《The Color of the Sky I saw that Day was also Blue》 Prologue Prologue Summer. For me, summer is the most important season where everytime I look around, everything seems to shine. When I look back on my summer memories now that Ive reached my thirtieth birthday, I remember one summer in particular that shines with an exceptional brilliance. As I dug up that summer memory, I intensely recalled all that happened. It was deep blue. The kind of blue that looked as though the sky and the sea had been compressed into a single color. It was neither the memory of my first year in Junior Highschool, the first time I had fallen in love, nor was it the memory of when I was twenty-three years old, the first time I had a girlfriend. It was my memory of the Year 2008. The time I had crossed paths with that girl. We had spent the summer days together almost everyday, and while it was the shortest and hottest summer I have ever experienced, it was also filled with some truly unusual events. It was also the time when I had reached a deadlock with my life. Unable to see anything ahead, I was crouched on my knees inside that world of darkness. What kind of action people would take when they found themselves in such a situation? Some may become pessimistic, fall into depression, and they might even shut themselves off from others. Some might even try and struggle to find a way out of the darkness and would manage to get up and move forward. However, I was different. I had neither considerable wit nor courage to struggle my way out, so instead, I resigned from my job to run away, and just continued living my life like that as a form of escaping reality. As I left all of my belongings behind in a state of complete nakedness, I had arrived at a scenic spot in Iwate Prefecture, at the sea of Joudogahama. It was then that I had a fateful encounter with a girl that had a mysterious atmosphere, Shirakisawa Honoka. At that time, she was a nineteen-year-old college student, so would she be angered if I described her as a girl? She was a needlessly strong, beautiful and free-spirited girl, who had an outstanding presence. And, at the same time, she was also very gentle, fragile, and inconvenient, with a risk of disappearing if not careful. * That was August 1, 2008. Even now, I still remember that day clearly. It was a very hot summer that even just by staying still, buckets of sweat would form from my back. The sight of her slender frame, reflected against the piercing blue sky and white clouds as a silhouette. She held her straw hat with one hand to prevent it from being blown away by the wind, and pulled my hand with the other, then said in a slightly accented voice, Ycame. * Anyway, I am sure I can clearly say these words thatll come out from me in a moment. That when the day I met her, she managed to save me, healed my heart in an instant, and made me fall in love again. With that said, theres still a certain order of things. First, Id like to talk about how I had met her. It happened a little earlier than that. On the 31st of July of the same year. Our story begins in a hotel room in the center of the City of Saitama. Now then, please listen for a while. CH 1 Chapter 1: Inside a hotel room dominated by darkness, there, a figure of a man and a woman completely naked while embracing one another on top of the bed can be seen. The only sole source of light in the windowless room they were in was the glow of an orange desk lamp on top of the cabinet. Their two shadows are reflected on the wall in the form of hazy silhouettes. After they finished what they were doing, the woman brushed her long hair and stretched her hand out to reach the edge of the headboard, grabbed a pack of cigarettes, lit it, inhaled the smoke into her lungs, then exhaled a continuous stream of white smoke. After staring at the white smoke as it melted into the darkness for a while, the woman turned towards the man who was crawled inside the blanket, and asked a question. So? What time are you planning on leaving tomorrow? After being asked a question, the man raised his upper body up, leaned his slim back against the headboard, and then put his hands on the womans shoulders as he replied, Tomorrow at 7:00 AM. Bullet trains are usually early, so we have to leave the hotel after a short while. She frowned and muttered a languid That so? as she stared down at the hand placed on her shoulder. She pursed her mouth and exhaled a puff of smoke then refused to look him in the eyes. He assumed that she was thinking of him of being uninterested in sex, and as that unease passed his mind, in order to make her mood feel better, he suggested, Ill escort you home. That much is obvious, the woman said while continuing to puff on her cigarette. Or do you want me to say, Im lonely, so please dont go as if not wanting you to leave? ..No, I dont think you are the kind of person whod say that. Right.. the woman absent-mindedly sighed. Well.. Dont think about it too much, alright? Looking at her profile, while smoking cigarette smoke with an expressionless face, heOosakabe Kengothought that it was a fitting end for the both of them. She is two years younger than Oosakabe and they had met each other through an introduction from a friend. She isnt particularly attractive, but she is a tall woman, with long slit eyes and thick lips that made her appear more mature than what her age suggests. Shes also a good cook and a homely woman who pays attention to little things. Its been two years since the two of us started our relationship. It wasnt because we didnt get along with each other, nor were we bothered with each others presence. In fact, Id say she was really easy to get along with because of her laid-back nature that didnt necessitate any unusual attention. Still, if you ask me if I have any feelings for her, Id say its very subtle. On Saturday nights, the two of us would either stay at one anothers room, which resulted in toothbrushes being left in each others rooms, several pairs of my underwear and a change of clothes left in her room, and a pile of fashion magazines she had purchased and left behind in my room. It was the same on holidays as well. We would repeat our weekly dates and connect our body with each other numerous times. And even after all those years of us cuddling, Ive still never felt an inch of excitement towards her. Of course, Id never given marriage a thought. But I guess it was the same for her. She rarely contacted me outside of holidays, and never brought up the subject of the future, much less marriage. It was a relationship in which we only fill in each others gaps when we feel the need to do soit sounds good, but we cant deny that we are sex friends. Did we both need the excuse of having a lover? Or were there hidden feelings in our ritualistic relationship? It is still unclear to me even to this day. So, when I quit my job and said, I want to take a month-long trip to the country, this timing was just right to put an end to our vague relationshipThats all. After paying the bill and leaving the hotel, I got into my used car, which was worth my income, and pulled up in front of her apartment in the center of Saitama City. With her gaze fixed out the window, she said, What would you do if I said I dont want to break up yet?'' Ill contact you when I come backis what I would say, but I dont think Id care, because I dont think youd ever say that to me. Then she tightly closed her mouth and showed a smile mixed with complicated feelings. I see. Thats a very wise reply.. Still, its a little frustrating that even in the end, you were still unsatisfied with me.. Well, I guess itd make sense, since even though I cut my hair yesterday, you still didnt notice. Well then, goodbye. Perhaps because of the sentimentality that was left in control of my heart, she sounded sad as she said those words to me. As she got off the passengers seat, she told me one last thing. Well, dont worry. I wont say something like a troublesome woman would. Goodbye, thanks for the two years we spent together. It was fun in its own way. With a small bang, the front passenger door was slammed shut. Afterwards, the car was enveloped in silence. In its own way, huh. To distract himself from the awkwardness of the situation, he turned on the car radio and frowned when he heard the news that came on. The news was about a bus accident that occurred in January 2008. What was played in the audio was an interview with a passenger who had fortunately suffered only minor injuries during the accident. He continued on reporting about the safety measures that have been put in place by the bus companies since the accident. As the report reminded him of the events of the time, images of the site of the accident came back to his mind. The bus lost control and drifted off the prefectural road, rolling over. The image of a crumpled bus, filled with flowing blood and bloodstains that were sprayed everywhere. The situation was fit to be called a pandemonium as people inside the bus were screaming and crying. It was reported that the cause of the accident was an operational error of the driver. However, behind the scenes, the reckless planning of the bus company, the sloppy management system, and other issues were revealed, prompting the masses to question them about whether or not they would accept the responsibility over the accident. Eight people, mostly young men and women, were killed in the accident. The companys initial reluctance to admit any responsibility has had an impact that continues to make headlines to this day. By the way, our cast for today, Yamamoto-san, I have this question for you; What was your analysis of the mental state of the defendant Oosakabe at the time of the accident?'' As he heard his name getting mentioned from the radio report, he let out a bitter smile and reflexively changed the channel on the radio and played cheerful music. Just when I was starting to forget about that time.. There was no way nationwide broadcast programs would report a lie. The driver who caused that bus accident was none other than him. The day the accident happened, his life had literally changed. His name was repeatedly reported as the defendant, and he became an instant celebrity. It was a painful memory that still haunts him even after six months had passed since that time. The content that was reported in the media was generally true. The bus companys operation plan was sloppy. The number of casualties was one of the largest and it was the most tragic accident ever. He was also forced to quit his job because he was held responsible for the accident. He also went to meet the families of the dead victims in early spring. Although there was some controversy, the bus company managed to pay the reparations without any incidents. What more should I do than this? Oosakabe muttered in frustration. However, what he said was also correct. What more could he do than what was expected of the responsibility placed upon him? Moreso if he had already done that duty. Oosakabe sighed and tucked away the painful memory of the past inside the drawer of his mind. Lets forget about it. Its for this reason I am going on a trip. Its a sin that can never be erased, but I dont have any time to be disturbed by the news of the past. In fact, I need to get up early tomorrow. Ive already packed up my luggage, and it would be pretty idiotic of me if I overslept. It must have been a passing rain. Oosakabe thought as he looked up at the endless night lights illuminating a pale light on the slightly wet road surface. Eventually, he started his car quietly and continued driving towards his apartment in the middle of the dark night streets. CH 2 Chapter 2: It might be a stress-induced Psychogenic Amnesia, The psychiatrist told Oosakabe. That does that mean its an aftereffect of the accident..? Oosakabe replied. No, no. Its quite wrong to say that. You still have the memories before and after the accident, right? Therefore, I dont think the main cause was the accident itself, but some kind of psychological shock that you felt afterwards. Also, the results of your CT scan showed no traces of strong impact on your head. Psychological shock.. Oosakabe quietly muttered as he pondered about what the psychiatrist had just told him. Oosakabe was hospitalized after the bus accident he had caused this January of the same year. And it was only after he was safely discharged a few months later that he had finally noticed that he was losing fragments of his memory for the last two to three months. Even Oosakabe himself couldnt exactly guess what memories they were. He thought that he didnt have to think too hard about what it was since it didnt really affect his daily life. But just to be on the safe side, he went to see a psychiatrist for a medical examination and was told that he had a psychogenic amnesia. Psychogenic amnesia is, basically, a psychological disorder in which memories are lost due to mental stress or other similar factors. It is generally coupled with retrograde amnesia, which is the inability to remember things from the past, such as unpleasant experiences or events, and is often linked to the inability to remember specific people. To explain the situation in more detail, Oosakabes memories up to spring were fine, but from then to the presentJuly, his memories were missing in some places. To put it simply, both the contents of the lost memories and the cause shouldve led us to think of the bus accident as the number one suspect, but the fact that Oosakabes memories from the time of the accident are still firmly in place suggests that the accident was not the main cause. The psychiatrist told Oosakabe that although it was difficult to determine what the main cause was, there must have been some stressful event that Oosakabe experienced somewhere in the early spring or early summer. Itd be better if you take some time off work in order to recuperate. Why dont you take a long vacation and go on a trip somewhere? The psychiatrist told Oosakabe. The psychiatrists advice was also one of the reasons why he had decided to take a month-long trip. After leaving his apartment early this morning with luggages on both hands, Oosakabe took the bullet train north on the Touhoku Main Line. If its work, Ive already quit a long time ago, Oosakabe muttered with a tone of self-mockery as his eyes followed the view outside the train window as it flew by. Oosakabe Kengo, twenty-five years old. He was born and raised in the City of Urawa, Saitama Prefecture. His family consists of his parents and a younger brother who lives at their parents house. His younger brother is three years younger than him and is a university student. Although Oosakabe has a relatively neat face, his lack of fashion sense, his unkempt hair and slightly grown stubble makes for a dull first impression. Furthermore, his quiet and unemotional nature adds more to his subdued appearance. The reason for why his personality became like that was due to his memory of moving and changing schools which he had experienced multiple times during his childhood and school days. Repeated encounters and farewells. The constant anticipation and anxiety of loss that Oosakabe had always carried, created a bad habit of not wanting to get deeply involved with others. By the time Oosakabe graduated from middle school, his father had the opportunity to change jobs, which resulted in them not having to move somewhere else ever again. However, it was already too late. After all, changing a personality that had been formed since childhood isnt that easy. As Oosakabe went to high school and then to university, he gradually lost his place in society. He was treated as if he was air. But perhaps because he didnt actively try to establish relationships with other people, no one ever tried to get in touch with him. Maybe, that was all there is to it. Even so, Oosakabe wasnt as laudable enough to accept that it was all his fault. It was after graduating from a local four-year college university that Oosakabe found a job at a bus company in Saitama. He wasnt really greatly dissatisfied with the company he was working for, but after the accident which had resulted in a lot of deaths, he had no other choice but to quit. A boring life. That is all I can see waiting ahead of me, Those words were what Oosakabe had been saying for the last few months. There was no longer any hope that he could find for the rest of his life. Thats why he chose the path of throwing away everything behind the moment he decided on this trip. It is for that reason he temporarily stopped his ongoing job-hunting activities and broke up with his girlfriend. Oosakabe got off the bullet train at Morioka Station and from there, he transferred to the JR Yamada Line. He then went in front of the Miyako Station, which was the last stop to ride a transit bus and continued on going to his planned destination. After driving through the desolate urban city, the bus gradually began to drive through the forest where a panoramic view of the sea could be seen in the distance. Wherre ya frm, youngun? The weather is nice. The sky which reflects the blue color of the sea is very beautiful. While I was looking outside the window completely lost in thought, an elderly manor I say, but hes probably still in his 70s1sitting beside me suddenly spoke. Ah, me? Im from Saitama desuyo.2 Hoh, yve coma long way, eh? Ya hre fer sightseng a sumthin? Well, thats about it desu. My hobby is photography, so I thought that Id like to try at least once and take pictures of Joudogahama, Oosakabe said as he reached for the SLR Camera that was nearby his hand. Joudogahama. Its the name of the place Oosakabe set as his destination for this trip. It is one of the most famous scenic spots on the Rikuchu Coast and has been selected as one of the 100 best places for swimming in the sea of Japan. It also features a beautiful coastline made of white rhyolite. The name Joudogahama was said to be given after the seventh head of Jouanji Temple on the Miyako Mountain, Reikyo Osho, said and marveled, Its just like a Gokurakujyoudo*.3 The fact that he had chosen this place as a destination for his month-long vacation was of no great significance. If anything, it was just because the sea was beautiful. Hoh? Joudogahama, I see, the old man said, as he clapped his hands in understanding. Tis a very scenic place. I hpe ye a good trip. Ah, thank you very much! By teh way, youngun. Hows ya prents doin? Ah, my parents? Theyre both doing well desuyo. Tis naturl they be fine. Wham askins where theyre and what businss they be doin. Aaah, said Oosakabe to himself. My father is a lawyer, though he was just a regular office worker until I reached high school. My mother is a full-time housewife, and they are both at home in Urawa. A lawyer, s a pretty impressive job, no? Thn, must mean yer smart as well, rent ya? No, no, someone like me Oosakabe was about to say, but then slurred his words at the end. There was no need for him to reveal his shameful past to an old stranger he had just met today. He tried to dismiss the conversation with a vague smile that said, Dont mind it, before turning his attention back outside the bus. As he looked outside the window at the scenery drifting by, he caught something strange and before he knew it, his gaze was drawn to it. Someone was standing there just now, wasnt there? Eh? What are they doing, standing alone in such a gloomy forest? Excuse me, uh.. Just now.. Wasnt there a long-haired girl wearing a black one-piece dress standing near the base of that tree there? At Oosakabes words, the old man tilted his head in a puzzled manner. Iont think anynes there. n the first place, theres none who woulda walk deeplyn sucha forest. Youre.right.. Oosakabe replied to the old man. It mightve been just my imagination No.. to be exact, its a little bit more different. It wasnt just my imagination. The old man just couldnt see the woman, and only I could. Does this mean that shes not from here? After coming up with several theories in his head, Oosakabe shrugged his shoulders. Just as when were on our way to sightseeing, were already struck with an ill-omen. We shouldnt be distracted by such trifling thoughts. Oosakabe concluded, and brushed off the uncomfortable feeling that had lodged in his head. Oosakabe then continued to glance outside the window for more than ten minutes. Eventually, the bus he was riding on finally stopped at a bus stop with a label that says Joudogahama Inner Part. After giving a bow to the old man, Oosakabe paid his fare, got off the bus, and then stretched to relieve the stiffness in his shoulders. And then, he turned his gaze up towards the sky. It was a perfectly clear weather, a beautiful blue sky with no clouds around. August 1, 2008. The unusual summer that Oosakabe experienced is about to begin. [Huh???] [I dont know how to word it in a way that shows his respect towards the old man.] [OS C Gokurakujyoudo, which means Amitabhas Pure Land in buddhist term. It can be interpreted in English as Pure Land or Paradise. So, lets go back to explaining why its called Joudogahama(though Im not sure if youre interested). C /Jyoudo: Which means Pure Land + /Hama: Which means Beach or Seashore.] CH 3 Chapter 3: Osakabe1 pulled his gaze from the sky and looked out over the surrounding scenery. The color of the ocean was beautiful. The sky was dyed a clear blue, like a wash of watercolor, and that color was reflected on the waters surface. The blue horizon, sparkling with glints of sunlight, was especially beautiful. On top of that was the coastline, sculpted from the white volcanic rock that could be considered the star of Jodogahama, and the sandy beaches that he could glimpse from a distance. I can see why this would be ranked as one of the hundred best beaches and swim spots in Japan, he thought. However Its so hot. How hot exactly was it going to get today? Almost immediately he gave up on his simplistic assumption that summers up north in Tohoku were cool and pleasant. He took out a towel from a bag jammed inside his small suitcase and wiped the sweat from his forehead, then tried to search for a shady spot. Looking closely, he spotted a covered shelter behind the bus stop. Osakabe, deciding to rest a moment before setting off, ducked under the shelter to avoid the strong rays of the sun. The roof and walls were made of wood. In a space only a few meters wide, sat a bench that five adults could maybe all sit on, crammed together. A timetable faded with age was posted on the wall. Of course, just that little bit of shade did nothing to change the fact that it was hot. But just getting out of the direct sunlight made a considerable difference. He flapped the hem of his polo shirt and with the back of his hand, wiped away the bead of sweat trailing down his cheek to his jaw. Then he set his luggage on the bench and sat down beside it. Closing his eyes, he lost himself in thought for a while. Although he had come all this way to Iwate on an impulse, he still hadnt decided any plans beyond that. For now, he should probably find a place to spend the night. From the bus window, he had seen several resort hotels. Although any of those were fine, if possible he would prefer to save a little on his accommodations. He had to watch his spending, since he had just quit his job. When he checked the map before leaving, he had seen what he suspected were several small towns in the south. Surely there was some kind of cheap guest house around there? Hah At last, Osakabe let out a sigh in something like resignation. All he was fretting about was money, he noticed. When they say thinking only about the immediate future would debase the spirit, surely this is what they meant. For a moment he stopped thinking about money and closed his eyes. This was his long-awaited vacation. He was only going to think about enjoyable things. Fun events. Future dreams. Close friends. Falling in love with a girl However, hed missed the opportunity to achieve any of those in the past. Or rather there was only reality, where he could not envision himself obtaining any of those things. In the end, unable to think of anything decently enjoyable, he pushed aside all other thoughts and immersed himself in a loop of positive delusions: nonexistent memories, places hed never been, a successful version of himself. So thats it. I guess I set out on this trip as an escape from reality, Osakabe thought, realization dawning at last. and at some point, he fell asleep. Before he realized, while he dozed, he felt a slight weight against his right shoulder. Osakabe opened his eyes. When he looked to his shoulder to check, for a second his mind froze. It was a woman. The womanwhom he would certainly call a girl, although she had a somewhat adult presence to herhad leaned her head on his shoulder and fallen asleep on his arm. Her straight hair hung just below her shoulders, the ends curling under slightly. She wore a white, knee-length dress made from a breezy linen fabric. Judging by her light clothing and lack of luggage, she must have been a local. Enticed by her sweet perfume, he peered down at her chest before immediately averting his gaze. Surprisingly big. From the neckline of her dress, he could see her cleavage, slightly disproportionate to her thin frame. But no, before that, who was she? It wasnt so bad, surprisingly, to have something so soft pressed against his upper arm, but all the same, it would be awkward to just leave her like this. He tried nudging her shoulder while whispering, Excuse me. Hey, can you Mmm Though she moaned softly and stirred in her seat, she went back to sleeping soundly. Jeez! He sighed and tried shaking her a little harder this time. Please, just wake up! This time the girls eyes opened slowly. Little by little, it seemed she was waking up. She lifted her head. Her eyes met his. And with all her might she shoved him away. He fell back, shocked. Where did she hide all that strength in those tiny arms? Leaping back to the far wall of the shelter, she gave him a frightened look and asked, What are you doing? Thats my line, Osakabe thought. TN: I will be taking over as translator from where Nakki left off. Thank you for following along! CAleyo Previous chapters used the spellings Oosakabe and Joudogahama, but starting from this chapter Ill simplify them to Osakabe and Jodogahama. CH 4 Chapter 4: Question, she said. What are you after? Sex? Or money? Hold up, youre making crazy assumptions. Calm down a bit and lets talk. Right, we should first set things straight. Osakabe2 had half-risen to his feet as he hastily made his suggestion. Why must I be the one to freak out? he thought, while deep down his resentment grew. Even though she had been inching closer to the far wall of the bus shelter, she piped up as if remembering something, Eh? then moved to sit down beside him, her knees pressed together. He was perplexed as to why she would now sit beside him despite being that scared earlier, but he took out a box of Pretz3he had on hand and offered it to her. Want any? An apology, for startling you. Are you bribing me with food? Im not impressed, she said, but she accepted the box of Pretz. Is this salad-flavor? Thats a big point in your favor, she muttered to herself and promptly began eating. Apparently, the bribery seemed to work. But more importantly, he had to set things straight! My name is Osakabe Kengo. Im a boring guy from Saitama who came to do some sightseeing. I wanted to take some pictures of Jodogahama at sunset, and while I was killing time I must have dozed off. When I woke up, you were sitting beside me. Thats more or less the gist of it. Crap. He winced. He had suddenly told her his real name, and now it was all over. But the girl didnt seem to pay him attentionshe was focused entirely on eating the Pretz. These are delicious. Sure enough, there is no other food in the world that could beat salad-flavored Pretz. Im not even exaggerating. No, youre definitely exaggerating. Tomato Pretz are just as good andhey, are you even listening to me? At that, her eyes flashed up. How rude. I am listening. Her cheeks puffed up like a balloon, but then she immediately broke into a wide smile, the corners of her eyes crinkling. But I reckon Ill forgive you. Cause you dont look like a bad guy. No one who loves salad-flavored Pretz could be all that bad. Then her cheeks visibly reddened. Why was she blushing? Although he was bewildered by the volatile moods of this girl, he nodded in gratitude. Youre too kind. So what about you? he asked. Huh? She gave him a blank look. Why? This conversation was going nowhere. So, what are you doing here? She pondered her answer long enough for him to see the ellipsis form over her head, dot by dot. I had gone for a stroll, and just popped on by for a moment. Since I was so tired from walking, when I sat down beside you I fell asleep without realizing. Yeah, thats about it. Though he was skeptical of her roundabout way of speaking, he shrugged. Youre the whole reason we ended up like this, he realized. So basically, Osakabe-san, you came to Jodogahama to do some sightseeing, right? She reluctantly brought the last Pretz to her lips as she confirmed his story. Thats what Ive been trying to say from the beginning. At this, he finally gave a sigh. So thats it. She nodded and crossed her arms. I was just surprised why you were here at this middle-of-nowhere bus stop, where only one bus comes every hour. Huh? The inane reaction slipped involuntarily from his mouth. What are you saying? No, wait, you dont mean? Clouds of foreboding spread across his heart. Do you maybe know who I am? he asked, feeling his whole body break out in goosebumps. She puffed her cheeks like a blowfish and stared back at his face with a somehow dissatisfied expression. No Hmm, not at all. Which is it? Her way of speaking appeared to either be pouting or toying with him. He scratched the back of his head despite there being no itch. But, she said as if composing herself, her smiling once more, I do know where youre from. Shall I guess? How smugshe puffed up with pride. Where Im from, you say? She sat back on the bench, legs crossed and a finger to her temple as she assumed the pose of a person deep in thought. And not a second later she answered: No mistake, youre from Saitama. Obviously. He let go of his tension. Theres no question, you never see the name Osakabe outside of Saitama. Its incredibly rare to see it anywhere else. Im guessing you knew that? She didnt answer, but her laugh, somewhere between a tee-hee and a giggle, confirmed exactly that without a word. Nevertheless, inside he was relieved. It doesnt seem she knows anything about my guilty past. As if remembering, he glanced at his watch. Just a few hours until sunset, he confirmed, and grabbed the bag that held his SLR camera. Sensing he was about to leave, she hastily shot out a suggestion. Shall I show you around the area? Only if youd like, of course. Huh? Is that okay? Taking little notice of his bewilderment at the sudden proposal, the girl leapt up from the bench. Certainly! As you can likely guess from the fact I was out on a stroll, I am fundamentally a person of leisure. It wouldnt be so bad, I think, to accompany a fellow person of leisure, such as yourself. In contrast to her decisive statement, dark clouds once again flooded his mind. He was completely unused to being the target of such feelings as straightforward goodness or kindness from other people, even more so from a young woman. Falling back into my old patterns, he sneered at himself. But her suggestion was a godsend for someone like him, unfamiliar with the surrounding area. So he decided to go along with her proposal. Well then, I will gratefully take you up on that. Understood. Then lets seize this day!4 Saying that, she picked up her only possession, the straw hat, from the bench, and putting it on, she grabbed Osakabe by the hand. Wait, my bags, he said, but though she baffled him, he humored her by letting himself be pulled up. Her bold actions, in contrast to her appearance, made his heart ache. But at the same time, he also felt an uncanny peace from this girl he only just met today. Who on earth are you? Right after the simple question floated up in his mind, she looked back with a wide grin. Odense! Welcome to Iwate! Her dignified voice rang out in the dry, summer air. Though the sun only just started to sink, the heat lingered still on the summer afternoon. This was Osakabe Kengos first meeting with Shirakisawa Honoka, the girl who much later would completely transform his destiny. Shiragizawa Honokas name is written with the characters ľg , meaning White tree stream and Summer Sails, symbolizing both their chance meeting in summer, the white of her dress, and her free and breezy personality, likely bringing a new wind into Osakabes life. The characters for Osakabe Kengo are ಿ t, which mean Meeting/Tryst on a Hill and Wise Enlightenment. This ties into his encounter with Honoka at Jodogahama, named after the Pure Lands where, depending on the sect of Buddhism, it is believed the enlightened may go after death, or where the unenlightened may go to achieve enlightenment. Pretz are a toasted biscuit stick snack, made by Glico. The savory predecessor to Pocky, the standard flavor is Salad, but Tomato is also sometimes available, along with seasonal flavors. Ƥϼ: A proverb that translates to Good things need to be carried out with haste. More accurate proverbs in English may be Strike while the iron is hot or Make hay while the sun shines, but Seize the day/Carpe Diem fits better with Honoka teaching Osakabe to enjoy life. CH 5 Chapter 5: The two of them first headed for Jodogahama beach. It was August, early afternoon. On the sandy beach spread out under the clear sky, Osakabe could spy many beach-goersclusters of colorful beach umbrellas and the occasional figure reclining on a beach towel. He squinted up at the sun, blazing down as if releasing all its pent-up energy, and regretted not bringing a bathing suit. Over here. Watch your step, the goings a little rough. While Osakabe grimaced at the heat of the sand that slipped inside his shoes, they passed the beach and continued on to a part with many pebbles and rocks. It was difficult to walk across the rugged terrain, but the girl in her sneakers nimbly wandered ahead with a practiced stride. At last, when they reached the waters edge, she stopped and pointed at a boulder in front of them. This is Takaiwa. Its called that because the top of the island resembles three hawks. Seawater comes in from the lower-left side of this rock, so the water of Jodogahama is constantly cycling in and out, keeping it clean and beautiful. Pointing to the next rock, she continued her explanation. That is Eboshi-iwa. While the other rocks are white, this is the only black one, right? Its called that because it looks exactly like an eboshi, those black hats that samurai and noblemen used to wear. You really know the area well, he said. Well, I am a local. But she beamed a child-like smile at his praise. While watching the girl continue to explain, with a faint blush in her cheeks, Osakabe couldnt help but think: Im on a beach, in a polo shirt and chino pants, with this girl in a straw hat and a white dress. A guy and a girl, standing side-by-sideto anyone who sees us we must look like a couple. Unexpectedly, it wasnt so bad either, to be seen like that. But at the same time, he cringed to think how conniving he was, moving on so easily after he had broken up with his girlfriend of several years just the other day. Setting aside the tempting fantasy, the scenery was certainly beautiful. The quiet ocean with gentle waves. The forest of white rocks in the ultramarine ocean. The evergreen trees growing along the tops of the boulders. Like Buddhas Pure Land of the Westwhat an elegant way to put it. He remembered to point his camera and started taking picture after picture when the girl made a suggestion. If you came for pictures, I know a spot with an even more amazing view. Do you want to check it out? Really? Yes, please, he answered. She smiled with satisfaction. Right this way. Returning to the beach by which they had just come, they passed through an area of bare rock with precarious footing and from there climbed a road leading up to an observation deck. Its a hard climb, so kepparedont give up! Encouraged by her rustic cheers, he started up the sloping path. Halfway up, the girl intentionally veered off the course and pushed her way through the undergrowth and into the trees. The grass grew tall, and made walking difficult. Is it okay to leave the path? he asked in a concerned voice. She looked back over her shoulder with a small murmur of realization. Its okay. Perfectly fine! Its a trail left by some animals, but you can still walk it. And youll be amazed when you get to the top. Youll get to see something completely different from the view on the observation deck. Are you for real? Its my special spot. She pressed a finger to her lips as she spoke, the corners of her mouth curving with mischief. Swallowing down his growing unease, he decided to follow her in silence. They continued for a few minutes on the uneven terrain. The view that awaited when they arrived made all his worries up to that point disappear. Forgetting the pain in his feet, Osakabe cried out in wonder and lost himself to the click of the shutter on his camera. The heat was intolerable, but now he was honestly grateful for the days sunny weather. The spot was closer to the ocean than the observation deck he could spy from the periphery of his vision, and amidst the trees a space had curiously opened up that allowed him to simply look out over a panorama of picturesque beauty. Below his gaze, the waters surface, spread out in a sparkling emerald green. The white sand. The white rocks. The oceans gentle waves occasionally cresting in white caps. Their colors embellished the scene. It was entirely different from the view seen from down below. Amazing The word felt cheap, but he could think of no other words worthy of praising it. Do you like it? the girl asked. He nodded without thinking. Yeah, this is wonderful. Brilliant kelp, the velvet of the sea, spread out glistening on the shore of Paradise. Whats that? A curious expression appeared on Osakabes face as she recited the poem out of nowhere. This is the poem the author Miyazawa Kenji1 supposedly composed when he visited the area in 1917 and saw the pebble beaches used to dry kelp. Wow, you really know your stuff. Yeah, but you know, he changed the name from Jodogahama, the shores of the Pure Land, to Jakko no Hama, the shores of Paradise. At the time, he had already devoted himself to the Lotus Sutra and was vehemently opposed to the Pure Land Buddhism his family had always believed in. So theres some cynicism towards his familys beliefs in that poem as well. When you interpret it that way, it gives you mixed feelings. It does. But in the end, although family is certainly important, dont you get the sense that believing in ones own way of thinking is more important than anything else? At least I think so Osakabe-san, youve also probably faced all sorts of difficulties, right? In order to live. Well, I guess so. Ones own way of thinking. That hits somewhere quite painful, Osakabe thought. When he retraced the whole series of events that led to him quitting his job a few months ago, he could not deny that his own weakness and immaturity were a factor. And of course, he could find the cause in other factors, too. His mental illness. The accident. And related to those, his relationships with people at work, and the change in his emotions. But in spite of it all, eventually he reached the conclusion that the largest factor was his mental incompetence arising from his own negligence. At the end of the day, he had no choice but to confront and accept the fact that he had been left behind by everyone else. Just as she said, it was only his own way of thinking. His mood grew somber as he remembered his painful past. You may have suffered too, but you cant let them win. Huh? A sound that could not be called either a breath or a voice slipped from his mouth at her words, almost as if shed read his mind. Youve been through a lot, havent you? No, its just Perhaps, things arent going so well with your family? How do you he carelessly started to say, but he quickly held his tongue. What exactly are you saying? I think youll go on to face more hardship. You may suffer even more than you have already. But you will surely turn out okay, Osakabe-san. When he faced her, she was staring straight at him. His confusion deepened more and more when faced with her earnest gaze. At that, the girl laughed awkwardly and lowered her eyes. Life is not just an endless stream of good things. Sometimes the wind and the waves rock the boat, and getting along with others is the same. Not everyone close to you is on your side. You might hear people whispering negative things behind your back. But still you must persevere, to continue moving forward with your life. Thats what I wanted to say, she said, breaking into a smile. I understand less and less, he said, trying to brush off or flee her comments, but her advice left ripples in his heart. Im kidding, she said, her gaze softening. I tried to trick you into opening up, but Im not too far off the mark am I? After all, you do have a deep wrinkle between your eyebrows. Thats the kind people get when they spend all their time worrying. Huh? Again his lame reaction slipped out, and Osakabe raised a hand to his face. Do I really make such a harsh scowl? Sorry. I guess sulking is my bad habit. That habit. You should be careful. Come on now, smile! She turned away while laughing and looked out to the horizon, as if staring past it. Her longish hair danced in a sudden breeze. She held her straw hat with one hand so it wouldnt blow away, and her profile silhouetted against the blue sky. Although her eyes didnt have the coveted folded eyelid, they harbored a powerful light, he thought. Then her slender, shapely nose. Her white skin, reminding him of unseasonal snow, and her well-proportioned outline. And inside that, her pretty eyes. Seeing her like this, she was maybe quite beautiful. As soon as he calmed his racing pulse, Osakabe stealthily framed her profile in his cameras viewfinder. Immediately, she turned towards him, and so he quickly averted his gaze. Embarrassed that she would discern something from his startled expression, he awkwardly peered into his camera once more. Osakabe-san. His heart leapt to hear his name suddenly. Y-yeah? Dont fall for me. He gasped in surprise. It was almost as if she knew what he was thinking, even if it was just how beautiful she was. If she hadnt known, then he couldnt understand what she was trying to say. Thats what do you mean? Our existence rejoices for love that lasts a single summer. But no matter how much we fall for each other, we will inevitably part ways. Thus, we must not fall for each other. This is a warning. Why is she saying this now? Osakabe thought, taken aback. If she hadnt been so serious about what she was saying, he would have wanted to laugh it off. But after seeing his startled expression, she snickered to herself. I told you, Im just kidding. Feeling as if she had seen through his feelings that had come unexpectedly bubbling up, he could only bow his head. Ah, of course you are. Miyazawa Kenji (1896-1933) was a Japanese novelist and poet, who lived in Hanamaki, not too far from Jodogahama. He is most famous for his childrens story Night on the Galactic Railroad, which inspired the anime Galaxy Express 999. CH 6 Chapter 6: It was only natural for Osakabe to be led to this guest house1 after mentioning that he still hadnt decided on a place to stay during his stay in Jodogahama. The guest house, run by the girls family on her mothers side, was arranged with the reception desk, kitchen, and the familys living space on the first floor, and all the guest rooms on the second. It was small, able to host at most five groups at a time. Back in the day, there were loads more guest houses in the area, but almost all of them closed up as the times changed. The large resort hotels have taken over most of the tourists business, the girl added in a lonesome voice. Here too, were somehow able to stay in business because of our regular customers, but its doubtful how much longer well be able to continue. After greeting her grandmother and completing the procedure for checking in as prompted, the girl announced, Ill show you to your room. He followed behind her as she climbed up the stairs. You said this is your mothers childhood home? So right now youre staying here too? he asked while looking at the wooden walls. Thats right. Im using summer vacation to visit my moms family. I plan to stay here on the first floor until mid-August. My parents had their own plans and couldnt come, so its just me living in peace and quiet, free to do as I like! She smiled. Sounds nice, right? So Im free everyday, she continued, just like you, Osakabe-san. I see, I see Not to change the subject, but youre? Nineteen, she told him, whirling around. You were just trying to ask a girl her age, werent you? Its not so rude if youre only nineteen, right? he thought as he answered, You guessed it. Thats exactly what I was going to ask. I have surprisingly good intuition, she laughed. Speaking of, Im in my second year at junior college. And although my moms from Miyako, Im actually from Morioka City2. Morioka Thats pretty far from here. Yeah. How long are you planning to stay in Miyako, by the way? At the moment, Im thinking about a month. I havent decided on a specific date, but much like you, Im fundamentally a person of leisure, he said with a tinge of sarcasm. Thats quite a long time. Does your job He cut her off, not wanting to make other people say it. I quit my job a few months back. So I really am free. All I have is time and a small amount of severance pay. I see Im sorry for bringing up an uncomfortable topic. What? Dont worry about it. I can always find another job. Certainly, thats all there was to it. Thats all, and yet at the same time, its not quite that simple, he thought. But she doesnt know anything about the life Ive lived up until now, so I wont say anything more. Besides, Im not trying to get any pity. Thats true. She nodded, convinced. By the way, Osakabe-san, how old are you now? Im twenty-five. What?! She was left speechless after her exclamation of surprise, disbelief written all over her face. Thats rude, you know Im aware that I look a little older, but still. Exactly how old did you think I was? Umm. Thirty. Give or take. Now thats rude. When their eyes met, they roared in laughter. So, you live in Morioka, he thought to himself. Osakabe had lived in Morioka for a while due to his fathers work. Now of course, his life was located in Saitama City, and his familys home in Urawa, but Morioka was something like a second hometown for him. Thinking about it now, picking Jodogahama, a scenic spot also in Iwate Prefecture, for this trip may have actually been quite inevitable. At the farthest room on the second floor, the girl stopped and said, This is it. When she slid open the door and flicked the lights on, the room was washed in a soft, orange glow. The room was a simple, traditional, Japanese-style room, with as many as ten tatami mats spread across the floor. Inside were a square, wooden table and a low, legless chair. White walls gave off a calming ambience. Along the wall, a tall, ornamental houseplant and a television. Although not the same view as Jodogahama itself of course, the view outside looked out on a beautiful scene of the port. He threw open the window and stared out over the ocean. The lights from the boats flickered on and off, and the colors of sunset deepened further. The sea is beautiful. Through the window, the chilly, sea breeze blew out the rooms stuffy air. Its not such a bad room, is it? the girl asked, and Osakabe nodded. Yeah, this place isnt bad at all. Although the age and the location really bring down the ratings. He laughed. Not at all. The view of the sea is amazing, even if its just the port. And it really helps that the price is so reasonable. Really, this is exactly what I was looking for. Is that so? Then Im glad I could show it to you. She stepped out of the room, leaving behind the words, Please enjoy your stay. Hearing the door slide shut, Osakabe fell back onto the floor and stared up at the ceiling. While he breathed in the scent of the soft rush woven into the tatami He reflected on the memories of his time in Morioka, long ago. Takasaki Minako. That was the name of the classmate in junior high school whom he had liked at the time. He had only attended three years of junior high school during his life in Morioka.3 But because he once again transferred in February of his third year, he couldnt even go to graduation.4 So the last time he had spoken to her was likely during that short period in third semester. In junior high school, he had belonged to the photography club. Out of all the cultural clubs, it was the club for the boring kidsit often became the hang-out spot for those who werent good at sports, or those who wanted to goof off with a somewhat lenient activity.5 That kind of club. Osakabe himself was part of the latter group. Nowadays, of course, his hobby was photography, but at the time he had no interest in it at all. The first time he even touched a camera was after he joined the club. He wasnt interested in going out of his way to build friendships if he was bound to transfer again anyways, nor was he planning on devoting himself to the club. It was simply the story of a student who had that kind of cynical view on life. The first time he met Minako was right after he joined the club. She was in a different class their first year, and if he hadnt joined the photography club, they might have spent all three years without ever crossing paths. That was how little presence she had at the school. She had long lustrous hair. A relatively well-proportioned face. A nice figure, with her tall stature and long arms and legs. But sheTakasaki Minakowas a girl who would not speak up unless it was necessary, going beyond well-behaved to downright gloomy. But she was an entirely different person once she pointed her camera at a subject. Her usually dull eyes would sparkle and she would passionately go on at length when asked about photography tricks or how to use a camera. Most likely, Osakabe was the only person in the whole school to notice Minakos hidden side. They naturally began spending more and more time together, and gradually he was drawn to her. Thinking about it now, falling in love was inevitable. And now here I am at twenty-five, visiting Iwate again. Even if fate was taking on the guise of coincidence, it was likely a single thread had securely tied him to the area. How was Minako doing nowadays? Though he casually pondered that question now, he was certain her life had not come to a dead end the way his had. Although she was a silent girl, she was rather good-looking. There was no way the men of the world would ignore her. He laughed at his own worthlessness and stopped that train of thought. He closed his eyes. Then sprang to his feet as he remembered. From inside one of his bags, he pulled out a single book and laid it on the wooden table. I just about forgot and fell asleep, he thought. After coming so far, he wanted to at least write in his journal about everything that happened during his stay. TodayI left Saitama and came to Miyako through Morioka. At the Jodogahama bus stop, I met a girl with a strange presence. Her name was His pen stopped at that line. Shoot. I forgot to ask her name. He was ashamed of his own thoughtlessness. The guest house is a minshuku, small, bed-and-breakfast style places that are typically family-operated, often with the family living on the same premises. Generally not as fancy as a ryokan inn, they generally feature simple, but traditional Japanese-style rooms, with baths shared between guests. Meals may or may not be included. Morioka is the capital city of Iwate Prefecture. Its a 1.5 hour drive west of Miyako. In Japan, students attend junior high school for three years, from 7th-9th grade (from when they are about 12 to 15 years old). The school year may be divided into two or three semesters, depending on the school. Osakabes time in Morioka is almost the entirety of his JHS years. The Japanese school year ends in March, which is generally when JHS graduation is held. This graduation ceremony is so important that some parents may even find alternate lodgings for their children to be able to finish the year at the same school. However, poor Osakabe had to transfer with the rest of his family at the very end of the school year. Unless given an exception, all Japanese JHS students are required to join a school club, which meets year-round. Changes between clubs are rare. Osakabe is at least lucky that this school had non-sports clubs as an option. CH 7 In his junior high school days, Osakabe had fallen in love with his classmate, Takasaki Minako. ??? She belonged to the same photography club as me, and to put it bluntly, she was an untalkative girl who loved photography and cameras. Walking around carrying an SLR camera she claimed shed gotten from her parents, she was a girl with the characteristic quirk ofor rather, a sense forphotography. She of course also took pictures with great deliberation, but sometimes her shutter clicked at random times. Why did you take a picture just now? I would ask, surprised, but even then she often wouldnt respond except with a vague smile. Over and over she took pictures of me as her subject. Whenever I laughed and asked, Doesnt it bore you to take pictures of such a lame guy? she would retort, Yep, so boring. And then without any hesitation add, But I want to challenge myself to see how beautiful of a picture I can take with such a bland subject. Somehow I dont think thats a compliment, I would complain. Nope, not a compliment, she would answer bluntly. After school, the two of us often wandered about with our cameras in hand. In the nooks and corners of the school where no one else came. At the closed-up shop, overgrown with moss and weeds. The unmanned train station where only a handful of trains arrived each day. The dim alleyway where only stray cats prowled. We captured in our lenses countless pictures of melancholy scenes it seemed almost no one else approached. By choosing the loneliest places possible, cutting it out and adding color to that scene, we may have been trying to justify our empty existences to each other. Although I dont remember the two of us ever speaking much, strangely enough it was never stifling. I was certainly taken with her, and she had drawn close to me. Thats how I perceived it. In a city photography contest held at the end of summer, a photograph she had taken had been selected for the exhibition. The photograph chosen had been one taken of me from behind. The embarrassment of being on display in the city cultural center was indescribable. She had gently smiled as I tore my hair out over it. Even so, our relationship continued as a tenuous thing. Forget sleeping togetherwe had never even held hands or kissed. And of course there was no way I could confess my feelings for her. Not close, and yet never far, we were the very definition of Its complicated.1 For the two of us, out of place even in our classrooms, it may well have been a suitable distance. Thinking back on it now, the fact I never thought to tell her how I felt may have been due to a hunch that I would lose it all. Perhaps I was afraideven if I harbored vaguely romantic feelings towards Minako, after moving and changing schools so many times, I knew sooner or later we would part ways. And yet Imaybe even both of ussurely clung to regrets that we had not developed our relationship. And so it may have been inevitable, on that day I found out I was transferring schools, that she would suggest writing letters. Im going to write to you, so please write back, she told me, her face lookingor was I just full of myself?a little flushed. While today writing letters may seem a little outdated, at the time cell phones had only just started to become popular. Of course to me, not having a cell phone of my own at the time, writing letters was in a sense very much like Minako, and so I laughed and agreed to her idea. Just a few days after I left Morioka and moved to Saitama, the first letter from her arrived. The letter began, How are you? Since youve left, Ive started to miss you. We exchanged letters about twice a month, and gradually the contents of the letters, as we sounded each other out, began to grow more personal. Memories from junior high school. Stories from our new high schools. Stories about our new classrooms, and about how hard it was to make friends. Stories about our classmates and our homeroom teachers, as well as complaints. About the photography clubs we both joined in high school As I kept writing letters to Minako, I was still unable to really fit in at my new school. I didnt have any friends in class, and I only continued to attend photography club out of habit. I didnt have anyone to confide in, and no one confided in me. I fell into a funk, sometimes thinking how much better things were in junior high school. Although it was truly no different than the rest of my life up until that point, losing Minako added a factor of instabilitya void left where she used to be. Likely my only comfort was that her situation was similar to my own. A classroom with few friends. A tedious home life, based on the contents of her letters. Unending days of boredom. But on the other hand, she had her hobby of photography, and seemed to find fulfillment in her club activities, and so I thought she must be better off than me. That fact cast another shadow over my heart. For this reason, I feared that Minako would find out about my hopeless state. And so in my letters, I began dropping in, little by little, embellishments and tiny lies. Fake friends. Fake crushes. A version of myself that was succeeding just a little bit Yet I never once alluded to the existence of a girlfriend. Somehow I must have been aware of the extent of my affection for Minako, and could infer that I felt some lingering attachment towards her. As we continued writing letters, we both began sharing more and more intimate details. Stories about our families. Our dreams for the future. And then, about love Right now, theres someone Im interested in, but if someone asked me if my feelings were romantic, I wouldnt know what to say. Kengo-kun, what do you think about love? I dont really know anything about love either. But I think love most surely come in many different forms. Treasuring certain items is a form of love, and spilling tears for a dead cat on the side of the road is another form of love, not to mention worrying yourself to tears over your family. I think these are all forms of love. Thats certainly a philosophical way of looking at things. Somehow I dont think love really suits a gloomy person like me. I cant imagine what kind of love would be appropriate for me. And so I fret about it endlessly. I think its best to live a life true to yourself. Since Ive started high school, I havent had many good things happen. Every day is another day with nothing to look forward to. But in spite of that, when I write letters to you, Minako, when I think of you, somehow I feel like my heart is at peace. And so I think this must also be another form of love. Thats only because of the letters, right? You tell me some pretty sappy things. But right now Im glad. Just as I told you before, ever since I entered high school, I havent made very many friends. Nearly every day I remember our time together in the photography club in junior high school, and Im filled with gratitude. And so, I finally realized. I loved you, Kengo-kun.2 This feeling is without a doubt, love. If I could have any wish, it would be to see your face right now. These are the feelings that well up inside of me. Although, Im sure you must be at a loss, being told all this just now Right after this letter was delivered, my heart swung wildly between emotions. I had come to realize my feelings towards Takasaki Minako had grown romantic, and in this instant I realized the feeling was likely mutual. And yet, as much as I rejoiced, the situation was not so simple. First of all, I had changed too much. After entering high school, as mentioned before, I had missed out on the chance to make friends, and had transformed into an incredibly boring person. Then in my letters, I had kept fabricating stories to hide how boring I really was. The embellishments I had added had grown into larger and more powerful lies. Secondly, as a result, I did not have the confidence to even come to grips with the straightforward affection Minako felt towards me. I was afraid of disappointing her if at this point I revealed my true self. Her roundabout hints at wanting to meet were terrifying. I was incapable of facing her. I began searching for excuses to run away, listing reason after reason. I had gotten too busy studying to get into university. I was not worthy of Minako. The version of myself in my letters was different from the real me. On and on The final reason was the distance between us. It was 530 kilometers from Morioka to Saitamaeven driving on the highway, the trip would take seven hours. For a high schooler like me at the time, it was a rift that could not be bridged. Building a relationship between the two of us at this stage would change nothing, I thought. It would be a futile effort. The moment I realized that, I quite simply stopped replying to her letters. I expelled from my mind the negative feelings that had pessimistically fallen over my heart by trying to forget about Minako. A month later, likely worried about the abrupt end to the letters, Minako sent another letter. However, without even opening, or to be more precise, unable to muster the courage to open this letter, I stuffed it deep inside a drawer. Thus, our relationship came to an end at last. ??? Dimly, caught halfway between dream and reality, he began to comprehend the objects coming into his field of vision. He could see the wooden ceiling. Thats right, this wasnt his room back home. As his awareness caught up to his thinking, he came to his senses. Just then, the area around his chest grew painful, and he coughed violently. He took a second to breathe, his shoulders rising and falling with each deep breath, and as he calmed down his mouth gradually closed to take in smaller breaths. Once he had calmed down all the way, he laid a hand on his chest and let out one last big sigh. A numbing headache and sluggish thoughts. His back, soaked with night sweats. Turning his gaze over the surroundings, he confirmed his whereabouts. Thats right. This is the guest house in Miyako. And he realized he had just woken up from an unpleasant dream. Leaping up from his futon, Osakabe opened his suitcase and pulled out an old, brown envelope. On the back was written an address in Morioka City and the senders name, Takasaki Minako. The correspondence that had ended in the spring of his final year of high school. The very last letter she had sent, still enclosed in its envelope. He had no regrets about the pastor so he had thought. But still unable to throw it away, the letter had become a symbol of his weakness. Remembering the dream from a moment ago, he felt disgust from the bottom of his heart. Damn, what was that The swear tumbled from his lips. Though he tried to force himself to open the letter, as expected fear welled up and stopped his hand. Now is still not the time to open it. The pathetic excuse rattled around his mind. In the end cursing his own weakness that prevented him from opening the envelope, he stowed it back inside his bag once more. But at the same time, his resolve hardened inside his heart. He turned his gaze to the window outside. Todays weather was another beautiful day, without a single cloud. The grating chorus of the cicadas intensified the heat even more. I cant believe I was able to sleep like this, he thought, as if astonished by someone elses actions. Looking at the clock, the short hand already pointed close to noon. To sleep so late, he must have been more exhausted than he thought last night. He let out a small sigh and finally got up to change. ~ͨ˕vS It was literally an ambiguous relationship, but I felt this spin captured the spirit of these twos relationship, especially since the later mention of cell phones pretty explicitly dates them as millennials. Though her exact confession uses ~äǤ, I liked you, this can still be a pretty weighty confession in Japanese. I adjusted the translation to take into consideration that weightiness and the surrounding conversation about love. CH 8 Chapter 8: He looked up at the sky. An expanse of blue covered the sky above him. A few thin clouds streaked across, as if blue paint had been scraped off the canvas. The sky stretched on and up endlessly. Or so it seemed to him now. The sky above him during junior high school in Morioka must have also been this same clear blue. The only reason he now couldnt think of a single blue sky from that time must have been because he had seen everything through a filter of gloom. It wasnt the sky that was dirty, he thought. It was my heart. He left the guest house with the visor of his cap pulled low over his eyes and his SLR camera in hand. For todays stroll, he headed for Jodogahama. There were many tourists on the beach today as well. While he mused over the explanations from the girl he had met at the bus stop, he pointed his camera at the waters surface and the walls of rock. Intent on taking pictures from different angles than yesterday, he cleared his mind of everything but the endless click of his shutter in order to capture on film as many memories of this one month as possible. Today, he tried hiking up to a different observation deck than yesterday. Seeing the same spot from a different angle was like seeing it anew. He was jealous of the girl for being able to call such a beautiful region homeand thinking that, he took countless more pictures. The waters surface, which had yesterday sparkled emerald green, was today a deep blue. He was surprised that it could look so different depending on the day. Another tourist at the observation deck told him, If you havent been yet, you should check out Koyasu Jizo1 too. He lowered his head in thanks and walked towards the location as directed. He picked his way across an outcropping of uneven rock face, and arrived at a spot where small rocks and sand accumulated as they washed up on the embankment. This place was called Sai-no-Kawara2, and here he had been taught to pick up a small stone for when he went to pray to the Jizo. Atop a path so narrow a single person could barely climb it, sat a roofed hut with latticed windows3, and enshrined inside was a statue of the guardian Buddha of childbirth, Koyasu Jizo. Apparently locals came to the god with prayers for their families health and bountiful fishing. He also prayed, wishing for his parents continued good health. Especially for his father, the lawyer, for whom he had caused a lot of grief. Its not like he begged them to take care of him. But thats what ended up happening, and it was his own fault, causing the accident. So it was only out of courtesy that he prayed for them now. He captured the Jizo in his camera, and photographed the ocean from various angles before enjoying a late lunch at the rest house in Jodogahama. Around the time he was headed back, the sun had gone down completely in the west. His one regret was that because of the direction, the sun was hidden in the shadow of the mountains. How beautiful of a sight it would have been if the horizon had been dyed in the suns orange glow. Leaving the sea of Jodogahama and on his way back to the guest house, he walked along a coastal road where the view of the ocean was cut off by the sea wall. The wind chilled to welcome the evening. The sun hid its face among the mountains, and gradually the indigo shadows deepened between the shops and houses. The air grew cold. It was almost as if his surroundings hinted at the melancholy stagnating in his heart. The whole world felt like it was against him. While he walked and pondered those feelings, he spotted her figure on the road up ahead. The girl he had met yesterday at the bus stop. She appeared to be walking side-by-side with a stooped old woman. They parted ways at last in front of a small side street, and just as she waved her hand to send off the old woman, she suddenly noticed him and turned his way. Ah, Osakabe-san! He saw her graceful features slide into a carefree smile. She wore a white blouse of a simple design and light blue jeans. She briskly ran up while waving her hand so hard it seemed it would snap off. Good evening, Osakabe greeted her. Um sorry, actually I completely forgot to ask for your name yesterday. I feel awful, asking now Its Honoka. Shirakisawa Honoka. Im nineteen. Wait, I guess I did tell you that part yesterday. She laughed sheepishly, with her tongue out. However, he could understand her desire to emphasize her age. It was a sensitive time, nineteen: while her heart was filled with the hopes of becoming an adult at twenty4, she was still stuck right at the height of her teens. A special time, only occurring once in a lifetime. Is that why she seems to sparkle like this? he thought, watching the silhouette of her profile against the glow in the evening sky. I see, Honoka-chan. Thats the perfect name for you, vivacious5 like the summer sun. Vivacious! You wont get anything, flattering me like that. At any ratesomething is obviously wrong with me, blurting out compliments that get such obvious results, he thought while watching her embarrassed smile. My birthday is actually in October, not too long from now. But my name has the character for summer in it. Dont you think thats strange? I guess so, Osakabe said, tilting his head to the side in thought. If thats the case, then shouldnt your name use the character for fall instead? Thats what my parents thought at first, too. But actually, I have a twin sister. So for our names, they split us into two seasons. For me, the oldest, summer. For my younger sister, winter. So that the two of us can live on together for a long time, for all seasons. They also included that wish with our names. Wow, thats a good story. You think so? My parents also said they just couldnt think up two names that had the character for fall. Dont you think its a little lazy? Saying that, she smiled brightly. My sister is also cuteshe looks just like me, you know? she said with a little more significance than just praising her sister. She looked at his face, then turned away once more. The corners of her mouth curved up playfully as she chuckled again. It might have just been light from the setting sun, pushing the reds to their peaksbut he saw a faint blush in her face. Her cheekiness, inadvertently calling herself cute as well, left a strange ache in his chest, like fingers scraping against his heart. His breath abruptly caught in his throat, and he averted his gaze and asked her the question that had been on his mind from earlier. Come to think of it, that old woman just now, was she a friend of yours? No, no. I dont know her at all. Not at all? Nope. Somehow she seemed lost, so I asked if she needed help. Somehow? Oh, sorry, she said, putting her hand on her head. Im a mind reader. although thats kind of an exaggeration, I do get a faint sense of what other people are thinking. A mind reader? What on earth is she saying? Perplexed, Osakabe just shrugged his shoulders. Thats right. Saying that, she turned her eyes to the sky. Before long, the corners of her mouth turned up in a satisfied smile and she giggled mischievously. You believed that? Mind reading is all fake of course. But how do I say it I just predict what a person may be thinking from their actions and their way of speaking. For example, lets see Honoka held a finger to her lips impishly, and looked up to examine Osakabes countenance. thats how I know. Youve got something on your chest, some burden that worries you, maybe. No waythe moment he looked at her face in surprise, a strong sea wind blew by them. Her longish hair, ruffled by the wind, whipped around and hid most of her face. He was denied a glimpse of what expression floated up as she let slip that remark. Her face when the wind stopped blowing had not changed at all from the gentle expression she wore a moment ago. What are you His voice, as if wringing out those words he uttered, was frustratingly hoarse, even to himself. Uh oh, I caught you off guard. Am I mistaken, or did I hit a nerve? After all, its plain to see, with your face looking so gloomy all the time. Do I really make such an awful face?Osakabe forced a polite smile, annoyed. Yeah, you do, Honoka said, brushing away a strand of hair from her face. Then added, But dont worry. I wont pry, even if that is the case. Please, just forget everything I said. Except my namedont forget that! Shirakisawa Honokathats my name. Of course, Ill remember. Ill probably never forget it. Hearing his words, she grinned in satisfaction. Since its getting chilly, shall we go back to the guest house? Yeah. He nodded and followed as she walked on ahead. She glanced back every once in a while as she talked pleasantly about tonights dinner menu and this or that. He pondered while staring at her slender back. Why did he feel like all those negative emotions, the anxiety and anguish that had stagnated in his heart, seemed to weaken while he spoke with her? Like a sense of relief, as the threads that had tangled around his heart came undone. He just continued surrendering himself to the warm feelings filling up his heart. Ringing from all over, the insect song announced that summer was just beginning. In Japan, there are many stone statues of Jizo erected at shrines and temples or on roadways. The Jizo statues are often decorated by handmade red hats or bibs, or even offerings of toys or snacks from parents whose young children have passed away. ِκԭ Sai-no-Kawara is a dried-up riverbed in the Buddhist underworld where, according to Japanese folk belief, the souls of dead children go. There, they pile up rocks to make towers to climb out of limbo and into paradise, only for demons to come and knock them down. Jizo, the Buddhist guardian of children and travelers, protects the children from those demons so they can build their towers in peace. This is one of several sites in Japan that is said to resemble the sandy banks of the underworlds river. The word used here is yagura, which is primarily used to refer to old watchtowers, but can refer to any kind of scaffolding such as the festival stages built for the Bonodori dance during Obon festival, or even old gravesites. Here its referring to the little wooden huts built for statues or to mark places of worship in rural areas instead of a large temple or shrine complex. Although at 18 Japanese youth can sign rental agreements, get married, and even more recently vote, traditionally adulthood has been seen as starting at age 20 in Japan. At this age, young people are allowed to drink alcohol and buy cigarettes. There is also a big ceremony in every town in January, called ˤ seijin no hi, to celebrate the youth who have turned or will soon turn 20 that year. The word Osakabe uses here is ͥ륮å, from the German energisch, meaning energetic or full of life, but I didnt think just calling someone energetic in English would evoke that kind of reaction. CH 9 Chapter 9: Returning to the guest house, Osakabe reclined on the tatami in front of the television and turned it on. Because he had not yet turned on the fluorescent lights, the room was tinted a dream-like color from the pale moonlight shining in through the thin glass of the window. The chirping of bell crickets echoed from far away, mixing with the voices from the television reporting on local news. Thats how I know. Youve got something on your chest, a burden that worries you, maybe. Honokas words echoed in his mind. She was full of cryptic statements since yesterday, he thought. Honoka herself had evaded the question by claiming, Im only predicting, but was that really all it was? Perhaps Im unintentionally revealing something through my empty gaze and my gloomy behavior. Maybe through all of my actions she can tell Im burdened with troubles. In some ways, shes quite evasive. At the same time, feeling a tightness from deep down in his heart, he cringed as he realized he was beginning to fall for her. What am I thinking? I need to keep it together. I am a person who has been rejected by society. Shes like a totally different species to someone like me, who quits their job and spends their days hiding the depression inside. Shes still a nineteen-year-old girl, with all of her hopes and dreams still ahead of her. I shouldnt hold such inappropriate feelings for her. And most importantly, Im only in Miyako for half a month before I leave. He put the issue to rest, and when he turned on his side, the program had switched to national news. Regarding the Nagano Prefecture bus accident that occurred on the morning of January 13th, at 10:20 am, the Ministry of Land, Infrastructure, Transport and Tourism continued its inquiries into whether incidents of exhaustion or falling asleep at the wheel are on the rise. The MLIT has once more asked bus companies across the country to revise safety measures Not again. These are the circumstances surrounding the bus accident that occurred in Nagano Prefecture on January 13th of this year. A sightseeing bus, carrying a large number of ski resort guests, failed to make the sharp curve on the prefectural road and fell twenty meters to the ground below. Eight of the passengers died, with twenty-four wounded. Without a doubt, it was the worst bus accident in recent years. It caused a stir on TV news broadcasts day after day, and just as that buzz had finally calmed down recently, talk shows had picked it up once more to discuss the state of safety precautions. The direct cause of the accident was of course that Osakabe had committed a driving error while behind the wheel. However, the bus had been overcrowded, with close to fifty passengers instead of the limit of thirty. Not only was every seat full, but even the aisle was packed to capacity with the resorts guests. The road where the accident occurred had a sharp curve with a radius of about twenty meters. Because visibility had been poor on the front-left side with passengers in the way, he had been too preoccupied by the grating of his left wheels against the guard rail, and had veered farther to the right than necessary, going over the curve. Because of this driving error, the front right wheel went off the road. Right after, the front half of the bus slid off, causing the bus to fall off the side in an accident. Almost none of the passengers had been wearing a seatbelt. Regarding the relationship to passenger limitsthe extremely large number of casualties in this accident was directly related to the large number of standing passengers. The trial against him occurred several months later, and the presiding judge had agreed to take into consideration the circumstances that he, the defendant, had admitted his fault and shown remorse for the driving error that caused the accident, and the injured parties and the bereaved families did not seek severe punishment. The judge had sentenced him to imprisonment for three years, which would be suspended if he successfully finished five years of parole. The bus company had at first tried not to admit to any responsibility for the accident, but softened their stance when the MLIT started an on-site investigation. The MLIT had instructed the company to be sure to conduct health checks for their drivers, as well as confirming their health and alcohol consumption prior to driving, and to conduct aptitude tests for new drivers joining the company. Since then, the bus industry as a whole was gathering momentum to strengthen their involvement in safety measures. How many times have I seen this news already? Even now, whenever he remembered the accident, a strong flame of pain burned in the innermost depths of his heart. He shook his head, which had grown heavy as it was seized with gloom, and turned on the light in the room. In order to put those feelings behind him, he opened his diary to todays page and wrote in the name Shirakisawa Honoka. The corners of his mouth turned upward slightly. Such a strange girl, he mumbled to himself, as if clinging to something. The next day as well, Osakabe headed for the sea at Jodogahama. However today, he set out with his camera only as evening approached, after self-indulgently spending the whole morning in his room at the guest house and having lunch at a nearby restaurant. Because he was about as satisfied as he could be with the pictures he had taken during the day, this time he wanted to take pictures of the areas scenic beauty as it was bathed in the light of the setting sun. Even the white rock cliffs, when struck with the orange light, were dyed red as if they were burning. It gave off a sense of some kind of sorrow. Then when he peered into his viewfinderthe gritty crunch of footsteps as they sank into the sand. Lowering his camera, he looked back to see Shirakisawa Honoka standing behind him. Ack, you noticed me. And I was going to all this trouble to spook you! She put her hands on her hips and puffed up her cheeks, as if upset. Of course Im going to notice you if you make so much noise, Osakabe replied with a smile. Without responding, Honoka pointed towards the mountains, as if to say, Look, the suns sinking. Her clear, white skin was dyed the color of sunset, and her eyes, the dark blue of the deep sea, fixed their gaze straight on him. Her figure, wrapped in pale, orange light, was wondrous and fleetingif he pulled his eyes away for just a moment, it would instantly vanish into thin air. It made him feel uneasy for a moment. Noticing his stare, Honoka blinked several times at him questioningly, and he peeled his gaze away with a bitter smile. At that moment, the breeze blew in from over the ocean. He narrowed his eyes at the strong wind laced with salt, and looked out over the vista. Today he could hardly spot anyone on the beach. In the midst of this sublime nature, only the two of them gazed out at the sunset. It was an unimaginable view compared to Kanto1, where he would be surrounded by people as soon as he took a step out of his house. It wasnt that he hated large crowds of people, but depending on the perspective, without the hustling and bustling atmosphere, this rural landscape seemed otherworldly. After watching the sun sink, Honoka flopped down onto the sand. Her legs spread out in a V-shape2, and because of the short skirt she wore today, his eyes were drawn to the flutter of her skirt hem which revealed a glimpse of her panties. What are you doing? he asked, half-shocked at how completely unguarded she was. She beckoned him over with only the tilt of her head. Im star-gazing. That made sense. Convinced by her invitation to join her, he sprawled out just as she did, with his legs spread and looked up at the sky. Already the sky was beginning to fill up with countless stars spreading across the night sky. Back in the cities in Kanto, this would have been an impossible scene to witness. So this was what people meant when they described the sky as full of stars. Overwhelmingly vast, and so high above. You know, they say stars twinkle, like theyre blinking on and off3, he heard her whisper. They look like that because that place has dirty, stagnant air. In places where the air is really clean, the stars dont blink at all. Really? I had no idea But you know, this is a ton of stars. Its amazing. I dont remember when I last saw a sky with this many stars. As he spoke, he scoffed at himself. Back thenthe night sky he had seen in Morioka must have been just as beautiful as this one. He had no memory of that view because it was his heart that had stagnated, not the sky. And in the same moment, he thought, Minako I wonder if she is looking up at this same night sky right now. Is there someone you like? Suddenly hearing the sound of her clear voice, his heart lurched. Was this her supposed mind-reading abilities? Even his heart began to tremble from the shock. Wh-why do you ask? No reason, I was just curious. When people fall silent, theyre worried about something, or theyre thinking about the person they like. He turned to look at her, but she was already staring back and their eyes met. Honokas eyes were radiant, filled with an excessively serene color. Osakabe looked to the sky again to escape her gaze. I suppose there was someone I liked. In junior high school, I lived in Morioka. So if she hasnt moved, she should still be living there. But He paused for a second. We havent seen each other since our last year of junior high school. Still, we kept in touch through letters, and she even confessed to liking me. And then II panicked. I was so scared of replying to her, that I stopped writing to her entirely. Its such a horrible thing to do, right? He reflexively sighed at his own despicable actions from the past. Youre right, its horrible. But I also kind of understand. Huh? Surprised, he faced her again. Had she been staring at him this whole time? Again their eyes met. It takes a lot of energy to tell someone you like them. It takes a lot of courage. That girl must have summoned all of her courage to write that letter to you. But you didnt have the same courage she did. It might have been heartless, but its not something to be ashamed of. Its a weakness everyone has. You know, even I Is there someone you like? Why did he ask that? Osakabe was baffled by himself deep down. At times like this, in most cases, people ask the questions they want to be asked themselves. She too, wanted to be askeddo you have someone you like, a boyfriend? Thats what he had been thinking. But what could I do even if I ask her that? Ive only known her for a few days. Our ages, our circumstancestheres nothing we have in common. No matter how much I listen to her talk about her love life, I cant do anything for her. I certainly cant even give her any advice. After several seconds of silence, Honoka answered resolutely. There is. There is someone. The piercing sound of her voice struck his eardrums so vividly it was almost terrifying. Surprised at how different her answer was from his expectations, he peered at her face for a hint of her facial expression. I dont have a boyfriend, but theres someone I like. Sometimes when I speak to him, he smiles at me. But, thats all it is. We barely know each other. I guess you could say its a crush What do you think? Absolutely heartbreaking, right? A crush. I see. Then we do have something in common. Yeah, she said and nodded. He listened to her with surprise. Disappointment. The complicated feelings mixed together, and he swallowed back the latter part of what he was about to say. First, even though he still couldnt understand his own feelings towards Minako, he felt it would be rude to Honoka to compare her to himself. But, more than that I think Im going to go see her tomorrow, Osakabe announced. Somehow I know its a completely foolish, idiotic thing to do. I completely understand the absurdity of obsessing over a classmate you havent seen in years. But in spite of that, I want to talk to her one more time. This time it was Honoka who gasped in surprise at his words. All the way to Moriokahow are you planning to get there? Ill rent a car. Since we were writing letters, so long as she didnt move I know where she lives. To tell the truth, if I were to meet her after all this time, I dont even know what Id want to tell her, or what Id plan to say. But I want to see her and clear up what happened back then. Thats how I feel. Meeting her after all this time, you know it might be a waste of time, right? It might ruin all your beautiful memories. In spite of that youre gonna go? Honoka asked him, quietly. Yeah. Im gonna go. He nodded his head so determinedly even he thought he was being a bit dramatic. But if he didnt, he felt his determination would waver. Thats right. I have nothing else. And exactly because I have nothing else, I have to do this now. Is that so, she murmured, then rose to her feet. The crunch of the sand under her feet hit his ears with such clarity. Having gathered his thoughts and decided on a plan, he likely released the tension he had been holding onto. At the same time, all five of his senses cleared. He could hear the sound of the waves that he hadnt noticed until now, and the sweet scent of her hair wafted into his nose on the salty breeze. Then Ill go with you tomorrow. Huh? Why? He reflexively sat up, even more surprised by Honokas words this time. Im from Morioka, so Ill be your guide. AndI have a sense that if I let you out of my sight, youll just disappear. I cant leave someone with such a brooding face all alone. What kind of nonsense, he almost said at first to laugh it off. But the words vanished at Honokas speech which seemed to see through the pain in his heart. A guide, huh Makes sense. You would certainly be a big help finding her place. If you insist, Ill take you up on it. Really, whats wrong with me? In spite of his confusion deep down, he had blurted out that response. Then lets leave the guest house at seven tomorrow morning, he announced, and she nodded in agreement and grinned. But her smile was ambiguous, loneliness mixed in with the joy. Kanto is a region in the southeast of Japan, encompassing Tokyo and the surrounding prefectures, including Saitama where Osakabe is from. It is also the most urbanized and most densely-populated region of Japan, and it is located just below Tohoku (the northeast region, where Iwate and this portion of the story is set), one of the more rural regions in Japan. In the original Japanese, she spreads her legs and makes a shape, which is the character for big. The Japanese word used here is ˲, and its used for both stars twinkling and eyes blinking. I elaborated here to capture both meanings, since twinkling is so closely linked to star imagery, but doesnt work as well in the negative as blinking. CH 10 Chapter 10: The next morning. Waking up hours earlier than usual, Osakabe stood in front of the mirror for the first time since he had started his vacation staying at the guest house. He brushed his hair, which hung down, curling inwards slightly. While adjusting his eyebrows, it occurred to him, his face really did carry an air of unhappiness. And also, for some reason, it resembled Shirakisawa Honokas. In her case, her facial features were flat and light. Her pale eyes, despite the single fold of her eyelids, were well-shaped, the same as her pale lips. Her misfortune was felt in the sweetness and transience that came from those features. In his case, the dull eyes where the light of hope did not shine. One could feel from his hollow expression a literal lack of happiness. They may have resembled each other, but they were not in the least similar. The two of them were completely different. Once he arrived at that fact, he smiled in resignation. He put on a long, white t-shirt and navy tapered, ankle-length pants. Over that, he wore a casual, beige button-up, and he slipped into his bag the final letter he had received from Takasaki Minako. It may have been cynical of him, but he decided that whatever the result todaygood, or most likely badhe would open the letter. He reflected on his memories of the time he spent with Minako. The memories of those days were, without a doubt, the ones that shone the brightest in his twenty-five years of life. What would he say to Minako, if he could meet her today after ten years? To tell the truth, he had no idea. Even if he were to confess his feelings after all this time, she would most likely be taken aback. In that case, then how about thank you? Thank you for all the wonderful memories. On the surface, it felt like a beautiful message. However, was it something he had the right to say after cutting off contact with her? The more he thought about it, the more his thoughts kept looping back. 6:50, the clock read when he glanced at it. He checked himself in the mirror one more time, and closed the door to his room. He walked through the wooden hallway, the stairs creaking under his feet as he descended, and when he arrived at the entrance to the guest house, Honoka already sat there waiting in her shoes. Observing his appearance, she looked up and smiled. Good morning, Osakabe-san. You clean up nice. Well, at least for today I thought Id pick out the best clothes from what I brought with me. Im not just talking about your clothesits your face too. Kidding! Now, lets go. Ganbappeshiyou can do it! She spoke as cheerfully as possible. Today, her outfit was a floral-print dress over a white shirt. She stood enthusiastically while adjusting the heel of her low pumps. He intentionally tried to appear cheerful, as if he was not brooding over his anxieties. No, he really was cheerful. From deep in his heart, Osakabe expressed his gratitude to Honoka, and at the same time, felt a warmth in the corner of his eyes. Jolted along by the bus, they arrived at Miyako Station where he signed a contract to borrow a rental car until the next day. By the time they set out, it was already past eight. Although it was only rural Iwate, the morning traffic was still fairly congested. The roads were jammed with cars on their way to work, and the sidewalks packed with university students overflowing from the station. There must have been some remedial classes today, or maybe regular classes had already started back up. When they stopped at a red light, the gazes of several high school students crossing the street seemed to fall upon them, making him uncomfortable. How must I look in their eyes? Teens, brimming with hope, and then me, a nobody with no future. Feeling the gap between him and everyone else, Osakabe grew a little discouraged. Judging by the traffic, they likely wouldnt arrive in two hours. Realizing that, he turned on the car radio, hoping to distract from the silence. Once again, they were reporting on the bus accident, and so he hurried to change the channel to some random music. What do you plan to say when you meet her? Honoka steeled herself to ask, with her gaze fixed on the crowds in the crosswalks. Her voice was as quiet as possible. Likely, she had been waiting for the right timing to bring up this question. Yet, even at this late stage, Osakabe still had yet to settle on exactly what he wanted to tell Minako. Well, what should he say? After worrying about it all over again, he finally admitted honestly, I dont know. As a matter of fact, I think that I still have some kind of feelings towards her. Im sure shes already put it all behind her. I vaguely understand that. YetI dont have as much time as I thought. Even telling you this now, I dont think youll understand, but I have to face this now. This one regret from my past. Thats how I feel. At that, she let out a sigh. I think I get it. But, I dont think you should be so pessimistic. No matter what happens, lets go back with smiles on our faces, okay? While laughing loudly, she made a fist and told him Ganbappeshi! one more time. No doubt. She was intentionally speaking in a loud voice. He recognized that attitude. Gradually, they left the city and the surrounding areas grew more rural. While glancing in turns, first at the scenery, passing by in a flash from the car windows, then Honokas languid profile, he thought to himself. Yet again this nineteen-year-old girl is rooting for me. While thinking how pathetic he was, he also felt deeply apologetic for dragging her along. I wish I could have met you a little sooner. If only you could have been my classmate. If only you could have been my girlfriend. I wonder if my shitty life would have shined a little brighter? Osakabe kept thinking about that ridiculous fantasy for the rest of the ride. CH 11 Chapter 11: Breaking free of the jam, as soon as they hit Highway 106, the flow of traffic improved. The car flew by various scenes of cedar forests and fields, winding roads through the mountains surrounded by woods, and in around two hours they arrived in Morioka City. They had lunch at a hamburger shop just off the highway, and Honoka checked the address written on the back of the brown envelope and instructed him to turn at countless intersections. Although he had lived in this city in junior high school, the scenery had changed over the past ten years, and his memories had faded. Taking into consideration that he had never visited Takasaki Minakos house, he was probably seeing more than half of the area for the very first time. He drove for another thirty minutes while she led the way. Eventually, they arrived at Minakos house. It was a neat two-story painted light blue. In the garden on the other side of the brick wall was a trim and well-maintained lawn where a canopied porch swing sat. To the side of the white, iron fence at the entrance was a red mailbox, and under the fence colorful flowers were planted in a flowerbed. It was clear to anyone who looked that it was a happy home. Osakabe got a bad feeling. He stopped the car on the side of the street a little ways from the Takasaki house, and found himself unable to move. He had to at least check the nameplate by the door.1 He had to ring the doorbell, and he had to at least announce his presence. He wanted to at least see Minakos face. At the same moment as all those thoughts ran wild in his mind, he was aware of the plan he had thought up before arriving at this spot crumbling away like a sand castle in the tide. Several minutes passed, and still his feet showed no intention of moving. But actually, it may have been a stroke of luck that Osakabe was petrified. Before long, the door to the garage next to the house began to open, and a large, white sedan drove out. The car slowly came their way and not long after passed by. He looked inside the car as it passed. In the drivers seat, a clean-cut man. He was likely in his late twenties. And, beside him, a woman with a joyful expression. Even after ten years, even after growing into a refined young woman, he recognized her without a doubtTakasaki Minako. And though he couldnt make out the face through the tinted windows, he saw the figure of a child in the back seat. A beautiful home. An expensive car. A loving couple. Anyone who saw them would know they were a perfectly happy family. This was in no way the appropriate circumstances to be approached by an estranged classmate. And at the same time, Osakabe came to grips with the reality that he had lost his fleeting chance at first love. As he wordlessly hung his head, Honoka gently clasped his left hand. He trembled for a moment then raised his head and spoke, his forced voice thin like the whine of a mosquito. You tried to warn me. Youre wasting your time, itll ruin your memories. And yet I came all the way out here, acting all tough, only to get hurt just like anyone else. Its hilarious, isnt it? Getting hurt isnt a bad thing, she said softly. Everyones afraid of getting hurt. But youll go nowhere if you give in to that fear. People get hurt no matter what. They make mistakes, and they fall down. But isnt that a good thing? Everyone stands back up, stronger than before. Lets go back with smiles on our faces. You promised. Osakabe felt a lump form in his throat at Honokas words, who somehow seemed to clearly understand life. It was sad and embarrassing to be comforted by a girl who was only nineteen years old. When the emotions surged up inside him and overflowed as sobs, Honoka held onto his left hand and watched him in silence. He thought to himself, once more: Its a good thing I didnt come by myself today. That Honoka was here beside me, to save me. Osakabe, after ten minutes of sitting there, hanging his head, finally wiped his eyes and shook his head to free himself of the gloomy thoughts. Lets go back. This smile must be awfully stiff, he thought. But even so, she made the effort to return his smile with her own, natural one. Lets take our time going back, she said. Taking their time, they drove off. On the way back, he took Honokas suggestion into consideration and drove at a slower pace compared to the drive up. They arrived back in Miyako City over a full hour later. At just about the time their stomachs started to growl, he found a ramen shop where they had an early dinner. About the time they left the shop, the day had grown dark. Several streetlights had already turned on, and from the light leaking out between the gaps in the curtains of the surrounding houses, he imagined warm and harmonious scenes. He was suddenly overcome by an unbearable sense of suffocation. After trying to cough up whatever was jammed in his chest, he slid into the car in order to escape. He shut the door and tried to start the engine when Honoka said out of nowhere Do you want to get some fireworks? Osakabe repeated after her with a straight face. fireworks? Yeah, fireworks, she confirmed. After all, we dont have to return the car until tomorrow right? It would be a waste to just return it now. So lets have a little fun together! As usual, she comes up with some random ideas, he thought. But this time, he didnt think it was such a bad idea. Smiling in agreement, he started driving in the direction of the nearest hardware store. In Japan, most houses (including some apartments!) have a nameplate, called a hyosatsu. They are often stylized to the owners preferences, with the surname of whatever family lives in the house. CH 12 Chapter 12: Arriving at a hardware store, they bought a two-pack set of cheap fireworks, a plastic bucket, a stick lighter, and some candles. They drove off once more, and searched for an empty area along the river where they stopped the car. When he opened the door and got out, he could hear the chirping of pine crickets. Each taking their share of the fireworks and supplies, they headed down the embankment and walked alongside each other until they reached the gravel banks of the river. Several fireflies flew about over the waters surface, leaving behind trails of light. They both let out cries of wonder at the sight. He could see the lights of only a few houses in the vicinity. He headed towards the edge of the river, urged by Honoka to walk carefully in the dark, and drew up a bucket of water. She squealed at the chill of the flowing stream. A chorus of bugs screeched out from a nearby tuft of grass, and next to them, the river murmured along. The sky was perfectly clear tonight as well, the whole thing full of stars. Turning his gaze up to the sky, he realized that this was another unblinking starry sky. Setting a candle on top of a flat rock, he lit it. The lighter was cheap, but it did the trick. Opening up one of the sets of fireworks, they started by lighting up the inoffensive handheld fireworks. While the fireworks performed their unique chorus of sizzles and pops, the multi-colored sparks scattered about. They giddily fooled around with the sparklers, drawing out curlicues or even lighting two at once. They propped up one sparkler between a pair of rocks and set it off. They enjoyed themselves just like schoolkids getting into mischief. When the handheld fireworks died out, they lit up a cylindrical fountain firework. The sparks didnt burst up as high as they imagined, and burned out in an instant. They looked at each other and broke out into laughter. The pillar of smoke that rose up endlessly finally blanketed the surroundings of the riverbed. When the last of the larger fireworks ran out, the last ones left were the plain sparklers. The fully expanded ball of sparks at the end of the sparkler dimly illuminated Honokas profile. Wanna bet whose sparkler will last the longest? He agreed to her plan, and the two of them lit their sparklers at the same time. The balls of sparks gradually expanded out, shooting out vague threads of light. All of those gloomy feelings he had been burdened with, the disappointment and fear. It was as if those and all the rest of his negative emotions had been filled to bursting inside that ball of sparks, Osakabe thought. In the end, his sparkler was the one to fall to the ground first. The sparkler lost its radiance in an instant and crumbled to ash, fleeting like a life burning out. Honoka cheered, I win! but he couldnt manage a smile. He had a sense that it was only natural for his sparkler to fall apart, unable to withstand its own weight. Whats wrong? Honoka asked, suddenly concerned for the dejected look on his face. His tears were reflected in her eyes. Do you promise not to laugh? To tell the truth, I couldnt let go even after I cut off contact with Minako. I tried several times to write a letter. The wounds in Osakabes heart had cut deeper than even he had imagined. One reason was of course that Minako had a husband and a family. But even more than that, it was his own feelings towards her that had been reawakened by the failed attempt at a reunion. He had maybe been a little optimistic to think a reunion would somehow convey to each other wordlessly the loneliness of those bygone days. There was nothing to be done about the ache in his chest. All of it was overwhelming himnot just his own shameful hubris, but also how easily wounded he could be by this heartbreak that had taken on such a distinct shape. And so trying to gather his thoughts, Osakabe explained himself to Honoka. He explained about his memories of Takasaki Minako, the whole story of the letters they exchanged after he had moved. Honoka stayed silent, and listened carefully. How even after he had cut off contact with Minako, he had written several letters. Of course they were intended for Minako, but as soon as he finished both letters, he had stashed them in his desk drawer without ever mailing them. In those two letters he told her the truth about who he had become after they ended up at different schools. Those three years of high school where in the end he could never fit in. The photography club he continued attending only out of habit. Puzzling and tenuous human relationships, like the friends he had lied about making in his letterswho, upon reflection, may have actually been his friends. How he had concocted a mask of lies to conceal the endless days where he struggled to find any hope. A soliloquy, going on and on about the truth of it all. And yet, even in those days, how he did find itthat slight sense of hope. The fun things. The sad things. The painful things. He put it all into those two letters, finally spitting out the entire truth of what he had been hiding. Suppose those two letters had been mailed and delivered to her. Suppose she had opened the envelope and read the contents of those letters. She would have despaired to see how he had changed so much, to see his true self. Youve been through a lot. In the calm after Osakabe finished his story, Honoka spoke in a careful tone. It was a succinct comment, but at the same time her words tenderly accepted him without criticism. Youre trying to be nice. About time you realized, she said sarcastically. I was always thinking of you, Osakabe-san. Youre right. Thank you. He couldnt deny it. Countless occasions sprang to mind. I finally think Im ready to open this letter, he said. Osakabe pulled out the brown envelope from his chest pocket. The final letter from Takasaki Minako, left unopened. Honoka circled behind Osakabes crouching figure and leaned against his back to embrace him from behind. The softness and warmth from the touch of her body surprised him, but he let her do as she pleased. He opened the envelope, and pulled out the letter inside. Dear Osakabe Kengo, Every day with no word from you, I grow uneasy. Did you move? Are you sick, or in the hospital? Or rather, was my confession a burden? Did it bother you that I said I loved you? If so, then I apologize. However, its true that I love you, Kengo-kun. I sent that letter because I can no longer lie about my feelings. But Im truly sorry. While Im asking for forgiveness, let me apologize for one more thing. I wrote that things werent going very well for me. That was a lie. Everything is absolutely awful. At this high school, Ive been bullied. Why do these girls hate me? It isnt clear. I thought it might be because Im untalkative and dont put up a fight, maybe because Im neither especially strong or weakIm someone whos awkwardly stuck in between. Because its not the first time Ive been bullied, I know the trick to enduring. To surviving. But that trick, to not react even when they strike me, may have annoyed them even more. They grab me by the neck and drag me into the equipment room in the gym. After they all take turns punching and kicking me, they hold my mouth open and pour a bucket of dirty water over me. I dont know where they got the water, but I can guess. That filthy water is brought out only after cleaning time, after the other students finish cleaning the classrooms and hallways.1 Ive stopped counting the number of times my indoor shoes were hidden.2 If I can find one of the pairs that was hidden before, then Ill wear those. But once those run out, I have to buy new ones. Im constantly bringing new indoor shoes to school hidden inside my bag. Its agonizing to pass these girls in the halls. They pick a fight with me whether I meet their gaze or look away. And sometimes, they push me into the bathroom. The bullying inside those stalls is the worst. Ive been made to drink things more unhygienic than whatever was in those buckets. But even soI was able to endure it all. All because I had your letters to look forward to, time and time again. This is my final request to you. If you feel any inkling of friendship at all towards me, this pathetic girl, if you would only talk to me in person, even just one time, I would appreciate it. Please, will you come see me? Please respond. I will save up to pay for travel expenses. However long you need, I will wait for you. From, Takasaki Minako Osakabe sat in shock. He was not the only one to construct an entirely false self within the letters. In fact, he now learned that Minako had been in even worse circumstances, and not knowing what to do, had masked herself in even deeper lies. He had trampled all over that final wish she made without even reading her letter. For the first time in his twenty-five years, he realized how hopeless of a liar, a coward, a cold-hearted person he had been. From her point of view, he had ignored the confession that she had summoned all of her courage to write, and then her plea to meet once more. To make matters worse, how must she have felt to not even receive a response? Even taking into account that he had not known the truth of it, it was an unforgivable, cowardly act. His heart was about to be crushed under his guilty conscience. How could he ever atone for this? It was arrogant to even consider it. He couldnt atone. His crime was that serious, and far too much time had passed. Yet it seemed Minako had already recovered from that damage and found a happy life. As for him, the one who had stomped all over her affections Osakabe, unable to bear it any longer, fell to his hands and knees on the gravel and sobbed. He bawled his eyes out and kept crying. As he sank to the ground, Honoka lowered her knees to meet him. How stupid, he thought. He had tried to live his life without getting involved with anyone, without loving anyone too deeply, all so that he would never feel this way. And now he was burdened with this grief, all because he let his guard down to feel one moment of sentimentality and opened that letter. If only he had never learned the truth, he could have preserved his beautiful memories deep inside his heart. Cry it all out, Honoka said, wiping away the tears from his eyes with her fingers. When its unbearable, dont hold back. Scream and cry. Theres nothing else to be ashamed of, right? Im sorry for dragging you into this. Im so pathetic. What a loser. The girls fingertips gently caressed his swollen eyelids. Such warm hands, he thought. The faint warmth from her fingertips seemed to permeate his aching heart. Youre not pathetic, and youre not a loser. Osakabe-san, you regret your poor treatment of Minako, and you cry for her. And she overcame her sorrows, and found happiness. Isnt that wonderful? You can still look back on your wonderful memories together. The life that came after may cast some shadows, but now everyone is living happily. Isnt that enough? Happily, huh, he laughed derisively at himself. Why do you even care about someone like me? Why? I wonder. I guess Im just nosey. I dont even really understand myself. As she feigned ignorance, her lips grazed the back of his neck. Softly, so that Osakabe wouldnt notice. A touch so light he couldnt even be sure he felt it. Im right here, she murmured. I know the truth of what you carry in your heart, Osakabe-san. I also know exactly why you always worry. I know why there is no hope in your eyes. I want to reach out to help you. I want to support you. Even though I must give it my all, because my time in Miyako is already running out Im so useless. I still cant find the courage He neatly folded Takasaki Minakos letter into a paper airplane and sent it flying towards the opposite shore of the river, which glimmered in the streetlights. The airplane hung in the air for a long moment, then finally fell into the water. It was carried off by the stream. Is that okay? Honoka asked from beside him. I dont care. Osakabe answered. Its just as you said. After reflecting on the mistakes I made, I still have to move on. I cant let myself forget this, but its not like I want to reread this and relive all these emotions. So its fine. Two fireflies, their paths completely intertwined in their mating dance, flew by in the cold, night wind. T/N: Sorry for missing last weeks update! Expect two more updates this week to make up for it. Students are in charge of cleaning the school, often with little direct supervision from teachers. Buckets of water are typically used to clean rags that are used to clean the floors, chalkboards, and various other surfaces. Soap is not often used, and the rags are left to dry without any washing in between uses, so its definitely not hygienic drinking water Students in Japan change into indoor shoes when they arrive at school. These shoes may be decided by the dress code, typically white sneakers with some color accent to differentiate between grades. These shoes are kept in shoe lockers at the entrance, which are typically just cubbies assigned to each student. This makes stealing shoes a common and easy bullying tactic. CH 13 Chapter 13: After tossing out the water from the bucket, they gathered up the fireworks debris, the candles, and all the rest of the trash and stashed it in the trunk of the rental car. Osakabe checked the clock. It was already after 8 pm. The spot along the river where they had lit up fireworks was more than thirty kilometers away from Miyako Station. Osakabe judged it would be impossible to return the rental car by the end of the night no matter how quickly they drove. While rubbing his heavy eyelids, he climbed into the drivers seat. After starting the car, he let out a yawn, made even larger by his attempts to suppress it. Honoka stretched out as well in the passenger seat, before reclining it back and hanging her head for a nap. Honoka hummed a songa favorite of hers, perhaps?and the sound of her voice was accompanied by the noise of the wind echoing outside the car. It was a pleasant sound, just like a lullaby. It was a shame to interrupt her, but nervously Osakabe opened his mouth to speak. Sorry to keep you out so late. No worries, she said in a soft voice, ending her song. I know I asked earlier, but its fine if we return the car tomorrow, right? Yeah, should be. Then just an idea, but why dont we find a place to spend the night somewhere around here? Spend the night? He could hardly believe his ears. He had never expected to hear those words from such a young girla girl hed only met a few days earlier.1 Perhaps he was overthinking it. But if a girl said something like Ive gotten a little sleepy, it could be understood as the girl really meaning, I dont want to leave yet. No, that wouldnt be right. After all, youre still underage. He spoke just now to distance himself from the possibility that had just come to mind. However, Honoka did not refute what he said, and continued to sit in silence. It almost makes it more awkward to stay silent after that, Osakabe thought, when Honoka let out a sigh. Youre overthinking things. I dont mean it like that, she grumbled. If you were to drive right now while completely exhausted, you might start nodding off, and honestly Im at my limit too. I miss my bed! So Im literally just saying we should find a hotel where we can stay the night before going back. He was embarrassed for reading too much into her words and getting worked up on his own. Shes right, he thought, agreeing with her. I suppose I cant say Im not feeling it either. And it wouldnt be so funny if we got into an accident like this. Right? She nodded. I dont care where we stay. We could save some money by sharing a room. I dont even care if its a love hotel.2 Nineteen-year-olds can legally get married, so it shouldnt be a problem. No, thered definitely be a problem. He gave a wry smile at the increasingly inappropriate things coming out of this nineteen-year-old girls mouth, and began searching for a business hotel in the surrounding area. However, this far out from the city center, they drove all across the suburbs and he could not find a single decent building. In the endtheir rental car pulled into a love hotel. Parking in an open space, he frowned as he got out of the car. What am I doing After checking in at the front desk, they chose the most basic room option and got the key, then rode the elevator up. The room itself was so luxurious it was impossible to compare it to any business hotel. A plush carpet, a large double bed. A high-quality sofa, and a decent, round table furnished the room. It was more than enough for just a one-night stay. This might have been the first time Honoka had stepped into a love hotel, judging by the way her eyes brightened as she looked around the room. At last she fell back onto the giant bed. No way! This bed is so fluffy! The bed, the rugeverythings red. The lighting is dimmed just right so it feels exotic It just screams sex. It is a love hotel after all. You can get excited but, you know what would you do in the unlikely event I were to try something? Like what? she asked with a straight face. Anything, just as an example. Osakabe scratched his neck in indignation. In that case She sat up on the bed, and looking pleased with herself, said, Id put up a token resistance then give up right away. Whats the point of resisting if you plan to give up from the start? He sighed and pulled up a chair. You can go ahead and shower, he told her. Honoka obediently complied, and brought the robe provided as an amenity into the bathroom as a change of clothes. He heard the door close to the changing area, and before long the patter of water droplets echoed, emphasizing the wall that finally separated them. Just the thought of her, in the bathroom several meters away, completely naked, was enough to work him up. Reluctantly, he gave into the urge to light one of the cigarettes he rarely smoked. He only started smoking because of his last girlfriendthe thought brought back memories of the woman in Saitama. And then What the hell am I doing? he wondered to himself yet again. Of course this wasnt his first time entering a love hotel with a girl. With his last girlfriend, they had slept together in such places countless times. Yet, that was a completely different situation to the one he found himself in now. He grew agitated all over again at the reality of being locked up in the same room with a nineteen-year-old girl he wasnt exactly dating. That felt good! Your turn. Honoka left the bathroom with an expression of rapture. Her wet hair stuck to the nape of her neck, peeking out from the collar of her gownit was captivating in a way he couldnt describe. Taking care to avert his gaze as much as possible, he headed into the shower. He soaked his burning face in lukewarm water. He closed his eyes and massaged his eyelids. He hoped showering like this would somewhat calm the feelings that had been stirred up, but it didnt seem to work in the slightest. Turning off the faucet, he wiped down his head and body. Even after he changed into the robe and left the bathroom, his thoughts were lost as usual in a fog of hazy feelings that refused to settle down. At that moment, Honoka was sitting on the bed, watching TV. Osakabe settled himself on the bed, on the side farthest from her. On the television was a soccer match. One of the teams must have had a foul, because the other was lining up for a free kick. A wall of people lined up in front of the ball, and it soared over their heads, but as it neared the goal, the goalkeeper regrettably blocked it with a punch. Without any conversation between them, the room sank into silence. While only the voices of the live coverage rang out from the television, Honoka was the first to speak up. How do you think people first begin to like the teams they become fans of? I dont really care about sports, Osakabe thought, but he answered. Well I guess theres a lot of reasons. Because that team is from their hometown, or their favorite player belongs to that team, or maybe they just like the colors of their uniforms. Maybe theyre influenced from seeing them all the time on television? I see. I guess its kind of similar to love, she said with a meaningful smile. Because you go to the same school. Or because hes the guy your friends also like. Or because hes popular. Or because hes someone you see every day on your way to school Honoka counted off all the different reasons on her fingers with an absent-minded tone but serious gaze. As he watched her, he remembered the question he had almost forgotten. That reminds me, Honoka-chan, you said you had a crush on someone. Is he someone who goes to the same school as you? It had been pure vanity to jump to those conclusions when she had suggested they find a hotel. After all, she had already told him there was someone she liked. At that remark, Osakabe had felt quite jealous. It was likely for that reason he asked her that now, even though he didnt really want to know, even though he was afraid of getting hurt. Hmm You want to know? But then again, its so embarrassing. I cant tell you. She only gave that vague answer, with a finger to her smiling lips. Relieved that a clear answer was not forthcoming, Osakabe laughed at himself. You know, I go to a junior college in Saitama City. Saitama Really. Thats where Im from. Its possible we could have crossed paths or met up somewhere. We did. huh? The idiotic response slipped from his lips at the unexpected answer. We met pretty often, actually. So I was a little shocked that you didnt recognize me at all. Sorry, I have no memory of that. Are you being serious right now? Yes, we met on the bus. And you, Osakabe-san, were the bus driver, right? You knew? He clenched his fist. No, actually, itd be strange if you didnt know Then you knew this whole time, about the bus accident, the news stories every night blasting my name, the trial that found me guiltyyou knew it all, didnt you?! As he kept ranting on and on, Osakabe began to regret it. The whole time, Honoka hung her head, but at the end she raised it again and nodded. Her eyeswere they reflecting the light in the room? They seemed to be wet with tears. Of course. I knew. As he expected all along. All those negative emotions that had been settling in the depths of his heart gradually rose up. Then why? Osakabe already knew the answer. After all these times he had encountered her, he had a sense of who she was as a person. That she had continuously supported him, that she did not hold a single shred of malice or selfishness. And yet, as he thought back on how her face had feigned ignorance, how she had never let slip that she had known all along, he couldnt hold back the surge of feelings. The explosive feelings of a child who, blamed for some wrong, was lashing back. Youre saying you knew everything, and yet you still tried to get close to me! In the next instant, Osakabe thrust Honoka away. She fell off the bed and crouched beside it, gingerly massaging her hip where she had hit the floor. Honoka-chan He had screwed up. His family. His relatives. The mass media coverage, causing such a ruckus. The memories of all those negative words tossed at him from all different directions had spiraled in his heart like a dark shadow, and he had lost control of the explosive feelings. He immediately reached out his hand to help, but he bit his lip and hung his head, stabbed by the pangs of his conscience. Honoka says, ݤǤޤ󤫣 , literally Shall we go rest somewhere? This is a somewhat cliche pick-up line guys often use on girls to suggest sleeping together. Its just vague enough that it could have be an innocent suggestion, but along the lines of Do you want to come up for a cup of coffee? or Lets Netflix and chill, where theres a pretty clear implication of what the speaker is actually hoping will happen. Hotels that charge by the hour rather than by the night, typically used for exactly the purpose youd guess from the name, though some people do use them for just ordinary lodging while traveling, either for price or availability reasons. Depending on the price range, the interiors can also be pretty kitschy and/or glitzy. CH 14 Part 2: Chapter 14: One Night in a Love Hotel, Pt. 2 Honoka however quickly rose to her feet. Showing no hesitation from the strong rejection she had received, she sat right beside him, just as she had done after the fireworks to comfort him while he cried. Yes, I knew everything. And I still approached you. I know it was a strange thing to do, but I apologize if youre angry that I hid that from you. Im sorry. Why he asked. My real name has been published in the papers and announced on TVits known all over Japan. While it may have been an accident, Im still a criminal. Knowing that, why would you Its got nothing to do with it, Honoka cut him off. I dont care about any of that stuff. I was worried about you, Osakabe-san, after all that awful news, day after day Everyone just ganged up on you, didnt they? Its downright cruel. Its no different than bullying. Closing the distance between her and Osakabe in the space of a single breath, Honoka embraced him head-on. She buried her face in his chest with a sniff. You were the bus driver for the route between my apartment and the junior college. Of course it wasnt everyday, but sometimes when we were together inside the bus, Id just watch your back from a distance. Those words brought various memories back to life. Certainly, at the time of the accident, he was only filling in for the usual driver of the tour bus. He normally drove city transit buses. Come to think of it, she had been there. Out of all the university students paying their fares as they got off, there was one student who sometimes met his eyes and greeted him with a Thank you for your hard work.1 The girl, with her distinctive bob with the ends curled in, had a pretty face and wore glasses. I remember now. You wore glasses So you do remember. Im glad. She smiled awkwardly. I switched to contacts because I thought they were cuter. Youve gotta be kidding me He had hesitantly placed his hands on her shoulders, but now he reached out to embrace her tightly. Her physique was even more delicate than he imagined, so much so that she seemed on the verge of disappearing. Dont fall for me. The words she had spoken to him on his first day in Jodogahama popped into his mind. And immediately, the opposite occurred to him: You shouldnt be falling for me. He more or less grasped the meaning with which she had spoken those words, and he must keep that possibility at bay. But, he shook his head. You shouldnt get close to me. Theres absolutely no benefit to you spending time with a criminal like me. Instead, only pain and gossip will follow you wherever you go. Until my parole is overno, even after its over, theres no guarantee I can get a proper job after this. People all over the country know my name. I dont know how I could ever live a normal life. It was a simple fact. Regardless of the parole period, the mark on my record made it difficult to remain at my last company for as long as I brazenly continued that job. Thats why I quit. After sustaining my injuries, I was on the border of life and death for several days, and when I finally opened my eyes, I was laying in a bed. The details of the bus accident I heard right away from my parents. Well, even if I hadnt heard it from them, the details of the accident came one by one to my eyes and ears. The worst bus accident in recent years, leaving eight passengers dead. Every newspaper wrote about the accident, and every channel on the television reported the story extensively, day after day. Paired with my quite unusual surname, in a flash I became a household name all over the country. From that moment, I was known as a criminal who had taken all those lives and injured twenty-four more. It was a huge shock. The wounds on my heart were too deep to come to grips with it properly. Seeing the name Osakabe Kengo broadcast on TV was like seeing the problems of someone else far away. I felt like I was dreaming. Countless times I wished for it all to be some bad dream. But reality was cruel. The few months I stayed in the hospital after I woke up were literally hell. As soon as I sat up, nearly every day newspaper and television reporters visited for interviews, repeating the same questions over and over. How did I feel now? What did I have to say to the families who lost loved ones? What should be done to make sure another accident like this never happens again? The police detectives who came over and over were the same. Were there any deficiencies in the companys job description or their management of drivers health? Any malfunctions in the vehicle? Was I physically fit to be driving that day? They cross-examined me on and on. Just shut up already, I thought. Who in the world would cause an accident for fun? What kind of person would think nothing of taking other peoples lives? I couldnt hold back those inconsiderate thoughts in the face of their persistent questions. Even my own family complained at length when they came to check up on me. My father, the lawyer, would bring up work talk as soon as he opened his mouth. How I should go about my defense, the direction and strategy. In truth, its probably thanks to my father that I was spared prison time, but still I couldnt help but think how coldly impersonal those conversations were. In contrast, my mother, only concerned with how society saw her at all times, listed off endless admonishments. Why hadnt I driven more carefully? Wasnt I tired? Was I even mentally stable enough for such a job? Thats why she had been opposed to me taking a job where I would be entrusted with peoples lives. How? Why? This was exactly the moment when I needed her to support me with motherly tenderness. I became disillusioned in an instant about the love I felt for my mother. And I understood for the first time how it was my mothers influence that made me overanalyze other peoples expressions and distance myself from others. Regardless, the damage was already done. Just quit driving buses already. Find a normal job. I remember recoiling at these words from my father. What is normal? A job thats not entrusted with other peoples lives? No matter the job, bouncing around from one to the next, dont they all in some ways have to do with other people? If everyone feared that, no one would become doctors and nurses, would they? Despite the strong resentment I felt, I swallowed it all down. I never once spoke of it. The reason was simple. No matter what logical argument I laid out, it would all be negated by the fact I was now a criminal. Gradually I began to despair. One day I let it slip that I wanted to die. I was slapped by my brother, who was still in college. He told me not to run away. That things may be difficult, but I had to face my crimes. Although he had grumbled about the television cameras aimed at our front door every day, he had perhaps been my greatest supporter. After being released from the hospital and quitting my job to run away from my workplace, I had already been haunted by the label of criminal. To be honest, I hesitated to buy these tickets and check in at a hotel under my real name. I considered using an alias countless times. Despite thinking that it was all in my head, that I was just overly self-conscious, all the gazes that turned my way were filled with resentment. All of the whispers that came to my ears were full of ridicule. So I quit my job, and broke up with the girl Id been seeing. I thought Id throw everything away and start from zero, as appropriate for someone who lost everything but my name has spread farther than I thought. The path to a new job is even more difficult than I imagined, and recently I cant even picture a future where everything works out. Thats the kind of shitty person I am. Its really been hard for you, Honoka said, while stroking his head. Its okay. Its okay. The feelings, about to overflow, blurred into his vision. All I wanted was to be forgiven, he realized then thought, How much have I been craving this? How lonely have I been? And yet, he deliberately pushed her away. Im thankful for the kindness youve shown me. But Ill say this againyou shouldnt get involved with me. It will only bring you misery. He had nothing left. No matter what facts or logic he tried to line up, he could not wipe away the label of criminal. He hung his head. A completely ordinary girl like you should not get involved with a guy like me. I wont accept that. What? August 1stthat day we met at the bus stop. You were crying that day, Osakabe-san. I was? Sitting all by yourself in a place like that, tears ran down your cheeks as you slept. And I thought, how sad. At the same time, I worried you might die. Thats why I sat next to you. After a while I fell asleep too, and when I woke up I was a little disoriented. youre too soft-hearted, he muttered, then forgetting himself, wrapped his arms around Honokas slender shoulders. Thats why Im not going to leave your side. At least, for as long as youre in Miyako. Its fine if I just stay beside you, right? This girl walked into his life, claiming to care for a criminal. He probably should have regretted this situation that should never have come to be. Instead, Osakabe rejoiced. He couldnt help but hold this girls existence dear. While thinking how pathetic he was, he just cried to be held in Honokas arms. Exhausted from all that crying, they crawled into bed and he buried his face in Honokas chest. He could hear the faint beating of her heart, and felt like an unborn child immersed in the waters of a mothers womb. Come to think of it, I cant remember a single time my own mother comforted me like this, he thought. He fell asleep instantly without any qualms about the touch of her soft breasts against his body. His spirit doubtlessly craved rest more than his body. Outside, it began to rain. The patter of raindrops against the ground seemed to come from far away. He suspected that what he experienced next, waking suddenly in the middle of the night, was some kind of dream or hallucination born from his wounded heart. He sensed Honoka, who should have been sleeping in the bed next to him, suddenly looking down at him. Her shadow fell across his pillow, and her hair gently fluttered and tickled his cheek. He could smell the scent of the hotel shampoo, the same scent on his own skin. He purposefully kept his eyes closed, sensing it would be better to feign sleep. She laid a hand softly against his cheek, and caressed him adoringly. A breath brushed past his earlobe. He was certain she had drawn her lips close to his ears and murmured something, but the sound of the rain drowned out whatever she said in that soft voice. Just as he was about to stir from an itch, he felt something soft touch his cheek. Something pillowy. A graze of something wet. And then Honoka crawled back into the futon and turned away as if nothing had happened, and quietly fell asleep. If I dreamed up that soft feeling against my cheek, Osakabe thought, still half-asleep, then it would be an embarrassing fantasy I could never admit to anyone. But, if it wasnt, if it really happened Inside, a bittersweet pleasure threatened to overflow from his heart. Shirakisawa Honoka, this girl he had just met, who had thoroughly healed him and even now was saving him once again. If she hadnt been here today. If she hadnt been sleeping in this bed at this very moment. No doubt, I would be at the end of my rope, he thought. But thats why I should not mistakenly get my hopes up about her. Im someone with no future. I cant forget that. No matter what happens, I must not fall for her, or let her fall for me. Reaching that conclusion, the pounding of his heart started to weaken, and he closed his eyes. He counted the beat of the rain against the ground, reminiscent of a lullaby, and fell back into slumber once more. The next morning, he awakened to the sound of someone humming. The voice belonged to Honoka. In good spirits, she hummed the same melody from yesterday evening while she changed clothes. He was caught off guard at the unintentional sight of her in her underwear, but her voice sounded as it always did, without a hint of shame. Ready to head back? she asked. He could only nod. Yeah. While many people disembark the bus silently, its not unusual for people to thank bus drivers in Japan with a simple Domo or Arigato, but Honokas greeting of ڤᤴǤ (otsutome gokurosama desu) is quite formal. CH 15 Chapter 15: After returning the car to the rental company in front of Miyako Station, Osakabe paid up and headed on foot to the small motorbike shop nearby. Even he was not sure what came over him. At the shop, he bought a 100cc scooter and two helmets, then together with Honoka rode off towards the guest house. Honokas full breasts pressed close against his back. Everytime he sped up, she held on tighter with both arms wrapped around him. When he lightly tapped on the brake, her chest pressed up against him even harder. With every movement Honoka made, his heart beat even faster. Honoka alighted from the passenger seat when they arrived at the guest house and adjusted her skirt. Thats another spur of the moment purchase, she said. Youll only be in Iwate for another twenty days, right? That was the plan, Osakabe muttered with a sigh. When I first got here, I was supposed to watch my spending as closely as possible. But now thats a bust. I guess I can always sell it if I need to. The same as my apartment in Saitama, he added to himself. When he quit his job and left Saitama, he had sold his old car and most of the valuables remaining in his apartment. Just as long as he canceled his rental agreement, he was free to change his address at any time. It wouldnt be all that bad to just move to Iwate all of a sudden. He laughed at how completely enamored he was with the idea. Well, sometimes its good to waste a little money, Honoka said as if realizing something. The money you spent may come back to you one day, Osakabe-san. Then stretching, she added, Thanks for these last two days. Lets hang out again soon! She headed back to the guest house. Yeah, lets do that. While waving her goodbye, he noticed an unexpected surge of excitement. Again, she had said, as if promising another meeting. Jeez. Really, whats wrong with me? He returned to his room and spread out his journal over the table, where he immediately wrote out the events of the past two days. He certainly had not expected to open up to her about the painful feelings in his heart. For him, the subject of the bus accident should have been absolutely taboo. At the same time, he also remembered the shock of Honoka already knowing about his circumstances. She said she got close to me, even after knowing my crimes. What on earth does a girl like that really want? Was it sympathy towards a miserable man? Or rather, was it some fleeting love? He preferred the latter, but he would have to be awfully full of himself to believe it. He shook his head and brushed off the all too tempting fantasy. Thats rightwe must not fall for each other. And yet, Ive already fallen for her, havent I? The thought floated to his mind. He had already sworn off love. That was the reason why he had ended things with the woman in Saitama. In spite of that, this girl, Shirakisawa Honoka, inspired feelings he had started to forget. Once more he sighed and closed the journal. He closed his eyes and lay down. In reality, he was exhausted both in body and spirit. He woke the next day at a later time than normal. When he looked at the clock, it was already past noon. As if roused by the boiling heat, the noisy song of the cicadas echoed through the tatami room. The life of a degenerate. He gave a wry smile as he changed into appropriate clothes and casually checked his appearance in the mirror before leaving the room. Today he brought his camera along as if remembering its existence. When he went outside, he pointed his lens at the guest house and the surrounding buildings, which he had yet to take a single picture of. He had only a few shots remaining on his roll of film. Unexpectedly, he had lost track of time. He had lunch at the guest house, then while taking pictures over and over, twilight had fallen over his surroundings. The color of the sky was orange streaked with indigo, and the afternoon song of the brown cicadas had given way to the cool trill of evening cicadas.1 Returning to his room after a light dinner, he collapsed on top of the tatami, and noticed that somehow the day felt incomplete. Why? He wondered to himself. He had taken plenty of good pictures today. Maybe nothing in particular stood out, but it should have been good enough for today. He pondered for a moment before it dawned on him. Today, for the first time since he had come to Miyako, he had not once seen Shirakisawa Honoka. Somehow it feels lonely to not be able to see her. Give me a break. Osakabe shrugged his shoulders. Perhaps that was why. After two whole days, his flustered heart craved the sight of her. The day after that, he saw her sitting on the sofa by the entrance to the guest house and instantly felt at ease, as if his craving was sated once again. Osakabe-san. Youre up early again, today! She remained sitting, and turned to look towards him. I had a feeling Id see you if I came down at this time. Is that so? She smiled. If youre free by any chance, do you want to go to the sea? The sea? But weve been there a few times already. In a truly natural physical reaction, her face froze in a blank expression for a few seconds before she broke out in a cheerful laugh. No no. I was trying to tell ya, Lets go to the beach! Her mouth curled into a grin, and nodded at the beach parasol she had set next to her. Oh, I see. Well, sadly I didnt bring a bathing suit. Not a problem. I brought you one, too. She patted the bag next to her and gave him an impish smile. If she had prepared all that, then naturally he had no reason to decline. Wow, you really went to all that trouble? Then, since you insist. Upon hearing his words, she leapt to her feet. They left the guest house together, walking side by side, and headed towards the ocean. The shrill song of the cicadas continued on, watching over their retreating figures. The Japanese language is quite good at distinguishing between the various species of cicadas. The brown afternoon cicadas are aburazemi, while the evening ones are a species called higurashi, or sometimes kanakana, which is also how the author describes their cry here. Check out games like Animal Crossing: New Horizons to see if you can tell the difference between different cicadas songs! CH 16 Chapter 16: Osakabe spread out a towel underneath the beach umbrellas small patch of shade. He lay back under the umbrella and waited impatiently for Honokas return. Todays weather was also sunny. Despite a few wisps of clouds, the midsummer sun blazed down with ferocious energy. Whenever he stepped even a foot outside of the umbrella, it felt like he was being shot by a merciless spray of deathrays. Noticing at last when a separate shadow had fallen over his beach towel, he opened his eyes to find Honoka peering down at him. Sorry to keep you waiting, she said shyly, her gaze drifting away. Dont worry about it, he said as he sat up. He gulped as he caught sight of Honoka dressed in a swimsuit for the first time. The top of her bikini was trimmed in frills. While the design didnt show too much skin, the glimpse he caught of her cleavage emphasized the more than sufficient size of her bust. He quickly sized her up as a C, or maybe even a D. Her swimsuit bottom was a flower pattern on a blue base. Her long legs, pale enough to remind him of unseasonable snow, were slender, but their gentle, feminine curves still caught his eyes. Honoka sighed as she knelt on the beach towel, then stretched out on her stomach. I want to tan. Could you apply this tanning oil for me? she asked, and held up a small bottle. Immediately noticing Osakabes startled expression, she apologized immediately. Sorry, thats a little too forward, isnt it? No its fine. Osakabe took the bottle. To tell the truth, he was a tad embarrassed. However, it was absurd for a guy in his mid-twenties to get flustered by a girl who had yet to turn twenty. In this one thing, he had to show emotional maturity. He squeezed a few drops of the oil onto his fingertips, rubbed it into the palm of his hands, and started applying the oil. His fingers glided from her neck to her shoulders, from her back to her waist. She squirmed a bit when he reached some ticklish places, then let out a long sigh. With a twinge of guilt, his hands massaged her hips and the backs of her thighs. Her skin was smooth and soft. It was shinier and firmer than the skin of any other woman hed ever touched. Is that enough? he asked. She thanked him and sat up. Taking back the tanning oil bottle, she began applying more to her front. The oil dripped from her palms while her fingers danced bewitchingly over her body. They sank into the skin of her plush breasts, which overflowed from the edges of her bathing suit. Then her fingers glided towards her navel, and on to her upper thighs, even sliding under the bottom edges of her swimsuit as she meticulously applied the oil. A trancelike expression rose on her face as she moved, and unsure of where to look, Osakabe averted his gaze. More or less finished, she closed up the bottle and laid down on her stomach again, closing her eyes. You arent going to swim? he asked her. I mean, we are at the beach after all Honoka turned her head to the side and said with a look of embarrassment, Oh, sorry. I cant swim. Osakabe burst into laughter at the unexpected confession. I just assumed when a Miyako girl boldly invited me to the beach, shed be good at swimming. Thats a total letdown. Honoka puffed up her cheeks and groaned in exasperation. My friends are always saying the same thingWhat kind of klutz still cant swim at your age? In my defense, Im not completely hopeless! I can swim, but not She cut herself off mid-sentence. Well, at least as far as where my feet can still touch. Osakabe flopped down on the towel beside her, holding up a hand to block out the shining sun. Then lets take it easy today. Im not really much of a swimmer either. He smiled. We make a good pair. We do, dont we? She smiled along with him. They spent the morning like that, amusing themselves with idle conversation and sunbathing, alternating from lying on their stomachs to their backs. Around the time the sun hung right above them, his stomach growled. What should we do about lunch? he asked uneasily. She reached into her bag and pulled out a basket wrapped up in a cooling bag. I only really brought some rice balls, if thats okay I love rice balls. They sat on their knees, side-by-side, and she opened up the bag. There were three each of both rice balls grilled in soy sauce and triangular ones wrapped in dried seaweed. You can have two of each, Honoka suggested, but he declined. I cant eat that much. He took one of the seaweed-wrapped ones and took a bite. There were flakes of grilled salmon inside. She had used just the right amount of salt, and it was incredibly delicious. She makes good rice balls for someone her age, he thought. He voiced his praise, and she blushed and lowered her gaze. Immediately after lunch, Osakabe pleaded with Honoka to let him take a picture of her. In my swimsuit? she asked shyly, but after considering it, agreed right away. He took one with the sea as a backdrop. It should turn out well, and he resolved to treasure the photo once he got it developed. After that, he hesitantly stepped into the water. Shakkee! Honoka squealed, then held an embarrassed hand to her lips. That means cold in the local dialect here. Its the one word that always outs us as someone from Tohoku. I get it. In some parts of Saitama, people say hyakkoi. He laughed. The two of them couldnt go any deeper into the water. The highest they could manage was up to their waists, so they stuck to that part of the shallows. Pulling each other by the hands, chasing each other around, splashing with abandon, they amused themselves as easily as children. Even though he had been to the beach countless times, he was absorbed by the fun so much that he regretted ever thinking, Is it even worth going all the way to the beach? Though they didnt do anything in particular, it was still a refreshing change of pace. She really is a strange girl, he thought once again. When they got tired of playing in the water, they returned to the beach towel and stared off at the water, which gleamed with the reflected sunlight. The wind, soft and warm, carried the smell of brine from the bay. Neither spoke. The only sounds that came to his ears were the crash of the waves and the cries of distant gulls. And yet, the silence was never stifling. If only this moment could last forever, he thought to himself. At last, his eyelids began to grow heavy. Just when he was on the verge of dozing off, her head tilted to the side and landed on his shoulder. He jumped in surprise, and then she murmured, Osakabe-san, I like you.1 It was so abrupt, and such an unexpected comment, that Osakabes reaction was delayed. He took no notice of it at first, the shock not registering until he sensed something off and reconstructed her words in his mind. I really like you. This time her words were clear. What did she say just now?! He turned to look at Honokas expression, but he couldnt see her face from the angle it lay against his shoulder. Its embarrassing, so I just want you to listen to what I have to say, she said. I saw you for the first time on the bus that I took to the junior college campus. Exactly as I told you the other day. And every day after that, I looked forward to seeing your face. I would get on the bus, look at the drivers face, and every time I realized, Oh, its Osakabe again today, it felt like I was walking on air for the rest of the day. Even on rainy or windy days, the city always looked different to me. I guess its what most folks would call love at first sight? So when I saw you sleeping at the bus stop here in Jodogahama, my heart nearly stopped beating from the shock. I was so happy that I sat next to you without thinking. Honoka spoke up to that point as if getting everything off her chest, then finally looked up at him. I like you, Osakabe-san. Theres nothing I can do about it. Her earnest eyes gazed up at him. However he turned away to escape her gaze. Do you even know what youre saying? I warned you before. Im aa criminal. Nothing good will come from getting close to me. Just pain and misery. I understand that. I understand that people will give us dirty looks, and that both of us would face difficulties, all of it. But that doesnt matter to me. Because I truly like you. Whats wrong with that? Maybe its childish of me, but I refuse to understand what makes this so difficult. Osakabe drew her small head close without thinking. A girl like you he started. Thank you. To tell the truth, Im at a loss for what to do. Its embarrassing to say it, but I dont have a lot of experience with girls just straight up telling me how they feel about me. So I have no clue how to accept your feelings when theyre so dazzlingly straightforward. No, stop, the negative voice inside his head said. He reached out in search of an excuse to push away her feelings. But the words that fell into his hands were all overflowing with the feelings of heartbreak and sweetness he had begun to forget. Its no use. I cant lie about these feelings. He released her from his grasp. But I can at least say this. I also like you, Honoka-chan. He said it. The two of them exchanged glances. Tears welled up in the corner of Honokas eyes, like jewels, and spilled onto the sand. I told you not to fall in love with me That was cruel of you. Whats a guy like me supposed to do when a girl like you confesses her feelings to him? I still have feelings like any normal person would. Thats true, she said, the tears muffling her voice. I guess my crush is over now, just when I thought I would have to come to grips with it Before long, Ill have to go back home to Morioka. After summer vacation, Ill go back to Saitama, where Ill graduate in February of next year, and then Ill be moving again right after that. We might not be able to meet again after that Honoka started crying even more than before. She still smiled through the tears, but the expression made him care for her even more, and so this time he embraced her head-on. That might happen. But distance doesnt matter. I can go see you again right away. Will you wait for a hopeless guy like me? Even as he said it, Osakabe couldnt help but think that it wouldnt be that easy. And yet, for now, he forgave himself for telling that little white lie. Uh huh. Honoka nodded. As if entrusting everything to him, she closed her eyes. A single tear stretched down her cheek, and her long lashes trembled. Seeing the redness of her lips from this close, his breath caught. And slowly inching to her face, he laid his lips gently on hers. They felt soft and supple under his own. The roar of the sea, the cry of the gullsit all vanished in an instant. As if time stood still, he thought. Only his pulse, unexpectedly quickening, drummed in his ears, and the smell of brine mixed with the sweet scent of her perfume. Ill always treasure todays kiss, he thought. This is the same Suki desu as Minakos confession in her letters to Osakabe, but I chose to translate this as like instead of love considering the timing of it in their relationship, to allow room for their feelings to grow. But its still a pretty serious confession of love by Japanese standards! CH 17 Chapter 17: That night, Osakabe wrote down the days events in his journal. The moon was beautiful that night. Its soft light shone in through the window, and outside crickets chirped. That first kiss he shared with Honoka at the beach. Just like that their lips met countless times, and gradually things grew steamy. Eventually they changed locations to the shade of a rock outside the gaze of others, and enjoyed a secret moment all alone. They embraced each other for a long time, tightly, firmly. As he laid his lips on hers, his fingers caressed her earlobes, and her lips parted slightly around her tongue. The tangle of their tongues made a lewd, wet sound. Honoka squirmed as she tried to endure the tickle of his kisses as he traced the outline of her collarbone with his lips. For a moment, he untangled his arm to grab the swell of her breast in her swimsuit. The stretch and tension as it sprung back under the palm of his hand heightened his arousal. Without touching the crucial point, he lightly cupped them in both palms to tease her. Honoka blushed and whispered into his ear, Its okay, Im not shy, then guided one of his hands, luring him to the area around her stomach. He was surprised by the unexpected boldness of her request, but let his fingertips glide along the path Honoka showed him while watching her expression and the changes in her voice. Gradually, her panting breaths grew shorter, shallower. Honoka turned red from her head to her ears, and he cupped his left hand over her mouth so no one would hear her. Whether because they were outdoors where anyone could wander by, or because she had such little experience with men, she grew even more aroused. So as not to frighten her, he slid his fingers softly with a touch so light he couldnt be sure she felt it. Ever so slowly the two of them sank further into each others body heat. Their mutual desire settled into a rhythm as they held each other in their arms. Both of their feelings, which they had kept suppressed until now, spread deeper through their hearts which had been flung open. This new version of Honoka, relentlessly pursuing him, was so far removed from her usually buttoned-up image. In some ways it was truly passionate, but at the same time it felt reckless, as if she were particularly in a hurry to experience sex. Why? he wondered to himself. He came up with an answer relatively quickly. Honoka understands that theres a chance we may never meet again after this. Thats not an impossibility, but a certainty in our future. And I am someone on parole. That leaves me worried about my future. The size of that obstacle. A disadvantage that may befall us. And that makes her impatient to build these bonds in such a short time. Desperate even, he concluded. And so we became lovers, he wrote at first in his journal, before erasing that last sentence. And so we confirmed our love to each other, he amended. For some reason, he was hesitant to use the word lovers. The next morning, Osakabe stood in front of the mirror and fixed his bed head. He changed into a long, white T-shirt and navy pants that tapered at the ankles. He couldnt help but laugh, recognizing that he hadnt brought any other decent clothes with him. He descended the stairs and when he arrived at the entrance to the guest house, Honoka was already seated on the sofa, waiting for him. Good morning. Her usual, everyday greeting. And yet, her cheeks softened to pink and her gaze dropped. She may have felt a little ashamed, remembering her audacious behavior the day before. After cooling her head overnight, she may have immediately been overcome with embarrassment for her actions. Interpreting her actions in that way, Osakabe aimed to keep his greeting as natural as ever. Morning. Shall we head out? Leaving the guest house hand in hand, the two of them donned their helmets and straddled the scooter. Honokas outfit today was an orange, frilly blouse and black shorts. She may have taken the scooter into consideration and chosen to wear something that was easy to move around in. This is a date, she had told him the night before when inviting him to go see the Blue Cave with her. He accepted the invitation. Setting off on the scooter, he could feel her chest on his back as she embraced him from behind. She showed even less hesitation than the other day to lean in close, and her chest squeezed close to his back. It was eight in the morning. Isnt that a little early? he had asked her the day before, but she had instantly replied, They open at 8:30, so its fine. And it looks best in the morning! It was not quite so far. It didnt take long before they arrived at the Marine House. Here, after checking in, they would board a sappa boat and set out to sea. A sappa boat was a small boat used by fishermen while fishing close to shore. These boats were used in 20 minute-long sightseeing tours to scenic spots along the Jodogahama coastline and inside Ao no Dokutsu, the Blue Cave, also known as Hachinohe-Ana. Only two groups of passengers preceded them, and after waiting forty to fifty minutes, their turn came. Todays weather was a clear, windless day, perfect conditions. Their hearts filled with anticipation, they prepared for departure by putting on their helmets and life jackets. Boarding the boat, they finally set out. If youre going to go in the cave, the earlier in the morning, the better. That way you have a good chance of seeing the beautiful colors, the man guiding the boat explained. Because the water changes colors due to various conditions such as season, time of day, the transparency of the water, and even the lighting, the real charm of the Blue Cave is the possibility of seeing a different view every day. Meanwhile, Honoka puffed up as if to say, I told you so. The gesture was so adorable Osakabe let slip a smile. Before entering the Blue Cave, they took a tour of various famous spots along the Jodogahama coast. The first one they saw as they left the wharf was Hidejima, Sunrise Island. This was the view frequently used for promotional posters for the areas tourism. Then they turned to the left towards Jodogahama. Next up, Sai-no-Kawara came into view. They call it that because the white shores are often compared to the Pure Lands, and the open sea to Hell, Honoka added to the guides explanation. I saw this spot on my second day, together with Koyasu Jizo up top, he said.2 When was that? Honoka pouted. The waters surface sparkled with the reflection of the suns rays. Facing the pleasant wind that blew across the sea, Osakabe listened to the distant cries of seagulls for a moment. After completing their circuit around the Jodogahama coast, their boat finally entered the Blue Cave. This cave is also called Hachinohe-Ana because long ago it was said the tunnel continued all the way to Hachinohe in Aomori Prefecture3, the guide told them. Really? Osakabe tilted his head in puzzlement. Honoka covered her mouth with a hand, laughing. Theres no way its true. Its just a legend. A white rock face covered the interior of the cave, and a while after they entered the cave, Honoka looked back and pointed behind him. Look! Osakabes gaze followed the direction of her fingers, and his eyes widened in amazement. Everything was blue. The surface of the water, still in the morning calm, sparkled and reflected the rays of sunlight that pierced through the entrance of the cave. The high transparency of the water reflected the rays of light and even from underneath the water, and dyed everything a deep blue. So thats why its called the Blue Cave, Osakabe thought, letting slip a cry of awe. The color of the water changes due to various natural conditions. From winter to early spring, the low temperature of the waters cause the plankton populations to drop, increasing the transparency of the water. This makes it easier for the light rays to pass through, making everything appear a deep, marine blue. The opposite happens when the water temperatures rise and the plankton multiply once more, but this time the color changes to a deep emerald green. The color of the water is different every time you visit, so its worth it to come multiple times. After the detached explanation, Honoka added, Well, this is only my second time, and stuck out her tongue. But if its summer right now and the water temperature is so high, why does it look this blue? he asked. She chuckled. The cave opens up towards the east, so every time the morning sun shines in, the blue of the ocean reflects against the upper portions of the rocks. See, look closely. Doesnt the entire cave look like its sparkling blue? Thats why I said earlier is better. Thats quite easy to understand. You would make a really good tour guide, you know, Osakabe said. There was no deep meaning to what he said. Perhaps he was simply complimenting her in admiration of how well-versed she was about Jodogahama. However, an expression he found hard to read passed over her face. I dont know what I want to be. I dont have any dreams about the future right now. Why? he started to ask. He frankly had no clue why her expression had suddenly darkened like that. I also hesitate to say that at the age of twenty-five, I have no future But really, thats only because my current circumstances keep getting me down. But youre different. Youre still in college. To put it bluntly, you look good, and theres nothing wrong with your personality. You should be able to easily find a good job where you can excel, or even a good husband. With my circumstances I cant nominate myself for that role, he thought sadly. Yeah I suppose that would be nice. Hey, Osakabe-san. What? Please, make me happy. My future dream is to become a bride. Its silly, right? I sound like an elementary school girl. Butat least this humble dream could come true, right? She smiled as she spoke, and her eyes seemed to glisten slightly. In that fleeting expression, a deeply painful feeling surged up. Surely it would be nice if I could make her happy, he thought, but is it actually possible? How long would that take? I may be scared of course, but there could come a day where thats possible. It hurt the longer he looked at Honokas expression, which refused to brighten. Reflexively he pulled her close. She buried her face in his chest and silently cried. When the sappa boat finally left the cave, Honoka collected herself and shouted, Look, the seagulls have come! Hurry, hurryget the treats! Receiving the treats from the boatman, she hollered as she scattered them over the waters surface. The gulls skillfully caught them and dove for the treats that had landed on the waters surface. She had consciously changed the subject and raised her voice, he noticed. In other words, she didnt want to dwell on the subject of her future any more than this, and set up a barrier against any further discussion. Why is that? Osakabe puzzled to himself. Unable to find an answer in the end, he cut off that train of thought. At this stage, if I keep thinking about it a little more deeply, I may realize the truth behind whatever Honoka is hiding. But even if I did discover that, if I was the cause of it, then things could get quite awkward They returned to the landing place following the same route by which they had come. The tour lasted about twenty minutes altogether. About the time they disembarked from the sappa boat and removed their life jackets, her smile had completely returned. Where shall we go next? she asked in a chipper voice, and held on to Osakabes hand as they walked. However, that smile of hers appeared somehow stiff. With sorrow-filled eyes, she forced the corners of her lips up. She really is forcing it, Osakabe thought. And yet, this girl, putting on a cheerful voice and innocent demeanor, has saved me how many times already? Coming to Miyako City now seems like the correct choice. It felt like a total lie that hed at first thought anywhere would be fine so long as it had gorgeous ocean views. With their fingers twined together, they walked along the beach side-by-side under the strong rays of the sun. Honoka laughed shyly, pointing out the sweat on his back. When they neared an area with walls of rocks, they saw a crab sheltering in the shade. Honoka picked up a nearby tree branch and stabbed it into the crevices between the rocks, but finally gave up and tossed aside the branch. Osakabe laughed. You cant catch it that easily. Because just a moment ago she had seemed put out to hear he had gone to Sai-no-Kawara on his own, this time they went together. He picked up a nearby rock and, lending her a hand so she wouldnt fall over, climbed up the hill with a word of warning. Arriving at Koyasu Jizo at last, they clapped their hands together in prayer. The wind was incredibly strong. She held back her hair with both hands, and turned away from him. What did you wish for? he asked, but she only replied, For my health. Thats a rather straightforward prayer, he laughed, and she puffed up her cheeks in a pout. They had lunch at the rest house, then climbed up to the observation deck. The seawater had been dyed a deep, marine blue in the cave, but looking up from such a high spot, it seemed to change to an emerald green. At this late moment, Osakabe regretted not bringing his camera. It was truly an enjoyable day. Around the time the sun was sinking and tingeing the water a deep red, they headed back. Once more they rode the scooter and headed off for the guest house. Their shadows astride the scooter stretched out across the gravelly road. Parking in the corner of the guest house parking lot, they walked towards the entrance, when a family caught his attention. Apparently, there were new guests staying at the guest house. A man in his early thirties in fashionable clothes held hands with a girl of three years. The woman, likely his wife, seemed to be in her mid twenties. She wore a white blouse and a long skirt, and her long, glossy hair was striking. Perhaps noticing the sound of footsteps behind them, the young woman looked back. And Osakabes face blanched with surprise the instant he recognized her face. His mouth moved before his brain. Its you? Huh? The woman also opened her eyes in surprise. She fell silent and looked up to the sky as if searching for the thread of a memory. Then she said, Is that you Kengo-kun? Yeah. Its been a while, Minako. Since their missed encounter in Morioka, that was his first reunion with Takasaki Minako. The original author marked this particular chapter as R15 for some sexual content, so I preserved their rating. Sensitive readers who wish to skip this scene can safely skip the third section of text, from They embraced up to as their hearts were flung open, though the events of this section are referenced in later parts. In Chapter 8. Aomori Prefecture is the northernmost prefecture in Tohoku, as well as on the main island of Japan. It borders Iwate and Akita, and is separated from Hokkaido by the Tsugaru Strait. Hachinohe City lies on the eastern coast of the southern border with Iwate. Jodogahama and Hachinohe are separated by over a hundred kilometers, or about a two-hour drive. CH 18 Chapter 18: Huh? That someone you know? asked the man who was likely her husband Minako smiled and nodded. Could I have a minute? she asked, and when her husband agreed, she crouched beside her daughter and said, Something came up, so Mama will catch up with you later. Go on ahead with Papa and wait for me in the room, okay? The girl nodded, and Minako stood up and turned back towards Osakabe. Its been a while, Kengo-kun. Youre free to chat for a minute, right? Yeah, sure. He could only nod awestruck. Meanwhile Honoka must have sensed his tension, because she announced, Ill go on ahead inside. She gave a slight bow in greeting as she passed Minako before entering the guest house. Do you want to go to the rest house, or? Osakabe gestured towards his scooter, but Minako turned down the offer. No, we can chat while we walk, she said. And so the two of them strolled side by side along the coastal road. Before their eyes, the sea wall towered over everything. On the other side of the dividing wall, several fishing boats were anchored in the port. This close to the ocean, the wind occasionally whipped up. The fickle breeze tousled their hair, carrying with it the scent of the sea. Why did you stop responding to my letters? Minako was the first to speak. She got straight to the point without attempting to feel him out, her expression reflexively turning bitter. Well, she was never the type to dance around the issue, he considered. Im terribly sorry I never responded. I was too afraid to even open the very last letter you sent. I didnt even read it until quite recently. He left it at a vague recently, omitting the fact he had only read it a few days ago. Youre kidding, right? Minakos eyes opened wide. He wished he were joking. Sadly, its the truth. Why she started to say, then started to laugh at herself. Sorry. I just keep asking you why, why, why. Its not fair to keep grilling you like that, so Ill tell you how Ive really felt this whole time. Feeling a little trepidation, he nodded. Yeah, go ahead. He turned to face Minako as he listened. Just as I wrote in those letters, my whole life was hopeless back then. Through writing those letters to you, I think I just wanted to hide who I was and pretend I was the same sweet girl you remembered. But in the end, because of my own weakness, I confessed to you about the real me. I assumed that by showing you my weakness, I could depend on you to reach out and save me. I did the exact same thing. Huh? Minakos eyes glistened as she turned to face him. I was just like you. In my letters, I was creating a completely false version of myself. Minako inhaled sharply. The real me was a little more boring, a little more gloomy, a guy with no one he could call a friend. But I didnt have the courage you did to reveal who I really was. I was terrified of you finding out the truth about me, so I couldnt respond to your letter. Even though you were the one who was truly suffering the whole time. Now I truly regret what I did. He dropped his head in apology. At that Minako murmured, I see and came to a stop. She turned on her heel and faced the ocean and began speaking as if to herself. Its my own fault I got hurt, you know? Dont get the wrong idea. Minako? I was the one to fall for you, and I chose to confess my feelings. I was the one who got their heart broken. If I truly wanted you to return my feelings, then I should have done something sooner. Its what I always do. Because of my cowardice, I always end up all alone, realizing too late that no one picked me. I was truly miserable for those three years of high school, but because I didnt have the courage to fight my destiny, I clung to my memories of you, Kengo-kun. She sighed once, then turned on her heel again, this time to face Osakabe directly. But you really did like me? He instinctively turned away from her inquiring gaze, her feelings. Did he really have the right to say I liked you at this point? And yet right now he felt he must not lie. This may very well be the last time I ever speak to Minako. If this is the last memory we share together, then I should voice my feelings to fulfill this love. Yeah, I did like you. I dont know what good it does to dare to admit that now, but I think I maybe even liked you from the first day I joined the photography club in junior high school. Hearing that, Minako murmured, I knew it. She suddenly started counting out on her fingers. Its already been eight years since the day I last wrote to you she said. Its ironic, Osakabe thought. It took us eight years before we could meet again like this and confirm our feelings for each other. Really, how did we end up like this? I had a vague suspicion you felt that way, Kengo-kun Ahh, its kind of anti-climactic, to ask you Did you like me? only to have you straight up answer Yeah If it was that easy all along, I should have confessed ages ago. Dont you think that would have saved us some trouble? Yeah, it really would have. If only I had responded to your letter back then. If only I could have faced my own feelings sooner. Ive thought that countless times, and I regret it every time. In the end, timing is everything. timing, huh. As he spoke, he felt one more stone weigh down his heart. Its like my situation with Honoka now. We have even worse timing. Is it truly okay to continue this relationship with her if I truly liked her? Its strange, isnt it? We both liked each other and yet we still didnt end up together. Minako smiled painfully, and with her fingers wiped away the tears that spilled from her eyes. Its just like MInako said, he thought. Maybe we were actually destined to end up together. And Minako at least put forth the minimum amount of effort possible for that to happen. On the other hand, I ran away from it all, and turning my back on reality led to the worst possible outcome. The real culprit all along was my own weak heart. Yet the opposite could also be true, right? Suppose we had gotten together. I would be causing Minako a great deal of worry and suffering at this very moment. If I consider things from her point of view, I could even say this is the best case scenario. Because I did nothing, this may have become a pathetic story, but its a lucky break for her. However, I am relieved that things worked out for you in the end, Minako. Your husband and child are lucky to have you. Thank youI am so happy with my life right now. Kengo-kun do you have someone in your life? He hesitated to answer her question. He wanted to say, I do, but considering his own guilty circumstances, he was frustrated with himself for not being able to boast about Honoka being his girlfriend. He cringed at his miserable self, and after carefully considering his words, he finally spoke. I do in a way. A wonderful girl that I dont deserve. Its confusing, I dont even know if its okay for me to call her a girlfriend, or to even tell other people about her A smile floated to Minakos lips, and she said in a shocked tone, As usual, you have no confidence in yourself. This girl, has she told you she likes you? Well yeah, she has. I saw the news about the accident. It looks like you had a hard time. But I wont tell you to do your best or anything. Its only natural youd be doing your best, and it would be hypocritical for me to tell you that when I am nowhere in your life. But this girl is choosing to be there for you, right? And shes accepted you, and told you she loves you? Then you have to respond to her feelings. Dont regret doing nothing, just like you did with me, okay? She paused there for a moment. Its enough if Im your only regret. He was moved by Minakos words. He could only nod and say, Yeah, youre exactly right. He considered his feelings once more. I love Shirakisawa Honoka. Im so glad I met her. And Im so glad I could meet Minako today. After that, the two of them complained about the loneliness they felt for the past ten years. Meeting like this, they didnt run out of things they wanted to share with each other. The happy memories, the sad memories. The painful memories. Although they avoided saying it directly, they conveyed to each other without words how difficult it had been without the other in their life, and how through all these years they had still longed to meet one another. As they parted ways, Osakabe offered to exchange contact information with Minako, and she smiled in response. He tossed aside his previous assumption that he may never meet Minako again after this. He now felt that she could become a close friend. And, at the same time, he realized, I want to make Honoka happy. And for that to happen, I need to first decide what I should do. CH 19 Chapter 19: Rays of light shone into the room through the western window which looked out on the setting sun, casting a brilliant orange glow over the tatami floor. The shadows of everything in the room stretched long. Light and shadow. The stark contrast between the two colors hinted at the paths Osakabe and Honoka would eventually take. August 12th. Even as he attempted to remember, fumbling around the drawers in his heart, his memories of this day were vague. They spent their final day together in the room at the guest house. However, he could only remember bits and pieces of the day the TV programs that played, the meal they both ate for lunch, the long hours they spent in calm conversation. Even the clothes she wore that day were entirely obscured by the fog of memory. She had been wearing shorts of some colorthat was the best he could manage. Just that was enough to get him excited all over again, and without thinking of anything in particular, he had most likely surrendered himself to the aimless passage of time. Depending on how he looked at the situation, it was probably his happiest memory. He was content enough just to have Honoka in his arms. Even if all they did was chat about some random topic, he was satisfied. Osakabe awoke to the sensation of a pleasant weight against his body. He could see the gentle evening sun through the guest house window. Opening his eyes to search for the source of the weight, he saw Honokas face as she slept, her back against him. Thats right, I dozed off while sitting like this, he realized. Its impressive I didnt fall over, he thought as if admiring someone else. Wondering what time it was, his eyes drifted to the clock on the wall. It was a little after 4 pm. Osakabe stroked Honokas hair. The smell of her shampoo drifted through the air. Sweet dreams, Honoka, he thought Come to think of it, the day hed met her. August 1st. They had met in similar circumstances, but he had never guessed that he would become so deeply entwined with this girl. He reminisced on the past four days spent with her. August 9th. The morning after his reunion with Takasaki Minako, and their animated conversation about their old memories. Osakabe descended the guest house stairs and arrived at the entrance, where Honoka waited for him on the couch as always. She looked up to greet him. Good morning! When are you headed back home to Morioka? he asked. August 13th, she responded. The beginning of Obon.1 I see Im gonna miss you. But until then, lets enjoy the next four days as much as possible, he promised her. Every day they set off on Osakabes scooter. That days destination was the shopping mall in front of Miyako Station. Honoka volunteered to pick out an outfit for Osakabe, who had brought hardly any decent clothes with him. They hopped around several apparel shops, stocking up on all kinds of t-shirts, polo shirts, and chino pants. Wear this when we go out tomorrow, she instructed with a self-satisfied look. As a thank you gift, Osakabe bought her a yellow-green dress. Honoka murmured her thanks with a shy, downcast look. After paying, she immediately shut herself up in a dressing room and changed into the dress. Osakabe-san, she called to him. How does it look? She twirled. The hem of the dress fluttered about with her movement. Yeah, it looks really nice, he said. She blushed and beamed at his compliment. Her smile bloomed like a sunflower facing the sun. On the 10th, they decided to go see a movie. This day was unusually rainy, and they got a little damp from the drizzle as they drove off on the scooter. Yet again they came to the station area. In a small town like this, there werent many other options to choose from. The theater was a cozy building wrapped up in white walls. The movie that was playing was about a girl who had fallen ill with an incurable disease. A common set-up for a romance movie. Based on a novel, it had been adapted into a live action film this year. Osakabe glanced beside him as he snagged a handful of popcorn. Honoka was weeping without any care for what anyone around her may think. While he himself had been moved by the heartbreaking story, Honoka was so comical that he instantly forgot those feelings and laughed. She got angry and hissed, Shut up! But seeing her ability to express her honest feelings, he was once again moved by how kind-hearted she was. What happened? Just once as they were heading back, he completely forgot that they had come to the movie theater together and tried to leave the theater on his own. Displeased, she grabbed his sleeve and got mad at him all over again. There was nothing he could do but hang his head and accept his punishment. On August 11th, they went on a tour of all the best ramen shops in the area. To be honest, it was an ill-advised plan. Regardless of the fact that both of them normally had small appetites, they visited three shops, one after the other, while searching on Osakabes phone. Even though they were both already full when they set foot in the third establishment, they still ordered a bowl of ramen and somehow finished it together. I dont want to even look at ramen for a while, she whispered while rubbing her stomach. They left Miyako on the scooter and happened to pass through the forest outside of town. It felt gloomy under the evergreen trees despite the fact it was still midday, and amongst the tree roots they spotted the figure of a loitering girl. She had a black dress and long hair, and appeared to be in her late twenties. Immediately Osakabe was certain that she was the same girl he had seen on his very first day in Miyako. And he was also certain that she had already crossed over to the other side. He had always had a slight ability to sense the supernatural, although most of the things he could see were harmless spirits. Having learned that in his many years of experience with this sense, he did not feel fear or dread towards them despite being able to see them to a certain extent. But he also knew that he should not excessively sympathize with them. He drove past without making eye contact with the spirit, and after passing her completely he murmured a prayer for her passing. Its not the first time Ive seen a ghost, but I dont think its a good sign, he thought at that moment. Was that a woman just now in the woods? Wearing a black dress? He was shocked to hear Honokas voice from behind him asking about her. Honoka-chan, did you see that person just now? Huh? Yeah, of course I saw her. Is that so strange? Oh, its strange all right. He explained it all to herhis sensitivity to the supernatural, how that girl in the black dress was likely a ghost haunting that spot. Have you ever experienced anything supernatural before? Osakabe asked. I wonder Today is the first time Ive ever seen a ghost. But that woman. She almost certainly died in an accident. How do you know that? I just do, she said and smiled. Why, did you just read her mind? he asked with a note of sarcasm. That said, I also saw her on August 1st, when I came to Miyako. That makes sense. Around the end of Obon we bid farewell to the spirits who visit in August. And so I hope shes able to rest in peace. Osakabe could only agree with Honokas words. Time passed in the blink of an eye. August 12th arrived before they realized. Its often said that time flies when youre having fun, and Osakabe experienced that for himself. And tomorrow at last was the day Honoka would return to her home in Morioka. Even though it was not the last time they would ever meet, both were understandably held captive by their lonely, maudlin emotions. The whole day was hot and humid. The weather report said a high pressure front had overtaken the islands, and it would become a record-breaking heat wave. In spite of that, the two had cooped themselves up in the guest house room, huddling close and not once separating. Because they had promised each other that on their last day, they would do nothing special and take it easy while reminiscing about their small happiness. He held Honoka close as they watched television and nibbled at the salad-flavored Pretz they had stocked up on. She said to herself several times, This is heaven. Why is that? he asked. Those days when I watched you from my seat on the bus, I never imagined wed end up like this. I never thought Id feel the warmth of you against my back. Is there any greater happiness in life? She shook her head. No, nothing beats this. Im not worthy of such praise. I wouldnt even care if I died right this moment. Dont say things like that. I would be heartbroken if you died. Really? Then I wont, she said, and giggled. Later that afternoon, Honoka fell asleep in Osakabes lap. She must be exhausted from all this excitement, he thought. Her face as she slept was so calm. And as he realized how their time together was slipping away, the sight of her pure figure made his heart feel like it was being ripped apart. But he decided not to wake her up just yet. Have sweet dreams, while you can, he whispered in her ear. And just like that, he must have also dozed off. Osakabe worried about whether he should wake Honoka up soon, but stopped himself. He just continued to watch her while she slept, never tiring of it. At this distance, he could even make out every single one of her eyelashes. But not just those. The lovely shade of her pink toes. Her pale, soft lips. The small mole at the corner of her mouth. The sweet perfume that wafted up. Her fine, white skin, like porcelain. He held dear the entirety of her, which only he knew. He glanced out the window. It was a beautiful sunset, like a miracle. The whole world outside had turned red. You dont have to wake up yet, he whispered the same wish to her once more. Dream as many sweet dreams as you can right now. Luckily the weather had been good for these past four days. The cry of the cicadas echoed through all four corners of the tatami room, and a cool breeze occasionally blew in through the window. He inhaled the reedy scent of the tatami mixed with the sweet perfume of her hair. He was truly happy. He wanted this moment to last forever. As long as she was with him, he didnt need anything else in the world. And so there was one thing that he could only tell her right at the peak of their bliss. The short hand of the clock pointed towards five. The tick of the second hand filled the room. The song of the cicadas changed as their daytime music was overwhelmed by the chorus of their twilight counterparts, and the chilly breeze grew stronger. The light shining in began to soften, and around the time the sky turned indigo, her eyes fluttered open. How long was I asleep? she asked bashfully. He wrapped both arms around her from behind. Unconsciously he pulled her closer, tighter, than normal. As if sensing something was wrong, she looked back at him. Osakabe-san? she called, but he kept his eyes shut. He spoke with a raspy voice. Honoka. We should break up. In an instant, the room went deathly still. Of course there was no way that was trueit was all an illusion. But the air turned tense, and a small sound rose from her throat. The sound was frightfully clear in the silence. What? You mean because Im going back to Morioka tomorrow, right? Refusing to believe him, she turned towards him with watery eyes. No, not like that. We should end this romance. Start over with a blank slate. Thats what I mean. Why?! A rebellious look rose up in Honokas eyes. She shook her head to emphasize her refusal. I like you so much, Osakabe-san. Why would you want to break up? Do you hate me? No, I dont. I love you.2 Then why? I dont understand. She reflexively seized Osakabes hands which he had wrapped around her. Her eyes that glared up at him looked like they were about to cry. But stillhe couldnt give in. He held on to her even more tightly to harden his faltering heart. Because of the distance between us. Because youre still only nineteen. Those are only a few of the reasons. But the main one is that Im a criminal. Im still on parole. So I dont think we should continue seeing each other. No! I refuse! This time she denied him with even stronger words. Didnt I tell you that I dont care about any of that? And so it should be fine. Just let us stay together Please. You have to understand. I thought about this long and hard, and this is the only option. Of course, I love you, and I just want to hold you close right now. But if we continue this relationship, I will depend on you too much. I think it would be best if we broke up and put some distance between each other, so I can push myself to be the person I should be. Theres nothing I can say to change your mind? His lips trembled. He scolded himself for almost hesitating. No, nothing. Honoka could no longer hold back her tears. As if a dam had broken, the tears overflowed from her eyes and fell to her chest below, a wail rising up from her throat. Osakabes vision also blurred as he held her small frame close. Dont worry, its just for the time being. Two years Yeah, just wait for me for two years. Then Ill be able to start a new life, and once I have enough built up that I can take care of you Ill come back for you. Two years I cant wait that long. Theres no way I can hold out During those two years, I just need you to be my friend. A friend? She forced back her tears and looked up. Yes, a friend. We can exchange contact information. We wouldnt be lovers, but somewhere under the same sky as you, Ill be thinking of you. If youre ever in trouble, Id go anywhere to help you. Just for two years, lets remain close friends. She closed her eyes and with a hand over her chest considered the words, close friends. She swallowed back her tears once more before finally saying in a hoarse voice, Okay, Ill wait for you. Until then, well be close friends, right? Youll really come back for me? Ill do my best to stay alive for two years, so promise. Youll keep that promise, right? Thats a little dramatic. But if Im not alive, then how could we see each other again? Youre right. Yes, I promise. Two years Thats such a long time But Ill do my best. Ill wait for you. While she kept nodding, she held back her sobs and only cried softly, like a light rain on blades of grass. And she continued crying for a while. He held her close the whole time, until her breathing slowed and returned to normal. At last, she wiped away her tears and sniffled, then turned to embrace him from the front. Then I have a request for a close friend. I want you to hold me. And will you be my first? Thats not the kind of thing you ask a close friend Youre so mean. Then, today is our last day as lovers! That should be okay, right? Okay, I understand. Osakabe smiled and consented, then brought her to the futon. On the futon, he gently laid her down, and kissed her while running his fingers through her hair. At once, she wrapped her arms around his neck and embraced him. Unbuttoning her blouse and unhooking her bra, he kissed her along her neck. She blushed shyly. His hands glided over the shape of her thighs and hips, and his fingers grazed against the top of her shorts. The light shining into the room shifted to moonlight. The pale color of her limbs and the side of her face were illuminated by the faint light, and in his eyes she shined even more wondrously white. Honoka. Youre so beautiful. Is it really okay to think of you as a lover for just this one moment? And for the first time that night they joined together. The moment he joined with Honoka, he felt as if he finally understood the point of the twenty-five years he had lived until then. Looking down at her slightly flushed face, he felt as if the entirety of their existences had been fused and shared between them. However, the weight of the sin he carried weighed down on his chest, as if to warn him not to turn away from reality. Unable to endure it, he grieved, tears falling from his eyes. Though he was the one to suggest they break up, his true feelings felt like they would split his heart open. While sensing the warmth of her body against his as he held her, he could not begin to guess how far he should take her feelings. Her soul. How could he protect her? The entirety of your existence is in my hands. You, my beloved, are here in front of me. And yet, somehow my own powerlessness is so unbearably painful. I would rather spend all my time with you. Yet, the hurdle for that small wish to come true is so high. Everyone knows mefor all the wrong reasons. There certainly is no requirement for people to announce their previous convictions when they take an exam for employment. However, Im different. The heated coverage from the mass media has made my name known far and wide. Its impossible to hide. Ive been branded for life with the label Murdered eight. Ill know no peace of mind for as long as Im on parole. Reproachful stares will follow me wherever I go. Along with fear, and dread. This world is filled with absurdity. I want to curse it, and yet this is reality. I dont even know if Ill ever be able to find a proper job or lead a regular life. Having a home of my own is beyond my wildest dreams. Even though I said Id come for you in two years, its not even certain that Ill be able to keep that promise. If by some chance I No, without a doubt, by announcing I was breaking up with her today, I have caused her future suffering. But still, he thought, it will be far less painful than if she stays by my side. Thats why I decided to do this. Its painful, even for me, but please just wait a little longer. Im truly sorry that the man you fell for is this pathetic excuse for a human being Im so sorry, Honoka. He murmured those apologies over and over while drowning in waves of pleasure. They spent the night in each others arms. They swore to part ways the next day in smiles only to fall asleep in tears. T/N: Thats the end of Part 2, but the storys not over yet! I will be traveling overseas to visit family for New Years, so I wont be able to start working on Part 3 until mid-January at the earliest. Thank you for your patience, and I wish you a happy New Year! Obon is a summer holiday in Japan that honors the spirits of ones ancestors. Although a Buddhist holiday, it is one of the major holidays for family gatherings in Japan (in addition to New Years), as most people return to their hometowns to pray at family altars and clean family graves. While some people may find a way to visit both sides of the family, families most often visit the graves for the side of the family through which they are officially registered, typically the husbands family. Since Miyako is Honokas mothers hometown, its implied she will be visiting her fathers family in Morioka for the actual holiday. This is the first instance where either of them uses the word ۤƤ Aishiteru, so I chose to translate it as I love you, here, but its not a dramatic change from their feelings up until now. CH 20 Chapter 20: Shirakisawa Honoka had a dream. The season was late autumn. The place, the one room apartment she rented in Saitama City. An alarm, shrill enough to pierce her ears, reverberated throughout the room. Forcefully expelled from the depths of sleep, her consciousness still trapped in between the dreaming and waking worlds, she extended her hand towards the cell phone that continued to make that awful noise. Turning off the alarm, she pulled just her face out from under the covers. Only a gentle ray of morning light slipped through the gap between the blinds. She wasnt quite sleep-deprived really, but her eyelids and body still felt so heavy. Mmm, five more minutes, she said, sleepily. Pulling the blanket back up, she squinted her eyes at the morning sun. She gazed at the screen of her cell phone, and just as she reassured herself that it was still quite early, she bolted upright. I forgot. I decided to get up thirty minutes early from now on, she muttered to no one in particular as she crawled out of bed. She headed straight for the bathroom, still in her pajamas. She hurriedly brushed her teeth, then wincing at the freezing cold water, she wiped her face with a towel. After stuffing a slice of bread in the toaster oven, she threw open her closet. This should do it, she thought, and taking out a white blouse and a knee-length skirt, she changed out of her pajamas. Standing in front of her full-length mirror, she checked her appearance from several different angles, then plugged in her curling iron. The real challenge began once she sat in front of the mirror. She stared at her reflection. She had never really bothered with make-up. She was quite convinced that her skills were insufficient in that realm. But she tried to put her resolution into words, telling herself, Ill do my best. She had always been teased by her friends, who told her, You have good features. Put on some makeup so they dont go to waste. And so today she would finally follow their advice. Thats why she got up so early in the first placeshe knew it would take her longer than most people to put on make-up. She carefully brushed her hair. Checking that the iron had heated up, she firmly curled the ends under. Just as she laid out her make-up tools with a groan, the toaster oven gave a beep, but she didnt have the time to pay it any mind. She let it be, with no care for her toast growing cold, and staring only at the mirror, continued her losing battle. She first blended the primer onto her skin, then applied the foundation on top of that. She didnt intend to put on any heavy make-up or anything or rather, she didnt have the skill for anything like that. She aimed for a natural look, that wouldnt push her beyond her limits. Her hands shook from nerves as she applied the eyeshadow. Selecting a pink lipstick, she applied it to both her bottom and upper lips, finishing her look. Maybe it would be better to wear contacts, since I cant see much while putting on make-up? She considered the idea while putting on the familiar black-rimmed glasses. But no he might not recognize me with contacts. And just when he started to remember meit would sting if he didnt recognize me. What to doI dont have time to worry about this nowcrap, the time! Feeling suddenly rushed, she checked the clock to see that it was still before seven. Phew. Still got time. She stood after checking herself in the mirror one last time. Biting down on the cold and floppy piece of toast, she flew out of her room with her key in hand. She tapped her toes against the floor to slip on her loafers, and the rhythm synced with the racing pulse of her heart. Her face felt flushed. An unconscious smile graced her lips. Would her neighbors in the apartment complex be creeped out if they saw her? She looked up at the sky as she opened the door. The clouds werent particularly thick today, but the whole surface of the sky was covered in a thin, gray haze. She couldnt see even a hint of blue. A somewhat chilly breeze blew. The weather looks iffy, Honoka judged, and ducked into her apartment once more. She slipped on a heavy hoodie and a scarf. Its already October. Dont want to catch a cold. Holding onto the rusted handrail, she rushed down her apartment stairs. Panting, she ran down the road at full speed to her bus stop. While running, she glanced at her wristwatch. Still got ten minutes, she confirmed. Here at last she allowed herself to catch her breath and slowed her pace. Descending down the gentle slope of the road, she approached a largish intersection. Crossing the street, she continued on straight ahead, until the small shopping district came into view. Right in the middle of that was the bus stop she used everyday to get to school. Taking out the hand mirror from a pouch, she gave her reflection one last, final check. Laying a hand against her chest as if to soothe her pulse, still racing from nerves, she stood at the end of the line at the bus stop. She waited there for several minutes, unable to settle down. At last, her usual city bus arrived. The bus was painted in two colors, green and white. Grabbing a ticket as she stepped on, she immediately checked the back of the drivers head. Yes! It was Osakabe-san! She mentally raised her arms in celebration. Right away her pulse, which she had finally gotten under control earlier, started to accelerate once more. Her breathing almost embarrassingly heavy, she sat down in the front seat diagonally opposite the driver. This spot was her special seat. Thank goodness it was also free today. Her resolution to get up early every morning from now on, all that effort she put into putting on make-up, fretting everyday about whether she should switch to contacts, every peek in the mirror to check her appearance. All of itevery last thingwas for him. His nameOsakabe Kengo. The driver Honoka met on the bus she took to school every day. She learned his name right away from the nametag displayed at the front of the bus. The man with his hair hanging in front of his face, had a mild-mannered air. He seemed to be in his mid- to late-twenties. I bet he looks older than he actually is, Honoka thought, but his eyes are beautiful, and look so kind. Its best if I keep these observations to myselfthis will be my secret. The first time they met was on Honokas first day at the junior college, the day of the entrance ceremony. Her mother was a fussy personor in other words, she could get quite anxious. When Honoka announced that she would leave Iwate to go to a junior college in Saitama, she had vehemently opposed the decision. Because her twin sister had gotten into a university in their hometown, she opposed it all the more. Even now, Honoka had no real dreams for the future. It sounded nice to say she was still searching for her dreams for the future, but really, if pressed, she couldnt deny that she had simply wanted to try living in the big city. Which is exactly why she had to prove she could make it on her own. She promised herself shed maintain her regular routine. In spite of that Still heady with the excitement of the city, she had been too excited to sleep until late in the night, and had overslept on her very first day. She ran as fast as she could, and just as the bus stop came into view, she saw the bus heartlessly began to drive off. Nonow Ill be late I wanted to at least be on time for the very first day. Just when she gave up, bent over with her hands on her knees, he was the one to stop the bus. The bus which should have departed, pulled over on the shoulder of the road, and the door opened. Honoka shocked, rushed over. You wanted to get on right? the driver called out. Honoka, with her mouth agape, could only nod. Good thing I stopped then, the driver said, and gave her an angelic smile. For a moment, the wind blew. Even now she still remembered his smile and his kind voice, all at odds with the impression his appearance gave. Starting the next day, the route she took to school every day was full of vivid colors, even though she could only meet him on the morning bus. She didnt even know his hobbies or personality, let alone where he lived. Every day she could ride the bus he drove brought a little more life into her world. It didnt take long for Honoka to realize, Oh, so this is love at first sight. After the seasons changed, and several months passed, she plucked up a bit of courage. As she showed her commuter pass as she got off the bus, she tried saying timidly, Thank you for your hard work. He didnt say anything in response, but he raised a hand to the rim of his cap and gave a slight bow. In her mind, she applauded her own efforts. The whole day after that, her heart bounced with joy. She based her whole schedule on greeting him as she got off the bus starting the next day. When she confided in friends, they teased her relentlessly. You like that old guy? But theres so many other cooler, younger guys at school! they would tell her. But even Honoka couldnt understand. Age and style, she could accept that those were elements that one could learn to love over time. But love at first sight was a little different. Did she need a reason to fall in love? She felt that reasons were both necessary, and yet not necessary at all. Regardless of the reason, I want to treasure my feelings. And so now, Im happy just to watch him from behind like this. But as soon as she thought that, she remembered her sister telling her to hurry up and confess. But how could she confess? There was no way she could tell him directly, face to face, and she didnt know his email address. If she told him in a letter, then he might think she was some old-fashioned girl And while those wild thoughts danced around her head, the buildings of her junior college came into view. Somehow it always felt like she arrived at her destination faster when she just spent the whole ride staring at his face. This is my stop, but I dont want to leave yet, she thought with her ticket in hand. Oh well, I have to do my best today. She adjusted her scarf and stood from her seat, and with her left hand soothed her racing heart. Her trembling right hand held out her commuter pass, and today she gathered up the courage to speak. Thank you, for all your hard work! Impatient with the unshrinking distance between her and Osakabe-san, another day began. CH 21 Part 3: Dont forget my name. It feels like someone is calling out to me. He could see a medium-length bob, the ends curled under. A short skirt. Slender arms and legs with skin as white as porcelain. Who could it be? Even though he could remember neither their face nor their name, he knew it was someone very special. As he raised his head wondering why, the world suddenly came into view. He awoke to the chirping of birds. The gentle morning sun shone in through the window. Osakabe looked around slowly, still wrapped in the blanket. The comforter had been kicked aside, and the sheets were all jumbled up. What happened? Something felt off and as he sat up, he noticed he wasnt wearing any underwear. Had he slept so fitfully the night before? Though now that he thought about it, he remembered some kind of dream. And yet, even though he had the sense it was an important dream, he could not remember anything that had happened in the dream. As much as he tried to remember, his head throbbed, feeling like it was stuffed with cotton. His head felt heavy. It was hard to describe, but the closest he could come was comparing it to the morning after a hangover. Regardless, he felt listless An indescribable fatigue enveloped him. In order to wake himself up from this vague stupor, he clapped his cheeks several times, and stretched before getting up. He glanced at the clock8 am. He folded up the futon, smelling the reedy scent characteristic of tatami rooms, and changed into a navy t-shirt and black chinos. And again, he noticed something strange. These clothes When did he buy these? He had changed clothes with the intent of heading out, but he had no idea where to go. Or less that he had no idea so much as it felt like he had forgotten something. He almost felt a strange compulsion, as if he was wasting timebut its not as if that were true. Something must have happened. Surely, something Somehow all morning, he felt as if he couldnt think right. He had some sense all morning that he was supposed to have plans today, and yet. His mind was overwhelmed with an unfamiliar strangeness. He stared at the ceiling in thought. Thats right. Im supposed to pick up the photos I got developed. Remembering his plans at last, Osakabe finished getting ready at the sink, and left the room with only his wallet and cell phone in his bag. After leaving his key at the front desk, he left the guest house. Putting on the helmet, he straddled the scooter and headed straight for Miyako Station. He picked up his photos from the photography store by the station, and by the time he got on his scooter to head home, it was already after lunch. After wondering what he should do, he decided on a boxed lunch from a convenience store. He remembered that it was Obon from the sales poster by the entrance to the convenience store. Seasonal items had been clearly set out too, and come to think of it I still havent been home to visit the family grave, he thought, and realized he hadnt been home last year either. Yet as soon as he thought of his family, his mothers face in particular, he felt indifferent. Well, Ill drop by sometime before August 15th. Reaching that conclusion, he set off on his scooter once more. Originally he had planned on looking over the photos once he got back to the guest house. However, unable to quell his restless feelings, he parked his bike by a bench next to a vending machine on the corner of a shopping street. How childish, he thought in exasperation. He took the photos from out of his bag and looked at them, one by one. Ok, not bad photos considering Im the one who took them. Though one could say it was the quality of the camera, and they certainly werent as good as Minakos, but he had some confidence in his photography skills. He had captured Jodogahamas scenery quite well, he thought with some admiration. Huh? He stopped rifling through the photos as he noticed one that stuck out. He held it up and stared long and hard. On top was the gorgeous blue sky. Along the bottom was some patch of grass, likely from the observation platform. While the sky was certainly beautiful, the composition was quite amateurish. Well, I guess I am an amateur. Or perhaps I pressed the shutter button by accident, he thought with a wry laugh. And yet Another one? The next photo to appear was one that was almost entirely ocean. He hadnt taken a photo of either the horizon or the waters edge along the beach, but rather it was a half-hearted picture of just the waters surface. What the hell? No matter how he looked at it, there was no way he could have taken this photo by accident. But supposing this composition was intentional, it was such a poor photo he couldnt even tell what he had originally intended. He found another photograph just like it. Three, altogether. No matter how he looked at them, this was unnatural. If there were only one, he could explain it somehowbut three unnatural photos. It was a little contrived to suggest he had mistakenly pressed the shutter button that many times. had he really taken these photos by mistake? Or had he forgotten loaning out his camera to someone? He was ready to even believe that looking at these three inexplicable photos. But no matter how much he racked his brain, there was no indication he would ever find an answer. In the end, he put the photos back into his bag and set off on his scooter dissatisfied without a single clue. Driving through the dappled sunlight through a small wood, he turned onto an ocean road from which he could hear the sound of the waves. As evening drew near, he finally arrived in front of the guest house. He parked the scooter in the usual place, and walked towards the guest house where a woman in a white dress loitered by the entrance. So young. She must be a university student. Her hair, just skimming her shoulders, curled inwards somewhat. Her nose was straight, and her jaw slender. She didnt have a creased eyelid, but there was a strength of will in her eyes. She could be considered quite attractive. Unable to just completely ignore her, he gave a light greeting and tried to walk past her. But the very instant he tried to pass by, the young woman suddenly reached out and grabbed Osakabe by the collar. Hey! he protested in vain as she pulled him close with all her might. You What are you doing here?! At first he thought he had heard wrong. But the young woman had definitely said those words, her voice cold enough to freeze him in his tracks. Waithold up. Could you at least let go? Is this how you talk to people?! He may be a convicted criminal, but even he was fed up with getting into messes like this with this crazy woman. All he wanted to do was extricate himself and flee the scene. At last she let go. Youre right. We cant talk like this. So tell me, Osakabe Kengo. Whats a criminal like you prowling around here? Why did you come here? Clutching his throat, Osakabe cleared his throat and answered. Why, you ask? Im just a tourist. Im here on a whim. A tourist? She glared scornfully. Youre awfully full of yourself, arent you? You came because you knew this was my mothers family home, didnt you?! Are you harassing us? Why would I want to harass you? I didnt even pick this guest house in the first place, it was The words stopped in the middle of his speech. Thats right, someone had no doubt shown him to this guest house, but who on earth? He couldnt remember anything at all. Anyway. Theres no deep meaning behind why I chose this guest house, and besides, I dont even know you. Who the hell He was cut off before he could finish speaking. The young woman raised her eyebrows in a scowl, and once more grabbed him by the collar and thrust him aside. Stop screwing around! she snapped. Like hell you forgot, Osakabe Kengo! I wont let you forget the bus accident that put my sister in the hospital! And she stabbed her finger at him. Im Shirakisawa Mafuyu1, the twin sister of the university student you put in the hospitalShirakisawa Honoka. And arent you supposed to be on parole? Well, dont you look like youre having a grand time. This guest house is the Shirakisawa family business. Why else would you be hanging around except to get back at us?! Shirakisawa Honoka? The instant he heard the name, a rush of memories came flooding back along with an unbearable headache. Mafuyus name means midwinter. Her seasonal name matches her sisters name (which uses the character for summer) as they are both twins born in fall, just as Honoka explained in Chapter 8. CH 22 Chapter 22: Shirakisawa Honoka. How could I have forgotten her name?! From behind him, he could hear Mafuyus shouts, but Osakabe charged into the guest house without responding. Tearing off his shoes and receiving his key from the desk, he climbed up the stairs and dashed into his room. Yanking his travel bag from the corner of the room wrenching it open, he pulled out the scrapbook crammed into the very bottom of his bag. Stored inside were the details of the accident that had made his name infamous across the country. He had clipped out and collected articles from newspapers and magazines published at the time. These were the memories he must never forget, but these were not records he wished to dwell on. And yet now, he had to be sure. With trembling fingers, he carefully flipped through the pages. The tourist bus, carrying a large number of ski resort visitors, was unable to make the sharp curve in the road and careened off the side, falling twenty meters below the cliff. Eight of the passengers died, and 24 were injured. No, not that. Of the 24 injured, one passenger, Shirakisawa Honoka (19) remains in critical condition, and has yet to regain consciousness His heart jolted. What are you after? Sex? Or money? If you came for pictures, I know a spot with an even more amazing view. Do you want to check it out? Our existence rejoices for love that lasts a single summer. But no matter how much we fall for each other, we will inevitably part ways. Thus, we must not fall for each other. This is a warning. Life is not just an endless stream of good things. Sometimes the wind and the waves rock the boat, and getting along with others is the same. Not everyone close to you is on your side. You might hear people whispering negative things behind your back. But still you must persevere, to continue moving forward with your life. thats how I know. Youve got something on your chest, some burden that worries you, maybe. Osakabe-san, I like you. Please, make me happy. My future dream is to become a bride. Its silly, right? I sound like an elementary school girl. Butat least this humble dream could come true, right? Okay, Ill wait for you. Until then, well be close friends, right? Youll really come back for me? Ill do my best to stay alive for two years, so promise. Youll keep that promise, right? Then I have a request for a close friend. I want you to hold me. And will you be my first? Shirakisawa Honoka. He ruminated on the name, surprised at the gleam it held in his mind. He put up the scrapbook and flipped through the journal he had begun on the first day of his stay in Miyako City. The fragments of memory stuck in the corners of his mind broke free one after the other, and he began to connect the dots between the scattered pieces of information. Thats right. How could I have forgotten?! Only one girl had yet to recover from her injuries in the bus accident I causedShirakisawa Honoka. The girl who, every morning without fail, greeted me as she got off the city bus. The mysterious girl I met at a bus stop in Jodogohama. The girl with whom I enjoyed fireworks and spent a night in a hotel. The girl I kissed as the sunset danced on the ocean. The girl who confessed her love to my pathetic self! How? How the hell could I forget her? Whats wrong with you, Osakabe Kengo!! And if that all really happened Where did she go?! Thats right, it was in this room, on this bed where we lay together and whispered promises of love So where did she disappear to? Where is the real Shirakisawa Honoka right now? Ah Honoka The corners of his eyes burned. His nose was stuffed up. All these heartbreaking feelings for the girl hed forgotten welled up and filled the hole in his heart that had opened up. But those warm feelings chilled almost immediately as he realized that Honoka was already lost to him. His chest felt as if it was being squeezed painfully. His knees tremored. He cursed his weak legs and tried to stand, and once more ran out of the room and down the stairs. Though his legs threatened to give out under him, he slipped on his shoes and went outside. Thank God. He gave a sigh of relief. She was still there. So back at last. You know, you He interrupted Shirakisawa Mafuyu and grabbed her by the hand. Your twin sister, Shirakisawa Honoka, was hospitalized at Morioka Medical University Hospital in a state of unconsciousness, and there is currently no prospect of when shell wake from her vegetative state. Is that correct? At that, she glared at him before averting her gaze, pained. Correct. And you were acting like you didnt remember earlier Confirming that much, all sorts of memories came back to him, flashing before his eyes like a reel of film. And then he understood. Thats right. Honoka hadnt just suddenly disappeared this morning. Honoka was never here from the beginning. Not at the bus stop. Not in my room. And of course, never in Miyako City. She had never even existed. A vegetative state. That was the state a person entered after receiving severe brain damage, where they only retained certain functions like breathing and circulationin other words, a persistent vegetative state. Although the nervous system operated relatively normally, it was not just a movement and sensory disorderthey lacked any kind of mental activity. It was possible to acquire sustenance through a liquid diet, and they would excrete waste as well. Because of that, patients could not be accepted at medical facilities that did not have a proper level of care. Most people in that state only lived on average for another three years. While some may be revived through treatment methods where the spinal cord and brain were stimulated by electrical signals, Honoka had remained in that state for more than a year now with no change. In other words, there was likely no hope that she would regain consciousness. How could this happen Understanding everything, Osakabe Kengo fell to the ground in tears. CH 23 Chapter 23: And so Osakabe checked out from the guest house at which he had stayed for thirteen days and took off on his scooter once more for Morioka City. Shirakisawa Honoka had been admitted to Morioka Medical University Hospital in room 610. Now he knew that all of his memories had returned. This was not the first time he had tried to visit her at the hospital. He had merely forgotten. Why, even after meeting her once more, had his memories only come back in pieces? How, in the days after the accident, had only the memories of her been carved out, leaving a gaping hole behind? The root of both issues could only be psychogenic amnesia. All the memories in particular that he had lost due to his mental disorder were all related to Honoka. Damn it. The swear slipped from his lips. He had several reasons to complain. The slow crawl of the scooter. The loss of the majority of his memories related to Honoka. And breaking up with her on that last day they spent together at the guest house. Ever since he had arrived in Jodogahama at the beginning of August, there had been several hints here and there indicating that Honoka did not actually exist. First of all, he reflected, she never spoke to anyone else but me. The one counter to this theory in all of his memories with her, was the time Honoka had given directions to the old woman. But it was just as likely that she had only appeared to give directions, and she may have been the only one to wave goodbye. Had she actually given any directions in the first place? Or had she used some mysterious power to give some hint to the old woman? he thought. It was just like the time they encountered Minako in front of the guest house. Honoka had bowed to her as she passed, but Minako had never glanced Honokas way even once. After that, Minako had asked during their conversation, Do you have someone in your life? She had not asked if the girl from earlier was his girlfriend. However, there had been nothing particularly suspicious when checking in at the love hotel. Had the clerk merely assumed he was a solo traveler spending the night? There were even more strange incidents. The ramen shop they had visited together. The ride on the sappa boat. It may simply be that it only looked to me like she was eating. She only appeared to wear a life jacket. And yet the only thing he could say for sure now, was that Shirakisawa Honoka currently lay unconscious in a Morioka hospital. That was why the three pictures he had supposedly taken of her had shown nothing but sea and sky. So what exactly was the version of Honoka with whom he had spent those thirteen days? No matter how many times he asked himself that, he could not come up with a convincing answer. Maybe she had been some sort of spirit or ghost. Had her powers distorted his memories, or inflicted him with some kind of dream or delusion? At any rate, it was not something that could be scientifically proven. The memories of the days he spent with her, as much as he could clearly remember them, had been a strange experience, to say the least. On the one hand, Honoka had made several remarks that seemed to hint that she had grasped the situation she had been placed in. Thats likely why, when he had asked her about her future dreams, she had told him she had none, and why when he had asked her to wait for him for two years, she had said Ill do my best to stay alive. In any case, he could only say this. If no matter what, their relationship would end as a dream, then they should separate as lovers. The world had changed too much since he had broken up with her. If Honoka was unable to dream a happy ending all because I let myself spout such nonsense he thought, biting his lip. This is all my faultIll never make up for it as long as I live. He had thought that hed decided to break up with her for her sake, but was that really true? Or, more likely, had he forced that excuse in order to make his escape because he had no hope for his future? He continued to ponder the question. I should think more before I leap. Its too late for regrets. In the end, he thought, I may have made the exact same mistake with Honoka as I did with Minako. He was disgusted with his pathetic self which had not learned anything since high school. He gritted his teeth. The sluggish scooter tutted along the winding mountain roads, and at last he arrived in Morioka City. Because of the small gas tank, he had been forced to refuel along the way. He suddenly remembered what Shirakisawa Mafuyu had told him right before he left Miyako City. My mother has told the hospital to decline any requests to visit, so if you try to check in at reception, they wont show you to her room. She then confirmed that Honoka was still in the same room since she was first hospitalized. So dont go to reception, just go straight to room 610. However, Mafuyu had warned him, over the Obon break, my mother will be visiting to take care of my sister at the hospital. Both of my parents still blame you for the accident, so I have no idea if shell even let you in to see her. Dont be surprised if youre turned away. I could hardly blame her, Osakabe thought. But, thats okay. Theres no way Id ask to visit if I couldnt receive their forgiveness first. Come to think of it, she also turned me away when I went last spring. And so he retraced his memories of the accident. Osakabe, would you be available to cover a shift this weekend driving one of the tourist buses? It had all begun with this request from my boss. I dont have any experience driving tourist buses. Could you ask someone else to do it? I looked down while scratching the back of my head, trying to indicate my reluctance to my boss who loitered by the desk. But he only kept up his pleas with a hand on my shoulder. I understand how you feel But you see, the flu is really going around right now, and with so many people taking off were short on staff. I had originally planned to ask Yamamoto, but he called in yesterday with a fever. It was hard to turn him down when he kept asking me like this over and over. I steeled myself before agreeing with a sigh. all right. Ill try to manage. But please send me the route and timetables later. Although I had consented, I was still absolutely dreading it. I normally drove a mid-sized city bus with a max occupancy of twenty passengers; this weekend, I would be entrusted with a large bus that could seat more than thirty. Though still technically a bus, it would be a lot longer than I was used to driving. On top of that, the destination was a ski resort in Nagano in January. No doubt the roads would be frozen solid, and being born in Saitama, I had no experience driving on snow and ice. The more I thought about it, I could feel a heaviness in my chest, like a stone sinking into my heart. Every day, I grew more anxious. I fretted the whole time I looked over the driving schedule that had been sent to me. Well, when it rains, it poursthe weather forecast that day was not looking good. While it was raining where we set out from in Saitama, our destination in Nagano Prefecture predicted snow. And on top of that, the bus had exceeded the maximum occupancy. Forty-six tourists crowded onto a bus approved for thirty-two. are you kidding me? I grumbled when I saw them. While the main culprit may have been the overbooked travel company, we were the ones who had accepted their request. Some fault lay with our bus company as well. With my pessimism reaching its peak, I gripped the steering wheel of a bus I wasnt used to with trepidation. If there was one bright side to this whole mess, perhaps it was her, the student from the junior college. Thank you for your hard work, Mr. Osakabe, she said as she boarded the bus. For once, she murmured something else after that: I thought there might be a chance, when I saw this was the same bus company, and here you are. The girl smiled while a blush crept into her cheeks. Her hair must have grown out over winter vacation, and now reached her shoulders. She didnt wear her glasses either, which is why there was a lag before I realized she was the girl who greeted me without fail every day on the bus route I normally drove. Its you I said a bit nervously, but she only wished me safe driving1 before she and her friend took the seats just to the left of me in the drivers seat. It wasnt until much later that I found out that was her special seat. My heart pounded at the unexpected stroke of luck, but I also thought, Thats right, I absolutely must drive safely today. We took the expressway out of Saitama prefecture and got off after entering Nagano. After that we would be sticking to smaller highways. The weather changed from rain to sleet, and then at last to snow. This wasnt yet a problem on the larger, well-maintained roads. I kept driving, occasionally cheered by the light-hearted laughter drifting to my ears from where the girl sat with her friend. The problems began when we neared the ski resort, as we began to slope up the mountain. The excess passengers were all seated in the auxiliary seats through the aisle. More than a few resorted to standing, blocking my view by the left rear wheels. The weather kept getting worse. Before long, the snow blew up in strong gusts, making it even more difficult to see outside. And still I held on to the steering wheel for dear life, as we went on clearing one tight corner after the next. When we finally closed in on the resort, the ill-fated sharp curve suddenly came into view. I could blame it on the trees and the snowstorm that made it nearly impossible to see That I wasnt used to driving on icy roads On the total number of passengers exceeding the maximum occupancy There were any number of excuses I could come up with. But ultimately, I could not deny the true cause was my own driving error. When we approached the sharp curve to the right, I was preoccupied with the guardrail on my left. By the time I noticed that I may have misestimated the distance, my right wheel had already driven off the road. This was yet another bit of bad luck. If there had at least been a guard rail on the right side of the road, the bus should not have slipped down the cliff. The overcrowded bus lost its balance in an instant, and leaning to one side just a bit, the bus slid off the steep incline. I extended my hand to the girl seated just behind me I did remember that much. Worrying about one passengers safety over all the rest may have been negligent, but I was still desperate. However, we could not defy gravity. The bus, crashing into the ground below, toppled over onto its left side. In that final instant, I had the sense that I had reached her fingertips, but I soon lost consciousness from my own grave injuries. I still cant remember that moment even now. All I could clearly remember was praying for her to at least be okay. By the time I regained consciousness, I was laying in a hospital bed. While it was a blessing that the damage to the drivers side of the bus had not been so great, it was still unclear whether I would make it for several days. In the end I pulled through. As I said before, the few months I was in the hospital after that were hell. During that depressing time, I did not realize that the junior college student who sustained heavy injuries and still had not regained consciousnessShirakisawa Honokawas the girl I knew from the bus until around the time I was to be discharged. Some magazine had published her photograph in an article about the accident, allowing me to connect those two pieces of information. Though I hesitated to prioritize correspondence with any of the victims over the others, I still frantically looked up any information about her and her friend. Shirakisawa Honoka was hospitalized in Morioka. Her friend had escaped harm. While I rejoiced that she was still alive, I was aghast to learn that there were few precedents for recovering from a vegetative state. And yet, I had to see her face. If I could only hold her hand and confirm that she still lived, surely she would recoverI was caught up in that blissful ignorance. I went to Morioka almost immediately after I was discharged from the hospital. I flew down the expressway in seven hours, headed for Shirakisawa Honokas hospital room at Morioka University Medical University. When I got off the elevator at the hospital and stood outside her room, I saw a woman who appeared to be her mother. I bowed deeply and offered up my apologies, begging to just be allowed to see Honoka. And she turned me away. I dont blame you for everything, but please just leave us alone. My daughter has suffered brain damage, and we arent even sure if she will ever wake up. Please, this is all I ask! I just have to see her face! Though I pleaded relentlessly, her mother would not listen to a word I said. There was no way I could just force myself in, so I returned to Saitama, heartbroken. Looking back now, this was likely the root of the trauma that had ultimately caused Osakabe to lose all memory of ever meeting Honoka. While Honoka doesnt explicitly mention safe driving, here she uses the polite form of the Japanese greeting ޤ, which is a generic request when asking for someones cooperation or a favor. Its used in so many different instances that the exact meaning is hard to pinpoint, and there is no real equivalent in English, but I thought safe driving tied in nicely with Osakabes later internal monologue. CH 24 Chapter 24: Cherry trees grew along either side of the road leading to the hospital. This spring they had been in bloom when he had tried to visit Shirakisawa Honoka, but now it was August. Petals no longer streamed through the branches, replaced by sunshine and cicada song. At last the brand new building came into view. It had a relatively clean appearance, but the white walls felt sterile. Since it was filled with people cut off from their ordinary, daily lives, that might have been a rather natural state for the building. Legally speaking, he was supposed to check in at the front desk before visiting any patients, but he knew it would have been a waste of time thanks to Mafuyus advice. Instead, Osakabe passed through the automatic doors and headed straight for the elevator. While waiting for the elevator to arrive, he grew nervous. The first fear to rear its ugly headwould he even be able to see Honoka? My mothers not a fan of yours, Mafuyus words echoed in his mind. The next doubt Do I even have any right to see her? he wondered. Before the question of whether he would even be allowed into the room, the fact that he was an uninvited guest weighed heavily on his shoulders. After all, Im the person responsible for the injuries that put Honoka in this vegetative state. And finally, even if he were to meet her, what could he do? Isnt it rather arrogant to think that in the first place? Im not a doctor, and I dont have the money to support her financially. No matter how much I worry about it, theres nothing I could do anyways. And yet I have to go. With all that settled, he got on the elevator and pressed the button. He arrived on the sixth floor, and at the same time the door opened, he froze in place. Nowhere to run now, he thought, scolding his trembling legs. Clutching the flowers he brought as a get-well gift, he stepped onto the linoleum floor. In front of room 610, he checked that the nameplate did indeed read Shirakisawa Honoka before knocking on the door. Just as he was fretting about what to do if no one responded, the door to the room opened. The face that peeked out belonged to a woman in her early forties. Her hair grew about to her shoulders and curled under slightly. Her eyes lacked a defined eyelid and her nose was flat, but the features were pleasant. Shirakisawa Honokas motherbut of course this wasnt the first time theyd met, so it wasnt a surprise that she looked like her daughter. She looked at Osakabe and her face broke into an undisguised frown. Could you wait a moment, please? she said, then disappeared into the room once more. He waited like that for several minutes. When the door opened once more, she refrained from inviting Osakabe into the room and stepped out instead. At this point, his anxiety grew even more intense. Honokas mother closed the door behind her and looked at Osakabes face with a wary gaze. I thought I told reception that we arent receiving any visitors and didnt I tell you this spring not to come here again? Why are you here? she said. Mafuyu-san told me which room to go to, so I came right away. I apologize for any rudeness. And I would also like to offer my apologies once again for the accident. I am truly, deeply sorry. I know that no matter how many times I apologize nothing will change, but I would at least like to see her face, even once. Would you please allow me to see Honoka? he said. From the very beginning, they failed at communicating with each other. Even though they held each others gazes still, the next words refused to come. The tension in the silent hallway, empty of anyone else, stretched so thin he found it difficult to breathe. Honokas mother furrowed her brow in discomfort, her gaze wandering to the left and the right. At last she fixed her cold gaze on Osakabe and sighed. Honoka has not awakened once since the day of the accident. The doctors say although she has lost function in her cerebrum, only the brain stem is still active. And so she can breathe and maintain other necessary bodily functions, and yet nothing more. My daughters eyes will never open. She will never cry again. Not to mention, shell never speak or sit up. What will your apologies change? If you were to see her, would her eyes open? If you were to meet Honoka, what do you think you could do? Please, tell me She spoke plainly, bluntly. And then she covered her face with her hands and began to cry. His own eyes grew warm behind his eyelids. It was exactly as she said. She had put into words the guilt he was already feeling, and Osakabes thoughts ground to a halt. What what have I done to this family? Even if I were to see her, I know nothing would change. But, even just one time. I want to hold her hand. To tell her face-to-face how sorry I am. His words felt cheap, even to himself. He could find no peace of mind. Was there something more persuasive he could have said? Wasnt there something he could do? But in the middle of his speech he was already fed up with himself. Please leave. Huh? His breath caught at the all-too-clear rejection, and the word slipped out in surprise. Can I say it any more clearly? Please. Leave. Dont ever show your face here again. And she opened the door to the room, with only a glance back as she left him with the following words. A few times over the last few days, Honoka has smiledjust barely. Her face appears to have relaxed. I cant tell if perhaps it only looks like that to me, or if my mind is playing tricks. So Ill tell you just in case. If if her condition ever changes for the better, we will contact you. I apologize, but until that time, please dont ever return to this room. Farewell. Please, wait His voice, cracking as if his throat had been squeezed dry, was interrupted by the unfeeling thud of the door closing. Honokas face had relaxed? She smiled? He ran through her mothers final words in his head. He had heard of other patients in a vegetative state who had shown some kind of reaction. But were spontaneous displays of emotion possible? In that instant, a theory came to his mind. Is it possible that Honoka is dreaming? Do we both share the same memories of our time in Jodogahama? Those thirteen days Osakabe had spent with Honoka. No, going back to memories before even that, he replayed them in his mind. Was he missing something? He had a sudden hunch. That last night at the guest house. The movie they had seen in town. The shops they had visited. The ramen shop. The Blue Cave. Their first kiss on the beach. The night together in the love hotel. Fireworks along the river. The scenic spots they had visited together. The bus stop where they had met. and, of course, the day of the bus accident. Memories directly before and after that day. Inside the bus, as it was falling, she had reached out her hand to me Ah. At this stage he finally realized. He had not yet recovered all of his memories. Dont regret doing nothing, just like you did with me, okay? He suddenly remembered Minakos words from that day. Its just like you said, Osakabe thought. Theres still something left for me to do. He checked that he still had the key to his scooter in his pocket, and he left the hospital with the undelivered flowers still in hand. And then he turned his scooter towards Morioka Station. CH 25 Chapter 25: His next destination was, after all, somewhere he couldnt reach with just a scooter. From Morioka Station, he got on the bullet train, and for the first time in nearly half a month, he headed back to Saitama City. He was headed for his empty apartment, where his things were already packed up in preparation for a move. The one thing he had to absolutely check, no matter what, lay there. He surrendered himself to the pleasant rumble of the bullet train, and turned his gaze to the scenery that flew by outside his window, and reflected on his memories of the day of the accident. The missing fragment of memory was of an event that took place after they departed Saitama, at a highway service area where they had stopped for a bathroom break along the way to Nagano. That day, I stopped the bus at the service area and stepped out for a brief moment. While massaging my neck and shoulders that had stiffened from the long drive and nerves, I took a cigarette from my breast pocket and lit it. Now it occurs to me that I only ever smoked when I was trying to distract myself from my nerves. It had begun to snow before I realized. I noticed my breath misting in the cold air, and as I looked around I saw a thin blanket of snow beginning to cover the surroundings. How pretty, I muttered, and inhaled another mouthful of smoke into my lungs. It was at that moment. I heard a somewhat hesitant girls voice from behind me. excuse me. I looked back to find the speaker, and standing there was Shirakisawa Honoka. While she glanced to either side, she toyed with the ends of her scarf, unable to settle down. At last, nudged in the back by her friend, amongst murmurs of Come on and Stop it, she finally stepped forward. As soon as she looked me in the eye, she glanced down with a blush, and from then on her gaze was fixed on the ground. There was a long pause, where neither of us spoke. Right around the time when I was just about to ask if she was okay, my own heart pounding from her calling out to me, she opened her mouth at last. Um Her voice was terribly hoarse. Yes? Please take thethis, and read it later, ple-please. Stumbling over her words several times, she timidly held out a blue envelope in both her hands. Although I was not that used to interacting much with girls, from her reactions and behavior, I had a vague suspicion what the gist of the letter contained inside that envelope might be. Uh, thank you. With an internal laugh that I wasnt even sure what I was thanking her for, I accepted the letter cautiously. Sorry to bother yeyou. She spoke cheerfully and bowed her head. After examining my expression with upturned eyes, she turned her back to me and left. In a glimpse I caught of her face after, I thought I saw a faint blush in her cheeks. Feeling cheered by her response, I tucked the letter away into my breast pocket. and until today, I had completely forgotten the existence of that letter. He wondered why, lamenting how he could have forgotten something this important. In the end, the letter had remained unopened, and because the accident had occurred several hours later, and he had spent the next few days on the edge of life and death, it would still be in the breast pocket of his suit from that day. Or it should be. But in truth he couldnt actually know. Was it actually still in his pocket? Or could someone have thrown it out? He had forgotten all about it until now, after all. The latter case was absolutely unthinkable. And so now, he had to check. He had to absolutely make sure. An unpleasant sweat began to form on his back as he continued to be jostled by the train. He disembarked the bullet train at Omiya Station. He passed briskly through the ticket gate, and if it had been any other time, he would have taken the bus to cut back on costs. Only at a time like this did he hail a taxi. He didnt have any time to waste taking the slow route. He tossed aside any concerns weighing how much money he still had left after leaving his job against how much he would need from now on. He would just have to make do with however much money he had now. His priority was to hold Shirakisawa Honokas hand in his own and confirm that she was still alive. Anything else would have to come second to that. The taxi stopped in front of his apartment. Paying no mind to the exorbitant bill that he ended up with, he paid up and got out of the car. He climbed the stairs with a hand on the rusted railing, and unlocked the door to the apartment right in front of the second floor landing. He flipped on the breakers and switched on the lights, which illuminated the numerous cardboard boxes lining the cold room alongside the bed and television. Now, where to start From inside the stacks of boxes, he searched for the ones stuffed with his clothes, and carefully opened them with a box cutter. Going by his previous memories, he started searching the pockets of any suits he could have been wearing on that day. Though he was shocked that he still hadnt found the envelope, he patted down the other pockets. In the end, with every last suit he owned spread out across the floor, Osakabe crouched low and hugged his knees to his chest. Its not here? Why? Curses fell from his lips. He replayed the memories from that day one more time. Without a doubt, I was wearing a suit that day. I clearly remember putting the envelope in the inside breast pocket. On the verge of giving in to the tears, he thought it over once more. Or maybe? Hanging onto that thread of memory, he opened a different cardboard box, and from that box pulled out a large ziplock bag. Inside was a dress shirt and underclothes, stained with blood. The bag had been stuffed with personal items from the day of the accident, still stained with blood that refused to wash out. In order to banish the difficult memories to somewhere he wouldnt encounter them, he had intentionally stored these items in a separate box. He opened the bag with trembling hands, and from within found the blue envelope, stained here and there with reddish-brown blotches. Its here Overcome with emotion, he clasped the letter to his chest, then cut it open with a pair of scissors. His memories from this point on shattered into fragments. No matter how he turned the matter over in his mind, he could only assume that he was somehow blind to anything else around him. If he had to explain the gist of it, first he cried upon reading the letter from Honoka. Written inside was of course a dazzling confession of love. In other words, her confession at the beach in Jodogahama was actually her second confession. It would not be an exaggeration to say it took two confessions before he finally looked her way. At the same time, his memories of the illusionary days he had spent with her were restored in vivid colors, and his chest felt suffocatingly painful. Taking with him only the letter and its envelope, he dashed out of his apartment and went straight for Omiya Station. For the return route, he leapt onto the express train, and around the time he arrived in Morioka, darkness had already fallen. When he checked in at a business hotel and sank into his futon, he finally felt drowsiness hit him. Incidentally, during this entire time, he had no clear memory of where, when, or what he ever ate. It was just more proof that he no longer cared for himself, and was only concerned for her wellbeing. The next morning, he hurried to check out from the hotel and set off on his scooter for Morioka Medical University Hospital. He dashed through the hospital lobby and got on the elevator where he finally got off on the hallway to room 610, where Honoka was staying. Standing there was her twin sisterMafuyu. Here again? Youre awfully persistent. Mafuyu gazed at him suspiciously, with a hand on her hip, though her mouth held a faint smile. The sting of her expression from before seemed to have disappeared. Perceiving that her wariness had waned, Osakabe pulled out his trump card right away. Mafuyu-chan, Im sorry to be so blunt, but would you read this letter? A strange expression passed over her face, and he held out the blue envelope he had received from Honoka. Mafuyu took it with a meek expression, and leaning against the wall, pulled out the contents. As she glanced over it, Mafuyus face tinged with an expression of shock. Her mouth began to tremble. w-wait just a second! she shouted as she opened the door to room 610 and disappeared inside. Osakabe leaned against the wall where she had been standing just a moment before, and waited. He continued waiting for several minutes. When the door to the room opened again, Honokas mother peered out. Youre here to see Honoka. Come inside. Her tone was reserved. Dipping into a bow, Osakabe followed her inside. For the first time, he stepped into Honokas room and took in the white walls and ceilings, bright enough to give him pause. The sound of several machines, beeping at regular intervals, came to his ears. The room was surprisingly large and warm, and a strange stillness hung over it. Mafuyu opened the pale yellow curtains, which allowed him to see the bed where Honoka lay. Although she was capable of breathing on her own, an oxygen mask had been affixed to her mouth. Her appearance hadnt changed much from what he had seen before the accident, but her hair was longer, and her arms, stuck with several different IV tubes, looked thin. So you were the one my sister fell in love with, Mafuyu said. You should have said something sooner. I had always thought the fewer things tying her to me the better, so I couldnt really say it myself. Im sorry. Standing to the side of the bed, he looked down at her face. Looking at her like this, it seemed like she was only sleeping. His heart had ached to think she might have looked like she was in pain, but he was relieved to see her expression was gentler than he had thought. Her mother had said that sometimes she would smile, but in the end, until the day she awoke, she would never laugh, not even once. But her pretty face also never contorted. And so Osakabe was grateful for that too, right now. He took her hand gently, as if afraid it would break. It was warmer than he had imagined. Yet it was also smaller, more delicate than it had been in his memories. His heart grew painful suddenly as he held the unresponsive fingers. The person in front of him now was without a doubt Shirakisawa Honoka. Yet, the oxygen mask over her face. The delicate arms stuck with multiple IVs. The slender fingers, and the collar bone that stood out underneath her throat. The eyelids that did not open. It all pointed to the stark reality that she was different from the Shirakisawa Honoka he had seen during his dream-like stay at the guest house in Miyako. And yet, Osakabe thought. He held on tightly to Honokas hand. Gradually as he thought, his vision began to blur. But the tears began to overflow, and spilled one after the other, and he broke down. He couldnt stop himself from thinking how pitiful he must look, and he broke into another sob. And yet, he thought. I do love Honoka. Even if the memory of the day on the beach at Jodogahama where we whispered our confessions of love to each other was all a lie. Even if the night at the guest house where we lay next to each other and I held her was all an illusion. I love Shirakisawa Honoka. Im not lying when I say that. Although he knew she could not respond, he whispered into her ear over and over, Im sorry. Im so sorry, as well as, I came for you. I love you. Osakabes words perhaps didnt reach her until that day her eyes opened. And yet he whispered those same words to her over and over every day after that too. CH 26 Part 3: Chapter 26: L-O-V-E When Shirakisawa Honoka opened her eyes, she first felt a sense of familiarity with her surroundings. The beach at Jodogahama, which she had visited countless times during her childhood until she graduated from high school. It was famous across the country for its scenic beauty, and it was also located in her mothers hometown of Miyako City, in Iwate Prefecture. It was summer. Turning her gaze away from the bright sun, she looked down at her figure and saw it was no different than normal. She had a somewhat larger chest than her friends. She wore neither the sailor-style uniform from her junior high school days, nor the uniform from her high school, but instead the white linen dress she had bought after beginning college. While something definitely felt off, without a doubt she was still her current 19-year-old self. Its strange, I havent been to Jodogahama since the summer of my last year of high school, she thought. But as soon as she did, she realized that this was all a dream. A dream where she was fully aware of the fact she was dreaming. It was all awfully complicated, but the dream was that strange. Precisely because it was a dream, everything fell into place rather conveniently for her. She ducked under the bus shelter to avoid the hot rays of the sun, and there he sat asleepMy crush, Osakabe-san. No way, whats going on?! She began to freak out. But because this was all a dream, granting herself just this little bit of happiness should be fine, right? Desperate to calm her pounding heart, she sat down beside him. What if he could hear her heartbeat? While trying to distract from her own insecurities, she snuck a glance at his face. He didnt look like he was sleeping peacefully at all. Osakabe-san youre crying while you sleep. You must be remembering something awfully terrible, huh Honoka pulled out her handkerchief and gently wiped his eyes. Because it was a dream, the scene suddenly changed. Now it was a riverbank somewhere in the suburbs of Miyako City. The two of them frolicked like children while they played with fireworks. He made another pained expression while staring at the radiance of the sparklers. I dont like it when you make that faceIm right beside you! Stinging pain coursed through her heart. He pulled out an envelope, some kind of letter from his first love. And I really dont want to see that Her heart felt as if it would be ripped apart by the ugly jealousy that spilled out of it. He crouched low, cutting open the envelope. Drawing close to Osakabe from behind, she wrapped both her arms around his back. Because, she thought, I didnt want him to see me cry. But he cried before I could. Osakabe-san, you cry so easily, she thought. You pretend to be at peace, but the shock of the accident is really wearing on you. After that heartrending thought, she hugged him even tighter. Her lips grazed against the back of his neck, and she whispered, soft enough that he couldnt hear, Im here for you. And thenI love you. Rather daringly, they spent the night at a love hotel. But nothing really happened there. Honoka was prepared to consent to whatever Osakabe might try, but But were not really lovers, she thought, burying her face in his chest. Night came and they slept, and sometime in the night rain began to fall. The rain fell quietly, as if tending to their worn out hearts. The pitter-patter of raindrops on the roof woke Honoka, who sat up, taking care not to wake Osakabe who still slept beside her. His face looked at peace. This might have even been the first expression of happiness he had shown her since he came to Miyako. It always looks like its hard for you to just be alive, Osakabe-san. And as she thought that, a surge of painful emotions burned Honokas heart. Heat and moisture filled up behind her eyes. Its no use. She tried desperately to calm the feelings that came rousing up, but she was powerless to stop them. Honoka drew close to his cheek, and softly caressed it with her lips. I love you. The overflowing feelings were spun into words, charged with a mysterious force. Wiping away the tears that spilled forth in that instant, she crawled back under the covers. Honoka cried herself to sleep in the echo of the gentle drizzle that continued to hit the roof. The next dream was at Jodogahama beach. Even if this was all a dreamspending a whole day at the beach, just the two of them, was too greedy even for her. If she couldnt tell him now, when could she? With all the courage she could muster, she spilled her heart into words. I liked you this whole timethis was just another convenient fantasy, wasnt it? For him to tell her he also liked her. Has my love been rewarded? Her heart glowed with happiness. She was aware of exchanging their first kiss, as if she was drifting somewhere between reality and dream. Their kisses didnt taste anything like lemon or strawberrythey were sweet and heartbreaking, salty like the tide. The feelings of love that bubbled up could not be stopped. Their lips met over and over, their tongues tangling again and again. Whenever they separated for a moment, they were drawn back by a clear thread. It was sexy, even. her body burned and throbbed from the core. She really loved those times they rode his scooter, and she could embrace him from behind. She felt like all of him belonged to her. They gifted each other with clothes. They saw a movie together. They spent a whole day visiting ramen shops. She wanted this happy dream to go on forever. As the two of them rode his scooter, she inhaled the scent of his back. She even liked the tinge of sweat that mingled with it. Then, she met the eyes of a strange woman who stood in the woods alone. Why? she thought, then suddenly realized. Her dreams and lingering attachment to this world are identical to mine. Entirely as if it were a hunch or some sense of dj vu, she was able to understandthis girl had lost her life in an accident and lingered in this world, no longer able to meet the person she loved. That woman is a ghost, he had told her. I see. The thought came to her: Then maybe Im a ghost too? The fantasy gradually picked up speed. In the end at the guest house, we lay in bed and embraced each other. He whispered promises of love in my ear. Yeah, I love him too. Because he promised to come for me after two years. And I will do my best. even though it hurts, I will do my best to wait for him, Honoka swore to herself countless times. She gave herself up to him. Of course I have no experience with this, so I have no idea what Im supposed to do or how. But taking care to watch how you react, the changes in your expressions, I know more or less what pleases you, what feels good. While keeping all those things in mind, she tried touching him. Looking up for a glimpse of his face, sometimes a wrinkle formed on his brow. Then that must have been the right thing to do, she would realize, and try to replicate the motion. She tried out whatever came to mind, while visually confirming the depth of his reactions. But sometimes, she also stopped moving entirely as if teasing him. He looked down at her with an expression as if to say, Honoka-chan? His gaze was heartbroken. Maybe he wants me, she thought with some happiness, and stole a kiss from him. Perhaps she was being a little mean. cant be helped, I guess, she whispered and hugged him tight. It was like they were haggling for love. It felt so good, and as they burned from within, Honoka wished this moment would continue forever. She immersed herself in this warm spot. I want to leave him at peace. I want to fill him up with myself until everything goes white, she prayed. But her heart announced that even this pleasant dream was coming to an end. I know. Theres no need to nag. Tomorrow I will have to return to the real world. And I wont be able to see him anymore. No one else will be there with me. But he promised, and so I will do my best to wait for him, and live. Keep your promise, okay? Dont forget my name, she thought. In the warm sunlight that streamed in through the cracks of the curtains, Honokas eyes opened. Her eyelids felt absurdly heavy. It exhausted her even just to wrench them open. Am I alive? Where am I? I dont know this place at all, she thought. White walls, and a white ceiling. She could hear an electronic beep beep at regular intervals. With some hazy awareness, she realized that this was a hospital, and her thoughts caught up with her. What was my last memory? Was it the accident on the way to the ski resort? Or was it that night in the guest house at Jodogahama? Oh, until just a bit ago, I was dreaming Honoka? Suddenly, she heard a voice call out her name. She tried to move her head, but it was impossible, so she tried to focus only her gaze and awareness in that direction. At last, she exchanged a quiet glance with the person watching her. It was the person she had always hoped would call her name, the figure of the one she held dear. Huh, how? She became disoriented. It was embarrassing, but even though she wanted to turn her face towards him, she had no strength with which to move. In the end, she just stared. Osakabe rushed to the side of the bed, but when he held her hand his touch was delicate. Their skin only came into contact in a few places, but she could feel his warmth. It was such a simple thing, and yet it made her so happy But several questions rose to her mind. Hey, what day is it today? What month? How long has it been since the accident? And why am I here? Thats right, she thought. Osakabe said he would come after two years. He remembered. Im so glad. Huh? Butwasnt that just a dream? Has it really been two years? Hey Countless things she wanted to say rushed through her head but frustratingly she could voice none of them. But hey, she thought, I know this one thing. My letteryou read my letter, didnt you? Im so glad. It felt like this joy was coursing through her entire body. Gradually a warmth began under her eyelids, and tears streamed down her cheeks. Honoka, are you awake? Are you okay?! As if to dispel her doubts, Osakabe called out to her more clearly than before. Yes, Im fine, she wanted to reply, but the words got trapped in her throat and wouldnt come out. At least allow me to hold his hand too, she thought. But it takes everything I have just to bend my fingers a little. I wonder whyI cant move at all. Im so sorry. But bear with me. Hey. Why are you crying? I want you to smile. Ill be sad if you dont smile for me. Theres nothing to do about it I suppose. I guess I have to be the one to smile, but I cant even tell if I am Oh, I almost forgot. I have to tell you how I feel. While Im still awake. Of course she still couldnt speak, but she made an effort to move her lips. I love you she mouthed. There, I think I said it. Then there was the sound of footsteps as someone came rushing into the room. At the same time, a drowsy numbness filled her body, and her eyelids grew heavier Her whole body was heavy, and everything inside her head was white. Im already so sleepy. And inside that dreamlike state, Honoka thought, I was able to hold his hand. Even if this is all a dream, Im just so happy that I can have this memory with him all to myself. Thank you, Osakabe-san. For coming to see me. I love you. Forever and always, I love you. Reassured, she went back to sleep once more. And Honoka closed her heavy eyelids. I love you. Those were Honokas final words. After that, she never regained consciousness, and she never again opened her eyes. And yet. Honoka lived for a week after that, until she finally drew her last breath. CH 27 Part 4: Chapter 27: The Love Letter Dear Osakabe Kengo, My original plan was to tell you this in person, but I dont have the courage, so in the end Im writing you this letter. I would first like to apologize for that. Im sorry. But because this is all written down, I can easily say all the embarrassing things that I hesitate to put into words. Thats how I feel, at least. I really am a coward arent I? To make a long story short, Shirakisawa Honoka miraculously regained consciousness six days after Osakabe was allowed to see her at the hospital. However, that was for just a brief momentindeed, perhaps no more than five minutes. Only that short amount of time. Im so sorry. Its all my fault. I came for you. I love you. All those words he had come to the hospital to say every day without fail, spoken in a stream of murmurs, over and overhe was too overwhelmed to say a single one. But even now he thought to himself, Yet I know my words still reached her. Because, in the brief window of just five minutes, Honoka had looked Osakabe in the eyes as she weakly squeezed his hand back, and mustered up an awkward smile. You probably dont remember, Osakabe-san, that day last April. When you pulled over for the college student late for the bus. That was me. You helped me realize that love at first sight does actually exist. From that day on, my bus ride to school began to sparkle, and everyday became a little more enjoyable. Osakabe-san. I love you. The day she miraculously opened her eyes. Without a doubt he knew in his heart that she had murmured those wordsI love you. Just three simple words. Not I like you, but I love you. Thats why, he thought, those thirteen days we spent together in Jodogahama may have been some kind of dream, but we really did understand each others hearts. Our love became eternal, he believed. Six days after Osakabe began visiting Honoka in the hospital, she opened her eyes, and then lived for seven days more. Altogether, thirteen days. Coincidentally, it was the same length of time as they had spent together in Jodogahama after their miraculous meeting. Searching for some kind of fateful meaning in all this may have just been a convenient delusion but even now he occasionally considered the possibility that some sort of miracle occurredthat Honoka had regained consciousness just to be able to say goodbye. Thank you for your hard work. Just telling you that much takes everything I have. Although I still dont have the courage to begin a conversation with you, I am happy just to be able to watch you from behind while you work, from my special seat to the left behind the drivers seat. Osakabe immediately moved to Morioka after he began to visit Shirakisawa Honoka at the hospital. Canceling the contract on his apartment in Saitama, completing the procedures to have his belongings shipped to him, and reporting his change of address, took in total one whole day. Right before he returned to Morioka, he showed his face at his family home in Urawa. Seeing his mother for the first time in quite a while, she appeared to have lost a little weight. She repeated a stream of questions, asking him, Are you doing well? You arent sick or anything? Do you have enough money? Have you found anyone nice? to which he only responded, Im fine. His father only told him, Hang in there. Although it was a short reunion, Osakabe could feel the antagonism that had hardened between them begin to quietly melt away. After he returned to Morioka, he found a cheap and run-down apartment to set up house in. From there he visited Honokas hospital room every day to stare at her sleeping face until the sun set. He was satisfied just to check that she still lived and breathed. In spite of that, Osakabe unfortunately was not present for the moment when she drew her last breath. It was a night when the cries of the evening cicadas had gradually faded, and the autumn bugs had begun to take up their role as the star of the evening stage. While he lay on the floor of his apartment after an early dinner, he was surprised to hear the shrill ringtone of his cell phone. Checking the screen, he saw the call was from Mafuyu. His heart began to pound. My sisters condition has taken a sudden turn for the worse. Please come to the hospital right away. Osakabe got on his scooter without changing and headed for the hospital. However, he didnt make it in time. By the time he arrived at the hospital, Honokas breathing had already stopped. Im sorry. She was still alive until just a moment ago Mafuyu murmured bitterly, biting her lips. Osakabe gently pulled her into a hug. Pulling aside the cloth that covered her, he stared down at Honokas face as she lay stretched out on the mortuary table. Her eyes would not open again. She would no longer laugh or cry. And of course, she could no longer sit up and talk. As the words her mother had spoken just a few weeks before passed through his heart, the regret and grief bubbled up to the surface of his heart. A steady stream of emotions, like a fountain. Every day with no word from you, I grow uneasy, Minako had said in her letters. Every day. It was summed up in such simple words, but it was not a short period of time. Goodbye, thanks for the two years we spent together, his ex in Saitama had said. I wonder if I thanked her even once. Just let us stay together Honoka had pleaded through tears. And yet, despite her tears, she had nodded. Ill do my best to wait for you. For two years. He didnt know whether it belonged to him, or to all three girls. But the feelings of regret became a lament that materialized in the silent space. It echoed through his ears, mixing with Mafuyus weeping and someone elses violent sobbing. thats my voice. Why? The regret in his thoughts sank in deeper. Why couldnt I have given any of those girls a happy ending? Even just one of them. Because of this, and that. Why, why am I Honokas funeral came two days after her passing. It was a cold, rainy day. They had originally planned to keep it to just close relatives, but whether the name of the tragic heroine Shirakisawa Honoka was known far and wide, or whether it was due to her popularity, a large crowd of people gathered to pay their respects. Osakabe was naturally also present, and among the mourners was also Takasaki Minako. She had noticed his presence and whispered just one thing to him: Hang in there. Thats what she said, despite her hatred of the hypocrisy in those words, as she had told him before. Most likely she could find no other words to tell him when she saw his haggard figure. Theres this beautiful spot near my hometown, called Jodogahama. Since youre a bus driver, Osakabe-san, maybe youve heard of it? Its my dream to one day stroll through that place with my boyfriendof course, I need to get one first. The sea there is beautiful. The sunset, too. Theres one secret spot I know with a special view that my mother once told me about. Would you like to see it too? I keep dreaming of the day I can show it to someone special Im even going to buy a swimsuit in preparationcan you believe it? After her funeral, Mafuyu and her mother split up the belongings Honoka had left behind. From out of those things came the straw hat. A white and green dress. A blue, floral-print two-piece swimsuit, with frills. According to Mafuyu, all these summer items were never worn. The moment he saw those, he vividly recalled the memories of those summer days. And Osakabe understood less and less. Those dreamlike dayswere they really a dream? Or somehow real? Even now, there was no way to explain the strange events given that he could still clearly recall those days he spent with her, down to the feel of her skin. Right now, I am a coward who can only express their feelings through a letter, but I will one day come to stand before you one more time. Because after all, confessions of love are best conveyed through words. The Shirakisawa family grave1 was located just a ten-minute car ride from the center of Morioka City. It was in a tidy graveyard located behind a temple. Osakabe had sold off his scooter to buy another car. He had interviewed for jobs at different companies several times since the end of August, and though he had been rejected numerous times, he had somehow found employment at a remote factory. He had bought his car while counting on his first month of pay. Though it was an old car, he still could not pay for it with cash. Yet, he was okay with that. This was the first of many steps to begin his life again. Mafuyu joined him on the visit to the grave. The hair that she had begun to grow out after her older sisters death now reached to her shoulders. It shouldnt surprise him since they were after all twins, but she was the spitting image of Honoka. Personality-wise, Mafuyu was a little stronger-willed, he thought, but he was sometimes startled by her similarity to her sister whenever she laughed or sulked. Of course, that was not all. Her pink nails. Her soft, faint lips. The fair, delicate skin that reminded him of porcelain Traces of Honoka lingered all over her, making his heart ache. This cant be good for me, he would think to himself. With a bouquet of flowers for Honoka, they lined up and squatted in front of the grave, clapping their hands together in prayer. Hey, Kengo-san, Mafuyu said, with her hands still clasped, did you love my sister? Osakabe lowered his hands before answering. Yes, of course. Although I still worry whether its really okay for me to tell her that. At that, Mafuyu also lowered her hands, and her lips broke into a troubled smile. You have to just stand strong and say it. If you dont, her spirit wont ever be at peace. Youre right, Im sorry. And Im fairly certain she loved you too, Kengo-san. Oh Im sorry. Dont apologize. Is that some kind of bad habit of yours? I guess you cant help it But you saw her face at the end. After she died. People who die unhappily, they dont smile like she did. She must have had a nice dream. Thats right. That last day. Honoka had smiled in the end. He had thought it might have just been a convenient fantasy born from his own sentiments, but if Mafuyu said she saw it too, then she must have really been smiling. At the very least, her face had been peaceful. Almost as if she were asleep. Osakabe had been relieved just to see that. How much had he hurt Honoka by breaking up with her that night, on August 12th? He had struggled over that question. My sister, you know, she would go on and on about the guy she liked. She told you? Yeah While she spoke, Mafuyu pulled a cell phone from her pocket. Today, I fell for a guy. Hes someone I see almost every day on my way to school. Im happy just to watch him from afar stuff like that. Thats why I told her. You have to tell him how you feel! I never realized that it was you she was talking about, Kengo-san. Mafuyu leaned up against Osakabe, holding out her cell phone screen. This is a photo she sent me from the day of the accident. This guy in the suit, thats you, isnt it? It really did seem to be the day of the accident. A single photo at the rest area, right after Honoka had handed Osakabe the letter. He stood in the background in his suit, his back towards the camera. Honoka wore her pink down jacket and scarf, a smile of joy beaming across her face. She must have been surprised by her friend taking the picture out of nowhere. Her mouth and eyes were wide open. She looked as if she was saying Ah, perhaps reacting to suddenly being photographed by her friend. Perhaps it was only the first sound of a word, some message she was trying to convey, though he couldnt know for sure. So for now Ill tell you this one last time in this letter. I love you. Will you be mine? Here, I think you should have this too. Saying that, Mafuyu sent the same photograph to Osakabes phone. He looked at the photograph, remembering Honokas face, and choked up once more. Such a nice smile, he thought. She has no idea whats going to happen next, but she looks so happy. And so he pulled out her letter from his pocket and looked over that last page one more time. One page of stationary, pulled out of the corner ziploc bag stuffed with all the terrible memories from after the accident. He had apparently been clutching this one page, with the dark red spot of blood, after the accident. The bus had slid off the nearly vertical cliff face, and in that last instant before it hit the ground, he was certain that his hand had touched Honokas. He had no memory of clinging to this letter. But surely at that time, she had handed him this one page. The letter, which he assumed she had written as the bus had begun to fall, was crumpled, the handwriting messy. And yet it spelled out her powerful message. Kengo-san, I know things will be hard for you from now on, but dont cry. Even if I die, dont cry. Im so happy I could meet you. I love you. For the first time in two years, Osakabe cried. The tears spilled out, on and on without end. The grief he had continued to hold within himself for so long came pouring out as he continued to sob. Mafuyu stood with a hand on his shoulder, also crying. Thats right, he thought. We must continue to live our lives in this world, to make up for the life she wanted that she couldnt live. He wiped away the tears and looked up at the sky. Had the light returned to Osakabes misted eyes because of Honoka? The sky was so clear, so blue. In Japan, it is customary for family members to be cremated and their ashes interred in the same grave, usually of the family to which they are officially registered. These graves are usually located at Buddhist temples, and may be visited during Obon or other minor holidays so that people can tidy up the graves and pay their respects with offerings of incense, fruit and other food, and flowers. CH 28 Part 4: Chapter 28: The Color of the Sky I Saw that Day was Also Blue Blue sky. Faint trails of white clouds. The coastline, sculpted from volcanic rock almost as white as the clouds. The sound of waves crashing against the white, sandy beaches that spread out across the view. And then the waters surface, sparkling emerald green. Jodogahama. It had been a few years since he had visited this scenic spot in Miyako City, Iwate, but the view that greeted Osakabes heart had not lost an ounce of its beauty or splendor. It was summer again. The fifth summer, since the last time he came. Every year when this season of dazzlingly beautiful sunlight arrived, those days would spring to mind whether he wanted to remember them or not. Although every day slid dully by, never changing, and the days not worth remembering piled up into the ever-expanding past, his memory of those thirteen days remained vivid, never fading. With the arrival of August every yeareven now. Gorgeous weather. Yeah. Its always so beautiful. He let slip the expression of awe while standing on the sandy beach, and stepping up beside him, his wife agreed. Time flew by since that summer of his fateful encounter with Honoka, and before he realized it, five years had passed. He was still employed at the factory he had been hired at five years ago. Sometime around last spring, he had even received a promotion. He had once thought it impossible to ever love again. But then he met someone after Honokas death, and after a year of dating, they married four years ago. Almost immediately after they married, they were blessed with their first daughter. As his work performance remained stable, he got a raise, and even their dream of owning their ownalbeit smallhouse came true. The autumn of the year he found his new job, he made the rounds a second time to apologize to the bereaved families of those lost in the bus accident. There were all sorts of reactions to his visit. Many turned him away. Others wore expressions of undisguised bitterness during his visit. But the other half welcomed him politely. Gradually, even the memory of the bus accident that had made the name Osakabe Kengo infamous faded away from peoples memories. Having completed his parole, there was hardly anyone who scowled at hearing his name. Bit by bit, even the deep pain he felt remembering the days he spent with Honoka began to fade. Of course, he never once forgot about herthere was no way he ever could. And yet, the pain hed feel at her memory had certainly diminished. That was entirely thanks to his wife, who always remained at his side to support him when Osakabe became bitter or depressed. No matter how much he voiced his gratitude, it was never enough. Finishing a late lunch at the Jodogahama Rest House and tired of walking along the sandy beaches, he headed for the observation deck on the southern side. Halfway up the road to the observation deck, he intentionally strayed from the path and pushed aside the undergrowth as he stepped into the trees. It was difficult to walk through the overgrown weeds. Papa He stopped to pick up his young daughter who had voiced her uneasiness. Akane,1 its hard to walk through here so Ill carry you the rest of the way. As he spoke, he remembered the words she had once told him. While the view from the observation deck is pretty enough, I know a special spot. For several minutes he picked his way through the uneven rocks in the patch of grass. His daughter gasped in awe at the view when they arrived. Beauuutiful! Akane. I saw this same ocean and sky once, long ago, with your aunt. Its gorgeous, isnt it? They gazed down at the scenery of Jodogahama from high above. The view, looking out from a spot where the trees suddenly cleared, was still special, unchanged from that time long ago. Today too, they could see the figures of many tourists on the white beaches. The color of the ocean was the same emerald green as the feathers of a kingfisher. In contrast, the deep sea beyond it was dyed a deep, marine blue. Even from this high up, they could hear the laughter of the beachgoers and the crash of the waves. He wondered what color the Blue Cave would be today. Was it blue, or green perhaps? Thats right, back then it washe suddenly remembered. After checking the footing, he lowered his daughter to the ground. His daughter would soon be turning three. She was at the age where she wanted to walk for herself, if it wasnt too difficult. In the way her hair curled under, he could even see a shadow of herhe patted the top of her head. His wife, who had trailed behind the two of them, finally arrived at that moment. Hey, dont give up nowkeppare, he teased her with a hint of the local dialect. Your legs arent that weak. Osakabe looked back with a smile at his panting wife. At that, Osakabe Mafuyu responded with a sulking tone, her cheeks puffed in indignation. It cant be helped Im not the athletic type. Dont leave me behind like that. Mama, youre so slow. Akane rushed up to her mother as she finally arrived, and Mafuyu wrapped her arms around her daughter in a hug. Sorry, Im late. Brilliant kelp, the velvet of the sea, spread out glistening on the shore of Paradise. Mafuyu gave Osakabe a puzzled look as he quoted the poem out of nowhere. Whats that? Its a poem Miyazawa Kenji supposedly composed when he visited the area in 1917 and saw the pebble beaches used to dry kelp. Honoka taught it to me. Hmmm You still remember all these things about my older sister. I might get a little jealous. You? Jealous? Im only human, Mafuyu said. But then she brought her head close to his and whispered in his ear, I love you. Separating for a moment, their eyes met. Mafuyus face overlapped with Honokas suddenly. He often felt guilty seeing traces of Honoka in Mafuyu like this over and over again, but You were thinking about kissing me, werent you? Mafuyu, sharp as ever. Even in this respect she resembled her sister. I was. Well, are you going to? I suppose so. Osakabe drew her close and laid his lips on hers. He tasted something startlingly nostalgic. A familiar scent. If he closed his eyes, then even now it was like Honoka was standing beside him. Unable to bear it, he opened his eyes, but it seemed Mafuyu was not ready to let him go just yet. Laughing, he stroked her hair. And then he thought privately, For a long time, through every season, these two sisters have supported me, helped me. You know, Mafuyu said, When I close my eyes, I feel like Honoka is still alive right now. Thats strange, I thought so too. And so when the two of them closed their eyes, she spoke to them in their dream. Youve been through a lot, havent you? Yes, an awful lot. I managed to find a job again, but the road there wasnt easy, you know. But, you were okay, werent you? I always knew things would turn out okay for you, Osakabe-san. Yeah, things went a lot better than I imagined. Do you remember the day of our first kiss? Of course. It wasnt my first time, but I was so nervous. For me, that was probably the first one to be filled with so much happiness and heartbreak. Well, when you put it like that Now Im blushing. I was super nervous too. Maybe its a little insensitive to ask at this point, but was it really okay for me to be your first kiss? Why wouldnt it be? I only wish we had just one more chance for some hanky-panky, you know. Yeah, if only. My legs and arms were trembling as if it was my first time, I was so excited. Did you notice? Nope. I was too busy worrying about myself Oh, speaking ofare you and Mafuyu a good match? Yeah, were just fine. Besides a little difference in personality, you two are really exactly alike. Im glad. But also a little jealous. Sorry about that. You remember that promise you made to me? Yeah, I do. You promised that if I waited for two years, youd come for me. And that youd make me your bride. Im sorry, I couldnt keep either one. Its fine. I couldnt last for two whole years in the end. So, please take care of Mafuyu instead. Yeah, you can count on me. Shes a little selfish sometimes, but shes a good person. I know. Shes really just as kind as you. And as cute. Thats good. Im glad. Hey, Honoka. Yeah? Were you happy? Of course I was. We had so many fun memories, and though there were just as many painful ones, I was just happy that you told me you loved me. Oh, thats right. What? There was one more promise. Dont forget my name. When he opened his eyes, the bright sunshine burned his eyes for a second. In the next moment, he flashed back through his memories of those days. The Jodogohama bus stop where they met. The days they spent riding back and forth on his scooter. The countless embraces they stole by the seashore. The last night they spent in tears. At the same time, he could still remember so clearly his feelings of affection for Honoka along with his desire to meet her five years ago, that he could hardly believe it was all a dream or illusion. He was disoriented at the all too brilliant afterglow and strong clarity as if they had happened yesterday. As if I could forget. Hm, what was that? Dont worry about it. I really am the worst, he thought while stroking Mafuyus head. But you can forgive me reminiscing about her, just for today at least? Thats right. I wont ever forget again. Not your name, not the thirteen days we spent together. I absolutely will never forget. My reason for living before and after that time completely changed. My memories with her will always be an important piece of myself. Five years ago, I was in despair. I could only brood, never seeing a future beyond the present day. Yet a ray of light shone on me there. From Akane. From Mafuyu. And most of all, from Honokabecause all of you loved me. He looked up at the sky. Everyone, everywhere, was hurt bit by bit. Sometimes brutally, pain and sadness could fall upon anyone anywhere. But if people went on living in spite of that, they would always find some happiness too. Everyone had fun times, happy times, painful and lonely times, and though everyone must come to grips with all of these feelings as theyre etched into their memories, they must also go on to face each new day in their life. Sometimes I read the letter you left me and cry, remembering the days we spent together, but Im still okay. I will never look back, but keep on moving forward. Because whenever I close my eyes, I can feel you with me. And always, you keep pushing me forward. Thats why, he thought. Dont forget me either, he thought. Thank you Honoka. I wont forget you, or the days I spent with you. I love you more than anything in the world. Always, and forever. The vivid blue of the sky, as if painted with a brush, was the same clear blue as the sky he saw that day. The color of the sky I saw that day was also blue. (The End.) T/N: And thats the final chapter! Thank you for reading along with me!! This translation was an interesting experience for me, especially because Jodogahama is the site of some special memories of my own. Do check out some photos of the place (or swing a visit if you can ;D) as it really is just as beautiful as described. Osakabes daughters name Akane is written with the characters , which mean The sound/music of autumn. This is likely a reference to a fall birthday, as well as Honoka and Mafuyus autumn birthday. It also continues the seasonal symbolism of all three girls namessummer for Honoka, winter for Mafuyu, and autumn for Akane.