《Ways of Parting》 CH 1 Oh My Love, The First. Longing. It was the first emotion the man recognized. The longing for someone, for just one person, was lit like a flame. It was an intense agony that he had never experienced. Your face, your smile, the warmth you gave me. All those things that were taken for granted, but were not actually taken for granted. [¡­! ¡­le¡­ wa¡­ upto¡­] The fragments of consciousness that floated like buoys began to come back one by one at the voice that filled my head. [¡­sor ¡­thel!] A loud noise. An unfamiliar yet familiar language. Even if you try to identify the source of the sound, a task as simple as that wasn¡¯t easy. Perhaps, it¡¯s because his eyes were filled with darkness without a speck of color. As he opened my eyes with all my might, a faint ray of light pierced through the pitch-black darkness. At the same time, the puzzle of consciousness, in which each piece was gradually finding its place to complete the picture, was also put together at once. A sigh escaped the man¡¯s mouth as the memories swept in like waves. Ah¡­ [Mr. Ha!] Sorrow, joy, shock, astonishment. As he slowly blinked at the voice containing all kinds of emotions that could not be fully expressed in a language, unfamiliar faces came into view one by one. And the moment he recognized them, his dry cheeks began to get wet little by little. Five years. There was a period when Ha Joyoon, who was working as a military reporter for the TPA News Agency, fell unconscious due to a head injury after being caught in the shooting scene of the Syrian civil war. Tap. Tap. As he kicked the ground with his toes, the asphalt road moistened with the rain from last night makes a fairly interesting sound. While it looked like he was tired, the man tilted his head curiously and stomped again. Light brown hair gently swayed in response to his small movements. Although he was exhausted due to his long hospital stay, he couldn¡¯t hide his unique beauty. Tap. Tap. The same sound resonates like the playing of a string instrument. In line with that, a subtle change in expression occurred on the somewhat blank face. He could have never experienced this again. Thinking like that, even this insignificant sound seemed to be quite precious. Ha Jooyoon repeated the same behavior for a long time as he was engrossed in the feeling of being alive. Passerbys murmured at his odd behavior, but he couldn¡¯t hear anything. Only the Sun, who lamented the end of summer, secretly looked over on such a man. Five years. It was such a long time. However, one person¡¯s face was as clear as if they had met just yesterday, to the extent that the period of time was as insignificant as it could be. Even after dramatically regaining consciousness, Ha Joyoon could not return home straight away. It was because of his poor physical condition. He was taken to the Lebanese embassy in the state, and treated in a decent medical facility, as it took several more months before he was able to walk. After finally but barely being able to move, Ha Joyoon immediately requested to return home. The local medical staff insisted that his body had not recovered properly and prevented him from returning to Korea, but he could not delay even for a moment. In the end, he succeeded in convincing them only after making a promise, a promise to continue treatment immediately after returning home. When he returned home after suffering all kinds of hardships in a Baltic State, the first place Ha Joyoon visited was not the hospital. There was someone more important to him than the scars of his injuries that were ticking like a time bomb somewhere in his head. The face of the person I wanted to see, the face of the person I wanted to meet, I wanted to get back to you as soon as possible, even for a minute or a second. That was the only thought. It was a longing he felt for the first time in his life. Pc j ragjcuf offilcu bo yflcu j vloofgfca qfgrbc, Lj Absbbc wfrrfv eq tlr tjlg jr tf gjc tlr rxlccs olcufgr atgbeut la. Ktf kjlalcu kjr bnfg jr atf alq bo tlr cbrf uba rilutais tba lc atf fjgis ijaf rewwfg rec. Kjq- Kjq. Vafq. Vafq. Pa vlvc¡¯a ajxf ibcu obg atf rbecv bo offa gbiilcu jcv atf rbecv bo rbwfbcf kjixlcu ab mgbrr. Kkb rafqr, bcf rafq. Cr atf vlrajcmf ugjvejiis cjggbkfv, atf tfjga, ktlmt tjv yffc jyrbgyfv lc atf cfk ralweijalbc, yfujc ab qbecv lc j vloofgfca kjs. Llr fsfr, ktlmt tjv glrfc rtjgqis, agfwyifv rilutais klat afcrlbc. Familiar footsteps. There were also unfamiliar sounds mixed in as if they were coming with someone, but it was not difficult to distinguish the main sounds. Even if no one told him, Ha Joyoon knew the owner of this sound. How could he not know? They resembled its owner and were prudent yet serious. He was not one to talk too much as he didn¡¯t speak in vain but had a strong sense of responsibility for the words that were let out. He had no humor, though he had a warm heart despite being hard on everything. Although he always teased him for being unnecessarily responsible, Ha Joyoon liked this personality of his lover. It was this prudence and seriousness of his lover that held him, who could not keep his feet on the ground and bound him to reality. This lover was the reason for his return. He always left Korea with a sense of emptiness along with a sense of mission, but the reason he thought he had to come back one day was because of only one person, not because of his family or friends. Would he have changed a lot? I don¡¯t think so. What should I say? You¡¯ll probably be surprised. He was the type to rarely show changes in his usual expression but he might be quite surprised this time. I guess so. Although the result of being persuaded by his lover not to go and him being stubborn inevitably reached the worst, he had faith that he would wait for him nonetheless. Knowing that he was being a selfish and cruel fool, Ha Joyoon told his lover to wait one more time before leaving Korea. It was five years ago that he left. He wasn¡¯t sure how to apologize. Ha Joyoon smiled awkwardly, vowing that he would let himself be beaten if he hit him and that he would only listen silently if he was cursed at. When he¡¯s all angry, Ha Joyoon would give him a hug and say that he won¡¯t do anything dangerous. Now that his lover had endured and given up so much for him, he wanted to do something in return. Even if it was a matter of ignoring all the beliefs and convictions that he had upheld so far, at least once¡­ at least once. Perhaps the other person may be angry with himself that it is already too late, but he would eventually forgive him in the end. As always. It was after the footsteps that were slowly approaching him completely stopped that the thoughts that had been tangled like a skein stopped. Even with his characteristic quiet breathing, Ha Joyoon realized that the main character of the shadow in front of him was his lover. It¡¯s been eight years since we started dating. No, 13 years if we include the time I lost consciousness. We¡¯ve been together since we were born. We¡¯re 31 years old now, so that¡¯s how long we¡¯ve known each other. Kang Taejung was to be his only friend and lover for the rest of his life, that is until he raised his head to look at him. Ha Joyoon swore that he could not have predicted this is what would happen. ¡°¡­Ha¡­ Joyoon?¡± By God, he hadn¡¯t expected that the astonishment that ran through that face wasn¡¯t one filled with joy and affection but as if he were seeing a ghost. And the fact that there would be another person next to Kang Taejung, holding his hand. He had never even imagined it. ¡°You came back yesterday?¡± After the silence, a short question popped up. Instead of answering, Ha Joyoon reached out his hands out of nowhere and grabbed his cup. Perhaps because it had been left for a long time, the exterior of the glass was damp with moisture from cooling. Unable to speak easily, he looked down at the table quietly. The legs of the two men could be seen under the table opposite. The violin melody flowing into the cafe nervously drew notes. Such hysterical Bahrani was not his cup of tea. In a distant mood, he rubbed his cheeks and chin with dry hands. It seemed as if all the water in his body was going to dry out like this. After hesitating for a while, Ha Joyoon nodded his head with difficulty. ¡°Yeah.¡± The man¡¯s cheek moved slightly in response to the reply. It was Kang Taejung¡¯s habit of indicating his dislike or anger. ¡°What¡­ happened?¡± ¡°¡­¡­.¡± ¡°How come you didn¡¯t contact me for five years?¡± There was a lot of anger in the voice that quietly flowed like a mutter. The only time you talked to me with that voice was when you were really angry. It was expected, but somehow he felt aggrieved and Ha Joyoon laughed bitterly. Kang Taejung¡¯s anger towards him was justified. Perhaps, this isn¡¯t exactly what he had anticipated. ¡°Didn¡¯t it ever occur to you even once that there were people waiting for you?¡± ¡°¡­¡­.¡± ¡°Give me a proper explanation.¡± ¡°¡­¡­.¡± ¡°Ha Joyoon!¡± As he turned his head slightly, he saw an unfamiliar face in his field of vision. He was the one who followed Ha Joyoon¡¯s request that he wanted to talk to Kang Taejung, saying that he would join him as well. Of course, his accompaniment was possible under Kang Taejung¡¯s tacit consent. The Kang Taejung, who hesitated for a moment and finally nodded to allow it, he will probably never forget for the rest of his life. The opponent¡¯s expression between the eyes was not as good as Ha Joyoon. Anxiety concerning the lover¡¯s heart was clearly visible over the slightly frowned eyebrow. Ah¡­ A deep, silent sigh pounded around the heart. As the image of the man and Kang Taejung holding hands affectionately came to mind, indescribable pain flowed in waves. Five years, 1825 days. It¡¯s a long time. A long time. Was it a long time? Was it long enough to trade for the eternity promised? The number of five years kept hovering in Ha Joyoon¡¯s head. ¡°I had an accident.¡± Ha Joyoon briefly explained, pulling his gaze away from the unfamiliar man. Taejung¡¯s thick eyebrows rose higher as if he wasn¡¯t content with this excuse. ¡°An accident? That¡¯s your full explanation? You¡­!!¡± Justifiable anger. The clenched fists slowly twitched. Kang Taejung¡¯s anger was justified. However, Ha Joyoon¡¯s sadness was justified to that extent as well. He fell asleep and woke up. That was all, but everything had changed. There may be only one thing that has changed, but that one thing was everything to him. He raised his head, which had been bowed like a criminal until he met those black eyes. Night. Black eyes resembling night were looking straight at Ha Joyoon. Ha Joyoon also looked at Kang Taejung without blinking. Just like that day when we cared for only each other and loved only each other. The white light shattered to a shade of ashen. Swallowing his breath with an inexplicable gap, Ha Joyoon spoke with difficulty. ¡°There was a shootout. I got caught up in a civil war protest while filming. I got shot and, was unconscious for five years. I woke up not too long ago.¡± He briefly explained what had happened over the past few years in a low voice and raised his glass again. The ice in the coffee had all melted away and the aroma had long since dissipated. It was a silly thing to do. He moistened his lips sloppily, and Ha Joyoon blinked languidly. The sharp violin melody that scratched his nerves was still there. ¡°What are you saying? Shootout¡­ not too long ago?¡± Shock washed over Kang Taejung¡¯s face as if it was an unexpected answer. The expression of the person sitting next to him was even more distorted in the irritable atmosphere. The heart wore out as cracks formed in between. Regardless of whether it was blood or tears that flowed into his heart, the voice that flowed out was undeniably calm. ¡°It¡¯s what I just said. My mind was probably out of it back then. I don¡¯t know the details.¡± All three people¡¯s breath stopped for a moment amidst the clear tone of the violin. Ha Joyoon¡¯s originally white complexion was illuminated by the ceiling light, accentuating his pallor look. His small but long eyes were also cool. As if he didn¡¯t like it, Kang Taejung¡¯s fist, which was firmly clenched on his lap, grew tighter. The silence ended as a sentence straight from his heart came out. ¡°¡­ Are you alright?¡± ¡°I guess so.¡± Truthfully, I don¡¯t know. But I decided not to say it. Despite his concise answer, Kang Taejung blinked several times and covered his forehead with his palm as if he were unable to calm down easily. A long time passed again with a deep sigh. The eyelashes visible between his fingers trembled convulsively. ¡°I thought you were dead.¡± ¡°¡­¡­.¡± ¡°I thought you died. I had searched for you for years but all I could find was your camera¡­.¡± An indescribable tremor that was buried came forth. It was short, yet it contained implied all the situations and emotions. It was understandable, so Ha Joyoon nodded his head void of any emotion. Even though it was only that, the eyes of the man sitting across from him seemed to be anxious and fierce at once. Contrary to his calm impression, he has quite a temper and I let out a chuckle. It was my natural defense mechanism. In this comedy-like situation, the only person who seemed sane was the unfamiliar man who held Kang Taejung¡¯s hand with an expression of unease on his face. Kang Taejung continued his words while still gently wrapping the back of that man¡¯s hand. ¡°Even if the Ministry of Foreign Affairs stepped out, there was no way I could get in touch with you. I was at a loss.¡± Ha Joyoon closed her eyes heavily as he watched those long, hard fingers pat the back of his opponent¡¯s hand. The illusion of his heart being scratched with a sharp spear tip occurred. He couldn¡¯t believe everything that was happening right in front of him. ¡°The situation wasn¡¯t good.¡± ¡°¡­ I continued looking for you but all I received were hopeless answers.¡± ¡°¡­¡­.¡± ¡°Everyone¡­ looked for you. Auntie, Uncle, and¡­ me too.¡± ¡°I see.¡± But in the end, you gave up on me. Buried me in your heart. CH 2 Oh My Love, The First. A cruel reality revolves painfully around my head. Like the stars, like the moon. After thinking about it over and over again, Ha Joyoon nodded his head. In an instant, Kang Taejung¡¯s eyes were filled with concern as he looked at him. The trivial sympathy was so funny that Ha Joyoon drooped down on his chair. His long neck was curled in an arc over the pale blue shirt collar. What was he hoping for? Expectations and hopes that carry meaning were ridiculous. No one is obligated to take responsibility for someone else. Silently quivering his shoulders while wanting to laugh was just part of his own selfishness, so he didn¡¯t dare to show his emotions. Until a few months ago, the situation in Syria was extreme, and the hospital that treated Ha Joyoon was only temporarily operated by the militia. Despite the poor environment for treatment, they did not abandon an unknown Asian in the middle of the battlefield, where people were dying day after day. It was a debt that could never be repaid in this life. Funny how they were like strangers who didn¡¯t know each other, instead of lovers who missed each other so much, who didn¡¯t give up until the end. The cruel truth came too plainly. It was a manifestation of my own selfishness. ¡°What did they say at home?¡± ¡°I haven¡¯t gone there yet. I contacted you and came here as soon as I came back.¡± ¡°You¡­!!¡± Kang Taejung yelled out, not even trying to hide his shocked expression. Ha Joyoon kept a calm expression on his face as he looked at him like that. It was a matter of course. All I could think of was Kang Taejung. I wanted to meet him and tell him that I love him. That was all he could think of. ¡°What are you thinking?! Go there right now¡­.¡± ¡°I came here because I missed you so much.¡± ¡°¡­¡­.¡± ¡°Though I regret it now.¡± It was a plain and raw remark. Kang Taejung, who was momentarily speechless, took a short breath. Brushing his stiff cheeks, he shifted his gaze away for the first time. Ha Joyoon, who was moving his dry lips against each other as if ridiculing such behavior, continued to stare at his lover and the person who was sitting next to him. Ha Jooyoon opened his mouth, accompanied by his emotionless eyes and a blatantly unpleasant expression. ¡°Since when?¡± The tone, though somewhat muffled, was quite normal. However, the next question he immediately added hit Kang Taejung at the right spot. ¡°You two are dating, right?¡± Ha Joyoon tilted his head with a genuine look of curiosity on his face. It was brutally innocent and pure, free of any blame or reproach. When he dropped this question, the hand that had been holding Kang Taejung¡¯s hand so far tightened. Kang Taejung shut his mouth tightly at the pressure of his palms clenching. The reason behind that strength was clear. In a silence that felt like an eternity, Kang Taejung stared at Ha Joyoon again. The old lover, who was waiting for his answer, was much thinner than he remembered at a glance. It was still a beautiful face that caught people¡¯s attention, but it was not enough to erase all traces of his sickness. It was so obvious, so why didn¡¯t I notice it when I first found him in front of the house? His brow twisted in anguish at the rush of remorse. However, Kang Taejung¡¯s situation had also changed a lot during Ha Joyoon¡¯s disappearance for him to be swayed by such emotions. As he buried countless memories, new realities overtook him. Responsibility, conscience, and guilt. He couldn¡¯t turn away from the result of his choice and the one who was pitifully holding his hand apart. It was for this reason that he allowed Seo Youngwoo to accompany him even though he knew that it would inflict a huge wound on Ha Joyoon. As he tried to think of the right words, Kang Taejung slowly blinked his eyelids. Complex emotions could not be outlined. This situation itself was the product of his own choice. No matter who intervened, no matter who was involved, in the end, it was no one else but him who chose¡­. ¡°Yes.¡± It was a tone that carried immense weight. In response to the short answer, Ha Joyoon slowly moved the hand that was clenched on the table. The texture of the wood felt disorderly. Tears were threatening to pour out. Yes. Kang Taejung¡¯s short and simple answer lingered in his mind. Yes. That was the answer. Amid a sense of loneliness, Ha Joyoon raised his upper body that was loosely leaning on the sofa. The watch, which was properly wrapped around his wrist, was already pointing to nine o¡¯clock at night. He stared at the two men who held each other¡¯s hands and turned his head around again. I had a lot to say, but I can¡¯t think of anything right now. I don¡¯t want to show them my stupid face anymore. He cleared his throat, but a suppressed voice came out. ¡°Cii gluta.¡± ¡°Qtfgf jgf sbe ublcu?¡± ¡°Lbwf.¡± ¡°Tbbc.¡± Instead of telling him to shut up, Ha Joyoon shrugged his shoulders and grabbed the bag next to him. I think that visiting this place first was the stupidest choice I¡¯ve ever made. Ktf batfg qjgas rffwfv ab kjca ab rjs rbwfatlcu wbgf, yea Lj Absbbc aegcfv jkjs ogbw tlw klat j rwlif. Lf kjr cb ibcufg mbcolvfca lc ojmlcu Bjcu Kjfpecu¡¯r ecjaafcvfv ujhf. Cii atf rlaejalbcr jcv atf gfjilas tf tjv ojmfv rlcmf tf kbxf eq tjv yffc mgefi fcbeut. ¡°Let¡¯s talk some other time.¡± It was already dark outside the window. Sooner or later, a day¡¯s length would be terribly short once this summer ends. Kang Taejung, who clenched and opened his fist several times in hesitation, eventually nodded his head. ¡°Both of us will be waiting for you. Go ahead.¡± ¡°¡­ Okay.¡± It was a cruel way to bid farewell. His eyes were trembling with tears. Even though Ha Joyoon brought an end to this on his own, he could not hide his misery. The man who was kinder and friendlier than anyone else was now more terrified than anyone else. He bit his lips hard in an agony without vulnerability. ¡°¡­ I¡¯m sorry.¡± The additional apology shattered his remaining pride. The wrinkles between the brows had deeply engraved in the unbearable emotions. He lived his entire life without major emotional changes, but at this moment, there was a wave of uncontrollable anger and sadness. Ha Joyoon took in a faint breath and closed his eyes. Kang Taejung¡¯s frighteningly cold face was hidden. Only then did the beating of his heart, its frequency akin to that of a seizure, gradually subsided. Still, I couldn¡¯t accept the fact that my relationship with Kang Taejung was over yet, but all I could do right now was to hurry and leave this cruel space. ¡°I¡¯ll be going now.¡± ¡°¡­¡­.¡± He left the cafe after clearing up his miserable heart for the answer that didn¡¯t come back anymore. Only the sound of the clear awning hanging above the door comforted his empty heart. ¡°He¡¯s a pretty person.¡± ¡°¡­¡­.¡± ¡°It sounds like an inappropriate expression for a man.¡± At night, a cool breeze blew. Kang Taejung stopped his foot at the sound of the words that broke the silence. There was a lot of dust. Seo Young-woo, who added briefly, coughed. ¡°I think I saw the people in the cafe give him glances at least once as they passed by.¡± There was a strange atmosphere in the space between the two. Seo Youngwoo smiled awkwardly at the gaze of the other person who looked at him without saying a word and covered his cheek with his palm. As he grasped the sense of time, a person¡¯s face came to mind. He was a person whose pale skin, calm atmosphere, and delicate movements made him keep looking at him. Ironically, that was why it was painful to keep on looking, and he hated that terribly. ¡°I thought he was just an irresponsible and selfish person because of the things he did to you, but when I actually saw him, I understood why you liked him so much.¡± ¡°¡­¡­.¡± ¡°Of course, I still don¡¯t like him.¡± The eyes that were smiling hard were also slightly trembling. The agitation and anxiety were clear. Kang Taejung who had been silently staring at his lover for a while, moved his lips. Youngwoo. A heavy and sincere voice quietly echoed in their own space. ¡°It¡¯s already over between us.¡± ¡°¡­ He didn¡¯t seem to be done with this at all.¡± Kang Taejung tried to reassure him as he looked into the eyes of the man who was also looking at him. Just as Ha Joyoon felt Seo Youngwoo¡¯s anxiety, Seo Youngwoo, too, felt Ha Joyoon¡¯s agitation and lingering feelings. Regardless of his thoughts, Kang Taejung strengthened his hold on the man¡¯s shoulder. It was as if he was trying to catch up with all of his unsettling feelings and not regret this. ¡°I¡¯m done. That¡¯s why I¡¯m with you.¡± Long but small eyes without double eyelids contorted. A brutal pain. Hyung. Do you know what kind of expression you¡¯re making right now? Seo Youngwoo forcibly swallowed the words he couldn¡¯t utter, took one step closer to Kang Taejung, and wrapped his arms around his waist. The refreshing scent of perfume blended with the unique body odor stimulated the senses. It was a scent he loved very much. He closed his eyes tightly and was completely in his arms. ¡°I really love you.¡± ¡°¡­ Yeah.¡± ¡°That¡¯s why I don¡¯t want you to get involved with him again.¡± ¡°Youngwoo.¡± ¡°Am I being too greedy?¡± ¡°¡­No.¡± He¡¯s mine now, no matter what the past used to be. He¡¯s my person. He came to me. To stay with me. I¡¯ve been looking at him for a long time and always waited for the opportunity to come to me. Ever since I got to know a man named Kang Taejung, I have never given up my heart. I pretended to be a good brother to hang around him, but my heart was always filled with love. By the time I was getting tired of the never-ending unrequited love, the opportunity came as Ha Joyoon¡¯s disappearance occurred, and I comforted Kang Taejung, who was broken by his lover¡¯s absence and struggled to deal with it. It was an accident this time, but he was a selfish man who had always left on his own accord and made him lonely. Whenever Ha Joyoon left for an unknown country to film the reality of the battlefield, I remember Kang Taejung, who was always anxious and distressed while waiting for him without any promise. He was a person who never gave Kang Taejung a sense of stability and confidence in a relationship for even a single moment. I have no intention of giving him back to such a person. Love cannot last on a one-sided sacrifice alone. Seo Youngwoo¡¯s fingers, which were holding the collar, shook slightly. Youngwoo. A cruel but friendly voice called out to him warmly. The feeling was so good yet painful. Seo Youngwoo rubbed his cheek on his wide arms. He was confident that he would make him love him to the point that one day he wouldn¡¯t even remember the past. At the place where the whole family met again, the long-suffering and old feelings flowed back and forth. His parents, who had been waiting for Ha Joyoon from outside the front door, unable to speak properly about the life or death of their son, which he confirmed only after five years, were grateful for this miracle. Ha Joyoon hugged the shoulders of his parents, who were shaking due to a fit of convulsions. He felt guilty when he saw his mother¡¯s expression, who had become skinny, and his father, who was full of sorrow. He had hurt his head and heart, but at that moment, he felt fortunate that they were working properly. And he realized that he had another chance at life. He couldn¡¯t bear to say all of his thoughts in front of his parents, who were just thankful that their son was still alive. However, the priority was to reassure them by whispering that he would never leave the country again even though it was a promise he could not keep. After a long conversation, Ha Joyoon was able to enter his room only near midnight. Clack. He brushed off his wet hair and set the mug, which was still warm, on the desk. The sound of footsteps of the people in the picture hanging on the wall was stupefying. Their destination was a land where death and life intersected. It was the boundary between life and death, the living and the dead, dead but alive. The back view of French soldiers walking towards Thai Binh from Nam Dinh, Vietnam. It was the last picture taken by Robert Capa the moment he stepped on a mine and exploded. Knock Knock- The shaking gaze headed to the door where the knock was heard. Through the gap in the slightly opened door, a figure more familiar than anyone else could be seen. ¡°Do you have a moment?¡± The midnight visitor was Ha Junghye, his older sister by two years. Since they only had each other, the brother and sister were on good terms. Ha Joyoon¡¯s cool eyes were pleasantly curved as he greeted his sister. ¡°You need to rest. Sorry.¡± ¡°It¡¯s fine. Come, sit.¡± Ha Junghye, hesitated for a while, then pushed the stool slightly, quickly settling down. Warm air flowed between them. Ha Joyoon carefully looked at the face of his sister, whom he was seeing for the first time in several years. Her eyes were swollen and red from crying all evening. When he looked at her, her easygoing personality meant that she couldn¡¯t remember the past when she acted like a tomboy, so he laughed out loud without realizing it. ¡°Are you laughing?¡± ¡°¡­Sorry. What¡¯s up?¡± Ha Joyoon, who put the half-wet towel aside, stretched lightly. Ha Junghye, who was staring at him intently as if she would not miss a single little movement of her little brother, tucked her hair that lightly covered her shoulders behind her ears and smiled. ¡°It¡¯s strange.¡± ¡°What is?¡± ¡°That you¡¯re in this room.¡± ¡°¡­¡­.¡± ¡°Nothing has changed, but only you weren¡¯t here until yesterday.¡± When I first opened the door, I couldn¡¯t help but be surprised. From small props to cluttered objects, there was no change in the room, as if it were stuffed with the moment Ha Joyoon last left. When he became an adult, he got an officetel and lived separately, but since he had been coming and going to his parents¡¯ house regularly, many things remained as they were. His parents probably kept his traces as they waited for their son. Without knowing that it would take five years. The time that had passed in vain became sad again, and Ha Joyoon quietly lowered his eyelids. ¡°Mom cleaned it up every night. You don¡¯t know how careful she was to not even touch the location of the objects. It shouldn¡¯t change¡­ In case you¡¯ll feel awkward when you come¡­ .¡± ¡°Yeah.¡± ¡°In both the company and the Ministry of Foreign Affairs¡­ In fact, even when they announced that you were dead, Mom and Dad¡­ never believed it.¡± Ha Junghye smiled as if she were crying, and clasped her brother¡¯s hand, who was not moving. ¡°Neither did I.¡± My little brother. Words she couldn¡¯t bring herself to finish filled the space between them. Indescribable emotions tightened the throat. It was not too long until this moment when I opened my eyes and sat down, but my heart, which had collapsed from too much shock, has calmed down for a while now. Ha Joyoon swallowed the sorrow accumulated over five years and quietly spoke up. ¡°It¡¯s my fault.¡± A voice resembling a sigh, an unspeakable regret, sadness, a sense of shame, all these emotions came together and mixed. He had always pursued an unrealistic ideal. He believed that he had chosen the best path at the crossroads of choice. He thought that he was responsible for that choice, but he did not realize that there could be other people who were innocently hurt by it. The consequences of my past full of indifference were truly brutal. CH 3 Oh My Love, The First ¡°That¡¯s enough. I¡¯m going to make you lose your competency so you won¡¯t leave Korea anymore.¡± Ha Junghye changed the atmosphere by throwing meaningless jokes in the heavy air. Ha Joyoon, in turn, smirked slightly and flicked her chin. Losing competency is a bit¡­. The mumbling caused a burst of silent laughter between the two of them. ¡°You don¡¯t know how many people were worried about you while you were away. Don¡¯t forget to call them. Things will get busy for a while.¡± ¡°I should.¡± ¡°Your company helped us a lot. What could ordinary people like our family do? Go to the office tomorrow and say hello.¡± ¡°At the company? There must be no other office in Korea¡­.¡± Usually, overseas branches of telecommunication companies other than those of major cities had mostly freelance photojournalists, except for the minimum manpower for article partnerships and coverage. Of course, when working as a war correspondent, that man was assigned to the head branch as Ha Joyoon because of the security issues according to UN regulations, but this was not common, and due to his personality, there were not many occasions to build friendships. The company might have been able to provide ordinary mourning or diplomatic help on the disappearance of its reporters, but it would have been difficult to ask for more than that due to various state affairs issues in the case of non-citizens as in this case. Before he could even ask what happened, Ha Junghye said something unexpected. ¡°You know, that sunbae of yours. He really helped us a lot. He used to travel back and forth but he gave us a business card saying that he has recently come back to Korea.¡± She shrugged her shoulders as she handed over the business card that she had kept aside. Sunbae? Ha Joyoon, who was tilting his head, quickly scanned the business card. The impressive design of the gray curve that ran around the white background was definitely the logo of the foreign news agency he worked for. ¡°Huh?¡± That person¡¯s face was naturally associated with the neat name of the three characters. With a groan of admiration, Ha Joyoon stroked the corner of the business card. Why did this person¡­. He carefully tapped his cheek with his finger. Thoughts of surprise and gratitude were chaotically mixed but soon forgotten by other things that came to mind. There were a lot of things that needed to be addressed right away. Where should he start? Little by little, the reality he was facing began to feel faint. His straight forehead was lightly wrinkled from the rushing headache. As he was immersed in thoughts of deep agony for a long time, the peaceful silence was then brought to an end. ¡°By the way, about Taejung¡­.¡± At the unexpected name that came out of Ha Junghye¡¯s mouth, Ha Joyoon came out of his thoughts and raised his head up like a thunderbolt. There was a death-like silence. Ha Junghye was the only person in his family who knew about his relationship with Kang Taejung. Ha Junghye smiled bitterly due to the sharply changed atmosphere and wiped her cheek. It was a small act, but I knew what her gesture meant. Perhaps it¡¯s about a cruel situation I found out about this evening. In a desire to dodge this feeling, Ha Joyoon turned his head without realizing it. It¡¯s a name I don¡¯t want to think of for a while. I want to avoid it, I want to run away from it. The hands wrapped around his knees trembled involuntarily. Ha Junghye, who had been watching him for a while, carefully raised her lips. ¡°Do you know?¡± ¡°¡­¡­.¡± ¡°¡­Vb sbe xcbk.¡± ¡°¡­¡­.¡± ¡°P kjr kbcvfglcu tbk P kbeiv afii sbe¡­ Vbwftbk P¡¯w gfilfnfv.¡± Vmgjqf. Vtf qertfv atf rabbi jcv rabbv eq ab tbiv tfg ygbatfg¡¯r tjcvr jujlc. Gfrqlaf atf tba kfjatfg, tlr ibcu, ktlaf tjcvr kfgf jr mbiv jr lmf. Vtf yfca tfg xcffr j ilaaif jcv ibkfgfv tfg ybvs ab wffa tlr vjgx fsfr. Vtf vlvc¡¯a jikjsr xcbk ktja tf kjr atlcxlcu, yea cbk rtf mbeiv mifjgis rff atf fwbalbcr kfiifv eq lc tfg ygbatfg¡¯r fsfr. Ktfgf kjr cbatlcu yea qjlc, jubcs, jcv rbggbk. Cr tfg tfjga ugfk tfjnlfg, Lj Aecutsf mjgfoeiis mtbrf ktja rtf rtbeiv rjs. ¡°He lamented as he missed you a lot, he waited.¡± ¡°¡­¡­.¡± ¡°He had been suffering in agony for a very long time. He was in so much pain that it was difficult for the people around him to see. It was such a mess that I thought he¡¯d really die before you do.¡± ¡°¡­¡­.¡± ¡°Taejung loved you very much and waited for you, Yoon.¡± Transparent tears covered his cheeks without even making a sound at the friendly voice that was caressing his wounds. The tip of his lips twitched as he tried to pretend to smile. She was right. The lover whom he trusted and believed in more than anyone else in the world was just an imperfect human like himself. An ordinary person who stood up to live anew the time left, trying to escape the pain as he suffered from the loss of his lover. However, that natural normalcy turned out to be a sharp weapon that could not be compared with anything and crushed his heart. Large child-like tears dangled on the tip of his chin as they kept falling down. A cracked voice leaked out from between Ha Joyoon¡¯s lips, who was smiling like someone who had forgotten his words. ¡°But he let go of me.¡± ¡°Yoon¡­.¡± ¡°¡­ He abandoned me.¡± He was well aware of his absurd selfishness. Nevertheless¡­. He was unable to focus properly as he started to feel light-headed. I can¡¯t even see my sister¡¯s face. Ha Joyoon cried quietly without even thinking of wiping away the tears that were flowing without mercy. I finally let go of your hand. I have decided to forget you. I have decided to bury you in the past and move on into the future. That was Kang Taejung¡¯s choice. His tight lips twitched painfully. Ha Junghye, feeling helpless, hugged him and rubbed his back, but his sadness did not subside in the slightest. Rather, the sadness and pain that he had forcibly turned away from broke through the gap and flowed. Knowing all too well that he was shameless, he easily blamed his opponent since he had been selfish since birth. His heart which was hurting right now felt more pain than that of Kang Taejung, who had been suffering for the past five years, so maybe his lover left him because he was just so shameful and self-centered. Yoon. Ha Junghye¡¯s voice broke his heart. As he left his heavy heart on her slender arms that were wrapped around him, Ha Joyoon blankly looked out the window where the moonlight was reflected. The anguish did not stop. Record only what you see. It was a leaflet promoting a photo exhibition of a foreign news agency. In the past, it was also the place where Ha Joyoon briefly worked as a contract reporter. After tracing his fingers over the familiar logo with an intense gaze, he focused on the photo on the poster again. The photos taken with rugged hands and outdated cameras seemed to imply the significance of history with the media. The humid midsummer wind blew bitterly towards him as he stood motionless in front of the poster. The sunlight pouring on the asphalt road was hot as if it were burning the surroundings. I didn¡¯t know how much time had passed. It was not easy to take a step toward the meeting place even though he knew he had to turn around. ¡®I want to capture moments, even at the last minute.¡¯ ¡®¡­ You like it that much? It just seems dangerous.¡¯ ¡®Not so much that I like it¡­ I feel like I need to be there.¡¯ ¡®Even if you have to leave here? You still want to go?¡¯ ¡®That¡¯s not what I meant.¡¯ ¡®¡­Even at the last moment, I won¡¯t be by your side.¡¯ ¡®Taejung, I¡­¡¯ What should I have said to calm down the fears of you who had such an anxious expression on your face? Should I have said that there was no reason for me to be there if it wasn¡¯t dangerous, bringing up Higgins'' quotes like a pretentious novice? Or would it be right to condescendingly say that what I wanted was not something like the Pulitzer Prize? No. I should have hugged you. I should have held his trembling hands. I shouldn¡¯t have turned a blind eye to his darkened eyes, stiff lips, and irregular heartbeat. Ha Joyoon had no choice but to suffer from raw emotions that he was not trained for. Several times a day, he floundered in the emotion of going back and forth between heaven and hell and cried in the illusion of memories created by longing. As he got older, Ha Joyoon¡¯s life was all about photography and Kang Taejung. He fell in love with the two as naturally as water flowed, and he never felt desperate because he always felt loved. To him, the sudden breakup was as rough as the texture of wild teeth. Just a breakup. He was immersed in a bitter sense of justice that he had to convey the reality and pain of war, which was neglected on a topic that could not even be overcome. Just a breakup, A topic that he couldn¡¯t overcome. The water on the plate of the heart glistened. The sensation that was gently flowing in the hot wind will eventually return to a calm state as if it had ever been. Ha Joyoon struggled again as he swept his tingling body, feeling akin to a body ache, and took another stride. Time flew by too quickly to indulge in his thoughts. The place where Ha Joyoon arrived after walking for another five minutes was the office of the Korean branch of the foreign news agency where Ha Joyoon had worked. He finally arrived here due to his family¡¯s torch that lasted until the morning, but somehow he was not at all comfortable. This was due to the belated recognition of the already considerably delayed time. As soon as he stepped inside, the cold air quickly seeped into his body. A sense of impatience was smeared on the fingertips pressing the button. 1, 2, 3¡­ The number went up rapidly, and at some point, the elevator stopped with a clear bell, and the firmly closed door opened. [The door is closing.] Ha Joyoon moved hastily as the reminder that the door is closing again came out. However, when he reached the destination after passing through several offices on the floor, he realized that the entire lobby was empty. It was normally a space that should have been noisy with the shouts of people, keyboard tapping, and phone ringing; enough to be reminiscent of a battlefield, but for some reason, no sound was heard. Did they all go out for coverage? There was no way to know the recent situation because I haven¡¯t seen any news since I returned home. I was curious, but it wasn¡¯t important to the point I needed to know everything right now. Even if there is no one, it is enough if there is only one person left to meet. Ha Joyoon, who was heading to the office, found a mirror hanging in the middle of the wall and stopped for a while to check his attire. My reflection in the mirror is very awkward. His expression was stiff and pale, and he didn¡¯t look good even if one were to say some empty words. Since I woke up, I have vaguely felt that I am not feeling well, but there was no clear answer. After roughly fixing out his disheveled outfit, he turned the doorknob of the closed office. The door opened without difficulty with a squeaking, smooth rustling sound. As expected, the office was empty without even a minimum number of people as if everyone had left for coverage. This must be some pretty big news. I¡¯ll have to read the newspaper as soon as I get home. Ha Joyoon hurried to the inside of the office, continuing his idle thoughts. ¡°¡­¡­.¡± The document papers were swaying lightly in the wind of the air conditioner. It produced a sort of furtive sound as if one was hiding confidential information. His lips, dry from the cold, were chapped. He glanced at the blackened-out monitor and then looked around the whole office again, but still, there were no signs of any presence. No matter how special the coverage is, there would usually be a minimum of manpower left, but it seemed like there was a major accident after all. ¡°Oh no¡­.¡± Ha Joyoon, looking around as he checked the time, coughed dryly in embarrassment. It had been two hours since the scheduled time. He knew some time had passed, but he didn¡¯t realize it would be this much. He swallowed a short groan as he recalled the spirit of his promise for a moment. If that man was cold, he would act cold, and even with empty words, he was not on the kind side. Ha Joyoon did not have any particular likes or dislikes about others unless they were of his own, but he remembered that man as a particularly difficult person. That¡¯s why he was greatly puzzled when he heard that his family received a lot of help from this man. Thinking about this and that, Ha Joyoon looked through the office again with aloof eyes. He decided that today¡¯s meeting would be difficult. It was when he turned around thinking that he had to take the opportunity to apologize properly and reschedule the appointment. ¡°Sneaking into an empty office is one thing, but you know how to sneak out too?¡± A low, clear voice echoed throughout the empty office. It was a familiar feeling, with a cold aura that was in contrast to the polite honorifics. As he turned his head to the sudden appearance, a tall figure, dressed in a neat suit, leaning against the door, came into view. The sophisticated appearance and sharp eyes that backed the rumors born from women¡¯s gossip in the past looked arrogant even at first glance. Shin Kwonjoo. One of the most famous journalists and a record holder for the most ¡®The First¡¯ in the TPA News Agency, a man who was once his superior. Even though he was already aware that he had come to Korea and had made an appointment, he was still surprised to meet him here. The man¡¯s eyebrows were subtly curved as he looked at Ha Joyoon, who was standing still with an awkward expression. Step Step. The cool air rushed through the hard floor with the sound of shoes echoing throughout. ¡°You crumpled up a lot of other people¡¯s documents.¡± Perhaps done when lost in thought, Ha Joyoon frowned in embarrassment as he looked at the crumpled documents under his hand. ¡°Not in good shape.¡± Mumbling under his breath, the man lightly tapped Ha Joyoon¡¯s hand, took his documents, and placed them on the other side of the desk. Each sequence of scenes was extremely unrealistic. Even the fact that man was here. CH 4 Oh My Love, The First. PU8O1f After hesitating for a long time, his slightly dry lips moved slowly. ¡°There¡¯s no one here.¡± Chrysanthemum Garden. ¡°The office staff has moved due to internal affairs.¡± The moment when the doubt had been resolved. Ha Joyoon shook his head lightly. jyqmn0 ¡°When did you come to Korea?¡± Although he was his senior in university, Ha Joyoon had only met Shin Kwonjoo a few years ago, when he was an intern at the head office working for him for about half a year. As the contract ended, he too, ended up moving to another overseas branch. Until the day before his departure, the man hadn¡¯t told him anything about himself, and there had been no personal contact with each other since. Rumors flew by a few years later that he was promoted as the youngest editor-in-chief and settled there after acquiring US citizenship, but that was all. It was strictly a professional relationship and the end of the crossing point between me and Shin Kwonjoo. This made it all the more surprising that Ha Junghye said that she received a lot of help from him. ¡°Half a year ago. But more importantly, Don¡¯t you have something to say first?¡± Zfr Wi ¡°¡­¡­?¡± Shin Kwonjoo snorted quietly as he tapped his watch and he looked at me without any enthusiasm. His eyes shone sharply. Only then did Ha Joyoon remember the mistake he had forgotten and rubbed his cheek with a puzzled expression. As he was contemplating how to apologize, Shin Kwonjoo, who was approaching him, sat lightly on a nearby desk. The nose bridge of the man to whom he had tossed the document papers, looked sleek. The man in front of him had a refined aura. In the past, there was an intense feeling of aggressiveness, but now it seemed that a well-cut customized suit fit him better. ¡°I never expected to wait for someone I didn¡¯t even ask to meet.¡± LIVCmg ¡°I¡¯m sorry.¡± ¡°I like that you don¡¯t try to make useless excuses, but you should keep your promises.¡± Shin Kwonjoo¡¯s eyebrows sharply contorted as he spoke without mercy. Although the atmosphere in the air might have changed, the blade that was well-cut remained. The lips that were looking for something to say, in the now awkward atmosphere, soon closed tightly. Ha Joyoon had never been good at speaking up. It was difficult for him to articulate his numerous thoughts by putting them into words, and once in a while, the words he meant to say were often omitted in midst of his sentences. Thus, he chose silence since he was not eloquent, but there were many people who interpreted that as arrogance. He knew that this tendency of his caused misunderstandings from those around him, but he didn¡¯t care much about his surroundings because of his characteristic aloof personality. This was also why he wasn¡¯t able to question his own lover¡¯s betrayal since he couldn¡¯t figure out whether betrayal was what happened after all. 3ETKGF It was Shin Kwonjoo who broke the awkward silence and spoke first. ¡°You still keep your mouth closed and just move your eyes instead.¡± ¡°¡­¡­.¡± ¡°And you still make people feel embarrassed for interacting with you. ¡± 8Lxs1p Swyjggjrrlcu. Pr atfgf jcs batfg kbgv atja vlvc¡¯a ola atf wjc jr wemt jr atja bcf? Lj Absbbc mjgfoeiis abbx j vffq ygfjat jcv rajgfv ja Vtlc Bkbcpbb. Vtlc Bkbcpbb¡¯r fsfr cjggbkfv jr lo tf tjv gfjv jii tlr atbeutar pera ys tlr reyaif fzqgfrrlbc. Lf jrxfv klat j rtbga rcbga. ¡°Why? Do you think I never feel any embarrassment?¡± Please visit chrysanthemumgarden (dot) com ¡°¡­ I heard from my sister. That you helped out a lot¡­.¡± The words were uttered after careful thinking, but the focus was off somewhere else. Shin Kwonjoo shook his head as if he was familiar with that. r7hbsO ¡°It was nothing.¡± ¡°¡­¡­.¡± ¡°The reason why you asked me to meet you was so that you could thank me? Not that you kept your word.¡± ¡°¡­¡­.¡± PW2ndU ¡°I helped her because I could. I was contacted personally by chance, and by chance, I could answer some of her questions, that¡¯s it. I didn¡¯t actually look into anything myself. Anything else?¡± It was a neat and precise answer. Did he hear what his sister, who was excited about the reunion, said rather exaggeratedly? Ha Joyoon looked at the man in front of him in embarrassment. He had a face that was indifferent to the feelings of others. Just like in the past, exchanging greetings with each other was just awkward. Although the cold treatment of Shin Kwonjoo was embarrassing, it was better to have this situation that ended neatly only on each other¡¯s business without the interference of the five senses of excessive emotion. He nodded his head silently, rubbing the nape of his neck in the cool air. ¡°Still, it comforted my family quite a lot. Thank you. I wanted to give my greetings and say thanks but I¡¯m sorry that I couldn¡¯t keep my promise. I should have left the office right away, but I got caught up in my thoughts momentarily¡­. I¡¯ll be on my way.¡± ¡°All right.¡± v8JmFQ The man only nodded lightly with an expression absent of any interest. It was when he turned around without regret with the gesture to leave that he had done his business. ¡°Did I mention Kang Taejung? He said he was your friend.¡± Without realizing it, his head turned back at the mention of that painful name. Shin Kwonjoo¡¯s indifferent gaze was still locked onto the papers. ¡°He seemed desperate as he looked for you. It¡¯s amazing that people usually go that far between friends. You had been wanting to get in touch with me but why don¡¯t you contact that friend of yours first?¡± 7Wh5SE Things had been a lull until recently. What that man added was enough to steeply raise Ha Joyoon¡¯s emotional ups and lead the downs to their fall. No matter how many times he had been through it, it was still a pain unfamiliar to him. He felt a prickling sensation, fiddling around his heart, and he looked down at the floor without saying a word. All emotions fall like the leaves in autumn. It was only then that he realized the emotional changes that Kang Taejung had to go through during the five years he could not remember. A time spent waiting, in anger, in frustration, in hope, in mourning, and finally in conformity that led him to eventually give up. ¡°Hey.¡± A voice filled with confusion echoed throughout the space. Ha Joyoon blinked slowly. It was as heavy and difficult as it was when he had just opened his eyes after regaining consciousness. For some reason, the face of the man in front of him looked distorted. Is something wrong with my head? As he pondered, he realized that his cheeks were damp with moisture, and raised his hand. There were amp droplets on his fingertips. Only then did Ha Joyoon finally realize that he had been crying. duHk8s Shin Kwonjoo¡¯s face, which was only faintly visible, became clearer as he blinked a few more times. The cool expression that had been on his face a while ago was nowhere to be found by the man and was instead replaced with embarrassment. Even in the midst of a horrific battlefield where countless people were dying, not a single tear could be seen from a certain moment on. He had a hard time accepting his mental state, which had weakened over the past few days. Ha Joyoon, barely placing his hand on his forehead, slightly lowered his head again. His nose was stuffed up. Story translated by Chrysanthemum Garden. ¡°I¡¯m sorry. I¡¯ll see you again next time.¡± As if he didn¡¯t like the apology, Shin Kwonjoo frowned slightly with his arms crossed. Their eyes met briefly. An intense energy was pierced in a straight line. It had been like that before, but it was a strange feeling. A voice that didn¡¯t hide his displeasure came out. A2ZVjJ ¡°I don¡¯t know what point made you react like that. Did I make a mistake?¡± ¡°No, you didn¡¯t.¡± ¡°¡­ You¡¯ve been unconscious for several years, it seems you¡¯ve changed.¡± ¡°¡­¡­.¡± V4KfSv ¡°Or are you just hurt?¡± Apart from the grumpily raised eyebrows, Ha Joyoon felt the genuine curiosity in Shin Kwonjoo¡¯s tone of voice and smiled without realizing it. Thanks to that, the eyes that had hardened were then gently loosened. ¡°I¡¯m sure that¡¯s not it.¡± ¡°Then why is it like that?¡± biJcku ¡°What is?¡± It didn¡¯t seem like he was a talkative man, but it was funny that the conversation continued even in this situation. When he looked up at him, Shin Kwonjoo, who still seemed bothered by his appearance, muttered with his brows furrowed ¡°You looked exactly like a corpse.¡± ¡°¡­¡­.¡± EG5old This time, I was really at a loss for words. Ha Joyoon stared at Shin Kwonjoo with a baffled expression. The water had dried up a long time ago. No, it¡¯s not a corpse, but a doll carved out of wood. What he added made it a little more ridiculous, but the man in front didn¡¯t seem to care at all. ¡°Anyhow.¡± He changed the look of his eyes again as if he were no longer interested and turned back. To him, Ha Joyoon was strictly a stranger, and he had no intention of hiding that fact. An extremely dry heart, unable to detect even a momentary warmth. ¡°I have another appointment too, so let¡¯s leave.¡± cp1Vfk Shin Kwonjoo grabbed the documents, laptop, and briefcase on the other side of the desk and gestured to Ha Joyoon. Needless to say, it was his way of escorting the guest. Come quickly. After letting out a short sentence, Shin Kwonjoo strode toward the door first. Ha Joyoon hurriedly followed him in the footsteps that took place in an instant. Suddenly a memory of the past came to mind. Shin Kwonjoo, who was always busy working, and Ha Joyoon, himself, who followed him and struggled to learn more. The passion and enthusiasm of that time were as hazy as if it had been a long time ago. Read more BL at chrysanthemumgarden (dot) com That¡¯s right. Just as memories are diluted, emotions, too, are diluted as easily. His clenched fist tightened. Do I have to accept Kang Taejung¡¯s changed behavior in this way by endlessly rationalizing it? Ha Joyoon closed his eyes tightly in the agony that flocked yet again. ¡°I¡¯m busy this week.¡± unbFiZ ¡°Sorry? Ha Joyoon, who had been following him, stopped again at the words that had ambiguous intentions. The man who was checking the schedule on his phone then continued. ¡°I¡¯ll call you around next week, so please keep your promise and be on time. Normally, you¡¯d be out. But looking at your current state, it seems things have slowed down for you.¡± ¡°¡­¡­.¡± OzUsjh ¡°I¡¯ll let it slide this once. Also, bring your memory card the next time you come.¡± ¡°Memory card?¡± When asked, Shin Kwonjoo took out a cigarette and answered as he held the stick between his teeth. ¡°Your five-year aged camera. We should still look at the photos.¡± cfU72q Unhidden arrogance and authority were stamped like a seal on the words spoken casually with respect. Ha Joyoon hesitated for a moment and blurted out what seemed to be the end of his intended sentence. ¡°Why is that¡­.¡± ¡°You wouldn¡¯t have any use for them anyway, right?¡± ¡°I¡­ haven¡¯t quit. ¡­ I¡¯m coming back to work.¡± dzWXnC Shin Kwonjoo responded with a more relaxed face when he received an answer to the words that he poured out without much thought. Smoke dispersed with the fricative of the lighter. A blatant sneer escaped the corners of his lips. ¡°You seem to have faith in yourself, but it also looks like you¡¯re going overboard to the point I find it amusing. Don¡¯t get me wrong, it¡¯s a favor for Boyle, not me. He also asked me to select a proper photo because he felt bad to request a sick person to send photos right away.¡± It was only after he heard the familiar name of his superior that Ha Joyoon nodded. Damien Boyle was Ha Joyoon¡¯s direct superior and editor-in-chief of his team. I called him a few days ago to say hello but didn¡¯t think of the professional repercussions of it. He was ashamed to assume Shin Kwonjoo¡¯s intentions, but that was all. In an awkward silence and acrid cigarette smoke, the two reached the entrance of the building. As they were about to go their separate ways, Shin Kwonjoo stubbed out the remaining cigarette and smiled in a relaxed manner. ¡°See you next week.¡± fRmEoH ¡°Okay.¡± There was obviously a smile on his face, but at the same time, there was no smile to be found at all. At that moment, ironically, Ha Joyoon realized that there was no sincerity in what the other person said. Please support our translators at chrysanthemumgarden (dot) com ¡®I was contacted personally by chance, and by chance, I could answer some of her questions, that¡¯s it.¡¯ What he said was straight to the point with just the truth, no more, no less. YZ6tz7 ¡°I¡¯ve repeated this over and over but still, be punctual this time. If you¡¯re late again, I¡¯d be worried that you¡¯ve collapsed due to that head of yours.¡± After that, Shin Kwonjoo turned around and began to go his way without hearing any answer, free of any reluctance. Ha Joyoon took a long stride as he quietly followed Shin Kwonjoo with a steady gaze toward his destination. A strong and determined back. And the owner of that figure would never stop and look back at him no matter what. It was a fact that could be known without needing any sort of explanation. Ironically, amid the apathy and indifference of Shin Kwonjoo, Ha Joyoon felt the emptiness of someone who had always sincerely worried and cared for him. The cheeks that could not hide the pain, contorted. Taejung. The name of the one who could not answer was scattered consolingly over the wayside in his mind. Tears fell on the ground again as they were accompanied by unbearable longing. Zc4raJ Ha Joyoon shook his head recklessly, unable to overcome the intense longing. I miss you. He couldn¡¯t think of anything other than that. All the displeasure, resentment, and sadness disappeared and all he could think of was just how much he missed him. And then, I realized. He didn¡¯t have the confidence to break up with Kang Taejung. CH 5 Oh My Love, The First. His body was in a state of exhaustion from all the tests that had been going on since morning. Ha Joyoon let out a small yawn as he stretched his upper body in a chair in front of the reservation counter, then looked around. From casual visitors to inpatients in hospital gowns, the lobby was crowded with all sorts of people. ¡°Mr. Ha Joyoon, please go to room No.1.¡± At the call of the nurse announcing that his turn has come up, Ha Joyoon raised his body. After finishing the call with a simple greeting, he started walking behind the nurse. The unique scent of the hospital brushed the tip of his nose. A strange smell of the borderline between life and death. Ha Joyoon closed his eyes and traced his memories as a sudden sense of d¨¦j¨¤ vu emerged. When he reached somewhere in the past after passing through a large curve, he realized the identity of the sense of d¨¦j¨¤ vu. The smell was similar to the smell of gunpowder that had wafted through his senses just before he was struck by a bullet and fell; it was similar to the traces of war. As the line between reality and dreams began to blur, a friendly voice woke him up. ¡°Not all of the test results have come out, but I will tell you some of them today, and the rest will come out during the next treatment.¡± A nurse who arrived at the doctor¡¯s office added an explanation. Ha Joyoon shook his head lightly to nod with an expressionless expression. Click. The door opened, accompanied by the sound of him turning the knob. Through a gap in the slightly opened door, a doctor who was examining the pictures on his monitor came into view. Come in. He took a careful step, guided by a gentle voice. ¡°Please take a seat.¡± The doctor recited formal instructions as if he was a machine, without even examining Ha Joyoon¡¯s face as he entered the room. He faced dozens of patients a day, and so, his voice was utterly dull. Perhaps that voice would tell you something important. Just like pressing a button on a robot. It could be truly tragic. Ha Joyoon remained seated on the assigned chair as he continued with his trivial thoughts. It was when he handed the nurse who came along with him some papers and charts and watched the doctor dryly instructing him, that he eventually became unable to overcome his boredom and turned his gaze toward the window. ¡°Ha Joyoon?¡± ¡°¡­¡­?¡± His light brown eyes gently tilted to the side at the friendly voice calling him. The doctor¡¯s face, which had been dull so far, now had an expression of astonishment. ¡°It¡¯s Ha Joyoon, right?¡± Ha Joyoon carefully looked at the face of the person seated across as he heard the voice confirming it again, and let out a short exclamation in a similar manner. ¡°Huh¡­.¡± ¡°Tfjt, vevf. Gb sbe gfwfwyfg wf? Yt, Regrf Aecu, sbe mjc ifjnf. Pa¡¯r rbwfbcf P xcbk.¡± The man who beckoned the nurse tossed the picture on the photo chart and pulled his chair close to Ha Joyoon. He took a moment to scan the name of the person which was embroidered on his white coat. Im Dohyun. A name that felt familiar yet seemed unfamiliar. Hey, no way. Fancy meeting you here. As if he wouldn¡¯t forget his name even in his dreams, he was busy examining the face of Ha Joyoon, who was sitting in front of him with a look of surprise. ¡°Lbk ibcu tjr la yffc? Qtfc P olgra tfjgv atf cjwf, P atbeuta la kjr j vloofgfca qfgrbc klat atf rjwf cjwf, yea P¡¯w regqglrfv ab rff la¡¯r sbe joafg jii.¡± ¡°¡­ Yeah. It¡¯s been a while.¡± ¡°I think it¡¯s the first time I¡¯m seeing you since high school graduation right?¡± Ha Joyoon, who was trying to remember, muttered and nodded without any emotion. Despite his awkward expression, Im Dohyun smiled calmly and continued. ¡°Taejung keeps in touch from time to time but I never heard from you. I was curious about how you were doing but I ended up meeting you here, how nice.¡± His body, which had been seated in a bored manner, flinched at the name that followed like an unconditioned reflection. No matter who he meets, whatever topic they talk about, everything inevitably led back to him. It was terrifying to even count just how many things that connected the two of them were still left. The traces of Kang Taejung, which are connected to every part of my life, were so clear and painful that I was at a loss as to how to deal with them. Ha Joyoon tried to keep a calm expression on his face and responded appropriately to his high school classmate¡¯s greetings. ¡°That¡¯s just how I¡¯ve been doing. I guess you went to medical school. I didn¡¯t know.¡± ¡°That¡¯s what happened. Do you still take photos? You used to carry your camera around for the entire three years of high school. A journalist or a photographer or something like that, right?¡± ¡°Well¡­ yes. It¡¯s something I¡¯ve been doing all along.¡± ¡°I guess it¡¯s true, after all. Hahaha, it suits you well.¡± ¡°Thanks.¡± He smiled weakly and intertwined his skinny fingers. The thin hair that was lightly scattered over his forehead by the air conditioning wind repeatedly gathered up before being scattered again. However, Im Dohyun, who had no idea of his complicated feelings, was busy expressing the joy of being reunited with a classmate. ¡°When we were in school, you were always with Taejung so I couldn¡¯t talk to you properly but it really is nice to meet you here instead.¡± ¡°Is that so.¡± ¡°At that time, everyone wanted to talk and get to know you, but you were always in an atmosphere where you couldn¡¯t even talk to anyone else unless it was that guy. You were a bit unique.¡± Whether in the past or present, Ha Joyoon¡¯s world was narrow and prejudiced. He was passionately immersed in the things he was interested in but paid no attention to the things he was not. He had the same attitude towards work and his relationships. Except for his family, Kang Taejung was the only person who held a lot of meaning and importance to him. He did not even dare to guess where the starting point was. He thought there was no discomfort or dissatisfaction, but now that his relationship with Kang Taejung was severed, his tendency has become a boomerang, endlessly ripping and crushing his wounds. How much longer do we have to be in this situation? Will I be able to overcome it each time? He closed his eyes tightly and opened them again, filled with an unknown emotion. The priority right now was to change the topic. He knew it was not polite to the person who was happy to see him, but Ha Joyoon avoided his gaze and cut off the conversation in a voice, free of any intonation. ¡°Did I¡­? It was so long ago. But I have to leave quickly¡­ Can I know the test results first?¡± ¡°Huh? Oh, oh¡­ yes. That¡¯s right. I was just so glad since we met after so long that I forgot. I¡¯m sorry.¡± With an embarrassed smile, the man hurriedly displayed a brain image on the monitor screen. Ha Joyoon stopped breathing for a moment at the image of his head that he had seen in front of him, and slowly calmed his breathing. His chest was stinging, accompanied by a nauseating feeling. as if fragments that may have remained somewhere had reached his heart through the blood vessels. What remains in my mind are the vestiges of civil war? Is it a vestige of my heart? He thought it was all okay, but when he faced reality, the fear he had been putting up with came rushing in. The person sitting on the other side also spoke with difficulty, pointing to a specific part of the video picture with a serious expression. The moment the eternal silence ended, Ha Joyoon closed his eyes. When he opened his eyes again, the painful reality had disappeared for a moment, and he was surrounded by everyone he had dreamed of. As he looked around curiously, he soon found a familiar man he had only seen in pictures and quickly approached him. Hey Robert, do you have any regrets in your life? An imaginary man answered the silly question. Look, buddy, the mines that blew my body didn¡¯t get rid of my film and Gerda¡¯s photos. It was a mischievous voice. Bang- Baang- The sound of the horn tumbled along the road. The footsteps of people passing through the sidewalk block were entangled in a zig-zag pattern, beautifully embroidering the city. The unsteady gaze of someone carefully stepping between the cracks, gaps, and spaces between all the people. The arduous steps as a result of walking continuously slowed down little by little and soon came to a complete stop. Then, he turned around completely. Standing absent-mindedly in the middle of the road, Ha Joyoon, like a lost child, alternately looked at the path he had just walked and the path he had to take further on. An odd sense of distance. Even though he had just left the hospital¡¯s main entrance, it was already too far to go back, too far to move forward. It was a crossroads of choice, neither the worst nor the lesser evil. Suddenly, the medicine bag in his hand felt as heavy as a lump of iron. Im Dohyun, who calmly explained everything in a tone of concern and worry, did not forget his request until the end. The heavy words carried weight as if the responsibility for all the choices lay with Ha Joyoon himself. ¡°¡­¡­.¡± He wiped my dry lips and pulled out his phone with a sluggish hand. The screen displayed a list of missed calls and messages. Since he came out without saying anything, most of the calls came from home, and besides that, there were different numbers and names all over the place. He scrolled down the list in a slow and bored manner. It¡¯s because he knew the contact name he wished to see the most wouldn¡¯t be there anyway. Yoon-ah. He hears a kind and subtle voice. Despite knowing it just was his hallucination, a deep longing for his lover rose from his throat. His heart, which had been wandering without its proper form for days, cautiously landed on a certain decision. It may be a hurtful choice for others, but the hesitation was short. Didn¡¯t I already experience death once? If life was about not knowing when it would end then I don¡¯t want to leave with just nothing but regrets and memories. Ha Joyoon, who once again bit his lips hard, quickly dialed the number with a face full of determination. He erased it several times, but he couldn¡¯t erase the memories that had been etched in his heart. 1) Are you going to Scarborough Fair Parsley, sage, rosemary, and thyme¡­ Remember me to one who lives there¡­. Shortly after pressing the last number, a familiar pop song flowed through the small device. His body froze for a moment at the familiar melody. The tip of his tightly closed lips trembled gently, akin to when one wants to laugh and cry at the same time. Kang Taejung¡¯s caller tune, which hadn¡¯t changed in the past decade, was one of Ha Joyoon¡¯s favorite pop songs. You can¡¯t even stand your ground till the end. The longer Garfunkel¡¯s song went on, strangely, the more his heart beat faster. The desire to receive and the desire to not receive coexisted in a tangled embrace. As if to cut off even the lingering feelings, the music too was cut off in an instant. In addition, the breathing that followed the notes chose the same route of action. Ha Joyoon held the heated machine to his ear and exhaled slowly. The silence was the same for the other party beyond the phone. It was Kang Taejung who broke the silence. This act of asking about other things without any prior greetings was simply unlike his actual attitude. He would always call first to check up on Ha Joyoon¡¯s state of mind before continuing the conversation smoothly. Since they were both the quiet type, even if they did not talk much, the silence was never uncomfortable. The moment when the silence was just a gap as comfortable as breathing, was now unbearably scary and uncomfortable. However, without expressing sadness in the reality that Ha Joyoon had changed, the other party quickly announced the end. <¡­¡­.> A cold silence passed between the two. He tried to pretend to be calm by running his fingers through his messy hair, but his voice was terribly cracked from tension. It remained the same even when he tried to tone it down with a slight cough. He didn¡¯t want to visit without saying anything like before. If he saw the two coming in together again, he wasn¡¯t confident that he¡¯d be able to keep his composure this time. In that case, it was better to block all variables in advance. There was still a strange silence. A familiar breathing sound was heard. Unlike my heart which was pounding as if convulsing, the other person¡¯s extremely calm breathing hurt. Even if he pretends to be aloof, there was no way Kang Taejung was unable to notice Ha Joyoon¡¯s tension over the phone. He was a man who was quick to know even the small emotional changes that the other was not aware of. He was a lover who gave everything from one to ten, like someone who was born for him. In retrospect, he couldn¡¯t have been born that way. It was only a one-sided sacrifice supported by his own love. Ha Joyoon¡¯s restlessness grew as the silence continued without knowing its end. With a vague foreboding that the conversation could end as it is, Ha Joyoon hurriedly opened his mouth. <¡­¡­.> He had no intention of ending it. He knew that he was seeing someone else now, but for Ha Joyoon, Kang Taejung was not the past but the present. As if he was already aware of what was on the mind of the other person who wanted to hold him back, Kang Taejung awkwardly called out the name of his former lover. Afraid of what would follow, Ha Joyoon quickly brought up the business for which he called. His voice gradually watered down. It was sad that he had to make such an excuse, and it was because he realized that everything he said and did now made the other uncomfortable. A hot mass of heat scratched the vocal cords. <¡­¡­.> <¡­¡­.> It was not cold, but the silence with hesitation was rather cruel. I¡­ I¡­ Unforgettable words are buried in the noise made by people on the street. I feel miserable, but I still want you to say something. Please. The silence continued again as the weary voice responded to the poor request. After waiting for a long time, the word of consent falls. Where is the place¨C even before the question was over, Kang Taejung continued without a break. Although he seemed reluctant, Ha Joyoon eagerly held onto his phone and nodded seriously at the appointment Kang Taejung made with difficulty, as if he was right in front of him. <¡­¡­.> An awkward air came and left. He, with an infinitely heavy heart, ended the call without asking for the other person¡¯s approval. He was afraid of having to endure Kang Taejung¡¯s silence any longer. CH 6 Oh My Love, The First. Ha Joyoon slowly moved as he ignored the numbing pain striking his heart. The late afternoon sun gently warmed his feet. There were still nearly four hours left until the appointed time. ¡°Why is that person¡­.¡± The man¡¯s gaze, staring at the side where Ha Joyoon disappeared, moved around aimlessly. When he first spotted him in the lobby of the hospital where he stopped by to visit a sick acquaintance, he just thought it was someone who looked similar but the suspicion was not short-lived. That appearance that always caught the eyes of the passers-by at least once and the unique air that surrounded him. He didn¡¯t want to admit it, but there really was no one who looked like him. Although the pace was slow, Seo Youngwoo¡¯s chase after Ha Joyoon was somewhat hasty and of unease. It¡¯s because he knew that Kang Taejung¡¯s office was near the hospital. Why did he come? Who was he talking to? Was he talking to hyung? All sorts of questions floated through his mind in a blue state of unease. I pretended to be okay, I pretended to be determined, but there really was no way I was going to be okay. He had spent a long time hovering around him Kang Taejung and had witnessed his love for Ha Joyoon. Seeing those persistent and deep feelings of his, there were times when he secretly felt that he wanted to be loved by someone like that. Seo Youngwoo quickly shook off his thoughts to deny any further suspicions despite the lump of anxiety that was growing out of control. Even when the two met after 5 years, his feelings were taken into consideration and he was allowed to attend. The other person had been given no room and Youngwoo¡¯s hand was held until the end. If there had been any lingering feelings for an old lover, it would not have been possible. However, the unconscious hand holding the phone gradually became tense. In addition, the expression of arbitrary distortion had long since left his will. As soon as he entered the caf¨¦, Ha Joyoon¡¯s first feeling was that of an unpleasant discomfort. The interior was neat and tidy, but it was mainly due to the psychological fear a caf¨¦ gave him. Therefore, when Kang Taejung set a cafe as the appointed place, he was unable to hide his sadness. Although the location was different this time, it still didn¡¯t change the fact that the place he had been hurt in just a few days ago was also a caf¨¦. Such a feat would¡¯ve been impossible for Kang Taejung in the past. The other person had spent 5 years like this, but for Ha Joyoon, it was a transformation of a lover that took place in just a few days. Forcefully swallowing the bitterness, Ha Joyoon carefully looked around. Even though it was a time when there were a lot of people around, the caf¨¦ itself was very quiet inside. It was not difficult to guess the reason for choosing this place, but the disappointment remained. He carefully placed his hands, which had been cooled by the air conditioner, on the table and checked the time. Seven O¡¯Clock. After a long wait, the promised time had arrived, but there was still no trace of Kang Taejung at the door of the cafe that opened now and then. Every time he heard the sound of the door being opened, Ha Joyoon was self-sacrificing at the memories that came to his mind as he repeatedly raised and lowered his head in anticipation over and over again. In the past, it was always Kang Taejung who waited in their relationship. From small date promises to small daily appointments, sometimes for filming as an excuse, Kang Taejung has been waiting for Ha Joyoon in all the situations in which he had to go to a civil war area for most of the year. There was a time when he was genuinely angry and expressed anxiety. The moment he left for a civil war zone as soon as he got his first correspondent status and the moment he left for Syria five years ago. In all those moments, Ha Joyoon¡¯s choice was work and photography. ¡°The more I think about it, the worse it gets.¡± Ha Joyoon buried his head in the rush of shame and muttered in a melancholy voice. No matter how much he thought about it, he didn¡¯t deserve Kang Taejung, and there was no reason for him to be chosen over the person he¡¯s dating now. From one to ten, he could only think of things he was unable to do for him. During the time they dated, or even before that, he had never made Kang Taejung feel secure. He always grieved, missed, and was anxious. But¡­ still. Knock. ¡°Sorry, I¡¯m a bit late.¡± A low, soft voice echoed from the corner along with a knock on the table. When he raised his head, he looked a bit tired but he saw a man who still had his good looks along with an equally good look in his eyes. ¡°It¡¯s fine, I just got here too.¡± ¡°Qbgx fcvfv j ilaaif ijaf.¡± Bjcu Kjfpecu mjrejiis rkfqa tlr oibklcu tjlg, klat tlr pjmxfa jcv mjg xfsr bc atf mbgcfg bo atf ajyif. Lj Absbbc¡¯r ujhf wbnfv lc aecf klat tlr ufraegfr. Dfakffc atf pjmxfa bo j wbvfgc vfrluc, atf fwyifw bo atf rwjga xfs kjr rtlclcu ecvfg atf iluta bo atf mflilcu. Pa kjr cba atf mjg wbvfi atja Lj Ab-sbbc xcfk. It¡¯s not a big deal, but my heart aches when I think about how I don¡¯t know something that¡¯s a part of Kang Taejung¡¯s daily life. Ignoring the pain, Ha Joyoon pretended to be okay and let out his words. ¡°What would you like to drink? I heard all the drinks here are good. Coffee? If not, then¡­.¡± ¡°No, it¡¯s okay. I drank a lot in the office, so I don¡¯t really need it.¡± There was an unspoken pressure from the fact that it felt like he wanted to leave as soon as their business was over. Thin and long eyelashes trembled at the cold encounter. He desperately tried to make eye contact, but Kang Taejung¡¯s gaze was always fixed on the table. It was a cold gaze from which all emotions were excluded. ¡°Taejung-ah¡± He quite desperately and mournfully called out. ¡°Look at me.¡± ¡°¡­¡­.¡± ¡°At least look at me.¡± When he tried to reach out and extended his hand towards him, the other person flinched before he could do so. In response to this reaction, Ha Joyoon smiled awkwardly and lowered his hand again. Taejung-ah. The quiet call resonated. Kang Taejung slowly raised his head as a signal. Although he seemed tired, his gentle arc-drawing eyes and sharp nose still made Ha Joyoon¡¯s heart pound. It was a face that he had missed and loved for so long. After taking a careful look at Kang Taejung, Ha Joyoon continued to talk quietly. ¡°Back then¡­ I was so shocked that I couldn¡¯t say anything.¡± ¡°¡­¡­.¡± ¡°How long has it been? How do you know each other¡­ tell me. I know I¡¯ve done a lot of wrong to you but think of the years we¡¯ve been together. ¡­I didn¡¯t even hear a word from you telling me to break up. So tell me, am I supposed to accept everything as it is?¡± It was a quiet but calm tone. Kang Taejung sighed heavily and swept his cheek as he had no confidence to face Ha Joyoon¡¯s gaze. In order to forget his pain, the emotions he thought he had forcibly suppressed came leaking out again. Ha Joyoon¡¯s words were not wrong. He had to explain it to him. But he had absolutely no idea as to where he should start from and how to do it. Everything that had taken place in the last few days still hadn¡¯t hit home. It was an honest feeling coming from the fact that he didn¡¯t know where things got tangled up and how to undo them. ¡°Yoon-ah, I.¡± Slowly breaking his luck, Kang Taejung stared at the person sitting opposite him with difficulty. Although his skin tone was overall light and pale, it was not at all an awkward remark to say that he was beautiful even though he was a man. The unique languor and indifferent atmosphere that drove him crazy from the time they were lovers, or even before that, were still there. Those pretty and brown irises of his appeared and reappeared as he blinked. Yoon-ah, I. The words he had swallowed back into his throat continued to circulate around his heart. When you have too much to say, you realize how it feels like to be unable to say anything. Like a mute who¡¯s unaware of how to speak, Kang Taejung repeatedly opened his mouth and closed it without saying anything. ¡°Youngwoo¡­ was my junior in university. I¡¯ve known him for a long time.¡± ¡°¡­¡­.¡± ¡°I had a really difficult time¡­ when you disappeared. It had become impossible for me to live a normal life. So much so that I had thought I was going crazy¡­ I turned out to be a much weaker person than I thought.¡± The voice tracing moments of the past was low and sad. Ha Joyoon quietly listened to Kang Taejung¡¯s voice. ¡°As time went by, I ended up getting tired first. I really was going crazy. Everyday, I cried while regretting not holding you back from going there, but nothing changed, and I didn¡¯t hear anything from you or about you. Still, I was proud of myself for trying my best, but truth is, there was nothing I could do. I didn¡¯t realize that I was such an incompetent person. Time was passing by in such a helpless manner and it was killing me.¡± Seligma¡¯s cheerful hum melted into the bossa nova melody and flowed throughout the entire cafe. The atmosphere created something like a hallucination out of the scarlet lights which were falling like stars on the Rh?ne River. The beautiful music that flowed out did not mix well with the anguish filled voice of the lover. It was killing me. The sobbing voice, one that was trying to console itself, made its way between the big gap the two had. ¡°Throughout all of it, Youngwoo was always there for me. Whenever I was alone, I really wanted to die, and I don¡¯t know how he knew but he would always contact me or come to me every time I felt like that. At first, I ignored him and turned him away but he¡­ he was quite persistent.¡± His tightly closed lips drew a faint arc. Even though it was a momentary action, that cold and hard expression broke down at once. And the heart of Ha Joyoon, who was watching him, also crumbled like a decaying wooden building. You¡­ You can smile like that now, thinking of someone else other than me. You can. ¡°He would come looking for me and stay till the end, he would check up on how I was getting by¡­ He wouldn¡¯t move despite the insults I would throw at him. No matter how hard I tried to push him away, he stayed by my side, no matter what I did, he still stayed by side¡­ and then all of a sudden¡­ I came to acknowledge him.¡± ¡°¡­¡­.¡± ¡°It¡¯s been about half a year since we started dating. Youngwoo was the one who confessed first, but¡­ it was my choice to accept it.¡± ¡°¡­¡­.¡± ¡°Yoon-ah.¡± The way he was called out was done as kindly as ever, but like an idiot, nothing came to his mind. Ha Joyoon was barely holding onto his dizzyingly spinning head with a thread of reason. He understood Kang Taejung¡¯s word, but only in his head as his heart was unable to accept a single word. Oh, God. What did I just hear? Ha Joyoon rubbed his cheek roughly, letting out a scream of astonishment inside. ¡°¡­ I¡¯m not sure I understand what you¡¯re saying.¡± He pretended to be calm, but his voice was so terribly shaky that it was difficult for him to pronounce a proper word. Kang Taejung raised his body halfway with worried eyes, at the sight of Ha Joyoon, who was visibly shaking in his eyes. ¡°Yoon-ah¡± ¡°So tell me what you¡¯re going to do.¡± The voice, which had lost all the warmth, was sharp and hysterical. Stiff breathing warmed the air. Ha Joyoon hid his trembling hands under the table as he stared at his changed lover with bloodshot eyes. Kang Taejung¡¯s expression, as if he had made up his mind, was frightening and he couldn¡¯t bear it. ¡°Are you saying that you¡¯ll keep dating that person? Even though I came back?¡± ¡°¡­¡­.¡± ¡°Taejung-ah.¡± The man, who turned his head halfway, furrowed his brows painfully. Ha Joyoon was desperately looking for pieces of hope in each of Kang Taejung¡¯s minute expressions, but as time went on, only an unknown feeling of despair was added to the volume. Just before the pain could overflow, he clenched his teeth and shook his head. It can¡¯t be like this. Not like this. ¡°Yoon-ah¡± A voice filled with an ominous undertone rang softly. An expression of solid will loomed over Kang Taejung¡¯s face. Ha Joyoon knew that face well. When he made that face, the lover always pushed his will through silently like a warrior. And so, following his foreboding, a cruel ultimatum. ¡°Yoon-ah, It¡¯s not like¡­ I¡¯ll meet Youngwoo when you¡¯re not here and then throw him away when you come back¡­ he¡¯s not someone I can just abandon. I can¡¯t do that.¡± It was as if a dull and rusty pushed its way through his skin. Ha Joyoon buried his face in his palms and took a deep breath. No tears came out. He was glad he didn¡¯t look ugly. However, a tidal wave that rose from the abyss where there was not even a trace of color swept over his heart. Unbearable resentment flowed through the waves, and violent anger scratched his heart roughly. I can¡¯t understand the slightest bit of what Kang Taejung is saying to me. In this situation, he didn¡¯t want this kind of an answer. He asked in a quivering voice. ¡°Then what about me?¡± ¡°¡­¡­.¡± ¡°Me.. What about our relationship?¡± ¡°¡­¡­.¡± ¡°You want us to break up? Tell me properly.¡± Kang Taejung¡¯s face hardened noticeably at the raw question thrown in a straight line without a detour. An unfiltered, irritable tone of voice urged him again. ¡°Please tell me.¡± He clenched his teeth and attacked the other person by speaking one letter at a time, but it was Ha Joyoon, who was hurt and bleeding. The more he spoke, the more the wounds done by that rusty blade opened up horribly, each revealing his terrible innermost thoughts and he smiled bitterly. CH 7 Oh My Love, The First. As the background sound changed once again to the song of an unknown singer, the sound of someone¡¯s laughter and someone¡¯s conversation gently adorned the inside of the caf¨¦. However, on the other hand, there was a time when no one could even say a word hastily. At that moment. 2) I wish you blue bird in the spring¡­ At the sound of the ringtone that broke the silence, their eyes turned to one place. It was easy to know who the sender was thanks to the device being on the table. The name on the screen shook. Seo Youngwoo. Thinking it was great timing, Ha Joyoon gently pressed the corner of his eye with his palm. Contrary to his cold, sinking heart, a scorching heat rushed up on his face. Kang Taejung¡¯s caller tune was the same as before, but the ringtone had changed. He probably forgot to change the caller tune as well since maybe there was no such thing as their song anymore. What did you expect and what do you remember? Did you not know that time always beautifies, adorns, and discolors memories, and sometimes the dull blade of those beautified memories can inflict fatal wounds? The loud sound of the ringtone in his ears did not seem to diminish over time. As Kang Taejung had described, a persistent person, the caller must have strong patience and someone who doesn¡¯t know how to give up. In that way, this person must have dug into the void in his relationship with him that had been solid for thirty-one years, like that- ¡°Don¡¯t answer it.¡± He opened his mouth with his gaze fixed on the phone. Only black despair was chewing him up bit by bit. ¡°Yoon-ah¡± ¡°Please don¡¯t answer it.¡± A look of discomfort appeared on Kang Taejung¡¯s face. As if it knew the state of his shaking heart, the small machine shook its whole body and announced its presence. Swallowing his dry saliva, Ha Joyoon said once again. Don¡¯t answer it. A shabby voice came out of the vocal cords. A wretched and miserable heart swelled up and weighed on him. Kang Taejung, who was watching Ha Joyoon, was also not comfortable. He didn¡¯t want to hurt someone who had been in his heart for a long time in this way. But now, the person next to me is Seo Youngwoo, not Ha Joyoon. He was the one who devoted himself to look after him, who gave up everything due to Ha Joyoon¡¯s disappearance. Despite being aware of Seo Youngwoo¡¯s feelings for him, he was too busy to cut them off. A sincere confession was consistently ignored and often hurt by mean words. It was such a tough time to the point that even now when he thinks about it, regret and guilt come to his mind first. Recalling how a few days ago, the guy was trembling with anxiety that he might be told to break up, Kang Taejung realized that he had to make a ¡®choice¡¯ again. All without knowing what kind of pain that choice would cause him for the rest of his life. ¡°Sorry.¡± When the notification with heavy decisions fell, light brown eyes containing various emotions shook violently. Kang Taejung¡¯s heart sank heavily at the sight. Vines of responsibility for that choice wrapped themselves around him. Turning away from the face made up of delicate lines, Kang Taejung finally pressed the call button. Immediately a familiar voice came out. At the bright voice, Kang Taejung turned his eyes away and responded as he pretended to be calm. ¡°Outside.¡± ¡°Yeah, just now.¡± ¡°P¡¯w pera wffalcu eq klat rbwfbcf obg j yla.¡± ¡°Aera¡­ rbwfbcf P xcbk.¡± <¡­¡­.> ¡°¡­¡­.¡± Pc gfrqbcrf ab tlr jcrkfg, atf qfgrbc yftlcv atf qtbcf jcv atf qfgrbc lc ogbca bo tlw kfca rlifca ja atf rjwf alwf. Ktf ygbkc fsfr rajglcu ragjluta ja tlw delmxis alcufv klat rjvcfrr jcv regqglrf. Bjcu Kjfpecu, ktb kjr yegvfcfv klat atja offilcu, mibrfv tlr fsfr ab jnblv la. Llr mbkjgvis jcv alwlv rfio kjr gfoifmafv lc Lj Absbbc¡¯r fsfr. ¡°Right now? Youngwoo-ah¡­.¡± ¡°I¡¯m in the middle of a conversation.¡± At the sound of the man¡¯s pleading voice, the hand that was holding the phone tightened. He was smart and quick-witted. Seo Youngwoo didn¡¯t even know that he was guessing the current situation, seeing that he no longer asked who he was with. After some hesitation, Kang Taejung chose again. ¡°¡­ All right, I¡¯ll come now.¡± The call ended with a short answer. And he faced his past choice, looking at him in disbelief. ¡°Yoon-ah, I¡¯m sorry. I think I need to get going now.¡± ¡°¡­¡­.¡± ¡°Yoon-ah.¡± ¡°Someone you know?¡± Kang Taejung¡¯s shoulders stiffened at the question. Just someone you know? It was difficult to find a single piece of energy in the voice that was whispering again. Betrayal and sorrow, created a long trajectory. Following the trail, tears streamed down silently on Ha Joyoon¡¯s dry cheeks. They dripped down his cheeks and chin without any mercy. ¡°To you, I¡¯m just another person you know now?¡± ¡°¡­¡­.¡± ¡°I¡¯m sorry, Taejung-ah. I know this is terrible of me¡­ but I¡¯m not ready to break up with you. I can¡¯t even imagine such a thing.¡± ¡°Yoon-ah!¡± The poison that had been lurking at the bottom of the heart was expelled in the form of tears. His clenched fists trembled like a sick man. There was no longer a person who had always been one step away from each other¡¯s emotions. He, too, was just one of many ordinary people who was going through a break-up, nothing special. Thus, Ha Joyoon floundered in the swamp of his emotions and lost his temper. ¡°Go.¡± ¡°¡­¡­.¡± ¡°I¡¯m leaving, but I can¡¯t end things like this with you¡­ I just can¡¯t¡­ just no¡­ Taejung-ah, see you later.¡± ¡°Yoon-ah!¡± ¡°You and I, we¡¯ve been together since we were born¡­. It can¡¯t be like this. Just as you need time, I also need time and a chance¡­.¡± Ha Joyoon continued to speak with difficulty, without even thinking of hiding his trembling hands. ¡°If I¡­ wasn¡¯t really a piece of trash to you¡­ then please don¡¯t be so cruel to me.¡± ¡°¡­¡­.¡± ¡°I¡¯ll go first. I can¡¯t afford to let you go first today¡­. I¡¯ll call you later. Please answer my call¡­.¡± He unilaterally poured out his words and got up from his seat. He felt dizzy, but he clenched his teeth and endured it. Kang Taejung remembered the cause of Ha Joyoon¡¯s disappearance for the past five years. Gunshot wounds during civil war, and prolonged unconsciousness. When he thought about it that far, his face turned white and he jumped up without realizing it. ¡°Yoon-ah, your health¡­.¡± The hand that extended toward the other person stopped in mid-air. The brown eyes that looked down at the hand that couldn¡¯t even bear to touch him quickly lost their light. ¡°Don¡¯t force yourself to worry¡­. From the moment you came in here until now, you didn¡¯t care about me.¡± Ha Joyoon turned around as it was, with a cold glance along with a sour smile. Creak. The chair was pushed back with its dry scream. The moment came when there was no more conversation. It was a breakup that resembled a pallor. Following the silent footsteps, one of the two walked out of the caf¨¦. And a man who was following his back drooped his head to hide his own anguish. Soon, a breath resembling a shriek came out. After a while, he slowly got up. There was no more hesitation in the back of Kang Taejung, who left the caf¨¦ by walking out, the same way as Ha Joyoon did. Clack- The hand that closed the car door and started the engine stopped for a moment. ¡°Haa¡­.¡± A deep sigh blended with the night air and flowed out. The clock inside the vehicle blinked to indicate the time. It was dawn, and the day had passed. From now on, even if he diligently goes home, he would just have to close his eyes for an hour or two and leave straight away. It was right to leave immediately, but for some reason the man was breathing slowly, and not moving a finger like a statue. In the dark alley, the only light was the scarlet light of street lamps. Through the dim light shining through the window, a sculpture-like face revealed itself little by little. After a long time had passed, Kang Taejung managed to cover his eyes with his arm and leaned back on the seat, letting his body hang languidly. The tension that lasted all afternoon brought about a sudden feeling of weakness. ¡®Hyung, thank you for coming. I was being too stubborn, right? I¡¯m sorry, I was just so anxious all of a sudden. I¡¯m not usually like this¡­ It¡¯s just not as easy as you¡¯d like it to be. I don¡¯t know if it¡¯s because I¡¯m not confident about being with you.¡¯ As soon as he saw Kang Taejung, who came to him, Seo Youngwoo hugged him and confessed his inner feelings. At all the anxiety, worry, regret, and vivid emotions, Kang Taejung smiled and carefully patted his body, which was one head smaller than his, as he himself tried to hide his heavier heart. ¡®Then what about me?¡¯ ¡®Me.. What about our relationship? Why? Accepting Seo Youngwoo¡¯s confession was only possible because he had concluded Ha Joyoon¡¯s chapter. Because he was willing to accept his death and start anew. Or because he had concluded that even if he hadn¡¯t died, the two would no longer be able to maintain a normal romantic relationship. However. ¡®You want us to break up? Tell me properly.¡¯ His hardened lips softened slightly. Even though he had already concluded in his heart that they had broken up and that it was completely over, he was unable to answer Ha Joyoon¡¯s question until the end. It¡¯d be a lie to say he had no regrets. That he¡¯s not sorry, not happy to see him back or that he¡¯s just not happy, they¡¯d all be lies from him. However, Kang Taejung was tired enough of Ha Joyoon¡¯s long-running arbitrary resoluteness and selfishness to offset all that longing. Relationships with an unclear future always made him feel insecure and uneasy. Above all, what scared him the most was the impact Ha Joyoon¡¯s absence had on him over the past five years. He didn¡¯t want to go through that time, which was more terrible and painful than he had imagined. Perhaps if he had properly answered Ha Joyoon¡¯s question about breaking up, it would have been the end. He knew his tendencies better than anyone. Maybe. Kang Taejung completely covered his face with both hands due to a sense of shame. There was a perception that there was room for a relationship that could be completely concluded by avoiding the path of a final decision. Therefore, he had no choice but to admit his own cowardice. You said you needed time and a chance, too. But I still need time as well. I have to cut you out of my life completely, and let you go. CH 8 ¡°Oh my! You really are alive.¡± An excited voice rumbled in his ears. Ha Joyoon circled his glass and immediately picked a suitable size of ice and kept it in his mouth. ¡°I¡¯m not dead.¡± The sullen answer increased the other person¡¯s laughter. ¡°I thought you were dead. But turns out, you¡¯re immortal, too. Why is your face like that?¡± ¡°Nothing. I¡¯m just a little tired.¡± ¡°You¡¯ve gone off completely, totally.¡± The laughter of the woman, with one hand clenched under her chin, was as pure as a pearl. Gently brushing her curled hair to the tip of her ear, Song Jina gave her distinctive smile. Under the bright lights, the stylish appearance sparkled and shone. Song Jina, an alumna of the same university, was a journalist from the international department of a famous central newspaper in Korea and boasted a wide range of personal connections thanks to her strong personality which garnered her affinity with others. ¡°Ha Joyoon has become a human. When I think about a guy who¡¯s been doing this and that, he even comes to say thank you and buys me food.¡± ¡°¡­ I have?¡± ¡°Yeah right, when were you interested in people or anything other than photography?¡± It was a familiar reaction. Not only Song Jina, but most of the people Ha Joyoon met after returning home showed similar reactions. As time passed, and the more people he met, he realized that he needed to re-examine the way he had been living. Was the life of the past, when only one blindly pursued and longed for one thing, really right? Along with a somewhat depressed heart, a gloomy energy contributed to the pale complexion. Song Jina, who recognized the emotion of the moment, raised an eyebrow. ¡°You¡¯re calm? Spirits died down? Do people change after dying and coming back to life? It¡¯s like you¡¯ve fallen and lost a charm you didn¡¯t already have.¡± ¡°¡­¡­.¡± ¡°Such a boring reaction? At times like this, it¡¯s fun to trample on it.¡± Ha Joyoon narrowed his eyes as he recalled Ha Junghye¡¯s words about Song Jina being one of the first people to step up and look for him after his disappearance. It was difficult to find the atmosphere that his sister was talking about anywhere in the way she smiled and pointed her fingers in a playful way. It was clear that his lost heart had distorted reality. As was the case with Shin Kwonjoo. Ha Joyoon blinked slowly as a subtle smile made way at the incident that suddenly came to mind. ¡°More than that, are you feeling better? What went wrong that you were kept in place for 5 years?¡± The tone, which was full of laughter a while ago, turned quite serious. Song Jina¡¯s eyes became sharp at once when she shot a nasal sound with laughter. ¡°Because that is the most worrying thing!¡± Ha Joyoon waved his hand slowly, thinking that the bullying would continue. ¡°I¡¯m fine. It¡¯s because I¡¯m fine that I¡¯m going around and meeting people like this.¡± ¡°Well, that¡¯s a relief. Oh, wait a sec¡­.¡± At the sound of the alarm message, Song Jina blurted the end of her words and tapped the phone screen to check the content. Before long, her brows narrowed slightly. Lee Dongjin, you bastard¡­. At the murmur, Ha Joyoon opened his mouth while still drooping. ¡°Why?¡± ¡°Lf rjlv la kbeiv yf vloolmeia ab mbwf yjmx abvjs yfmjerf atf mbnfgjuf kbeiv qgbyjyis fcv ijaf. Lf¡¯r cba fnfc lc j rlaejalbc ab mjii, rb tf¡¯r ifjnlcu j wfrrjuf. Lf¡¯ii mjii sbe rfqjgjafis. Pr atja bxjs?¡± ¡°Tfjt.¡± Lf delfais cbvvfv ja atf cfkr bo jcbatfg qjgas¡¯r rmtfveif, bcf atja tf kjr reqqbrfv ab wffa abvjs. Lj Absbbc jirb xcfk ogbw sfjgr bo fzqfglfcmf atja atf vjlis ilnfr bo pbegcjilrar kfgf erejiis ilxf kjg ktfc vbwfralm jcv obgfluc fwbalbcr kbeiv jii yf yea mbcoerfv ilxf atfrf vjsr, rb tf vlvc¡¯a offi qjgalmeijgis vlrjqqblcafv. ¡°I¡¯m so busy but I¡¯m still here to see if you¡¯re alive or not, leaving everything behind. I had no time but I risked my life for this. I might have to submit an excuse tomorrow. Aren¡¯t you grateful? You¡¯re crying, right? ¡°That¡¯s right, I¡¯m tearing up like crazy.¡± ¡°I¡¯m just so busy these days. Accidents happen so much everyday that I have to take naps daily. I don¡¯t even know when I get to go home or anything.¡± Suddenly, he remembered the scene of Shin Kwonjoo¡¯s office that he had visited recently. At that time, he had no knowledge of the domestic situation as it hadn¡¯t been long since he returned to Korea. It was not until he learned through the media that all sorts of problems, such as stock price manipulation and accounting fraud by the head of an international conglomerate, the corruption gates of the rulers, and the provocation caused by the North Korean nuclear weapons program occurred at the same time, that he understood the gloomy situation of the office that was reminiscent of wartime. Going back to the memories of that time, Ha Joyoon tapped the tip of his chin with his finger. It was a habit of his whenever he was lost in thought. He said he¡¯d see him again this week, but Shin Kwonjoo didn¡¯t contact him at all. There had been no answer to the message that was sent after being thought over for several days. Is he too busy? Would it be better to send it directly to Boyle? Song Jina slightly raised her nails and scratched the back of Ha Joyoon¡¯s hand, who had a blank look on his face that revealed that he was thinking about something else. ¡°You¡¯re not going to listen?¡± Ha Joyoon smiled faintly and rubbed his eyes at the fierce voice covered in laughter. ¡°I met Sunbae-nim a few days ago.¡± Sunbae? The high-toned voice was laced with confusion. Song Jina, who had been thinking for a while, struck him on the knee. ¡°Oh- is it Kwonjoo Sunbae? Last year, TPA moved its Asia branch to Korea and he came in as the branch manager. It didn¡¯t seem like he would stay here that long since he was only supposed to be here until the branch was settled.¡± ¡°Yeah. I heard you were the one who linked my family to Sunbae. Thank you.¡± ¡°Yes. You should be thankful. It was harder to get in touch with him than to get a scoop. How picky and busy he is, as if he needs to do everything by himself. It was kind of annoying, but well, the sad thing is right here.¡± A calm smile stood at the tip of his lips as the embarrassing experience he had recently overlapped with a stark evaluation. Re-all-ly. Song Jina sighed as she stretched her words. ¡°He heard you were missing, but he didn¡¯t even blink an eye?¡± ¡°Well, it¡¯s not like you and Sunbae were close enough for him to be shocked over it.¡± ¡°Still, you worked under him at one point so how could he be so cold-hearted? Anyway, in the end, Kwonjoo Sunbae took care of all the important things. Even though he¡¯s arrogant and rude, he still helped out in times of difficulty. Sunbae¡¯s connections in the media are seriously no joke. I guess it wasn¡¯t just a rumor that he came from a family of journalists. He¡¯s hot headed but still holds an influence in TPA? It was also thanks to Sunbae that we were able to reach the foreign correspondents in Syria.¡± The look in Ha Joyoon¡¯s eyes seemed to calm down as he listened to Song Jina¡¯s words. ¡°There was no cooperation between the countries since it¡¯s a civil war, so The Ministry of Foreign Affairs could only take normal measures, and since you¡¯re not someone who holds a key position in the country, there was no way the NIS would move. Rather, if you were taken hostage by the terrorist group, those people would have made a video with you and then the country would be interested¡­ You were really about to be killed like a dog, you know?¡± It was an explanation of the past five years and a harsh reality. There was nothing wrong with what she said. He nodded his head quietly, with a dark look on his face. ¡°I was, huh¡­.¡± ¡°I¡¯m telling you to take care of yourself. It¡¯s not the era of Cold War, and who goes out in the middle of a civil war and takes pictures while rolling around? Who¡¯s gonna recognize you? You¡¯re not greedy for a Pulitzer, you¡¯re not trying to make a name for yourself to leave it behind, so just why? You don¡¯t know how to do things in moderation at all.¡± ¡°I won¡¯t do that anymore.¡± Ha Joyoon smiled weakly at the sincere concern. He lost a lot, but he gained something, so he didn¡¯t think it was meaningless. The bitterness slowly spread over the elegant face that recognized reality and reminisced about the past. Song Jina, who immediately noticed the darkened atmosphere, tried to change the topic and evoke the mood. ¡°Did you talk properly when you met Sunbae? Did you prostrate yourself before him to say thank you?¡± ¡°I did meet him but¡­ it was past the appointed time.¡± ¡°He¡¯s a very busy man, so that¡¯s probably the reason why that happened. Whatever he does, all you should say is thank you.¡± ¡°No, it was me.¡± Song Jina¡¯s red lips parted in astonishment. ¡°Why?¡± ¡°While I was on the way, I was so focused on other things for a while that I ended up losing track of the time.¡± ¡°Wow, you¡¯re crazy. You screwed over the Almighty Shin Kwonjoo.¡± ¡°It wasn¡¯t like that¡­.¡± ¡°Given his personality, he probably wanted to completely turn you into dust. Haha, it¡¯s totally crazy. Come to think of it, you should come back to work. What¡¯s going on at the headquarters?¡± ¡°Um¡­ they just told me to send the photos.¡± ¡°As expected, it¡¯s the leading TPA Communications. What a strong professional spirit. Pfft.¡± ¡°Stop laughing and let me talk¡­ Song Jina¡­.¡± Confusion oozed over the neat features. Hahaha. A loud laugh, a shrill voice, a quiet ringing of laughter and a calm voice flowed between them. Starting with the words opening themselves up one by one, the stories that filled the gaps of the time spent in not meeting each other continued. Family, friends, alumni, work, and many other topics filled their conversation. It was Song Jina who led most of the talk, while Ha Joyoon would just give a concise answer or quietly nod, accordingly. During the time he was asleep, the world around him went through a lot of things and was changing even though Ha Joyoon, himself, wasn¡¯t doing much. The more events that covered economy, politics, society and culture were discussed and talked about, the more Ha Joyoon realized that the hot sensation he had forcibly buried inside him still had a chance to survive little by little. Blind passion, ideals, dreams, aspirations. However, as soon as someone¡¯s face automatically came up, that sensational flame quickly faded away. Which one would I be able to throw away? Would I be able to let it go? Abstract questions came to mind. And so, an unsightly appearance made way as he was unable to choose anything clearly. It was thanks to Song Jina¡¯s unexpected words that brought him back to reality just before he was crushed by the intense thoughts. ¡°Anyway, if you have a fine single friend around you then set us up on a blind date.¡± ¡°Blind date? Thought you were dating someone.¡± Song Jina had an old lover who had promised to get married to her so that she didn¡¯t have to forcefully think about it by rolling around her dull head. Although he had never been formally introduced, her partner was also someone who worked in the same field, so he was a man he knew well because they met frequently on the go. A face in a hazy memory rose to the surface. The person who actually spoke up swept her flowing hair again with a calm face. ¡°It¡¯s been quite a while since we broke up.¡± ¡°Didn¡¯t you say you were getting married?¡± ¡°What marriage? I dated him for 10 years and found out he was cheating on me. That¡¯s why I ended it.¡± The woman who answered calmly, smiled. It was a cold, twisted smile, with only one corner of her lips curled. It was a short answer, but Ha Joyoon¡¯s lips also slightly opened due to the strange sense that something was making its way through. A cold silence fell in an instant. ¡°Are you okay?¡± It was a silly question that lacked understanding of the situation. As if to prove him, Song Jina¡¯s wrinkles between her eyebrows deepened. ¡°It¡¯s because I¡¯m fine that I¡¯m here with you.¡± ¡°How did you get over it?¡± ¡°What do you mean get over it? I told you he cheated on me. It was the worst. I got addicted to alcohol for a while, and I barely woke up from it after hearing about you. I guess I just wanted to forget everything back then, so I was more addicted to work. Your matter¡­ helped in that context. I just wanted to hang on to something. To be honest, I felt embarrassed getting thanked by Junghye unnie.¡± ¡°¡­¡­.¡± Ha Joyoon, who was staring at her, asked the question again. ¡°Are you really okay now?¡± When asked the same question as before, Song Jina turned over her phone with a strong hand. ¡°What did you hear me say?¡± The questioning voice was laced with irritation. But Ha Joyoon was genuinely curious. How long does it take, how do I forget, and how do I get better? ¡°How long does it take to be okay?¡± ¡°What?¡± ¡°What do you usually do if you just can¡¯t forget?¡± ¡°Hey, Ha Joyoon¡­ what¡¯s wrong with you?¡± ¡°I¡¯m completely at a loss here.¡± As the questions continued, Song Jina¡¯s tone of answering them seemed to be one of embarrassment. Hey, Yoon-ah. Despite her calling him out, there was no expression on his face that had lost its color. He knew nothing but love. Kang Taejung was the only person he loved. Other than him, no one else had ever entered Ha Joyoon¡¯s heart. He didn¡¯t even know how to get over him since it was a breakup he had never experienced before. After holding it in for several days, his head began to complain of headaches again. ¡°Idiot. Would I be asking you to set me up on a blind date if I knew the answer to that?¡± Song Jina, who sensed the other person¡¯s abnormal mood, broke the silence with a more mellow tone. After that, the conversation didn¡¯t go well for a long time. CH 9 Oh My Love, The First. Step step¡­ Stop. ¡°¡­¡­.¡± It was not until he reached the familiar building that he stopped walking. In fact, he had arrived a long time ago, but he was just wandering around, unable to take the last step. All because what stopped him was heavy hesitation. After parting ways with Song Jina, Ha Joyoon¡¯s final destination was Kang Taejung¡¯s officetel. On the topic of seeing each other again later, the person who actually said it could not stand a few days without being able to see the other. Impatience towards someone who wasn¡¯t keeping any contact was probably enough to make the recipient lose his interest. ¡®Did you get dumped? Then don¡¯t stay hung up on it. All it will do is sully your soul.¡¯ It was Song Jina¡¯s advice at the time of parting. She advised calmly, but soberly. Don¡¯t push any further. Don¡¯t make a show of yourself. Unfortunately, however, Ha Joyoon did not take her advice. What his head knew and what his heart accepted were different. Why come all the way here was a question that ran through his head hundreds of times while also contemplating on why he shouldn¡¯t go. But in the end, he was well aware that the decision he made to carry out till the end was the worst choice. I couldn¡¯t be calm about it, I couldn¡¯t keep my cool, I keep clinging onto you¡­. All sorts of negative thoughts filled his head. A pathetic ex-lover who was obsessed with the past without seeing reality, was a common sight. A selfish and shameless person. They were all words that could describe what he is now. Ha Joyoon leaned against the wall, barely holding onto his drifting senses. He gently tilted his head to face the cold night air. The tip of her sullen nose twitched. He was a man of little ups and downs when it came to his emotions, however, those had not been well controlled in recent years. ¡­¡­ Let¡¯s just see your face today. In only two meetings, that ugly appearance of his was enough to be seen. He said he would not break up with him in such a brisk manner and asked for a chance, but in fact, there was no countermeasure. He didn¡¯t know what to do other than cling helplessly to the emotions of the other person that were slipping through his fingers. He was aware that these frequent visits and the act of hovering around in this way also made the situation worse, but there was nothing he could do about it. This kind of thing could be counted as a crime¡­. Ha Joyoon thought blankly as he looked up at the dimly lit window. This sort of an act is the worst, I know, I know it all too well, but I can¡¯t control it. He didn¡¯t know what to do or what to do to restore their relationship, except just keep clinging onto it. After the meeting that day, Kang Taejung no longer received any further calls from Ha Joyoon. When he called, it went to an automatic response, and even if he sent a message, there was still no reply. It had already been a few days since he woke up to look at the screen of his phone with his eyes wide open all night, waiting for a response that never came through. The worn-out heart was on the verge of exploding. You¡¯ve seriously made up your mind, haven¡¯t you? Kang Taejung is actually being cold to me. Ha Joyoon shook his head in full response to the coldness of the built up wall. He had never even dreamed of it. ¡®Yoon-ah, do you really have to do something so dangerous?¡¯ ¡®It¡¯s not that dangerous these days.¡¯ ¡®But once you leave, you¡¯ll have to stay there for a long time.¡¯ ¡®That¡¯s true, but¡­.¡¯ ¡®When applying for the job of a correspondent¡­ Did you think of me even once?¡¯ ¡®Kjfpecu-jt, P¡­.¡¯ He bit his lip at the sudden memory of the past. I was such a heartless and selfish lover to you. I was. ¡®Jjc¡¯a sbe pera rabq atlr cbk?¡¯ ¡®Kjfpecu-jt. P¡¯w gfjiis rbggs. Jjc¡¯a sbe qifjrf ags ab ecvfgrajcv wf? P kbgxfv gfjiis tjgv ab dejilos. Tbe xcbk la abb, atja la kjr lwqbrrlyif ecifrr P kfgf j ofiibk cjalbcji. Pa¡¯r j wlgjmif rb¡­ P gfjiis¡­ kjca ab ulnf ws yfra.¡¯ ¡®How long are you going to keep doing this?¡¯ ¡®How can I decide that¡­.¡¯ ¡®All right¡­ I see. I¡¯m sorry I shouldn¡¯t have asked that.¡¯ As if the seal had been broken, the pieces poured out. Even though he closed his eyes because he couldn¡¯t handle it, Kang Taejung¡¯s voice, which was painfully suffering, was as clear as if he were still talking. No matter what scene he thought of, in every situation, he was a mean, nasty, and a selfish person who only cared about himself. In the possibility that I date you again, would I be able to give up on my long-time dream? But soon he shook his head. This kind of worry had an extravagance of its own. It was a false assumption, and a wish as the other person didn¡¯t even want to accept it. Still, one thing was for sure. He couldn¡¯t have everything he wanted as if they were his childhood toys. When he wanted something, he would be at the risk of losing something else. He was able to learn this simple fact only after wasting away precious time. And so, at some point, if Kang Taejung decides to open up his heart to him one more time, he would surely accept that he could lose something else instead. No matter what it could be. Ha Joyoon, without even thinking of hiding his gloomy expression, took a step to the corner to avoid the lights of street lamps. Following his steps, the wind of the end of summer tickled his earlobe. In a sense, it was announcing the arrival of autumn. And at that moment, there seemed to be some movement not too far away on the street. At the sound of the approaching steps, Ha Joyoon hid himself without realizing it. ¡°Seems like the heat is gradually going away.¡± A person who was difficult to be forgotten even in dreams came into view. ¡°Taejung hyung.¡± Seo Youngwoo called the other person in a tone filled with sweetness. Ha Joyoon, who was insensitive to other people¡¯s emotions, immediately noticed, as it was a voice that truly loved the other person. God, I was so stupid for deciding to come here all alone. His skinny shoulders stiffened even more. ¡°Well it¡¯ll be autumn soon.¡± Likewise, a voice filled with tenderness responded to the other person. It was a voice that brought tears to his eyes just by hearing it. ¡°I was supposed to take you home, so what are you doing?¡± ¡°Just because. I wanted to take you home today. There should be days like that. I¡¯m a guy too, but it¡¯s embarrassing that only you take me home. And since you did pretty things, it¡¯s a compliment service.¡± ¡°Pretty things?¡± Kang Taejung asked back in a smiley tone. Ha Joyoon, not knowing what kind of painful effect the reply would have on him, continued to listen as he held his breath. ¡°You¡¯ve been very sweet to me lately. You smile a lot, keep in touch often, and the first one to say that we should meet up.¡± ¡°I wasn¡¯t like that before?¡± ¡°You weren¡¯t. Don¡¯t you remember? Haha.¡± The moonlight, heralded the long night, and softly illuminated the two of them. Ha Joyoon stared blankly at the two without realizing it, forgetting that he could be caught in a beautiful scenery that seemed to be blessing his lover who was starting anew. ¡°You were afraid that I was worried about that person, right?¡± ¡°¡­¡­.¡± ¡°That ¡°someone I know¡± person.¡± Someone I know. The words that flowed out of Seo Youngwoo¡¯s mouth soon took the shape of a sharp blade and pierced his heart in a straight line. The body that was leaning against the wall, froze and trembled. Someone I know, Someone I know¡­. There was no way to hide the misery in that small voice inside his head. He didn¡¯t realize that it was the most accurate word to define who he is now to Kang Taejung. Nevertheless¡­. ¡°You knew?¡± At the question that took time to be asked, Seo Youngwoo smiled and gently grabbed Kang Taejung ¡®s arm. ¡°How could I not know? Your voice seemed to be full of discomfort.¡± ¡°¡­Was it?¡± An awkward smile hung on. His eyelashes trembled as he descended toward the ground at the silent affirmation. Ha Joyoon slowly sank to the floor, ignoring the desire to cover his ears and run away. Kang Taejung¡¯s face, which had been in trouble throughout the conversation with him, came to mind. He was no longer happy to see him, unable to spare even a single smile. He just reluctantly answered his question, but even that stance clearly wanted to avoid him. The figure still remained a painful wound. It was almost as if he had become an ugly villain who couldn¡¯t accept the conclusion of the drama that had already ended. While Ha Joyoon was at a loss for what to do with the unfamiliar feeling, the conversation between the two continued again. ¡°¡­ I¡¯m sorry.¡± ¡°What are you sorry for? I know it¡¯s hard to get things straight right away. You two have known each other for a long time. Still, you¡¯re trying to sort things out, because that person just can¡¯t accept it. I know that it can¡¯t be helped.¡± After a brief silence, Kang Taejung carefully took a step closer to Seo Youngwoo. A face with an indescribable expression, mixed with all kinds of emotions, slowly emerged under the moonlight. ¡°Thank you for understanding. I think I¡¯ll need some more time. I¡¯ve been putting it together for 5 years¡­ while he¡¯s struggling a lot because it just happened in a few days.¡± ¡°That¡¯s a given. It sounds harsh, but I don¡¯t really care about what state that person is in. I just need you to be by my side. ¡­Honestly, the way we started¡­ because of that, I was always anxious and not confident about my relationship with you.¡± ¡°Youngwoo-ya, that¡¯s¡­.¡± ¡°I guess seeing you have a hard time is still traumatic to me.¡± Kang Taejung¡¯s face twisted with guilt as he looked down at the other person who was scratching his head with an awkward smile. I¡¯m sorry. Seo Youngwoo shook his head at the brief apology. ¡°Still, I liked it.¡± ¡°Liked what?¡± ¡°You said it to me in front of that person. That he¡¯s just a person you know.¡± ¡°¡­¡­.¡± ¡°Thank you, hyung.¡± Kang Taejung¡¯s eyes, who looked at him at the soft expression of gratitude, were warm. The hand, which had been still all along, moved slowly and touched Seo Youngwoo¡¯s cheek. Hyung? A whisper melted in the night breeze. A long shadow of the moon slowly descended on Seo Youngwoo¡¯s face. For the moment, it was a mutually exclusive time. And in conjunction with that whispering voice, someone¡¯s voice overlapped. As soon as the lips of the two, who had been looking at each other for a long time, touched, Ha Joyoon buried his face in his arms and took a deep breath. Silence fell and a peaceful despair came. ¡®Then don¡¯t stay hung up on it. All it will do is sully your soul.¡¯ Song Jina¡¯s cold voice reverberated in her ears. You¡¯re right. It seems to be getting really messy. Down to the bottom of my soul. Ha Joyoon closed his senses to catch the frantic passing of time as he rubbed his burning eyes with his bare arms. The shallow breath scattered into the hazy air. What should I do? I feel like I¡¯m going crazy like this, I feel like I¡¯m going to die. What do I do¡­. Cold sweat ran down his white forehead due to the sharp pain that had been ringing through his entire head for a long time. It felt like his heart was about to burst. His pale complexion, overcome by pain, was revealed under the dim streetlight. ¡®I love you.¡¯ He smiled warmly and kissed his lips. ¡®I really love you, Yoon-ah.¡¯ Those sweet moments run down the river with tears. The happiest moment for someone becomes the unhappiest moment for someone else and two face each other at the intersection of time. Time passed and memories passed. Emotions can fade, sometimes deepen, and change in shape. It was a law of love that was fair to everyone, and therefore cruel. CH 10 T/N: Although I have already added a warning in the description of this novel, I¡¯ll add one here once again just to remind the readers. Since the main character, Ha Joyoon, mainly works as a war correspondent, detailed descriptions and discussions of triggering instances such as bombing and war are inevitable. A part of this chapter would be an excellent example of what I¡¯m talking about. I cannot promise that there won¡¯t be any more mentions of such situations in the coming chapters. For the sake of your own comfort, reader discretion is advised. Thank you for reading! Oh My Love, The Last. ¡°You look awful.¡± It was a brutally honest comment. The eyes of Shin Kwonjoo looking at the papers and laptops scattered on the table were fierce. Even in midsummer, he had buttoned up his shirt all the way up to his neck. Probably the type with a strong ego. Joyoon¡¯s eyes faltered as he looked down at the black cufflinks shining elegantly under the light. After witnessing the scene of Kang Taejung and his lover, he cried for several days to the point his eyes were so swollen that he could hardly open his eyes. Ha Joyoon, embarrassed by his poor condition, muttered as he fiddled with his laptop. ¡°I didn¡¯t know you would call¡­.¡± ¡°What does me calling you have anything to do with your condition?¡± ¡°Well, that¡¯s true.¡± He couldn¡¯t help but vaguely respond to the male¡¯s blunt response. There was no need to explain his situation, and the man, himself, was not so great of a person to actually listen carefully to the reason. Ha Joyoon, who looked at his face for a moment, turned his attention back to the screen. There was a feeling of reminiscence in his eyes as he looked at the photos that filled the laptop screen. Barren land, dark blood, people entangled with each other as their faces are mixed with distress and horror, smoky dust, sharp stones, and guns and knives. There was everything in the photo. Memories float in raging waves. The photos of the lost time alone were desperate and hyper-realistic. Like a piece of someone¡¯s heart burned to the ground. ¡°Look here, Ha Joyoon-ssi.¡± ¡°¡­¡­.¡± ¡°If you¡¯re not going to work properly, I¡¯ll be on my way.¡± ¡°Sorry? Oh, it¡¯s not like that.¡± Ha Joyoon blinked in surprise at the voice that brought him back to reality in an instant without having any time to be immersed in bitterness. The way he spoke was polite, but Shin Kwonjoo, who looked at him, was full of signs. It didn¡¯t seem like he was the expressive type, however, it was clear that something bad had happened. Ha Joyoon, who was contemplating for a while, carefully presented his opinion. ¡°Um¡­ Sunbae-nim, we could meet up another time if you¡¯re not feeling well.¡± The reason he couldn¡¯t continue speaking was because of the eyes that flashed fiercely at once. While being the recipient of a piercing stare, Ha Joyoon reflected on his actions so far after receiving a sudden notice of an appointment from Shin Kwonjoo last night. Did he make a mistake? Is it because his eyes were swollen? But he didn¡¯t think that the swelling of his eyes actually touched this guy¡¯s nerves. Then, is it because he was thinking about something else? But that¡¯s not fair enough, since it was only for a few minutes, probably. ¡°By any chance, are you mad at me?¡± ¡°No.¡± Shin Kwonjoo rubbed the frown on his forehead in an irritated manner as he coldly cut him off yet again. A blue shirt with a sharp line like a sword and a tight vest wrapped around him made the man look more urban. As he moved his gaze along his elongated fingers, the ring on his ring finger suddenly caught his eye. Is he married? Ha Joyoon tilted his head and traced his memory. At the time they worked together, it was no exaggeration to say that Shin Kwonjoo was a workaholic. Except for sleeping hours, the people who worked under him had a hard time having a proper rest period, as most of them stayed at the office and focused on their work. Among them was, of course, himself. Even then, he was popular with female employees in the company because of his distinctive appearance. Of course, most of them fell out of favor with that personality of his. As if he noticed that Ha Joyoon¡¯s gaze was embedded in his ring, Shin Kwonjoo¡¯s own gaze moved slowly and then stopped completely. And their eyes met. It was black. It was so dark that it was like a raven night that gleamed ever so brightly. They were clearly living eyes, different from the dead and weary eyes that he saw every day on the battlefield over the past few years. A strange heat rose faintly. ¡°Mlgra alwf rfflcu j glcu?¡± A sneer leaked out from the crooked corners of his lips. It sounded aggressive. Why is he treating me like this? The vexatious way of speaking seemed to be getting worse and worse. Ha Joyoon asked straightforwardly, without even thinking of hiding his embarrassment. ¡°Gb sbe tjaf wf?¡± ¡°¡­ Vbggs?¡± Ktf ragjluta ojmf kjr rilutais kglcxifv. Pa kjr remt jc fzqgfrrlbc atja tf xcfk lwwfvljafis ktja atf wjc kjr atlcxlcu fnfc klatbea tlw rjslcu la bea ibev. Lj Absbbc, ktb tjv yffc ijslcu ibk obg j ktlif, rlutfv j ilaaif jcv mibrfv tlr ijqabq. ¡°You just seem uncomfortable all the time. I¡¯m not that perceptive but¡­ I can tell that you¡¯re not too fond of me.¡± ¡°¡­¡­.¡± ¡°I feel uncomfortable too.¡± Shin Kwonjoo raised his eyebrows with his arms folded as if he wanted him to repeat whatever he said one more time. ¡°I¡¯ll contact Boyle directly for the photos. I have to contact him regarding the reinstatement matter anyway. And when I was looking at the ring, I was just wondering if you were married.¡± The man¡¯s posture remained unchanged until he finished speaking slowly but clearly. The cold air from the air conditioner made his nose tingle. Ha Joyoon, who was waiting for the other person¡¯s answer, soon realized that it was unlikely to come out, and began to organize his luggage with sloppy hands. By that time, a calm voice came out. ¡°I¡¯m not mad at you, Ha Joyoon-ssi.¡± Getting mad would be an occurrence if something regarding important matters took place. He added with a cold smile. Shin Kwonjoo¡¯s sharp eyes were slightly bent. ¡°Today, an office worker suddenly got hurt, leaving a gap for several months, which is a bit of a headache. This is just how I usually talk. Please try to understand.¡± ¡°Oh¡­.¡± ¡°A few other things weren¡¯t up to par today so I felt irritated. I apologize for being on the edge today. Please open up your laptop again.¡± He didn¡¯t look apologetic at all, but it was an apology that was so clear that it was embarrassing no matter what. Ha Joyoon, who stood in an awkward position for a while, soon nodded his head with an embarrassed look. Okay. After the brief answer, silence passed between the two again. The picture is displayed on the screen that came back. Click, Click. Amid the silence, the noises produced by clicking the mouse continued. Aside from the ongoing cold reaction, the eyes looking at the photos were serious and sharp. Sweeping the tip of his chin with the other hand, Shin Kwonjoo opened his mouth again after a while had passed. ¡°Is he dead?¡± The photo he pointed to showed a man lying in a bizarre shape on the ruins of a house and his family crying around him. Recalling the tense scene at the time of filming, Ha Joyoon answered carefully. ¡°He¡¯s not dead. Although he was shot by government forces, he was given first aid, and his life was saved. But after that, the shells fell again, killing most of the members of The White Helmets who were saving the wounded.¡± Click. The screen moved to the next picture without any feedback. The ruins of a house that had been completely destroyed by a terrorist organization and the figure of an old man who was sitting blankly in front of it appeared. The bodies of children were scattered around him. The man¡¯s gaze seemed to be fixed on it for a long time, but soon his brows furrowed briefly. ¡°It¡¯s a mess.¡± ¡°This is Aleppo. There was a civil war with FSA, and the government forces and terrorist organizations shelled them one after another. There were many casualties. The houses in the back left little trace. The situation wasn¡¯t good.¡± ¡°That¡¯s what it looks like. This method is often used by most terrorist organizations.¡± As ever, without much response, the screen moved on to the next picture. It was the image of a boy running toward people with a bomb wrapped around his body for suicide bombing. ¡°Was he part of the government forces?¡± ¡°No, he was a member of the UAF. At that time, boys between the ages of 10 and 13 were intensively nurtured as members of suicide squads. I don¡¯t know if it¡¯s still like that, but¡­ Since he¡¯s a child, it¡¯s easy for people to be careless, so the damage was even greater.¡± ¡°¡­ Suicide squads made up of children have recently grown in size. Quite facetious how both sides look like that. Recently, the suicide bombing of boys in Aleppo has emerged as a serious social problem.¡± Most of Shin Kwonjoo¡¯s queries were brief but sharp and determined. While looking through the photos silently, whenever a new scene appeared, he asked about the situation, which Ha Joyoon would then proceed to explain at the time. Moderate silence, necessary conversation, and photography were all there was. The man¡¯s smooth and outstretched hand pressed the mouse indifferently and did nothing more. The string of tension, which had been taut with the strange comfort, gradually loosened as well. ¡°The photos are detailed overall. The compositions are rough but accurate.¡± ¡°¡­ Thank you.¡± ¡°They¡¯re good enough. A lot of them are still useful.¡± I like them. The man gave out a satisfactory smile as he swept his sharp chin. Ha Joyoon looked at him quietly and thought. How odd. It¡¯s polite but still cold. He doesn¡¯t even think about breaking into the line he¡¯s drawn, let alone pay any unnecessary attention. That part made him feel rather comfortable. The unfounded belief that this person would somehow objectively judge any situation jumped out. This was the reason why a question that had absolutely nothing to do with the context came up. ¡°Is there room for a serious relationship while doing all this?¡± The black eyes that were staring intently at the screen moved. His eyes looking for the meaning of the question were sharp. The lobby of the office, which had only two people left after everyone left work, was filled with nothing but silence. For some reason, his throat felt dry so he drank some coffee. ¡°What are you talking about all of a sudden?¡± After a long silence, Shin Kwonjoo asked a question instead of giving an answer. A low voice that sounded moderately heavy. There was also a bit of annoyance over the interruption of the time of appreciation. Ha Joyoon knew that he was not at all suitable as a counselor, but he wanted to find an answer to the pain in his chest that had continued for several days. ¡°There¡¯s a person who¡¯s precious to me¡­.¡± Curiosity was overlaid on the monotonous eyes. For the first time, Ha Joyoon revealed his honest intentions at the signal that the other person was a little focused on his words. ¡°They said that they can¡¯t meet me anymore.¡± It was a word that omitted all the before and after relations, but there was no question about it. It was rare for a man to continue conversations outside of work. ¡°Were the two of you in a relationship?¡± Yes. Shin Kwonjoo smiled as if he was dumbfounded by the short answer and looked at him. ¡°They must¡¯ve gotten sick of it.¡± ¡°¡­ I don¡¯t think that¡¯s the case¡­¡± ¡°It¡¯s just what I thought. Is the other person the same age as you? How old are you, Ha Joyoon-ssi?¡± He replied while thinking that the only thing this man remembered about him was his name. ¡°I¡¯m thirty one.¡± Hmm, Shin Kwonjoo, who was thinking about something for a while, shrugged his shoulders indolently. ¡°It¡¯s a marriageable age. Your conditions are not all that good for a woman of that age. Since it lacks stability. And it¡¯s been five years since the two of you had seen each other, right? Rather, wouldn¡¯t it be strange to expect a normal relationship regardless of all that?¡± An objective assessment, nothing more, nothing less. Shin Kwonjoo¡¯s expression of boredom rather than curiosity all of a sudden supported that fact. Blood rushed to the tightly closed lips along with the tangled emotions. He hadn¡¯t even heard a word of relief from the fact that he came back alive. It was just bewilderment, surprise, and hardship, but it was a hopeless relationship. Suddenly, he felt really foolish for wanting to hear words of affirmation from anyone. ¡°But¡­ I still really like them.¡± ¡°That¡¯s just your side of the story.¡± Shin Kwonjoo concluded briefly but clearly. ¡°It ends the moment one gets tired of it anyway. Even between parents and children, it ends when they turn around for a moment, so isn¡¯t it ridiculous to expect more from someone who has been tied up with only one emotion regardless of anything?¡± ¡°But if I can¡¯t give up that easily¡­.¡± ¡°Till when will you keep going on about the dating situation?¡± He took out his cigarette with a sullen face and shook his hand indifferently. ¡°If you really can¡¯t get over them, say that you want to stay as a sex partner.¡± ¡°¡­ I am not interested in that.¡± ¡°That? You mean sex?¡± ¡°Yes. It¡¯s not my favorite.¡± Shin Kwonjoo¡¯s eyebrows subtly raised as he responded sincerely to some rather perverse words. Hmm. A short breath melts on the smoke. Looking at the neat face sitting so helplessly calm, he let out a stark evaluation. ¡°I guess you prefer to be devoured rather than to devour.¡± After a brief dismissal, the man took another puff from the cigarette. ¡°We don¡¯t have time, so let¡¯s stop the dating talk.¡± After repeating the same move a couple more times, he soon stubbed out the cigarette that was left in a perfunctory manner. A relaxed smile hung over his sharp eyes, but it never felt like he was actually smiling. CH 11 Oh My Love, The Last. Ha Joyoon, who swept his pale cheek a few times, turned his gaze back to the screen. Shin Kwonjoo, who had been staring at him quietly, also began to look through the photos again soon after. The topic shifted naturally, and silent conversations resumed in a quiet flow, accompanied by the clicking noises of the mouse. ¡°Even though time has passed, there are still quite a few photos that could be put to use. In recent years, the Assad regime has colluded deeper with terrorist organizations, making attacks on civilians more brutal. This temple here was blown up last month to the point of being unrecognizable. The eastern part of Aleppo is in a situation where all of its supplies are blocked, so it¡¯s the worst. In any case, I think it¡¯s okay to export these photos now. They¡¯re photos we need.¡± ¡°That¡¯s a relief.¡± ¡°Boyle will like them, for sure.¡± With light admiration, Shin Kwonjoo started looking through the other folders as well. His eyes, which had been bored when the poor tale of love was being told, all of a sudden, shone wildly and searched for the record of the moment. Time passed, but the scene conveyed by the photo was still in progress. The largest prison in existence. A country where the whole nation was a prison. A country swayed by the greed of its leaders and the insanity of its situation for the benefit of greater powers. ¡­ And a country where someone remained and had a responsibility and an obligation to let people know about it until the end. Ha Joyoon bit his lip slowly, recalling the place he had left as if he was running away. At that moment, he couldn¡¯t think of Kang Taejung. ¡°Are you planning to go back to the field?¡± He stopped the gesture of fiddling with the table and raised his head. A man with his jaw clenched and indifferent eyes on the screen came into view. His smooth cheeks and distinct facial features made him look more temperamental. ¡°I still don¡¯t know. I haven¡¯t fully recovered yet, and I still need to undergo more rehabilitation¡­ and I also have some other personal matters to deal with.¡± Ha Joyoon, who was contemplating for a while, answered honestly. I see. A simple answer followed. He suddenly felt grateful for the man¡¯s indifference as he didn¡¯t inquire any further to know why. Not to mention, the previous conversations that took place were embarrassing enough. It was time for silence to draw waves, as it wrapped around the heated neck. Ha Joyoon-ssi. A low voice rang. ¡°Why don¡¯t you work at the Korean branch until you¡¯re certain about returning? No need for regular hours. Feel free to go whenever you need treatment.¡± ¡°Um¡­.¡± It was an unexpected suggestion. The man who turned his face slowly met his eyes. A deformed feeling of being unable to say a word pulled itself tightly around the mouth. ¡°If you accept, I¡¯ll tell the headquarters.¡± As if he had read his mind to ask for the reason, Shin Kwonjoo immediately added. ¡°I like your photos.¡± ¡°¡­¡­.¡± ¡°They¡¯re photos in which the technical skills used can easily be found without needing to wash your eyes. In fact, they¡¯re accurate and realistic. It¡¯s hard to see photos that don¡¯t have useless scraps attached to them.¡± It was difficult to distinguish whether it was a compliment or an insult, but the expression of Shin Kwonjoo had lost its characteristic daunting pressure unlike the rest of the time. ¡°I think we can use them well, so how about it?¡± Lf gfwfwyfgfv atf bcf sfjg ktfc tf tjv kbgxfv klat atf wjc. Ktf ktbif vjs kjr rb aluta atja tf mbeivc¡¯a rjs atja tf kjr tjqqs jcv mbwobgajyif fnfc klat fwqas kbgvr, jcv tf kjr jikjsr gecclcu klat kbgx jr lo tf kjr yflcu mtjrfv. Snfc Lj Absbbc, ktb kjrc¡¯a bcf ab fzqgfrr tlr offilcur qgbqfgis, fnfcaejiis mbwqijlcfv bo fztjeralbc. Though this wasn¡¯t a bad offer. . What he needed now was oblivion. It was good to do anything as long as he could forget the painful emotions and reality for even a moment. Despite saying that he would not give up in quite a vigorous manner, the reality given to Ha Joyoon, who was not used to psychological pain, was a hellish time every day, every minute, and every second. He tried to hold onto his distant heart and tilted the cold cup of glass. ¡°It seems like a good deal to me.¡± ¡°Then I¡¯m glad. As a matter of fact, the employee who quit was a photojournalist.¡± Smile- Shin Kwonjoo pulled out his cigarette again and asked with a light smile. Just before he was about to light the fire as fast as he could out of habit, he paused for a moment. Soon, the sharp black eyes met directly. ¡°Is it okay if I smoke?¡± It was a question that came out of the blue. When Ha Joyoon¡¯s gaze moved to the stainless steel ashtray where he had stubbed a cigarette a while ago, a short exclamation flowed out of the other person¡¯s mouth. Of course, he doesn¡¯t care at all. Suddenly, he remembered that he had never seen him smoking in the past. ¡°Did you smoke before? I don¡¯t think I¡¯ve ever seen you do it.¡± Suddenly, the lit cigarette drew a long trajectory of smoke. Of course. Shin Kwonjoo replied in a serious tone as he shook off the ashes and took in another puff deeply. ¡°Why does it matter?¡± The words uttered by the man with a noble yet sword-like appearance were cold. The gesture of the speaker turning an elegantly platinum-adorned Zippo lighter was nothing but eye-catching. ¡°Start coming from tomorrow. Being short of a single staff member can call for an urgent situation.¡± Shin Kwonjoo, who gave the order unilaterally, as if the other person¡¯s intention was not important, raised only the corners of his mouth and smiled. His eyes were expressionless. *** A few years ago, while covering a civil war in Iraq, he traveled to the capital, Baghdad. Despite the fact that he had to fight the scorching sunlight and coarse grains of sand as he crossed the endless desert in an old car which he could never be sure of when it would break down, the memory of the trip itself was quite good enough to not be forgotten even after a long time. After driving all day, he would rest anywhere at night, and when he wasn¡¯t doing that, he often went on the road. From the black sky where he would lay under with his worn-out backpack tossed randomly on the silk-like sand, white stars poured down as if the universe had been shattered. It was like being embraced in the arms of the night and the stars. For that moment, it felt as if the night sky would embrace all of his ugly greed and selfishness. It was a bizarre experience. Tap. The half-filled glass of water sloshed and created waves. Even though it was only a short outing, his whole body throbbed as if he had been hit, and no strength could be exerted to the tips of his fingers. In the end, even holding the glass became difficult, so he put it down on the console table. The device next to it still had a black screen and no signs of movement. The answer to the message Ha Joyoon had sent to Kang Taejung a few hours ago was, as expected, only silence. That was his decision. After meaninglessly touching his phone, he came back, buried himself in the soft bed, and closed his eyes deeply. The thin eyelids trembled gently. The pale complexion shone under the frosty light, creating a precarious atmosphere as if he would disappear just as he was. Ha Joyoon began to draw out traces of the past one by one. It was for a task to distinguish between what should be thrown away and what should be kept. The hard-to-swallow pill slowly ran down his throat and passed into his body. The ripple effect of the nail-sized lump of white powder was so great that the headache that had plagued him all day was deeply suppressed. At last, the moment of liberation came. Transparent tears fell from the corners of his tightly closed eyes, as they quietly created a path. Suddenly, he thought that it would be nice if he could fix his heart with just one pill as well. That included love, memories, and pain. *** Thump- Thump- Thump- The rhythmic music filled the closed space. The sophisticated interior and soft lighting that illuminated the space made the atmosphere of the club more dreamy. The cheerful melody and the people who were more relaxed than usual without hesitation whispered secrets with others and enjoyed a secret deviation. In the corner of the counter bar where glasses and money were frantically flowing, someone familiar sat down after pulling the stool. The gaze that scanned the people was quite contemplative. Moments later, the blonde-haired bartender who spotted the man came closer and waved his hand. ¡°Been a while.¡± In a short but affectionate tone, the lower corners of the eyes bent nicely. ¡°Sungjae-ya, it¡¯s been a while. There¡¯s quite a lot of people?¡± ¡°Well, it¡¯s Saturday. Have you been drinking? Your face looks a little off.¡± His shy smile had already turned red from drunkenness. He lightly rubbed one of his cheeks as he made a playful excuse. ¡°Haha, a little. I just drank a little.¡± Seo Youngwoo, who pointed to the menu and ordered the kind he always drank, looked inside again with his side-eyes. Inside the club, there were many familiar and unfamiliar faces. Set. A blue liquid resembling the Caribbean Sea filled the glass. ¡°Why is it so hard to see your face? Did you think you became a celebrity after you started dating?¡± Seo Youngwoo closed his round eyes as the other person teased him mischievously. ¡°It¡¯s not like that, I¡¯ve just been busy lately. There were¡­ some things I had to deal with.¡± ¡°What sort of things? Isn¡¯t it enough to date someone you¡¯ve been in love with for years?¡± ¡°Well¡­ you¡¯re right.¡± It was only a few months ago that he was so happy about Kang Taejung finally accepting his confession. Park Sungjae didn¡¯t feel all that great from hearing the man¡¯s name because he had heard about Kang Taejung¡¯s vague attitude through Seo Youngwoo. In one way or another, he had a close relationship with Seo Youngwoo. There was no way there was a feeling of like for a man who had only coldly ignored his friend who was trying to approach him seriously. ¡°What exactly do you like about that guy? Judging by your condition, is he really treating you well?¡± Seo Youngwoo, who took a sip of the well-made cocktail, opened his eyes wide and smiled brightly. ¡°Hyung has been really sweet and is treating me well these days. He¡¯s really kind and does his best for me.¡± ¡°That guy? Well sure-. Then why do you look like that?¡± ¡°What about me? This bastard¡­.¡± Seo Youngwoo carefully put his hands together, eyeing the people who flocked to the cocktail bar. Depression subsided in his eyes. It was just another piece of his dark and heavy heart that had been gnawing his mind little by little for a very long time. ¡°Aren¡¯t you quite busy?¡± ¡°Hey, bastard. I¡¯m the main guy here. Look at how many subordinates there are. It¡¯s fine, punk.¡± Park Sungjae smiled at the somewhat timid voice and stroked Seo Youngwoo¡¯s black hair. Seo Youngwoo, who looked around once more, opened his tightly closed lips as if he had made up his mind. ¡±That¡­ person came back.¡± ¡°That person?¡± He was good at mixing the drinks that had been ordered. Responding indifferently, Park Sungjae started shaking the shaker filled with various drinks and alcohol. It was only a few minutes later that a meek voice came out. ¡°The person Hyung used to date.¡± Crash. The shaker fell on the table with a harsh sound. Park Sungjae, without even erasing the absurdity on his face, blinked several times and opened his mouth. ¡°Did¡­ Didn¡¯t you say that he was dead? Did his ghost come back?¡± Seo Youngwoo groaned and let out a small chuckle at Park Sungjae¡¯s response. ¡°¡­ He didn¡¯t die, he just went missing, but somehow he ended up coming back. Apparently he was injured.¡± It would¡¯ve been better if it were rather his ghost. Even the mumbling voice that pretended to be playful had a hard time hiding his despair. Seo Youngwoo closed his eyes tightly again. His distant heart was pounding as if empty and dry. It may be because of the dry air. The stone that had been pressing down on his chest for a long time now had gone past its limits, and it felt like it would burst the guts out of his whole body. A voice that could not hide its gloom flowed out amidst the cheerful beat. ¡°Sungjae-ya. I really am trash.¡± ¡°Trash? Did someone say anything to you?¡± The sound of his kind friend¡¯s voice made the emotions that he had been holding back for days rise up in tears. Seo Youngwoo, without even thinking about hiding his distorted expression in agony, uttered the words he had been meaning to say. ¡°He returned to the country not too long ago, and visited Hyung¡¯s place. Luckily, he was with me, so nothing happened¡­.¡± ¡°Hey, where and how did that bastard find him? You too¡­.¡± ¡°Do you know what I was thinking when I saw that person?¡± ¡°Yeah?¡± ¡°Why did you have to come back?¡± ¡°¡­¡­.¡± ¡°Wish you died there instead of coming back.¡± The out-of-focus eyes were blurred. A secret that he couldn¡¯t tell anyone came out in a rather stark manner. In front of his lover, he pretended to be a good person and acted like an open-minded person, but the truth was that his heart was burning black. CH 12 Oh My Love, The Last. After meeting Kang Taejung ¡®s ex-lover, Seo Youngwoo thrashed his own heart by recalling Ha Joyoon¡¯s face as days went by and hurt himself by comparing himself to him on a scale of one to ten. Despite knowing that it was nothing but an irrational conviction, he was unable to calm his mind. ¡°Why did that person have to come back alive and make everything difficult for me?¡± When he hadn¡¯t seen him at all, he treated him with an open mind because he didn¡¯t associate a sense of reality with him, as if he were an imaginary person. But after meeting him, he was unable to rationally control his emotions or thoughts. ¡°If he had just disappeared, he would¡¯ve remained as a mere memory in Hyung¡¯s mind. Why did you come back and shake up my Hyung like this?¡± ¡°Hey¡­ Youngwoo-ya¡­.¡± ¡°Well, these kinds of thoughts?¡± He smiled awkwardly and covered his cheek. Trashy thoughts, aren¡¯t they? Park Sungjae could not easily answer the question and hesitated. As if understanding his reaction, Seo Youngwoo swallowed his dry saliva and shifted his gaze. Park Sungjae, who had a rather stiff expression on his face, continued to talk to ease the atmosphere as he slowly sorted out the liquor bottles. ¡°You can have thoughts like that. What are you so depressed about?¡± ¡°¡­ I¡¯m not weird, am I?¡± ¡°Of course not, punk. You¡¯re no saint. You think it¡¯s not okay to think like that about the clingy bastard of an ex? Ex-boyfriends and ex-girlfriends who can¡¯t get a grasp of reality are the worst.¡± Because of his easy-going nature, criticizing someone together with him was not too much of a big deal but he was still not at ease. Sungjae hyung- A savior-like cry in the hall interrupted the conversation. ¡°Wait a sec.¡± Park Sungjae, who quickly received the order, shook the shaker again by mixing alcohol and drinks into a new cocktail. ¡°Yeah, so coming back to you.¡± Park Sungjae, who was skillfully pouring alcohol into a glass, spoke again. Damp eyes moved along. ¡°Isn¡¯t it because you started off wrong with that guy, that you¡¯re this anxious?¡± ¡°¡­¡­.¡± ¡°Doesn¡¯t that make you feel insecure because it keeps bothering you?¡± As the conversation continued, the water level rose over his face. Seo Youngwoo, who lowered his forehead to the point of almost touching the bar, sighed deeply. The eyes, lost in thought, slowly traced to the time of the past. When he first met Kang Taejung, the first successful call, the moment he fell in love, the time he spent hanging around him under the pretext of being his junior, the spring when he confessed and was rejected, the drinking party they had together, and the hard-earned opportunity, the deception¡­. ¡°I was too desperate at the time.¡± Seo Youngwoo, who muttered as if making excuses, buried his head in his arms. Park Sungjae, who was looking at him, felt just as uncomfortable. ¡°I know it, too. I shouldn¡¯t have lied to him like that¡­ it¡¯s just that, at the time¡­ I couldn¡¯t think of anything else.¡± Deep unhidden regret and remorse were oozing out in the hand that slowly ruffled his hair. Park Sungjae, who had been taking a break for a while, quietly expressed his opinion. ¡°Pa¡¯v yf yfaafg lo sbe tbcfrais afii tlw cbk¡­.¡± ¡°Rb kjs!¡± Seo Youngwoo shook his head quickly with a strong cry. No way. Absolutely not. In a sobbing whisper, Seo Youngwoo wiped his cheeks with one hand. The hands covering his face were trembling. ¡°Lf¡¯ii ygfjx eq klat wf.¡± ¡°¡­¡­.¡± ¡°Xlnfc Kjfpecu tsecu¡¯r qfgrbcjilas, tf¡¯ii regfis ygfjx eq klat wf bcmf tf olcvr bea atf ageat.¡± No way, no way. The murmuring voice fluctuated like a river on the verge of flooding with sadness and despair. ¡°Gb sbe xcbk tbk P uba remt j mtjcmf? Ktfgf¡¯r jyrbieafis cb kjs. Vecupjf, qifjrf¡­ qifjrf vbc¡¯a rjs atja. Qf¡¯gf ribkis olcvlcu rajylilas lc beg gfijalbcrtlq cbk¡­ kf¡¯gf atlcxlcu jybea fjmt batfg.¡± ¡°Youngwoo-ya¡­.¡± ¡°I really love him.¡± Park Sungjae sighed and eventually gave up on persuasion at the earnest tone that even showed urgency. Seo Youngwoo, who forced his staggering body to stand up, stared at the exit of the club with wet eyes. The film of memory is put into the projector and played back in a gloomy light. The film was a month ago, two months ago¡­ And it didn¡¯t stop until it went back to that night. Just like today, it was colorful and noisy due to the crowd, but it was a lonely and melancholy night. ¡®I really¡­ Ha Joyoon¡­.¡¯ ¡®Hyung, hyung, please come back to your senses¡­.¡¯ ¡®I miss that punk so much¡­.¡¯ ¡®Hyung, please wake up. Stop drinking¡­ let¡¯s leave together. Yeah? Taejung hyung¡­.¡¯ The corners of his lips were pulled tight as he tried to recollect past memories. He bit his lip so hard that it turned red so much so to the point that it actually looked like it was bleeding. Even the wet corners of his eyes were frozen cold with the will to protect his love. The feeling that the old love could never be taken away further fueled Seo Youngwoo¡¯s anxiety, although it was as if it were on a subconscious level. ¡°¡­ I truly detest that person.¡± ¡°Hey, dude.¡± The hand holding the glass gradually became tense. The object of hatred towards which his trembling fingertips were directed was not present here. ¡°I hate him so much that I can¡¯t stand it. What the hell was he thinking? If he has a conscience then he shouldn¡¯t have acted like that¡± ¡°Youngwoo-ya.¡± ¡°If he had really died¡­ it would¡¯ve been better if he had died there instead. I keep thinking like this¡­.¡± ¡°¡­¡­.¡± ¡°I hate it so much. I hate it when I have thoughts like this¡­ Sungjae-ya¡­ I thought I was a decent human being, but these days I feel like I¡¯m becoming awful¡­.¡± A simple mind wandered outside the world in the spirit of alcohol. Vague laughter spread out of nowhere. Park Sungjae¡¯s hand gestures to stop him also lost their purpose in the air and stopped. Seo Youngwoo, who sloppily stole the fragments of such falling emotions, emptied the remaining glass at once and slowly raised himself to stand up. ¡°I¡¯ll get going.¡± ¡°Come on, it¡¯s fine, you¡­ don¡¯t seem to be doing well.¡± Seo Youngwoo, out of concern for his close friend, waved his hand with a forced smile. ¡°It¡¯s okay. I came here for nothing plus I¡¯m just getting in the way of your work.¡± Park Sungjae was well aware of why Seo Youngwoo had come to him. He must have wanted to share with him a little bit of a secret he couldn¡¯t tell anyone else. He felt sorry for his friend who was standing on a road where the withdrawal route was blocked. ¡°It¡¯s not like that, so just wait a bit. If you stay a little longer, it¡¯ll be party time soon, so everyone will go to the stage and let themselves loose, so we can¡­.¡± ¡°No, I¡¯ll just go. I think it¡¯ll be better if I go home straight. I¡¯ll probably end up making a mistake if I stay here longer.¡± Seo Youngwoo took a staggering step, gently slapping away the restraining hand. He then took out his phone from his bag and pressed the LCD screen to make a phone call but, Seo Youngwoo was drunk and had no idea that it was not going through after trying a few times, and soon let out an irritated groan and hurried back. Park Sungjae¡¯s eyes, looking at him, also darkened as he looked at his precarious back towards the door. ¡°Youngwoo-ya!¡± ¡°Sorry about today. I¡¯ll come with Taejung hyung next time.¡± Without looking back despite the concerned call, Seo Youngwoo left the club again. As he opened the door, the warm air touched his skin. In the dark night sky, not even a single star could be seen. It was a long night that seemed to fall into the abyss the more he struggled to protect his love. *** The second office he visited looked completely opposite as if the gloomy atmosphere of the previous day had been a dream. This was the current case as the office was so crowded that people were rushing to and from the lobby, and adding to that were the cries that made the entire floor noisy. Most of the voices of foreigners and Koreans, regardless of the difference between them, contained a sense of urgency, which indirectly informed him of the current situation. ¡°Are you leaving right now?¡± ¡°We have to leave right away!¡± ¡°Lee arrived at the Seoul District Prosecutors¡¯ Office first. I¡¯ll stop by the government branch office of the eastern part.¡± ¡°Please throw me a notebook!¡± All kinds of voices were mixed together to the point that it was impossible to even tell which one belonged to whom. In the midst of the war for the parties involved, Ha Joyoon stood still and followed their tracks with the eyes of that perfect extra in the background. Bump- ¡°Ack¡­.¡± ¡°Ugh!¡± The impact of a strong shoulder bumping into him made his body stagger for a moment. He was one of the employees who were busy roaming about. His shoulder had started to tingle with pain. ¡°Oh, I¡¯m sorry, I¡¯ve been so out of it lately¡­ are you okay?¡± ¡°No, it¡¯s my fault for standing in the middle of this place.¡± ¡°Regardless, I apologize. Oh, but what brings you here? Did you make a prior appointment?¡± The man¡¯s eyes were looking at the watch with a busy face as if he were on the way to go for coverage. He could easily infer that the time allotted to him was running out. Ha Joyoon, without thinking too much of it, immediately brought up the actual matter. ¡°I¡¯m here to see Director Shin.¡± The man¡¯s eyes widened at the mention of Shin Kwonjoo. ¡°Yes¡­ yes? Director, you say? Oh¡­ what¡¯s your name?¡± ¡°Ha Joyoon. Starting today¡­.¡± ¡°Oh! Journalist Ha Joyoon-nim! I heard about it from the Director. Great timing, I was about to call you regarding the matter of when exactly you would be starting. Someone so handsome came so I was wondering if you had come to the wrong place for an interview.¡± ¡°Yes¡­.¡± When the name was revealed, the man¡¯s face, which had been anxious about sorting out the schedule, had brightened up with joy. The way he grabbed both his hands and shook them up and down was quite friendly. Before Ha Joyoon could make sense of what was going on, his wrist was grabbed and pulled tightly by the man. ¡°We have to get out of here right now. Either way, I¡¯m late.¡± ¡°Sorry? But¡­.¡± To Ha Joyoon¡¯s hint of rejection, the man resolutely answered. ¡°The Director is also at the place of the scene. You do have a camera with you, right?¡± His gaze turned to the bag on his shoulder. Ha Joyoon, unknowingly grabbed onto the strap of his bag and nodded as his body stiffened. ¡°Yes? Yes.¡± ¡°Then that¡¯s all you need. Oh, put this one first. You have to go and get your pass.¡± The man handed over his employee ID as he let out a brief request. There was an awkward print of a man with a sullen expression on his face on the small plastic card which was the size of the palm of his hand. It was only after taking a few looks at the employee ID with his face printed on it did Ha Joyoon realize the offer of Shin Kwonjoo. But even that was short-lived. The employee who hastily packed up the other things said in an urgent tone. ¡°As for the transportation, we¡¯ll be going in my car.¡± Once again, Ha Joyoon stumbled due to the force of the man¡¯s grip on his wrist. The steps of the employee heading for the elevator, saying that they could not delay even for a moment, moved in a hurry. Ha Joyoon¡¯s steps following him were also hasty and clumsy. ¡°We¡¯re utterly late. All that¡¯s left is for us to be dealt with by the Director. He¡¯ll kill us.¡± At the end of the man¡¯s worn-out voice, a soft smile appeared on his stiff lips. ¡°Sunbae-nim is actually at the scene?¡± ¡°Yes, he¡¯s not usually one to go out to the site, but he has a schedule there today, so¡­ we have to go to the Blue House right now. I truly apologize, but we¡¯ll exchange our greetings as we go. Let¡¯s just leave now.¡± The intermittent conversation with him ended completely. All that was left was to get to the scene on time. Ha Joyoon walked out of the lobby he had walked in a while ago, leaving behind the keyboard noises and the murmuring of people. CH 13 Oh My Last, The Last. Tap tap tap- The urgent sound of footsteps filled the lobby. In the time that he was rushing through the stifling atmosphere, Ha Joyoon started to feel that he had returned back in some form or another. He was back where he needed to be. Back to a place where he could do whatever needed to be done. Indescribable emotions colored his face as he glanced outside of the building, a calm heat making its way up from his chest. ¡°It seems like the both of you have got quite a bit of guts.¡± That was the first sentence they heard from Shin Kwonjoo, who was waiting for them with an impatient face at the front door of the conference room. The sweat they had shed as they ran through the chilly air evaporated in an instant. The look on Shin Kwonjoo¡¯s face left no room for excuses or explanations as to why they were late. The annoyance engraved on his face warned of what would happen after the press conference was over. Ha Joyoon chose to stay silent despite feeling a bit wronged. ¡°Let¡¯s go in first. Hyunwoo-ssi, we will need to have a talk after we¡¯re done here.¡± ¡°Yes? Oh, Director, I¡¯m sor¡­¡± ¡°Go in. The press conference begins in five minutes. Ha Joyoon-ssi, please take proper photos.¡± ¡°Yes, sir.¡± Ha Joyoon started to move after giving a simple answer. Suddenly, the scent of lotion coming from the man walking next to him made its way over. It was a refreshing yet deep scent. As his strides slowed down little by little, the man noticed the gaze from his side and glanced at Ha Joyoon. It was as if he was digging into him with his eyes. Silence fell between them despite the place being noisy. Moments later, he opened his mouth with a look of annoyance. ¡°Why don¡¯t you take a break?¡± ¡°¡­ Sorry?¡± ¡°Are you going to stare at my face all day?¡± In an instant, Ha Joyoon¡¯s white cheeks turned red from the mix of ridicule and irritation in that voice. ¡°¡­ It¡¯s not like that.¡± ¡°Say that after you¡¯ve stopped staring. To be honest, it¡¯s quite bothersome.¡± Embarrassment stained his expression at the look of annoyance on the man¡¯s face. He felt bad that the other person felt uncomfortable, even though he didn¡¯t have any special thoughts. ¡°I¡¯m sorry.¡± Ha Joyoon quietly apologized as he gently touched the tip of his hot nose. Shin Kwonjoo turned his head around and hurried on his way with no intention of arguing anymore. The silence was uncomfortable, but fortunately, they didn¡¯t have far to go, so it didn¡¯t take long for the conference room to come into view. Happy to escape the awkward atmosphere, Ha Joyoon quickly put the pass he received into his pocket. The identity of every visitor was thoroughly checked, emphasizing the importance of today¡¯s press conference. Although he was not familiar with the environment of domestic coverage, the seriousness of the current issue was made clear by the variety of journalists in the room. Compared to domestic media outlets, which were often wary of the government, foreign media outlets were only slightly influenced by the pressure. For this reason, most of the ruling political powers avoided the foreign press. In particular, the more corrupt they are, the more closed the scope of media disclosure would become. Considering the various conditions, this event was surprising. Ha Joyoon swallowed his saliva and crossed the last gate to enter the conference room. He could clearly feel the weight of the camera hanging from his shoulder, today more so than normal. The inside of the conference room was filled with journalists who had already arrived. In terms of ratio, the majority of the journalists belonged to domestic media outlets, however, the number of foreign journalists was also quite significant. Some came alone, and some were accompanied by a local stringer as they were not yet familiar with the language. Nam Hyunwoo took a look around. ¡°Pa¡¯r gfjiis mgbkvfv lc tfgf.¡± Vtlc Bkbcpbb rcbgafv jr tf rajgfv ja atf qfgofmais rfa qbvlew. ¡°Po atfs tjv bcis mjiifv atf qgb-ubnfgcwfca rlvf jujlc, atfgf kbeiv tjnf lcfnlajyis yffc j glba.¡± ¡°Pa¡¯r j rwjga wbnf.¡± ¡°Qtb xcbkr. Ktlr wjs aegc bea ab yf j agjq.¡± Llr fsfr cjggbkfv bnfg atf vbmewfcar, tlr tjcv aegclcu bnfg atf qjqfgr olfgmfis. Ktf wjc qeiifv eq atf mbgcfgr bo tlr ilqr jr tf ragbxfv tlr mtlc. Ktf mbiv rwlif vlvc¡¯a rffw ilxf j rwlif ja jii. Lf rffwfv ab yf kfjglcu j wjrx atja kjr ragbcufg jcv wbgf raegvs atjc la kjr lc atf qjra. Ha Jo-yoon, who had been listening to the conversation between Shin Kwonjoo and the employee, turned his attention back to the room. Amidst the peculiar tension, officials were busy strolling around and investigating the environment. As the matter was a serious issue, there were stiff expressions on everyone¡¯s faces, regardless of whether they were a government official or a journalist. He exhaled a long tense breath and found his assigned seat. Shin Kwonjoo and the employee also immediately took their seats, finishing their conversation. The journalists¡¯ pre-prepared questions were then checked. After about 30 minutes of inspection, silence followed the announcement that the conference was beginning. The sound of breathing, typing, and pens writing on paper mixed together. And soon after, the main character of the press conference came up on the podium accompanied by a strong-looking bodyguard. An indescribable sense of power emanated from his aged face. It was a strange feeling, on the border between good and evil. ¡°Record everything properly, both of you. Don¡¯t miss a single word. Get rid of any unnecessary sentiments and leave nothing but facts.¡± Shin Kwonjoo, staring straight ahead with his cold eyes, enunciated the words slowly. Ha Joyoon quietly nodded, understanding the weight of those words. The hand holding the camera gained strength. ¡°First of all, I would like to greet the people of this nation.¡± As the politician¡¯s distinctive and appealing tone broke the silence in the hall, the camera flash exploded simultaneously. The President¡¯s corruption scandal, which erupted at a time when domestic and international relations were tense, was enough to shake the whole country. The earlier self-rescue measures that only provided information to some pro-government insiders, and thoroughly controlled public opinion, were no longer effective. This was because the truth was revealed in such a way that to say it was unprecedented wouldn¡¯t be an exaggeration. The Blue House¡¯s breakthrough method to calm the people was a press conference in which both domestic and foreign journalists were invited. However, the more questions and answers were exchanged, the worse the situation became. Even as the press conference was going on, there were hundreds of thousands of citizens coming out to the city square to demand the President¡¯s impeachment. The expression of the government officials also darkened. ¡°He will not take any further questions.¡± A spokesperson hurriedly stepped forward to clear the atmosphere that seemed to be headed for catastrophe. ¡°Isn¡¯t that irresponsible of you?!¡± ¡°Shouldn¡¯t there be an explanation for the money used in the transaction with Chairman Kim Taeho during the last presidential election?!¡± In the wake of the sudden shut-down, boos and criticism erupted from the press area. It looked different from the previous press conferences, which were conducted only in a strictly controlled environment. However, communication had already ended with one side¡¯s unilateral decision. The view of the scene gets blocked as armed bodyguards in black clothes rush in front of the podium. It was a despicable tactic of those who took the lead in power. Click- Click- The shutter sound of the camera, which did not miss the expression of each person, exploded in small bursts. Hands moved quickly to catch the truth as all nerves were focused on the world beyond the lens. This was a moment in history that someone had to record. Ha Joyoon had always considered it his mission to share these moments with the world. All of a sudden, the finger had been busy pressing the shutter paused, as if it had frozen in time. Emotions of remorse flowed out as the gap between reality and memory widened. I believed this was my calling. I believed that someone should record the cruel and unfair reality as a complete fact. I thought that no one in the world should be completely free from people¡¯s attention. And I thought¡­ you would understand me. It was truly a selfish way of thinking. I should have let you go when I realized that you couldn¡¯t fully understand, but I couldn¡¯t let go of my lingering love for you. It was my fault¡­ Nevertheless, I truly love this job. ¡°Take the picture¡± A low voice struck him. It was short, but it was enough to wake him from his thoughts. His body, which had been frozen like ice, flinched and moved. He returned to reality in an instant as shouts of the journalists and the sound of camera shutters rang in his ears. Ah. Ha Joyoon took a breath. Next to him was a man standing tall. The dark eyes filled with volition were staring frontward as if they were unable to show emotions. ¡°What are you thinking? You need to stay present right now.¡± ¡°¡­ I¡¯m sorry.¡± Let¡¯s quickly get back to reality and finish what I need to do right now. Ha Joyoon began to put his entire focus on the lens again. ¡°People of the nation¡­¡± The traces of the President¡¯s bare conscience, who started the final greeting with a calm expression while ignoring all the criticism, were captured one by one by the camera. *** The scene on the way out after the press conference was disordered. There were many complaints about the ambiance of the conference room. The improper treatment of the press led most of the conversations, but the reality was that it was impossible to know how the press coverage would go until it was done. ¡°Put the first draft on the intra bulletin board. I¡¯ll choose the photos in the end, but please sort them out with the editor first.¡± ¡°Okay, then I¡¯ll move to the National Assembly right away. Gates¡¯ stringer hasn¡¯t arrived yet, so I think I¡¯ll have to go meet up with them.¡± ¡°Alright. And as soon as you arrive¡­.¡± Shin Kwonjoo checked his schedule and nodded, giving some brief instructions. The employee skillfully wrote down his words and greeted Ha Joyoon again. ¡°Oh, by the way, Journalist Ha. I¡¯m sorry I brought you here without any explanation. I had registered it beforehand, but I couldn¡¯t explain it since I was in a hurry.¡± ¡°No, it¡¯s okay.¡± The man smiled brightly as he was handed the distribution data. ¡°I will formally greet you again at the office. I should probably go first to work on the coverage of this conference.¡± His gentle tone broke down the tension that had persisted from visiting the office until now. A soft smile formed on his lips without realizing. The employee who was looking at him blushed and scratched the back of his head. ¡°I¡¯ll see you later. Please take care of me from now on.¡± When he asked for a handshake, the other party happily grabbed his hand, thinking that he would be a good colleague. After a few more brief conversations, the employee hurriedly rushed to leave. Ha Joyoon¡¯s eyes dimmed as he saw his back gradually moving away. ¡°You must¡¯ve been surprised by the sudden job, but you did well.¡± ¡°¡­ Yes, thank you for your hard work, too.¡± Shin Kwonjoo took out and lit a cigarette. It was unfortunate that the refreshing scent from before was covered by the strong smoke. ¡°Let¡¯s wrap up today¡¯s schedule and go back to the office. There¡¯s something I need to talk to you about.¡± Although it was cold and emotionless, the serious voice had the ability to make the people listen. Ha Joyoon, who had been paying attention to nothing but his tie for a while, quickly nodded his head instead of answering. Shin Kwonjoo¡¯s eyes narrowed slightly as he looked at him. After a period of silence, he spoke again. ¡°Have you eaten yet?¡± Ha Joyoon realized that all he had had so far after leaving for work in the morning were a few drinks. After glancing at his flat stomach, he shook his head. The sound of a small laugh was heard from his side. When he looked up, he saw the man looking at his phone with a perfectly indifferent expression, as if the sound of laughter just now was an illusion. ¡°Let¡¯s get something to eat before we go back.¡± He checked his messages with serious eyes. Did something bad happen? Ha Joyoon, who had been examining the hardened eyes of Shin Kwonjoo, shook with surprise when those dark eyes slowly moved and fixed themselves on him. Seeing that, Shin Kwonjoo smiled and swept his hair to the side. ¡°Ha Joyoon-ssi. I told you not to stare so much, didn¡¯t I?¡± ¡°¡­ I didn¡¯t mean¡­¡± Before he could oppose, the smooth nose came closer to him. ¡°It¡¯s hot.¡± Shin Kwonjoo said it casually as he took off his thin jacket and hung it over his arm. The cool scent penetrated deep into his lungs. ¡°Don¡¯t bother saying that it¡¯s not like that. Let¡¯s get going. There aren¡¯t many places to eat nearby, so let¡¯s go somewhere near the office.¡± ¡°Okay.¡± Before he could say anything else, the man strode towards the parking lot with large steps. Even though the distance widened quickly, he didn¡¯t look back. He must be a rather short-tempered man. Or it could be that he simply had no interest in the other person. After meeting him a few times, Ha Joyoon seemed to understand a little bit about the characteristics of the man named Shin Kwonjoo. Perhaps his personality has been slowly changing from the past to the present. It¡¯s also strange that I¡¯m becoming aware of my current state little by little. After walking for a while with the hot sun on his back, he saw the entrance to the parking lot. After seeing Shin Kwonjoo¡¯s back as he made his way to the car from a distance, Ha Joyoon hurried his steps. Beep- When the remote control was pressed, the headlights flashed for a moment. The black bodied car with a sleek yet elegant curve matched its owner quite well. Shin Kwonjoo opened the driver¡¯s door and pointed to the back seat. ¡°Put your stuff in the back and get in. I have some clothes in there, you can just move them.¡± ¡°Okay.¡± When he opened the rear door, he saw several shirts and jackets hung in an orderly fashion. Due to the ample space in the car, there was no threat of anything wrinkling. The hand that was tidying up the shirts paused for a moment. In the past, he remembered that the man often pulled all-nighters in the office when they had a lot of work. Even then, Ha Joyoon would often be sent on an errand to fetch a shirt from the car. It seems that is one thing that hasn¡¯t changed. Translation Notes! Alright, so I¡¯ll be adding this at the end of the first chapter as well as this one for the lovely readers who are keeping up with the updates. Anyway, this is a little explanation of all the honorifics + suffixes that have been used so far (or might possibly be used in future chapters) for those who are still confused about it. Hyung ¨C Literally means ¡°older brother¡±. A familiar term used by a male to address an older male sibling or friend (or boyfriend ;p). Noona ¨C Literally means ¡°older sister¡±. A familiar term used by a male to address an older female sibling or friend. Oppa ¨C Literally means ¡°older brother¡±. A familiar term used by a female to address an older male sibling or friend. Unnie ¨C Literally means ¡°older sister¡±. A familiar term used by a female to address an older female sibling or friend. ^^ All of these can be used with or without a name attached before it. And yes, people in romantic relationships also use these terms for the other person, if they¡¯re older. Sunbae ¨C Literally means ¡°senior.¡± A term used by both female and males to address their senior, usually in school and university. Rather than it being determined by age, it refers to the person¡¯s seniority and experience in a certain setting. Hoobae ¨C Literally means ¡°junior¡±. A term used by both female and males to address their junior, usually in school and university. Most of the time, the juniors or ¡°hoobaes¡± are called by their name and this term is mainly used when referring to them in another conversation. Again, rather than it being determined by age, it refers to the person¡¯s standing and experience in a certain setting. ^^ Once more, both of these can used with or without a name attached before it. Sometimes, people in romantic relationships use these terms too. Usually, it¡¯s ¡°Sunbae¡±. -ssi ¨C It could mean either of these; Mr. or Mrs or Miss. A formal suffix that follows a person¡¯s full or first name to show respect and formality. -nim ¨C It could mean either of these; Mr. or Mrs. or Miss. A formal suffix that follows a person¡¯s full or first (usually full) name or title/profession to show more respect and formality. ^^ Both of these are usually used in professional and formal environments. -ya and -ah ¨C Doesn¡¯t mean anything special in particular. It¡¯s used when speaking informally to a younger or same-age person directly. While -ya follows a name that ends in a vowel, -ah follows a name that ends in a consonant. For now, I believe this is all that needs to be explained. While I¡¯m at it, I want to say that I am aware of how much of a slowburn this novel is and it may get a bit frustrating for those who are keeping up with the updates but trust me, the romance aspect of the story will pick up in the coming chapters. Thank you so much for reading. Hope you have a good day <3 CH 14 Oh My Love, The Last. Sometimes it feels strange when the things you remember and the current situation match. Perhaps it was because of the idea that the past continues into the present. It¡¯s not at all like how the relationship with Kang Taejung with the past was completely changed¡­ ¡°Is your head really okay?¡± When asked a sudden question, Ha Joyoon poked out his head while organizing his belongings. He immediately faced Shin Kwonjoo, who had a cold expression on his face. Long smoke wafted from the cigarette in his hand. ¡°What do you mean¡­.¡± ¡°I¡¯ve felt it since the last time, but Ha Joyoon-ssi, it seems like you tend to suddenly space out. No matter how urgently we need the photographer, in this case, treatment comes first.¡± Shin Kwonjoo stared at him with his sharp eyes as he sucked on the cigarette once more. The question wasn¡¯t asked out of concern for his subordinate, rather it was to check whether there was a possibility of the work being disrupted. At least, the man named Shin Kwonjoo, whom Ha Joyoon had recently got to know, was not a kind enough person to wait for someone who delayed his work. The thought of answering with a ¡®yes¡¯ involuntarily caused his breathing to be disturbed due to the heavy tension at the moment. The bag containing the packet of medicine became infinitely heavy. Ha Joyoon hesitated for a moment with shaky eyes, then lowered the equipment bag and closed the door. ¡°There is absolutely nothing wrong with it¡­ I¡¯m regularly seeing a doctor as well. I¡¯ll go ahead and quit myself if there¡¯s any disruption to my work.¡± He said it with determination, but the expression on the face of the other person lightened. Shin Kwonjoo got into the car after roughly stubbing out the remaining half of his cigarette. ¡°There¡¯s nothing to be so serious about. I was just asking because things could get difficult if you were to suddenly collapse while working.¡± He sounded nonchalant as if he had never asked the question in a serious way. A certain feeling surged up inside of Ha Joyoon as he answered bluntly. ¡°¡­ But still, it¡¯s somewhat like that.¡± ¡°What is?¡± ¡°If I say I¡¯m sick, I feel like I¡¯ll be treated as someone who can¡¯t do anything.¡± Although he rarely revealed his true intentions, he was still unable to crack his opponent¡¯s poker face. Even though he knew that, his emotional heart didn¡¯t subside easily. Shin Kwonjoo¡¯s eyes narrowed as he looked at him. ¡°You say everything you want to say.¡± ¡°¡­¡­.¡± ¡°Prevention isn¡¯t a bad thing, is it?¡± In response to the cold answer, Ha Joyoon sat down in the passenger seat, avoiding his gaze with a somewhat subdued expression. Although he was his senior in university, a proper relationship was only formed after he stepped foot into working society. It was a relationship where there was no need or reason to be deeply involved with each other. Even though this had always been the case, the bitterness was not hidden today because he had recalled Ha Junghye¡¯s words after he returned home. Ha Joyoon closed his eyes, tired from the day¡¯s events, and rubbed his forehead against the still-hot car window. ¡°Let¡¯s go.¡± As soon as the smart key was inserted, the car started immediately, and the heavy engine sound came from the machinery. Right away, the vehicle smoothly exited the parking lot. Ktfs jgglnfv ja j gfrajegjca cfjg atf boolmf, ktlmt kjr ecfzqfmafvis bgvlcjgs. Ktfgf kjr bcis bcf bqalbc bc atf wfce, ktlmt kjr j wfji bo j ybki bo glmf, rbeq, jcv j ofk rlvf vlrtfr. Gfrqlaf atlr, la rffwfv ab yf j kfii-xcbkc gfrajegjca, jcv atf lcrlvf kjr oeii bo qfbqif ktb tjv jigfjvs yffc rfjafv. ¡°Cecas!¡± ¡°Dbrr!¡± Ktf nblmfr mjiilcu obg atf fwqibsffr mbcalcefv ab yegra bea. Lj Absbbc rfio-mbcrmlberis ibbxfv jgbecv lc jc jawbrqtfgf atja vlv cba rffw ab rela atf wjc. ¡°There are a lot of people.¡± ¡°It tastes good. I come here often when I¡¯m working from the office. Take a seat.¡± Shin Kwonjoo pulled out a chair to sit down and called over the waitress who approached his seat. When the woman left after taking his order and putting down the water jug and cups, Ha Joyoon began to organize their silverware. Even when he was seated, Shin Kwonjoo¡¯s phone rang nonstop. The first few times he looked at the message with indifferent eyes, but soon after, he furrowed his eyebrows and turned the device upside down on the table. ¡°It¡¯s time to take a break.¡± His smooth hand stroked his chin in irritation. His unique and elegant atmosphere made even a simple restaurant seem like a fine dining restaurant. Through that monotonous hand gesture, a shiny ring came into Ha Joyoon¡¯s view again. Its design looked more detailed than before. The extremely refined simplicity suited him well. No matter how one would look at it, it was definitely a wedding ring. He suddenly became curious about the man¡¯s spouse. Mixing bodies with that cold passion and living a life together with him¡­ The realization that the interest was more than necessary surprised him. Just as his eyes were about to meet Shin Kwonjoo with an unpleasant expression, a relief pitcher appeared. ¡°The meal has arrived.¡± A dozen side dishes were set on the table quickly with skillful hand movements. All of them had quite appetizing colors. In the blink of an eye, the soybean paste stew took its place in the center of the perfectly set table. Its savory aroma stimulated the appetite. Shin Kwonjoo looked at the dishes as he loosened the tight tie. ¡°Please eat.¡± ¡°¡­ Okay.¡± Starting with a casual invitation, both of them took a spoon. The well-cooked rice and properly seasoned side dishes were quite appetizing. Nothing was said at the table and it lapsed into a quiet spot in the noisy restaurant. Occasionally, Shin Kwonjoo¡¯s phone rang, but he never checked his messages again. There was a long silence, but there was no discomfort. Like Ha Joyoon, who was accustomed to silence, the other party was also not very talkative. He really liked the situation where he didn¡¯t have to fill the time with small talk, never revealing his true thoughts on the surface. ¡°I heard you won¡¯t be in Korea for too long.¡± Towards the end of the meal, Ha Joyoon broke the silence first. Shin Kwonjoo stopped pouring water into the cup and lightly nodded in affirmation. ¡°Perhaps until the end of the year or early next year.¡± End of the year or early next year. Ha Joyoon realized that the deadline was just around the corner. He didn¡¯t think he would be staying for long, but it was still sooner than expected. It was as if the initial set-up had all been pre-planned. ¡°Will you be going back to the headquarters?¡± ¡°I¡¯m still not sure.¡± ¡°It hasn¡¯t been that long since you came here.¡± ¡°From the beginning, I had promised only one year here until the Korean branch was fully established. It¡¯s as long as it was planned to be, so it¡¯s neither long nor short.¡± ¡°I thought you¡¯d stay a little longer.¡± ¡°The shorter the exile, the better.¡± A clear smile appeared on his lips and then disappeared in an instant. Considering the age of Shin Kwonjoo, who was only in his mid-30s, the position of a branch director was remarkable despite the branch being in Asia. There was no proper way to react. He realized that while he may feel sorry for someone, it could be tantamount to exile for the person involved, so Ha Joyoon quickly apologized. ¡°Oh, I¡¯m sorry. I don¡¯t know much about that so¡­¡± ¡°I¡¯m aware of that. If you had said that you actually knew then that would have been weirder for me.¡± Political ability was also required because not only was the media endlessly linked to politics and the economy, it also worked based on connections. It was clear that the nature of foreign media was somewhat independent of existing newspapers and broadcasting routes, but there was a fierce battle among those who wanted to rise within it. The man was victorious in this battle. In the first place, he avoided power and fame and was completely focused on his own work. Ha Joyoon fiddled with the table as he hid his bitterness. Shin Kwonjoo, who was watching him closely, took a drink of water and continued. ¡°Well, it suits you.¡± ¡°Sorry?¡± ¡°Focusing on photography. Everyone has a role to play, so there¡¯s no need to make such a self-deprecating expression.¡± Ha Joyoon smiled a little, embarrassed by how quickly his thoughts were discovered. The pretty face with a faint smile was worthy of catching the attention of others at least once. Ha Joyoon carefully confided his feelings as he slowly wiped his dry cheeks a few times. He had a thought that the other person was not quite appropriate for this, but there wasn¡¯t much discomfort. ¡°I always thought that someone had to do it.¡± The man who was holding his papers and phone looked up. Amidst the profound atmosphere, Ha Joyoon remembered Kang Taejung, who had not been contacted for several days. ¡°I was just one of the many people who recorded.¡± He checked their messages whenever he had time, just in case, but the only answer that he got was silence to the extent that even looking hurt. It was questionable whether the past in which the one had only loved him, filled with passionate and warm love, still existed. Is this really how you¡¯re going to end things with me? ¡°I never had any doubts about it¡­ but after I came back, I saw that I really had nothing left. I still don¡¯t regret doing this but not even a single thing is left besides that.¡± ¡°Ha Joyoon-ssi.¡± He called out Ha Joyoon¡¯s name in a dull tone. There was no compassion or sympathy in his voice, so it wasn¡¯t hard to imagine the cold feedback that would soon follow. Perfectly organized documents in a case were placed on one side of the table. Shin Kwonjoo casually opened his mouth as he checked the messages that he had left behind during mealtime. ¡°If this is your first breakup, then the second one would be an end of the world for you.¡± He made it sound like it really was nothing. When he heard those words, the tone was so indifferent that it could even make him think that it really was nothing. ¡°Was I being too sentimental?¡± ¡°Inexplicably.¡± It was such a word. Ha Joyoon leaned his back on the chair as he let out a little laugh unconsciously. Languid energy ran up his spine. The delicately drawn eyes flinched and trembled. The man who put his phone in his pocket continued the conversation again. ¡°I¡¯ve said this before, but if you¡¯re not in a situation where you can meet someone new, why don¡¯t you try to stay as a partner with them? It might be more effective than you think.¡± Even though there were many people around, the voice of the man who talked about sex was unbothered. Ha Joyoon responded with an uneven frown. The other man was so calm that it was questionable whether he had really said it. ¡°How would that prove to be effective?¡± ¡°Either way, you¡¯ll end up getting bored of them. There comes a time when even touching becomes almost disgusting. Once you realize that, it¡¯ll be easier for either one of you.¡± ¡°It¡¯s effective.¡± Shin Kwonjoo gave a mischievous smile as he repeated this again. ¡°Is this coming from experience?¡± ¡°Perhaps.¡± He answered without hiding his interest. Even if he didn¡¯t ask, it was easy to see from the tired expression on Shin Kwonjoo¡¯s face that the advice came from personal experience, and it was easy to tell who had gotten tired of it and who had ended up hating the other. He put down his glass and nodded slightly. ¡°¡­ Thank you for your advice.¡± ¡°Sure. Let¡¯s leave if you¡¯re done.¡± ¡°Okay.¡± Ha Joyoon also stood up, following the man who had led the conversation without any hesitation. The steps towards the counter were quite large. It was like a habit to regard time as a property. Shin Kwonjoo finished the payment quickly despite not saying that he was going to pay for both, and stood at the doorway beckoning to Ha Joyoon. As he took a step toward Shin Kwonjoo with an awkward smile, the doorbell chimed. Ring Ring- ¡°Welcome!¡± ¡°¡­ Yeah. Hang on for a bit longer.¡± ¡°I think I¡¯ll be pretty busy until the end of this month too.¡± ¡°Haha- Taejung-ssi must have it hard too.¡± A familiar voice and an even more familiar name came from the others. Ha Joyoon stopped walking and looked at the side where the sound was heard. How long has it been since that happened? One week? Two weeks? At some point, the boundaries of time became blurred, making it difficult to count the days. The lover he saw after who knows how many days, still looked the same. Whilst his attention was not directed towards him, the man was still heartbreakingly cool, and full of friendly smiles. ¡­The streaks of rain in his heart grew stronger. He heard footsteps pounding. Even though he knew it wasn¡¯t true, the scene of rain unfolded itself like a fantasy. There was no trace of longing for someone anywhere on the face of the man as he talked to the other party with a cheerful smile. It looked like he was just full of energy, living every day to the best of his ability. CH 15 Oh My Love, The Last. Breathing heavily, Ha Joyoon focused all his senses on Kang Taejung as he entered the restaurant. All the noises that had previously bothered his ears disappeared, and he could only hear that one person¡¯s voice. ¡°When will you be leavi¡­¡± Kang Taejung was looking for a seat when he saw Ha Joyoon staring at him, and he immediately stopped walking. His slowly widening eyes indicated that he was surprised by the unexpected encounter. Tears welled up in Ha Joyoon¡¯s eyes as there was no pleasant feeling anywhere in the man¡¯s eyes. He struggled to greet him as he tried to hold back his tears. ¡°¡­ Hi.¡± ¡°¡­ Yoon-ah.¡± Contrary to his pounding heart, the voice that came out was calm. Kang Taejung, who had been silent for a while, asked the person who was accompanying him to give him a moment. ¡°Why don¡¯t you go ahead first? I¡¯ll be right behind you.¡± ¡°Oh, okay. Your friend? Take your time and come, I¡¯ll just be looking at the menu.¡± After confirming that Kang Taejung¡¯s acquaintance had moved away, Ha Joyoon took a step closer. It was only a small move, but Kang Taejung¡¯s face became terrifyingly hard when he saw Ha Joyoon approaching him. As the physical distance grew smaller, their emotional distance was getting farther and farther apart. A terrible sensation rushed through his veins and struck his heart. Ha Joyoon struggled to say what he had not been able to convey for days as he bit his trembling lips. ¡°I contacted you several times but¡­¡± ¡°¡­¡­¡± I was afraid of those eyes that lacked any sort of attachment, plainly looked at me without saying a word. Worn and desensitized, it felt like coarse sand against my skin. ¡°I texted you¡­ I called you too.¡± ¡°¡­¡­¡± ¡°But I¡¯m meeting you here of all places.¡± ¡°¡­I¡¯m sorry. I¡¯ve just been really busy with work lately.¡± Ha Joyoon smiled frowningly at the words that seemed to come out like a reflex now. After that, silence ensued between the two for a long time which previously didn¡¯t require patience. The uncomfortable stream of air settled coolly on the back of his neck. Ha Joyoon quietly lowered his eyes as his legs were on the verge of collapsing under the weight of his body. Was there anything more pathetic than begging for feelings from someone whose heart had already left? He hated himself for not being able to give up, even though he knew, after just a few encounters, that there was very little room for hope. He knew that his actions, words, and existence itself could be burdensome for someone and pain for others. But¡­ ¡°Am I not allowed to contact you?¡± You haven¡¯t officially broken up with me yet. ¡°¡­¡­¡± ¡°Jjc sbe ja ifjra gfqis?¡± You still haven¡¯t told me that it¡¯s all over now. That¡¯s why I¡¯m getting my hopes up even if this is just an illusion. It¡¯s just that you¡¯re confused now. You¡¯re just mad at me. So I believe that you need a little more time to think. However¡­ -Are you going to Scarborough Fair? Parsley, sage, rosemary, and thyme.- ¡°Obbx ja wf j yla.¡± -Remember me to one who lives there. She once was a true love of mine.- ¡°Kjfpecu-jt, tw?¡± Gfrqlaf atf vfrqfgjaf gfdefra, atf batfg qfgrbc¡¯r ujhf ralii vlvc¡¯a aegc ab tlw. Ds atf fwyjggjrrfv fzqgfrrlbc bc tlr ojmf, sbe kbeiv atlcx atja Lj Absbbc kjr tjgjrrlcu tlw.. Lbkfnfg, pera yfobgf tf kjr ibra lc atf gert bo vfqgfrrlbc, atf atbeuta atja Bjcu Kjfpecu wluta yf agbeyifv revvfcis mgbrrfv tlr wlcv. Lf tlwrfio kjr cba ybatfgfv ys tbk batfgr rjk tlw, yea lo akb wfc kfgf rajcvlcu lc j gfrajegjca fzevlcu j afcrf jawbrqtfgf, atf qfbqif klat atfw mbeiv tjnf atbeuta atf meggfca rlaejalbc kjr ragjcuf fcbeut. When he thought about it, Ha Joyoon unconsciously took a step back. It was only then that Kang Taejung raised his head and acknowledged his past lover. Ha Joyoon quickly apologized in a trembling voice. ¡°I¡¯m sorry. I didn¡¯t realize that was inappropriate¡­¡± ¡°¡­¡­¡± ¡°I¡¯ll call you again. Go ahead. Your colleagues are waiting¡­ I didn¡¯t think it through.¡± ¡°Yoon-ah. It¡¯s not like that.¡± ¡°I¡¯m sorry.¡± The way he looks at me mournfully is the same as before, making me think that he may still love me. As bad as I was to you, your kindness that can¡¯t even put me back in my place properly is crueler than anything else to me right now. Ha Joyoon firmly closed his mouth and immediately turned away as he left his heavy heart behind. He felt a piercing gaze, but he couldn¡¯t look back because he was afraid of the complex emotions contained within that gaze. Rather, it was more comfortable to look at the eyes of Shin Kwonjoo, who was watching the situation in front of him. Thinking that it was ironic, Ha Joyoon opened the door and followed Shin Kwonjoo, widening his stride and moving quickly. ¡°Yoon-ah¡­¡± Kang Taejung¡¯s voice rang low once again, but he didn¡¯t look back. The door was open and it was bright outside with the midday noise and afternoon sunlight. Ha Joyoon slightly covered his eyes under the hot sun. Shin Kwonjoo came out on the sidewalk first and was headed for the parking lot when he suddenly turned his head to look at Ha Joyoon who was following him. ¡°I¡¯ve never met him, but he sounded like the person who called me endlessly back then. Was that person Kang Taejung?¡± He recalled Kang Taejung saying that he had called the man to the point of annoyance. Ha Joyoon nodded his head while trying to hide his melancholy. ¡°Yes¡­¡± The eyes that stared at him with one eyebrow raised were sharp. ¡°Ha Joyoon-ssi, are you gay?¡± It was a definitive question without any hesitation. Although he didn¡¯t directly ask about Kang Taejung, there was no way that it was just a question of identity. Ha Joyoon looked at the other person, not knowing how to respond. He quickly shook his head when he realized that no lies would work. ¡°It¡¯s not like that. I¡¯ve never had feelings for any other men.¡± It was an indirect acknowledgment that he and Kang Taejung were in a romantic relationship. A low snort came out at those words. ¡°As you know, the media is quite the conservative industry. It doesn¡¯t matter if you keep working alone like you¡¯ve been doing till now, but there¡¯s no harm in being careful if you¡¯re working with an enemy somewhere. In particular, you first need to learn how to hide the emotions on your face.¡± Shin Kwonjoo spoke coldly as he opened the driver¡¯s door. ¡°If you look at someone like that, anyone will know.¡± ¡°It was very strange. I was just¡­ I was just saying hello. I also had to ask for a favor.¡± Ha Joyoon sat in the passenger seat. The way he answered without even considering hiding it caused the gaze of the other man to fill with bewilderment. Look here¡­ Shin Kwonjoo opened his mouth with a bemused voice. ¡°Do you not know how to hide?¡± ¡°Sorry?¡± ¡°If that¡¯s the case, it¡¯ll be burdensome for the other person. It¡¯s rather unpleasant. It¡¯s like a gaze filled with emotions that draws the attention of others.¡± The words lacked any sort of emotions. How nice it would be if he, too, could control his emotions like that. Ha Joyoon, staring blankly at Shin Kwonjoo, rubbed his dry eyes. As his fatigue settled in, the headache that had been buried for a while signaled its existence. The doctor¡¯s instructions to take medicine immediately after meal time came to mind, but the feeling of not wanting to do it in front of others came first. ¡°Would it have been better to deny it? I thought that you would probably notice if I did¡­¡± ¡°¡­I can¡¯t tell if you¡¯re naive, or if you just trust me more than necessary.¡± ¡°I thought it would be better than lying about it.¡± ¡°Though I was aware that you were an eccentric person¡­¡± Shin Kwonjoo trailed off as he started the engine. A long shadow of the sunset illuminates the two of them through the car window. Ha Joyoon leaned his head against the car window, following the traces of the sun which decorated the back of his hand. The lukewarm energy touched his forehead and calmed his unstable heart. ¡°I¡¯m sorry, Sunbae-nim.¡± ¡°It¡¯s fine.¡± ¡°I know this must be annoying for you but¡­ I just didn¡¯t have anyone to talk about this with.¡± ¡°¡­¡­¡± There was nothing left. At some point in his life, he had looked back on the path he had taken and found there was no one to confide in. A narrow and blind relationship. A relationship where Kang Taejung was everyone and everything to him. A relationship where they didn¡¯t talk to anyone but each other because they belonged to each other. A lonely relationship where he couldn¡¯t get a single piece of comfort, even in moments that were as painful as death. That was all. Ha Joyoon closed his eyes and tried to ignore the intense headache that came over him as he left the vivid feeling behind. ¡°Sunbae-nim.¡± A soft voice echoed softly inside the car. He could feel his head being split apart. The words that were buried in his heart, which he could not possibly have told anyone, were finally spoken. ¡°Maybe I shouldn¡¯t have come back?¡± Shin Kwonjoo¡¯s eyes gleamed as he looked at him. There was a cold silence in the car. He held onto the steering wheel and pondered for a moment, then changed gears and answered. ¡°I don¡¯t think that¡¯s a matter for me to judge.¡± Ha Joyoon quietly smiled at the simple answer. He expressed his gratitude, but no other answer came. The car began to move slowly with the sound of the heavy engine. As harsh as they were, those words comforted him in that moment. *** ¡°Was he a friend of yours, Assistant Manager Kang?¡± His boss from the same office asked Kang Taejung, who returned to his seat. ¡°Yes, an old friend.¡± He answered calmly as he dragged out his chair, acting as if nothing had happened. His voice, however, was somewhat awkward. Friend. Even though he managed to spit the word out, it still came back to inflict a wound on him. Kang Taejung gulped down cold water, forcefully swallowing the bitterness that lingered on the tip of his tongue. ¡°What does he do?¡± ¡°¡­He¡¯s a photojournalist.¡± ¡°Oh wow, what a great job.¡± Fweet. The section manager whistled lightly as he poured water into Kang Taejung¡¯s empty glass. The man continued talking, recalling the face that he only saw briefly but had left a lasting impression on him. ¡°What kind of guy has such a beautiful face? I thought he was some kind of model or celebrity. He looks like someone women won¡¯t let go of. He must¡¯ve made a lot of women cry.¡± ¡°¡­He¡¯s not that kind of a person. He¡¯s an honest and sincere guy. He¡¯s a journalist who takes good pictures.¡± ¡°Haha! Are you taking sides because he¡¯s your friend? How is what I said bad for a man? It just means that he¡¯s popular. Even though he¡¯s a man, I couldn¡¯t take my eyes off him for quite a while. But he looks like someone who¡¯s unable to stay in one place. Is his job like that? Just by looking at him, it didn¡¯t seem like he would settle down in one place¡­ Am I wrong? ¡°He often travels overseas.¡± ¡°Tsk tsk¡­ then it will be difficult for the family.¡± Kang Taejung moved the food to the bowl in front of him forcibly, following his boss who picked up his chopsticks. However, it was difficult to swallow even a sip of water, feeling as if he were swallowing sand instead. CH 16 Oh My Love, The Last It was a familiar feeling. People who saw Ha Joyoon for the first time often showed interest in his beautiful appearance and unique atmosphere. As time passed, most of them fell out because of his indifferent attitude, but Kang Taejung was always anxious about people¡¯s interest in Ha Joyoon. Even though it was already a thing of the past, his heart was shaken by a suspicious wave. ¡°When he was standing with Assistant Manager Kang, they almost looked like a picture, didn¡¯t they? It¡¯s probably because both of them have good looks.¡± ¡°Hahaha, I agree. I thought so, too. The two seem to get along well with each other.¡± A colleague who was next to the boss was more helpful and smiled. Though it was a compliment, it was a bitter poison to the person concerned. His adam¡¯s apple bobbed hard. ¡°Thank you for having a good impression of us.¡± Kang Taejung forcibly raised the corners of his mouth as he recalled the situation that took place a while ago. Just remembering Ha Joyoon¡¯s face, which had become so thin to the point that it was almost beyond recognizable, made his heart ache. Why is your face like that? Are you eating properly? Did you spend the night looking at photos without getting any sleep again? ¡­ Things he couldn¡¯t ask were running around in circles in his head. Everything about Ha Joyoon was bothering him that he couldn¡¯t bear it. If it had not been for his current engagement, he might have followed him out. No, the engagement was just an excuse. It was just his heart that was a mess of guilt, remorse, and shame towards someone. Kang Taejung immediately denied his feelings. It was scary. He didn¡¯t want to be shaken up like this anymore. He didn¡¯t want to fall to the bottom again and have his heart broken. If he had to go through it one more time, he didn¡¯t have the confidence that he¡¯d be able to live with a sane mind at that time. He couldn¡¯t come to terms with the fact that Ha Joyoon was alive and breathing right in front of him. Even after quite some time had passed, he was under the illusion that he was still dreaming, and that he suddenly woke up wondering if he had finally gone crazy. The reason he did not respond at all to Ha Joyoon¡¯s attempts of contact, which went on for almost a month, was because he did not trust his ability to control himself. He couldn¡¯t undo everything just because he wanted to see him. It took too many steps to do that, and the distance between the current reality and the reality that took place over a long period of five years was too far. He knew it was better to properly end things, for Ha Joyoon and himself. But he was constantly running away from such a responsibility. ¡®Taejung-ah.¡¯ ¡®Hyung, I really love you.¡¯ ¡®Look at me a bit.¡± ¡®I trust you, Hyung.¡¯ Unsorted voices entangled and created a mess. In addition, his heart also fluttered in the waves like a drifting ship. The time to draw a clear conclusion was approaching, but the fragments of his feelings, which were not completely organized, tormented him. *** Knock knock- The hand that was flipping through the documents stopped for a moment at the sound of a knock that broke the silence. Yes. A gentle-looking man entered the office as the door, which had been tightly closed, opened carefully at the low-pitched answer. ¡°Director, I sent the files to the head office as per your final confirmation.¡± ¡°Okay. Did you check all the distributors?¡± ¡°Yes, I organized them per platform.¡± ¡°Tbe¡¯nf kbgxfv tjgv.¡± ¡°Yt, kf rfca Abegcjilra Lj ab mbnfg abvjs¡¯r qgbafra.¡± Ktf wjc ktb tjv yffc ajqqlcu atf fcv bo atf vbmewfca klat j obecajlc qfc klat lcvloofgfca fsfr ribkis gjlrfv tlr tfjv. Pa kjr j mbiv uijcmf atja mbcajlcfv tlr gfyexf jr la kjr. Blw Jtjftkjc¡¯r rtbeivfgr lcnbiecajglis oilcmtfv lc atf jawbrqtfgf ktfgf atf mtliis offilcu jr rtjgq jr j rqlgf kjr fnlvfca. Cr atf fvlabg-lc-mtlfo bo KUC Jbwweclmjalbcr¡¯ Bbgfjc ygjcmt, tf atbeuta atja tf uba jibcu kfii klat qfbqif yfmjerf bo tlr oglfcvis cjaegf, yea la kjr vloolmeia ab vfji klat atf cfk vlgfmabg bo atf ygjcmt ktb kjr vfifujafv atlr alwf. ¡°Do we not have other reporters?¡± ¡°Everyone¡¯s out on the scene.¡± The afternoon sun illuminates the office without any filtration, but it had no effect on the chilly air flowing inside it. Not only was his gaze menacing, but there was also a deep-seated dent in between his brows. At a glance, it was an unpleasant situation. Kim Chaehwan shook his head to recall if there were any mistakes with his report a while ago at the angry look of his boss, who rarely displayed such emotions openly. However, there was nothing to infer. Meanwhile, his palms were wet with sweat. ¡°Director ¡­?¡± ¡°¡­¡­.¡± ¡°¡­ Um, if you don¡¯t have anything else to say, I¡¯ll be taking my leave.¡± Kim Chaehwan¡¯s attempt to leave the office in a hurry failed due to the question that followed immediately. ¡°Today¡¯s Gwanghwamun protest. Aren¡¯t the metal unions participating, too?¡± He was irritated. He is irritated. That was an insanely, irritated voice. It was a disaster for Kim Chaehwan, who had worked with Shin Kwonjoo over the past few months. Rubbing his wet hands against his trousers, he smiled as hard as he could. ¡°Yes, all the hard-line unions will be there. The police force is expected to increase its numbers to the max during this year¡¯s protests. It¡¯s too early to jump to conclusions, but¡­ There seems to be a great risk of the protest breaking into a violent one today. It hasn¡¯t even started yet, but I heard that police buses with water cannons are everywhere in the square. Journalist Ha was deployed to the scene because of his experience in war zones. Even though he looks weak, he has that unyielding tenacity of his. But I ordered him to withdraw as soon as he thinks it would dange¡­ ro¡­ us.¡± The reason that the end of the sentence got worse was because of the boss¡¯s harsh gaze on him. Kim Chaehwan stood still in his office for a long time as if he were punished and couldn¡¯t move because of the eyes that were staring at him so hard that he thought today would be his end. ¡°Understood. You can leave.¡± ¡°O-okay.¡± Clack- Silence came again with the sound of the door closing. It was so quiet that he could hear the sound of his breathing. The man leaned obliquely against the front window with a clear view and looked at the view under the Han River as he soon searched his pocket out of habit and took out a cigarette. Click. In the flames created by the polished Zippo lighter, the toxic smoke spewed out tens of thousands of harmful substances in the air. The gaze staring at the flowing river lacked more warmth than usual. Huu. A low breath of white smoke obscured the window through which the office was illuminated. Suddenly, the face of a weak and foolish man who couldn¡¯t take good care of himself flashed through his mind. After that, the face of someone who uttered a similarly foolish belief. One end of the mouth biting the cigarette rose gently. It was a cold, cynical smile. *** ¡°Are you leaving early in the morning?¡± Ha Junghye, who was sitting on the sofa in the living room, ran out with one step at the sound of rustling from the shoe cabinet. Ha Joyoon was creasing out his sneakers and turned around. ¡°Yeah.¡± ¡°Where to?¡± ¡°Gwanghwamun¡­ there will be a protest today, so I have to photograph the event.¡± ¡°Is it okay to start working already? It¡¯s not a dangerous protest?¡± Ha Joyoon smiled lightly and shrugged his shoulders as he looked at his sister, whose words were blurred out of concern. ¡°It¡¯s fine.¡± It was a short and blunt answer, but as if familiar, Ha Junghye patted his back with a calm hand as she tidied up her brother¡¯s disheveled collar. Ever since he returned home to Korea, she knew every night he was tormented by the matter regarding Kang Taejung, but she was also careful of offering hasty consolation. It might have been a better choice for him to focus on something else. ¡°Don¡¯t overdo it.¡± A look of embarrassment spread at the affectionate words. Ha Joyoon replied as he scratched the back of his head. ¡°The company is very considerate.¡± ¡°That¡¯s a relief then. Well, since your senior is there, I won¡¯t worry too much.¡± Ha Joyoon frowned involuntarily at the tone that was full of trust. It was because he remembered the day when he visited Shin Kwonjoo, believing in Ha Junghye¡¯s words but the response was as if he had been criticized. ¡°What¡¯s wrong?¡± Ha Joyoon shook his head after contemplating for a while as Ha Junghye looked at her suddenly silent brother with a questioning look ¡°Nothing.¡± Ha Junghye smiled softly at the quiet and low voice and buried her face in her brother¡¯s chest. She could feel the sound of the heart slowly beating, something that resembled him. She couldn¡¯t openly say it but, she truly loved her brother, who was sincere and warm inside, more than anyone else. ¡°I hate that you¡¯re going back to work so early, but I like it when you commute from home like this. Mom and Dad don¡¯t even express it, but they really like it as well.¡± ¡°I see.¡± ¡°No more going to dangerous places¡­ I hope it¡¯s always like this.¡± The hand that hugged the back was a little stiffer. Ha Joyoon quietly nodded as he patted his sister¡¯s hair, which smelled of fragrant flowers. Even if it¡¯s for your own sake, you can¡¯t utter any word carelessly. Does anyone have a happy choice? Is there a choice that will satisfy everyone? He knew it was impossible, but he still wanted to know the answer. The protest was held with a larger number of people than expected. As the number of people participating in the protests increased over time, the number of troops controlling also increased. The atmosphere that initially led to the peaceful protests was gradually becoming violent as all the participants spoke and the level of public authority controlling them increased. The more worrying the situation became, the faster the shutter speed to capture that moment. Buzzz¡ª The mobile phone vibrated violently amidst the frenzy of loud voices from the loudspeakers and the shouts of people. After checking the name of Shin Kwonjoo on the screen, Ha Joyoon quickly pressed the answer option. Click, click, click. The sound of pressing the camera shutter did not stop even when the call was transferred. Ha Joyoon-ssi? A low voice came through the phone. Ha Joyoon calmly reported the situation, with the phone sandwiched between his shoulder and ear. ¡°Not very good. I think more police personnel will be brought. The people are getting agitated too.¡± The expression on the face looking around was dim. Tensions in the square rose further when a police bus entered from a distance. ¡°It seems like this will go on for longer. The atmosphere of the protest is getting a little rough. I don¡¯t think it¡¯ll be easy to move to Yeouido until the afternoon.¡± ¡°What should I do about the photographs?¡± ¡°Yes, I brought my tablet with me. However, connectivity is a bit unstable because there are too many people.¡± ¡°Okay. Then I¡¯ll stay here until it ends.¡± <¡­ If anything happens, call me immediately. Don¡¯t cover yourself up with a sense of duty alone, and throw yourself out for the sake of better pictures.> ¡°Okay¡­¡± It was nothing special, just plain words, but his heart felt strange. I¡¯ll be hanging up now. Ha Joyoon hung up the phone with an unfamiliar feeling, nodding his head while doing so as if the other person was right in front of him. However, the thought that was about to take shape soon became small particles and dispersed without having the chance to fall into sentimentality due to the situation that immediately followed. Uwaaaahhh- When all the people involved in a group had finished speaking, shouts resounded throughout the square. The tension of the police personnel deployed around them, and the tension of Ha Joyoon observing them, also reached their peak. The starting point was a protest by one of the protesters. It was when one of the citizens approached the police, who continued to step forward and build up a human wall and questioned them for their normal sabotage. In the blink of an eye, In an instant, a water cannon was fired and the citizen who was protesting was thrown to the ground for more than a few meters. CH 17 Oh My Love, The Last. Starting with that first strike, the agitated people began to rush toward the police. They break through the barricades in a flash of anger. Click, click, click- All the actions recorded left a naked scar in the memory of the frantically spinning camera. ¡°Ha Joyoon!¡± A familiar voice echoed through the exploding crowd. The frantic hand movements paused for a moment. When he turned his head, he saw Song Jina in a pleasantly simple outfit among the crowd. ¡°Song Jina?¡­ What are you doing here? You belong to the international news department.¡± Ha Joyoon was at a loss for words at the unexpected meeting so it took a moment before he called her. ¡°The local department needed more manpower so I¡¯m filling in. Are you here for the coverage? Alone?¡± ¡°Yeah.¡± ¡°I came with a colleague, but suddenly people started pouring in so I got lost. I was wandering around and saw you, so I came over. I guess I¡¯ll have to hold onto a rotten rope.¡± Her mischievous laughter did not last long, disappearing without a trace after a short while. The protestors were incited by the violence ¨C not violence inflicted on the citizens, but just violence in general ¨C and began to lose control. ¡°AAAAHH!¡± Anger-filled shouts came again and again. Attempts to soothe the situation were broadcasted over the speakers, but were drowned out and became a meaningless echo. In no time, the square became a mess with angry people. Ha Joyoon stared at Song Jina¡¯s trembling hand holding his shirt sleeve and grabbed her wrist to give her support. ¡°Let¡¯s stay together. It could get dangerous in the crowd.¡± ¡°Who¡¯s this reliable person?¡± ¡°You called it a rotten rope.¡± ¡°Do you have anywhere to hold on to? You¡¯re just bones.¡± ¡°Hehe.¡± Before Song Jina¡¯s nervous laugh was cut off when a water cannon was fired at the citizen in front of her. ¡°Wh-what the hell! Are they crazy?! Shooting a water cannon directly at a person like that?! Those crazy bastards!¡± Song Jina shouted loudly, biting her red lips. Water cannons mixed with tear gas were indiscriminately attacking people who had no sort of defense. Pained screams burst forth from place to place. ¡°Stay behind me and don¡¯t come out. It seems like the police have lost their eyes now. It¡¯s dangerous with them shooting randomly.¡± ¡°But¡­!¡± ¡°Don¡¯t lose me and hold on tight.¡± Hiding the infuriated Song Jina behind his back, Ha Joyoon took the camera in his hands again. Click- Click- Click- The camera¡¯s shutter did not stop. In order to not miss a single moment, the photojournalist¡¯s hand was constantly moving. All history had to be recorded. The scene unfolding before him was of the brutal execution of sovereignty collapsing in the face of public power. The attack did not stop even towards the people supporting the fallen. ¡°Jgjhs yjrajgvr¡­¡± C wbjc-ilxf qgbojclas oibkfv ogbw yfakffc tlr rtglnfifv ilqr. C wjc ktbrf obgftfjv kjr abgc jcv yiffvlcu jr lo tf tjv yffc yfjafc ys rbwfbcf mjwf rajuufglcu abkjgv ktfgf Lj Absbbc jcv Vbcu Alcj rabbv. Lf mifjgis cffvfv tfiq, yea ecobgaecjafis, atf qfbqif jgbecv kfgf abb yers qgbafmalcu atfwrfinfr. Ktf tfrlajalbc kjr yglfo. Lj Absbbc rabqqfv ajxlcu qlmaegfr, qertfv Vbcu Alcj ab atf mbgcfg bo atf kjii, jcv sfiifv bea ibevis. ¡°Jina-ya, stay back, it¡¯s dangerous.¡± ¡°Wh-where are you going? Yoon-ah!¡± ¡°I¡¯ll be right back!¡± He turned his eyes to the man again. The half-opened eyes and bloodstains did not look good. Ha Joyoon began to run towards him, without taking the time to think. It just so happened that police forces detected his movements as he popped out of the crowd. The direction of the water cannon, which was heading towards the protesters, suddenly changed. Fwoosh¡ª-!! ¡°Yoon-ah!!!!¡± Along with the screams of Song Jina, a great shock hit his head. Before he could recognize the attack, everything became dark. Even with a voice mixed with tears calling out to him, his consciousness gradually faded away. I once imagined what the last moments of life would be like. It was after I saw the death of a correspondent caught in a photo of Adrees Latif covering Myanmar¡¯s anti-government protests. He raised his arms holding the camera until the last minute he was shot dead by government forces. Even in his last breath, he was desperately trying to show the cruel reality. As such, I thought that perhaps I would spend my last moments on the scene of a civil war as well. I wasn¡¯t thinking that such a thought itself would be painful for those who were waiting for me and loved me. One day, it was a night when I was tired after taking photographs and slept wherever I could lie down as usual. A boy lying on the sand dune of the desert together with me and watching the glowing moon smiled sadly, put his hand next to his ear, and whispered. ????? ?????? ?? ?? ????? ???? ¡®Time is like a sword¡­ If you can¡¯t cut it, it will cut you.¡¯ Collie, The sharp sword of time you spoke of cut through my love and my life. My selfish choices hurt him and drove him away. No matter how much I look back, there is no one to protect me now. Was this what it felt like to have nowhere to go back to? He was the reason for my return, but now I have lost it. ¡°¡­ n-ah¡­!¡± ¡°¡­ Yoon¡­!¡± His blurred vision gradually became clearer over a long period of time at the sound of a voice ringing throughout his head. ¡°Yoon-ah, Yoon-ah-¡± It was a rough and painful voice, resembling a shriek. ¡°Yoon-ah! Yoon-ah, can you hear me?¡± ¡°¡­¡­.¡± ¡°Yoon-ah¡­ Yoon-ah, how¡­ hic¡­ are you okay? Cr-crazy bastards don¡¯t want to kill people but if you shoot at them like that then¡­ ugh¡­ just wait and watch how I report them¡­! Waaah¡­¡± As he blinked slowly, the first thing he saw was Song Jina¡¯s face, covered with tears and all her makeup gone. Her messy appearance unconsciously brought a smile to his face. It was obvious that she had moved him from the place he had fallen. It must not have been an easy task to move an adult man who had fainted amidst the chaos. Ha Joyoon licked his dry lips, feeling sorry. ¡°Song Jina¡­¡± ¡°Huh? Hic¡­ whyyy¡­¡± ¡°Your makeup is all ruined¡­¡± Song Jina¡¯s cry grew louder at the gentle voice that had no energy in it. He lifted his arm, which had become as heavy as lead, and wiped her cheek which was wet with tears. Hot liquid dampened his fingertips along with clumps of dust. Song Jina¡¯s eyes rose sharply as she let out a low laugh at her messy appearance. ¡°What are you saying¡­ hic¡­ you were passed out for two hours. I¡¯m sorry, I should¡¯ve taken you to the hospital as soon as I could, but the crowd is so bad that even paramedics can¡¯t get through¡­¡± ¡°What about my camera?¡± ¡°You idiot, you¡¯re worried about your camera in this situation?!¡± ¡°It can¡¯t get wet¡­¡± ¡°What do you mean it can¡¯t huh? It¡¯s all wet and the lenses are broken!¡± Song Jina cried out as she was taken aback. Broken? Unknowingly, he let out a sigh due to feeling upset. However, the conversation mixed with resentment was brief. Aaaahh- The scene was still in chaos with shouts and sirens. In the lunacy-filled atmosphere that had not subsided at all, Ha Joyoon realized that he and Song Jina were still at the scene. It was a bad situation. For now, I should leave this place with Song Jina¡­ he thought as he touched the ground with both hands. ¡°Jina-ya, we can¡¯t stay here¡­¡± ¡°Stay right there.¡± An irritated voice rang in his ear from right behind him. As he turned around, he saw an unexpected person. The man, who was checking his phone in an uncomfortable position with one hand on the block, was definitely his boss, with whom he ended a call a few hours ago. Surprise crept over his pale face. Then, a strange feeling of discomfort, pain, and relief mixed together. Shin Kwonjoo had his cold expression on as usual. However, his condition was a little strange. His hair, which was always perfectly combed, was somewhat disheveled while his clothes were covered with dust. The side profile of Shin Kwonjoo, staring at the scene of the protest as he breathed roughly, was so stern that it was enough to prevent a ray of light from passing through. When Ha Joyoon started to get up, the jacket that barely covered him fell down. It was at least two sizes larger than his own. It was Shin Kwonjoo¡¯s.. ¡°¡­ Sunbae-nim?¡± His voice was hoarse, as if he had been out in the cold for a long time. The man turned to look at him fiercely. The condensed universe filled his eyes as if it were on the verge of exploding. Ha Joyoon unknowingly shrank in the shape of his eyes. The body that was hit by the water cannon was soaked with water, and the white face was as pale as a corpse. Shin Kwonjoo¡¯s gaze on him grew more fierce. It was Song Jina¡¯s cry that broke the uncomfortable silence. ¡°I called him. Hic¡­ I couldn¡¯t protect you properly myself. You weren¡¯t even responding¡­¡± ¡°Oh¡­¡± ¡°Are you okay?¡± Song Jina gasped as she wiped away her tears that flowed uncontrollably. Ha Joyoon looked around helplessly because of the embarrassing and confusing situation. ¡°Sunbae-nim.¡± At the sound of the small, quiet voice calling out to him again, the man slowly glanced at Ha Joyoon. It was then that his cream-colored shirt, pants, and shoes, contaminated with dust and various floating substances, caught his eye. Ha Joyoon completely lifted himself up, picking up the jacket that had fallen on the ground. He looked like such a mess that no one would point it out even if they wanted to. ¡°Aah¡­¡± Ha Joyoon stood up forcefully before he soon fell down again, moaning involuntarily at the pain that weighed heavily on his entire head. ¡°Yoon-ah!¡± Song Jina¡¯s worried voice mixed with tinnitus, making him dizzy. ¡°Ugh¡­¡± Ha Joyoon closed his eyes, forcing back a pained moan. Medicine¡­ Did he bring it? He fumbled on the floor looking for his bag and soon realized that he had nothing with him except his camera. At that moment, an arm with strong muscles and tendons pulled him. ¡°Get on my back.¡± ¡°But¡­¡± Suddenly, his body was turned towards the wide back that appeared in front of him, without him having the time to come to his senses. ¡°Don¡¯t make me repeat myself.¡± Though his cold tone pierced his heart, he soon gave up his pride. Even if he thought about it calmly, it was impossible to get out of this place while taking care of Song Jina as she is now. Above all, He had a severe headache and was feeling the chills from the cold water. Rather than wasting time by making a fuss for the sake of his self-respect, it was urgent to move quickly even with the help of a man. He shoved away his embarrassment and surrendered himself to the other person. ¡°¡­I¡¯m sorry.¡± ¡°Why didn¡¯t you listen to me? Didn¡¯t I tell you not to rush in carelessly?¡± ¡°I wasn¡¯t trying to take a photograph¡­¡± At the clumsy excuse, his hasty gaze changed like a sharp spear. ¡°Do you realize that running through a crowd of thousands of frantic people is insane in itself? Are you sure you¡¯ve been shot before?¡± ¡°¡­I¡¯m sorry.¡± ¡°I seriously don¡¯t understand you.¡± Thinking it was strange to see him angry with such a serious face, he awkwardly held onto his shoulder slightly, and an order was issued again out of annoyance. ¡°Do you want to fall again? Grab on tight before you fall off!¡± ¡°Sorry? ¡­Okay.¡± He hurriedly answered and relaxed his body. As leaned forward, Shin Kwonjoo¡¯s arm, which was firmly supporting his body, tightened. His trembling body soon found stability with his firm support. ¡°Where did you say the paramedics are?¡± ¡°At the eastern exit, I was told to move over since they¡¯re still helping people there.¡± ¡°Song Jina-ssi, carry his bag and follow me.¡± ¡°Okay, yes, Sunbae-nim.¡± Despite the order mixed with honorifics and informal speech, Song Jina rubbed her messy face with both hands, picked up the bag on the ground, and followed them. Ha Joyoon¡¯s body trembled along the long stride. Unlike the usual dry yet refreshing scent, the man¡¯s back against his cheek was wet with sweat, a mix of dust and body odor. It was a mix of persistence and stubbornness. His shirt is getting wet with the water that has soaked my body. Seeing the growing stain of the water, Ha Joyoon quietly apologized. ¡°Sunbae-nim, your clothes are all wet because of me¡­¡± ¡°¡­¡­.¡± ¡°Oh, Sunbae-nim, please don¡¯t call home. They¡¯ll be worried sick¡­¡± ¡°¡­Be quiet.¡± The voice that answered was harsh. ¡°Haha.¡± The man¡¯s back muscles stiffened when he let out a low laugh. Ha Joyoon took a deep breath, leaving his complicated feelings behind. Drowsiness flooded in like a tide from his fatigue and headache. CH 18 Oh My Love, The Last. When he woke up again, it was sometime in the evening when the surroundings had darkened. Ha Joyoon tried to come back to his senses as much as he could as he forced himself to fight off the rushing drowsiness. Soon after, a low voice brought him back to reality. ¡°Are you awake now?¡± ¡°¡­Yes.¡± His dim vision began to brighten up little by little as he blinked. The interior of the familiar vehicle slowly took its place in his mind. He realized that he had been repeatedly waking up and falling asleep over the course of the past several hours. When he woke up midway after being carried by Shin Kwonjoo, he was definitely on the hospital¡¯s emergency room bed. He was unable to remember anything after that. As he slowly opened his eyes, he saw a familiar face. Perhaps because of his tired face, his nose and jaw looked sharper than usual. ¡°You were on an IV drip and fell asleep again, so I moved you to the car.¡± Shin Kwonjoo gave a brief answer to his questions as if he had read Ha Joyoon¡¯s mind. ¡°Oh, okay.¡± He straightened his posture and adjusted his position to check his condition. When his hand stopped on the clothes that he didn¡¯t recognize, the man who was smoking opened the window a little and glanced over, adding an explanation. ¡°Your clothes were so wet that they couldn¡¯t be worn any longer, so I brought something for you to change into. I couldn¡¯t save the clothes you were wearing.¡± ¡°Thank you. Oh, Sunbae-nim, I¡¯ll wash your jacket¡± ¡°I threw that one away. Don¡¯t worry about it.¡± His good intentions were cut down with a single stroke. Ha Joyoon, while previously smiling, soon closed his mouth completely and lowered his head. There was no strength in his hands as he shyly fidgeted with his pants that smelled of stiff new clothes. ¡°Get off.¡± ¡°Oh¡­¡± Ha Joyoon, stunned by the quick exit order, raised his head. The black iris, unreadable eyes shone brightly through the uncomfortable atmosphere. ¡°You don¡¯t seem well, so take a rest tomorrow and I¡¯ll see you the day after. I¡¯ll be taking the memory card.¡± He was not so muddleheaded as to not notice that he did not want to talk anymore. It¡¯s a feeling he¡¯s gotten several times from other people recently. Ha Joyoon forced himself to bid farewell as he tried to ignore his bitter feelings. ¡°Okay, then I¡¯ll see the day after tomorrow.¡± ¡°¡­Go to the hospital tomorrow. Fortunately you didn¡¯t hit your head, but the doctor did say that there was a slight shock from the fall so I think it would be better to get it checked.¡± ¡°Oh, I¡¯m fine now.¡± ¡°Ktja¡¯r atf raeqlvfra jcv kbgra kjs ab wjcjuf sbegrfio. Rb bcf klii atlcx bo la jr j ugfja rjmglolmf, rb pera ub ab atf tbrqlaji.¡± ¡°Yxjs¡­ P uba la.¡± Llr fzqgfrrlbcifrr fsfr jcv gfrbieaf nblmf mea boo jcs jguewfcar. Lj Absbbc rajgfv ja atf wjc klat j rfcrf bo rjvcfrr, yea atf wjc vlvc¡¯a fnfc rqjgf tlw j uijcmf ecali tf kjr jybea ab ufa bea bo atf mjg. Lf ibbxfv jcugs. Snfc lo tf aglfv ab atlcx bo rbwfatlcu atja tjv tjqqfcfv, tf mbeivc¡¯a gfwfwyfg. Strangely, it was difficult to make eye contact with Shin Kwonjoo today. Ha Joyoon sat still for a while because he couldn¡¯t think of anything to say, but soon gave up on any further conversation as he grabbed the door handle. ¡°Sunbae-nim, get home safely.¡± ¡°Get some rest.¡± ¡°¡­Thank you for today.¡± ¡°¡­¡­¡± Shin Kwonjoo stared at him for a moment before turning his gaze to the front and spoke again. ¡°Ha Joyoon-ssi¡±. His somber voice called out each letter of the person¡¯s name as if it were engraved in him. ¡°I knew a person who was similar to you, Ha Joyoon-ssi.¡± ¡°¡­¡­?¡± The soft brown eyes raised in question at the unfamiliar words. Shin Kwonjoo¡¯s grip on the steering wheel was so hard that the tendon on the back of his hand stood out, looking unusually large and pale. ¡°He was a man full of passion. Wherever there was a civil war and refugees, he was there.¡± ¡°¡­¡­.¡± ¡°The useless sense of justice was so strong that he couldn¡¯t stop himself from helping. After he had taken his photos, he would run and help the others, no matter whether the guns were fired or bombs were dropped.¡± The midnight wind brushed past his ears. The wind was damp and humid, but somehow it was cold. Ha Joyoon gently caressed his earlobe, as his heart was about to freeze. The voice of the man continued in a relaxed manner. ¡°His photos were always great. I was dumbfounded as to how he always risked his life to take photos from the closest position. He was never interested in submitting them for awards but everyone in the industry knew him. You probably know him too.¡± Tap. Tap tap.- The long fingers patted the steering wheel as if they were singing. It was contrary to the empty expression, in which not a single emotion was shown. A cold silence passed. Ha Joyoon quietly urged the next part of the story that flowed like a song. ¡°Is he still active?¡± Tap. Tap tap. Tap¡­- The rhythm, which gradually slowed down, eventually stopped completely, followed by absolute silence. His gaze shifted slowly. ¡°He¡¯s dead.¡± The hard and gapless dark eyes sharply faced the person sitting next to him. ¡°He was helping someone after the bombs fell, but the second series of them were dropped right after. It exploded, leaving not a single piece of him.¡± ¡°¡­¡­¡± ¡°That¡¯s what it means to die, Ha Joyoon-ssi. So be grateful that you¡¯re still alive with your limbs intact. Don¡¯t be so stubborn and go to the hospital tomorrow. I thought I was really going to be taking care of a corpse today.¡± ¡°Oh, Sun¡­¡± Clack- There was no time to say goodbye. As soon as the door closed, the car quickly disappeared with the heavy engine sound. All it took was a few seconds and he was gone. Only small sounds filled the space where he was left alone. Ha Joyun kept standing for a long time with his hands raised in the air, turned his head again, and shifted his gaze to the alley where Shin Kwonjoo disappeared. The street became empty in an instant, full of loneliness even though it was the same as usual. The indescribable feelings scattered sporadically. The scent of lotion mixed with the smell of cigarettes that stayed by his side even though he repeatedly fell unconscious, had long since disappeared. Ha Joyoon stood for a long time and followed the afterimage of the man as he walked slowly. Not even a day had passed since he left the house, but the memories of the morning were distant as if it had been several days. When he touched his forehead, it was as hot as fire. The thought of changing his shoes probably didn¡¯t cross the man¡¯s mind, so wet footprints followed him along the asphalt path. His appearance looked comical, and he shook his heavy shoulders as he thought of how wrecked he looked. ¡°Haha.¡± A low and lonesome laugh decorated the alleyway on a dark night. Step.- Step.- It was after he found a young man standing in front of the house, that the slow steps he had been taking came to a complete stop. Ha Joyoon knew the man standing under a flashing streetlight more than anyone else. It would be strange if he didn¡¯t know. Since he was the person he never thought would ever leave his side, and the person he had dreamed of being together forever with. The dim lighting cast a dark shadow over Kang Taejung¡¯s straight posture. His stiff expression explains everything. The reason why he¡¯s here is obvious. ¡°Taejung-ah.¡± Ha Joyoon managed to hold on to his desire to collapse, and smiled half-heartedly, squeezing out his remaining strength. The headache, which had finally calmed down, gained a new life and ran around in his head. Fear surged to his throat at the foreseeable situation. ¡°Yoon-ah.¡± Kang Taejung took off his body leaning against the wall as he saw Ha Joyoon walking from afar, and straightened his posture. It is sad to see the determination in his eyes. At this moment, I hate myself for noticing his feelings. A lot of things happened today. My physical condition is the worst, and I¡¯m tired enough to sleep until morning if I were to lie in bed right away. Headaches that last all day seem to eat me up. I think I¡¯ll get in a lot of trouble if I go to the hospital this time. By the way, do you know that? My doctor was my high school classmate¡­ Ha Joyoon stood at the edge of the alley and waited for the other person to approach him as he continued on with the absurd train of thought. He didn¡¯t have to wait for long. Kang Taejung bit his lip once more as if he had made up his mind and went over with long strides. The cool night breeze gently tickled his cheek. All of a sudden, there was only one step left. But no one took the first step. Ha Joyoon raised his head and looked at his past lover in front of him. He could see Kang Taejung¡¯s face looking down at him with an unfamiliar expression. ¡°I called, but there was no answer. Even when I sent a message, there was no reply. I came here because I thought I would be able to meet you.¡± Ha Joyoon smiled dimly at the same words he had said a few days ago, while searching through his pants with clumsy hands. His brown hair reflected the light. The realization of his phone being missing dawned on him. ¡°I lost my phone.¡± ¡°¡­Okay.¡± Why aren¡¯t you asking how I lost it? I guess I still didn¡¯t realize that you don¡¯t care about me anymore. Ha Joyoon continued the conversation with an uncomfortable look on his face. ¡°How long have you been waiting?¡± ¡°I just got here.¡± ¡°I see¡­¡± I can¡¯t say what I really want to say and just go around. My hands are sweaty. I¡¯m in such a bad condition that I don¡¯t even know if I have chills or fever. However, no words of concern came from the other party. In the past, he was the one who would have noticed at once even if something was a little off. Kang Taejung¡¯s indifference is cold and sad as if this was the only emotion and reality left for me. Ha Joyoon looking down at the tips of his wet shoes, was the first to break through the air that was left between the two of them. ¡°What brings you here?¡± ¡°I have something to say to you.¡± The answering voice was filled with emotions of an indescribable density. It was the meeting he had been hoping for so much, and it was not pleasant at all. Ha Joyoon shook his head, rubbing his cheek with a hand mixed with anxiety. ¡°¡­What? Do you have to say it now? Can¡¯t we meet next time? Today, I¡¯m a little¡­ I¡¯m not feeling well today.¡± ¡°I have to say this today.¡± Despite the cowardly and miserable request, the answer was firm. The unsettling foreboding had always been true. In a precarious moment when everything might end, Ha Joyoon¡¯s choice was avoidance and neglect. He took a helpless step back, trying not to think of any possibility. He didn¡¯t have the courage to see Kang Taejung¡¯s face today. ¡°Just do it later¡­¡± ¡°Yoon-ah.¡± Kang Taejung repeatedly called Ha Joyoon¡¯s name several times, making eye contact and avoiding it, as if the words could not easily come out. Kang Taejung¡¯s pained look at him also broke Ha Joyoon¡¯s heart when he saw him. Am I making this hard for you? Am I no longer the one who makes you laugh? Aren¡¯t you happy to see me now? CH 19 Oh My Love, The Last. Before he knew it, the tears that he had been holding quietly covered his cheeks. Seeing him, Kang Taejung also lowered his head with one hand covering his eyes. This is because he realized that the other person had predicted what he was going to say. The time they spent unable to see each other caused their hearts to drift apart, leaving only silence. ¡°I¡¯m sorry.¡± He spoke in an exhausted tone. ¡°For what?¡± ¡°¡­¡­¡± ¡°What are you sorry for? Why do you keep apologizing¡­¡± Only meaningless apologies were repeated over and over, without any explanation being added. And when one was getting tired of the other¡¯s apology, Kang Taejung spoke words that would have shocked their past selves, who meant everything to each other. ¡°I think¡­ we need to end this.¡± ¡°¡­¡­¡± ¡°I knew avoiding you wouldn¡¯t solve this, but I just didn¡¯t have the courage. I¡¯m sorry.¡± Ha Joyoon took one step closer to his lover, looking at him in confusion. Meanwhile, his tears poured out silently. ¡°Yoon-ah¡±. His voice was sweet, yet it was also the cruelest sound in the world to Ha Joyoon. Kang Taejung contemplated his thoughts for a while longer before looking straight at the person standing in front of him resolutely as if he had finally made up his mind. This was the person he loved more than anyone else, who did his best and was truly precious to him. ¡°Like I said last time.¡± ¡°¡­¡­¡± ¡°I can¡¯t just leave Youngwoo now. There are so many things that I¡¯ve done wrong to him. It has been hard on him too. You and I have been apart for so long and too much time has passed for us to act just because we are being swayed by our emotions.¡± The color seemed to fade from Ha Joyoon¡¯s world at those words. He couldn¡¯t hear anything aside from a dull ringing as he watched the words come out of Kang Taejung¡¯s mouth. Drip. Drop.- Drops of water ran down his cheeks and fell to the ground as well as from the tips of his hair, which had not yet dried. One drop after another, it feels like I have fallen into a huge swamp, and it swallowed me in one bite. Then, shortly afterward, he was struck by a sharp blade. ¡°We should break up.¡± ¡°¡­¡­¡± ¡°I want to stop this.¡± Instead of answering, Ha Joyoon stared blankly at his lover¡¯s face. He saw a weak-minded man who couldn¡¯t even look at him. ¡°Why.¡± As he staggered, the lamp yet again flickered onto his anxious gaze. ¡°Why?¡± ¡°¡­¡­¡± ¡°Is it because of my job?¡± ¡°¡­¡­¡± ¡°Is it because I¡¯m crazy about photography?¡± The only answer to the sad question was a cold silence. Ha Joyoon shook his head, unable to stand the silence. His eyes gradually got wet. The tears burst out before he knew it, burning his skin on the way down. He was unable to feel shame, even though he was a grown man crying on the side of the road. His heart pounded violently in his chest. He couldn¡¯t believe it. ¡°Do we have to break up?¡± ¡°Yoon-ah.¡± ¡°Huh? Can I¡­ not make this better for us?¡± ¡°Tbbc-jt¡­¡± Lj Absbbc delfais klqfv tlr mtffx, yjgfis tbivlcu bc ab tlr rfcrfr. Olxf j mtliv ktb tjv yffc jaajmxfv, ylu vgbqr bo afjgr qbegfv bea tfiqifrris. Pa kjr wbgf ecyfilfnjyif jcv qjlcoei yfmjerf la kjr Bjcu Kjfpecu ktb tjv rjlv la. Ktf rtjwfoei fzmerf atja la kjr cba bnfg sfa yfmjerf atfs vlvc¡¯a boolmljiis ygfjx eq cb ibcufg kbgxfv. Lf kjr rb afgglolfv atja tf mbeivc¡¯a rajcv la. Lj Absbbc mieamtfv tlr tfjga jcv gfjrbcfv lc j agfwyilcu nblmf. ¡°This incident made me realize a lot of things.¡± ¡°¡­¡­¡± ¡°I won¡¯t go to dangerous places anymore¡­ I¡¯m settling in Korea too.¡± ¡°¡­¡­¡± ¡°I promise I¡¯ll do my best to stay with you and never do anything as dangerous as this again.¡± ¡°¡­¡­¡± ¡°Can¡¯t we start over?¡± ¡°¡­¡­¡± ¡°Taejung-ah¡­ hm?¡± Kang Taejung smiled sadly and shook his head, knowing it was a promise that could not be kept. As the useless clinging continued, remained silent, and the other¡¯s crying voice gradually died down. ¡°Taejung-ah. Taejung-ah.¡± His voice resounded hollowly throughout the alley in vain. Kang Taejung was only listening to Ha Joyoon¡¯s plea with a pained expression as he suppressed the desire to break down again. He tightly squeezed the hand that barely grabbed onto his clothes. ¡°Yoon-ah.¡± His voice was filled with pain as he called out again. ¡°I¡¯m not sure that I can wait for you any longer. It¡¯s separate from how I feel about you. The past five years have been enough to make me suffer. It must have been hard for you, but it was filled with agony for me as well. I don¡¯t have the courage to wait any longer, knowing what could happen¡­ I don¡¯t want to blame you, and I don¡¯t want to force you to give up the photography that you love. If you¡¯re going to do that, it¡¯d be better for me to let you go.¡± ¡°Taejung-ah¡­.¡± ¡°Just as faithful I was to you in the past, I want to be faithful to Youngwoo now, not you.¡± At the unfamiliar yet familiar name, all movements froze. The other person¡¯s name uttered from Kang Taejung¡¯s mouth penetrated through Ha Joyoon¡¯s chest so painfully that he couldn¡¯t take it. He couldn¡¯t believe how cold his lover was to him. Why do you keep saying that? There was no way that the person who spoke such harsh words was the person he loved. ¡°I understand what you¡¯re saying¡­ but Taejung-ah, I don¡¯t want to break up with you.¡± Ha Joyoon tried to find even a little bit of hope as he looked all over Taejung¡¯s face, making his heart ache, but it did not shake his will to end the relationship. Closing his eyes tightly, Kang Taejung inserted the last stake into the heart of the one he loved. ¡°I¡¯m sorry.¡± He turned around after uttering the last apology. Ha Joyoon¡¯s heart, which saw Kang Taejung¡¯s will to completely end their relationship, lost its reason. The growing physical distance seemed to signal their end. ¡°Taejung-ah!¡± Even as he called out to him, the steps moving forward did not stop. The uncontrollable tears flowed madly and wet his cheeks. ¡°Taejung-ah, Taejung-ah¡­¡± He followed him and called his name frantically, but the distance did not narrow. When he nearly lost himself in the rushing headache and nausea, someone¡¯s words suddenly came to his mind. ¡®If you really can¡¯t get over them, say that you want to stay as a sex partner.¡¯ ¡®I¡¯ve said this before, but if you¡¯re not in a situation where you can meet someone new, why don¡¯t you try to stay as a partner with them? It might be more effective than you think.¡¯ It was a crazy piece of advice. He knew it was garbage that didn¡¯t even need to be taken seriously. He knew better than anyone else that something like that shouldn¡¯t be brought up, it was one of the shittiest things he could say. However, he was left with no cards in his hand that could hold Kang Taejung. He didn¡¯t do anything, so he didn¡¯t have the right to hold on. Ha Joyoon gained a little more speed and grabbed Kang Taejung¡¯s arm as he tried to leave the alley. ¡°Taejung-ah.¡± Kang Taejung¡¯s eyes raised in confusion at the words coming through his shaking lips. ¡°If it¡¯s a matter separate from your feelings¡­ Does that mean that there are still feelings left?¡± ¡°Yoon-ah, that¡¯s¡­¡± ¡°If there¡¯s still some left¡­ Do you¡­¡± Barely clinging to his muscular arms, Ha Joyoon put his trashy thoughts in his mouth without even wiping away the messy tears. ¡°Do you¡­ want to sleep with me?¡± ¡°¡­What?¡± Instantly, the dark eyebrows moved up. At the unexpected words, astonishment and shock passed over his face. Unfortunately, however, there was not a single bit of reason left within Ha Joyoon to properly understand Kang Taejung¡¯s reaction. If he didn¡¯t say anything, it felt like they would break up for good. It felt like Kang Taejung would completely leave my side. The foolish idea of wanting to hold onto his body took over Ha Joyoon¡¯s brain like a drug. With an unsteady breath, he put the words in his mouth and hung on it. The hand holding the arm trembled violently. The same was true with his pale blue lips. ¡°If-If you sleep with me¡­¡± Slap!!- The little face turned violently with a sharp noise that ripped the air. A red flower of heat bloomed on his cheek before he could even realize what happened. The pain numbed the entire side of his face. There was no sound momentarily as if something was wrong. Wee- Wee- A siren-like tinnitus rang in silence, blocking all other sounds of the world. The other person pushed Ha Joyoon into the corner. His weak body lost its strength and slammed against the wall with a quiet moan. ¡°How could you¡­ How could you say something like that?¡± ¡°¡­¡­¡± ¡°How could you?!!¡± A roar filled with sorrow struck his ears. The caught shoulder hurt as if it were breaking, and his weak body was shaking helplessly. When he raised his head, Kang Taejung¡¯s face looking at him was also covered with tears. He looked to be in so much pain that Ha Joyoon forgot that he was crying and stretched out his hand blankly towards him. ¡°Taejung-ah¡­¡± I¡¯m sorry. I¡¯m just a piece of trash. I was just out of my mind because I didn¡¯t want to break up¡­ A feeling that could not be expressed in words came up to the tip of his lips. However, He was stopped in his tracks after one step. Smack!- A fierce slap cut across the back of his hand that reached out. It was a complete rejection. The area around the alley was like a frozen wasteland. A red mark was clearly visible on his pale skin. The traces of pain left by his beloved over his cheek and on the back of his hand signaled the end of the relationship. ¡°You¡­¡± ¡°Taejung-ah¡­¡± ¡°You¡¯ve truly become awful.¡± The fed-up expression on the one he once loved came to Ha Joyoon as another shock and pain. It was not a happy smile, but a rotten, pale blue shell that was left with nothing but contempt and criticism. Kang Taejung was silent for a while as he coldly stared at Ha Joyoon with dull eyes that contained no emotions. Then, a few moments later, he said with a blade-like coolness. ¡°Let¡¯s break up.¡± The white hand, which was suspended in the air, slowly fell down. The man reflected in his empty dark pupils said he no longer loved him. *** Creak- Creak.- Every time you climb old wooden stairs, the sounds they make remind you of their age. In the darkness when everyone was asleep, faint wet marks were engraved like scars following the slow sound. Creak, Creak.- After a hard day, it sang an old song to comfort a weary heart. There is no strength in the hand holding the railing. Tap.- Ha Joyoon entered the room and staggered through the darkness to press the switch on the wall. An artificially bright light shone in the dark space, revealing a lifeless face beneath it. He stood in the middle of the room for a while, slowly looking through the room until his gaze stopped on a certain spot. All sorts of emotions and feelings flashed over his face. ¡­¡­ After a death-like silence, he took another weary step. He stood in front of a closet filled with the only things he loved. Numerous catalogs, scrapped articles, printed photos, cameras, lenses, and Kang Taejung. There were countless pictures, clothes, and items with the letters and gifts he received from him. Ha Joyoon reached out with a trembling hand and began to take them out one by one. The hand that looked at this and that became colder as time went on. Items were sorted were scattered all over the floor. On one side, everything related to photography, and on the other, everything related to Kang Taejung lay down. The drooping eyelashes quivered. While careful at first, little by little the hand that dropped them grew stronger, unable to withstand the violent emotions. Crash!- A photo frame with a shoulder-to-shoulder shot rolled over the floor. Tap! Tap!- Camera films and memory cards were likewise thrown haphazardly. The letters were crumpled and the photos scattered. Things that were mixed in a mess were like his feelings in rags. His lips, which he had been biting to avoid screaming, were so red as if they were about to burst. I shouldn¡¯t have come back. A voice that resembled his own voice poured out criticism. Thick catalogs were scattered on the floor. I should have ended it there. The clothes with the familiar scent were mixed together and thrown away. I was on the wrong track from the beginning. If I can¡¯t do anything right, I should¡¯ve just given up. Undeveloped films and photographs fell indiscriminately. Might as well have kept it a nice memory¡­! The hand that had been frantically scrambling froze. The fingertips that had gained so much energy started to tremble. A photograph, half crumpled underneath, peeked out from the pile. A child¡¯s face was smiling out from the rectangular frame. Although it was stained here and there, you could still see a child with dark brown skin, large deer-like eyes, and a smile that was like a blooming flower. ¡°¡­¡­¡± Tears streamed down his cheeks silently. I know this child. Ha Joyoon muttered in his mind as he stared blankly at the photo. I know this child. And I remember that moment. *** The child¡¯s hijab belonged to her mother. She shook her head saying, ¡°No, I don¡¯t want a hole in mine!¡± She ran to her mother in small steps and begged her to lend her the red hijab she was wearing. The old mother, tired from constantly being on the boundaries between escape and death, kissed her warmly and gladly wrapped her hijab around her daughter. When the child was ready, she spoke in an unfamiliar language. [Please take a picture] He nodded happily, and the child immediately posed. He began to take pictures of the child¡¯s face as if enchanted by her adorable appearance. Click click.- As the shutter sound began to fill the desolate space, other children around them also flocked to their side. ¡°Please take a picture of me, too!¡± ¡°Please make us look cool!¡± The scent of death that made them tremble in fear during the countless days and nights was forgotten in the voices chirping with excitement. The children¡¯s expressions varied. Some smiled brightly, made impressions to look good, and raised their chins to look pretty. He probably laughed for a long time after that. A few minutes later, the government shelling began, and the first child to be photographed was killed on the spot. The child¡¯s death was recorded only in pictures he took. *** After a while, the knees that barely supported his body bent helplessly. He collapsed on the messy floor. ¡°Hngh¡­ hic¡­¡± ¡°Aaaah!¡± Eventually, the unbearable crying leaked out. He gasped for breath, his back shaking. Tears gradually fell over the scattered pictures. Love is over. Half of my life was over as it was. It has been 8 years since we started dating. No, thirteen years, including the time I lost consciousness. We¡¯ve been together since birth, so we¡¯ve known each other for 31 years. He was my only friend and lover. I believed that we would spend the rest of our lives together. But the end of the 31-year-old love was so simple and meaningless. Nevertheless, the child¡¯s smile remained in the photo. The photograph alone did not leave my side. He had to record others¡¯ lives until the end of his own. He was sad, happy, miserable, grateful, and hurt, and in the end, without knowing what he was feeling, Ha Joyoon lay down and buried his face on the floor, crying aloud for a long time. Even as he felt like he was dying, and hoped that all his emotions would die as well, he hoped to be able to forget everything and stand up again. Some people were struggling to return home, some were suffering madly, and some were asleep in the deep night. Only the soft moonlight passing through the windows was there to comfort the lonely man that was hunched on the floor. After finally making it through this crossroad, time starts to move past all of the holes left by past memories. CH 20 Oh My Love, The Last The scenery outside the window was filled with the scent of autumn. The flowers and leaves that showed off their beauty in the hot summer along the cool wind became fallen leaves scattered along the road. Before he knew it, one season of the year was over and a new season was approaching. ¡°This exhibition was quite amazing.¡± A woman with red glasses stretched her arms over the partition. ¡°A success.¡± ¡°It was worth it. Wasn¡¯t it nice?¡± The other employees voiced their agreement here and there. Seo Youngwoo nodded, staring at the monitor and sipping the coffee he had just brewed. The sluggishness of the afternoon in the event planning team disappeared gradually due to their mixed feelings of excitement. ¡°That¡¯s right, there were a lot of really cool pictures too.¡± ¡°Are things going well with TPA?¡± The assistant manager sitting next to him asked. ¡°Umm.¡± Seo Youngwoo frowned for a moment and then rolled his eyes over the calendar. Suddenly, something troublesome flashed across his mind. ¡°It¡¯s not matching up quite well. We talked about it last month, but I think we need to meet the detailed schedule. I have to have a meeting with the person in charge of the head office next month. First of all, I think we should ask the Korean branch for cooperation. I think it would be better to select photos related to Korean history first¡­ though I¡¯m not sure yet. Assistant Manager Min is constantly adjusting the schedule.¡± The sound of the ballpoint pen tapping on the desk gradually got louder. Although the process of planning a valuable and meaningful event was difficult, the results were always satisfactory. This year¡¯s Waiton News Agency photo exhibition was one of them. The photo exhibition, covering all historical records from World War I to the present day, was expected to succeed even before the start. Since he participated in the initial planning under the leadership of the team leader, his contribution was special, and the outcome was rewarding which received the spotlight in many ways. As the photo exhibition was successful, the company¡¯s follow-up measures were strong. Seo Young-woo had participated in the photo exhibition project for all three major news agencies due to the team leader¡¯s relentless drive and was unable to decide whether to enjoy the situation or struggle. TPA News Agency. A press company with the oldest history among the existing news agencies and with accurate reporting of facts as an iron rule. ¡­And the place where the man¡¯s enemy was located. Of course, there won¡¯t be any actual encounters, but that alone made him feel uncomfortable and he just wanted to avoid it. ¡°Still, there were a lot of good photos. I don¡¯t know much about photography but I felt a lot of different things while preparing this time.¡± ¡°Well, they¡¯re the people who do their best in their respective fields. Journalists who work in dangerous places are truly admirable.¡± During the resumed conversation, Seo Youngwoo briefly recalled what he had worked on to select photos for the exhibition. It wasn¡¯t a major role, but it was a great opportunity to see photos with decades of history. However, even such works may eventually be history recorded under the patience and sacrifice of those who stand by their side. The calm expression he had on till now crumpled at the fleeting thought. In addition, like a chain reaction, someone¡¯s face came to mind. Someone who was selfish and irresponsible, who suddenly left behind even the most precious person for the sake of a single photo. The grip on the pen grew stronger. As his distorted face revealed the soot inside, he defenselessly exposed the hatred that had ignited within him. Seo Youngwoo tried to justify his anger and anxiety as a natural feeling to protect his loved one countless times, but he also knew that in reality, not everything was Ha Joyoon¡¯s fault alone. However, what the mind knows and what the heart accepts were two different things. This hatred was a form of deviation from feelings toward only one person. Love would sometimes transform into a selfish, blind, and foolish mess of emotions. Before his colleague had announced the lunch break, Seo Youngwoo wandered through the river of chaos for a long time with duplicitous feelings for Ha Joyoon. *** ¡°Hyung!¡± A tall man, leaning against the pillar of the lobby, raised his head at the call filled with joy. A suit that accentuated the lines of the body as they were, and tall stature. A smile bloomed like a flower on Seo Youngwoo¡¯s face as he looked at Kang Taejung through the crowd. The most handsome and wonderful person. My lover. An exhilarating and proud feeling lightened his steps. The other party also found Seo Young-woo and waved his hand with a smile on his lips. If it hadn¡¯t been his workplace, he would have run and kissed him. Seo Youngwoo, who ran cheerfully as if he were dancing, grabbed Kang Taejung¡¯s arm as if snatching it. The strong body could not overcome the recoil and staggered for a moment. ¡°What¡¯s up?¡± ¡°I had work nearby. I called because I thought it would be the right time for you to get off work.¡± ¡°Oh my gosh, Hyung. I¡¯m really happy right now.¡± A smile that could not be hidden revealed itself in the corners of his eyes and eyes. After receiving a text message that said that he was waiting in the lobby, Youngwoo was unable to concentrate on his work properly for even a single minute. This is because it was the first time Kang Taejung came to his office on his own. It was just a casual evening meeting, but the meaning given to it by Seo Youngwoo was actually more than just a simple engagement. ¡°Qts jgf sbe atlr tjqqs?¡± ¡°Aera¡­ P ilxf la jii.¡± Kang Taejung smiled shyly and scratched his cheek at Seo Youngwoo¡¯s continued cheers. His eyes looking at the other person were somewhat gloomy and somber, but they never came into view. When he saw Seo Youngwoo being so happy at the mere fact of them meeting, Kang Taejung felt that the guilt left in him was completely naked and exposed to the world. Was I so indifferent to you that such a trivial thing is enough to make you this happy? Was I that terrible? Dea atja offilcu vlvc¡¯a ijra nfgs ibcu. Ktf offilcu atja mbeiv cba rfaaif vbkc ibra lar vfralcjalbc jujlc jcv kjcvfgfv ogjcalmjiis. Ktf kfii bo fwbalbcr atja tjv yffc qbegfv bea obg j ibcu alwf gfmxifrris klatbea xcbklcu atja la kjr yflcu vfqifafv ys bcf qfgrbc tjv ibcu rlcmf gfjmtfv atf ybaabw. Bjcu Kjfpecu, ktb tjv vglfv eq ilxf atlr, ofia cbatlcu yea rbggs abkjgvr Vfb Tbecukbb, ktb mjwf ab tlw xcbklcu tf vlvc¡¯a tjnf jcsatlcu ifoa. Lf kjr j ufcaif jcv ugjafoei wjc ab tlw. ¡°Youngwoo-ya.¡± He couldn¡¯t hold his hand properly because there were many eyes to see, but he quietly called out his lover¡¯s name with all his heart. As if his sincerity had passed, Seo Youngwoo¡¯s expression as he looked at him was infinitely serious. ¡°I¡¯m really sorry. I¡¯ll do better from now on.¡± ¡°Hyung¡­.¡± Taejung-ah¡­. For a moment, the voice of the one I longed for was overlaid, and my stiff cheeks trembled. The end was such a mess. I had never thought of such an ending for us, but ultimately, our parting was nothing more than just a plain parting. It was the last time I saw someone I didn¡¯t want to see, and I had to say something harsh to move on, something which I didn¡¯t want to remember again. The end of Ha Joyoon and I was so insignificant and shabby. A few days had passed, but whenever he would fall asleep, the image of Ha Joyoon crying with red, swollen cheeks, often came to mind as vividly as it was yesterday. Did I really have to react like that- The hellish day stained with shame and remorse, repeated itself like a spinning wheel. Around the time when memories and thoughts hit the bottom, Seo Youngwoo, staring at Kang Taejung quietly, pulled his arm. ¡°Hyung, do you have any other plans for tonight?¡± After checking the time on his watch for a moment, Kang Taejung silently shook his head. ¡°No, not yet. I just came to see you for a bit.¡± ¡°Then, can I come to your officetel today and sleep?¡± It was a question mixed with extremely intimate intentions. He was not so dull as not to know what his partner wanted. Sometimes Seo Youngwoo was obsessed with intimacy as a means to express his feelings to Kang Taejung. Kang Taejung smiled awkwardly and nodded as he forcibly erased the remnants of Ha Joyoon, who continued to make his way into his mind. ¡°Sure.¡± ¡°What day is today? You didn¡¯t back out and said okay right away. I¡¯ll have to do my best to serve you later.¡± Confirming his consent, Seo Youngwoo¡¯s voice became even higher. ¡°Youngwoo, you¡­¡± Kang Taejung, unable to hide his embarrassment, looked around and tightly grabbed his arm to pull him. At the same time as the upper body was slightly bent, Seo Youngwoo, with a playful expression, put his face close to his ear. ¡°I will do my best with all my heart and soul.¡± He whispered mischievously, and a troubled expression appeared on the beautiful face of his lover who had stiffened somewhat awkwardly. Giggling so refreshingly that the lobby rang, Seo Youngwoo was genuinely happy at that moment with Kang Taejung. *** When he opened his eyes again, it was the middle of the night when all the sounds of the world were asleep. It was not until Seo Youngwoo realized that his arm was not touching anyone that he opened his heavy eyes. The man who slept in his arms until a few hours ago, was nowhere to be found, leaving only traces of a crumpled sheet. Just as he was about to get up with a sudden surge of anxiety, a faint light came in through the gap of the open door. After hearing the rustling outside, he realized that Kang Taejung was in the living room and let out a sigh of relief. Clack- He carefully closed the bedroom door wearing only the T-shirt off the floor. From a distance he could see his lover sitting on the sofa in the living room, looking at something. Perhaps the light was dimmed as much as possible so as not to wake him up. Smiling at his thoughtful kindness, Seo Youngwoo lightly tapped the wall he was leaning on. ¡°Hyung.¡± Kang Taejung raised his head quickly, surprised by the sudden presence. ¡°Youngwoo-ya.¡± Even his voice calling out to me sounds startled. ¡°What are you looking at that you¡¯re this surprised? You¡¯re not looking at something weird, are you?¡± Seo Youngwoo sat next to Kang Taejung with a joyful feeling, but soon hardened his expression when he saw the catalog in Kang Taejung¡¯s hand. Kang Taejung also felt uneasy. ¡°Have you been looking at the photo catalog since dawn?¡± Seo Youngwoo barely managed to swallow his bitterness and forced a smile. What Kang Taejung was holding was the catalog of the photo exhibition for the Waiton News Agency, which Seo Youngwoo participated in planning this quarter. It was just a plain catalog with some of the pictures on display, but Seo Youngwoo¡¯s heart as he looked at him was not at ease. This feeling was entirely due to his own misgiving. I¡¯m afraid you¡¯ll remember that person if you ever go to another photo exhibition. I¡¯m afraid you¡¯ll regret coming to me. In fact, while promoting the photo exhibition event, he did not say a word to Kang Taejung about what kind of work he was doing because he was worried about that very reason. He probably still doesn¡¯t know that he¡¯s one of the organizers of the event. Seo Youngwoo always liked to talk about his work but tried to hide it this time. ¡°Did you go to the exhibition?¡± ¡°No, this is¡­¡± After stuttering for a moment, Kang Taejung looked at Seo Youngwoo again. The corners of his eyes were trembling enough for Taejung to realize he was overdoing it. Kang Taejung sighed with a glum look at Seo Youngwoo¡¯s response, which clearly revealed his uneasiness. He soon put down the catalog he was holding onto the table and held Seo Youngwoo¡¯s hand. ¡°I didn¡¯t go for the reasons you¡¯re thinking of.¡± ¡°¡­¡­.¡± ¡°On the way home from work, the colleague I was coming with said he wanted to see it. I was only going to give him a ride, but he asked me to see it together with him because he was embarrassed to go there alone. There was no way I could refuse, so I had no choice but to accompany him. When I got in, the office kept calling me, so I just looked at the front part for a while and stayed in the lobby. The catalog was a gift from the group.¡± Seo Youngwoo eventually nodded at the unobstructed explanation. At least the man he has been seeing for a long time, Kang Taejung, was someone who was not good at lying. Maybe what he told him right now was true after all. ¡°Actually, this exhibition¡­ was organized by my team.¡± As if it was an unexpected remark, the surprise was engraved in Kang Taejung¡¯s eyes. ¡°Really?¡± In response to the mild question, Seo Youngwoo tightened his grip on the tangled fingers and shook his head. ¡°I couldn¡¯t tell you. I didn¡¯t want to tell all the stories related to the photos. I thought it would remind you of him. Just like that, time passed.¡± ¡°Is that so?¡± At the apologetic tone, Seo Youngwoo closed his eyes and smiled. ¡°But it¡¯s okay now. I think I was just overthinking for a trivial reason.¡± Slowly leaning his head on one shoulder, Seo Youngwoo grabbed his lover¡¯s large hand and rubbed it repeatedly. ¡®It¡¯s completely over now.¡¯ Kang Taejung said that when he came to visit him not too long ago with dead eyes. When Seo Youngwoo asked what was going on, all Kang Taejung did was repeatedly say that it was over as he smiled with a crying expression. The misery weighed on him in a huge lump. And only then did Seo Youngwoo realize. He finally cut that person off. He¡¯s totally done with him. Seo Youngwoo felt sorry for his lover who fell down leaning on him as if he were about to collapse, but was happy that he had completely cut off the past for his sake. He felt disillusioned with it, but it was for a while. It must have been because of me that he acted on it faster than I thought, with more resolve. ¡°I¡­ I think I¡¯ve done a lot of wrong things to you.¡± There was a deep sense of guilt that could not be hidden in the voice that spoke like a mutter. ¡°Seems like you¡¯re well aware of that.¡± Kang Taejung¡¯s eyes became darker and cloudy as he frowned with the tip of his nose. Noticing that, Seo Youngwoo waved his hands and made an excuse. ¡°It¡¯s not like that, Hyung. I was just kidding. Did I accidentally make you sad?¡± Seo Youngwoo¡¯s expression, smiling silently, was not as bright as usual. The foundation of the relationship between him and Kang Taejung was mainly guilt. A relationship that started with and led to guilt. Nevertheless, Seo Youngwoo was grateful for the opportunity given to him. No matter what the beginning, if he was by his side until the end, it would be okay. Kang Taejung swallowed his breath in the heavy silence, looked down at Seo Youngwoo¡¯s hand, which was still holding his own, and spoke with difficulty. ¡°I don¡¯t have anything to do with Yoon anymore. Now that I¡¯ve cleared it all up, there¡¯s nothing you need to worry about. I¡¯ll try to not let that happen.¡± ¡°But what if he constantly reaches out to you?¡± Kang Taejung took a deep breath and stopped moving. Shredded pain spread like shards over his face. ¡°Something like that¡­ he won¡¯t.¡± What exactly happened? It was his own consideration not to ask Kang Taejung about the situation, but he also couldn¡¯t help but wonder. He could only guess that he completely cut off Ha Joyoon with his words and actions as he said. ¡°Don¡¯t meet up or contact him. Even if you see him, just ignore and pass by. Please just completely bury him in the past. Can you do that?¡± Kang Taejung¡¯s expression became more and more stunned at the desire for monopoly that was fully revealed for the first time. ¡°Youngwoo-ya.¡± In a bewildered tone, Seo Youngwoo quickly dug into Kang Taejung¡¯s arms. I never wanted to hear any hesitation. The heartache he had suffered from for the past five years was enough. ¡°Promise me.¡± Now that he fully belonged to him, Youngwoo could finally let out his true feelings. He couldn¡¯t say it properly since they started dating because he was afraid that he would come off as a mean person, but things have changed now. A friendly and loving voice that touched the heart. Now a voice that whispered only for him. All of these things are completely mine. Kang Taejung was not just anyone but his own person. ¡°¡­Okay. I¡¯ll try.¡± It¡¯s still a painful voice, but it¡¯s okay. One day, I¡¯ll cover it all with my love. Seo Youngwoo forced a smile as he rubbed his cheek slowly on his shoulder. The touch of the lover who comforted him on the back was so warm. ¡®Really¡­ I¡¯m really¡­ to you¡­¡¯ ¡®Hyung¡­.¡¯ ¡®God¡­ Youngwoo-ya, I¡¯m really¡­ I¡¯m really sorry¡­¡¯ ¡®Hyung, it¡¯s not like that, I¡¯m fine. I love you. This is nothing.¡¯ ¡®Youngwoo-ya¡­ I¡¯m sorry. I¡¯m really¡­ sorry.¡¯ Memories of forced, crumpled, and hidden drifted. In the sudden wave of the past, Seo Youngwoo closed his eyes tightly. Kang Taejung¡¯s desperate voice and expression, which used to call him in his memory, were still holding me back even after some time. I knew that this insidious and vicious memory would climb up like a vine and eventually wind up my heart and burst it. But hyung, Taejung hyung¡­ In a voice that the other person could not hear, Seo Youngwoo apologized to him over and over again. I¡¯m sorry, I¡¯ll be good enough to make up for all my faults. However, the courageous apology was scattered in the air like ashes that could not even reach the person in front of him and even the embers had disappeared. ¡°Youngwoo-ya, you.¡¯re too cold.¡± Kang Taejung felt that his body was getting cold like an ice cube, and he pulled away for a moment to check Seo Youngwoo¡¯s forehead to see if he had a fever. However, the next attempt was thwarted by a strong pull again soon. Seo Youngwoo, rubbing his nose against the chest that wafted a soft odor, spoke in a cutesy tone. ¡°It¡¯s because I don¡¯t really feel well. Hyung, give me a hug.¡± The lover, whose condition is unknown, breathed comfortably and hugged his body more tightly in his arms. Incomplete, insecure, and cowardly love. Seo Youngwoo muttered repeatedly like a mantra as he stared blankly at the night sky through the front window. CH 21 When I was your man, The First. Many relationships come together to form one destiny. Moments that have passed inadvertently also become important memories and come rushing like a huge tidal wave. It was a 13-year-old boy named Muhammad Collie who moved Ha Joyoon to a temporary residence for the militia after he had lost consciousness in the crossfire. Collie¡¯s parents, who had impressive clear eyes and deep double eyelids, lost their lives during the brutal Arab Spring, a civil war in between Muammar Gaddafi and Anti-Gaddafi forces. Ha Joyoon had been staying in Libya before he planned to move to Syria at the time, and was filming the wartime situation when found a crying young boy wrapped in a blood-drenched hijab between a corpse presumed to be a woman. When he rescued the child who was shaking with fear among the dead, throwing away his camera, he did not think that his relationship with the child would continue. However, like the process in which a knot of fate is formed by chance and coincidence, the time spent in struggling to save a child did not end as merely a moment of the past. As if by fate, while filming the scene between the Libyan and Syrian borders, even in extreme situations where no correspondence could be sent, Ha Joyoon often reunited with Collie. It was such a strange reunion that it was called a relationship led by their God, Allah. Despite the wide age gap, the two developed a quiet friendship with a deep bond. ???? ¡­ When he first opened his eyes, the boy whispered with tears in his big eyes. The incessant tears of joy shed by the boy as he whispered the same word constantly caused Ha Joyoon to cry too. ¡°I¡¯m glad you¡¯re alive. Thank God I can see you again.¡± Collie hugged Ha Joyoon with his skinny arms on the last night of parting to cross the border, and whispered; ¡°Yoon, let¡¯s meet again someday¡±. That¡¯s how he thought he would continue. How he would carry on. *** Click He stared blankly at the picture on the screen with his chin in his palm. The recent incident and characters from the coverage site filled the monitor. ¡°Is this the final?¡± At the familiar voice, his brown eyes returned. Nam Hyunwoo scratched the nape of his neck as he looked at him silently, and his cheeks reddened slightly. ¡°Did I disturb you? I was just passing by and was curious.¡± ¡°No, I was just blanking for a bit. ¡­ I didn¡¯t get it approved by the editor yet, could you take a look?¡± ¡°Everything looks good to me.¡± Nam Hyunwoo muttered as he bent down and looked at the monitor with him. The other party remained silent on his word as if he didn¡¯t want a proper evaluation. As an expressionless face slipped through his side eyes, Nam Hyunwoo remembered the first time Ha Joyoon came to work. Although not flashy, his elegant and neat appearance stopped people¡¯s eyes once in a while. Even though it hasn¡¯t been long since he got to know him, he really liked how reticent and sincere he was as time passed. ¡°Oh, did you hear about the welcoming party today?¡± ¡°Welcome party?¡± Nam Hyunwoo shrugged his shoulders at the sight of the man who was hearing about it for the first time. It was an expected situation. ¡°Oh, come on. Really? Today is your welcoming party.¡± At those words, a serious energy drifted across the well-groomed face. He seemed to be worried. Several months had already passed since he started coming back to work. ¡°But it¡¯s been a while since I got back¡­¡± Rjw Lseckbb qblcafv ab atf boolmf bo Vtlc Bkbcpbb klat wlrmtlfnber fsfr, atlcxlcu la kbeiv yf fjrs ab ecvfgrajcv ktja tf kjr lwqislcu. ¡°Qfii, la tjr yffc j ofk yers wbcatr.¡± ¡°¡­¡­.¡± ¡°Ktja, jcv kf kfgf mbcrajcais bc fvuf klat rb wjcs atlcur tjqqfclcu. Po atfgf lr jcsatlcu sbe kjca ab mbwqijlc jybea, abvjs lr atf vjs ab ifa la jii bea ab atf Glgfmabg.¡± ¡°I have nothing to complain about.¡± Ha Joyoon seemed to be surprised for a moment, and then smiled quietly as he shook his head. His gaze moved slowly to the other side. A large private office room that occupied the entire side of the office, the door that had rarely been opened since morning. It was the office of a man whose face he had not seen properly for several weeks. Since the incident that took place during the protest, Ha Joyoon hadn¡¯t had the chance to face Shin Kwonjoo alone. They didn¡¯t have a close relationship to begin with, but after that incident, the atmosphere between them wasn¡¯t the most pleasant. In fact, in practical terms, it was rare for the director and ordinary journalists to meet face-to-face at work, as most matters were resolved with the editor-in-chief, so the chances to see the Shin Kwonjoo naturally decreased. In the beginning, he tried to approach the man several times as he couldn¡¯t quite grasp the situation, but only when the man¡¯s cold shoulder lasted for more than a month did Ha Joyoon vaguely sense that he was being avoided. ¡°Anyway, make time for tonight. Everyone¡¯s very excited for today so don¡¯t expect to go home early.¡± Ha Joyoon slightly nodded and smiled at Nam Hyunwoo as the man let out a mischievous chuckle. Hanging out with people was a matter of discomfort to him, but he was willing to do anything as long as it meant that he could forget the pain of the breakup even for a moment. *** ¡°Cheers!¡± A cheerful voice rose to the top of the room. And higher than that were the glasses filled with alcohol raised as high as possible. After the editor-in-chief¡¯s toast was over, they took turns emptying the glasses prepared in the right proportions. Due to the nature of the news company, the participants were adequately composed of their own native citizens and Koreans plus foreigners who belonged to the headquarters, but the glasses that were given out were of an equal amount. Of course, the main character of the belated welcome party could not avoid this either. Trying to adjust to the noisy place, Ha Joyoon listened to people as carefully as he could and answered the questions. This attitude was opposite to the one he had always had; taking a step away from the crowd. It felt uncomfortable and stuffy, as if he was wearing clothes that didn¡¯t suit him, but it didn¡¯t matter. Rather, it was better to feel that way. Thanks to the on-the-spot discomfort, he wouldn¡¯t have time to flounder in useless emotions. The longer the train of thought, the stronger the grip holding the glass. Even in the midst of the commotion, the hole in the middle of the chest gave no signs of shrinking. Ring Ring¡ª The sound of awnings echoed from the doorway. An unexpected word came into Ha Joyoon¡¯s ears, who didn¡¯t even pay attention because he was just one of those who walked in and out of the bar. The shade rang from the doorway. An unexpected word caught Ha Jo-yoon¡¯s ear, who was not paying any attention to the visitor, thinking he was one of the many going in or out of the pub. ¡°Director, over here!¡± In the place where he turned his head instantly, a large figure could be seen among the people. A tall man in a well-cut navy-tone custom-made business suit was striding toward the table with a stiff expression on his face. It was Shin Kwonjoo. A long time had passed since he had seen him properly, because of which, Ha Joyoon was unable to take his eyes off him for a while. The man who tends to increase the density of the air around him did not fit well in a pub with a relaxed atmosphere. Ha Joyoon thought he wouldn¡¯t come. He slowly blinked his eyes, moving the half-empty glass in circles. As if it was the same for others, those who had been talking in a languid manner until a while ago greeted their boss with their backs straight. He looked around for a while, dissuading the staff who guided him to the center, and took a seat at the end of the table. ¡°You¡¯re a little late.¡± ¡°I¡¯m sorry. There was traffic.¡± ¡°We¡¯re going to drink all night, Director.¡± ¡°I can¡¯t stay long. I¡¯m just here to join you all for a little while.¡± Shin Kwonjoo answered in a low voice and opened the menu. One of the employees offered him a toast, but even that was mildly declined. Perhaps it was because he was not able to eat properly due to his heavy workload, but his straight nose was sharper than usual. At some point, the gaze of the man, who was talking to the employees at the same table, was stuck on Ha Joyoon. Dark and serious eyes that wouldn¡¯t disclose what he was thinking. But before he could read any emotion in his eyes, Shin Kwonjoo turned his head again with his mouth firmly closed. Ha Joyoon stared at him for a while, then slowly closed his eyes, and opened them again to focus on the person sitting next to him. In the blink of an eye. That¡¯s all it took. As time went by, the heated atmosphere did not cool down. Although they were not particularly buddy-buddy with each other, moderate alcohol was enough to break down the barriers between people. As the number of drink exchanges increased, Ha Joyoon¡¯s face was also gradually getting red. Many stories related to various topics were circulated on the table. Regardless, the topic that converged at the end was a clich¨¦ as it took the shape of dating that was common to everyone. In the midst of the noisy conversation, each other¡¯s stories came and went. As people from different countries were mixed, their views on love, values, methods, and types of relationships were also different. Ha Joyoon, leaving behind his dazed mind, also listened to the love stories of other people. Someone¡¯s love while someone else¡¯s separation, they all had their own forms and colors. It was when he was sipping alcohol while listening to the other person¡¯s story silently when Nam Hyunwoo suddenly took the seat next to him and poked Ha Joyoon¡¯s side. ¡°You look sleepy.¡± ¡°Is that so?¡± ¡°What¡¯s with the question? I¡¯m just saying what I can see.¡± He burst out into a playful laugh after awkwardly scratching his cheek. Following that small movement, the alcohol in the man¡¯s glass swayed. A blue-eyed man who was eating snacks right in front of them asked a question in a somewhat slurred Korean. He was one of the journalists from New York, with impressive gray-blonde hair, but whose name Ha Joyoon couldn¡¯t remember. ¡°Are you two serious with anyone?¡± The speed of chopsticks, which had been moving meaninglessly, slowed down at his question, and then came to a complete stop. The eyes dropped down for a moment, and trembled. It was Nam Hyunwoo who answered first. ¡°I¡¯m getting married next year. Getting married.¡± Nam Hyunwoo frowned in a playful manner as he repeated. The next interest naturally shifted to Ha Joyoon. Trying to ignore the burning sensation in his throat, Ha Joyoon slowly poured water into the empty glass. The white porcelain cup was moderately filled with cold tea. ¡°What kind of person is your girlfriend, Ha Joyoon-ssi?¡± Nam Hyunwoo asked again on behalf of the stranger who didn¡¯t get an answer. The lips, which had been closed for a moment, opened without a sound. ¡°I don¡¯t have one.¡± Nam Hyunwoo¡¯s eyes widened as if it was a rather unexpected answer. The attention of some who were focused on the stories of other groups also shifted to their side. ¡°Oh, really? That¡¯s unlikely.¡± The man gave an apologetic look for saying something stupid. Ha Joyoon smiled bitterly and drank the tea. A cool sensation ran down his throat. It was refreshing enough to forget even the headache that followed me in a frenzy. ¡°I had one, but we broke up.¡± ¡°Oh¡­¡± He could feel someone¡¯s gaze on him from afar. Ha Joyoon, without turning his head, calmly continued in a low voice. ¡°It hasn¡¯t been long.¡± The embarrassment in the other person¡¯s complexion intensified. Nam Hyunwoo hesitated more than usual and tried to change the topic, not knowing how to properly rectify the situation he caused. ¡°You can meet someone else. Lots of fish in the sea. Ha Joyoon-ssi is also easy on the eyes.¡± ¡°That¡¯s right, you¡¯re so handsome.¡± A female employee sitting at the next table tilted her head slightly and intervened. She continued, awkwardly rubbing the nape of her neck. ¡°There are a lot of people around me who are breaking up too. I guess it¡¯s because of our age group? They¡¯re all trying to get married. I had a big breakup last year.¡± ¡°I see.¡± It¡¯s a world that has nothing to do with me. It¡¯s not about being gay, but I¡¯ve never really thought of marrying a woman and starting a family. No, it¡¯s more accurate to say that I didn¡¯t have time to even think about it. It¡¯s still a luxury to imagine and contemplate who will be next to me in the future. ¡°Just don¡¯t hang onto them.¡± Nam Hyunwoo added after emptying another glass of beer. It was his mistake to let his guard down on the topic that naturally fell into the conversation. The forced smile Ha Joyoon had on his face until then completely disappeared. His mind was bleached white and his heart was pounding erratically. However, to grasp such a situation, Nam Hyunwoo belonged to a rather insensitive axis. ¡°No, I want you, I can¡¯t¡­ just don¡¯t do this when they¡¯re trying to break up.¡± ¡°What? No. If one side breaks up unilaterally, you can do that.¡± ¡°Well, that¡¯s possible, but it¡¯s a pain for the person trying to break up. They want to break up quickly and meet someone else, but the ex keeps clinging on.¡± ¡°Oh my, Nam Hyunwoo-ssi, is that from experience?¡± The eyes of the female employees around Nam Hyunwoo as he spoke somewhat exaggeratedly, became fierce at once. Then, suddenly, another employee spoke up. ¡°But clinginess is frustrating when you don¡¯t have feelings for them anymore. Coming by the house, sending texts or calling after breaking up¡­ is a bit annoying, no? Both men and women nodded at those words. ¡°You just get sick and tired of it. Any remaining feelings for them go away too.¡± ¡°Right, like a text at dawn asking if you¡¯re up right after the break up? Being contacted like this drives me insane.¡± Interesting experiences of each other went back and forth in the words of common sympathy. The stories that were somewhat caricatured than the actual situation were enough to attract the attention of others. Ha Joyoon blankly tilted his empty glass as he leaned against the wall with his tired body hanging. Most of the jokes are actions that correspond to me. Just like one¡¯s habit of chewing popcorn while watching movies, the process of turning someone¡¯s lingering feelings and someone¡¯s foolishness into someone else¡¯s joke was nothing but a matter unworthy of dwelling on. CH 22 When I was your man, The First Didn¡¯t you know that no one sympathizes with the pain of half of your life falling apart unless you¡¯re the person involved? It was like a new feeling all over again. Ha Joyoon remained silent as he struggled to control the feeling of sinking into the ground. ¡°Ha Joyoon-ssi, you weren¡¯t like that, were you?¡± ¡°Sorry?¡± Suddenly, his eyes glazed over at the question directed at him. The cubic pin on the employee¡¯s head shone like a diamond under the light of the store. Memories also passed by at the speed of light, bringing him back to a time when their love for each other shone like a jewel. ¡°But I don¡¯t think Journalist Ha seems like that kind of a person. Not sure about Nam Hyunwoo-ssi though. Our Ha Joyoon-ssi seems more like a heartbreaker than the heartbroken, no?¡± ¡°Why drag me into this again? Ah I¡¯m totally cool in my own way!¡± The aforementioned man cried out. The mischief mixed in each other¡¯s voices maintained the appropriate boundaries and created a pleasant atmosphere. Except for one person who just couldn¡¯t mix there. ¡°I hung on quite a bit actually.¡± ¡°Oh, uh¡­¡± ¡°¡­Maybe I shouldn¡¯t have?¡± Ha Joyoon asked softly as he quietly set the glass down on the table. Questions were entangled in his brown eyes, which became brighter in the light as if he really didn¡¯t know. Those who had been laughing and talking about other people¡¯s love like cheap gossip stopped when he asked seriously. ¡°I did it because I didn¡¯t know what else I was supposed to do.¡± There is no accusation or anger directed at anyone in the quiet brooding tone. It was just that no one really knew what to do completely, and no one could give a hasty answer. ¡°Oh, uh¡­ I mean¡­ it¡¯s not like that.¡± ¡°That¡¯s true, Journalist Ha. It¡¯s not necessarily like that¡­¡± Time had flown by despite the daily suffocating pain. However, it seemed that his ability to forget had been broken, and as each day passed, the separation with Kang Taejung became clearer and clearer. His expression, his voice, his scent, everything is killing me. He didn¡¯t even know how much time had passed. Even though he knew that his family was worried about his poor condition, there was no way to solve it, so all Ha Joyoon did was simply neglect or quietly kill himself every day. ¡°Reporter Ha¡­¡± Ha Joyoon smiled awkwardly at the sound of someone¡¯s pity, and wiped his firm eyes with his fingers. ¡°I¡¯m just asking because I didn¡¯t really know. Please don¡¯t mind me. I seemed to have ruined the fun.¡± ¡°Oh no, I¡¯m sorry, Ha Joyoon-ssi. We spoke too carelessly.¡± ¡°Me too. I didn¡¯t mean it, but I¡¯m still sorry, Journalist Ha.¡± Despite the clumsy apologies, the atmosphere that had already blown off had no hope for recovery. As people were wondering how to break the tension in the room, a new question popped up from a distant table to break the chaotic atmosphere. ¡°By the way, what kind of person is your wife, Director?¡± It was a strange thought. Like a dissonance inserted into an peaceful song, the question suddenly entered Ha Joyoon¡¯s ear. Even with the sudden question directed at him, Shin Kwonjoo skillfully offered and received alcohol from the opposite party without any surprise or embarrassment. ¡°Why?¡± Ktf tjcv tbivlcu atf uijrr wbnfv ribkis. Ktfgf kjr jc jwylueber rwlif bc Vtlc Bkbcpbb¡¯r ojmf, yea tlr fsfr kfgf jr mbiv jr lo tf kbeiv ogffhf atf batfg qfgrbc ja jcs wbwfca. Lbkfnfg, atf fwqibsff, ktb tjv cba sfa rfcrfv atf wbbv, rwlifv rboais jcv mbcalcefv ab jrx defralbcr. ¡°That¡¯s your wedding ring, right? I don¡¯t think you¡¯ve ever talked about your wife.¡± Ha Joyoon glanced down. His eyes paused on his favorite sneakers. Unrelated thoughts floated through Ha Joyoon¡¯s head. There was a big difference from the shoes crafted with skillful workmanship. He was a different person from me in many ways, the distance being just as far as he sat from me. Suddenly, he rubbed his face, remembering how he was slapped by Kang Taejung and his cheek was tingling. He rubbed the painful heat with his palm. ¡°Is it important for work?¡± He asked back, still smiling. He was polite, but his voice was as cold as the north wind. The employee finally noticed the awkward situation and only then did he lean back a little. ¡°No, I was just¡­¡± ¡°I have no intention of opening up my private life for personal curiosity. I¡¯m not interested in other people¡¯s private lives either.¡± It was a firm answer as if someone had to hear it. Shin Kwonjoo¡¯s seriousness caused a commotion on the table. He stood up from his seat after emptying his half-filled glass. Sharp eyes met Ha Joyoon for the first time. The deadly expression in his eyes was like flames just before evaporation past the ignition point. But even that soon dissipated like smoke. After removing his gaze, he looked down at the watch on his wrist for a moment and said indifferently. ¡°I have another engagement to attend, so I¡¯ll be leaving first. Finish it well so you can make sure to be at work tomorrow.¡± ¡°Um, Director¡­¡± ¡°Director, please stay a little longer.¡± ¡°That¡¯s enough.¡± Nothing could hold him back. As if the cold atmosphere was no longer his concern, the man grabbed his jacket and walked out of the store. ¡°Director¡± ¨C ¡°Director¡± ¨C The sound of the employees trying to hold on to him echoed in the store in vain. The exit was just as sudden as when he had entered. The employees, who had been staring at the place from where he left, began to murmur one by one. ¡°Oh gosh, the mood has totally changed. This is why I told you to be careful¡± ¡°Is he angry?¡± ¡°Doesn¡¯t seem to be more than usual? I don¡¯t think he cared much.¡± ¡°What to do¡­¡± The female employee who asked the last question lowered her face with a sullen expression. She blamed herself for ruining the mood in the beginning. The awkward atmosphere gradually entered a state of a lull as the group divided, with people comforting her and some returning to their own topics. After listening to the conversation for a while, Ha Joyoon poured alcohol into his empty glass and drank it again. The pungent and potent liquid slowly seeped into his body, paralyzing the pain for a while. He knew all of these were only temporary measures. Resorting to such a dirty treatment, rather than properly treating the wound, out of desperation to hide and cover it up, will one day cause it to the wound hidden beneath it to fester and rot. Tap.- He carefully set the glass down and stood up. Though he staggered a bit, it wasn¡¯t too much. ¡°I need to use the bathroom.¡± ¡°Go ahead.¡± Ha Joyoon briefly greeted his colleague who was waving at him, and left the store. Ring.- A cool night breeze blew as the door opened with a small bell. It was the wind that heralded the beginning of fall, carrying some of the persistence of the sweltering heat of midsummer. Even though he knew it was meaningless, he still took out his phone and checked the messages. It had become a daily routine of his. Even after being despised and notified of a complete breakup, Ha Joyoon sent Kang Taejung messages from time to time. He knew this wasn¡¯t the proper way, but he had no idea how he should convey his feelings otherwise. The small screen was full of all sorts of clingy words. Let¡¯s meet one more time, can you please reply back to me, I still love you, I was wrong. Now that he knew that this was something no one paid attention to and rather regarded it as something despicable, his lingering feelings of regret still caused him to cling to him in such an ugly way. It was absurd. Honk- Honk- The headlights of vehicles running frantically on the road mixed with neon signs, created beautiful light shadows. It was a lovely group dance of light. While he was distracted by the swarm of lights, the strong smoke stimulated his sense of smell. A familiar yet unfamiliar, refreshing scent of skin was also included. Ha Joyoon, still keeping his gaze fixed on the dance of light on the road, spoke quietly. ¡°I thought you left already.¡± The owner of the scent glanced at him as he talked calmly. Burnt ashes were entangled in the embers, at the end of the cigarette between the man¡¯s long fingers. ¡°It was getting noisy.¡± Huu. Cigarette smoke spread in a long trail along the sound of slow breathing. The border of a strange space where discomfort and ease coexisted was drawn. ¡°Did you drink a lot?¡± He listened to the low-pitched voice and shook his head. ¡°A little bit. I only drank to the point where I felt tipsy.¡± ¡°That¡¯s a relief. I don¡¯t like taking care of drunks.¡± Shin Kwonjoo¡¯s gaze was directed far away. It was a serenity that proved that the mind was not here. He was a cold observer, who would draw a line with you even if you were to reveal your vulnerability and see only that. However, ironically, that made it all the more comforting. Even though it was evident that the other person was annoyed and held contempt. A bitter, poison-like smile drifted across Ha Joyoon¡¯s lips. ¡°Sunbae, your advice. It didn¡¯t work at all.¡± ¡°¡­¡­¡± ¡°He just got angry.¡± The dark eyes drew a relaxed curve. Ha Joyoon smiled quietly with implicit eyes that held several meanings and sat with his back against the front window of the store. I couldn¡¯t bear to look at you when your eyes contained so, so much aversion. Just when he recalled that terrible moment when he decided to face his inner desire, he heard a low laugh. It seemed he realized now. ¡°He¡¯s a good person.¡± The man who stubbed off the half-remaining cigarette said calmly. ¡°Is that so?¡± ¡°It¡¯s better than saying okay to it.¡± ¡°That¡¯s right¡­ yes¡­ A really nice person. He¡¯s a kind and warm person¡­¡± A quiet reply left a trail through the air. Honk- Honk-. A red car driving along a rough curve roared to announce its existence. The steps of the people walking around also drew a consistent line towards their destination. Their eyes met again. Suddenly, he thought that avoiding his night-like eyes was one of the most difficult things to do. This time as well, it was Shin Kwonjoo who turned his head first. ¡°Do you always leave trails like that?¡± ¡°Sorry¡­?¡± Ha Joyoon slightly frowned at the words he did not understand. Meanwhile, the man who took out another cigarette from the corner, bit and lit it quickly. Click- Tens of thousands of malicious substances and the thin paper wrapped around them began to burn. A certain emotion resembling nervousness was buried in the action of sucking and exhaling faster than before. ¡°Things like emotions and inner thoughts.¡± ¡°¡­I¡¯m not sure what you mean.¡± He stared at the road that Ha Joyoon had been looking at a while ago, with his mouth firmly shut. ¡°I¡¯ve said this many times, but I think you need to learn how to hide your emotions. If you¡¯re unlucky and you meet someone bad, you¡¯ll be completely taken advantage of.¡± ¡°¡­¡­¡± It was still something that didn¡¯t make sense. Ha Joyoon tilted his head as he swept his messy hair that was on his forehead following the wind. The flushed face due to drinking was clearly visible under the moonlight. He held in his words for a moment, then tucked the completely untied tie into the pocket of his pants and sighed a little. ¡°I¡¯m not interested in what others have used and thrown away. Sometimes they can be rotten and make you sick.¡± It was disguised as a metaphor, but in reality, it was a naked expression. Ha Joyoon¡¯s face turned pale when he realized what Shin Kwonjoo was saying by inferring it as a whole. However, the man¡¯s eyes looking at him were so calm that he seemed bored. Shin Kwonjoo, after thinking for a while as if he was choosing a suitable word to express his thoughts, continued. ¡°There¡¯s something that¡¯s begging to be picked up.¡± ¡°¡­¡­¡± ¡°I¡¯m thinking.¡± ¡°It¡¯s bothering me by constantly being in front of me.¡± His way of speaking as he spits out each word was indifferent. Shin Kwonjoo¡¯s face, reflected under the splendid night lights, looked like that of a confused painter. Suddenly, he raised his left hand and turned the back of his hand and the palm of his hand repeatedly. A wedding ring that had been seen many times showed off its presence. The man was conscious of the other person¡¯s gaze and paused for a moment before adding. ¡°It¡¯s not something to attach any meaning to. I don¡¯t need to go into details with you, but¡­¡± The expression of concern passed by his eyes. And after a long silence, he finally opened his mouth. A deep voice resembling the sea penetrated through the air lightly. ¡°Though I¡¯ve never done it with a man before.¡± He stared straight at Ha Joyoon as he mumbled to himself. ¡°Ha Joyoon-ssi, would you like to sleep with me?¡± CH 23 When I was your man, The First Tap¨C! Two figures in the dark were tangled in a mess. The short breathing scattered into pieces. Ah- An arm that stretched straight out of the brief seductive tones wrapped around the other person¡¯s waist and pulled him in. The man raised his teeth and bit his lip. A hot tongue broke into the gaping mouth as he was unable to overcome the pain ¡°Nngh¡­ !¡± A suppressed moan broke out. The lean body, which had been tilted and pushed by the stronger force was driven to the wall. A light wrinkle formed over the bridge of his nose at the pain of being trapped in another person¡¯s arms. Soon, their heads turned and mouthfuls of kisses followed. All passages leading to the ends of his eyes, cheeks, lips, and chin were blocked by the man¡¯s lips. It was so fierce that it seemed like he would eat him up at any moment. ¡°Hngh.¡± Heat rose from the rubbed lower body. A fully inflated penis poked between his skinny thighs with full intent. It was ready to be inserted at any moment. Hnng¡­ Ha Joyoon, with his nose buried in his hard shoulder, moaned helplessly. The smell of a sweaty body stimulated his sense of smell. In the midst of all the sounds of breathing, he felt dazed as if the frontal lobe of his brain had fallen off. ¡°Huu¡­, are you usually like this?¡± The man who was biting his thin cheek suddenly asked. Ah- An attempt to escape the feeling with his neck bent back was blocked by a big hand. Even if he pushed his shoulder, his body quickly collided with his again. Black, sharp eyes pierced him at a right angle. ¡°¡­ Yes?¡± Ha Joyoon managed to raise his chin, panting heavily. He was unable to move, as his body was trapped between thighs as hard as those of an athlete. ¡°I meant if you usually shed tears like this?¡± Despite the burning heat, the words the man uttered were chillingly cold. Ha Joyoon barely opened his trembling mouth, feeling the momentum would pierce him at any moment. ¡°What¡­ did I¡­ ugh!!¡± He was unable to say what he wanted properly and was taken in by those hot lips again. The mind, which had barely regained consciousness, was on the verge of burning down to its core. Aah, mmh. The sound of saliva mixing together filled the arid space. He took a dry breath and grabbed his opponent¡¯s shoulders again. Her eyes were red with excitement. The man who was rushing at the helpless figure paused for a moment and made eye contact with Ha Joyoon. ¡°Slower¡­¡± ¡°¡­¡­ ¡± ¡°Sunbae-nim¡­ take it slow¡­ ah!¡± The man¡¯s patience didn¡¯t last long. Before the pleading was over, the erect penis passed over the pants that covered the perineum. A chillingly clear sensation resounded through his skin. Ah-ah- As he let out a weak moan, the body pushed by the strong force fell on the bed. Ha Joyoon, with one cheek buried in a soft silk cloth, gently carried the man¡¯s weight, was kissed frantically. Wherever the skin touched, the breath and heat passed by leaving traces. ¡°Glvc¡¯a P vb fcbeut? Qts jgf sbe jmalcu ilxf j vecmf?¡± Contrary to the foul content, the hand that took off the shirt was imbued with urgency. The stiff linen shirt came off violently and rolled on the floor. Ha Joyoon chuckled lowly, thinking that the crumpled and discarded figure was exactly like him. Haa- The cold lips went down to his chest between the hot breaths. Kiss- Slurp- The explicit sounds of Shin Kwonjoo sucking on his chest tormented his ears. The feeling of his skin getting wet with someone else¡¯s saliva was strangely familiar. Aside from the steady sense of pleasure and reliability, sex had always been a disparate act to Ha Joyoon. Did you not like the way I was awkward with it? Or was my inexperience the problem? It felt completely different, but he was under the illusion that he was having sex with two people. Blurry eyes stared at the man below him. He had beautiful dark black hair with a glint of blue that resembled his lover, and so, he let out a breath and touched it a little without realizing it. At that gesture, the motion of the man moving rhythmically stopped for an instant. ¡°Pa¡¯r j qgfaas mbibg¡­¡± ¡°Gbc¡¯a wfrr klat wf.¡± ¡°Pa¡¯r cba ilxf¡­ jt!¡± Coafg ajxlcu boo tlr qjca, ktlmt kjr jigfjvs tjiokjs gfwbnfv, Vtlc Bkbcpbb rilutais yla atf qfclr atja kjr ecvfgcfjat tlr ybzfgr. Dbat ifur aklamtfv ja atf rfcrjalbc atja qfcfagjafv tlr ygjlc. ¡°Stop, stop!¡± The powerless plea was not going to work. The man shook his head roughly and removed Ha Joyoon¡¯s hand, licked the genitals, starting with the perineum, under the crumpled cloth for quite a while. Saliva and pre-cum from his penis soaked his dark-colored boxers. ¡°Aah¨C!¡± ¡°Don¡¯t squirm and just stay still.¡± Shin Kwonjoo raised his head for a moment and whispered. It was a terribly low, hoarse voice. Ugh-Nngh- An unbearable shriek broke out at the rough touch that grazed both sides of his chest. Traces of the harsh grasp spread like paint over the white skin. The pupils of the man¡¯s eyes staring at the picture he drew gradually dilated with lust. Seeing those eyes, Ha Joyoon suddenly felt fear. He was scared. He was really trying to have sex with a man other than Kang Taejung. He was letting someone else insert his penis in him. If I do this, would it finally be considered a breakup from my side? Would I be able to forget you? Would this help me get out of the pain of falling into hell day after day? Before he knew it, his empty heart was wet with tears of his feelings. Tears of spite, tears of hypocrisy, tears of arrogance. ¡°Take off my shirt.¡± ¡°I can¡¯t¡­¡± He replied with a muffled voice, unable to swallow his emotions. ¡°Sunbae-nim, I can¡¯t¡­¡± It was difficult to find mercy in the other person who was pressing down on his body despite the pathetic pleas. ¡°Try it properly. I know you can¡± The man commanded in a low voice as he rubbed his hardened cock with his. ¡°Hm?¡± The man pressed Ha Joyoon, who was as hard as ice and kissed the tip of his nose. A cold smile poured down his face. Pathetic lingering feelings that were tied to the past emerged. His cheeks and chin trembled with fear. Still¡­ if I do this, I still don¡¯t think I can forget you. Maybe I can. Irrational and illogical feelings were tangled in a mess and dominated his mind, clouding his eyes and ears. As he began to unbutton his pale water-colored shirt one by one with his trembling hands, an unpleasant smile remained on the lips of the Shin Kwonjoo as he watched his clumsy behavior. The man who barely took off his shirt after eons of time twisted his face and kissed the person underneath him. Kiss- White teeth were revealed along with the sound of their soft skin and jaws rubbing. He flailed around his heavy tongue as if inserting it and threw away the remaining pieces of clothing that were wrapped around Ha Joyoon with familiar hand movements. ¡°Hey, Ha Joyoon-ssi.¡± The damp eyes moved slowly at the low call. The man supported himself on the mattress with both hands and sat up halfway, grinning mischievously. ¡°Do you know you¡¯re horrible at this?¡± ¡°Sunbae-nim, wait¡­ !!¡± Suddenly, the hand that came down tore off the last piece that was hiding his genitals. The penis and the perineum were all wet because they had already been sucked heavily over a thin cloth. Shin Kwonjoo¡¯s fingers, which were going down along the thick body fluids, dug deep into the hidden place. A different kind of sensation invaded the half-relaxed part with continued stimulation. Ha Joyoon opened his heated eyes wide with excitement and stared straight at the man in front of him from the sudden impact of the insertion. Right at that moment, a satisfied smile was engraved on the lips of Shin Kwonjoo. A trail of desire passed over his sweaty eyes. ¡°Seems good enough.¡± ¡°Hngh!!¡± Ah-ah- A scream, that could not be distinguished whether it was of a cry or moan, resounded. It was the beginning of a long night. *** Heavy pain pressed down on his head. It was an unpleasant sensation as if a large boulder had been placed on top. The early morning sunlight shone through the blinds, illuminating the room. It was hard to move a single finger as he felt drowsy, so his body dug itself deeper into the duvet. It smelled of dry sunshine. However, soon after, Ha Joyoon opened his eyes and looked around he rubbed his cheeks at the vivid sense of difference. Blue-green-toned wallpaper, walnut-colored consol of an antique design, and the laptop and documents scattered over it were all unfamiliar sights. And then, the things that had been forgotten for a while rushed into his memory like a flowing stream of water. Ah. A distant groan came out. Last night, he had sex with Shin Kwonjoo. Ha Joyoon broke into a sad smile and patted his forehead and cheeks dryly. The look in his eyes as he scanned his surroundings was cool. He made an impulsive decision and followed the man without a second thought, so he didn¡¯t even know where exactly he came in. At first glance, the clothes and the furniture gave off a sense of ownership, so it was not a motel or hotel. Perhaps, a private officetel. ¡°Oh¡­¡± When he leaned against the headrest of the bed and sat up halfway, he frowned at the intense pain he felt below his waist. Ha Joyoon was brought to reality with the stinging pain and damp lower body as if it were due to incontinence. As I fumbled behind with his hand, he felt the entrance that had not yet fully closed. It¡¯s because it was taking in someone else¡¯s penis all night long. Only then did the anguish that had been buried as a temporary expedient wind up the dark insignia. It wasn¡¯t with Kang Taejung, he had sex with someone he had never even thought of. Time and time again, he accepted Shin Kwonjoo¡¯s penis and embraced the semen he ejaculated. Intoxicated with pleasure, he clung on so that his whole body was torn to shreds, as he screamed and squirmed. It was a struggle to forget and a struggle to do away with it. Sex with other people was so easy and simple. In the rushing emptiness, Ha Joyoon pressed the corners of his eyes that were about to heat up with the back of his hand. ¡°¡­¡­¡± Even when he looked around, he felt nothing but the star air. Did he leave first? After contemplating for a moment, he quickly got out of bed, wearing a shirt and boxers that fell at his feet. However, he couldn¡¯t even walk a few steps and fell to the floor. The completely weakened legs had no strength at all. He could feel the coldness of the marble floor on his bare skin. He took a deep breath and sat down on the edge of the bed again. The feeling of being heavy and damp like cotton soaked in water made him feel exhausted. ¡°Are you awake?¡± Tap. Shin Kwonjoo entered the room, as the sound of the door resounded. Seeing that he had a shirt and tie in his hand, it looked like he was inside the closet. Shin Kwonjoo snorted lightly and threw a shirt at Ha Joyoon, who was naked. Another low laugh rang out as the shirt landed over his bewildered face due to a misdirected aim. ¡°It¡¯s a little big, but it will fit. The pants are in good shape, so you can wear them just fine.¡± Ha Joyoon quietly nodded, carefully pulling down the soft shirt. Shin Kwonjoo came a little closer, bent over, and pulled up the sheet cloth that was draped under his feet. Following his movements, the scent of lotion, which he was now familiar with, slightly brushed the tip of his nose. ¡°Wash up.¡± He spoke in a casual tone and began to tie the tie he brought. The atmosphere was so dry that it could not be said that they were coveting each other¡¯s bodies and ejaculating their fluids just a few hours ago. It was a realistic depiction of an act of desire alone, excluding any other emotions. Swallowing the frustration, Ha Joyoon answered as if nothing had happened. ¡°A little later.¡± Flexible hands tied the tie skillfully. ¡°Why?¡± He asked in an inquisitive tone. Ha Joyoon pulled the sheet cloth closer to himself, blushing a little at the feeling of the foreign matter still inside his body. Even at this moment, the ejaculated semen that had not dried was leaking out little by little. As if he didn¡¯t want an answer, Shin Kwonjoo checked his attire with a relaxed expression. In no time, the neatly knotted blue tie nicely matched the white shirt. The wild beast-like appearance he had showcased toward dawn had completely disappeared, and he had transformed into a man in such a position where a perfectly tailored custom-made suit befitted him. ¡°I would wait, but it¡¯s time to go to work.¡± He tapped the watch on his wrist and sternly pressured him. Ha Joyoon, after checking the time and agonizing for a while, answered by nodding his head. The moment he stepped on the floor, an honest pain ran up his spine again. CH 24 On the way to work, downtown Seoul was filled with cars and people without a single gap. Despite the endless procession, the ginkgo trees planted on the sidewalk were gradually regaining their color in the fall. ¡°Don¡¯t stick your face out the window.¡± Ha Joyoon, looking at the street trees with half his head sticking out, flinched at the strict tone for a moment. ¡°Don¡¯t you know it¡¯s dangerous?¡± Ha Joyoon, without saying anything back, pressed the off button to close the window. Bzz¨C The black tinted window went up from the bottom with a slow mechanical sound. The fresh scenery was soon trapped in a black shroud, leaving only faint outlines. It was difficult to find any fragments of emotion in the silent gaze. Shin Kwonjoo, still with a calm expression, turned the steering wheel gently in time as the signal changed. ¡°How are you feeling?¡± Yesterday and today, he still stared at the ring on his left ring finger and answered blandly. He also recalled it along with what Shin Kwonjoo said, which was simply that it was meaningless. Is it some sort of camouflage? Though he only stayed for a while, there was no trace of a woman anywhere in the thoroughly refined officetel of Shin Kwonjoo. ¡°I¡¯m okay.¡± ¡°I think you need to improve your stamina a bit more. You passed out after just a few rounds of sex.¡± ¡°Ah.¡± Ha Joyoon¡¯s head turned like the wind at the crude words. A faint smile lingered on the lips of the expressionless face and then disappeared. The person who actually said that was calm, but Ha Joyoon¡¯s face turned pale, then red, and then pale again. ¡°I said it because it seemed like you were pretending nothing happened.¡± Breaking the brief silence, the man resumed the conversation. It was quite surprising. It was Shin Kwonjoo who woke up in the morning and kept silent about last night¡¯s events with little eye contact until now. He acted so natural and indifferent that Ha Joyoon thought it might have been an impulsive mistake on his side, and so, pretended not to remember. Ha Joyoon, leaving behind many passing thoughts, opened his mouth with an embarrassed look. ¡°It¡¯s not like that.¡± ¡°There goes your favorite line.¡± ¡°It¡¯s not¡­¡± The same words unintentionally came out of his words and he shut his mouth before he could say the whole thing all over again. His cheeks flushed again in embarrassment. Soon after passing the blocked section, the traffic split into a quiet road. Along with the sound of deeply stepping on the accelerator, the engine inside the car created a harsh throbbing sound. The still background passed quickly. Ha Joyoon¡¯s gaze, staring at the scene, became dazed again. Lately, he seemed to have been losing his mind quite a lot. Is there really something wrong with my head? A silly thought passed. ¡°I¡¯m planning to move away by next summer at the latest.¡± ¡°¡­¡­?¡± He turned his eyes to the story that came out of nowhere and looked at him. All he could see were the man¡¯s dark eyes. It was quite bizarre to know that there was uncontrolled brutality hidden within what seemed, at first glance, indifferent. ¡°We seemed to fit well together.¡± Although he didn¡¯t elaborate on what exactly they fit well together in, Ha Joyoon knew what it meant, and rubbed the nape of his hot neck. Fatigue was oozing from the tip of his fingertips. Screech¨C As they entered the parking lot inside the office building, the vehicle¡¯s speed gradually decreased. ¡°Before I go back, why don¡¯t we have sex once in a while like yesterday?¡± Lf kjr ecjyif ab lwwfvljafis lcafgqgfa Vtlc Bkbcpbb¡¯r kbgvr, ktb rqbxf klatbea jcs rfcrf bo rtjwf. Dea jr rbbc jr tlr rfcafcmf obiibkfv, Lj Absbbc ibbxfv ja Vtlc Bkbcpbb klat j ralii ygfjat. Dfobgf tf ifoa Bbgfj, atf fsfr bo atf wjc ibbxlcu ragjluta jtfjv kfgf abb lcvloofgfca jcv ybglcu ab yfibcu ab rbwfbcf ktb kbeiv boofg tlwrfio jr j rfz qjgacfg. ¡°Sunbae-nim, that¡¯s¡­¡± ¡°If you don¡¯t want to, then there¡¯s no need to force yourself.¡± He added as he parked between the drawn lines. The unfinished sentence kept going around in his mouth. Perhaps relationships were as light and futile as this. It may be burdensome for anyone, such as the desire to cling to the past and connect the broken ties. Suddenly, an unacceptable bitterness flooded in. Crying was not a good thing. Since it would mean that the base of the heart was shaken and hurt. Ha Joyoon, ignoring the sting on his nose, tried to erase his expression by pretending to be calm. ¡°Since I was young, I have often heard that I¡¯m different.¡± The man who had turned off the engine and was getting ready to leave turned his gaze. As it seemed like he would listen for a while, Ha Joyoon slowly brought up memories from a long ago. ¡°When I focused on something, I would get completely absorbed in it, and couldn¡¯t see anything else.¡± When he was young, he only knew Kang Taejung, and after a little bit of growing up, he was fascinated by the photos of the press that gave him an outlook on the world. After attending photo exhibitions and looking through catalogs of many journalists while immersed in photography, he had a dream of recording the scenes of civil wars around the world. He wanted to make sure that no one was turned away from people¡¯s eyes and attention. ¡°I ended up realizing that it was simply me being selfish. Whether at work or in relationships¡­¡± ¡°So what are you trying to say?¡± Ha Joyoon smiled softly, thinking that the man held in his natural temperament for quite a while before letting it out again. One eyebrow of Shin Kwonjoo rose cynically as he looked at him. A sign of annoyance flashed across his face. Ironically, Ha Joyoon felt fortunate that he was still cold to him. ¡°If you don¡¯t think my suggestion¡­¡± ¡°You don¡¯t like me, do you?¡± ¡°¡­¡­¡± The man¡¯s movements as well as his voice came to a halt as if time had stopped. A chill swept over them. A cold silence replaced his answer. ¡°You tend to be too emotional.¡± ¡°Let¡¯s get out for now.¡± Shin Kwonjoo said as he opened the car door. Ha Joyoon looked up at him for a moment, quickly packed up, and followed him out of the car. ¡°May I ask why you made such a suggestion?¡± A more subdued voice asked the question carefully between the quiet footsteps. Haa. An annoyed sigh escaped between his lips as he walked ahead. ¡°If I had to say, it would be sympathy or pity. Compatibility is good too.¡± Sympathy and pity. Whatever it was, it wasn¡¯t the right word for Shin Kwonjoo. In addition, it was ironic in itself to suggest being sex partners with such feelings. However, Ha Joyoon accepted his answer as it was. He slowly looked into Shin Kwonjoo¡¯s face, receiving his cold stare. There was nothing he was missing with his stubborn and sharp eyes, flawless straight nose, moderate lips, fine chin, hair as black as the pupils, excellent specs and abilities, and social status. ¡­ Therefore, like Kang Taejung, he would not be hurt by me, nor would he have any expectations. In any case, the person who had expectations regarding feelings and suffered from them was me, not him. There will be no more of me hurting or disappointing anyone anymore. Maybe, maybe. ¡°It¡¯s just sex. What else is there to it?¡± He answered with cold eyes as he stood in the middle of an empty underground parking lot. Just sex, that¡¯s all. Ha Joyoon paused for a moment, and soon lowered his eyes to the floor. The unique musty smell of the underground space and the cool chill touched his skin. There is no love It¡¯s just sex that comforts the body. He nodded slowly, rubbing his sinking heart with his palm. ¡°I see¡­¡± ¡°Think calmly. Sleeping with each other won¡¯t change our professional relationship.¡± He realized once again that he should not look for any meaning in the sharp eyes that were stubbornly looking at him. The bitter rules of reality. ¡°Sunbae-nim¡­¡± A voice that was small enough to disappear in the wind called Shin Kwonjoo. The man¡¯s breathing slowed down under the guise of being calm, without missing a moment¡¯s whisper. ¡°All relationships have an end¡­¡± ¡°¡­¡­¡± ¡°I didn¡¯t really know that.¡± He was stupid. The distant gaze was full of hopelessness. I lost Kang Taejung. Moreover, I should try to understand a lighter, futile, and insignificant relationship. Since I¡¯ve lost the most important person anyway, no matter who I meet, I won¡¯t be able to meet someone who loves me that much again. Even if I fix my broken heart, no one will remain by my side if I continue to stay selfishly engrossed in photography and ideals like before. No one. Ha Joyoon thought. Then maybe I need to learn about a relationship that was a little firmer, a little simpler, and a little irresponsible. That¡¯s how I should endure from now onwards. A relationship that was just about sex, without the weight of seriousness and responsibilities. Light love play. A relationship that did not force anyone to sacrifice and wait for the other. What more befitting relationship than that for me? ¡°Let me ask you one more question.¡± He answered with a shrug. Ha Joyoon, with the consent of Shin Kwonjoo, brought out his inner thoughts in a low voice without any further hesitation. ¡°Are you married?¡± What Shin Kwonjoo said before they slept together was not enough. He had to know about him a little more distinctly to get his act straight. He had already realized clearly from many experiences that just because he was hurt, that reason alone was not to be used as a justification to hurt another stranger. Shin Kwonjoo¡¯s cheeks stiffened at the direct question. He seemed to be contemplating, but the hesitation was not long. A low-pitched voice answered the question. ¡°Divorced.¡± That¡¯s all he should know. No further details were required as the rest belonged to his extremely private domain. ¡°All right. Then I don¡¯t think it¡¯ll be bad either.¡± Ha Joyoon, without noticing the sadness that slowly encapsulated his heart, answered quietly with a pale face. Shin Kwonjoo¡¯s eyes looking at him also darkened, but Ha Joyoon was not alert enough to notice that. The silence continued for a long time. Neither of them moved from their position until another vehicle entered the parking lot and honked the car horn. Only crude silence replaced the congratulatory words for the beginning of their sexual relationship. *** ¡¸How about having dinner at home on the weekend?¡¹ Kang Taejung looked through his planner and his weekend return schedule after checking the message sent by his mother after a long time. Nothing was scheduled except for the meetup with Seo Youngwoo planned for Sunday. Come to think of it, it¡¯s been quite some time since he hasn¡¯t been able to visit his parents¡¯ home under the pretext of being busy. Even after becoming independent, he used to visit once or twice a month¡­ She was an exceptionally affectionate and kind-hearted mother. Kang Taejung began to type up a reply letter by letter, smiling awkwardly at his unintentional indifferent behavior. *** ¡°You¡¯ve become so skinny. Do you even eat?¡± His mother, putting down the mouth-watering soybean paste stew in the middle of the table, asked anxiously. ¡°Does I look that bad?¡± ¡°Do you not even look in the mirror? My son looks terrible.¡± Kang Taejung, going with the flow of his mother¡¯s words, gently swept his cheek. He had definitely lost a lot of weight since then. It might have been a work-related problem, but the biggest reason was probably because of Ha Joyoon¡¯s return to Korea. He lowered his eyes, suffering from the reminiscence of automatic memories. ¡°I guess I got distracted with work.¡± He murmured as if nothing was wrong and put the deliciously coated fish on top of the rice, eating it all in one bite. The salty yet savory taste stimulated his appetite. The mother, seated in front of him, observed her son carefully with her chin resting on her palm. The eyes looking at him were full of concern and affection for her child. ¡°But still, what is that face?¡± ¡°Haha, I¡¯ll make sure to eat well.¡± ¡°You¡¯re so busy that you don¡¯t even bother to message until your mom does.¡± She was busy pushing side dishes in front of her son with a sad pout. Kang Taejung dissuaded his mother with a light smile. At this rate, all the side dishes on the table would have to be eaten by him. ¡°Where¡¯s dad?¡± ¡°I got a call saying he was caught up again as soon as the work was over. He said he would come later tonight. Shall we go out and drink beer once he comes?¡± ¡°Sounds good.¡± ¡°By the way, did you meet Yoon?¡± The chopsticks that were diligently picking up the side dishes stopped. ¡°Taejung-ah?¡± His mother called out. Kang Taejung, startled, hurriedly lifted a glass of water and avoided her gaze. She didn¡¯t pay too much heed to her son¡¯s condition and continued from where she left off. ¡°Yoon¡¯s mom said that she wanted to talk to you, but she couldn¡¯t contact you at all. Why don¡¯t you stop by tomorrow while you¡¯re here?¡± ¡°¡­ Aunty did?¡± ¡°You had a hard time when Yoon went missing, no? I¡¯m telling you now but I was really scared to see you like that. Imagine how much it must¡¯ve distressed Hyesun to the point she told you not to come.¡± Hyesun was Ha Joyoon¡¯s mother. The relationship goes back a little further. When they were friends before they were lovers, their mothers were friends before that. The end of a tightly connected relationship was simply impossible to gauge. In the days when love was everything, he was happy about anything that was connected with Ha Joyoon, but he felt more burdened than ever. CH 25 Their mothers had also maintained a close relationship for a long time. That fact also meant that even if Kang Taejung and Ha Joyoon¡¯s relationship ended, they still had a connection with each other like now. Kang Taejung took a deep breath and swept the hair that was flowing over his forehead. ¡°I have an appointment tomorrow.¡± When he clumsily tried to avoid the topic, his mother¡¯s eyes opened wide. ¡°It will only take an hour or two. You can see each other in the morning, or at least stop by for a bit to say hello after you¡¯re done eating¡± Ha Joyoon¡¯s house was close enough to be said that it was right next door. It made it so that any word was bound to be taken as an excuse. As the silence grew longer, the woman, sensing the unusual atmosphere, grabbed Taejung¡¯s hand. ¡°Did you fight with Yoon?¡± ¡°¡­¡­¡± ¡°Why did you do that with your friend?¡± Friend. A smile broke through the tightly closed mouth. Even after dating for such a long time, was there anyone who knew about the relationship between him and Ha Joyoon? Except for Ha Junghye, no one knew their love, and simply regarded them as close childhood friends. In reality, the secret that had been kept with the desire to stay together for a long time remained only in the form of bitterness that could not be swallowed. Perhaps the time when they were lovers was nothing but an illusion that they imagined themselves. A relationship where they can¡¯t say they broke up, and can only avoid talking about it with the excuse that they simply fought instead. ¡°When did you two meet?¡± It was a voice without any suspicion. After contemplating for a while, Kang Taejung finally picked up his chopsticks again and resumed eating, pretending to be calm. The food was made with sincerity, but he couldn¡¯t taste anything, as if his palate had been ruined. ¡°Well, I met up with him briefly on the day he returned home. It¡¯s nothing serious, just a little argument.¡± ¡°What is there to argue? Anyway, why are you doing this to the kid who has suffered so much already? Didn¡¯t you tell Yoon about how hard it was for you too?¡± ¡°Haha¡­ Yes. I did. I guess I was just upset and angry.¡± ¡°Don¡¯t complain too much. I don¡¯t know if you heard, but Yoon was injured and unconscious when he went missing. Rehab didn¡¯t go well, so it seems like he¡¯s still recuperating. That kid is just skin and bones now.¡± Once again, he stopped moving. Even if he tried to act nonchalant, he couldn¡¯t deceive the deepest part of his heart. The arm that reached out for a glass of water trembled involuntarily. The image of Ha Joyoon from their last meeting kept coming to mind. There was nothing that did not bother his heart. From his pale complexion, looking like he was about to collapse at any moment, to his wet hair, trembling body, and dry hands that were holding on to him tightly. Kang Taejung took a deep breath and continued speaking with a brave mask on his face. ¡°Isn¡¯t he okay now?¡± ¡°Still, I¡¯m worried since he hurt his head. He was unconscious for so long too¡­ Hyesun was worried about that too. They say that there are many aftereffects¡­ You said you met Yoon too?¡± ¡°¡­I met him for a moment.¡± ¡°Lf ibbxfv rb kbgc-bea jcv ujeca. Lf tjr ubaafc rb rxlccs¡­ tlr wbatfg mglfv j iba ktfc rtf rjk tlw.¡± His head¡­ Lf fztjifv vffqis bcmf jujlc. Coafg gfaegclcu tbwf, Lf gfwfwyfgfv atf kbgvr Lj Absbbc rjlv ab tlw ja atf wffalcu klat Vfb Tbecukbb. Ca atf alwf, la kjr lwqbrrlyif ab ilrafc ab Lj Absbbc klatbea wlrrlcu jcsatlcu vef ab atf regqglrf bo tlr gfaegc. Rba ab wfcalbc atf uelia, rtjwf, jcv gfugfa atja tf tjv ab afii tlw jybea tlr gfijalbcrtlq klat Vfb Tbecukbb. Lf kjr rtbmxfv ab tfjg atja tf kjr lcpegfv lc j mgbrrolgf, yea obg rbwf gfjrbc, ktfcfnfg tf wfa Lj Absbbc tf kbeiv obgufa atja ojma. Coafg tlr vlrjqqfjgjcmf, tf mbeivc¡¯a fnfc wjxf j mtfjq fzmerf atja tlr wfwbgs tjv jikjsr yffc yjv. ¡°Is it really that bad?¡± ¡°I was too scared to ask about that. I¡¯ve known him since birth, he¡¯s like my own son¡­ so I¡¯m afraid that I might hear something unpleasant. In the meantime, he seems to be insistent about going back to work.¡± ¡°Work? He¡¯s back at work?¡± ¡°Yeah. Apparently, he went back to work shortly after returning to Korea. There¡¯s a Korean branch of Yoon¡¯s old company.¡± Though he asked as if nothing was wrong, he wasn¡¯t too sure about his stiff expression. Anyone could see that he had not recovered, so he, too, thought he was recuperating at home. He felt thirsty from all the tension. Kang Taejung, unaware of the gradual increase in strength of his grasp, drank the water and shouted harshly. ¡°What do you mean when he hasn¡¯t even recovered? Someone should drag him to the hospital.¡± ¡°Yoon isn¡¯t a baby anymore, he¡¯s free to do what he wants.¡± ¡°That¡¯s not the problem!¡± Taejung¡¯s mother was startled by the unconsciously raised voice and called out her son¡¯s name. ¡°Taejung-ah.¡± Only then did Kang Taejung realize that he was already halfway standing up from the table. His heart was pounding uncontrollably like it was about to cross a threshold. It was a precarious heart that seemed as if it would overflow if anyone touched it. He sat back down and took a deep breath and covered his eyes with his palms. ¡°I¡¯m sorry.¡± The apologetic voice was crushed with despair. There was a storm. It was as if coarse grains of sand had spread all over his body. ¡°What if something goes wrong? He was unconscious for five years. He¡¯s probably still having problems so what sort of stupidity is that?.¡± The truth was that he could not even say a word to the person involved. I¡¯m worried, please go to the hospital. Looking at that pale face, which had no color to be found, he wanted to grab him by the hand and take him to the hospital right away. He wanted to get angry and yell at him for being negligent, not slap him for the inexcusable things he said¡­ to be honest¡­ ¡°Why don¡¯t you contact him if you¡¯re so worried? Whatever you fought about, make up quickly. How can you cut ties just like that after fighting once or twice? There¡¯s a right timing for an apology too. Don¡¯t you know that if you miss the timing, no matter how much regret it later, you can¡¯t undo the relationship? I think my son is a sensible child, yes?¡± The mother¡¯s voice lowered as if rebuking her son for his foolishness. Kang Taejung¡¯s eyes, which quickly avoided eye contact, shook with uneasiness. ¡°Yoon is not one to quit his work. You don¡¯t know when or what might happen¡­ but you must have realized how precious it is to be able to talk face to face like now.¡± ¡°¡­¡­¡± ¡°Before you go tomorrow, go to Hyesun¡¯s to say hello and make up with Yoon.¡± ¡°¡­¡­¡± ¡°Hm?¡± The gentle mother¡¯s voice calmly rang and knocked the heart. Kang Taejung, after brushing his dry cheeks a few more times, finally responded with a heavy nod to change the topic of conversation. *** Clack. The walk inside the room after closing the door was heavy. After forcing himself to eat, his stomach was so bloated that he felt like he would retch at any moment. He seemed to be suffering from indigestion. Kang Taejung sat down on the desk chair he had used a long time ago and hit his stiff chest with his fist a couple of times. There was a large window right next to him, so he could see the scenery outside the window. This was one of his favorite parts of the room. What used to be an affectionate gaze as he sat by the window and reminisced about the past, turned into unbearable pain. A red-roofed house was about ten meters away. A small window facing the front. It seemed that the owner had not yet come in, as the lights were still out. Kang Taejung¡¯s eyes, which were quietly staring at the window, started a nostalgic journey along the path of time. It was a step towards somewhere in the past, well over a decade ago. Whenever he opened the window, he would call him since he could see his face at any time from a distance. It was also common to play mischievous jokes with arms leaning on the window frame or make appointments to hang out. From some point on, when he realized his feelings weren¡¯t those of a simple friend, he would avoid Ha Joyoon in fear. However, at night he would secretly open the window and peek at his friend through the gap. On the subject of avoiding, if he didn¡¯t get to see Ha Joyoon even for a day, he would get so depressed to the point he was unable to get through anything for the rest of the day. In the end, it didn¡¯t end until Ha Joyoon came in through that door, unable to stand the distance. He had thought that he would have to bury his feelings of first love for his precious friend in his heart for the rest of his life. Kang Taejung still vividly remembered the overwhelming joy when they confirmed their romantic feelings for each other. Bitter remorse fluctuated. Leaving all the days of love behind, the worst ending kept replaying in his mind. Ha Joyoon was not always indifferent. At least when it came to him. He was often misunderstood because of his unfailing attitude and his characteristic indifferent disposition, but in fact, he was more thoughtful and considerate than anyone else. He just couldn¡¯t put the tens of thousands of thoughts in his little head into words. In the days of ignorance, Ha Joyoon, who didn¡¯t express his feelings properly, was just sad and busy chasing him. Do you love me or like me? Come to think of it, he was really ignorant and selfish. It took a lot of trial and error to acknowledge the difference between Ha Joyoon as a friend and Ha Joyoon as a lover, as he didn¡¯t know that he had to wait a long time for his answer if he asked. As they quarreled and came to understand each other, Ha Joyoon also opened up his entire heart to him, and both of them were merged with each other. He thought that loving and caring for each other was everything. He thought that would be enough. However, as he got older and came to understand society, Kang Taejung wanted more. He always wanted to be a priority for Ha Joyoon, and for those pretty eyes with a soft amber color under the bright sunlight to only look at him. He hoped that he would sometimes give up what is precious only for him. He pretended to sacrifice for his sake and embraced him, but actually didn¡¯t mean it. I didn¡¯t want him to wander anymore, hoping he would land with me and always stay by my side. It was Ha Joyoon who was nimble. There was no way that he failed to notice the desire for monopoly that grew stronger as time passed and the corresponding sense of guilt. Even though he knew that he was troubled and sad, he always drove him to a corner and indirectly forced Ha Joyoon to choose between him and photography. It was around that time that Ha Joyoon began to turn his attention to the overseas civil war zones in earnest. ¡®Don¡¯t go. There¡¯s enough to do in Korea too.¡¯ ¡®Taejung-ah¡­¡¯ ¡®Waiting is hard. Yoon-ah¡­ Can¡¯t you just stay by my side?¡¯ ¡®Taejung-ah, can¡¯t you please let me¡­¡¯ An emerging fragment of the past choked him up. In the last few months before his disappearance, most of the images of Ha Joyoon that Kang Taejung remembered were sad, troubled, and pained. It was all because of me. We were each other¡¯s first love and believed that we loved each other more than anyone else, but in the end, I was forcing my love. He was a lover who was always floating in the air somewhere. Taejung was well aware that the only things Ha Joyoon had attachments to were himself and his photography. He wanted the two to get back together, but Kang Taejung did not let him. It¡¯s because he always had to suffer from the anxiety that Ha Joyoon could leave him anytime as he chased his dream. He couldn¡¯t hold on to it properly nor could he let go. It was a foolish love, full of persistent lingering. Drag- He pushed the chair and got up again. A box under the desk caught his eye. It was covered with dust as it had been left unattended for several months. He opened the lid as if he had finally made up his mind. The box was full of documents andnotes. Some were arranged in an orderly manner, and there were a lot of hastily written memos, so the composition was different. After Ha Joyoon went missing, he left everything behind and collected whatever he could find in a frenzy. If there were any clues, no matter how small, he compulsively gathered them. If there was anyone with the slightest connection, he contacted the other person to the point they would get sick of him begging for help. Even when a worker of the Ministry of Foreign Affairs, tired of his excessive obsession, uttered insulting remarks, he didn¡¯t get hurt. Self-esteem was not comparable to the pain of loss. Daily life was not going well. Even when his parents told him to stop, he blindly searched for him with his eyes and ears closed. Despite his efforts, he couldn¡¯t find any news. In the end he gave up hope of him being alive. Nevertheless, hewanted to find even a single bone fragment or a handful of ashes. Just like that, one, two, and then five years passed. At some point, his emotions began to numb as if something had broken down. He couldn¡¯t feel joy, anger, sorrow, or happiness. It was a series of gray as if all emotions had faded. As he became insensitive to everything, he began to accept Ha Joyoon¡¯s death little by little. It was a mechanical understanding, a perception. The feelings of a man, his love, were utterly vain and worthless. Kang Taejung looked at the box without a word and closed the lid again as carefully as he did when opening it. This time, his strong hand contained the will to throw away all his lingering feelings and bury the past. Tears had long since dried up. Suddenly, Seo Youngwoo came to mind. Despite the fact that they started off on the wrong note, he was the person who stood next to him now. He was the one who unconditionally forgave him for his terrible mistakes. Even begging him for forgiveness for the rest of his life would not be enough. He had to do his best to embrace the wounded body and heart. Though he couldn¡¯t say that he loved him with the same feelings he loved Ha Joyoon with, Kang Taejung believed that responsibility could also be love. He hoped that trust and responsibility for each other could create another form of love. It was difficult for him to turn away from the temptation of Seo Youngwoo¡¯s absolute and stable love, because he was only accustomed to love filled with anxiety. A cowardly heart constantly murmured, demanding rationalization from Kang Taejung. The hand holding the box twitched visibly. Then, he could see the lights being turned on from the window across the street. The window was still closed, but it was not difficult to guess who the silhouette projected out of the brightly lit window was. Kang Taejung stared at the shadow of a person on the other side, as hard as a fossil. All sorts of indescribable emotions were drawn on his face in rags. A fine shadow gradually walked towards the window. At that moment, Kang Taejung quickly closed the window of his room without hesitation and got up from his seat. It was already over, so it was right not to think about that person anymore. His tightly closed eyes trembled painfully. The decision was only possible because he had no idea what kind of pain it would cause him afterward. CH 26 As usual, it had nothing to do with the sluggishness of an autumn afternoon and the office atmosphere. It was the fate of all interested parties of the press media to always keep their eyes and ears open in order to respond quickly to incidents. Due to its nature, news agencies had to divide the time into seconds to quickly produce and distribute breaking news articles. While the busy people in each part and the sound of footsteps hitting the floor quickly played in their own harmony, the view of the office scene through the half-opened blinds resembled the person witnessing the situation, simple and docile. ¡°What¡¯s so intriguing about it?¡± A man approached him and poured coffee into an empty cup. Following the skillful movement, the wrinkles of the shirt gently squeezed and unfolded themselves repeatedly. Pourr¨C The aroma of coffee beans filling the cup along a thin stream of water spread throughout the office. The tension that had been squeezing his heart from the moment he entered the room was releasing bit by bit. Not that he knew much about it, but he liked the subtle scent that hung on the tip of his tongue. ¡°It smells good. Though I can¡¯t really distinguish between good coffee¡­¡± ¡°It would¡¯ve been stranger if you could actually tell them apart.¡± Shin Kwonjoo, seated next to him, snorted haughtily. When Ha Joyoon looked visibly dejected, the eyes of the man who was holding the cup and savoring the scent narrowed. ¡°Do you even know anything other than photography?¡± ¡°¡­ No matter how much I like it, I can¡¯t be ignorant about everything else.¡± ¡°As it was in the past and even now, it seems like that¡¯s all you know.¡± Instead of commenting on that like he used to, Ha Joyoon stopped trying to say anything and kept his mouth shut. It¡¯s because the days when he was worked to the bone came to mind like a chain reaction. ¡°At that time, you made me work too hard.¡± ¡°I see. I¡¯m sorry about that.¡± ¡°I can¡¯t do that anymore.¡± ¡°I don¡¯t intend to make you do that either, so don¡¯t go ahead by yourself. Don¡¯t you have a schedule to cover today?¡± ¡°I¡¯m only scheduled for screening today.¡± ¡°Don¡¯t overdo it, only in moderation. I don¡¯t want to carry out a corpse from here.¡± Shin Kwonjoo laughed and moved his gaze back to the documents again. Keeping up with meticulous nature, he never missed a single letter in the paper. The neatly combed hair or a straight nose always stood out. It suddenly occurred to him that gossip about some employees having a crush on him would flow around every now and then. Would he know? Though Ha Joyoon didn¡¯t think his attitude would change even if he did. For a long time, the other party did not speak. The occasional scraping of papers and the clatter of coffee cups were all the noise in the office. Ha Joyoon calmly spoke to the man who called him out of the blue while he was working, but was sitting there just looking at the documents. ¡°I¡¯m busy, why did you call me in?¡± ¡°¡­ I¡¯m busy too. Wait a minute. Let me get through this.¡± Ktbeut la kjr fzagfwfis lcrlcmfgf, tf ralii jcrkfgfv tlw qgbqfgis. Pa kjr tjgv ab lwjulcf atf jkxkjgv jcv ecmbwobgajyif jawbrqtfgf atja fzlrafv lc atf qjra. Pa kjr bcis bcmf, yea atfgf kjr j ragjcuf rfzeji afcrlbc atja mbeiv bcis yf rtjgfv yfakffc atbrf ktb xcfk fjmt batfg¡¯r yjgf rxlc, jcv ybvs wbnfwfcar jcv tjv mbccfmafv atf wbra lcalwjaf qjgar. Pa kjr ybat oeccs jcv qjlcoei ab xcbk atja j gfijalbcrtlq mbeiv yf mtjcufv ys atf mbccfmalbc yfakffc akb ybvlfr gjatfg atjc atf mbccfmalbc yfakffc atf akb tfjgar. Were human emotions this transient? Regardless of the longing or lingering feelings for Kang Taejung, the day was going by somehow, and his mind was drifting about in various directions. Ha Joyoon thought about the nature of his relationship with Shin Kwonjoo while sipping the fragrant coffee. ¡°While I¡¯ve never done this in a professional workspace before,¡± ¡°¡­¡­ ?¡± Rustle- Rustle. He calmly turned over the documents and then gently pushed the black leather-covered file to one side. ¡°I called you in because I don¡¯t think I would have much time to meet you separately this week. I actually have to get going too.¡± Ha Joyoon was a bit worried about what to say because of his personality. As if he noticed that, Shin Kwonjoo smiled knowingly and drank from the moderately cold cup. ¡°I was figuring things out too. Plus the last time was a bit spontaneous as well. It wasn¡¯t like me.¡± He was curious about what he meant, but the worries didn¡¯t last long. His smooth hands tapped the teak-finished desk. ¡°So, I think we need to properly establish our relationship.¡± Relationship¡­ Ha Joyoon, with a blank expression on his face, repeated some of Shin Kwonjoo¡¯s words. And then he remembered that the other person had offered for them to be sex partners and that he had accepted the offer on a whim. When his white face made a troubled expression, Shin Kwonjoo¡¯s eyebrows frowned even more. There was a mysterious look in his eyes. The atmosphere, which had been relaxed a while ago, suddenly froze and maintained a cold air. Ha Joyoon¡¯s tilted face, filled with chaos, looked particularly white and pale. ¡°I don¡¯t know what you mean.¡± The light-colored eyes fluttered anxiously. The man who misinterpreted him shrugged and laughed. ¡°Don¡¯t worry. This office is completely soundproof. The windows are not made of regular glass. I drew the blinds as well. I often call other employees to my office, so no one will think twice about it.¡± ¡°No, no. It¡¯s not like that.¡± He shook his head, rubbing his cheek awkwardly. To begin with, he never cared much about the opinions of others. The harsh anxiety right now was only a problem in his mind. He was not yet used to Shin Kwonjoo¡¯s way of speaking, as he tended to bring up topics he wanted to avoid, in a way it hit the most, whenever he expected it the least. Tap. Shin Kwonjoo went ahead to solve his business, putting the empty glass down on the table. ¡°I crossed the line clumsily, but it won¡¯t be a normal relationship between you and me. I believe you would have thought about accepting the offer.¡± The relationship that was talked about with the heavy, low-pitched voice seemed really cold and inorganic. Somewhere, he could sense a sort of vigilance. Feeling strange, Ha Joyoon stared into the man¡¯s dark eyes without saying a word. What did he mean by ¡°won¡¯t be a normal relationship¡±? ¡°It¡¯s not too difficult. It¡¯s not a relationship based on romantic feelings, so all you need to do is figure things out for maintenance and closure.¡± Shin Kwonjoo¡¯s intention to set down the terms of the relationship was clear. A relationship that has both a clear beginning and an end. Perhaps some of his past partners he had relationships with failed to meet these conditions and faced a poor ending. The main contents of the conversation were definitely factors derived from past experiences. There was no need for anyone to take responsibility and protect the feelings of others except yourself. No one can take responsibility for the lives and emotions of others other than you, and yourself. That was the conclusion of the relationship that Ha Joyoon reached after experiencing the pain that took control of his whole life. The heart was really like a double-edged sword. When the handle was facing him, he had nothing to fear in the world, but when the direction changed and this time, the blade was facing him, it meant the end of the world. One horrible failure was enough. It¡¯s not something to be pessimistic about, but at least he learned the loopholes and weaknesses of words, such as eternity and unconditional feelings. The hand that was placed on the leg strengthened a little. ¡°We talk to each other about what we need to be careful about, and make sure to stick to that.¡± ¡°¡­¡­¡± ¡°Nothing too troublesome.¡± He shrugged his shoulders with a refined face. Although he continued to speak bleakly, it felt like many of the sharp thorns Ha Joyoon had seen in him as a boss had disappeared. Maybe it¡¯s because we had sex? The scorn held for himself that he was unable to hide, popped out. The first relationship, which was heavier and more serious than anything in the world, failed miserably. And what was now before him, was a second relationship, that may carry the least amount of weight in the world. Since he couldn¡¯t do anything about the empty feeling in his chest, he did not avoid this temptation as a means of temporary avoidance and entered a sexual relationship. As that¡¯s all there was to it, it meant a space where there was no need to be hurt again. However, somehow, Shin Kwonjoo¡¯s attempt to draw a clear line in the relationship was not taken lightly. Ha Joyoon frowned as he couldn¡¯t understand his odd statements. ¡°Have you always been like this?¡± ¡°Of course. It may feel a little upsetting at first, but there¡¯s nothing wrong with being careful. Above all¡­¡± After a moment¡¯s pause, the man tapped his chin. The thick, straight eyebrows contorted for a second. He eventually spoke again with a calm expression, though he still seemed hesitant. ¡°Honestly, this is the first time I¡¯ve ever had a relationship like this with someone I have been involved with publicly in any way, professionally or academically. The same goes for partners. Moreover, I know that you¡¯re not in good health.¡± ¡°¡­¡­¡± ¡°I¡¯m just as perplexed as you are.¡± In a rougher tone than usual, the other party also expressed that the sudden relationship felt unfamiliar. If he was perplexed as he said he was, he could just back out, so Ha Joyoon couldn¡¯t understand Shin Kwonjoo¡¯s desire to continue the relationship with cumbersome conditions. Was there any meaning to this sexual relationship? He tried to talk but gave up as he couldn¡¯t even do that. Ha Joyoon, tired of worrying, relaxed his body and tilted his head. A tired sigh escaped his lips. A view of the city spread out through the front window in the distance. Crowded buildings and non-stop cars looked like toy blocks. A sense of frustration as if the entire city was endlessly converging towards a certain point choked his throat. He felt like he was being whipped to run at full speed by someone despite just starting to walk. ¡°You seem very adapt to this sort of thing.¡± ¡°¡­ Not to the extent you¡¯re thinking of. What do you think I am?¡± He sighed and rubbed his forehead at what sounded like criticism to him. The ring on the straight hand caught Ha Joyoon¡¯s eye today as well. Shin Kwonjoo, conscious of him, corrected his posture again and folded his hands. The word ¡®divorce¡¯ came to Joyoon¡¯s mind. Even legally binding relationships come to an end. He tried to estimate how much effort it takes for another person to meet and form a relationship and continue it wholeheartedly. The end of his relationship with Kang Taejung only limited his efforts. The man sitting next to him also loved someone sincerely and got married, and that love had dissipated, because of which he probably had chosen to part ways with no more will to work. If so, how was it right to reprimand the other side, who may still have feelings? What sort of separation was beautiful and neat and did not hurt each other¡¯s memories? Ha Joyoon muttered blankly, suppressing the deep-rooted bitterness. ¡°If you¡¯re doing this because you think I¡¯m going to be clingy, then you don¡¯t need to worry.¡± ¡°That¡¯s not it.¡± He answered firmly and shook his head. ¡°After all, we might as well use the time left wisely for the benefit of both sides, don¡¯t you agree? It¡¯ll be the same when it¡¯s over.¡± ¡°Good closure didn¡¯t really exist for me. The ending I know of is the worst.¡± ¡°¡­ But listen. Don¡¯t interrupt me.¡± Shin Kwonjoo said to appease him after frowning for a moment at his words of self-deprecation. The expression on Ha Joyoon¡¯s face, such as squinted eyes, eyebrows, and tightly closed lips, was not very good. ¡°I¡¯m sorry, Sunbae-nim, but I¡¯m a little tired¡­¡± ¡°¡­ It won¡¯t even be very long.¡± In the end, he smiled quietly at the face of Shin Kwonjoo, who seemed to be second-thinking his current choices. ¡°Ha Joyoon-ssi.¡± In the end, a cold call that lost patience fell. He nodded insincerely, thinking that what he had endured until now was out-of-the-ordinary superhuman patience. After a while, with a deep sigh, a low-pitched voice began to speak at a moderate pace. However, Ha Joyoon looked out the window again, not even being able to concentrate on those words for a long time. The city outside the window looked so cramped. People lived fiercely day by day in this place where various forms of violence existed. Some people find value in it, while others fall or shatter without finding that spark. He wanted to be detached from all the regrets that bound him like bondage. The closed eyes trembled silently. CH 27 ¡°Hah, I finally got the date for the meeting!¡± The man who had just hung up the call raised his two arms up and cheered. His yells were filled with joy and the employees, who were busy working under the partition, turned their heads towards him one by one. ¡°Oh, finally? Congratulations Assistant Manager Kim. ¡°They¡¯re so arrogant. What kind of meeting date takes this long to be finalized?¡± ¡°Don¡¯t get me started on how often he said he was busy. Even being incredibly indecisive¡­¡± ¡°Good job Mr. Gyeongwoo. Make sure to contact the Team Leader.¡± ¡°I¡¯ll see him when he clocks in.¡± The man called Min Gyeongwoo, turned his upper half to the person sitting next to him after grumbling about the caller for a long time. He had a gruff expression but his lips couldn¡¯t hide the smile threatening to spill out. ¡°It¡¯s on the 28th. Youngwoo, I¡¯ll make sure to inform the Team Leader, so prepare the documents and you can come with me. Although it¡¯s a Korean branch, since it¡¯s the main one in Asia it would be better if you could get a rough list of affiliated reporters. We have to decide whether their Asian representative will take the initiative to plan separately or whether we¡¯ll do it by topic like before. Since it¡¯s our first meeting let¡¯s just go with a light sketch.¡± ¡°Yes, sir.¡± Seo Youngwoo answered quickly and began to skim through the files with a busy hand. This was good news since they had been dragging out their own schedule for a while now due to the noncompliance from the TPA correspondents¡¯ side. Once they get the in-person meeting over with, the work speed would definitely increase. There was a lot he had to prepare for. His heart fluttered when he remembered the last Waiton photo exhibition that ended successfully. It was an opportunity to be in the spotlight once more. If possible, he wished to start and end it in a cool manner. In a bid to spread the good news, he grabbed his phone but quickly came to a halt. He had typed out Kim Taejung¡¯s number without realizing. ¡°¡­¡± The unconcealable anxiety was evident on his face. Unlike the last Waiton, this TPA was a news agency affiliated with Ha Joyoon. He was mainly active in the Middle East civil war, so he may not be part of the Asia branch office. Still, the fact that he was directly affiliated with the place made it different. He knew it wasn¡¯t his activity area¨C plus he had heard Joyoon was currently resting and getting treatment, so he knew he wouldn¡¯t get to meet him¨C but he still couldn¡¯t calm his anxiety. Although he wasn¡¯t officially in the list of wartime reporters since he was a correspondent at a civil war area, there was a high probability he would be included. Looking at the picture of the report, he had thought of Ha Joyoon unintentionally. Even though he wanted to draw a line by saying it was just work, it wasn¡¯t as easy as he expected. Even while planning for the Waiton photo exhibition, Seo Youngwoo was tormented by the afterimage of Ha Joyoon that followed each photo. He could tell that Kim Taejung had not completely forgotten about that man. Regardless, Taejung was trying to do his best for him. He was a nice person. Lbkfnfg, ktfc Tbecukbb kjr qijmfv lc atf qbrlalbc bo yflcu atja clmf qfgrbc¡¯r ibnfg, tlr rfcrf bo njiefr yfujc ab mtjcuf lc rfnfgji kjsr. Lf tbqfv atja atja xlcvcfrr kbeiv yf vlgfmafv ab bcis bcf qfgrbc. Pc atf qjra, tf tjv gfilfv bc Blw Kjfpecu¡¯r oglfcvis qfgrbcjilas, tjculcu jgbecv tlw ilxf j ubbv peclbg ktlif tjgybglcu j bcf-rlvfv mgert. Human emotions were quite selfish. He was afraid Taejung would be sympathetic or compassionate and give a little of his heart to that person, just like he had for him. He had only just finally decided to settle down with him. Youngwoo honestly just wanted to decrease the number of factors that could sway him. ¡°Seo Youngwoo, are you alright?¡± The man, whose arm swung over the partition, looked at his complexion with worried eyes. Seo Youngwoo returned to reality and quickly waved his hand. ¡°I-I¡¯m fine. I just felt a little tired.¡± ¡°You can take a break. We have enough time.¡± ¡°It¡¯s okay, I¡¯ll continue for now.¡± Seo Youngwoo hurriedly lowered his head to cover his eyes. Perhaps they could go on a trip together after the exhibition? A kind lover would definitely agree after little consideration. A forlorn smile formed on his slightly opened lips. *** The office on weekdays was either complicated or quiet. The film he finished working on last night seemed different than usual in his eyes. Just as he was about to focus on his computer a bit longer, the phone atop his desk began to vibrate. Glancing at his phone to confirm the name, Ha Joyoon fixed his gaze on the computer monitor once more and answered the call. [Yoon, have you headed out?] The caller was a correspondent from England and was one of the journalists he was often paired with. They were supposed to meet again at the reporting site later in the afternoon. [I¡¯m still at work. I¡¯ll leave soon.] [I don¡¯t think you¡¯ll need to come. The interview got canceled so we¡¯re currently returning to the previous reporting site.] [Not even a postponement but cancellation?] [It¡¯s canceled for today. I think I¡¯ll be able to get another interview within this week.] His hand busily checked and went through the calendar atop his desk, eyebrows twitching at his messy schedule. [Alright. Thank you for letting me know.] [Well, I¡¯ll see you at the office.] After the call, he stretched his body out on the chair he was sitting on. Ha Joyoon looked at his schedule again, slowly blinking out the sleepiness that had come over him. He was initially going to take leave the next day, planning to go and get a check up and fill his prescriptions, but he¡¯d have to take half a day off today. He wasn¡¯t sure if he could make the hospital¡¯s work hours since he hadn¡¯t made an appointment for today. Should I call? Remembering his former classmate whose name was already vague in his memory, he began to worry. The medicine that was previously prescribed to him had long since run out because he took it each time he got a headache. Ha Joyoon, who had been agonizing for a while, roughly organized his schedule and walked over to the editor¡¯s area. The central desk was filled with piles of documents on the verge of collapse. In the middle of the documents, he saw the figure of a man curled into himself, alternating between looking at documents and the monitor. Knowing the man was tasked with selecting and distributing articles to be sent to headquarters, as well as articles to be distributed to the media, Joyoon felt bad for starting a conversation with him. ¡°Editor-nim.¡± ¡°Huh? What¡¯s the issue, Ha Joyoon?¡± The somewhat round-looking man looked up, fixing his glasses. He was just as gentle as his impression seemed. Ha Joyoon thought for a while, hesitating, before he continued talking. ¡°I just got a call from Edinor that the interview schedule for Min Kyunghwan Gate was canceled this afternoon.¡± ¡°Oh, really?¡± ¡°I heard it was postponed. It seems I¡¯ll have to reschedule my plans for this week, so I wanted to know if it would be okay to take the afternoon off today?¡± ¡°This afternoon? Is there something wrong?¡± ¡°I¡¯ll need to go to the hospital for my rehabilitation and check up. I made an appointment for tomorrow, but I don¡¯t know when we¡¯ll be able to get another interview, so¡­¡± ¡°Oh dear, I¡¯m sorry. I should have been more considerate. You can go immediately. You could have just said you had a reportorial duty. Why do you have to do this much?¡± ¡°But still¡­¡± The editor-in-chief cheekily smiled and waved his hand at Ha Joyoon who looked hesitant. ¡°When the director brought you here, he did say he was reluctant to bring you in since you needed rehabilitation, and to cut you a little bit of slack. According to him, you were supposed to rest for a few months, but due to the situation at our branch office, you overexerted yourself by coming here. You don¡¯t need to worry, you can go. I¡¯ll let the director know when he comes back later.¡± Ha Joyoon quietly stood still as he recalled what he had just heard. He was definitely someone who wanted to keep moving forward even if he collapsed. When he first offered to work, that was something he had said himself. But now, he felt weird hearing his words from someone else. ¡°By the way, Ha Joyoon, are you free on the 28th of this month? It¡¯s a Wednesday.¡± He thought about his schedule for a while. There didn¡¯t seem to be any problem working that day so he readily replied. ¡°That day seems fine.¡± ¡°Then could you leave your afternoon free? You know we¡¯re working on this year¡¯s Waiton photo exhibition, right?¡± ¡°Yes¡­¡± The editor-in-chief pushed up the glasses that came down to his nose and sighed in relief. ¡°They also have a photo exhibition of foreign news agencies in rotation and we¡¯re the next agency. It just makes no sense that it¡¯s after the Waiton.¡± His tone which had been stable now sounded slightly agitated. Ha Joyoon smiled and nodded at the sense of competition that appeared directly on the man¡¯s face. Using all his strength, the man hit the desk loudly with his palm. ¡°That place is where finance thrives lately. We¡¯re also the best at meeting the public¡¯s n¡­ Well, that wasn¡¯t what I wanted to talk to you about¡­ Anyways, the agency requested a meeting, so we¡¯ll be having one with some people on their side and reporters working at our branch office. It¡¯s mostly foreign reporters, but Reporter Ha, you¡¯re a special case who has been both abroad and in South Korea, so the director and I recommended you. I believe you¡¯ll be helpful at setting the direction of the Asian project.¡± ¡°But my activity area isn¡¯t Asia.¡± ¡°Ah, it doesn¡¯t necessarily have to be. They¡¯re going to need hundreds of pictures from reporters anyway. Since we¡¯re showing photos from reporters at our branch, the activity area doesn¡¯t matter much.¡± ¡°Alright, I understand.¡± He nodded in satisfaction when he heard the simple answer. Checking the time, the editor looked surprised and he waved at Ha Joyoon. ¡°Yes, thank you. I¡¯ll see you tomorrow. Hurry and go now.¡± ¡°Thank you for being considerate.¡± ¡­¡­ Before turning around, his eyes caught the office door of Shin Kwonjoo. Ha Joyoon soon returned to his seat after greeting the editor-in-chief, frowning while feeling odd. Half of the long day had already passed. CH 28 He packed up his belongings in a hurry. It was fortunate that he hadn¡¯t thrown out the business card Lim Dohyun gave him. During the call he had made reluctantly, Lim Dohyun had said he¡¯d ¡°spare time and visit right away¡± before the call came to an end. Although Dohyun said he¡¯d allow for some leeway, even if Ha Joyoon hurried out now, he would still be late. After roughly organizing his things, Ha Joyoon said goodbye to his colleagues and quickly left the office. His footsteps were more swift than usual as he headed towards the elevator. It was a rushed pace for him, but since his usual languor remained, to the eyes of others passing by it was only a little faster than normal. 1, 2, 3¡­ Ha Joyoon slightly bit his dry lips and his eyes bored into the numbers as they slowly went up. Ding¡ª Swish¡ª His hasty attempt to enter the wide-open elevator was immediately blocked by a hand holding his arm. ¡°Where are you going?¡± ¡°Oh, Sunbae-nim.¡± Ha Joyoon¡¯s eyes widened as he was suddenly grabbed, and was met with Shin Kwonjoo standing in front of him. Since they were together at his officetel last night, this was their second time meeting after a few hours. Tap tap¨C a slow sound came from the elevator. Regardless, Shin Kwonjoo silently waited for his answer, looking like he had no intention of letting him go. Ha Joyoon, who was thinking about what to say, told the truth, realizing that the man would eventually know the reason for his early departure. ¡°I¡¯m going for my checkup at the hospital. I made an appointment, but since my interview got postponed I had to change it to this afternoon¡­¡± ¡°Oh.¡± Seeming to have received an unexpected answer, his straight and charismatic eyebrows raised in a slight arc before coming back down. Shin Kwonjoo was silent for a while but soon nodded and stretched out his arm to press the button of the elevator again. As the numbers on the electronic display began to change once more, Ha Joyoon raised his head and cast a suspicious gaze at the man next to him whose expression looked indifferent. His sharp pointed nose and eyes ¨C which were currently staring at one spot ¨C felt a bit different today. ¡°Aren¡¯t you going in?¡± Despite the fact that his question wasn¡¯t answered, he took Ha Joyoon¡¯s arm and led him into the elevator which had reopened. ¡°Sunbae-nim?¡± ¡°Let¡¯s go.¡± Tap tap¨C The sound burst out once more along with the doors closing and in an instant, only two people were left in the small space. Shin Kwonjoo pressed the button with indifferent eyes and looked to his front, still holding onto his arm. ¡°Let¡¯s go together,¡± he suddenly said when they reached their target floor. ¡°Huh?¡± ¡°You said you were going to the hospital. You don¡¯t even have a car.¡± ¡°¡­I can just take the bus.¡± ¡°There¡¯ll be a lot of people on by this time. Which hospital is it?¡± ¡°Hangang University Hospital.¡± Ha Joyoon replied with a dispirited voice. They didn¡¯t drag on for long. He knew that Shin Kwonjoo was someone who would do whatever he wanted, anyway. ¡°When is the appointment?¡± ¡°I just need to go before they close up for the day. The doctor was my classmate so he said he could let me visit today.¡± The man looked at the time on his watch before nodding his head. ¡°I know a way without traffic. We¡¯ll get there before 3.¡± As the doors opened, the entrance to the underground parking lot became visible. Still holding his arm, Shin Kwonjoo took Ha Joyoon to his car. Ha Joyoon¡¯s steps following him were also quicker than usual due to Kwonjoo¡¯s large strides. Vtlc Bkbcpbb¡¯r qtbcf gjcu mbcrajcais ktlif atfs kfgf bc atf kjs ab tlr mjg, rffwlcu ab tjnf j iba bo yers kbgx. Lf kjr yibmxlcu mjiir bcf ys bcf klat jc lcvloofgfca ibbx bc tlr ojmf, yea rbbc jcrkfgfv j qtbcf mjii ktlmt cbalolfv tlw bo tlr joafgcbbc rmtfveif jcv rffwfv ab yf ogbw atf boolmf. Vwbbatis jcv cjaegjiis qgfrrlcu ja atf yeaabc, atf tfjvilutar bo atf mjg ybvs rtbcf obg j ktlif jcv atf vbbg bqfcfv. ¡°Didn¡¯t you have work in the afternoon?¡± Sitting in the passenger seat and wearing the belt, he asked the question he was most curious about. Shin Kwonjoo had an indecipherable expression on his face while he started the engine and answered casually. ¡°It¡¯s not so important.¡± It was a short answer that made it so he could no longer continue the conversation. In an attempt to ignore his rambling mind, Ha Joyoon nodded his head and turned to the window again. He grimaced as the now chronic migraine felt like it was pressing deeply on his head. The car moved quickly as the man started the engine with an experienced touch and stepped on the accelerator. The vibration from the window was helping to relieve the pain for a while. As they breathed shallowly in silence, Shin Kwonjoo silently turned the steering wheel before opening his mouth to speak. ¡°Does it hurt badly?¡± Ha Joyoon opened his eyes, still leaning on the window. The person who had asked the question was still staring to the front. ¡°You sometimes make pained noises when you sleep.¡± Those were words he never expected. He couldn¡¯t hide his embarrassment from his defenseless moment being seen by this man. The reason for this was that at some point, he had started falling asleep at his officetel due to exhaustion after their time together. He had been so careless. Taking a brief look at the sophisticated figure by his side, Ha Joyoon tried to speak in a cool tone. ¡°Oh¡­ Do I?¡± ¡°I heard I still need to receive treatment.¡± At the detached words, Shin Kwonjoo glared at Ha Joyoon with an offended look. His eyebrows scrunched, looking displeased. ¡°How much more?¡± ¡°¡­It was explained to me, but it was hard to understand so I don¡¯t remember much.¡± Answering vaguely with a mix of appropriate lies and some truth, Ha Joyoon closed his eyes again. Although their relationship had changed from one of a senior-junior to boss-employee, and now, sex partners, there was nothing more to it. He didn¡¯t need to tell everything about himself to unrelated people. Even if he showed everything, there would be nothing left at the end. They would be obligated to him and he didn¡¯t want them to be. Aside from family, even if one put their whole heart into a relationship, wouldn¡¯t it just be futile in the end? The unforgettable sense of loss he had gone through once was enough to tell. The other also seemed to have no intention of digging deeper and silence filled the car once more. In the familiar silence, Ha Joyoon¡¯s gaze shifted out the window for a moment. In the middle of the day, the Han river sparkled like a well-crafted jewel in the afternoon sun. The waves of the river scattered beautiful light and decorated the autumn afternoon. ¡°If you¡¯re sleepy, you can close your eyes for a bit.¡± Ha Joyoon nodded slightly at his rare kindness. ¡°¡­You¡¯re sweet.¡± At the words that popped out as an auto response, the eyes looking out the window moved to the side, gaze prickly. ¡°I tend to be nice to sick employees.¡± A sharp reply came, seeming like Kwonjoo wouldn¡¯t allow for a sensitive explanation. When their eyes met for a short moment, he didn¡¯t find any sign of agitation in them. There was no reason to get hurt. ¡°I guess so.¡± Ha Joyoon whispered faintly, unable to resist sleep, before burying his face onto his palm. The dry air tickled his cheek. ¡°I¡¯ll wake you up when we get there so get some sleep.¡± A low voice slowly grazed his ear. The rush of sleepiness blurred his mind. It wasn¡¯t so bad to fall deeply asleep in an abyss like this. Leaving all the complications and pain behind¡­ Ha Joyoon slowly hummed a song in the overwhelming drowsiness. His flying brown hair from the wind tickled his forehead. Accompanied by his own low humming, he stared at the golden road covered with ginkgo leaves. With the beautiful turn came the smooth flow of faded memories and emotions. It was autumn. *** ¡°How¡¯s your headache?¡± His gaze at the video film was quite sharp. Looking at the heavily printed paper, Ha Joyoon was reminded of his last visit. ¡°Happens almost everyday. It¡¯s a bit difficult to endure it without pills.¡± ¡°Let¡¯s say the worst headache you had in the past was a 5. How would you describe your recent headaches with numbers under that basis?¡± ¡°7¡­ Maybe 8?¡± The other¡¯s expression darkened as he heard the answer. ¡°Hmm.¡± With the sound filled with distress, Lim Do-hyun rubbed his chin while alternating between the video film and the chart in front of him. ¡°To put it simply, your inflammatory level¡­ It should have been reduced by at least a little but it hasn¡¯t changed much. I still think we should stick to medication instead of surgery.¡± Joyoon¡¯s head was hung downwards but his face had no shock or sadness on it. He even looked calm. The one who looked worried was Lim Dohyun. ¡°Are you getting enough rest? You know you have to stay at home and recuperate.¡± ¡°Yeah.¡± Lim Dohyun continued to speak again, resisting the urge to cast a suspicious look at Joyoon who only smiled faintly. ¡°Don¡¯t do anything. Just stay at home, eat, sleep, play, recuperate, and only do some walking exercises. Don¡¯t let there be any impact on your head. If you don¡¯t listen to my advice, it could affect the medulla. Do you hear me?¡± ¡°Hahaha.¡± A nice, low laugh spread out through the office. Ha Joyoon who had been hesitant for a moment soon made up his mind and opened his mouth to talk. ¡°To be honest¡­ I started work again.¡± I never knew a person¡¯s pupils could expand that much. Ha Joyoon wondered at the sight of Lim Dohyun staring at him with astonished eyes. Soon enough, there was a thunderous roar. ¡°Are you crazy?!¡± It was enough to make his ears sting, so he leaned backwards a little and rubbed them. ¡°It¡¯s just that¡­ the situation called for it¡­¡± ¡°Did you listen to what I said last time? I told you to only rest and focus on recuperating.¡± The wrinkles in between his eyebrows refused to straighten out. Despite Lim Do-hyun¡¯s flushed angry appearance, Ha Joyoon only had a detached look and an inscrutable smile. Lim Dohyun was annoyed by his peaceful seeming expression. ¡°It felt like I would go crazy if I didn¡¯t at least do that. I was so stressed when I just stayed at home so I wanted to do something¡­ Would it have been better if I didn¡¯t instead?¡± ¡°Huh? Joyoon-ah¡­¡± At that moment, Lim Do-hyun, who was lost for words, stuttered and tapped the chart with a pen. After thinking for a while, he had a dark expression on his face as he questioned. ¡°Can¡¯t you just quit? Isn¡¯t it stressful?¡± ¡°¡­I can¡¯t sleep at all.¡± ¡°What about your headache?¡± ¡°It¡¯s so bad that I¡¯ll need to keep taking pills for them.¡± The moment he entered his room, the window opposite his was his sole living poison. The rectangular frame sometimes turned circular, and sometimes became a bizarre straight line, threatening the intruders of the room. The poison that swallowed all his longing for someone he couldn¡¯t go any closer than 10 meters to, tormented Ha Joyoon and ate at him. After completely breaking up with Kang Tae-jung, Ha Joyoon felt like he was in despair and couldn¡¯t handle not being busy for a moment. At first, it was simple psychological pain, and as time went by, the psychological pain began to surface as physical symptoms. They took the form of difficulty breathing and hand tremors. He would often wake up from sleep several times an hour and his appetite also decreased by a lot. Eventually, the headache became unbearably severe, so he took the prescribed medicine for several days and repeatedly vomited. There were times when it was difficult to even hold a camera, but that was also due to his muscles having not yet recovered fully. Unable to handle it any longer, he chose to go to the office. When he first received the offer, they had said he didn¡¯t need to work full-time, but when he focused on work and took pictures, he felt like he could breathe a little for a moment. He didn¡¯t know that the bug that gnawed at his head was only taking a sweet nap at the time. When he wasn¡¯t so crazy about work, he messed around with Shin Kwonjoo. Unlike the initial plan of their meetings being an occasional thing, it happened more and more frequently lately. He felt like he could escape reality through their relationship, but that was all there was to it. ¡°Are you having a hard time?¡± It was said in a worried tone, but Ha Joyoon simply smiled an indiscernible smile once more. It was because he had already known what the other would ask him. It was obvious that psychiatric counseling or psychological treatment would be recommended to him. Before Lim Dohyun could say his next words, he shook his head first. ¡°It¡¯s fine.¡± ¡°What did you think I was going to say?¡± ¡°I don¡¯t want any sort of counseling.¡± ¡°Well, don¡¯t be prejudiced. The brain might be incredibly strong but it¡¯s also quite delicate.¡± It was just like soft tofu. With a humorous expression, Lim Dohyun poked at his head. Ha Joyoon smiled softly at the efforts made to ease the tension. Seeing as Lim Do-hyun was trying his best, he felt sorry that he couldn¡¯t even remember his name until recently. He felt apologetic for a short moment. ¡°If you¡¯re feeling that stressed, then I can¡¯t tell you to stop. But if possible, I recommend you get general counseling even though it¡¯s not medicine. As I just said¡­ The brain is so delicate that it influences people¡¯s emotions and thoughts a lot more than you think. It¡¯s not just a simple change in a person¡¯s state of mind but it affects their physical being as well. If it¡¯s that difficult to stay at home and get better, then it would be best to go out. However, do promise me one thing. This is a promise between a doctor and his patient.¡± Ha Joyoon slowly nodded, pushing the spinning chair while playing with his feet. He couldn¡¯t find energy even in the slightest gesture. Lim Dohyun anxiously looked at him, noticing how he seemed thinner than when he first visited the hospital. He frowned and continued speaking. ¡°Do not overwork yourself, and be especially careful when it comes to your head. I¡¯m not just saying this, so listen carefully. You¡¯re really not in a good condition.¡± The eyes Joyoon met with were filled with anxiety. He slightly tilted his head in an odd mood. ¡°Never hit your head. Don¡¯t even fall back. You need to wear a helmet, dude. I¡¯ll give you a prescription for the medicine, so if it hurts badly, take them. Take all the other pills regularly. I¡¯ll see how you¡¯re doing again in two weeks.¡± ¡°How can I go around wearing a helmet?¡± ¡°Don¡¯t you know what a metaphor is? Get into rehabilitation therapy as soon as your medical treatment is over. You¡¯re supposed to have a full two years of rehab. The fact that you¡¯re walking around now is already crazy enough.¡± ¡°That¡¯ll be next time.¡± Lim Do-hyun¡¯s face grew darker due to the joking tone Joyoon spoke with. ¡°¡­Are you only going to get a hold of yourself when your limbs are completely twisted and stiffened? You know you can¡¯t use your muscles so suddenly. Make sure to promise me. Be careful of your head, get rehab and take medicine regularly in moderate amounts. Don¡¯t overdo it. That way, you¡¯ll stay healthy for a long time.¡± ¡°¡­Am I a kid?¡± ¡°I¡¯m saying this because a child listens better than you do.¡± Ha Joyoon, staring at him, also tried to pull up his chapped lips, eventually promising that he would do so. He suddenly thought that the sky he could see from the small window in the hospital office, looked like the Mediterranean sea. CH 29 After placating Lim Dohyun, going through rehabilitation therapy, and paying the bills, his afternoon schedule roughly came to an end. Ha Joyoon looked down at the receipt for a moment, put it in his pocket, and turned his gaze to the people sitting in the lounge chairs in front of the reception desk. He looked around several times, but he couldn¡¯t find Shin Kwonjoo. He had not seen him since he left the office, so it was clear that he had been away for a long time. The assumption that Shin Kwonjoo would be sitting in the lounge chair, waiting for him to come out was actually funnier. Did he leave? Do I have to call him? However, his concern soon disappeared after he spotted Shin Kwonjoo on a call at the corner of the hospital lobby. ¡°¡­¡± His expression while on the phone didn¡¯t look good. Ha Joyoon carefully took a step to where Shin Kwonjoo stood, wiping at the cold sweat on his forehead that formed due to his headache. ¡°Sunbae-nim.¡± Tap tap- With a careful tap on his shoulder, the man who was focused on his phone call turned his gaze around. When he saw the person in front of him, his cold eyes relaxed a little. ¡®Wait.¡¯ The man said with his eyes and continued with the call. He exchanged information related to an article that seemed to be coming from a journalist. Ha Joyoon watched him for a while before leaning on the wall for support. The path between wards was in a round tunnel, the walls were a tempered glass, so you could simply look up and see the entire lobby of the first floor. He rubbed his forehead on the glass and hummed quietly. Oh my love for the first time in my life¡­ There were hasty footsteps of people walking around the hospital. Following the rhythm of the footsteps, Ha Joyoon blankly thought of the words of caution Lim Dohyun had said to him. ¡®Stay healthy¡­ For a long time¡­¡¯ The murmuring voice was faint as if fading away. ¡°Are you done?¡± ¡°You must have waited for a while.¡± Shin Kwonjoo placed a hand around his waist and drew him closer . His body weakly went in the direction he was pulled. His eyes were fierce as if he didn¡¯t like how his flat stomach was. ¡°There''s a refugee not so far away from me.¡° ¡°Ha ha.¡± Recently, he had been feeding him until he felt bloated when they went out for outside duty together. Ha Joyoon smiled awkwardly and avoided eye contact. Compared to the past when it was difficult to even face each other properly, they¡¯ve had frequent opportunities to see each other inside and outside of the company since their relationship became a thing. He didn¡¯t realize that him being his ¡®partner¡¯ could cause that much change in their relationship. Ha Joyoon, who was touching the nape of his neck, slightly turned his waist, dropping the hand that was restraining his body. Shin Kwonjoo¡¯s gaze, which still remained on his thin body, soon shifted away. He took out a pack of cigarettes out of habit and let out a short ¡°Ah,¡± before putting it back in his pocket. Three deep lines were engraved over his straight forehead. ¡°What did the doctor say?¡± It didn¡¯t take too long for an answer. Ha Joyoon smiled quietly and carefully hit the marble floor with his toes. ¡°He said we¡¯d need to wait and see. And that I shouldn¡¯t overwork myself.¡± ¡°Is that all?¡± ¡°Yes.¡± This was information that could be told to and accepted by others, no more or less. Shin Kwonjoo¡¯s face had an even more stormy look. It seemed like he was about to say something, but he soon closed his lips tightly again and hardened his expression. His irises stopped moving as he seemed immersed in something. At the cool atmosphere that had appeared in a second, they both turned their eyes away in silence, before a big hand grabbed Joyoon¡¯s wrist. ¡°Let¡¯s go. You don¡¯t have anything on your schedule for the rest of the day, right?¡± ¡°I don¡¯t, but first¡­ I¡¯ll need to tell the editor-in-chief.¡± ¡°Alright then.¡± The stride across the lobby was so fast that Ha Joyoon, who was caught by the wrist, had to almost run while following after him. ¡°Sunbae-nim.¡± He wouldn¡¯t turn back even after the calm call. Ha Joyoon¡¯s eyes followed behind his back, and suddenly he realized that he was gradually getting used to Shin Kwonjoo leading him away. They only had sex. It was weird how he got used to him so easily. In their fast pace through the parking lot, his unproductive thoughts were put together like blocks. Their first time was difficult, but once became twice, twice became three times, and after that, it became such a natural thing that it felt like their relationship had been that way for a long time. Contrary to Ha Joyoon¡¯s expectations, Shin Kwonjoo had not pretended like it never happened, but instead proposed their relationship first despite his cold demeanor. They overlapped bodies almost everyday. Pa vlvc¡¯a wjaafg atja Vtlc Bkbcpbb tjv yffc atf bcf ab wjxf atf olgra wbnf wbra alwfr. Pa kjr bcis jc jma klatbea jcs fzmtjcuf bo fwbalbcr, yea la kjr ubbv atja tf kbeivc¡¯a tjnf ab atlcx jybea Bjcu Kjfpecu obg atja wbwfca ja ifjra. Ciatbeut atf tbif ifoa lc tlr mtfra ugfk yluufg jcv yluufg joafg atf jma, tf yfugevulcuis ofia ilxf tf tjv ojiifc lcab j yijmx tbif bo cbatlcucfrr, tlr ybvs gfjmalcu rafjvlis jcv rbwfalwfr agfwyilcu klat qifjregf. Ktf tewjc ybvs kjr abb rlwqif jcv tbcfra. Thunk¨C As soon as they got in the car parked in the corner of the parking lot, a large hand wrapped around his neck. Even before he noticed the coldness on the nape of his neck, warm lips had roughly met his own lips. ¡°Mmh¡­¡± Looking at Shin Kwonjoo, who kissed with his head slightly raised, he soon closed his eyes as well, focusing on the actions. The hot tongue gently rubbed around his mouth. They breathed heavily. It was a habit of Shin Kwonjoo to gently bite his lower lip in the middle of kissing while changing their kiss angle. The man opened his eyes for a moment and looked at his face softly. Ha Joyoon never really cared about other people¡¯s appearance, but he thought the other was very handsome. After being silent for a while, Shin Kwonjoo slowly stroked the soft skin behind his ears with his thumb. ¡°Do you want to come over?¡± It was his way of asking him if he wanted to go to his officetel. The voice that stated his intentions without hesitation was lower and rougher than usual. It was a voice that only those who had seen the other¡¯s bare skin, his most secret parts, and his naked exposure and actions could hear. Ha Joyoon nodded slowly, looking at the jet black eyes facing him. It didn¡¯t matter. ¡°¡­Ah¡­¡± The man behind him stretched out his arm, intertwining his fingers with Ha Joyoons. There is no gap between their tightly held fingers. Shin Kwonjoo caressed along his spine line with his lips, murmuring low curses and thrusting his hips as the body underneath him was also pushed forward with each thrust. His hole which had already been loosened from the several thrusts and semen took in the thick length without difficulty. His lips opened automatically at the sensation from slowly being thrust into. Ngh! He let out a high moan as if singing. At that time, Shin Kwonjoo smiled, his hands trying to avoid putting pressure on his head. His fine, pale body was weighed down mercilessly, looking like he was completely hugged from behind. With his erection about to reach its climax, his penis began to thrust in rapidly. It was with an intensity that made his heart race. During that rush feeling, Ha Joyoon suddenly wished his heart would burst this way and then shatter into pieces. The words, ¡°More, more¡ª¡± came out of his lips on their own and his partner was thankfully fulfilling his part well. His lips fell open and he let out a weak moan at the sensation of pain in his walls. The opening of his hole already reddened from the rough friction of taking in the penis. ¡°It¡­ It hurts¡­¡± ¡°Try to endure it. You¡¯re already loose enough.¡± Ignoring his petition, the heavy voice rang low through the room. The unusual tone sounded like he had lost his composure. Their overlapping bodies were already covered with sweat due to their love affair that lasted for several hours. The man kissed his sticky skin several times, before biting into his pale shoulder. ¡°Ah!¡± The pained moan made the other pause, but then he thrusted in completely again. He felt chills from the pleasure run down from his head to his toes. ¡°Hng!¡± Ha Joyoon closed his eyes tightly at the burning hotness he felt. But soon a big hand turned him around, holding his shoulder into the sheets. At the pain from his body being twisted, Ha Joyoon frowned and raised his head. His pale face was already reddened and drenched with sweat. ¡°Open your eyes. You can¡¯t see properly,¡± He said with a relaxed smile. ¡°You¡¯re heavy¡­¡± His arm, which had lost strength, tried to push off the body pressing down on him, but it was no use. Shin Kwonjoo had a predatory smile on his face. He leaned his head down again and bit the other¡¯s small ear, looking satisfied with the red tooth marks he left. He let out a long, hot breath. ¡°Hey, Ha Joyoon-ssi.¡± At the clear voice calling him, Ha Joyoon opened his fevered eyes with difficulty. The cool-looking man, whose hot body made him look small in comparison, came into his sight. ¡°You need to open your eyes so we can cum.¡± As soon as he finished speaking, the man began to move his hips mercilessly, thrusting even deeper. His thrusts were without constraint. Ha Joyoon¡¯s body shook uncontrollably as if drawing a painting on the sheets. ¡°Ngh¡­ Ah, Ah¡­!¡± During his short scream, Shin Kwonju also let out a low groan as they came to a finish together. ¡°Haa¡­¡± A voice with a high level of satisfaction rang low. With a mushy feeling came a gush of liquid flowing down from between his legs. ¡°Huff¡­¡± He slowly pulled out his flaccid penis after he ejaculated. With that reaction, the body that had been helplessly pinned under him, rolled to the side. His entrance and Shin Kwonjoo¡¯s penis and pubic hair were covered in white semen as there was no condom between them. Time passed without them saying anything, only the sound of their heavy breathing heard. After a while, he finally felt the person next to him moving to stand up. Tap¨C Tap¨C The sound of fading footsteps left him with some time alone. His body had still not gotten over the shock of his orgasm and gave in to the intermittent spasms from remnants of pleasure. His entrance where he had been thrusted into several times was tingling with pain, accompanied by a slight feverish feeling. Quietly staring at the ceiling, his hazelnut colored eyes were reflected by the dim ceiling lights similar to a kaleidoscope. It was difficult to take his eyes off the beige light hidden inside the cover of the classic decoration. It was like a jewel. Staring blankly at the ceiling, Ha Joyoon had a thought. If the jewel was to fall on top of him and take his last breath, even that would be beautiful. As the sound of light breathing became rough, he heard someone walking. ¡°Drink this.¡± Before he realized it, Shin Kwonjoo had gone over to the fridge to take out two bottles of water, before tossing one over to him. The bottle flew curved in the air and landed close to his arm. Ha Joyoon looked at the bottle near him for a bit, before slowly raising his upper body. Sitting absent-mindedly for a while, he slowly began to pick up the clothes that had been on the floor. Shin Kwonjoo¡¯s eyes narrowed as he drank water at the opposite side. ¡°Are you going to take a shower?¡± ¡°Yes¡­¡± The voice that answered showed signs of exhaustion, fatigue heavy on his small face. Step, Step¨C Shin Kwonjoo swept his messy hair back and approached the bed where Ha Joyoon was sitting. The face of the person looking down at him seemed unreadable, looking apathetic. ¡°You should get some rest.¡± ¡°I need to go home.¡± His eyebrows raised high at the succinct answer and now it looked like he was displeased with something. The man, who had been looking down at Ha Joyoon for a long time, soon gulped down the remaining half of his water and swiped a hand over his lips. ¡°Do you know what time it is? Why not just sleep over?¡± The man closed in the space and was sitting right next to Ha Joyoon now. Ha Joyoon hesitated for a bit before shaking his head. ¡°No,¡± The denying voice was incredibly weak sounding. ¡°Is it because of what I said?¡± ¡°¡­?¡± ¡°About you making pained noises when you sleep.¡± ¡°Oh,¡± The unrestrained sound left his lips. Ha Joyoon shook his head quickly, unable to hide his surprised expression. ¡°Pfft¨C¡± Shin Kwonjoo let out a small laugh and lightly threw his empty bottle of water towards the trash can. It landed cleanly into its goal. ¡°Your thoughts show clearly on your face. You need to choose between hiding it or just not lying in the first place.¡± Shin Kwonjoo gave a sharp look. It was a more sensitive reaction than usual. Although puzzled, Ha Joyoon didn¡¯t have to express himself but instead, answered by staring at him. ¡°¡­¡± ¡°Don¡¯t worry about it if it¡¯s because of what I said. I just woke up early that morning and heard it by chance. If you think of it as a personal weakness then I won¡¯t mention anything, plus as long as it doesn¡¯t bother me, won¡¯t that be the end of it?¡± Ha Joyoon¡¯s forehead, which had been deeply furrowed, spread out, seeming to like his words. Looking up at him, Ha Joyoon soon slightly nodded his head. Only then did Shin Kwonjoo¡¯s lips faintly relax. He was easily tired from the one round of sex as his body had not recovered yet. In the majority of their relationship, Shin Kwonjoo was the type who cared for and pleased him, but that didn¡¯t mean anything. Ha Joyoon felt constant pleasure, but that was it. Because he normally didn¡¯t have much desire for sex, having frequent relationships were burdensome, and he was glad he didn¡¯t have to think about Kang Taejung or taking pictures at that moment. It was a drug-like sweetness, gnawing at his flesh. ¡°Alright¡­¡± ¡°Wash up and sleep.¡± ¡°Okay.¡± Ha Joyoon casually looked around, noticing the emptiness he felt since he entered the officetel. The room had a simple interior and it was difficult to even find a small picture. Not even an old camera could be seen. It was strange to think that Shin Kwonjoo was also a journalist like himself. When they worked together at the headquarters a few years ago, Shin Kwonjoo used to travel around regions to capture the stories of the world through his lens. Along with his award-winning career in various prestigious press photography competitions, many of the moments he captured received both recognition and issue worldwide. He was one of the major figures mentioned among many people in the field of journalism, that even Ha Joyoon who had no interest in that aspect, had heard Shin Kwonjoo¡¯s name countless times. ¡°Don¡¯t you take pictures anymore?¡± He opened the bottle of water to moisten his dry throat. It seemed to have been refrigerated for quite a long time because it was cool enough to make the sweat all over his body disappear quickly. The other¡¯s movement stopped as he was packing clothes to change. ¡°It¡¯s been a while since I stopped.¡± With his eyes down again, he calmly packed a simple t-shirt, pants, and unopened underwear and handed it to Ha Joyoon. Rubbing the soft cotton with his hands, Ha Joyoon recalled the photos taken by Shin Kwonjoo. The scenes he delivered through the photographs were all intense and sharp, and were the most brutal stories that illuminated the cruelty of reality and the bareness of conscience without filter. ¡°There was an incident.¡± ¡°Incident?¡± Before he knew it, Shin Kwonjoo sat beside him and reached out. The sheets shook here and there as the hand patted his brown hair was relaxed. ¡°There¡¯s no way I wouldn¡¯t be traumatized if an old friend of mine died from a bombing right next to me.¡± ¡°Oh¡­¡± ¡°I couldn¡¯t take pictures well after that.¡± Suddenly, he remembered a story he had heard in passing before. As soon as he asked that, Shin Kwonjoo¡¯s expression, which was frozen solid, automatically reminded him of that. ¡®There was a second bombing while he was saving people from where the first bomb landed. Nothing was left of him.¡¯ ¡®That¡¯s what dying means, Ha Joyoon. I will live gratefully as long as I¡¯m still alive and fine, with all my limbs intact.¡¯ With no one was able to speak hastily, a lonely silence weighed the air. Even a small consolation could be poisonous. He suddenly saw Shin Kwonjoo¡¯s hand holding the bed sheets. It was a hand that might have accomplished a lot, but on the other hand, had still lost something precious. The anguish didn¡¯t last long. Without much of an intention, Ha Joyoon instinctively reached out and covered the back of his hand. At the feel of his hand, Shin Kwonjoo slightly raised his dark eyebrows. Ha Joyoon¡¯s pale hand quietly patted the other¡¯s hand as the moonlight came through the window. Shin Kwonjoo looked at him and frowned strangely. A look of bewilderment flashed across his face. After a long while, he eventually snorted. ¡°Do you pity me? It hurts my pride that someone like you, who has a hobby of self-torture, is trying to pity me.¡± The memories of complaining to him flashed out one after the other. It was embarrassing and regrettable, but time had passed and it was irreversible. Concealing the awkwardness with an even more awkward smile, Ha Joyoon shook his head lightly. ¡°That¡¯s not it. I¡¯m not really in a position to feel bad for anyone.¡± ¡°Well, I guess so.¡± ¡°¡­¡± Shin Kwonjoo hardened his expression and lightly flicked Ha Joyoon¡¯s forehead with a thick finger. The previously wrinkled forehead straightened out once more due to the impact of the finger. ¡°It¡¯s not a huge problem. Photography is something one can always start again, and even if I can¡¯t, I have no problem going on the different path I¡¯m heading for.¡± He listened to the extremely low voice with his breath held. He wasn¡¯t familiar with the man casually telling stories of extremely personal matters. At that moment, he strangely felt like the cold, solid wall that had been piled up between him and Shin Kwonjoo was partially torn down. You¡¯re strong. The words were like a small murmur in the wind. ¡°I want to overcome my problems that way too.¡± ¡°It¡¯s not impossible. It¡¯s funny to say this, but Ha Joyoon¡¯s world is too small and limited. You might be good as a reporter who only sticks to one thing, but besides that, I¡¯m not so sure.¡± ¡°I¡¯ve been living this way my whole life. It¡¯s hard to change all of a sudden.¡± ¡°That¡¯s an excuse, too.¡± ¡°Is it¡­?¡± In the quiet conversation, he recalled memories of the past little by little. Ha Joyoon thought about a point in time when he and Shin Kwonjoo crossed paths while he tapped at his cup which was still warm. The Shin Kwonjoo he remembered, felt more sharp and rough than now. He was passionate as much as he was cold, and he was quite prideful as well. No matter how good his skills and family were, he must¡¯ve been discriminated against because he was Asian. It was not difficult to guess that there were countless trials and pains his boss had to face until he got to where he was now. If I overcome numerous storms and trials, could I become a little stronger like you? ¡°Sometimes human life is as easily taken as tearing a piece of paper.¡± He added, before wrapping the back of Ha Joyoon¡¯s neck with one hand, pulling him. ¡°Uhh,¡± a dazed voice sounded. Without having to put in much strength, his body sank down, moving easily with the hand. ¡°That¡¯s why I don¡¯t really like people in this field of work. Doesn¡¯t seem like they¡¯ll live long.¡± ¡°Sunbae-nim.¡± Shin Kwonjoo smiled mischievously and tilted his head when Ha Joyoon called him in embarrassment. As their cheeks brushed, the nose glided down rubbing his gently. ¡°Open your mouth,¡± At the low whisper, he opened his lips without even realizing. Soon, their hot tongues got tangled and their rough breaths mixed together. Unable to overcome the weight of the body gradually leaning toward him while holding the sheet, Ha Joyoon hurriedly grabbed the front of the man¡¯s shirt. ¡°Hnh¡­¡± He let out an uncontrollable moan. When he gasped because he couldn¡¯t breathe properly, the man laughed into his neck and bit his pale cheek. His eyes closed shut at the sharp sensation. Shin Kwonjoo grabbed the hand about to push him away and whispered with a relaxed smile. ¡°Let¡¯s do it again.¡± Han Joyoon slowly opened his eyes and made eye contact. He was met with irises that shone oddly, filled with innate strength and willfulness. It was the eyes of someone who might have been hurt in the past but refused to cave in. It looked like he had a strange conviction that he would overcome the past memories that were currently binding him, and break the link someday. On the other hand, Ha Joyoon felt sad and truly pathetic in his situation where his pain kept getting worse as the days went by but he couldn¡¯t do anything about it. What he had lost was not just people, but countless memories of love, trust, hope and life that could not be converted into money. He stared at the other silently for a long time and nodded heavily, their lips meeting together once more. CH 30 Screech- The moment he stepped on the brakes, the black car stopped in a smooth straight line. Thud- Opening the car door, the figure of a man appeared from the passenger seat. As he approached the driver¡¯s seat slowly, carrying a camera bag, another person appeared as the black tinted car window went down. With his waist slightly bent, the other became angry the moment he made eye contact. ¡°Did you really have to go this morning?¡± ¡°That¡¯s why I said I could go alone.¡± He was annoyed with Ha Joyoon for wanting to leave the officetel as soon as he woke up. The accumulated displeasure from the morning erupted without a filter. ¡°I¡¯d hate to be someone who doesn¡¯t know wrong from right.¡± ¡°Sunbae-nim, you don¡¯t have to pay that much attention to me.¡± Shin Kwonjoo didn¡¯t seem to like Ha Joyoon¡¯s answer, his eyes becoming two times colder than usual. It was clear that he had touched a nerve. ¡°Then stop staggering in front of me. I thought you were doing it for me to see.¡± Ha Joyoon deeply sighed at the other¡¯s provoking words. ¡°Both my knee and cruciate ligament were torn when I was in the army, so I can¡¯t really walk well. It¡¯s not exactly because of the accident and I¡¯m not doing it for you to see.¡± ¡°Are you proud that you got discharged from the army because you had a broken leg?¡± ¡°That¡¯s not what I said.¡± For some reason, Ha Joyoon stared at the other¡¯s reaction and smiled quietly. He remembered what Shin Kwonjoo had told him only a few months ago. Something about compassion or sympathy. At the time, he thought it was a word that didn¡¯t suit him, but now that he thought about it, he felt like he could make a slightly different judgment. For the first time, he thought that maybe this cold man might really sympathize with him and feel bad for him. It was a phenomenal change compared to when they first met. Of course, Ha Joyoon chose to not say a word because it was clear that it would be pointless to do so. While he was lost in thought, the man came out of the car and took out a cigarette out of habit. Click¨C Along with the sound of the lighter, came a haze of smoke. ¡°Sunbae-nim.¡± Shin Kwonjoo, who was leaning on the car and thinking deeply about something, glanced towards him. ¡°Are you usually this nice to your partners?¡± ¡°¡­What?¡± His sharp eyes looked bewildered. The cigarette between his lips swayed precariously. At his frozen reaction, Ha Joyoon thought briefly and carefully brought up the words he had kept in mind for a while. ¡°I feel like they might take it the wrong way if you¡¯re too nice.¡± ¡°What are you¡­¡± Ha Joyoon hurriedly waved his hands before Shin Kwonjoo could protest. ¡°Oh, I¡¯m not taking it the wrong way or anything. Plus, I understand what you said before.¡± His sharp eyebrows were pulled back like a taut bow. The man who had wanted to say something, soon closed his mouth and nodded slightly. ¡°I¡¯m glad to hear that. I don¡¯t know when you started to feel that way, but I¡¯ve never treated my partners badly. ¡° It was the usual dull tone, but the overall atmosphere became colder than before. With a look of displeasure, he stubbed the half-smoked cigarette with his foot and quickly went back into the car. ¡°Have a safe trip back.¡± ¡°Yeah.¡± The moment he took a step forward looking in, the tinted car window went up with a mechanical sound. At the same time, the image of the person he was talking to until a while ago, was blocked by black walls and had disappeared without a trace. Soon enough, the car slowly began to move, the sound of the roaring engine following after it. ¡°¡­¡± Llr ujhf kjr vlrajca jr tf kjr ibbxlcu ja atf wbnlcu mjg. Ktf mbibgr bo fwbalbcr fwyfvvfv lc tlr ygbkc lglrfr, rmjaafgfv ilxf ogjuwfcar bo fjgatfckjgf. Lf mbeivc¡¯a ifa la ub jcs oegatfg. Lj Absbbc tfiv bcab tlr yju alutafg, gfmlalcu kbgvr ab jc ecxcbkc ilrafcfg. C wfwbgs bo ktfc tf olgra jmmfqafv atf reuufralbc bo yflcu rfz qjgacfgr, mjwf ab wlcv. ¡®We just need to have and follow a few rules well.¡¯ ¡®It¡¯s nothing difficult.¡¯ Don¡¯t get emotionally involved or concern ourselves with each other¡¯s private lives. If at some point, someone wishes to stop or gets feelings mixed in, the relationship will come to an end immediately. Do the very best to show civility following the rules. He recalled Shin Kwonjoo saying the words, like they were a stipulated clause. He was diligently doing as he said. To not invade each other¡¯s territory but to be kind and considerate in his own way during their relationship. Ha Joyoon feebly smiled at the not-so-funny memory, and continued moving with heavy steps towards the direction of his house. His exhausted body was about to collapse due to strain, and he felt like he would be knocked out the moment he laid his head down somewhere. His body, which had been asleep for a long time, was unable to return to its past state, and he felt out of breath even though he had only walked for a short while. This is because he overworked his body without proper rehabilitation. He knew it was silly. He kept repeating the process of taking a few steps, resting for a moment, taking another few steps and resting once more. ¡°Yoon-ah!¡± At the familiar sound of his name being called, he smiled and turned around. And immediately froze in his spot at the scene his eyes took in. The reason was the person he saw standing next to his mother as she waved at him with a happy expression. ¡­Coincidences were indeed cruel. The time he had desperately wished for it, he was never given a single chance, but now that he had accepted it and promised to forget, it had come to him. Had it not been a few months? Looking at Kim Taejung¡¯s shadow against streaks of sunlight, he remembered the last time he saw him. At the time, they spoke with warm breaths that accompanied a hot summer night, and now it was late autumn when fallen leaves were flying around endlessly. Ha Joyoon never once caught sight of Kim Taejung after the breakup, to the point where he considered their time together to be a lie. Perhaps it would be more accurate to say Kim Taejung completely disappeared from his life like he never existed in the first place. ¡°Are you just coming in now?¡± A middle-aged woman with her shopping basket approached and asked. The person coming with her also walked slowly and stopped at a certain distance. ¡°Yes.¡± Replying bluntly, Ha Joyoon collected the things in her hand. His mother, whose hands felt light in an instant, smiled more brightly and patted her son on the back. ¡°Why do you stay out so often these days, son?¡± ¡°I¡¯m sorry. Did you go grocery shopping?¡± ¡°Yes, I had to go to the market to make my son something delicious for dinner.¡± Her harsh voice was melted by the affection that could not be hidden. Ha Joyoon bowed his head, listening to his mother¡¯s worried complaints, and turned his gaze behind him when he felt a presence. He understood the strange relativity of time since Kim Taejung felt more distant and unfamiliar since the summer night he last saw him compared to the 5 years he didn¡¯t. ¡°By the way, Yoon-ah. I met Taejung on the way back. It¡¯s been months since we last saw him.¡± Only then did the woman hurry to grab her son¡¯s arm and turn half way as she remembered the person she came with. Kang Taejung, who was one step away with both hands full of grocery bags, was dragged helplessly to face the other. He had an indiscernible expression on his face. ¡°¡­¡± ¡°¡­¡± There was a long silence that seemed to go on for eternity. His heavy eyelids gradually fell and eventually became fixed on the floor covered in dust. His right cheek, where he had gotten slapped by him, suddenly felt sore. His thin cheek slightly twitched. He knew that the other¡¯s gaze was on him but Ha Joyoon barely raised his head again. The woman eventually sensed the odd air within the continuous silence and grabbed her son¡¯s arm and lightly shook it. ¡°Why are you both so awkward? Did you two fight?¡± ¡°¡­¡± ¡°Mother¡­¡± One answered with silence and the other with a call of disapproval. Hyesun somewhat understood the situation now and she looked up at her son again. She could feel the obvious depression behind his indifferent and expressionless face. She then recalled her son¡¯s sudden withdrawal and depression in late summer. ¡°Oh goodness,¡± The sigh of surprise left her lips. ¡°What would you need to fight about? It¡¯s not like you¡¯ve only known each other for a few years¡­¡± Hyesun blamed her son as his expression completely hardened. Ha Joyoon¡¯s fine brows frowned for a moment, but her words continued smoothly and without hesitation. ¡°Yoon-ah, are you upset with Taejung? Still, you shouldn¡¯t quarrel with him¡­ Taejung really had a hard time when you were gone. He even put his company work behind and only looked for you. It would be a big problem if you just let your relationship stay this way. Plus, I would feel like I¡¯ve lost my other son.¡± ¡°¡­Mother, I¡­¡± She continued to talk, stopping Kang Taejung, who tried to approach her with a bewildered expression. ¡°Everyone in our family, I, your dad and Junghye, are grateful to Taejung. When I thought something had gone wrong with you but couldn¡¯t do anything, Taejung ran around and tried to get help somehow. He even went looking for your school seniors and work colleagues.¡± The feeling of hearing his lover¡¯s deeds from a third party during his period of unconsciousness was indescribably weird. Time he couldn¡¯t turn back to or be compensated for. The guilt that had vaguely covered up opened its ugly mouth again. He wasn¡¯t the only one broken and lost. Kang Taejung was also the same. They had the same size of wound on both sides. Ha Joyoon managed to finally open his mouth, trying to hold on to his distant heart. ¡°Mom.¡± At the gloomy voice, Hyesun held onto her son¡¯s hand. It was warm weather, but the hands holding each other were cold and stiff like ice. Recently, when she thought of her child who had become emaciated and could barely eat properly, her upset heart rose like a bonfire. ¡°Let¡¯s go in, mom.¡± ¡°Why are you being like this? Taejung is here.¡± ¡°Alright, I¡¯ll do it by myself.¡± Although his mood had improved a little recently, it was heartbreaking for parents to see their helplessly depressed children. He would leave his favorite picture behind and stay confined in his room and even when he came out, she worried about his well being when he stayed up all night for days at work, overworking himself. Maybe if they made up, he would feel a little better. It was simply common sense to think that way. ¡°If you hold any grudges with each other, just talk it out. Alright?¡± Ha Joyoon silently hung his head in response to her gentle tap on the back of his hand. ¡°I¡¯ll go in first. Make sure to talk about it. Taejung-ah, let¡¯s have you eat dinner at our house, okay?¡± ¡°Okay, mother. Please go in first.¡± He answered with a shy smile, afraid he¡¯d cause more concern. Laughing with a dimple on only one cheek was one of Kang Taejung¡¯s habits to overcome a difficult situation. Just by looking at his expression, you could obviously see he was thinking and how he really felt. Shortly after his mother entered the house, Ha Joyoon took a heavy step forward. It made the physical distance become closer, but neither of them looked the other in his eyes. In just a few months, there was an awkward air between them that made it seem like hundreds of years had passed. ¡°Don¡¯t listen¡­ to what my mom said.¡± The first one to speak was Ha Joyoon. He heard the sound of the person in front of him moving and felt a gaze on him. It was quite sad that they could know each other¡¯s actions without having to actually check, Ha Joyoon smiled a little as it felt like he could see him. But he couldn¡¯t bear to raise his head since he was still not confident enough to meet his gaze. ¡°You can come for dinner when I¡¯m not home next time. I usually come home late at night and rarely on weekends, so you can check with my sister. My parents, however, are really grateful to you and want to see you. I might be uncomfortable with it but my parents don¡¯t feel that way¡­¡± ¡°¡­¡± ¡°Give them a call next time.¡± Just because a relationship between lovers ended, doesn¡¯t mean all the human relationships steadily built over the years had to as well. Even if he didn¡¯t want to think about him, if there was someone around who did, he would suddenly flash into his mind during a normal conversation. Such defenseless attacks like those were usually more bitter and painful. How does everything end when love ends¡­? Ha Joyoon turned his back again, rubbing at the scar of parting without realizing. He didn¡¯t expect a conversation anyway, so he thought he wouldn¡¯t be shocked by the other¡¯s silence, but his heart that had been shattered to dust strangely hurt. He closed his eyes tightly, covering his mouth with his palm as he felt an unbearable urge to puke. ¡°Yoon-ah.¡± He hadn¡¯t walked too far before a voice called for him, putting a stop to his steps. The autumn wind blew coolly. Ha Joyoon stopped walking for a moment and turned his eyes, which swept his disorganized hair along the direction of the wind. Under a sky that seemed to have moved the blue sea to the heavens, his empty mind shook dangerously like fallen leaves. ¡°Do you feel any better?¡± Concerned worries came out of Kang Taejung¡¯s mouth. He had no time to be thrilled by the cheap sympathy. If there had been a mirror at that moment, Ha Joyoon would have had to fight the intense urge to smash everything into pieces. He felt like he was going to show his messed up and distorted face. He had never wanted to show Kang Taejung his ugly self. Ha Joyoon couldn¡¯t find anything to reply with and answered by covering his eyes with his palm. The cheeks hidden between them twitched. Whether hate or love, it was difficult for him to tell what he was feeling now. Step step¨C When he heard the sound of footsteps slowly become closer, his entire body became as rigid as a fossil. When the tormenting sound stopped, a brutally sweet voice ripped through his ears and dug into his brain. ¡°Do you go to the hospital regularly?¡± ¡°¡­¡± ¡°Is your rehabilitati¡­¡± ¡°Taejung-ah.¡± Ha Joyoon called his ex¡¯s name in a faint yet serious voice. Fortunately, his dried tear glands due to his exhaustion of emotions didn¡¯t make Ha Joyoon look miserable in front of him, but it was painful and difficult enough to put the name into words. It was a very small voice, but Kang Taejung stopped talking and waited for Ha Joyoon¡¯s answer. It was a slower tempo than others, as they both had a conversation habit of giving enough time to speak and listen. His clenched hand trembled to the point where it hurt. Ha Joyoon replied in a trembling voice, barely squeezing out the little courage he had left. ¡°You don¡¯t have to worry about that anymore.¡± ¡°¡­Yoon-ah.¡± ¡°Plus, I don¡¯t think I¡­ I don¡¯t think I can talk with you yet. I¡¯m too¡­¡± Irregular breathing followed. He grabbed at the suffocating feeling in his chest a few times, which soon stopped, and then he lowered his eyes to the floor again. The achromatic asphalt road was laughing at his weakness, announcing the cool afternoon. ¡°I said and did something shameful to you before¡­ I don¡¯t think I can look at you properly now. It¡¯ll get better as time goes on. Still, it has nothing to do with my parents¡­ You can go see them when you wish to. Don¡¯t worry about me.¡± The sun-drenched clouds slowly drifted through the sky. The suffocating heat was long over. Under the brilliantly broken blue sky was only silence that became as awkward as the streets that were opened without hesitation. This seemed to be the result of the relationship between him and Taejung, the taste of it at the tip of his tongue was bitter. After finishing what he had to say to some extent, Ha Joyoon turned away from the other who no longer had a reply. The day was going to be a long one. Today, he had to find something to avoid the pain and immerse himself in to overcome the thoughts that lengthened, suppressing his mind. Just as he was about to take a step to his home. ¡°Yoon-ah.¡± ¡°¡­¡± I don¡¯t want you to call me that. Your kindness with only traces left, is only in the past. The name you call is just a man already dead and buried in your past. His lifeless eyes turned to Kang Taejung. With his neutral gaze which felt nothing, he could see Kang Taejung¡¯s movement trying to catch him, also stop. ¡°Back then¡­¡± Months later, his sweet voice was still difficult to handle. Kang Taejung tried to finish his sentence, mouth opening several times, but he soon closed his mouth again. As if nothing had happened from the beginning. Ha Joyoon also didn¡¯t ask anymore because his mental state was not stable enough to resume the conversation by asking till the end. He no longer felt confident to see Kang Taenung¡¯s remorseful face towards him. Not being able to make the other person happy was more painful than he imagined, and made him feel shabby. He had thought he did his best when it came to love but was condemned for being selfish, self-destructive, and making his partner feel sick and lonely. Now there was nothing that could make him sure that it had been sincere and that he had done his best. ¡°I¡¯ll leave.¡± He turned completely with a faint goodbye. Opening the front door and entering the house, he could no longer hear a call for him. The expectation that he would catch up to him disappeared without a trace. CH 31 The cup on the table splashed around the remaining coffee in it. After his mother¡¯s call last time, Kang Taejung tried to stay at his parents¡¯ house for at least a day each weekend. Seo Youngwoo showed some signs of disappointment, but to soothe his disappointment, Taejung met with him diligently when he had time, even on weekdays, just to make up for the small amount of time they got to meet. It was a relationship without any major conflicts and they maintained such consistency. There was nothing that could be considered truly problematic in their daily life. A stable relationship free from stress and anxiety. That had been his greatest wish in a relationship. The shape of his eyes were slightly curved and made a rather gentle impression, but the feelings underneath them were heavy. His hand, flipping the corner of his cellphone, came to a halt as he grew bored. Thud- Even as it fell on the table after a few turns, the screen shone brightly with messages from several people. There was a visible smile on that person¡¯s lips as he watched it. ¡®It¡¯s like lighting.¡¯ ¡®Lighting?¡¯ ¡®The kind of lighting for stages. It seems like your phone never gets a break. It keeps blinking like stage lighting. Do you keep getting calls from people? Because it¡¯s quite fascinating. Mine is like the night. Always black. There¡¯s never any calls.¡¯ He let out a laugh at the question that actually seemed curious. However, the asker was quite serious, persistently staring at Kang Taejung¡¯s phone with curious eyes as it rang nonstop for a long time. His eyes were pretty, almost like a kid who was barely past puberty, that he met his lips breathlessly. Once, twice, three times. The kisses grew sweeter as the numbers increased making it difficult to stop. He was completely immersed in his feelings for the other. How else could he express his feelings besides this? Kang Taejung walked to the half-open window with his cold cup of coffee. There were only three things that lit up the pitch-dark night: the stars, the streetlights, and the moon that crept out through the clouds. He stretched out his arms while breathing hard under the tightening pressure in his lungs. Creak¡ª The cool autumn breeze entered the room as he completely opened the window. The cold wind made his huddled heart relax a little. He couldn¡¯t feel any movement across the room from him. A scene that he had unconsciously buried suddenly came to mind. ¡­He was laughing. He could still tell even though he was watching from a distance. The image of someone talking with Ha Joyoon as his arms wrapped around him, kept replaying in his head. Although he was glad that he looked more peaceful than the last time they met, his cowardly heart still couldn¡¯t help but flare up. The embarrassment from thinking about it made him clench his hand around the cup he was holding. Qtb kjr atja? Bjcu Kjfpecu gfmjiifv atf ojmf bo atf wjc tf rjk j ofk tbegr jub. Lf rffwfv wjcis klat j ojlgis gfragjlcfv jqqfjgjcmf jcv atf jlg yfakffc atfw rffwfv ecereji. Qjr tf j mbiifjuef bg j oglfcv? Ktf bcis atlcu mifjg kjr atja tf vlvc¡¯a xcbk atlr qfgrbc. Even though he didn¡¯t want to be conscious of it, his thoughts teased its owner, as he lost control and reflected on past times. His heart thumped dully at the distant torrent of pain. He was the one always surrounded with people. It was easy for him to hang out with others and it was fun to be with them as well. He had a different cardinal disposition compared to Ha Joyoon who valued time alone. Of course, their different ways of human relation did not affect their relationship. Absolute trust. The trust between him and Ha Joyoon was so solid and secure that it could not collapse even at the temptation of others. A self-mocking smile suddenly slipped past Kang Taejung¡¯s lips. Trust, you say. He was astounded by the sense of loss he felt. The tower of trust, which he thought would last forever, had already been rickety for a long time. He had simply covered his eyes and pretended not to know. It was his choice to end it so messily. It was impossible for a break up to be beautiful but his end with Ha Joyoon was more ragged and messed up than normal. ¡®You don¡¯t have to worry about that anymore.¡¯ The quiet words had now become sharp blades that pierced through his ears. The result of his selfishness seemed to have been completely revealed through Ha Joyoon¡¯s reaction. His smile which used to be like a warm spring no longer remained. Instead, what came to mind was Ha Joyoon¡¯s dumbfounded expression as he looked at him and Seo Youngwoo on the night they reunited. That¡¯s why he shouldn¡¯t have done that. He knew that. He knew that but still decided to do so. Their first reunion in five years was a border between dream and reality. The moment Kang Taejung saw Ha Joyoon¡¯s face, he thought he¡¯d die from the terror that caused his heart to burn up. As much as he felt sorry and ashamed that he couldn¡¯t wait till the end, he had no other emotion besides fear at that moment. The fear from his lowest point in life became a psychological imprint and warned him to keep him from experiencing that again. He simply thought it was time for him to live life too. Now he realized it was a cheap excuse, but he felt that way back then. Back then¡­ Tormented by his selfish and indecisive heart, Kang Taejung buried his face in his hands. His past anguish due to his missing lover as well as his former whispers of love, all seemed like hypocrisy. It was laughable. I want to forget you completely, but I find myself frantically searching for the traces of me left by you in that short time. When I realize for the first time that there might be several people I don¡¯t know around you, I tremble with a sense of loss even though I chose to drive you out of my life and stand by others. How much more selfish and hypocritical could I be? The sound of an odd laugh came out between the hands that covered his face. It sounded almost like crying. Brrr- ¨C ¨C His cell phone on the table rang wildly with vibration. Dark eyes slowly looked towards the source of the sound. His neural circuits took in the familiar name on the screen. It was Seo Youngwoo. ¡°¡­¡± Brrr- ¨C ¨C Brrr- ¨C ¨C The vibration never stopped even as time passed. His hesitating hand on the table headed towards the phone after a short silence. The somber voice was completely obscured after a few coughs. ¡°Youngwoo-yah.¡± ¨C ¡°Hyung, why weren¡¯t you answering your calls?¡± ¡°Sorry. I was having a talk with mom.¡± ¨C ¡°Oh, then I can call you later.¡± ¡°No, I¡¯m done now. It¡¯s fine.¡± ¨C ¡°Hyung, today at the office¡­¡± As he lowered his head, soft hair flowed down his forehead. Shadows were scattered across his nose. The casual conversation carried on without anything special happening. Ask how the other was doing, wonder about their daily routines, and discuss their schedules together. He realized that he was now doing all the things he actually wanted to do with Ha Jo-yoon, with others. The things Ha Joyoon couldn¡¯t do for him were now being done by a different person. Just like the slow drench of spring rain, Seo Youngwoo was always there when he looked back. It was painful when he found himself leaning on him, receiving comfort and peace of mind. He had a vague thought that his heart would gravitate towards Seo Youngwoo someday, even if it wasn¡¯t because of the wrong he had done to him. Kang Taejung smiled helplessly at his unbearable bitterness. His tightly pulled cheeks trembled. His inexplicable sense of loss and guilt overflowing like a wave. On the contrary, no matter how much water was poured into the hole in the chest, it would not fill up. However, he didn¡¯t realize that when he smiled with his head down, trying to concentrate on his phone. *** The world in the viewfinder is like a contraction of human history. All joys and sorrows are recorded raw without any corrections. Journalism places its value on informing the truth beyond mere photographs, and the record caught in a flash becomes eternal and is remembered in people¡¯s minds. Therefore, it should be closer to the truth and must be recorded accurately. This was the iron rule reporters should never forget as long as they held a camera and pen. For this reason, pressing the shutter required determination. This was because the scene made by him would become an article and be distributed to media around the world. A sense of responsibility and duty were one of the basic qualities that should be preceded and there had been no event in the world that was considered trivial news. {The Japanese government confirms that the issue has been finally and irreversibly resolved on the premise that the above-mentioned measures are steadily implemented with the Korean government. The Japanese government refrains from criticizing each other on issues seen in the international community, including the United Nations in the future.} {The South Korean government refrains from criticizing the issue in the international community, including the United Nations, on the premise that the measures expressed by the Japanese government will be steadily implemented. That''s all for the Korean government. I am very pleased to announce the end of the previous negotiations with the Foreign Minister before the 50th anniversary of the normalization of diplomatic relations between South Korea and Japan. Follow-up to the fundamental agreement¡­} Soulless apologies and pardons were quickly exchanged, as if they were taken from a machine. It was a scene where emotions were mixed as simply as instant coffee. Nowhere in their comments did they seem truly apologetic and forgiving. It was difficult to find any emotion in their dull expressions marked at the scene of reconciliation, which was simply decided by a documentary signature. In an era of brutal violence and damage, where people went to war with pens instead of guns, one struggles and resists, and another writes a record of their lives. It was not only a proud history but also a shameful history that had to be recorded and remembered. For those who risked their lives somewhere and fought alone, away from people¡¯s eyes, Ha Joyoon sincerely framed the scene of the brutal diplomatic defeat in front of him. Trying as much as possible not to miss every emotion, every truth, even a little gesture, tone, expression, and movement, so that the history and records of that moment would remain forever and continue on to future generations. So that no one could justify their lack of awareness. CH 32 ¡°Ugh, those bastards. Can they even call that a negotiation¡­?¡± Nam Hyun-woo¡¯s mouth continuously poured out curses as they came out of the conference hall at the Foreign Ministry building. Ha Joyoon, who stood next to him, also nodded silently in agreement. Both of their faces looked dark and sunken. ¡°You sent all the photos, right?¡± ¡°Yes, I sent them after selecting the necessary cuts.¡± ¡°The distribution will probably be over by the time we get to the office. Reporter Ha, it¡¯s been a long morning, should we go get something to drink?¡± ¡°I need to gather news coverage later in the day.¡± ¡°Nothing is going my way¡­ Let¡¯s go get a simple meal then.¡± ¡°Um, Reporter Nam.¡± A look of doubt crossed his usually expressionless face. Nam Hyunwoo, who was quickly sending the article-related materials with his tablet, soon noticed him and tilted his head. ¡°Did I skip something?¡± ¡°That¡¯s not it¡­ My friend came here for news coverage too. If you don¡¯t mind, could we go together for lunch?¡± ¡°That¡¯s not exactly a difficult request, Reporter Ha.¡± Before he even finished speaking, Nam Hyunwoo laughed and tapped Ha Joyoon¡¯s back with a playful pat. ¡°Thank you. We were supposed to meet on the way out.¡± ¡°Then let¡¯s go that way. Since I¡¯m feeling a bit down, let¡¯s eat something nice. Are you going to the office after finishing the evening coverage?¡± ¡°Yes, Chief called for me.¡± Nam Hyunwoo, who was looking at his afternoon schedule, clicked his tongue and shook his head. ¡°That¡¯s a lot of work. Are you feeling okay? You¡¯re stronger than I thought.¡± ¡°I wouldn¡¯t be a reporter if I can¡¯t at least do these.¡± ¡°I guess so. You must have done some camping out as well.¡± ¡°As usual.¡± ¡°Doesn¡¯t suit you.¡± ¡°Haha¡­¡± Lj Absbbc rwlifv jkxkjgvis jcv rmgjamtfv ja tlr tfjv jr tf jcv Rjw Lseckbb wjamtfv raglvfr kjixlcu cfza ab fjmt batfg. Ktflg mbcnfgrjalbc cjaegjiis oliifv atf vlrajcmf yfakffc atfw. Qtfc Rjw Lseckbb rqbxf, Lj Absbbc kbeiv bcis jcrkfg delfais bg cbv, yea atja rffwfv ab yf fcbeut ab jiibk atf mbcnfgrjalbc ab oibk rwbbatis. Under the blue sky, the cool wind grazed between their hairs, and the ginkgo leaves engraved with red and gold in the soft sunlight fell to the side of the road as if dancing in the autumn wind. As a pleasant sounding voice rang loudly from afar, all the passersby¡¯s eyes turned to her. Ha Joyoon quickly approached Song Jinah, who was on the street waving both hands, as she was about to call him again. Ha Joyoon smiled widely as he met his close friend after such a long time. Click, clack¨C The sound of high heels walking on the sidewalk was just as refreshing as its owner. As they got close enough to see each other¡¯s expressions, Song Jina raised one hand and hit Ha Joyoon¡¯s back mercilessly. Smack. There was a sharp, crackling sound in the air. ¡°Did you survive the water cannon?¡± ¡°Yeah.¡± Unable to yell from the pain, Ha Joyoon swept a hand over his burning back before giving her a curt reply. Song Jina¡¯s expression was crumpled with pain as she looked at him. She laughed and spoke jokingly, but her hands still trembled when she thought of the last time they parted ways. Her friend, who had been unconscious for a long time looked so pale that she grew crazy with fear that something would go wrong. ¡°Crazy bastards. I completely destroyed them with my pen back then. The news agency said it was too aggressive, but I told them I would post on an internet site if they wouldn¡¯t allow it. The editor-in-chief had to give in eventually.¡± ¡°Are you okay?¡± ¡°¡­Yeah. The editor-in-chief and I both got disciplinary action, though.¡± Song Jina let out a long, exhausted sigh. She frowned as she recalled the memories of that time but soon shook her head and quickly changed the subject. ¡°Seems like your breaking news has already been distributed.¡± He nodded in response to the question that had been asked with a smile. ¡°There¡¯s a restaurant I know nearby. Their stir-fried pork is insanely good, so let¡¯s go there. That¡¯s okay, right? ¡°Yeah. Oh, right, my colleague.¡± Anyone could tell that it was a sloppy introduction. And although he introduced Nam Hyunwoo with an indifferent and curt expression, in reality, he felt nervous that he might have made a mistake. Yet it was as plain as day. Roughly assuming what was going on in Ha Joyoon¡¯s head, Song Jina spoke with a bright smile. ¡°Hello? It¡¯s nice to meet you. I¡¯m Song Jina from J Daily¡¯s Global News Division ¡°Nice to meet you too. I¡¯m Nam Hyunwoo.¡± ¡°It¡¯s a pleasure. Please do share information with me in the future ¡± ¡°Haha- We¡¯re sweating on our feet right now, too. Reporter Ha and I will have to leave again later today.¡± ¡°Oh, What a surprise.¡± A brief handshake followed after a simple introduction. Since both of them were quite sociable, it wasn¡¯t awkward even though it was their first time meeting. There was a flicker of relief on Ha Joyoon¡¯s face. After the handshake, Song Jina continued to walk just ahead of them. ¡°Please do follow me. I shall take you to a nice place.¡± ¡°Wow ¨C I¡¯m looking forward to it, Ms. Song.¡± ¡°Haha-.¡± Her pleasant tone of voice gradually widened his small smile. He felt even more grateful because he knew that her joking tone was to relieve the tension. It took ten minutes to get to the restaurant, and in that time, they filled in the void with conversations about the joint meeting that took place earlier. They had a heated debate over the humiliating negotiation that did not include the victim¡¯s will as they passed through a brick road and crosswalk to get to the restaurant, continuing their discussion even during the meal. The food was quite delicious and appetizing, as Song Jina promised. ¡°If they¡¯re going to sign a contract like that, they should have taken a good look at the optional clause first.¡± ¡°That¡¯s because they never cared to. So they never wanted to seek our opinion in the first place. Make profit and leave. It¡¯s actually a shame that we have to make an article about this because it¡¯s a shallow idea.¡± ¡°You¡¯re right.¡± Their ability to match the other¡¯s energy and reply to said conversation was also impressive. Ha Joyoon, who was quietly eating while they had their pleasant discussion, rose from his seat with a small cough. ¡°Yoon-ah, what¡¯s wrong?¡± ¡°I think I¡¯m a little choked up. I need to go to the restroom.¡± ¡°Take care of yourself, Reporter Ha. Aren¡¯t you overdoing things with your schedule these days?¡± ¡°It¡¯s not like that.¡± ¡°Hurry back!¡± Ha Joyoon smiled at Song Jina before heading in the direction of the restroom. Song Jina watched him leave with a hand resting her chin before opening her mouth to speak. ¡°How is Reporter Ha doing?¡± When asked out of the blue, Nam Hyunwoo stopped his hand reaching for his spoon of soup and turned to her. ¡°I was wondering if he gets along with people at the office.¡± ¡°Why is that¡­?¡± ¡°I¡¯m worried. He returned so quickly that his physical condition is not normal right now. He can be quite shy, too.¡± There was also the rally incident, but the conversation they had after they reunited for the first time was deeply worrisome. His out-of-it expression as he asked what he could do to be okay, still remained in her mind. After that she tried several times to carefully bring it up but Ha Joyoon had only smiled like he had no clue what she was saying and never said anything regarding it. She had guessed he was going through a hard time- which was the only thing she could think of. Nam Hyunwoo nodded, seeming to understand Song Jina¡¯s explanation, and put down his spoon for a while. Pouring water into an empty cup, he brought it to his lips and recalled what he had seen with Ha Joyoon. ¡°In that case¡­ Our director talked about it when he brought Ha Joyoon, so he is freely receiving rehabilitation therapy. But he doesn¡¯t go often. He stays at the office for longer than usual. Besides that, I think everything else is fine. He doesn¡¯t talk much, but he still gets along well with other employees.¡± ¡°Yoon? Really?¡± Her eyes suddenly widened. Nam Hyunwoo hesitated for a moment at the other¡¯s excessive reaction before waving his hand playfully. ¡°There is no other problem. He tends to attend company dinners and communicate well when I work with him. He is also popular among the employees. As you know, Reporter Ha is a pretty guy. He¡¯s a precious face in our company.¡± ¡°He must have saved the country in his previous life. The problem is that the precious face keeps rotting.¡± Song Jina mumbled jokingly and tapped the rim of a glass with her hand. Nam Hyunwoo shrugged his shoulders slightly in agreement. ¡°I don¡¯t think you have to worry too much. I think Reporter Ha is a good guy. He doesn¡¯t slack off or do a messy job on his projects, and is a man of few words. He¡¯s also very considerate. He¡¯s the type that¡¯s hard to meet at work. It¡¯s impossible to say that he¡¯s close to everyone without keeping a distance, but there¡¯s no employee in the company that hates him. It¡¯s not like there are that many people. Ha ha.¡± ¡°¡­That¡¯s a relief. Reporter Nam. Please do look out for him.¡± ¡°Haha, I¡¯ll try.¡± That¡¯s a relief. Ha Joyoon, you seem to be doing well. Smiling dimly, Song Jina recalled old memories. The relationship between herself and Ha Jo-yoon has always stood at a strange boundary. One between being facing or evading each other. Even so, it took a lot of time and effort to get this close. In college, Ha Joyoon used to easily attract people¡¯s attention even without doing anything. His mixed-race appearance and unique, languid air felt completely different from his peers. Song Jina was also part of the groups of people who wanted to get close to him. Looking back, she contacted him alot. Maybe if she hadn¡¯t tried, they¡¯d have barely remembered each other¡¯s names. It should have hurt her pride but she didn¡¯t feel that way when they met. She was curious about how he was doing and it was nice to see when he seemed to be living fine. The Ha Joyoon she remembered always seemed to be floating in the air. When everyone looked in one direction he would look in another, he had a different air to him compared to everyone else, somewhat on the edge and yet it was heartbreaking to look at him¡­ ¡°Are you done eating already?¡± ¡°Huh? Oh, yeah. I¡¯m done.¡± Ha Joyoon, who returned to the table at some point, pulled his chair and sat down again. ¡°What are you thinking about?¡± The voice asking sounded just as quiet as its owner. With a hand resting on her chin, Song Jina smirked pleasantly and gestured with her chin. ¡°Go get three cups of coffee over there. Reporter Nam, you need one too, right?¡± ¡°Oh! No, I¡¯m fine.¡± ¡°Then just bring mine.¡± ¡°¡­? Wait a sec.¡± Even though she sent him on an errand without giving him enough time to sit, there was no trace of annoyance on his face. They say when a man looks coy, he is a fool inside. You¡¯re too nice, it¡¯s a crime. Complimenting him in her mind, Song Jina finally put her worries to rest after several months. CH 33 By the time he returned to the office, darkness had already covered the entire sky. After checking the time and seeing that it was well past 10, Ha Joyoon quickly headed over to his desk. Check the file. Please check it by tomorrow morning. The desk was scattered messily with documents, but there was a post-it note with something written on it atop a blue file in the corner. The editor-in-chief told him he could leave first, but the scrawl on the note let him know that the situation was urgent. Ha Joyoon pressed the desktop power button while quickly looking through the items in the order. After a while, the sound of the fan was heard and the monitor screen quickly brightened. Drag¨C Pulling the chair out, he approached it with tired steps and slumped down. The soft cushion supported his back comfortably. As he tilted his head, drowsiness flooded over him. The fatigue accumulated throughout the day, covering his entire body, was only then let out with a sigh. ¡°Phew¡­¡± The lights weren¡¯t turned on, so he couldn¡¯t see anything in the dark office. The only light was the one created by the computer monitor. As he blinked slowly a few more times, a distant headache came in little by little. Inserting a memory card before clicking on the mouse, his hands soon slowed down noticeably. With his thoughts all over the place, he eventually decided to leave everything behind for a while and completely closed his eyes. He rubbed his face in the dry air. On each joint of his fingers, there was a feeling of fatigue that could barely get him through a day. He endured today as well. As his body grew more tired, the clearer his mind became. Ha Joyoon closed his blurred eyes and opened them, looking back on each day he had endured until today. It had become a habit at some point. After the break up, each minute and second felt like hell. He had been scared of enduring each day more than torture. 24 hours seemed to last forever, and it was painful that he had to get through another day. Groaning and grabbing onto his chest dozens of times a day, he couldn¡¯t believe that he really broke up with Kang Taejung. The pictures he took with him, the things that still had his touch on them had made Ha Joyoon feel like he would go crazy, and it had hurt so much that it felt like someone was scratching at his heart. It wasn¡¯t just psychological pain but physical pain that had made him fear that his heart was going to eventually explode. ¡­However, time went by steadily. The pain that made him feel like he was dying weathered little by little in the wind of time, to the point where it became less noticeable. It was both ironic and sad. As Ha Joyoon was gradually met with the reality given to him, he tried his best to expand the focus of his life, which had previously only revolved around Kang Taejung and photography. That way, the breakup didn¡¯t mess up everything for him. It gave him a chance to look back on what had been missing and lost at some point in his life. He simply focused on his current ideals and made an awkward effort to not focus on the past that stayed by him. It was still painful when he had sudden memories while he went on with daily activities, but maybe one day¡­ Click- The thoughts that were about to penetrate through his unconscious, quickly dispersed and evaporated. The noise cutting through the space where you could barely hear the sound of breathing, alerted Ha Joyoon and he quickly jumped up from his chair like a spring. The person who came into the office also seemed surprised, their slow moving shadow stopping in its tracks. ¡°¡­Ha Joyoon?¡± ¡°Huh¡­ Sunbae.¡± ¡°Why didn¡¯t you turn on the lights?¡± Click.¨C At the sound of pressing the switch, the dark interior quickly brightened. Ha Joyoon gently frowned at the sudden pouring light and turned to the door where the familiar voice could be heard. The man looked as neat as ever dressed stylishly in a clean gray tone suit and a classic design trench coat. Whether he knew his turbulent thoughts or not, the other looked at him with his usual firm expression. ¡°Why are you at the office this late?¡± ¡°The editor-in-chief asked me to do something since the exhibition conference is tomorrow. I heard there¡¯d be a meeting with the event host in the afternoon.¡± ¡°Oh, right.¡± ¡°My evening schedule ended a little late too.¡± As Shin Kwonjoo approached him, Ha Joyoon began to arrange the things on his desk. And of course, it didn¡¯t help much. As he got closer, the look on his face made it obvious that he didn¡¯t like something. Ha Joyoon looked from side to side due to the awkwardness, unable to avoid Shin Kwonjoo¡¯s stinging gaze, he asked reluctantly, ¡°What are you doing here at this time, sunbae?¡± ¡°I also have some things to work on.¡± The man, who answered simply, took off his coat and randomly hung it on an empty chair. Suddenly, the paper bag he was holding came into view. Even at a short glance, Ha Joyoon could tell that it was filled up with food. Aware of his eyes, Shin Kwonjoo leaned on the desk with a short smile. ¡°Have you had dinner?¡± ¡°Yes.¡± ¡°Your eyes tell otherwise.¡± ¡°¡­¡± Lf kjr rbwfbcf ktb kbeivc¡¯a yfilfnf la gfujgvifrr. Lj Absbbc geyyfv tlr mtffx, agslcu ab reqqgfrr atf fwyjggjrrwfca atja qbqqfv bea klatbea gfjilhlcu la. Thud.¨C Cr rbbc jr tf ibbxfv jkjs, rjcvklmtfr jcv vglcxr kfgf qijmfv bc tlr vfrx. Ktfs kfgf atf obbv ogbw atf qjqfg yju. Cr tf ibbxfv ja Vtlc Bkbcpbb jujlc klat tlr tfjv aliafv, atf batfg rwlifv mgbbxfvis, ecibmxfv tlr meooilcxr, jcv gbiifv eq tlr riffnfr. C kjamt kgjqqfv jgbecv tlr olgw kglra kjr gfnfjifv. Ktf rxfifabc vlji kjamt, gfwlclrmfca bo atf Zfvlafggjcfjc, rtbkfv j mjgfogff rfcrf bo mijrr. ¡°Eat.¡± ¡°What about you?¡± ¡°I bought more than enough.¡± Another sandwich came out of the bag with a rustling sound. Seeing as the bag still looked heavy despite two persons¡¯ worth coming out of it, he really must have bought a lot like he said. Contrary to the image that he was likely to scrutinize the quality of his food, the things he bought were low quality and glutinous instant food that even convenience stores would find difficult to sell. Ha Joyoon smiled faintly at the out-of-place combination. Despite his reaction, Shin Kwonjoo drew a chair next to him and bent his upper body toward the monitor. The unique cool scent was pushed deep into his lungs with the calm air. ¡°Are these the pictures you took today?¡± Looking at the open window on his screen, he answered with a ¡®yes,¡¯ and began clicking with a hand on his mouse. The low noise and stroke of his cheek were solemn. Click.- Click.- The mouse cursor moved along with the familiar hand gesture, several photos continuously displayed. The people in the photo seemed intelligent and dignified, like those in power representing a country, and they had that mean spirited and selfish appearance to them as well. It was a hyper realistic scene that would have never seen the light of day without direct confrontation and insight of the scene and its characters. Exclamation flowed out of Shin Kwonjoo¡¯s lips as he saw the photo that looked almost like grotesque art. ¡°This one! It¡¯s good¡­¡± ¡°Mhm¡­¡± With familiarity, the other met his eyes as soon as he took out the bread and took a big bite. The mask of the cool headed man which he had worn until the day before yesterday had been completely distorted. No matter how calm Ha Joyoon was, he was a little offended by the other¡¯s dark pupils that spelled the word ¡®pathetic¡¯ at him. At that moment he wondered whether to chew or not, and since it was weird to spit out what was already in his mouth, he hurriedly chewed and swallowed the piece of sandwich that already filled his mouth. ¡°¡­ Didn¡¯t you say you already had dinner?¡± At the dumbfounded tone of his words, Ha Joyoon quickly wiped at the corner of his mouth and replied, ¡°¡­ I just felt hungry.¡± ¡°You¡¯d have cried if I didn¡¯t offer to give you.¡± ¡°That¡¯s not true¡­¡± Shin Kwonjoo smiled and handed over a drink when he replied with a gloomy face. Unable to drink it or his mood would worsen, he simply stared at the drink, turning to his side as soon as hard fingers touched his cheek. There was silence everywhere except for shallow breathing. The touch that tickled his cheek and jaw were rough and dry. The familiar face came closer before he even realized what was going on. Black and black, along with breathtaking eyes. ¡­ After a short silence, he felt a small peck quickly touch his lips. His dark eyelashes blinked. The man¡¯s face returned to normal, as if it had never happened. Shin Kwonjoo¡¯s eyes looking at the monitor again were peaceful, as if everything that happened a little while ago was a dream. Ha Joyoon, who was staring at the other¡¯s face, soon turned to the screen as well. His slightly cracked lips were warm, so he painfully bit at his lower lip. ¡°There was an foreign press club journalist meeting today.¡± Shin Kwonjoo spoke calmly, ¡°Continue eating.¡± At the brief order, Ha Joyoon bit into the sandwich in a moment of bewilderment. Shin Kwonjoo¡¯s gaze was still fixed on the photo. ¡°I don¡¯t like meetings that much either.¡± Shin Kwonjoo pressed between his brows, sweeping over his slightly messy hair. There was a sense of tiredness he hadn¡¯t seen earlier amidst the edginess of his voice. There was another silence. At times like this, the man would agonize over something, thoughts going through a filter twice before they leave his mouth. Ha Joyoon remained still and waited for his next words because it was something that he had gotten used to after sticking by his side for months. At that moment, the half-covered wooden blind of the office window gently shook in the wind. Between the upper and lower partitions, there was a small gap where he could see the city¡¯s neon signs shine beautifully like colored light bulbs on a tree. October. His eyes narrowed dimly as he stared at the calendar. Time went by so fast, just like a grain of sand falling between fingers, unable to grasp or hold onto it. ¡°Let¡¯s go together next time.¡± The hand swirling around the drink paused. Unlike his slightly relaxed eyes, Shin Kwonjoo¡¯s voice was serious and stern without any hint of joke. Ha Joyoon looked up with slightly surprised eyes at the unexpected suggestion. ¡°That¡¯s a little¡­¡± ¡°I know it¡¯d be uncomfortable to put you in that kind of situation.¡± A cool voice cut off his hesitation like a knife. ¡°It¡¯s good that you like to take photos but there¡¯s bound to be a limit. You¡¯ll sometimes encounter situations that you can¡¯t solve on your own. You¡¯ve experienced one before, haven¡¯t you?¡± His shoulders flinched at the sharp words that poked at his weakness. ¡°It¡¯s better to build a human network as much as possible. If you manage it well, you¡¯ll have more gains than losses. You need to do something about your closed off interpersonal relationships as well. Nothing will change in the future if you continue to do the same thing.¡± Ha Joyoon¡¯s hand trembled, still clutching his drink. He felt a penetrating gaze along with a long silence. He, too, did not rush to answer. He knew Shin Kwonjoo¡¯s words to him weren¡¯t just because they were sex partners, but because he was Ha Joyoon¡¯s boss and senior at work. A small smile came naturally as he thought of the first time he had said Shin Kwonjoo might have a bit of compassion. Of course, he knew there¡¯d be no exchange of feelings between the two of them. The man didn¡¯t want to and neither did he. ¡°¡­I know. I¡¯m just not used to it.¡± ¡°Then you¡¯ll get used to it from now on. No one else can meddle in matters regarding your life. And even if they do, there¡¯s a limit. How long do you plan on staying in Korea?¡± The sudden question left him speechless. Korea was where Kim Taejung lived, which gave him a place and reason to always come back. But now the reason was gone. He consciously tried not to think about the future, but knew that avoidance wasn¡¯t the only thing that worked. His brown irises quivered, reflecting his confused mind. Shin Kwonjoo, who interpreted his silence as positive, continued to talk with a cool look. ¡°It¡¯s because of rehabilitation now, but honestly, you don¡¯t seem like someone who would stay long either. Am I wrong?¡± ¡°¡­¡± ¡°If you want to continue in this field, I think you would know that it¡¯s of little use to be complacent and remain in a small pond. The next time you go to a war zone could really mean death. At the very least, it¡¯s better to let someone know about your welfare home and abroad.¡± ¡°¡­¡± ¡°This time you were lucky to have contacted me but there¡¯s no guarantee next time.¡± His eyes fell to the floor, eyelashes wavering. And a lot of thoughts seeped into his mind. He remembered the comfortable and happy shell that one person provided him with. Rubbing his cheeks into his warm and friendly embrace, he dreamed of using his love as a nutrient and stuck with his beliefs, but did not notice that said person¡¯s love was drying up. At Kim Taejung¡¯s fence, Ha Joyoon just had to see what he wanted to see and do what he wanted to do. But now that the wall had collapsed, he had to communicate with the world first and actively let his beliefs be known. No one could do that for him and he didn¡¯t want them to either. Just as the night clouds that spread throughout the city sky gently covered the silver moon, Ha Joyoon nodded silently. ¡°Please let me know when the next meeting is.¡± Only then did Shin Kwonjoo let out a low chuckle and ruffle his fluffy, brown hair. A neatly placed tie and onyx tie pin caught his attention. He suddenly had the thought that it was beautiful. ¡°You could also sign up as a member while you¡¯re there.¡± ¡°I¡¯ll decide after I attend.¡± ¡°Even if it¡¯s not at the club meeting, try to interact with other reporters whenever you get the opportunity.¡± ¡°¡­Okay. I¡¯ll try.¡± It seemed like his business there with him was over, as he began to pack his documents and items with a refreshed face, hands incredibly busy. ¡°When will you be done? Let¡¯s go together after this.¡± At the invitation, Ha Joyoon glanced at the clock on the wall and estimated his time of work. It looked like he would have to work till dawn. Was he trying to get involved again? He thought the amount of times their ¡®relationship¡¯ went on had become more frequent lately, but he couldn¡¯t find the words to refuse so he gave a noncommittal answer. ¡°It looks like it¡¯ll take a while. There¡¯s a lot so¡­¡± Shin Kwonjoo checked the time and turned his upper body to him again, making eye contact. His eyes were narrowed as if he wouldn¡¯t allow excuses. ¡°I think it¡¯ll also take me a while anyway. Did you say it¡¯s the material for tomorrow¡¯s photo exhibition? I heard they¡¯re going to bring a project proposal. What are you doing for it?¡± ¡°Yes, it is. I¡¯m just going to prepare a brief interview and portfolio.¡± ¡°You¡¯re doing an interview? Did the editor-in-chief recommend you for it?¡± ¡°¡­Yes.¡± He smiled with a stunned look, a grin evident in his black pupils after Ha Joyoon¡¯s words. There was the air of carefreeness that came from someone who enjoyed their life. ¡°Make sure not to stutter.¡± ¡°It¡¯s not that kind of interview. It¡¯s just in a simple sketch format.¡­ Don¡¯t laugh like that.¡± ¡°Don¡¯t look so cheeky.¡± As he sulked, the other smiled playfully and reached out to flick between his frowning brows. Then let out a low laugh. Ha Joyoon suddenly felt a strange feeling at the mischievous, villain-like laugh which was unlike his usual cold or sarcastic laugh. The man, who was giggling for a while, immediately stood up completely, with the coat he had taken off earlier on one arm. In an instant, their difference in eye level widened. ¡°See if you¡¯ll need it. This is the complete version of the plan submitted by the agency. I think you probably received a summarized version.¡± The thickness of the bundle of documents handed over was sizable. The cover of the plan and the names of the people in-charge seemed routine and boring as his brown-eyed gaze scanned through. It also looked like he saw a familiar name, but he didn¡¯t think too much about it and shook his head quietly. As a participating writer, the summarized version was sufficient. ¡°I don¡¯t think there¡¯s enough time to go through it.¡± Shin Kwonjoo no longer suggested it and nodded at the simple rejection. ¡°Okay. Then tell me when you¡¯re done. Since it looks like you¡¯re gonna finish up first.¡± As he began to put the seat back in place, Shin Kwonjoo¡¯s face returned to the usual demanding and cold expression. The scent of perfume which resembled the sea and bitter tobacco mixed with his own distinctive scent, following his movements and tickling the tip of Ha Joyoon¡¯s nose. On the desk, sandwiches, drinks, and snacks bought by Shin Kwonjoo remained intact. There was nothing special about the scene, but his gaze remained for a long time. ¡°¡­Okay,¡± He replied, rubbing his forehead as it still tingled. The man who got the answer he wanted soon turned to make his way to his office. The sound of stubborn shoes resounded clearly in the office with only two of them. Ha Joyoon watched Shin Kwonjoo¡¯s back as he walked away from him. Thud.¨C Everything quieted down after the sound of the door closing. The signs of their playful conversation a while ago also disappeared like a lie. Through the blinds half-covering the office, he briefly saw Shin Kwonjoo walk toward a desk before disappearing once more. In the past, he was someone¡¯s lover and someone¡¯s spouse. After capturing the scene for a while, he soon turned to the monitor again. It wasn¡¯t his part anyway. The surface of his mind, which had felt blue for a while, calmed down as if it had never been different. The screen was full of pictures taken today. His lost thoughts floated aimlessly. At that moment, he felt a cool energy. It was the night breeze. In the night air that sneaked in through the tightly closed window, Ha Joyoon gently pressed his swollen lips with the back of his hand. He didn¡¯t know the reason, but he thought his wavering heart was a little strange. CH 34 ¡°Ah¡­¡± Large palms covered his ears and cheeks. Unable to overcome the arm holding him down, his face was deeply buried in the sheets. ¡°Hmmm¡­¡± A thumb entered his lips that groaned helplessly, skimmed his teeth and tongue, and withdrew once more. The saliva-stained fingers sometimes tickled his earlobes and sometimes swept down his neck, teasing his warm body. His pale eyelids trembled at the feeling of being thrusted into. When he managed to open his half-closed eyes drunk with a sense of weakness, he caught sight of the man looking absorbed in their act. Contrary to the expectation that he would close his eyes, his eyes met directly with the black eyes that shone violently. ¡°Ahng¡­¡± ¡°Hnh¡­¡± His body lost strength and was drenched in sweat as another body firmly hugged his, body contorted as it was weighed down by the tall figure on top of him. ¡°Sunbae,¡± The faint plea disappeared without a trace through a deep kiss. Their skin rubbed together in heat and between that, they could hear the clear sound of each other¡¯s heartbeats. ¡°Turn your head.¡± ¡°Ngh!¡± The man¡¯s straight forehead frowned at the strong tightening sensation, and he thrusted in once more. His heart jolted at the unfamiliar yet bare sensation. Eventually, the man impatiently grabbed the cheek of the person underneath him and turned it forcibly toward him. Half-closed eyes blinked slowly as they couldn¡¯t resist the coercion. His light colored irises continuously shown and disappeared between his numerous eyelashes A short kiss between the cheeks and lips was repeated a couple of times, and hot breaths flowed through the slightly opened gap between them. Their scent mixed with the scent of skin lotion was making them dizzy. Ha Joyoon felt the sensation of fingers scattering between his sweaty hair and suddenly recognized the coolness he felt on his scalp. A ring¡­ As their bare skins rubbed against each other, Ha Joyoon slowly reached for his head and carrassed the man¡¯s hand that was on it. The veins on the back of his hand, his firm wrist and the feel of his long fingers were clear to the touch. ¡°¡­Why?¡± The other spoke with a voice two times lower than usual. ¡°This¡­¡± Fingers soaked with fluid scrambled to touch Shin Kwonjoo¡¯s hand. At the clumsy gesture, the man, who was holding his waist with his other hand, stopped moving and stared quietly at the pale hand groping around at his wrist and the back of his hand. ¡°What are you curious about?¡± ¡°Hngh.¡± ¡°What are you so curious about?¡± When he stopped moving with a deep thrust, there was a sound of groaning from crushed teeth. The man watched everything with slightly curved lips. ¡°You have to tell me or I won¡¯t know,¡± He whispered low, lowering his upper body and putting his face close to his ear. Ha Joyoon thought the voice sounded ill-natured and distressing and closed his eyes tightly at the sensation when he deeply penetrated his insides. The stream of sensation came in and swept away at him. Fragments of his heart towards someone also climbed to the surface and quickly disappeared. And it all happened in a flash. ¡°Drink.¡± ¡°Thank you.¡± When he returned to the bedroom after taking a shower, Shin Kwonjoo dressed neatly in his indoor clothes and handed over a steaming mug. It was a scene he got used to seeing after their act at the officetel. Ktf biv ugjwbqtbcf kjr qijslcu cbrajiulm biv pjhh ogbw atf 70r. Ktf rjzbqtbcf ktlmt rmgjamtfv gbeutis ja bcf¡¯r tfjga, atf rbeioei nblmf mbwlcu eq ogbw atf ibkfra qblca jcv atf ribk gtsatw atja ygfjxr bcf¡¯r tfjga, yfujc ab olii atf rqjmf atja kjr mbcrewfv ys iera fjgilfg bc. Ktf ylaafg jgbwj bo mbooff almxifv atf alq bo tlr cbrf. Kbemtlcu atf tba regojmf bo atf meq klat tlr qjiw, Lj Absbbc gbeutis rja bc j rabbi atja kjr cfjgys jcv rfaaifv vbkc. Ktf rwbbat afzaegf bo wjgyif mbbifv atf rbifr bo atf offa. The interior, which had a simple yet classic feel, and the small coffee mill with the strong aroma of coffee, and the man who naturally harmonized in it, were now quite familiar to him. He was also getting used to coffee made by the man with messy hair and comfortable clothes which he couldn¡¯t see at the office. In the beginning, it was only once on weekends, but at some point, they came here frequently to share cold warmth with each other when they had time on weekdays as well. That¡¯s not good. His hand holding the glass was weakly strained. He was afraid that he had become a young, inexperienced bird who had taken too many steps without realizing it. But above all, there was also a feeling that he was escaping from reality. Clack- Shin Kwonjoo followed the path that connected his bedroom to the balcony and pressed a button that made the warm-colored wooden blinds automatically go all the way up. With a simple movement, the space that had been completely blocked from outside had now become an open space. Due to the clear sky, the countless stars which he usually never saw, shone brightly around the moon. Ha Joyoon swallowed the deep-flavored coffee and stared at the universe-like night for a long time. The black and blue sky resembled the night he had seen in the desert where the cold wind once blew. It resembled longing and memories. The thought of wanting to go back suddenly penetrated deep into his mind. But where? Collie, Where should I go? The question without an exit was soon shattered by the sound of familiar footsteps that followed. As a shadow drew closer, a large hand wrapped around his cheek. His head gently tilted and their lips met. During the short kiss, the lingering scent of the coffee he drank a while ago was delivered to the other. ¡°Dry your hair properly.¡± A soft-feeling towel was placed over his still wet head. Ha Joyoon pulled down the towel that blocked his view and quietly stared at the man sitting on the console table. Shin Kwonjoo frowned when he noticed the gaze toward him. Then he soon realized that his ring was at the end of the gaze and let out a despondent laugh. ¡°Does it bother you?¡± He asked, swinging his hand back and forth. Ha Joyoon swallowed a sip of coffee again and nodded after thinking. The thick eyebrows curled further with questions. Ha Joyoon, who used to choose the right words and expressions, soon gave up and conveyed his feelings to the other in his own way. ¡°It kept touching my head.¡± ¡°¡­You worry about pointless things,¡± He picked up his mug, answering in an obnoxious tone. ¡°When did you get married?¡± It was a question he didn¡¯t expect to be answered, but he had become so curious that at some point it slipped out of his mouth without him realizing it. Contrary to the expectation that he would be serious or angry, Shin Kwonjoo lightly scanned Ha Joyoon¡¯s face, as if the question was unexpected, and put down his mug on the console table. ¡°Three years ago.¡± Three years. It was a time that didn¡¯t exist for Ha Joyoon. In an empty time with nothing to remember or infer, someone got married, someone broke up, and someone opened up to a new love. He tapped the corner of a stool with his fingertips and breathed evenly. There was nothing more foolish than thinking of other¡¯s love life to cover up his own. A dry smile shadowed Ha Joyoon¡¯s lips. ¡°What about divorce?¡± ¡°It¡¯s probably been a year.¡± He made a complex expression for a moment and tilted his head with his arms crossed. Shin Kwonjoo¡¯s patience lasted longer than he thought. No one in the company knew about his marriage and divorce. That showed just how strict he was at managing his privacy, but on the other hand, it also meant that no one had crossed the line with him. He scanned the books that filled all sides of the cabinet. The teak wood with careful finishing harmonized with the simple patterned wallpaper, giving off a still atmosphere, and the books in it were of countless varieties from recent publications to old books that seemed to have traces of old times. It was a rich space with a long history. Sometimes he saw books that were similar to the ones he had and his eyes were wet with yearning for a moment. ¡°I thought you were married because you kept wearing your ring.¡± When asked why he was wearing the ring, Shin Kwonjoo burst out laughing and loosened his arms again. ¡°There¡¯s no huge reason for it. If I suddenly stopped wearing it after having it on, I¡¯d get questions just like yours. Or people would simply wonder but never ask. And when their curiosity is not satisfied, they¡¯d probably make up absurd stories. I keep wearing it because I¡¯m not obligated to be understood by others or explain things about my private life to them.¡± He answered clearly, sweeping his soft drooping hair in the direction he lowered his head. Unlike the tone that became softer than usual, the words that came from his mouth were all cold, and the incongruity made Ha Joyoon¡¯s heart throb. Ha Joyoon suddenly felt a sense of deja vu at the other¡¯s expressionless face. The stifling midsummer evening that Kang Taejung had told him he wanted them to break-up, the love in his eyes gone. The emotion that came up through his throat lingered at the end of his lips. In a short time, he hesitated several times to either swallow the words down or say them out but eventually looked for words to make out impatiently. ¡°Sunbae, if that¡¯s the reason you still wear it¡­ won¡¯t the other person feel hurt by it?¡± Just like Kim Taejung¡¯s coloring which had been the same for over ten years, the fact might¡¯ve been that it was just continuing for nothing. The expectations in his mind were brutally trampled on and became a pathetic illusion, which made him feel like he was going to be laughed at. His horrible and bitter feelings surfaced. ¡°Did you even love your spouse?¡± A tone of reproach was mixed into the new question without him realizing and he noticed the look of annoyance that quickly flashed over Shin Kwonjoo¡¯s face. ¡°Why do I have to tell you about something so personal?¡± ¡°¡­¡± ¡°Are you asking because you¡¯re really curious? Or is it unnecessary empathy? Do you suddenly feel sorry for my ex-wife? Do you feel like you relate to her?¡± ¡°¡­I¡¯m sorry.¡± Ha Joyoon quickly admitted his fault when he tried to cross the line drawn by the man. The clumsily intertwined bond was quickly destroyed. It was a glaring mistake. His monotonous talk about the problems of his marriage and divorce made Ha Joyoon feel abandoned. It felt like he had become a piece of tissue that cleaned out discharged liquid and was tossed to the floor. It was quite ridiculous. ¡°Ha Joyoon.¡± The low voice spoke the three syllables of his name softly. Contrary to his previous sharp reaction, Shin Kwonjoo¡¯s expression was relaxed and calm as usual. ¡°I quite like this relationship. I think we¡¯re more compatible with each other than I thought, your personality itself is not bad, and I like your photos more. I think you¡¯re a very satisfactory person in many ways. It¡¯s a pity that the normal relationship between colleagues has been broken.¡± As he admonished, he explained the limitations of their relationship quietly. His brown eyes glowed coldly as they stared at the other with a subtle smile. ¡°If possible, I want our relationship to last a long time. From experience, if we continue this way it¡¯ll be a mess soon, so let¡¯s be careful with each other.¡± ¡®If possible.¡¯ Ha Joyoon smiled feebly at the abstract definition. It was just an artificial familiarity created by sleeping together, but he hadn¡¯t known at the time. He suddenly had a realization after drinking the rest of his coffee and putting the empty cup on the console table. He never asked anything about him unless it was related to photography. Aside from sex, they were really nothing. As his thoughts reached that point, he established his relationship with Shin Kwonjoo in his head once more. It wasn¡¯t like he didn¡¯t know, but his heart still stung slightly. It was clear that his perception of boundaries was ruined by their recent frequent relationships and the attitude of a man who had slowly become friendly. Wanting to keep his hand busy, Ha Joyoon held onto the collar of his shirt and nodded with a calm look. ¡°¡­I made a mistake. I¡¯m sorry.¡± Shin Kwonjoo¡¯s gaze was mixed with indistinguishable emotions as he looked down at him. His tightly closed lips also moved slightly. Of course, Ha Joyoon, who was immersed in his own thoughts, did not notice his reaction. ¡°Come here.¡± ¡°¡­¡± As Shin Kwonjoo hesitated because he didn¡¯t know what to do with his disorganized feelings, he persevered and called Ha Joyoon¡¯s name. Shin Kwonjoo stared at him, an unusual and vague energy in his eyes, as Ha Joyoon stood still in place and stared blankly. ¡°Ha Joyoon.¡± Once again, the voice pressing at his vocal cords rang low. Ha Joyoon laughed at the impatient voice. Impatience. there was no word more unfitting for him than that. Before his thoughts deepened, he was easily pulled closer by a light grip of his wrist. In an instant, the back of the neck was gently caught in a close distance, and his head tilted naturally. ¡°Don¡¯t lower your spirits by thinking about all that alone.¡± ¡°It¡¯s not like that.¡± ¡°¡­My words were a bit too mean.¡± At some point, one song ended and the turntable quickly turned again. The brass needle, looking for another shroud of life, wandered on a shiny LP record. The round plate rotated quickly and considered what kind of notes to present to its guests in the room. ¡°I¡¯m sorry, too. I¡¯ll be careful.¡± ¡°I didn¡¯t mean that for the future as well. You know I¡¯m not saying you shouldn¡¯t ask or be curious about anything, right?¡± ¡°I didn¡¯t think that way.¡± ¡°Your expression doesn¡¯t look that way.¡± ¡°I just don¡¯t feel good.¡± He stared at Ha Joyoon. A complex and subtle expression crossed his face and disappeared. After a short thought, he grabbed his chin, turned it to him and kissed his cheeks and lips briefly. ¡°I¡¯m not sure what to do at a time like this, either.¡± A whisper mixed with fatigue tickled his ears. It was gentle skinship, that he realized was limited and temporary affection when it came to the person he slept with. There was a disorderly atmosphere in which warmth and coldness coexisted. When the tip of the pointed pin reached a certain point, new music that permeated through the breathtaking silence spread across from the expander. He couldn¡¯t think of anything at that moment. Not photography, Kang Taejung, or the man with him. It was simply a night filled with music that tickled the soul and a view of the distant sky. He couldn¡¯t be more relieved. CH 35 He received a delivery while he was getting ready for work. Ha Joyoon¡¯s gaze that bored through the box was filled with questions. ¡°What¡¯s this?¡± ¡°I don¡¯t know. The delivery arrived on Friday under your name. You¡¯ve been out all weekend that¡¯s why I¡¯m giving you now. Where in the world have you been?¡± Ha Joyoon smiled softly at his sister¡¯s criticism as the box was handed over to him. The sturdy tapping indirectly showed the importance of the mailed item. ¡°Just here and there.¡± ¡°Are you going to keep on making up half hearted answers?¡± He turned his gaze to the box after his short reply. He had even more questions after taking a look at the sender and their address. After thinking for a while, he began to carefully peel at the tape on the box. Inside, there was a small black box that was wrapped with bubble wrap. The hands tearing off the packaging became busier. The moment the bubble wrap opened and the last bit of tape sealing the box came off, his fingertips came to a sudden halt. ¡°Yoon-ah?¡± Ha Joyoon was completely immersed in the small box in front of him, unable to hear the voice of his sister next to him calling his name. Goodness. The exclamation he swallowed down touched his heart. Still blood quickly revived and spread rapidly throughout his blood vessels. His previously faint heartbeat, now fluttered to announce the existence of life. Ha Joyoon opened the tightly closed box with trembling hands. Click. The lid opened with a small sound and the contents were finally revealed. At that moment, the numerous emotions, memories and scenes engraved in his heart, began to permeate into his brown irises. Ambiguous emotions became deeply ingrained in a certain form. It came back. After such a long time, it finally came back to me. Llr abemt ragbxlcu ja atf ybz rtbkfv lcvlrqeajyif ibculcu jcv joofmalbc. ¡°Tbbc-jt!¡± Llr atbeutar, ktlmt tjv yffc gertlcu jibcu atf kjnfr bo alwf, kfgf delmxis vlraegyfv ys j rboa abemt tbivlcu tlr jgw jcv pbrailcu tlw. Lj Absbbc revvfcis gfaegcfv ab gfjilas, yilcxlcu mbcalceberis klat j ralii, yijcx fzqgfrrlbc. Ycis atfc vlv tf gfmbuclhf atja atf rqjmf ktfgf tf rabbv kjr tlr tbwf lc Vfbei, jcv atja tlr yfibnfv rlrafg kjr rajcvlcu lc ogbca bo tlw. Lfg aluta ilqr jcv vfafgwlcfv fsfr kfgf oeii bo klii ab ufa jc jcrkfg abvjs. ¡°What¡¯s that? Why were you so deep in thought?¡± ¡°It¡¯s just¡­¡± ¡°Just what?¡± ¡°Nothing.¡± ¡°Nothing?¡± Repeating his words like a parrot, both of her cheeks slowly began to turn red. Knowing what she was worried about, Ha Joyoon smiled again, patting his sister¡¯s plentiful hair. Even during the conversation, all his attention was focused on the gift he had just received. However, Ha Junghye seemed determined to not let the conversation die down this time. She grabbed her brother¡¯s shirt and struggled to bring up what she had held in for a long time. ¡°You¡¯ve been so odd lately.¡± ¡°What do you mean?¡± ¡°I just can¡¯t understand you. You stay out too frequently. Where do you even go?¡± ¡°I¡¯m sorry. I¡¯ll be careful.¡± ¡°Is it because of Taejung? Are you acting like this because of him?¡± ¡°No¡­¡± The obvious concern and worry for her family was reflected in her voice. Why couldn¡¯t he tell that her concern stemmed from affection? Trying to hide his distressed eyes, he took off his sister¡¯s hand holding his arm. ¡°Noona.¡± His lips spoke in a whisper, hidden eyes darkened under his bright chestnut hair. His sister¡¯s hand was smaller and softer than he remembered. It was the same for feelings. Emotions like memories and longing were gift wrapped in a different form from reality, and once they were opened, the memories might be even more beautiful. Holding Ha Junghye¡¯s hands tightly, Ha Joyoon quietly reiterated. ¡°I¡¯m trying my best too.¡± ¡°Yoon-ah.¡± ¡°I just need time. You know that.¡± It had not just been a year or two. They had been together for as long as he could remember. The magnitude of loss he felt could not be compared to a break up after a short relationship. And above all, negative emotions such as shame and regret tormented Ha Joyoon every night for holding onto someone who he had shown his worst self. In addition, his role as a reporter and the direction he had to choose in the future had become like a maze, confusing him as each day went by. No matter what he chose, he was bound to hurt someone. He felt scared and suffocated. Everything he tried to do and every emotion he had seemed to hurt everyone but him. It felt like everyone was accusing him of being selfish. ¡°I know, but¡­¡± ¡°¡­¡± ¡°I¡¯m just so worried¡­ It doesn¡¯t seem like you¡¯re going to get a hold of things anytime soon, you don¡¯t come home often either¡­ Mom and dad don¡¯t ask but they¡¯re also worried sick¡­¡± Alternating between looking at her brother¡¯s face and the delivered box, Ha Junghye left the end of her words vague. Her eyes slowly blinked back tears before she could realize it. It had already been a few months since he came back to South Korea but her brother¡¯s half-floaty and unstable mood made her anxious. At first, she thought it was because of his break up with Kang Taejung but as time went by, she began to think that that wasn¡¯t the only reason. Even when they were happily talking or eating together, there were times where he would fall into a silent void as if he was in a different world. During those times, he wouldn¡¯t say a word or react to anything, simply lost in his own thoughts. And Ha Junghye, who had already experienced this in the past, knew very well what that kind of mood meant. ¡°You¡¯re not going back there, are you?¡± ¡°¡­¡± Almost scared of her brother¡¯s silence, Ha Junghye shook her head roughly. ¡°You need to continue rehabilitation. Have you heard anything from the hospital? You need to stay here to get checkups and treatment.¡± Her feeble body visibly trembled from anxiety. The still eyes watching Ha Joyoon deeply gnawed at him. It was a time where no one could speak carelessly. Lips that had been opened and closed several times, were soon finally closed tightly. And only after a long silence did Ha Joyoon manage to let out a word filled with grief. ¡°I know.¡± ¡°¡­¡± ¡°I understand now. Don¡¯t cry.¡± He knew that his short answer wouldn¡¯t be able to ease his sister¡¯s anxiousness. Wearing a melancholy smile and patting on her hand, he knew he couldn¡¯t do anything but smile.