkling bathroom with a shower. Next to the bed is a white wooden night stand; there¡¯s a small walk-in closet and a smallish white dresser. Which suddenly reminds me, ¡°I like the room. Thank you. But what am I going to do for clothes?¡±


    Nox watches me through furrowed brows. His silence feels more like an interrogation. I hate that he has that effect on me, with nothing but a glance. Shit. I lower my gaze and hear him step into the room; the sound of drawer scraping open makes me look up.


    The dresser is full of clothes. Knowing Nox for the short time I have, I¡¯d say he¡¯s efficient enough to have those clothes in the exact size I need them. Looking him in the eye, I blurt out, ¡°How long have you known I¡¯d be kept here?¡±


    I wait for an answer, but of course, the answer to my question is yet another curious glance in my direction.


    Man, this guy is giving me the creeps.


    Clearing my throat, I stand. ¡°Okay, well, I¡¯m going to shower now, so if you wouldn¡¯t mind-¡± I wait for him to get the hint and leave.


    But he doesn¡¯t.


    I try again. ¡°Showering will commence in approximately one minute, Nox.¡± And he still doesn¡¯t move. I¡¯m suddenly nervous. Wide-eyed, I lean closer and hiss, ¡°You are not coming into the bathroom with me while I shower!¡±


    Thankfully, I notice his lip twitch reaffirming that he is not a droid and indeed human. He steps forward a second before he stops himself and takes two steps back towards the door, watching me all the while. Once he¡¯s out of my room, I breathe a sigh of relief. He booms from down the hall, ¡°Ten minutes, darlin¡¯.¡± My nose scrunches and I step toward the bathroom. Just as I shut the door, I hear him shout again, ¡°Or I¡¯m comin¡¯ in after you.¡±


    Turning on the hot water, I sigh.


    I gotta get out of here.


    Coming out of the shower, I wrap the towel around my body as tightly as I can. Walking out of the bathroom, I stare at the door and wonder just how long I would have to myself before the door was thrown open. I decide to do an experiment. I call this experiment Captive Throwdown.


    Walking over to the door, I close it, taking my time so as to not make a sound. Once it¡¯s shut, I open the dresser drawers, take out a pair of simple white underwear and a matching plain bra, remove the tags, then step into the panties.


    As soon as I reach down to pull the panties up my legs, the door swings open. I see a scowling Nox, but when he sees the position I¡¯m in, his scowl disappears to be replaced with a slightly gaping mouth.


    I¡¯m mortified. But the look on his face tells me he¡¯s possibly just as mortified. Maybe more. And I certainly got the results of my experiment. Forcing down my flush to no avail, I clear my throat and check my watch. Nodding with pursed lips, I say clinically, ¡°Forty seconds, give or take. Not bad, Nox.¡±


    Wide-eyed with a furrowed brow, he turns on his heel and walks out of my room, the open door gaping. Not a second later, he returns and closes the door almost to the latch, leaving only an inch open. And I smirk. Pulling my panties all the way up from under the towel, I chuckle.


    I guess I won that round.


    Chapter Five


    Death wish


    Lily


    Sitting in the library, wearing the biggest, dorkiest smile I can muster, I can confirm that this is heaven. It¡¯s a shame I¡¯ll have to leave here. And soon. Nox says he¡¯s protecting me, but I can¡¯t trust him.


    I won¡¯t trust him.


    It¡¯s true that I haven¡¯t been treated poorly in the short time I¡¯ve been here, but I can¡¯t help but feel I¡¯m being duped. If he would just let me speak to my father or sister, I wouldn¡¯t have to do what I¡¯m doing.


    I take three books off the shelf and go back to my room. During the course of the evening, I take small bits of food and bottled water and stash them in a pillowcase hidden in the depths of my closet.


    The time reads 11:51pm when Nox appears at my doorway, checking in as he has been the whole night. I look up at him and force a yawn. ¡°I think I¡¯m going to go to sleep. Today was a long day.¡±


    For a second, he looks apologetic before he nods and says a gruff, ¡°G¡¯night.¡± He waits until I slide under the covers and switch off the lamp, then he closes the door almost completely. I hear him walk down the hall and I¡¯m bathed in darkness when he turns the hall light off. Now, I just need to be sure to stay awake.


    I wait and wait and wait as patiently as I can. Almost an hour passes before I hear footfalls down the hall. I force my breathing to deepen and steady as if I¡¯m asleep just as the door creaks. The door stays open a long while and I hear him sigh before closing the door almost fully again. The sounds of footsteps walking away from my room make my heart skip a beat.


    It¡¯s time.


    I hop out of bed, and quiet as a mouse, I tiptoe over and reach into the back of the closet for my escape pillowcase. I creep to the doorway and listen.


    Nothing. Not a sound. I¡¯m good to go.


    I carefully push the door as close to the frame as possible then walk over to the window. I know Nox put me on the second floor for a reason; I¡¯d bet he¡¯d never guess that I was the type to climb trees when I was younger. It¡¯s how I broke my arm when I was younger. It hurt like a bitch. Pushing the window up as slowly as possible, I stick my hand on the mesh bug screen and push. Hard. It pops out with little force and I smirk.


    Not very secure for a safe house.


    Taking my pillowcase of goodies, I step out onto the ledge and look around.


    Gutter, three o¡¯clock.


    Shuffling over, my heart races as I take hold of the white painted steel. I¡¯m not exactly fond of heights. I clutch the gutter tightly but my hands sweat so much that I can¡¯t get a good grip.


    I wonder what would happen if I fell? Would I land on my feet?


    I think that¡¯s a great way to break your feet. You are not a cat. You know this, right?


    Hmmm. True. I close my eyes and try to steady myself by taking deep breaths.


    It¡¯s now or never. Don¡¯t be a chickenshit, just do it.


    Okay. I wipe my hands on my sweats and clasp the gutter again. Lifting one sneaker-covered foot, I check the grip I can get on it. It¡¯s not bad. Not great, either. I start to climb down, chanting softly, ¡°Foot. Hand. Foot. Hand.¡±


    Half way down, I smile when I realize I¡¯m almost there. Just as I mentally cheer, my grip comes loose, my eyes widen and I mouth ¡®oh shit.¡¯ Then I fall backwards into air and it almost feels like time stops. Everything passes in slow motion. It takes what feels like hours before my back connects with the ground. The thud rattles my brain. I wheeze and double over.


    I¡¯m winded.


    Mothertrucker!


    Tears blur my vision as my body throbs with pain. The pressure builds in my ears and I gasp when I can finally take in a breath. Shaking my head, I stand on wobbly legs, look around, and then run. I run fast and the heavy pillowcase slaps me on the back with every step I take away from the house. My escape loot suddenly feels heavier and heavier. In a panic, I throw it to the side and run faster.


    My heart plummets into my gut when I see a wall in the distance.


    A very high wall. Perhaps twelve-feet tall.


    Shit!


    I run the length of the wall looking for some form of exit. My heart races and my face flushes in aggravation.


    No. No. No!


    This wasn¡¯t meant to happen! I need to get out of here.


    I approach what seems to be the only exit to this house and, fuck my life, it¡¯s manned. Two men inside a small room sit and talk while watching what looks to be a CCTV of some kind. Oh, damn. I didn¡¯t know there would be cameras here. I hadn¡¯t factored that in. I stand and run in the opposite direction toward the back of the house. It takes about four minutes in a full sprint. This house is damn big.


    I¡¯m sweating, I¡¯m frustrated, and I¡¯m about to give up when angels sing in my ear. A gate. There¡¯s a damn gate! Thank you, Jesus!


    Smiling big, I place my hands on the lever handle and push down.


    Clunk


    Shit! No! NO!


    The effing gate is locked! My throat clogs and I choke out a sob, while pressing down the lever hard and fast repeatedly as if that¡¯ll somehow make it unlock. Tears fall down my face and I nod in resolve. Only one thing to do now.


    Climb the wall.


    Lifting my foot high to the lever handle of the gate, I let out a yelp when something grips my ponytail tight as well as the waist of my pants and drags me backwards. Reaching up, I hold onto the strong hand that still holds my ponytail firmly. I¡¯m being dragged along like a freakin¡¯ dog. My mouth opens and filth spews out, ¡°Let go of me, you fucker! I knew you were full of shit! Protecting me, my ass!¡±


    Suddenly, I¡¯m thrown by my hair onto the porch. My scalp throbs. I look up and I almost wish I hadn¡¯t. A fuming Nox stands in front of me. Through gritted teeth, he hisses, ¡°Get in the fuckin¡¯ house, Lily.¡±


    Standing on unsteady legs, I stand as tall as I can and whisper shakily, ¡°No.¡±


    ¡°Get in the house.¡± His cheek tics.


    A little stronger, I repeat myself, ¡°No.¡± My voice strained.


    The veins in his neck bulge when he roars, ¡°Get in the fucking house!¡±


    My entire body jerks in shock and I shut my eyes tightly. Bringing my balled fists up to my temples, I screech, ¡°No! You can¡¯t make me!¡±


    My nose tingles and I hate myself for wanting to feel the sweet release of the tears that are stuck behind my closed eyes.


    A soft hand gently squeezes my shoulder. I hear Boo tell Nox, ¡°Go on. I¡¯ll take her inside.¡±


    Boo¡¯s hands gently pry my fists away from my head. She coos, ¡°Come on, Deedee. Let¡¯s go up to your room and have a little talk.¡±


    I¡¯m devastated. I just want to go home. I choke on a sob, ¡°I want to talk to my dad.¡±


    Boo nods, ¡°Okay. Let me talk to Nox. I¡¯ll do my best, but,¡± she looks around cautiously, ¡°you¡¯ve seen him. If he says no, it means no.¡±


    Putting her arm around my waist, she guides me up the stairs and into my room. I¡¯m too exhausted to argue and let her lead me gently but firmly. Once we reach my room, I throw myself on the bed dramatically and she chuckles, ¡°So, you went all MacGyver, huh?¡±


    My top lip twitches and I have the insane urge to burst into laughter. I explain, ¡°No way. If I were MacGyver, I totally would¡¯ve gotten away. MacGyver is badass.¡±


    Boo walks around the bed and lays on it next to me. ¡°You know, I had the biggest crush on MacGyver when I was younger. I don¡¯t know whether it was his wittiness or that silky blonde mullet, but,¡± she sighs, ¡°I really had it bad for him.¡±


    My twitch turns into a smile, ¡°Although the silky mullet is mighty tempting, I think it was his scrappiness I liked most.¡±


    Boo blinks. ¡°Scrappiness? What the hell is scrappiness?¡±


    I roll my eyes at her. ¡°Oh, c¡¯mon! He could use anything normal and make it extraordinary. He was scrappy!¡±


    Her brows rise and she nods. ¡°Scrappy. I like it.¡±

 Page 6

    We fall into an awkward silence. I stare at her while she stares at me. Not able to stand the silence any longer, I blurt out, ¡°I¡¯m not sorry I ran. I¡¯ll do it again and again ¡®til I speak to my father. It¡¯s a simple request, and if you¡¯re really protecting me, then it shouldn¡¯t be an issue.¡±


    Boo looks apologetic. ¡°I¡¯m sorry, Deedee. It¡¯s not my choice. And I know it means nothing to you, but I promise you that there¡¯s no one better to protect you than Nox. I¡¯ve worked with my fair share of people and he has the best success rate, regardless of the mission.¡±Advertisement


    I stare her down. ¡°What would you do if you were me?¡±


    Her eyes sparkle as she smiles slyly. ¡°I¡¯d run.¡±


    Wow. I¡¯m completely stunned by her honesty. She opens her mouth to speak when she looks past me and quickly sits up. She moves to stand by the bed and I look up at her. ¡°He¡¯s behind me, isn¡¯t he?¡±


    She doesn¡¯t say a thing but she looks sorry. Without a word, she leaves me lying on the bed with Nox at the door. He doesn¡¯t say a word and neither do I. I refuse to turn around and look at him. The silence becomes thicker and thicker until I hear a loud thump followed by creaking. My curiosity gets the better of me and I turn.


    I don¡¯t believe it!


    He¡¯s brought up a rocking chair and maneuvers it in a way that completely blocks the doorway. He sits down, rocking himself gently and remains silent. His cool eyes dare me to protest.


    Oh, you mothertrucker!


    The message is clear.


    I¡¯ve lost what little freedom I had after my little stunt. My eyes narrow and I spit, ¡°I hate your guts.¡±


    Nox nods slowly. ¡°Good. That¡¯ll make my job easier.¡± My eyes turn to slits and he says cheerfully with a cruel smirk, ¡°Goodnight, Delilah. Sweet dreams.¡±


    Lifting his hand, he flicks the light switch and I throw up the covers and lay underneath them, making as much noise as I can to note my displeasure. Sitting up, I grit my teeth and give my pillows the beating of their lives. Throwing my head back down with a whoosh, I stare up at the ceiling and silently imagine what I¡¯d like to do to Nox right now.


    The rocking chair squeaks for a millisecond and I find my opening. ¡°Sssshhhh!¡±


    Nox sighs, ¡°Go to sleep, Lily.¡±


    I silently scoff. ¡°You can¡¯t tell me what to do.¡±


    ¡°Yes, I can.¡±


    ¡°No, you can¡¯t. You think you can but you can¡¯t. It¡¯s an illusion.¡±


    And that was the straw that broke the camel¡¯s back. The rocking chair creaks to a halt and he states, ¡°You need to grow the fuck up, lady. Stop acting like a goddamn child.¡±


    Immediately, I hiss, ¡°You leave me no choice! I don¡¯t know if a thing you say is true and I really don¡¯t feel like I¡¯m being protected right now. I¡¯m going crazy not knowing about my family. If you¡¯d even let me call my sister-¡±


    He cuts me off, ¡°Not happening.¡±


    ¡°I¡¯ll sneak out again.¡±


    ¡°Then you¡¯ll sleep with me from now on. Good luck with the whole spy-versus-spy thing.¡±


    Well shit. I don¡¯t want Nox to be my bed buddy.


    Silence envelops us both. The dark is comforting. Just as my mind wanders, Nox asks quietly, ¡°Do you have a death wish?¡± I don¡¯t answer and he goes on, ¡°Someone wants you dead and your father paid a lot of money to make sure you¡¯d stay safe. So I relax a little around you because, hey, you seem decent. And you try to sneak out, creepin¡¯ around like a fucking secret agent and doing a really shitty job of it, too.¡±


    My mind is stuck on the part where he thinks I¡¯m decent.


    He sighs wearily, ¡°Do you have any idea what could¡¯ve happened? Do you know what happens if you die?¡± My eyes water. I don¡¯t say a word but Nox implores, ¡°Think of the consequences for fuck sake. Think of your family. How would they feel?¡±


    Tears streak past my temples. Nox asks quietly, ¡°Do you know what it would do to me?¡±


    My heart skips a beat.


    I quietly cry. I just want to forget about this whole thing. Maybe if I go to sleep, I¡¯ll wake up at home and this will have all just been a dream, like Dorothy returning from Oz.


    He clears his throat. ¡°Never lost someone on my watch before. If something happened to you, I¡¯d spend the rest of my life wondering what I could¡¯ve done differently, that would¡¯ve kept you alive. Wounds like that¡­wounds to the heart¡­they leave ugly scars that never fade.¡± Then he almost whispers, ¡°I¡¯m sorry I pulled your hair. I panicked and I did what I had to keep you from making a huge mistake. Your safety is everything.¡± Clearing his throat once more, he states, ¡°It won¡¯t happen again. Get some sleep.¡±


    It¡¯s then that I make the decision to never run away from Nox.


    Using the sleeve of my sweatshirt, I wipe away my tears and snot and settle deeper into the bed. I breathe deeply and exhale slowly.


    I fall asleep thinking I¡¯m going to do what I can to make the best of this situation.


    I wake feeling awful. My face is puffy and my eyes are sore. I¡¯m sure they¡¯re a nice shade of red to match my mortification about last night¡¯s stunt.


    Turning, I look to the door and see that Nox is gone.


    Good. That would¡¯ve been creepy to wake up to.


    Staying in bed seems like a good idea. I pull the covers up over my head and lay in my little cocoon of make believe. In this cocoon, I can be anywhere I want. Anywhere in the world. Hell, I won¡¯t even restrict myself to the world! Neverland, Wonderland, and the moon are all great places too.


    All those places sound good but my mind keeps taking me back to my family.


    The covers fly off of me and Rock stands there scowling down at me with both hands on his hips. ¡°Anyone ever told you you¡¯re nuts?¡±


    I nod slowly in agreement and his face softens marginally. ¡°Well, you are. Fucking mamaluko. Don¡¯t even think about doing that again, Lily. It was a shithead move.¡± Running a hand through his hair, he sighs then asks, ¡°Hungry?¡±


    Not in the slightest.


    Sliding out of bed, I put on the robe that hangs at the back of my door and I walk with Rock down to the kitchen to find Boo already behind the stove making scrambled eggs. I haven¡¯t eaten much in the last two days and I know I should be hungry but I¡¯m really not. I¡¯m sure this has something to do with the events of the last few days. The thought of doing something so mundane like enjoying a meal makes my stomach turn. Boo turns and smiles, ¡°Hey D, just making some breakfast. I know you¡¯ve gotta be hungry.¡±


    Not wanting an argument, I simply nod and she fills a plate with eggs, bacon, and toast. It looks great but I pick at it.


    It¡¯s freakin¡¯ bacon. I love bacon.


    I look up in time to see Rock and Boo having a silent conversation with their eyes. They both turn to me and immediately know they¡¯re busted. Rock urges softly, ¡°C¡¯mon, Lily. Eat, babe.¡±


    Moving food around with my fork, I make a show of forcing a small amount of eggs into my mouth. The eggs are soft and easy to swallow. I fear the bacon won¡¯t go down as easily. Pushing my plate forward, I whisper, ¡°Please, excuse me.¡± Without waiting for an answer, I stand on weak legs and take the long walk back up to my room.


    Being happy here is going to be harder than I thought. I make a stop at the library and hope that my love of all things books will help me out of this hard time. Choosing some classics, I hold them tight to my chest and walk back to my room.


    When I step out into the hall, I see Nox at the opposite end. We both stop walking and stare each other down. He eyes the books I clutch to my chest as if they were made of solid gold. I lower my chin to my chest and walk to my room. Being petty, I shut the door with a light slam. My smartass retort already planned, I wait for an angry Nox to throw it open with threats of breaking it down.


    But he never comes.


    Nox


    How I could fuck up a job so quickly is beyond me.


    ¡°You fucked up, bro.¡± I look up to find the doorway to my office filled with two-hundred pounds of stupid. ¡°Shouldn¡¯t have put your hands on her.¡±


    I know this. I shouldn¡¯t have. I fucked up. Bad. When you got trust issues with your protected, you got issues. Period. Not being able to stay silent any longer, I type away at my laptop and tell him distractedly, ¡°I apologized already.¡±


    Rock pushes off from the doorframe and sits in the chair across from me. ¡°You didn¡¯t see her this morning, man. She¡¯s thinking about it. Thinking too much. Why not let her speak to her dad for a minute? Or the sister? Fuck, even her mom! Just give her something.¡± I glare at my friend as he appeals, ¡°Anything, man. She¡¯s fallin¡¯ apart.¡±


    Rock has sisters, and being Italian , he was extremely protective of them. He hates to see a woman in pain of any kind. You would never guess it to look at him but the guy wears his heart on his sleeve. We met on the day of my first mission. It was his first mission, too. When he introduced himself to me, I thought he was gonna be useless. No way could a guy that smiles and jokes as much as he does be a valuable ally on the field.


    How wrong was I?


    Not fifteen minutes in, we¡¯re under attack and the other members of our unit are dropping like flies. For a spilt second, I panicked and lowered my weapon to look at the destruction surrounding me. By the time I realized I had someone at my back, it was too late. I threw my arms up in surrender when the guy was taken out.


    By Rock.


    Never seen someone do a complete one eighty like that. I swear he¡¯s got multiple personalities. He can be your best friend, your worst enemy, a philosopher, and a comedian all rolled into one.


    Rock urges, ¡°C¡¯mon, man. It¡¯s just a phone call.¡±


    Typing away, I throw him an aloof, ¡°Not happening.¡±


    Shaking his head, obviously disappointed in me, he stands and leaves my office. As soon as he leaves, I lean back in my chair with a sigh.


    Should¡¯ve never taken this job.


    Chapter Six


    Miserable


    Lily


    Three days. It¡¯s been three days since my escape attempt and I¡¯m beginning to feel like a caged animal. Well, that¡¯s not true. Not entirely true anyway.


    I feel like that white, glowing alien from the movie ¡®Cocoon: The Return¡¯, who gets taken to that lab by the ocean and gets tested, but because he¡¯s taken so far away from what¡¯s normal to him, his health starts to decline and he loses his glow.


    Yeah. That¡¯s a pretty accurate explanation.


    I¡¯m an Antarean who¡¯s lost its glow.


    I haven¡¯t been able to stomach much more than a handful of food each day. I¡¯m depressed. I know it. It¡¯s like going from one prison to another. Transferred, really. I feel weak. And alone. And not at all myself. Being helpless is a shitty feeling. The smallest things become overwhelming.


    Nox comes to my room each night, places the rocking chair in my doorway, and watches me sleep. As if I¡¯m going to try to escape again. I don¡¯t have the energy to even try.


    I¡¯m so very tired.


    Rock and Boo take turns trying to get me to eat. I can see they¡¯re worried. I wish I cared enough to do it to make them happy. At least they treat me like a human. Not like Nox. He treats me like a prisoner.


    It¡¯s hard not to laugh around Rock. He¡¯s such a clown. He always has a joke to tell or is doing something so seriously ridiculous that you can¡¯t help but laugh at him. Last night, he tried to dry his socks in the microwave.


    Yeah.


    Then Boo yelled at him. She told him the oven works better.


    Yeah.


    I have no idea who I¡¯m living with.


    They aren¡¯t exactly bad people. Now that my fear of them has worn off, I can see they aren¡¯t all bad. They¡¯re determined, though. Since the night I tried to run and Boo had that little talk with me about there being no better person to protect me than Nox, I¡¯ve been torn.


    My head tells me not to trust them, but my heart begs me to take a chance. I haven¡¯t had friends in a long time. And hanging out with Rock and Boo¡­it almost feels like friendship.


    Nox lurks in the shadows of the background. A ghostly figure of apparent protection. Boo and Rock force me out of my room and into the living room to watch TV with them. And there he¡¯ll be, sitting at the breakfast bar, typing away on his laptop, looking over at us when he thinks no one is watching.


    But I¡¯m watching. Always watching.


    What the hell is his deal?


    Boo and Rock will talk, well, they¡¯ll argue and I¡¯ll listen, while Nox peers over at us through furrowed brows. They always try to include me in their conversations¡­well, arguments, but I don¡¯t have a lot to say these days.


    Nox bumped into me yesterday and I teetered, he steadied me by placing his large hands on my hips. I muttered quietly, ¡°I¡¯m sorry, I didn¡¯t see you there.¡± And he looked at me like I¡¯d lost my damn mind. Sometimes, I think it might be true.


    Losing my mind, that is - very slowly.


    So, here I am, lying in bed at two in the afternoon, trying not to misplace any more of my already fading mind. Not even reading is helping.


    My stomach is in a constant clench, my body rigid, my head pounding, my teeth gritted. Tension has me strung tighter than a bow.


    A knock on the doorframe brings me out of my head space. Lifting my head quickly, my vision swirls and I place a hand to my forehead to steady myself. Shaking my head a little, I see Boo stand there wearing a worried expression. ¡°You okay, Deedee?¡±


    ¡°Fine, thanks. Just a little tired.¡± I answer quietly.


    ¡°Not sleeping well?¡±


    Sleep? What is that? Running a hand through my knotted hair, I say, ¡°Ah, no. Not so much. What¡¯s up?¡±


    Boo holds out a plate stacked with sandwiches, potato chips and fruit on it. It looks great but my stomach immediately tightens. Looks like this will be another wasted meal.


    Smiling a completely forced smile, I tell her, ¡°Thank you. It looks great.¡±

 Page 7

    I don¡¯t want to be mean to Boo; she¡¯s only ever been nice to me, and even though I resent being kept here, she doesn¡¯t deserve my bitchiness. Standing, I take the plate with a smile and put it on the nightstand. Her face falls as she questions, ¡°You¡¯re not hungry? You haven¡¯t eaten much the last few days. Maybe eating would help your fatigue.¡±


    Still wearing a strained smile, I lie, ¡°Yeah. Sure. I¡¯ll eat soon. Thanks again.¡±Advertisement


    Opening a book, I don¡¯t look back up. I hear her leave and my body eases slightly. Not five minutes pass when Nox appears at my door, scowling.


    Stomping over to the nightstand, he takes the plate and thrusts it under my chin. ¡°Eat.¡±


    I mentally sigh. I don¡¯t want to deal with him right now. Taking the plate, I utter politely, ¡°Thank you, but I¡¯m not very hungry right now. I¡¯ll eat later.¡±


    ¡°Bullshit.¡±


    My head snaps up. ¡°I beg your pardon?¡±


    He leans down closer to me. ¡°I said bullshit.¡± Not sure what to say, I lower my head back to my book and pretend to read. Nox goes on, ¡°I get that you¡¯re not very hungry. That¡¯s fine. Actually quite normal in this situation. But I call bullshit on this change of attitude. What¡¯s with all the pleases and thank yous? That¡¯s not the fiery girl I met a week ago, and it sure as hell is not the girl I had under surveillance. What happened to her?¡± My body tenses further. Nox leans down and asks quietly, ¡°Where¡¯d she go, Lily?¡±


    Suddenly angry, I whisper through curled lips, ¡°You broke her, Nox. Happy now?¡±


    My anger fades and is replaced with humiliation when he answers, ¡°Hell no, she was a fucking hoot. This pitiful version of her makes me mad. I don¡¯t like this Lily, bring back the old one. You know? The strong one.¡±


    Dropping my book, I ball my fists tightly by my sides.


    Nox spots it and says, ¡°There she is. Just gotta figure out how to get her to stay with us because,¡± he scoffs, ¡°polite Lily blows. She¡¯s the type who wants a pity party. She¡¯s the type who refuses to eat or get mad, or join us here in the real world.¡± Just when I think I couldn¡¯t get angrier, I¡¯m proved wrong when his lips touch the shell of my ear and he whispers, ¡°She¡¯s pathetic.¡±


    It all happens in slow motion.


    My hand slides under the plate and flings it upward. The sandwich, fruit and potato chips fly through the air and I watch with wide eyes as they hit Nox in the chest, neck, and stomach. My mouth forms an O and I start to apologize until I see his smirk.


    This is no ordinary smirk.


    This smirk is victorious.


    Jumping up on the bed, my lips part and the last three days of compressed hatred eject out of my mouth. ¡°You pulled my hair! No! Not only did you pull my hair, but you dragged me back to the house by my ponytail like I was a freaking dog on a lead!¡± Pointing to my pillow, I screech, ¡°I haven¡¯t slept in three days, Nox! Do you know what that does to a person?¡± I pace on my bed. ¡°You were all like, ¡®I¡¯m sorry, it won¡¯t happen again¡¯ and just expected me to let it go. I¡¯ve never had a man touch me in anger and you just blew it off like it was nothing. Know what I say to that, Nox?¡± Turning to face him, I bend at the waist and shriek in his face, ¡°Fuck you! That¡¯s what I say to that! Take your goddamn sorry and shove it up your ass.¡± Straightening, I hold my arms out by my sides. ¡°Oh, but you¡¯ll have to remove the stick you have up there first to make room.¡±


    My eyes widen and I lift my index finger. ¡°Oh! And you know what I¡¯ve also figured out?¡± Nox stares at me, completely void of any emotion. I go on, ¡°Having someone watch you while you sleep is creepy! Not creepy, but¡­¡± I wiggle my fingers in the air in front of me. ¡°¡­creepy!¡±


    Nox continues to watch me through a steady gaze. Panting, I straighten once more and mutter hoarsely, ¡°I¡¯m going insane here, Nox. It would really help if you¡¯d just let me be.¡±


    Realizing I¡¯ve expelled what little energy I had left, my knees shake and just as they buckle, I reach out to grip his shoulders. At the very same time, he reaches forward and grasps my waist tight. When he looks down to see his fingers almost touching, he frowns at my obvious loss of weight. ¡°Gotta eat something. Anything, Lily. You tell me what you think you could eat and I¡¯ll fix it for ya.¡±


    Suddenly queasy, my hold loosens on his shoulders. I blink rapidly, trying in vain to see through the bright white spots that blind me. My ears block with pressure, my breathing shallows, and I shiver. I quickly respond, ¡°I don¡¯t think you could get it here in time.¡± My body weakens and tilts sideways as I slur, ¡°Catch me. ¡®Kay?¡±


    Nox


    Holding Lily in my arms and feeling the weight of her, or lack of weight, I¡¯m suddenly ashamed of myself.


    Damn it to hell. I let this go on too long. Should¡¯ve stopped it sooner.


    I saw the exact moment the light switched off. The moment she lost consciousness. And she knew it was coming too. ¡°Catch me. ¡®Kay?¡±


    Looking down at her pale, drawn, and ashy face, I shake my head in frustration and fight the urge to growl. Her long, dark lashes rest on her cheeks, and it takes just about all I have to stop myself from running my thumb over her pink, pouty lips.


    Trouble. I knew you¡¯d be trouble, missy.


    Clearly, this is all her fault. If she would just learn to do what she¡¯s told and tried for a goddamned second to think rationally, none of this would¡¯ve happened. When she wakes up, we¡¯re having a serious talk.


    Oh yeah, it¡¯s all her fault. She¡¯s a petrified young woman with a simple request of speaking to someone she trusts and she¡¯s the issue. You¡¯re losing your touch, man, acting like a mall cop on a power trip.


    Me? I¡¯m doing everything I can to keep her safe and this is my fault?


    Keeping her safe isn¡¯t enough. She¡¯s not like you. She¡¯s fragile. A girl needs more than just being told to trust. You gotta show her you¡¯re willing to compromise. Meet her in the middle.


    Meet her in the middle. Compromise. I¡¯m not sure I can do that.


    What would you do if you were her?


    Run. Run like hell. And I¡¯d hurt whoever got in my way.


    The dull throb in my temples being a sure sign of an oncoming migraine, I carry Lily bridal style out of her room, down the hall into the west wing, and stop in front of the very last door.


    My door. My room.


    Hesitation stalls me. This might not be the best idea but she¡¯s my responsibility. I need to keep her somewhere I can keep an eye on her. Somewhere I can babysit and work at the same time. Holding her tight with one arm, I open the door to my bedroom and walk Lily¡¯s limp body inside. Gently as I can, I lay her down on my bed and she moans softly.


    A good sign. She¡¯ll be awake again soon.


    Picking up the two-way radio by my bed, I press the button and call into it, ¡°Vito, I got a situation here. Where¡¯s Boo?¡±


    As I release the speak button, a trilling noise sounds and I wait. A beep followed by, ¡°Yo, what kinda situation we talkin¡¯ about here? Boo¡¯s around. I¡¯ll find her.¡±


    Running a hand down my face, I tell him quietly, ¡°Lily. She fainted.¡±


    Immediately, the two-way sounds and an amused Vito probes, ¡°What the hell d¡¯you do to her, Nox? She¡¯s just a girl, man. You probably scared her to death.¡±


    Vito¡¯s young. He still doesn¡¯t quite grasp the authority thing yet. Picking up the two-way, being extra careful to not crush it in my hand, I growl, ¡°Find Boo. Now.¡±


    Still clearly amused, Vito signs off with, ¡°Sir, yes, sir.¡±


    A minute passes and I realize I haven¡¯t moved an inch. Placing my hands on my hips, I turn to view the little woman in my bed and mutter to myself, ¡°Knew you¡¯d be trouble.¡±


    Lily


    Groaning, I roll myself into a tighter ball, trying in vain to find some relief from the aching.


    Aching. All over.


    Every muscle in my body feels too tight, and moving even the slightest bit, painfully stretches me. Squeezing my eyes shut, I breathe rapidly. I feel like I¡¯m going to be sick, but that can¡¯t be right. I haven¡¯t eaten more than an orange in two days. What could I possibly throw up?


    My eyelids flutter but refuse to open without a fight. As soon as I manage to pry an eye open, I groan louder. The light in the room hits me with such force, the ill feeling returns with a vengeance.


    Shuffling alerts me to the fact I¡¯m not alone, and when the light switch is turned off, I breathe a sigh of relief. Finally able to open my eyes, I sit up against the headboard. I¡¯m completely disoriented. It takes a full minute before I can see what I can¡¯t believe I¡¯m seeing.


    Nox sits at a desk at the back of the large room typing away on a laptop. The laptop the only source of illumination in the room, I look around some more.


    This is not my room.


    Navy blue cotton sheets surround me. This bed is bigger than mine. This is clearly a man¡¯s room. No furniture. No closet. A chair in the corner of the room holds a stack of folded black clothes. Underneath is a pair of army-style boots.


    Shit.


    This is Nox¡¯s room.


    Opening my mouth to speak, all that comes out is, ¡°Errr my gerrrd.¡± My attempt at begging the Lord for mercy makes me sound like a drunken sophomore.


    My head snaps up when I hear Nox laugh through his nose. Still typing and not bothering to look up at me, he says, ¡°Serves you right. You¡¯re so dehydrated, you¡¯re lucky you didn¡¯t have a muscle meltdown. Boo was this close to putting you on a drip. I talked her out of it.¡± Finally looking up at me, he smirks and says way too loudly, ¡°Welcome back to the land of the living.¡±


    Each word he says pierces my eardrums and my stomach recoils. Cringing, I cover my eyes with a hand and mumble, ¡°What happened?¡±


    A chair scraping is followed by thudding footsteps over to the bed. Peeking through my fingers, I suddenly wish I¡¯d never looked.


    Nox is pissed.


    With his jaw set, a vein in his temple pulses. And I know what¡¯s coming. He almost yells, ¡°What the hell did you think would happen, Lily? You haven¡¯t eaten a damn thing in days! You¡¯re underweight and dehydrated.¡± Looking down at the floor, he sighs and shakes his head before looking back at me. His eyes soften and he admits, ¡°I fucked up. I know it. You know it. My team knows it.¡± Leaning closer to me, he goes on, ¡°Don¡¯t hold onto it. Let it go. You got pissed at me. We exchanged words. It¡¯s over. Starting fresh. Right now.¡±


    It all comes back.


    The escape incident. The depression. The fight. The embarrassing fainting episode.


    We don¡¯t speak. I take a moment to search my captor. He looks haggard. Exhausted. Worn. Just plain tired.


    Who can blame him? He¡¯s been watching your sorry ass for three nights. When¡¯s the last time he got some sleep?


    When is the last time he got some sleep? I hadn¡¯t thought about how my actions had affected him.


    If only I could trust him.


    ¡°What if I can prove you can trust me? Would you do what you¡¯re told?¡±


    I hadn¡¯t realized I¡¯d spoken aloud. My cheeks flush, but hope blooms in the very center of me. Nodding quickly, my lips part and I mouth ¡®yes¡¯.


    Nox nods, turns, and exits the room, leaving me to wonder if I¡¯d just unknowingly made a deal with the devil.


    Chapter Six


    Trust is like a mirror


    Lily


    Left on my own, I look down at myself and squeak.


    Oh, dear God! Where are my clothes?


    All I¡¯m dressed in is a pair of white cotton panties and a white, spaghetti strapped tank. I gasp when I spy my clothes at the side of the bed, including my bra.


    I¡¯m going to kill him!


    Standing on unsteady legs, I stumble over to the bathroom and flick on the light.


    Holy shit. Nox was right. My collarbone protrudes slightly. My is face drawn. Lifting my tank a little, my ribs stick out sickly and my throat tightens.


    I¡¯m naturally thin, tall and lanky. Now I just look ill.


    A cough at the bathroom door jerks me out of my head and into the present. Nox stands there, eyes fixed on my ribs. My neck flames and I shove my tank down over my belly. Then I remember I¡¯m fuming. How dare he remove my clothes! Opening my mouth, I start, ¡°You better have a good reason-¡±


    My argument dies on my lips as he holds out a hand. A shiny black object sits in his palm.


    Suddenly frozen, all I can do is openly stare at the cell phone. My head spins. Placing my shaking hands over my eyes, my chest heaves with heavy breaths. Bending at the waist over the bathroom sink, a large hand rubs my back gently.


    Nox asks, ¡°You okay?¡±


    Unable to speak, I nod yes while my head screams no. He walks back out the door and I hear him say, ¡°Sorry, Ciaran, she¡¯s not feeling too well. She had a bad day. Maybe we¡¯ll try again tomorrow.¡±


    Ciaran? As in my dad, Ciaran?


    Energy magically restored, I run out of the bathroom, almost sliding on the tiles. Coming up behind Nox, I snatch the phone out of his hand and place the cell to my ear. Voice shaking, I ask quietly, ¡°Dad?¡±


    ¡°Delilah! Oh, my sweet girl. You¡¯re okay?¡± His unsteady voice matches mine shake for shake.


    That¡¯s all it takes. My heart soars. Relief settles me. And the floodgates open. Tears stream down my face as I turn to Nox. Our eyes meet. Sobbing silently, I mouth ¡®thank you.¡± And I mean it. I¡¯d do anything he asked right now.


    ¡°I¡¯m fine, really. Just a little woozy today.¡± I lie.


    Dad sniffs, coughs, and steadies his voice. ¡°Good. That¡¯s good. Nox is the best at what he does and he¡¯ll keep ye safe, darlin¡¯. I-¡± He clears his throat. ¡°I¡¯m sorry, Delilah. So sorry. I never meant for ye to find out this way. I know I should¡¯ve told ye. But it was hard for me. I¡¯m your Da, meant to protect ye meself.¡±


    Stomach coiling with tension, I push past it and tell my father, ¡°Don¡¯t do that. You did what you could and when you knew you couldn¡¯t, you got help. That¡¯s what a good father does. You¡¯re a good father. The best.¡±

 Page 8

    ¡°You¡¯ve been good then? No tricks?¡± I hear his smile through the phone.


    ¡°Ahh¡­¡± Is all I can muster and my dad bursts into laughter. Hearing him laugh makes me chuckle too.Advertisement


    Dad tuts, ¡°Never could lie well, Lily girl.¡± He never calls me Lily.


    An awkward moment of silence passes. I ask, ¡°How¡¯s mom? And Terah? Where are you guys?¡±


    A voice behind me makes me jump. ¡°Time¡¯s up.¡± Spinning around, I feel myself begin to hyperventilate again. I beg, ¡°Nox, please, just a few more minutes. Please.¡± I¡¯m about to throw myself to my knees to show him just how much I need this.


    Searching my face, he quickly checks his watch. ¡°Two minutes. That¡¯s all.¡±


    Placing the phone back to my ear, my father says dejectedly, ¡°Time¡¯s up? Already?¡±


    Talking quick as I can, I almost bark, ¡°We have two minutes. Go, go, go!¡±


    Dad chuckles but speaks quickly, ¡°Mom is okay; ye know how she is. Always a glass half full with her. She misses ye terribly. And Terah¡­well, love, I don¡¯t know where she is. She was taken when ye were. I know she¡¯s safe, but that¡¯s all. I don¡¯t know where either of ye are, but I get daily updates from Nox and Mitch. And as long as ye¡¯re both protected, I¡¯ll deal with the lack of communication.¡±


    My dad has a way of making you feel like there¡¯s hope in the darkest of situations. I love him so much. I blurt out unexpectedly, ¡°I love you so much, Dad. Tell Mom I love her, too.¡±


    His voice catches, ¡°Love ye more, girlie. I¡¯d do anything to keep you safe.¡±


    A presence approaches from behind and the hairs on the back of my neck stand on end. Knowing my time is up, I choke on a sob, ¡°So, this Nox dude is the real deal. You hired him and he¡¯s meant to protect me?¡±


    Dad replies firmly, ¡°Whatever ye do, listen to Nox. He¡¯s only got yer best interests at heart. I swear it.¡±


    My head hangs, tears fall to the floor and I whisper, ¡°I wanna come home, Daddy.¡±


    Before he can answer, the phone is tugged out of my palm and I¡¯m officially disconnected again. From my family. My life. From everything I love.


    My brain tells me to appreciate the few minutes I spent talking with my father, but my heart is bitter and wins out. Anger seeps through me and I spin back to Nox. He meets me glare for glare. ¡°Don¡¯t even think about it, Lily.¡±


    What?


    ¡°Not blind, babe. You¡¯re about a second away from losing it, at me.¡±


    ¡°Damn right. You couldn¡¯t even give us a few more minutes?¡±


    Nox opens his mouth, but shuts it just as quick. His icy-blue eyes flash and his jaw steels as he bites his tongue. Without a word, he walks away from me, leaving me feeling twice as bitter and lonely as hell. He mutters under his breath, ¡°Can¡¯t fuckin¡¯ win.¡±


    I¡¯m an immature selfish brat.


    The anger dissipates and remorse fills me. As he reaches the door frame, I call out, ¡°I¡¯m sorry.¡±


    His body jerks as he stops suddenly. He doesn¡¯t turn to me. Just stays in the door frame allowing me to go on.


    I confess quietly, ¡°This is hard for me, Nox. You can¡¯t possibly know how hard this is for me. Finding out someone wants to kill me for no reason at all. I-¡± Sitting on the bed, I breathe deeply and try again. ¡°My life consists of two things right now. Being depressed and being paranoid. That¡¯s it.¡± I bark a laugh, ¡°What kind of life is that?¡±


    With his back to me, he raises his strong arms and holds the top of the doorframe. And I almost gasp. The move has made him look like a fallen angel. The dark room graced with the bright silhouette of a solid male body. Beautifully dark and mysterious.


    Strong. Safe. Secure.


    Those are the words that flood my mind.


    What the mothertruck?


    My heart beats faster and a flush rises up my neck. I shouldn¡¯t be thinking the things I¡¯m thinking. Needing to break the spell, I utter, ¡°So I¡¯m pretty much freaking myself out with images of my impending death and I was hoping that you¡¯d- I don¡¯t know- you¡¯d reassure me or some shit.¡±


    Not hesitating for a second, Nox turns and strides over to the bed, right in front of me. I crane my head to look up into his face.


    Sheer determination. ¡°You are not going to die.¡±


    I reply breathily, ¡°What makes you so sure?¡±


    His lip tilts at the corner as he says, ¡°There¡¯s a reason I¡¯m cocky, princess.¡± Then he smiles. Not a smirk or a grin. A gleaming teeth, megawatt smile.


    And it¡¯s nice.


    Slightly crooked, it softens his normally hard face. I could get used to this Nox.


    He utters, ¡°Don¡¯t worry, you¡¯ll live to annoy me at least another day.¡± I almost swoon when he winks. ¡°I¡¯m the best.¡±


    And then he¡¯s gone.


    Nox


    My body jolts as I wake.


    Opening my eyes, I stretch in the rocking chair and something soft falls to the ground. My brows draw into a frown as I look to the floor.


    A blanket?


    Not just any blanket. The blanket from Lily¡¯s bed.


    My gaze shoots over to find her bed empty.


    What the hell? Where is she? More importantly, how did she get out with me blocking the doorway?


    Oh shit.


    My blood runs cold as I shoot up and run down the hall. A million possibilities shoot through my brain but only one sticks.


    Lily going AWOL.


    Taking three steps at a time, I screech to a halt at the bottom of the stairs when I see Lily and Boo dancing in the kitchen as they cook. They sing along with the CD player.


    ¡°If you wannabe my lover, you gotta get with my friends!¡± This is Lily.


    ¡°Make it last forever, friendship never eeeennddss!¡± This is Boo.


    They fuse together with, ¡°If you wannabe my lover, you have got to give. Takin¡¯ is too easy but that¡¯s the way it is!¡± Boo takes her spatula and booms into it, ¡°Slam! Slam! Slam! Slam!¡±


    I¡¯m stunned speechless. I don¡¯t know whether to laugh or pull up a chair to catch the rest of the show. Lily looks¡­happy.


    I don¡¯t believe it.


    Her cheeks are flushed a peachy pink as she sings, laughs, and dances around like a loon. Wearing a pair of almost too short shorts, a white tank, and sport socks, she looks like a college girl. Then I remember, she should be a college girl. She¡¯s twenty-two years old. She¡¯s at the point in her life where she should be acting irresponsibly, making stupid choices and being irrational.


    A sharp pain pierces my chest. I quickly quash it. She¡¯s going to have that life. And I¡¯m going to get it back for her. Mark my words.


    Lily yells into a wooden spoon, ¡°Slam your body down and wind it all around!¡± Then she and Boo make circles by their sides with their hands, making them look like human choo-choo trains.


    And I can¡¯t stop it. Leaning my head back, I roar with laughter.


    Lily yelps, placing a hand on her now heaving chest. Boo remains cool as a cucumber, still showing off her spaztastic dance moves. Boo turns to Lily and teases, ¡°Don¡¯t worry, Deedee. He¡¯s just jealous he can¡¯t move like we can.¡±


    Lily scowls at me, ¡°You didn¡¯t have to sneak up on us. I almost had a heart attack.¡± Waving a hand in front of me, her eyes widen comically as sarcasm takes over. ¡°Hello? Remember? Impending death and all that?¡±


    Chuckling, I roll my eyes at her over dramatics. Suddenly remember this morning¡¯s rude awakening, I crook my finger and her eyes widen. Her feet shuffle slowly towards me. Once she¡¯s a few feet away, I bend at the waist until we¡¯re almost nose to nose. I half whisper, ¡°Where were you this morning?¡±


    Her face softens. She whispers back, ¡°You were tired. And it was my fault. I thought I¡¯d let you sleep.¡±


    ¡°That¡¯s not what I asked.¡±


    Our quiet conversation has drawn the attention of Boo, who stands over at the breakfast bar leaning towards us, straining to hear what she can. When she catches my glare, she makes a ¡®pffft¡¯ sound and goes back to cooking.


    By the expression on Lily¡¯s face, I can see she doesn¡¯t get what the big deal is. I explain softly, ¡°I¡¯m responsible for you. Not Boo. Not Rock. Me. Me alone. I get that you weren¡¯t far, but I need to know where you are. Every second of every day. I know you¡¯re pissed-¡±


    Cutting me off, she says quietly, ¡°That¡¯s just it. I¡¯m not pissed. Not anymore. You were right. I¡¯ve moved on. I-¡± Avoiding my eyes, she admits, ¡°I want to start fresh, too.¡±


    ¡­Say what?


    Lily avoids my gaze a few seconds longer before our eyes meet. Her green eyes wide and doe-like. My gut tells me to watch my back. Closely. Narrowing my eyes, I assure, ¡°I don¡¯t know what you¡¯re up to, Delilah. But I¡¯m onto you.¡±


    Shock momentarily forms on her face; just as quickly, it transforms to anger. She hisses, ¡°You¡¯re out of your mind! I¡¯m calling a truce here, Nox. I¡¯m only offering this once, so take it or leave it.¡±


    Against my better judgment, I take her small, outstretched hand and pump it twice. As soon as I let go, she smiles, ¡°See? Not so hard, was it?¡±


    Without answering, I walk over to the breakfast bar, take an apple, and bite into it. From behind me, I hear, ¡°So I was wondering if I could speak to my sister?¡±


    Oh boy.


    Turning, I make a show of slowly chewing. Sliding her eyes down to my mouth, her lips part, she swallows hard and quickly looks away.


    What was that?


    A dark smirk forms on my face, ¡°I see. Truce, huh? So you¡¯ll only cooperate if I do what you want? Nice try, Lily. Not how it works.¡± Turning my back, I start to walk away when I¡¯m held back.


    Lily grips my hand tightly, her eyes plead. ¡°No! That¡¯s not what I meant.¡± Placing a hand on her chest, she breathes deeply. Swallowing hard, her eyes flutter and she lets go of my hand, placing it on her chest.


    I¡¯ve seen this before.


    Panic attack.


    Stepping forward, I take hold of her waist and guide her to a chair at the dining table. Sitting her down, she wipes the sweat off her forehead with an unsteady hand and heaves, ¡°Sorry¡­¡± Pant. ¡°I don¡¯t know what¡¯s¡­¡± Pant, ¡°happening to me.¡±


    Feeling like an asshole, I clear my throat and begin, ¡°I think you¡¯re developing panic attacks.¡±


    Still heaving in deeply, she squawks, ¡°What? No way!¡±


    ¡°Yeah. So you need to tell me what¡¯s bothering you so we can fix it.¡±


    Lily looks up in thought, her breathing slows slightly and she replies, ¡°My family. Not being able to talk with them. It makes me¡­thinky¡­and¡­itchy.¡±


    Should¡¯ve seen this coming.


    Opening my mouth to answer, Lily cuts me off with, ¡°How about if you let me talk to my dad and sister once a week? You name the day and time and what I can and can¡¯t talk about.¡± Hope flares in her Granny-apple-green eyes. ¡°I¡¯ll listen. I swear. I¡¯ll do whatever you say. Just knowing I¡¯m not cut off from them helps. I¡¯m feeling better already. Look!¡± She pats her forehead and shows me her dry fingers.


    Doesn¡¯t matter what I do, I¡¯m always gonna be the bad guy to Lily. I know it shouldn¡¯t bother me, but fuck me, it does. Knowing I can¡¯t give her what she needs to feel safe and happy while she¡¯s in my care¡­it blows. Okay, so she¡¯s the first young woman I¡¯ve had to watch, but there¡¯s something about this girl. I can¡¯t put my finger on it. She¡¯s¡­different.


    ¡°Lily, I-¡± Her face falls and I explain slowly but firmly why this is complicated. ¡°Listen, there are things you don¡¯t know.¡± Lip quivering, her eyes shine bright as I continue. ¡°Firstly, your dad and mom aren¡¯t on a secure line so we have to keep calls to them under five minutes. That¡¯s all you get if I allow it. Secondly, Mitch is keeping Terah somewhere safe. Somewhere like this. There¡¯s a reason for separating you. I can¡¯t tell you about it right now, but what I can tell you is that not even I know where she is. I can talk to Mitch and try to pry a phone number out of him, but I can¡¯t promise it¡¯s gonna happen.¡±


    ¡°Who¡¯s Mitch?¡± she asks quietly.


    ¡°Mitch is the guy who recruited me.¡±


    ¡°So, he¡¯s your boss.¡±


    Making a face, I think about how I can put it. Clarifying this may be harder than I thought. ¡°Sorta. He¡¯s higher up on the food chain, but he doesn¡¯t call himself our boss. We¡¯re a team. We work together.¡± She doesn¡¯t look convinced. ¡°If anyone was looking out for Terah and I wasn¡¯t available, you¡¯d want Mitch. He won¡¯t let anything happen to her.¡±


    ¡°I thought the threat was targeting me.¡± She shrugs a little as if she still doesn¡¯t get it.


    Sitting, I lean my forearms on the table. ¡°Think about it, Lily. Your mom and dad are dealing with an active threat. Who knows just how serious it is? We get you out and you¡¯re safe. What happens if the people who want you can¡¯t find you? What do they do then? They¡¯re serious enough to mess with one daughter.¡±


    I see the light switch on inside her head. ¡°They take Terah instead.¡±


    Silence forms a thick fog around us. I¡¯m not sure what else to say. Truthfully, I¡¯ve told her too much already. Standing, I tap the frame of the chair with my fingertips. Our eyes meet, a mutual acknowledgement. Turning, I walk only a step before I hear her ask, ¡°But you¡¯ll try, right? Like, really try?¡±


    Walking further away from her, I turn my head back and promise, ¡°I¡¯ll try, Lily.¡±


    And I mean it.


    Chapter Seven


    Moving house


    Lily


    It¡¯s funny how much I¡¯ve grown accustomed to eating dinner at a dining table with other people. At home, our schedules are so randomly set that we always miss each other. Terah at college, Dad and me at the warehouse, Mom volunteering for some underfunded organization.

 Page 9

    I never really understood what I was missing, until now.


    Three days have passed since I spoke to my dad, and my spirits are revitalized. Sometimes all you need is a simple sentence to set you straight.Advertisement


    ¡°Whatever you do, listen to Nox. He¡¯s only got your best interests at heart.¡±


    I really hope so, Dad, because I¡¯m beginning to trust him in a way I don¡¯t trust anyone else.


    Boo and I spend the afternoon cooking dinner. You¡¯d think this would be a simple task. The thing is, we cook for twenty. That¡¯s how many people work at the safe house. And with Boo being the only other woman, that¡¯s how many giant soldier-commando men we have to feed. They don¡¯t eat home-cooked meals every night. Most of the time, they settle for take-out. It¡¯s quicker and easier.


    When Boo asked me to peel some potatoes, I was all ¡®Sure thing. Pass ¡®em over!¡¯


    How hard could it be?


    She handed me a twenty pound bag of potatoes. Then laughed.


    My pruney, wrinkled hands will smell of starch for a week. Fo shizzle.


    The past few days have confirmed my suspicion that Nox has assigned Boo to watch over me. And it doesn¡¯t bother me. Not in the slightest. I like Boo. We have weird and wacky conversations. If we¡¯d met her under different circumstances, we¡¯d be bffs.


    ¡°So, where is Nox anyway?¡± I ask, stirring the beef and wine goulash that smells divine.


    Boo cocks a brow at me questioningly. ¡°Why¡¯d you wanna know? I thought you¡¯d be thrilled to be rid of him.¡±


    I answer way too quickly. ¡°I am!¡± Flushing, I try again, forcing myself to slow the hell down and act nonchalant. I do this little shrug and tip my head, making me look a little less relaxed and more like a stroke victim . ¡°I mean, he¡¯s been okay the last few days, but he told me I was his responsibility and I was just wondering what was so important that he had to make you babysit me.¡±


    Purposely avoiding the question, she smiles softly, ¡°It¡¯s never babysitting with you, Dee.¡± Chuckling, she goes on, ¡°I actually feel bad for having so much fun with you. It doesn¡¯t even feel like I¡¯m working. I don¡¯t get to spend time with women a lot and¡­and I guess I forgot how much I missed it. Rock¡¯s jealous. He wants to take a shift with you so he can teach you how to throw a decent punch.¡±


    No way! Cool!


    That certainly draws my attention. Stirring forgotten, I answer enthusiastically, ¡°Would he really? Oh, man. I¡¯d love that. I always wanted to do a self-defense course, but my dad-¡± My bravado fizzles and I fade out. Regaining a little excitement, I ask quickly, ¡°Do you think you could teach me stuff, too? Like maybe¡­¡± Looking around to make sure Nox isn¡¯t lurking in a dark corner, I¡¯m convinced enough to ask, ¡°Like weapons and gun stuff?¡±


    Boo¡¯s eyes widen and she chuckles humorlessly, ¡°Hold up there, Dee. You don¡¯t need to know any of that stuff, hon. I can, however, teach you how to bring a man to his knees in a second flat. Nothing so permanent, though.¡±


    Widening my eyes to match hers, I yell, ¡°Hello?¡± Thrusting my arms out by my sides, I whisper shout, ¡°Someone is trying to kill me! The knee thing is all fine and dandy, but what if something happens and I need to¡­¡± Swallowing hard, I whisper, ¡°What if I need to make sure someone is gone? Like, forever gone, type-a gone.¡±


    Boo¡¯s face turns sad. Which, in turn, makes me sad. She asks glumly, ¡°This really bothering you? Even with us here?¡±


    My heart palpitates and I nod vigorously, knowing she¡¯ll never understand just how much this is affecting me, even if I wanted to share.


    Forcing a smile that doesn¡¯t meet her eyes, she concedes with a curt nod, ¡°I¡¯ll teach you everything I can while you¡¯re here.¡±


    Definitely not the answer I was expecting.


    My mouth gapes and I whisper, ¡°Seriously?¡±


    Taking the wooden spoon out of my hand, she stirs the pot and avoids my gaze. ¡°Yep. Seriously.¡± Her face voids of any emotion and she says almost mechanically, ¡°Every girl should know how to protect herself. That includes you.¡± Clearing her throat, she adds quietly, ¡°Help you anyway I can, Dee.¡±


    My throat thickens. I don¡¯t know what to say. Boo is the first friend I¡¯ve made in years.


    Standing close to her, I bump her shoulder with mine. In my peripheral vision, I see a small smile play at her mouth as her shoulder bumps mine back. I smile big. We both chuckle and Boo says, ¡°God, we¡¯re dorks.¡±


    I agree. Totally.


    Nox


    The office door bursts open and an angry looking Boo strides in.


    Not good.


    Never good.


    Turning back to the laptop, I¡¯m immediately wary. ¡°Where¡¯s Lily?¡±


    ¡°Rock¡¯s teaching her to throw a decent punch.¡± My brows crease as she continues, ¡°I¡¯ve been teaching her self-defense, too.¡± She nods before she asks accusingly, ¡°What the fuck have you been doing for her?¡±


    Hold up.


    What¡¯d she just say?


    Opening my mouth to answer, she holds up a hand and I stop in my tracks. Put in my place like a small child, she utters, ¡°Never been disappointed in you, Nox. Never. Till now.¡±


    Fury works its way up my stomach and sits, waiting to strike in my solar plexus. I don¡¯t speak.


    Don¡¯t have to explain myself to anyone.


    Boo¡¯s face falls as she whispers, ¡°What is up with you?¡±


    Lifting my face to hers, I glare. Hard.


    Boo doesn¡¯t flinch.


    She¡¯s known me too long. Knows my intimidation tactics.


    Lowering my gaze back to the laptop, I murmur, ¡°Don¡¯t gotta explain myself to you.¡±


    Hurt crosses her features and I feel like an asshole. Not enough to apologize.


    She hisses through gritted teeth, ¡°Fine.¡±


    Typing away, I say, ¡°Fine.¡±


    Not liking my being a smartass, she growls, ¡°Fine!¡±


    My brows furrow and I shout to her retreating form, ¡°Fine!¡±


    The door slams shut, matching the sound of my slamming the laptop shut.


    Lily


    Panting, sweating, and mentally cursing, I kick even higher than last time. My entire body throbs. Getting him in the shoulder, the dummy barely wobbles. This pisses me off. His blank, stupid looking face mocks me. I want to punch him in his silicone nose.


    How the hell can I be getting weaker the more I train?


    ¡°You¡¯re trying too hard, Lil. Cool off for a minute, then we¡¯ll start again.¡± Rock calls out from across the room. ¡°This happens, ya know? When you train too hard, you get exhausted. Happens to the best of us.¡±


    Placing my hands on my hips, I bend forward at the waist. Panting, I reply breathily, ¡°Get out of my head, Rock.¡±


    Walking over to me, he smirks and unwraps the tape on my hands. He¡¯s wearing a pair of basketball shorts. That¡¯s all. Gotta admit, it¡¯s nice having something to look at while you work out. Especially if that someone looks like Rock.


    Yummy.


    His olive skin gleams with perspiration. I flush as I wonder what his sweat would taste like. I also thank God that Rock isn¡¯t a telepath. My eyes glide down his defined stomach to the indent forming a V then even lower to the low riding elastic on the waist of his shorts and I gulp.


    Dear God, I¡¯m a pervert.


    Snapping my head up, my gaze meets Rock¡¯s. Eyes crinkled, he says through a soft laugh, ¡°Why, lovely Lily, you¡¯re blushing.¡±


    Crap! Busted.


    ¡°Sorry,¡± I mumble under my breath, my face flaming further.


    ¡°Look all you want, babe. Makes me feel like I¡¯m doin¡¯ somethin¡¯ right.¡± His warm-brown eyes crinkle further and I slap a hand to my forehead. Rock bursts into laughter and I can¡¯t stop the chuckle that bubbles up my throat.


    Rock¡¯s a lot of fun. He¡¯s also my friend.


    God, it¡¯s nice to say that.


    I have friends! I mentally squeal while jumping up and down like a fangirl.


    Boo gave me three sets of workout clothes. The sports bras she gave fit almost perfectly, but she¡¯s a little bigger in the booty. Luckily, not so much bigger that the shorts will fall off, but I do have to pull them up quite a lot while exercising.


    My appetite has come back with a vengeance, so I no longer look like I¡¯m terminally ill, but I¡¯ve noticed working out makes me even hungrier. Boo and Rock are so relieved that I¡¯m eating again. And this makes me happy because I like seeing them happy.


    Still resting, I¡¯m caught unawares when Rock grabs me from behind. One strong arm around my middle, the other crossed between my breasts, his hand gripping my shoulder tight.


    And shit! It¡¯s a tight hold.


    Gritting my teeth, my hands move to his arms and I kick out. I struggle hard for a full minute before wheezing out, ¡°I can¡¯t do it!¡±


    Lips to my ear, he says softly, ¡°Close your eyes.¡± I trust Rock, so I do as I¡¯m told. He goes on, ¡°Feel me around you.¡±


    Damn, that sounds like a line out of one of my erotic romance novels!


    My stomach clenches as he says, ¡°I know I got ya good, but think, Lily. Just think. What can you use to get free?¡± I¡¯m already exhausted from struggling and getting nowhere. He says firmly, ¡°Stop struggling. Now.¡±


    And I do.


    He whispers, ¡°Think, babe.¡±


    And I¡¯m so damn tired that I lose the fight in me. Melting back into him, I utter hoarsely, ¡°I give up, Rock. I can¡¯t. Not today.¡±


    A loud cough at the doorway draws my attention.


    Well, well, well. If it isn¡¯t Mr. You¡¯re-My-Responsibility-But-I-Don¡¯t-Have-Time-For-You!


    Nox stands in the doorway, jaw tight, looking as if he¡¯s holding himself back from doing something bad. His cold-blue eyes meet mine. The vein in his temple sticks out as he growls, ¡°Having fun?¡±


    Rock¡¯s body shakes with laughter and his breath warms my neck. The strong arm between my boobs tightens a little and my eyes widen. So here I am, between two hottie-commando men. One has me wrapped up, the other looks like his order of protection just turned to an order of elimination.


    And I¡¯m just here, hanging mid-air in some hot guy¡¯s arms.


    My brain adds in a sing-song voice, ¡°Awkward!¡±


    Cheeks flushed hot pink, I thank the heavens above when Rock sets me down on my feet. He sounds amused when he tells me, ¡°Tomorrow, you rest up. But you have what¡¯s called an active rest day. So no lyin¡¯ in bed all day, okay? Find something to do that keeps you moving. Go for a walk around the house or some shit, but don¡¯t let your muscles seize. That¡¯s your mission tomorrow.¡± Looking up at Nox, he smirks, ¡°Laters, Lily.¡± Then he¡¯s gone.


    Standing face to face with a still pissed Nox, I find myself getting pissed, too. Nox just has that effect on me. I swear this guy must¡¯ve been conceived through backdoor action. There¡¯s no way being that much of an asshole is natural .


    Turning my back, I gather my towel and water bottle before uttering casually, ¡°Haven¡¯t seen you in almost a week.¡±


    When I turn back around, he slowly places his hands in his cargo pants¡¯ pockets and grumbles, ¡°Been busy.¡±


    And that, my friends, is the straw that broke the camel¡¯s back.


    You know when you send someone a really long, heartfelt text message? You put so much effort into that damn text message and are so excited to send it and all they send you back in return is pissy ¡®ok¡¯?


    Well, I hate that ¡®ok¡¯ text! And every second answer that comes out of Nox could be classified as an ¡®ok¡¯ text message.


    Gah! Infuriating man!


    My eyes flare at his short and curt answer. Placing a hand on my hip, I spit, ¡°You¡¯re such an asshole!¡± And that¡¯s not all folks. Oh no. I don¡¯t stop there. ¡°And a bully!¡±


    Nox remains impassive. Which, not surprisingly, only spurs me on. ¡°And I don¡¯t think I like you very much.¡±


    A minute passes, we don¡¯t take our eyes off each other. And now¡­I¡¯m mortified.


    Nox hasn¡¯t moved an inch. His face remains blank. He never gives anything away. This, of course, makes me angrier. I fume in silence. What is it about this man that makes me go from zero to bitch in less than a second?


    Apologize. Not his fault you¡¯re takin¡¯ the crazy train to loopsville.


    I mentally sigh. Yeah. That wasn¡¯t cool.


    Just as I open my mouth to apologize, a shrill siren shrieks throughout the house.


    What the frick?


    Dropping to my knees, my eyes widen and I cover my ears while hyperventilating. Not a second later, I¡¯m hoisted over Nox¡¯s shoulder. He runs down the hall with me bouncing up and down like a rag doll.


    This is serious. Something¡¯s wrong.


    Nox shouts orders over the siren, but I can¡¯t make out any of it. That freakin¡¯ siren is so shrill, it¡¯s going to make my ears bleed! All I can do is grip the back of his tank tightly and hold on for dear life.


    Petrified and about to pee myself, I lift my head to see Nox run me right out the front door. Right out the front door and into a waiting black van.


    No. No. Not again!


    With no care at all, he throws me into the back of the van. I land in a seat with an ¡®Oomph¡¯ and he quickly seats himself next to me. As soon as the door closes, Nox booms, ¡°Go!¡±


    And we do.


    Shaking like a leaf, I turn my wide eyes to my protector and see something familiar in his hands.


    Ahh, hello old friend.


    Nox holds up the blindfold and I internally grimace. Clearly, now is not the time to argue. Nodding once, I turn my back to him and he places the blindfold over my head. My butt pressed against his thigh, I almost whisper, ¡°Where are we going now?¡±


    He sighs and answers just as softly, ¡°I don¡¯t know, Lily. I don¡¯t know.¡±


    Chapter Eight


    One of these things is not like the others


    Lily


    So here I am, standing in the middle of a dingy motel room.


    I¡¯m here after spending almost seven hours in the back of a van with Nox. This might not have been an issue if the guy knew the meaning of the words ¡®lighten up¡¯. Alas, this is Nox we¡¯re talking about. The guy¡¯s meaning of relaxed is sitting in a hardwood chair while watching me sleep.

 Page 10

    A little creepy if you ask me.


    The van stopped suddenly, the back door opened and I found myself being dragged to a motel room that looked like its previous occupants were roaches.Advertisement


    Nox paces in front of me and barks into the cell phone, ¡°If you haven¡¯t noticed, I¡¯m not there right now! It¡¯s your job to tell me what the fuck happened!¡± Pause, then, ¡°Yes, she¡¯s fine.¡±


    Um, hello? Kinda freakin¡¯ out here but whatever¡­


    He stops pacing, looks me up and down and says, ¡°Uh huh.¡± Pause. ¡°Uh huh.¡± Pause once more. ¡°Yeah. Okay. Lily needs clothes.¡± Pause. ¡°I don¡¯t know! Underwear and bras and somethin¡¯ that won¡¯t draw attention to us.¡± Silence, then, ¡°Nah. Lily¡¯s my wife. I asked them not to disturb us. We¡¯re on our honeymoon.¡±


    My brows almost hit my hairline.


    Married?


    The thought of being married to Nox is so damn ridiculous that the laughter I try to quell forces its way out. Hard. And loud.


    Busting a gut laughing, tears roll down my cheeks as I lean my hip on the small table for two. Nox watches me with a scowl. He does this a long while before he walks over behind me and covers my mouth with his hand. All that does is make me laugh harder. He whispers, ¡°Shut it, Lily. This is important. I can¡¯t hear a thing.¡±


    Finally getting a hold of myself, I suppress the laughter and pull his hand off my mouth. His arm falls lower, across my neck with a hand resting on my shoulder. I try to pull away but Nox has other ideas. As if he doesn¡¯t even realize it, he talks away with his arm still around me. Looking around the room with wide eyes, I¡¯m not sure what to do here. When his thumb absently strokes my shoulder, my core clenches, and my eyes flutter closed.


    My breathing deepens as I listen to him speak. Every word he says vibrates through his chest and onto my back. ¡°What do you mean?¡± Pause. ¡°Well, when can you get here?¡±


    Jeez, he smells so good. Like soap and something fresh and outdoorsy. His body is so big and hard, yet toasty warm. With one arm, he has me wrapped up tight. And I like it. A handful of erotic scenarios run through my head. Nox throwing me on the bed and telling me he¡¯s going to take me right there. Nox pushing me to my knees and demanding I make him hard. Nox joining me in the too-small shower, soaping up my body. Nox bending me over the-


    ¡°Lily?¡±


    Suddenly, a record scratches in my brain, rudely ripping me from my delicious thoughts. Whoa. Totally need to give it a rest with the erotic stories.


    ¡­But we like them!


    My face falls and I mutter, ¡°Books.¡±


    Nox finally lets me free of his clutches and I fight hard not to make a mew or pout from the loss. He says, ¡°What now?¡±


    Heartbreak fills my chest as I explain while sulking, ¡°Books. I didn¡¯t take any books. Now I have no books.¡±


    Every single night at the safe house I¡¯d read before I went to sleep. Nox knows this as he¡¯s been watching me sleep almost every night. The library had become an escape for me. Whenever I went missing, the guys knew where I¡¯d be hiding.


    Keeping my eyes to the floor, a large hand squeezes my shoulder, and although it doesn¡¯t make me feel better, it makes me feel better. A little.


    Something hard is pushed into my chest and I hold it tight before it falls. Looking down, I gasp when I see not one but two hardcover novels in my grasp.


    Disbelief. Total and utter disbelief.


    Looking up, I find Nox watching me curiously. I stutter, ¡°H- h- how did you- why did you- I mean it¡¯s not that I¡¯m not thankful, but did- did you know this would happen?¡±


    Sitting on the bed in front of me, he rests his elbows on his knees and links his fingers together. ¡°Didn¡¯t know. But you never know. This shit happens. I¡¯m normally prepared. Wasn¡¯t this time. Sucks for you, princess, because now you got no clothes and we¡¯re in the middle of Bumfuck, Idaho. Next mall is approximately four hours away. Good news is, I got clothes you can wear. Bad news, got no underwear in your size. My shirts are big so they¡¯ll be more like dresses on you.¡± He makes a face. ¡°My pants. Hell no. Won¡¯t fit, so don¡¯t even try. My boxers you can maybe wear as shorts. They¡¯ll be loose as hell but we¡¯ll improvise.¡±


    Half way through him saying this, my neck got hot and scratchy. The flush reaching all the way up to my scalp.


    No clothes. No underwear. For how long?


    Swallowing hard, my voice croaks when I ask, ¡°How long for?¡±


    Holding my eyes, he replies, ¡°Three, four days. Unclear.¡±


    Well, that¡¯s just freakin¡¯ dandy!


    No clothes. And the workout clothes I¡¯m wearing are stanky. And I mean stanky. As in, block your nose ¡®cause the body odors a-comin¡¯ stanky.


    Something soft is thrown at my face. I snatch the offending softness off my head to find it¡¯s one of Nox¡¯s tees. It¡¯s dark green, extra-large and says ARMY on the front. He utters, ¡°Wear that over the bra thingy and let¡¯s get somethin¡¯ to eat at the diner downstairs.¡±


    Suddenly self-conscious and moving from foot to foot, I tell him, ¡°I smell really bad, though.¡±


    Walking over to his bag (where the hell did he get a bag from?) he shuffles things around before walking over to me with a can of deodorant. He says, ¡°Ain¡¯t flowery and you¡¯ll smell like me, but it¡¯ll do the trick.¡±


    You¡¯ll smell like me. Yes please! Spraying myself quickly and thoroughly, I throw the can on the bed and walk out the door. As soon as we¡¯re out, Nox closes the door and pulls me close to him. He does this so quickly that I stumble and wrap my arm around his waist for support. Planting a kiss to my temple, he whispers, ¡°We¡¯re newlyweds, remember? When we¡¯re out, always be touchin¡¯ me, holdin¡¯ hands, or some sappy shit like that.¡± Spying my glare, he says through a forced smile, ¡°Smile for fuck sake. You¡¯re married to me. Happiest day of your life and all that.¡±


    Pinching his waist, hard, I smile, ¡°Oh, honey. The happiest day of my life will be the day I never have to see you again.¡±


    His eyes darken through his smile, he leans forward until we¡¯re nose to nose. Splaying his large hands on my hips, he pulls my body close until we¡¯re flush against each other.


    Shit! This is quite possibly one of my fantasies coming to life.


    His mouth, a hairs-breadth away from mine. His breath warms my lips when he utters, ¡°Ditto.¡±


    Ugh! Jackass!


    Rolling my eyes, he laughs through his nose and says something that I hadn¡¯t thought about. ¡°C¡¯mon, princess. I¡¯m sure you¡¯ve been dying to get out of the house, right? Take advantage of this time while you¡¯ve got it.¡±


    Side-eyeing him, I ask, ¡°Princess my new nickname?¡±


    I see him purse his lips in my peripheral vision. ¡°Not new. Always been one of the Flynn princesses.¡±


    Oh, I get it. ¡°So not really a nickname. More of an insult.¡±


    The corner of his lip lifts, but he doesn¡¯t say a thing. Moron.


    We reach the diner looking like a newlywed couple. Smiles, hugs, and happy. No one would guess we¡¯re sweaty, hot, and tired. When I try to sit at the booth, I almost get whiplash when Nox pulls me into the same side as him. Close. The waitress comes over wearing a knowing smile. Before she gets to us, I pinch his thigh and hiss through a fake smile, ¡°Would you stop doing that?¡±


    He places his lips at the shell of my ear and whispers, ¡°You keep pinching me and I might just pinch you somewhere you don¡¯t want to be pinched, baby.¡±


    Well¡­


    That certainly shut me up.


    The pretty middle-aged waitress reaches our table and asks, ¡°Are you the newlyweds?¡±


    What the-


    Obviously having seen the uncertain look on my face, she laughs sweetly, ¡°Oh, darlin¡¯, this is a small town. Everyone knows everything about everyone.¡±


    Nox pastes on a brilliant smile and holds his hand out, ¡°We sure are. I¡¯m Hank.¡± He points a thumb over at me. ¡°And this is Maude.¡±


    Hank¡­ and Maude?


    Still shaking Nox¡¯s hand, she looks over at me, smiling in acknowledgement.


    But I¡¯m still stuck on Hank. And Maude.


    Nox finally lets her hand go and she flushes while giggling to me, ¡°Oh, darlin¡¯, if I had me a man as strong and big as he is, I¡¯d never let him go.¡±


    And I just can¡¯t help myself. Wearing a look of utter disappointment, I say dejectedly, ¡°Yeah, you¡¯d think he¡¯d be big all over, but¡­¡± I fade out while my eyes drift down to his crotch, leaving her to finish that sentence in her mind. When her smile fades a little, I fight the urge to stick my tongue out at Nox.


    My body jerks and my knees bang on the table hard, forcing the cutlery to bounce all over. Suddenly, my butt is throbbing.


    The jackass pinched my ass!


    Nox forces out a laugh, ¡°Oh, don¡¯t worry about Maude. She¡¯s a joker. It¡¯s what I love about her.¡±


    Looking a little uncomfortable, the waitress hands us our menus and we order. Our meals come in record time and I have to admit, I didn¡¯t realize I was hungry until the smell of bacon wafted up into my nose. The first bite confirms it. I¡¯m starved.


    Nox watches me eat and a look of disbelief crosses his features when I finish my plate of eggs, bacon, toast, and pan-fried tomatoes. When I see he¡¯s stopped eating and watching me, I ask, ¡°You gonna eat your pancakes?¡±


    His brows rise, his lip twitches, and without a word, he moves his plate forward.


    I douse the pancakes in butter and syrup, licking my lips all the while, then wolf them down. Nox asks in wonderment, ¡°Where the hell does it all go?¡±


    Still chewing, I speak around my food so my reply comes out garbled, ¡°Dad says we have hollow legs.¡±


    Shaking his head, he pushes my orange juice forward and I down it in one hit.


    That was a great brunch. I know I look pregnant now, but¡­so worth it.


    Nox flags down our sweet waitress and asks slyly, ¡°Do you think you could organize for a platter of sandwiches to be made up?¡± He smiles a dirty smile. ¡°We may not want to leave our room later on.¡± Then the ass winks.


    Our waitress, clearly smitten with Hank, giggles all the way back to the kitchen after confirming this was more than okay.


    On her return, Nox pays for our brunch, our sandwich platter, and leaves a very nice tip; then he takes my hand, links our fingers, and we walk back to the motel room. Well, Nox drags me along. I¡¯m having difficulty walking (and breathing) because I was such a fatty-fat-fat at the diner. Nox lifts me bridal-style and carries me. Normally, this would bother me.


    Today? Not so much.


    I¡¯m so tired that I¡¯m tempted to cross my arms behind my head, kick back, and relax. Fumbling with me and the key, Nox manages to open the door, no thanks to me, and just as I sigh peacefully from the enjoyment of my ride, he throws me onto the bed.


    I jerk and bounce so ungracefully that my hair thrashes about, then falls over my eyes. Currently blinded by my thick locks, I throw both my hands up in the air, flipping him the bird. He laughs to himself as I hear the bathroom door close.


    I yell out, ¡°Can I grab some clothes out of the bag?¡±


    Nox replies, ¡°Yeah.¡± A second passes before he adds, ¡°Don¡¯t touch anything else.¡±


    Which makes me wonder what else is in there to touch.


    Sliding my body off the bed like an overweight slug, I crawl to the bag in the corner of the room. I try lifting it but it¡¯s heavy, so I do what any other lazy person would do. I tip it upside-down and the contents spill out all over the place.


    The sound of the shower starting alerts me to the fact that I only have a few minutes to snoop through Nox¡¯s things. Quick as I can, I spread it all out and look down wide-eyed in wonder.


    How the hell did all this fit into that small bag?


    There¡¯s approximately five sets of Nox¡¯s man clothes, deodorant, new toothbrushes and toothpaste (thank God), rope, that damn blindfold, which I shove in my pocket, something that looks like a mini electronic tablet, USB sticks, ski masks, the shiny black cell phone I talked to my dad on, and my eyes widen even more when I spot the collection of switchblades.


    Picking up the largest one and opening it, I press my finger to the blade lightly. It¡¯s about eight inches long including the handle, and sharp as hell. I don¡¯t need to press any further to know this thing would surely take off my finger if I tried to push any further. It looks like a hunting knife. The blade is shiny and curved, the sharp tip on an angle.


    Running my hand down the back of the blade, Nox says in eerie calm, ¡°What you got there? Not planning to take me out, are ya, princess?¡±


    Eyes still trained on the blade, I whisper, ¡°I want you to teach me how to use this.¡±


    His rumbling laughter fills the room. ¡°Yeah, I don¡¯t think so.¡±


    Eyes pleading, I snap my head up to beg when I see Nox.


    Nox in a towel.


    Nox in a towel stalking towards me.


    His frame is so big that he can¡¯t even wrap the small towel around his waist, he grips the edges shut with a large hand. With every step he takes, I see more of his muscular thigh. His short hair dark as night, and his body glistens with drops of heavenly dew.


    Sweet baby Jesus. Is it hot in here?


    I¡¯m burning up. My heart rate escalates. Once he reaches me, he bends down to collect a new set of clothes and snatches the knife out of my hand. He¡¯s so quick with his hands that he has the knife shut and back in its place within a second.


    I¡¯m still staring at his thigh when Nox utters, ¡°Think you oughta turn around if my nudity offends you.¡± Then he walks over to the bed and drops the towel. And there¡¯s Nox in all his naked glory. Too bad his back¡¯s to me. I¡¯d kill to see the front of that hard body. Stepping into his cotton boxers, he pulls them up and turns around. And there I am, staring at his fabric-covered pee-pee.


    ¡°Like what you see?¡±


    Oh fuck!


    He just caught me looking at his junk!

 Page 11

    Play it cool, Lil.


    Shrugging nonchalantly, I ignore my burning cheeks and reply, ¡°Not really. I thought you¡¯d be more- more- I don¡¯t know. More impressive.¡±Advertisement


    The ass smiles. A huge-ass smile from a huge ass.


    Dear God! It reminds me of Heath Ledger¡¯s smile a la ¡®10 Things I Hate About You¡¯.


    I love that freakin¡¯ smile. And the ass wears it well.


    My heart skips a beat, but I remain cool as a cucumber and question, ¡°I thought you types were all tattooed and stuff.¡±


    Wiping down his broad chest with the small towel, he responds, ¡°I¡¯ve got tattoos, Lily. Just not ones you¡¯re used to seeing.¡±


    My eyes widen in interest. I love tattoos, and if Nox is sporting something I haven¡¯t seen before then, naturally, I want to see it. I ask quietly, ¡°Can I see them?¡±


    Nox¡¯s face turns passive, almost thoughtful, before he lowers the waistline to his underwear slightly.


    Without meaning to, I gasp aloud and cover my mouth with both hands.


    Unbelievable.


    Stepping forward slowly, I reach out with a shaking hand to touch the skin there. Just before I reach him, I rear back realizing what I was just about to do. As I lower my face and try to turn away, Nox takes my hand and presses it to the puckered and mutilated flesh just under his waistline. It feels surprisingly soft under my fingertips.


    Given permission, I trace the scars with my fingertips. His stomach clenches and contracts. I¡¯m not sure if this is in discomfort or pain, so I pull my fingers away from the gouged and puffed scar tissue that trails from one hip to the other.


    Suddenly tattoos don¡¯t appeal to me anymore.


    There are no words. I¡¯m speechless.


    Looking up at Nox, mouth parted, I search his face. As our eyes meet, he frowns, lifts his hand and uses his thumb to wipe away the tears I hadn¡¯t realized I¡¯d shed.


    My heart aches.


    He¡¯s a dick. A huge dick. But I wouldn¡¯t wish this on anybody. I want to say something but the words just don¡¯t come. What can you possibly say to someone who has been tortured?


    Chapter Nine


    Ch- ch- changes


    Lily


    A few hours after our close encounter, we remain silent, communicating with nothing but nods or one word questions and equally short answers. The waitress from the diner brought up our sandwich platter, along with a complimentary cherry pie for us newlyweds, while I was in the shower. We ate slowly, avoiding each other¡¯s gaze.


    Unable to stand the awkwardness any longer, I jump up and turn on the old-ass TV. Nothing but static. I mentally sigh. Of course there¡¯s nothing but static. No one accused me of being lucky. Luck of the Irish, you ask? Nope. Not even that.


    Flipping through channels, I stop on the channel with the least amount of static and manually try to tune it. A few minutes pass but nothing helps, so I do what I do whenever something at home is broken.


    I beat the crap out of it.


    Slapping the sides of the TV, I urge, ¡°C¡¯mon, you piece of shit. Modern technology, my ass!¡±


    Nox chuckles and I say sternly, ¡°You know, you can help me at any time. Don¡¯t be shy now.¡±


    Then I smack the back of the TV. A little too hard.


    It falls off the stand and onto the floor. A loud bang resounds through the room. Looking down in shock at the now broken TV, I lift my wide eyes to Nox and shout, ¡°Look at what you did!¡±


    Then he does something beautiful.


    He tips his head back and roars with laughter.


    And all I can do is watch in awe as his entire body shakes with hilarity while thoughts rush through my brain.


    How can a man who has been through what he has, still be able to laugh? Maybe Nox isn¡¯t as damaged as I think he is. I¡¯m an ass. I shouldn¡¯t have labelled him. Ask him about it.


    Walking over to the bed, I throw myself back onto it, next to his still shaking body. Placing my arms behind my head, I sigh long and loud, ¡°I¡¯m so bored.¡±


    Nox nods but doesn¡¯t say a thing.


    We lay next to each other as night falls, neither of is willing to move, quite comfortable in our finally broken silence. Feeling more confident, I ask, ¡°What happened?¡±


    Obviously knowing this was coming, he breathes in deeply and replies on an exhale, ¡°Got caught by the bad guy.¡±


    This explanation is not satisfactory. I¡¯m nosey! I need more than that. ¡°When?¡±


    ¡°Few years back.¡±


    I¡¯m confused. Turning my body to look at him, I say quietly, ¡°But I thought you were the best.¡±


    Turning his head to the side, his icy blues search my face before answering just as softly, ¡°It¡¯s why I¡¯m the best. I¡¯ll never let that happen again.¡±


    Okay. I like that. That¡¯s a totally acceptable answer.


    I nod to no one in particular and fade into the depths of my mind.


    Nox stands suddenly, ¡°Damn. I forgot.¡± Then he walks over to his pile of dirty clothes and searches his cargo pants¡¯ pockets. Pulling something small out, he walks over to me, flops back onto the bed and hands me the small silver device.


    When I take a closer look, I gasp, ¡°No way! You had this the whole time?¡±


    Placing his hands back behind his head, he sighs, ¡°Forgot. It¡¯s Boo¡¯s. Left it in my office.¡±


    Switching on the MP3 player, I place both of the earphones in and search the playlists that Boo has. It¡¯s a great selection. Old music, new music, punk, rock n roll, pop, dance, metal, RnB. I reach a particular song and burst into laughter. Nox turns his head and narrows his eyes at me.


    Taking out an earphone, I shove it in his ear. ¡°I think I found the song for you.¡±


    Pressing play, Highway to Hell by AC/DC plays and he smirks, nodding along to the beat of the song. When it ends, I select the random option and Clocks by Coldplay comes on.


    Nox grunts, ¡°Change it.¡±


    I frown. ¡°I like this song. It¡¯s a nice song.¡±


    He scoffs, ¡°Uh, yeah. No. Are you listening to the same song I am? Light going out, not being able to be saved, cursing missed opportunities?¡±


    Hmmm. I guess I never listened closely to the lyrics before. It is kinda depressing.


    Looking over at my crestfallen expression, he says, ¡°See, I made my point. I¡¯d rather attempt to slit my throat with a rusty spoon than listen to this. Change it.¡±


    So I do. The next song that comes on is Royals by Lorde. And I really like this song. Nox doesn¡¯t say a thing, but I see his foot tapping along so I guess he likes it, too. But the subject of the song makes me uncomfortable. Turning the sound down to a dim whisper, I speak up to the ceiling. ¡°We weren¡¯t always rich, you know?¡±


    Nox turns to his side, supporting his head on his hand, acknowledging me and giving me permission to continue.


    I don¡¯t dare look at him but continue my story. ¡°We were just like everyone else. Things were different back then. Dad wasn¡¯t so- so- obnoxiously overprotective. I had friends and I had a life. Then dad started working harder and bringing in more money, flipping companies like they were used cars he was selling. Then one day-¡± I snap my fingers. ¡°It all changed. We bought that ugly monstrosity we call a home. Security was upped and Dad stopped letting me hang out with my friends. They got sick of asking me to parties ¡®cause they knew the answer would be no. So they let me go. And I don¡¯t blame ¡®em. It¡¯s hard dealing with my dad sometimes.¡±


    Nox makes a small noise. A grunt. Turning to him, I see his brows furrowed, lips pursed. He doesn¡¯t look happy. Suddenly feeling the need to defend my father, I quickly add, ¡°I mean it wasn¡¯t all bad. Just lonely sometimes. So I fell into books. And I love reading. For a few hours, I can escape this world and fall into character. It¡¯s a beautiful thing. I just don¡¯t get what happened, is all.¡±


    Nox¡¯s sudden intake of breath makes me focus on his face, which is suddenly poker-faced. I blink a moment before I gasp and whisper, ¡°You know something.¡±


    He replies a little too firmly, ¡°Lily, I know a lot of things.¡±


    He forgot to add ¡®doesn¡¯t mean I¡¯m gonna tell you shit¡¯ but it was implied.


    The song flips over to Massive Attack¡¯s Teardrop and we both listen in quiet while watching each other. My eyes watch his face intently, his search mine softly. My eyes beg, ¡®please, tell me something¡¯. His argue, ¡®you¡¯re not ready.¡¯


    Picking invisible lint off the bed covers, I plead softly but urgently, ¡°I¡¯m ready. Tell me. Please, Nox.¡±


    Shaking his head softly, he says, ¡°Won¡¯t see anything the same. Won¡¯t see me the same. Just got your trust. Don¡¯t need to go losin¡¯ it now.¡± There¡¯s that southern twang again.


    Lying to myself, I rush out, ¡°It won¡¯t change a thing. I trust you, Nox. I swear.¡±


    Scoffing, he asks, ¡°What does ¡®I swear¡¯ mean to me? Nothin¡¯.¡±


    ¡°My word is my bond. If I swear to you, I¡¯ll do what I can to keep my promise. I know it doesn¡¯t mean shit to you, but in my family, it means something.¡± Desperate for answers, I reach over, take his hand and link our fingers. ¡°Please, Nox. You¡¯re the only one who can help me. My dad will never tell me.¡±


    Nox squeezes my hand but his face remains void. Such a tough nut to crack.


    Anger surges through me. ¡°I¡¯m almost twenty-three, Nox. I¡¯m not a fucking child! Give me back my life! I deserve that much, don¡¯t you think?¡±


    My anger must be contagious because Nox sits up suddenly and shoots a glare at me. My body jerks when without warning, he booms, ¡°Having a life is overrated. If I were your dad, I woulda done the same thing, Lily. Is it fair on you? Fuck no, but you just don¡¯t-¡±


    Stopping suddenly, he says sarcastically, ¡°What do you want to know, princess?¡± He says princess like it¡¯s a nasty word. Seething, he continues, ¡°You wanna know how this isn¡¯t the first kidnap attempt you¡¯ve been through? You wanna know that last time, they actually fuckin¡¯ got you? That your mom and dad almost lost you? What else? Oh, right! You wanna know about how the day I came to get you was the day I received a contract to kill you myself?¡±


    My blood runs cold.


    What did he just say?


    Still processing the information he just threw at me, he says softly, ¡°Having a life is overrated. Trust me. There¡¯s no life to live if you¡¯re cold and dead. Your dad has his reasons. You gotta trust someone, Lily.¡± He barks a humorless laugh and runs a hand through his short hair, ¡°Guess that¡¯s not me anymore.¡±


    Call me stupid but what he just told me doesn¡¯t affect me trusting him. In fact, I think my trust in Nox just got stronger a notch. I never actually expected him to reveal so much.


    We stare at each other a while before I whisper, ¡°I was in trouble and you came to get me?¡±


    Nox looks down at the brown shaggy carpet, nodding slowly.


    Scooting across the bed, closer to him. ¡°Maybe just for one night we can pretend to like each other and call a truce.¡± He watches me through furrowed brows and I add a hushed, ¡°Because I could really use a hug right now.¡±


    Not waiting for him to answer, I lightly push him down on the motel bed. And Nox lets me. His arms part a little and I fit my body between the crook of his arm and his hard torso, rest my head on his shoulder, and let out a relaxed sigh. Placing my hand on his chest, he pulls me closer to him and runs his hand through my hair gently.


    Thinking a million things at once, I feel the need to let him in on one of those thoughts. ¡°I trust you, Nox. You won¡¯t hurt me. I know it.¡± I whisper, ¡°I trust you.¡±


    The hand at my hair stills a moment before he sighs, ¡°Maybe you shouldn¡¯t, Lily.¡±


    That falls on deaf ears. I know what I feel and, after all, I¡¯m taking his advice.


    I¡¯m going with my gut.


    Stretching into something firm, my eyes flutter open. I try to turn, but it seems this bed has seatbelts. Looking down, I see the seatbelt is actually a muscular arm cinched around my waist. Now that I¡¯m a little more awake, I realize someone is breathing into my neck and wriggling closer to me. Deeper into my butt.


    When I hear Nox whine in his sleep, my eyes widen. I ask my brain, ¡°Is that what I think it is?¡±


    My drooling brain replies, ¡°It¡¯s early, we have a hard-on pressed against our ass, and a delicious man in our bed. I¡¯m out.¡± Then it disconnects.


    My heart races and I swallow hard. The polite thing to do would be to get out of bed. Now.


    But I¡¯m so darn toasty that I just can¡¯t find the will to do that. My brain quickly reminds me of another great excuse to not leave his strong arms. Nox hasn¡¯t slept properly in an age. Not since I¡¯ve known him. So, scratch that. I guess the polite course of action would be to let him sleep.


    Pressed up against me like I¡¯m his giant teddy bear.


    A smile spreads across my face. I¡¯ll never admit it to anyone, ever, but I like Nox. I don¡¯t know what it is about him. For all I know, I have Stockholm syndrome.


    My brain rolls its eyes at me muttering, ¡°Yeah. Whatever.¡±


    Okay. No. I don¡¯t have Stockholm syndrome.


    I know that part of it is because he¡¯s gruff, and honest, and downright mean. I suppose you could say that I appreciate the ¡®real¡¯ in him. Lord knows my life has been sheltered so much, it¡¯s a wonder my skin isn¡¯t so pale it¡¯s transparent.


    My brain cheers ecstatically when his arms tighten around me a moment. Then he loosens his hold completely before standing quickly and making his way to the bathroom.


    Nuts.


    The shower turns on and I force myself out of bed. It¡¯s no fun without him anyways. Standing up, I stretch, wearing only a huge ass Nox tank and my panties, which I cleaned in the bathroom sink, then rummage through the black bag. Leaning forward, my head snaps up when the bathroom door opens and Nox stands there wearing that tiny, skimpy towel again. I fight the urge to sigh dreamily and ask as steadily as I can, ¡°Need somethin¡¯?¡±

 Page 12

    Flicking his chin towards the black bag, he looks down at the tank I¡¯m wearing a long moment before he replies, ¡°Boxers.¡±


    Rolling up a black pair, I throw them at him, and as soon as he catches them, he slams the door shut.Advertisement


    Curious as to what he was looking at, I turn my head to the side and look down at my oversized makeshift pajamas.


    Oh, for the love of- Great. Just great.


    Nox saw my sideboob.


    My cheeks flush. At least he didn¡¯t see nipple. Just pasty-white side-boob.


    Side-boob won¡¯t affect anything. What do I care? I¡¯ve seen his bare ass. His mighty fine bare ass. I wonder what it would feel like. It looks like you could bounce a quarter off it.


    As my mind wanders, Nox opens the door and asks, ¡°Want a shower before breakfast?¡±


    Wanting to get out of this confined space as quickly as possible, I spray myself with his deodorant before throwing it to him. He sprays himself and throws it back. I respond with, ¡°Nah. Let¡¯s go.¡±


    Slipping on my now clean workout pants, Nox stops me with the stink eye and an, ¡°Uh, no.¡±


    ¡°Excuse me?¡±


    Shaking his head, he looks down at my ensemble through furrowed brows. ¡°You¡¯re not going out like that, Lily. Put somethin¡¯ else on.¡±


    I¡¯m not quite sure what the problem is here. ¡°What¡¯s wrong with what I¡¯ve got on?¡±


    Walking up to me, he pinches the bottom of the tank between his forefinger and thumb and announces, ¡°This is not appropriate for down there.¡±


    Ha! I know what this is about now. I chuckle while shaking my head slowly, ¡°Is this because of this morning¡¯s side-boob?¡±


    His face turns confused. ¡°Side- side-¡± Lifting his hands to his head, he rubs his temples slowly as if he¡¯s getting a headache and mutters, ¡°I¡¯m not sure I wanna know, but what the fuck is side-boob?¡±


    Rolling my eyes, I respond, ¡°So you saw the side of my boob. It¡¯s all good. I¡¯ve seen you¡¯re your ass, so we¡¯re even. C¡¯mon.¡±


    Walking toward the door, Nox says firmly, ¡°I¡¯m serious, Lily. You¡¯re not goin¡¯ out like that. It¡¯s just askin¡¯ for trouble. Put on a damn bra.¡±


    Who knew Nox was a prude?


    I shoot back, ¡°I don¡¯t have a damn bra! If you remember, I didn¡¯t exactly pack for this trip!¡±


    Visibly calming himself, he breathes deeply and replies on an exhale, ¡°Fine. That¡¯s fine. Then you¡¯ll just have to wear another tee or somethin¡¯, because I can see- see- your- uh- side-boob.¡±


    Score one: Lily.


    Smiling angelically, I take the tee from his outstretched hand. My fingers brush his and I ask sweetly, ¡°Why didn¡¯t you just say so then?¡±


    My brain claps and pulls an impressed face.


    Did I just flirt with Nox?


    Another big breakfast this morning goes down well. This time, I order the tomato and cheese omelet and it¡¯s moist and fluffy. Just heavenly. Chasing that with Nox¡¯s pancakes once again, and a glass of OJ, I watch while he orders yet another platter of sandwiches and flirts with the sweet waitress from the day before.


    Why doesn¡¯t he flirt with me like that?


    I fight the urge to pout and let him drag me along. My belly¡¯s getting the better of me again, half way there, he has to piggyback me. He says, ¡°Maybe I should just buy you a wheelchair.¡±


    I can¡¯t help but laugh and laugh right in his ear.


    It seems that food, mixed with copious amounts of horny, equals drunk.


    Which brings us to now. Third day in our little love shack. Minus the love.


    I¡¯m secretly looking forward to going to bed tonight, just so I can feel those arms around me again. My mood has improved three-hundred percent. Nox¡¯s by about thirty-seven percent.


    That¡¯s a fact. Don¡¯t question my calculations.


    A little joking over breakfast has set the speed for the day, and my heart skips a beat when I see him grabbing things from around the place. He puts some bills in his pocket and says, ¡°Don¡¯t go anywhere. Be right back.¡±


    But... but¡­ what?


    ¡°Where are you going?¡± I don¡¯t even try to mask my fallen face.


    ¡°Out. Be right back.¡±


    I¡¯m suddenly fuming. ¡°And what, Nox? I¡¯m just meant to play the willing captive while you¡¯re gone?¡±


    Confusion mars his face and he mutters, ¡°What the f-¡± Shaking his head, he places a hand on his hip and utters, ¡°Let me put this in a way you¡¯ll understand.¡±


    Putting on his best bimbo, he bounces on his heel and says, ¡°Like, tryna keep you safe here!¡±


    Biting my lip to stop myself from laughing, his eyes darken as he strides over to me, trapping me between the door and his chest. He mutters, ¡°Maybe you want that. Maybe you like the idea of being a captive. Being helpless.¡± Leaning forward, the tip of his nose brushes my earlobe and he whispers, ¡°Does that turn you on, princess?¡±


    I¡¯m not sure what¡¯s happening here. My hormones have gone haywire and my brain is drooling again. I manage to whisper back, ¡°Now you¡¯re just being a jerk.¡±


    His body turns rock solid before he sighs, reaches for the handle, and leaves me in our honeymoon suite.


    Alone and lonely.


    Chapter Ten


    Absence makes the heart grow fonder


    Lily


    Three days have passed and I¡¯m back in the safe house slash safe mansion slash pentagon.


    Not long after our close and extremely awkward encounter, Nox came back into our room and advised me to pack my shit. I told him I had no shit to pack.


    He responded with, ¡°Great. Then you¡¯re ready to go.¡±


    I asked, ¡°Go where?¡±


    Holding my eyes, he replied softly, ¡°Home.¡±


    And somehow, I just knew he meant my home away from home.


    In saying that, nine hours later, we were back. And it¡¯s good to be home.


    Is it weird that I feel like this is home?


    No. I don¡¯t think so. Not when we arrived back and Boo ran over to me, hugging the life out of me for a solid minute, stroking my hair like long lost sisters being reunited. Not when a seriously relieved looking Rock picked me up and swung me around, telling me, ¡°Great to have you back, babe.¡±


    Nox spoke to them both for a moment in whispers and riddles, and I knew better to ask about what happened the day the alarms went off.


    Which brings us to now.


    Three days later and completely Nox free. Again.


    I have a feeling he¡¯s avoiding me. Again. But I¡¯ve been spending most of my time with Boo, and that makes me happy.


    ¡°Oh, you bitc- Motherfu- Shitballs!¡±


    Boo chuckles, ¡°Oh relax. It isn¡¯t that bad.¡±


    I scoff, ¡°Yeah, right, you freakin¡¯ harlot.¡±


    Boo laughs. I cringe and whimper, ¡°Oh God. You¡¯re actually enjoying this.¡±


    When she stops, she asks, ¡°Your sister never tried this?¡±


    Fisting the sheets, I reply through gritted teeth, ¡°Oh, she tried. I karate chopped her ass.¡±


    She says, ¡°I don¡¯t get it.¡± I open my eyes to find her looking down at me, ¡°The whole you don¡¯t have friends thing. You¡¯re pretty cool, Deedee.¡±


    Taking a deep breath and closing my eyes, I explain, ¡°Well, Dad was always overprotective. Then it got worse. We weren¡¯t allowed to go anywhere without him or Mom. I never really understood it.¡± Till now, I think.


    ¡°I mean, what¡¯s the worst that could happen from me going to a sleepover?¡± I sigh, ¡°Eventually, the little friends I had stopped asking me to come over and drifted away from me. My sister was always there for me, though. She had this way about her. I guess she still does. She¡¯s always been popular, so no one questioned why she wasn¡¯t coming out to parties and stuff. She¡¯d just pass it off with ¡®I¡¯ve got a better offer¡¯ or ¡®Nah, it¡¯s not really my thing¡¯. Well, Terah got sick of Dad¡¯s rules and started sneaking out and I- I didn¡¯t. I¡¯d stay at home with my book boyfriends and that was fine by me. Ow! Stop that!¡±


    Plucking another stray hair, she pulls back and says, ¡°Done.¡±


    Standing, I walk over to the mirror and check my newly shaped eyebrows.


    Not bad. Not bad at all.


    I look back at her through the mirror and state, ¡°So much pain for this? It doesn¡¯t even look like you plucked anything.¡±


    Lying back on the bed, she says, ¡°Oh, it¡¯s noticeable, alright. You¡¯re lucky. You¡¯ve been blessed with a great shape. You should see mine when I don¡¯t pluck.¡± She lifts her head and looks at my reflection in the mirror. ¡°Scary. I¡¯d have a unibrow in the shape of the McDonald¡¯s m.¡±


    Turning around, I lean back on the dresser and ask, ¡°Why do you even bother? You work with men, and I¡¯m sure they don¡¯t care that you pluck.¡±


    She smiles slyly and bats her lashes, ¡°Oh, but my man would.¡±


    Eeek! Her man! Swoon.


    Bouncing over to the bed wearing an annoyingly cheeky smile, I ask in a sing-song voice, ¡°Oh, yeah? Who is he?¡±


    Her answer shocks me so much my mouth gapes. ¡°Rock.¡±


    Leaning forward, I whisper-hiss, ¡°No way!¡±


    Chuckling, she replies, ¡°Way, baby.¡±


    My mouth hangs open and she laughs. I sputter, ¡°B- b- but you guys act like you don¡¯t even like each other.¡±


    Nodding, she smiles sadly, ¡°Technically, we aren¡¯t allowed to see each other. It¡¯s...¡± She actually lifts her hands and does slow quotation mark actions with her fingers, ¡°¡­fraternizing. Nox knows, but he said he can¡¯t really do anything about it unless it affects our work, which I would never let happen anyways. And what with Rock and Nox being best friends, I think Nox is actually happy to see that Rock¡¯s got something good in this life.¡±


    Confused by that last statement, I ask quietly, ¡°What do you mean in this life?


    Boo searches my face a while. She looks unsure before answering me quietly, ¡°Babe, we don¡¯t exist.¡±


    Confused even more now, my brow furrows as I ask, ¡°Come again?¡±


    She lies back down with her arms resting behind her head. Looking up at the ceiling, she explains, ¡°This thing - what we do - protection and elimination. We don¡¯t work for anyone. We work for ourselves. I guess you could call it a made-up business. We all have titles within our sector, but the sector doesn¡¯t actually exist. We¡¯re all privately employed and we get paid a lot to do what we do. The condition of being employed this way is to be unseen, and our circle to be impenetrable. So everyone you¡¯ve met here, they don¡¯t have any form of real identification. Every document, ID card, and bank account we have is under a false name.¡± Turning her head to face me, she finishes with, ¡°We don¡¯t exist.¡±


    Holy shit, that¡¯s insane.


    Staring right back at her, I surmise, ¡°So everyone I¡¯ve met here is going under a fake name?¡±


    She nods and I ask, ¡°What happened to who you were? You know, who you used to be?¡±


    Smiling a sad smile, she responds quietly, ¡°She died, babe. We all did.¡±


    My heart squeezes as I whisper, ¡°Well, that sucks.¡±


    Boo turns to her side and we look at each other for a moment. We¡¯re having a silent conversation.


    My mouth droops and I frown slightly. I¡¯m sorry, boo. That really does suck.


    She shrugs slightly and winks. It¡¯s okay. I¡¯m okay with it.


    Playing with my fingertips, I blurt out, ¡°Constance? You chose the name Constance?¡±


    She bursts into laughter and I do, too. We laugh together a short while before her face softens and she replies quietly, ¡°It was my mom¡¯s name. My way of never forgetting her. She was a Connie so it never felt right calling myself that. One day, Rock told me I was quiet as a ghost so he nicknamed me Boo, and I¡¯ve been Boo ever since.¡± Suddenly sobering, she asks, ¡°Do you have a boyfriend?¡±


    Shaking my head, I tell her, ¡°Not unless he¡¯s the fictional kind. It¡¯s just me and my books.¡±


    Her face turns thoughtful, her eyes sad. She murmurs, ¡°Must get lonely.¡±


    Smiling, I say just as quietly, ¡°I could say the same for you.¡±


    She smiles back. ¡°Touch¨¦.¡±


    We both lay back down on the bed with a sigh. I guess my life isn¡¯t so bad.


    At least I¡¯m not dead.


    Excusing myself to get something to eat for me and Boo, I run into the kitchen and my sock-covered feet, and slide to a stop only an inch away from Nox.


    His blue eyes flash. ¡°Where you goin¡¯ so quick, princess?¡±


    Today is one of the rare days he doesn¡¯t have on a shirt.


    My eyes strain as I beg them to remain fixed on his face and not his broad and solid chest, which is deliciously damp with perspiration.


    Yum.


    ¡°Just getting something to eat.¡±


    Nodding, he says genuinely, ¡°Glad your appetite¡¯s back.¡±


    Nodding in return, I respond sincerely, ¡°Me, too.¡±


    And then nothing.


    Awkward silence.


    A loooong awkward silence.


    Moving around him to the pantry, my brain reminds me that we have something to discuss with him. Just as he moves to leave the huge kitchen, which suddenly feels about as big as a mailbox, I call out, ¡°Actually, I¡¯ve been meaning to ask if you spoke to Mitch about me talking to my sister.¡±


    Face void of emotion, he leans his hip on the counter. ¡°No. Not yet.¡± Reaching over the counter, he picks up an apple and plays with it.


    I¡¯m a little pissed at this. He said he would try. My face turns to steel. I walk around the kitchen slamming the pantry shut, and open and close the drawers far too quickly, wanting the noise to convey my mood right now.


    Nox sees right through me. ¡°Why¡¯re you pissed, now?¡±


    Bombs away!


    Losing my patience, I shout, ¡°Know what would make me happy, Nox? Knowing my sister is okay! I like Boo, no, I love Boo, but she isn¡¯t my sister, and you think I don¡¯t know what you¡¯re doing, and that makes you so much more of a dick! Know what would make me better than happy? Actually speaking to her and hearing for myself that she¡¯s alive and well. Not shoving a substitute under my nose.¡±

 Page 13

    A silence passes over both of us. Nox breaks it by crunching into his apple. His detachment breaks my heart.


    I whisper hoarsely, ¡°I miss her, okay? She was my only friend and- and I miss her.¡± I don¡¯t dare look up at him. If I see sympathy in those deep blue eyes of his, I may just attempt to claw them out.Advertisement


    After a moment of getting my shit together, I shake my head to clear it and another approach comes to mind. Walking around the kitchen counter toward him, I decide to try something drastic. When I¡¯m only a foot away from him, I jump up onto the counter and sigh deeply. Chewing his apple, he turns his bored expression over to me and I say softly, ¡°You could be nicer to me, ya know?¡±


    He shrugs and continues eating.


    I want to throw that apple across the room.


    No more playing nice. Time to turn on my wily charm. I bat my lashes at him in a most southern darling way and say a hushed, ¡°I could be nicer to you, too.¡±


    Have I mentioned that I¡¯ve never flirted before? Ever?


    Nox¡¯s brow furrows and he mutters, ¡°You got somethin¡¯ in your eye or some shit?¡±


    Jumping off the counter to hide my flush, I stomp out of the kitchen and shout, ¡°Ugh!¡±


    And I clomp off to the sound of Nox¡¯s deep, sexy chuckle. Half way up the stairs, I remember something.


    Fuck my life!


    I forgot the damn food.


    You know what I love about Boo? I love that she doesn¡¯t take anything to heart. Thinking about my sister got me down. Really down. And I didn¡¯t really want to spend any more time with Boo because I knew my company would be less than stellar.


    When she asked me what was wrong, I told her I was tired and might just read a little then go to bed. Without a peep, she hugged me, told me it was good to have me home, and left to do her nightly duties.


    So here I am, in bed, pretending to read while totally moping. My brain, preoccupied with thoughts of my family, didn¡¯t even alert me to the fact that Nox was standing at the door watching me in silence.


    When he cleared his throat, I wondered just how long he was standing there watching me watch the wall.


    Looking up at him, I ask, ¡°Everything okay?¡±


    Nodding, he walks across the room and sits on the edge of the bed. ¡°Yeah.¡±


    I¡¯m sure there¡¯s nothing but confusion written on my face, but he doesn¡¯t say a thing. Just pulls out the sleek, black cell phone and dials a number. Putting it to his ear, he speaks into the cell, ¡°Ready? Yeah. Thanks.¡± Then hands me the phone.


    Cautiously taking it from him, I slowly place it to my ear and listen. I hear people chatting, laughter, and music being played softly. A girl comes on the line giggling, she sounds confused. ¡°H- hello?¡±


    Holy shit! I know that voice!


    ¡°Terah?¡± I almost shout this.


    ¡°Lily!¡± She almost blows my eardrum when she squeals excitedly.


    Her enthusiasm is obviously catching, because without thinking I throw myself into Nox¡¯s lap, bouncing.


    Thank you, God!


    Nox expels a strained, noisy breath with every bounce as if I¡¯m suffocating him, but I ignore it and ask my sister in a rush, ¡°How are you? Are you safe? Do you know where you are?¡±


    Terah chuckles, ¡°Good to the first, yes to the second, and you know better than to ask me the third thing.¡±


    I sigh, ¡°I know, I know. I just thought-¡± Cutting myself off, I shake my head and mutter, ¡°Doesn¡¯t even matter anymore, I¡¯m so damn happy to hear your voice! You have no idea!¡±


    She teases in a baby voice, ¡°Aww! Did you miss me?¡±


    Without thinking, I tease back in my own baby voice, ¡°Yeah. I miss you lots.¡± I say lots as wots.


    Nox chuckles at our stupid conversation, but I don¡¯t even care. In my elated state, I pull down my barriers and lean back into him. And I could almost swear that Nox inhales deeply, smelling my hair.


    Right now, I don¡¯t give a shit.


    I¡¯m so happy that if he asked, I¡¯d take off my panties for him to sniff.


    Terah spends the next few minutes filling me in on our time apart.


    The person who took her from our house that day is a guy called Jonathon. And Jonathon is an absolute sweetheart. He and Terah are close. They¡¯re good friends according to my sister. Which, in Terah speak, means she¡¯s head over heels for the guy.


    This should worry me because I don¡¯t know this guy, but right now, I¡¯m just so happy for her that the only advice I give her is to be careful. Terah tells me about Jonathon¡¯s second, Takeshi, and his third, Sean. They¡¯re also good guys. Good guys who are laid back and from what I hear, absolutely nothing like Nox. They let her pick out movies for movie nights, and they let her blast music if she¡¯s in the mood; so basically, she feels like she¡¯s on vacation.


    Knowing Terah, an hour after she was taken, she would¡¯ve made friends with everyone. We¡¯re different like that. My dad¡¯s constant paranoia has rubbed off on me.


    After telling me all about her new home, she asks, ¡°So, how¡¯s your safe house? Are the people nice?¡± Suddenly serious, she adds, ¡°They¡¯re treating you okay, right?¡±


    Filling her in on almost every detail, I tell her about being blindfolded and my lashing out, not trusting the people here, and about Nox being a hardass. I tell her about my foiled escape attempt, minus the hair pulling thing, and that the people here are really cool too; it just took me a while to notice. I mention that we had a small scare the other day to which she freaked out a little, but I reassure her I¡¯m fine.


    She asks quietly, ¡°So, do you know why we¡¯re here?¡±


    Knowing I should tell her, I fight myself for only a second before I lie in perfect calm. ¡°Not a clue.¡±


    She sighs, ¡°I miss you more than anything, Lil, but I know that dad wouldn¡¯t do this unless there was a good reason.¡±


    Oh, honey. You don¡¯t know the half of it.


    Agreeing with her, I mutter, ¡°Yeah. I know. I love you, Rahrah.¡±


    Chuckling, she whispers thickly, ¡°Yeah, babe. Love you, more.¡±


    Then she¡¯s gone.


    My smile melts into nothing. The void in my chest opens, sucking me into nothingness. Nox wraps an arm around my waist, holding me tight. Grounding me.


    He continues to hold me while I cry through most of the night.


    Chapter Eleven


    Time flies when you¡¯re having fun


    One month later¡­


    Lily


    Holding the offending product in my hand, I storm down the hall muttering made up cuss words to myself. As soon as he hears me coming, he tries to shut the door on me, but I bolt and make it in the nick of time.


    Nox sighs loudly before asking in that deep husky voice, ¡°What is it, princess?¡±


    I know he says this in a way that¡¯s meant to be derogatory, but I don¡¯t care. If I tell him how much I like that he calls me that, he¡¯ll stop on principle.


    And I can¡¯t have that. The only thing that stops me from going crazy in this safe house is my daily argument with Nox.


    His hair¡¯s grown out in a way that looks so mouth-watering that I have to mentally remind myself that I mustn¡¯t touch it whenever I¡¯m near him. Because that would be weird, and I would then have to explain that I don¡¯t have a hair fetish and¡­


    Ugh, never mind.


    Nox isn¡¯t the best looking guy I¡¯ve ever seen, so why does he have this stupid freakin¡¯ hold on me?


    You know why.


    I mentally rip my hair out and shriek to high heaven.


    I do know why, dammit.


    He¡¯s like a fairy-tale hero for Christ¡¯s sakes. I know he¡¯s ordered to protect me and all, but he does such a great job of it. He makes it look effortless. He¡¯s all like ¡®C¡¯mon, pack your shit¡¯ and I¡¯m all like ¡®No, I like it here¡¯ and he¡¯s all ¡®Not safe here, princess¡¯ and I¡¯m all like ¡®Sigh. Okay.¡¯


    That¡¯s the basic conversation every freakin¡¯ time.


    All he has to do is princess me and I¡¯m tripping over my own feet. I don¡¯t know how he does it.


    He¡¯s old!


    Okay, twenty-eight is not old, but he acts like a fifty year old!


    Yeah, a fifty year old with ripped abs and arms that could crush a man¡¯s skull, and those strong thighs¡­ bet he¡¯s hung like a hor-


    Do not go there. Just- do not. You¡¯ve been warned, brain.


    Who knew a virgin could be this horny?


    I know. I suck.


    Raising the plastic wrapped package up past my shoulder, I clear my throat to capture his attention. He looks up at me with those icy-blue eyes and I feel like I¡¯m going to catch a cold. The man doesn¡¯t do happy often.


    As in, never.


    Okay, so that¡¯s an over exaggeration, but I¡¯m pissed right now. And with good reason.


    He looks from me to the package and says stonily, ¡°What now?¡±


    Throwing the package onto the desk, I tell him, ¡°They aren¡¯t the right ones.¡±


    He scowls and picks it up to get a better look at it. He reads for a moment then says, ¡°Yes. They are.¡±


    Unable to mask my look of disbelief, I ask sweetly, ¡°And how would you know?¡±


    He looks up at me, throws the package towards me and says, ¡°That¡¯s what it says it¡¯s for.¡±


    I cross my arms across my chest, lean my hip on the desk and retort, ¡°Well, it¡¯s not the right one. I would know. I¡¯m the one who uses them.¡±


    His shoulders slump and he sighs. Taking another look at me, he scowls again before picking up his handheld two-way radio and presses the button, causing a static noise to sound. Someone at the other end says, ¡°Vito.¡±


    Nox continues to glare at me while he speaks into the radio. ¡°She says they aren¡¯t the right ones.¡±


    Vito doesn¡¯t answer for a moment before he responds, ¡°Come again, boss?¡±


    Nox lowers his head, shaking it and repeats through gritted teeth, ¡°They aren¡¯t the right ones, Vito.¡±


    Vito utters, ¡°But it said on the pack-¡±


    Nox cuts him off with, ¡°I know! I know what it said. She says no.¡±


    Vito sighs, ¡°What the fuck does she need, then?¡±


    Nox¡¯s eyes widen at me in an expression that shouts well?


    I snatch the radio out of his hands, press the button and almost shout, ¡°Heavy flow! You know? For heavy flow, because I flow heavily during my menstruation cycle, because I¡¯m a girl and that¡¯s what we do.¡± He doesn¡¯t respond, so pressing the button again, I add, ¡°Bleedin¡¯ for days here, Vito. I need comfort.¡±


    Nox chuckles his deep sexy chuckle, and I throw the radio at him. Hard. He catches it without effort, smiling. I stomp out of his office muttering, ¡°Freakin¡¯ pussies.¡±


    As I exit the room, I hear Nox buzz the radio again and ask Vito, ¡°Got that?¡±


    Vito responds immediately, ¡°Every gross detail.¡±


    I hear Nox laugh from all the way down the hall.


    I won¡¯t ever tell him how much I love that sound.


    So a month has passed. I¡¯m surprised by how quickly it actually went.


    It was a total blur. All I really remember is training every day with Boo, Rock, or Nox.


    That¡¯s right. You heard correctly.


    Nox decided he wanted to be part of my training. At the time, I thought this was a good thing, but whenever I have a Nox training day, I normally have to crawl the next day because my legs become Jell-O.


    I feel fitter. I feel healthier, and I¡¯ve even been in good spirits.


    One night a few weeks ago, at dinner, I brought up the subject of me being able to speak to my family on a regular basis. And it went a little like this.


    Nervously moving my food around the plate, Boo asked, ¡°Everything okay, Dee?¡±


    That¡¯s the cue!


    Placing my fork down, I cleared my throat and announced, ¡°Actually, no.¡±


    Nox and Rock stopped eating and gave me their full attention. Mind you, this was all planned beforehand. Rock and Boo knew exactly what was going on. They even had lines to remember.


    Rock encouraged, ¡°What¡¯s the problem, Lily?¡±


    I began, ¡°Well, I was hoping to talk to you all about my family.¡±


    Immediately, Nox shook his head and I added in a rush, ¡°I¡¯m not asking for anything huge here, Nox, just a little talk-time here and there. That sounds reasonable. Right?¡±


    Looking to Boo and Rock, they both answered at the same time, loud and animated.


    Boo nodded vigorously, ¡°Yeah, of course!¡±


    Rock agreed, ¡°Sure. I mean, it¡¯s not like you¡¯re asking to see them or anything.¡±


    Boo added, ¡°It¡¯s definitely not unreasonable.¡±


    Rock muttered, ¡°Not unreasonable at all.¡±


    Then all three of us turned our pleading faces to Nox.


    Looking at the three of us through narrowed eyes, he grinned when he knew he¡¯d been had and announced, ¡°I¡¯ll think about it,¡± then left the dinner table chuckling.


    The three of us huddled together, talking in a hush.


    I whispered, ¡°Okay, you know him better than I do. Was that a good chuckle or a no-way-in-hell chuckle?¡±


    Boo said quietly, ¡°I¡¯m not sure. It definitely wasn¡¯t a no, but with Nox, you never know what¡¯s coming.¡±


    Rock grinned, ¡°Oh yeah, babe. You got it. I know him well enough to know he was impressed that you took initiative. He might not give you a lot, but he¡¯ll give you something. Ya know? For your efforts.¡±


    And wouldn¡¯t you know it, just the next night, Nox came to my room to tell me that he¡¯d let me talk to my parents once every two weeks, and to my sister every week.


    He said the calls were to be five minutes and no longer.


    Now, I don¡¯t know much about negotiating, but I know you gotta start high.


    ¡°Half hour. Minimum.¡± I offered.


    Nox shook his head and made a sound of disbelief. ¡°Um. No. Five minutes.¡±


    I tried harder, ¡°Gimme somethin¡¯ I can work with, Nox. Twenty minutes.¡±


    A small smile tugged at his lips, but he said firmly, ¡°Five minutes.¡±


    My bravado failed slightly when my next offer sounded more like a question, ¡°Eighteen minutes?¡±

 Page 14

    His voice turned soft. ¡°Lily.¡±


    My heart pounded and my nose tingled, the stupid shake in my voice sounded as I asked quietly, ¡°Fifteen minutes?¡±Advertisement


    More softness. Softer than soft. ¡°Lily.¡± His voice pleading me to not push this.


    Defeat evident, I dipped my chin to stop my quivering lips from showing as I whispered, ¡°Okay. Five minutes.¡±


    Moving closer to me, he caught my chin between his thumb and forefinger, lifting it. My watery eyes met his icy blues. I was momentarily stunned when I saw something akin to sympathy there.


    Using his free hand, he stroked my hair once, dropped his hand to his side and explained, ¡°I¡¯m not an unreasonable guy, Lily. I know you think I¡¯m a dick and that¡¯s cool. But I need you to know, I¡¯m not unreasonable. Not ever.¡±


    It took me a whole thirty seconds to get what he meant.


    Meaning if there was leeway to give, he would consider what I was asking. But he can¡¯t offer me leeway when there is none.


    Breaking my thoughts, he offered, ¡°Calls made once a week. Five minutes with your parents.¡± Holding my chin firm, his eyes bore into mine. ¡°Fifteen minutes with your sister.¡±


    When I flung myself at him and buried my face into his neck, he held me tightly. My stupid tears flowing freely.


    He never rushed me.


    He wouldn¡¯t drop me.


    He was my shield.


    He would protect me.


    Against almost anything.


    So I guess you could say that things between Nox and I have both improved and declined. In the month that passed, I managed to pry some information out of him.


    Regardless of how minimal the stupid facts are, I feel victorious.


    Fact.


    Nox loves iced tea. It reminds him of home.


    Once, I made the mistake of asking him if he wanted sugar. He responded immediately, ¡°Sweet tea¡¯s for pussies,¡± then walked away.


    Fact.


    Nox is fluent in three languages and passable in six others.


    He won¡¯t tell me which ones.


    Fact.


    When Nox was sixteen, he was caught drunk as a skunk at a strip club. The owner called his mama and she dragged him home by his ear.


    Fact.


    Nox hasn¡¯t been with a woman in close to two years.


    According to Boo.


    Fact.


    Getting Nox to reveal pieces of himself is harder than pulling a tiger¡¯s tooth.


    Fact.


    Delilah Flynn prefers to sleep with a strong arm around her waist.


    A few weeks ago I woke in a cold sweat with my heart pounding out of my chest. When I opened my eyes, I looked to the doorway and for once, I wished I¡¯d seen Nox sleeping there.


    Since we came back from our first motel room adventure, Nox had left me alone. And although I was glad he put his trust in me, that first night back, I missed his presence and the comfort it brought.


    Since that first adventure, there have been two more.


    Both included shrieking siren alerts. Both included me being thrown into the back of a creepy black van. Both included me being blindfolded. Both included finding the most obscure, small motel to stay in, hours away.


    Both times, it was just me and Nox.


    Both times, Nox slept pressed into my back with an arm around my waist.


    You wouldn¡¯t hear me complaining.


    In fact, my rigid body would turn soft at the contact.


    I missed that.


    So when I woke in a cold sweat, heart racing at almost four in the morning, it was clear what I needed. A shower, you say?


    Hell no.


    I needed a strong arm around me.


    Slipping out of bed, I threw off my soaked nightie, replaced it with a tee and tiptoed out of my room. Creeping down the hall, I reached the door at the very end, wrapped my fingers around the door knob, and twisted.


    Only to feel resistance.


    Damn it to heck!


    Nox locked his door at night.


    My gut sank.


    I stood there in the hall, dressed in a baggy white tee and underwear, contemplating what to do next, when something clicked and the door opened. Nox stood there in boxers, looking tired and just woken. Without a word, I pushed my way inside, walked across the room, climbed into his bed facing away from him, and covered myself with the covers.


    Laying my head down with a sigh, I waited.


    And waited.


    Patiently, I waited some more until I finally felt it. The bed depressed, and Nox slid in beside me.


    Turning to me, his arm wrapped around my hips, and he pulled me back into his body.


    Not a single word was spoken.


    And that was okay.


    We didn¡¯t need ¡®em.


    That was not the last night I¡¯d spent in Nox¡¯s bed.


    In fact, more often than not, I slept in his bed rather than my own. He¡¯d even started to leave his bedroom door unlocked, knowing that in the wee hours of the morning, I¡¯d be making an appearance.


    Rock walked in on us sleeping one morning, and when we both lifted our heads to look up at him, he looked like he¡¯d just found out unicorns were real.


    The best part of the situation?


    Nox grumbled, ¡°You need somethin¡¯?¡± Like it was no big deal.


    Rock¡¯s eyebrows lifted so fast, I thought they¡¯d fly off his face. ¡°Nah. Just wanted to see if you wanted to spar before work, but,¡± Smirking like an ass, he finished with, ¡°I see you¡¯re tired.¡±


    Backing out of the room, he shut the door and Nox tucked me into his side, mumbling, ¡°Ass.¡±


    I wrapped my arm around his side and sighed quietly, ¡°Mmhmmm.¡±


    Then we slept for the better part of the morning.


    It was peaceful.


    It was quiet.


    It was perfect.


    Fast forward three weeks¡­


    I vaguely hear something penetrate the depths of my deep sleep.


    ¡°Boss?¡±


    My dream pulls me back in and just as I get to the good part, static sounds, then I hear a little more clearly, ¡°Boss? Come in.¡±


    Peeking through one eye, I check the clock on the nightstand.


    7:47am.


    Oh, for the love of God. Why are people awake at this time?


    Getting more of my bearings, I roll over on the bed. I do this with ease which immediately alerts me to the fact that Nox is already awake.


    ¡°The hell, Boss? Come in.¡± This comes from the two-way radio on the opposite nightstand.


    Throwing my body across the bed, I press the button on the two-way. ¡°Shower, Vito.¡±


    ¡°Lily? What the¡­? You know what, I don¡¯t wanna know,¡± Vito responds gingerly.


    I chuckle, ¡°Shut up, Vito. I was asleep. And by the way, I need more pads.¡±


    Clearly confused, he asks, ¡°Pads? What kind of pads?¡±


    ¡°The feminine hygiene kind. Aunt Flo will be here soon.¡±


    I almost see the disgust on his face. ¡°TMI, Lily. Seriously, babe. Just tell me what you need.¡±


    Feeling sleepy again, I mumble, ¡°Heavy flow.¡±


    He chuckles, ¡°Oh yeah, like I could forget, huh? Got it. Anything else?¡±


    Wow. Asking a woman, soon to be on the rag, if they need anything is a dangerous question.


    Now that I think about it, I add to my list. ¡°Uh, yeah. Candy. Lots of it. And a magazine. Or three. And pancake mix. The good kind, not the stuff you got last time. It tasted like cardboard. Maybe some bacon, too. And don¡¯t forget the syrup.¡±


    He scoffs, ¡°Babe, I meant the essentials.¡±


    Rolling my eyes, I utter, ¡°Vito, that is essential to a girl with her monthly friend.¡±


    Silence.


    I gotta butter him up a little. In a sing-song voice, I say, ¡°C¡¯mon, Vito. I¡¯ll be sweet to you.¡±


    Lightning quick, he returns, ¡°Oh Lily, baby. You get any sweeter and I¡¯ll get a sugar rush.¡±


    I¡¯m stunned and thoroughly amused. ¡°Vito, was that¡­? Did you just¡­? Was that flirting?¡±


    He says quietly, ¡°That depends.¡±


    Confused again. ¡°On what?¡±


    He mutters huskily, ¡°Depends on if you liked it, babe.¡±


    Having to think about this, I mumble, ¡°Well, it was my first time, but yeah, it was nice.¡±


    Vito sounds shocked. ¡°No one¡¯s ever flirted with you before?¡±


    ¡°Nope.¡± I pop the p.


    I can hear the smile in his voice. ¡°It¡¯s a crime, baby.¡±


    Just then, the door to the bathroom opens and in walks Nox, wearing nothing but a towel.


    My brain smiles like the cat that got the cream. Seeing Nox like this is nothing unusual now. Modesty is a thing of the past.


    Nox narrows his eyes at the two-way in my hand and I roll my eyes at him. Pressing the button, I say, ¡°Listen, I gotta go. Se?or Anger just got out the shower. You need him?¡±


    Vito chuckles, ¡°Nope. Not unless he needs anything.¡±


    Still in bed, I look up at Nox and ask, ¡°Need anything from the store?¡±


    Stepping into a pair of gunmetal-grey boxers, he pulls them up under his towel and replies, ¡°Oatmeal. Apples. Eggs.¡±


    Still holding the button on the two-way, I ask, ¡°You get that, Vito?¡±


    ¡°Got it. Have a nice day, sweet, sweet Lily.¡± He overdoes it with the huskiness, and I chuckle before putting on a breathy voice, ¡°Bye, baby.¡±


    Still chuckling, I put the two-way back on the nightstand and watch Nox dress.


    I love this part of the morning. He acts like I don¡¯t exist and I act like he can¡¯t see me. Today is a little different for me, though. I can¡¯t seem to wipe the smile off my face. It doesn¡¯t bother me that he doesn¡¯t know what today is. It doesn¡¯t bother me that no one knows what today is. I¡¯m just happy that I made it to another birthday safe and well and surrounded by friends.


    The hot guy in my bed?


    Total bonus.


    Chapter Twelve


    The hair of the dog that bit ya


    Three days later¡­


    Nox


    I punch the bag. Hard.


    Once more. Harder.


    The feeling of pain shooting through my lightly wrapped knuckles, up my arm, then disappearing into my body feels good.


    Pain is good.


    Pain is an indication that you¡¯re alive. Well, living, at the very least.


    Pain is also a good way to play games with your mind. A distraction method taught to me in the early stages of training.


    And I need a fucking distraction.


    Waking up with yet another hard-on pressed into Lily¡¯s ass is enough to put anyone in a bad mood.


    Yeah. That¡¯s right. Bad mood.


    Why bad?


    Because I feel like I¡¯m getting my prick teased every fucking day with no relief! Sure I could jerk off, but that would leave me feeling like a creep. Jerking off in the bathroom next to our room is just¡­wrong.


    Fuck me.


    Did I just say our room?


    I punch the bag repeatedly while growling through gritted teeth.


    This is bad. Very bad.


    Nope. I don¡¯t like it.


    Three weeks.


    Three fucking weeks of sleeping next to that girl.


    That girl. She¡¯s just a girl.


    Oh, I¡¯m going to hell. No doubt. Especially after last night¡¯s dream.


    Wrapping up my morning training session, I step out of the workout room and into the hall. And there she is. Boo has her laughing at something. She has a nice laugh. It¡¯s not small and sweet sounding. It¡¯s not a giggle. It¡¯s uninhibited and animated. When she laughs, I feel like I get a chance to see the real Lily. The one whose mind doesn¡¯t stop her from living a good life. The one who isn¡¯t paranoid or on edge all the time.


    The free Lily.


    She wears a pair of small, black workout shorts and a baggy white tee knotted at the belly. Then I see her feet and scowl.


    Walking up to them, we meet halfway. I say, ¡°Take the boots off.¡±


    Confusion mars her face. ¡°Why?¡±


    Because they look way too sexy on your long ass legs, and I can¡¯t do anything about it.


    ¡°Because they don¡¯t belong to you.¡± I say matter of factly.


    Her eyes widen and she says concretely, ¡°Uh, yes, they do.¡±


    What?


    Okay, so the military boots have hot pink laces, but you can¡¯t buy those just anywhere. I feel I need to let her in on this.


    ¡°You can¡¯t buy those boots just anywhere, Lily.¡±


    Boo and Lily share a look, then smile. Lily utters, ¡°Yes, Nox, I¡¯m aware of that. Boo bought ¡®em for me and I love ¡®em, so I¡¯m gonna keep ¡®em on.¡±


    I don¡¯t get it.


    Turning to Boo, I ask, ¡°Why¡¯d you get her boots? She doesn¡¯t need boots.¡±


    Boo hesitates for a moment before she says quietly, ¡°Because it was her birthday, and that¡¯s what she wanted, so that¡¯s what she got.¡±


    Her birthday?


    I fucking forgot her birthday. Great. Now I feel like an asshole.


    What do I say now?


    ¡°Uh, happy belated birthday. Guess you can keep the boots.¡±


    Rolling her eyes, she mutters, ¡°Thanks, dickhead,¡± then pulls Boo along and they disappear down the stairs.


    Watching her leave, I get an idea. It¡¯s probably not a good one, but it¡¯s something. Walking back into the workout room, I ask Rock, ¡°You know it was Lily¡¯s birthday?¡±


    Rock continues to punch the bag but replies, panting, ¡°Yeah. Boo got her boots. Vito got her flowers. I got her an eReader.¡±


    The hell?


    Vito got her flowers? The little fucker. He and I need to have a talk.


    I mutter, ¡°Got her an eReader?¡±


    Rock shrugs, ¡°She likes it. Always with the books.¡± He turns to me smirking, ¡°Know what they say about women who read?¡±


    I have no idea what they say about women who read, but I know he¡¯ll say something dirty. And that¡¯s not gonna help me and the semi I¡¯ve been sporting for three weeks. Turning, I shoot him the bird and he chuckles to himself.


    I have to find something. And in order to find it, I gotta do some digging.


    Time to wrap a present.


    Lily


    ¡°The guy is completely fucked up but he¡¯s so dreamy at the same time. I like the dominant characters. But you know what¡¯s funny? If I had a guy treat me like the guy in the book, I¡¯d run the other way. Fast.¡± I tell Boo. I¡¯ve had her reading some erotica and she likes it. So, naturally, we¡¯ve been talking smut.


    Boo reclines in her lawn chair. ¡°Oh, I get ya, honey. The dude is rich; he¡¯s powerful, and he wants a sub. I¡¯m not a sub. I¡¯d never be a sub. But for him, I¡¯d pretend to be a sub.¡± After a moment, she adds, ¡°The girl, however¡­man! What she puts up with? And how he treats her sometimes? Oowee. She is fifty shades of cray.¡±

 Page 15

    I burst into laughter. ¡°Fifty shades of cray?¡±


    Boo takes in the sun with her eyes closed; she purses her lips and nods. ¡°And then some.¡±Advertisement


    Another thing that¡¯s changed in the house is that I get to go outside whenever I like. Whether it¡¯s supervised or unsupervised. And that makes me happy. Although I¡¯m not a big fan of the sun (Irish, remember? I get sunburnt from fireworks), I like knowing I can see it when I want.


    Boo and I have been coming outside for our daily vitamin D for weeks now. She said it helps with training because vitamin D helps you absorb calcium, which the body needs for a number of reasons. She also informed me that ten percent of people in the US are vitamin D deficient, and that a huge portion of those are women, which means that a lot of those women are also calcium deficient.


    So here I am, getting my ass some vitamin D.


    The hot afternoon sun blisters down to a mellow warmth as sunset approaches and I ask, ¡°Have you ever been drunk before, Boo?¡±


    Making a choked sound through her nose, she utters, ¡°Uh, yeah. A few times, actually. More than enough for my adolescence. My ma had a hard time controlling me when I was a teen.¡± She pauses a moment before she asks, ¡°Why?¡±


    Shrugging, I explain, ¡°I was just curious. I never got to do any of that stuff and now I feel like I never had a complete childhood. I¡¯m twenty three and I have a long list of ¡®never have I ever¡¯s. ¡± Scoffing at myself, I say, ¡°That¡¯s messed up. I¡¯m upset about never having been drunk before. Who does that?¡±


    Boo defends me immediately. ¡°You do. Because you¡¯re Delilah fucking Flynn, bad mamma-jamma and woman with a soul too old for her age. And if Delilah Flynn wants to get drunk, Delilah Flynn is gonna get drunk.¡±


    By God! That was the best damn pep talk I¡¯ve ever had!


    That settles it.


    Tonight, I¡¯m getting drunk.


    As soon as I step into the kitchen, the smell of frying bacon assaults my nostrils. Normally, the smell of such deliciousness would cause me to do a little jig where I stand, but today¡­it makes me want to barf.


    Nox stands at the stove wearing a black pair of cargo pants and a navy skin-tight tee with bare feet, his hair is still wet from this morning¡¯s shower. When he turns to look at me, he bursts into laughter at the poor sight of me.


    He laughs so hard that my ears ring.


    I don¡¯t want him to tell me I told you so, so I walk over to the counter and sit as normally as possible, making out that nothing ails me. He smirks and speaks in loud tones. ¡°I¡¯d bet you¡¯re hungry, princess.¡±


    I fight the urge to swallow hard and hold my breath from the smell of the bacon and eggs.


    I thought bacon was meant to make everything better?


    Nox grins, ¡°Mmmm. Bacon. I love bacon. Fried, greasy bacon. The fat melts to nothing. So crisp you can crunch it. Oh, and eggs. Let¡¯s not forget how great eggs are. Packed full of protein. Fried in bacon grease. I just love to scoop out the gooey, slimy yolk.¡± He shudders at the word slimy. ¡°I know some people don¡¯t like it, but as far as I¡¯m concerned, the slimier the better. Hell, I eat eggs raw.¡± He acts out cracking an egg on the counter. ¡°Just crack and¡­¡± He lifts his imaginary egg above his open mouth. ¡°¡­just drop that fucker in. Oozing, raw goodness. Feels a bit like eating a whole handful of boogers. I mean,¡± A cruel smile appears on his face. He leans forward and into my face, ¡°imagine eating a whole handful of phlegm.¡±


    Oh, shit. I¡¯m gonna ralph.


    Bolting out of the kitchen on shaking legs, I just make it to the bathroom before I gag and retch. I puke up next to nothing, just green, foul-smelling bile. My stomach is empty but I still gag. A cold sweat has broken out over my entire body and I shake.


    Oh shit. This sucks so bad. Why the hell do people drink that shit?


    Clearing his throat at the door, I feel something cool on the back of my neck. It¡¯s like immediate relief. My stomach calms. ¡°Oh, thank you. I¡¯m never drinking again. As in ever.¡± I say hoarsely. I rest my cheek on the toilet seat, unable to give a damn that someone probably took a shit on it this morning. Nothing matters more right now than giving my tired body a little breather.


    Nox squeezes the back of my neck and shakes it lightly. He says quietly, ¡°Take some aspirin, and when you think you can eat, I¡¯ll make you a nice bowl of oatmeal. It¡¯ll settle you stomach.¡±


    I hear him make his way back into the kitchen and I¡¯m surprised. He didn¡¯t gloat. He didn¡¯t say I told you so. He was actually nice.


    What a dick!


    He did that on purpose. Now I can¡¯t be mean to him or I¡¯ll look like a jerk.


    After resting my head on my toilet bowl for a few more minutes, I stand on shaky legs and walk back up to our room. Lifting my arm, I take a whiff of myself and almost pass out.


    Body odor mixed with deodorant must make chloroform.


    Stripping off last night¡¯s clothes, I make my way over to the shower. For some reason, the hot water sluicing over my belly makes me want to vomit again. Quickly, I turn it off and let the icy cold water wash away the embarrassment and stupidity I feel.


    It doesn¡¯t work.


    Not even a little.


    I¡¯m clean but still mortified. I can¡¯t avoid facing him today, so dressing in black sweats and his loose grey tee that has ARMY written on it, I make my way back into the kitchen.


    The smell of bacon is no longer there. Nox sits at the table eating a bowl of oatmeal and fruit while reading the newspaper.


    Oh God. He didn¡¯t even eat the bacon.


    He is an ass. It was all for my benefit.


    You deserved it.


    Yeah, I did. I¡¯ll let him have that one. I slide into the seat across from him and he lowers the paper. Smiling a devilish grin, he asks a hushed, ¡°Feeling better, princess?¡±


    Not trusting myself to speak without throwing up, I cringe and nod. For a moment, he looks concerned. He frowns. ¡°Not speaking to me or still feeling ill?¡±


    I motion with my finger that it¡¯s the last one and he relaxes. Walking past me over to the microwave, he says, ¡°Nothing a little aspirin and oatmeal won¡¯t fix.¡±


    Surprised at the nice gesture, I watch as he makes my breakfast.


    I pick at it for a while. Halfway through it, my appetite returns with a vengeance and I wolf down the rest of it. I take the two aspirin he¡¯s brought me and ask, ¡°Where is everyone?¡±


    Nox grins, ¡°Working. Well, Rock is looking after Boo.¡±


    Immediately concerned, I demand a little too loudly, ¡°What happened to Boo?¡±


    He chuckles, ¡°Shit. You don¡¯t even remember.¡± Then he explains, ¡°Well, you drank about five or six shots of tequila all on your own.¡± I cringe at the word tequila and cover my mouth. ¡°Then you said it was no fun drinking alone and begged Boo to drink with you. She decided she would because she has the morning off. So you and Boo had yourselves a private party. Drinking, dancing on tables, and coming onto every single one of my men that was in the house.¡±


    I gasp loudly, ¡°No. No way! You¡¯re lying.¡±


    He raises his eyebrows, pushes his phone towards me and dares me to take it.


    I shrink into myself. ¡°You recorded me, didn¡¯t you?¡± He nods. ¡°I made an ass of myself, didn¡¯t I?¡± He nods again, his expression strangely soft. ¡°Okay, I believe you. Delete the video¡­please.¡±


    Taking his phone, he plays around with it for a while. ¡°Sure you don¡¯t wanna see the part where you told me I was cooler than the Hoff?¡±


    I gasp again, disgusted at myself. ¡°What? That¡¯s ridiculous! I¡¯m sorry, Nox, that was just mean.¡± Nox¡¯s smile spreads wide. ¡°No one¡¯s cooler than David Hasselhoff! I mean, c¡¯mon, it¡¯s the Hoff!¡± Shaking my head, I widen my eyes to show him just how crazy that thought was.


    Nox blinks. Once, twice, then leans his head back and roars with laughter. And even though it hurts my ears and rattles my brain, I smile. That laugh¡­I think it could be described as fallen angel song. As well as panty wetting.


    Rough, raw laughter.


    Sigh.


    Playing with my spoon in my empty bowl, I don¡¯t dare look at him when I ask, ¡°So I came onto all your guys?¡±


    Nox is suddenly quiet. I look up to find him glaring holes into my skull. He nods. ¡°Yep. Don¡¯t need that distraction with my men, Lily.¡±


    Seriously apologetic, I cringe once more. I think that makes forty-seven just this morning. ¡°I¡¯m sorry, Nox. Seems I get a bit friendly when I¡¯m hammered.¡±


    He snorts, ¡°Friendly? You stuck your tongue into Matthew¡¯s ear like you were licking a sucker!¡±


    My face flushes crimson and I squeak, ¡°You¡¯re shitting me!¡±


    He shakes his head forlornly. ¡°Nope. ¡¯Fraid not, little one. Friendly? No. Frisky. Yeah. A whole lotta frisky.¡±


    Fuck my life!


    Crossing my arms onto the table, I lower my head onto them and say a muffled, ¡°What else did I do?¡±


    Nox chuckles. Something about that chuckle I don¡¯t like. I know I¡¯m not going to like what I hear. ¡°Well, you- uh- you sort of kissed me. Twice.¡± He says quietly.


    Oh my fu-. This just gets better and better.


    My face flushes brighter than red and I lift my face. Nox wiggles his brows at me looking all too pleased with himself, and I can¡¯t help but laugh at my own stupidity. ¡°Well, that sucks. My first kiss and I can¡¯t even remember it. Figures. Was I bad?¡±


    Nox¡¯s smile falls right off his face. He looks stunned. Leaning forward over the table, he stares at me wide-eyed. ¡°Never been kissed? What do you mean never been kissed?¡±


    Oh man. Me and my big mouth.


    Trying to shake it off, I shrug. ¡°No big deal. I didn¡¯t exactly have a lot of opportunities to meet people, namely guys living under the lock and key of my father now, did I? Just one of those things. So I guess I sucked at it, huh?¡±


    Nox frowns, leans back and away from me. He looks up as if in thought. ¡°No. Not bad. A little sloppy. But I couldn¡¯t really judge because I stopped you both times after a few seconds. And I was tempted to take a photo of you molesting me as blackmail material, but I didn¡¯t¡­because I¡¯m a gentleman.¡±


    At the gentleman part of his mini rant, I burst into laughter and it hurts my entire dehydrated and hungover body. ¡°You are so not a gentleman, Nox! Whatever made you think that? You¡¯re like anti-gentleman. You¡¯re rough and scary and downright mean sometimes. You¡¯re jaggedman not gentleman!¡± I guffaw.


    He scowls at me but doesn¡¯t say a thing. Immediately, I feel like an ass and try to soften the blow that I didn¡¯t expect would strike him. ¡°Look, it¡¯s probably just because of the job you do. I¡¯m sure you can be a gentleman if you tried, Nox. Really.¡±


    Someone stumbles into the kitchen. We both look over at Boo who looks worse than I did this morning. Nox opens his mouth to say something, but she cuts him off with a swipe of her hand. ¡°No.¡±


    Boo glares at me. ¡°God, you suck. Remind me never to drink with you again. You¡¯re like a freakin¡¯ bottomless pit. You just kept guzzling.¡±


    I shrug. ¡°I¡¯m Irish.¡± I say that as if that should explain my drinking ability.


    Boo cringes and hisses, ¡°Ssshhhhhh!¡±


    I chuckle quietly. I hadn¡¯t even spoken loudly. Nox grins at her. ¡°You better get your shit together today, Boo. I won¡¯t let you sleep in tomorrow. You¡¯re lucky I let Rock look after you today. He should be on ground patrol.¡±


    Boo snorts. ¡°Look after me? The ass is asleep, Nox. Didn¡¯t lift a finger when I rushed myself to the bathroom to throw up, just snored and turned over.¡±


    Nox scowls, ¡°That fucker. He¡¯s pulling a double this afternoon.¡±


    Boo grins in victory. I love the relationship she and Rock have. It¡¯s unlike any relationship I¡¯ve seen or read about. It¡¯s almost like they¡¯re in constant competition with each other but never drastically, only playfully. It¡¯s a sweet rivalry. I smile wistfully.


    They must have a lot of fun together. Lucky them.


    I¡¯ll be lucky if I ever get a boyfriend. Knowing my luck, it¡¯ll never happen. I¡¯ll be the old, plump, spinster that knits covers for everything I own. Throw in a few cats for companionship and that will be my life. I mean, I can¡¯t even remember my first kiss and it only happened last night.


    Nox and Boo chat while she pours herself a cup of Joe. Unintentionally, I find myself looking over at Nox¡¯s full lips and my brain wanders.


    What would they have felt like? Rough or soft? Maybe he uses chap-stick.


    I fight the urge to scoff out loud. Nox does not use freakin¡¯ chap-stick, brain!


    Okay, scratch the chap-stick. Did he kiss me back? Would his kisses have been sweet and gentle, or demanding and possessive?


    Holy shit, I¡¯m making myself antsy.


    Well, he did say he stopped you after a few seconds. Why didn¡¯t he stop you immediately?


    Well¡­because¡­that¡­that is actually a good point. Why didn¡¯t he stop me immediately?


    Because he wanted you to lay one on him, of course!


    No way, brain. You¡¯re crazy. Which means I¡¯m crazy.


    Well, I am having a conversation with my brain. I¡¯ve officially lost it. Bravo, Nox. You win. I need to stop reading erotic romance. It obviously fills my head with sexual thoughts¡­all the freakin¡¯ time.


    ¡°Lily?¡±


    I shake my head and look up to see Nox and Boo both staring at me and looking concerned. ¡°How long was I out of it?¡±


    Boo grins. ¡°A while. Been callin¡¯ you for a solid minute, hon.¡±


    Nox¡¯s lip twitches and I glare at him as if this is all his fault. I tell him pointedly. ¡°I am never drinking again,¡± then throw my head down on the table with a bang.


    Chapter Thirteen


    Your knife. My back.


    Lily


    It¡¯s been weeks since I slept in my own bed, but every day I stop in at my old room to get a change of clothes. And today is no exception. Walking into my room, I stop dead in my tracks when I see a small white box on my bed. It¡¯s pretty damn small, so I¡¯m ninety-nine percent sure it¡¯s not a bomb.

 Page 16

    Sigh.


    Shaking my head, I mentally chastise myself for being stupidly ridiculous. That¡¯s the problem though. When you find out someone¡¯s trying to kill you, you become suspicious of everything. And what with my dad¡¯s paranoia rubbing off on me, suspicion plus paranoia equals cray-cray.Advertisement


    I walk closer to it and scrawled on the top in chicken-scratch writing is ¡®Lily¡¯.


    Lowering my hand, I pick up the box when someone clears their throat behind me. I drop the box like it¡¯s hot and spin on my heel to face the intruder. Nox stands in the doorway dressed in his regular uniform of black cargo pants, army boots, a tight, black ribbed tank, and a black leather belt.


    All black for the dark and sinister man.


    His hands grip the top of the doorframe making his muscular arms look veined and angry hot. He leans into my room, his face void of any emotion. His blue eyes look into mine, ¡°Open it.¡±


    Narrowing my eyes at him, then the box, I ask suspiciously, ¡°What is it? And more importantly why did you get me something?¡±


    He sighs, suddenly looking tired and drawls, ¡°Well, it was your birthday and I didn¡¯t say a thing¡­¡±


    I cut him off, not wanting him to know that it did kinda hurt, ¡°You forgot. It¡¯s cool. It happens. You¡¯ve got a lot on your mind, and I¡¯m sure my birthday wasn¡¯t nearly as important as the other things you¡¯ve got going on.¡±


    He nods in admission, ¡°I did forget.¡± He jerks his chin to the box on my bed and says quietly, ¡°That¡¯s something you can use so open it. Please.¡±


    Sitting on the bed, I put the small box on my lap and lift the lid. I gasp wide-eyed and whisper, ¡°Is this for real?¡±


    I look up at him with my stunned expression and his lip twitches, ¡°Yep.¡± He runs a hand down his face and says softly, ¡°How did I know you were going to be excited about it, princess?¡±


    Lifting the small three inch marble handled switchblade into my hand, I¡¯m suddenly confused. My brow furrows and I ask, ¡°Why this?¡±


    Nox nods as if he¡¯s mentally asking himself the same question, then explains, ¡°That was mine. One of the first I bought. It¡¯s light and easy to conceal. It¡¯s one of my favorites.¡± Taking a step into my room, he utters, ¡°I can¡¯t be there all the time. In fact, I probably won¡¯t see you again after this is all over. It would give me piece of mind knowing you have it. Just promise me something.¡±


    Listening to his explanation has taken any fight I had out of me. I nod and he says, ¡°You have to keep it on you all the time, even here at the house, and that if you ever feel you¡¯re in danger, you use it. On whoever. No questions. Just do what you need to do to keep safe.¡±


    I shrug and say quietly, ¡°I don¡¯t know how to use this, Nox.¡±


    Smirking at me as if he was expecting me to say that, he tells me, ¡°I¡¯m going to teach you how to use it. You¡¯ll have lessons with me. Every day.¡±


    A small smile crosses my face and I tell him, ¡°Okay. Cool.¡± I take him in a moment before I drawl teasingly, ¡°You know, this is actually really sweet.¡±


    Nox scowls and says, ¡°Sweet? I just gave a twenty-three year old woman a weapon. A weapon that could kill a person. Not only that, but I¡¯m going to teach her how to use it to kill a person, and how to harm someone well enough to escape a bad situation.¡± Shaking his head, he goes on, ¡°Sweet? No, princess. I don¡¯t think that¡¯s very sweet.¡±


    Smirking, I turn my back on him and whisper loudly, ¡°Whatever you say.¡±


    Totally sweet.


    ¡°Oh my God. I think I¡¯m gonna be sick.¡± Blocking my nose with my forearm, I begin to sweat. This is my reaction to seeing a pig carcass hanging from the rafters.


    Outside. In broad daylight. As if it is normal.


    ¡°Don¡¯t sweat it, Lily. This is the best way to teach you. You¡¯ll be able to see the wounds you inflict and I can show you where to use little force to create maximum damage.¡±


    I open my mouth to speak, but only a high pitched squeak escapes me.


    Finding my voice, I whisper, ¡°I think I changed my mind. I don¡¯t want to do this.¡±


    Game over.


    A firm and cautionary, ¡°Lily,¡± comes from Nox.


    Turning to look at him, he offers, ¡°You feel like you need to puke, we¡¯ll stop.¡±


    Okay.


    I can do this.


    Okay. I¡¯m good.


    Nodding, I tell him, ¡°I¡¯m good now. Where do we start?¡±


    Looking relieved, he takes the small knife from my hand, opens it in record time then, lightning fast, he plunges the blade into the belly of the pig.


    The carcass swings from side to side with my switchblade embedded in its belly and I¡¯m surprised that it doesn¡¯t bother me as much as I thought it would. I guess I thought there would be more blood. And there¡¯s, like, zero blood.


    ¡°What was that?¡± I¡¯m proud of myself for the steadiness in my voice.


    ¡°Kill shot.¡±


    Holy shit.


    Nox comes up behind me, raises my hand and repeats the motion over and over again, bladeless. I¡¯m confident in myself. I feel like I know what I¡¯m doing now.


    He places the blade into my hand and jerks his chin to the piggie. Clearly hesitating, he asks seriously, ¡°You¡¯re thinking about it all wrong. What if this carcass was a bad guy? A person who was trying to hurt you?¡±


    It¡¯s not very motivating but I get what he¡¯s saying.


    Then he utters, ¡°What if it was someone trying to hurt Terah?¡±


    And without thinking, I grit my teeth and attack.


    Perfectly.


    My blade sticks out of the swinging pig¡¯s belly and Nox¡¯s hand lands on my shoulder, squeezing. Pulling me back a little, his lips hit my temple. I feel his smile there. The hand on my shoulder moves up to my neck and with another quick squeeze, he separates himself.


    ¡°Again,¡± he demands.


    And I smile.


    Yeah.


    I can do this.


    Today was a good day.


    I learned to protect myself in a way I hope I never have to use, but the simple fact is, knowing what I now know could save my life.


    Nox is (surprisingly) a very patient teacher. Even when I almost stabbed him in the eye.


    I told him! I warned him! I said, ¡°You sure you want me to come at you with something sharp in my hand?¡±


    He grinned. ¡°Lily.¡± He said this while shaking his head¡­like it was cute.


    Alright, mister. You asked for it.


    What Nox was not expecting was for me to incorporate the defensive and attack skills that he, Rock, and Boo had been teaching me for a month. So when he lunged at me and I feinted then jabbed, he didn¡¯t see it coming. My hand with the switchblade jerked back as soon as I realized this.


    What actually happened was I got him. I got Nox.


    Insert shit eating grin here.


    The sharp blade pressed against his cheek bone for not even a second, but it was enough to draw blood.


    So, of course, I shit myself.


    Dropping the blade as if it was burning a hole in my hand, I stepped back and waited for the yelling and arguments to start.


    But they never came.


    Instead, I got another neck squeeze and smiling lips at my temple. Still with his lips against me, he muttered thoughtfully, ¡°Maybe I wasn¡¯t the only one born for this life.¡±


    My heart clenched for a full ten seconds before it released when I whispered my reply, ¡°Maybe it¡¯s because we¡¯re lonely.¡±


    His arms wrapped around my waist and he held me close, my side tucked into his hard stomach and chest. I closed my eyes, savoring the rare sessions of closeness he allows. When he kissed the top of my head and murmured, ¡°Yeah. Maybe,¡± I did something that stunned even me.


    Turning my head, I stood on my tiptoes and brushed my lips against his.


    Lightly.


    Whisper soft.


    Pulling back, I told him, ¡°I don¡¯t feel lonely when I¡¯m with you.¡±


    His eyes met mine, searching for something. When he found whatever it was he was looking for, I lost his deep blues. With a squeeze of my waist, he let me go, and walked away.


    I stood there thinking about what just happened, and I knew it changed things. Yet again.


    Why was I feeling like this?


    What was it about this man that made my brain stupid and irrational?


    Why did I never want this threat against me to end?


    Nox.


    I wanted to stay with him.


    And tonight would help me make my decision.


    Already sitting on the blue sheets of Nox¡¯s bed, I wait for him to undress and get comfortable.


    Dressed in a spaghetti strapped tank and white cotton panties, I¡¯m sure I¡¯m far from sexy right now, but I made sure to shave my legs and underarms. I even blow-dried my thick reddish locks and applied a little gloss to my lips. I don¡¯t have perfume here at the safe house so I had to make do with deodorant.


    Isn¡¯t that how one becomes sexy?


    My brain slaps a hand to its forehead, shaking its head in despair.


    Removing shoes and socks first, he undoes his leather belt and he narrows his eyes at me. ¡°You ¡®kay?¡±


    Shit! Play it cool, Lil.


    Rolling my eyes, I scoff, ¡°Uh, yeah. Why wouldn¡¯t I be?¡±


    The zipper to his cargo¡¯s come down and I swallow hard. His lips purse. ¡°I don¡¯t know. You¡¯re too quiet tonight. Normally talkin¡¯ my ear off before bed.¡±


    This was true.


    I always had something to say and Nox was a good listener. He never once fell asleep while I was talking. He would always answer when asked. And he always made me feel like what I was saying was worth listening to, just by providing the attention.


    That¡¯s one of the things I love about him. Just one. There are too many things to name, and right now, looking at Nox undress, I can spot a few good ones.


    I should make a list.


    His tight black tee comes off next revealing his sculpted abs and broad chest.


    Sigh.


    Throwing it on the chair next to the bathroom, he places both hands on his hips and he watches me. His eyes become slits as he mutters, ¡°Something¡¯s fucky here.¡±


    Shit! Busted.


    Heart racing, I ask, ¡°Will you sit, please?¡±


    At hearing the tremor in my voice, his eyes soften and he sits on the bed with his back to the headboard. ¡°What¡¯s up, princess?¡±


    This princess was different from the others. This princess was not an insult. It was a sweet nothing.


    I whisper, ¡°There¡¯s something I need to do. So I should just do it, right? I mean, if I overthink it, I won¡¯t do it, so I should just do it.¡±


    Looking confused as hell, he utters, ¡°You do what you need to do, Lily.¡±


    Nodding, I slowly crawl across the bed and over him. Never one to give anything away, his face remains stoic while I straddle his lap facing him, then place my palms on his chest.


    ¡°What are you doin¡¯, Lily girl?¡±


    Not able to meet his eye, I answer quietly but truthfully. ¡°Reacting.¡±


    My eyes trained on his full bottom lip, I lift my hand and run it up his rough and stubbled cheek. My stomach clenches as I lean forward in an attempt to kiss him.


    All my squishy feelings come to a screeching halt when he grabs both of my hands, places his forehead to mine and says ¡°Don¡¯t. Don¡¯t do it.¡±


    I blink.


    I think it would¡¯ve hurt less if he threw a bucket of cold water over me.


    Cheeks flaming with humiliation, I move to pull away from him, but he holds me tight. Nox whispers, ¡°I¡¯m not rejecting you, Lily. I¡¯m protecting you.¡±


    My voice shakes while I squeeze my knees tighter around his thighs. ¡°I don¡¯t need you to protect me right now, Nox. I need your mouth on me. I need to know why I feel like this, and if it¡¯s just a thing, or if it¡¯s more. You told me to do what I had to do. All I want is a kiss.¡± Dipping my chin, I whisper, ¡°Just a kiss.¡±


    His thighs tense under me. Placing his hands on my knees, his thumbs stroke the skin there.


    ¡°You¡¯re startin¡¯ something dangerous here.¡± He breathes in deeply and adds on an exhale, ¡°You sure you need this?¡± His voice is soft, but the words come out firm.


    Meeting his hooded gaze, I confess, ¡°I don¡¯t know if I need it, but I want it really freakin¡¯ bad.¡±


    He swallows hard.


    Loosening his hold on my hands, he mutters roughly, ¡°You kiss me, you do it properly. Show me what you need. Not gonna move a muscle, just show me.¡±


    Oh God!


    Permission.


    I have permission! That¡¯s, like, a gazillion times better than rejection!


    Raising my hands to his cheeks, I cup them and move my thumbs over the roughness that I like so much. Closing my eyes, I lean forward, pull his face closer to meet me halfway, and press my lips to his.


    He doesn¡¯t move but allows me to kiss his closed mouth deeply and softly, over and over again. The bulge in his boxers grows even larger, and the very tip of him kisses my cotton panty covered sex. At the very same time that he hisses and jerks, I gasp as my eyes widen.


    Oh wow, that feels nice.


    He doesn¡¯t give me an inch. His mouth doesn¡¯t open and I find myself begging for a taste of him. I whisper against his lips, ¡°Please. Open. Please. I need it.¡±


    At hearing the sincerity of my plea, his lips part a little.


    Not wasting any time, I sigh as I lightly brush the tip of my tongue against his.


    Warmth cloaks my entire body.


    My hands slide down his cheeks, to his jaw, and up through his hair. Tingles shoot from my toes all the way to the hairs on my head.


    It¡¯s everything I hoped for and more.


    Not able to stop myself, I moan into his mouth, wanton and needy, ¡°Yes.¡±


    His arms coil around my waist, he pulls me closer so we¡¯re belly to rock-hard abs. His mouth opens wider as he tilts his head, finally giving in. He presses his mouth into mine hard, almost punishingly, and I feel myself getting damp between the legs.


    Kiss me forever, you brute.


    You know how when a guy and girl really like each other in a book, they talk about a spark between them?


    With Nox, there is no spark.

 Page 17

    No.


    He bypassed the spark.Advertisement


    When Nox touches me, there¡¯s nothing less than the whistling, shrieking explosions of fireworks.


    Big ones.


    The ones they save till the end of the show.


    The ones people hang around to get a glimpse of.


    Seriously.


    That good.


    My hands clutch at his head, dragging my nails through his short hair, and I pull myself even closer to him. The move places his hard-on right where I need it and I moan again while he groans through our kiss.


    I¡¯m desperate for this to happen. Tonight is the night.


    Rubbing my back, he slides his hands lower, places them on my hips and starts a motion, rocking me back and forth as our lips remain connected. Rubbing against each other, deeper and harder, my breathing turns heavy, and the flush rises up my neck and onto my cheeks. Pulling back from me, he watches me closely.


    My eyes flutter.


    His eyes darken.


    The feeling of prickles in my belly and lower back warn me that something¡¯s happening, but before I register what¡¯s happening, it hits me, hard and powerful.


    Digging my fingernails into his scalp, I gasp.


    Well, this is new!


    My heart races and my breathing hitches as my core contracts over and over again. I buck against him moaning long and low. Still rigid from the endless pleasure surging through me, he captures my mouth and kisses me hungrily.


    Mouth on mine, Nox whispers, ¡°Fucked up, baby.¡±


    Fucked up?


    My heart sinks. This is not going how I planned this going.


    I open my mouth, but he speaks again before I get the chance. ¡°I know what you need, baby.¡±


    Closing my eyes, he lowers his mouth to mine and kisses me fiercely. Again and again.


    And it¡¯s better than good.


    It¡¯s fucking astounding.


    Nox


    Never had something so beautiful so close before. As soon as I walked into the bedroom, I saw the changes I was dreading.


    Lily.


    She finally saw the connection. She finally felt the chemistry. And, clearly braver than I am, she finally decided to risk humiliation to find out if what we have is something worth pursuing.


    She¡¯s killin¡¯ me slowly, and she doesn¡¯t even know it.


    With every kiss. With every glance of her gorgeous green eyes. With every flip of her kick-ass hair. With every half smile. She¡¯s killin¡¯ me.


    But watching her face as she came apart in my arms?


    Fuck me.


    I¡¯d die a thousand deaths to see it again.


    But that¡¯s beside the point.


    She¡¯s in my care. And I¡¯m going to take care of her.


    I¡¯m not falling for her. No. I¡¯m not falling.


    It¡¯s too late to use present tense.


    I fell fuckin¡¯ hard.


    Just hope she doesn¡¯t figure that out.


    Right now, though?


    I know what she needs.


    Chapter Fourteen


    Firsts


    Lily


    ¡°Oh God!¡± I almost shriek.


    Nox¡¯s arm tightens over my squirming belly and he lifts his head. ¡°You ¡®kay?¡±


    Lifting my head, panting, I fight the urge to smack him and nod vigorously, ¡°Don¡¯t stop!¡± Then I push his head back down.


    I feel his breath on me as he chuckles soundlessly. His tongue darts out, slowly lapping at my sensitive folds and I die.


    I die.


    Over and over and over again.


    Okay, so let¡¯s rewind here for a minute.


    Earlier tonight, I laid it out for Nox.


    Honest to God. Courage ignited like a spark low in my belly, and I knew tonight was the night.


    It was a speak now or forever hold your peace moment.


    You could call it a do or die moment.


    Or even a stop being chickenshit moment.


    Whatever you want to call it, it hit me like a ton of bricks. Something akin to desperation took hold of me and I struggled with it. I fought it hard but it won out.


    There¡¯s desperation and then there¡¯s desperation. Holding back was no longer an option.


    I want Nox. I need Nox. And I¡¯ll tell you how I know this.


    Number one, he takes care of me, even though I can be a total shithead. Number two, he¡¯s been nothing but good to me since our first motel adventure. He even smiles at me now. And it¡¯s a nice smile. Number three, he trains me like he would anyone else. Never treating me like a girl. Only as an equal. Number four, he took pity on a scared girl and allowed her comfort when she needed it. A huge pro on the list.


    Number five, every night before we sleep, he spoons me.


    That¡¯s right. Nox spoons.


    And while he spoons me, he takes my hand, links our fingers together and holds them to my chest. Then, yes then, he buries his face into my hair and he sighs.


    And that sigh¡­


    Ugh.


    That sigh.


    It makes my heart flip around in my chest. It makes my nose tingle. It makes me feel beautiful. I¡¯ve never had that before. Okay, so I¡¯ve never had anyone before. But I¡¯m thinking if a man like Nox, gruff and withdrawn, can make a woman feel beautiful with nothing but a breath¡­


    ¡­I¡¯m thinking that¡¯s special. It feels special. And special, for me, is rare.


    I don¡¯t want to miss a second I have with him. And I had to let him know that. So after he let me kiss him, I know he felt what I felt. I know this because he made me come. See, he gave me one of my firsts. And it was amazing. But I secretly want him to have them all. I want that because he¡¯s special.


    Panting hard, my core tightens. Gripping the sheets tightly, I try in vain to elevate my hips but he holds me down firmly while torturing me in the best possible way. ¡°Easy girl. Let it happen.¡±


    Flushed and demanding, I struggle to be free, but he calms me with a whisper, ¡°Got you, baby. Come for me.¡±


    Frustration tears through me, ¡°I can¡¯t! It¡¯s so close, but I- I- I can¡¯t!¡±


    His mouth closes over my ultra-sensitive bud and he sucks. White spots blur my vision. A sob tears out of me as my body trembles and shudders with release. I buck and jerk restlessly, feeling completely out of control. But it¡¯s okay.


    Nox has me.


    My body quakes one last time before it becomes limp.


    That was completely exhausting.


    And totally what I needed.


    Panting, I allow myself to take in the stillness of the room. I blink slowly, suddenly drowsy, when I feel Nox kiss the inside of my thigh and start to rise.


    His head ascends and our eyes meet. He sees too much with those eyes.


    It¡¯s suddenly too much.


    I¡¯m overwhelmed.


    I swallow hard. Blinking rapidly, I whisper through quivering lips, ¡°Never had special before.¡±


    Nox watches me carefully, not revealing what he¡¯s thinking.


    Never revealing what he¡¯s thinking.


    A second before I fall apart, his hand wraps around my ankle and he pulls me down the length of the bed. Catching me in his strong arms, he sits on the floor at the foot of the bed, pulling me into his lap. He cradles me and now it really becomes too much.


    Shoving my face into his neck, gut-wrenching sobs break free from somewhere deep in my heart. ¡°You don¡¯t even know what you¡¯ve done to me. And that really sucks because you¡¯re so fucking great, and you don¡¯t even know that.¡± Shuddering breaths, then, ¡°And it hurts to feel this much now because it shows me what a goddamn, shitty life I¡¯ve been living.¡± I pause, then whisper, ¡°You¡¯re really amazing, Nox.¡±


    What I don¡¯t add is, ¡®and I¡¯m in love with you.¡¯


    Nox doesn¡¯t coo. He doesn¡¯t tell me everything will be alright. He doesn¡¯t pretend I¡¯m not a mess. But he does let me cry it out. And once I¡¯m done covering his neck in tears and snot, he lifts my sorrow-weakened body.


    Yes. Sorrow.


    Sorrow is what you feel when you mourn. And I¡¯m mourning my life.


    My wasted life.


    ¡°God, I¡¯m a blubbering mess,¡± I mutter as he places a strong arm around my waist, supporting me as he walks me into the bathroom.


    Nox turns on the shower, then moves to stand in front of me. My blurry eyes search his face, those icy-blue eyes warmer than I¡¯ve ever seen. Without a word, his fingers grip the bottom of my tank and he lifts it over my head, throwing it to the side. He doesn¡¯t remove his boxers. Taking my hand, he links our fingers and leads me to the shower.


    Making sure he hits the water first, he pulls me under the warm spray, careful not to wet my hair, and we stand there for a long while.


    Emotionally exhausted, I don¡¯t utter a word of complaint as he begins to wash me. Running his soapy hands all over. His palms slide down my neck as he carefully washes my breasts, lightly running his thumbs over my nipples. My eyes flutter as they tighten, craving more of his attention. We never take our eyes off each other¡¯s.


    This is not a sexy moment.


    It¡¯s a beautiful moment.


    All cried out, I lose myself in the feel of his hands as one slips between my legs to cleanse the sensitive flesh there. Slowly but carefully, he works his hands, expertly caressing the globes of my ass and back up to the small mounds that are my breasts.


    We rinse, step out and I stand on the mat as Nox dries me off.


    Wearing only a towel, he wraps an arm around my shoulder leading me back to bed. I lie by my lonesome, but watch as he turns his back to me and removes his wet boxers. He towels himself off before stepping into a dry pair of shorts.


    Walking with a purpose, he climbs into bed, laying his head down on the feather pillow. I try to turn, as per our usual spooning routine, but he stops me with a strong hand on my towel covered hip. His firm hand softens, he gently opens the towel revealing my nakedness but I don¡¯t flush.


    It¡¯s too late for flushing. My body knows those hands. They¡¯re imprinted all over me. Gripping my hips, he pulls me forward until my nipples brush his firm chest.


    Lifting my face, I whisper, ¡°Say something. You¡¯re freakin¡¯ me out.¡±


    His lips twitch and his eyes crinkle at the corners. Lowering his face to mine, he kisses me softly and I sigh, kissing him back just as softly. Against my lips, he mutters, ¡°Goodnight, Lily.¡±


    Then he lifts his chin, tucks my head under, and sighs that special sigh.


    Feeling around, I find his hand, link our fingers and follow him into a restful sleep. I silently pray that tonight is not a dream.


    Because if it is, I don¡¯t want to wake up.


    Warmth on my neck wakes me. Insistent lips kiss me wetly from under my ear to the base of my throat. A mewing sound escapes me as I stretch my arms over my head, trying to break my sleep.


    A growling response comes from Nox, and subconsciously I wrap my arms around his head, his lips at my throat. Not having opened my eyes yet, I lift my neck providing him better access. His mouth travels down my chest and into the valley between my breasts. Wet warmth covers my nipple and rips a gasp from me. My core contracts as he suckles me.


    Holy shit!


    Unable to stop myself, I reach down, scraping my fingernails on his stomach, down lower until I come into contact with something incredibly hard, long, and warm. He growls into my breast, never removing his mouth. Open palmed, I rub him over his boxers.


    But it¡¯s just not enough. I need to feel him.


    Placing my palm on his abs, I trail down his stomach and into his boxers. As soon as my fingers brush the head of his hard length, he releases my nipple with a pop. Squeezing his eyes shut, he mutters, ¡°Fuck me. Fuck me. Goddamn.¡±


    Wrapping my hand firmly around it, I¡¯m shocked at the feel of him. I didn¡¯t expect him to be so big or warm, or hard, yet smooth at the same time.


    It feels good.


    Not quite sure what to do, I beg quietly, ¡°Please. Show me how to do this.¡±


    Clearly not needing me to ask again, he reaches down, wraps his hand tighter around mine on his erection, and shows me how he likes to be stroked. Up and down, nice and slow.


    I watch his face. Looking almost pained, he makes a choked sound. I stroke him harder and faster. Breathing heavily, he murmurs, ¡°Fuck. Jesus. Lily. Baby.¡±


    ¡°Kiss me.¡±


    His hand shoots out, fingers tangling in my hair as he plants brutal, deep, bruising kisses onto my mouth. Kissing him back, I whimper when he catches my bottom lip between his teeth. Both my hands on him, I continue to stroke him and I feel his length harden even more. His stomach clenches. He groans, biting down on my bottom lip harder. I mew and his groan turns into a growl.


    Growling, he releases my bottom lip but holds me by the back of the head tightly, as if I would escape him.


    Yeah. ¡®Cause that¡¯ll happen.


    Not!


    Our mouths open, we breathe into each other, making desperate pleas through growls and moans. Nox reaches down quickly, holding my hand still under his. His blue eyes widen; he stops breathing a moment before his hips jerk uncontrollably. He thrusts fitfully into my tight grip and he groans through his release. My hands suddenly coated in something wet, sticky, and warm. I can¡¯t take my eyes off him.


    Oh wow.


    Oh wow.


    That was¡­wow.


    ¡°Whoa,¡± I whisper.


    He closes his eyes and I feel him deflate in my hands. It¡¯s a weird feeling! Still breathing heavily, he opens his eyes and looks at me. A small smile tugs at my lips and I¡¯m suddenly giddy.


    Bunching my nose, I squish my face and say through a stupid smile, ¡°Good morning.¡±


    He blinks, still looking either half asleep or exhausted from his release, peeking through one eye. He catches my smile and chuckles, ¡°Fucking great morning, princess.¡±


    Oh, I like that.


    ¡°So you¡¯re talking to me again?¡±


    Brows furrowing, he says, ¡°Come again?¡±


    Unsure of myself, I say quietly, ¡°It¡¯s just that last night you didn¡¯t say a word to me. But I know I was in a scary bad mood, so I just thought I¡¯d tell you that it won¡¯t happen again, and I¡¯m sorry for ruining a really great night.¡±


    The air is sucked out of the room. Nox¡¯s body goes rigid against mine. Looking up into his face, my eyes widen.


    Shit.


    He¡¯s pissed. Jaw tight, the vein in his temple throbs as he glares at me through narrowed and icy-cold eyes.


    He¡¯s not pissed. He¡¯s livid.


    Why do I have to open my big mouth? It was such a good morning!

 Page 18

    Gah!


    I open my mouth to correct whatever it is I said, but he puts up a hand as warning.Advertisement


    My mouth snaps shut and he starts, ¡°First things first, my silence last night had nothing to do with you, but also had everything to do with you. You were not good last night, Lily, and I¡¯m not the kind of guy that¡¯s filled with sweet words.¡± Shaking his head, he adds, ¡°That¡¯s not me.¡±


    I¡¯m trying to understand where this is going so I simply nod.


    He nods, too. ¡°But I get you. And I know that nothing I said last night would¡¯ve helped. So I shut my trap, knowing that whatever I could¡¯ve said would¡¯ve only made things worse. That wasn¡¯t something we needed. So, rather than using words, I showed you how I could take care of you. So now you know. We can go from there.¡± His face softens as he says, ¡°You didn¡¯t ruin anything, baby. Got to taste you in every way, take care of you, and hold you all night. That¡¯s not bad.¡±


    Shaking his head slowly, he utters, ¡°That¡¯s fucking phenomenal.¡±


    My head dips to hide my smile, but he catches my chin between his fingers, pulling my face back up to his.


    The smile he wears isn¡¯t one I¡¯ve seen before. It¡¯s soft and sweet. And it¡¯s aimed at me.


    I love that.


    Face turning serious, he says, ¡°You get me?¡±


    Yeah. I totally do.


    Not trusting myself to speak, I nod and mouth, ¡°Yeah.¡±


    His eyes crinkle. ¡°Then kiss me, baby.¡±


    He doesn¡¯t need to ask again.


    Lifting my face, I press my lips to his and kiss him sweetly. I feel him smile against my lips and it¡¯s so beautiful that my stomach dips.


    Finally pulling back, Nox inhales slowly, he utters on an exhale, ¡°Don¡¯t really wanna get out of bed but we need to eat.¡± A cruel smile appears on his face. ¡°You know what today is, princess?¡±


    Shit. Shit. Dammit. Shit.


    I do know.


    Cringing, I whine and he chuckles. We both speak at the same time.


    ¡°Leg day.¡±


    Showering quick as I can, I slip into the kitchen while Nox is showering and eat some plain oatmeal (blech!) and drink half a glass of orange juice. When he finally comes down dressed in his work-out pants sans tank or tee, I watch Nox as he eats his apple.


    We stand at opposite ends of the kitchen smiling at each other like a couple of dorks.


    Finishing his apple with a smile and a shake of his head, he holds the core and walks pastme to throw it in the trash. When his chest brushes my back, my nipples harden.


    That¡¯s the effect he has on me.


    A man like Nox is wild.


    You can¡¯t tame him. You don¡¯t want to even try. His ferocity is gorgeous. There¡¯s beauty in every single scowl and glare he shoots my way. Things won¡¯t ever be the same for me. And I¡¯m grateful.


    I never realized how much I hate my life. Not until he showed me beautiful.


    Pressing close to my back, he wraps his muscled arm around my middle and I sink back into him. Tilting my head, he places a slow-wet kiss under my ear and I close my eyes. A throat clearing makes me jerk.


    My eyes snap open and I cringe.


    That¡¯s because Boo and Rock stand there, mouths gaping.


    My heart races. I don¡¯t want Nox to get into trouble.


    Feeling protective, I blurt out, ¡°It¡¯s all my fault! I seduced him! And I was good at it, too!¡± Twisting my neck, looking up into Nox¡¯s face, I add seriously, ¡°Wasn¡¯t I, babe?¡¯


    Nox smiles down at me so hard, it looks like he¡¯s holding back laughter. He leans down and presses a chaste kiss to my mouth.


    I mentally gasp.


    Don¡¯t do that! I¡¯m trying to save your ass, you nitwit!


    Boo chuckles roughly, shaking her head as if to clear it. ¡°Has- has the world gone mad?¡±


    ¡°I don¡¯t know, babe.¡± Rock¡¯s eyes crinkle at us. ¡°But all I will say to you both is to be careful, alright?¡±Nodding vigorously, my fearful expression turns sour when Rock adds, ¡°And if it¡¯s not on, it¡¯s not on. You get me, lovely Lily?¡±


    Bunching my nose at his condom reference, I grip a banana and throw it at him, hard. Catching the banana with little effort, he peels it, takes a bite and walks away laughing under his breath.


    Boo smiles softly but her face falls a little when she says softly, ¡°I¡¯m happy for you both. I really am.¡±


    There¡¯s a but in there somewhere. I can feel it in my bones. Walking over to us, she stands on the opposite side of the counter and adds, ¡°But you need to think carefully about this.¡± Nox¡¯s arm tightens around my waist and I swear I hear him growl. Boo ignores the display of dominance and utters, ¡°Have you thought about what happens aft-¡±


    Nox warns heatedly, ¡°Boo.¡±


    Lowering her eyes, she purses her lips. Lifting her head, looking right at me, she smiles. ¡°I¡¯m happy for you, Deedee. Just-¡± My throat clogs when her eyes mist. ¡°Just be happy, okay?¡±


    Without waiting for a reply, she turns on her heel to follow Rock.


    Nox squeezes me and I place my hand over his, squeezing back. Twisting again, I ask, ¡°Why did you do that?¡±


    I don¡¯t have to elaborate. He knows what I¡¯m talking about.


    His eyes warm for just a second before ice cloaks them once more. Looking down at the counter, he explains softly, ¡°There are girls out there you want to fuck, and there are girls out there that you want to love.¡± He looks me in the eye. ¡°Not ashamed of you, Lily.¡±


    He stops speaking for a moment, allowing that to sink in.


    Leaning his chin on top of my head, he utters, ¡°You¡¯re not for the background.¡± Burying his nose into my hair, he mutters, ¡°You deserve center stage.¡±


    A violent tremor washes over me, my entire body breaking into goosebumps. My heart squeezes, and I try hard at pushing back the tears from hearing something like that come out of Nox.


    ¡°I thought you didn¡¯t do sweet.¡± My voice sounds thick even to me.


    With a smack to my butt, he steps back, takes my hand in his and smirks, ¡°Besides, I¡¯m the boss. What are they gonna do? Fire me?¡±


    My brows lift and I tilt my head while pursing my lips.


    He has a point.


    A goofy smile spreads across my lips, and I allow him to lead me to death by workout.


    Chapter Fifteen


    Special ferret and friends


    Nox


    ¡°How much time we got?¡±


    None. We don¡¯t have any time left. But I¡¯ll be damned if I lose Lily now. I just fucking got her.


    Turning to Rock, I lie, ¡°Some. Any news?¡±


    ¡°Actually, yeah.¡± He looks me right in the eye. ¡°You¡¯re not gonna like it.¡±


    A stabbing pain shoots through my chest. It¡¯s someone they know. My poker face in place, I ask, ¡°What is it?¡±


    ¡°Gotta understand, dude. There was no reason to look before, but Mitch got an anonymous tip and¡­¡± He trails off.


    My stomach flips. Biting the inside of my cheek, I nod for him to tell me.


    Rock shakes his head and mutters, ¡°This is hard, man.¡±


    Rage builds in the center of me. I¡¯m ready to knock skulls. Forcing a chuckle, I roll my eyes, ¡°Fuck, Rock, tell me already!¡±


    ¡°Jamie Harrison.¡±


    ¡­The fuck he just say?


    I¡¯m sure I heard wrong. But Rock repeats himself, ¡°Jamie fucking Harrison. For real, bro.¡±


    Whoa. Definitely didn¡¯t see that coming.


    Ciaran Flynn is going to need some serious help after all this is over. We¡¯re talking trust issues for life.


    He took in the boys when their father died and this is the thanks he gets? Just goes to show, you can¡¯t put your trust into anyone.


    Lily. My princess. She¡¯s gonna be devastated.


    If I were to do what I really wanted to do right now, I¡¯d go downstairs, take a van, and drive. I¡¯d drive all the way back to California to the residence of Jamie Harrison, knock on his door, and when the weak, sly fucker answered the door¡­


    Boom.


    Off with his fucking head.


    But I can¡¯t do that. I promised to watch Lily and that¡¯s what I¡¯m gonna do. I have two minds about telling her though.


    My body sinks deeper into my chair. I have to tell her. Eventually. When she needs to know.


    I¡¯ve spent too long in silence. Rock watches me carefully. With a single nod, I stand and ask, ¡°Feel like sparring?¡±


    Lily


    Boo and I walk past the workout room and hear, ¡°I¡¯m warnin¡¯ you, man.¡±


    That¡¯s Nox. And it sounds heated.


    My eyes widen in interest. I look up and see Boo holding the very same expression. She crooks her finger and I follow her to the almost closed door. We peek in and watch the clowns at work.


    Rock pops him in the nose while bouncing around, ¡°Or what? You¡¯ll tell on me to your girlfriend?¡±


    Ouch, Rock! That was mean!


    Boo giggles quietly and whispers, ¡°He doesn¡¯t mean it, Dee. Just watch.¡±


    Nox¡¯s face turns hard. His eye twitches.


    Oh shit.


    ¡°Say it again,¡± he says in dead calm. ¡°I dare ya.¡± Shaking his head, he adds, ¡°I love you like a brother, man. But I swear to God, I¡¯ll drop you so hard, so fast, you won¡¯t know what hit you.¡±


    Rock continues to bounce on the balls of his feet, feigning punches. He smiles harshly, ¡°Quit fucking around already. I know you wanna punch me, so do it.¡± He stops bouncing. ¡°Unless you¡¯re a pussy.¡±


    Nox¡¯s eyes flash and I bite my lip to hold in my laughter.


    Walking backwards, he starts undoing his boxing gloves. I think it¡¯s over, so I move to walk away, but Boo stops me with a hand on my shoulder, looking all too excited. She mouths, ¡°Watch.¡±


    Rock smiles in victory and undoes his gloves, too. They both kick off their shoes and peel off their sweaty socks and meet in the center of the room. Rock grins, ¡°Rules?¡±


    Nox bounces up and down on the spot, shaking out his arms in an attempt to loosen up. He states, ¡°One weapon.¡±


    Rock¡¯s face falls. ¡°One fuckin¡¯ weapon? No way. At least two.¡±


    Nox chuckles, ¡°Always tryna hustle. You wanna do this? We do it my way. One weapon.¡±


    I have no idea what¡¯s going on. My face bunches in confusion while Boo¡¯s body shakes with laughter by my side.


    Rock scowls, ¡°Close your eyes, bitch.¡±


    Placing his hands on his hips, Nox closes his eyes and Rock runs over to his bag. Fiddling through it, he takes an object out and places it in his palm, hidden from view. He¡¯s too far away to see what it is, anyway.


    Rock walks back to the center and announces, ¡°Your turn.¡±


    Rock closes his eyes, and I watch Nox walk over to his shoes. He pulls something out and places it in his shorts¡¯ pocket before returning to the center of the room.


    They stand a few feet apart. Rock says, ¡°High school wrestling rules.¡±


    Nox barks out a laugh, ¡°No fucking way! This is street or nothing. Your choice.¡±


    Rock whines, ¡°Street¡¯s whack!¡±


    Nox prods, ¡°If you¡¯re too weak to handle it, we¡¯ll call it a day.¡± I have to slap a hand over my mouth to control my giggles when Nox walks forward to Rock, places a hand on his shoulder, and asks in complete seriousness, ¡°How about I run you a nice bubble bath?¡±


    Rock shrugs his hand off harshly. ¡°Fuck you, motherfucker!¡±


    Boo and I remain hidden, bodies shaking in silent laughter. It¡¯s like watching a documentary. Seeing the way wild animals behave when they think no one¡¯s watching.


    Nox laughs at his friend. ¡°C¡¯mon. One match. Street. One weapon.¡± Turning to Rock, he says, ¡°Ready?¡±


    Rock remains sullen for a whole ten seconds before he moves into a grappling stance and utters, ¡°Let¡¯s get it on, bitch.¡±


    Nox chooses a boxing stance and mutters, ¡°Oh, hush now. I don¡¯t wanna hear how you talk to Boo in bed.¡±


    Rock immediately responds, ¡°My woman is a lady, so you better shut your mouth.¡±


    My mouth parts. Placing a hand to my chest, I look up at Boo. She watches Rock through misty eyes.


    Rock, you sweetheart!


    And Nox smirks, basking in the glow of finally getting one back at Rock. He counts them in, ¡°On three. One. Two. Three.¡±


    They lunge at each other, then grapple, stepping in and out of each other¡¯s space. Nox low kicks at Rock¡¯s knee, but Rock is quick.


    Rock high kicks at Nox¡¯s face, but barely skims his ear. My man is pretty quick, too.


    When Nox tries to catch Rock, Rock somehow reverses the move and I¡¯m surprised when he catches Nox into a headlock.


    It¡¯s kind of alarming, actually.


    Ever since I¡¯ve been here, I¡¯ve thought of Nox as a superhero. Nothing bad ever happens to them. They get caught; they fight, and they win every episode.


    My heart sinks at the thought of Nox being nothing more than human. Humans can get hurt. They bleed, grow old, and die.


    Inside this house, it feels like time stands still. Maybe we can live here together forever?


    I¡¯ll have to enquire about this at a more appropriate time.


    Rock squeezes his throat closed and mocks in a deep voice that sounds just like Nox, ¡°Street rules or nothin¡¯.¡±


    Nox¡¯s face turns a nice shade of maroon as Rock cuts off his air.


    And it¡¯s freaking me out.


    Rock doesn¡¯t look like he¡¯ll let up anytime soon. Just then, Nox reaches into his pocket and pulls out his weapon. He shoves it into Rocks mouth and pushes his jaw up to hold it in. Rock¡¯s eyes widen and we hear him yelling through gritted teeth. We can¡¯t make out the words though, being that he¡¯s temporarily gagged.


    Not another second passes before Rock releases Nox and gags, then dry heaves. Spitting out the weapon, he coughs and gags again. ¡°You dirty, dirty fucker. A fucking sock? A sweaty sock?¡± Gagging at a steady pace, he wipes at his tongue.


    Nox coughs and laughs at the same time. Rubbing his neck with his palm, he wheezes, ¡°Street rules, bitch. I win.¡±

 Page 19

    While the guys pant and heave on the floor of the workout room, Boo silently motions for me to come with her.


    She leads me to the kitchen and when we enter, we look at each other and release the laughter we¡¯ve been holding back from what we just witnessed. Wiping away tears of mirth, we start lunch.Advertisement


    ¡°What do you feel like today?¡±


    Opening the fridge, I search for something I haven¡¯t had in a while. ¡°I don¡¯t know. I want something different today. Like an old favorite.¡±


    Boo¡¯s eyes widen. ¡°Peanut butter and jelly?¡±


    Oh, yum!


    I feign disinterest. ¡°Depends. What kind of jelly we got?¡±


    Please say grape! Please say grape!


    Spinning on her heel, she turns to the pantry and peers inside. ¡°Hmmm. We have strawberry.¡±


    Bummer.


    ¡°And grape.¡±


    SCORE!


    ¡°Put me down for two with grape jelly, me thinks.¡±


    She nods in agreement. ¡°Me too.¡± Looking around the kitchen, she utters, ¡°This¡¯ll only take a minute to get ready. You wanna let the guys know?¡±


    ¡°Sure.¡±


    I walk up the stairs and my calves ache and burn with every stiff step I take. A workout with Nox is hell, but I see my body changing. My muscle definition has started to show and I like it. When I reach the final step, I mentally pat myself on the back for not crawling.


    Seeing Rock in the hall, I yell out, ¡°PB and J for lunch. Boo says to come down asap.¡±


    At hearing PB and J, he shakes his butt suggestively as if doing a touchdown victory dance, and I chuckle. No one ever accused Rock of being shy.


    Shaking my head at his craziness, I walk past him when I hear, ¡°You know, I haven¡¯t seen him this happy in¡­well, ever.¡±


    Turning, Rock leans on the wall wearing a sweet smile, ¡°And I¡¯ve never seen you glow like you do these days. So I¡¯m gonna say this is a good thing. You won¡¯t get trouble from me, but Boo¡­she worries. So don¡¯t give her too much shit for trying to be sane, okay?¡±


    Always looking out for his woman. I love that.


    Nodding, I tell him, ¡°I know, Rock. And I get why she¡¯s wanting us to be cautious, but honestly, I¡¯ve been cautious my whole life, and right now I just want to be with Nox.¡±


    Seeming to like my answer, his eyes crinkle, then he turns and walks down the stairs.


    I make my way into our bedroom and see clothes tossed onto the chair by the bathroom. I call out, ¡°Nox?¡±


    The shower turns on and he calls back, ¡°In here.¡±


    I walk into the open bathroom and freeze. I freeze because Nox is showering. He is showering naked. And I can see his pee-pee.


    This is the first time I¡¯ve seen his special ferret , and it¡¯s got my brain frazzled.


    Standing under the spray of the water, he runs his hands over his face to wipe the water off, opens his eyes, and sees me standing there. He asks, ¡°You need something, princess?


    But all my brain is interested in is staring openly at his junk.


    He tries again. ¡°Baby, what¡¯s up?¡±


    This snaps me out of it. Sort of. But not really. Swallowing hard, my eyes drift down past his stomach again and I murmur, ¡°Boo asked me to tell you that lunch will be ready in a few.¡±


    Soaping up and washing himself, he replies, ¡°What¡¯re we having?¡±


    ¡°Penis butter and jelly .¡±


    Holy shit!


    Slapping a hand to my forehead, I cringe. ¡°Peanut butter and jelly.¡±


    I see him smirk, but he doesn¡¯t say a thing.


    Smart man.


    ¡°Sounds good. Gimme a sec,¡± he says.


    And I¡¯m good with waiting. The view is spectacular.


    Still eyeing his long, thick semi-erect penis, I ask distractedly, ¡°What do you want to dick?¡±


    Stupid! Stupid! Stupid!


    ¡°What do you want to drink?¡± I quickly add.


    Body shaking with silent laughter, he can¡¯t hide his amusement. ¡°A coke will do.¡±


    Oh dear Lord, his dick is getting bigger! It¡¯s inflating like a balloon.


    How on earth does it fit?


    My eyes widen at the show I¡¯m getting. I feel like I should be in biology class or something.


    I repeat his order. ¡°Sure, babe. One cock. I mean cock. I mean coke!¡±


    Flushing bright red, I exit the bathroom in a rush to the sound of Nox¡¯s laughter.


    Gettin¡¯ real tired of your shit, Nox!


    Nox


    You know what¡¯s beautiful?


    Lily.


    I watch her get ready for bed, and the sight of her is heart stopping. But my mind wanders.


    Mechanically undressing, I walk into the bathroom and splash ice-cold water onto my face. I shouldn¡¯t do it. Really, I shouldn¡¯t. But something pushes me.


    I don¡¯t like secrets.


    I watch her closely. My mind tries to capture her. An image that I can take with me when this is all over.


    Looking at Lily is like looking into a flame. There¡¯s a glow surrounding her, and it burns so bright that it hurts to look at her for a long while.


    But that while?


    It¡¯s worth the hurt.


    Dressed in a black tank and panties, she smiles up at me and try as I fucking might, I can¡¯t return it. I can¡¯t return it because I¡¯ve got to do something really shitty right now. Something that will change her, yet again.


    Climbing into bed, I sit facing her. Her face searches mine before I see worry seep into her eyes.


    I have to tell her.


    It¡¯s time.


    ¡°Lily, there¡¯s something I have to tell you¡­¡±


    Chapter Sixteen


    The calm before the storm


    Lily


    Nox telling me that Jamie Harrison organized the hit was a breaking point for me.


    Jamie.


    The brother of my heart. My friend and comrade in stupidity.


    Once the tears start, I can¡¯t stop them. I cry for a long time. Such a long time that Nox has to get up, bring me some water, and change our bed sheets, which are covered in tears.


    They just won¡¯t stop.


    Betrayal.


    That¡¯s what I feel. Complete and utter betrayal.


    Through my tears, I ask, ¡°Is there any chance you got it wrong?¡±


    Nox shakes his head, wiping away my tears. ¡°I¡¯m sorry, baby. No. His apartment had everything we needed to rule out anyone else. We found the laptop the emails were sent from. In the search history, we found internet searches for websites linked to kidnapping and extortion.¡± His jaw steels. ¡°There was a wall in his bedroom that was filled with pictures of you, Lily. Hundreds of pictures. And what¡¯s worse is that one of those pictures was taken the day I came to get you.¡±


    My stomach lurches. I don¡¯t believe it. I can¡¯t believe it.


    It has to be a mistake. Jamie wouldn¡¯t do this to me. He and Jett are my friends! We lived in the same house for almost a year, for Christ¡¯s sake. He taught me how to swear in Gaeilge (Irish Gaelic) and even went as far as to take me places that my dad wouldn¡¯t let me by playing the ¡®she¡¯ll be fine with me¡¯ card.


    My tears come harder knowing his friendship was all an act.


    Betrayed and deceived, I don¡¯t know how I¡¯ll ever get past this.


    Knowing I shouldn¡¯t ask, but having to, I beg, ¡°Tell me what happened the first time I was taken.¡±


    Nox shakes his head. ¡°Lily-¡±


    I cut him off with, ¡°Please. I need to know. Maybe then I¡¯ll understand all this. Please help me understand.¡±


    Nox rubs a hand over his face and sighs, ¡°Okay, baby. I don¡¯t know all the details, but I¡¯ll tell you what I know.¡± Clearing his throat, he starts, ¡°Your dad mentioned it when we first spoke over the phone, and when I couldn¡¯t find a link with the information he¡¯d given me, I thought he was just being paranoid.¡±


    Sounds like my dad.


    ¡°He said that you were thirteen and you were at the warehouse on a Saturday. You climbed a tree because, apparently, that was your thing back then.¡± Smiling at me, he pushed my now-damp hair away from my face. ¡°And you fell. Only you didn¡¯t.¡±


    I remember that! I broke my arm and passed out.


    I¡¯m confused.


    Nox explained, ¡°You were pushed, Lily. When you fell, you fell hard, and passed out. Your dad said he never let you go far and always said for you to-¡±


    We both said, ¡°Stay close.¡±


    My dad said that to me daily.


    He nods. ¡°He saw the whole thing, baby. And I heard it in his voice. The fear. It¡¯s likely something he¡¯ll never get over. Watching your kid be drugged and stuffed into the back of a van; I can¡¯t even imagine what that would be like.¡±


    My voice shudders, ¡°No. No, that¡¯s not what happened. I fell. I broke my arm and passed out. I woke up in the hospital.¡±


    Nox takes my hand as he gently utters, ¡°Baby. Yeah, you woke up in hospital. A week later.¡±


    My stomach dips and my mouth parts, expelling a quick breath with a whoosh.


    Feeling the color drain out of me, I ask, ¡°Who was it?¡±


    Nox shrugs. ¡°Not anyone known to your father. An employee and his wife. Your dad got a lead early on from another employee who¡¯d overheard something shady, and you were found the next morning in a cabin not far out. The wife was hysterical because you wouldn¡¯t wake. She all but threw you to the medics that arrived, begging for them to help. A bit ironic that the person putting you in harm¡¯s way didn¡¯t want you harmed at all.¡±


    He continues, ¡°But I guess desperate times call for desperate measures. See, they had a son who was ill and needed money for an organ donation. They tried to get the money from other sources, but they just couldn¡¯t get enough. They ran church fundraisers, appealed for help on television, even asked your father for money, which I¡¯ll add, that he gave twenty-thousand dollars to. It just wasn¡¯t enough. So, they tried for a ransom.¡±


    Not caring about my story any longer, I ask softly, ¡°What happened to him? The son.¡±


    Nox shakes his head slowly and I¡¯m suddenly overcome with emotion for this family I don¡¯t know. Lowering my face into my hands, my body shakes with silent sobs.


    He adds, ¡°The husband and wife got jail time, but the husband took most of the wrap, so the wife got a suspended sentence with the help of your father. Not long after the husband was jailed, the son took a turn for the worst and didn¡¯t make it in time for surgery. The wife killed herself a week later, and a week after that, the husband was also found dead in his cell.¡±


    I can¡¯t listen anymore. I choke out through shuddering breaths, ¡°Stop. No more. I can¡¯t. No more, please.¡±


    That is a tragedy. A goddamn tragedy.


    I¡¯m overwhelmed by this information. And suddenly, nothing in my life seems all that bad anymore. Still sobbing, I whisper, ¡°Why wouldn¡¯t anyone help them?¡±


    Nox¡¯s face turns soft. ¡°People tried to help, baby, but sometimes it¡¯s not enough.¡±


    Anger surges through me and I shout, ¡°My dad could¡¯ve helped them! He could¡¯ve given them the money! The whole amount! We¡¯re fucking rich, Nox!¡±


    He looks me in the eye. He doesn¡¯t respond. He can¡¯t argue. He knows what I just said is accurate.


    He holds me while I quietly cry myself to sleep.


    ¡°Baby, wake up.¡± This is whispered into my ear. I groan quietly and swat at the face by my ear, clipping his cheek. Nox chuckles, ¡°C¡¯mon, princess. Get up.¡±


    My puffed and gritty eyes open and the room is completely dark.


    As in, no sunshine dark. I look to the clock on the nightstand and it reads 5:47 am.


    What the effing eff?


    Pushing Nox away, I mumble, ¡°Go away. Sleepy.¡±


    His arms come around my waist, and he chuckles huskily, ¡°Good morning, baby.¡±


    I scoff, ¡°This is not morning, Nox! This is the ass-crack of dawn.¡±


    Pulling me close, he says, ¡°Now you¡¯re up, you can kiss me.¡±


    Although that sounds mighty fine, reality reminds me to remind him, ¡°You know, I have cotton mouth so bad, that my morning breath would make you pass out. So, no. And I¡¯m pretty sure I have drool dried around my mouth from crying all night, too.¡±


    Pulling my head into his chest, his body shakes with silent laughter. And I smile, wrapping my arms around him. Still thoroughly amused, he agrees, ¡°Point taken. But once you brush your teeth, I get a kiss. Now get up and get dressed. We don¡¯t have a lot of time.¡±


    What?


    At this point, my confusion is such a constant state that people would have to start classifying me as special. ¡°Where are we going?¡±


    Getting out of bed, he states, ¡°It¡¯s a surprise. So get your shit together. And make it quick.¡±


    Rolling out of bed, I put on my best sultry voice, ¡°Oooh, baby. I love when you get mean.¡±


    ¡°Lily.¡± A firm warning.


    We both shower and dress in a jiff. I put on a pair of sweats and a tank, but Nox takes one of his jackets and throws it over my shoulders. He dresses in his usual black cargo pants and a black tee, but adds a jacket and baseball cap. And, sigh, he looks like he just stepped out of a fitness magazine.


    Reaching forward, I link our fingers. He whispers on a squeeze of my hand, ¡°Gotta be quiet.¡±


    We creep through the house, and as we reach the front door, I narrow my eyes as Nox picks up a pre-prepared bag left in the hall. Out through the front door, he walks us to a creepy-black stalker van, and my heart skips a beat.


    We¡¯re going out. As in, out! I couldn¡¯t keep the smile off my face.


    I all but skip to the van and Nox smiles big, shaking his head at me like I¡¯m a dork. I even get to sit in the front seat. Sans blindfold!


    Just as I buckle up, Nox pulls something out of his pocket and my face falls. ¡°No!¡±


    Nox gently pulls me to him, kisses my lips softly, and places the blindfold over my eyes.


    Shit. And I thought we were past that.


    Pouting with my arms crossed over my chest, Nox says, ¡°You can pout all you want now, but as soon as we get out the car, you better lay one on me.¡± He adds, ¡°You have no idea what I¡¯m risking by sneaking you out.¡±

 Page 20

    And it¡¯s then I realize how much of a turd I¡¯m being. Putting my arm out to my side, I feel for Nox. Finding his arm, I follow the trail down until I reach his hand and link our fingers. I apologize quietly, ¡°I¡¯m sorry, babe. I know I¡¯m not being fair. It¡¯s so easy for me to forget that I¡¯m still being protected. Sometimes, I just want to be me again, you know? Without the dramatics and over the top security.¡±


    Lifting my hand to his mouth, he kisses my palm, and silently drives us on.Advertisement


    We drive for around half an hour. I know this because Nox won¡¯t let me turn on the radio due to the fact that I¡¯ll easily figure out where we are, so I spend the time mentally counting the seconds.


    I count twenty-seven minutes and three seconds, total, before the van comes to a stop and Nox gets out. He opens my door and I lift my hands to remove the blindfold, but he stops me with, ¡°Signs, babe. I¡¯ll tell you when you can take it off.¡±


    As soon as I step out of the van, I hear it. The swirling. The crashing. The soft buzz in the air.


    Breathing deeply, I smell it too. A huge smile breaks out on my face and I bounce excitedly. Nox says in mock sternness, ¡°Uh oh. You¡¯re ruining my surprise.¡±


    Holding his hand with both of mine, I beg quickly, ¡°Hurry! Hurry! Hurry!¡±


    He bends down to remove my shoes and socks; we walk forward a little while, and my feet come into contact with cool, smooth sand. I mentally squeal but laugh out loud.


    Nox stops suddenly and firmly says, ¡°Do not remove the blindfold, Lily. I¡¯m warning you.¡±


    Placing my index and middle fingers at my forehead, I give him a salute and wait patiently. After a minute, he guides me with a hand on the small of my back. I hear him sit, and gently, he pulls me down to sit on the blanket, between his legs.


    He pulls up the blindfold and I gasp softly.


    The ocean.


    I love the ocean.


    Smiling like an idiot, I push back into his body. He wraps his arms tightly around my middle and presses his lips to my cheek. His breath warms me. ¡°¡¯Kay, babe?¡±


    I answer quietly, ¡°This is the best thing anyone¡¯s ever done for me.¡±


    He responds just as quietly on a body squeeze, ¡°You¡¯re welcome, princess.¡±


    We sit and watch the ocean, allowing the sights and sounds to wash over us and take us away from reality.


    Right now, we¡¯re just Nox and Lily.


    Not protector and protected.


    The beach is deserted. And this is our happy place.


    Our bubble. Us against the world.


    A thought suddenly comes to mind. ¡°What¡¯s your name?¡±


    He stills behind me and I wonder if I¡¯ve somehow screwed up by asking. I think it¡¯s a fair question.


    Nox grumbles, ¡°It doesn¡¯t matter. I¡¯m not him anymore.¡±


    Leaning my head to the side, I kiss his chin and admit gently, ¡°It does matter. It¡¯s important to me. I want to know you.¡±


    A long silence follows.


    Then finally, ¡°Adam Christian Taylor. Born March eighteenth, nineteen eighty four in White Deer, Texas to a single mother, Clare.¡± The southern twang I¡¯ve heard escape his voice so many times comes out to play.


    Wow.


    Oh wow!


    Turning, I kneel in the space between his legs and reach up to cup his cheeks. He watches me cautiously, but I smile, then flip off his ball cap. Leaning forward, I peck softly at his lips and say between kisses, ¡°Hi, Adam. I¡¯m Lily.¡±


    His hands span my hips and he presses his lips deeper into mine. Against them, he smiles and simply says, ¡°Hey.¡±


    We kiss softly, unrushed, for a long time, and it¡¯s out of this world. But something¡¯s bothering me. Pulling back a little, I ask, ¡°Is it bad that I still want to call you Nox?¡±


    He shakes his head and replies, ¡°Is it bad that I still want you to call me Nox?¡± I shrug and he utters, ¡°Adam¡¯s all but gone, princess. He¡¯s just a memory to me. I¡¯ve been Nox for a long time. I am Nox.¡±


    Nodding, I say honestly, ¡°I don¡¯t care what you call yourself.¡± Placing my palm over his heart, I add, ¡°You¡¯re still the same man in here.¡±


    Rolling his eyes, he whines loudly, ¡°Lily!¡± It¡¯s so out of character for him that I still.


    I have no idea what I¡¯ve done wrong, so I shrink back and he catches it. He points a finger at me, ¡°Don¡¯t. Don¡¯t do that.¡± Then he sighs, ¡°Fuck me.¡± Placing my hair behind my ear, he murmurs an awestruck, ¡°So much sweet tucked behind the fierce. I don¡¯t know what to do with you, girl. You¡¯re killin¡¯ me.¡±


    I blink. My response drips sarcasm. ¡°Would you like for me to spit on you to even it out?¡±


    Then he smiles. Bright and all teeth. And I want to drown in that smile. From now ¡®til the end of time.


    I whisper, ¡°It would be totally stupid for me to fall in love with you.¡±


    His smile fades, but only a little. He nods in agreement. ¡°It would be totally stupid.¡± He pecks my lips once, twice, three times. Pulling back, I look into his deep-blue eyes and see nothing but sincerity. He adds gently, ¡°Can¡¯t help who you fall in love with, princess.¡±


    Oh shit.


    The bridge of my nose tingles. My eyes mist and I bite my lip, trying to hold it together. I sniffle. ¡°Best day ever.¡±


    Nox looks at my face, wide eyed. ¡°Clearly, what with all the crying and shit.¡±


    A bark of laughter escapes me. I smack him. ¡°Ass.¡± Then I add, ¡°Wanna be someone else for today? Just today?¡±


    His eyes crinkle and he says in his most southern accent, ¡°Sure thing, darlin¡¯. I¡¯ll be Hank and you can be Maude.¡±


    The laughter bursts out of me. I laugh so hard, I double over, resting my forehead on his shaking shoulder.


    He turns me around and sits me back between his legs. His arms cinch around my waist and he buries his face into my neck. He says a muffled, ¡°Don¡¯t wanna let you go.¡±


    My heart swells. I whisper back, ¡°Then don¡¯t.¡±


    Running into Boo¡¯s room, I slam the door shut behind me.


    She turns to me, looking stunned. Panting, I whisper hiss, ¡°How do I do sex?¡±


    The shocked look on her face fades. She motions to the bed and smiles big, ¡°Take a seat. We have much to discuss.¡±


    Already in bed waiting for Nox, I smooth down the sheets, wanting everything to be perfect.


    Tonight is the night I hand in my V-card. So it¡¯s a pretty special day. I probably should¡¯ve done something to mark the occasion.


    Like bake a cake.


    Or blown up balloons.


    Streamers would¡¯ve been nice.


    Boo was damn excited about it. And, my goodness, the things she told me! I read erotica a lot, but when you have nothing to compare these things to, they become confusing. So give a girl a break!


    Shaved legs?


    Check.


    Underarms okay?


    I sniff myself.


    Meh. It¡¯ll do.


    Brushed teeth?


    Check and check.


    And just as I reach down to adjust my underwear, Nox walks in. So I snap my hand up and out of the covers. But it¡¯s too late.


    Shit!


    Nox¡¯s eyes widen and he says, ¡°Oh, please don¡¯t let me stop you, baby. Keep going.¡±


    Yep. It looked like I was touching myself.


    My face flames and I bite out, ¡°I wasn¡¯t doing that.¡±


    He creeps over to the bed, places a knee on the mattress, and leans over to me, murmuring, ¡°It¡¯s been a long fucking day and I need that mouth.¡±


    Reaching up as he leans down, our mouths connect. He tangles a hand in my hair and kisses me deeper, groaning. Just as the kiss gets intense, he pulls away and says, ¡°No. I don¡¯t wanna get carried away. I need to shower, and if we keep this up I¡¯ll be too lazy to do it later.¡±


    He smiles down at me, ¡°Is it okay if we pick this up in ten?¡±


    My voice hoarse, I reply, ¡°Ten minutes. Any longer and I¡¯ll come in after you.¡±


    Climbing off the bed, his eyes darken and become hooded. ¡°Just try keeping me away.¡± He walks over to the bathroom and I land back on the bed with a plop.


    This seduction thing is harder than I thought.


    Chapter Seventeen


    All systems go


    Lily


    As soon as Nox steps out of the bathroom in only a pair of white boxers, he comes straight for me.


    Biting my lip, I¡¯m suddenly nervous. The energy in the room just went from still to sizzling-hot in a mere second. And I¡¯m turned on. Just from the sight of him.


    As he strides over to the bed, I take him in. His dark, usually buzzed hair is a little longer now. Just enough to run your fingers through. Big, muscly arms, thick and strong legs, defined abs, broad chest and shoulders is enough to make me lick my lips in anticipation.


    Nice.


    Never in my life would I have thought I could get a man that looks like this¡­but, here we are.


    Funny how things work.


    The bed dips and he lies down next to me. Looking completely indifferent, he avoids my eyes when he asks in an overly bored tone, ¡°Wanna make out?¡±


    Reaching behind me, I grab hold of a pillow and bring it down on his head. His body shakes with silent laughter. Throwing the pillow off, he grabs hold of my wrist and pulls me to him. Sitting up, he sits me on his lap facing him. Eyes smiling, he says, ¡°Hey.¡±


    A small smile graces my lips. ¡°Hi.¡±


    His fingers play at my back, teasing the edge of my tank, stroking the sensitive skin there. I¡¯m already getting antsy and we¡¯ve just started. Remembering my mission, I decide I need to make a gesture for him to get the message.


    Crossing my arms across my stomach, I grip the sides of my tank and lift it off, leaving me in nothing but a pair of black panties (thanks to Boo).


    Nox blinks at my bare chest a while before his eyes hood, and he lowers his face into the valley between my breasts, nuzzling the flesh there. Sighing, I wrap my arms around his head and whisper, ¡°I want you, Nox.¡±


    His faces stills in my cleavage, his body tight.


    Lifting his head, our eyes meet. He searches my face a minute before asking, ¡°Are you sure?¡± Just as I¡¯m about to answer, he adds, ¡°¡¯Cause it doesn¡¯t matter to me. We don¡¯t have to do anything you don¡¯t want to. You don¡¯t have to do this for me.¡±


    Smiling at the flush that appears on his neck, I take his face in my hands and kiss him sweetly. ¡°I want to do this for me. Because I want it to be you. I always want to think back and know I chose you. It¡¯s mine to give and I want you.¡±


    Gripping my hips tightly, he loosens his hold and slowly runs his hands up and down my sides. Still not convinced, he whispers, ¡°I won¡¯t pressure you. Not ever.¡±


    Rubbing the tip of my nose lightly against his, I whisper back, ¡°You¡¯re not. You¡¯re being super sweet and I love that. But I want this. Really badly.¡±


    His blue eyes flash.


    Before he can do anything, I reach down between us and wrap my hand around his boxer-covered erection. He hisses and leans back a little. Taking this as permission, I reach down with my other hand and rub him nice and slow.


    His eyes close and he mutters, ¡°Keep doing that and I¡¯m not gonna last, princess.¡±


    I don¡¯t want it to end so soon!


    Pulling my hands back, I enquire, ¡°So if it happens, that¡¯s it? You¡¯re done?¡± I can¡¯t keep the disappointment out of my voice.


    Nox chuckles and suddenly I feel stupid. My chin dips. Feeling my embarrassment, his laughter stops. Placing his fingers at my chin, he lifts my face and says through a smile, ¡°No, baby. I could go all night with you. It takes about ten minutes for me to, uh¡­¡± He clears his throat, thinking of a word. ¡°¡­recharge, but then I¡¯m good to go again.¡±


    Reaching down again, I take his length in my hands, stroking and ask quietly, ¡°What¡¯s the problem then?¡±


    His eyes close once more and he mumbles, ¡°I forget.¡±


    Feeling a little like a child telling secrets, I lean closer to his ear and say, ¡°Take off your shorts. I want to see you.¡±


    I¡¯m grateful he doesn¡¯t make me beg. Reaching down, he grips the edges of his shorts and tugs. They come down only so far because of my position, so I take them down the rest of the way.


    And stare.


    It really is big.


    Making a snap decision, I do something I¡¯ve always wanted to try. I bend at the waist and swipe my tongue up the length of his shaft.


    His body jerks as if electricity runs through it and he groans, ¡°Baby, fuck!¡±


    I think back to what Boo told me.


    ¡°Under the head is very sensitive so be careful with it. Start slow. Use your hand in an up-down motion. And don¡¯t use teeth. Listen to him for encouragement. If he groans and shifts around, you¡¯re doing good.¡±


    Holding his shaft in my hand, I hold it straight up, and place my mouth over the head, just to get a feel of it. When Nox groans again, I lower my mouth further then lift. Making a rhythm, I start bobbing my head slow and shallow on his dick. His hands move to my head and I take that as a sign to keep going. I bob deeper, making sure not to gag myself, and suck a little harder. Nox moans, ¡°Holy-fuck-shit!¡±


    Becoming courageous, I stroke as I suck him, and his body bucks. I do this for a little while longer and he grinds out, ¡°Baby, seriously not gonna last.¡±


    Taking my mouth off him for a second, I utter, ¡°I want to see.¡±


    Panting, his hips start moving and he pushes deeper into my mouth. He thrusts faster and faster, then suddenly, he pulls free of my mouth and strokes his throbbing erection against his marred stomach.


    I watch closely as he finds his release.


    His face turns pained, his balls tighten and I see the exact moment it happens. Gripping it tightly, his angry looking shaft throbs and creamy white cum spurts onto his stomach, once, twice, three and finally, a fourth time.


    Imitating a limp noodle, he falls back onto the bed. He looks exhausted. Panting as if he ran a mile, sweating and droopy. His erection deflates and he peeks at me through one eye. He catches my small smile and asks, ¡°How¡¯d I do? Did I get the job?¡±

 Page 21

    I like Funny Nox. He¡¯s not at all like Moody Bastard Nox.


    Leaning back, I take him in. Awestruck, I whisper, ¡°It was perfect.¡±Advertisement


    Moving to the side, I take some tissue off the nightstand and wipe the come from his scarred stomach. When I¡¯m done he holds out an arm, and I lie down next to him. He tucks me into him, lowers his mouth, and kisses me. Between kisses, he utters, ¡°It was perfect. Thank you, baby.¡±


    Pecking his lips, I say against them, ¡°That was fun.¡±


    His kisses start soft. Running his hands up and down my back, his hands linger lower. His fingers brush the elastic at my waist and his hands slowly venture into the back of my panties, gripping my butt tightly. He kneads the flesh there and I moan into his mouth.


    Taking his mouth off mine, he lowers his head to my chest, closing his mouth over one taut nipple. He sucks hard and my eyes roll into the back of my head.


    He¡¯s so good at this.


    I feel a surge of wetness at my core and press my legs together, trying my hardest to hold it inside. Nox releases one nipple before taking the other one into his mouth, giving it the same treatment. He runs his thumb over the free nipple, and my core contracts with an uncontrollable jerk.


    My breathing turns heavy and I sigh low in my throat.


    I want more.


    I¡¯m unsure of the protocol on men being able to get it up in ten minutes or under after a previous release, but I feel something hard poke my belly. Reaching down, I run a finger from the base of him to the very tip, and groaning, he bites my nipple. Hard.


    My already moist core floods as I grip his head tight and gasp.


    That. Was. Wicked.


    His hand slides from my hip, across my belly, down lower until he cups my panty-covered sex.


    I¡¯m suddenly mortified.


    His fingers start to slip inside and I grab hold of his hand, gripping it tightly while pressing my legs shut even further. I whisper, ¡°Nox-¡±


    But he cuts me off. Cupping my cheek, he says softly, ¡°No, princess. Don¡¯t. I told you I wouldn¡¯t pressure you. Ever. And it¡¯s totally cool. We don¡¯t have to do a damn thing. As long as I got you sleeping next to me, I¡¯m good.¡±


    Insert dreamy sigh here.


    Shutting my eyes, I lean forward, place my lips to his ear and mumble.


    Rubbing my back, he says, ¡°I didn¡¯t catch that.¡±


    I whisper hiss, ¡°I think I¡¯m too wet. There¡¯s something wrong with me!¡±


    Feeling his smile on my jaw, his hand slides down my belly, under the waist band of my panties, but he doesn¡¯t go further. His breath warms my cheek as he says hoarsely, ¡°Open for me, baby.¡±


    As if that were the magic password, my legs part like the Red Sea did for Moses.


    His hand slides in and his fingers brush the very wet, very aroused magic button of my sex. He stills before burying his face in my neck, muttering, ¡°So wet. So hot. So fucking hot.¡±


    He grinds his hot and hard erection into my hip and I¡¯m beginning to think maybe being this wet is not a bad thing.


    Feeling my uncertainty, Nox states, ¡°Nothing wrong with you, baby. You¡¯re beautiful. This is beautiful.¡± Looking up at me through crystal-clear blue eyes, he asks, ¡°You still want this?¡±


    Nodding immediately, I utter, ¡°More than I want my next breath.¡± Without another word, his hands come low on my hips, pulling down my panties. I lift my hips and then they¡¯re gone.


    I feel so exposed. Almost as if he can see right into me. Into my soul.


    My arms come up to cross over my breasts and Nox pushes them away. ¡°Don¡¯t hide from me. I love looking at you. You¡¯re beautiful, baby. Don¡¯t hide.¡±


    Reaching up, I pull his face down to mine and kiss him. He shifts so our bodies mesh together. Me on my back and him lying on top of me. My legs part and he fits between them, our sexes come together and it¡¯s better than anything I¡¯ve ever felt in my life. My core pulses and I moan into his mouth, pulling him deeper into the kiss.


    His length nestles between my wet folds and he thrusts slowly. The friction against my bud sparks something primal inside of me. I lift my legs and wrap them around his hips, moaning. He picks up pace, his thrusts becoming harder and a little faster. My heart rate elevates and my chest heaves. My stomach flips around like a fish out of water. Pin prickles fan out along my spine. Tightening my legs around his hips, he pushes harder onto my sweet spot and a keening cry bursts out of me.


    My hips jerk and the spasms start. His dick nestles further into my folds and I see stars.


    I¡¯m floating in a river of ecstasy, drinking a fruity cocktail of bliss with a cute little umbrella on the side. When the contractions slow, I lean my head back on the pillow and moan, ¡°I love sex.¡±


    Nox¡¯s head falls onto my stomach as his body shakes with laughter. I don¡¯t even have the energy to be embarrassed about my wanton hussiness. That was effing awesome.


    After a moment¡¯s recovery, Nox lifts his head and I feel his hand at my mound. His eyes meet mine. He rubs me gently, up and down, and my eyes flutter.


    It¡¯s perfect. He knows not to be too rough right now.


    My pulse quickens and the happy feelings start to sizzle. Still soaking wet, I feel his thick finger circle my entrance, as if asking permission. I lift my hips a little and the tip of his finger slips inside.


    Damn!


    That feels a little funny.


    Nox watches me. I watch him. His finger slides deeper inside of me and his face becomes pained. ¡°You¡¯re so tight.¡±


    And I cringe. ¡°I¡¯m sorry.¡±


    His face turns to stunned disbelief. ¡°Baby, that¡¯s not a bad thing. My cocks harder than a rock. I just have no idea how I¡¯m gonna last more than ten seconds in your sweet pussy.¡±


    Oh, wow!


    I haven¡¯t heard Nox use dirty words before and unintentionally, my core moistens again.


    Nox groans when he feels it and starts a motion with his finger, sliding in and out of me. He mutters, ¡°Fuckin¡¯ hell. She likes the dirty talk.¡±


    My cheeks flame, but I have no time to react when his finger slides out of me and he pushes two inside of me. A twinge of pain hits me and my eyes close in hurt.


    Geez, I hope that was it.


    But Nox keeps a slow motion and eventually I enjoy the feel of two of his thick fingers inside of me. He makes a scissor like motion with his fingers inside me and the pain returns. I whisper, ¡°Ow.¡±


    His eyes sad, he asks softly, ¡°You sure you wanna do this? The first time¡­it hurts, baby.¡±


    Putting on my poker face, I nod and smile. He searches my face a little while before moving up my body so the tip of his shaft kisses my wetness.


    He says gently, ¡°Bend your knees.¡±


    So I do. It opens me a little more and the tip of him slides into me.


    I gasp and wince. It hurts a little, but not too bad. I suppose the wetness helps. He watches me closely, ¡°¡¯Kay, babe?¡±


    Nodding for him to continue, I grip his upper arms for support. He slides in a little more and the pain doubles.


    Oh shit. This really sucks!


    Never being one to mask my emotions, Nox leans forward and kisses my nose. ¡°I¡¯m sorry, baby. I¡¯ll go slow.¡±


    I breathe deeply, desperately trying to steady myself when his thick length slides a little deeper. A burning pain slithers through me and it hurts so much I whimper. He starts to pull out, but I cry out, ¡°Just do it. Please, honey. Just do it.¡±


    His eyes flash with concern but I hold his stare. He swallows hard before whispering, ¡°Shit. I¡¯m sorry, baby.¡±


    He slides all the way in.


    Something rips inside of me.


    And the pain is so intense that my mouth opens in a silent scream.


    I¡¯m being torn apart.


    Wrapping his arms around me, he rocks me gently. Kissing my forehead, he mutters, ¡°Sorry, baby. I¡¯m so sorry. Fuck. I¡¯m sorry.¡±


    Wincing, my eyes close. Tears fall out the sides of my eyes. I could only describe the pain as agony. I cry silently, but hold Nox tight and whisper through shuddering breaths, ¡°I¡¯m so happy. So happy. I¡¯m glad it was you.¡±


    Wiping my tears away, he places sweet, soft kisses at the corners of my eyes. ¡°Don¡¯t cry, baby. You remember what you said this morning? About it being totally stupid to fall in love with me?¡±


    At that, my eyes open. He adds quietly, ¡°Then you should start calling me a fuckin¡¯ moron.¡±


    Overcome with emotion, I burst into tears and whisper, ¡°Me too.¡± Then I close my eyes and wail, ¡°I¡¯m the village idiot!¡±


    Nox bursts into laughter while I continue to wail. Wiping away my tears, he smiles down at me, ¡°We¡¯re quite a pair, huh?¡±


    Sniffling, I answer truthfully, ¡°I don¡¯t think it could get better than this for me. So, yeah, we¡¯re quite a pair. The best kind of pair.¡±


    Then suddenly, I realize that I¡¯m no longer hurting.


    Testing out how much I¡¯m hurting, I wrap my legs around Nox and pull up, pushing him further into me. My eyes flutter and I hear Nox growl.


    Oh, damn. That feels kind of amazing.


    Nox places his hands by my head, supporting himself over my body while I rock against him. My eyes never leave his. This is feeling good but something is missing. Leaning up, he comes down to me, kissing me hungrily. My lips part and I feel his tongue lick along the inside of my top lip. And it¡¯s so hot that my hips buck.


    Against his mouth, I mutter, ¡°Baby, move. Please.¡±


    So he does. And although I¡¯m sore, it feels good. The friction is deliciously addictive. He thrusts slowly and I sigh.


    This is what sex should feel like.


    As if reading my mind, Nox shares, ¡°Amazing. And it only gets better, princess.¡±


    My heart rate spikes. My body suddenly desperate for more, I beg, ¡°Faster. Harder.¡±


    Kissing my lips fiercely, his thrusts become wild and my body feels warm and light. The vein in his temple pulses, and pulling away from my lips, he murmurs, ¡°This is gonna be quick, Lily.¡±


    Then just as I reach up and connect our lips again, he pulls out of me. Panting, he groans into my mouth and I feel his warm come spurt onto my mound and belly.


    And it¡¯s then that I realize we didn¡¯t use a condom .


    So careless. So stupid. So freakin¡¯ idiotic.


    I guess I¡¯m just lucky that he remembered to pull out or I¡¯d have a possible pregnancy on my hands. And although that¡¯s an option one day, it¡¯s not something I want now. Not wanting to break the mood, I reach up and run my fingers down his cheek. I smile up at him and bite my lip. ¡°That was amazing.¡±


    His eyes warm as he smiles down at me. ¡°You¡¯re a liar. It was horrible, not amazing.¡± I laugh at myself. Leaning down, he pecks my lips as he adds a promise. ¡°But it will be.¡±


    Running my nose along his, I utter sleepily, ¡°I¡¯ll hold you to that.¡±


    Chapter Eighteen


    The eye of the storm


    Lily


    Waking with a smile, I bury my face deeper into the crook of Nox¡¯s neck.


    ¡°Mornin¡¯, babe,¡± he mumbles, ¡°Feelin¡¯ okay?¡±


    Not really sure how I feel yet, I clench between my legs and hiss, ¡°Ow. Not ready for another round just yet, I¡¯m afraid.¡±


    Wrapping his arms tighter around me, he suggests, ¡°You should have a nice warm bath. You do that and I¡¯ll bring you some breakfast.¡±


    Raising my head, I look at him through sleepy eyes. ¡°You do that and I¡¯ll never go home.¡± And as soon as I say it, I want to eat the words while they¡¯re still in the air. But it¡¯s too late.


    Both our faces fall. An awkward silence follows.


    I move to roll out of bed, but his hand closes around my wrist. Pulling me back to him, he tucks me into his side and sighs, ¡°We knew it was gonna get brought up eventually, princess. We can¡¯t pretend forever.¡±


    The bridge of my nose tingles and I whisper, ¡°But I like pretending with you.¡±


    He kisses the top of my head and murmurs into my hair, ¡°Me too, baby. Me too.¡±


    This morning flew by.


    First, Nox started a bath for me. I climbed into said bath and spent around half an hour relaxing my sore muscles. Some of those muscles I didn¡¯t even know I had. Secondly, we ate breakfast together. Today was not an oatmeal kind of day, so I made pancakes and much to Nox¡¯s obvious disgust, I drenched them in butter and syrup before wolfing them down. Mostly without chewing. Thirdly, after my sugar rush, we worked out. Today was a rare occasion where all four of us did our sessions together.


    And Boo. Oh, Boo.


    The entire time, she kept her eyes on me. Squished face and smiling like a freakin¡¯ dork. It got to me so badly that I threw a padded baton at her.


    Talk about awkward.


    And lastly, after our session was done, Boo pulled me into her room for the four-one-one on last night. And it went a little something like this:


    Bouncing on the spot, she squeaked, ¡°Sooo. How did it go?¡±


    It¡¯s a total bummer on her behalf, after all the time she took explaining things to me, but I have to be honest. ¡°It was awful.¡±


    Her bouncing slowed. Then stopped. Her face bunched in confusion. ¡°What?¡±


    Nodding, I explained, ¡°Yep. Totally sucked. It was bad. Like bad bad. And painful. And seriously awkward.¡±


    Boo¡¯s mouth gaped.


    But then I added, ¡°But it was perfect.¡±


    Looking even more confused, she mouthed, ¡°What?¡±


    Smiling, I uttered, ¡°Nox. It didn¡¯t matter how it went. It mattered that it was him. And he was so good to me. So gentle and super sweet. Saying the right things when I needed them to be said. He was so perfect that it didn¡¯t matter how it went. I was with him. So it was perfect.¡± Looking up at Boo, I smiled a genuinely happy smile, trying to convey just how perfect it was.


    Her lips quivered and her eyes misted. She whispered, ¡°That¡¯s awesome, Dee.¡± Clearing her throat, she added, ¡°It gets better though. Way better. And you get better at it, too.¡±


    Leaning back, I pursed my lips. ¡°Shit, Boo. It couldn¡¯t get worse.¡±

 Page 22

    A bark of laughter burst out of her and I smiled.


    ¡­It better get better.Advertisement


    Smiling to myself, I all but skip down the hall to Nox¡¯s office. Not bothering to knock, I open the door and step in. Nox stands with his back to me, looking out the window, talking on the cell phone. I hear one side of the conversation.


    ¡°No, sir. It¡¯s not that complicated.¡± Pause. ¡°I understand. I assure you when the time comes, I can let her go.¡±


    My heart skips a beat.


    Obviously not having heard me enter, he continues, ¡°She¡¯s just a girl. She¡¯ll get over it. We knew it wouldn¡¯t last anyway. We were stupid to start it.¡±


    My heart shrinks. Then shrivels. Then dies.


    My throat thickens. I try to swallow the lump but can¡¯t. My eyes blur with unshed tears.


    ¡°Yes, sir. I can¡¯t tell you how sorry I am. It was a moment of weakness and it won¡¯t happen again.¡±


    Oh God. No.


    Nox


    Mitch¡¯s voice sounds into the cell, ¡°Listen, Nox. I know it can be lonely in this life, but you¡¯re better off finding one of your own. I¡¯m not sure if I want you working this anymore. You¡¯re in too deep. I think it might be clouding your judgment. Hell, you took her off site! That isn¡¯t like you.¡±


    I should¡¯ve known he would find out about me and Lily at the beach.


    The door to my office opens. I know it¡¯s her. But I need to steer Mitch the other way.


    My eyes shut tight and my chest aches as I say, ¡°No, sir. It¡¯s not that complicated.¡±


    Mitch utters, ¡°I hope not. This could cause trouble. I think it already has.¡±


    I force out, ¡°I understand. I assure you when the time comes, I can let her go.¡±


    I almost hear Lily¡¯s heart break when I say, ¡°She¡¯s just a girl. She¡¯ll get over it. We knew it wouldn¡¯t last anyway. We were stupid to start it.¡±


    Mitch pauses a moment, then, ¡°I¡¯m sure you did the best you could, son. I know I can count on you, Nox. You¡¯re one of my best men.¡±


    I choke the urge to roar in anger and mutter, ¡°Yes, sir. I can¡¯t tell you how sorry I am. It was a moment of weakness and it won¡¯t happen again.¡±


    The rage builds inside of me. I feel it trail up my chest as it claws its way into my head.


    Mitch finishes with, ¡°I suspect it won¡¯t. Keep me updated.¡± Then he¡¯s gone.


    Head pounding, I clutch the phone tight. Breathing deep, I dip my chin and say, ¡°Come here, baby.¡±


    Her voice hitches, ¡°No.¡± She chokes out, ¡°You made me believe¡­I¡¯m so stupid¡­I believed¡­¡±


    Turning, I throw down the cell and walk over to her. She holds her hands out, palms up and utters through gritted teeth, ¡°Don¡¯t you touch me. Don¡¯t you fucking touch me.¡±


    I plead, ¡°Baby, listen to me.¡±


    Walking back with her palms up, tears fall down her cheeks. She hisses, ¡°I believed you! Don¡¯t come near me, Nox. You¡¯ve made it clear where we stand.¡±


    Turning on her heel, she tries to escape.


    Not a chance of that happening.


    Running up behind her, I wrap my arms around her arms, holding her tight. She kicks out. ¡°Let go of me! You¡¯re a liar!¡± A sob bursts out of her, ¡°You¡¯re a goddamn liar and I hate you!¡±


    Her body shakes with silent sobs and I rock her side to side, allowing her a moment to get it out. She weakens in my hold and stops fighting. I take this chance to explain, ¡°Knew you were there the whole time, baby. And I never lied to you. I lied to Mitch.¡±


    Lily mutters, ¡°I don¡¯t believe you. You were always going to leave me. You were never going to come back for me.¡±


    There¡¯s so much I want to tell her right now, but I can¡¯t. Swallowing hard, I tell her, ¡°Lily, I swear, I never lied to you. There are things I want to tell you, but I can¡¯t right now. Just please believe me when I say I never lied to you.¡±


    Still hurt by what she heard, she tries to pull free. ¡°No. I don¡¯t have to believe shit!¡±


    Holding her tighter, I lean my head forward, closer to her ear and whisper, ¡°What¡¯s my name, princess?¡±


    She stills in my arms. ¡°Adam.¡±


    I urge, ¡°My full name.¡±


    She whispers, ¡°Adam Christian Taylor.¡±


    ¡°And where was I born?¡±


    Her breath hitches. ¡°White Deer, Texas.¡±


    Planting a kiss to her neck, I ask, ¡°When¡¯s my birthday?¡±


    She chokes on a sob. ¡°March eighteenth.¡±


    Burying my face into her neck, I say, ¡°Know how many people know that information?¡±


    Her answer if a sniffle.


    I state, ¡°You. Just you, Lily. You¡¯re the only one I trust with that. Because you¡¯re everything to me.¡±


    Collapsing in my arms, she cries softly. I turn her around and pull her into a hug. I¡¯m immediately relieved when her arms come around me and she squeezes me tight.


    ¡°I just heard- I mean, I walked in and--then you said--and I didn¡¯t know--and it hurt so much!¡± She cries into my chest and I kiss the top of her head.


    ¡°I know. And I¡¯m sorry you thought what you thought. But it was Mitch who needed to think what you thought. I heard you come in, baby. I knew you were there the whole time. I still had to do it,¡± I say as I rub her back.


    Feeling protective of my girl, I decide to let her in on one little secret. ¡°Doesn¡¯t matter where you are, baby. I¡¯ll come for you.¡± She lifts her watery eyes to mine and I state confidently, ¡°I¡¯ll come for you.¡±


    Lifting her face, I lower mine. We meet in the middle.


    The kiss is sweet. So much conveyed in that small gesture. I release her lips to whisper, ¡°You gotta trust me like I trust you, ¡®kay?¡±


    She nods and sniffles. So I kiss her sweet lips again.


    And again.


    And again.


    Lily


    I hang out with Nox in his office for the rest of the afternoon.


    He puts me to work filing, and although it¡¯s a crappy job, I used to do it at Flynn Logistics all the damn time, so I¡¯m good at it. Within an hour, I have him up to speed and he sets me to work looking through boxes to see if there¡¯s anything else I can do without getting bored.


    Nox types away at his laptop, clearly busy, so when I open the first book and gasp quietly, he doesn¡¯t react.


    There, on top of the files, is my cell phone.


    Picking it up, I hold it for a while before placing it back in the box and shutting the lid.


    Closing my eyes, I breathe deeply. Temptation will not win out. I am stronger than this. I do not need to turn it on. I¡¯ve been fine without it for months. I don¡¯t need it.


    You don¡¯t need it.


    No. I don¡¯t.


    Opening the box again, I pick up my cell and hold down the power button. It starts without a problem. There are a ton of text messages and missed calls, but before I can check anything, the phone rings.


    Staring at the display, I still.


    Jett.


    Jamie¡¯s twin brother.


    I need to take this.


    I¡¯m so tangled in the phone ringing that I don¡¯t hear Nox move until he¡¯s behind me. ¡°Lily, baby, don¡¯t answer.¡±


    Still kneeling in front of the open box, my fingers twitch.


    ¡°Baby, that phone isn¡¯t secure. Don¡¯t answer.¡±


    Standing, I hold the cell phone by my side and turn to Nox. He looks worried. I whisper, ¡°I have to take this.¡±


    Nox shakes his head. His lips thin. ¡°It¡¯s not a secure line, Lily. Anyone can track it.¡±


    Looking back down at the still ringing phone, I whisper again, ¡°I need to take this.¡±


    Nox reaches out to take the phone, but I hold it out of reach. His eyes meet mine, confusion written all over them. Breathing heavily, I say, ¡°I¡¯m sorry.¡± Then run out the door, down the hall and into my old room. Taking the chair from inside the room, I drag it into the bathroom with me and lodge it under the door knob.


    Not a second after I place it there, the door handle jiggles. Nox yells, ¡°Babe! Stop! Do not answer!¡±


    Closing my eyes, I press the call button. I hold the cell to my ear and whisper, ¡°Hello?¡±


    Nox bangs on the door and booms, ¡°Hang up, Lily! Fuck!¡±


    ¡°Lily! Lily, darlin¡¯! Please don¡¯t hang up! It¡¯s urgent!¡±


    Oh my effing God!


    A heavy Irish accent but the wrong brother. A clearly distressed Jamie Harrison begs for me to stay on the line.


    The person who I thought was my friend.


    The person who organized a hit on me.


    He was going to have me killed for money.


    And I trusted him.


    My finger dances on the end call button. I accuse, ¡°I thought you were my friend, Jamie.¡±


    He yells, ¡°I am, Lily! I feckin¡¯ love ye! Yer my family, girlie. I¡¯m more a feckin¡¯ Flynn than I am a Harrison! Please listen ta me!¡±


    There¡¯s something about the desperation in his voice I don¡¯t like.


    I know Jamie. I know him well enough to know that he isn¡¯t a shaking-in-your-boots type of guy. The boots are shaking now. I can almost hear them through the phone.


    Steeling my voice, I tell him, ¡°You¡¯ve got thirty seconds to make me listen.¡±


    His voice shakes as he whispers, ¡°Never meant for this ta happen. It wasn¡¯t meant ta happen like this. I swear, Lily.¡± Voice breaking, he mutters, ¡°Swear on my own life.¡±


    My chest squeezes. This is so unlike Jamie.


    Sniffling, he states, ¡°Jett¡¯s trying ta kill me.¡±


    What? No way.


    Jett and Jamie are closer than close. I don¡¯t believe it.


    Covering my mouth with my hand, I listen wide-eyed as he starts, ¡°Jett came up with an idea ta get money. We needed ta do something ta look after mam. Do ye ken? It was all for Mam, Lil.¡±


    He moans low, as if in pain. Panting, he goes on, ¡°Da knew about what happened when ye were a bairn. He told us all about it. We were desperate enough to use it against ye.¡± Panting harder, his voice shakes. ¡°Said it¡¯d be perfect. No one would get hurt. We get the money. Then we disappear.¡±


    Jamie breaks into a coughing fit and my heart races.


    More banging, then Nox yells, ¡°Open the fucking door, Lily! Don¡¯t make me break it down!¡±


    Don¡¯t hang up!


    Eye prickling, I ask, ¡°What then, Jamie?¡±


    Breathing deeply, he steadies his voice. ¡°Then it changed. Jett started ta hide shit from me. He changed the password on our laptop, Lily. I couldn¡¯t get in. Took the work phone away from me. Started listening on yer father¡¯s conversations and asking about ye. A lot, girlie. I knew something wasn¡¯t right, but I didn¡¯t ken how much.¡±


    Jamie makes a choked noise, he whispers through tears. ¡°He framed me, Lily. I swear it.¡± My entire body jolts as he roars, ¡°The feckin¡¯ twat framed me!¡±


    Tears fall onto my cheeks.


    Fuck.


    He isn¡¯t lying. No way, no how. I whisper, ¡°What does he want?¡±


    His voice shakes, ¡°Never about you, Lily. Never. He wants two things.¡± I wait patiently as he utters, ¡°Money. And Terah. He¡¯s on his way ta get her now. He knows where ye are, Lily. Don¡¯t be fooled. He¡¯s smarter than he shows. Ye need to get out of there. Get somewhere safe. He¡¯s lost his mind.¡±


    My blood runs cold.


    Trembling, I screech, ¡°Nox!¡± before breaking into sobs.


    Standing, I kick away the chair that holds the door locked.


    Jamie starts to cough again, wheezing as he mutters, ¡°He feckin¡¯ killed me, Lil.¡±


    My voice quakes as I ask, ¡°What do you mean, Jamie? Where are you?¡±


    His voice weakens. ¡°In my apartment, love. And it won¡¯t be long now. I¡¯ll be back with Da.¡±


    Tears fall freely down my cheeks and I shout, ¡°You¡¯re not going to die!¡±


    Jamie chuckles, ¡°Oh, sweets, the two bullets in my chest tell me different.¡± Doubling over, I clutch my stomach, bawling as I listen to my dying friend. ¡°Ye were the best thing about America, Lily. Never wanted ta live here, but I had to come. Yer da is a good man. And I loved him like he was my own.¡±


    More banging in the background.


    Arms come around my waist, but I clutch the phone to my ear and whisper, ¡°You¡¯re going to be okay.¡±


    ¡°No, Lil. I won¡¯t. But I¡¯m good with that. Get ta see Da.¡± His voice turns reverent. ¡°Never had a sister before, Lil.¡±


    My body shakes violently with my tears. A second more and I hear the call disconnect. Panicked, I wail, ¡°No!¡±


    I¡¯m crumbling.


    Nox rocks me, but not before taking my cell and throwing it hard against the bathroom wall. It shatters into a hundred pieces and I sob while Nox holds me.


    Between choked breaths, I tell him, ¡°Jamie¡¯s dying. They got it wrong. It¡¯s Jett, not Jamie. He shot him, and now he¡¯s going after Terah.¡± Closing my eyes, I whisper, ¡°Don¡¯t let him get her. Please, God. Don¡¯t let him get her.¡±


    Opening my eyes, I look at Nox through the mirror and say quietly, ¡°He knows where I am.¡±


    Nox¡¯s arms tighten around me. Offering false security.


    Chapter Nineteen


    Leaving on a Jett plane


    Lily


    Pandemonium. That¡¯s the only word I could use to describe the hours after that call.


    Rock yells on one cell while Nox barks orders through another, and Boo packs a bag full of my things.


    We¡¯re leaving tonight.


    I don¡¯t know where we¡¯re going, but as long as I¡¯m with Nox, I¡¯ll be okay.


    My body trembles.


    I¡¯m not showing my true fear. Nox is stressed enough without having to deal with my BS.


    Boo stops what she¡¯s doing at the sight of me. And I thought I was hiding it so well. She comes over and wraps her arms around me, and I let her. She whispers encouraging words that I don¡¯t actually hear.


    Rock finishes up his call looking more than worried.


    Shit.


    Turning to Nox, he waits patiently for him to finish his call. Once off the phone, Nox barks, ¡°Tell me something good, Rock. I couldn¡¯t handle bad right now.¡±

 Page 23

    Rock lowers his eyes. He says quietly, ¡°Safe house Zed was breached just now.¡±


    My heart stops altogether.Advertisement


    Before I can ask about Terah, he adds, ¡°Jon knew something wasn¡¯t right. Went with his gut and took Terah away from there. I don¡¯t know where they are, but wherever it is, they¡¯re safe.¡±


    I turn my face to watch Nox. He swallows hard. He looks angry. Very angry.


    Sniffing, he asks, ¡°Fallen?¡±


    Rock stills a moment before answering softly, ¡°Takeshi and Sean.¡±


    Nox steps back, sucking in a deep breath.


    I still don¡¯t know what¡¯s going on.


    Hands on his hips, Nox enquires, ¡°Gunfire?¡±


    Rock says even softer, ¡°Explosion. Zed was blown apart.¡±


    Oh God. Oh God. Oh my fucking God!


    People are dead. Takeshi and Sean are dead.


    My eyes fill with tears. They died protecting my sister. And I never even met them. I¡¯ll never meet my sister¡¯s heroes. I ask a hollow, ¡°People are dying?¡±


    Nox, Rock, and Boo all look at me. I ask again, quieter, ¡°People are dying because of me?¡±


    Immediately, Nox is by my side. And he¡¯s furious. ¡°No. Don¡¯t do that. This is not your fault. This is because of some sick fuck with a crush.¡± Looking up at him through blurry eyes, he cups my cheeks and leans his forehead on mine. ¡°Not your fault, baby. I swear.¡±


    I know it¡¯s not appropriate, but I love that he used my version of a promise by saying ¡®I swear¡¯.


    Reaching up, I hold his hands over my cheeks. ¡°What do we do now?¡±


    Pulling back, he states, ¡°We get outta here. Take Jonathon¡¯s line of thinking and disappear. Just me and you, babe.¡±


    Taking a deep breath, I nod as I exhale.


    Nox whispers, ¡°Good. Get your shit.¡±


    As I walk over to back of the room, a deafening boom sounds from the back of the house, and I see a flash of blinding white light before an unseen force throws me backwards to the ground.


    The house shakes. The fixtures rattle. The furniture moves. My heart slams into my chest. I¡¯m winded from the fall. Shaking, I hold my hands over my ears and watch as the windows, a foot away from me, explode. Ducking my head, I scream in shock and use my forearm to cover my face.


    Glass shards spray me, and closing my eyes tightly, I feel wet warmth on my forehead and arm.


    Looking around, I see Nox yelling so hard the veins in his neck bulge. He motions for me to come to him but I can¡¯t move.


    I¡¯m petrified.


    Army crawling towards me, he yells some more, but I can¡¯t hear a thing. A ringing sound echoes through my head.


    Blinking, I shout, ¡°What?¡±


    His lips move, but I still can¡¯t hear over the ringing. Adrenalin causes blood to roar in my ears, and finally I begin to hear.


    Boo and Rock yell out while Nox directs them.


    Confusion seeps through me. I can¡¯t comprehend what¡¯s happening. All I know is that it¡¯s bad.


    Another explosion. Closer this time. The house shakes feverishly.


    A frightened shriek escapes me. Nox shouts, ¡°Go with Boo!¡±


    Opening my mouth to respond, arms come around me from behind and pull me backwards. Everything¡¯s happening so quickly. I¡¯m in a panic.


    Watching Nox watch me, a torrent of tears escape me. Shrugging off the arms, I fall forward on my knees and scramble across broken glass back to Nox. Crying hysterically, I yell out, ¡°I don¡¯t want to leave you! Please don¡¯t make me leave you! Don¡¯t make me go!¡±


    His eyes shine bright. Taking my face in his hands, he takes my mouth in a short possessive kiss. Releasing me, he shouts out, ¡°Go with Boo!¡±


    Reaching forward, I clutch his shirt, shaking, ¡°Don¡¯t make me go! I want to stay with you!¡±


    His face turns pained. Pulling my clawing hands off him, he stands and says, ¡°If you ever loved me, you¡¯ll go with Boo.¡± Lowering my face, I burst into another bout of tears. He adds, ¡°You have to trust me, Lily!¡±


    Crying only a moment longer, I pull myself together. Straightening, I demand through gritted teeth, ¡°You better come for me. You promised.¡± Not waiting for a response, I crawl back to Boo through the destruction.


    She pushes me forward in front of her and yells, ¡°Down the hall and out!¡±


    Rock waits at the end of the hall, holding his arms out. Crawling fast on bleeding knees, I make it to him and he pulls me up. As soon as Boo gets within a foot of us, we¡¯re out the front door. A black van waits there, side door open. Rock all but throws me inside, Boo follows, slamming the door shut. Rock climbs into the driver¡¯s seat, starts the van, and drives.


    And all I can think about is Nox.


    Will he follow us to wherever I¡¯m being taken? Where are we going? How long will I have to spend without him?


    The van crosses the property line, and I look back out the rear window, silently saying goodbye to my second home and hoping I¡¯ll see it again soon. We drive a minute longer when I see it.


    Flashes of white, orange, and yellow swirling through the air hold my attention.


    My mouth gapes as I watch in horror.


    BOOM-BOOM-BOOM


    The safe house endures one, then two, then three more roaring explosions, before being engulfed in flames.


    My heart stops. Boo¡¯s arm grips mine as we both watch the terrifying scene.


    I don¡¯t blink. I don¡¯t breathe. I can¡¯t think.


    Suddenly, I ask distractedly, ¡°He got out, right?¡± Boo¡¯s hand tightens on my arm. I turn to her, looking down at her hand, and back up to her face. Breathing heavily, I ask again, ¡°He got out, right?¡±


    Her shocked face remains stoic.


    Answer me!


    Moving across the van, I bang on the divider and shout out, ¡°Rock, turn around!¡±


    Boo yells back, ¡°Keep driving.¡±


    Oh, thank God, she¡¯s back. Kneeling on throbbing and bloodied knees, I crawl over to her and nod, ¡°He got out, right?¡±


    That¡¯s when I see it.


    The fear and devastation. It¡¯s written all over her face.


    And my chest squeezes. Slumping, I whisper, ¡°He got out. He had to have gotten out.¡±


    Boo¡¯s eyes tear as she holds my unblinking stare. A tear trails down her cheek. Her mouth opens and shuts. Not able to speak, she shrugs weakly while shaking her head.


    Anger builds in me and I say louder, ¡°He got out, Boo. He did.¡±


    Biting her lip, she closes her eyes, and begins to cry. Her shoulders jerk silently.


    I stand in the back of the moving van. My anger overflowing, I shout at her, ¡°He fucking got out, Boo!¡±


    Her chin dips. Her body shakes in silent sobs. I watch her tears fall to the floor.


    Falling to my knees in front of her, I state a little quieter, ¡°He got out.¡± Reaching forward, she wraps her arms around my rigid body. I repeat, ¡°He got out.¡± It sounds weaker this time. Her arms hugging me tightly, her body shakes against mine, and my voice shakes as I say feebly into her neck, ¡°He did. He got out.¡±


    My courage fades.


    My nose tingles.


    My voice trembles as I utter confusedly, ¡°He can¡¯t be gone. We have plans.¡±


    Finding her voice, she mutters into my hair, ¡°I¡¯m so sorry, Deedee. So sorry.¡±


    My arms hold her tightly, my hands gripping at her clothing. Sorrow slices through me like a knife. The sobs come hard and fast. ¡°No. We have plans.¡± She clutches me to her. Crying hard, my body shakes as I wail, ¡°He¡¯s coming for me! He promised!¡±


    Feeling weak, I whisper through shuddering breaths, ¡°He promised, Boo. He swore.¡±


    Let it go. It¡¯s over.


    A low, long, keening cry bursts out of my mouth. Not able to breathe, my body convulses in my weak state.


    I¡¯m numb.


    Boo cries with me and holds me tight.


    All the way to the hospital.


    This hospital is different from others.


    I¡¯ve been to a hospital like this one before. It¡¯s a private hospital. A small hospital.


    It¡¯s almost identical to the one I woke up in when I was taken as a child.


    Upon arriving, Rock carried me in a bridal hold. He had to do this because I couldn¡¯t stop the tears. And with tears comes weakness of the heart, and weakness of the body to match.


    I remember being pricked in the arm, and suddenly everything was light and fluffy. And although I wanted to cry some more, my body refused. But I felt sleepy. They set me down in a wheelchair and rolled me to a room with a queen-sized bed. Rock helped me up onto it. Boo came forward and hugged me tightly before excusing herself, but Rock stayed with me until I fell asleep.


    I came-to a few minutes ago to a nurse taking my blood pressure. As soon as she sees me open my eyes, she smiles and says softly, ¡°Hello, dear. Sorry to wake you.¡±


    Her sweet, mature face is almost too much to bear. My eyes sweep the room. Panic sets in. Sitting up quickly, I ask in a hoarse voice, ¡°The man who was here, where is he?¡±


    Her face falls. ¡°What man, dear?¡±


    No. No!


    My hands begin to shake. ¡°The man who brought me here.¡±


    Her face doesn¡¯t show any sign of recognition. Pointing to the chair Rock sat in while I fell asleep, I almost shriek, ¡°He was in that chair! I need to know where he is! It¡¯s important!¡±


    She steps away from me, clearly uncomfortable with my actions and raised voice. She says quietly but firmly, ¡°Now, dear, you need to calm down. I¡¯m sure we can find out where he went.¡±


    My heart rate spikes on the machine. The beeping noise drills into my skull.


    Hyperventilating, I rip at the IVs taped on top of my hand and in my inner elbow. Pulling the plastic clean out of my skin, I move to stand when the nurse yells out, ¡°I¡¯ve got a code red! I need hands!¡±


    I stand on the mattress when two large men come into my room. Holding my hands out, I utter, ¡°I just need to find my friend. That¡¯s all.¡±


    One of the men comes closer, nodding. His gentle eyes pull me in. ¡°Okay, honey. Get down from the bed and we¡¯ll go for a little walk around, alright?¡±


    My shoulders slump in relief. Thank God, he understands.


    Taking his hand, he helps me off the bed. And just when I smile up at him, something jabs me in the thigh. Snapping my head around, the other man pulls the syringe from my thigh and nods to the other man.


    Son of a bitch!


    The effects of the drug work fast. My vision blurs. Feeling lightheaded, my hold on his hand weakens, and I slur, ¡°You tricked me.¡±


    The man holds me tightly, and the last thing I remember is him whispering into my ear, ¡°I¡¯m sorry.¡±


    I wake with a start, the vision of the safe house going up in flames fresh in my mind.


    My father stands from the chair he was sitting in, and Mom¡ªfrazzled and tired looking ¡ªrushes over to the bed, clearly distressed. Putting her knee on the bed, she crawls over the covers to me and hugs me ferociously.


    This is so unlike my mom that it startles me.


    I hear all the time that daughters are usually close with their moms, but I never was. My dad kept me so close to him that Mom got tucked away in a corner. Feeling her body shake against mine, I wrap my arms around her, and breathe in her familiar scent. ¡°It¡¯s okay, Mom. I¡¯m okay.¡±


    Her voice cracks, ¡°I was so worried. My baby all alone and scared.¡± She squeezes me tighter. I hadn¡¯t realized how much I missed her hugs. She repeats on a whisper, ¡°All alone and scared.¡±


    I hold her and stroke her hair while I keep my eyes on dad. My brain, needing someone to blame, picks him. The easiest target.


    Releasing Mom, I pull back from the hug as Dad approaches. Holding a hand out, I say, ¡°Don¡¯t.¡±


    He stops mid-step, and I watch his face fall. My normally handsome Dad now looks exhausted. Fisting the sheets of the bed, I tell him through gritted teeth, ¡°You should¡¯ve told me. I would¡¯ve never found out if Nox hadn¡¯t given in and told me.¡±


    Dad¡¯s eyes fill with tears. ¡°I¡¯m sorry, Lily girl.¡±


    My eyes match his tear-for-tear. I sniffle through quivering lips, ¡°It won¡¯t bring him back to me.¡± Suddenly furious, I lean forward and hiss, ¡°I deserve to be happy. And I was happy with him!¡±


    Understanding dawns on my father¡¯s face. Mom grips my hand tightly.


    Dad responds quietly, ¡°Oh, Lily. I didn¡¯t realize you¡¯d¡ªoh, darling. I¡¯m so sorry.¡±


    The anger melts away. Dipping my chin, I whisper, ¡°He was it for me. We were meant to find each other.¡±


    Sitting on the edge of the bed, Dad opens his mouth, but nothing comes out. Mom squeezes my hand again. ¡°Tell me what you need, honey. Anything. I want to help.¡±


    The anger returns with a vengeance. ¡°You think a cup of cocoa will fix this?¡± My parents wear matching expressions of sadness. It just peeves me off even further. I screech, ¡°You think a sandwich or a fucking cookie will fix this?¡±


    Mom starts, ¡°Baby, I-¡±


    Looking away, I order, ¡°Out.¡± Mom stops talking. I repeat, ¡°Get out.¡±


    We sit in silence for a minute before my parents, obviously hurt, stand to leave. When I hear them move towards the door, I call out, ¡°I want Terah. Bring me Terah.¡±


    I need my sister.


    Seven hours later¡­


    Tired, sore, and seriously pissed off, I roll my eyes when I hear a faint knock at the door.


    I¡¯m tired because of the sedatives they¡¯ve been feeding me. I¡¯m sore because my forearm, knees, and forehead are torn to shreds. And I¡¯m pissed off because I want to go home where I can mourn the death of my boyfriend in peace. I bark, ¡°What?¡± before turning to the door.


    At the sight of my equally tired sister, I gasp. She offers a small smile, then asks, ¡°Can I come in?¡±


    Not trusting myself to speak, I nod and she walks over to me. Climbing onto the bed, she sits close to me, sitting up. Her arms open to me. I look at her through glossy eyes before I sink into her, resting my cheek onto her chest.


    Terah rocks me gently, placing soft kisses on top of my head.

 Page 24

    So many thoughts drift through my head, but regardless of how many there are, they always come back to Nox. A sob bursts out of me.


    Then another.Advertisement


    And another.


    Terah coos, ¡°I¡¯m so sorry, kid. I love you so much. I¡¯m so glad you¡¯re safe.¡±


    She rocks me as I cry openly and freely for well passed an hour. Finally calming, I ask, ¡°Where¡¯s Jett?¡±


    Her body stiffens at his name. No doubt Jonathon told her about what his plan was. After a moment¡¯s silence, she says, ¡°Gone, sweetie. They both are.¡±


    Taking a moment for that to sink in, I realize I¡¯ll be mourning for more than one person today. ¡°How?¡±


    Terah¡¯s voice hitches, ¡°Jamie was found in the apartment. Two gunshot wounds to his chest. Jett got too close to the explosions at the safe house you were kept at. He bled out on the back lawn. Jon said he had glass shrapnel all over his body. A shard of glass pierced his stomach.¡±


    Sounding a little too indifferent, she states, ¡°Jon said it would¡¯ve been a painful way to die.¡±


    I simply nod.


    I need to change the subject. I can¡¯t stand to talk about this, or even listen to it. Sniffing, I ask, ¡°You coming home or you staying with Jon?¡±


    The mood in the air changes. She cuddles me to her. ¡°No, kid. I¡¯m staying with you. We¡¯re going home.¡±


    I love her for that, but explain quietly, ¡°I don¡¯t know how long home will be home for.¡±


    And she gets me. Offering her support, she states, ¡°As long as you stay, I¡¯ll stay, too. If you move on, I¡¯ll move on, too. We¡¯ll do it at your pace, honey. There¡¯s no rush.¡±


    Twelve hours later with clearance from the doctor, we head for home.


    Chapter Twenty


    That¡¯s life


    Lily


    I can¡¯t eat.


    I can¡¯t sleep.


    I want to die.


    Chapter Twenty-One


    A new beginning


    Lily


    Today is the first day of the rest of my life.


    Terah uses her knees to push the sofa to the right. Stepping back, we both tilt our heads and look. Both shaking our heads, we return to the sofa, and push further left.


    Stepping back again, we survey our handy work. We smile at each other.


    It¡¯s perfect.


    Okay, so that¡¯s completely laughable. And if you saw my apartment, you¡¯d understand why.


    My father is devastated.


    He begged me not to move. His begging turned into threats. I grew sick of the arguing, and decided silence was the better option. The day after I told him about the apartment, he sent me an email saying he¡¯d added funds to my account to help me start my new life, and to please be safe.


    Yep. An email.


    We haven¡¯t spoken much since I came home.


    But I was glad he gave in. Not that I need his permission.


    The thrill of victory I¡¯d told myself I¡¯d feel never actually came. There was a small part of me that felt guilty for taking that money, but the larger part of me said I needed to do this. I need to live my life. That¡¯s the part I listened to.


    Mom, on the other hand, decided she was going to spend every waking moment with me from the time I got home, until the time I was cured. Cured of my heartbreak.


    My brain rolls its eyes.


    And although I appreciate what she was doing, this was something I needed to do on my own. Being my mom, she wants me to have the best of everything.


    I told her that the most content people didn¡¯t have the best of everything. They just make the best of everything they¡¯ve got.


    I have a small, one-bedroom apartment in the city. It¡¯s central to everything. I bought most of my furniture and housing accessories second-hand. I¡¯ve learned to live on a budget, and got a job as a server at a steak house nearby.


    My life is flawed. My job is hard. The wages are small. But I love it.


    I am finally living.


    I miss the days when things were simple.


    Too much has happened. There are so many things that my mind will not let me forget. Constant reminders of the past few months haunt me.


    My heart palpitates. I squeeze my eyes shut and breathe deeply. My therapist gave me breathing exercises and it surprised the shit out of me that they actually work.


    In, two, three, four.


    Out, two, three, four.


    In, two, three, four.


    My heart rate slows, and I take in a deep breath. I hold it for another four seconds, then exhale and go back to what I was doing.


    Taking the box closest to me, I hand it to Terah with a smirk. She and Jon moved in together. Location unknown because of his hottie commando badassness. But I¡¯m happy for her. And she made it clear that all I needed to do for her to come around was call.


    So I called. And here she is.


    ¡°God, I hate moving. It sucks hairy balls,¡± she mutters, then quickly adds, ¡°But it¡¯s so exciting! The both of us out of Mom and Dad¡¯s house, and actually doing things.¡± She pauses a moment. ¡°Dad¡¯s probably going to sell the mansion.¡±


    He should. That house is more trouble than it¡¯s worth. And to think he got it only for security. I chuckle to myself, thinking about how quickly Nox got in.


    My heart sinks. Then palpitates. Hard.


    I can almost feel it beating out of my chest.


    Holy shit, will this ever get easier?


    The bridge of my nose stings. I quickly start my breathing exercises. Terah, never one to miss anything, rubs my back. ¡°Nice and deep, kid. I got you.¡±


    And she does. Totally.


    Terah has been my rock in this miserable time.


    My heart returns to normal pace, and I check my watch. ¡°You better go. Jon will be waiting on you.¡±


    When she doesn¡¯t reply, I look up at her clearly concerned face. She says with false excitement, ¡°I was thinking I could stay here tonight. We can do a sleepover! Watch movies and eat popcorn. What do you think?¡±


    Bless her. I love this woman. I really do.


    But I know what she¡¯s doing. So I lie right back to her. Stretching, I say cautiously, ¡°Oh, honey. I¡¯m sorry, I¡¯d love to, but I am beat. As in beat. So I think I might just have a quiet one tonight. Besides, I have the morning shift at work tomorrow.¡±


    Lies. Lies. All lies.


    But this is the game we play of late.


    Her face falls. And it actually looks genuine. Placing a hand on her shoulder, I squeeze. ¡°Terah, I¡¯m fine. Go home to your man. What are you doing tonight?¡±


    She smiles dreamily, ¡°It¡¯s date night. We¡¯re going to dinner, then out for a drink. Maybe some ice-cream or something.¡± She shrugs like it¡¯s no big deal. But I know better.


    Walking over to her, I open my arms, and she steps into my hug. ¡°That¡¯s great. I bet he spoils you.¡±


    She chuckles into my hair. ¡°He does. He¡¯s the best.¡±


    We leave it at that. Anymore talk about happy relationships turns my mood to shit.


    Seeing her to the door, I wave her off, and halfway down the hall, she yells out, ¡°We¡¯re such shitty liars. We totally need lessons!¡±


    And I burst into laughter, loving that we do this every single time.


    My sister is the best.


    Making my way back inside, I pause at the fridge, and peek inside.


    Hmmm.


    Think I¡¯m going to need a little more than a box of bi-carbonate soda for dinner.


    Time to go to the store.


    Exiting my local store, I carry my bag full of groceries. And seriously! How expensive are groceries? Yeesh! I almost swooned when the checkout lady gave me my total.


    Balancing the full, brown paper bag on my thigh, I rearrange myself, then walk on. But the sight of something familiar stops me.


    My heart skips a beat.


    I see him.


    His back is to me. He¡¯s walking away from me.


    No.


    I don¡¯t think. I just run.


    My bag of groceries weighs me down. I throw it to the side and keep running.


    No matter how fast I go, I can¡¯t seem to catch up with him.


    My hands shake and my eyes blur. I must look like a crazy person running through the street sobbing. Wiping my watery eyes with my sleeve, I look again.


    He¡¯s gone.


    ¡°Fuck!¡± My heart pounds and blood roars in my ears. I keep running. Through gasping and shuddering breaths, I mutter ¡°No,¡± over and over again.


    I search and search but there¡¯s no sign of him. He¡¯s gone. I kneel in the center of the sidewalk. My body slumps forward, I cover my face with my hands, and let go.


    Crying in frustration.


    Crying for my loss.


    Arms come around my body. I¡¯m lifted into a strong, warm bear-hug. A deep voice whispers reassuring words that I can¡¯t hear. Or just don¡¯t want to.


    I look up into warm, brown eyes. I croak, ¡°What the fuck, Rock?¡±


    His eyes become sad, and he quietly says, ¡°Lovely Lily.¡± He looks around and states, ¡°I shouldn¡¯t be here.¡±


    Gripping his shirt, I ask in desperation, ¡°Is he dead? As in, really dead?¡±


    Rock doesn¡¯t answer for a long moment. Using his thumb, he wipes away my tears and tucks my hair behind my ear. His face is clear. It answers for me.


    My heart breaks a little more.


    Rock whispers, ¡°He¡¯s gone, sweetie.¡±


    I still can¡¯t accept it. ¡°How do you know? Did they find him?¡±


    He shakes his head. ¡°They found bone fragments matching his in the rubble.¡±


    My lip trembles, but I simply nod. He holds me tightly and silently. Wordlessly, we mourn together. Pulling away from him, I ask softly, ¡°When can I see you again?¡±


    Rock¡¯s face plummets further.


    I dip my chin, cover my eyes with one shaking hand, and cry harder. My heart is breaking even more. I¡¯m losing them. All of them.


    My first love.


    My first real friends.


    All the people I love and care about.


    I lift my face to his and choke out, ¡°Why?¡±


    A single tear escapes Rock as he explains, ¡°Because we don¡¯t exist, babe. You can¡¯t have imaginary friends.¡±


    We stare into one another¡¯s eyes. Rock begins to walk backwards.


    Hyperventilating, I put a hand to my heart. I feel it crack a little more with every step he takes away from me. When he gets far enough away, he yells out, ¡°You¡¯ll never be alone, Lily.¡± He kisses his fingertips and places them on his heart. ¡°I¡¯ll always be watching.¡± Rock smiles a watery smile, and attempts to wink that cheeky wink of his, then he turns and walks out of my life.


    Again.


    Chapter Twenty-Two


    The best place to be


    Lily


    If you could go back in time, what would you change?


    I would change a lot about the life I was living.


    I would stand up to my father. I would talk more openly to my mother. I would make friends. I would tell my sister how much I appreciate her love and support. Every. Single. Day.


    I would be more outgoing and less passive. I would stand up for myself, and fight for my right to live the way I wanted to. I would take the reins on my life.


    I would be brave.


    It has been six months since the explosion. Six months since Nox was killed. Since he was taken from me.


    You know that saying ¡®time heals all wounds¡¯? Time seems to be working against me for unknown reasons, because my wounds are still raw, gaping, and tender. But no one can see them. My heart and head are no longer separate entities. They are joined. And they work together to bully me. They both tell me the same thing.


    Move on.


    Tears fill my eyes, and I pick thin strands of dewy grass. Rolling them between my fingers, it¡¯s a wonder I can feel the wetness on my fingertips. I don¡¯t feel a thing anymore.


    I¡¯m numb. To my very core.


    I haven¡¯t seen my father in months. We talk on occasion, but a lot has changed. It¡¯s not that I blame him for the position my family was put in, but I need space. I don¡¯t really want to see anyone. I speak to Mom and Terah almost every day, but I haven¡¯t seen Mom since I left the mansion.


    My father begged me to come home, but now that the threat of being killed has been eliminated, I just want to be on my own.


    I¡¯m not a child. I¡¯m a grownup, dammit.


    There is a difference between living and existing. And mine was a dull existence.


    No more.


    But there is one dull and morbid thing I still like to do, and according to my therapist, it¡¯s helping me a lot.


    The cemetery seems to be a good place to go to mourn. I sit and watch other people visit the headstones of their loved ones. They must feel some form of connection, knowing they are close by.


    Some chat. Some laugh. Some cry. Some remain silent.


    I have nothing.


    Nox¡­he was never found. I have no headstone to mourn at. People who don¡¯t exist don¡¯t get funerals or graves.


    I read somewhere that some people are meant to fall in love but not be together. Anger surges through me. That¡¯s just not fair. The bridge of my nose tingles and my eyes blur. I squeeze them shut and try to swallow past the lump in my throat.


    I would give anything to see him again. Even for a moment.


    I would tell him I love him once more. I would kiss his full lips again. I would put my heart and soul into our last meeting together.


    If I had the ability to go back in time, I would not have left him. I wish I¡¯d gone back for him and made him to come with me.


    If I¡¯d begged hard enough, would he have gone with me? Could I have saved his life somehow?


    The uncertainty of what his answer might¡¯ve been haunts me every day of my life.


    So, here I sit, on a bench, under a tree in the middle of my local graveyard. I come every Sunday. I bring my eReader and I spend most of the day here. It does something to me. It makes me feel serene and respectful. I know I¡¯m unlike the people who come to visit the graves of their loved ones, but I¡¯m no longer a religious person, and if there were any place I could come to grieve, it would be a cemetery, right?


    Mourning isn¡¯t easy. The pain of grief doesn¡¯t go away. You just find a place for it. Store it away somewhere only you have access to.


    There are different stages of pain, all of which hurt like a hell. Mourning someone you love, though, is agony. I just wish the pain wasn¡¯t so sharp and stabby.


    Losing Nox has brought me so much clarity. I feel so ashamed that it took the loss of his life to make me see things I should¡¯ve seen, what feels like a lifetime ago. He lifted the thick fog that was surrounding me, and sent it away.

 Page 25

    Always protecting me, even in death.


    I read somewhere that if you¡¯re going through Hell, keep going. It¡¯s the only way past it.Advertisement


    You have to face your pain, your guilt, and your sorrow. But when the strong hands of grief capture you, it is overwhelming, and completely devastating.


    I fear I¡¯ll never get past the stage of Hell I¡¯m in.


    The only way past grief is to grieve. It¡¯s the high price you pay for a love so sweet.


    I don¡¯t think I¡¯m ready to move on just yet.


    Last Sunday, I was sitting at my regular bench, when I felt someone¡¯s eyes on me. For a second, a note of panic went through me. I pretended to keep reading. A minute passed, and although I still felt eyes on me, the panic faded to nothing. Taking a chance, I looked up right in time to see Rock and Boo walk away from me. Boo¡¯s back shook in what I¡¯m sure were silent sobs, and Rock wrapped his arm around her waist. His hand came up to wipe at his own fallen tears. And somehow this made me feel content. A watery smile spread across my face and I stood, taking two small steps closer to them. When they reached the black SUV I¡¯d travelled in many times during my stay at the safe house, they turned to face me. Holding my eReader to my chest, I lifted my free hand slightly, and extended my fingers in a motionless farewell.


    Rock smiled, lifted his hand to his mouth, kissed his forefinger and middle finger and placed them over his heart. Boo smiled a shaky smile, and mouthed love you. Then I watched as they drove away.


    So, of course, today I¡¯ve been sneaking peeks all over the place, but sadly, they haven¡¯t come.


    I¡¯m not very social, still. I¡¯ve made a few friends at work. People around my age-group with similar interests, but I¡¯m not forcing myself to get out there just yet. I¡¯m comfortable in my loneliness.


    There is one girl I¡¯ve formed a bond with. Her name is Hailey and she¡¯s a lot like Boo.


    Badass with a hint of lady.


    The second I spotted her at work, I knew she¡¯d be a good friend to me. Hailey is my age, with dark hair, dark makeup, a petite body, and a great attitude. I call her Goth-chic.


    She¡¯s the only person who knows how I spend my Sundays. She told me if I needed her to come with, that she would. I explained it was something I like to do on my own. For a second, I thought about keeping my mouth shut and letting her come, but the new independent part of me opted against it. I was seriously surprised when she shot me a smile and replied, ¡°Alrighty then, babe. You just let me know if you need me to come, and I¡¯ll be there.¡±


    This morning, I uploaded my eReader with the latest smuttiness and I¡¯ve found a good one. I read and read and read, and before I know it, four hours have passed. Just when I stand and stretch, I hear someone move to sit at the opposite end of the bench. From my peripheral vision, I can see it¡¯s a man with a large build. He wears jeans, a black tee and white sneakers. He also walks with a cane.


    For a moment, I tell myself to face him with a greeting. But this really isn¡¯t the place for nice conversation. I assume the man is here to do exactly what I am here to do.


    Mourn.


    I let him be. Sitting back down on the bench, I lift my eReader and pick up where I left off. The book has some serious funnies in it, and I¡¯m trying really hard to be respectful and curb the laughter that bubbles up my throat.


    I make some odd choking, gurgling noises. The man turns his head to face me.


    Avoiding his eyes, I turn my bright red face the opposite way and pretend to cough.


    Lifting my eReader so high that I¡¯m hiding behind it, from the corner of my eye, I see that man stifle his grin.


    Busted.


    The man clears his throat before he practically whispers, ¡°Funny book?¡±


    Clearly mortified, I don¡¯t look up from my book when I whisper back, ¡°I¡¯m sorry. That was rude. It won¡¯t happen again.¡±


    He leans to the side, his body close to mine when he replies just as quietly, ¡°Nothing wrong with laughter. Some people say laughter can heal anything.¡±


    Shaking my head slightly, I scoff, ¡°Well, those people have never experienced true pain.¡±


    Leaning back away from me, he allows a moment before he whispers, ¡°Sounds like you know a little something about it.¡±


    My cheeks flush and my brow furrows.


    Suddenly angry, I drop my eReader to my lap with a plop and point to a grave I see every week, I point. ¡°Look there.¡± The man doesn¡¯t say a thing, but from my peripheral vision, I see his head turn to where I point. I tell him, ¡°That little old lady? She¡¯s here every weekend.¡± Dropping my hand, I go on, ¡°Now this is just a guess, but I¡¯d say she¡¯s in her seventies. She comes here every weekend and she cries at the grave of her husband. Her husband had been dead for twenty years, and I see her here every single week.¡± I allow a moment¡¯s silence before telling the man quietly, ¡°Death ends a life. Not a relationship.¡±


    Rant over.


    I pick up my eReader and resume reading.


    The man shifts a little closer to me. Unconsciously, I breathe him in. He smells woodsy and fresh. He says quietly, ¡°If you know she comes here every week, that would mean you come here every week, too.¡± I don¡¯t answer. He asks softly, ¡°Who are you mourning?¡±


    Suddenly my nose is tingling. I read on, but reply through quivering lips, ¡°Someone I knew better than to fall in love with.¡±


    The man shifts even closer to me, leans down, and whispers in my ear, ¡°Can¡¯t help who you fall in love with, princess.¡±


    I freeze.


    No. No. No.


    My stomach knots. My head spins. The man says softly, ¡°Breathe.¡±


    I hadn¡¯t realized I¡¯d stopped. I inhale loudly. Unable to bring myself to look into the man¡¯s face, my chest heaves as I ask, ¡°What¡¯s your name?¡±


    He responds immediately in regular volume, ¡°Well, someone once told me I look like an Adam.¡±


    I know that voice. I¡¯ve dreamt of that voice for the last six months. Every night, that voice haunts my dreams. My eyes blur, and I whisper, ¡°You sound more like a Nox to me.¡±


    The man scoffs teasingly, ¡°Nox? What the hell kind of name is that?¡±


    I can¡¯t help it. I chuckle.


    My chuckle turns into a laugh.


    My laughter turns into a sob. Before I know it, I¡¯m sobbing loudly on a bench¡­in a cemetery¡­sitting next to the ghost of the love of my life.


    Holy hell. I¡¯ve gone nuts.


    Warmth covers my hand. I look down to see a large, calloused, scarred hand on mine.


    I sob harder.


    He squeezes my hand before pulling me into his chest, and wraps his strong arms around me.


    ¡°Oh my God. It¡¯s finally happened. I¡¯ve gone batshit crazy.¡± I speak into the warmth of his chest, and I feel his body shake with silent laughter.


    His breath warms my ear as he whispers into it. ¡°Lily, look at me.¡± Shaking my head, I close my eyes tight and cry into him. He repeats himself, ¡°Look at me, baby.¡±


    ¡°I¡¯m afraid to.¡±


    He strokes my hair. ¡°Why, baby?¡±


    I whisper, ¡°If this is a dream, I¡¯ll just die.¡± A tear trails down my cheek. ¡°My heart just couldn¡¯t take it.¡±


    His lips touch the shell of my ear. ¡°Show me those pretty, green eyes.¡±


    Goosebumps break out all over my body. I really want to look, but I don¡¯t want to wake up from this dream.


    Remember what you said? Even if just for a moment¡­


    Moving back from him, I keep my eyes closed. Holding out my hands, he takes them into his warm, large ones and holds them tight. Taking a deep breath, I mutter, ¡°I told myself if I ever got the chance to see you again, that I¡¯d tell you a few things. So here goes.¡± My eyes burn and I thank God I haven¡¯t opened them. ¡°I love you. And every single day I live with guilt. I wish I¡¯d never left you.¡± Tears fall from the corners of my eyes. I squeeze his hands tighter. ¡°I could¡¯ve saved you if I¡¯d begged hard enough. I know you wouldn¡¯t have left me. Then you¡¯d be alive, and I¡¯d disappear with you. I hated the life I was living. And you changed me. All for the better. And I thank God for the day I met you.¡±


    Letting go of my hand, he cups my cheek and gently caresses it with his thumb. His nose touches mine. He breathes me in, then places his lips on mine in a kiss so gentle it makes my heart ache. Reaching up, I grip his upper arms in a death hold and deepen the kiss, crying all the while.


    I don¡¯t want this to end.


    He tastes just like I remember. His lips feel the same, too. Unable to stand this sweet torture any longer, I pull away, dip my head, and sob silently.


    ¡°Please look at me, Lily.¡±


    So I do.


    I open my eyes and look right into his deep blue gaze. I bark out a shocked laugh, reach over, and squeeze his hands. Laugh-crying, I look up to the sky. ¡°Thank you. Thank you, God.¡±


    My head swirls. Sounds fade. And blackness overcomes me.


    Chapter Twenty-Three


    Homecoming


    Lily


    My heavy head pounds.


    And the yelling doesn¡¯t help.


    ¡°You are out of your fucking mind! Do you know that? You couldn¡¯t have waited like I asked? Nooo.¡± That sounds like Rock.


    ¡°You think you could wait if it were Boo?¡±


    I know that voice.


    My body breaks into goosebumps and I bury myself further into the covers of my bed, listening.


    Silence, then, ¡°Yeah. That¡¯s what I thought. Been too long already. Couldn¡¯t wait.¡± Pause, then, ¡°Couldn¡¯t.¡±


    Rock barks out a humorless laugh, ¡°Yeah, you did real good, buddy. Your girl just fainted in a cemetery!¡± He claps, ¡°Bravo.¡±


    Silence.


    A long silence.


    He says quietly, ¡°I just couldn¡¯t wait to see her, man. She¡¯s all I think about.¡±


    My heart pounds.


    He sounds so dejected. There are so many things I need to ask. I need answers. I¡¯m confused and still very much mourning him, even though he¡¯s here.


    My mind is elsewhere. Left the building. Gone.


    Slowly, I get out of bed without making a noise and creep down the hall. When I get there, I hear Nox ask, ¡°Where¡¯s Boo?¡±


    Rock replies on an exhale, ¡°She didn¡¯t want to come.¡±


    Wow. That hurts.


    I love Boo.


    He adds, ¡°Too hard, man. She couldn¡¯t say goodbye again. Fucked her up last time. Cried for weeks.¡±


    Shit. That hurts even more. But I get it. I was the same.


    Nox calls out, ¡°I know you¡¯re there, baby.¡±


    Busted.


    My heart palpitates. I¡¯m worried. And nervous.


    He says softly, ¡°You take your time, princess. I know this isn¡¯t easy.¡±


    Clutching at the corner of the wall, I close my eyes, and swallow hard. Giving myself an internal pep talk, I straighten and walk out into the kitchen-slash-lounge-room-slash-dining-room.


    What? My apartment is small, okay?


    My heart stops at the sight of him.


    He¡¯s real.


    And hurt.


    Sitting on my crappy secondhand sofa, he reaches to the right of him for his cane and stands, smiling softly.


    My stomach flips.


    I missed that smile. I saw that smile in my dreams every night for six months.


    I thought that smile was dead.


    My body trembles. Completely overwhelmed, I cover my face with my hands, and burst into tears. Nox moves to come to me, but Rock beats him to it with, ¡°Don¡¯t worry, man. I got her.¡±


    Rock wraps an arm around my waist and holds me steady while I cry. Wiping at my tears with shaking hands, I look over at Nox. My breath hitches. ¡°I thought I¡¯d never see you again.¡±


    Gripping his cane so tightly his knuckles turn white, his face pained, he shifts from foot-to-foot. And just like he used to, he says something so perfect that I shiver. ¡°I promised I¡¯d come for you.¡± Still standing, he asks quietly, ¡°I¡¯m sorry, babe. Do you mind if I sit?¡±


    My head clears, and I notice his hand on his cane is shaking as if he can¡¯t hold himself up any longer. I nod and he sits back, breathing heavily.


    All that from standing a few minutes?


    Placing my hand on Rock¡¯s at my waist, I squeeze and he releases me. Suddenly stronger than I¡¯ve been in an age, I walk over to sofa and stand in front of Nox. He whispers, ¡°Hey, Maude.¡±


    Biting my lip to hold back my smile, I whisper back, ¡°Hi, Hank.¡±


    It¡¯s slightly awkward. It feels like I¡¯m stuck in a dream. But my heart kick-starts after six months of hibernation.


    He doesn¡¯t move to touch me and I¡¯m grateful. Too much is happening right now.


    I take a moment to search him.


    This Nox is not the same Nox I grew to love. There¡¯s something missing from this Nox. I can¡¯t tell what yet, but it almost looks as if he¡¯s lost a part of himself. A part of his soul.


    There is scarring all over his hands and some on his face and neck.


    He looks tired. And defeated.


    His hair is long now. So long, that he runs his hand through it to keep it out of his eyes.


    Those eyes.


    I remember those eyes.


    As if he hears my mental thoughts, he looks up. His icy-blue eyes meet mine and I inhale quickly.


    Stepping a little closer, I move between his legs, holding his gaze all the while. His eyes flash before they turn soft. Reaching up, he takes hold of my hand and mutters, ¡°Hey baby.¡±


    My heart beats faster. Warmth encases my entire body. It¡¯s a feeling I haven¡¯t felt in a long time. It feels strange and unfamiliar.


    Letting go of his hand, I reach up and hold his face in my hands, and really search.


    My hands cup his cheeks and he swallows hard, shutting his eyes tightly. He breathes deeply before exhaling softly. When he opens his eyes again, I see only one thing there.


    Love.


    The smile that forms on my face is huge. I utter quietly, ¡°There you are.¡±


    His eyes crinkle, and he says softly, ¡°Baby.¡±


    Oh my god.


    It just hit me like a chair to the face.


    This is real!


    I¡¯m not dreaming. I¡¯m not crazy. Nox is here!

 Page 26

    He came back for me. Just like he said he would.


    Stepping back a moment, I look back at Rock, and say to both of them, ¡°I¡¯m really happy, guys. Really happy.¡± They both smile. I add, ¡°But I need answers.¡± My breath hitches, and my eyes burn. ¡°Because I don¡¯t know if I can get past this.¡±Advertisement


    Rock nods in agreement while Nox runs a hand over his face. I don¡¯t think I¡¯m going to like what I hear.


    Rock starts, ¡°We never lied to you, Lily. We thought he was dead.¡±


    Okay. Good. Well, not good, but at least I know they didn¡¯t lie to me on purpose.


    Nox rubs a hand at the back of his neck in restlessness. ¡°I know you need to know, so maybe you can sit down for this. It¡¯s kinda long.¡±


    Moving to sit at the opposite end of the sofa, Nox looks hurt that I want to be so far away from him. It¡¯s still so unreal. I¡¯m nervous and scared. All I really want to do is jump onto his lap and kiss him until I can¡¯t remember the last six months.


    He starts, ¡°Okay. When the first explosion went off, and the windows were blown out, I saw something in the backyard. That¡¯s why I told you to go with Boo. And when you finally did, I made my way out there, and realized it was Jett Harrison.¡±


    Nodding, I tell him, ¡°Terah told me he had shrapnel all over his body.¡±


    Nox agrees, ¡°Yeah. He was cut up pretty bad.¡±


    ¡°She said he died from it.¡±


    Both Rock and Nox shake their heads.


    I¡¯m confused. Terah wouldn¡¯t lie to me.


    I¡¯m about to ask the question when Nox says clinically, ¡°I killed him.¡±


    My body breaks out in goosebumps, and I suck in a quick breath. I exhale, ¡°Oh.¡±


    Looking down at his hands, he plays with a finger nervously. ¡°He was there. In the back, all cut up. Gun in hand, ready to shoot. In pain, as he was, he didn¡¯t see me coming. I picked up a shard of glass, and ran it through him.¡± He lifts his head. ¡°Not sorry I did it.¡±


    Neither am I.


    Rock adds, ¡°That¡¯s when the rest of the explosions went off. The house started collapsing, and¡­¡± He trails off and looks at Nox.


    Nox continues, ¡°And it got me. Rafters collapsed on me. I don¡¯t really remember much after that.¡±


    No. That¡¯s not good enough.


    My face must convey this, because Nox explains, ¡°The only person who knew I was alive was Mitch. And he didn¡¯t tell anyone. Not a soul, babe.¡±


    ¡°Why?¡± I¡¯m starting to dislike this Mitch.


    Nox looks me in the eye. ¡°Because it was bad.¡± My eyes turn sad. ¡°He didn¡¯t know if I¡¯d make it. I spent almost three months in an induced coma due to my brain swelling. My injuries were extensive. I have minor brain damage. I don¡¯t remember or react to things like I used to. I¡¯m still doing daily physical therapy.¡±


    He blinks a moment, as if he forgot what he was saying.


    And it breaks my heart.


    Scooching closer to him, our knees touch, and I slide my hand into his. I prompt, ¡°You¡¯re still doing physical therapy?¡±


    Looking embarrassed, he shakes his head. ¡°Yeah. I¡¯ve wanted to see you from the second I woke up. But I couldn¡¯t, babe. If I could¡¯ve, I would¡¯ve.¡± He grins, ¡°Learning to walk again is hard.¡±


    Oh shit.


    I whisper, ¡°I¡¯m sorry, honey.¡±


    He smiles a megawatt smile, and suddenly I¡¯m pissed. Gripping his hand tighter, I move even closer to him and turn to Rock. ¡°So Mitch just decided to plant his DNA and fake his death?¡±


    The air in the room changes. I don¡¯t know what I just said, but it¡¯s obviously a touchy subject.


    Nox clears his throat. ¡°No, princess. He didn¡¯t plant my DNA. It was there, in the house.¡±


    My brows furrow in confusion.


    Nox lifts the right side of his pants leg.


    Looking down, I cover my mouth with my hands and gasp.


    My heart races.


    Closing my eyes, I bury my face in my hands and sob. I stutter through tears, ¡°I- I- I¡¯m sorry, honey. So sorry.¡±


    His arms come around me, and pull me to him. I wrap my arms around him, and bury my face in his neck. ¡°So sorry, babe.¡±


    He rubs my back and explains gently, ¡°It¡¯s not that bad. It could¡¯ve been worse. Prosthetics are actually pretty advanced these days. It took a little while to get used to, but I¡¯ve got the hang of it. My body¡¯s just weak from being in a coma, and I need to build up my strength again. The brain damage¡­that¡¯s something they don¡¯t know about. It varies with every case. I¡¯m really just a little forgetful.¡±


    Without thinking, I pull back and blurt out, ¡°We need to move. This place isn¡¯t big enough for both of us, and you¡¯ll need room to do PT. I¡¯ll see if we can find a house to rent or something. Okay?¡±


    His brows rise in shock. Then his face softens. Placing his forehead on mine, he asks, ¡°You wanna live with me?¡±


    It takes everything I have not to karate chop him for asking such a dumb question. I probe, ¡°Do you love me?¡±


    Without hesitation, he answers, ¡°More than anything in my life.¡± He confides, ¡°It was so hard in recovery. So many times I wanted to give up. Give in. Every time I told myself I couldn¡¯t do it anymore, I thought about you. And how proud you¡¯d be of me for doing it, even though it was so fucking hard.¡±


    My eyes close, and I breathe deeply, trying desperately to control my emotions. I say softly, ¡°I am. I¡¯m so proud of you.¡±


    Then my body reacts on its own accord. Leaning forward, I very softly press my lips to his. His hands slide up my neck and into my hair, tangling his fingers through it, deepening our kiss.


    Elation. Pure joy.


    Someone coughs.


    Shit. I forgot Rock was here.


    Standing, he smiles, ¡°If you guys are good, I have to get back.¡±


    Turning to Nox, then back to Rock, I stand and make my way over to him. Already waiting with open arms, I all but run into his hug. He holds me tight and rocks me from side to side. I whisper, ¡°Thank you, honey. Thank you so much.¡±


    He kisses my hair. ¡°Anytime, babe. Love you.¡±


    Kissing his cheek, I utter, ¡°Love you, too. Tell Boo I miss her. And- and that it hurts me, too.¡±


    Rock breathes deep. ¡°He¡¯s got a bag full of clothes by the door. I didn¡¯t know how today was gonna go, so¡­¡±


    He trails off, and I whisper, ¡°This is one of the best days of my life.¡±


    And he beams.


    Releasing me, he walks over to Nox who struggles to stand. Rock helps him. They man hug, but it¡¯s not awkward or short. They grip each other tightly for a few seconds before Rock releases him and says, ¡°Don¡¯t give her too much shit, man. If I hear you¡¯re giving her trouble, I¡¯ll take care of you myself.¡±


    Nox laughs. ¡°Yeah, you might have to come get me when she gets sick of my ass.¡±


    And even though it sounds like a joke, I know it isn¡¯t. It breaks my heart. Where did the confident, assured man I loved go?


    My heart tells me he¡¯s still stuck somewhere in the rubble of the safe house.


    I think it might be right.


    Walking Rock to the door, I wave him off before turning to my man.


    He sits on the sofa looking uncertain and almost shy. Smiling softly, I tell him, ¡°Right now, there¡¯s no place I¡¯d rather be than in bed with you.¡± His eyes flash. I ask, ¡°Wanna get some sleep with me?¡±


    Reaching for his cane, he takes his time standing. Walking over to him, I wrap my arm around his waist and hold him close. The hand holding the cane shakes slightly and it makes my heart hurt. We walk down the hall to my room, and I help him out of his jacket. When I move to undo the top button of his jeans, he pulls my hand away and almost barks. ¡°No.¡±


    And it shocks me. So much that I step back from him with a hand on my chest.


    Lifting his head, he takes one look at me, and closes his eyes on a sigh. ¡°Been back an hour and I¡¯m already fucking things up.¡± Rubbing absently at his chest, he clears his throat and explains, ¡°I don¡¯t like people touching my leg. Or even seeing it. It affects me a lot. So much that I suffer anxiety.¡±


    He looks ashamed and embarrassed. And my gut rolls from the sight of him.


    My hand drops to my side, and I approach him cautiously. The vein in his temple throbs, and I know he¡¯s likely freaking out. When we meet toe-to-toe, I lift my arms and wrap them around his waist, resting my cheek on his chest. I breathe him in.


    Same smell. Same everything. Almost.


    Memories flood back. Silently chuckling, I ask, ¡°Remember when I got drunk?¡±


    He barks out a startled laugh. ¡°Yeah. I do.¡± He strokes my hair. ¡°My little hussy.¡± And I burst into laughter.


    Suddenly, the teetering wall of awkwardness is broken.


    We hold each other, laughing, and I look up into his smiling eyes. My face falls, and I speak around my thick throat. ¡°Thought you were dead.¡±


    His smiling eyes turn troubled. ¡°I know, baby. I¡¯m so sorry I didn¡¯t come earlier.¡±


    Sniffling, I utter, ¡°No. You did what you had to do, and I¡¯m just grateful that I¡¯ve got you back. I don¡¯t care about anything else.¡± Reaching up, I cup his cheek, stroking his jaw with my thumb. ¡°What I do know is that I never want to be without you ever again. So I¡¯m doing something right now that I should¡¯ve done when I had you.¡±


    Stepping back from him, I kneel, and he chokes out a startled laugh. Smiling like an idiot, I ask, ¡°Adam Christian Taylor, born March eighteenth, nineteen-eighty-four in White Deer, Texas. I love you, and I will spend the rest of my life showing you just how much if you agree to marry me. I want you for life. You were never a fling or something to pass time. You mean the world to me. And I would be honored if you would be my husband.¡±


    Face void, Nox staggers back towards the bed, sitting, leaving me kneeling in the middle of the floor.


    ¡­Awkward.


    He says, ¡°Come here, Lily,¡± and pats his thigh.


    A little hurt at his lack of enthusiasm, I pout and stay where I am. Giving me a firm look, he pats his thigh again and says, ¡°I said get over here, Lily.¡± And it¡¯s so much like the old Nox that I stand immediately, and move over to him.


    When I¡¯m a foot away from him, he takes hold of my wrist and pulls me down onto his lap. Immediately worried about his leg, I blurt out, ¡°I don¡¯t want to hurt you.¡±


    And what he says next makes me warm all over. ¡°Been hurting a long time. You can¡¯t see this type of hurt, though. Broken hearts don¡¯t mend easily. And you¡¯re not hurting me right now, baby. But even if you were, it would hurt so sweet.¡± Turning to face him, I kiss his lips softly and sigh. He pulls back a little. ¡°Also, I love that you love me enough to want to marry me, but where I come from, it¡¯s a man¡¯s duty to ask. And I love knowing that when I¡¯m good and ready to propose to my girl, she¡¯ll say yes. But I don¡¯t have a lot left to give, so please give me this, and let me do it in my own time.¡± He leans into my hair and murmurs, ¡°But it¡¯ll come soon, baby. After all this, I know I can¡¯t live without you.¡±


    And just like that, my hurt pride shrugs and smiles while giving me a thumbs up.


    My eyes crinkle, and I place a slow kiss on his cheek. I answer softly, ¡°Okay, honey.¡±


    He reaches into his pocket and smiles. ¡°Good. Because this ring has been weighing me down for three months.¡±


    My eyes widen, and my mouth gapes, as I watch him open the red velvet box.


    The white gold ring is simple and elegant, with a row of baguette diamonds across the top.


    Biting my lip, I squeak and he laughs while asking, ¡°Delilah Flynn. I love you more than I thought possible. I want to live the rest of my life with you, if you¡¯ll have me.¡± Just about to answer, he adds, ¡°I don¡¯t know if I¡¯ll ever be the man I was before. I just want you to know that, because I¡¯ll understand if you don¡¯t want a damaged man as a husband.¡±


    Not even bothering to acknowledge that last statement, I bend down as he reaches up.


    Our lips meet in a slow but deep kiss and I mutter against him, ¡°I can¡¯t wait to be Lily Taylor.¡±


    I feel him smile against my mouth. Pecking my lips, he asks something that makes me go rigid. ¡°Want to meet my mom?¡±


    Chapter Twenty-Four


    Parental Units


    Two weeks later¡­


    Lily


    Nox drives up to the place I used to call home, and I smile remembering this is where we first met.


    My fianc¨¦ didn¡¯t like the fact that my dad and I have grown apart, so he came up with an idea that will, hopefully, bring us all together again. He requested a family dinner.


    That¡¯s right. Nox requested a family dinner.


    He also filled me in on a little secret that no one knows about. His mom always knew her son was alive. And I came to know this when we went to visit her last week. I was nervous and a total mess. Nox laughed at me, ¡°Babe, seriously. She knows all about you. I send her letters every week. She already loves you.¡±


    I scoffed, ¡°Oh, sure! She loves the little harlot that almost got her son killed!¡±


    He gave me the stink eye. ¡°Don¡¯t ever say that again. Ever.¡±


    Rolling my eyes, I turned my head and wore a secret smile.


    Every day I was getting a piece of the old Nox back. More bossiness and less doubt. I was loving every second of rediscovering my man.


    We had yet to do the deed again, but I was willing to be as patient as possible, especially after witnessing a full-blown anxiety attack that was so bad, that I had to strip him and wipe his shaking body down with a cool cloth.


    It seems Nox has nightmares. He says they¡¯re getting better, and I¡¯m inclined to believe him because in that first week, he had three, and this week, he hasn¡¯t had a single one.


    But watching my man be all determined and strong is seriously winding me up. I can¡¯t wait until we get back to the bedroom.

 Page 27

    As soon as we exited the car, a small woman with coifed hair, dressed in a sweet, pastel pinafore dress under an apron, and wiping her hands with a dishcloth, came running out of the house screaming, ¡°You¡¯re here! You¡¯re finally here!¡±


    What shocked me even more was that this little woman basically pushed her son out of the way to scoop me up in a warm hug, and said in the best southern twang I¡¯d ever heard, ¡°Lily, child, I wondered when I¡¯d be seeing you! Oh dear. The things you¡¯ve gone through,¡± she clucked. ¡°Come inside and let Mama feed you.¡±Advertisement


    Ignoring her now-laughing son, she smacked him with the dish towel, took me by the hand, and led me inside her gorgeous house in the middle of nowhere.


    Trudging behind us with his cane, he called out, ¡°Mama, you make your biscuits?¡±


    She puffed out her chest. ¡°Darn tootin¡¯ I made my biscuits. Gravy too, baby.¡± She turned to me. ¡°Just the way he likes ¡®em,¡± she said, patting my hand.


    We visited with Clare, who insisted I call her Mama, for two days. By the end of the visit, I was seriously sad to go. I loved having someone to talk about Nox with.


    We sat for lunch that last day, and I poured some iced tea for us all. When I went to add sugar to Nox¡¯s, he shook his head and grinned, ¡°Sweet tea¡¯s for pussies, babe.¡±


    Both of us scrunching our noses at his crudeness, Clare uttered, ¡°I know you¡¯re not a child anymore, Adam, but you¡¯re not too old for your mama to smack you upside the head. You¡¯d do best to remember that.¡± Then she eyed her son as she said, ¡°Pass me the sugar, sugar. Mama likes her tea sweet. And I¡¯m no pussy, thank you very much.¡±


    Later that day, Clare and I sat out on the porch while Nox rested. He was still at the stage of becoming exhausted pretty quickly, and the travelling really took it out of him.


    Finally having some time alone, I asked her, ¡°What was he like as a kid?¡±


    A wistful smile graced her face. ¡°He was a fussy baby. Even back then, he was demanding.¡± She chuckled. ¡°I always knew he wouldn¡¯t lead a regular life. He was always protecting or helping someone. Always knew he was destined for bigger things, my Adam was.¡± Turning to me, she said in complete awe, ¡°He was exceptional. Good at everything. Learned at a quick pace. Like a sponge. Just soaking up information. Sharp as a tack,¡± she laughed. ¡°Lord knows he didn¡¯t get that from his mama. I¡¯m a simple girl, from a simple town, with simple needs. My Adam¡­he was much more.¡±


    I sat there listening with a smile until she said, ¡°That¡¯s how I knew you were special.¡±


    My eyes started to burn, but she went on, ¡°Adam has a way of surrounding himself with special people. Rock and Boo are special, just like him, and when he said he¡¯d met a girl¡­¡± She looked over at me with a knowing smile. ¡°I knew he¡¯d met her. That one person everyone looks for. They search and search, and some die trying to find ¡®em. And when you finally meet them, something inside of you says ¡®Oh, there you are. I¡¯ve been looking for you. And I didn¡¯t even know it.¡¯¡±


    By this point, I was silently blubbering.


    She explained, ¡°See, for me, it was Adam¡¯s daddy. I didn¡¯t have him for very long before I lost him, but he was that person. I knew I¡¯d never love like that again. And I didn¡¯t need to because that love¡­I still have it inside of me. It makes every hard day a little easier.¡±


    I said through shuddering breaths, ¡°You¡¯re a very wise woman, Clare.¡±


    And she laughed. ¡°Dear lord, Lily! No one ever accused me of being wise. And stop calling me Clare. I like when you call me Mama.¡±


    Smiling out into fresh air, I closed my eyes and responded quietly, ¡°Okay, Mama.¡±


    Which brings us to now.


    Staring out the windshield, I mutter, ¡°Oh dear God, this is going to awkward.¡±


    Nox chuckles, ¡°No it won¡¯t. Stop being dramatic.¡±


    Scowling at him, I lean across the seat and punch him in the arm. He mock-blocks me and laughs, ¡°Hey, no fighting the cripple!¡±


    My eyes flash. Reaching over again, I punch him twice more while he laughs. I hate that he calls himself that. I will never see him as an invalid or cripple.


    He¡¯s just¡­Nox.


    Exiting the car, we reach the front door, and I¡¯m glad I asked Terah to prepare Mom and Dad for meeting Nox. I didn¡¯t want them being shocked or to ask stupid questions that he couldn¡¯t answer. My dad worried me the most.


    I wondered how he¡¯d react to meeting the person who stole his daughter away.


    Holding Nox by the hand, I reach forward to press the doorbell when the door swings open. Terah runs to me, wrapping me up tight and screeching, ¡°Oh my God! I can¡¯t believe this! I¡¯m so fucking happy for you!¡±


    Releasing me suddenly, she runs over to a now freaked-out Nox and throws her arms around him, yelling, ¡°I¡¯m so glad you¡¯re not dead anymore!¡± Nox chuckles silently, and Terah looks up at him seriously. ¡°No, I mean it. That totally sucked!¡±


    He laughs harder, putting an arm around her, smiling. ¡°Me, too. It¡¯s good to be alive.¡±


    Terah bounces up and down while saying in a sing-song voice, ¡°And getting married!¡±


    Shaking my head at her, I utter, ¡°Calm down, dorkette. We haven¡¯t told anyone yet.¡±


    Suddenly, a tall, handsome man appears at the front door. He has light brown hair, laughing brown eyes, and an easy smile. Taking one look at Nox, he walks forward, taking him into a firm hug. Nox hugs him back, and they talk close for a while.


    This must be Jonathon.


    Releasing Nox, he comes forward, smiling with open arms. Feeling shy, I walk forward and allow him to hug me tight.


    He kisses my head and my heart aches. Such a sweet gesture and I don¡¯t even know him.


    Jon pulls back a little and says, ¡°Goddamn, those are some genes. Guess your dad¡¯s lucky he didn¡¯t have any more baby girls. He¡¯d have to beat ¡®em off with a stick.¡± Pausing, he adds in complete seriousness, ¡°Or commit murder.¡±


    Blushing, I giggle stupidly loud, and both he and Nox chuckle.


    Terah slaps his arm playfully. ¡°Leave her alone, Jon. You¡¯re embarrassing her.¡±


    She takes me by the arm and leads me down the hall. I know what she¡¯s doing. She¡¯s trying to put it out in the open that she supports me, whatever the decision. And I¡¯m grateful.


    Approaching the kitchen, I hear Mom chatting away to herself. When I peek inside, she squeals, ¡°Oh, my baby!¡±


    Laughing softly, I wrap her up in a hug and hold her tightly. She sighs, ¡°It¡¯s so quiet here without you, honey.¡±


    Squeezing her, I say, ¡°I thought you liked the quiet.¡±


    Squeezing back, she utters, ¡°There¡¯s quiet. And then there¡¯s quiet. And I don¡¯t like quiet.¡±


    Releasing her, she looks past me to Nox. Using his cane for support, he comes forward, and Mom¡¯s face turns devastated. Not a second later, she takes him into a motherly embrace and mutters over and over again. ¡°Thank you so much.¡±


    He did save my life, after all.


    Nox holds her. ¡°I¡¯d do it again in a heartbeat, ma¡¯am.¡±


    Pulling back, she smacks his chest, ¡°Don¡¯t you ma¡¯am me. You¡¯ll call me Mom.¡± Staring at her in shock, she turns to me and adds with a wink, ¡°Nice ring.¡±


    I mentally smack my forehead.


    I forgot to take off my ring. Some surprise.


    Mom tuts, ¡°We need drinks! And I think the occasion calls for something bubbly.¡±


    She moves across the pristine kitchen with such ease it looks as though she¡¯s gliding. Opening the refrigerator, she pulls out two bottles of Dom Perignon and hands them to Jon to pop the corks.


    He pours and hands us our glasses, but something doesn¡¯t feel right.


    ¡°Where¡¯s Dad?¡±


    Mom¡¯s happy face droops. ¡°In his office.¡±


    Silence.


    We stare at each other for a moment before I blurt out, ¡°I should go get him.¡±


    Moms smile reappears, gentler this time. ¡°That would be nice, sweetie.¡±


    Nox squeezes my neck and asks Mom, ¡°Do you think I could sit down somewhere? I get tired pretty quickly these days.¡±


    Her face falls, ¡°Oh, honey! I¡¯m so sorry. Of course we can sit. Let¡¯s go outside. It¡¯s such a nice day.¡±


    Linking her arm with his free one, she leads them to the backyard, and Nox turns to wink at me. Shaking my head, I smile and bite my lip to stop my laughter. The goof is giving me time by distracting my mom.


    I love that man.


    Watching them all exit through the double doors, I take a moment to prepare myself for this encounter. I love my dad. I do. But I wish he¡¯d done things differently.


    It¡¯s too late to do anything about that now, but it still bugs me.


    Quietly making my way down the hall, I stop by my dad¡¯s office and listen in.


    Nothing. Not a sound.


    Peeking in, I see my dad at his desk, going through a photo album. I assume he wants privacy, so I turn to leave, when I hear, ¡°Nothing scarier than almost losing a child.¡±


    Stopping in my tracks, I listen as he goes on, ¡°Losing a child, as in your wee one passing away, I think ye could come to terms with. It¡¯s so final. I¡¯m not saying it would be easy, just that it¡¯s permanent. But almost losing a child¡­¡± He clears his throat. ¡°¡­It¡¯s a very hard thing to witness. Ye do the best ye can to hold it together for yer family. Somehow, it always comes back to that day. The thought of ye being out of me sight for even a minute was enough to make me loopy.¡±


    Turning, my eyes met my father¡¯s as he continued, ¡°Because if ye were out of me sight, I couldn¡¯t protect ye, love. It¡¯s a father¡¯s duty. And I only did what any father would do. I could handle ye thinking I wasn¡¯t fair. As long as ye were safe, I could deal with yer attitude, Lily.¡±


    And although I don¡¯t completely understand, I get it somewhat. Nodding once, I shift from foot-to¨Cfoot, suddenly nervous.


    A smiling Dad breaks the tension with, ¡°So he fought the underworld for ye?¡±


    Not able to keep the smile down, I whisper, ¡°He promised he¡¯d come back for me.¡±


    He looks serene as he says, ¡°Must love ye a lot, Lily girl.¡±


    Dipping my chin, I tell him, ¡°He says he does.¡±


    Dad returns in perfect Irish sarcasm, ¡°I¡¯d be inclined to believe him. Coming back from the dead is overkill, but the gesture was nice.¡±


    And I laugh softly, shaking my head.


    Standing, Dad smiles up at me. ¡°Missed ye a lot, darling. Do ye think¡­ye think I could get a hug?¡±


    Not wasting another second, I cross the room in a second flat and wrap my arms around my father¡¯s waist. Placing my cheek to his chest, I take in the warmth and love being given in this moment. I mutter into my dad¡¯s shirt, ¡°I¡¯m getting married.¡±


    He sighs and strokes my hair, ¡°I know, sweets. It¡¯s time for me to let go and place ye in the hands of someone who deserves ye. And I think Nox deserves ye.¡±


    Squeezing my dad, I assure, ¡°He does deserve me. As much as I deserve him.¡±


    He pulls back a little and smiles softly, ¡°Shall I go meet my future son-in-law then?¡±


    ¡°Yeah. I think that would be nice.¡±


    Wrapping his arm around my shoulder, we walk together to the back patio where everyone sits chatting. Terah¡¯s leading the conversation, as always.


    Nox turns to the doorway and smiles, seeing me and my father wrapped up. Taking his cane, he stands a little unsteadily, and walks towards us. My father holds his hand out. Nox takes it. And I¡¯m a little stunned when Dad pulls him towards him and hugs him tight.


    My throat tightens. My eyes burn.


    Still in a manly embrace, my dad says, ¡°Owe ye everything, son. Ye need or want anything, ye just ask.¡±


    Nox earns a point in my dad¡¯s book when he utters, ¡°I¡¯m quite partial to your daughter, actually. I was kinda hoping I could keep her.¡±


    Dad bursts into laughter and claps him on the back. He chuckles, ¡°I¡¯d love to say yes, and ye¡¯ve got me permission.¡± He looks over to me. ¡°But it¡¯s up to her.¡± He smiles at me, ¡°If it¡¯s any help, I think she¡¯d follow ye to Hell and back.¡±


    They release each other, and Nox steadies himself on his cane. He turns to me. ¡°She already has.¡±


    The guys stay gathered in the dining room, while us ladies clear the table.


    We¡¯ve been chatting about our men and wedding stuff. Terah says, ¡°God, sometimes I look at Jon and think ¡®how the Hell did I manage to get you?¡¯ We¡¯re so lucky.¡±


    Mom adds, ¡°They are very handsome.¡±


    Terah and I scoff. Shaking my head, I say, ¡°Handsome is something. And Nox is handsome most times. But, by God, he is hot. Hotter than Hell, Mom. I never thought I could love someone so much. I can hardly keep my hands off him.¡±


    Mom chastises on a gasp, ¡°Lily! That¡¯s inappropriate! You¡¯re a lady and ladies do not speak that way.¡±


    Terah chuckles, ¡°Screw being a lady. I love my special cuddle time with Jon.¡±


    Mom covers her ears, but barks out an embarrassed laugh, ¡°I cannot hear this! You girls can clean the rest up while I powder my nose.¡±


    Terah and I chuckle, watching her leave. After a moment, she turns to me, ¡°Nox is hot, babe.¡± Turning back, she side eyes me. ¡° Have you- you know- yet?¡±


    Sullen, I wipe a serving dish dry and pout. ¡°Not yet. But I¡¯m happy to wait. We haven¡¯t really done much more than kiss since he¡¯s been back, and I think a lot of it has to do with his leg.¡± Pausing a moment, I lean forward and say quietly, ¡°I don¡¯t think he has a clue what he does to me. I¡¯m blazing hot all the damn time. I want sex, Terah!¡±


    Doubling over, she laughs hard. ¡°Oh, God. I never thought I¡¯d see the day my kid sister would be so openly sexually frustrated.¡± Straightening, she smiles big, eyes wide. ¡°Seduce him. Tonight.¡±

 Page 28

    Face becoming serious, I place the dish down. ¡°Really?¡±


    She raises her brows. ¡°Uh, yeah! Show him how much you want him. Show him he¡¯s still the sexy man you fell in love with. Maybe he needs you to build his self-esteem some more. I didn¡¯t know him before, but Jon said he used to be the most confident and sure-minded man he ever met, and that he must be feeling like shit.¡±Advertisement


    I know this. I¡¯ve seen Nox get frustrated at the simplest things. Things haven¡¯t been easy.


    Making a snap decision, I place a hand on my hip. ¡°I¡¯m gonna do it. I¡¯m gonna show my man he¡¯s still the sexiest man I¡¯ve ever seen. I¡¯ll show him just how much I want him. How much I need him.¡±


    Then something passes through my head. ¡°What if he rejects me?¡±


    Terah comes forward, smiling softly. ¡°He won¡¯t. He loves you so much. He¡¯ll see this is important to you. He¡¯ll try for you.¡±


    I whisper, ¡°I miss him.¡±


    Wrapping me in a warm hug, she says, ¡°I know, kid.¡± Pulling away from me, she adds, ¡°Go on back, I¡¯ll be there in a few. There are only two dishes left.¡±


    Nodding, I squeeze her hand and walk down the hall. Halfway down, the bathroom opens, and I¡¯m almost knocked off my feet when I¡¯m pulled inside.


    Nox stands there a second before pulling me close, grinning. ¡°I¡¯m the sexiest man you¡¯ve ever seen?¡±


    My mouth gapes. ¡°Uhhh¡­¡±


    Crud.


    Chapter Twenty-Five


    Training wheels


    Lily


    Flushing bright red, I ask wide-eyed, ¡°How much did you hear?¡±


    Leaning down, placing firm, wet kisses on my neck, he mutters into my skin, ¡°Every. Fuckin¡¯. Word.¡±


    Shit!


    He demands, ¡°Answer me.¡±


    Double shit!


    Closing my eyes at the feel of his mouth on me, I whisper, ¡°I- I forgot the question.¡±


    His breath warms my skin as he laughs silently. ¡°You think I¡¯m sexy?¡±


    Oh that!


    No hesitation. ¡°Yes. And yes. You¡¯re extremely sexy. And I think you¡¯re the sexiest man I¡¯ve ever seen. Hands down.¡±


    Lifting his head, he kisses my lips gently before running his nose up the length of mine. What he says next makes me want to do cartwheels.


    ¡°You need me to fuck you, baby?¡±


    I could cry from relief. Biting my lip, I whimper and nod. But it¡¯s not good enough for him.


    Reaching up and gripping my hair tight, he pulls gently but firm. ¡°I said do you need me to fuck you, princess? I need an answer.¡±


    My core contracts and floods.


    He feels my hips jerk and smiles. Suddenly, the smile is gone. ¡°Fuck me. You really want me?¡±


    Oh God.


    Terah was right. He¡¯s insecure.


    Not answering him, I take his free hand, slide it up my skirt, and place it on my soaked panties. Feeling how wet I am, he hisses in a breath and rests his forehead on mine. ¡°Shit, babe. Fuckin¡¯ hell! Poor baby. My poor baby. You need my cock, don¡¯t you?¡±


    Listening to his dirty words makes me even wetter. Playing my role, I pout and nod sullenly.


    Lifting his head, his hooded eyes meet mine. ¡°Gotta be quiet, princess. Don¡¯t want your family hearing.¡±


    Oh shit. That makes it so much hotter!


    Almost forcefully, he takes my hips in his hands and turns me, leaving me facing the bathroom sink and mirror. His hands slide up my legs and under my skirt. Large fingers find my panties and pull them down to my knees. I wiggle a little, and they fall all the way down to the ground.


    Lifting my skirt up over my hips, he takes his time looking down at me, and kneading my ass cheeks in his big hands. My head falls forward with a breathy sigh. The sound of his zipper opening fills the bathroom and I lift my head. His eyes meet mine in the mirror and he says quietly, ¡°Six months without you, babe. You got no idea how much I need you. Gonna fuck you right here, and you¡¯re gonna keep your eyes on me.¡±


    My cheeks flush and I nod. He reaches up and squeezes my neck. ¡°I can¡¯t promise I¡¯ll last this time, but when we get home, we¡¯ll do it all over again.¡± My breath hitches and he adds softly, ¡°And again. And again. Until we reach out fill. That sound good?¡±


    Swallowing hard as my core contracts again, I nod vigorously.


    I can¡¯t see his erection but I do see his hand make a slow up-down motion behind me. Knowing he¡¯s touching himself makes me buck against the sink. His eyes close in bliss and he mutters, ¡°Want to taste you right now but can¡¯t, so tonight I¡¯m eating your pussy for an hour minimum. You down for that?¡±


    Fuck yes!


    Biting my lip, I nod so fast and so hard that he laughs softly. Suddenly, he¡¯s pressed against me. His thick, long dick nestled between the cheeks of my ass.


    Terah took me to the doctor the day after I told her Nox was back, and made sure I got a birth control shot. And I¡¯m so thankful right now that I could kiss her!


    But I¡¯ll wait.


    Till I have panties on.


    Nox states, ¡°Need your eyes, baby.¡±


    Snapping my head up, I hold his stare. He moves back a little, the tip of him gently probing at my wetness. His eyes hooded, he asks, ¡°What is this?¡± then pushes himself in the tiniest bit.


    My eyes flutter and I sputter, ¡°It¡¯s- it¡¯s- it¡¯s-¡±


    Not answering quick enough, he pulls back. ¡°What is it, princess?¡±


    Rubbing himself up and down my folds, I sigh and blurt out, ¡°Your cock. It¡¯s your cock.¡±


    He smirks, ¡°That¡¯s right, baby. Where does my cock belong? Tell me.¡±


    Holding his eyes, I whisper, ¡°In- in my pussy.¡±


    He closes his eyes and shudders. When his eyes open, they flash. ¡°My cock belongs in your sweet pussy, baby.¡± And with that, he slowly pushes into me, holding my eyes, daring me to look away.


    Chest heaving with heavy breaths, I say breathily, ¡°Oh shit. Oh. I missed you so much.¡±


    His mouth parts, he pushes further, all the way in. My ass touches his scarred belly and he utters quietly, ¡°Forgot.¡± He swallows hard. ¡°Forgot how good you feel.¡± Shaking his head, he clarifies, ¡°No. I didn¡¯t. But sometimes I thought, maybe I just built it up in my mind. How good you feel.¡±


    Pulling back, he pushes back in slowly and says, ¡°But I didn¡¯t. You¡¯re perfect. Fuckin¡¯ perfect.¡±


    My hips buck, sliding him deeper into me and he hisses. ¡°Can¡¯t go slow, baby. Not this time.¡±


    I mutter, ¡°I don¡¯t want slow. I want you to show me how much you missed me.¡±


    His icy-blues cut through me, and my heart races. Gritting his teeth, he splays his hands on my hips, grips tight, and thrusts deep. Lowering my head a moment with a gasp, I hear, ¡°Eyes. Or I stop.¡±


    Whimpering, I lift my head, and our eyes lock once more. He drives into me at a steady pace.


    My pussy already throbbing, I whisper, ¡°Come in me.¡±


    His eyes widen before he grasps my hips tighter in his hold, and thrusts hard and fast. My belly clenches. My nipples stiffen. I grip the edge of the sink as my core begins to tighten.


    I moan softly and open my mouth to speak, but nothing comes out.


    My hips jerk, and my eyes close. He asks hoarsely, ¡°You gonna come on my cock, baby?¡±


    Dirty, dirty words. I love them.


    Who knew?


    Just then, I open my mouth and moan a little too loudly. Reaching up, he covers my mouth with his hand, and I bite down on his finger. Without warning, my spine tingles and I contract around him, once. His arm wraps around my waist, pulling me deeper into his thrusts, and my eyes almost roll back into my head.


    Rainbow-colored spots dance in my vision, and my stomach clenches tight.


    His thrusts become frenzied, and he groans softly, ¡°Gonna come in your pussy, babe.¡±


    Thrusting like a mad man, my pussy clenches around him and I gasp. The contractions start.


    With every wave of my orgasm, I keep my eyes on his. He watches me come, then suddenly grits his teeth. Holding me firmly, he thrusts once more, stills, then whispers, ¡°Fuck yeah.¡±


    His face becomes pained as he breathes heavily. And I feel his release. He throbs and jerks deep inside of me. The wet warmth feels so good that it causes me to contract again. And again.


    Ecstasy.


    Nothing could compare to what I¡¯m feeling right now.


    Whatever was halting our connection in the past two weeks has suddenly vanished.


    Both breathing heavily, and still holding each other¡¯s gaze through the mirror, I smile sweetly at him.


    And he does something gorgeous. Something I missed.


    He smirks.


    Oh yeah.


    My man is back.


    Two weeks later¡­


    ¡°Nox, honey, you need to get dressed. We¡¯re going to be late. And we can¡¯t be late!¡±


    Sounding flustered, he just about barks back, ¡°Working on it, babe. It¡¯s just-¡± He grunts, then growls, and I stop what I¡¯m doing.


    This isn¡¯t unusual these days. Nox told me that his temper spikes sometimes, and that I¡¯d need to be patient with him.


    And I am patient.


    Walking down the hall to our room, I stop in the doorway and watch as he tries to put on his new prosthetic leg. This one arrived last week and is a little more complicated to fit. And I see it¡¯s getting to him.


    My stomach sinks as I watch him try and try, and get nowhere. Out of nowhere, he grips the prosthetic tight, rears his arm back and throws it across the room. Hard. It hits the wall, and the bang is so loud it makes my rigid body jerk. My heart aches. I hate that this is so hard on him.


    Resting his elbows on his knees, he rubs his hands over his face and breathes deeply, trying to control himself.


    I¡¯ve prepared myself for this moment. And I pray that the internet videos I¡¯ve watched are accurate. Or this will be super awkward.


    Quiet as a mouse, I walk into our room and pick up the prosthetic. Making my way over to the bed where he sits, I kneel in front of him. Feeling me close, he uncovers his red and angry face. Upon seeing me, he softens. ¡°Hey.¡±


    Not saying a word, I take hold of the leg sleeve and unroll it. Nox watches me carefully and opens his mouth to speak, but I cut him off with, ¡°You spent months saving me.¡± Avoiding his eyes, I slide the silicone sleeve up the remainder of his right leg and whisper, ¡°My turn to save you.¡±


    I¡¯m so careful not to make faces or noises. I don¡¯t want this to be a negative experience for us. I want to be there to help when he needs it. Rolling the second sock on top of the silicone sleeve, I tell him, ¡°You don¡¯t ever need to do this alone. I¡¯m always here, babe.¡±


    Sliding on the prosthetic, I tell him, ¡°Stand, babe. You have to walk around a little.¡±


    Standing, I hear the first click of the pin fitting into the base of the prosthetic. He walks on the spot a few times and it clicks some more. Then it stops clicking.


    Smiling up at him, I ask, ¡°Okay?¡±


    Face heated, he grunts, ¡°Not okay.¡±


    My face falls.


    You shouldn¡¯t have gotten involved, moron.


    My shoulder slump, and I shrug, ¡°I just thought-¡±


    I¡¯m cut off when his arms wrap around my waist, and he pulls me close. So close, I can feel something long and hard poke my belly.


    Well, hello.


    Looking up at him in shock, he says in awe, ¡°You are the sexiest woman on the fuckin¡¯ planet.¡±


    Flushing, I say breathily, ¡°Oh.¡±


    Pulling me even closer, he leans forward and mutters against my lips, ¡°And I¡¯m gonna fuck you right now.¡±


    Slumping, I sigh into his mouth, ¡°Okay.¡±


    I feel his grin on my lips, ¡°I thought we were going to be late.¡±


    Wrapping my arms around his neck, I mutter, ¡°It can wait.¡±


    Chuckling, he pulls me back onto the bed and shows me just how sexy he thinks I am.


    ¡°Shit! We¡¯re so late!¡±


    ¡°It¡¯s our wedding, babe. They aren¡¯t gonna do anything without us.¡±


    My eyes widen as I straighten my hair in the car mirror. ¡°I have sex hair!¡±


    He smirks, ¡°Yeah, you do.¡±


    Running my hands down my long, plain, ivory strapless dress, I scowl. Turning, ready to spit fire, I take a look at him and my mouth snaps shut. My eyes water and my lips quiver, ¡°And you look so handsome in a tux.¡±


    Reaching across the cab, he takes hold of my hand and squeezes, ¡°What¡¯s all this shit, baby? We¡¯re meant to be happy right now.¡±


    Sniffling, I explain, ¡°It was one of the things I felt cheated on. When I thought you were- you know. I felt cheated that we hadn¡¯t done any boyfriend-girlfriend things. We hadn¡¯t gone grocery shopping together, or bought bed sheets together. And I always wished I¡¯d seen you in a tux. And now I am.¡±


    Swallowing hard, unable to control myself, I lift my head and I wail, ¡°On our wedding day!¡±


    Squeezing my hand tighter, Nox chuckles nervously, ¡°Freakin¡¯ me out here, babe.¡±


    Releasing him, I fan my face with my hands. ¡°Shit. Okay, sorry. I¡¯m cool.¡±


    He chuckles again. ¡°No, you¡¯re not.¡±


    No. I¡¯m not.


    Pulling up to city hall, I see our parents and Terah waiting for us. Parking right out front, I exit the car and all the women rush towards me, talking animatedly all at once.


    I¡¯m lead away from Nox, and he lifts his finger to his head in a silent salute.


    Rolling my eyes, I mouth, ¡°Love you.¡±


    Kissing his fingers, he places them on his heart.


    Signing the papers has got to be the most emotional thing I¡¯ve ever gone through.


    The tears just wouldn¡¯t stop.


    And I felt stupid.


    That was until Nox came up behind me, holding me around the waist. ¡°No tears today, baby. Best day of my life.¡±


    I agree. One hundred percent.


    The judge came over to us and shook our hands. He leaned in and said to Nox, ¡°Proud to have you serve this country, son. Good to have you home.¡±


    That is Nox¡¯s cover story.

 Page 29

    According to the Army (thanks to Mitch), Adam Christian Taylor went missing during a mission some years ago. He was declared dead with no body being found. Turns out, he was alive the whole time. He was found six months ago, gravely wounded and with a case of hardcore amnesia.


    Wink, wink.Advertisement


    And Nox hates it.


    But it was the only story Mitch insisted would work for Nox to have his old identity back. What Nox hates is being thanked for something he never did.


    Steeling his jaw, he says, ¡°Don¡¯t thank me, sir.¡±


    The judge smiles, ¡°¡¯Course not. Just doing your duty.¡±


    Terah takes hold of Nox¡¯s hand, clearly trying to save him. She says to the judge, ¡°I¡¯m sorry, do you mind if I steal them away for some photos? Mom¡¯s getting snappy happy .¡±


    The judge chuckles, ¡°Not at all, dear.¡± He turns to us both. ¡°I hope you have a long and happy life together. Truly, I do.¡±


    With that, we leave the courthouse and make our way to a local park.


    A gazillion photos later, we head to the restaurant for our wedding dinner with our family. And when we get there, Nox pulls me back a little. ¡°I don¡¯t want any crying, babe.¡±


    What?


    Shaking my head, I ask chuckling, ¡°Why would I cry? I¡¯m so effing happy, you dork!¡±


    ¡°Yeah, well-¡± Nox looks passed me and smiles, ¡°Yeah. You¡¯re gonna cry.¡±


    Turning, I gasp in shock.


    No way. No way!


    Rock and Boo stand there , dressed to the nines, ready to celebrate with us.


    And, of course, it happens.


    My eyes tingle for a whole second before I cover my mouth with my hand and burst into tears.


    Boo rushes forward, dressed in a long tawny-pink number. She looks great. Taking me in a warm hug, I feel her body shake with mine. Crying happy tears.


    Rock pulls her away from me a second, only to wrap me up tight. He looks good in slacks and a grey shirt. Wiping my tears away, I announce, ¡°You two look so effing hot!¡±


    Boo barks a laugh, ¡°Damn, Deedee. Never thought I could see someone look so beautiful before, but¡­¡± She motions to my very plain wedding dress and shrugs. Rock finishes for her, ¡°You look like an angel, babe.¡±


    My heart warms.


    I¡¯m so happy right now!


    Clare comes forward with her hands on her hips and wide eyes, ¡°Adam, we¡¯re going to have words later. Why didn¡¯t you tell me they were coming?¡±


    Rock smiles big and opens his arms to her, ¡°Mama!¡±


    Boo knocks him aside, ¡°Wait in line, bub!¡± Then she runs to Clare, ¡°Mama!¡±


    I should¡¯ve known they¡¯d met before. Mama talked about them when we went to visit her that first time, but had never said she¡¯d actually seen them in person.


    We approach our table, and everyone is introduced to each other. We spend the next hour chatting away and having a great time.


    It¡¯s relaxed and low key.


    And I love it.


    Nox and I decided to go against tradition. We wanted a small wedding and we wanted to pay for it ourselves. I know I come from money, but this was important to me. My independence means everything to me.


    Everyone orders what they want for dinner (which is something my dad insisted on paying for and Nox agreed on) and I sit back a moment, taking in everything around me.


    Looking around, I smile softly. Terah and Jon talk closely together, holding hands. Boo and Rock talk loudly and animatedly, obviously arguing about something stupid. Like always. Mom and Dad chat away to Clare. And Nox¡­


    I turn to my husband.


    I find him watching me with that gorgeous crooked smile in place.


    Leaning close to me, he says, ¡°Hey.¡±


    Moving even closer to him, our noses touch, and I whisper, ¡°Hi.¡±


    He kisses my lips gently, and my eyes close in sheer delight. I sigh through my nose and kiss him deeper. Pulling away gently, he asks on a grin, ¡°So when are you gonna give me babies?¡±


    Almost choking on my tongue, I laugh quietly, ¡°Not anytime soon. Maybe in a couple of years. You know, when I¡¯ve had enough time to enjoy you.¡±


    His hand rests on my thigh and he squeezes. ¡°I¡¯m down for that.¡±


    Smiling like an idiot, I rub my nose against his. ¡°Good. Because even though I love kids, I¡¯m not ready for them yet.¡±


    Kissing my lips once, he utters, ¡°That¡¯s fair, baby. Whatever you want, I¡¯m good with.¡±


    Suddenly, he asks seriously, ¡°Are you happy?¡±


    My heart expands and warms.


    ¡°Yes. Completely.¡± I lose my smile. ¡°Are you?¡±


    He thinks a moment, his brows furrowed. ¡°Can¡¯t think of a time I was even half as happy as today.¡±


    My heart stutters and I get dreamy-happy.


    I watch as he looks around the table and smiles. Turning back to me, he wraps an arm around my shoulders and pulls me close. Kissing the top of my head, he utters, ¡°Nothing¡¯s gonna beat today. Got everyone I care about close, and that¡¯s never happened in my life. I hate to say it, babe¡­¡± Looking at me with dead seriousness, he continues, ¡°Never thought I¡¯d be glad about having to protect someone. But, fuck me, I totally am. Hate what we went through to get here. But¡­we¡¯re here. And that¡¯s all I care about.¡±


    Leaning my forehead into the side of his chin, I say softly, ¡°Love you, Nox.¡±


    He sighs, ¡°Love you more, princess. You have no idea how much.¡±


    I close my eyes tightly, put a hand to his thigh and squeeze.


    Yeah.


    I¡¯m pretty sure I do.


    Epilogue


    Two years later¡­


    Nox


    Coming back from my run, I huff and puff while I make my way into our house.


    My heart pounds.


    Today was a good one. I beat my personal best and I managed that on my new prosthetic running leg.


    It¡¯s so fuckin¡¯ cool. It¡¯s an L shaped piece of carbon-fiber that makes me bounce more than run.


    And I¡¯m loving it. But I¡¯m tired as hell now.


    Lily and I bought a house not too long after we got married. She was right. The apartment was too small. We needed a place where I could have a room as a gym, and eventually a nursery.


    Our house is a modest four bedroom home in the suburbs.


    It took Mitch a little time to have my money cleaned and put into an account in my real name. Regardless of how much money we have, Lily insists on working. I don¡¯t think this is a bad thing. In fact, I like that she knows what she wants. Although, I am surprised as hell that she went back to work with her dad at Flynn Logistics.


    She¡¯s working her way up. And fast. In the past year, she¡¯s had three promotions.


    And this isn¡¯t because she¡¯s Daddy¡¯s girl. It¡¯s because she works damn hard, and she¡¯s smart as hell.


    I¡¯m so proud of her.


    I, however, am retired.


    I¡¯ve worked enough in my young life to realize that I was missing out on too much. So now, I enjoy my life with Lily.


    ¡°Lily?¡± I yell this into the kitchen.


    No answer. Walking down the hall and out the back door, I find her. Smiling, I take a look at what she¡¯s doing and chuckle.


    I walk down the steps to her, and take the clothes out of her hands. ¡°Let me do that. It¡¯s too high up for you.¡±


    Lily smiles at me like I¡¯m her hero.


    Always her hero.


    All I did was hang some wet clothes for her.


    She asks, ¡°So? How was it?¡±


    Still catching my breath, I huff out a laugh. ¡°Like running on water. So damn good. I don¡¯t think I¡¯ll ever take this one off.¡±


    And she grins, ¡°Maybe I can give you a reason to take it off.¡±


    My brows rise.


    Turning, I ask hoarsely, ¡°Oh yeah? How baby?¡±


    Looking left, then right, she crooks her finger. Leaning down to her, she reaches up and cups my cheeks. She presses her lips to mine, and I breathe her in.


    My wife is amazing.


    Pulling back a little, she whispers, ¡°I¡¯ve got an itch that needs scratching.¡±


    Playing with her, my face turns serious. ¡°Where is this itch?¡±


    The apples of her cheeks flush pink.


    I love when they do that.


    Licking her pink lips, her smiling, green eyes meet mine. ¡°I need to show you somewhere I can lie down. The bedroom would be a good place to start.¡±


    A good place to start?


    Shit.


    She had me at itch.


    Turning, her hair swishes down her back, and I feel myself start to harden.


    Fuckin¡¯ love that hair.


    I watch her ass sway as she walks up the steps, and into the house.


    Tired?


    Nope.


    Not anymore.


    Lily


    After this afternoon¡¯s spectacular love making, Nox left me to sleep it off. And I needed it.


    The man is insatiable.


    ¡­Oh, who am I kidding?


    I¡¯m just as bad.


    Maybe worse.


    Recently, it¡¯s gotten really bad. I feel like such a hussy! But my husband loves me, and is always willing to help me scratch my itch.


    Smiling like an idiot, I feel a small sharp pain in my belly.


    Ooh. That was not so nice.


    Then another. And another.


    Standing on wobbly legs, I make my way out to the hall.


    Looking down at my feet, my eyes widen to the size of saucers.


    Oh shit.


    Nox


    ¡°Mom, I can¡¯t tell her to stop working. It makes her happy. Do you think she¡¯d even listen to me if I asked?¡± I say into the cell phone.


    Mom responds, ¡°She won¡¯t listen, but it doesn¡¯t mean you don¡¯t have to try. She¡¯s in a delicate stage at this point, baby. You helping her out?¡±


    Somewhat proud of myself, I state, ¡°Hung the washing for her just this afternoon.¡±


    ¡°Nox.¡±


    I can almost see Mama¡¯s smile, ¡°That¡¯s my good boy.¡±


    Leaning back on my chair, I admit, ¡°I like helping her, anyways, it makes me feel like I¡¯m doing something.¡±


    ¡°Nox.¡±


    Mom replies, ¡°Oh baby, you¡¯ve already worked too hard. You deserve a rest. Enjoy your time at home. You never were a lazy man. Maybe you could volunteer somewhere if you feel like you¡¯re not doing anything useful.¡±


    ¡°Nox.¡±


    I purse my lips as my brows rise. ¡°That¡¯s actually not a bad idea, Mama. I¡¯ll make some enquiries come Monday.¡±


    ¡°Adam Christian Taylor!¡± Lily shouts.


    My brows furrow. ¡°Hold on, Mama.¡± Turning to my wife, who stands at the end of the hall, I ask, ¡°What is it, princess?¡±


    Sniffling and smiling, she states, ¡°My water just broke.¡±


    My mouth gapes.


    Lily takes one look at my face and bursts into laughter, covering her mouth with her hand. Placing the other hand on her swollen belly, she nods. ¡°Seriously. Just now.¡±


    Suddenly panicked, I shout into the phone, ¡°Lily¡¯s water just broke, Mom! What do we do?¡±


    Mama chuckles, ¡°Oh baby! It¡¯s finally happening!¡± She suddenly becomes stern. ¡°Don¡¯t you panic, boy. Ya hear? You stay cool and calm for your wife. She needs you to be strong right now so she can leech off of it when she doesn¡¯t have any strength left inside-a her.¡±


    My mom¡¯s smart.


    Immediately calming, I look over to a smiling Lily and state with a grin, ¡°Gotta go, Mama. Having a baby.¡±


    Mom clucks, ¡°You send Lily my love and call me as soon as he or she is here.¡±


    ¡°Okay, Mama. Love you.¡±


    ¡°Love you too, baby.¡±


    Lily bites her lip and says, ¡°I think we should go.¡±


    Standing, I take the keys to the car, pick up the pre-packed overnight bag, and walk over to my wife. Kissing her on her smiling lips, I agree, ¡°Yeah, princess. Let¡¯s do it.¡±


    Wrapping her arm around my waist, she squeezes tightly and hisses out a breath. ¡°Dammit, that hurts!¡±


    And I can¡¯t help but chuckle.


    I think she said the same thing the first time we made love.


    Rock


    Dear Uncle Rock,


    My name is Rocco Lennox Taylor.


    We haven¡¯t met before, but my mom and dad talk about you and Aunt Boo all the time.


    I was born only last week and I have a favor to ask.


    You see, I need a set of godparents. According to Mom and Dad, there aren¡¯t a finer pair of people for the job than Aunt Boo and yourself.


    Maybe I should tell you a little about myself. I weigh ten pounds even and am almost 20 inches long. I have spiky black hair, and my daddy¡¯s blue eyes.


    I love to eat and sleep at this point, not much more.


    If you think you¡¯d like to take this mission, we¡¯ll be celebrating my Christening in two weeks at our local church, here in California.


    My daddy says you know where we live, and that you¡¯re always welcome.


    Mommy says if you can¡¯t make it, it¡¯s okay. Aunt Terah and Uncle Jon are acting as backups just in case.


    I really hope you can make it. I¡¯d really like to meet my namesake. If not now, then soon.


    Lots of love,


    Rocco


    P.S. My fingers are way too tiny to be writing. This letter was written by my mommy.


    ¡°Shit.¡±


    My eyes blur and my throat thickens .


    I re-read the letter.


    Covering my face with a hand, I cry like a little bitch.


    Clearing my throat, I wipe my eyes, take the letter, and walk out of my room.


    Smiling, I yell out, ¡°Boo! Got some good news, babe¡­¡±


    The End