ã€ŠA False Confessionã€‹


 CH 1

    It was weather that brought the promise of rain. The entire sky was dark and the air felt thick with moisture, guaranteeing a heavy rainfall.

    ¡°Stop staring at the sky and fold the blankets.¡±

    I had paused for only a moment, but Lily¡¯s nagging came right away. Her ability to detect slacking off was amazing.

    ¡°¡­.. Lily, do you think the client will come again today?¡±

    I smiled playfully and asked Lily, who shrugged and answered, all the while busying her hands, pulling the laundry off of the clothesline.

    ¡°Well, he usually comes whenever it rains, right? And when are you going to use his proper title?¡±

    ¡°But he is a client right? A customer who provides the funds for our temple.¡±

    ¡°¡­You, if you use that title in front of the high priest, he¡¯ll bite your head off.¡±

    Lily shook her head with a flutter. As a matter of fact, I have already used those words in front of the high priest. And gotten my head bitten off¡­ but I didn¡¯t feel the need to tell her that.

    If I stayed still while staring at the sky again, I was bound to be caught by Lily, so I started moving my hands along the clothesline. In an instant, blankets piled up in the basket below.

    While doing such simple and repetitive actions, my head started filling with worries about the guest who¡¯s coming to the temple in a few hours. If I were to make another mistake today, could I really die?

    It¡¯s true that I¡¯ve already died once before, but I really didn¡¯t want to die again.

    That is to say, I am a person who¡¯s been in this world with memories of my previous life. Why are there so many clich¨¦ stories like this? The character dies in an accident and either possesses a villain in a book or gets blessed with a light love story.

    So now you¡¯d make the choice to live quietly regardless of your book¡¯s storyline. The kind of story where you¡¯d support the second male-lead in your heart. But in this way, my story is way off the mark from those.

    I haven¡¯t thought about it in a while, since it makes me a bit sad to remember, but in my previous life, I was doing my homework at the school library until late at night, and died on my way home. Walking through dark alleys with a tired, zombie-like body, I wandered into the path of a car that couldn¡¯t slow down.

    It¡¯s all because of homework. When I turn in an assignment, I receive another assignment again, and I continue my life in this way, and even when I die, the offender is said to be an assignment.

    Of course, there is some blame to be held by the car speeding in the dark alley, but it is homework that kept me in the library until that late at night, so the task itself is the root of all evil. By staying up every night, it hurt my health and even took my life.

    Anyway, so the first time I woke up here, I was very hungry. The clothes I wore were tattered and there were no guardians around. I didn¡¯t even have a home. Yes, the only thing I had in mind was an unknown orphan who was dying.

    I wasn¡¯t in a good enough state to marvel at the fact that I had made a dimensional shift, like in a clich¨¦ romance fantasy novel that I read in my spare time while doing assignments.

    As soon as I entered this world, I was on the verge of starving to death. I wandered around like a zombie again, searching for food. Besides, I had arrived as a girl who seemed to be about eight years old, so this body didn¡¯t have any strength.

    I was confused about the place I saw for the first time; the strangers and even the sun. Finally, on the fourth day, I fell down at the mouth of an alley. As my cemetery, alleys seemed to play a crucial role, no matter the dimension.

    I didn¡¯t know what the original name of this child was, but I could only assume that I entered this body because the child had died. In the midst of losing my mind, I prayed for both the nameless unknown child and myself. It wasn¡¯t a very good life, but since it was so pitiful, I wondered if I could go to heaven.

    Then, a priest from a nearby temple picked me up as I lay there, on the verge of death. The priest prayed next to me, who was sick for days and days, and gave me porridge directly.

    So I barely survived, but thankfully the priest offered for me to stay at the temple if I had no other place to go.

    So that¡¯s how I ended up staying at the temple for thirteen years. At first, I was just struggling to survive, so I told the priest that I believed in a god, but as I lived on in this world, there really seemed to be a god here. I¡¯m not saying this because I¡¯m a devout believer, but literally there is a ¡®god.¡¯ Some of the capable priests actually heal people using divine powers.

    The temple I entered is called ¡®El Nur.¡¯ It¡¯s a very small temple, so there are few believers, and even fewer capable priests, so it wasn¡¯t home to many healers. However, El Nur picks up orphans, provides free education, and does a lot of welfare activities, so it receives support from the empire.

    I lived well, in peace. It was a little lacking, but it was enough. The language here is difficult, so I had a hard time learning it, but I still spent my childhood amongst friends. Lily is also a friend who I¡¯d met at the time, and she has been my roommate for ten years.

    In the winter that I turned 17 years old, the priest who had picked me up upon recognition, asked me what I wanted to do and how I wanted to live. He said that it was okay for me to leave the temple, but if I wished, I could stay and become a priest.

    This empire where I live now is in a state of peace, so in fact, it¡¯s a lot more lucrative for priests to jump into commerce rather than to receive a small subsidy working in a temple. Because of this, many temples are lacking priests.

    In such a situation, I replied that I would remain in the temple as if it were the only natural option. I wouldn¡¯t entertain the idea of going outside to live a hard life, and I didn¡¯t have the confidence to take a chance. I just wanted to live here in safety. Besides, I had already gotten attached to Priest Timotheo, who had picked me up and saved me.

    So, I had a baptismal ceremony to become a priest. But in the process, I realized that my choice was very wrong.

    My divine power is strong. It is truly, tremendously powerful, even beyond El Nur¡¯s number one priest. My level was more comparable to the priests of Abnel, the state religion. The moment I put my hand on the crystal ball to measure my divine power, I thought to myself as I saw the light that spread brightly and flooded the whole room with a white glow:

    Oh, I¡¯m doomed.

    That¡¯s right. I passed up the golden opportunity to leave the temple and voluntarily surrendered myself over to become a faithful servant. It wasn¡¯t because El Nur¡¯s doctrines resounded in my heart, nor was it that I had a special sense of mission¡­ but it was as the unexpected Dimension-Migrator. Somehow, I celebrated my ten-year anniversary of transmigration in this way.

    Just like that, I was bound to El Nur. I became the first pick for missions, being sent place to place. Priest Timotheo, who brought me in, became the high priest. After that, if even just a lesser nobleman visited the temple, the High Priest and I had to politely welcome them.

    The High Priest sometimes held my hand tightly with a thrilled face and said, ¡°You are the hope of El Nur.¡± But it only made me regret my decision even more deeply.

    He was certainly a generous and compassionate person, but the face he made when he told me to go make money by sending me to dangerous places¡­.

    ¡°Ah, it¡¯s all done. Let¡¯s go inside now!¡±

    As I was idly going through the laundry, I heard Lily¡¯s loud voice. The children in front of her quickly began to pick up the baskets. I wobbled once, holding the basket in front of me. It was too bulky to carry with my mind wandering.

    ¡°Lily, do you have any work left for today?¡±

    ¡°Yeah, I just need to clean up the room where the Duke will stay, then I¡¯m done.¡±

    ¡°Wow, I¡¯m really jealous.¡±

    ¡°I envy you. You just need to sit there, right? You don¡¯t even have to organize anything else.¡±

    ¡°But even just sitting down is a problem. Imagine having to sit by a sleeping person who wakes up from the slightest disturbance. If you make a sound and accidentally wake him, you could die instantly.¡±

    This was a really serious issue, but even with my impassioned speech, Lily responded as if she heard something funny.

    ¡°Ah, he isn¡¯t one who kills so easily right? He¡¯s the leader of the empire¡¯s knights.¡±

    ¡°No, it¡¯s precisely because he¡¯s the knight commander that I¡¯m worried.¡±

    ¡°I wonder if he would bother to kill you though. Aren¡¯t you a priestess representing El Nur? Of course, if you¡¯re the Duke, you can easily bury the rumors, but it will still be a nuisance to have to clean up.¡±

    ¡°Aha.¡±

    Right. Killing me could be bothersome. Such a positive approach is possible. I nodded, feeling deeply enlightened.

    ¡°Thanks for the helpful advice.¡±

    ¡°Don¡¯t mention it.¡±

    Lily laughed. It was a really restorative moment. It was actually hard to imagine that the Duke would kill people so easily, so I was more confident that he would spare himself the inconvenience of killing me.

    ¡°Ah, Ren¨¦e. It¡¯s raining. Hurry, bend over to protect the basket.¡±

    ¡°I can¡¯t believe it, my human rights are trumped even by blankets.¡±

    ¡°What the hell are you saying?¡±

    I was already the duke¡¯s doormat, but now my value is being pushed back behind an inanimate object. It¡¯s difficult to determine which of the two is more miserable. But when I realized that these sheets were for the duke, I leaned forward to bear the rain instead. In an instant, my back was drenched.

    It was heavy rain.

    * * * * * * *

    Upon arriving inside the temple, I placed the basket down and straightened my waist. ¡°Ughh,¡± my groan full of pain escaped out into the temple. Leaning over to prevent the sheets from getting wet made my back sore. On top of that, my clothes were soaked through, so only the blankets were dry. I found myself loathing the blankets very much for some reason. I stared at the basket with resentful eyes.

    ¡°Are you really having a staring contest with some sheets?¡±

    Lily looked at me reproachfully and struck my shoulder. Meanwhile, the kids who had arrived earlier approached us busily handing us towels. I thanked them, gratefully accepting and gently wiping my dripping face. I squeezed out the grayish brown hair I had gotten used to, watching the water trickle out.

    As I glared at the dry, fluffy blankets again, I heard a voice calling me. His voice rang out loudly to overpower the sound of rain.

    ¡°Ren¨¦e.¡±

    ¡°¡­ High Priest.¡±

    High Priest Timotheo laughed gently when he found me. As I was neatly combing my slightly grayed hair, Lily was told to change her clothes before working to avoid catching a cold, since there¡¯s still a little time left before our guest arrives.

    So, Lily and the other children headed to the annex of the temple, which is used as a dormitory for the priests. Only I was dragged out by the high priest and had to go somewhere else. I was wet too, but he didn¡¯t even acknowledge me when I expressed that I wanted to change my clothes, too. sniffle, sniffle My human rights were constantly being undermined.

    At the end of the walk, we ended up at the temple office. Honestly, from the moment the high priest singled me out and dragged me to this place, I had a rough idea of what was going to happen. Because I¡¯ve had plenty of experience.

    ¡°¡­Ren¨¦e.¡±

    We sat face to face across his desk, but the high priest, who hadn¡¯t opened his mouth for a long time, slowly called out to me. It was strange to have him call me with his hands together as if in prayer, I couldn¡¯t help shaking my head at the sight.

    ¡°If you want me to go somewhere and work, tell me quickly. You¡¯re making me nervous dragging it out like this.¡±

    ¡°In fact, I¡¯ve always almost half-forced you out, but¡­.¡±

    His dry answer was slowly coming out, but suddenly lightning struck. It hasn¡¯t been long since it starting raining, so the thunder seemed to be an ominous warning, making me even more anxious.

    ¡°This time, I will respect your opinion as much as possible. Do you know where the kingdom of Vios is?¡±

    ¡°Yeah. Isn¡¯t that a small country on the western border? I heard that their economic situation isn¡¯t good these days.¡±

    ¡°Yeah, that place. It declared war.¡±

    ¡°¡­¡­.?¡±

    ¡°Rather than ending in poverty and suffering, it seems that they¡¯re using their last bit of strength to start a war. However, since Vios has never been a threat, our security of the western border has been weak. Because of this, their attack was successful.¡±

    It was a little, no, a very embarrassing story. Rather than worrying about the war, Vios was really a small country, only one-tenth the size of the empire. No, no matter how the last attack was¡­.

    ¡°So they decided to send reinforcements from the capital. They¡¯re sending Abnel¡¯s Paladin General and Duke Willard. ¡°

    ¡°Really? No, to subdue such a small kingdom they¡¯re sending both the paladin leader and an imperial duke? Besides, isn¡¯t the paladin knight leader the imperial prince?¡±

    ¡°It¡¯s not just about handling those who crossed the western border. Their aim is to absorb Vios¡¯ territory into the empire while subjugating it.¡±

    There it is. The reason why High Priest Timotheo is dragging on his introduction became clear.

    I narrowed my eyes. An embarrassed smile hung from the priest¡¯s face, who tried to explain the background a little more. He finally got to the point quickly.

    ¡°They decided to send twenty healers.¡±

    ¡°¡­.if it¡¯s twenty healers that are needed, Abnel has more than plenty to cover it, right? Besides, with the leader of the paladin knights participating, of course Abnel would want to send their best support.¡±

    ¡°That¡¯s right. But, since they can¡¯t receive manpower from only one temple, other temples are ordered to provide support.¡±

    The high priest looked at me and emphasized again.

    ¡°It¡¯s just subduing a small country. As you¡¯ve said, it¡¯s a very safe war with the presence of both the Paladin General and the Imperial Knight General.¡±

    ¡°I refuse.¡±

    ¡°Re-Ren¨¦e. Think carefully. There really are very few casualties.¡±

    ¡°A safe war. Don¡¯t talk about something as non-existent as hot ice.¡±

    The high priest¡¯s face filled with embarrassment at my firm answer, but I had no intention of changing my opinion. Just in time, the sound of loud rain pelting the ground seemed to represent my determination.

    I am a person who pursues safety and comfort over anything else. A safe life is best. In my past life, I listened to people telling me that even if I was exploited, I should accept willingly and take it as life experience. Now, I want to live my life without such passion. Just with the basic treatment of getting a fair price for fair work.

    Why must you live only with great passion? Enthusiasm, creativity, and infinite imagination. I am a person who lacks the power to endure hardship, so it¡¯s impossible.

    Unexpectedly, my divine power is very high, but fortunately El Nur isn¡¯t very famous, so I¡¯m not called to too many places.

    So I¡¯m living in my own way, reaching satisfaction with my current life. But now he¡¯s telling me to go to war? Until now, even with my level of divine power, I¡¯ve treated only sick aristocrats or minor injuries, so how can he tell me to go to war and treat the dying as if it¡¯s nothing!

    ¡°High Priest. I¡¯m afraid of war. I don¡¯t want to be in a situation where people might die before my eyes. You said you¡¯d respect my opinion, so please don¡¯t force me. I¡¯d rather do something else during that time.¡±

    Suddenly the room flashed white. The sound of thunder had been rumbling intermittently, but I still became disconcerted when lightning abruptly turned the entire field of view white like this. And then I heard the priest¡¯s voice.

    ¡°Three-hundred gold.¡±

    Kwaaang The sound came down as if tearing the earth. It was such a huge thunder that it made my whole body vibrate. For a long moment, my ears fell deaf in the aftermath of that thunder, which seemed to announce the birth of a hero.

    But I heard clearly what the high priest said.

    ¡°If this campaign is successful, they decided to give each healer three-hundred gold in honor of their hard work.¡±

    Trying to buy people with money!

    ¡­was something I couldn¡¯t say.

 CH 2

    After finishing the calculation quickly, I smiled brightly. It was a smile that Lily had praised as a very ingenuine, business-like smile.

    ¡°High Priest. I was taught that it¡¯s a healer¡¯s job to prevent allied troops from getting injured; so naturally, it is a role that deals with enemies!¡±

    ¡°I don¡¯t remember teaching that.¡±

    ¡°I will go.¡±

    Probably not all three-hundred gold will end up in my pocket. I don¡¯t know how much would go to the temple, but considering the usual settlement situation, the amount left remaining for me would still be enormous.

    He smiled clearly again, pretending not to notice my abrupt change of heart. Mr. High Priest, the universal truth that does not change, whether it be a hierarchal or a democratic system, is only the importance of gold.

    ¡°Weren¡¯t you scared to go to war a moment ago?¡±

    ¡°The thunder that descended but a moment ago gave me a revelation from the heavens. It decreed that I should live a life dedicated to saving people.¡±

    ¡°¡­¡­¡­.¡±

    The high priest¡¯s expression clouded even further, but he didn¡¯t open his mouth since he usually failed to coerce me into these, ¡°missions.¡±

    I know I said that I wanted a peaceful life without much change, but in reality, peace is only possible with money. For a person to be generous, he must have a lot of money. I can say with confidence that if I had a lot of money, I would become a saint of this religion.

    In addition, if I¡¯d had a lot of money in the past, I wouldn¡¯t have had to suffer from assignments and exams. I could have gone to school without concerns and traveled at my leisure.

    I could have been one of those people who¡¯d linger by the window seats every day in a cafe and read books. I would have bought a building and lived a life of luxury. I really wanted to realize those dreams that I was not able to achieve before death in my previous life.

    I laughed casually.

    I left the office and headed to the dormitory with a light step. By the time I finished talking with the high priest, my clothes that had been wet were all dry, but I had to change into a proper uniform anyway since the customer was coming. It¡¯s annoying, but he provides huge financial support to the temple, and since he¡¯s the one who will be with me in the war in ten days¡¯ time, it would be best to become closer to him.

    If a dangerous situation were to arise, he would save me as an acquaintance right?

    ¡­Hm, that is, if he doesn¡¯t kill me himself first for being an annoyance.

    It was a highly probable outcome, so my hopes were instantly dashed. As I entered the room, Lily was lying on her bed and reading a book. With the rain interfering with the afternoon schedule, everyone seemed to be taking a break.

    ¡°Lily. You said you¡¯re going to join the war efforts as a healer, right?¡±

    I asked Lily as I slowly changed my clothes. In fact, Lily also belongs to the axis of priests with strong divine power; she is second only to me and is often requested from our temple.

    Of course, only my powers had a strange origin and were able to surpass Abnel¡¯s priests, so Lily was not technically comparable to Abnel. Regardless, in our temple her divine power was still close to the high priest¡¯s level.

    ¡°Mhm.¡±

    ¡°Aren¡¯t you scared?¡±

    ¡°Not really. Both the Paladin¡¯s and the Imperial Knights¡¯ generals will be with us. And we really don¡¯t have to worry too much since us healers will be quietly hiding in the camp behind them. Besides, healers aren¡¯t the targets from the enemy¡¯s standpoint.¡±

    I had always thought so, but Lily is very calm. I nodded, tying the buttons of the priest¡¯s uniform with my arms in place.

    In fact, not all priests can use healing powers. Being a priest itself can be done through a simple examination by registering at the temple. Although, if you have divine power, you gain more authority, and if your divine power allows you to heal, you are called a ¡®healer¡¯ and are treated as a treasure.

    Of course, priests aren¡¯t the only healers. It is also possible for magicians to use healing magic; however the the proportion of healers who are priests is overwhelmingly higher than healers who are wizards.

    Beyond this, there is even further specialization among healers who have their own organization. If you¡¯re accepted, you can join this specialized healer group, known as, ¡°Gloria.¡± It would allow you to leave the temple and become an official healer belonging to the empire.

    And joining Gloria to become a healer of the empire is Lily¡¯s aim.

    ¡°Besides, it would be good experience to help me apply for Gloria, don¡¯t you think?¡±

    ¡°I can¡¯t believe it. Even this place encourages you to bulk up a resume.¡±

    That same gaze from when we were doing laundry earlier, asking why I even bothered to become a priest, returned to her eyes. But I felt very sorry, and looked back at her with sympathy. From Lily¡¯s point of view, why does this feel like an extra curricular activity or an imperial internship¡­..

    Later, she may even work the war into her resume under the pretext: ¡®Experience overcoming the hardships of life.¡¯

    ¡°Are you going to join, too?¡±

    ¡°Yeah. I¡¯d never miss an opportunity for 300 gold.¡±

    ¡°¡­¡­.Well, you are about the money.¡±

    Lily was going out for skill, and I was going out for money. Both are a little sad for some reason, but there was nothing particularly wrong about it, so I shrugged calmly.

    Lily used to try to convince me to go into Gloria with her, but if I were to actually get in there, I¡¯d become even busier than I am now, and I¡¯d have to travel the entire empire, so it¡¯s not that appealing to me.

    Of course, getting a lot of money is pretty appealing, but what I¡¯m looking for is not just a lot of money, but also staying away from hard work.

    ¡°Are you really determined to become a bum when you have those abilities?¡±

    ¡°Lily, everyone dreams of being rich and unemployed.¡±

    Doesn¡¯t everybody think about it at least once? A kind of situation where if you just stay in a 10¡Á10 room for one month successfully without leaving, with food, electronics, and utilities supplied of course, then you can win $100,000. Would you accept it? It seems that 100.1% of people would say yes.

    Or, maybe something like choosing between two options. If you choose button A, you have a 50% chance of getting $10 billion, but if you choose button B, you have 100% chance at $1 million. Which would you choose?

    I could feel my mind wandering to strange places at this point, but fortunately Lily broke into my train of thought.

    ¡°Did you sign the application correctly? You didn¡¯t write it strangely like last time did you?¡±

    ¡°Father Timotheo watched me. And I made that mistake years ago, how¡¯re you still teasing me about it?¡±

    ¡°How could I forget the time you almost couldn¡¯t participate in the capital¡¯s religious festival because you spelled your own name wrong?¡±

    Ugh, just forget about it already. When I turned my eyes to her, Lily laughed playfully. Hmph, your concern is just a pretense to laugh at me, right?

    I am mostly called, ¡®Ren¨¦e,¡¯ within the temple, but the my full name is, ¡®Renesha.¡¯ There is a very sad back-story here. It was when I first came here as an orphan, and the priest asked me what my name was.

    I didn¡¯t know the real name of the body I entered, and I couldn¡¯t say my true name, so I just stood there blankly, making the priest look at me with sad eyes and offering to name me himself.

    But I shook my head, explaining that I wanted to name myself; since I decided to enter the temple, I wanted to become a new person. Seeking justification with those words, the priest was touched.

    However, that wasn¡¯t the real reason. It was simple; since I had entered a fantasy world, at the very least I wanted a cool name! Like a ¡®create-your-own-character¡¯ game.

    So I thought about it for three days. Looking in the mirror, staring at the grayish pale brown hair and green eyes, I wondered what would suit this face.

    As a result, I named myself, ¡®Renesha,¡¯ which seemed to suit me.

    Now that I have become a priest, ¡®Renesha Elnur,¡¯ is my full name.

    Renesha. It was a good name. Father Timotheo said that it sounded classy. But the problem was¡­ I didn¡¯t know anything here, so I realized it too late¡­That it¡¯s ridiculously hard to write.

    Of course, if you look for a name that is more difficult than mine, the empire is full of them. But that doesn¡¯t erase my problem.

    Anytime the subject of my name was brought up, Lily would laugh at me. I feel a little regretful for some reason. I knew I should have chosen a simpler name. Like Lily, Laila, no¡­ yeah, if it was Nene*, it would¡¯ve even been possible to have an inter-dimensional product advertisement.

    [tl/n: *Nene Chicken (????) is the name of a popular fried chicken chain restaurant in Korea.]

    I felt like I was running late for some reason, so I grunted while struggling to put on my gown. Because of its width, I couldn¡¯t put both my arms in at once, so I heard Lily laughing again.

    Muffled by the pattering of the rain, I could hear the faint sound of a carriage coming in the distance.

    * * * * * * *

    Ever since the strength of my divine powers was revealed, there have been a lot more patrons visiting the Temple of El Nur. However, even though it¡¯s relatively a lot more than in the past, in reality, it¡¯s still a small congregation.

    Most of the nobility still seek out priests of the state religion Abnel, so our only advantage comes from our prices. We have to offer our services at a lower price to remain competitive, despite them being the same treatments.

    El Nur entered an era of peace; as a result, our monetary situation became ambiguous, but fortunately El Nur acquired a great benefactor. It was the Duke of the Empire.

    Cabel Willard, the successor to the Duke of Willard and the head of the Imperial Division. The title of ¡°Duke¡± has not been officially inherited yet, but it was confirmed a month ago, so we have been calling him, ¡°the Duke,¡± amongst ourselves.

    He¡¯s a person who was nicknamed, ¡°Grim Reaper of the Battlefield,¡± from a young age because he has been at war and winning all sorts of victories, with blood continually flowing from the tip of his sword.

    Such a person patronizes this temple. It¡¯s been about three years now. So, basically around the same time I formally became a priestess¡­

    He comes here to ¡°sleep.¡±

    I was shocked at first. Why the hell¡­? But his enormous donation to the temple was enough to clear the question from my mind.

    I just had to take care of the Duke¡¯s bed with sincerity, without question or thought, and use divine power to relieve tension and relax the body.

    However, even though my curiosity was cleared away, I could understand the reason why he came the temple as soon as I saw him. It was the Duke¡¯s dark eyes; they very clearly conveyed this man¡¯s lack of sleep.

    The eyes themselves were deep, sunken even further by dark circles, so at first glance he seemed like a totally devastated person. But regardless of his obvious insomnia, the level of intensity was too severe.

    The first impression the Duke makes is a king of zombies. The pale white skin in direct contrast with black hair also made the possibility of him being a vampire likely, but it was too devastating even for a vampire.

    For some reason, it reminded me of myself dying from an assignment in the past¡­. It gave me a vague feeling of kinship¡­.

    In fact, his situation isn¡¯t so unusual. Many nobles go to temples for help with insomnia, as they are the only ones who can afford the luxury of using divine powers rather than prescription drugs. We¡¯re grateful for the customer, but usually such aristocrats headed to an Abnel temple.

    Abnel¡¯s position as the state religion since the founding of the empire was so strong that it was not easy to overcome its monopoly. So, there was no one who came to El Nur for sleep remedies until the Duke became the first guest.

    My best guess as to why he chose El Nur is probably that Abnel has too many people; it has both too much noise and also too many eyes. If the Duke is seen coming and going, rumors will quickly spread.

    It appears that the huge donation was made along with a confidentiality clause¡­..

    I was late to come out of the dormitory because I was talking with Lily.

    ¡°Oh, there you are.¡±

    The Duke had already entered the temple and was talking with High Priest Timotheo.

    Today, as always, his face was devastatingly pale. Every time I see him, I feel like the next time we meet he¡¯ll be collapsed in on himself.

    In fact, his condition seemed so fatigued that even standing there overwhelmed him with exhaustion.

    ¡°You¡¯re late, Ren¨¦e.¡±

    ¡°I apologize.¡±

    I greeted the High Priest, and then bowed a couple of times in apology towards the Duke. In response, he only gestured with his chin for me to guide him. I couldn¡¯t tell whether it was too bothersome to answer me or if he just wanted to sleep right away.

    It was very cool to see him in a neat uniform, as if he came directly from the Templars.

    I walked briskly and headed to the room prepared with the blankets that Lily would have prepared just an hour ago. It was a resting room at the end of the long corridor of the temple, which had basically been designated for the Duke¡¯s personal use. Of course, it¡¯s also the room where I¡¯ll likely meet my death.

    Seriously, when I first met the Duke, I really almost died. The Duke is a rare master of swordsmanship in the empire, so his sharp senses are almost as scary as his temper.

    Even when he¡¯s resting, his reaction to any noise or movement is so sensitive that the anxiety can only be described as some sort of post-traumatic stress.

    But at first I had no way of knowing that. So, eventually one of the candles lighting the room went out and I naturally moved to re-light it, but instead I almost got rammed into the wall. I managed to escape with just a stumble. That time.

    Since that incident, I¡¯ve resigned myself to sitting as still as a statue during his stay. Even reading books proved to be too much of a disturbance; when I turned to flip a page, the Duke¡¯s eyes snapped open and my heart almost fell out of my chest¡ªIt would be best to spend this time in meditation.

    It feels like a room with the ability to pause time and space in exchange for enormous amounts of money¡­.

 CH 3

    As I entered the room, I lit candles one by one while the Duke took off his uniform jacket and vest and hung it on a hanger. Usually there¡¯s no conversation between him and me to speak of.

    Sometimes I struggle with the awkwardness and talk about a story that I don¡¯t get sick of. Of course, every time the Duke would say I was too noisy or simply ignore me, but¡­ I had something I wanted to ask for today, so I opened my mouth very carefully.

    ¡°Um, Du¡ª¡­. I mean, Sir Knight.¡±

    I almost called him ¡°the Duke,¡± but I corrected myself because it wasn¡¯t inherited yet.

    Thankfully after my call, he turned to me. Purple eyes looked down at me, inadvertently appearing obsidian due to the ravages around them.

    ¡°Soon, you¡¯ll be going to war.¡±

    ¡°¡­¡­War?¡±

    His head tilted slightly. He didn¡¯t seem to know what I was talking about, only looking down at me in confusion. Did he change his mind? It¡¯s a safe war if going with the Paladins and the Imperial Knights, but what if they back out?!

    ¡°I heard that Vios declared war.¡±

    ¡°I wouldn¡¯t call something like that a ¡®war.¡¯¡±

    I said it while filled with anxiety, but he responded casually in answer. Oh, I see. I was anxious thinking that the Duke wasn¡¯t going to war, but from the Duke¡¯s point of view, this couldn¡¯t even be considered a ¡®war.¡¯

    Well, yes, true. He has fought in numerous wars with quite large kingdoms, so the battle with Vios, a weaker country, wouldn¡¯t even fall under the category of ¡®war.¡¯ Maybe a subjugation? A conquest?

    I boldly signed the contract with the promise that this campaign would be worth 300 gold, but I still had anxiety, so I tried to increase my chances of survival by increasing my congeniality with the Duke. With only a few words of conversation, my chances of survival could improve. Somehow, I was very happy.

    ¡°Thank you very much, Sir Knight!¡±

    So I smiled brightly while wearing my business smile, only to have the Duke crumple his eyebrows. No, it hurts me a little if you respond so honestly¡­?

    ¡°¡­What are you thanking me for?¡±

    ¡°Oh, I also decided to participate in the war as a healer.¡±

    Again, his eyebrows crumpled further at my response. There must be paper under there somewhere for it to crumple so well.

    ¡°Don¡¯t be a nuisance there.¡±

    Well, I¡¯ve been sitting like a statue for you for three years, but, ¡®don¡¯t bother me like that,¡¯ is your response! I felt my temper flaring up, but I only nodded. If I express my mind here, my chances of survival will only decrease.

    Maybe right now, my survival rate in that place is in the negative.

    ¡°I¡¯ll keep that in mind.¡±

    And most of all, I thought of his position of power among the soldiers, so I answered neatly and politely. Meanwhile, the Duke said, lying in the bed, without looking at me.

    ¡°You¡¯re noisy.¡±

    ¡°¡­¡­¡­.¡±

    If this man had a remote control, it would need only a mute button.

    * * * * * * *

    Ten days passed by in a flash. I was in a constant state of distress thinking about the war, but the atmosphere of the capital was not so at all. Everyone said we would just win and come back, and some even laughed and joked about those who were going to war.

    This time ruled by King Keschmir XII will probably be recorded in history as a peaceful dynasty for the empire. But outside of the empire, wars of both large and small scale were neverending. In contrast, the empire¡¯s prosperity was so great that it could afford to send aid to other kingdoms at war at whim, enabling us to expand some parts of our territory.

    The empire¡¯s success is mostly accredited to the Leader of the Paladin Knights and the Chief of the Imperial Knights, the Duke. They both were sent to each country, where they subjugated the people and returned in victory like clockwork.

    However, it is a little regrettable that the Duke is called, ¡°Grim Reaper,¡± establishing himself as an object of fear, while the leader of the Paladin Knights is referred to as, ¡°the Hero.¡±

    I haven¡¯t met the chieftain of the royal knights properly myself, and I¡¯ve yet to get an impression of him from far away. Still, both leaders have the same skills and accomplishments, so the difference in their reputations is a bit sad.

    Although, there were terrifying rumors surrounding the Duke that undoubtedly contributed to his appalling nickname. Previously, the Duke of Willard had another son, but one day he was suddenly discovered dead in the mansion¡­ At that time, the head of the Willard family also collapsed in a similar manner.¡­ The coincidence was difficult to explain away.

    It¡¯s already been three years since then. When the incident first broke out, the entire empire was scandalized, but no one dared to question Cabel Willard since it was around the time when he managed to expertly conquer a great kingdom, establishing himself as a war hero.

    Thanks to that incident, horror stories quickly spread throughout the empire, claiming that the ornamental knives in the mansion drip blood every time it rains.

    In reality, I don¡¯t believe in such a ghost story. But, it is true that the Duke visits the temple whenever it rains¡­

    ¡°Lily. We are going to war, but the square is so lively. It feels like we¡¯ve already won the war and have returned to celebrate.¡±

    ¡°I¡¯ve said this many times already, but there¡¯s no way we¡¯ll lose, Ren¨¦e.¡±

    What I¡¯m afraid of isn¡¯t exactly defeat, but rather that I might see someone die in front of me.

    I¡¯m anxious¡­ However, whether or not she knew of my worries, Lily emphasized again that we have both the hero and the grim reaper of the battlefield going with us.

    Even if something bad happened, it wouldn¡¯t be because of Vios, but because of the Paladin Knights¡¯ leader and the Imperial Knights¡¯ leader clashing!

    It¡¯s a quite probable scenario, so it¡¯s just one more thing for me to add to my list of worries.

    Lily and I are arriving at the western border today. To start the journey, the envoy is meeting at the outskirts of the capital. Since the empire is so large that it¡¯s a place that would take forever to reach on foot, the entire personnel decided to use the gate to cross over.

    Because of the announcement that they would gather in the outskirts of the capital and depart, we were moving in a carriage in front of the temple. As we went along, more and more people could be seen gathered outside from the window.

    Looking at the knights standing upright in line, the color contrast was enough to easily distinguish between the Paladin and the Imperial Knights. The white and gold colored uniforms of the Paladins and the dark navy colored uniforms of the Nickel Knights gave off different feelings.

    There were also a few wagons loaded with materials needed for subjugation. There were already several priests wearing uniforms with the insignia of Abnel. Judging by the line, is it possible we¡¯re late on our first arrival?

    But fortunately, it seemed we weren¡¯t too late, as no one appeared to notice as we got off the wagon. Since we¡¯re the only priests coming from El Nur, we should report to the commander right away that we¡¯ve arrived.

    I was walking around because I didn¡¯t know where to go, so Lily grabbed me and led as if she¡¯d done this before.

    ¡°Ren¨¦e. Look over there. That¡¯s the Paladin Knights¡¯ General.¡±

    There were a lot more people than I expected, so I was nervous, but Lily whispered a little. Naturally, my eyes turned to the direction Lily pointed to, and an exclamation unconsciously slipped from my mouth.

    ¡°Wow¡­.¡±

    His tall, grand figure immediately stood out from the crowd. But more than that, it was his gorgeous golden hair that caught my eye. I knew that the royal family had a lot of blondes, but it¡¯s the first time I¡¯ve seen that golden color fit someone so well.

    His bangs were shortened and raised to give a neat impression, making his face clearly visible. In addition, his body was quite large, and being equipped with the armor of the Knights Templar made it look even bigger.

    Elviniraz Keschmir, prince of the empire and Chief of the Paladin Knights of Abnel. Keschmir is a surname of the royal family, meaning, ¡°the light of the world.¡± However, his whole name is even more grand, meaning the, ¡°the light of the people.¡±

    Looking at him like this, he¡¯s definitely a person who shines enough to live up to the name.

    In addition, he was wearing the gorgeous long sword known as the Sword of Abnel on his waist. It suited him so well that the blacksmith 300 years ago must have made it with him in mind.

    It¡¯s not as though I¡¯ve never seen any handsome people since coming to this fantasy world, but to think I¡¯d praise him so much at the very first sight, he¡¯s really phenomenal.

    This is the first time I¡¯ve had such an impression since Duke Willard. Ah, of course, even though I currently know him as the Zombie King¡­.

    After gazing out with my mind wandering, our eyes met. Elviniraz, who was talking with other paladins, turned his head and looked at us.

    He¡¯s a rare master in the empire, so he might have felt my gaze¡­? Somehow, these masters are becoming more and more like human body detection sensors.

    ¡°Ah, you must be the priestesses from El Nur.¡±

    Elviniraz, who approached Lily and me, bowed his head to see if he had recognized the pattern on the priest¡¯s uniform correctly.

    It was a little daunting because it felt like a human torch was walking toward me, but fortunately I was able to say hello without trembling too much. Well, the end of my voice seemed to go up a little..? So, so handsome¡­

    ¡°Would this be Renesha Elnur?¡±

    When I replied that he was correct, he nodded a little in confirmation and said hello to Lily next. Lily also responded with a very polite attitude.

    After the initial greetings, Elviniraz looked back at me and smiled lightly. The bright smile created soft folds around his coolly outstretched eyes.

    Oh, even his eyes were a dazzling gold as well. When an artist would attempt to depict him in the future, I was convinced he couldn¡¯t use a simple golden dye, but actual melted gold in order to accurately portray this man¡¯s dazzling persona.

    ¡°I have heard a lot about you, Priestess Renesha.¡±

    ¡°Thank you.¡±

    It¡¯s a bit embarrassing to hear that he¡¯s heard stories about me even though I¡¯ve never done anything worthy to spread around. Although it¡¯s known that I have a high power, he, as the paladin general, would have seen a lot of people greater than me in Abnel¡­

    I was embarrassed, so I bowed my head a little and said that I was grateful, but I suddenly wondered why I should be grateful towards him.

    It¡¯s not like I spread those rumors for him to hear. Somehow, I felt my expression wavering, so after thinking about it for a moment, I also replied in the affirmative with my business smile turned on.

    ¡°I¡¯ve heard a lot about you, too.¡±

    Lily jabbed me in the back. I clearly didn¡¯t mean it in a weird way, so what was with her?! It¡¯s a perfectly normal conversation!

    I felt wronged and glanced at Lily, but Elviniraz burst into laughter in front of us. It was a very magnetizing laugh.

    He wasn¡¯t laughing at me as if he found it funny, but just laughed as if he liked my answer.

    I laughed along. I couldn¡¯t help but feel better when such a handsome man smiles like that in front of me.

    However the conversation that followed turned a bit serious. The campaign area we are headed to is in the western border of the empire, whose fortress has been temporarily occupied by Vios.

    If the knights successfully carry out their attack, we will enter the territory of Vios from the next day.

    Where will healers be deployed in the process, and how do I deal with emergency situations?

    I couldn¡¯t think of what to do. What if I don¡¯t perform well and someone dies?

    As I faced this human torch, my breath that had loosened slightly tightened with anxiety all over again. As I was nodding my head with a stiff face, Elviniraz smiled as if he had noticed my condition.

    ¡°You don¡¯t have to worry. My knights have sworn on the names of Abnel and Keschmir and will protect you with the light.¡±

    I was baffled by the words that sounded like a serious oath, but it made my heart quiet down again. How can I be so nervous and then calm down so suddenly?

    I have been repeating reassurances to myself over and over, but it was the first time I felt truly relieved. Having a brief conversation with him made me completely reassured.

    I smiled brightly and thanked him. It turned out that the way to increase my chance of survival was not with the Duke, but with the Paladin General.

    Somehow, this journey might actually be enjoyable.

    {Within a few hours, that turned out to be my immense delusion.}

    pant, pant ¡°I think I¡¯m going to pass out¡­¡±

    I made a serious miscalculation because I was so focused on the war itself. I completely overlooked the fact that the western border is made up of very rugged mountain ranges.

    We rode in a wagon at the beginning of the journey, but it rattled like crazy because the stone roads were uneven. So everyone had to get off and start walking, which was difficult for me to handle with this body¡¯s poor physical strength.

    Is this really just a campaign expedition or are we undergoing special training? I was barely able to walk anymore. Lily also paused occasionally and sighed exhaustively.

    However, compared to us, Abnel¡¯s priests were still quite at ease. The experienced people who frequently went to war zones as healers seemed to be on a different level. They¡¯re healers who even have physical strength.

    This is a scam.

    Eventually, it was too tiring to go on so I stopped and took a long, deep breath while leaning on a tree next to me. It was so hard.

    ¡°I want to go home¡­.¡±

    ¡°Home? You don¡¯t have a home though?¡±

    ¡°¡­.. Lily. Can¡¯t you just consider I¡¯m holding the temple as home in my heart?¡±

    The journey suddenly changed into a mountainous hiking trip that made me want to turn tail within the first five hours. How am I supposed to do this for two months??

 CH 4

    We finally climbed the mountain and took a break at the castle in the border region, where the soldiers launched an attack after checking the conditions just before leaving there once again.

    Fortunately, there were few of Vios¡¯s soldiers until the middle of the mountain, so we had only two injuries, among which was just a slight cut on the arm. So after the healers treated them at the castle of the lord, we packed up our luggage and moved to the next place.

    So, I was climbing a mountain once again. Damn it. Damn it! I knew this place was rugged, but I didn¡¯t think it was to this extent!

    So today, on the fourth day, we were able to cross the second mountain without a hitch. So far no major damage has been done. And by this time, I was feeling some serious sympathy for Vios.

    It was clear that the economic hardship of Vios was so severe that they made the disastrous decision to go to war over such a rugged mountain range.

    Although it is a bit unfortunate that they chose the empire as the target of their attack. In the short term it may have seemed like a good idea to raid the unoccupied fortress next door since they were in a dire situation economically, but there¡¯s a reason the empire remained unscathed for a century¡­.

    If I think only about the 300 gold I¡¯ll receive, fear of war overtakes me. Strangely, I feel like I¡¯m more afraid of war than I should be. It¡¯s not just because of my experience in a ceasefire country in my previous life, but because I feel like I¡¯m flirting with death. In this situation, my obvious lack of physical power is a huge disadvantage.

    The healers only have to wait behind the soldiers to survey the route in front of them, heal any wounded, and then journey together once again after the path is deemed secure. So far, no knights have been seriously injured, so it wouldn¡¯t be an exaggeration to say that Lily and I are doing almost nothing.

    Nevertheless, my legs were shaky due to walking four days in a row. I thought I was taking care of my health by seeing Lily exercise consistently for the past 10 days, but it was stupid of me. T_T *

    [*tl/n: that emoji was literally in the text, I didn¡¯t add it lol]

    Normally there is a limited amount of divine power that a healer can use per day, but it was instructed that during the war, it should be used only in emergency situations or when otherwise deemed necessary. So if I use up my divine power to heal my legs, it could become embarrassing if an emergency were to suddenly break out.

    Nevertheless, I found myself regularly hiding in a corner and infusing divine power into my legs. I came to this decision because from my point of view, I would suffer from embarrassment either way, so I¡¯d rather it not be from collapsing from climbing a mountain.

    Lily looked at me and tsked her tongue in disapproval, but after seeing my legs trembling she restrained herself.

    ¡°Up until this mountain, scouting the terrain wasn¡¯t too hard, but it will be trickier once we get to the next mountain.¡±

    ¡°What? Why? Because the mountain is rougher?¡±

    ¡°That, and also because there are a lot of caves for Vios to hide in.¡±

    ¡°That¡¯s right¡­.,¡± I sighed with all my breath. The fact that not only will the mountains be getting steeper, but also that people will be getting more serious injuries from here on out, hit me at the same time. When that time comes, I won¡¯t be able to slip away to heal my legs like I do now.

    Despite my concerns, not much happened for four days in a row, so Lily and I would go around the base camp or walk around the barracks to take a break.

    The twenty priests who are participating in the war are divided into two barracks. Though each one houses ten people, there is still little conversation to be heard inside them.

    Still, the majority of the priests are from the state religion, so they were able to gather and converse with more comfort and familiarity with each other than Lily and I.

    It now became time for the soldiers to return from their reconnaissance, and while everyone went outside the barracks, they naturally stood behind Abnel. Lily and I stood at the end and followed.

    Even though we were only going out to check the status of the knights who had already been healed, my mind was full of worries about tomorrow¡¯s hike. Since nothing bad has happened the past few days, I¡¯ve been feeling apprehensive.

    ¡°Come on, come on, hurry priests!¡±

    It was suddenly noisy outside. The priests of Abnel, who were standing upright and moving forward, hurried towards the commotion.

    The abdomen of a knight¡¯s white armor was mangled, with blood spilling out to stain the pure gold pattern. The knight was motionless, and there were three more injured arriving behind him.

    The Nickel Knights who had reconciled in the west were uninjured, so we could only assume that Vios¡¯s army had attacked by surprise from the east.

    Among them, the most injured man was the one bleeding from his abdomen, whom Elviniraz was supporting and looking down at with a hardened face.

    Abnel priests and priestesses ran to the fallen paladin. Priest Varsi quickly rolled up his sleeves and raised his hand over the wound, but Elviniraz¡¯s low voice interrupted him.

    ¡°Priestess Renesha.¡±

    ¡°¡­..Yes?¡±

    It was a really unexpected call, so not only I, but also everyone else was puzzled. Priest Varsi, who had just bent his knees and was about to begin treatment, looked up at him with a stunned expression. Elviniraz gazed down alternately between him and me, and said in a determined voice:

    ¡°I want the priestess to finish up.¡±

    ¡°¡­It¡¯s okay, sir. I can do it.¡±

    ¡°Yes, of course, I know that Priest Varsi can heal him too, but¡­ Priestess Renesha can heal him more efficiently.¡±

    Words that I could not understand at all came out. I had only 3 years of experience as a priest, while Priest Varsi had ten. So, how on earth could I be more proficient?

    But I couldn¡¯t ignore a prince¡¯s summons, so I moved forward quickly. The faces of the Abnel priests standing in front were unusually hardened. With every step I took, their gaze bore into me.

    It seemed sharp enough to pierce through my back.

    * * * * * * *

    The meaning of that gaze was revealed the very next day. In fact, there was no question about it anymore. It was envy, jealousy, and inferiority.

    Being a priest of Abnel¡¯s diplomatic religion comes with a huge sense of pride, naturally outshining those coming from smaller temples. So they had been anticipating the participation of the gods in this war, but to suddenly have a random priest called from an insignificant temple before them¡­

    I guess that was pretty damaging to their pride.

    I recently heard from Lily that the paladin leader could feel the presence of divine power to some extent. That¡¯s why Elviniraz had called me; it was more efficient for me to spend 30% of my energy and get a little tired, than for Priest Varsi to spend 90% of his energy and get depleted completely.

    The paladin who received healing from me, fortunately, was able to recover after just two days. The wound didn¡¯t damage his organs, so he seemed to heal quickly.

    Upon receiving thanks from him, I urged him to protect us with the light.

    Even during such a short conversation, the piercing gaze on my back continued. Since this is a fantasy world with magic swords, maybe there are even magic glares¡­.

    Priest Varsi, who had to retire because of me, didn¡¯t explicitly give me a look of resentment. But seeing as he had to step aside for me, I sometimes felt he was looking at me with a bit of an inferiority complex. Besides him, there were quite a few priests who disliked me since a priest such as Varsi, who stood at the center of Abnel¡¯s priests, felt humiliated because of me.

    Those gazes were so intense that I fully expected them to one day force me to follow them up to the rooftop* to continue their bullying. However, they didn¡¯t directly challenge or deliberately start an argument with me. With no direct confrontation, I should be fine if they¡¯re just going to glare at me¡­

    [*tl/n: reference to common scenes in K-dramas where bullies meet their victim on a rooftop to avoid intervention (and for dramatic effect)]

    ¡°Priestess Renesha. Priest Varsi isn¡¯t feeling very well, and he needs to eat more food to recover. Would you mind obliging, priestess?¡±

    My food was snatched with impunity.

    There were many other priests besides me, with El Nur priests taking up only 2 out of 20, yet I was the one asked to make concessions over an Abnel priest.

    A priest with a slightly trembling expression said, ¡°People with a lot of divine power have bodies that recover relatively quickly, so Priestess Renesha has nothing to worry about.¡±

    That was certainly an untested hypothesis. If I recovered quickly on my own, I wouldn¡¯t have had to constantly revive my legs when climbing these damned mountains!

    Nevertheless I obliged the first time they asked me. There wasn¡¯t a lot of food to go around during the war anyway, so not eating that single bread wouldn¡¯t make much of a difference. So I made concessions, but so far they¡¯ve asked me three times already.

    But seeing four people corner me and try to intimidate me with their stares¡­

    And seeing Priest Varsi deliberately coughing behind them, I became a little exasperated. I mean, really¡­.

    I had to give them credit for their dedication.

    So, with a generous heart, I decided to understand them. They took only bread, so Priest Varsi became a kind of barbarian to me, but I smiled brightly and acknowledged him.

    ¡°I hope you feel better soon.¡±

    His conscience seemed a bit stabbed by my flawless smile, and he quickly avoided my gaze.

    I didn¡¯t feel the need to talk anymore, so I headed to my seat with just a bowl of soup today. Lily had grabbed food earlier and was seated already.

    As I casually sat down next to her, Lily looked at them with a very cold face and asked, ¡°Ren¨¦e. Don¡¯t tell me, since yesterday have you been getting your food swiped by the Abnel priests?¡±

    Uh¡­ Until now, I hadn¡¯t put much thought into the priests asking for concessions, and only nodded in response. But Lily seemed to have noticed the situation through the conversation we had today.

    Lily, while straightening her glasses, asked again.

    ¡°Was your food taken?¡±

    It was a very angry voice for some reason, so I felt uneasy. Without waiting for a response, Lily jumped up and strode toward them.

    Uh-oh.

    ¡°Hello, priests. I witnessed a very shameful scene just now¡­. May I ask you all a question?¡±

    ¡°¡­.If you¡¯re by chance talking about this bread, Priest Varsi is not well so Priestess Renesha offered hers to us.¡±

    ¡°Offered?¡±

    Lily¡¯s lips curled up. Even where five Abnel priests were gathered, only Lily¡¯s face was fully composed with feigned geniality. Of course, it was a smile that reached only her lips. The eyes behind her glasses weren¡¯t smiling at all.

    With the change in atmosphere, other Abnel priests began to gather around.

    Oh, this is really dangerous¡­

    ¡°I was taught that delighting in an unwilling sacrifice is not the path of a priest of God. El Nur¡¯s doctrine is like this.¡±

    ¡°¡­.Yes?¡±

    ¡°And even if one is not a priest, that is just a basic way to behave as a human, don¡¯t you think? But maybe you disagree, based on your behavior?¡±

    ¡­I was never concerned about Lily becoming a subject of bullying. What I was worried about was the aftermath, when we will have to continue working together afterwards.

    Yes, because Lily is a legendary verbal master, to put it plainly.

 CH 5

    ¡°You said she ¡®offered.¡¯ The four of you had already received bread, and yet you had eyes only for hers and cornered her into sharing. The word, ¡®extortion,¡¯ is much more accurate than the word, ¡®offering,¡¯ don¡¯t you think? Ah, but surely it can¡¯t be possible for the priests of Abnel to use extortion¡­ You all were just momentarily confused, right?¡±

    ¡°¡­.¡±

    ¡°It¡¯s inconceivable that the priests of Abnel wouldn¡¯t be able to tell the difference between an offering of goodwill and extortion. No way, it¡¯s truly impossible!¡±

    As if perplexed by Lily¡¯s outpour of words, they were stunned into silence.

    As priests, there¡¯s often discourse about the virtues one should adopt as a person who worships God. No matter how different our religions may be, the most basic doctrines and core beliefs are usually similar. Lily picked them apart one by one and performed a splendid twist.

    While they were struck dumb, Lily took the bread back from Priest Varsi and finally laughed. It was a sincere smile this time.

    ¡°I¡¯m sorry that Priest Varsi is sick. I hope you get better soon.¡±

    ¡°¡­Oh, yeah, yes yes. Go, thank you.¡±

    Priest Varsi stuttered and expressed thanks with a blank face. Lily ended the conversation with slight gratitude, walked over to me, then turned halfway back around and expressed concern to them.

    ¡°Other people may not realize this, but please take good care of yourself. As Priestess Ren¨¦e exemplified earlier, if divine power is present in the body, self-recovery will naturally be faster¡­ but it seems even Priest Varsi is slow to recover, so I¡¯m worried about how others will fare if they get sick as well.¡±

    Satisfied after delivering her final punch, Lily pranced away with an exceptionally light gait.

    ¡­Well, I need to remind myself never to cross Lily.

    * * * * * * *

    In fact, the reason why the childish harassment of the Abnel priests didn¡¯t bother me was pretty simple: rather than having a resilient personality, I simply didn¡¯t have the energy to get upset because the march was getting harder and harder, draining all of my stamina.

    However, the day when a paladin was seriously injured finally came.

    The mountain that we began climbing the next day became really rough, as Lily had predicted. There were many places where Vios¡¯s army could hide, so there were multiple surprise ambushes. An arrow would suddenly fly out of nowhere, beginning an attack from the rear.

    There were more and more knights returning with injuries as we went on. Not just paladins were getting hurt now; even the Nickel Knights began returning with five or six injuries at a time. So the healers were always nervous whenever they came back from the reconnaissance.

    These have been the circumstances for the past three days, each of which had knights flocking to me all because of the one time that Elviniraz requested me directly.

    My primary charge was to care for the critically injured units, but once I was finished, other knights would discreetly come to me and ask for treatment.

    The other priests would already be depleted of their healing powers, so the knights would praise me for being relatively energetic, all the while carefully extending their injured limbs out to me. I couldn¡¯t exactly claim that I was out of commission and leave them, so I would end up clearing up the rest of the injured.

    As a result, all the priests were exhausted at night. Even after taking a break, the restoration of divine power became slower as we traveled farther away from the temple.

    All too quickly, it appeared that the zombie virus was spreading.

    Thinking of it now, I only just realized that Duke Willard has never been injured. The Vice General of the Nickel Knights has yet to need treatment as well.

    In contrast, the Vice Commander of the Holy Knights has been injured. But like the Nickel Knights, Elviniraz, the leader, has never been hurt either. In general, even on days when the knights¡¯ wounds were severe, the leaders were never injured.

    Of course, there were soldiers who have not been injured yet as well, but the generals were uniquely prominent characters, so I couldn¡¯t help feeling a bit impressed.

    ¡°Thank you for the treatment, Priestess Renesha.¡±

    It felt a bit stuffy being cooped up in the barracks, so I decided to walk around. A paladin approached me carefully and started talking to me. It was Gardiel, the paladin I had healed yesterday.

    He had suffered a long cut on his shoulder, but fortunately it wasn¡¯t deep, so the majority of the wound was cleared with healing. Of course, healing with divine power doesn¡¯t mean that the body will be okay instantaneously.

    ¡°Now, you have to go out to do reconnaissance again soon, right? Aren¡¯t you afraid?¡±

    I¡¯m starting to get a little scared now¡­ I was reassured in the beginning because everyone said that we would easily win, but every time I saw the injured knights, my heart constricted. So it¡¯s been a while since I¡¯ve had a good night¡¯s rest.

    Despite seeing the other priests falling asleep, and even my own fatigue, I really couldn¡¯t sleep. I¡¯m quickly descending into an advanced stage of zombie-dom.

    ¡°Haha¡­ well even if I get hurt, the priestess will heal me, so I¡¯m not scared!¡±

    ¡°No¡­ it would be best to be proactively careful and avoid getting hurt at all.¡±

    ¡°If I run away from the battlefield, it becomes dangerous for the people behind me. So for the sake of them, isn¡¯t it better if I¡¯m the one who gets hurt?¡±

    Gardiel laughed playfully. He spoke clearly in a light tone, but I couldn¡¯t bring myself to laugh at the meaning behind his words.

    Of course, that¡¯s why he¡¯s at the forefront. I seem to have made quite a thoughtless remark. So, ah¡­.

    I apologized with a heavy sigh, but the paladin jumped to my defense, saying I have nothing to apologize for. Even among the paladins, he was an exceptionally lively person.

    ¡°Also, I¡¯m not very afraid because the leader wipes them out so effortlessly. The blessings of the light will definitely save us.¡±

    Even though I¡¯ve never seen Elviniraz wear the Holy Sword, I can imagine what effect it must have. The sword¡¯s sheathe alone is rare enough, as it¡¯s decked out with various jewels around Abnel¡¯s insignia, so the appearance of the sword itself must be even more extraordinary. Not to mention the sheer size of the sword is intimidating.

    I nodded blankly in agreement with him, but Gardiel bowed his head and whispered to me conspiratorially.

    I didn¡¯t understand his intention since there¡¯s no one around anyway, but in the moment I ended up mirroring his secretive motions.

    ¡°And actually, the leader spoke about you, priestess.¡±

    ¡°¡­. Huh? Why?¡±

    ¡°He said that you must be here as ¡®God¡¯s Envoy.¡¯ That means the priestess¡¯s divine power is enormous.¡±

    ¡­..Ah. Somehow I became very self-conscious. Gardiel laughed openly as I was only blinking at him, unable to say anything. So, he continued his boasting, saying that with both myself and the paladin leader on his side, he¡¯d be able to take care of Vios with no problem.

    Even though I managed to get out my warning that I couldn¡¯t save the dead, I felt like hiding myself in a blanket.

    The person who most looks like a resident of the heavens speaks of me as, ¡®God¡¯s Envoy.¡¯ The modifier was too generous. When the name ¡®Renesha,¡¯ which was originally supposed give me a feeling of significance, followed behind the title of, ¡®God¡¯s Envoy,¡¯ it suddenly felt shabby.

    Abruptly, the thought of wanting to see that god-like man up close again flashed across my mind. Ten days have passed already, yet I haven¡¯t had any interaction with him besides the first day we spoke and the day I treated the injured paladin.

    It¡¯s a face I must see up-close at least once more¡­

    Seeing him felt like the same experience as admiring holy effigies in a temple. They¡¯re impossible to take your eyes off of. But, wanting to meet Elviniraz up close¡­. is it only possible if he gets wounded? If he¡¯s seriously injured, I¡¯d be able to heal him.

    My thoughts flowed along quietly, but they suddenly turned callous, so I quickly canceled my thoughts. Of course, no matter how far my wicked thoughts wandered, there¡¯s no way he¡¯d ever get hurt, right?

    * * * * * * *

    Wrong!

    This, I can¡¯t. My heart is beating like crazy. Did he really get hurt because of my thoughts, wishing he¡¯d get hurt just once, for me? Did my powers really reach this ability without my notice? Even though I was always suspicious that this whole ¡®power¡¯ thing was a fraud in the first place?!

    I can¡¯t calm myself down. My legs taking me to the barracks are shaking as if they¡¯ll collapse at any second.

    The whole thing started like this. As usual, all the priests were waiting outside the barracks for the knights to return after finishing their stakeouts.

    Since each wounded soldier usually requires two healers, everyone is busy getting ready. Supplies necessary for maintaining basic homeostasis, such as warm water, clean towels, etc., are prepared in anticipation of the wounded soldiers arriving.

    No matter how great a healer is, the blood flow of the wound has to be under control before the priest can begin their work. It¡¯s impossible to heal with excessive bleeding.

    To give an example, a wound that would need ten days to heal on its own, would probably need only about four days after being treated by a healer. However, that isn¡¯t to say that the wounds could be taken lightly after treatment; healing is never immediate, only the bleeding is stopped and the healing process is commenced.

    So as I was saying, everyone was preparing for the worst. But fortunately this time there were only two wounded soldiers. However, one of the men¡¯s shoulders was in serious condition, and the face of Elviniraz, who was supporting him, was also pale.

    As I approached him to heal the soldier¡¯s shoulder, Elviniraz asked another priest to take over for me, and then told me to follow him to his tent.

    In my distressed state, I tried to calm myself down before entering. I¡¯m sure my reaction was odd to him, but Elviniraz continued on into his tent without a word. With his back suddenly in my view¡­

    It was covered in blood.

    After that image, I couldn¡¯t move properly due to shock. With that amount of blood, the injury must be severe. Why didn¡¯t he seek treatment right away? I¡¯m afraid that if he turns out to be badly hurt, the morale of the entire Knights Templar will deflate. If the person whom all the knights depend on the most is injured, then the whole group will feel overwhelmed by anxiety.

    I stood outside of his tent and tried to steady my breathing. It was definitely an attempt to calm down, but I couldn¡¯t manage it without quivering.

    Less than a few hours had passed since I thought, very, very profanely, that if he was injured, I would get to see him up close.

    Surely he couldn¡¯t really have been hurt by my thoughts¡­ but why do I feel so guilty?

    I finally walked through the tent entrance with trembling hands, only to stop again and gasp at the sight of the cloak drenched in the blood of Elviniraz.

    ¡°Oh, priestess.¡±

    ¡°I- I¡¯m so sorry!¡±

    I shouted without thinking. It sounds ridiculous, but as soon as that god-like face turned its gaze to me, I felt compelled to confess all my sins and pray for forgiveness. At this moment, I understood very strongly why the church performs confessions.

    ¡°¡­..Sorry?¡±

    ¡°I, I had such disrespectful thoughts. No matter how wrong they were, I really didn¡¯t expect that the universe would grant it.¡±

    A comforting warmth enveloped my trembling hands. Elviniraz, who bent down in front of me, looked down at me with a confused expression and said calmly.

    ¡°Priestess Renesha. First, please calm down.¡±

    Have I died and found God? I think he told me to calm down, but when I see someone shining like gold right in front of me, it¡¯s impossible. His looks alone are a danger to my heart.

    Despite my overreaction, the effect of his warmth was great. I slowly came to my senses and realized what nonsense I had just spouted. Oh, it quickly became shameful.

    ¡°¡­.no. I lost my mind for a moment.¡±

    ¡°Oh? But¡­how were your thoughts disrespectful?¡±

    Ah, he actually heard me. Even more shameful. But as this man who¡¯s considerably larger than me held my hand asking me to calm down, then tilted his head slightly and asked what happened with such concern, any resolve I had melted and my mouth opened to speak on its own.

    One of Elviniraz¡¯s skills must be the power of, ¡°True Penance.¡±

    In the end, I bowed my head and began to stutter and repent in front of Elviniraz¡¯s open expression.

    ¡°¡­I thought, it would be a good thing if the leader were to get hurt.¡±

    ¡°¡­Why?¡±

    ¡°That¡¯s¡­ so that I¡¯d be able to see the leader up close. Bu-but please don¡¯t misunderstand. I don¡¯t have any weird intentions, but it¡¯s just that the leader looks so divine, so I thought it¡¯d be nice to see you up close. It sounds really selfish¡­¡±

    I completely self-destructed. I really have no one to blame but myself.

 CH 6

    No matter how much I repent, my exclamations aren¡¯t helping my situation at all¡­

    I was feeling tremendous regret and shame when I felt his hand holding mine start to shake softly.

    Huh? By the time my mind registered the confusion that I felt, he was bursting into laughter. It was a laugh that could really only be described by the word ¡®bursting.¡¯

    The only kind of smile I¡¯ve seen from Elviniraz so far have been those out of courtesy. So the fact that he¡¯s now smiling so brightly because of me is a bit gratifying. However, it¡¯s not enough to make me forget my embarrassment, especially after seeing him erupt into laughter so emphatically. And again, my sense of shame sank that much deeper.

    ¡°So, you thought I was hurt?¡±

    ¡°¡­ yes, yes, so you didn¡¯t call me for treatment¡­?¡±

    I can¡¯t deal with this situation much longer. Let¡¯s heal quickly and split; pour in the divine power or whatever and run back to the barracks. I want to bury myself under a blanket.

    ¡°I¡¯m not hurt, Priestess. I think you were mistaken due to the blood on my cloak, but it was only from supporting the soldier.¡±

    ¡­.Oh, my face is going to explode.

    Up until now, I¡¯ve built up an image of myself as a calm, ordinary priestess with a powerful healing ability. But in just one moment, that image has been shattered.

    As soon as I entered the barracks, I suddenly made a confession like a depraved sinner in my own splendid show of self-destruction.

    I could feel the redness in my face without having to look at it.

    Meanwhile, Elviniraz, who still couldn¡¯t fully suppress his laughter, continued to cough heavily, eventually covering his face with his big hand and exhaling for a long time. I¡¯d be okay with being buried six feet under at this point. Anything to avoid listening to him struggle to contain his laughter.

    Even so, it was still nice to see a person who was so tall and charismatic, giving off the impression of a Nordic god, smiling in front of me.

    For nearly ten days, I¡¯d only ever witnessed a rather stiff countenance from him, as the commander of the war. He wasn¡¯t happy at all.

    As I was looking down on the ground with a face taking on all the negative emotions in the world, I heard Elviniraz¡¯s voice.

    ¡°I called, Priestess, I called to apologize. I heard news that Abnel¡¯s priests were harassing Priestess Renesha.¡±

    ¡°¡­ Oh? No, but why is the commander¡­¡±

    ¡°Because it¡¯s something people who belong to my temple have done, and it wouldn¡¯t have happened if I had been more careful.¡±

    Well no, those people are just weird. It¡¯s not like he was intentionally ignoring the situation as a bystander since he wasn¡¯t aware. How would he have known anyway¡­

    He continued seriously, as I kept saying no with a shaky expression.

    ¡°I will talk to the priests separately. So please accept my apology.¡±

    ¡°Well, no¡­ Sir Knight. It¡¯s not that I don¡¯t want to accept your apology, but I¡¯m saying that your apology is unnecessary. I have no intention of forcing responsibility on you, and above all else, you¡¯ve done nothing wrong, so why are you lowering yourself? I don¡¯t understand why you¡¯re asking for an apology when it¡¯s not your fault.¡±

    Besides, the priests and the paladins are not the same. Of course there was no reason to be held accountable for having the same god.

    Even though I was explaining myself, I ended up rambling.

    While I was going on and on, Elviniraz was looking down at me quietly, and even after my talk was over, he was silent for a while.

    The gaze staring at me was a bit cumbersome. It became so intense that for a moment I even considered that he may be performing telepathy. Is it possible for him read my inner thoughts and judge my level of sincerity?

    ¡°¡­.Yes, the priestess is right.¡±

    But at the end of all that, Elviniraz just smiled with his eyes closed. It took a few seconds to hear his answer, but it seems like my words had a positive effect.

    ¡°I was worried that the priestess might be offended and dislike Abnel because of it.¡±

    ¡°¡­Oh, no. I see.¡±

    He was worried for such a strange reason, so I looked at him with questioning eyes. But with my quite meaningless exclamation, I must have pressed his laughter button again.

    Yet again I¡¯m the cause. Hoo*, damn it. I want to disappear again.

    [tl/n*: I know ¡®whew¡¯ makes more sense in English, but it has a connotation of relief which she definitely does not feel here lol, so I decided to be more literal.]

    My hand that was so ashamed, was caught again. His hand that had previously enveloped mine when he was bursting with laughter, wrapped around my hand carefully again. It was a very big hand; so much so that his palm alone almost covered the length of my entire hand.

    As I was a little embarrassed yet again and looking down at the ground, Elviniraz looked at me once and slowly raised his hand.

    ¡°Actually, it takes tremendous devotion and sincerity to heal someone with divine power. If you have the smallest feeling of reluctance towards the other, you¡¯d be able to use only half of your abilities¡­¡±

    He kissed the back of my hand in a very polite manner.

    ¡°Therefore we must not turn our backs on God¡¯s Envoy.¡±

    After a light kiss, Elviniraz¡¯s golden eyes immediately met mine. This situation was so embarrassing, I couldn¡¯t stop my formerly cool cheeks from heating up again.

    He smiled gently.

    ¡°Next time I¡¯m injured, I¡¯ll call for you, Priestess. Then you can see me up close.¡±

    ¡­..the heat drained from my cheeks.

    I really won¡¯t be able to sleep tonight.

    * * * * * * *

    As predicted, I¡¯m wide awake.

    It¡¯s been a while since the other priests in the barracks fell asleep, but I¡¯ve been awake for several hours now. With no light I can¡¯t be sure of the time, but it must be around one or two in the morning.

    With those shameful memories it was impossible to fall asleep, but more than that, my worries about tomorrow¡¯s schedule and the future also won¡¯t let me relax.

    Today, technically yesterday now, two soldiers were wounded, but now the reconnaissance is over.

    The mountain itself is very steep and has many places where Vios can ambush us, so lately stakeouts are taking even longer to be completed in order for us to move on to the next mountain.

    After crossing the third mountain, there will be a place to rest on the plain below, so we were told that we would be able to rest a day there before continuing onto the next mountain.

    Of course the mountain will be rough as well, but the priests were all set at ease when told that the soldiers were already familiar with the road, even though it would take longer to cross.

    Even so, I was completely restless. Vios, who everyone thought would be conquered easily, was still putting up a fight.

    I heard that the western border was called a fortress because of the very existence of these rugged mountain ranges, so there¡¯s not only a man-made fortress, but also a natural one made with special topography.

    So they say that it will be easy to reach the territory of Vios once we pass this area¡­.

    I¡¯ve been seeing soldiers bleeding before me for six days straight now. Luckily none of them have been critical yet, but seeing the soldiers limping and losing blood is not comforting at all.

    In fact, if it were¡¯t for the healers, the number of casualties would be much higher, yet the road is still getting more difficult.

    In addition, healers are having to use their powers every day, and it¡¯s evident that their energy is draining more quickly than before. If the first day they were charged at 100%, now, no matter how much they sleep, they are only topped at 60% or 70%.

    I suppose going back alive is still likely¡­

    But I still feel like protesting to those who had reassured me.

    When I go back to the temple, I want to shout and demand that Priest Timotheo bring me hot ice. I knew a ¡®safe war¡¯ was rubbish. Maybe he was using a paradox to deliver a strong message to the perception of war as a joke.

    Phew A sigh escaped from me. Since I hadn¡¯t used divine power or been otherwise occupied today, it was impossible for me to sleep. I tossed and turned for about ten minutes more, but got up at the end. I should take a walk for some fresh air.

    I carefully put on my shoes and went outside the barracks. As soon as I walked through the tent, the entrance let a cold breeze of the night leak through, so I quickly closed the tent. I even checked carefully to see if the wind would slip through or if it was closed properly.

    ¡°Ha¡­.¡±

    The air became colder as dawn greeted the mountains. Because the surrounding area was full of trees and grass, it gave off a unique, damp fragrance.

    Can you possibly see the dew at night?¡­

    I looked up at the sky thinking blankly, until my coat was blown open again by the cold breeze, waking me up.

    Outside the barracks, fire was blazing at regular intervals. There were two soldiers who seemed to be standing guard, but they must have been very tired, since they were standing there and dozing off little by little.

    I felt self-conscious about waking them up, so I looked at them regretfully and walked very carefully around. I should just walk around the base camp for a bit and then go back.

    One step, two steps, three steps.  When I was just about to take four steps, I heard a cold voice from behind me.

    ¡°What are you doing out here at dawn?¡±

    His voice was so cold that I had to wonder if the chill of dawn somehow infused itself inside him.

    Even though we don¡¯t talk much, I knew who it was as soon as I heard his voice, and my shoulders trembled.

    ¡°Oh, hello.¡±

    So I turned around and wore an ambiguous smile.  The moon shone so brightly that my view was completely clear. Only the violet eyes looking down at me seemed endlessly dark.

    It was obviously due to the devastation around his eyes, yet I couldn¡¯t help being a little frightened meeting such a desolate person at dawn.

    ¡°I asked what you were doing.¡±

    I became even more afraid by the suspicion in his eyes. It did appear very strange that I would come out of the barracks secretly at this hour of the night when we are fighting a war against Vios.

    ¡°I couldn¡¯t sleep, so I came out to take a short walk.¡±

    I expressed my intentions very politely. I was very surprised by his sudden appearance, but Duke Willard¡¯s current suspicion was valid, so I responded with courtesy without revealing any embarrassment.

    However, despite my explanation, the Duke looked down at me with his face tilted slightly back, as if he didn¡¯t believe me. The eyes that I looked into were really damn scary.

    ¡°The priests usually go to bed early because they are tired.¡±

    ¡°Oh, there were only a few minor injuries today so I didn¡¯t do any treatments.¡±

    ¡°¡­.and you, you usually seem to have a hard time hiking. Are you feeling that much better after a few days¡¯ rest?¡±

    The Duke refuted my words again, frowning slightly as he spoke. Even that small scowl was enough to frighten me, making my heart drop with a heavy thump. But I was very surprised by the words that followed, so I didn¡¯t know know what to say¡­only a stupid sound came out.*

    [tl/n*: I¡¯m assuming she means she made a small sigh or weird noise in response. There was no further explanation so idk.]

    How did the Duke know that? Ah, no. It was understandable. I¡¯m the last person to walk up the mountain, the one who struggles the most.

    When I clung to Lily because I was afraid of falling behind, she always laughed and waited for me.

    Well, so it¡¯s easy enough to know¡­. realizing this, I became a little embarrassed and laughed awkwardly.  But the Duke didn¡¯t laugh at all, so I quickly closed my mouth.

    The silence became long. The air resounded with the chirping of grasshoppers and the swaying of grass. The sound of the wind breaking between the trees was a bit bizarre, but also strangely stabilizing, and I eventually opened my mouth.

    ¡°Actually, it¡¯s the first time I¡¯ve been to war.¡±

    ¡°¡­¡­.¡±

    ¡°Oh, of course, you said before it¡¯s not a real ¡®war,¡¯ but¡­people getting hurt before my own eyes is still upsetting.¡±

    I¡¯ve only ever experienced death myself, I¡¯ve never actually witnessed it¡­

 CH 7

    The Duke responded in silence, making an incomprehensible expression, as if swallowing a story that he couldn¡¯t possibly relate to.

    Well, if you weren¡¯t planning on responding to me, then you¡¯d have disappeared already.

    I darted my eyes back and forth in embarrassment, thinking I was about to be chewed out, eventually raising my head back up.

    Still, under the moonlight, his features were crystal clear. It appeared that he did not completely ignore my words, as there was a slight change in his expression.

    Previously, he was suspicious of me, but now, what is he thinking about¡­.

    Well, I certainly don¡¯t want to analyze it.

    Like that, my eyes started to wander, suddenly focusing on the sword tied to the Duke¡¯s waist. It was neither as flashy nor as big as the long sword used by Elviniraz, but it was a sword that I thought suited him well. Rather than emitting a translucent or white light, it glows a ¡®shining black.¡¯

    ¡­Ah. It was only then that I realized that I had made a mistake.

    So, just now I¡­

    Right now, in front of someone who has been cutting down Vios¡¯s soldiers, I talked about being disturbed when seeing a human being hurt. It was a very thoughtless remark.

    Unbelievable. The blunder was so serious that I was worried that his mood would distort enough to put my neck in danger of being snapped. With my fingertips beginning to shake, I quickly bowed my head down.

    ¡°I¡ª I¡¯m sorry.¡±

    ¡°¡­Why are you apologizing all of a sudden?¡±

    Fortunately, the Duke¡¯s voice displayed no dissatisfaction. I sputtered my words out.

    ¡°We¡¯re in the middle of war and I said something too weak. I am sorry.¡±

    ¡°¡­truthfully you are weak, but there is no need for you to be sorry about it.¡±

    ¡­Well, I got an answer out of him. But I still don¡¯t know if it¡¯s okay or not. The last words seemed to be okay, so I raised my head, but when I thought about his first remark, I became confused again, so I tilted my head slightly.

    Because of the Duke who was analyzing my behavior, in the end I revealed my thoughts honestly.

    In front of those who wield swords to keep those behind them safe, I have said, ¡°I¡¯m sorry to see people getting hurt and bleeding.¡± I think my perspective has been too near-sighted. My eyes were really opened by Gardiel, who previously tried to console me with such cool words.

    ¡°¡­.¡±

    However, there was no answer from the Duke again. Under the moonlight his features were exaggerated; his white skin was even more translucent under the light, and his deep eyes were even more intense under the shadows.

    If Elviniraz¡¯s shortened hair and raised bangs gave off a cool image, then the Duke¡¯s impression was somewhat calm and subdued. Besides, he has black hair, so naturally his atmosphere is much darker.

    His midnight-colored eyes were looking down at me strangely. It was unclear whether I should be meeting his gaze or not, so I kept my eyes light.

    If you look at the Duke like this, he¡¯s a very handsome person. If we could only dispose of that zombie-like devastation¡­

    ¡°¡­.I think that¡¯s better than being complacent to suffering, though.¡±

    His mouth opened at last, as he was staring at my face. His low, soft voice resonated clearly even in the night.

    ¡°I do cut down my enemies, but you don¡¯t have to apologize for being upset when it¡¯s your first time seeing severely injured people.¡±

    Uh¡­. where¡¯d this generosity come from? What he said was true, but I need to tread carefully.

    Somehow, I realized that I was allowing my usual fears to distort the present into making new ones. What I actually just heard was that I didn¡¯t have to apologize.

    I got a little embarrassed for some reason, so I lowered my gaze slightly. I even feel a little sorry for making him into such a mean, unforgiving, bad character in my mind.

    I lowered my eyes to the ground. I was late, but nodded to convey that I understood.

    In fact, it cost me some embarrassment, but more than that I felt grateful to him for trying to comfort me in his own way. Like saying that it¡¯s preferable over being indifferent¡­..

    I carefully processed what he had said, and finally smiled a little.

    It seemed about time to head back. I came out to breathe the night air, so my purpose has been sufficiently achieved. I bowed my head to him.

    ¡°Thank you for listening to me. Then I¡¯ll head back first, Mr. Customer. Ah no Duke, D-Duke¡­. Sir Knight.¡±

    Damn it. It was definitely the end of the conversation, which was going okay in its own way, but I ruined it. Referring to him as ¡®Mr. Customer¡¯ all the time has finally backfired.

    With an apprehensive feeling, I looked back over my shoulder at the Duke and smiled very awkwardly. He didn¡¯t hear it, right?

    Unfortunately, his next words proved me wrong.

    ¡°Duke?¡±

    ¡°¡­Yes?¡±

    ¡°I¡¯ve yet to receive the title. Did you just call me ¡®Duke¡¯?¡±

    His voice iced back over. I couldn¡¯t say anything for a moment, so I just blinked and stared at him in a daze.

    It is usually said that in aristocratic society, the heir is confirmed before the coming-of-age ceremony, and after a few years, the title is completely transferred to the next generation.

    But even by that standard, Cabel Willard¡¯s succession is late. It should have been done three years ago as it is¡­

    I suddenly thought that maybe it was postponed because of Cabel¡¯s elder brother Kerbian, who was found dead in the duke¡¯s residence¡­

    So even though the succession is a little late, the imperial family announced a month ago that he would succeed the dukedom¡­ but I still felt a little disconcerted. Indeed, his face turned cold as ice, and the fear that had previously melted, returned to me like the morning chill.

    ¡°If you call me that, wouldn¡¯t it cause the misunderstanding that I am trying to get rid of my father for the title?¡±

    ¡­.No way, what are you, a screw bar?! He¡¯s truly twisted. I was really scared, but I lost my sense due to the ridiculous reason that came out of his mouth.

    How the hell did it turn out this way when I was trying so hard to salvage this encounter?! More than that, I actually feel a bit offended from his overreaction to a small mistake.

    I did mistakenly call him Duke before the succession, but I quickly corrected myself and called him respectfully!

    ¡°In that case¡­ what should I call you?¡±

    ¡°Why would you call me?¡±

    Aha, so I don¡¯t have to call him in the first place. In fact, there¡¯s no reason for me to. Ingenious¡­

    ¡°Yes, you¡¯re right¡­!¡±

    So I admired him with genuine delight, but his expression became very strange. Regardless, this was my chance. I once again bowed and said, ¡°I¡¯ll go back first.¡± There was no answer from him.

    Although my admiration itself is sincere, his words still annoy me a little when I ponder over them.

    So it¡¯s just me, huh? When I think about it, I used to call him ¡®Duke¡¯ all the time. But now if I do he¡¯ll sarcastically berate me over the ¡®misunderstanding¡¯ I¡¯d cause. It¡¯ll be official by the time this campaign is over so what¡¯s the big deal??

    So I decided to call him Cabel. If I can call the paladin leader by his name in my head, then why can¡¯t I do the same for the imperial knights¡¯ leader? I laughed quietly to myself, enjoying my internal act of defiance.

    The new day dawned unusually bright.

    Fortunately I was finally able to sleep after my dalliance at dawn. However, it was already so late that when it was time to wake up, I made a dying sound and grabbed onto Lily¡¯s arm, begging for five more minutes¡­but if I continued to sleep now it¡¯d become my eternal state.

    Lily¡¯s gentle voice, saying that we have to prepare for departure soon, barely contained her desire to chuck me out of the tent.

    I deliberately washed my face with cold water, but the fatigue would not go away that easily.

    Maybe yesterday after meeting the Zombie Duke¡­no, I mean Cabel. It seems like I¡¯ve become a zombie, too. The virus has obviously become contagious.

    But now they¡¯re saying that once we get past this mountain, we can rest for a full day. That was my only hope.

    The mountain was already scouted yesterday, but it was decided to go out for reconnaissance in the morning one more time just to be safe.

    This time, only six scouts were sent for a quick search. I still couldn¡¯t shake off my fatigue, so I walked around in a slightly dull and hazy state while I waited. Beyond the barracks, I saw soldiers preparing to search.

    Ugh¡­that means we¡¯ll have to start hiking soon. On my way back to the priests¡¯ barracks, I stopped and stretched lightly. I secretly healed my legs yesterday, but I¡¯m still worried about them hiking all day.

    ¡°Hello, Priestess Renesha.¡±

    I had just bent over and was straightening my legs when I was given a jovial greeting. I lifted my head to see Elviniraz in front of me.

    ¡°Hello. Good morning.¡±

    I straightened myself and greeted him casually, pretending to be indifferent.  Of course even though my greeting was calm, I couldn¡¯t stop my heart from pounding when facing this sculpture again. I¡¯m becoming way too reactive to his appearance.

    ¡°Were you able to sleep well yesterday?¡±

    ¡°¡­.erm, yes. Did Sir Knight sleep well, too?¡±

    ¡°Yes, I did, but the priestess still seems a bit tired.¡±

    My silence before responding seemed to affirm his statement, making him smile knowingly. He somehow acted like he knew why I didn¡¯t sleep well, so yesterday¡¯s shameful memories replayed in my mind.

    I quickly averted my eyes, looking for a way to turn the topic of the conversation.

    ¡°By the way, is Sir Knight going out to scout as well? Shouldn¡¯t the other knights go instead?¡±

    Fortunately, I was able to find another topic quickly, but it turned out to be a genuine inquiry. It was because of his figure, properly equipped in armor.

    I heard that the search itself was quite short and only took an hour or two, but for the rest of us that meant waiting around for departure. He wouldn¡¯t have changed into his armor already, so it seemed certain that Elviniraz was joining the morning search.

    Does the paladin leader need to go out himself?

    Elviniraz nodded as I was regarding him with a slight surprise.

    ¡°If I join the search, it will be done with quickly. Wouldn¡¯t it be better than handing it over to someone else, only to take up more time?¡±

    ¡°Ah¡­.¡±

    Even though it was obviously true, it felt a bit strange to hear out loud. I just nodded briefly in admiration because I couldn¡¯t think of anything to add. Meanwhile, Elviniraz added in a very playful voice.

    ¡°And the sooner we come back, the sooner the priestess will be able to cross the mountain, and the sooner she can rest.¡±

    ¡°Oh, yes. Thank you for your deep consideration.¡±

    I didn¡¯t want to think so, but now I¡¯m convinced. It¡¯s obvious he just wants to make fun of me about yesterday.  Otherwise, there¡¯s no reason to go out of his way to bring up my restless night again. As I glanced at him, a pleasant smile lit up his face. His golden eyes glittered with mirth.

    ¡°It is said that there is a villa built by the previous lord. Since the priestess hasn¡¯t been able to eat properly the past few days, it would be nice for you to enjoy dinner and relax there.¡±

    ¡°Wow, yes. You¡¯re right. That would be great.¡±

    ¡°So, if we get over the mountain safely, shall we eat together?¡±

    ¡°¡­Sir Knight, you mustn¡¯t say things like that.¡±

    With my firm answer, a question came to Elviniraz¡¯s face.

    In fact, what he said to me was very exciting. Even if it would be a meal with all the soldiers, it was still thrilling to hear him suggest with a smile that we eat together.

    Nevertheless, his last words were absolutely never to be said.

    ¡°¡­.What?¡±

    ¡°Those are magic words that bring about misfortune.¡±

    It¡¯s like when the final boss in the dungeons collapses and someone asks, ¡°Is he dead now?,¡± making him rise again! Similar examples include: ¡°I have something to tell you when this war is over,¡± and, ¡°Is the project done now?¡±

    In the former case, it becomes the speaker¡¯s last will, never to be said aloud. In the latter case, the workload is reduced, giving a false sense of relaxation, only to have the speaker receive a notification of the next task awaiting confirmation. I feel a terrible sense of d¨¦j¨¤ vu¡­

    Anyway, I¡¯m talking about Elviniraz right now. When he did not immediately understand what I said, he just looked down at me and remained silent. Finally, he drew a smile.

    ¡°It¡¯s a method of keeping tension until the end.¡±

    ¡­.He interpreted it better than I described it. I didn¡¯t feel the need to explain in any deeper detail, so I nodded in affirmation. With that, Elviniraz laughed breezily, saying he¡¯d keep my words in mind.

    His laughter is still so cool.

 CH 8

    Fortunately, the search ended quickly without much difficulty. Because of the magic words that Elviniraz accidentally unleashed into the universe, I couldn¡¯t relax until the recon group returned. When they came back safely, I felt a wave of relief.

    Nevertheless, with this mountain we couldn¡¯t let our guard down until the very end. The paladin knights walked in front, with the priests following behind and the imperial knights covering the rear.

    If healers get injured, then they can¡¯t use their powers properly until they¡¯re completely healed, so they are usually guarded above all else, regarded as important manpower that should never be endangered.

    It goes without saying that such protection is an enormous consolation, since it enables us to walk with confidence. However, one problem does arise here¡­.

    And it¡¯s the shortcoming of my pace. Being the slowest among the priests, accompanied by Cabel¡¯s leading command of the Nickel Knights behind us¡­ Well, goddamn it.

    ¡°Lily¡­ please don¡¯t abandon me¡­¡±

    The mountain is really rough, as predicted. I had mentally prepared myself, as well as stretched and walked in practice, but my legs are still trembling in a way that¡¯s impossible to shake off.

    To make things worse, the road is uneven, and the stone steps that appear from time to time are so steep that they¡¯re impossible for me to climb.

    Others are walking just fine, but I¡¯m tripping over stones and gasping out of breath¡­I could feel a judgmental gaze burning into my back. I knew who it was without turning around.

    Up until now, the typical line-up had the priests walking in the second half of the procession, followed by a few soldiers, so I didn¡¯t know just how bad I was. It was impossible to slow down now with the imperial knights right behind me. I was definitely going to die.

    My feet were burning, and everything from my calves to my thighs were overstrained. We¡¯ve been walking for ten days now, but I haven¡¯t seen so much as one muscle develop on these damn legs¡­..!

    Even Lily, who would wait for me occasionally, whispered to me to walk quickly, supporting me from time to time to make sure I knew that the Nickel Knights were close behind.

    So I pulled from both real and nonexistent strength, but even so, I heard a brief sigh behind me. Damn, how can a single breath be recognizable? Its existence is revealed too clearly.

    ¡°How¡­..¡±

    A low voice came out clearly and struck down.

    ¡°¡­¡­Easygoing.¡±

    It could have been a lamentation or admiration. But either way my head was bowed in shame, hik, hik.* Because of my slow pace, I eventually was brought all the way back to the front of the Nickel Knights.

    [tl/n*: sobbing noise]

    I¡¯m struggling through, in my own desperate efforts, but the people behind me are so comfortable. Even now they are leisurely looking around.

    In the end, I couldn¡¯t help apologizing, turning my upper body halfway with my head down.

    ¡°Not really¡­.¡±

    I thought he was going to say an apology wasn¡¯t really necessary, but there was no follow-up remark. Instead, the voice of the vice commander, who was walking behind him, resounded cheerfully.

    ¡°It¡¯s nice being able to look around comfortably! You don¡¯t have to worry about it, Priestess!¡±

    ¡­¡­It became even more shameful. Fortunately, it was time for a short break after reaching the halfway point.

    However, the ten-minute break passed quickly; before I could feel any sense of recovery, it was time to get up again. I¡¯d spent the last ten minutes sitting down, but now that I¡¯m back up, it¡¯s harder than ever.

    Thinking during the break, I¡¯d reached a final conclusion. I looked at Lily, who had gone ahead earlier, following her back with a distant gaze. Then, I carefully turned my attention towards Cabel.

    ¡°I¡­..anyhow, I¡¯m afraid I¡¯m holding everyone up too much.¡±

    There were no words to be heard, but his answer could be seen through his gaze, ¡®So, you know.¡¯ It was so embarrassing. I lifted my head slightly to confirm that mercenaries were following behind the Nickel Knights before continuing.

    ¡°Since all the knights are falling behind because of me, I¡¯ll just follow along after them. There is also a mercenary team, so I can go with them¡­.¡±

    Oh.

    My words were cut off. One of the mercenaries trailing behind the Nickel Knights from far away suddenly fell.

    A piercing scream reverberated through the mountain. As I was staring blankly at the figure of the fallen mercenary, Cabel suddenly drew his sword.

    The sharp sound of friction between metal and wood was heard, leaving me too petrified to admire the appearance of Cabel¡¯s sword emerging from its scabbard. It was because the sword swung in front of me in a flash.

    Thwack, the sound swept by my ear. Something pierced through the tree next to me.

    It was an arrow.

    An arrow that would have pierced me if Cabel hadn¡¯t struck it with his sword, was now very deep in the tree behind me. The moment was so shocking that I couldn¡¯t remember how to breathe.

    My mind was clouded by white noise. My mind distantly registered hearing a cry, ¡°It¡¯s an ambush!¡± As if everything had been submerged in water, all I could hear was a distant, rumbling hum.

    In an instant, I was in such a panic that I began to tremble like crazy. Even now, it seemed that my legs would give way.

    The image of the mercenary falling by an arrow in front of my eyes wouldn¡¯t disappear. Quickly followed by the troops of Vios, who were waiting in ambush, beginning to slash through the mercenaries.

    Crimson blood, splattering throughout the air.

    People falling.

    ¡°Wake up.¡±

    ¡ªSuddenly, my vision became dark. Something covered my eyes, and a beat later I recognized Cabel¡¯s hand.

    In an instant, chaos had spread throughout the whole area, even reaching Cabel and surrounding us with noise. I could hear the Vice Commander, whom I¡¯d always pictured with a cheerful smile, issuing sharp commands in a firm voice¡­.But at this moment, it felt like all the noise around me had been blocked.

    I no longer saw people bleeding out in front of my eyes. In my mind, only Cabel¡¯s hand existed, covering my eyes tightly.

    Even my exhalations were trembling, and the more they did, the deeper Cabel pressed into me.

    ¡°Immediately turn around. Run and don¡¯t look back.¡±

    A low, firm voice pressed into my ears.

    ¡°Now.¡±

    I was out of breath, my throat beginning to tear.

    The steps I took were clumsy, stumbling as my legs threatened to collapse. I had taken off running without any thought, so it was strange that I didn¡¯t fall off the beaten track.

    I ran and ran without looking back, until I could no longer hear people¡¯s screams or sharp cries.

    I couldn¡¯t recall how I arrived. The only thing that I could remember after my mind turned white under extreme tension was that I ran out of breath and passed out, although whether it was from fear or lack of oxygen, I didn¡¯t know.

    As I was told, there was a large villa at the foot of the mountain. A surprise attack overtook the rear, so some paladins were dispatched from the front, but the rest had to stay and safely evacuate the priests.

    In such a hectic situation, Lily had arrived first. She was worried about me, so she jumped and ran to me as soon as she saw me staggering down the mountain.

    Lily wrapped her arms around me and asked if I was okay. Looking at her with a blank face, I felt numb, letting my legs cave in from exhaustion.

    They felt like they were going to crumble. Lily gave a short shriek, thinking I had fainted. Afterwards, she quickly checked my condition and tried to heal me.

    In fact, I had fallen over five times while running like a madwoman, and incurred many scratches in the process. I wasn¡¯t feeling well, but I stopped Lily. I had witnessed the blood and gore that would soon be arriving. I couldn¡¯t waste this divine power on me.

    ¡°Ren¨¦e! You¡¯ll collapse any second now.¡±

    ¡°¡­¡­No, I won¡¯t collapse.¡±

    When I recalled the traumatizing events, my breath choked inside my throat. But then, I would instantly feel the vivid sensation of that hand covering my eyes and blocking my senses.

    While all this was going on in my mind, on the outside I sputtered, touched my face, and eventually formed a hollow smile. Lily seemed a little distressed since I was sitting on the ground and smiling in a situation like this. Nevertheless, the wry smile wouldn¡¯t subside easily.

    All these moments seem to be part of a dream. Perhaps a nightmare, that will leave behind heavy consequences.

    Considering the fact that I wasn¡¯t in an alley, it seemed unlikely that I would die. So I roused from my stupor, standing with Lily¡¯s support. Meanwhile, other paladins also gathered around us, making sure there weren¡¯t any injuries.

    Among them was Gardiel, who raised his arm to me, as if saying that he wanted to help Lily with supporting me. But when he saw my arm trembling, he reached for me without asking for my opinion anymore.

    The long wooden chair by the villa was nearly ripped from its place by Gardiel. In fact, my legs were too sore to walk in the first place.

    Lily hurriedly brought a blanket and draped it over my shoulders, and Gardiel even acquired a warm tea and placed it in my hands.

    I thanked them in a daze, but Lily kept apologizing. She was blaming herself for going first without me. I responded as playfully as possible, saying that it was my fault for being slow in the first place¡­ but I felt my body start shaking again, so had to take a long, slow breath. Lily¡¯s face was full of concern.

    The delayed shock of the arrow flying at me finally hit me. If Cabel hadn¡¯t been in front of me at the right time, would I have been hit by that arrow? Would it have been an instant death? I had all kinds of thoughts.

    Moreover, I thought of the mercenary who stumbled and fell after being hit by an arrow. I knew him. He was the one who would cheer me up with a bright face every time I fell behind because I was too slow.

    ¡­Was he dead? If I had run over to him right away and healed him, would he have been alright? But even if he could have been healed¡­ Would I have been able to run over there?

    I was so shocked by the situation right in front of my eyes that I couldn¡¯t breathe properly again. I might have died on the spot while keeping my mind running in circles.

    However, even with these negative thoughts racing, I could conjure up Cabel, who kept covering my eyes. The memory of clinging to that little bit of warmth against my darkened vision gave me strength.

    His hand was so large that it enveloped my nose along with my eyes, so it goes without saying that he felt my breath shaking. He held me in such a way that I was able to breathe without passing out, even though he was covering my eyes tightly, not allowing even the smallest ray of light to break through.

    These thoughts ran through my mind dozens of times until it blackened into a jumbled mess. So, I ended up being unable drink the tea that Gardiel had given me. Instead I just wrapped my hands tightly around the cup. Only after the feeling of warmth dissipate was I able to raise my eyes that were staring at the ground vacantly.

    ¡°¡­¡­Priestess Renesha.¡±

    I was sure that Gardiel was in front of me just a moment ago, but when I raised my head, I came face-to-face with Elviniraz, who was on his knees before me.

 CH 9

    He checked my condition carefully, then closed his eyes and expressed regret. I was a little embarrassed to see it.

    More than anything, I was amazed that he was kneeling in front of me. As I tried to get up, he grabbed my arm and pulled it back down. I could feel the warmth from his large hand.

    As I looked back at Elviniraz in confusion, I suddenly realized how my condition must look in his eyes. Even excluding the scratches all over my face and body, my hair and clothes were in complete disarray.

    My priestess uniform was crumpled and muddy, and my hair, which was always tied up neatly with ribbon, had tangled and loosened to my waist while I was running. I had no way of knowing where my hair-tie disappeared.

    With my sudden self-awareness, I moved my hand to clean up my disheveled hair, but Elviniraz reached out to me. His big hand approached carefully and gently swept my hair back. The unfamiliar feeling of my hair running between his fingers left me feeling strange.

    ¡°I heard that the surprise attack came from right behind you. You must have been frightened.¡±

    ¡°¡­..¡±

    ¡°Are you alright¡­no, it¡¯s okay now. You¡¯re safe now, Priestess.¡±

    I stared blankly at the molten-gold irises that were focused on me, and tears welled up in my eyes. The situation couldn¡¯t be so easily erased from my mind.

    I felt so weak that it was a wonder I even made it back here. My whole body ached as if I had been badly beaten.

    Even though I was struggling to climb the mountain, I had ran like a maniac¡­ and now the consequences are hitting my body all at once.

    ¡°¡­.arrow, an arrow¡­.flew right toward me.¡±

    Seeing my eyes redden, Elviniraz¡¯s expression starting sinking. He twisted his eyebrows slightly as if he were saddened, slowly reaching toward my trembling hand to calm me down.

    ¡°An arrow¡­¡±

    ¡°Yes¡­If the Knight Commander hadn¡¯t saved me, I¡¯d, I¡­ ¡°

    My throat choked at the thought of ending that sentence. But I felt like I had to report the situation at that time, that an arrow suddenly came from behind us, a mercenary fell, and Vios¡¯s soldiers had been waiting to ambush us, but my voice was quivering and nothing came out.

    My stuttering speech was wandering around in circles, so Elviniraz told me I didn¡¯t have to say more, carefully wrapping his hand around my cheek. No, the moment he tried, I heard a sharp sound from far away.

    Immediately, my body began quivering. My body reacted sensitively to even such a small sound. As my eyes started to shake with fear, I saw the Nickel Knights coming down the mountain.

    Elviniraz had reacted as well, as I heard the sound of scratching metal as he unsheathed his sword.

    I could see Cabel at the front, walking forward expressionlessly. Just by looking at his face, it was impossible to believe that he was arriving after fighting against Vios¡¯s ambush.

    Nevertheless, I was rather relieved by his appearance, jumping up from my seat without thinking.  It seemed like Elviniraz¡¯s fingertips brushed me very lightly, but I couldn¡¯t take my eyes off of Cabel.

    An aide ran to him and reported something, and Cabel responded with a simple nod.

    Then, as he walked back toward his barracks, he looked around as if trying to locate the Paladin Commander, when his eyes met mine. His eyes narrowed slightly.

    ¡°Th¡ªThank you.¡±

    I had a lot on my mind that I wanted to say to him, but it was best to quickly express my gratitude. I bent at my waist in a half-bow, but there was no response from Cabel.

    It was oddly comforting to get his usual reaction. So I raised my head back up to look at Cabel again, but he was still showing an unhappy expression.

    Elviniraz also followed me and asked Cabel with a grim expression what had happened. One dead and twelve injured. It was said that only three out of the twelve were seriously injured.

    It had certainly caused substantial damage, but considering that it was a surprise attack, it was less than expected.

    But still, the word ¡®dead¡¯ lingered in my mind. My blood felt cold. Is it that mercenary?

    After speaking with Elviniraz, Cabel looked at me again. Fatigue was spread around his dark eyes.

    It¡¯s a funny thought, but he seemed to find it more stressful to be bothered than to be ambushed.

    ¡°Why haven¡¯t you been treated yet?¡±

    ¡°I didn¡¯t seek treatment yet, since there would be many wounded arriving¡­¡±

    Cabel let out a short laugh. It was very brief, as if thinking me pathetic.

    ¡°Is a priest not considered among the wounded if they¡¯re hurt?¡±

    For a moment I blanked out, not fully understanding what he had said, so he turned his gaze back to Elviniraz.

    ¡°Correction. One dead, thirteen injured.¡±

    As if he had reached his limit, Cabel turned and strode back toward the villa. Lily came from behind me and gripped my arm tightly.

    ¡°Now. You¡¯re also injured, so let¡¯s get you treated.¡±

    I couldn¡¯t immediately react to Lily¡¯s resolute words, lost in thought as I watched Cabel¡¯s back get further away. Eventually Lily grabbed me by the arm and shook until I nodded in response.

    Somehow, I felt like crying.

    The scheduled dinner was canceled.

    Instead, everyone went outside to pay homage to the fallen mercenary. The deceased mercenary was someone I knew; even though fatalities are expected during war, I still couldn¡¯t accept his death.

    I was worried that the image of him falling by an arrow would plague me throughout the memorial, but it somehow hurt even more when I could only remember his smiling face trying to encourage me.

    But now, we¡¯re in a wartime situation. There¡¯s nothing that can drag someone down like being immersed in sorrow, so we all had to make an effort to to shake off the grief.

    However, we were granted the freedom of an extra day of rest. After ten days of marching, Elviniraz and Cabel determined that an extra day shouldn¡¯t cause much trouble.

    So, the next evening, a dinner party was held. Using the cooking utensils in the building, delicious, colorful, and large quantities of food were lined up in a row that could not be compared to the simple foods that were usually served.

    The villa¡¯s front yard, where sadness had overflowed just yesterday, was now filled with cheerful chattering. The soldiers even brought out alcohol, bringing out unexpected cheers all around.

    ¡°Ren¨¦e. Aren¡¯t you going to drink?¡±

    ¡°Huh? I am drinking though?¡±

    While I was sitting at a table in the garden and eating slowly, Lily suddenly asked me. She looked at me with a very strange expression and shook her head.

    ¡°Are you not feeling well?¡±

    ¡°Huh? What are you talking about all of a sudden?¡±

    ¡°You haven¡¯t even finished half the glass. Normally you would¡¯ve downed three glassed by now.¡±

    Hm, Lily¡¯s image of me is pretty bad. She reached out her hand to feel my forehead as she smiled, briefly reflecting on my past.

    ¡°It doesn¡¯t seem like you have a fever¡­¡±

    I stared at Lily, expressing her concerns, and playfully leaned my face into her hand.

    ¡°Well, that¡¯s because Priestess Lily El Nur healed me. How could I be sick?¡±

    ¡°Of course,¡± Lily said, shrugging her shoulders at my words and letting out a loud burst of laughter. Only then did her eyes soften.

    In fact, everything seemed utterly unappetizing. It¡¯s been two days now but my shock remains the same.

    No, I¡¯m trying not to recall the memories of that time, but¡­ my spirits seem to keep sinking deeper regardless.

    However, I couldn¡¯t let myself drown at this gathering, where everyone was doing their best to laugh and create a more lively atmosphere.

    So I sat next to Lily and ate meat, and thanks to Priest Varsi, looking at bread left me with only funny emotions. I was able to laugh with Lily, watching wine pour in glasses and admire the beautiful color¡­

    Even though I tried so hard, I didn¡¯t feel better. And Lily immediately noticed.

    Actually, we¡¯ve been friends for over ten years now, so I suppose it¡¯d be weirder if she didn¡¯t notice. In the end it was best to stop denying it anyway.

    ¡°Lily. I¡¯m gonna go walk for a bit.¡±

    ¡°Should we go together?¡±

    ¡°Um, no. I just¡­I want to be alone for a moment.¡±

    I shook my head quickly as Lily tried to get up to follow me. She looked at me with her face with of concern, but she smiled at me saying she understood, and we parted ways.

    I paused for a moment, wondering if maybe I¡¯d be making Lily feel lonely, but Sir Gardiel, on his way out, said hello to me lightly and then naturally approached Lily. The two seemed to have gotten closer since the last time they helped me together.

    Comforted, I was able to go on with peace of mind.

    Even though this place was technically a villa in the past, its location proved too difficult to reach, so it eventually became a resting place for mountaineers¡ªmostly soldiers.

    There was also a wine cellar under the villa. The knights who had discovered it cheered so loudly that many of them were still deaf.

    I walked slowly, looking around the exterior of the large building. The front yard had been full of noise, but as I circled back, it was suddenly quiet.

    Some floors of the building were lit up, allowing traces of light to diffuse into the otherwise pitch-black darkness. It was quite desolate. No one was seen, even the wind was still. Every once in a while, the sound of laughter erupted in the distance, but it felt like I had been completely disconnected from that world.

    The moon was bright. Its edges were slightly distorted, so I couldn¡¯t tell what phase it was in¡­ My thoughts continued carelessly like this. I stopped walking, looking up at the moon, waiting for the clouds to pass.

    ¡°Priestess Renesha.¡±

    I¡¯d probably spent about five minutes like that when I heard a voice calling from behind me. It was a calm voice that I had grown accustomed to.

    Caught off guard, my shoulders flinched in surprise. Then I slowly turned my head to look at him, Elviniraz.

    The moonlight and the light from the building mingled together giving his blond hair a very strange hue. Nevertheless, his golden eyes had their familiar glow, and he gave me a light smile.

    ¡°Were you looking at the moon?¡±

    ¡°Ah¡­ um, yes.¡±

    Actually, I wasn¡¯t really paying any attention to it, but if I technically had to describe what I was doing, he was right, so I nodded.

    Elviniraz, who had walked close to me, looked up at the sky with his head tilted as mine was a moment ago.

    ¡°Is this place a tourist attraction?¡±

    ¡°¡­..I¡¯m not sure, but I wouldn¡¯t hesitate to call it one. Only if Sir Knight doesn¡¯t disagree.¡±

    There was nothing blocking the view in front of us now; even the trees in the distance weren¡¯t tall enough to obscure the bright moon.

    With this scene, it seemed like it should definitely be labeled as a tourist attraction. But it kinda feels like my own personal one? The thought brought out a slight smile on my face, and Elviniraz smiled softly in return.

    ¡°Yes. I like this place, too.¡±

    I nodded my head. I had the silly thought that, since he was so much taller than me, the moon he¡¯s seeing must be much better and brighter than mine. Still, I somehow felt a bit better thinking that he and I were the first to visit this place.

 CH 10

    Elviniraz asked if he could join me if I was taking a walk, beginning to match his stride with mine. I looked at him for a moment but saw no reason to refuse, so I moved my feet forward slowly, taking it step by step.

    I felt the passage of time very clearly. After about two or three minutes, as expected, Elviniraz started to question me.

    ¡°Perhaps, was the food not to your taste?¡±

    In fact, I suspected it from the beginning, when he first came to me. Asking about the spot I picked to watch the moon, smiling and saying he liked it too. I pondered over it, trying to prepare how I was going to respond to his questions. But I just decided to be honest. Trying to avoid talking about it seemed useless.

    ¡°The food was delicious. It¡¯s just, I don¡¯t feel very well.¡±

    ¡°Then, are the soldiers being too rowdy?¡±

    ¡°No.¡±

    I almost burst into laughter at his very prudent method of asking questions carefully one by one. So I bit down hard on my lower lip in order to swallow my laughter. Tilting my head slightly, I turned to look at Elviniraz.

    He also asked if it was too cold, or if I was sick. When he looked at me, his golden eyes shone softly under the moonlight. The sight was so sacred and beautiful that I felt very embarrassed about what I was about to say.

    ¡°Sir Knight. I actually¡­just want to return to the temple.¡±

    ¡°¡­¡­¡±

    ¡°I know it sounds really weak, but I just hope everything will be over soon.¡±

    When I first got an offer to join the war, I refused with the fear of the war itself. But after the promise of 300 gold and the company of not only the paladin leader but also the imperial knights commander, I answered neatly that I would go, with the judgment that I couldn¡¯t get hurt.

    But after actually coming here, I realized how short-sighted my thoughts were.

    In the past, I didn¡¯t think twice about news headlines like, ¡®Soldiers injured marching towards Vios,¡¯ but it¡¯s so different after being there myself. And to make it worse, someone actually died this time¡­ Is there any guarantee that it won¡¯t happen again in the future?

    Despite these thoughts, I had no intention of running away. However, I was worried how devastated my mental state would become if I stayed here for a long time.

    I kept having these kinds of thoughts since the death of the mercenary. Maybe I would have been able to save him if I had stayed, or maybe my divine power will decline with my state of mind until it completely withers up. In fact I actually secretly checked my divine powers as I got up this morning, sighing in relief when it appeared.

    Nevertheless, anxiety lingered in my subconscious, awaiting to make its reappearance at any moment.

    What should I do if an injured person dies because I¡¯m unable to use my divine power? I was suffocated just imagining it. Naturally these thoughts led to me feeling unwell all day.

    Of course, I couldn¡¯t say everything out loud. While I confessed that I wanted to go back to the shrine, I quietly lifted my head, which had been bowed in shame.

    And then I heard Elviniraz¡¯s voice.

    ¡°I will try my best.¡±

    ¡°Sorry?¡±

    ¡°I will do my best to end this war as soon as possible, to prevent the Priestess from seeing such things again until the moment she returns to the empire.¡±

    For some reason, laughter came out. This must be what it feels like to be a lady receiving a knight¡¯s oath. In fact, it feels like I¡¯ve been getting pretty exemplary, if clich¨¦d, treatment. But I couldn¡¯t help but laugh as my chest felt lighter.

    Right in front of me, a very handsome person is worrying for me and telling me that he will try his best, so it¡¯s difficult to continue feeling bad.

    So I could finally laugh. As I laughed out loud, Elviniraz¡¯s slightly tense expression relaxed, and he also put a smile on his lips. I felt refreshed again, seeing his eyes folding up in laughter.

    Elviniraz reached out to me.

    ¡°Now, would you like to go back to everyone else? You¡¯ll feel better. Starting from tomorrow we have to go start hiking again, so our break is ending in a few hours. But until then, together¡­¡±

    ¡°Sir Knight.¡±

    I was listening quietly to his continuing words, then suddenly called out to him with a voice that still contained laughter. Elviniraz was looking back at the villa for a moment, but turned to look down at me.

    ¡°Were you trying to make me feel better?¡±

    I tilted my head and asked a question, feeling the impression of his beautiful, golden eyes. He replied in affirmation, as if it went without saying. I smiled lightly in return.

    ¡°So that my divine powers will work well?¡±

    ¡ªIt was for just a split second. After hearing my words, Elviniraz¡¯s expression turned very strangely cold.

    It changed back in an instant, but I had definitely seen it. I was staring at him, and he also looked down at me with his mouth closed. His lips stretched tightly into a straight line.

    There was silence. As the gold in Elviniraz¡¯s eyes was captivating me strangely, he slowly bent and smiled.

    ¡°Why would you think so?¡±

    ¡°Well, it¡¯s what the Commander told me himself?¡±

    I responded nonchalantly, despite being surreally struck by the impression of how contrived the smile on his face seemed.

    ¡°You told me last time. Healing someone with divine power requires great sincerity. So if there is even the slightest feeling of hesitation, the healing ability cannot be fully utilized.¡±

    ¡°¡­..¡±

    ¡°It made me think. If that¡¯s the case, then even a subdued mood could cause a problem with releasing my divine power. That¡¯s why Sir Knight came to my side to placate me; watching the moon and taking a walk together, saying you¡¯ll end the war quickly for me, and comforting me¡­it¡¯s for tomorrow¡¯s schedule.¡±

    As I continued, and even after I concluded, Elviniraz was still wearing a smile around on his face. He listened to me in a calm and collected manner.

    However, the image looked very, very strenuous.

    Elviniraz looked down at me just like that, inclining his head very slightly. The cool moonlight reflected against his golden eyes.

    ¡°If that were true, would you be disappointed?¡±

    ¡°¡­why would I? ¡°

    His expression cracked, as if the answer that he had heard was too simple for what he was expecting.

    Actually, the truth is that I was more puzzled by Elviniraz¡¯s question. Why the heck would he think that? Although I guess I could roughly understand why he¡¯d think I¡¯d be disappointed, I didn¡¯t feel that way at all.

    How could I possibly feel disappointed when the empire¡¯s hero, Leader of the Paladin Knights, who was even referred to as the ¡°Light of the People,¡± was more worried about my divine power than my personal disposition?

    Honestly¡­ it¡¯d be more embarrassing if his concern was for me.

    So I spoke frankly, because I was starting to feel uncomfortable watching Elviniraz¡¯s expression become more unusual.

    ¡°Even if it¡¯s for my powers, I don¡¯t believe Sir Knight is in the wrong for his effort to make me feel better.¡±

    The truth is that there are already so many responsibilities that the Paladin Commander has on his shoulders, things I can only imagine. It must be so exhausting.

    As I was speaking, Elviniraz¡¯s lips opened slightly a couple times, only to clench back together tightly again. He was looking down at me with very strange eyes.

    ¡°Regardless of the intent, Sir Knight walked next to me, admired the moon with me, and even swore to do his best to keep me from seeing casualties. It¡¯s better to view it in that light.¡±

    I hadn¡¯t planned to be this explicitly honest, but I had to lay bare my thoughts when I saw Elviniraz struggling to control his expressions.

    I had already performed an unexpected, sincere confession for him once before, but somehow I felt like I ended up in a similar situation again. I suddenly had the horrible premonition that I wouldn¡¯t be able to sleep tonight as well.

    In other words, I¡¯m saying that it¡¯s still nice of Elviniraz to stand before me and put forth so much effort for me.

    As I was feeling a new wave of embarrassment washing over me, Elviniraz tilted his head back up again. Moonlight poured over his slanted face, leaving the other half in darkness.

    In that state, he stared down at me. With confusion written all over his face, he finally asked me, his words coming out like sighs.

    ¡°¡­Why?¡±

    ¡°Why?¡±

    ¡°.¡­I¡¯m deceiving you. Doesn¡¯t it make you feel bad?¡±

    Hm. When I didn¡¯t answer right away, deep in thought, this reaction seemed to be closer to whatever Elviniraz had expected. But even with his face darkening, I couldn¡¯t immediately open my mouth. Could I explain myself accurately?

    But in the end I found my answer, expressing myself concisely.

    ¡°There¡¯s no loss in it for me.¡±

    From a rational point of view, I haven¡¯t lost anything between our current exchange.

    I¡¯m not really disappointed, but even if I were to take it as a loss, what I gained in return was more than enough to make up for it.

    Should I take into account that Elviniraz¡¯s kindness had ulterior motives? From the beginning, he had expressed his concern about the potential disruption of our healing abilities¡­ So I don¡¯t feel bad about that either.

    To be very honest, it¡¯s only natural that I¡¯d feel better when such an extraordinarily good-looking man smiles for me. But, there¡¯s no way I¡¯m explaining myself to this extent.

    As soon as I said, ¡°There¡¯s no loss,¡± Elviniraz¡¯s face altered yet again. It was a subtle expression, like a person who¡¯d heard a fantastical story that they didn¡¯t quite understand. Nevertheless a small smile appeared on his lips, and I shifted a few steps away to change place a little.

    Elviniraz¡¯s gaze followed my steps.

    ¡°There is a saying that people should be treated as an end in and of themselves, not as a means to something else.¡±

    ¡°¡­Is it part of El Nur¡¯s teachings?¡±

    ¡°.¡­Well, no.¡±

    Why do I feel like I just plagiarized Kant¡¯s wisdom¡­ Hmm. I thought about it for a moment, then turned halfway around and softened my voice in explanation.

    ¡°It¡¯s just, what I mean to say is that it¡¯s okay if you use me as a means for your ends, rather than the end itself. I wouldn¡¯t be offended at all.¡±

    Elviniraz¡¯s expression cracked even further. He couldn¡¯t seem to control his face as he looked at me quietly without his perfunctory smile.

    He seemed to be a little shocked. But to me, this true appearance of his felt like a stranger I was meeting for the first time. He looked at me like that for a long time¡­gradually lowering his eyes.

    [tl/n: Y¡¯all I was struggling so hard with my thesaurus on this one. I mean if a face goes from ¡°looking strange¡± to ¡°looking strange¡± is there really a change? I know it¡¯s getting a bit repetitive but I promise you all the staring and facial expressions are written that way.]

 CH 11

    My only intention had been to tell a simple story. Did Kant¡¯s wisdom strike a chord somewhere deep in Elviniraz¡¯s heart? I couldn¡¯t quite fully comprehend his response. While trying to figure out what he was thinking, I couldn¡¯t stop myself from looking up at his face and admiring it anew.

    If this image were to be crafted into a sculpture, it would have been called, ¡®The God of Anguish.¡¯ The combination of moonlight and shadow on such a clear face would have made a bewitching work of art.

    Then, suddenly our eyes met. While completely hypnotized by Elviniraz¡¯s face, I wasn¡¯t aware of him raising his gaze. He looked back at me inquiringly, wondering why I was staring at him.

    He didn¡¯t ask it out loud, but my face is an open book anyways, so I decided to answer honestly. Realistically, hadn¡¯t I already told him once before that I wanted to see him more closely?

    ¡°You¡¯re handsome.¡±

    ¡°¡­So, when looking at me, does it make the priestess feel happier?¡±

    ¡°¡­Huh? Uh, well, technically, yes?¡±

    Such an embarrassing question. In fact, I tried not to answer at all, but Elviniraz¡¯s face was working so hard, staring at me as if hoping for an affirmation. I had to say yes.

    Elviniraz swiftly raised his lips and smiled at my answer. It wasn¡¯t the cursory smile I¡¯ve seen so far, but a smile of genuine ease.

    ¡°In that case, have I become the priestess¡¯s ¡®tool¡¯ now?¡±

    ¡°¡­um..hmm¡­¡±

    I wasn¡¯t expecting Kant¡¯s words to backfire on me like this. Since my embarrassment had stunned me into silence, Elviniraz¡¯s face was working hard again, as if pressuring me to concede. At this point, I have to give him credit for his face.

    I was defeated again. Elviniraz watched my inner struggle. When I finally nodded, he strode over to me.

    While discussing Kant, I had moved about five or six steps away from him, but he arrived in front of me in only two. In an instant, a shadow fell over me. While I froze in surprise, Elviniraz said abruptly.

    ¡°Elvin.¡±

    ¡°Yes?¡±

    ¡°You can call me Elvin.¡±

    ¡°¡­Pardon?¡±

    Am I the only one who can¡¯t keep up with the flow of this conversation? I was completely lost, and now he¡¯s bringing his name up out of nowhere.

    ¡°So, will the priestess use me a little more now?¡±

    ¡­I did tell him that it was okay if he used me as his tool. But was he so inspired that he was determined to become a tool, too? Is he trying to establish his identity as a tool now?

    It was all too philosophical for me. I was stuck staring at him in bewilderment, but he only looked at me expectantly, as if asking for me to call him.

    In the end I opened my mouth very hesitantly.

    ¡°¡­Sir Elvin?¡±

    And at that moment, a radiant smile appeared on Elviniraz¡¯s face. It was such a disconcertingly beautiful smile, different from any other smile I had seen so far.

    ¡°Yes, Priestess Renesha.¡±

    ¡­I¡¯m not sure what just happened, but I think I just acquired a pretty great tool.

    * * * * * * *

    It rained briefly at dawn. It made the rest of the day become cloudy, somehow making everything feel hazy.

    As I was staring blankly out the window, I could hear Lily moving around behind me. For some reason she woke up later than usual.

    Thankfully I had gotten up early and was already finished getting ready, so I laughed at Lily and told her to hurry up, enjoying our switch of roles.

    I usually have a hard time waking up in the morning, but today I woke up strangely early. Even though it was dark outside because the sky was full of gray clouds, I somehow found myself sitting upright, blinking my eyes. And in that state, there was only one thing I could think of.

    Had it all been a dream?

    It was extremely likely. I had been eating dinner, but I was feeling down and went on a walk alone behind the villa. Elviniraz somehow joined me, and we looked at the moon, took a walk, and laughed¡­ We had a really strange conversation, offering to become each other¡¯s tools as if it were completely normal¡­

    And after that, we even went back to the dinner table and enjoyed our food together¡­ It has to be a dream. I must¡¯ve gotten drunk from the very beginning.

    It made more sense as a dream than as reality, so I agonized intensely over the details. The problem was that I didn¡¯t finish even a single glass of wine, and the memory itself was too clear.

    I was dwelling over it the whole time I was getting ready, but in the end I asked Lily if I had gotten drunk yesterday and retired to the room early.

    Lily looked at me strangely.

    ¡°You were walking around all depressed yesterday, making me really worried. But when you came back from your walk, you were all smiles with the leader of the paladin knights.¡±

    Well, there was my answer, so clear and concise. It wasn¡¯t a dream.

    But now that I had to accept it as reality, I was overwhelmed with shame. Because of the time, I couldn¡¯t even hide myself under a blanket to calm down. I started punching my pillow, letting out my frustration. It follows naturally that Lily watched me as if I¡¯d gone insane.

    After Lily finished preparing, we left our room together. Several of the mercenaries and soldiers were nursing hangovers from their drinking the night before.

    Will they be able to climb the mountain in such a state?¡­.. It¡¯d be better to focus on reconnaissance and do just a little bit of hiking today. With my hopes rising in self-interest, I was looking around to take in the state of the soldiers when my eyes suddenly encountered shining gold.

    It was Elviniraz. He was already standing upright at his usual place at the front of the paladin knights, but he accidentally made eye contact with me¡­. No, was it an accident?

    While I was lost pondering for a moment, a smile rose over his face. Really, my heart can¡¯t take that smile, which burst brightly like a blooming flower.

    He greeted me across the distance, and I followed lightly.

    ¡°Ren¨¦e. Seems like you¡¯ve gotten closer with the paladin leader?¡±

    ¡°Uh, that¡¯s¡­.we¡¯ve agreed to stick to our respective roles.¡±

    Lily looked at me with a slight frown as if to ascertain whether or not my answer was odd, but I didn¡¯t elaborate any further.

    It¡¯s technically true. We came to the conclusion that we¡¯d both carry out our roles as tools, did we not? I¡¯m in a good mental condition so that my divine power will perform at its best, and Elvin faithfully did his part with his face to make me feel better. He has a very, very dependable face.

    No matter how trustworthy Lily is, I couldn¡¯t bring myself to share the details of the conversation I had with him yesterday, so I just smiled vaguely and changed the topic of our conversation. It became a serious talk about how rough the next mountain was going to be to walk, but a familiar voice suddenly interrupted.

    ¡°Priestess! Is your leg better now?¡±

    He was the most overwhelmingly large member of the group, and I had to tilt my head back completely just to look up at his face.

    It was the Vice General of the Nickel Knights. I recognized him as the one who¡¯d comforted me a few days ago saying, ¡®It¡¯s nice to have a leisurely view!¡¯ His name is Tirak, and despite his intimidating image of bursting muscles underneath his neat indigo uniform, he seemed completely different from Cabel.

    His size was pretty daunting, but I actually didn¡¯t feel any fear towards him. My image of him completely changed when I heard him commenting on rabbits passing by us as we climbed the mountain, saying, ¡®Aren¡¯t they too white, too small, and too cute??¡¯

    But then, one of the knights in the back cut in, saying, ¡®Shouldn¡¯t they be taken as emergency food supply?¡¯ Tirak responded darkly that the knight himself could be the emergency food supply if he was so worried about it. Hearing that was a bit¡­ well, maybe he¡¯s not so different from Cabel after all.

    Anyway, I nodded at his question and even demonstrated a fake march for him.

    ¡°Yes. I¡¯ve rested well the past two days. I also received treatment, so I¡¯m okay.¡±

    At that time, I replied positively thinking that I didn¡¯t want him to worry about me having a hard time, but Tirak¡¯s complexion rapidly darkened.

    I wondered why he was suddenly asking, but he carefully leaned his large body over and started whispering. I was doing my best not to react to Lily¡¯s facial expression, which was saying, ¡®I can still hear you!¡¯

    ¡°Starting today, the Paladins will lead at the front, and the Nickel Knights will be following the priests at the end. So, what I¡¯m saying is¡­.¡±

    ¡°¡­..?¡±

    ¡°Today, you must walk quickly even if you have to secretly heal your legs as you go. If we fall behind again like last time, me and the other knights are fine, but¡­¡±

    Tirak smiled in embarrassment. He spoke carefully, as if worried that I would misunderstand his intention.

    ¡°The Captain will be very openly annoyed. He¡¯s usually even worse the day after it rains¡­. Of course he doesn¡¯t mean anything by it¡­ no, well, is that really true..?¡±

    Suddenly Tirak was unsure, turning his head to the side and questioning himself seriously. But I wanted to answer him that he was correct. Yes, of course. How could I forget?

    Rain. It had rained.

    And Cabel suffered from very serious insomnia every time it rained.

    It had started just briefly at dawn, but since Cabel doesn¡¯t sleep well to begin with, there was a high possibility that he didn¡¯t sleep at all last night.

    Most solidifying of all, the Vice General came personally to warn me to be careful, so Cabel must have exuded a dangerous atmosphere this morning.

    I glanced around carefully to locate where Cabel was, and barely even trying, I found him immediately.

    He was coming in this direction, heading towards Tirak. And at the sight of him, I had to rub my eyes. Well, that¡¯s¡­. It¡¯s a person, right?

    His black hair appeared even darker under the hazy sky. It feels like only that place is set to RGB 0*. Beyond that, his purple eyes were sunken even deeper than usual, and the degree of devastation around them was so serious that I thought he seriously was a zombie.

    [tl/n: *RGB is the color model that most computers use, which quantifies colors. So 0 is like the blackest of black lol]

    He must not have slept properly for at least 10 days. I was under the illusion that I could even see a black aura surrounding him.

    ¡­But thinking about it, hasn¡¯t it been over ten days now? It must have been a few days more than that. About two weeks? No way, then¡­ He hasn¡¯t been able to sleep this whole time?

    Belatedly realizing this fact, I was making a blank expression, and Tirak burst into a hearty laugh, not seeming aware that Cabel was standing behind him. He seemed to have interpreted my vacant expression as shock from what he¡¯d said.

    ¡°Don¡¯t worry too much! He won¡¯t kill you, haha! Maybe just dispose of you¡ª,¡±

    ¡°¡­.what are you talking about?¡±

    Tirak¡¯s shoulders visibly flinched. His large figure was overcome with tremors, making his cloak shake convulsively. Tirak turned towards Cabel, laughing awkwardly.

    ¡°Ha, haha, hahaha. It¡¯s nothing really. Just, to the priestess¡­¡±

    ¡°Don¡¯t speak if you have nothing to say.¡±

    Cabel responded sharply. He made no effort to keep his irritation from showing on his face, but I couldn¡¯t help watching anyway.

    His purple eyes turned toward me for a moment. It was brief, but it allowed me to measure the fatigue around his eyes more accurately.

    The devastation was so severe that with one wrong move, someone really might die today. And the person dying wouldn¡¯t be Cabel himself, but me, who walks too slowly in his way.

    ¡­Well.

    My only intention had been to tell a simple story. Did Kant¡¯s wisdom strike a chord somewhere deep in Elviniraz¡¯s heart? I couldn¡¯t quite fully comprehend his response. While trying to figure out what he was thinking, I couldn¡¯t stop myself from looking up at his face and admiring it anew.

    If this image were to be crafted into a sculpture, it would have been called, ¡®The God of Anguish.¡¯ The combination of moonlight and shadow on such a clear face would have made a bewitching work of art.

    Then, suddenly our eyes met. While completely hypnotized by Elviniraz¡¯s face, I wasn¡¯t aware of him raising his gaze. He looked back at me inquiringly, wondering why I was staring at him.

    He didn¡¯t ask it out loud, but my face is an open book anyways, so I decided to answer honestly. Realistically, hadn¡¯t I already told him once before that I wanted to see him more closely?

    ¡°You¡¯re handsome.¡±

    ¡°¡­So, when looking at me, does it make the priestess feel happier?¡±

    ¡°¡­Huh? Uh, well, technically, yes?¡±

    Such an embarrassing question. In fact, I tried not to answer at all, but Elviniraz¡¯s face was working so hard, staring at me as if hoping for an affirmation. I had to say yes.

    Elviniraz swiftly raised his lips and smiled at my answer. It wasn¡¯t the cursory smile I¡¯ve seen so far, but a smile of genuine ease.

    ¡°In that case, have I become the priestess¡¯s ¡®tool¡¯ now?¡±

    ¡°¡­um..hmm¡­¡±

    I wasn¡¯t expecting Kant¡¯s words to backfire on me like this. Since my embarrassment had stunned me into silence, Elviniraz¡¯s face was working hard again, as if pressuring me to concede. At this point, I have to give him credit for his face.

    I was defeated again. Elviniraz watched my inner struggle. When I finally nodded, he strode over to me.

    While discussing Kant, I had moved about five or six steps away from him, but he arrived in front of me in only two. In an instant, a shadow fell over me. While I froze in surprise, Elviniraz said abruptly.

    ¡°Elvin.¡±

    ¡°Yes?¡±

    ¡°You can call me Elvin.¡±

    ¡°¡­Pardon?¡±

    Am I the only one who can¡¯t keep up with the flow of this conversation? I was completely lost, and now he¡¯s bringing his name up out of nowhere.

    ¡°So, will the priestess use me a little more now?¡±

    ¡­I did tell him that it was okay if he used me as his tool. But was he so inspired that he was determined to become a tool, too? Is he trying to establish his identity as a tool now?

    It was all too philosophical for me. I was stuck staring at him in bewilderment, but he only looked at me expectantly, as if asking for me to call him.

    In the end I opened my mouth very hesitantly.

    ¡°¡­Sir Elvin?¡±

    And at that moment, a radiant smile appeared on Elviniraz¡¯s face. It was such a disconcertingly beautiful smile, different from any other smile I had seen so far.

    ¡°Yes, Priestess Renesha.¡±

    ¡­I¡¯m not sure what just happened, but I think I just acquired a pretty great tool.

    * * * * * * *

    It rained briefly at dawn. It made the rest of the day become cloudy, somehow making everything feel hazy.

    As I was staring blankly out the window, I could hear Lily moving around behind me. For some reason she woke up later than usual.

    Thankfully I had gotten up early and was already finished getting ready, so I laughed at Lily and told her to hurry up, enjoying our switch of roles.

    I usually have a hard time waking up in the morning, but today I woke up strangely early. Even though it was dark outside because the sky was full of gray clouds, I somehow found myself sitting upright, blinking my eyes. And in that state, there was only one thing I could think of.

    Had it all been a dream?

    It was extremely likely. I had been eating dinner, but I was feeling down and went on a walk alone behind the villa. Elviniraz somehow joined me, and we looked at the moon, took a walk, and laughed¡­ We had a really strange conversation, offering to become each other¡¯s tools as if it were completely normal¡­

    And after that, we even went back to the dinner table and enjoyed our food together¡­ It has to be a dream. I must¡¯ve gotten drunk from the very beginning.

    It made more sense as a dream than as reality, so I agonized intensely over the details. The problem was that I didn¡¯t finish even a single glass of wine, and the memory itself was too clear.

    I was dwelling over it the whole time I was getting ready, but in the end I asked Lily if I had gotten drunk yesterday and retired to the room early.

    Lily looked at me strangely.

    ¡°You were walking around all depressed yesterday, making me really worried. But when you came back from your walk, you were all smiles with the leader of the paladin knights.¡±

    Well, there was my answer, so clear and concise. It wasn¡¯t a dream.

    But now that I had to accept it as reality, I was overwhelmed with shame. Because of the time, I couldn¡¯t even hide myself under a blanket to calm down. I started punching my pillow, letting out my frustration. It follows naturally that Lily watched me as if I¡¯d gone insane.

    After Lily finished preparing, we left our room together. Several of the mercenaries and soldiers were nursing hangovers from their drinking the night before.

    Will they be able to climb the mountain in such a state?¡­.. It¡¯d be better to focus on reconnaissance and do just a little bit of hiking today. With my hopes rising in self-interest, I was looking around to take in the state of the soldiers when my eyes suddenly encountered shining gold.

    It was Elviniraz. He was already standing upright at his usual place at the front of the paladin knights, but he accidentally made eye contact with me¡­. No, was it an accident?

    While I was lost pondering for a moment, a smile rose over his face. Really, my heart can¡¯t take that smile, which burst brightly like a blooming flower.

    He greeted me across the distance, and I followed lightly.

    ¡°Ren¨¦e. Seems like you¡¯ve gotten closer with the paladin leader?¡±

    ¡°Uh, that¡¯s¡­.we¡¯ve agreed to stick to our respective roles.¡±

    Lily looked at me with a slight frown as if to ascertain whether or not my answer was odd, but I didn¡¯t elaborate any further.

    It¡¯s technically true. We came to the conclusion that we¡¯d both carry out our roles as tools, did we not? I¡¯m in a good mental condition so that my divine power will perform at its best, and Elvin faithfully did his part with his face to make me feel better. He has a very, very dependable face.

    No matter how trustworthy Lily is, I couldn¡¯t bring myself to share the details of the conversation I had with him yesterday, so I just smiled vaguely and changed the topic of our conversation. It became a serious talk about how rough the next mountain was going to be to walk, but a familiar voice suddenly interrupted.

    ¡°Priestess! Is your leg better now?¡±

    He was the most overwhelmingly large member of the group, and I had to tilt my head back completely just to look up at his face.

    It was the Vice General of the Nickel Knights. I recognized him as the one who¡¯d comforted me a few days ago saying, ¡®It¡¯s nice to have a leisurely view!¡¯ His name is Tirak, and despite his intimidating image of bursting muscles underneath his neat indigo uniform, he seemed completely different from Cabel.

    His size was pretty daunting, but I actually didn¡¯t feel any fear towards him. My image of him completely changed when I heard him commenting on rabbits passing by us as we climbed the mountain, saying, ¡®Aren¡¯t they too white, too small, and too cute??¡¯

    But then, one of the knights in the back cut in, saying, ¡®Shouldn¡¯t they be taken as emergency food supply?¡¯ Tirak responded darkly that the knight himself could be the emergency food supply if he was so worried about it. Hearing that was a bit¡­ well, maybe he¡¯s not so different from Cabel after all.

    Anyway, I nodded at his question and even demonstrated a fake march for him.

    ¡°Yes. I¡¯ve rested well the past two days. I also received treatment, so I¡¯m okay.¡±

    At that time, I replied positively thinking that I didn¡¯t want him to worry about me having a hard time, but Tirak¡¯s complexion rapidly darkened.

    I wondered why he was suddenly asking, but he carefully leaned his large body over and started whispering. I was doing my best not to react to Lily¡¯s facial expression, which was saying, ¡®I can still hear you!¡¯

    ¡°Starting today, the Paladins will lead at the front, and the Nickel Knights will be following the priests at the end. So, what I¡¯m saying is¡­.¡±

    ¡°¡­..?¡±

    ¡°Today, you must walk quickly even if you have to secretly heal your legs as you go. If we fall behind again like last time, me and the other knights are fine, but¡­¡±

    Tirak smiled in embarrassment. He spoke carefully, as if worried that I would misunderstand his intention.

    ¡°The Captain will be very openly annoyed. He¡¯s usually even worse the day after it rains¡­. Of course he doesn¡¯t mean anything by it¡­ no, well, is that really true..?¡±

    Suddenly Tirak was unsure, turning his head to the side and questioning himself seriously. But I wanted to answer him that he was correct. Yes, of course. How could I forget?

    Rain. It had rained.

    And Cabel suffered from very serious insomnia every time it rained.

    It had started just briefly at dawn, but since Cabel doesn¡¯t sleep well to begin with, there was a high possibility that he didn¡¯t sleep at all last night.

    Most solidifying of all, the Vice General came personally to warn me to be careful, so Cabel must have exuded a dangerous atmosphere this morning.

    I glanced around carefully to locate where Cabel was, and barely even trying, I found him immediately.

    He was coming in this direction, heading towards Tirak. And at the sight of him, I had to rub my eyes. Well, that¡¯s¡­. It¡¯s a person, right?

    His black hair appeared even darker under the hazy sky. It feels like only that place is set to RGB 0*. Beyond that, his purple eyes were sunken even deeper than usual, and the degree of devastation around them was so serious that I thought he seriously was a zombie.

    [tl/n: *RGB is the color model that most computers use, which quantifies colors. So 0 is like the blackest of black lol]

    He must not have slept properly for at least 10 days. I was under the illusion that I could even see a black aura surrounding him.

    ¡­But thinking about it, hasn¡¯t it been over ten days now? It must have been a few days more than that. About two weeks? No way, then¡­ He hasn¡¯t been able to sleep this whole time?

    Belatedly realizing this fact, I was making a blank expression, and Tirak burst into a hearty laugh, not seeming aware that Cabel was standing behind him. He seemed to have interpreted my vacant expression as shock from what he¡¯d said.

    ¡°Don¡¯t worry too much! He won¡¯t kill you, haha! Maybe just dispose of you¡ª,¡±

    ¡°¡­.what are you talking about?¡±

    Tirak¡¯s shoulders visibly flinched. His large figure was overcome with tremors, making his cloak shake convulsively. Tirak turned towards Cabel, laughing awkwardly.

    ¡°Ha, haha, hahaha. It¡¯s nothing really. Just, to the priestess¡­¡±

    ¡°Don¡¯t speak if you have nothing to say.¡±

    Cabel responded sharply. He made no effort to keep his irritation from showing on his face, but I couldn¡¯t help watching anyway.

    His purple eyes turned toward me for a moment. It was brief, but it allowed me to measure the fatigue around his eyes more accurately.

    The devastation was so severe that with one wrong move, someone really might die today. And the person dying wouldn¡¯t be Cabel himself, but me, who walks too slowly in his way.

    ¡­Well.

 CH 12

    Throughout the climb that day, I was worried that I might end up getting buried somewhere in these mountains. The reason was, to be precise, because of Cabel.

    Fortunately, this mountain was not as rough as the last one, so it was less hard on my legs, but after the midway point, I still had to secretly heal myself in a corner during the break, feeling desperate for my weak legs.

    The slope was gentler this time, without any rough roads, so I really did my best to walk quickly. But my steps inevitably slowed down eventually.

    Not only did Lily leave me, but also even I could feel how slow my pace had become, so I politely apologized to Cabel, but he didn¡¯t reply. And Tirak, the deputy commander who was next to him, kept silent, only offering an ambiguous smile.

    And it was only then that I realized there was something off. In the past, the Nickel Knights would converse while hiking, but today everyone was going up the mountain with their mouths shut. The practice of silence was clear at this point. It was the safest way to follow their leader.

    I considered for a moment if I should try to cheer them on or just shoot them a look of sympathy, but I couldn¡¯t afford to stop for a moment. I had to walk straight forward, always conscious of myself under the silent stare of the purple eyes behind me.

    However, there was one thing I had overlooked as we starting up hiking again. It was that I had not yet completely escaped the aftereffects of the last surprise attack.

    Since Nickel Knights went on countless campaigns as the most elite knights of the empire, it seems that a single surprise attack didn¡¯t cause them to suffer any particular psychological blow.

    But for me, even the smallest sound in the distance would put me on edge. Even if it was just the sound of the Nickel Knights pulling at branches, I had to stop and check just to make sure. My heart pounded the entire time.

    I really couldn¡¯t let myself stop again or show surprise anymore because Cabel exuded a dangerous aura, but at times when I couldn¡¯t stop myself and glanced back, I would meet Cabel¡¯s eyes.

    His purple eyes were so consistent in their display of fatigue and irritation, yet I was strangely relieved. For some reason, I knew that if a surprise attack were to happen right now, all of Cabel¡¯s pent up frustration from the past few days would serve as momentum, annihilating the enemy in but an instant¡­

    Besides that, during the last surprise attack he even covered my eyes when I was frozen from shock¡­. Perhaps it¡¯s because of that memory, but whatever the reason, Cabel¡¯s presence behind me suddenly brought me peace.

    With that thought, I made a decision. I have to help Cabel fall asleep tonight.

    My decision was solidified even further that afternoon, when rain began to fall as we arrived at the new base camp site. Beyond my simple appreciation and sense of duty towards Cabel, who has been our VIP customer for 3 years, I really thought I needed to save people.

    Although, it¡¯s a bit unfortunate that it¡¯s not just Cabel who needs saving, but mostly the people around him who suffer because of the volatile aura he radiates¡­.

    The rainfall became heavy, filling the entire field of vision with dark, achromous colors. Most people felt more tired than usual because of the rain and went to bed early. Although I was tired as well, I didn¡¯t go to sleep. Rather than being sleepy, I just couldn¡¯t sleep well.

    From the moment we starting hiking again, I constantly felt anxious, so it seemed that it would take quite a long time for this trauma to subside.

    ¡°I¡¯ll be right back.¡±

    Hearing the sound of the rain hitting the ground was calming. Even after all the priests in the barracks had fallen asleep, I sat still for an extra ten minutes listening to it before moving carefully and saying a quick goodbye to Lily.

    I¡¯d already explained to Lily where I was going, so I just quietly waved a few times to her since she¡¯d briefly woken up.

    In fact, I¡¯d wanted to let Cabel know in advance, but while we were hiking he didn¡¯t seem quite ready to talk to me, so I decided to visit him myself at night. There was one place where I had a feeling he¡¯d be at.

    Cabel is probably standing guard instead of the night guards. Considering the fact that I ran into him when I went for a walk at dawn, it was a pretty good guess.

    At the time, I felt wronged that the commander of the knights wasn¡¯t sleeping, but instead was confronting and arguing with me, but thinking about it now, it was obvious that he was in the same situation as me, taking a walk outside due to his insomnia.

    He wouldn¡¯t have slept for a whole two weeks by now, so even a couple hours of rest wouldn¡¯t be enough to compensate him now.

    ¡°¡­.Hello.¡±

    And, as I expected, Cabel was not sleeping today as well. Because of the rainy weather, a temporary barracks was built as a tent for the watch guards, but Cabel was sitting there alone.

    He must have sent the guards back since he wouldn¡¯t be able to sleep today anyway.

    One side of the tent was rolled up in order to see outside clearly. Cabel was sitting on a chair in the middle of the barracks watching the rain through the gap.

    I had tried to get a feel for the situation that I was walking into by sticking my head through first, but our eyes met right away so I said a very awkward greeting.

    It seemed that Cabel had been staring at the rain, but turned at my sudden movements. But he didn¡¯t respond to my greeting. He¡¯s such a consistent person.

    First of all, I couldn¡¯t stand in the rain forever, so I also entered the tent. I took off the hood I was wearing and shook off the raindrops. It was still a little cold, but it was tolerable.

    And finally, a voice came from Cabel, who was watching me silently. Perhaps because it was raining, his voice sounded lower than usual.

    ¡°¡­What brings you here?¡±

    ¡°You can¡¯t sleep well on rainy days.¡±

    I walked towards Cabel, speaking calmly. Facing the purple eyes that were fixed on me, I smiled as amiably as I could.

    ¡°Shall I put you to sleep?¡±

    ¡°No.¡±

    ¡­Well. I thought Cabel might feel touched by my consideration, but the answer that came back was too firm. What the? I¡¯m even offering it free of charge! I was pretty deeply offended, but I tried again.

    ¡°Don¡¯t you want to sleep?¡±

    ¡°¡­the sentry left from my command, I can¡¯t sleep in this situation.¡±

    ¡°Well, then I can stand guard¡ªno, that expression is a little too much¡­¡±

    I was disappointed by the pathetic stare telling me that I was speaking nonsense.

    Obviously I thought I was in the position granting mercy here, but why is the situation turning out this way? Why do I feel like I¡¯m begging you to let me put you to sleep!

    Biting back my anger, I smiled softly again. I offered to be on guard instead. Of course, I was met by the same gaze as before.

    ¡°You have too little trust in me.¡±

    ¡°¡­.¡±

    ¡°¡­.?¡±

    ¡°¡­.Don¡¯t tell me, all the things you¡¯ve done so far¡­ was it to gain trust?¡±

    Well, damn it. I was hoping you wouldn¡¯t react so seriously. I suddenly regretted coming here,  facing Cabel looking at me with a deadpan expression.

    However, I decided to strengthen my resolve because of those exhausted eyes, strained heavily with fatigue. Yes, that¡¯s right. If this goes on, the Nickel Knights will have to suffer in silence again tomorrow.

    ¡°If something happens, I¡¯ll wake you up right away. Just sleep for a moment. Weren¡¯t you unable to sleep yesterday, too?¡±

    ¡°¡­.Why haven¡¯t you slept yet?¡±

    ¡®Because of you!¡¯¡­ I wanted to shriek at him. But I decided to be honest. I¡¯d already confided in him before, so it became easier to say I was troubled.

    ¡°I, well, I just can¡¯t really seem to sleep. I guess I just haven¡¯t gotten over my anxiety from the surprise attack.¡±

    It was something I hadn¡¯t even told Lily, who has been worried about me staying up late these days, but Cabel knew about it already, so the words came out in a very calm voice.

    I worried for a moment that I might sound ridiculous, but my concerns quickly disappeared because of Cabel, who still looked at me without a sound.

    Cabel didn¡¯t say anything more, so I sat down on the chair next to him.

    There was only one small lamp in the tent, so it was quite dark already. It was a little disappointing that there were no scented candles or oils, but it wasn¡¯t a bad setup for a good night¡¯s sleep overall.

    Well, is it though? Cabel always slept in a very quiet, deserted room¡­. After contemplating for a moment, I asked him frankly.

    ¡°Will it be too noisy?¡±

    ¡°¡­You only need to stay quiet.¡±

    I said it because I was concerned about the sound of the rain, but this is the answer I get in response. It was a bit harsh, but it was still an improvement considering his flat rejection earlier. I couldn¡¯t help smiling a little since he finally agreed to sleep.

    The light from the lamp flickered above Cabel¡¯s face looking back at me. His eyes were deep and submerged in shadow, but nevertheless the purple in his eyes was still unmistakable.

    He was looking at me a little strangely because of my unwarranted smile, so I quickly asked him how many hours he was planning to sleep. He pondered briefly before responding that one hour would be enough.

    Your level of exhaustion doesn¡¯t seem like it could be resolved in an hour¡­ was what I wanted to say, but I still smiled lightly.

    ¡°I¡¯ll give you an hour that¡¯ll feel like two.¡±

    I was worried that Cabel might be too sensitive to sleep with the sound of rain all around us, but it seems his exhaustion from the past few weeks finally caught up with him, and he fell asleep quickly.

    I can¡¯t say if it¡¯s a good thing or not, but as I was leaning against the side of my chair with a lowered head, watching Cabel sleep¡­. to be honest, I wasn¡¯t keeping track of the time at all. Is it normal to have this much fun looking at a face?

    Though it¡¯s a face I¡¯ve seen many times before at the temple, I had always sat a bit of a distance away from him while he slept, but thankfully I got this experience to be right next to him.

    Sitting in the chair next to him with my arms over the armrests, I got to appreciate him in earnest while resting my chin in my hands. Maybe this is the real reason why I knocked Cabel out so quickly with my powers.

    With the moonlight obscured by rainclouds, the only proper light came from a lamp, but it still showed his face so clearly in this situation. Even his black hair was as sharp as a sword, giving him a dark atmosphere. Nevertheless, it did look neat. The pale face beneath it continued to be buried in devastation, but now it looked a little more human.

    The shading around his eyes and the shadows cast under his nose blended and disappeared around his face in such perfect harmony that I had to stifle a sigh as I admired it. He¡¯s like a black and white painting.

    It felt like an hour had already passed, but I had no intention of waking him up. I mean, how can an hour or two be enough? No matter how deeply or comfortably I can put him under with divine power, it seems a bit harsh to wake up a person who hasn¡¯t slept properly for two weeks after only an hour, even if that hour feels like two.

    So I decided against waking him up. But as I watched Cabel¡¯s face, I suddenly felt a cold wind blowing. The rain continued to fall down hard, and the early morning breeze began to pick up the cold chill.

    After thinking for a moment, I raised myself up from the chair very carefully. When I entered the barracks earlier, I had seen some blankets in the corner.

    In case my movement woke Cabel up, I poured out more divine power before moving forward very slowly. Fortunately, the loud battering of the rain easily buried any noise I made.

    I took out a blanket from the box, roughly brushed off the dust, and carefully made my way back.

    Cabel still had his eyes closed. ¡°Wake me up after an hour,¡± he¡¯d said, yet here he is still fast asleep. I felt a little annoyed for some reason, but I brushed it off and carefully draped the blanket over Cabel¡¯s body.

    It was a big blanket for me, but its size proved to be ambiguous as soon as I tried to cover Cabel¡¯s shoulders and legs. When it covered his legs, it slipped off of his shoulders, but when I draped it over his shoulders, it couldn¡¯t cover his legs.

    So, rather than taking time to figure out the blanket, I thought it¡¯d be best to cover his upper body first, so I cautiously reached out and arranged the blanket delicately. Pull it up over his shoulders this way, and then cover around his torso that way¡­.

    ¡°¡­¡­ ¡±

    Ah. Our eyes met.

    My heart pounded from the proximity of our faces. Standing in front of Cabel, I had bent my upper body slightly and tilted my head forward to properly cover his shoulders with the blanket, so I hadn¡¯t realized how precariously close his eyes were. Our noses seemed to touch.

    In this black and white painting, purple was the only color I could see.

    ¡°¡­You¡ªyou¡¯re awake.¡±

 CH 13

    Since Cabel hadn¡¯t stirred so far despite my movements with the blanket, my actions had become a little too bold. I guess that was the reason for my demise. I stuttered and fumbled in embarrassment, but I couldn¡¯t escape from his gaze.

    Although, he didn¡¯t seem to be glaring at me this time. It felt like he was just staring at me for a moment.

    His eyes that were still heavy with slumber were seriously bad for my heart. This is really distressing. His weary eyes became relaxed, and when combined with the slightly reddened edges of his eyes, he gave off a soft impression.

    His usual blunt, lethargic, and rather inhuman image was completely gone, and now only a hazy drowsiness was present on his face.

    ¡­Oh, it¡¯s dangerous for my heart.

    A very honest physiological reaction took over my body. A fever was about to rise on my face, making me even more embarrassed, so I struggled and stuttered, trying to spit out something, anything.

    ¡°Sor¡ªI¡¯m so sorry. It¡¯s just that the morning breeze was a little cold, but, uh¡­.. So, I need to bring one more now¡­.¡±

    During my reluctant speech I tried to shift my body away, but I was caught on the arm of the chair by a hand that held onto me.

    The exact location was my arm, but rather than holding it, he was simply placing his hand around it, but nevertheless, the hot energy I felt through my clothes made me tremble.

    The warmth of a person who has just woken up is lethal.

    Cabel remained silent. I slowly lowered my eyes to avoid his gaze, and found myself focusing on his blanket. I had the sudden thought that blankets will always be a nuisance for me, when I heard Cabel¡¯s low voice. Still thickly coated with sleep, his voice came out small and soft, but we were so close that I was able to hear it fairly well.

    More than fairly well, I could hear him perfectly clear.

    ¡°The breathing¡­ ¡±

    I was focusing on him intently before I realized it, listening carefully as his voice got smaller and smaller. Breath? Did my breathing¡­ bother you? Am I, am I breathing heavily even now? Am I inhaling too intensely?

    I was momentarily ashamed and held my breath, but that only made him frown slightly. His gaze, which had been directed at the blanket, slowly came up and focused on me.

    Then Cabel seemed to try to say something, but suddenly closed his mouth tightly instead. Once again, his expression turned displeased. I didn¡¯t seem to be understanding what he was saying.

    He got lost in thought for a while, as if he was struggling to find the right words in his drowsy state. He finally softened his eyes and spoke, a hazy voice ringing so softly in my ear that it gave me chills.

    ¡°¡­ farther away from me.¡±

    He let out a brief sigh. Oh, did you get used to it?

    ¡°¡­.¡±

    There was no other reaction from him. So, if I put together what Cabel said just now¡­ It seems like he woke up because he couldn¡¯t hear breathing. Had he gotten used to the sound of my breathing¡­?

    As I thought this far, the hand gripping my arm loosened, and Cabel¡¯s arm slackened, making his upper body start to drop forward.

    I managed to put enough strength in my hand to catch him, but my heartbeat became so fast and erratic. I felt like my heart was in deep peril just now. So really, I have to run back right now¡ª

    Suddenly his head fell on my shoulder.

    ¡°¡­Closer.¡±

    Cabel fell asleep just like that. And I hardened in front of him like a statue made of plaster. I was stuck there for a long time in the position where I had paused, unable to finish arranging his blanket.

    I couldn¡¯t tell if this tingling sensation came from my arm or my heart.

    * * * * * * *

    The morning sky broke exceptionally wide and clear. It was completely blue and clear of clouds, as if all the particles in the sky were swept away by the overnight rain. It made it seem like the rainfall at dawn was merely an illusion.

    ¡°¡­¡­¡±

    And on such a clean, clear, refreshing morning, I was a zombie. Next to me, Lily stared at me, not bothering to disguise her dubious expression.

    ¡°¡­¡­you said you were going to save the Duke, so why are you the one coming back looking dead?¡±

    Lily was looking at me with such a profound expression, but I could only smile ambiguously in return.

    Lily waved her hands in front of me a couple of times, testing to see if I was lucid or not before unleashing an outpour of questions. Asking me if I had helped the Duke sleep until morning, or if I had only just returned to the barracks¡­

    To these questions, I had to express denial. I came back to the barracks in the early morning, but I couldn¡¯t get a wink of sleep in because I just missed the right timing. But I had to lie to Lily saying that I slept a bit, or else she¡¯d be worrying all day.

    But other than that, I really spoke the truth. I was able to return to the barracks at dawn and lay down. It was because Cabel, who fell asleep leaning on my shoulder, woke up within an hour. It was about four o¡¯clock in the morning, when the rain had just begun to stop.

    As Cabel woke up, I wondered if he would be able grasp the situation immediately. He looked at me right in front of him, then down at my arm he was holding¡­ he groaned briefly and apologized.

    And I think I said thank you, but in actuality I didn¡¯t really hear what Cabel was saying.  As soon as my arm was released, my legs collapsed underneath me and I fell to the floor.

    My arms, my legs¡­ my whole body was numb. Cabel was looking down at me with an unfamiliar expression, but really the worst thing about this situation was the unsteady beating of my heart, leaving me unable to answer anything. As soon as I had feeling back in my legs again, I immediately made a run for the barracks.

    Then I quickly lay down and pulled the blanket over my head. I felt like I was about to burst. I earnestly wished for sleep to rid me of my consciousness¡­

    To my dismay, I was unable to sleep until the very end. Until the moment when the sun took over the sky.

    So, that¡¯s why I¡¯m left in this state. But honestly, missing sleep for a day doesn¡¯t automatically turn someone into a zombie. I had tried so many times to make myself sleep, but the result was only this half-ruined state.

    But still, after seeing off the knights going out on reconnaissance, I can go back and rest until they return. So I kept telling myself I just had to keep my eyes open for a moment. I¡¯ve failed to sleep over and over again, but I¡¯m sure I¡¯ll be able to this time¡­

    Hoping this with all my heart, I left the barracks with Lily. Since the Nickel Knights had previously scouted this mountain the other day, they lead the reconnaissance in the front with only half of the Paladin Knights following.

    Tirak, the Nickel Knights¡¯ Vice-Leader, has been issuing a code of conduct to the knights in a loud voice since early in the morning. The view of the neat indigo uniforms became more clear as we got closer and closer.

    But where is Cabel?  With the sudden question popping into my head, I automatically began looking around, and I found Cabel just arriving.

    A long black cloak swayed along with his steps. His neatly arranged jet-black hair was gently ruffled by the breeze.

    Although there were still traces of exhaustion lingering around his eyes, the level of improvement was remarkable. His face was much more human than yesterday.

    I felt proud for some reason, and tried to grab Lily¡¯s attention, seizing her arm and shaking it, when I suddenly met Cabel¡¯s eye.

    His gaze wasn¡¯t a coincidence. That is, I was caught pointing at him with my index finger, so I extended my hand politely and smiled at him.

    ¡°Look at that magnificent personage. Isn¡¯t it as radiant as a blossoming flower?¡±

    ¡°¡­..Ren¨¦e. It seems like you really might be sick? Are you deranged from lack of sleep?¡±

    Unbelievable. An improvisation requires cooperation in order to succeed, but this was too obvious a failure. I cast my eyes away from Lily, who was treating me like a complete mental patient, and risked a glance at Cabel.

    He was looking at me now like he always does, as if he was seeing the strangest person. But somehow it felt a little different this time.

    I mean, it felt like¡­ a very subtle sympathy, like he was empathizing with someone who also couldn¡¯t sleep properly¡­ No, I¡¯ll really feel like a sick person if I get that kind of attention from you, right?

    Fortunately, Cabel didn¡¯t respond to the incident and just looked at me with a subtle expression before walking to where the Nickel Knights stood.

    In the meantime I had to placate Lily, who was seriously worried that I was losing it.

    Disregarding me, Lily made a production of feeling my forehead to test the credibility of my words. It was obvious that this was a performance of concern to tease me about my mental state.

    ¡°Lily, I said I¡¯m really fine? I just wasn¡¯t able to sleep much.¡±

    ¡°¡­¡­are you sick somewhere, Priestess Renesha?¡±

    As I spoke and intercepted Lily¡¯s arm reaching out to my forehead, a soft voice intervened.

    I turned my head to see Elvinraz. Or, Elvin. He, too, was wearing the armor of the Paladins as if he was going out on the search this morning, but he was still very dazzling. The armor of white and yellow gold glistened in the morning sun.

    But outshining everything else, his face was by far the most brilliant.

    ¡°Your complexion doesn¡¯t look so good. Are you not feeling any better?¡±

    I thought I had seen him quite often enough by now, but when I faced him in front of me again, my system was stuck buffering for a moment. The graphics of his face are seriously too good. There are two of such dangerously handsome people here, so I always had to keep my heart on guard.

    Meanwhile, Elvin was persistent, offering to get medicine from a medical technician. When he didn¡¯t receive an answer from me he shook his head concernedly. He seemed to think I had a cold, since the heavy overnight rain made the weather a little chilly.

    ¡°I¡¯m not sick. It¡¯s just that I couldn¡¯t sleep¡­. I have a little time until the knights return, so once I rest I¡¯ll be perfectly fine.¡±

    ¡°But¡­ in case it¡¯s a cold, wouldn¡¯t it be better to be careful before it spreads throughout your body?¡±

    I couldn¡¯t help feeling a bit strange from Elvin¡¯s unfamiliar behavior, cautiously softening both his eyes and his tone. I looked up at him with wide eyes, taking in the worried face of gold in front of me¡­ At the same time, I had a brief realization: I felt better.

    ¡°I¡¯ll take a rest! I¡¯ll feel better in no time, so you really don¡¯t have to worry about the divine power.¡±

    For the first time, I smiled brightly, feeling extraordinary gratitude for my high divine power. I¡¯ve been told before that I worry too much, but if Elvin, who can see divine power, is expressing concern, then I think my condition must not be very good right now.

    But I will definitely recover soon with Elviniraz¡¯s concern, whose face alone was my magic remedy.

    So, that¡¯s why I smiled¡­ But meanwhile, Elviniraz¡¯s face became strangely stiff. Just a moment ago, he was expressing concern for me with drooping eyes, but for some reason now, he had an uncomfortable expression, like someone who had gotten caught.

    The situation wasn¡¯t any particular inconvenience to me, but it seems I may have struck a nerve of his and made him feel awkward.

    After making a strange expression for a while, Elvin finally pulled the corners of his mouth up into a smile. His answer fell drily, ¡°Yes, I see.¡±

 CH 14

    Fortunately, today¡¯s reconnaissance returned with only three injured. It should be true that any number of injured or suffering people is inherently wrong, but now, if there are only five or six people hurt, then it couldn¡¯t help leaving the impression that it¡¯s ¡®not too much¡¯ or even ¡®it¡¯s okay.¡¯

    Usually, I would think that this mindset was really callous, but I also couldn¡¯t help feeling relived when I saw other priests approaching the bleeding soldiers. It was a small blessing that the injuries weren¡¯t serious enough for me to be called.

    After the reconnaissance was over, everyone had to move to the base camp location that the knights had scouted in advance. At first, the Paladins and Nickel Knights took the lead together, and the priests followed with the mercenaries at the back of the procession.

    But now, it was decided that the Nickel Knights would take the lead, since they know best the way through the mountain, and the Imperial Knights were to follow the procession from behind. And of course, Elvin took the lead in such a case.

    My pace was still far from being fast, but fortunately, I wasn¡¯t as completely behind as usual. This was only possible because of the heavy rain that made the path more treacherous, forcing everyone to walk slowly and carefully.

    In the future I hope it rains every day so I can walk leisurely like this¡­ but after a moment of thought, I realized that if that were to happen, I¡¯d most likely find myself staying up till dawn every day, so I dropped that wish quickly.

    Well, when you gain something, you lose something. I had learned early on that when it comes to ¡®no pain, no gain,¡¯ I¡¯d be much better off with ¡®no gain,¡¯ so that I¡¯d have ¡®no pain.¡¯

    In addition, my mind became unburdened since I now have a fresh and brilliant Elvin following behind me, not Cabel with his black aura.

    So, what I mean is¡­ I¡¯ve been in worse situations.

    ¡°¡­..¡±

    As the road became more rough, my body wobbled often. I almost fell forward a couple of times because my poor ankle got twisted. Fortunately, Lily would catch me, so I was able to avoid showing everyone an image of myself sprawled out on the ground. However, Elvin would also try to catch me from behind, and a rather embarrassing situation ensued.

    Still, Elvin was trying to help me, so I felt obligated to say thank you. But when I looked at him in those moments, each time his expression wasn¡¯t so good.

    As if he was about to say something, he¡¯d turn to face me with a very ambiguous expression, but in the end he never said anything.

    I bit my lips in nervousness more than once, but in the end I could only smile, and, well, it seemed only I felt better enough, so I started walking forward again.

    Nevertheless, the awkward atmosphere couldn¡¯t be avoided. The intrusive and strange tension coming from behind me was breathtaking. But whenever I tried to make eye contact, he would avoid my gaze.

    Two hours passed in this way. I had just started accepting the fact that being around Elvin made me feel light with a ticklish heart, so I couldn¡¯t help feeling a bit depressed since things have now turned awkward so quickly.

    As I was lost in thought in this way, I met Elvin¡¯s eyes again. It occurred to me then that maybe he had seen my divine power weakening, which was why he was acting so strange, so I immediately smiled, trying to appear reassuring.

    I must have a fickle divine power that is easily swayed by my mood. I haven¡¯t taken any special notice of it so far, but I¡¯ll have to be more careful from now on.

    Now, we have just reached the middle of the mountain. The sound of people arriving at the base camp could be heard from far away.

    Wow, that means the hike has ended so quickly today. Now at this next camp I can take a good rest. It looks like it won¡¯t be raining anytime soon as well¡­..

    ¡°Uh, it¡¯s slippery there, so be careful¡­¡±

    I was taking a step while looking up at the sky when I heard Lily¡¯s words. I tried to answer that even I knew that much¡­ But right at that moment, I really slipped like Lily had said, and my body lost its center.

    We were on an uphill road, so at this moment the slope was quite steep. My feet slipped at this critical time, and I fell back into something hard¡ª

    ¡°..¡­Are you okay, Priestess?¡±

    Ah.

    I blankly blinked my eyes. Just now I¡­ am I in the arms of Elviniraz?

    ¡°I¡ªI¡ªI¡¯m f¡ªfine!¡±

    It took longer for me to buffer this time. The fact that my head was resting against Elviniraz¡¯s chest, who had been walking right behind me, held no sense of reality. I got up in a hurry, barely holding onto my sense of reason.

    He was a big man from the beginning, but while wearing solid armor, he felt even larger than usual.

    Ignoring the sound of my heart that was beating way too strong from the shock of falling backwards, I apologized, saying that I would walk properly and correct my posture¡­

    He spoke, his golden eyes facing straight at me.

    ¡°I will help you.¡±

    ¡°¡­..What? Oh, it¡¯s okay, they said we¡¯ll be arriving soon.¡±

    ¡°That ¡®soon¡¯ you heard really means another hour.¡±

    ¡­..Well, ¡®We¡¯ll be arriving soon,¡¯ doesn¡¯t necessarily mean ten minutes. I knew that much. But at the same time it¡¯s a bit too disheartening to hear that it means another hour of walking on this road.

    As I wore a lost expression, staring at the ground, Elviniraz let out a short burst of laughter and reached out to me.

    ¡°Shall I follow you from behind? No, follow me.¡±

    Until now, it seems that I¡¯ve only ever heard suggestions coming from Elvin, so I wasn¡¯t quite prepared to hear such a firm command. I widened my eyes in surprise at the unfamiliarity of it as I looked at Elvin. He was ordering the knights behind him to walk ahead of us.

    The Paladins followed the order without raising any objections. Gardiel cast me a slight glance as he passed by.

    Well, I had taken Elvin¡¯s words to mean that it was okay to walk a little behind, but what he really meant was to literally follow the slowest person in the procession.

    No, I mean, I was able to maintain an average walking speed this time? But how did I end up lagging at the very end again¡­ ?

    As I watched the Paladins moving farther away with a distant gaze, Elvin stood in front of me and reached out his hand. I tried to refuse, saying that kind of support was unnecessary, but he wouldn¡¯t lower his hand.

    I thought about it for a minute. No, I really thought about it for a second. I had been taught that it was wrong to reject the extended hand of a handsome man.

    My hand resting atop Elvin¡¯s felt very small. I¡¯d noticed it before, but the size difference was really no joke.

    I walked forward with a fresh energy, thinking that it would be rather nice to have someone nearby who can catch me now¡­ when I suddenly heard Elvin¡¯s voice.

    ¡°I kept getting worried.¡±

    ¡°Ah, haha. Yes¡­ my legs are a bit weak.¡±

    Was my walking really bad enough to be a serious cause for concern? The thought was so embarrassing that I could only laugh awkwardly. Elvin¡¯s gaze stayed fixed on me until, at last, a boulder appeared that would take all of my focus to climb. When I was deciding how to overcome it, Elvin grabbed me and lifted me up powerfully.

    He held my hand tightly, the heat making my fingers burn and tingle.

    ¡°¡­¡­But this, I¡¯m not doing it for the Priestess¡¯s divine powers.¡±

    And in that moment, listening to Elvin¡¯s low voice, I could only respond with an instant, ¡°Huh?¡±

    Elvin watched me quietly. He slightly lowered his eyes, focusing on the hand that he was holding so tightly. I involuntarily flinched, feeling pierced by his gaze. But the strong grasp on my hand never slackened.

    Uh¡­ So, if I¡¯m not misinterpreting his words now¡­ is Elvin saying that he wasn¡¯t being kind to me only because of my divine powers?

    I didn¡¯t mean to attach such a reason to his every action. But when I think about it, I did think it was his main reason, so I couldn¡¯t say anything in response at this moment.

    There was a short silence. Elvin furrowed his eyebrows for a while, trying to see what I was thinking. Eventually he let go of my hand, shrugging it off.

    ¡°The Priestess doesn¡¯t seem to mind it at all.¡±

    It felt like he was talking to himself. It was such a small voice, but at our proximity I could hear him clearly.

    ¡°But I can¡¯t understand it, I really can¡¯t.¡±

    He seemed to mull it over again. It was unintelligible.

    After a while, Elviniraz closed his eyes and smiled gently.

    ¡°Shall we go, Priestess?¡±

    The voice that asked me was as calm as usual, so I looked at him with a bizarre expression for a moment, but finally nodded my head.

    I felt strange.

    * * * * * * *

    One month. Incredibly, a month into this campaign has passed.

    A doctor once said that it takes 21 days for a habit to form. Afterwards, a professor claimed that it should take 66 days, which would make a huge time difference. But personally, my experiences have aligned with former hypothesis.

    In just half the span of this two-month journey, I¡¯ve grown accustomed to so many things. The uncomfortable barracks-life is now calmly accepted as the norm, and even the priests¡¯ inter-relationships, which had gotten off to a rough start, have now matured into people who can share occasional, silent greetings with their eyes.

    In the earlier days, there was an ambiguous rivalry amongst the different temples, but as our situation became more serious, the importance of healing quickly and efficiently far surpassed any petty envy over the superiority of each others¡¯ divine power.

    There were even occasions when Abnel¡¯s priests would come to me first and ask for assistance.

    As it has been a month since we¡¯ve arrived at the mountains, which were so difficult to climb, I finally got a bit used to it. At first, I had a hard time hiking every day. But after the second week, ever since we crossed the last major mountain, we only had to move camp every two days, making it less burdensome.

    I have gotten used to it. Everything from the simple, spartan meals, to the irregular sleeping schedule, or even to the rough mountain roads. And as the end of autumn approached, the nights got colder and colder, with everyone sitting together, shivering around the bonfire.

    However, the one thing I couldn¡¯t get used to¡ªwell, rather, the one thing that I couldn¡¯t become indifferent to, even though I have technically gotten used to it¡ªwas the sinking sensation I felt every time I saw an injured person.

    Paladin Gardiel once told me, ¡®It¡¯s not a real war because it¡¯s just to this extent of wounded or killed.¡¯

    He¡¯d said that the two-month period allotted took into account only the time it took to climb the roughest mountains of the western fortress*, and that Vios itself was nothing compared to Keschmir¡¯s military power. It was just a symbolic march to annex Vios into the territory of the empire.

    [tl/n*: I think the point being that they didn¡¯t even allocate any time for battles or other complications, since it was basically supposed to be a walk through the mountains lol]

    As we entered the third week, that is, after we passed the lord¡¯s villa, the attacks noticeably reduced. Contrary to the expectation that there would be more attacks as we got closer to Vios, the number of raids has actually decreased significantly, and the number of wounded soldiers has never strayed beyond five or six.

    At this point, even I could understand the feeling of this being, ¡°not very much.¡± Nevertheless, every time I saw an injured soldier, my heart dropped lower and lower.

    In fact, I don¡¯t understand well why I¡¯m still affected so deeply. Is this what PTSD is? Since we¡¯re still at war, it¡¯s only natural there¡¯d be no sign of improvement.

    Lily seemed to handle it all well in her own way, so why the heck is it so difficult for me? It¡¯s not like I spontaneously break down in despair or sorrow; but sometimes, a feeling of suffocation overwhelms me, like I¡¯ve fallen into an endless abyss.

    People dying in war had always been a faraway concern, but for now, it¡¯s my very close reality.

    In online games, it was always so cool to see a hero escaping death whenever a healer flew onto the scene. But now that I think about it, the true mental master in the game is the healer.

 CH 15

    ¡°Priestess! Did you not sleep well again today?¡±

    Ten days ago, another person died. He was neither stabbed by a sword nor pierced by an arrow, but he stumbled and fell, dying in vain during battle.

    And from then on, I couldn¡¯t sleep properly. I thought I would be less affected than before, since I¡¯m now a seasoned soldier when it comes to death, but all the stress and anxiety seems to have accumulated enough to catch up with me.

    Fortunately, it hasn¡¯t seemed to affect my divine power yet. Elvin would occasionally tell me that it¡¯d be better for me to rest and take breaks frequently, but he never directly mentioned anything about my divine power.

    The only person who can truly understand my current condition is¡­.. Cabel. Well, someone who has experienced it would know it well, after all.

    I never said a word about it, but he suddenly handed me a medicine case one day. There were about ten dark blue pills in a small glass bottle.

    He even kindly added instruction, advising me that it¡¯s best to take one tablet with warm water when I was too agitated to sleep.

    The pills were quite effective. Of course, it¡¯d have been strange if they didn¡¯t work, since it was recommended by a three-year veteran of insomnia¡­ but thanks to that medicine, I can really sleep.

    But now, after these ten days have passed, I¡¯ve taken all of the medicine. I hadn¡¯t asked for more, but Tirak, Cabel¡¯s subordinate, came to find me unexpectedly, presenting me with more medicine.

    He came during the time when the soldiers had just finished their afternoon reconnaissance, returning to reorganize and prepare for tomorrow¡¯s departure.

    The mountain that the Nickel Knights where just returning from had already been searched a long time ago, and they still didn¡¯t find anything suspicious, resulting in a peaceful march for the past several days. Excluding the deceased.

    ¡°I¡¯m the one bringing it to you because he¡¯s busy right now, but¡­..this medicine, it¡¯s for insomnia, right? I¡¯ve seen it often in his office.¡±

    ¡°Ah, yes. But it¡¯s nothing of great concern.¡±

    ¡°Huh..? That¡¯s not true, Priestess! You have to sleep well! People who can¡¯t sleep become completely devastated!¡±

    Somehow, at this moment, it seems that Tirak and I are imagining the same person. He¡¯s definitely the definition of devastation. As I was smiling awkwardly, Tirak shook his large head back and forth very dramatically.

    ¡°Someone who¡¯s so sleep-deprived that their expression alone could kill¡­ especially as a priestess, it¡¯s a look I never want to see. Absolutely not!¡±

    Why do these words sound so desperate? What exactly has Tirak experienced through Cabel?

    Tirak¡¯s spirits seemed to be sinking lower and lower, so I quickly grasped the medicine case and nodded a couple of times in agreement. Nevertheless, he stressed that I have to sleep well at least three times because he was anxious.

    ¡°There haven¡¯t been too many wounded soldiers returning lately, so why don¡¯t you ask a fellow priest to help you fall asleep?¡±

    In regard to divine power, especially when it comes to healing, self-treatment has almost no effect. It¡¯s quite natural when you think about it, since it¡¯s a power of dedication and sacrifice for others.

    However, I couldn¡¯t bring myself to ask Lily to use up her remaining divine power on me. Sometimes she¡¯d offer it to me first, but there¡¯s a big difference between recovering when 20% strength is remaining, and recovering when you¡¯re completely depleted at 0%.

    ¡°It¡¯s okay. This medicine works well.¡±

    ¡°But if you take too much medicine, won¡¯t you become resistant to it? The chief [Cabel] can¡¯t fall asleep anymore even after taking five pills, enough to knock out a cow¡­¡±

    Ah, is this a medicine that¡¯s even effective on cows? It¡¯s truly impressive¡­ Somehow I felt a bit uncomfortable, looking at the vial with a slight shiver. I shook my head and told Tirak that he really didn¡¯t have to worry.

    In fact, the only thing I could really think about just now was the novelty of Tirak¡¯s familiarity with Cabel. Since he¡¯s been by his side for nearly five years as his lieutenant general I suppose it¡¯s only natural, but Cabel seems to have an image of one who doesn¡¯t talk much about himself.

    Well, Tirak¡¯s knowledge does seem to come from observation rather than direct conversation, but still¡­

    ¡°Don¡¯t worry, Priestess. We¡¯d never let anything bad happen to you.¡±

    Tirak suddenly spoke with an earnest voice. He seemed to have caught on to the cause of my insomnia and repeated himself again firmly as if he wanted to reassure me.

    ¡°Now, we will be crossing the border into Vios. If we don¡¯t run into any problems, it can be passed in two days. After that, we can proceed to the capital immediately. Their attacks have been gradually decreasing, and it seems that their food supply has been limited.¡±

    ¡°Ah..¡­¡±

    ¡°Since economic hardship was the cause of this war, they were able to find a short-term solution by invading. But they¡¯re at a huge disadvantage in the long run by entering into a lengthy war. So you don¡¯t have to worry. Not only would we never lose, but also¡­.¡±

    Tirak paused for a moment. I thought to myself that my anxiety wasn¡¯t about losing the war, but rather about seeing the wounded themselves.

    He let out a loud cough awkwardly for a moment. I thought he might be feeling a bit embarrassed since I was staring up at him, so I was just turning my gaze away when I heard a very playful voice.

    ¡°It¡¯s never actually the will of the knights to get hurt, but I¡¯ll tell them to avoid getting hurt as much as possible.¡±

    ¡°Can they avoid getting hurt with such an order?¡±

    ¡°Couldn¡¯t I just say that I¡¯ll kill them if they get hurt?¡±

    I assumed he was joking, but this person made a very alarming remark, whether it was serious or joking.

    His shoulders shook for a moment, and he finally burst into laughter. It was loud enough to easily reverberate through the whole base camp. This man, somehow he¡¯s really dangerous and strangely intimidating?

    ¡°Anyway, it looks like it¡¯s going to rain this evening.¡±

    After laughing for a long time, he suddenly commented while looking up at the sky. In fact, talking to Tirak brought its own kind of relief. I also felt a sense of comfort from the medicine box I held in my hands, so I was able to nod in agreement with a clear smile.

    The sky was indeed quite gloomy, obscured by dark, ominous clouds. It was now sunset, but rather than a warm orange light, an inky darkness was spreading throughout the sky.

    It looks like it¡¯s going to rain late in the evening again, so I think I¡¯ll go looking for Cabel around dawn. I received medicine from him again, so I should repay him for it. And also, for the sake of a non-violent procession in the future.

    As Tirak pointed out, there will be no more major problems. We¡¯ll soon cross the border into Vios, where we¡¯ll be able to advance much more quickly, since Vios itself has mostly a flat terrain without any mountains.

    If everything goes well, we might even be able to return before the two-month schedule is filled.

    So, now, while comfortably talking and laughing with Tirak, I had to agree with Gardiel¡¯s statement that this is no ¡°big war.¡± It¡¯s a shallow optimism, but we have to look forward with these kinds of reassurances. So I spend my days with the simple hope that I¡¯ll be able to fall asleep well in the future.

    I thought no more people would be seriously injured anymore.

    I hoped so.

    The sky was suddenly burning a more intense red than its soft glow during the sunset. Clearly revealed against the gray sky, flames containing the intensity of dozens of blazing sunsets were falling down¡ª

    Boom A crashing sound reached my ears, filling its surroundings with dread. Seeing arrows of fire flying into the barracks, a soldier had ran in fear, knocking over the furnace in front of him.

    ¡°¡ªPriestess!¡±

    Five barracks were instantly engulfed. I had wished in vain that the flames couldn¡¯t burn properly from the humidity in the air due to the promised rain, but the fire raged on before my eyes.

    The barracks right next to Tirak and me also started to burn. He hurriedly caught me and leaned over.

    Thwack¡ª Sounds were coming from all over. Arrows pouring down ceaselessly.

    It was a surprise attack.

    Was it all for this moment that Vios had been silent for almost ten days, lulling us into a state of placidity? Were they intending to lower our guard before attacking?

    After passing the last mountain, it seemed like all these hardships would be over.

    Just a few minutes ago, I was laughing while talking with Tirak, but it already seemed so long ago. Even though I knew I shouldn¡¯t be agitating myself during such a critical moment, I felt my legs give way while running behind Tirak¡¯s lead.

    Just before I reached the ground, he pulled me upright again, fortunately saving me from falling into the path of flying arrows.

    We urgently hid behind a cart wagon to catch our breath. The strong winds had allowed the fire to spread rapidly, and almost all ten of the barracks were burning.

    Inside, people began screaming and rushing out.

    The arrows continued to fly in rounds, leaving only brief intervals in between. Only then did enlightenment strike me.

    We¡¯re at the last mountain, the border between Vios and Keschmir. It can only be reached through the rugged mountain range west of Uriya, and as such, it was their final fortress, last in their line of defense before the terrain flattened out.

    I was faintly recalling Cabel and Elviniraz¡¯s discussion about the location of Vios¡¯s base camp, when I was suddenly interrupted by the shocking sight in front of me. I frantically screamed out.

    ¡°Lily!¡±

    The priests¡¯ barracks had also caught fire. No, had it been burning from the beginning? Asking meaningless questions, I hurriedly jumped up.

    Priests were running out of barracks under the protection of the Paladins. My eyes instantly found Lily. Her clothes appeared dark with soot, as if she had been close to the flames. She even seemed to be injured, holding her arm with a painful expression.

    And on the path in front of these priests, a charred pillar was quickly overtaken by flames¡ª and suddenly came crashing down. As soon as I saw the image, the flames soared, flaring upon the pillar¡¯s impact with the ground, obscuring their figures. I screamed hysterically; it can¡¯t be! As I was screaming, my body moved to run out on its own accord.

    ¡°No!¡±

    But just before I could run forward, Tirak held me back firmly. The strength of his grip made my arm feel like it was being pulled out of its socket.

    Nevertheless, I struggled and shouted to be let go. But even my shrieking voice was buried under the screams that filled this space, and my eyes spilled over with tears. Never releasing me from his grasp, Tirak yelled in order to be heard above the fray, saying that it was too dangerous for me to go now.

    Wouldn¡¯t it be nice if people were capable of that kind of rationality?

 CH 16

    For the time being, the seemingly endlessly falling arrows finally stopped.

    I didn¡¯t try to scream or resist anymore, but all my of nerves were on edge, solely focused on the priests. Fortunately, no one seemed seriously injured, since the Paladins had quickly noticed the falling pillars and protected the priests.

    No, to be exact, none of the priests were hurt, but one of the Paladins who protected them had their legs crushed under a pillar.

    Ah. Even I, from a distance, couldn¡¯t breathe at the sight. The priests there were screaming in shock.

    They hurriedly knelt down and began treating the Paladin. Typically, it¡¯s necessary to have a quiet environment where the healer can concentrate fully in order for divine power to work at its best, but now they didn¡¯t have time to think of such things.

    I could see Lily, who was closest to the knight, clenching her teeth, her hands in his wounds. The knights were groaning as they focused on removing the pillars.

    ¡°¡­¡­¡±

    Only then was I able to take in my other surroundings. I had been completely fixated on the priests leaving the barracks, but as I looked around, I realized the whole situation was much worse.

    The Paladins and the Nickel Knights have been working quickly to abate the situation, but the soldiers were overwhelmed by the sudden attack, running in a state of panic and confusion. As many barracks continued to burn and collapse, screams rang out from place to place.

    And by then I spotted a soldier. As if he had been struck by an arrow, he was leaning against a tree for support, trembling while holding onto his blood-stained armor.

    As I stared at the image in a daze, I slowly stepped forward. At the same time, Tirak was instructing one of the Nickel Knights who had run to him, releasing his grip on me as he moved his arms.

    The arrows have stopped flying, so it must be over now, right?

    Then, I can go to that soldier and heal him now? Unlike that time, unlike that mercenary I left behind. This time I¡ªI can save him.

    Because of this ridiculously grand title of ¡°God¡¯s Envoy,¡± attached to me, I had to save that mercenary. No, that solider. Otherwise, I would really die this time.

    My mind went white. The scene from the other day kept replaying in my mind. A mercenary who was hit by an arrow and collapsed, and myself, who was hit only by shock but stood uselessly frozen.

    A mercenary who died like that, discarded.

    Could I have saved him if I had run towards him that time? Hundreds, thousands of times each night, my mind is plagued by the same question.

    I couldn¡¯t move right away, but I was so overcome by guilt towards that mercenary, thinking that even if I had fallen a few times on the way to him, even if I had to reach him while crawling on the ground, he would not have died. So now, now I have to save him.

    My arm was caught firmly. From the strength and grip alone, I didn¡¯t have to confirm that it was Tirak. He rushed to lead me as if he was anxious to get away. He was telling me that I must get out of the situation first, but the words felt strange to my ears.

    ¡°It¡¯s still too late even if you go to take a closer look and treat them! So, first and foremost the priestess must hide yourself.¡±

    ¡°No matter how great you may think healers are, we can¡¯t save the dead!¡±

    I cried out, but Tirak didn¡¯t let me go. I wasn¡¯t planning to completely cure the soldier right now, but he needed to receive first aid. Otherwise, he could die from excessive bleeding.

    However, no matter how much I struggled to free my arms, Tirak¡¯s hold only constricted further without the slightest hesitation.

    ¡°It doesn¡¯t mean it¡¯s all over just because the arrows have stopped! The enemies were planning on this exact state of chaos! So come¡ª¡±

    Thwack, the sound of wind tore sharply through the space. Tirak broke off his sentence, quickly lifting up the sword in his hand into a defensive position.

    Like Tirak said, as if they were aiming for this moment, Vios¡¯s soldiers were approaching rapidly and surrounding us. Not a moment ago, an arrow had passed between him and me. I wasn¡¯t badly hurt, but a sting of pain spread across my cheek.

    A string of goosebumps broke out on the back of my neck. My arms shook uncontrollably and a cold sweat dripped down my back. Instead of releasing my arm, Tirak stood himself in front of me as if protecting me. Although we weren¡¯t yet fully surrounded, his face became pale watching Vios¡¯s soldiers emerge from the underbrush one by one.

    A loud scream from behind split through our ears. The sound of an arrow being shot from close range was horribly clear.

    Looking back, I could see that two of Abnel¡¯s priests had their legs pierced by arrows. Blood began to seep through, making their gray uniforms adhere against their skin. I thought the priests weren¡¯t targets, so why¡­?

    But my own situation became too urgent to watch what was going on around me. Tirak wielded his enormous sword, taking a powerful swing at the troops of Vios who approached him.

    The sound of his sword cutting through the air fell heavily. Tirak again swung forcefully, his sword at least three times larger than those used by ordinary knights. It was neither fast nor slow, but rather exuded an overbearing pressure unique only to itself.

    ¡°Priestess. I¡¯ll open up a path for you, so run back.¡±

    The idea that Vios wouldn¡¯t attack a defenseless priest was no longer definite. I considered for a moment whether or not I should tell him that I saw priests being struck by arrows a while ago, but I ended up swallowing the words back.

    There¡¯s nothing more nerve-wracking than being distracted while trying to defend someone, so I just replied that I understood in a trembling voice.

    ¡ªBut, aren¡¯t I just thinking too cynically? Shouldn¡¯t I make him aware of the fact that they strangely seem to be aiming for priests? I mean, shouldn¡¯t I try to have a little better grasp on the situation before I move around?

    ¡°Priestess!!¡±

    As soon as he gave me the signal, I ran back as Tirak said. I ran, trying to support my shaky legs and praying that I wouldn¡¯t fall.

    An arrow grazed my leg. I stumbled once, nearly falling to the ground, but I managed to keep myself upright. From behind, Tirak came running to me, cursing loudly and unleashing profanities. One beat late, he seemed to notice that the situation was strange, too.

    And a belated realization during an emergency situation made one feel that much more responsible for it.

    A soldier in unfamiliar armor arrived before me. Since he suddenly appeared in the middle of running, he seemed disoriented and confused to see us as well, but he swiftly changed his direction, following after me.

    For just a brief moment I couldn¡¯t help speculating. Why would they target the priests? Are they trying to slow the soldiers down by injuring the priests, preventing us from advancing properly? If not, are they trying to make sure their enemies don¡¯t recover, cutting them off at the source?

    Even while watching his sword swing towards me, I had such pointless questions running through my brain. In an instant, the running soldier had caught up with me. He stretched out his sword without hesitation, and the sword itself was horrifyingly red and dark, reflecting the burning barracks around us.

    ¡°¡ªNo!¡±

    I avoided deep wounds on pure reflex, jumping back just in time. However, due to the compulsive movement, the hair over my left shoulder lifted into the air and entered the path of his blade, getting sliced clean through.

    At the moment I tried to run away before I was targeted again, Tirak embraced me. He caught me with his arm and hooked me around, pulling me against his back and into a tight hug. I was confused by his sudden movement, wondering what was the reason for this, when my question was answered all too quickly.

    Blood began pouring out of Tirak.

    Huh? Tirak wrapped me even more tightly in my state of alarm. Since I was embraced by a person twice my size, I was protected in that moment. But flinch after flinch, blood blood coursed more and more heavily out of the body defending me, dripping onto my shoulders.

    My lungs forgot how to breathe. I lost my sense of reality and felt that I was going to faint at any moment. Tirak¡¯s shoulder was struck in place of mine, moving to block an arrow that had tried to fly through the gap that covered me. Three shots? Four shots? I couldn¡¯t even bear to count the number of times correctly.

    Even in that situation, Tirak clenched his teeth and swung his sword. Excruciating groans fell from his lips, sending me back into a panic again.

    The soldier who initially tried to attack me fell to the ground. It was so vain an end that I could feel neither pleased nor reassured. Other soldiers of Vios began to gather around.

    ¡°Now¡ªnow you need to receive treatment. No, I¡¯m going to do it right now.¡±

    As I spoke in a stammer, I reached out my hand to his shoulders streaming blood. But the moment I tried, Tirak pulled away and stood in front of me, letting me out of his arms.

    ¡°¡­..It¡¯s ok¡ªokay, Priestess.¡±

    I shouted in disagreement at his barely spoken words, with a face twisted in pain. It¡¯s not okay, it¡¯s not okay at all!

    But Tirak did not listen to me and stepped forward. The sound of his great sword cutting through the air became louder. With weary faces, Vios¡¯s soldiers had to form a more assertive stance to prepare for attack.

    The great sword was still daunting and threatening, but their attacks were able to easily penetrate through Tirak¡¯s weakened defense. His frequent experience in the battlefield had enabled him to sustain his strength and reflexes up to this point, but in the end, even his body had a limit it couldn¡¯t exceed. In this state, they brought him down.

    Tirak collapsed, one knee giving out completely. He had taken down the soldiers in front of him, and they lay injured, strewn around him on the ground. But others were quickly approaching.

    I knelt with a drained, pale face and crawled to Tirak. His stomach had been deeply stabbed, and blood was pouring out, pooling onto the ground.

    Tirak tried to stand up, seeing Vios¡¯s soldiers drawing near, but his knees buckled under him again. His arms shook as he tried to hold up his sword. I couldn¡¯t even scream, and I grabbed onto his arm.

    His wound needed to be treated from the deepest bleed, but blood seemed to be flowing from his whole body, and I became dizzy in my frantic search for the source. I could hear the soldier¡¯s footsteps next to me, but I couldn¡¯t raise my head.

    But in that moment, all sound seemed to turn off. A moment of silence came, as if all the turmoil in the world had been blocked. It passed by short and strange, like the quiet anticipation between lightning and thunder, waiting for a tremendous noise to erupt¡ªKwa-kwa-kwang.

    Or an explosion.

    It was so deafening that my ears were momentarily numb. The ground shook. It was such a violent vibration, one that only occurred when something forcefully struck the earth.

    Trembling in shock and fear, I turned my head. And it was the person caught in my sight, the one who strode forward with a cool, rolling blackness curling around his sword.

    It was Cabel.

 CH 17

    Tears were about to burst from my eyes. There was a deep imprint left on the ground from Cabel¡¯s sword, as if it had driven a clear line between Tirack and Vios¡¯s army. The soldiers panicked, retreating from Cabel.

    He came into view amidst the chilly new atmosphere and arrived in front of Tirack, his black cloak swaying widely with his every step. The air around him seemed full of static, giving me goosebumps as he approached.

    A look of anger flashed over his cold face, then quickly subsided. He recaptured his emotions neatly, but the tendon sticking out from his hand, tightly gripping his sword, gave him away. A dark purple current, matching the color of his eyes, hovered above his sword.

    It was the first time I had witnessed his swordsmanship. A blazing purple energy wrapped around his sword, rattling the air around him. The image was overwhelmingly shocking, but more pressing than that, Tirack suddenly let out a painful groan.

    I hurriedly propped him up against some equipment that was next to him. Laying him down would have been more ideal, but I couldn¡¯t because of the arrow in his back. I couldn¡¯t have even considered it just a moment ago, but with Cabel here now, even Tirack seemed to have released some tension as well.

    From time to time I could hear the sound of arrows flying, but nothing penetrated where I knelt with Tirack. Cabel was blocking everything so easily right in front of me. The soldiers, who were shouting and running in disarray, were helplessly overpowered before him.

    So now all I have to do is treat Tirack. Then everything will be okay again.

    The Nickel Knights and the Paladins had camped in a circle surrounding our base camp in order to protect it, but as the defense around where Tirack and I were had collapsed, Vios¡¯s troops became concentrated there. Elsewhere, everything had been handled quickly under Elviniraz and Cabel, since both of them were like embodiments of their swords.

    However, there was still an enormous amount of injured during the surprise attack, and the barracks were still burning. The moaning of fallen soldiers could be heard throughout the camp, awaiting treatment longer than usual because the priests who were meant to heal them were injured themselves.

    Nevertheless, I still have Elviniraz¡¯s grandiose title of ¡®God¡¯s Envoy,¡¯ on my side, since I¡¯m still comparatively fine, minus the wounds on my leg.

    But in actuality, I wasn¡¯t in a good state at all, but I kept telling myself I was okay. I had to be okay. I should be okay¡ªso what the hell?

    ¡°¡­..No.¡±

    My divine power won¡¯t come out.

    My voice trembled in shock. I firmly pressed my fingertips against Tirack¡¯s abdomen, trying to stop the tremors in my hands from spreading. I earnestly prayed for his recovery despite my fragile state of mind. However, the intermittent light spread only shallowly, absent of a healing effect.

    A sudden burst of blood dyed my hands red. It was no longer the bright red from a surface cut, but the dark burgundy from his deeper organs.

    The chilling warmth from the damp feeling on my fingers made the whole thing feel like a dream. A very gruesome and terrible dream. A nightmare.

    However, the situation was too urgent to allow myself to become immersed in such negative sentiments. Endlessly repeating please, please, please, I pressed my hands over the wounds. However, my divine power refused to come out, only allowing a brief glimmer of light.

    Even though I was sitting on my knees, my body trembled like crazy, and I felt like I was going to fall forward. I repositioned my hands to his shoulder and tried again, but the light was still dim.

    No, it can¡¯t do this now, please. Please. My desperate wish left me in so much pain, as if it sliced my throat as it left me. Have I ever sought after God as fervently as I am in this moment? I prayed so desperately. Please let me heal this person. Otherwise, I won¡¯t be able to sleep for the rest of my life.

    However, my divine power never came out.

    I looked around in a hurry, my face white with fear. Others, other priests had to help Tirack. But they were all already consumed, since the available priests were heavily outnumbered by the wounded.

    Some even staggered with pale faces, barely able to stand. Since it was impossible to treat everyone with divine power in this situation, the Paladins were also busy going around and distributing first aid.

    So why the hell am I like this? Why, why, why? What¡¯s wrong? I was sinking further and further into despair, asking endless questions that could not be answered. Tirack smiled dimly.

    ¡°Don¡¯t¡­cry¡­Priestess. This is my fault. I¡­I made a wrong judgment.¡±

    He exhaled slowly, his head beginning to tilt. He made a frown, as if it was difficult to continue the conversation. He eventually released it, and he ended up being the one to comfort me, when he was the one in such a miserable state.

    I didn¡¯t even know I was crying. Tears had filled my eyes without realizing it, and it was only after I heard Tirack¡¯s words that I noticed them falling.

    Tirack faintly told me it was okay. I wanted to ask him what the hell was okay about this situation. Regardless, I felt an instinctive anxiety that I needed to keep him talking.

    After continuous attempts, a white light gradually persevered under my hand. Now I only had to conjure the healing power.

    But that glimmer of hope was quickly dashed as soon as I realized that he was losing blood at a faster rate than the wounds could be healed. Unbeknownst to me, my hands became so saturated in dark red that they were almost black.

    ¡°Wa¡ªwait. Just for a moment, please, don¡¯t let go!!¡±

    The words that began in a trembling voice turned into a screaming demand. It was because Tirack¡¯s arm, which had been resting on his leg, fell to the ground.

    No! At the same time as my hysterical scream, his body collapsed forward. Tirack¡¯s breathing hadn¡¯t yet stopped, but he was in such a state that it wouldn¡¯t be strange if he died right then and there.

    My divine power¡¯s coming out now. I¡¯d been so desperate for it, but now that it¡¯s finally working properly, Tirack¡¯s pale body is only getting weaker and weaker. I readjusted myself and tried to focus concentratedly on the treatment, but I couldn¡¯t keep myself together.

    The divine power that came out properly before, began to falter again. My arm itself was shaking, so I couldn¡¯t hold his wounds in the proper position.

    ¡°¡­¡­¡±

    But then Cabel held my hand tightly, pressing it down and holding it steady. In fact, a while ago he had come and stood beside me, as if he had cleared up all the disorder behind him, but he didn¡¯t say a word, as if he was trying not to disturb me.

    But he eventually knelt down next to me, overlapping my hand with his own.

    White light poured out from under my hand. As I prayed so earnestly and desperately, the divine power came out, but more of his blood had been spilt than ever.

    ¡°No, it can¡¯t, it can¡¯t be.¡±

    My voice trembled in horror. Please let another priest come and help him. I kept wishing in vain. However, with the exception of the priests who were too injured to heal, everyone was working just as hard, pouring their powers into the wounded soldiers.

    Therefore, I have to solve this situation on my own; the wounds that won¡¯t respond to divine power, the never-ending flow of escaping blood, and the trembling arms of Tirack.

    Facing an impenetrable wall, a feeling of despair wrapped around me tightly. All kinds of self-reproach left me in remorse. If only I had run away properly from the beginning, if only I had avoided the soldiers who had followed me, then maybe Tirack wouldn¡¯t have needed to turn around and save me.

    In an instant, the mercenary had been struck dead in front of me. I felt suffocated. Again, in a crucial moment my guilt made a reappearance and strangled me.

    I¡¯d been overcome by anxiety dozens, hundreds of times because I couldn¡¯t save his life, and I had feared that it would hinder my healing abilities. In my uneasiness, I would often check my powers secretly, but seeing the white light spread underneath my hands rarely brought much relief. In the end, was all of that apprehension a harbinger of the present?

    What if Tirack dies like this? If the person who tried to protect me dies in front of me, how can I live? Even now, I feel terrible since I¡¯m conscious of the fact that I¡¯m more afraid of my own guilt over his death than I am of Tirack¡¯s death itself.

    I¡¯m not even close to something like God¡¯s envoy.

    ¡°¡­¡­Don¡¯t tremble.¡±

    Suddenly, a firm voice fell to my ears. I was shivering with a discolored face, but Cabel looked on the situation in a calm manner.

    However, judging by his bloody lips, he must¡¯ve been clenching his lips tightly before.

    ¡°¡­¡­It¡¯s my fault.¡±

    He then explained to me that they should have been more careful when they were looking for Vios¡¯s base camp, and that they should¡¯ve been able to resolve this situation more quickly, even going so far as to point out Tirack¡¯s own misjudgment.

    ¡°It¡¯s not your fault.¡±

    While I couldn¡¯t answer, Cabel grabbed my hand and pressed down. He was so firm in his assertion that it wasn¡¯t my fault, and he continued heavily, laying down one syllable after another.

    ¡°And now I¡¯m forcing you, holding onto you when you said you couldn¡¯t do it.¡±

    ¡°¡­¡­.¡±

    ¡°So, blame me.¡±

    ¡­Did Cabel say that to calm me down? But can I blame him for not being able to summon my divine power from the beginning, or for my inability to catch up with the wounds that are now worsening due to my lack of divinity?

    However, Cabel didn¡¯t give me the chance to question further, and he squeezed my hand even harder. His hands were also stained dark red with blood.

    Tuduk, tuk. Raindrops fell. It was a sudden downpour. What had started as a couple of drops quickly became a violent torrent.

    Just a couple of hours ago, I was looking up at the sky with Tirack and talking about when this very rain would fall.

    I couldn¡¯t breathe. The pure white light spreading under my hands fluttered unsteadily. Tirack lifted his eyelids with massive effort, and the eyes I faced at that time were¡­ cloudy, seeing only blurs.

    I want¡ªNo, I have to save him.

    ¡ªAh.

    I felt something breaking inside my head. For the past ten days, no, from the moment I left for this campaign, I could feel something vague yet sensitive slowly closing in around my mind.

    It pierces me sharply every night, and one day it¡¯ll overtake me completely while I stubbornly refuse to name it.

    In an instant, everything shattered.

    Soon after, an immense energy surged from my hands. There in the midst of that cold rain shower, a spring wind-like energy swelled in my body and burst through my fingertips.

    It began with an eerie sensation of liquid entwining around my fingers, and then I experienced a vague emptiness, as if I¡¯d fallen into a hollow void. But ultimately, the comforting warmth of a person holding my hand brought me back.

    And finally I burst into tears.

    ¡ªA blinding white light exploded over the whole area.

    * * * * * * *

    Everything felt distant. The colorless sky spread above, flooding the collapsing barracks with enough rain to extinguish the flames, but replacing it with acrid smoke that mixed in with the chaos and noise around it.

    I could hear the sound of the soldiers running as they moved in haste, administering first aid. Sometimes screams rang out. It was a time when the world was nothing but dim and cold.

    But then, a pure white light suddenly burst forth, spreading indefinitely throughout the area, accompanied by a warm spring breeze that did not match the season.

    People¡¯s movements simultaneously stopped, and all noise was cut off at once. The cry that I broke out alone was buried by the sound of the wind, and I, who was sitting in the source of that blinding light, finally exhausted all of my energy and fell forward.

    Cabel caught me firmly with one arm, but I couldn¡¯t even thank him as I slipped from consciousness instantly.

    Tirack¡¯s breathing didn¡¯t stop.

 CH 18

    When I opened my eyes, the first thing I saw was the familiar ceiling of the barracks. For some reason, my subconscious expected to see a sterile white ceiling, but instead I came across something that was familiar to my eyes, so I felt a bit taken aback.

    ¡­..Wait. I¡¯m sure I saw the barracks burn down?

    I sat up in a flash. Since I just woke up, I hadn¡¯t yet shaken off a dreamy haze, but I quickly looked around and tried to take in my surroundings.

    The ceiling itself is familiar because everyone uses the same canopies, but the inside structure of the barracks felt strange. It¡¯s more narrow than the previous tent, it¡¯s¡­ it¡¯s like a barracks built for only two people?

    I could see another bed on the other side of mine, but they¡¯re the only two beds inside. There¡¯s also a small furnace, crackling in the middle of the barracks. I stared at the hearth that was filling the tent with warmth and slowly tried to grasp the situation.

    However, I was really only blinking in a daze since I couldn¡¯t understand anything in my groggy state, when the flap at the entrance was lifted and Lily entered. She was looking at the ground as she walked in, so she cried out in surprise when our eyes met.

    ¡°Re¡ªRen¨¦e!¡±

    Lily reached my bed in no time and grabbed my arm. She ran so fast that a light breeze blew over me.

    ¡°Are you okay? Doesn¡¯t your head hurt? And your insides as well? Do you need to vomit, by any chance?¡± Not able to answer her rushing questions, I just blinked my eyes vacantly and called out to her.

    ¡°¡­.. Lily.¡±

    My voice cracked, coming out low. Lily stuttered, fumbling at the table behind her.

    ¡°Oh. Water, I¡¯ll get you some water.¡±

    She moved around without hesitation, so it was only then that I realized that this must be a barracks given only to me and Lily. Feeling dazed, I tilted my head slightly as I accepted the cup she offered me.

    ¡°Lily. That is, about the Vice General¡­?¡±

    ¡°Is that the first thing you¡¯re asking about as soon as you wake up? He¡¯s fine. Oh, of course, he needs to be careful for a few more days, but all his fatal injuries are healed.¡±

    ¡°Ah¡­what a relief.¡±

    ¡°It¡¯s more than a relief, it¡¯s a ¡®miracle.¡¯¡±

    The word ¡°miracle¡± was so embarrassing and unexpected that my eyes widened in surprise, so Lily sat down on the edge of my bed and reiterated.

    ¡°Yes, it was a miracle.¡± Lily looked away with a distant gaze, as if she had lost her sense of reality. She patted the back of my hand and opened her mouth.

    Her story that followed was a bit unrealistic. She said that when the whole camp was in turmoil from the surprise attack, a white light spread throughout the camp, so blinding that it was as if everyone had been momentarily blindfolded. And when it faded away¡­.. all the wounded had been healed.

    Blood stopped pouring, wounds were closed up, and broken bones had reattached. The cold rain shower stopped and all the dark clouds disappeared.

    They could only conclude that it was a miracle since there was no believable way to explain it.

    The priests had fallen down on their knees in prayer, and the Paladins likewise were left in awe and knelt in admiration before me. In such a situation, Cabel was caught in the middle since he had supported me when I fell, so he watched Tirack and the people around him with a stony face. In the end, he held me tightly and carried me to his barracks, which was the strongest and safest.

    After that, everyone quickly cleared up the situation. They were all left in a bit of a trance after seeing something so unreal. Many had goosebumps, believing it all to be a dream, and some of the priests even shed tears.

    After the cleanup was over, we moved a bit and set up camp in a new place. The barracks were also newly assembled, and only Lily and I were given separate barracks. Since I had lost my mind after exhausting all of my energy, Lily has been taking care of me for the past two days¡­.

    ¡°¡­..What? Two days?¡±

    While listening to Lily quietly, I was shocked upon hearing that two days have passed. I was so bewildered that I couldn¡¯t stop my voice from shaking, but Lily responded that it was more strange that it had taken only two days, even though she had exerted a lot of energy to heal all of my wounds.

    I nodded slowly as the memories gradually came back to me, recalling what a truly incredible moment it was.

    And¡­.. really, it¡¯s what I want to believe to be true more than anything else.

    Even though it feels like it had all been a dream, the feeling of my body reaching its limitations and being demolished by them was all too clear to me. But, it still wasn¡¯t realistic enough for me to call it a ¡°miracle.¡±

    Even Lily couldn¡¯t hide her surprise and excitement, but seeing her like that, I just felt blank.

    I remember seeing Tirack¡¯s wounds heal instantaneously, but I wasn¡¯t confident that I hadn¡¯t imagined the whole thing, because the treatments I¡¯ve done so far never had that kind of potency¡­

    But it was all real.

    Lily then got up, saying that this isn¡¯t the time to discuss what had happened since I¡¯ve just woken up, and that she¡¯d go to inform the commander first.

    She finally left the barracks after repeating several times that I should lie still and rest since we couldn¡¯t be sure of my body¡¯s true condition.

    I watched Lily¡¯s back as she walked away, and after making sure that her footsteps had receded completely, I got up carefully. She had insisted that I need to stay still, but it felt so stuffy inside the barracks, so I wanted to get some air.

    No, if I was being honest¡­ I really wanted to make sure that what Lily said is true.

    Walking through the entrance of the tent, the view that greeted me was a bit strange. I was told that the camp had been relocated, so I was expecting the change in surroundings, but what I didn¡¯t expect was the familiar sight of several clean barracks that unfolded before me as I walked.

    I felt tears prick the corners of my eyes, so I bit my lip hard and walked forward.

    I paused to give my legs a break since they had been static for two days, but fortunately I was able to walk without difficulty. Come to think of it, my leg had also been wounded by an arrow, but it was perfectly fine now.

    There wasn¡¯t even a scar left behind. Had I healed myself inadvertently or did Lily heal my leg afterwards?

    I suddenly recalled that Lily had healed me the last time I was injured as well. I was then reminded of a time way before that, when we were young and would practice our healing powers on each other for minor injuries.

    Then one day, I became worried that in our mischievous play we might begin to intentionally hurt ourselves.*

    {tl/n*: This part is a little unclear since pronoun usage is often dropped in Korean. I¡¯m unsure if she means whether Lily or herself might intentionally hurt each other or themselves, so I just made it vague.}

    When I recalled my childhood memories of the temple, I was overwhelmed by a feeling I couldn¡¯t name. But it didn¡¯t turn into tears, it just spread thin and blanketed over me, calming my mood like a kind of sadness¡­.. I want to go back.

    I was brought back to the present when I ran into a priest of Abnel. I wasn¡¯t sure whether or not the barracks in front of me were newly assigned to the priests, but the one coming out now was none other than Priest Varsi, who became abashed as soon as he saw me.

    In the past, he kept taking my bread and I gave him the ridiculous nickname of Babaljang*, but now any feeling of inferiority from that time has been erased, and he approached me with a feeling that could only be described as awe.

    {tl/n*: I could find no translation for Babaljang and my Korean friends didn¡¯t know either. So if any of you happen to know feel free to correct me lol. Edit: ??? most likely refers to Jean Valjean, the hero of Les Mis who was sentenced to jail for stealing bread. Thank you to Malak Ayette for the info!}

    His lips opened and closed a couple of times. I couldn¡¯t handle the awkwardness so I said hello first just to try and brush past his discomfort.

    His hands shook as if my greeting shocked him, then he suddenly bowed low to me. This time I was the one discomforted by his expression of deep respect as he placed one hand over his heart.

    ¡°¡­..Thank you.¡±

    In fact, it¡¯s already been three weeks since the bread incident, and ever since then we chose to cooperate rather than be openly discordant, but¡­I really can¡¯t say anything when he thanks me this way.

    Rather than standing still and staring at him in confusion, I found myself backing away and denying any need for thanks. But that wasn¡¯t the end of the embarrassing situations in store for me today.

    Everyone I passed by greeted me with similar expressions of gratitude. Not only that, but even those who were too far away still found me and bowed their heads deeply to me.

    The awe and wonderment that showed on their faces made me so uncomfortable that my legs started backpedaling on their own accord.

    ¡°Priestess.¡±

    As I tried to escape between the barracks and return to my tent, I suddenly heard a familiar voice, quickly followed by Lily¡¯s cry calling out my name. She appeared to be looking for me with him.

    As I turned around, I saw Elviniraz taking large strides toward me. He looked down at me for a moment with a stiff face, and asked in a serious voice if I had come out because I was looking for Tirack.

    ¡°Sir Tirack is resting in the barracks, so you don¡¯t need to worry. The Priestess¡¯s condition is more important than that.¡±

    Elvin¡¯s ensuing string of concerns felt foreign to me. He said that my body was in a precarious state because I had expended all of my energy that day. He stressed that I had to rest more since I had suffered from a high fever for two days.

    I had been standing still as a statue during all this time, only blinking my eyes. Elvin finally fell into silence for a while and looked back at me with a strange expression¡­ when he made an unexpected offer.

    ¡°Wait, would you like to take a walk together?¡±

    ¡°Excuse me? Commander, didn¡¯t you just say that Ren¨¦e should rest?¡±

    Lily, who always maintained a calm facade externally, had been caught off guard and let some anger slip into her voice. Elvin just gave her an awkward smile and assured her again that it would be for only a minute. He even added that I seemed to be feeling stuffy, so some fresh air would be the best remedy.

    Eventually, Lily gave in and entered the barracks first, and I suddenly found myself walking behind the base camp with Elvin.

    To my surprise, Elvin seemed to have picked up on my state of confusion and genially started to explain what had happened with a light smile on his face. As always, the smile that appeared on his handsome face was nice to look at, but even this usual restorative had minimal effect this time.

    ¡°Ever since that day, whenever the Paladins gather they talk about you, Priestess. They say they feel like we were truly blessed by God, and that the miracle will never be forgotten.¡±

    ¡°Ah¡­..like that, it¡¯s so embarrassing to hear.¡±

    ¡°It¡¯s not an exaggeration. They¡¯re really just stating the facts. What can we call a ¡®miracle,¡¯ if not that moment?¡±

    He kept pouring out compliments as if he was trying to make me feel better. He said that he will never forget the glorious light that burst forth in the midst of that hopeless situation¡­

    He told me that some of the knights even added the title of ¡°Saintess¡± to my name. I reflexively winced at that word, making Elviniraz burst into light laughter.

    When we reached the end of the camp, Elvin invited me to sit next to him. I hesitated for a moment as I watched him sit down on a large fallen log, even laying his handkerchief for me. Not being able to refuse, I sat next to him and looked around for a moment.

    There was no one nearby, only a forest of grass lay before us. Remembering how Vios¡¯s soldiers had emerged from the tall grass during the surprise attack that day, a new wave of relief washed over me, feeling grateful for the present peace.

    Meanwhile, Elviniraz was still talking about that ¡°miracle.¡± He said that when the war ends and we return to the empire, the incident must be fully addressed.

    In fact, I¡¯d already known about the title. Lily had mentioned it after I woke up, and when I was walking around the campground, I heard some soldiers address me as ¡°Saintess,¡± as they bowed deeply to me.

    Since Abnel is the state religion, a priest usually must belong to it in order to be officially recognized as a ¡°Saint.¡± But surprisingly, the priests of Abnel weren¡¯t objecting to the fact that they were addressing me, who belonged to the comparatively tiny temple of El Nur, with such a holy title.

    ¡­..And I, I hated it so much.

    ¡°¡­..I¡¯m nothing like a saint.¡±

 CH 19

    At my words, Elvin¡¯s mouth closed shut. My voice sounded so low and depressed when it came out that I felt slightly ashamed for it, but I still couldn¡¯t bring myself to smile, even awkwardly. From the moment I heard the word, ¡°saint,¡± its disparity with the truth really made my heart feel heavy.

    ¡°Sir Knight. I¡­ I was really just scared of the suffering that I¡¯d have had to endure. In that situation, the Vice General was seriously wounded, but more than that, the truth is¡­.at such a critical moment, I was terrified of the guilt I¡¯d have had to shoulder as a consequence of not being able to save him.¡±

    At the time, even the contents of my desperate prayer were entirely selfish. I¡¯d thought, if I can¡¯t save him, then I won¡¯t be able to sleep for the rest of my life.

    I had watched the color and energy slowly drain from his face, and I had known that this face would appear like a ghost to haunt me if he died.

    That¡¯s why I hadn¡¯t felt so awful about myself in the moment. But reflecting on my actions now, I regret everything, especially the moments that I allowed myself to think like that.

    Elvin bit his lip tightly with a stiff expression. Quietly facing his golden eyes, I finally confessed everything I¡¯d felt at the time. I just wanted to get everything off of my chest.

    From the person who praises me the most, who is the leader of Abnel¡¯s Order of Holy Knights and is called the Light of Keschmir, I don¡¯t want to be called a saint. So I confessed everything.

    In fact, at that time, I had been distressed because my thoughts were full of the mercenary who had died before. And now that I think about it, it¡¯s highly likely that the reason my divine power didn¡¯t come out during those moments was because my selfishness took precedence. It wasn¡¯t Tirack¡¯s safety that came first in my mind, but actually¡­ my own trauma.

    Long after I finished my story, Elvin remained silent. Then he frowned slightly, tilting his head as he inquired.

    ¡°Is the Priestess saying that she is selfish because she was unable to treat him since he wasn¡¯t her first priority, that she was putting herself first?¡±

    ¡°¡­..Are you disappointed?¡±

    ¡°No, no. It¡¯s not that¡­ I just don¡¯t really understand which part of it is wrong.¡±

    When asked if he was disappointed, Elvin denied it in a serious way, allowing his words to trail off. He really did seem at a loss, but he asked again as if he was determined to somehow understand it.

    ¡°Speaking in terms of the means and purpose that the Priestess mentioned before¡­ In fact, does it mean that the Priestess¡¯s purpose wasn¡¯t to save Lord Tirack himself, but to save him as a means to an end?¡±

    ¡­¡­Kant¡¯s words really seem to have made a deep impression on this guy. I looked at him with an uncomfortable expression, but eventually burst into laughter.

    But Elvin seemed startled, not expecting my laughter. What, he wasn¡¯t trying to make me laugh, but seriously wanted to talk about means and purpose?

    ¡°If so, did anyone suffer a loss due to the Priestess¡¯s actions? ¡°

    ¡°¡­What?¡±

    ¡°Priestess, you said it was your own selfishness, but that selfishness ended up saving everyone.¡±

    It was similar to the conversation I¡¯d had with him before. Previously, I had asked him if he was treating me well because of my divine power. He¡¯d responded with another question, asking if I¡¯d be disappointed if the answer was yes. I was rather embarrassed, questioning why he would think so.

    In fact, at that time, I had expected Elvin to say, ¡°Yes of course.¡± And then, I had planned to respond with a promise to work hard, and that would be the end of that.

    However, I¡¯d ended up putting myself in an uncomfortable situation, so I had to explain that I suffered no loss from our exchange; on the contrary, I¡¯d thought it was generous of him to expend the effort regardless of his purpose.

    I blinked vaguely. I had forgotten bits and pieces of that conversation, but Elvin remembered it with such precision.

    And he now returned my own words to me. Suddenly, a surge of tears began streaming down my face, but I couldn¡¯t account for the reason. I really don¡¯t understand it, but¡­ regardless, I couldn¡¯t deny that hearing that everyone lives their lives in selfishness resonated with me deeply.

    My eyes trembled. And with my face beginning to crumble, Elviniraz¡¯s hand approached very carefully. No, to be exact, it was towards my hair that was cut on one side. Come to think of it, my hair must look really ridiculous right now.

    My hair originally reached all the way down to my waist, but the left side was cut during the ambush, so a chunk of it now falls separately. With this realization came embarrassment, so I tried to brush my hair back, but Elvin was faster. His hand very gingerly slid my hair behind my ear.

    His fingertips brushed my cheek.

    ¡°¡­And, Priestess, there¡¯s nothing for me to be disappointed about in you. Just as you were not disappointed in me.¡±

    The cheek he was touching in that moment became warm. Elvin was half-wrapped around my head, slowly sweeping my hair behind my ear.

    His hand was so large, I was under the impression that my face must be completely covered like this. He didn¡¯t touch me directly, but my eyes quivered slightly at the gentle warmth radiating from his palm.

    I had confessed my guilt to Elvin under the assumption that he would be disappointed in me. I really expected it to turn out that way.

    From the beginning, hadn¡¯t I intended to confess because of how wrong it felt being called a saint by the existence that most resembled light and was more sacred than anyone else? Feeling a bit subdued, I lowered my eyes and mulled over what he said for a while.

    Then, when I lifted my head, I noticed that he was still looking at me.

    Since he was covered in the shade of a tree, they were less bright, but, those golden eyes even now maintained a brilliance that still held me unwaveringly. I felt a bit puzzled, so I asked as I tilted my head a bit away from him.

    ¡°Is there something you want to say? Please speak freely.¡±

    I said it was okay, but did Elvin feel reluctant? When I asked my question a bit sadly, I felt Elvin¡¯s hand tremble. Even his eyes began to shake. As if he was embarrassed by my question.

    ¡°Well, it¡¯s just¡­..I was wondering if¡­ if, I could hug you now?¡±

    ¡°¡­.Sorry?¡±

    ¡°I mean, just as a comforting gesture, but, I was worried it might be considered burdensome¡­¡±

    Elvin¡¯s words began to wander as he stuttered and moved awkwardly. It was my first time seeing him like this so my eyes widened, making Elvin¡¯s stuttering even worse as he rushed to explain. He said that the thought just crossed his mind for a moment, and he asked me not to feel pressured by it¡­¡­

    I was suddenly struck by a feeling of d¨¦j¨¤ vu. I recalled the moment when I myself was stuttering before him not too long ago, stammering my way through a very shameful story about my wish for him to be injured just so that I could see his face up close.

    I felt embarrassed once more, but I couldn¡¯t help laughing as I recognized my past self projected onto his present appearance.

    However, it was strangely amusing to see him stuttering like this, so I tilted my head to the other side and made a sound of contemplation. His hand that had stayed near my cheek began to tremble and tried to withdraw.

    ¡°Yes. I think it would be comforting.¡±

    But at my answer, Elvin froze. My words seemed to pass over him for a moment before he fully understood what I was saying. It happened in just a fleeting moment, but I watched the subtle, yet clear change in emotion. I could feel my stomach begin to swirl at the kind of joy that followed.

    Elvin¡¯s arm carefully approached and wrapped around my shoulder. In hesitation, he paused for a moment¡­.. but eventually, he embraced my back and led me into his arms. He was wearing his uniform, not armor, so I felt closer to him.

    Although we were sitting next to each other, he was still so much taller than me that my head barely reached his shoulder. I agonized about what to do for a moment, and finally decided upon leaning my head on his shoulder, allowing myself to fulfill my selfishness.

    Elvin patted me on my back very slowly. He moved so cautiously that I wondered how such a large hand could be so delicate. It felt a little, no, it felt really good, so I buried my head a bit deeper into his shoulder.

    Elvin¡¯s tender voice reached my ears.

    ¡°Priestess, I don¡¯t know if I can call it ¡®selfishness.¡¯ But, if it¡¯s still causing you pain¡­¡±

    It was so calm and soft that I could almost cry.

    ¡°Then, let¡¯s call it the most selfless selfishness.¡±

    ¡°¡­¡­¡±

    ¡°Do you like it?¡±*

    [tl/n*: Here, Elvin uses ??? ????? which does technically translate into, ¡°Do you like it?,¡± but its literal translation is more like asking if someone/something ¡°entered your heart.¡± Its feeling is more like you may have neither wanted nor intended to, but you ended up liking it all the same. The difference in connotation felt significant enough to mention here, since there¡¯s no direct translation in English.]

    Elvin asked me quietly. The warm arms, the careful touch, and the affectionate voice he conveyed were so unfamiliar that I felt distant and I couldn¡¯t answer for a while¡­. Eventually I nodded.

    The sound of my head rubbing against his shoulders was strange, but I felt so good that I just laughed.

    ¡°Yes, I like it.¡±*

    [tl/n*: Same as above. Literally, it ¡°entered her heart.¡± Which is much cuter tbh.]

    Elvin laughed lightly at my answer, too, and as I heard that laughter, I quietly reflected on what he had said. For a very long time.

    The most selfless selfishness.

    * * * * * * *

    After lunch, I asked Lily to fix my hair.

    She was reluctant and refused me a couple times, as if she was feeling hesitant about cutting the hair I¡¯d grown all the way to my waist. But she finally gave in with a laugh when I told her that I didn¡¯t want to go around with this asymmetrical haircut that reaches my chest to the left and my waist to the right.

    Ever since I was a child growing up in the temple, my hair has always been cut by Lily. Her skills are so good that other children often asked Lily as well. So I sat myself in front of Lily, laughing heartily while we reminisced about those times.

    It was a very peaceful moment. We sat behind the barracks, and as I watched my hair fall one by one onto the cloth covering me, I told Lily that this could also be considered a type of glory-wound, in its own way. Lily playfully responded that it wouldn¡¯t be a bad idea to collect them, and so now I¡¯m actually considering it.

    The warm sunlight beamed down on us, and a cool breeze blew.

    After Lily was finished cutting, I was in a dubious mood, looking uneasily at my freshly shortened hair. Wanting to see it better with a mirror, I began my way back to the barracks. But at that moment, I ran into someone.

    ¡°Priestess!¡±

    ¡°¡­¡­Sir Knight?¡±

    It was Tirack, openly smiling as soon as he saw me. Although I was surprised to see him in a rather comfortable outfit, opting out of his usual Nickel Knights uniform that I always saw him in, it was amazing to see him standing well.

    So¡­.. He was completely fine.

    With a serious expression, I examined him up and down even though I knew it was very rude behavior.

    I had expected to see him wrapped in bandages or even leaning on crutches, but there was nothing. Tirack burst into laughter, watching as my serious expression gradually shifted to one of bewildered embarrassment.

    His booming laughter was the same as always, leaving me momentarily deaf as it ricocheted through my ears.

    ¡°You healed me, Priestess! The wounded soldiers around me recovered as well, but out of all of them, I¡¯m the most perfectly healed!¡±

    I still couldn¡¯t believe it. Because of my openly embarrassed face where only my eyes blinked in shock, Tirack even pretended to run, insisting that he was really fine.

    Then he said that if I really didn¡¯t believe it, then he¡¯d show me himself. Suddenly, the lower part of his shirt slipped upward¡­.

    ¡°.¡­..Don¡¯t do anything weird.¡±

    A terrifyingly low voice rang out like a warning, making Tirack¡¯s shoulders begin to tremble. Cabel placed his hand over Tirack¡¯s shoulders and called him with an impassive expression.

    ¡°Sir Tirack.¡±

    It was only a simple call, but Tirack¡¯s complexion quickly deteriorated. He nodded his head vigorously even as his face paled, and somehow he now looks more like the patient who I was expecting before.

    He had barely lifted his shirt, but he still hurriedly sorted out his messy clothes and apologized.

    He stuttered as he tried to explain, saying that it was actually so impressive that he found himself checking the wound whenever he had the chance and it had become a habit, and that he did not intend to startle me.

    The image of Cabel resting his hand behind Tirack¡¯s neck somehow gave the illusion of a puppet-master controlling him.

 CH 20

    ¡°It¡¯s okay. Actually, I was surprised¡­ I heard you were resting in the barracks, so I thought you needed more treatment.¡±

    However, I found him in perfect shape. But it¡¯d be strange to say that I was embarrassed over how well he¡¯d healed, so I just shook my head and replied that I was fine.

    Tirack then smiled a little more comfortably and explained to me that he¡¯d actually woken up yesterday and was able to move right away, but he was stuck in the barracks because the Commander had ordered him to be placed on bedrest. But he came out today when he heard the news that I¡¯d woken up¡­

    Hearing those words, I was impressed that Cabel was personally taking care of him. He seems to be the type that wouldn¡¯t get close to anyone, but even he must become fond of someone he¡¯s spent several years next to, right?

    Come to think of it, Tirack knows quite a bit about Cabel, too. He¡¯s constantly smiling and seems to act freely, but he always draws the appropriate line. Moreover, when Tirack was injured, Cabel was watching carefully and didn¡¯t interfere during his treatment, eventually even sitting next to me and supporting me.

    The memory felt quite distant, but the fact that Cabel put his hand atop mine and held it came vividly into my mind. And while he had tried to keep his composure as much as possible, he bit his lips the entire time and had to force himself to speak.

    I turned my gaze towards Cabel as I listened to Tirack¡¯s story about how bewildered the other healers were yesterday, when they saw him and found that there were no wounds to be treated.

    However, to my embarrassment, Cabel¡¯s eyes met mine so quickly that I was under the suspicion that he had already been watching me. His purple eyes were looking down at me with some strange emotion.

    I tilted my head curiously at his gaze, then realized that what he was looking at was my hair. And then his lips opened.

    ¡°¡­¡­It¡¯s shorter.¡±

    ¡°Ah, yes! Does it suit me?¡­hyuk¡°*

    [tl/n:* basically the sound of her sucking air back into her throat in surprise/embarrassment. I couldn¡¯t find an English equivalent and it looks awkward but that may just be me.]

    I¡¯d meant to say that I¡¯d just had it cut, but unconsciously my anxiety over it must have lead to me blurting out such a question.

    Or maybe it¡¯s because it¡¯s such a natural question to ask after getting your hair cut. Ah, no, but the current situation is still a bit embarrassing. Cabel replied bluntly to me as I was trying to explain that the question came out in confusion.

    ¡°It¡¯s not bad.¡±

    ¡°That means it¡¯s good, Priestess!¡±

    I became embarrassed at first since there was no denial from Cabel, but Tirack suddenly interjected and burst into laughter.

    He was laughing wildly, saying that it¡¯s okay to say when something is good, but when Cabel looked at him with slightly narrowed eyes, he quickly sobered up.

    The slightly awkward air subsided. As I glanced back and forth between them, I realized it was strange for me to be embarrassed by the modest affirmation that Cabel gave, so I laughed it off.

    Then I explained that my hair was cut in half that time, and all I did this time was even it out to the same length. Cabel, who¡¯d had a strange expression on his face from the moment I burst into laughter, said softly that he was sorry, thinking I must be disappointed.

    ¡­¡­Hmm, when I think about it, Cabel¡¯s expression is always indifferent and cold, but he has a subtle way of caring for those around him. Not only was he able to recognize what¡¯s most difficult for me, but also when I actually found myself in that situation¡­ he¡¯d helped me in the way I¡¯d needed it most.

    When I was desperate for my divine power that wouldn¡¯t come out during what seemed like Tirack¡¯s crucial last few breaths, when I was in despair over my own guilt, terrified of carrying the weight of his life, didn¡¯t Cabel say it?

    He told me to blame himself.

    He definitely knew. My fear of war, and my guilt over the death of the mercenary during that raid.

    So, he¡¯d given me some of his own insomnia medication, and even in that critical moment¡­ that moment when the breath of someone close to him was about to fail, he told me to blame himself for fear that I would suffer from subsequent guilt.

    The emotions I experienced at that time came over me again. So, looking up at Cabel, I answered that it was okay with a genuine smile that came from my heart rather than my usual business smile. I jokingly added that it¡¯d have been my neck that was cut if it hadn¡¯t been for my hair.

    Meanwhile, Tirack seemed busy receiving greetings from the other Nickel Knights who came flocking to him. The relationship between the members was strong since he has been the vice-commander for a long time, and some of the knights even cried out, overwhelmed by emotion.

    I was a little embarrassed to witness such a scene, since it¡¯s not a sight you¡¯d usually expect to see from the elite knights of the Empire who sweep over the battlefield. But still, a space in my heart was filled with joy.

    I still felt a sense of separation, knowing that I almost failed Tirack, and that gap shouted at me that I was selfish, but¡­¡­now I¡¯ve decided to label it ¡®selfless selfishness.¡¯

    I want to believe that I can gradually overcome this feeling of guilt, even if it trips me up sometimes.

    ¡°¡­¡­Thank you.¡±

    But I wanted to thank Cabel. He knew of the guilt that I suffered from, and he told me to blame him anyway¡­ So I said thank you, but a questioning look appeared on Cabel¡¯s face.

    In fact, it was a bit embarrassing to retell the story I had told Elvin a while ago, but it came out quite easily to Cabel, since I had often revealed my anxieties about war to him before.

    ¡°At that time¡­ you told me to blame you.¡±

    Come to think of it, the issue of his title still hasn¡¯t been properly resolved. As for Mr. ¡°Why-would-you-call-me,¡± I have no reason to call you in the first place because of the vibranium wall you¡¯ve built around yourself! Is what I want to say, but¡­¡­ now, I keep ending up with reasons to call him.*

    [tl/n*: Okay so this paragraph was so confusing I want y¡¯all to appreciate the twenty minutes it took me T.T it¡¯s still so confusing that I have to include this note tho¡­ anyway in Ren¨¦e¡¯s last dialogue, for ¡°you,¡± she basically uses a generic word for ¡®Sir,¡¯ since she doesn¡¯t know what to call him anymore cause of their convo in Ch. 7 when he asks her why she¡¯d ever need to call him. And in this paragraph, she¡¯s expressing her frustration with the conclusion she came to previously, since she keeps getting into situations where she needs to address him properly. The actual Korean is very different but this is the essence of what she means, cause it¡¯ll make no sense if I translate it literally (but she did include the bit about the vibranium wall herself lol).]

    I suddenly felt a sense of displeasure again, but I just paused for a moment before continuing on to finish the conversation. Cabel looked down at me with a strange expression.

    ¡°Actually, it¡¯s been weighing on my mind. My main concern was that I would suffer from guilt, and my selfishness actually came first, but everyone¡¯s praising me for making miracles¡­¡±

    ¡°You.¡±

    My words became gibberish as I continued to speak, but I suddenly heard Cabel¡¯s voice. He looked down at me with a face of disapproval.

    Unlike Elvin¡¯s contemplative reaction that expressed confusion but a desire to understand, Cabel seems to understand exactly what my worries are, but instead points out the problem in them. He said firmly.

    ¡°If you were really selfish, then that wouldn¡¯t have even bothered you.¡±*

    [tl/n:* Again, just want to point out the literal translation. Cabel says, ¡°?? ?? ?? ??????, ?? ??? ???? ????,¡± which is literally more like, ¡°If you were really selfish, then it wouldn¡¯t have overtaken your heart.¡± Which is so much more moving, right?]

    ¡°¡­¡­¡±

    ¡°You wouldn¡¯t have been plagued with guilt every night.¡±

    ¡­¡­I was unable to say anything at the moment. I didn¡¯t know how to respond to the words that so logically argued from the root of my troubles that I am not selfish. It already feels like a part of my thinking has been shattered as it is.

    I stared up at Cabel with a jumbled look of confusion and shock, and he tilted his head. His dark purple eyes stared at me clearly in the sunlight.

    ¡°¡­¡­and even if it was your selfishness, I held you with my selfishness as well and forced you, so you don¡¯t have to feel guilty about it. The same goes for Tirack. ¡°

    Tirack, who until now had been laughing uncontrollably while talking with the knights excitedly, turned his head in surprise. He was staring at Cabel apprehensively, as if asking why his name suddenly came out. Cabel glanced back at him and replied casually.

    ¡°It seems that your survival is a product of Priestess Renesha¡¯s selfishness.¡±

    He said it so candidly that I lost the words to explain myself, but Tirack¡¯s eyes widened as if surprised.

    ¡°Since I have become a beneficiary of that selfishness, shouldn¡¯t I be more grateful?¡±

    ¡°¡­¡­What?¡±

    ¡°Thank you, Priestess! Come to think of it, I haven¡¯t been able to thank you properly until now! Thank you very much, Priestess. Actually, I was a little worried I was really going to die, so you don¡¯t know how surprised I was when I was able to get up thanks to you, Priestess. Besides, some of our members were injured, and they all got better, too! Everyone, give your regards to the Priestess properly!¡±

    At the sudden shout, Nickel Knights all bowed their heads in my direction and shouted their thanks. Tirack said that he had to bow down because he received the greatest benefit, but that he wasn¡¯t even strong enough to get on his knees, and he burst into laughter again.

    The other knights also laughed, joking that he should live in gratitude for the grace he has received for the rest of his life.

    It was a strange moment. I was told that I didn¡¯t have a selfish thought in the first place, and even if I dared to name it selfishness myself, I¡¯m facing people who are rather more grateful for it.

    I held Tirack¡¯s arm and looked at him blankly, turning to look at the knights¡­ and finally, I looked at Cabel as well. He was watching me in the commotion with a resigned expression.

    Caught in that very strange, bewildering, turbulent moment¡ªI finally burst into laughter.

    I felt so good.

    * * * * * * *

    The expedition resumed two days later. No one was injured, so I thought the delay was due to the damages from the surprise attack, but to my surprise¡­ it was because of me.

    I had just woken up, and since I had exhausted all of my energy at that time, the whole schedule was postponed because I needed to rest a bit more. However, no one expressed any resentment towards me, and instead I was always met with polite greetings and well wishes.

    I felt ashamed when knights went out of their way to search for and bow their heads towards me. The whole situation was so uncomfortable that I mostly kept myself hidden in the barracks, but eventually I had to come out when we had to resume this campaign.

    But, regardless of my feelings of embarrassment, the reconnaissance itself ended without any problems. We now have only the final mountain in front of us, so everyone became extremely wary of a surprise attack like the last ambush, but there was no trace of Vios¡¯s soldiers anywhere.

    The knights had searched all over the mountain, but Vios couldn¡¯t be found. Everyone was puzzled and decided to move forward to the top of the mountain for now.

    The Nickel Knights took the lead, and the Paladins took the rear to protect the priests. But among the line, I stood in the front and went with the Nickel Knights, and it was for a very absurd reason.

    Ever since the incident, Tirack often comes to check on me and chat about various things.

    He would tell me stories such as how old he was when he first joined the knights, what it was like when he first met Cabel, and how he¡¯d met his wife, who is his first love.

    Tirack claimed he was fine, but Cabel removed him from the morning recon anyway, so I ended up talking with Tirack for a long time¡­. When moving as a group, I walked together with him as if swept along.

    I told him that I should walk from behind with the other priests, but he responded, ¡°If the point is for protection anyway, wouldn¡¯t it be better to get it directly from the Nickel Knights?¡± Then with a big smile he led me along behind him.

    Although Cabel saw me being led by Tirack and stopped him for a moment with a raise of his hand, he didn¡¯t say anything and continued walking in front of us.

    The mountain was a little high, but the slope was not steep. I tried to walk at my own pace, but seeing the Nickel Knights in the back generously walk so slowly in consideration of me, I felt embarrassed and ended up trying even harder.

    After walking for a month, I had just barely started to grow accustomed to it, but after only five days off it had become difficult again. The knights kept cheering me on and telling me it was okay to go at my own pace but, really it was¡­ just so, so shameful. It was like when friends would cheer for the student who wrote, ¡®I¡¯m sorry, friends,¡¯ on Golden Bell*. T_T

    [tl/n:* Star Golden Bell is a popular academia show, so here she just means that she feels pathetic as the weakest link with everyone cheering her on despite her not knowing the answers/not being able to keep up.]

    Then at last we finally reached the summit. All the knights had been saying that the campaign would be resolved soon after we passed it. I felt a sense of relief and strange anxiety over the fact that the hike that has been tormenting me for a month is finally over.

    But suddenly, Vios¡¯s soldiers appeared.

    The armor-clad men stood at the summit as if they were about to charge. Cabel saw it at the forefront, immediately grabbing my arm and pulling me behind him, and Tirack pulled out his sword swearing and muttering to himself, ¡®These crazy people¡­.¡¯

    Just as the Nickel Knights were reaching for their scabbards and preparing to attack, before their swords could be pulled out¡ª

    All of Vios knelt down.

 CH 21

    Every one of them fell to their knees at once, the sound of their armor hitting the ground echoed all around us. I¡¯m so confused, huh?* I froze and uttered a stupid sound, but the Nickel Knights still couldn¡¯t lower their guard, and they drew their swords.

    [tl/n:* Literal word was ?, sounds like ¡°eung.¡± Y¡¯all are probably familiar with it from other novels/comics or dramas, but just in case, it can mean ¡°yes¡± or be an expression of confusion. Or a stupid sound I guess, hah.]

    But then, a white-bearded knight at the front of Vios¡¯s kneeling soldiers rose from his position and approached us.

    Noticing that something was off, Cabel took a step forward and watched him with a rigid expression.

    The older knight presented a wooden tablet to Cabel in a very polite manner. Cabel looked at him for a moment, then reached out and took it from him without a word.

    I poked my head out from behind him and peered over Cabel¡¯s shoulder as he opened the tablet. Even in this tense situation, I couldn¡¯t resist my arisen curiosity.

    Tirack didn¡¯t move, but he also couldn¡¯t mask his eagerness, so I read aloud what was written¡­. and I had no choice but to make a stupid noise again. What? My question came out like a sigh and my confusion echoed through the space.

    The elder knight then lowered himself to his knees.

    ¡°The brilliant light has moved us.¡±

    ¡­My divine power that had burst over the whole area. It had even touched the soldiers of Vios, who had hastily hid themselves in the grass around the camp.

    They had all been healed, and witnessing those who had seemed to die, come back to life¡­¡­ They were deeply moved by the nondiscriminatory devotion and light, and they began to repent.

    So they decided to surrender. They will now dedicate their territory to Kzeschmir, and their only wish is to be accepted into the imperial nation¡­

    ¡°We sincerely and deeply implore you to enshroud us in that light.¡±

    ¡­¡­What?

    Part 3:

    The surrender of Vios was truly an absurd and futile end. Total nonsense.

    Their ambushes have left so many wounded, and even killed before, to the point that their sudden ceasefire and declaration of surrender rightfully brought anger.

    Of course their reason is¡­¡­ well, to my total embarrassment it¡¯s because of the divine power that I¡¯d exploded, but anyway, the surrender itself was too anticlimactic. I couldn¡¯t believe it even after reading it myself, so I stayed silent. Only after seeing Elviniraz come forward and discuss matters with the commander-in-chief of Vios did it begin to feel real.

    Everyone looked at each other with puzzled expressions, creating a somewhat chaotic atmosphere, but in the end everyone began to burst into cheers one by one. Some even embraced and shouted in joy.

    Amid the cheers that colored the whole atmosphere, I also felt happy, but I was enveloped in a bittersweet feeling that I couldn¡¯t hide from my face. Then, after finishing his conversation Vios¡¯s commander, Elvin¡¯s eyes fell on me. He smiled brightly.

    We won.

    * * * * * * *

    It was a festive atmosphere. Once we had received not only the white flag from Vios¡¯s army, but also the official declaration of surrender bearing the seal of their king, it was only then that reality really hit me and I was able to join in the celebration.

    Everyone who¡¯d participated in the expedition was saying that it felt like a dream, that everything had been one big, happy, continuous dream ever since the day of the miracle. Which naturally brought their attention back to me, and they¡¯d run to express deep gratitude yet again. I¡¯d try to hide behind Lily, but she¡¯d thwart my plans and step aside while exclaiming, ¡°It¡¯s all thanks to you, Priestess!¡±

    The soldiers around me became more and more animated until they were getting ready to pick me up into a celebratory lift. I refused with an awkward expression, surreptitiously grabbing onto the tree next me.

    In fact, it¡¯s clear they¡¯re just taking any opportunity they can to celebrate, considering this is simply a surrender and not an actual conquest. But I could only grumble to myself in consternation as I was trapped in Lily¡¯s embrace.

    Now that we¡¯ve won the war, it would be ideal to return to the Empire right away, but we still have at least one long mountain range that we have to pass through again. All of our hopes now rested upon teleport scrolls.

    Originally, the plan had been to return to the Empire using them, but we were told that they were destroyed in the fires during the last raid.

    Even though Elvin had been making the announcement directly in front of me, I was still unable to hide my obvious despair at the thought of hiking back to the Empire. He smiled quietly before adding that we have spares, and my expression lifted instantly.

    However, he explained that the scrolls had been brought as back-ups for an emergency and were stored in the lord¡¯s villa where we¡¯d stayed before. So the plan was to travel back there, rest for a day, and then return to the Empire.

    The soldiers cheered again. The villa¡¯s basement is full of wine, so they were already planning the next party.

    The lord¡¯s villa was just half the distance we had walked so far. But that means we still have to walk that same difficult road for two weeks.

    Although it will take less time since there is no need to be wary of raids and organize search parties¡­. Still, it¡¯s such a pity that we¡¯ve ended up having to hike again. Why do I feel sweat coming from my eyes?*

    [tl/n:* I¡¯m gonna go ahead and assume she means crying, but I feel like her eyes sweating from the hike wouldn¡¯t be a stretch either.]

    On the day of Vios¡¯s surrender, we went down the mountain, that is, to Vios, and had a small celebration.

    There was no need to be cautious since nobody lived in the area below the mountain. Some of the soldiers deliberately stomped on the ground, saying, ¡°Did I suffer this much to get here?,¡± before bursting into laughter mixed with emptiness and joy.

    So, starting the next day, the hike began again. Although we¡¯ve now received a letter of surrender, there was no significant change to our assembly order. The Nickel Knights and the Templar Knights still marched either at the front or the back, and the priests still walked in the middle between them.

    The priests had nothing to worry about now, so they climbed the mountain leisurely, as if it were merely a weekend hiking trip¡­ Among them, I was the only one still struggling.

    Why do I have to experience this state of breath-taking exhaustion until the very end? Hik, hik. People say that if you exercise, your body will feel refreshed and more energized, but I¡¯m a person whose stamina only decreases after exercise, so I was very unhappy crawling my way back through the mountains again.

    On the second day of the hike I was still struggling, so Lily tried to comfort me by saying that I would get used to it again in a few days.

    But previously it took me about 3 weeks to get used to hiking. And now that I¡¯ve had a period of rest, it was clearly useless. By the time I¡¯d get used it again, we¡¯d have arrived at the villa and gone back to the Empire already.

    But today, the third day, the expression on Elvin¡¯s face, who was now standing behind me, was quite strange. It¡¯s been like that since the first moment he saw me this morning, and now he¡¯s staring at me as I climb the mountain. His eyes are so intense that I can feel myself begin to sweat under their influence.

    He didn¡¯t speak to me even though it seemed like he had something to say, so I was left feeling puzzled. I tried asking him a few times, but he¡¯d hesitantly refuse every time.

    Not that I minded Elvin watching me at all, but when he looked at me so intensely, I began to wonder if I had done something wrong.

    He refuses to say whatever¡¯s on his mind, so naturally I can¡¯t help obsessing over it a bit. But in the end I decided I was overthinking; it must be only a trivial matter to him if he won¡¯t mention it.

    I was then left trying to estimate how long that gaze will be following me, when I inconveniently started to become self-conscious of how I was walking. All of my nerves turned their attention towards my gait.

    And the allocation of nerves towards anything other than the road was my mistake.

    ¡°Ah.¡±

    I sprained my ankle. No, to be honest, it¡¯s entirely possible for me to sprain my ankle even by walking on the flat ground, but in the current situation, I¡¯m certain that the cause this time was the preoccupation of my nerves.

    I¡¯d cried out in pain before I¡¯d even fully realized I¡¯d twisted my ankle a bit. I paused and stopped walking. Thinking that it might be okay, I tried walking again, but had to stop immediately, frowning at the stabbing pain.

    ¡°Are you in a lot of pain?¡±

    Elvin asked me carefully. He was clearly startled, so I smiled awkwardly and responded that I was fine and would be able to walk if I rested for a moment, but Elvin shook his head resolutely.

    ¡°A sprained ankle doesn¡¯t heal that easily. Especially now, it¡¯s even more dangerous now that we have to go down the mountain.¡±

    Lily, my savior, arrived just in time. I was at a total loss, unable to refute these words that are blocking all of my excuses. She looked over me anxiously before turning towards Elvin and asking politely.

    ¡°If it¡¯s not too much, can I treat her? It will take some time, so we¡¯d catch up with you all a little later.¡±

    ¡°Oh, no. During the war, you have to conserve your divine power as much as possible. Besides, it¡¯s hardly even an injury¡­ ¡°

    ¡°Our war is over, Ren¨¦e.¡±

    Thanks to you. She didn¡¯t say it out loud, but the thought shone clearly through Lily¡¯s eyes.

    Elvin was looking at Lily with a slightly bewildered expression for some reason, so without a willing affirmation from him, I quickly denied the need for treatment. It¡¯s embarrassing to use divine power on such a trivial thing anyway.

    ¡­¡­..Well, of course, that¡¯s mostly the case because the commander-in-chief is witnessing everything right now, and I can¡¯t ask for the use of divine power on something that¡¯s not a real wound. Even if Elvin personally wouldn¡¯t refute it, with his duties in mind first, he has to say no at least on the surface.

    ¡°It¡¯s okay. It¡¯s really okay. I¡¯ll just walk carefully.¡±

    I starting pushing Lily¡¯s back and whispering, ¡°It¡¯s okay, let¡¯s just go quickly,¡± so I didn¡¯t feel Elvin approach my side until he suddenly held his arm out to me.

    ¡°I¡¯ll help you. ¡°

    ¡°Huh? Oh, no. It¡¯s okay. You don¡¯t have to do that¡­¡±

    ¡°I will order for the camp to be set up as close as possible, so you should be more careful until then. If your injury worsens, it will be even more difficult for you later.¡±

    His words were so decisive and firm that I couldn¡¯t bring myself to deny them. But in the end, if I¡¯m unable to accept Lily¡¯s divine power, it would be best to receive some outside support. After casting a long gaze, I gently placed my hand on Elvin¡¯s arm.

    In fact, I¡¯ve recently found myself gushing to Lily about the transcendental effect that the paladin commander¡¯s face has on me. I¡¯ve shared my fan sentiment with her that I often feel better just by looking at him, and as a result, Lily seems to be treating him more comfortably.

    Well, I can¡¯t believe I¡¯m filling my soul like this. Was spraining my ankle actually a blessing in disguise?

    As I looked down at my ankle with a subtle happiness in my heart, Elvin moved slowly beside me. It seems like he¡¯s being careful to avoid putting more strain on my ankle.

    Elvin hadn¡¯t issued a formal command to the paladins, but as before, they walked ahead of us first, so I suddenly found myself all the way at the back again.

    I heard birds chirping. The wind was blowing, swaying the leaves and making them flutter around us. As they littered the ground, the sound of crunching leaves could be heard all around us.

    It was a very peaceful atmosphere, making this meticulous walk feel even more unnecessary.¡­ with these thoughts in mind, I turned to look at Elvin.

    ¡°Priestess.¡±

    Elvin called me as soon as I¡¯d lifted my head, immediately meeting my eyes. For some reason, I felt like I was caught while peeping, so I flinched as I said, ¡°Yes?¡± After I answered, Elvin made a strange expression again, just like before.

    ¡°¡­ Do you feel that you are different from before?¡±

 CH 22

    ¡°Huh? What condition?¡±

    It was a completely unexpected question, so I tilted my head curiously, but Elvin didn¡¯t offer any further explanation. So I began spitting out any answer I could think of.

    Perhaps because we¡¯ve officially received the white flag, I feel more comfortable than before? Less pressured? I can sleep a little more deeply? But no matter what I said, there was no change in Elvin¡¯s stiff expression, so the question felt more and more ambiguous.

    ¡°Is there something else that should be different?¡±

    I was waiting for Elvin to clarify what he meant, but I ended up asking myself since he was staying silent, but¡­.his answer left me even more confused.

    ¡°¡­¡­I¡¯m talking about the Priestess¡¯s divine power.¡±

    ¡°Oh? Uh, by any chance¡­ has it not fully recovered since I used it all up before?¡±

    ¡°It¡¯s not that. Rather, it has far surpassed the point of recovery.¡±

    ¡°¡­¡­?¡±

    ¡°Ever since that day, that is, when the ¡®miracle¡¯ occurred¡­. The Priestess¡¯s divine power has become much stronger. I can¡¯t get a clear estimate like double or triple, so I can¡¯t express it quite accurately, but if my memory is correct¡­¡­¡±

    Elvin¡¯s voice trailed off, and he looked straight at me. The sunlight shining down through the leaves made his golden eyes even more dazzling. He looked down at me with those beautiful, sacred eyes and said:

    ¡°¡­it¡¯s on a similar level as the Cardinal¡¯s.¡±

    Huh? The sound that was about to jump out my throat turned into a cough. I suddenly felt air go down the wrong side of my throat. As I was holding onto the tree next to me, coughing like crazy, Elvin became worried and cautiously patted my back, but the more he did, the more I seemed to run out of breath.

    But while I was caught in that state of frantic coughing, his unbelievable words lingered in my head.

    I was almost to the point of tears, so with a cough still in my throat, I finally asked him.

    ¡°The Cardinal of El Nur? ¡­No, you couldn¡¯t possibly mean of Abnel?¡±

    ¡°Yes. Abnel¡¯s Cardinal would be correct. Your current level is a little higher than the Archbishop¡¯s right now, but your divinity only seems to be growing stronger and stronger¡­ so I believe it will soon reach the Cardinal¡¯s.¡±

    Despite being the one saying these words, Elvin also appeared embarrassed. But I¡¯m sure I¡¯m even more shocked. I could feel my face turn white.

    It feels like my blood is disappearing. I knew that my divine power was similar to that of some of the higher priests of Abnel¡­. Suddenly, this sounds like a +9 ranking. No, it¡¯s more like +14 at this point.*

    [tl/n:* RPG game reference. Explaining in detail would take too long, but y¡¯all get the idea, she just leveled up a LOT.]

    Since I was unable say anything, Elvin cautiously advised.

    ¡°I can only grasp to a certain degree, so how about doing a proper assessment when you return to the Empire?¡±

    ¡°No.¡±

    ¡°¡­¡­What? ¡°

    ¡°If it¡¯s not absolutely necessary, I¡¯d rather not.¡±

    I felt a strong premonition. The moment I get my divine power measured properly, my life will be caught in an uncontrollable vortex. And besides, we¡¯ve completed the campaign now anyway, so there¡¯s really no need¡­.

    This is seriously¡­. damn it.

    Elvin had indeed ordered the camp to be set up shortly thereafter. If the usual hiking distance was measured as a 10, the difficulty this time would be just a 6, but technically it¡¯s only because the route was shortened. However, no one said anything about it, since it had spread quickly that we stopped early because of my leg.

    Somehow, the act of caring for me naturally drove me into deeper anxiety.

    Since all the barracks had been set up already, I¡¯d begun to walk towards the one assigned to me when Elvin caught my steps. Moving as if to support me, he led me so naturally to his own barracks that I followed him without thinking.

    It was such a natural move that I became flustered, but when Elvin instructed me to sit down in the chair in front of him for a while, I found myself obeying without a second thought.

    Elvin was searching familiarly through a drawer inside the barracks and brought something out. It was difficult to see since it was held in his large hand, but it was definitely¡­ a bandage.

    Huh? Realization and embarrassment hit me in a flash as Elvin knelt down on one knee in front of me.

    ¡°Sir Knight!¡±

    I called him with a startled cry, but he just carefully grabbed my ankle and placed it on his lap.

    ¡°No, tha¡ªthat is, Sir¡ªSir Knight!¡±

    ¡°Priestess.¡±

    I was so flustered that my voice trembled; Elvin alone was unperturbed and called me calmly. After that, Elvin examined my ankle and carefully unwrapped the bandages. My whole body was quivering from the shock, but he smiled slightly and softly clasped my ankle.

    As I was sinking deeper and deeper into shame, Elvin raised his head. Our eyes intertwined in the air.

    ¡°Did I not tell you what to call me?¡±

    ¡°¡­¡­Sorry?¡±

    ¡°I¡¯ve often wondered why you haven¡¯t called me that, not even once.¡±

    ¡°¡­¡­¡±

    ¡­No, I mean, I can¡¯t just call him ¡®Sir Elvin,¡¯ outside in front of everyone, right? I was starting to feel a bit unfair, but my breath suddenly caught in my throat at the sight of those golden eyes staring straight at me.

    Somehow, he seemed to be quite enjoying himself during my dilemma. However, it is true that I¡¯ve gotten used to the nickname ¡®Elvin¡¯ by itself¡­¡­.

    Uh, wait. Come to think of it, I¡­ Didn¡¯t I receive permission back then from the crown prince himself that I could call him by his nickname?

    Suddenly a fever rose to my cheeks. Meanwhile, Elvin was completely unaffected and began to wrap a bandage around my ankle.

    Only then did I realize that I¡¯d been so caught up in this conversation that I¡¯d forgotten the current situation I was in. I panicked again and told him that I was fine and that I could put the bandage on myself, but Elvin didn¡¯t respond.

    Eventually, my ankle was completely wrapped up. By this time my face was burning bright red. I thought he¡¯d finally release my ankle now, but he still didn¡¯t let me go.

    On the contrary, even his other hand, which had been back for a while, was brought close to my ankle again. I was shocked and asked him to let go, but he didn¡¯t answer again.

    ¡°Sir Knight! Ah, no, Sir Elvin! Now that the bandage is all finished, I can go¡­¡±

    I did feel a bit guilty that I¡¯d never called him by name as he¡¯d asked, but it was such an intimate act that I felt like I¡¯d be punished. So I hurriedly called his name and was about to leave, but in that moment, the scene in front of my eyes was so shocking that I was left gaping.

    A white light was spreading under Elvin¡¯s hand.

    ¡°Actually, this is a secret, but¡­¡±

    The moment I¡¯d called his name, he¡¯d smiled slightly, then raised his head to meet my gaze. The light was still pouring from under his hand and was directed towards my ankle.

    ¡°I can use divine power to some extent. It¡¯s nothing remarkable, but I can do about as much as regular priests.¡±

    I knew of the possibility of holy knights using divine power.

    However, it was a type of sanctity derived from faithfully serving the gods, and didn¡¯t have the power to heal. The divinity around Elviniraz¡¯s sword was that kind of holy power.

    But Elvin even has the ability to heal on top of his other divinity? He¡¯s both a dealer and a healer. I can¡¯t help but think this is a bit of a scam.

    But, in fact, even such a thought was a deliberate attempt on my part to avoid the current shame, but after witnessing Elvin pour divine power into my ankle, it became impossible for me to continue this trivial train of thought.

    I just felt so ashamed that I wanted to die.

    But, why is he revealing this secret ability in front of me?

    The ankle caught in his hand felt hot. Elviniraz, who healed my ankle with great care amidst the strange silence, finally got up.

    Since the bandage could keep my ankle from spraining again in the future, he calmly suggested that it would be better to keep it wrapped until we reach the empire.

    ¡°If it¡¯s uncomfortable, you can remove it before then, but for now please leave it on since everyone else is still expecting you to be hurt.¡±

    Even after Elvin let me go, my ankle still felt feverish. It was too hot to say it was because of divine power.

    I looked down at my ankle with an unfamiliar and bewildered face, then slowly raised my head to look at Elvin in front of me. As I watched him sitting down, he was so big that I had to tilt my head back.

    ¡°¡­you said it was a secret.¡±

    ¡°Yes. It¡¯s a bit annoying when it¡¯s known.¡±

    ¡°¡­But why did you tell me?¡±

    To Elvin, who didn¡¯t mind being bothered, I posed my question first rather than reacting to him.

    In response, Elvin looked down at me in a strange way for a while. He hesitated for a moment as if he was about to say something, but then went silent. He stared quietly for a while¡­. Eventually, he tilted his head slightly and smiled.

    ¡°I do not know.¡±

    His eyes folded gently and a beautiful smile broke over his face.

    ¡°What do you think is the reason, Priestess?¡±

    * * * * * * *

    If I were to list the most unforgettable moments of my life, I would put it in the top five without hesitation. The moment when Elvin bandaged my ankle.

    I was very seriously worried that my heart was going to burst then. This piercing feeling in my chest made me want to vomit. It was a moment where I couldn¡¯t even breathe.

    I stuttered in embarrassment, feeling a fever rise in my cheeks. When it became so hot that I felt like I was going to explode, I ran out of the barracks. I still couldn¡¯t come to my senses even after the cold outside air blew over me.

    Since I¡¯d yet to return to the barracks, Lily came to pick me up. Lily, what should I do? My heart is beating so fast I feel like I¡¯m going to die now.

    ¡°I guess I like the holy knight commander.¡±

    As soon as it came out of my mouth, my face burned even more fiercely. It was red enough to even make Lily uncomfortable, and she asked me if I needed to wash my face with cold water.

    It¡¯s no secret that I like his face very much, to the point where just looking at it makes me feel good. So I guess I ended up watching him a lot¡­¡­

    ¡°Isn¡¯t his face the only reason why my heart is beating so crazy like this?¡±

    I was sniffling, lying with my head buried in bed, when I looked at Lily awkwardly, but she was listening to me calmly.

    So, all night long, I confessed to Lily about everything that had happened. I didn¡¯t go into detail about the conversation I had with Elvin, only revealing that he originally cared for my divine power and was good to me because of it. And I knew this fact, so we had a strange contract relationship.

    So I loved looking at Elvin¡¯s face, and he was satisfied when my divine power was working its best¡­¡­ I was left groaning at the thought, saying that Elvin must really not care about me.

    At this point, Lily had to cover my mouth, asking where my sudden agitation came from. But as I reflected on everything at the moment, I couldn¡¯t stand it all without crying out.

    Although Lily hated my occasional screaming and pillow slamming, she listened to my story with interest. She asked if such things really happened, commenting that I did seem to be very close with the paladin commander.

    She responded animatedly to my stories, sometimes making a strange expression and asking, ¡°He took care of you that much?¡±

    Lily¡¯s reaction like that ignited my delusion. That¡¯s right. He seems to really be taking care of me. He even comforted me when I was having a hard time.

    And as soon as I brought the story up to this point, it all came together¡­¡­the story of the ¡®hug¡¯ at that time suddenly came to mind and made my heart stop. It seemed like nothing at the time, but now that I think about it, it really was a significant moment. Oh my God¡­¡­

 CH 23

    But how many times did Elvin say that the hug was for ¡®comfort?¡¯ Am I just overanalyzing things again? No, no matter how I think about it, how could he comfort me with a hug!

    All sorts of thoughts ran through my head and I ended up unable to sleep until late that night. My bandaged ankle continued to overheat, and it seemed to be spreading all over my body.

    Two more days passed like that. The Nickel Knights and the Paladins usually take alternate charge over the front and the back of the procession, but for two consecutive days, the paladins followed behind us at the rear.

    I had delusions again in that regard. Is he walking behind me on purpose? Although my questions left Lily struggling to hold her tongue, it was difficult for me to make a rational judgment because of the smile Elvin showed me whenever we made eye contact. My heart was constantly pounding.

    Whenever I had the chance, I grabbed Lily and shouted loudly, ¡°What do I do, really, what should I do? Do I really like the Holy Knight Commander?¡± Aak.

    Lily paid attention to my outbursts at first; she responded positively and told me that it¡¯s possible he could be interested, since he even gave me permission to call him by his name.

    However, as I continued to anguish over what to do, she grew irritated and eventually she told me to just do whatever I want.

    Even though I was making Lily irritable, I had no one else to talk to about it but her, so every night I held her and cried. Lily regretted her positive sentiments that had elicited this much excitement, lamenting that she should have answered more carefully.

    Then, adopting a very judicious demeanor, she began to tell me that the holy knight commander himself was just a very kind person. She calmly explained that he doesn¡¯t smile only for me, he just smiles whenever eye contact is made in general.

    I was in deep despair again. But when I thought about it, it seemed like he always smiled at me and only occasionally smiled at other people.

    Then she began to tell a shocking story¡­

    ¡°Sir Elviniraz is actually very popular within the empire.¡±

    ¡°Yeah¡­¡­¡±

    Although I didn¡¯t have much interest in him before this expedition, he was still so well-known that even I was familiar with his name¡­¡­

    ¡°His popularity in society is no joke, seeing as he¡¯s not only the imperial prince but also the commander of the Holy Knights. You know how I sometimes go to treat Viscountess Frentoa¡¯s son?¡±

    ¡°Ah, yeah. The kid who falls down and hurts himself a lot.¡±

    ¡°Right. Anyway, after the treatment she usually invites me to have a cup of tea, so I occasionally hear about the social world. During those times, his name never fails to come up. As the paladin commander he doesn¡¯t always attend parties, but when he participates in imperial events as a prince, he¡¯s really¡­ all the young girls run up to him.¡±

    ¡°¡­they run?¡±

    ¡°Yeah. It¡¯s really scary.¡±

    I felt a bit subdued. I¡¯ve spent all my time in the temple, and even if I did get called by nobles to their mansions, I wasn¡¯t interested in high society gossip, so I never paid attention to their stories.

    Lily¡¯s story was shocking, yet expected.

    Even at a party, Elviniraz would definitely be the most brilliant person. It was an obvious fact; even I ranked him along with Cabel as one of the top 2 most handsome people I¡¯ve ever met.

    Moreover, because of his kind and friendly personality, people would never stop flocking to him. He wouldn¡¯t have truly been praised as, ¡®the light of the people,¡¯ if the meaning came only from his name.

    ¡°Besides, he¡¯s of marriageable age, right? Actually, it¡¯s kinda surprising that he¡¯s not engaged yet¡­¡±

    A knight who everyone likes and is currently running a huge share price in the marriage market.

    The young girls will light up and approach him, finding any excuse to build a close relationship with him, so I¡­. aren¡¯t I a bit too common?

    Well, my divine power was a bit¡­ shockingly upgraded, but other than that, I have nothing.

    An orphaned priest from a small temple who knows nothing about the political or social situation of the empire.

    I wouldn¡¯t say my appearance is ugly, but it¡¯d be nothing compared to the beautifully dressed aristocrats. It was beyond comparison.

    ¡°¡­B-but, didn¡¯t you say that he allowed you to use his nickname? He even asked why you wouldn¡¯t call him by it.¡±

    My expression was so miserable that Lily hastily backtracked. There was a moment of laughter, but she quickly caught on to the fact that I was about to become depressed again and hurriedly comforted me.

    She went on, saying that the allowance of a nickname has a very special meaning, and besides, he goes out of his way to comfort me when I¡¯m depressed and even wrapped my sprained ankle himself, so it¡¯s basically telling me that he really cares¡­.. with that kind of consolation I was instantly cured.

    ¡°You really think so?¡±

    I¡¯d recovered beyond her expectations.

    ¡°Your eyes began twinkling right away, huh? But I actually really think so.¡±

    She replied with an unsteady smile on her face, her expression trembling. But it worked so well that I couldn¡¯t stop smiling anyway.

    If I were to be stabbed right now, I think kimchi soup would come out instead of blood.*

    [tl/n*: this has gotta be an idiom or slang, but I couldn¡¯t find anything online. But I¡¯m assuming she means something along the lines of her feeling invincible.]

    I was preparing for bed late that night when I tried discussing it with Lily again. She sighed, asking, ¡°Is it time for this again?¡± I laughed awkwardly and apologized.

    I finished getting ready for the next morning and finally turned off the lamp that lit the inside of the barracks. Ever since that day, only Lily and I were given a separate barracks, so we could talk like this late into the night. I¡¯d heard that this was another one of Elviniraz¡¯s orders¡­

    Lying in bed, I stared up at the ceiling of the dark barracks and spoke to Lily again.

    ¡°Lily. If I confess to the commander, it¡¯d be a nuisance, right?¡±

    ¡°¡­¡­it¡¯s already a nuisance right now. To me.¡±

    Lily answered in an agitated tone, probably just about to fall asleep. Although I was nervous, I was impatient to hear Lily¡¯s opinion, so I barreled through her irritation and asked once again.

    ¡°He¡¯s only friendly with me because of my divine power, or maybe just because I¡¯m a priest, so wouldn¡¯t he be uncomfortable if I suddenly confessed? The travel back would be awkward¡­¡­¡±

    But Lily ignored my words and fell asleep. I don¡¯t know if she¡¯s really sleeping, or if she¡¯s too annoyed to respond, but I stayed up for a while, blinking in the silence. My heart was pounding.

    Should I confess?

    * * * * * * *

    I must confess.

    My resolution came quickly. When we return to the empire, there will be a celebration party right away to commemorate our victory, and I don¡¯t want to wallow in misery while watching girls approach Elviniraz as he shines brightly at the party.

    Besides, even though it¡¯s a day with the very shameful name, ¡®Miracle Day,¡¯ if I confess during this time, it¡¯s definitely something I can take advantage of since it places me in a more favorable light¡­¡­

    I was deeply concerned about whether to confess today or the day before we return to the empire, which is still about six days away.

    I finally fell asleep after agonizing all morning. As soon as I woke up, I immediately brought up Sir Elvin to Lily, who looked at me with a tired expression.

    However, when I told her I¡¯d made the decision to confess, she was surprised and asked over and over again if I was being serious, and in the end, showed a reaction that could have been either cheering or resignation.

    There are multiple reasons why I came to this decision so suddenly, but the most important one is¡­ I want to confess quickly and end the burden of suspense.

    It¡¯s a little sad, but I need to assume the worst case scenario. So even if my relationship with Elvin becomes uncomfortable afterwards, it won¡¯t matter since I won¡¯t see him as much once we return to the empire.

    He¡¯s someone I¡¯d never met properly before, so when I go back to my old life, I won¡¯t be able to meet him anyway. We¡¯ll inevitably run into each other at the celebration party, but I¡¯ll be able to survive that much.

    It may make me want to seek the comfort of a breakup song every now and then¡­. or feel inclined to pen a letter to my lord that I can never send, while a few tears escape my eyes¡­. but that¡¯s something I¡¯ve decided to leave to the future me for now.

    I still couldn¡¯t decide exactly when to confess, but once I made the official resolution to confess itself, my mind was in a constant state of distress.

    Wouldn¡¯t it be better to do it sooner rather than later? There are still six days left until we arrive at the villa. During that time, do I have to keep agonizing over whether or not to confess that day?

    And this internal conflict became even more severe because of Elvin, whom I encountered as soon as I came out of the barracks.

    As if he¡¯d just been passing by, he found me and smiled as our eyes met while he was receiving greetings from other knights. No, is that not it? But the number of times he¡¯s shown that smile have been finite¡­¡­

    I wasn¡¯t sure if this was my own narcissism or not, but I decided to enjoy my delusion a little more until reality kicked in. So I gave Elvin a nod in response, thinking to myself that he smiled at me more brightly than anyone else.

    That very smile appeared as Elvin¡¯s cool eyes folded, sparkling even more in the morning sunlight.

    Oh, it¡¯s a face that¡¯s really unfailingly harmful to my heart.

    ¡°Did you sleep well?¡±

    ¡°Yes. Did you sleep well, Sir Knight?¡±

    ¡°Hm¡­ I slept as usual, but the Priestess looks a little tired. Maybe because the hike has been hard?¡±

    Elvin¡¯s concern was actually quite valid since the mountain we trekked yesterday was one of the most rugged.

    And I couldn¡¯t say the truth, that I had trouble sleeping because I was hesitating over my confession of feelings for him, so I immediately nodded my head in agreement.

    ¡°Actually, this hike just¡­¡­Everyone¡¯s saying they¡¯re fine, but since we¡¯re halfway there, I¡¯m thinking of taking a break.¡±

    ¡°Really? Then we¡¯re not hiking today?¡±

    ¡°No. It¡¯s not that, but¡­¡­Oh, did I make you look forward to it?¡±

    At the thought of not hiking for a while, my expression brightened, but as soon as I heard Elvin¡¯s denial, it sank again.

    And at watching such a change in my expression, Elvin burst into laughter, covering his mouth with the back of his hand. After coughing a couple of times, he apologized for giving me false hope. There¡¯s really nothing to apologize for, but the simple act of him apologizing made my heart flutter again.

    ¡°If we go a bit further, we¡¯ll come across a mountain valley with quite a scenic view. The head of the Nickel Knights told us about the place. He said he¡¯d found it when he was on reconnaissance, so we¡¯re thinking about having a small dinner there this evening.¡±

    Up until now, we had walked only on the mountain trail in order to advance as quickly as possible to Vios, so now everyone was interested in going off-trail to enjoy some the scenery.

    Come to think of it, the villa itself was a place where the Nickel Knights had previously found on their search around the path we¡¯re walking today.

    It¡¯s a bit surprising that Cabel remembers such a place, but I was starting to get a little excited to see the waterfall.*

    [tl/n:* First it was a valley view but it turned into a waterfall, so ¡¥\_(¥Ä)_/¡¥ But the confession is next y¡¯allllllll]

 CH 24

    Even if we did occasionally pass by a waterfall on the mountain road, I was too busy marching, and above all too tired, to have time to look around.

    With my eyes twinkling, Elvin smiled softly and said that if the hike ended early, it would be okay to take a rest and do some sightseeing.

    Since we¡¯re at the western border where I won¡¯t be able to come back again, no, actually, where I don¡¯t want to come back again, it¡¯d be good to go and see the sights while I¡¯m here. Even though the natural scenery is as beautiful as it is rough, there are few tourists who are prepared to take this arduous road. That¡¯s why the lord had built a villa here in the first place¡­¡­

    ¡°Since the Priestess came out for this mission and suffered a lot, I hope that you can relax and enjoy the natural beauty. Well, of course the hike will continue to be difficult.¡±

    Ever since I confessed that I was suffering from guilt, Elvin spoke to me in such a gentle, affectionate voice that it made me feel like he was taking care of me.

    Inwardly grateful that the pounding sound of my heart couldn¡¯t be heard from outside, I stared at Elvin and looked at him for a long time¡­¡­ Only when he tilted his head slightly puzzled did I suddenly understand, and I smiled.

    I must confess today.

    * * * * * * *

    The previous dinner that was held at the villa had been so splendid because we¡¯d had cooking utensils. So, I hadn¡¯t been expecting much this time around,* but the cooks really outdid themselves, and the food came out better than I¡¯d anticipated.

    [tl/n:* I¡¯m guessing they lost the utensils in the fire ? I¡¯m not completely sure what she means here.]

    They hunted in the mountains, so there was no shortage of meat. But the most surprising thing was that alcohol was brought out.

    I¡¯d refrained from drinking as much as possible during the campaign, but after receiving the letter of surrender, I saw some soldiers drinking every night.

    I¡¯d vaguely speculated to myself over whether or not they¡¯d brought it with them in their luggage since the very beginning. Although many bags were destroyed during the surprise attack, it is said that many more were brought ever since the time when we¡¯d stayed in Vios for a day.

    So the drinking party began. As during the previous dinner, elaborate food was placed on a table spread out wide, and wine bottles were lined up in between. The smell of alcohol rapidly permeated the hall.

    The place where the base camp had been set up this time was, as Elviniraz said, a valley beautiful enough to be a tourist attraction. We arrived before the sun went down, so I was able to go see the nearby waterfall. I was lost in admiration of the beautiful view from above, looking down from the hill right next to the waterfall.

    As the sun gradually went down, the soft glow of the sunset spread over the sky, and the water that received its unique, warm light sparkled and glittered as it flowed down the waterfall. Everything felt like a fantasy.

    I¡¯d spent nearly two hours admiring the scene, instantly feeling regretful once it became too dark to see our surroundings. However, a few torches were set on high and illuminated the night view.

    A wind blew occasionally, swaying the trees and making their shadows dance on the ground amongst the thick grass. The sound of the waterfall could also be heard from the distance, adding harmoniously to the scene.

    Our previous banquet had ended with just a table put up outside in front of the villa and people drifting around, but this time a tent was set up as well, giving it a more festive atmosphere.

    Everyone laughed happily, saying that we just had to enjoy the magnificent scenery for a few more days and then we¡¯d be back in the empire before we knew it.

    But I alone was unable to join the merriment.

    ¡°Lily. I think I¡¯m going to vomit.¡±

    ¡°¡­¡­Just, why don¡¯t you just enjoy the party today?¡±

    Just before the hike, I¡¯d told Lily that I was going to confess today. Since Elvin told me we were going to have dinner tonight, I told her that I¡¯d confess while the atmosphere was lively.

    But now that the moment has arrived, my hands trembled, my eyes lost focus, and my stomach twisted. The stress has thrown my body into a state of crisis.

    I have never confessed to anyone before, so I don¡¯t know where my confidence came from when I made the decision. It is said that the ignorant are brave, and it¡¯s a wise observation regarding this situation.

    ¡°What if I continue to procrastinate like this and can¡¯t confess to the end?¡±

    ¡°You¡¯ll confess before that.¡±

    ¡°But won¡¯t I be just as nervous tomorrow, and the day after tomorrow?¡±

    ¡°¡­¡­¡±

    ¡®So what?¡¯ Lily¡¯s mouth hadn¡¯t opened, but I definitely seemed to hear those words.

    I¡¯ve been nervous for a while now, so Lily has continuously been cheering me up and offering advice, encouraging me to just enjoy dinner today and confess tomorrow, or telling me to wait until the last day so that I couldn¡¯t avoid it. But I felt so frustrated that I couldn¡¯t hold myself to anything.

    ¡°Ughhh¡­¡­oh I¡¯m so nervous that my stomach hurts. I want to puke. ¡°

    ¡°¡­..if you can¡¯t decide, shall I just call him for you?¡±

    ¡°Ahhh, no! ¡°

    That¡¯s too much! When I yelled, I could feel the people around me staring in confusion.

    Feeling embarrassed by their gazes, I banged my head on the table and made a sobbing sound, and Lily looked at me as if she was dying to run away. Even though I knew I was bothering her, I was still too nervous, and too nauseous, to confess.

    ¡ªWith my eyes weeping, I suddenly saw Elvin leave the tent.

    Huh? Bewildered, I half-raised from my seat, and turned to Lily to see if she had seen him, if this was my chance. He didn¡¯t even go out with anyone. He really went out alone.

    ¡°Uh, wh¡ªwhat should I do?¡±

    My voice began to tremble like crazy. My vision was so shaken that it must have looked like a pupil earthquake. My lips became dry, but as I gulped down the water next to me, an unfamiliar bottle of wine caught my eye.

    It seemed to be brought from Vios, with an unfamiliar language intricately written upon it. Even the patterns around the lip were gorgeous, so it was obviously an expensive drink.

    ¡°I¡¯ll just have one glass and go.¡±

    To be honest, I didn¡¯t like the idea of confessing while drunk, but I don¡¯t think I can do it without borrowing the spirit of alcohol.

    Lily seemed to have the same train of thought, looking at me absurdly when I suddenly reached for a drink, and then nodding her head as if telling me to go ahead.

    I drink alcohol with Lily at the temple every now and then, and I empty enough bottles each time to know that my tolerance is not weak.

    So, even if I had a glass, it wouldn¡¯t affect me much, but I still wanted to feel the bitter taste.

    Besides, if I were to feel any effects, I could just use alcohol as a funny excuse¡­ Ah, but it¡¯s really quite appalling.

    Without pausing even to smell the wine properly, I quickly drained the glass.

    Yes, now. Let¡¯s go do it now.

    When I got up from my seat, I could see Lily picking up the bottle to try it, too, but immediately frowned as soon as she smelled it.

    And it was only then that I felt my esophagus burning, but I was already out of my mind from anxiety, so I just held my neck and walked out. Ah, really. This is too much.

    My footsteps were wobbly. As I took a step out of the tent, my body began teetering enough to threaten the tent itself, so I grabbed at a support wildly and held on. What is this? I couldn¡¯t have gotten drunk after having one drink, but maybe I was too nervous.

    I now felt that the alcohol from Vios was toxic. Its scent was so poisonously pungent that it still lingered on the tip of my nose. My throat and stomach were also affected, burning as if on fire.

    My head had also reached its breaking point, but right before it split completely it was suddenly better in an instant. No, rather than getting better, it was that I¡¯d spotted a familiar silhouette from afar, so my nerves were focused on that.

    It¡¯s Elvin. I was convinced by the height and overall stature. Feeling thankful that he was just under the shade of the tree, I strode forward. Oh, my legs are about to give out again. Just how many degrees can they bend before snapping?

    ¡°¡­¡­?¡±

    And as if he felt my presence, I could feel Elvin turning his body and looking at me. It¡¯s a pity that I can¡¯t see his face properly. He¡¯s not only quite far from the torch light, but also standing under a tree in shadow. But then again, maybe it¡¯s fortunate that I can¡¯t see him now.

    An intense heat rose to my cheeks.

    ¡°S-Sir Knight.¡±

    I stuttered as I called out to him. In fact, in the countless times I¡¯d practiced this in my head, I¡¯d planned to call him, ¡®Sir Elvin,¡¯ but in this moment I have no desire to call him by that title.

    In fact, I deliberately avoided it because I thought my heart would burst and I¡¯d fall dead to the ground right now if I called him that.

    ¡°I¡¯ve really struggled with this a lot.¡±

    ¡°¡­¡­¡±

    ¡°I¡¯ve deliberated so many times whether or not I should do this¡­¡±

    This wasn¡¯t the plan. I wanted to talk with him a lot before I confess. Have a normal conversation, and then ease into my confession when the mood became somewhat relaxed¡­ Damn it.

    There¡¯s no point in thinking that way. My mind went blank and I couldn¡¯t think of anything else.

    If I attempt to start a conversation with him now, the only thing that would come out of my mouth would be that the bull depicted on the bottle of wine I just drank is now running around the field.*

    [tl/n:* Did she have absinthe or something? Idk if this sentence is confusing, but just in case, she¡¯s saying she¡¯s basically only capable of nonsense.]

    So, I finally forced it out.

    ¡°I like you.¡±

    At the same time, a breeze blew through. My hair fluttered, scattering over my face and obstructing my view. I grabbed at it roughly and pushed it aside, even though I couldn¡¯t see anything in the dark anyway.

    I couldn¡¯t help feeling a bit relieved now that the words were finally out, so I said it once more in case my voice had been drowned out by the wind.

    ¡°I think I¡¯ve fallen for you.¡±

    And the answer finally came; one that I thought was quite natural.

    ¡°¡­..Why? ¡°

    ¡°¡­it¡¯s just, I like everything.¡±

    Your smile, your kindness, even how coolly handsome you appear as a knight¡­¡­ one by one I listed these reasons for liking him, but it turned into gibberish alarmingly fast.

    Somehow, my eyes were spinning. That one glass of alcohol was much stronger than I thought.

    A lot more.

    ¡°¡­I don¡¯t understand.¡±

    How can he express his rejection like this? ¡®I feel a bit hurt¡­.,¡¯ I thought to myself as my body staggered forward.

    At the same moment I was experiencing my first time blacking out from a single shot, I suddenly felt a great sense of difference from him, who caught me in alarm when I collapsed.

    His voice was lower, his height was slightly taller, and his physique was completely different. Now that it¡¯s visible, even the color of his hair appears different reflected in the moonlight.

    ¡­..Oh my god. He¡¯s someone else.

 CH 25

    I had a nightmare.

    A very terrifying nightmare where the improbable happened and I decided to confess, but to the wrong person, after just one drink.

    Impossible. With how much alcohol I¡¯ve consumed in this body so far, I can¡¯t get drunk with just one glass. And even if I did get drunk, how could I mistake those two people like that?

    So it was a dream. It had to be a dream.

    ¡°¡­¡­¡±

    But then, why is the image of that time stuck in my mind so clearly? Tragically, every moment is so vivid in my memory. In my head, the scene keeps replaying with Beethoven¡¯s Symphony of Fate in the background.

    At the first light of dawn, my eyes snapped open. Startled, I jumped out of bed and looked around, and I could see Lily sleeping on the other side of me.

    So, in actuality, I haven¡¯t gone hiking yet, that dinner never happened, and those memories must be a very horrible nightmare.

    And yet, I have a terrible headache, and the aroma of alcohol is lingering around the tip of my nose. The aftereffects of that single drink can still be felt somehow.

    I staggered out of bed, my body shaky and uneven. As I gripped my aching head, I downed several glasses of the lukewarm water in the barracks.

    Still, I couldn¡¯t come to my senses. Or rather, I didn¡¯t want to accept the reality of it all. I really felt fine now beyond the hangover aches and pains. I fumbled my way out of the barracks, muttering to myself that the cold wind would really sober me up.

    The early autumn mornings were really cold, and it could be felt even more so now that there was a waterfall nearby. However, without a single thought of putting on a coat, I continued walking a bit further.

    To the very place where I made the wrong confession.

    Naturally, there was no one around the camp this morning. Even the sentries went inside after the sun came out, so only the occasional sound of the waterfall could be heard in the quiet stillness.

    Yesterday, everything had been hidden in the shade and nothing could be seen, but now that sunlight is gradually settling into the space, visibility has become clearer.

    ¡°Ha.¡±

    ¡­It¡¯s crazy. No way. As I sighed, a curse was about to slip out, so I quickly covered my mouth with my hand. Damn it. I can¡¯t speak without swearing.

    I pounded the tree next to me with my fist, crying out in pain as my hand began to throb. It sounds absurd, but now I have to admit the fact that I confessed to the wrong person.

    But, but why?

    Why Cabel, of all people?

    After leaving for the campaign, I suppose we did become closer in our own way. But Cabel is first and foremost a very intimidating person to me.

    Of course, it¡¯s true that he¡¯s a ¡°demon of the battlefield,¡± as the rumors that are spread throughout the empire say. He literally wipes out the enemy through sheer power, and he constantly exudes a devastation that makes him difficult to approach, but I know that he¡¯s not really as monstrous as the rumors portray him to be.

    Sometimes he frowns a little at light jokes or banter that he doesn¡¯t seem to get, but he never gets angry at anyone, and I know from personal experience that he secretly takes care of the people around him, like he did for me on that dreary day.

    However, regardless, he¡¯s just so¡­ he¡¯s such an extraordinary person.

    He is a man who will soon become a duke.

    Can I just say to such a person, ¡®Ahaha, I confessed by mistake only because I was drunk!¡¯ No, isn¡¯t he probably offended by my confession in the first place?

    My shoulders trembled, either because of the cold or because of fear. Oh, no. Still, I think it¡¯s best for me to confess that it was a misunderstanding sooner rather than later.

    Because when I stuttered out that confession, he answered that he didn¡¯t understand, and then I even collapsed on him with the smell of alcohol all over me, so surely he must know that I wasn¡¯t thinking straight.

    So, if I quickly admit to my mistake, he¡¯ll respond that he already knew from the beginning. If everything goes well, we can move on as if nothing happened. If something goes wrong, it may become a bit awkward until we get back¡­maybe he won¡¯t come to the temple anymore after that, either¡­

    It¡¯d be a shame to lose the temple¡¯s cash cow in such a way, but I¡¯ll earn 300 gold from this expedition, and a special reward may even be coming my way as Elvin said, so that should soften the blow.

    So, I mean, I was planning to go find Cabel a little later and apologize, but¡­ why do I see him in front of me right now?

    Hu-uk, I sucked in my breath and immediately hid myself behind the tree. What the hell, why is he wandering around outside at the break of dawn?!

    Thinking up to this point, I was startled that the answer came to me almost immediately: his insomnia must be keeping him up again. Goddamn it, there¡¯s an urgent need for a cure for insomnia right away.

    I was resting my back against the tree, trying to calm my startled heart, but I could no longer hear the footsteps behind me.

    Did he go somewhere else? He didn¡¯t see me, did he? With a glimmer of hope, I leaned my head out to see where he was, but that hope was instantly dashed.

    Immediately our eyes met. Cabel was right next to the tree, watching my antics. Hik, hik. I¡¯d completely overlooked the fact that he has risen to the level of a master and is basically a human-body sensor.

    As he looked down at me, his dark shadow completely enveloped me. Most nights it appears as though he sleeps only briefly for an hour or two, but today he looks even more exhausted, as if he couldn¡¯t sleep at all.

    And as tired as he appeared, his face was twice as pale and cold to match it. And I was twice as terrified.

    So I smiled very awkwardly and took a step back, his gaze following along. Cabel stood by the tree and continued to watch me, so I had to muster up the courage to take another step back, but his voice interrupted me and came out frighteningly low.

    ¡°¡­¡­yesterday.¡±

    Oh, no. This can¡¯t be happening! I¡¯m not ready yet!* My shoulders tightened in suspense, but Cabel continued without changing his tone.

    (*tl/n: literally: ¡°I haven¡¯t prepared my heart yet!¡± lol)

    ¡°Do you remember what you said yesterday?¡±

    For a moment, I wanted to deny remembering anything, but then my eyes fell on the sword that hung at his side. Even though I knew he wasn¡¯t the kind of person from the rumors, I panicked and nodded in concession.

    Dammit, what good is the light of dawn if it¡¯s only drawing attention to his sword?

    ¡°I-I remember!¡±

    ¡°¡­¡­Then why did you hide just now?¡±

    It seemed like you were avoiding something.* For some reason, his tone seemed offended, so I was speechless for a moment. Why is this conversation happening right now, when he¡¯s clearly cranky from not sleeping?

    [tl/n*: Cabel must have said this line aloud. Occasionally the author excludes quotation marks on what must be dialogue, so your guess is as good as mine.]

    Somehow, I got the feeling that the moment I say the wrong thing, everything will be over. Starting with my life.

    ¡°That is¡­¡­I-I was ashamed¡­ .¡±

    I was going to say that I was embarrassed, but as I stuttered, ¡®shame¡¯ came out instead. Oh no. It¡¯s too disgraceful. I became shy in my embarrassment and just wanted to hide anywhere but here. I couldn¡¯t bear to look him in the face, so I lowered my head.

    The silence deepened. I could occasionally hear birds chirping in the early morning, and as time stretched on and I continued staring at the ground, I thought about what an ideal place this would be to tunnel into and disappear.

    Since we were near the waterfall, the morning mist was thick, and the air was so cold that I got goosebumps.

    At least, I was hoping it was the cold and not the sense of a mortal life reaching its end¡­ At that moment, I heard his voice.

    ¡°Do you really remember what you said yesterday?¡±

    ¡°¡­¡­I confessed in front of the Du¡ªI mean, Sir Knight¡­.¡±

    His voice was so low that I was convinced it could only be conveying his displeasure towards my confession. So I quickly scripted out an apology to him in my head.

    ¡®Actually, I was so out-of-my-mind drunk that I was spewing nonsense.¡¯ When I was contemplating whether or not to reveal that it was a confession meant for someone else, he said:

    ¡°Cabel.¡±

    ¡­at such an out-of-the-blue remark, I widened my eyes and looked up at him. Why is he suddenly saying his own name?

    ¡°¡­¡­What?¡±

    ¡°From now on, don¡¯t attach strange titles to me. Call me by my name.¡±

    His perpetually-hardened lips slowly rose, finally drawing into a smile. It was a very sweet smile.

    ¡­¡­Oh? No, wa-wait a minute. I don¡¯t understand this sudden change of situation, his sweet voice lingering in my ears, a rare smile flickering before my eyes. Right now¡­is Cabel really smiling in front of me?

    And, so softly?

    It¡¯s the first time I¡¯ve ever seen a smile from Cabel. Until now, I¡¯ve only received short sneers or harsh gazes. This is the first time that those cold eyes have softened.

    No, I suppose his expression has relaxed every now and then when he¡¯s just waking up, but, but now¡­.. that is, he¡¯s so handso¡ªaak, no, that¡¯s not it!

    A mess ensued in my mind. I bowed my head again, ashamed that despite the current circumstances, I still could only think about how handsome he is. I can¡¯t even imagine how I look now.

    And as I stood there shaking, Cabel, thinking that I was crying, grabbed my shoulder. Even his touch was warm.

    ¡°Ren¨¦e.¡±

    I couldn¡¯t believe that gentle voice was his.

    He brought his hand closer, attempting to lift my face. Screaming internally, I shook my head slightly. It was a small movement, but he flinched and withdrew his hand.

    Then, just as I thought it was going to be okay, I heard his voice next to me. Cabel leaned his upper body forward, bringing his face closer to mine. Th-this is crazy.

    ¡°For how long do you plan on hiding your face from me?¡±

    His voice was so soothingly sweet, he must have really thought I was crying. Exactly how sweet? So sweet that he would kill me right away if he finds out the confession was false.

    Ah.

    [tl/n*: don¡¯t mind me, I¡¯m just popping in like I haven¡¯t been MIA for 2 years, hah. Life and ADHD got the better of me for a while, but for now this novel has my attention again. I do apologize to those of you who¡¯ve enjoyed this story as well, but inconsistency is unfortunately in my nature. I won¡¯t make any false promises beyond I¡¯ll do my best for now, and I¡¯ll keep posting whatever I do translate, if anyone¡¯s still interested in this story lol. Sorry and thanks again~ ]

    [P.S: I *am* still awaiting the day that I¡¯ll be contacted to cease and desist lol. So there may or may not be changes to my publishing method]

 CH 26

    When you¡¯ve messed up so royally, so irreversibly, that you know nothing can be done, how are you supposed to react?

    When there¡¯s no backward function and the layers are merged*, or when you enter the final boss¡¯s dungeon and realize you forgot to save before you went in, what¡¯s the reaction?

    [tl/n*: I believe a reference to the photo-editing process, where the image is broken into layers to edit before being combined into a final image. Idk much about it so it took me a while to figure out that reference¡­.]

    Perhaps the automatic response is a denial of reality, with a few swear words mixed in, before realization hits and you¡¯re left sighing with your forehead lowered into your hands. And after this resignation comes a process of deep reflection upon yourself.

    Moments that make you say, ¡°why on earth did I do that?¡± Knowing that regret is always too late, we endlessly look back on the moments past and make conjectures about what might have been, saying, ¡°if only I hadn¡¯t done this thing or that thing, maybe things could have been different.¡±

    Then, as I was stuck in this mode of deep contemplation over my current situation, one thought following another¡­. I kept coming to a very shocking conclusion.

    There¡¯s no way it could be true, but the incomprehensible change in Cabel¡¯s behavior left me circling over and over back to the validity of this one ¡°conclusion.¡±

    In this situation, there is only one reason that can make sense of his unusual change towards me.

    Does Cabel¡­ like me?

    This thought makes no sense, but then again neither does this situation, so I become stuck trying to decide which is more crazy.

    I confessed by mistake to Cabel because I was drunk, but instead of getting upset, he suddenly changed, asking me to call him by his ¡°nickname,¡± smiling sweetly and speaking kindly to me¡­.

    Actually, rather than Cabel changing simply after accepting my confession, he was kind towards me even before then¡­ Ah, this is crazy.

    I was so dumbfounded that I couldn¡¯t even laugh. I somehow managed to get back to the barracks, but after that I couldn¡¯t sleep again, so I sat still on the bed and kept thinking.

    I continued like this until Lily woke from her sleep, reaching blindly for water with a tired face.

    ¡°Ah¡­ that¡¯s right, Ren¨¦e. How did your confession go yesterday?¡±

    Lily¡¯s question came out sounding surprised, since she was still shaking off a sleepy daze. She explained that she had wanted to ask me yesterday, but she came in late, and I was already sleeping by the time she arrived.

    Then she sighed briefly as she suddenly remembered yesterday¡­¡­.

    ¡°By the way, about that drink you had yesterday. That wasn¡¯t wine, it was liquor. I was told that it¡¯s a traditional drink in Vios but its alcohol percentage is pretty high¡­¡­ do you feel alright?¡±

    Oh, so that explains it. It depicted a bull rushing into the bottle, so of course it must have been a drink that makes people crazy. Lily¡¯s expression darkened as I lost myself contemplating the painted warning anew.

    My silence seemed to make her feel strangely anxious. Then all of a sudden she smiled awkwardly at me and said, ¡°I-It¡¯s okay, Ren¨¦e! Even if he refused, it doesn¡¯t mean that he hates you, or that¡­¡±

    ¡°Lily.¡±

    ¡°Y-Yes?¡±

    ¡°I, I made a confession, but¡­¡±

    Lily had rushed to comfort me, probably thinking that I had been brushed off by Elvin. She nodded her head in response, with a nervous expression on her face. She pushed aside her frizzy hair and even blinked her eyes rapidly as if telling me to spill the details quickly.

    For some reason, I felt like I was going to cry at the sight of her caring so much about me.

    ¡°I got drunk and confessed to someone else.¡±

    ¡°What? No, no matter how drunk you were, how could you confess to someone else? Ah, no. It¡¯s done now. So who on earth did you confess to for you to make that face, as if the world is going to collapse?¡±

    ¡°¡­I did it to the duke.¡±

    ¡°Hm.¡±

    Lily¡¯s disposition quickly became calm. With an expression on her face asking me how I could make such a mistake with such a person, she nodded her head as if praying for my well-being soon.

    ¡°Why don¡¯t you quickly go apologize to him? The duke, too, probably thinks it¡¯s nonsense and doesn¡¯t care much about it.¡±

    ¡°¡­He accepted it.¡±

    ¡°What?!¡±

    Lily questioned immediately. Her reaction time was remarkable. With a bewildered expression, she asked again who I had confessed to, followed by a repetition of, ¡°And he accepted it?,¡± again and again.

    And in the end, after hearing that he even called me, ¡°Ren¨¦e,¡± she answered with a very calm face. ¡°It¡¯s really surprising, but I wonder if he really likes you, too.¡±

    It¡¯s something I¡¯ve already put under consideration over and over again, so I just answered, ¡°Perhaps¡­.,¡± without expression. Lily muttered quietly to herself in contemplation.

    ¡°Actually, I¡¯d have been certain there was no such thing, after watching you suffer from fear of death at the duke¡¯s hand up till now.¡­¡±

    Lily didn¡¯t say any more. However, the words she left unsaid were obvious, leaving me more miserable.

    If I am to die like this, my tongue will surely be plucked out in a circle of hell for liars.

    * * * * * * *

    Taking last night¡¯s celebrations into consideration, today¡¯s schedule started at a leisurely pace. After all, everyone is relaxed now that the war has ended, and even the habitual recon before we set off now feels like a formality.

    Of course, the knights who carry out the search don¡¯t let their guard down, but the remaining soldiers and priests left waiting for them now gather comfortably and chat.

    However, as for me, I stayed in the barracks to seriously think over my current predicament, considering which course of action would allow me to live a bit longer than the rest.

    So naturally it felt to me as if the recon ended too quickly, and I had to prepare to move out. However, leaving the barracks right away would mean having to face the Nickel Knights, who were reorganizing, so I stalled and came out as late as I could.

    I didn¡¯t forget to pretend to be sick and cough every once in a while, just in case someone inquired into my sudden strange behavior.

    But in fact, coughing turned out to be unnecessary, since my condition already appeared to be rough on the outside. Lily, who had returned from a walk to shake off her hangover, was worried about why my face was so pale, and even the knights passing by asked if I was okay.

    I wasn¡¯t even a little okay, but I smiled with difficulty and said that I was. However, that only seemed to make my appearance even stranger.

    ¡°Priestess Renesha. If you¡¯re not feeling well, shall we stop the march here for today?¡±

    At the start of the day, I had been frantic, worried that the Nickel Knights would be marching at the back of the procession today. However, to my good fortune, the Holy Knights were standing at the back. It seemed as though it had been decided for the Nickel Knights to take the lead starting from the mountain we climbed yesterday to reach the villa, since they had more familiarity with the path.

    I cheered internally at the sight of Elvin, thinking that if Cabel had been the one behind me at this moment, I wouldn¡¯t have been able to walk.

    We had just reached the halfway mark and were taking a break. I was sitting down on a low rock when I heard Elvin¡¯s voice approaching, asking me questions cordially. For some reason, I felt a bit regretful at that moment, and I barely managed to suppress it before answering calmly.

    ¡°I¡¯m alright.¡±

    ¡°But you look pale. ¡°

    Oh, that¡¯s just¡­ An unforeseen mishap that I dare not speak of has happened to me. I smiled awkwardly, swallowing the words I couldn¡¯t say, when Elvin glanced back around us before taking a slight step.

    Before I knew it, a shadow slipped over me¡­ My heart sank as soon as I realized what was happening. Sunlight had been falling on my face, but Elvin blocked it as he took a step towards my side.

    Suddenly, I was unable to breathe or speak, frozen as Elvin lowered his head and spoke in a very careful manner.

    ¡°Actually, I saw the priestess collapse yesterday. I saw the captain of the Nickel Knights carrying you to the barracks. Have you been feeling unwell since yesterday? It is okay if the schedule is delayed a bit, so please feel free to tell me.¡°

    Elvin asked me with a look of deep concern on his face. His polite manner of speaking discreetly in case other people heard that I had fallen was so thoughtful that I became even more miserable. How could I have made such a wrong turn¡­

    Regret hit me like a tidal wave. My conversation with Cabel, which had occurred mere hours ago, suddenly seemed unrealistic, and even drinking yesterday felt like a dream.

    Thanks to the sunlight pouring out behind Elvin, it appeared as though a halo were shining around him, so I even had the ridiculous thought that a miracle might happen if I were to confess all my wrongs to him and repent.

    I was so swept away by that thought that I opened my mouth without realizing it.

    ¡°¡­ Sir Knight. Actually¡ª¡±

    ¡°Priestess!¡±

    Suddenly, a loud cry was heard. By its volume alone, I knew it was Tirack¡¯s voice. With shivering shoulders, Tirack strode quickly toward me. He greeted Elvin briefly before reverting back to a grave expression and coming straight to the point.

    ¡°Priestess, did you¡­ make some sort of mistake with the commander? ¡°

    ¡°¡­¡­Sorry? ¡°

    He asked me such a random question with such a serious expression that surprise covered not only my face, but also Elvin¡¯s.

    No, no. I was surprised for about 0.1 seconds, but then I became terrified. It was because I immediately remembered what my mistake was.

    And after watching such a change in my expression take place, Tirack was bewildered and asked if I had seriously made a mistake. He let out a deep sigh.

    ¡°The commander kept looking back the whole time we were walking, so I asked what was wrong, and he suddenly said the priestess¡¯s name. Then he kept acting like he was going to go to the back, and suddenly he turned back towards me and told me to bring the priestess to the front like before.¡±

    Tirack ran his hand over his head in confusion. His short hair quickly became tousled under his big fingers.

    He continued to think about whether he felt something was wrong with Cabel¡¯s abnormal behavior, but explained that he came down anyway because Cabel moved to come himself during the break.

    Upon hearing the story up to this point, my eyes shook wildly, eventually causing an earthquake over my whole body. As my hands were shaking, Tirack knelt down on one knee in front of me until our eyes were level. He seemed to be very concerned about my condition.

    ¡°Although I don¡¯t know what kind of mistake the priestess made¡­ i-it¡¯s not like the commander would kill you.¡±

    ¡°But why are you hesitating¡­¡­?¡±

    The mistake that Tirack thinks I committed and the one that I actually made are different, but their endings will still be the same. Suddenly, I thought of Cabel, who affectionately called my nickname just a few hours ago. I shivered.

    If I get caught, I-I¡¯ll really die. I don¡¯t want to believe it, but if the ¡°conclusion¡± I reached earlier is correct, then I¡¯ve really purchased an express high-speed ticket to the underworld. My actions now will determine whether it¡¯ll be one-way or a round-trip.

    While I stood there trembling, Tirack let out an uncomfortable laugh. In the end, he never explained why he hesitated and stumbled over his words.

    ¡°Anyway, we¡¯ll be arriving soon, and the commander said he¡¯d see you then.¡±

    ¡°Huh? Wh-why?¡±

    ¡°I¡¯d also like to know why.¡±

    Tirack looked at me curiously, but seeing as I was trembling without answering, he made a promise with a calm face. It was a promise that seemed more like a solemn oath.

    ¡°The priestess saved my life, so I will make sure to save you if your life is in danger. Even at the cost of my own.¡±

    And I became even more scared that such an oath had to be made in this situation. The haunting notion that I¡¯m paving the way towards my own demise is getting stronger and stronger.

    It was a truly incredible moment, where the lives of two people were on the line due to Cabel¡¯s abnormal behavior.

 CH 27

    I was worried that Tirack might take me with him on his way back, but fortunately, he ended up going back alone. He heard Elvin asking me if I needed to rest, so he jumped in agreement, asking me loudly if I was okay.

    He told us that he would tell the commander that today was going to be too difficult for me, saying that he would risk his life to say it. I replied that he should value his life a little more.

    He responded that he¡¯d dedicated his first life to his wife, but now that he¡¯s died and come back to life, he had to dedicate it to me to a certain extent. I said several times that I by no means wanted to be a majority shareholder for his life.

    To be honest, I really did want to pretend that I was sick and dive into my barracks, but I couldn¡¯t rule out the possibility that Cabel might come to visit me during my act. I couldn¡¯t help feeling like I should be grateful and follow along while he¡¯s still asking nicely¡­¡­

    The hike, which had always felt so long that it would never end, was over in an instant today. We arrived so early that I wondered how it could be done so soon and almost argued that we had to continue walking a bit more.

    Lily watched me pitifully, wondering at how I could think it was ¡°already¡± over. Then without a word she patted my shoulder sympathetically¡­.. hik, hik. I was overwhelmed by the despair to come.

    But I knew I had to go in the end, and resignedly headed toward Cabel. The base camp was almost finished getting set up, and Cabel stood behind the camp near the bushes, watching the scene quietly.

    Then, as soon as he saw me approaching, he turned and strode toward me with his gaze so fixedly on me that I instinctively backed away, terrified.

    In fact, it was such a reflexive reaction that it happened before I could consider how my actions might offend Cabel. Just as quickly as he¡¯d started, he suddenly stopped walking as if it¡¯d been an illusion.

    He stopped moving to the point where I became embarrassed, as he only stared at me. With an indescribable feeling, I then approached him with a rather awkward smile.

    ¡°Why.¡­¡­¡±

    ¡°.¡­Yes?¡±

    My fear had risen again as soon as Cabel arrived in front of me, but he said only, ¡°why,¡± and was silent for a long time.

    He was staring at me with his usual blunt, lethargic expression, but it was a look that suddenly struck me also as familiar, which I thought was fortunate.

    ¡°Is it something to be hidden?¡±

    He narrowed his brow slightly as if he found something unpleasant, and at that moment I fell into serious contemplation. What does he mean now? What are you talking about hiding? My life? Ah, that¡¯s not it. If it¡¯s not that, then¡­

    ¡­..Are you asking if we should hide this relationship?

    And when asking this question, do you put on such a look of dissatisfaction?

    I was so confused, and while I was struck dumb at the question of whether or not what was in front of me was even real, Cabel began to move.

    He suddenly began walking off toward the mountain path next to me, and I was left wondering what he was going to do. But the way he stared at me clearly conveyed the meaning, ¡°follow,¡± so I decided to go along behind him.

    However, even though I¡¯d just finished saying that the hike ended too early and we should walk more, I didn¡¯t think that I¡¯d actually have to climb the mountain again with Cabel right away.

    On top of that, I was not only left in despair over the roughness of the path, but also confused by Cabel, who slowed his pace from time to time in front of me.

    There was no conversation going back and forth between us. Still, all of my attention was focused on him. Do you really like me? That¡¯s why you made a complaint with a discontented look about having to hide the relationship, and now you¡¯re slowing your lead to match my pace? Doubts continued with question upon question.

    The mountain was quiet. As the sun began to set over it, warm colors slowly spread across the sky. This mixture of colorful light glowing through the leaves was subtle yet intense at points, enough to make me shade my eyes with my hand.

    Leaves crunching underfoot could be heard regularly, and those that remained in the trees swayed in the occasional fall breeze, delivering the echo of autumn throughout the mountains.

    I objectively admired this beautiful mountain path and noted that it could even be considered a romantic landscape, but I was still completely absorbed by my own questions.

    Why are we going deeper and deeper into the mountains? You¡¯re not suddenly going to announce your knowledge of my sins and push me off the mountainside, right?

    Then Cabel stopped walking. My heart almost stopped as well when Cabel lifted some branches, and I unwittingly gasped at the view before us. The expansive sight was impossibly beautiful.

    It was a lake. It dazzled your eyes as if sunset-colored jewels were scattered over its surface, reflecting the warmth of the sky brightly.

    The scene of the setting sun shining over the placid waves was so brilliant that language failed me, and I could only utter exclamations of amazement. I felt like I¡¯d entered another world, a fairy tale or a fantasy.

    The lake faced the end of the mountain path, out of reach from people. It was so beautiful that I stepped toward it as if possessed.

    Even the densely-packed trees surrounding the lake reached toward it, immersing their untrimmed branches in the water. Twilight continued to approach, expanding slowly over the lake.

    ¡°Wow¡­ wow, this is really¡­ So beautiful¡­¡±

    I turned to Cabel, rambling my admiration. And Cabel, who I thought would be admiring the lake, was looking at me. No, it seems he has been looking at me from the moment we arrived here.

    Our gazes, entangled in the air, did not break easily. Dark purple eyes were directed at me, and I looked only at him.

    My heart was pounding at the sight of such a beautiful scenery, but when I recognized the existence that was keeping watch over me, I was suddenly enveloped in a strange feeling. I could feel my heart beating in the quiet space. Neither fast nor slow, but rather at a deeper intensity, thump thump

    And then, something fell over my shoulders. It was Cabel¡¯s cloak.

    I was embarrassed by this sudden act, and I tried to refuse saying I was fine. But before I knew it, Cabel¡¯s hand came forward and tied the cape tightly.

    Wha¡ªwhat is this? The cape was so long that it covered past my feet. When Cabel was wearing it, it didn¡¯t seem long at all, but when I put it on, it became like a magician¡¯s robe. I-is that it dragging on the ground over there¡­?

    Just moments ago I felt a strange weightlessness, being swept away by the beauty of nature¡­.but I was quickly brought back to reality.

    I raised my arm, feeling instant shame at the impression I gave off, of a small child playing dress-up like a wizard. At that moment, Cabel¡¯s laughter fell.

    Huh?

    ¡­.. For a moment, I was stunned by what I¡¯d heard. I was so perplexed that I felt a typhoon warning should¡¯ve been issued. The short, low laugh lasted only a few seconds, but at such close range I could hear it quite clearly.

    ¡°I heard you are sick.¡±

    Cabel quickly suppressed his laughter, pulling the cloak forward a little more and tying it back. At least now its length didn¡¯t pass my ankles, but rather than feeling pleased, Cabel¡¯s words made me embarrassed again.

    ¡­..Did you hear from Tirack that I¡¯m sick? So now you¡¯re wrapping your cape around me like this?

    His hands that withdrew from me were so affectionate. I couldn¡¯t find any words to respond with.

    After a moment of silence, Cabel glanced at the lake, so I followed my gaze after his. He asked in an ordinary tone if I liked the lake, and I, who was bothered by the awkwardness of the silence earlier, answered yes right away.

    ¡°Yes! It¡¯s really, really beautiful! It¡¯s so pretty that I thought I was in another world as soon as I saw it. It¡¯s definitely one of the most beautiful landscapes that I¡¯ve ever seen¡­¡±

    But I couldn¡¯t finish my sentence. My initially blurted words ended in a murmur and tightly shut lips, but Cabel didn¡¯t seem to mind.

    He was just looking down at me with the same expression he had from the moment I started talking.

    As if pleased that he had led me to an unknown, yet special place¡­

    I couldn¡¯t quite put my finger on it, but it wasn¡¯t his usual stony expression. He was looking down at me with softened eyes, and a smile hovering over his lips.

    I started to feel guilty, knowing that my voice only sounded so animated because of my eagerness to cover up the awkward moment.

    And at that moment, the question that had been circulating in my head since this morning slipped out. The impulse was so sudden that it popped out of my mouth before I could gather my senses.

    ¡°¡­¡­have you always liked me?¡±

    ¡­¡­you crazy. Despite all my anxiety over acting carefully, I still made such a huge blunder. I instantly covered my mouth with one hand, but Cabel¡¯s expression was already unfamiliar.

    He looked down at me with a slight tilt of his head, and I felt uneasiness at the fact that he still hadn¡¯t said anything. How can I make up for this mistake? What should I say now to fix this situation?

    I was so mortified that I started to say anything that came to mind.

    ¡°Oh, well, I mean¡­ I¡¯m a little flustered because you¡¯re suddenly so nice to me. Bu-u-ut, that doesn¡¯t mean I don¡¯t like it!¡±

    ¡°¡­¡­¡­¡±

    ¡°It¡¯s just that, you don¡¯t usually treat me this kindly¡­. That is¡ªit doesn¡¯t mean it¡¯s burdensome either!!¡±

    ¡°You.¡±

    As I looked at him, I was overcome by the question: am I hallucinating? Is it because of the sunset? Its warm colors? Its lengthening shadows? Why, when, how?

    Aren¡¯t the tips of Cabel¡¯s ears turning red?

    ¡°¡­It¡¯s because you said you liked me treating you kindly.¡±

    ¡­ I¡¯m viewing all of this sincerity in vain, knowing it¡¯ll be because of moments like this that it¡¯ll be my death in the end.

    * * * * * * *

    Today, we will finally arrive at the villa with the transportation scrolls.

    The war itself had ended in such a disconcerting, absurd way that it never really sank in for me that it was over. But the fact that we¡¯d be arriving at the villa today made my heart pound.

    Yet even if we could somehow have the scrolls right away, I¡¯d wait till tomorrow to use them. But I am still very excited to think of returning to the capital. And I¡¯m not the only one; the entire camp has been full of energy since daybreak.

    The remaining distance to the villa wasn¡¯t far at all. So today, we planned to start at a leisurely pace, rest a bit upon arrival, and enjoy our last supper together in the evening.

    After returning to the capital, we probably won¡¯t see each other until the victory celebration festival, so we decided to have this one last get-together. Even if we didn¡¯t get to know every single person over this past month and a half, we¡¯ve gotten used to seeing each others¡¯ faces.

    And the sad ending of this intimacy had an extra significance to me. The reason being Cabel, to put it simply.

    Though it was unintentional, Cabel accepted that I wanted to hide the ¡°relationship,¡± and did his best to honor it.

    The more I thought about that relationship, the sadder I got. But I still thought it was fortunate that there hadn¡¯t been a dramatic change on display for everyone to see.

    At least, that¡¯s what I¡¯d thought, but¡­

    It wouldn¡¯t seem strange for people in friendly relations to greet each other or ask how one another is doing¡­ but if someone who doesn¡¯t do that at all, suddenly looks for or talks to another even a little bit more¡­ Of course, it¡¯s bound to stand out.

    Like how Tirack noticed Cabel suddenly looking backwards for me, and came to the conclusion that I must have made a mistake.

    Cabel¡¯s behavior towards me was simple. He greeted me in the morning, and when I noted the exhaustion on his face and inquired into it, he¡¯d smile for a moment as if happy for my concern, but in the end, he¡¯d answer with his usual tone and relaxed expression. And he¡¯d greet me in the evening as well¡­.

    That was all, but the Nickel Knights looked at me with an expression that couldn¡¯t have been more shocked if they¡¯d been struck by lightning.

 CH 28

    Tirack almost believed that Cabel was being manipulated by someone else, as if a spell had been cast over him. I¡¯d heard of there being black magic in Vios, and it seemed like a real possibility. So I joined in this belief myself, serious about finding the real cause of all this.

    Because it wasn¡¯t just that first day that Cabel took me to scenic views.

    Outwardly, my relationship with Cabel has consisted of those twice daily greetings. But in reality, for the past four days, the two of us have gone deep into the mountains together after the regular march.

    I¡¯d walk alongside Cabel, trembling with anxiety every time, but in the end, I did really admire the beautiful scenes he showed me.

    The waterfall I saw on the day of that fateful dinner was also recommended by Cabel, but more than anything I¡¯m just curious to know how he¡¯s found all these hidden tourist attractions with such a blunt face. And I really don¡¯t understand taking ¡®only me¡¯ to such places.

    But not being able to understand doesn¡¯t mean not knowing why. In other words, I could vaguely guess the reason by now, but it¡¯s difficult to believe. No, honestly, how can I truly accept it?

    What am I supposed to think of the fact that Cabel likes me¡­?

    I did make a confession that I like being treated kindly; but whenever I see him putting forth that effort, I fall into deep confusion. What the heck is this? I¡¯d never grasped even the slightest hint of his affection.

    ¡­..well, were there signs? Come to think of it, there were times when his reactions were unexpected. Like saying my short haircut wasn¡¯t bad, or that he¡¯s used to my breathing¡­ A-ack. It¡¯s hard to think about again.

    Anyway, the Nickel Knights were the first to detect these small changes, that were actually big changes for Cabel. And then others began to notice one after another.

    Even though he never said anything to spread rumors regarding our relationship, the look in his eyes when we¡¯re together has changed. And I can¡¯t shake the feeling that whispered conversations follow us wherever we go¡­.

    As a result, I was plagued by troubles related to him almost all day. ¡®Did the duke like me¡­?¡¯ I¡¯d ask Lily, with her responding, ¡®Maybe so¡­?¡¯ or the like, answering my question with a question.

    The Lily I know would have expressed her annoyance at my repeated questions by now, so she must have also been really curious, to actually join in on my questioning in circles.

    Of course the most likely explanation was still that Cabel was being mind-controlled by Vios¡¯s dark magician. It was even their traditional bull-rushing liquor that got me into this mess¡­!

    There was a part of my heart that was regretful that my confession went wrong, and that Elvin wouldn¡¯t know how I feel, but the reality facing me right now is much more important.

    I have no idea since when, but somehow Cabel likes me, so he accepted my confession. And he cared enough about me to change his behavior dramatically; so much so that I will certainly die the moment he finds out the confession was wrong. This is my reality.

    I¡¯d spent the past four days thinking about what possibly could be done for my situation.

    As a result, I couldn¡¯t remember any conversation I had with Elvin during that period, and since they were probably only formal greetings anyway, I didn¡¯t really try to remember.

    However, yesterday Elvin did try to make conversation, saying that climbing the mountain seemed to be less difficult for me now. But I was so distracted thinking about Cabel that I responded a beat late. I smiled awkwardly and replied that I must have finally adjusted to it, cutting the conversation short and causing a strange expression to appear on his face.

    I was sorry that I gave the impression of insincerity, so I tried to talk to him again, but his expression had already returned to normal and he seemed to be lost in his own thoughts, so in the end there was no dialogue between us.

    I was bothered by this, so I was thinking of apologizing to him if I had a chance later, of course thinking that opportunity wouldn¡¯t come.

    So, naturally I was unsettled when Elvin suddenly came to talk to me like this.

    ¡°Priestess Renesha. I have something to share with you regarding the schedule after we return to the capital. Do you have a moment?¡±

    I had just arrived at the villa. This morning, too, I was greeted by Cabel, so I had to once again receive the Nickel Knight¡¯s shocked stares and to prepare myself for a march full of Tirack swearing against Vios¡¯s black magic as background noise.

    However, what is different about today is that the Holy Knights were at the forefront. So, although I suffered a lot of inner anxiety because of the Nickel Knights following behind me, fortunately, nothing happened, so I was relieved.

    And I was just arriving at the villa and thinking to myself that there seemed to be no secret tourist spots to sneak off to today¡­ When Elvin found me unexpectedly.

    ¡°Ah, yes. That¡¯s fine. ¡°

    But his reason to speak with me wasn¡¯t particularly strange, so I suppressed my surprise and followed him.

    Come to think of it, I can¡¯t relax even after we return to the capital. There¡¯s Vios¡¯s letter of surrender, my suddenly enhanced holy power, and the apprehension of not knowing how Cabel will behave in the capital¡­¡­.

    There¡¯s not just one or two things for me worry about. And as Elvin headed for the low hill behind the villa, I followed behind him, wondering why the knights go uphill even for a simple walk, or if maybe this is supposed to be more training.

    Anyway, I have so many things to worry about right now, and as I listened to Elvin talk about the schedule I might have to do after our return, I started to get more and more lost in my own thoughts.

    It seems a reassessment of my holy power will be unavoidable, and as for the title of ¡°saintess,¡± the empire will review it and may or may not grant it. Since I¡¯m not from the state religion of Abnel, it is uncertain what they will decide. So I even have to worry about something that I don¡¯t want to receive.

    On top of that, the capital is awaiting our return and preparing for a grand entrance ceremony, and they¡¯re suggesting that maybe I should lead the procession¡­

    ¡°¡­¡­hyuk. ¡°

    In the middle of those thoughts, I suddenly felt like something was off. As soon as I realized what it was, I gasped.

    I thought I was walking behind Elvin, but at some point I began walking in front, and Elvin was staring at my back from a distance. Cr-crazy. I couldn¡¯t believe how rude I was.

    ¡°Oh, oh I¡¯m so sorry.¡±

    I hurriedly returned in front of Elvin and apologized. I was almost running, but Elvin was gracious and told me not to run, saying it was dangerous since it was downhill.

    But I was too ashamed to slow down, so I gasped as I ran downhill, apologizing over and over again.

    ¡°We were in the middle of a conversation¡­ ughh, I¡¯m really sorry.¡±

    ¡°Um, it¡¯s nothing. I don¡¯t feel bad at all.¡±

    Elvin spoke in a fairly peaceful tone, with the same expression as when he first looked at me. A calm voice, that let me know what he said wasn¡¯t a lie. But I still felt sorry and didn¡¯t know what to do¡­ Elvin burst into a quiet laughter.

    ¡°Actually, I stopped first. The priestess didn¡¯t leave me behind, I stopped on purpose.¡±

    ¡°I-¡­ isn¡¯t it because I was zoning out during the conversation?¡±

    ¡°No. It¡¯s just¡­¡­¡±

    For a moment, Elvin shut his mouth and had a mysterious expression¡­.. eventually his eyes curled gently.*

    [tl/n*: idk if its just me but this wording felt wrong to me. I¡¯m always torn between changing it to sound better in English or just writing what the author intended literally¡­..which is somehow his eyes curling]

    ¡°I¡¯ve gotten used to seeing the priestess¡¯s back.¡±

    ¡­..In the quiet space, I could hear Elvin¡¯s voice exceptionally clearly. The low voice with a slight smile felt strange for a moment, but as soon as I interpreted its meaning, my heart dropped.

    Elvin went on nonchalantly.

    ¡°All this while, I¡¯ve walked behind the priestess, and it seems I¡¯ve grown accustomed to it.¡±

    I couldn¡¯t say anything. It was a short time, but I even thought I forgot how to breathe.

    Elvin walked casually while I was silent. I hesitated, but began to follow behind him.

    ¡°You seem to have a lot of worries.¡±

    ¡°Oh¡­ It seems like there¡¯s so much to do after returning to the capital¡­.¡±

    ¡°It shouldn¡¯t be too difficult for the priestess. Maybe a bit tiresome. ¡°

    Well, their meaning is more or less the same to me¡­¡­so I just laughed awkwardly, swallowing the emotion I couldn¡¯t bring myself to say.

    A rather peaceful conversation ensued. The slope of the hill wasn¡¯t too steep, but sometimes there were rocks, so I had to overstretch my legs. I thought it was a relief that Elvin couldn¡¯t see my unwieldy figure since he was in front of me, and I was able to talk with him amiably.

    We discussed things like the fact that today¡¯s dinner would be good to look forward to, since all the remaining ingredients would be used, and that the soldiers welcomed the wine in the basement of the villa more than the scrolls.

    While having such a comfortable conversation, suddenly Elvin asked.

    ¡°Do the priestess¡¯s concerns have anything to do with the Nickel Knights¡¯ leader?¡±

    ¡°¡­What?¡±

    We were definitely just having small talk, so I was taken aback by the sudden question. He¡¯d stopped walking and was looking down at me, but I didn¡¯t dare face those golden eyes, so I decided to walk forward first.

    There happened to be an uneven stone road below, so I had to walk carefully, and the silence between Elvin and I began to feel heavier.

    So in the end, I put on an awkward smile and asked why he thought so, and Elvin¡¯s reply came from right behind me. My attempt to distance myself failed miserably with just two steps from him.

    ¡°You seem a lot closer to him these days.¡±

    ¡°Ah, haha¡­close¡­.¡±

    We¡¯re not that close¡­. But Elvin¡¯s expression became unfamiliar once again because I only smiled vaguely and didn¡¯t answer.

    He looked up at me with a very strange expression. No, rather than looking up, his eyes met mine squarely. Even though he was clearly lower than me, he¡¯s so much taller that I only had to tilt my head slightly to look at him.

    There was still quite a bit of time before the sun went down, but the densely-planted trees provided a lot of shade. A cold wind blew, and until it subsided, the stillness between Elvin and I didn¡¯t break.

    It was a strange moment. Between Elvin staring at me, and me having to stare down at him, an atmosphere was created that I couldn¡¯t name exactly.

    Elvin, who tilted his head back to look down at me, asked slowly.

    ¡°Is it, perhaps, a question you¡¯re uncomfortable answering?¡±

    While I was hesitating, Elvin lowered his gaze and asked me this. His gold eyes, which shone brilliantly even under the shade of the trees, were slightly hidden between the delicate eyelashes.

    ¡°That much¡­ it seems quite a lot has happened.¡±

    Somehow the voice was extremely low. Too low; it gave the illusion that he found it offensive.

    I still couldn¡¯t say anything. This moment was unprecedented and uncomfortable, and words I shouldn¡¯t say were threatening to spill out. Words I shouldn¡¯t say to Elvin.

    But as I faced him looking down at me with a sunken face, staring at me with a different expression than usual, I was in danger of losing control of my mouth.

    Oh, I can¡¯t.

    Eventually I turned my back on him. The last bit of reason I managed to hold on to made me avoid looking at him at all.

    So I moved to take a step forward, but to my surprise, my ankle twisted. Forgetting that we were on an uneven, downhill slope, my feet strode forward, causing this mistake.

    ¡°¡­¡­¡±

    But it was clearly a small mistake. There was a tree right next to me, and I was able to hold onto it, barely stopping myself from falling completely, but¡­ Elvin caught me, bringing me into his embrace. The arms wrapped around my waist felt so unfamiliar.

    There was no conversation between him and me. There was no sound except that of breath falling.

    I am now standing firmly on the ground and can move forward. And yet, I¡¯m unable to move.

    I lost my sense of reality and could only blink blankly.

    His arms aren¡¯t¡­. letting go¡­.