《Eternal Burning》 CH 1 The sixth time. ¡°Schopenhauer believed that people are born unfortunate. The so-called happiness and enjoyment are only temporary cessation of desire. The main theme of life is; pain, emptiness, and boredom¡­¡± Pressing the button on the remote control, the projection screen above the podium displayed the corresponding excerpt. ¡°It is thus written in the book, ¡®The World as Will and Representation¡¯¡­¡± The seventh time. ¡°¡­desire and struggle are the whole essences of being human.¡± Under the dim light, that man was still looking at his phone. In the span of ten minutes, he had checked his phone several times. There was an endless stream of notifications. There were times when the phone started vibrating just after he put it on the table. Although it wasn¡¯t a big movement, it was enough to distract me. When he picked up the phone again, I couldn¡¯t bear it anymore. I stopped the lecture, controlled the electric wheelchair to the edge of the podium, and looked towards the other person¡¯s position with a stiff face. ¡°You¡­¡­¡± I raised my laser pointer and pointed it at the table situated on the far right in the third row, near the hallway. The small red dot moved up slowly and finally stopped at the man¡¯s position behind the table. Any normal person who found themselves pointed at by an unknown laser would always subconsciously look up to find the source. The other party was no exception. The young man in a loose white Tee frowned and raised his head, with the words ¡°I¡¯m not happy, don¡¯t mess with me¡± clearly written on his face. When those dark and deep eyes looked over, I even had the illusion of being stared at by a ferocious beast. Lf wjs cba yf tecugs fcbeut ab teca gluta cbk, yea lo sbe vjgf ab xffq qgjcmlcu jgbecv lc ogbca bo tlw, tf kbc¡¯a wlcv afjglcu sbe lcab qlfmfr ab vgju yjmx jcv vfmbgjaf tlr ijlg klat. P qegrfv ws ilqr, aegcfv boo atf ijrfg qblcafg, jcv rjlv mbivis, ¡°Po sbe tjnf jc egufca wjaafg, pera ub jcv vfji klat la. Zbylif qtbcfr jgf cba jiibkfv lc ws mijrr.¡± The voice was clearly transmitted through the headset. The other party raised his eyebrows, looked at me for a moment, tucked the phone into his pants pocket, then stood up and walked out the door. Clean and neat, without making any excuses for himself. The two people sitting next to him should be his friends. Seeing him leave, they looked at each other, picked up their books, and quickly followed. The classroom door opened and closed. I stared at their receding figures and subconsciously clenched the laser pointer in my hand. There was an eerie and awkward silence in the room. Everyone looked at me nervously with bated breaths. They should have been more shocked than I was, that someone actually dared to challenge my authority in class. It was true that there had not been such a warrior in a long time. Looking back, I said to the teaching assistants sitting in the last row of the classroom, ¡°Note them down for truancy.¡± A white and tender arm was raised in the back row as Yu Xixi responded loudly, ¡°Received!¡± Back in the center of the podium, I adjusted the portable mic and pressed the remote again to continue with the previous content, quickly forgetting this episode. When the class was over and everyone had dispersed, I held the lecture notes and was pushed by Yu Xixi to the office. ¡°Bei-ge, did you know that you now have the nickname, ¡®Philosophical Monarch Bei¡¯?¡± She had a lively personality and didn¡¯t like being dull. It may be related to her previous experience as the Minister of Literature and Art. She always liked to liven the atmosphere even if the destination was just a short couple of meters away. I often felt that it was a pity for her to be a teaching assistant. She should be an entertainment reporter so that she could surf through work and neglect neither her work nor her desire to gossip. ¡°What does it mean? t?¡± The shadows of the trees swayed on the ground. It was clearly windy, but it didn¡¯t feel cold at all. It was already October, why was it still so hot? At this time last year, everyone had already started to wear long sleeves. South Law Monk, North Philosophical Monarch. Professor Wang Nan from the Department of Law, and you from the Department of Philosophy, are also known as the two most difficult gods in Qingwan University. When explained ¨C Wang Nan, the bald donkey of the Department of Law; Bei Jiao, the Demon King of the Department of Philosophy.¡± ¡°¡­¡± I thought that no one else had noticed that Professor Wang was wearing a wig, but it turned out that everyone just pretended to turn a blind eye. There were actually heated discussions in private. ¡°I also saw someone talking about you from the other departments of popular science yesterday, saying; ¡®It¡¯s best if you avoid picking the classes of Philosophical Monarch Bei if possible. It¡¯s very hard to pass and the homework is very demanding. But if it¡¯s for his appearance, just pretend that I didn¡¯t say anything¡¯. Bei-ge, your appearance has withstood the aesthetic test of a vast number of students multiple times.¡± All kinds of gossip on the Internet¨C both people I know and didn¡¯t know, from inside and outside of the school, Student Yu Xixi stuffed it into my mouth all at once, not caring if I wanted to eat it or not. Fingertips tapped the wheelchair armrests regularly, hot and upset. ¡°By the way, Bei-ge, do you know whose son was the person you kicked out of the classroom today?¡± Movements paused. ¡°Headmaster¡¯s?¡± I guessed. Yu Xixi was delighted, ¡°How can the principal give birth to such a beautiful cub, just his old face¡­¡± I tilted my head and glanced at her, ¡°Pay attention to your words.¡± She seemed to realize that they were not in the wild countryside, but in a crowded school, and suddenly shut up. Looking left and right, Yu Xixi lowered her voice and said, ¡°His name is Shang Muxiao, Shang Lu¡¯s son. He was a famous movie star more than ten years ago, the one who filmed . Shang Lu was quite popular at that time. My mother likes him so much. But unfortunately, he quit showbiz and went into business after filming .¡± My heart skipped a beat, ¡°Shang Lu?¡± I haven¡¯t heard this name for many years. Suddenly hearing this name can make someone fall into a daze. My fingertips tapped the wheelchair armrests regularly, feeling both hot and restless. More than ten years ago, not only Yu Xixi¡¯s mother liked him, but I also liked him. Speaking of which, he was still the object of my sexual enlightenment when I was young. There were so many quiet nights in the middle of the night, and I would also be thinking about his posters. Time flew by like flowing water, and in the blink of an eye, he even had such an old son. Looking back carefully, there was indeed a shadow of Shang Lu between the man¡¯s eyebrows and eyes today. It was just that Shang Lu accurately portrayed the appearance of a typical big male protagonist, which easily left a favorable impression on others. Although Shang Muxiao had a more delicate appearance, his facial features had more of a visual impact. There was an indescribable¡­ sense of distance, making people unable to confidently get close. ¡°I heard that Shang Lu retired from acting to take care of his sick wife. At that time, he was reported by the media as a peerless and affectionate man. Unfortunately, his wife died the following year.¡± ¡°However, although his family was unfortunate, he turned his grief and indignation into strength. In the next few years, he became prosperous in shopping malls. The industries he invested in were more prosperous than the next. He soon made it onto the list of rich and was given, ¡®The Golden Hand,¡¯ nickname by the gossiping tabloid journalists.¡± Yu Xixi gossiped all the way to the office. When she entered the door, she had already dragged up the matter that Shang Lu suddenly ended his long-term widowhood and married a starlet who was about the same age as his eldest daughter two years ago. The media reported him as, ¡®becoming firmer as one grows old¡¯.¡± CH 2 ¡°What¡¯s wrong with the car in front of me? It¡¯s so slow, even an old lady can walk faster¡­ so it¡¯s you.¡± Shang Muxiao lowered his eyelids, looking tired, ¡°Next time, put a sign on the back, to avoid misunderstandings.¡± I was stunned for a moment. At first I didn¡¯t understand what sign he wanted me to put up. After a few seconds, I quickly realized that he should have wanted me to put up a sign like, ¡®The owner is disabled¡¯ or ¡®The owner is sick¡¯. He probably didn¡¯t mean to act in such a discriminating manner towards me, but his words did make me uncomfortable. I was just paying attention to safety. It had nothing to do with whether I was disabled or not. Even if I wasn¡¯t disabled, I would have driven carefully. ¡°Excuse me¡­¡­¡± Enduring my displeasure, I explained to Shang Muxiao that I slammed on the brakes to avoid the wild cat that suddenly came out. After listening, Shang Muxiao nodded, as if he wasn¡¯t very interested in the cause of the accident, and readily stated that since he rear-ended me, then he was fully responsible. ¡°Was it damaged badly?¡± I asked. ¡°Mine is fine, it¡¯s just scratched off a bit of paint, yours is more serious.¡± Shang Muxiao put his helmet under his arm, took out his mobile phone, and glanced at it. It was unknown to whom he was sending a message. Just a few seconds later, the bell rang suddenly, and he answered the phone almost immediately. His originally impatient expression suddenly became incredibly soft. ¡°Sister¡­ It¡¯s just a small accident, it¡¯s okay¡­ I know, I will pay attention¡­ The snacks you want have already been bought, you wait a while¡­¡± Upon closer inspection, I found that he had a piercing in his right ear and was wearing a small black spar earring. He had a small black mole just above his earlobe. If you didn¡¯t pay attention, you would think that he had two ear piercings. I remembered that Shang Lu also had a mole in the same place. I used to like his mole very much and thought it had a ¡°taste¡±. Genes were amazing, even this aspect was so similar. A long queue gradually formed behind the car, and there was a series of honking horns coming from the vehicles behind. Our accident had already caused congestion, and if we delayed it any longer, the police would come. ¡°Let¡¯s do this¡­¡± I was just about to say let¡¯s go to the open area to discuss when Shang Muxiao hung up the phone and stretched out his hand directly to me. I stared in confusion at the phone that was handed in front of me, not understanding what he meant. ¡°Xlnf wf sbeg qtbcf cewyfg,¡± tf rjlv. ¡°P¡¯ii tjnf ws lcregjcmf ygbxfg mbcajma sbe.¡± Ktja kjr ktja la wfjca. P abbx atf qtbcf, fcafgfv ws cewyfg, jcv tjcvfv la yjmx ab tlw. Lf vlvc¡¯a ibbx ja la, aemxfv atf qtbcf lcab tlr agberfg qbmxfa, qea bc tlr tfiwfa jujlc jcv rjlv ab wf, ¡°Ofa¡¯r ifjnf la tfgf obg cbk. P tjnf rbwfatlcu egufca ab vb. Po atfgf lr jcs qgbyifw, P klii ajix jybea la ja rmtbbi cfza kffx.¡± I nodded, said nothing, started the car, and headed towards the intersection again. Just after turning the corner, a blue-and-white figure quickly overtook the car from behind, and the smooth body disappeared from sight before I could take a closer look. That night, a man who claimed to be an insurance broker of Shang Muxiao called me and asked me to go to the designated location to fix the damage when I had time, saying that the repair costs would be fully paid by their insurance company. As Shang Muxiao said, the back of my car was really badly damaged. The entire rear bumper was dented, and it was a little shaky. With a crash like this, it only managed to scratch some paint off of his car. I didn¡¯t know whether it was because his car¡¯s quality was too good, or my car is poor quality. I ultimately decided to get the damage assessed on the weekend. After driving the car to the damage assessment point, the staff looked at my car and told me that the entire rear bumper might have to be replaced, and the rear cover had to be repainted. I asked them how long it would take to fix it and they said at least two weeks. The thought of not having a car for two weeks gave me an unstoppable headache. And this invisible, lingering pain also indirectly affected every aspect of my life, such as my mood in classes. Even Yu Xixi noticed that I was in a bad mood recently, and became more and more pinch-tailed, and didn¡¯t dare to share gossip with me. Sheng Luoyu came to see me on Wednesday and brought a lot of daily necessities. Knowing that it would be inconvenient for me to travel without a car, she even went to the vegetable market to help me fill up the refrigerator. Because she contributed both her money and efforts, my bad mood for a few days had also calmed down a lot. We talked about some unimportant things and I was not so impatient anymore. ¡°Xiao-Jie, the mutual aid group I told you last time, do you have time to join one on Saturday?¡± Sheng Luoyu simply made two plates of spaghetti and shared one with me. ¡°What kind of mutual aid group?¡± I scrunched up my face and didn¡¯t quite remember what she said about the mutual aid group. I probably thought she was too long-winded. I¡¯ve heard it, and it went in one ear and out the other. ¡°It¡¯s that¡­ optimistic psychological support group.¡± I seem to have an impression of this name. I looked up at her: ¡°I have no psychological problems.¡± Sheng Luoyu didn¡¯t believe it at all: ¡°You¡¯re so pessimistic and world-weary, and you still claim to have no problem?¡± I corrected her, ¡°It¡¯s not my psyche, it¡¯s my philosophy.¡± She was speechless. ¡°My mother asked me to persuade you to go. If I fail again, she will come to the door in person. She has not been in good health for the past two years. Do you have the heart to watch her worry about your affairs?¡± If she used herself to play this family card, I could totally bear it. But my aunt was an elder I have respected since I was a child. As long as she goes out, I can¡¯t just refuse it. I was silent and didn¡¯t directly refuse, ¡°How is Auntie doing recently?¡± ¡°It¡¯s still the same old problem. It¡¯s easy to get a cough when the weather is cold.¡± Sheng Luoyu poked her plate of pasta and said earnestly, ¡°She¡¯s very worried about you.¡± My aunt suffered from lung disease when she was young. Although she was cured later, the root cause of the disease was still there, and it was easy to fall ill when there was any stimulation. When I had an accident, she shed a lot of tears for me, and I didn¡¯t want her to worry about my affairs anymore. She was one of the few people who were willing to worry about me. After pursing my lips, I put down my fork, and finally gave in. ¡°Okay, I¡¯ll go.¡± After Sheng Luoyu left, I packed up the tableware, poured myself a cup of Trockenbeerenauslese wine suitable for bedtime drinking, and went to the CD rack in the living room. I pulled out the DVD of ¡®The Retrograde Wind¡¯ from the corner, opened the box, and skillfully inserted it into the DVD player. Sitting in the dim living room, looking at the screen that had already been replayed for who knew how many times on the projection screen, I chose to fast-forward directly to the place I wanted to watch. In a hot and humid barn, a topless man smoked cigarettes. The woman flirted with him. He hugged her into his arms as he slowly exhaled the smoke in his mouth, forming a wonderful fluid phenomenon, which vaguely enveloped the heads and faces of the two. The nails sank slightly into the glowing muscles, and the thick blood vessels bulged and throbbed under the wheat-colored skin. A burst of lust, a surge of hormones. This movie deserved a more laudable image, but I loved this part alone. The director should be very fond of Shang Lu. Loved his excellent expressiveness, and also loved his acting skills that seemed to reach even the tips of his hair. In the close-up of his profile, every bead of sweat and every undulating breath of his were just right. Even the mole on his earlobe seemed to be speaking of the infinite charm of the male protagonist. Staring at the tiny black mole, another younger face flashed in my mind. I frowned, quickly clearing the inappropriate image from my mind. After watching the movie, I put the empty wine glass in the sink as the sleepiness gradually emerged due to the effect of alcohol. I turned off the projection and controlled the wheelchair into the bedroom to rest. That night, maybe it was because of drinking, or because I revisited ¡®Retrograde Wind¡¯, I had a lot of messy dreams. When I woke up, I couldn¡¯t remember the content of the dream clearly, but I felt exhausted physically and mentally as if I had been fighting with people all night. ¡°Teacher, I really have a reason. I didn¡¯t miss so many classes on purpose. Please give me another chance and let me take the exam¡­ I can¡¯t fail any more classes, or it will affect my graduation.¡± Knowing that they were going to fail the course, there were many students who came to me for intercession. But today was different. I typed on the computer keyboard without looking up. Seeing that I ignored her, the girl simply walked around the desk and came to me. ¡°Teacher, please give me another chance.¡± She lowered her body and half-kneeled beside my wheelchair, begging. My head hurt even more. Minimizing the window, I leaned back in the chair and looked down at her: ¡°You will be disqualified from the exam after five absenteeisms, but you have more than five absenteeisms, Classmate Yan Ying. Since the beginning of the semester, you have not attended my class even once. You¡¯re not a freshman anymore, you should know what I can¡¯t tolerate the most.¡± The girl flinched, her eyes shifting: ¡°I have troubles, teacher. During summer vacation, I got¡­¡­depressed, and then I couldn¡¯t control my emotions. Taking medicine didn¡¯t help. It didn¡¯t improve until the start of school, so I skipped classes¡­¡­It¡¯s all because I¡¯m sick. I really didn¡¯t skip class on purpose.¡± CH 3 The weather was a little cloudy today. I was worried that it would rain, so I brought an umbrella when I went out. The activity point of the psychological support group was not far from my home, about five kilometers away, in the indoor gymnasium of an elementary school. I heard Shen Luoyu say that the person in charge of the group is an administrative staff member of this elementary school, so they were allowed to borrow the empty gymnasium at night. My car was still being repaired so I could only call and reserve a taxi to pick me up. A car that can hold my wheelchair wasn¡¯t available anytime, anywhere. It took a long time for a yellow taxi to arrive. When I arrived at my destination, a middle-aged woman with a genial face and a plump figure was already waiting in front of the gymnasium. When she saw me, her eyes narrowed with laughter. ¡°Are you Bei Jie? Hello, I¡¯m Liao Yinnian, the head of the optimistic psychology group. You can just call me Liao-jie. Miss Shen has told me about your situation before. You don¡¯t have to feel pressured, just come over and make friends.¡± she said, walking around behind me. I saw through her intentions, and hurriedly stopped her, ¡°No, I can do it myself, just help me hold the door.¡± Liao-jie was stunned for a moment, then nodded, ¡°Oh, good.¡± A lot of people had already arrived in the room. They sat in a circle around the ping-pong table, and everyone had an English-style black teacup in front of them. ¡°Do you want black tea or coffee?¡± Liao-jie led me to the table. I looked around, nodded slightly to a few people who were looking at me, and replied, ¡°Tea, thank you.¡± Liao-jie grabbed the teapot from the side and filled it for me. There were only about six or seven people present; old and young, male and female, all dressed differently. These people looked much healthier than me. They didn¡¯t look like people who were full of sadness. If Liao-jie hadn¡¯t confirmed with me before, I would have wondered if Shen Luoyu had reported the wrong group to me. ¡°Okay, it¡¯s almost time, let¡¯s start first.¡± Liao-jie clapped her hands together, and asked everyone to look at her, ¡°There was originally a newcomer, but I don¡¯t think he will come, so let¡¯s not wait¡­.¡± Almost as soon as she finished speaking, the door of the gymnasium was pushed open from the outside, and the faint smell of water rushed in with the cool night wind. I turned to look along with everyone else, just in time to see Shang Muxiao stepping into the room with a dark face. It must have been raining outside, making his hair wet. A dark watermark appeared on the shoulders of his denim jacket. He wiped his neck with the back of his hand, glanced around the room, and looked at me unexpectedly, and at the same time, his face darkened even more. Who would see this scene and not say ¡°damn¡± in their hearts? ¡°You¡¯re Miss Shang¡¯s younger brother, right?¡± Liao-jie was still enthusiastic and greeted him, ¡°Come and sit down, I thought you wouldn¡¯t come. Is it raining outside? You look wet, I¡¯ll go and get you a towel, you wait.¡± Shang Muxiao looked at me for a long while, then withdrew his gaze and sat opposite me. I picked up the teacup and took a sip, sighing inwardly. It was indeed true that enemies meet on a narrow road, how could there be such a coincidence? Liao-jie quickly brought a brand new towel from the utility room. Shang Muxiao thanked her and took it, wiping his hair a little. ¡°Everyone is here now.¡± Liao-jie sat in her seat like a host, and announced the official start of the psychological mutual aid activity. ¡°Let¡¯s start with the self-introduction of the newcomers.¡± Vtf atfc aegcfv tfg jaafcalbc ab wf. Ciatbeut P kjr erfv ab yflcu kjamtfv jcv defralbcfv jr j mfcagji qblca, atbrf kfgf jii lc qgbofrrlbcji rlaejalbcr. Ktf meggfca rlaejalbc kjr ralii nfgs vloofgfca. Vlaalcu bc atf qbvlew ab ulnf j ifmaegf, sbe vlvc¡¯a cffv ab gfnfji sbeg tfjga rb vffqis. ¡°Zs cjwf lr Dfl Alf, Dfl ogbw cbgat, Alf ogbw werajgv ugjrr. P afjmt lc atf Gfqjgawfca bo Utlibrbqts ja Hlcukjc Fclnfgrlas. P jw 32 sfjgr biv. Cr sbe mjc rff, P jw j vlrjyifv qfgrbc klat qjgjisrlr bo ybat ibkfg ilwyr.¡± After a moment of silence, and confirming that I had finished speaking, Liao-jie took the lead in applauding: ¡°Welcome Bei Jie.¡± ¡°Welcome!¡± ¡°Welcome¡­¡­¡± The rest of the crowd clapped, with friendly, scalp-tingling smiles on their faces. ¡°Next.¡± Liao-jie squinted at the young man who was stirring coffee in boredom with a silver spoon. Shang Muxiao felt the scorching gaze of everyone, raised his head, and let go. The metal silver spoon collided with the porcelain, making a soft sound, which was particularly prominent in a quiet environment. ¡°Shang Muxiao, a sophomore in the Finance Department of Qingwan University, 20 this year.¡± He leaned back and made a brief self-introduction casually. ¡°Oh, both of them are from Qingwan University, what a coincidence.¡± Liao-jie controlled the rhythm and asked the rest to introduce themselves one by one. A housewife, a white-collar worker from foreign companies, a retiree, a bald man, a live streamer with goods, a high school girl¡­ and Sister Liao. There were exactly nine people. Next, Liao-jie asked everyone to tell us about their current situation, some changes this week compared to last week, or any kind of big and small things that happened around us. ¡°My son is not sensible at all. This week I was called to school by the teacher again, and I lost my face.¡± The housewife complained, ¡°My husband is completely useless whether he is in bed or out of the bed. As soon as he gets home, he¡¯ll say he¡¯s tired. Apart from eating or showering there¡¯s nothing else he talks to me about. Another week of wanting to give up.¡± ¡°The tumor in my lung has grown. But I¡¯m not going to have surgery, and I still plan to take conservative treatment. At this age, I don¡¯t want to struggle anymore¡­¡± The white-haired old man said jokingly. The white-collar worker said, ¡°Actually, I have a granddaughter who will be 30 this year. If you are interested, I can help you connect with each other.¡± There was sporadic laughter at the scene, which eased the somewhat depressing atmosphere. Shen Luoyu wasn¡¯t mistaken. This was indeed an ¡°optimistic psychological support group¡±. Everyone seemed to have been abandoned by happiness. After removing their sturdy disguise on the surface, they all had the big word ¡°decay¡± written on their faces. Soon, by order, it was my turn to talk. In fact, I didn¡¯t know what to say, so after a moment of hesitation, I came up with the reason for coming here. ¡°My family thinks I¡¯m not positive about life, that I¡¯m too pessimistic. They want me to make some changes, they want me to be happy, so they signed me up for this group.¡± I looked up at everyone, ¡°But I don¡¯t mean to be unhappy on purpose. I just firmly believe¡­ that life should be full of pain and unfulfilled desires. Optimism is an illusion, misery is the norm. I don¡¯t have any desire to change the status quo, and I think I¡¯m fine with that.¡± Live alone, eat alone; stay away from family, have no lover; be lonely, but enjoy loneliness. Others thought I was pitiful, but ¡°pity¡± was just a label of objectivity. As a subject, my life wasn¡¯t affected by this label. ¡°If you could choose to restore your body to its healthiest state, wouldn¡¯t you want to change it?¡± The sluggish voice echoed in the empty gymnasium. The healthiest state¡­ It should be when I was not paralyzed. This question was quite torturous. I looked at Shang Muxiao who was asking, and met his gaze without giving in. ¡°This question doesn¡¯t make sense.¡± Time couldn¡¯t be rewound, and my body couldn¡¯t go back to its healthiest state. And even if I wasn¡¯t paralyzed, human beings were born to die. From the moment they were born, they were doomed to decline step by step. The collapse of the body was inevitable, and immortality was just a dream of the First Emperor of Qin. No one spoke for a long time. Liao-jie coughed lightly and said, ¡°You don¡¯t need to say too much for the first time. You can listen to others first.¡± In a clockwise direction, the bald man confided his troubles about being bald, saying that he was always teased by his colleagues and could not get a girlfriend. The live streamer who brought the goods was attacked by black fans all year-round, so she could only take sleeping pills to sleep every night. She was 165cm tall, but only weighed 80 pounds. The high school girl had been a good girl since childhood; excellent in character and studies, doted on by both teachers and parents. The only thing she didn¡¯t have were friends. In this gymnasium, in front of the ping pong table, all living beings were displayed incisively and vividly. When it was Shang Muxiao¡¯s turn, everyone was looking at him. He leaned back in his chair, his eyes fell under the table and combined with the slight movements of his arm muscles, I guessed that he was playing with his mobile phone. ¡°Muxiao.¡± Liao-jie could only call out to him. ¡°My sister asked me to come. I listened to her, so I came.¡± Shang Muxiao didn¡¯t raise his head when he spoke, still maintaining the appearance of this having nothing to do with him. Because Shang Muxiao was not very cooperative, Liao-jie had to act as a questioner. ¡°So, what is your problem?¡± ¡°My problem is that I don¡¯t think I have a problem, but my sister thinks I have a problem.¡± If it wasn¡¯t for their established contentious relationship, I would have liked to shake hands with him and sigh that ¡°fellow sufferers empathize with each other¡±. ¡°Then what does your sister think you have a problem with?¡± Liao-jie asked. The chair swayed twice and fell back on the ground. Shang Muxiao finally raised his face, tossed his phone on the table, and threw a thunderbolt, ¡°She thinks I want to kill her boyfriend.¡± Liao-jie was shocked, a little frightened, and she lost her voice. ¡°Do you really want to kill him?¡± I asked. Shang Muxiao looked over and didn¡¯t seem to expect that I would interject at such a time. ¡°Of course it¡¯s a joke.¡± He curled his lips and said unconvincingly, ¡°That man is not worthy of my sister. I may have gone too far with my words and deeds, but I just want them to break up.¡± ¡°However, your sister is also a free and independent individual. Love is her own business. You can listen to her thoughts and respect her choices, but you shouldn¡¯t interfere. Whoever she falls in love with does not need the consent of others.¡± Finally, the housewife couldn¡¯t listen anymore and expressed her opinion. Shang Muxiao nodded, completely agreeing, but resolutely did not change his thoughts. ¡°Indeed, no. But hating a person doesn¡¯t need their consent either, right?¡± Even though his tone was not offensive, it was creepy. The housewife may have never encountered such a thorn before, so she shrank, took a sip of her tea, and stopped talking. Starting at 7:30 and ending at 9:30, Shang Muxiao left in the second half of the meeting in the name of going to the toilet and never came back. I thought he had left early, but when I went out, I saw that he was still smoking under the eaves of the building. The rain had decreased a little, but it was still quite heavy. The members of the group took their umbrellas and left without saying goodbye, not showing how enthusiastic they once were. Liao-jie said that after leaving the building, everything inside became a secret. Even if they met each other on the road, they couldn¡¯t be regarded as acquaintances. Don¡¯t be stressed, don¡¯t be burdened. Gradually, there was only me and Shang Muxiao left under the eaves. He was on the far right and I was on the far left. There was a long distance between us. It looked like five or six meters of distance, but it was actually a whole Mariana Trench. Perhaps because of the rainy weather, the car couldn¡¯t be called for a long time, and I could not leave for a while. I could only embarrassedly shrink under this cramped roof with Shang Muxiao. ¡°Why haven¡¯t you left yet?¡± I turned to look at Shang Muxiao. He was leaning against the wall, his hands falling to his side. When I met his gaze, he slowly exhaled a puff of white smoke from his mouth. The smoke caressed his cheeks and slowly dissipated in the air. The damp wind nudged it gently, dropping a faint smokey kiss on my face. It was like¡­ my favorite scene in ¡°The Retrograde Wind¡±. I blinked, wanting to create a little more distance between us, but it was raining next to me, and I really had nowhere to go. Annoying son of a bitch, simply standing side by side isn¡¯t okay with you? In order to avoid a misunderstanding again, I gave a rare comprehensive explanation, ¡°Because someone crashed into my car, I now have to take a taxi when I go out. Unfortunately it is raining today so it¡¯s difficult to catch a ride nearby. This is why I¡¯m still not leaving.¡± After I finished speaking, I ignored him, lowered my head and continued to try to use the app to catch a taxi. After waiting for a timeout, the app asked me if I wanted to increase the price. I was about to click yes when my hands became empty. I looked up in astonishment and found that Shang Muxiao had taken my phone away. ¡°Since it¡¯s my fault, I¡¯ll take you back.¡± With that, he threw the cigarette butt into the trash can. I looked at him in disbelief. This person really did whatever he wanted. He clearly said before that he didn¡¯t want to see me again, but now he wanted to take the initiative to send me home. What? Regretting not taking my ¡°opportunity¡±? CH 4 ¡°No need.¡± Without even thinking about it, I refused. I stretched out my hand to Shang Muxiao, and motioned for him to return the phone. ¡°You¡¯ve thought about it? It¡¯s hard to get a car at this time here.¡± He looked out into the rain, and his eyes fell on a black Hummer parked not far away. The pitch-black behemoth stood in the open space like a monster, filling the space with its existence. ¡°I finally drove a ¡®big car¡¯.¡± I continued to reach out to him, unmoved. He snorted, threw the phone back to me, and backed away to the wall. The rain was still falling, and I didn¡¯t know when it would end. Droplets of water dripped down intermittently from the eaves. And I still wasn¡¯t able to catch a taxi. It was as if all the taxis in Qingwan had bypassed here, and I had been pulled into a blacklist of refusals without even knowing it. Shang Muxiao put his hands in his pockets, leaned against the wall, and looked into the curtain of rain for a long time. I didn¡¯t know why he didn¡¯t leave, but he simply didn¡¯t. Not only did he not leave, but he was also quiet like a mass of air. I wasn¡¯t sure if he was in a daze, or if he was enjoying the rain, or something less virtuous ¡ª watching my pitiful state. As time passed, I lost hope of getting a taxi and stopped looking at my phone. ¡°I said, it¡¯s hard to get a taxi around here.¡± With just a slight sigh, Shang Muxiao spoke with a hint of schadenfreude. It was as if he was paying attention to my reaction all this time. The hardship I suffered today will be counted on Shen Luoyu¡¯s head in the future. ¡°Come over here.¡± I stuffed my phone into my jacket pocket. Shang Muxiao tilted his head and looked over, ¡°Huh?¡± The protracted tone wasn¡¯t a surprised tone at all. I was sure he heard me speak and understood it, but just really wanted to make me repeat it again. As for saying it a second time, it didn¡¯t really make a difference to me. Overstepping boundaries was the difference between zero and ¡Þ. The same should be true for showing weakness. ¡°Drive your car here and let¡¯s go.¡± I looked at him, with my chin pointing towards where the Hummer was. Shang Muxiao stood up straight, with a triumphant smile on his face. He took two steps forward, then stepped back and stretched out his hand towards me. ¡°Give me the umbrella, I hate the rain.¡± It was okay if he didn¡¯t explain, but once he did, I couldn¡¯t help but think more. Handing over the umbrella hanging on the armrest of the wheelchair, I asked hesitantly, ¡°You didn¡¯t insist on sending me just because of my umbrella, right?¡± Lf tfiv atf ewygfiij tjcvif jcv rwlifv ja wf, ¡°Vb ktja lo P kjr?¡± Coafg rqfjxlcu, tf revvfcis bqfcfv atf yijmx ewygfiij jcv ktlraifv lcab atf gjlc. Ktf yijmx Lewwfg rabqqfv lc ogbca bo wf. Vtjcu Zezljb uba bea bo atf mjg jcv bqfcfv atf gfjg vbbg, ibbxlcu ilxf tf kjr kfimbwlcu j cbyif lcab atflg mtjeoofeg. Although I still have a slight sensation in my lower limbs, Shang Muxiao¡¯s car was too high to get up into on my own. I suspect that he calculated this point and wanted to watch me struggle here. Standing still, I didn¡¯t move for a long time. The dark carriage was like the mouth of a giant shark, opening sinisterly towards me. Either way, it was giving me bad vibes. ¡°Need help?¡± Finally, Shang Muxiao seemed to have had enough of the show and decided not to disguise himself as a human-shaped mushroom attached to the door, extending a helping hand to me. I glanced at You Sen¡¯s ¡°Giant Mouth¡±, and then at Shang Muxiao. It wasn¡¯t a good idea, everyone knew it, but I was still going to have to throw myself into the trap. ¡°Excuse me, can you help me?¡± I held out my hand, showing weakness again, and found myself getting used to it more and more. Even with the help of Shang Muxiao, the process was still not smooth. Twelve years ago, a serious car accident damaged my spine and paralyzed my lower limbs. My legs were completely paralyzed from that day on. I had already accepted reality when I realized that I was destined to be in a wheelchair for the rest of my life. For the first two years, the doctor told me to actively rehabilitate, thinking that although I could no longer walk as freely as a normal person, I might be able to stand for a while and occasionally walk around the house with a cane. I didn¡¯t think it was any better, but my parents insisted, and so I had to start a painful recovery. Then, all attempts ended in failure. For the first time in my life, I realized that not all hard work pays off. The untold disappointment on my parents¡¯ faces was more torturous than the frustration of failure. Rehabilitation was stopped, and I no longer made any efforts. It only took two months for my parents to go from being angry at first, to giving up on me completely. In hindsight, they may have figured it out in two months that instead of wasting time on me, a disabled person, it was better to have another child, bring them up again, and make them more reliable. So the next year, Bei Yan was born. ¡°I can¡¯t walk like you do.¡± If I had known there would be a day like today, I would have paid more attention to rehabilitation. Half of my weight was on Shang Muxiao¡¯s neck. He was brought to the side by me, and he supported the handle of the wheelchair with a twisted posture. His tone had become impatient. ¡°Then you can think of a better posture.¡± I hooked his neck with both hands, trying to keep myself from falling. But just a second after my voice fell, my whole person became light. Before I could react, I was caught by Shang Muxiao as he carried me in his arms. I stared at him in shock, unable to say a word. ¡°This posture is good.¡± He smiled and escorted me firmly into the back seat. When it was implemented, my overly frightened heart slowly returned to its normal rhythm. ¡°How do you fold this?¡± Shang Muxiao asked, groping for the wheelchair¡¯s structure. I came to my senses and instructed him how to properly fold the wheelchair. He quickly got the hang of it, putting away the wheelchair and stuffing it into the trunk. I gave him the address and he set up the navigation. We never communicated after that. Whether it was the conversation regarding an ¡°opportunity¡± that day or everything in the support group just now. The rain was getting heavier and heavier, gradually forming a pouring trend. Except for the consistent mechanical sound of the wipers, there was nothing else in the car. I opened my phone and looked at the weather forecast. The probability of thunderstorms at night was close to 80%. It seemed that the rain was still going to fall. It took half an hour to enter the underground parking garage. Shang Muxiao took me directly to the elevator. When I got out of the car, he still carried me down. This time, I was mentally prepared, and I remembered to say thank you to him. But what surprised me was that after Shang Muxiao put me down, he didn¡¯t drive away immediately, but locked the door and stared at me. ¡°What?¡± I asked him, frowning. ¡°I¡¯m a little thirsty, can I go up and have a cup of tea?¡± His tone was like the damn kid who walked into a convenience store and asked the boss for McWhirlwind, which was perplexingly self-entitled. ¡°I¡¯m sorry, I can¡¯t.¡± I flatly refused, then controlled the wheelchair to go to the elevator. After walking out for a while, looking back, I found out that Shang Muxiao was actually still following me. I turned the wheelchair to face him and reiterated, ¡°I said, no.¡± ¡°I heard.¡± With his hands in his denim jacket, Shang Muxiao looked a little like a rascal. I even made up his subtext ¨C ¡®I heard it, but so what? Can you break my legs so I can no longer follow you?¡¯ I couldn¡¯t. I looked at him for a while, but there was nothing I could do about it , so I simply ignored him. Shang Muxiao directly followed me, took the elevator all the way, went upstairs, and came to the same door as me. When I unlocked the door with my fingerprint lock, he leaned against it and looked at me. ¡°Aren¡¯t you defensive at all?¡± He seemed incredulous. ¡°What if I want to kill people and get rich?¡± The door opened for a while, and I looked at him oddly. ¡°You drive cars worth millions and you want to take my money?¡± He may have also realized that this matter is a bit unreasonable, and said in a different way, ¡°Then¡­..to steal your innocence?¡± Opening the door, I listened to him and laughed. ¡°You told me not to have any ideas about you a few days ago.¡± When I entered the room, I turned on all the lights in the living room. Looking back, I saw Shang Muxiao come in by himself. ¡°Your house¡­there are so few things.¡± He looked around, and his words were very polite. I think he should have wanted to say, ¡°shabby¡±. I lived alone in this house, and it only had a total of more than 50 square meters. It had one bedroom and one living room, and the space was limited. It wasn¡¯t suitable for someone in a wheelchair to pile up things at home. I always only buy necessities. ¡°Leave immediately after drinking the water.¡± I didn¡¯t say anything, went to the kitchen to pour a glass of water, and went back to the living room to see that he was studying my telescope. ¡°Don¡¯t touch it.¡± I patiently reminded him and put the glass of water on the coffee table. ¡°I can¡¯t see anything.¡± He put one eye on the eyepiece and didn¡¯t see anything after looking through it for a long time. He felt bored, so he decisively gave up on the ¡°toy¡± and sat down on the sofa. ¡°It¡¯s raining today, and the clouds are so thick that you can¡¯t see anything.¡± I tried hard to justify my telescope. ¡°What can you see when the weather is good?¡± Shang Muxiao asked as he raised his water glass. ¡°Stars.¡± ¡°Stars?¡± ¡°It¡¯s an astronomical telescope.¡± He nodded, not very interested. Suddenly, his jacket pocket vibrated. He frowned and took out his phone, hesitating for a few seconds, and finally answered. ¡°Sister.¡± I still remembered how violently his mood shifted the last time he got a call from his sister. This time, he seemed to be a bereaved dog that had been soaked in the rain. ¡°Mn, I know, it¡¯s raining¡­ I¡¯m outside, I¡¯m¡­¡± He glanced at me and said without changing his expression, ¡°At a friend¡¯s house. He will accompany me. No¡­ not Yin Nuo and the others, it¡¯s a new friend.¡± I remembered the name Yin Nuo. In my elective student list, it should be one of his two classmates. Five minutes later, Shang Muxiao hung up the phone. He watched the phone go out for a while, then looked out the window again. The raindrops pelted the windows slantwise, rendering the neon in the distance into colorful spots. ¡°I hate rain.¡± ¡°I hate rain too.¡± Shang Muxiao raised his eyebrows and looked over with a suspicious look on his face. ¡°There are no stars when it rains.¡± I pointed to the Celestron facing the sky and explained, ¡°Although I can¡¯t travel around the world, I can fly in the universe.¡± ¡°Sounds interesting.¡± He said insincerely. He sank into the sofa and wrapped his arms around himself. ¡°Let me stay for a while. I¡¯ll leave when the rain stops.¡± Obviously, drinking water was just an excuse. I looked at the time. It was half past ten at night. Driving the wheelchair, I decided to leave him alone and go to sleep on my own. ¡°Don¡¯t forget to close the door when you leave.¡± When I reached the door of the bedroom, and just as my hand touched the doorknob, the voice of Shang Muxiao came from behind. ¡°Professor Bei, I changed my mind.¡± I looked back at him. Shang Muxiao closed his eyes and leaned against the sofa cushion. This sofa was purchased for me by Shen Luoyu. Although it was useless to me, she said that the guests would definitely like it. Once she sat down, it was like sitting among the clouds, and she didn¡¯t want to get up at all. I didn¡¯t know if Shang Muxiao was in such a state, but his voice did sound drowsy and confused. ¡°I think I can accept your unspoken rules.¡± He said lazily, slowly opening his eyes. Contrary to his voice, there was no sleepiness in his eyes, and he couldn¡¯t be more awake. He was actually regretting not taking my ¡°opportunity¡±. CH 5 This situation was something I never expected. Resisting the urge to rub my temples, I calmly said, ¡°I repeat, you misunderstood that day, and I have no bad thoughts about you. By ¡®opportunity¡¯ I meant¡­¡± The ridiculousness of this matter made me at a loss for words, and I didn¡¯t know how to bring up those two papers for a while, ¡°Forget it, it doesn¡¯t matter. I¡¯ve changed my mind now. I won¡¯t give you any more chances. Your failure is confirmed in my class. Choose your subjects well next semester, Student Shang.¡± After I finished speaking, I pushed open the door and entered the bedroom without waiting for him to answer. After closing the door, Shang Muxiao¡¯s words echoed in my head, ¡®I can accept your unspoken rules.¡¯ ¡°Can accept what¡­¡± I sighed softly. Afraid he would do something improper, I thought about it and locked the door. Early the next day, the morning light filtered through the gap in the curtains and fell on my eyelids. I frowned and sobered up a little bit, and glanced at the bedside alarm clock. It was half-past eight. After entering the bathroom to wash, I looked down at the pajamas on my body and felt that it was inappropriate, so I changed into my usual clothes before going out. The living room was quiet. Shang Muxiao was nowhere to be seen on the sofa. It seemed that he left after the rain stopped last night. Now that people were gone, I also went back to my room and changed back into my pajamas. I simply made an egg sandwich with milk for breakfast. When it was almost finished, Yang Haiyang called and asked me if I was free next weekend. I thought about it and said, ¡°I should be.¡± He breathed a sigh of relief and said, ¡°That¡¯s great. My girlfriend will also come that day, and I will introduce the two of you.¡± I was wondering why he suddenly invited me to dinner, it turned out to be a girlfriend. Yang Haiyang and I had known each other for more than ten years. He was my junior high school classmate. His family background was average, and he wasn¡¯t too talented in studying. After graduating from junior high school, he was admitted to a higher vocational education. After graduating from higher vocational education, he went out to work as an insurance salesman. We had not communicated since junior high school, but he needed to call me often because of business needs and insistently asked me to buy accident insurance. Fortunately, thanks to this insurance, my family basically didn¡¯t pay much money after the accident. The medical expenses were all paid by the insurance company. Rounding it all, he could also be considered as my benefactor. After I was paralyzed, he often called me to ask about my current situation and invited me to dinner when he was free. After a few years, I became his best friend. When he got married, I was his best man. When his daughter was born, I became her godfather. Later, his ex-wife thought he was incompetent because he was still a small insurance salesman so she ran away with another man and disappeared. I also got drunk with him in the middle of the night. Yang Haiyang cried and vomited while drinking. After tossing all night, he went to the company to quit his job the next day, opened a small shop with a small amount of savings, and said he wanted to start a business. Now that three or four years had passed, the commissary had been upgraded to a convenience store, and the life of him and his daughter had become more and more enjoyable. I also asked him before if he had any thoughts about remarrying. At that time, he had given up on love and marriage, and he was afraid that his daughter would be wronged, so he bluntly said that he would not look for love again. I didn¡¯t expect that in less than a year, he would actually introduce his girlfriend to me. This showed that the man¡¯s words were not credible. After making an appointment, Yang Haiyang hung up the phone. Just as I was about to put my phone away, I saw a few unread messages. I clicked it and the first one was from Shen Luoyu, asking me about my participation in the mutual aid group yesterday. After thinking about it, I returned three words. ¡°Not bad.¡± The next one was a message from an unfamiliar number. ¡°Thank you for letting me stay last night. Your sofa was very comfortable. See you next time, Professor Bei.¡± Needless to say, this must have been sent by Shang Muxiao. I frowned, wanting to delete the message, but hesitated with my finger hovering over it. Eventually, I just turned off the screen and threw the phone aside. ¡°Dfl-uf, rbwfatlcu lr kgbcu!!¡± Te Wlzl rabqqfv wf ja atf vbbg bo atf boolmf jr rbbc jr P uba ab atf rmtbbi. Lfg ojmf kjr oeii bo cfgnbercfrr. Vtf mtjcufv tfg ereji ijeutlcu fzqgfrrlbc jcv rjlv rbwfatlcu atja regqglrfv wf j iba¡ªTjc Tlcu gfqbgafv ab atf rmtbbi atja P atgfjafcfv ab ojli atf mbegrf jcv rfzejiis tjgjrrfv tfg. Yu Xixi ran very fast all the way and pushed me into the office of the department head. Upon entering the door, Jiang Yi, the deputy director of the Humanities Department, Dong Li, the dean of the department, and Chen Qixue, the provost, were all there. Yan Ying was currently holding Chen Qixue¡¯s hand and crying very hard. ¡°Xiao-Yu, you go out first.¡± Jiang Yi saw me coming and waved me over. The wheelchair stopped in front of the coffee table. Yan Ying looked like she was very afraid of me, and shrunk into Chen Qixue¡¯s arms. Chen Qixue stroked her back lightly, looking at me like she was looking at a pile of garbage, or harmful garbage. A three-court trial. This was really bad. ¡°You should also listen to Xiao-Yu about the situation.¡± Dong Li tapped the marble tabletop with his knuckles, and said with a serious face, ¡°I called you here to hear your explanation. Director Jiang and I both don¡¯t think you¡¯re that kind of person¡­..¡± ¡°Director Dong, both of them are your students. I know it¡¯s hard for you, but you don¡¯t have to be so biased, alright?¡± Chen Qixue interrupted Dong Li¡¯s words. Her words were full of gunpowder, ¡°It¡¯s impossible to judge a man¡¯s heart from his face. No one would write the word ¡®beast¡¯ on their face.¡± When it came to the word ¡°beast¡±, her eyes flashed to me, clearly referring to myself. ¡°Okay, don¡¯t talk for now, just listen to what Bei Jie has to say.¡± Jiang Yi was the oldest among the three, and had more right to speak, ¡°You can¡¯t be partial, and you can¡¯t just listen to one side either, don¡¯t you think? Dean?¡± Chen Qixue snorted coldly and said nothing. I pondered for a moment, and went through the ins and outs of this matter: ¡°Yan Ying has not been to class since the beginning of the school year. According to the rule of disqualifying a students¡¯ right to sit the examination after five absences, I asked Yu Xixi to send her an email last week¡­¡± When I started to talk about how Yan Ying wanted me to let her pass through sexual bribes, Yan Ying, who was close to Chen Qixue and crying with red eyes, suddenly refuted me fiercely. ¡°I didn¡¯t! It¡¯s you, I really wanted you to give me another chance, but I didn¡¯t want to bribe you with such dirty means! It¡¯s you! You obviously let me go over, and then grabbed my hand, and forced me to kneel down to give you¡­¡± She seemed to have a hard time opening her mouth when she said this and didn¡¯t continue. But even if the meaning was unfinished, they were all adults, and you could guess. Today, I finally realized what it meant to refer to a deer as a horse and to reverse black and white ¡°Then did you do it?¡± I asked calmly. Chen Qixue looked at me like I was a monster, incredulous at what I was saying. ¡°I was forced to bow my head because of your obscenity¡­but I didn¡¯t do it voluntarily, you forced me.¡± Yan Ying¡¯s voice was fierce, her eyes were spitting fire, her acting skills were really superb, ¡°After I went back, the more I thought about it, the more wrong it was. You are such a black sheep, I can¡¯t let you continue to stay in Qingwan University to poison more people. I want to report you to the school and discredit your reputation!¡± Only the last part of this sentence was true. She did it just to bring my reputation down. I looked at her and saw the maliciousness in her eyes that was almost gushing out. I almost applauded her for this trick. ¡°Student Yan, do you know why I sit in a wheelchair?¡± Unfortunately, she was still too young and lacked the necessary medical knowledge. Yan Ying was stunned, ¡°How could I know¡­¡± ¡°Because my spinal nerve is damaged. My lower limbs cannot perceive instructions from the brain.¡± I didn¡¯t think she understood it very well, so I could only continue to say, ¡°You may not know that the erection reflex also depends on the brain. Although I still have some sense of touch, the neural pathway between my spinal erectile reflex and the brain has been completely blocked. In other words, I have no sexual function.¡± As soon as these words came out, let alone Yan Ying, the expressions of the other three people present changed. ¡°You¡­¡± Yan Ying was shocked. For a while, she couldn¡¯t come up with a reasonable explanation as to why a person without sexual function would suddenly became invincible and have a reaction in her mouth. It was not an exaggeration to call it a medical miracle. According to society, it was a very humiliating thing for a man to admit in public that he was no good. I was actually fine, but looking at the expressions of the school leaders, they were quite embarrassed. ¡°I can provide my medical records.¡± I added, and then the faces of the several people in the room looked even worse. ¡°I can use my integrity to guarantee that Xiao-Jie is not such a person. Are you happy now, Provost Chen, are you still going to investigate?¡± Dong Li had a fiery personality. If Minister Jiang wasn¡¯t still there, he probably would have jumped up in anger already. Chen Qixue¡¯s expression also wasn¡¯t good. She changed her previous protective attitude towards Yan Ying, pulled back her hand that was held by the other party, and said coldly, ¡°This is a little different from what you said, classmate Yan.¡± ¡°I didn¡¯t lie¡­¡± Yan Ying wanted to argue, ¡°Really, teacher, you believe me!¡± She was going to pull Chen Qixue, but was avoided by the other party in disgust. Provost was like this. Love and hate were clear, and there was no room for a grain of sand in her eyes. Yu Xixi said that she could easily offend people, but I thought this character was also very good. People who could be seen through at a glance were always easier to get along with than people who had things hidden beneath the surface. ¡°Bei Jie, don¡¯t worry, we won¡¯t say anything about it.¡± Jiang Yi¡¯s gaze swept across the group, before his eagle-like eyes eventually fell on Yan Ying, implicitly warning, ¡°Today¡¯s affairs can only rot here, in this room, understand?¡± I didn¡¯t care if this matter got out. Only 10% of the lucky ones were still fertile after being paralyzed in the lower body. Although I wasn¡¯t 10%, it wasn¡¯t a pity. It was a miracle that I was alive, a true miracle. There were four people in one car, and the other three were not as lucky as I was. ¡°How about this? According to the procedure, you should investigate what should be investigated, and punish who should be punished.¡± I suggested, ¡°Although I don¡¯t have¡­ the actual ability, you can¡¯t rule out the possibility of me harassing her verbally. Is that what you¡¯re saying, Provost Chen? ¡± Chen Qixue¡¯s face was indistinguishable, and she probably didn¡¯t expect that I would make such a request myself. ¡°Okay.¡± She thought about it for a while, nodded and said, ¡°This matter has already spread in the school. If it ends like this, I don¡¯t know what everyone will think. If the investigation is clear, innocent people will be innocent. ¡± Leaving the office of the head of the department, Yu Xixi rushed up to ask questions immediately, as if I was tortured inside. ¡°I¡¯m so pissed off. There¡¯s all sorts of things on the forum, like they were actually there. And there¡¯s someone saying that the big Demon King has become a big Beast¡­¡­¡± Yu Xixi clutched her chest, looking like she couldn¡¯t restrain her anger, ¡°It must be unscrupulous people who you have failed that are spreading rumors. I have asked the administrator to delete a few related posts. Bei-ge, do you want to completely seal it?¡± ¡°The more you seal it, the more others will think that I have a guilty conscience.¡± As the protagonist of the incident, I was calmer than Yu Xixi, ¡°Relax, trust the school, and wait for the announcement.¡± As a result, the announcement did not come, Shang Muxiao came first. As soon as he entered the door, he leaned against the desk and said to himself, ¡°Is your car not repaired yet? How about I take you home every day until your car is repaired?¡± I typed on the keyboard, ignoring him. After a while, the mouse moved, minimizing the form I was filling out. I sighed inwardly. I had no choice but to look up at him. ¡°Thank you, but no need.¡± After I said that, I went to touch the mouse. Just as I put my hand on it, Shang Muxiao held it down. He leaned over slowly, with a faint smile on his lips, ¡°I heard about your matter. Do you want me to help?¡± I didn¡¯t have many matters, just that one recently. ¡°How can you help me?¡± I was a little curious. ¡°I was outside the door that day. How could I not know if you guys did anything?¡± That was true. I nodded and said, ¡°Then I will have to trouble you to testify for me.¡± ¡°But I have a request.¡± The strength of Shang Muxiao¡¯s hand became gentle. His thumb rubbed the back of my hand suggestively, and his smile was somewhat innocent. He really liked to laugh. This was different from Shang Lu. Shang Lu took the cool brother route, and the characters he played did not like to laugh, and his smiles weren¡¯t good-looking. ¡°What?¡± Looking at this face, I couldn¡¯t help but feel a little stunned. ¡°Sleep with me.¡± It took me a few seconds to realize what he was talking about. It wasn¡¯t treating him to a meal, or not failing him, but¡­ sleeping with me. As if caught by fire, I suddenly pulled my hand back, and said in a tone that couldn¡¯t hide my unhappiness, ¡°Get out.¡± He looked me up and down, saw my firm attitude, raised his hands in a perfunctory gesture of surrender, expressing that he was only joking. ¡°It seems that I really misunderstood you before. Let¡¯s change it. I¡¯ll testify for you, how about you let me chase you?¡± Not very good. ¡°Don¡¯t know what¡¯s wrong.¡± I returned what he said to me before. Shang Muxiao was stunned for a while, apparently still remembering this sentence. The smile faded away as he straightened up, and his feet touche to the ground. ¡°Let¡¯s make a bet.¡± I frowned, wondering what he was doing. ¡°Just bet¡­ I will definitely succeed in pursuing you.¡± After he finished speaking, he raised the corners of his lips, revealing a slightly ruffian smile, ¡°If I lose, I will stop pestering you.¡± What was this useless bet? Sometimes I really envied these young people, such self-confidence. Confident enough that¡­ People couldn¡¯t help but want to defeat them and see how they would be when they were no longer confident. ¡°One month.¡± I reported the deadline, and it was considered a bet. Shang Muxiao¡¯s smile widened, and he understood the meaning of ¡°one month¡± almost immediately. ¡°Alright.¡± He glanced at the time on the phone and said, ¡°Can I send you back now? Let¡¯s add an additional clause in the bet. You can¡¯t avoid me on purpose.¡± Since it was a bet, this was fair. I glanced at the unfinished form on the computer, then at Shang Muxiao, and finally turned off the computer. ¡°Let¡¯s go.¡± I controlled the wheelchair and walked out. A few days later, news came from the Academic Affairs Office that because a well-meaning student who wanted to remain anonymous testified for me, it was Yan Ying who wanted to bribe me instead of me sexually harassing her. This matter could be finalized at last. The Office of Academic Affairs then issued a notice to punish Yan Ying for this false accusation. About half a day later, another bulletin was issued. Yan Ying¡¯s serious absence from school was given another demerit punishment. Due to Yan Ying¡¯s repeated demerits, it was decided after a meeting at the principal¡¯s office, that she would be expelled from the school. CH 6 In the small lecture theater, more than 30 people were scattered on the seats. Apart from the sound of my lecture, there were no other noises. Shang Muxiao sat in the front row, in the middle. His eyes kept moving to me, and sometimes he would take some notes, as if he wasn¡¯t the one who was kicked out of the classroom by me last time. ¡°Now it¡¯s time for questions.¡± After pausing the ppt, I came to the edge of the podium and said to the students, ¡°Everyone is free to ask questions.¡± Not many people raised their hands, but Shang Muxiao was among those who did. The bet with him only said that I couldn¡¯t deliberately avoid him. It didn¡¯t say that I would definitely pick him if he raised his hand. Moreover, subconsciously, I always felt that he would not ask serious questions. I calmly turned a blind eye to his optimism, skipped him and picked a male classmate in the back row. Shang Muxiao withdrew his hand in dissatisfaction, looked back at the boy whom I named, and then leaned back on the chair, looking quite arrogant. The boy I named didn¡¯t know what happened, but visibly shrank, and his voice stuttered a little. ¡°I, I want to ask, could you please explain the core concepts of Schopenhauer¡¯s theory of ¡°The Four Roots of the Law of Sufficient Reason¡± without using philosophical language?¡± He scratched his head embarrassedly, ¡°I think It¡¯s a bit difficult, not¡­not very clear.¡± Philosophy was a very difficult and complex subject, full of various contradictory and unified factional theories. It was just an elective course because of interest or forced to take this ¡°History of Western Philosophy¡±. Without great understanding, it was indeed very easy for beginners to get confused by complicated philosophical terms. I nodded to show my understanding, sorted out the language, and said slowly: ¡°The Four Roots of the Law of Sufficient Reason, in simple terms, are the four fundamental reasons why everything in the world appears like this. Schopenhauer believed that the world is so different because people have different ways of expressing themselves.¡± ¡°First, perceptual experience constitutes a human¡¯s fundamental view of things, which is inherited from human beings.¡± ¡°Second, abstract concepts constitute people¡¯s basic judgments about things, which come from people¡¯s knowledge of things.¡± ¡°Third, innate perceptions of time and space constitute people¡¯s sensitivity to numbers, which define the sense of being.¡± ¡°Fourth, things are responsible for action, it is how the will is presented and the ¡®motivation¡¯ that drives it.¡± ¡°The above are the core concepts of ¡°The Four Roots of the Law of Sufficient Reason¡±, understand?¡± The boy nodded vigorously while taking notes, ¡°Mn, I understand. I understand as soon as the professor explains it! Professor, you are amazing!¡± Shang Muxiao sneered, and he didn¡¯t bother to hide his contempt. He seemed to think that it was really unprofessional to talk about such a problem. I didn¡¯t know where he got the courage to laugh at others when he failed the exam. ¡°Anyone else have questions?¡± Shang Muxiao raised his hand lazily, as if he had no hope that I would pick him. But I just actually picked him and asked, ¡°What do you want to ask?¡± Po tf rjsr rbwfatlcu lggfifnjca, P mbeiv peraloljyis lcnlaf tlw bea. Vtjcu Zezljb kjr bynlberis raeccfv obg j ktlif, delaf regqglrfv, yea tf delmxis gfmbnfgfv jcv vfrmglyfv tlr qgbyifw oiefcais jcv mifjgis. ¡°Vtbeiv ibnf, ktlmt lr cba yifrrfv ys atf kbgiv, byfs gfjrbc bg lcralcma?¡± ¡°Pa vfqfcvr bc ktlmt atfbgs sbe qgfofg ab yfilfnf.¡± He further asked, ¡°What about Professor? When you meet your other half, but your love is not blessed by the world, do you choose to follow reason or return to instinct?¡± ¡°The difference between humans and animals is that humans have rationality. Rationality can enable us to better plan for the future, take the initiative, and reduce risks. I don¡¯t think we should give up this right.¡± ¡°But rationality also makes us lose our sensitivity to things.¡± Shang Muxiao argued rationally, ¡± ¡®We gain things through reason but we also lose things.¡¯Shouldn¡¯t this sentence mean that reason isn¡¯t that important?¡± These were Schopenhauer¡¯s original words. It seemed that he came prepared. To be honest, this was not a difficult question to answer. It wasn¡¯t very philosophical in nature. Instead, it was more suitable as a debate topic for debate, so that both sides could be understood. I thought he was going to ask some good questions, but it turned out to be nothing more than this. ¡°I am a rationalist, you are an irrationalist. We are not of the same faction, so how can we agree on the same thing? You are willing to return to instinct, I prefer to listen to reason. From the very beginning, we have differences. You can¡¯t convince me and neither do I intend to convince you. Philosophy is an existence full of various opinions and speculations. There is no need to distinguish between superiors and inferiors.¡± There was no point in debating this question any further. I wanted to put a stop to it, but he was still planning to continue. ¡°So you will never be driven by instinct and will always be rational, right?¡± He leaned forward slightly, his tone and expression had changed subtly from before, as if he didn¡¯t believe it, but also seemed expectant. In those dark eyes, was a straightforward eagerness to try. He felt that he could get me to break my rationality, go against my principles, and leave today¡¯s insights behind. Looking at his young and arrogant face, I already knew what he was thinking. He wasn¡¯t asking a dumb question, he was just laying the groundwork for someday in the future to laugh at me for being a rationalist. Evil brat. I didn¡¯t give him that opportunity and quickly closed the issue. ¡°My opinion doesn¡¯t matter. This question is over, the next one.¡± Not getting the answer he really wanted, he leaned back in his chair a little bored. He played with a ballpoint pen in his hand, a slight smile on his lips, silently mouthing one word to me. ¡ª ¡ª coward. I nonchalantly swept my gaze over him and started to answer the next question. Since the bet took effect, Shang Muxiao had reported to my office every day before work ended and sent me home. I didn¡¯t quite believe that he really wanted to chase after me. Thinking about it, his sudden change was maybe just out of some weird desire to win ¨C he had to prove that all my rejections were denials. That I was already coveting him, and had a wicked heart. I was truly a person who ¡°talked of humanity, justice and morality, with nothing but greed and lust at heart¡±. If Yan Ying was an arrogant person who thought that she could take over the world with her beauty alone, then Shang Muxiao would be no less so. If he wants love, you must give him love. If you didn¡¯t give it, he would take it. Once he took it, it would probably only satisfy a certain collection addiction, and he wouldn¡¯t cherish it. I always felt that he must¡¯ve lacked love as a child. Understanding this, I no longer resisted his pursuit. I was still happy that someone took me home every day. It was just a child¡¯s game. As long as he gets tired of it, he would naturally do what he needed to do. ¡°Are you free on Saturday? I¡¯ll take you to a good place.¡± When he parked at his usual spot, Shang Muxiao put on the handbrake and sent me a date invitation. ¡°No time, I have an appointment with a friend on Saturday.¡± Yang Haiyang asked me to make an appointment earlier, which wasn¡¯t against the rules. Unfastening the seat belt, I saw that Shang Muxiao was still not moving, and asked him what was wrong with my eyes. ¡°What about next Saturday?¡± He was facing me, with one elbow on the steering wheel, the expression on his face was much lighter than before. So, a child was a child, and everything was displayed on his face. ¡°Next Saturday, we¡¯ll talk about it next week.¡± When he heard these words, he leaned back in his seat, didn¡¯t communicate with me and didn¡¯t move. He had the stance that he wouldn¡¯t let me get out of the car if I didn¡¯t agree. In terms of time, I really wasn¡¯t his opponent, and I was also at a disadvantage. If he just threw me here in displeasure, I would have no choice but to crawl back. ¡°Got it, I¡¯ll free up next Saturday.¡± In the end, I had to compromise. Shang Muxiao changed his face quickly, and suddenly became happy again. He got out of the car and assembled the wheelchair without my urging, and then went around to my side and carried me out of the car. Just a few days later, he became more and more comfortable, and I became more and more at ease. When my car was repaired, I was afraid that I wouldn¡¯t be used to getting on and off by myself. Terrible. For more than ten years, I had relied on myself for everything because I knew that if I relied too much on others to survive, I would become a real waste sooner or later. As a result, because of a small accident, an inexplicable gambling game, the persistence of more than ten years had been shaken. It suddenly dawned on me that I might be taking human instincts too simply. After taking me to the elevator, Shang Muxiao suddenly answered a phone call. The voice of the person on the other end was so loud that he almost shouted, as if he was in a noisy environment. ¡°The old place? Don¡¯t call¡­¡± He glanced at me and swallowed the words he was about to say, ¡°Don¡¯t call so many people, I won¡¯t go if I don¡¯t know them.¡± I could only hear the last two words ¡ª ¡ª hurry up, from what was spoken on the other end. ¡°My friend asked me to sing, I¡¯ll go first.¡± Shang Muxiao seemed to be really afraid that I would mind, and he explained it to me seriously. ¡°Mn, have fun.¡± I was still immersed in the conflict between rationality and instinct when I said goodbye to Shang Muxiao. I went home and closed the door for a night to think about whether I could really be completely rational. I didn¡¯t get an answer. On Saturday afternoon, I arrived at the restaurant designated by Yang Haiyang at the appointed time. He had already arrived, but his girlfriend was nowhere to be seen. ¡°You look at the menu first. Yunrou came by herself. She just arrived and is still parking.¡± He explained to me. I wasn¡¯t really picky about what I ate. I didn¡¯t take the menu, saying that it was all up to him. When the order was almost finished, Yang Haiyang and I were talking when he suddenly raised his hand and waved in the direction of the door. His whole face lit up because of the other party¡¯s arrival. Only now did I finally believe that he had really found someone who he wanted to spend the rest of his life with, instead of just finding someone to live with. ¡°I¡¯m sorry, I¡¯m late.¡± The other party sat down with a clear voice, shoulder-length hair, and a casual yet professional white suit jacket. She looked as pretty as a female star, and most importantly¡­¡­deja vu. Just¡­was it possible? Wasn¡¯t it too dramatic? ¡°Hello, I¡¯m Shang Yunrou, Yang Haiyang¡¯s girlfriend. I¡¯ve often heard Haiyang talk about you, and I¡¯ve been looking up to you for a long time. I finally met you this time. You really live up to your reputation.¡± Shang Yunrou politely reached out and wanted to shake my hand. I stared at her face, combined with her rare surname. I was only 20% suspicious before but now it had risen to 60%, exceeding half in an instant. ¡°Excuse me¡­¡± I asked while shaking hands with her, ¡°Do you have a younger brother?¡± The author says: The idea that ¡°only human beings have reason¡± and the idea that ¡°rationality is not that important¡± are both Schopenhauer¡¯s. It can be seen that Bei Jie used a philosopher¡¯s point of view to express his point of view, and Shang Muxiao used the same philosopher¡¯s point of view to refute it. CH 7 Shang Yunrou was very surprised, ¡°You know my brother? Although I knew you were a teacher at Qingwan University, my brother is from the finance department. The school is so big, I thought you wouldn¡¯t know him.¡± She was really Shang Muxiao¡¯s sister¡­ This incredible coincidence just left me speechless. Yes, the school was so big, why would I have something to do with Shang Muxiao? I myself would like to know. I looked at Shang Yunrou¡¯s delicate and refined facial features, and once again sighed at the magic of genes. She didn¡¯t really look like Shang Lu, her profile and eyebrows didn¡¯t look the same, but she was somewhat similar to Shang Muxiao. Thinking about it, it was because Shang Muxiao resembled both his father and his mother, while Shang Yunrou only resembled her mother. In this way, the mother of the sister and brother was also an earth-shattering beauty. ¡°I teach philosophy at university, and your brother came to take my elective,¡± I said. Shang Yunrou understood. ¡°So that¡¯s how it is. How is Muxiao doing at university? I¡¯m ten years apart from him. When we were young, our mother¡­was not in good health, and my father was busy with work. I always took care of my younger brother more, and unconsciously spoiled him a little too much.¡± Obviously, the elder sister also knew how bad-tempered Shang Muxiao was, and when she talked about this younger brother, she looked worried, ¡°He often does things out of proportion now, which gives me a lot of headaches.¡± Thinking of what Shang Muxiao said when he participated in the mutual aid group before, I thought that in her headache list, there should also be a younger brother who cannot accept her boyfriend. ¡°I don¡¯t have much contact with him. If you want to know his performance in school, I can ask the professor of finance for you.¡± Shang Yunrou hurriedly waved her hand and said, ¡°No, no, I just asked casually, you don¡¯t have to take it seriously.¡± I glanced at Yang Haiyang, who was grinning a little but not smiling. Ever since Shang Muxiao was mentioned, he has always had this expression, sitting on the side without interrupting. From what I know about him, if it wasn¡¯t for Shang Yunrou¡¯s presence, he would probably have spit out his bitterness with me and severely criticized the nasty son of a bitch Shang Muxiao. I didn¡¯t mention the psychological support group. First, I didn¡¯t want Shang Yunrou to think that I had any psychological problems as soon as we met. Second, today¡¯s protagonists were Shang Yunrou and Yang Haiyang after all. It wasn¡¯t quite suitable to keep mentioning someone else. The waiters served the dishes one after another. They no longer discussed Shang Muxiao at the table, but instead started to talk about some light and interesting topics. Apart from their similar appearance, Shang Yunrou and her younger brother had completely different personalities. Born from the same parents, I didn¡¯t know how there was such a big difference. Speaking of her acquaintance with Yang Haiyang, Shang Yunrou was simply sparkling with wit. Her humor was proportionate, there was a charm in her gentleness, and her circumstances were even more enchanting. ¡°I was driving home that day, and suddenly I saw a child crying on the side of the road. I stopped and asked him why he was crying. He said he couldn¡¯t find his mother. At this time, Haiyang and Lingling happened to pass by and immediately knew what kind of situation it was. They took the little boy to the police station with me to report the case.¡± Shang Yunrou said as she looked at her boyfriend beside her, her eyes full of tenderness, ¡°Sometimes it¡¯s really a matter of visual affinity. When I first saw Lingling, I thought how cute this child was.¡± I was a little surprised that the object of Shang Yunrou¡¯s love at first sight was not Yang Haiyang, but his daughter Yang Youling. However, although that little girl was only five years old, because of her sweet mouth and her very sensible and well-behaved personality, I have never seen an adult who didn¡¯t like her. She was the only girl I had met who would be the most likely to take over the world through her beauty. ¡°Yglulcjiis, bcf Dfl Alf kjr fcbeut obg wf, yea cbk P¡¯ii tjnf ab jvv sbe. Vtf mjc¡¯a yf yfjafc bg rmbivfv, rb mtlivgfc klii yf fjrlis rqblifv.¡± Tjcu Ljlsjcu rtbbx tlr tfjv ecyfjgjyis. P rajgfv ja tlw mbivis, ¡°Cr j ojatfg, sbe tjnf ab yf wbgf qjalfca klat tfg. Dfrlvfr, rtf lr rb ubbv, ktja mbeiv rtf vb ab vfrfgnf sbeg yfjalcu jcv rmbivlcu?¡± Shang Yunrou raised the water glass to me, and finally felt a sense of camaraderie. ¡°Couldn¡¯t agree more. Lingling is so good, how could Lingling make a mistake? It must be Dad who is wrong.¡± I raised my glass to meet her, and instantly the two of us determined our position and formed a ¡°Lingling Alliance¡± to jointly resist Yang Haiyang¡¯s hegemony over our Lingling. ¡°So, you started dating because of Lingling?¡± As soon as I reminded her, Shang Yunrou remembered that she was only halfway through what she just said, and continued: ¡°No, it¡¯s because my heel broke.¡± The three sent the little boy to the police station, and after confirming that the parents were on their way, they planned to leave. Unfortunately, Shang Yunrou¡¯s high heels got stuck in a manhole cover and it broke when she walked out of the police station. ¡°Actually, it wasn¡¯t a particularly high heel. It¡¯d be easier if the whole thing was broken, but only half of it was broken, and the other half was connected to the sole of the shoe. It was both difficult to separate or fix. It was a little embarrassing.¡± And at this extremely embarrassing time, Yang Haiyang noticed the abnormality and came over. He first asked Shang Yunrou if she was injured, and then squatted down to check her shoes. While repairing the high-heeled shoes, he also gave Shang Yunrou his big slippers for a while, while he stood barefoot on the pebbled ground. Yang Haiyang had always been warm-hearted. This was indeed what he would do. Except during hisdivorce, I didn¡¯t see a time when he was depressed. If I was an extreme pessimist, then Yang Haiyang was my opposite, synonymous with optimism and positivity. ¡°At that moment, I thought he was so handsome, but because Lingling called him dad, I thought he wasn¡¯t single, and I thought¡­ Sure enough, all the good men are married.¡± Yang Haiyang repaired her shoes¡ªbreaking both heels. In return, she drove the father and daughter home. As they chatted along the way, she learned that Yang Haiyang was a single father. She decisively asked him for his contact information when he got out of the car. I was wondering how Yang Haiyang would suddenly change his mind about being single. It turned out that this was still a drama of a woman chasing a man. ¡°No one can refuse her.¡± Yang Haiyang sighed, ¡°I thought about resisting, but it didn¡¯t work at all.¡± Could this be the magic power flowing in the bones of the Shang family? The most primitive, the ability to drive desire. As long as they beckon, even if they know they shouldn¡¯t, there would still be a large number of people who would rush forward without hesitation. After the meal, Shang Yunrou drove me home with Yang Haiyang. When getting out of the car, Yang Haiyang asked his girlfriend to wait in the car, and got down from the car and pushed me to the elevator. ¡°Shang Muxiao, don¡¯t have too much contact with him. He is different from his sister, he is a lunatic.¡± I thought he was coming over to say something, but it turned out to be to remind me to stay away from Shang Muxiao. ¡°He¡¯s just a child and he scares you?¡± ¡°No, he¡¯s really a lunatic!¡± Yang Haiyang glanced carefully at Shang Yunrou¡¯s direction, obviously it couldn¡¯t have traveled that far, so he lowered his voice and said, ¡°Do you know what kind of bird xiao is?¡± ¡°An owl?¡± ¡°It¡¯s an owl, but it was also called a ¡®mother-eating bird¡¯ in ancient times, which means a bird that eats its mother. I don¡¯t know the details, but as soon as Shang Muxiao was born, his mother suffered from postpartum depression. It¡¯s said that originially, she was also a very promising female painter, but she was completely unable to create because of depression, and because she was unable to create, she was even more depressed, so she suffered for five years before finally committing suicide.¡± I was stunned. I didn¡¯t expect such a secret. At the beginning, Yu Xixi said that Shang Lu¡¯s wife died of illness. I thought it was a sudden illness like cancer, but it was depression. ¡°Who gave him his name?¡± I asked. ¡°His mom.¡± Yang Haiyang said, ¡°The relationship between the siblings and their father is quite distant, but it¡¯s better with Yunrou, they still communicate. The boy Shang Muxiao and his father are basically enemies. They would have big and small brawls every couple of days. It seems that Dad Shang also felt that his wife¡¯s death was all the fault of his younger son, and he said things like ¡®If only you were not born¡¯ in front of him.¡± At the end, his expression became a bit complicated. ¡°It can only be said that parents are really largely responsible for the development of bad characters.¡± ¡°No wonder he is so reliant on his sister.¡± Shang Yunrou may not only be his sister to him, but also his father and mother, his whole family. ¡°Right?¡± Yang Haiyang¡¯s face just showed some pity when he heard these words. It was fleeting and soon turned into one full of disgust, ¡°He is as protective of Yunrou as an old hen for a chick. He said that if I pester Yunrou again, he would just break my leg. It¡¯s not like I haven¡¯t fought before. Who is afraid of who huh? Who knows whose leg will be broken by then.¡± This was true. Yang Haiyang was a well-known fighting king in junior high school. He often clashed with gangsters outside the school and came to class with blue and purple on his face. He was the number one problem student in the eyes of the teacher. With a ¡°ding¡± sound, the elevator arrived. I controlled the wheelchair to enter the elevator, turned around and told him: ¡°They are siblings after all, don¡¯t make it difficult for Miss Shang, and don¡¯t have a head-on conflict with Shang Muxiao.¡± Yang Haiyang scratched his nose and mumbled vaguely, not knowing if he heard it. On Sunday¡¯s psychological support group activity day, there was no sign of Shang Muxiao at the scene. He came reluctantly the first time. It seemed that he would only participate in response to his sister. If he didn¡¯t come this time, it was unlikely he would be here in the future either. ¡°How¡¯s the week going?¡± I looked away from the calm amber tea soup and looked at Sister Liao who was asking. ¡°Fine,¡± I said. ¡°My car is finally fixed.¡± After two weeks of repairs, it was now almost like new. I didn¡¯t know how much I missed it until I sat on it again. In the following week, Shang Muxiao disappeared. He didn¡¯t show up for electives or show up unannounced in my office again. Not even a month had passed, just a week, and he was already tired of betting with me. At first, I thought so. As a result, on Friday, in another elective class, just as suddenly he¡¯d disappeared, he suddenly appeared again. The position was changed to the last row, with a black mask on his face. He was slouched on the table throughout the class. The two students with him, sitting in the front row, would look back at him from time to time, but he didn¡¯t respond. The bell rang for the end of class, and everyone left the classroom one after another. I packed up the lecture notes on the stage, and when I looked up, I found Shang Muxiao standing in front of me. He stood there, just looking at me and not speaking. ¡°Then, let¡¯s go first.¡± One of Shang Muxiao¡¯s two classmates, the more delicate-looking boy nodded at me, glanced at Shang Muxiao who was unresponsive, and then met another yellow-haired boy who was waiting at the door. The boys left together. Because of their relationship with Shang Muxiao, I also paid special attention to Yu Xixi when she was doing the roll call last time. I knew that the more delicate boy was Yin Nuo, and the one with yellow hair was called Zhou Yanyi. Like Shang Muxiao, they were all finance students. ¡°Why are you looking at them?¡± Shang Muxiao¡¯s voice was muffled through his mask, looking a little resentful and dangerous, ¡°I¡¯m standing in front of you. You don¡¯t look at me, but look at them?¡± I retracted my gaze, tidied the lecture notes, and saw Yu Xixi staring in horror from a distance. She silently pointed at Shang Muxiao, as if uncertain as to what the situation was. I shook my head slightly at her and motioned for her to leave first. Yu Xixi was even more shocked. Although she was hesitant to say anything and didn¡¯t know what I was doing, she still walked out of the classroom quickly. Only Shang Muxiao and I were left. I could finally calm down and coax this child. ¡°You¡¯re wearing a mask, what do you think?¡± I found a bruise on the corner of his eye that wasn¡¯t covered by the mask, I frowned and asked, ¡°What¡¯s wrong with your face?¡± He reached out and tore off the mask, and I noticed that his knuckles were also bruised. ¡°I was beaten.¡± He was extremely aggrieved, and he leaned in front of me to let me take a closer look, ¡°Look, the corners of my mouth are cut.¡± He took my hand and pulled it up to touch his wound. ¡°Who hit you?¡± For some reason, I had a bad hunch. ¡°My sister¡¯s boyfriend.¡± My fingers touched the corners of his eyes. I trembled, he hissed, with his eyes instantly sharpening. When he met my gaze, it quickly softened again. That guy Yang Haiyang didn¡¯t take my words to heart at all. Okay fine, you beat him, but you even hit his face. CH 8 Originally, only his face was bearable to see, but now that it was marred like this, it had been completely labeled as ¡°useless¡±. ¡°You beat him too?¡± I withdrew my hand. And while I was sorry for him, I didn¡¯t forget to care about Yang Haiyang¡¯s injury too. Actually I wasn¡¯t too worried about him. Although Shang Muxiao was still young, Yang Haiyang had been exercising all year round, and he was quite fit, so he shouldn¡¯t suffer any loss. Shang Muxiao stood up straight and put on his mask again, ¡°I didn¡¯t hit back. He hit me one-sidedly, I didn¡¯t do it.¡± He spoke like it was true. I slowly moved my eyes down to the back of his bruised hand. ¡°It¡¯s not¡­¡± He noticed my gaze, raised the back of his hand and explained, ¡°I did it myself when I smashed the wall. I really didn¡¯t hit him.¡± He didn¡¯t know about my relationship with Yang Haiyang, so there was no need to lie to me. I was more inclined to believe that he really didn¡¯t hit Yang Haiyang ¡ª the sun truly came out from the west, how rare. ¡°Why did you smash the wall?¡± Putting the handout on my lap, I controlled the wheelchair to go out. Shang Muxiao followed, and was always about two steps away from me. ¡°Because I almost couldn¡¯t help but beat him.¡± I was only surprised when I heard him say that he really didn¡¯t hit Yang Haiyang, but now, after finding out that he was willing to hit the wall instead of hitting the other party, I was simply shocked. We haven¡¯t seen each other for just a few days, why was his personality so different? It was like he¡¯d been poisoned by a Gu. ¡°What? Do you think that because I¡¯ve been beaten like this, I have to fight back?¡± Seeing that I didn¡¯t speak for a long time, Shang Muxiao sneered, guessing what I was thinking. No, I thought that you¡¯d not only fight back, but double down. ¡°No, I just feel that¡­ it¡¯s somewhat unlike you.¡± It was one thing to think in your heart, it was another to say it out loud. I was no longer at a reckless age where I spoke whatever came to mind. I knew how to deal with various kinds of people and situations ¡°What unlike me?¡± He put his hands in the pockets of his coat and swaggered to my side. He walked in line with me, ¡°I¡¯m usually very good.¡± I couldn¡¯t help looking up at him, wondering what expression he had as he said that. He felt my gaze, looked down and said, ¡°Why? In my opinion, not breaking the law is being ¡®good¡¯.¡± ¡°¡­..¡± I wouldn¡¯t comment and silently looked back on the road ahead. I admired him for being so outspoken that he could say it without a change in expression. On both sides of the widest main road in the school, tall French plane trees were planted. Over time, the canopies of the trees connected together, covering the road densely. The sun could only squeeze through the gaps of the leaves with the help of the wind. It was difficult for its warmth to reach the ground. It is the end of autumn now, and the leaves of the sycamore have turned from green to golden. It wouldn¡¯t take long before the yellow leaves would fall, and the road would see the light of day again. ¡°Is your car repaired already?¡± Shang Muxiao suddenly asked when he was about to walk out of Wutong Avenue. Ktf rec milwyfv ogbw atf abq bo ws offa ab ws ybvs, vgs jcv kjgw. Po P kjr jibcf, la kbeiv yf j ubbv alwf ab rabq jcv rbjx eq ecvfg atf rec. ¡°Zc, P vbc¡¯a tjnf ab ybatfg sbe ab ajxf wf tbwf lc atf oeaegf.¡± P frqfmljiis ribkfv vbkc, kjcalcu ab wjxf atlr pbegcfs fcv ijafg. Shang Muxiao didn¡¯t notice it. He continued to move forward at the previous pace, and in a short while he was in front of me. ¡°You haven¡¯t forgotten your appointment for tomorrow?¡± he asked. I was 32 and not 62, so I wouldn¡¯t forget what I promised so soon. ¡°No.¡± I said. He stopped for a moment and looked over with a frown, as if only just realizing that we were no longer on the same level. ¡°Why are you so slow?¡± He complained. His mask couldn¡¯t hide his impatience. The sun fell on him, and the bruises at the corners of his eyes became more and more apparent. I squinted my eyes and still walked slowly, not speeding up. ¡°You can go first if you can¡¯t wait.¡± He snorted softly when he heard my words, and it sounded like he had something to say. ¡°Forget it¡­¡± But for some reason, he finally chose to swallow down all the words and said, ¡°I will go to your house to meet you tomorrow night at eight o¡¯clock, don¡¯t forget.¡± He stayed where he was, waiting for me to reach his side before moving on. This time he maintained a very slow pace, in line with my speed. ¡°Where are you taking me?¡± There was an intersection in front, and after that we would reach my office. Although I accepted the bet and promised not to avoid it, I still wanted to know where I would be taken, so I could be mentally prepared. However, Shang Muxiao still decided to keep me in suspense. ¡°It¡¯s a fun place, you won¡¯t be disappointed.¡± At the crossroads, he stopped and said, ¡°I still have a class, so I¡¯ll be going first. See you tomorrow, Professor Bei.¡± He backed up and waved at me, then turned around with his hands in his pockets and left in the other direction. I watched his retreating figure for a moment, turned the wheelchair, and walked away from him. As soon as I got back to the office and put down the lecture notes, I called Yang Haiyang. The other side picked up after a few seconds. The sound coming from the other end seemed like he was outside, and the faint whistle of a car could be heard. ¡°That¡¯s right, just this position¡­ Hey, Beibei, what¡¯s wrong? What¡¯s the matter?¡± He sounded busy, so I made the long story short: ¡°Miss Shang¡¯s younger brother came to class today with an injury on his face¡­¡± Before I could finish speaking, Yang Haiyang interrupted me fiercely: ¡°Fuck, don¡¯t mention that lunatic to me! The fact that he hasn¡¯t been beaten to death at that age must mean his ancestors have accumulated virtue.¡± He began to tell me what kind of lunatic Shang Muxiao was and what happened that day. ¡°That day, everything was good, perfectly fine. Suddenly I heard a loud crash, and the glass of my shop window was smashed.¡± Yang Haiyang went out to look in confusion and saw Shang Muxiao standing outside. He clapped his hands, looking provocative, and didn¡¯t run away when Yang Haiyang saw him, even giving him the middle finger. New hatred added onto old hatred, Yang Haiyang also admitted that he was impulsive. ¡°I asked him if he was crazy, and he said; ¡®If you don¡¯t break up with my sister, I can be even crazier. And next time I will break more than just glass¡¯. You also know that the convenience store is my hard work and Yunrou is my Achilles heel. He stabbed both of them so I went up and gave him a punch.¡± The two scuffled. Yang Haiyang was getting angry, and he didn¡¯t notice how many punches he¡¯d thrown out and how much he¡¯d received. He only felt that Shang Muxiao¡¯s skills were quite bad. Hearing this, I also felt something was wrong. Since it was Shang Muxiao who started it first, how could he give Yang Haiyang such a futile fight? ¡°You don¡¯t know how capable he is. I thought he was really weak, but it turned out that he had never been beaten like this before. After a few punches, his true nature was exposed, and he grabbed me by the neck and pushed me against the wall. That look¡­ I almost thought he was going to stab me with a knife. Then, he punched the wall, leaving me who hadn¡¯t even reacted yet to pick myself up and leave.¡± In the evening, Shang Yunrou called and scolded him. She couldn¡¯t believe that he beat her brother like that. It was only here that Yang Haiyang found out that he had been tricked. That kid Shang Muxiao actually used the method of self-destructing to divide him and Shang Yunrou. He was wholeheartedly vicious which made one bristle in anger. He had been busy in the store these past two days, and he had to coax Shang Yunrou. ¡°How can there be such a vile bastard in this world!!¡± I could only imagine how Yang Haiyang was vomiting blood with his hands on his chest. He really was¡­ a complete villain. Being aggrieved and acting pitiable were all disguise. However, his ruse of self injury, dangerousness and cunning were his nature, which was hard to guard against. ¡°Miss Shang must also be extremely concerned. Explain it to her well, she is not an unreasonable person, and she will understand.¡± He spoke a little more with Yang Haiyang. He was re-installing the glass of the shop, and there was no one to help so he said ¡°Let¡¯s talk next time¡±, and quickly ended the call. In the evening, I received a message from him, saying that he had gotten along with Shang Yunrou, and showed me a video of Shang Yunrou sitting in a rocking chair and holding Yang Youling reading a storybook. In the picture, the little girl has long soft loose hair, and is nestled within Shang Yunrou¡¯s arms. It had been a long time since I¡¯d seen the little girl, so I sent Yang Haiyang a message and told him that I would come see Yang Youling in a few days. Yang Haiyang replied ¡°ok¡± to me and agreed to meet me next Tuesday night. I had a dream. I knew I was dreaming. This dream has been with me for the past twelve years. In the first two years, I had it almost every night. Later, with the passage of time, it gradually changed to only an occasional dream I had when I was emotionally unstable and under too much pressure. In the moving vehicle, the voices of the other three people resounded in my ears. Lu Feiheng asked me if I wanted to drink water. I opened my eyes, and just as I was about to thank him, the world turned upside down. Everything spun. I had no idea what was going on. When I recovered, I had been thrown out of the car. My whole body was in pain, and with blurred vision, I saw that the SUV I was in just now had flipped over beside the guardrail. The hood was deformed and sparks were flying. I saw Jing Shen hanging upside down in the car with blood all over his face. I didn¡¯t know if he was alive or dead. I tried to save him, but his legs didn¡¯t respond at all. The oil in the tank spread little by little and was eventually ignited by a small spark that engulfed the entire wreckage of the car. My arms were grabbed and someone dragged me away from the danger zone. ¡°There are people¡­¡± I said weakly, my eyes gradually darkening. When I opened my eyes again, it was already bright. I lay on my bed, listening to the birds chirping outside the window. After a while, I sat up wearily. No one liked to relive a nightmare, and a horrible nightmare at that. That day, I was very preoccupied. I forgot the time when boiling water, forgot to add salt when cooking, and even when I was doing laundry; I didn¡¯t remember whether I had poured laundry detergent or not. If it wasn¡¯t for Shang Muxiao calling me, I might have forgotten my appointment. ¡°I¡¯m already downstairs, come down quickly.¡± After a while, he added, ¡°Remember to bring your car keys.¡± When I got downstairs, Shang Muxiao was leaning in front of his blue-and-white heavy machine, and was tossing his helmet in boredom. Seeing me coming down, he locked his helmet and leaned towards me. ¡°You drive, I¡¯ll navigate. It¡¯s a bit far, but the scenery is good.¡± Looking at the scenery at night? I was puzzled in my heart, but I still followed his instructions and drove all the way to the destination he directed. The road became more and more deviated. There were fewer and fewer vehicles on the road, and we even left the urban area and went to the suburbs. When I saw that we were heading up the mountain that didn¡¯t even have a street light, I had to turn on the high beam to illuminate the road ahead. ¡°How much longer?¡± I finally couldn¡¯t hold my breath and asked. Shang Muxiao looked out the window and said, ¡°Almost there.¡± His tone sounded very perfunctory. In the following hour, this conversation reappeared no less than three times. From eight o¡¯clock to ten o¡¯clock, the dark road was lined with large fruit trees. Shang Muxiao said that they were cherry trees, but I didn¡¯t know if it was true or not. ¡°It¡¯s here, stop!¡± As if he saw some sign, Shang Muxiao suddenly motioned for me to stop, and before the car came to a complete halt, he opened the door and jumped out of the car. What are you doing¡­ I was rarely angry at his dangerous behaviors. I turned the car off, then sat in the wheelchair and walked in his direction. The grass was a little uneven, but it did not affect the wheelchair. ¡°Do you know that it was very dangerous just now¡­¡± I walked around the car, and my eyes suddenly lit up. I was a little speechless for a moment. In front of me was an open viewing platform. The bottom of the mountain was dark with only scattered lights visible. The distant city was shaded by mountains, surrounded by rustling leaves blown by the wind. When the light brought by high technology disappeared, the light from the stars became brighter than ever. ¡°Look, isn¡¯t the scenery beautiful?¡± Shang Muxiao raised his arms and introduced this dazzling Milky Way to me. CH 9 One of the main constellations overhead in the autumn night sky by the northern hemisphere was Pegasus. It consisted of several stars of varying brightness and size. Four of the most dazzling constellations formed a huge quadrilateral. Each side represented a direction. It was a very important signpost constellation in the autumn night sky, also known as the ¡°Autumn Quadrangle¡±. ¡°Ah, see the quadrilateral¡­ but why is it a Pegasus? How does this thing look like a horse?¡± ¡°The Pegasus we see is upside down, with the legs at the top and the head and neck at the bottom.¡± I tried my best to describe the appearance of Pegasus to Shang Muxiao, and then used the ¡°Autumn Quadrangle¡± to find several nearby constellations and bright stars. ¡°That one is Vega, the one below it is Altair, and the one in the middle is the Milky Way.¡± In addition to being full of countless unsolved mysteries, the starry sky was also filled with endless human imagination and extreme romance. If he had told me earlier that he was looking for the stars, I could¡¯ve brought a star pointer in advance. Right now, I could only talk about it, and he could only listen. After speaking for more than ten minutes, the starry sky above his head was almost completely described. I stopped talking and just quietly enjoyed the scenery in front of me with Shang Muxiao. After a long time, Shang Muxiao suddenly said: ¡°Professor Bei, when you look at the stars, do you feel depressed about your insignificance?¡± His arms were propped against the brick wall of the viewing platform, ¡°We are just like a speck of dust in the universe. Appearing, disappearing. Appearing and disappearing again. Thinking that you are shining and unique, but actually no different from all the existences you hate, admire, and despise. All similarly insignificant¡­ right?¡± When I thought about the first time I used an astronomical telescope to observe the sky, I seemed to have also had this kind of thought ¡ª ¡ª In comparison to the entire universe, human beings were really small and humble existences. And when standing under the vast sky, it was even harder not to think about it. ¡°Do you know the difference between humans and gorillas?¡± Shang Muxiao looked at me with a puzzled expression on his face. Partially directed at me and partially for this question. ¡°Are you testing me? Humans have reason, while animals only have intelligence?¡± No matter how confused he was, he still gave me an answer. The night wind on the mountain was a little cool, so I pulled my coat tighter around myself and said, ¡°This is Schopenhauer¡¯s point of view. But in Nietzsche¡¯s view, there is basically no difference between humans and gorillas in terms of their contribution to the world. Very few people can surpass their own animal nature, to become a truly valuable ¡®superman¡¯. So you are right, we are all insignificant to this world.¡± Hearing this, Shang Muxiao lowered his eyes. There was a look on his face that might be described as ¡°lonely¡±. ¡°But¡­¡± As the conversation turned, his eyelashes trembled, and I continued, ¡°For us living in this world;relatives, friends, colleagues, lovers ¡ª each individual is very important. Compared to the universe, it may be dust. But when it¡¯s in front of your eyes, each one is an extremely precious gem, and each one is unique.¡± It was just that these gems may not belong to us forever. I didn¡¯t say the last sentence. Although I looked at everything in the world pessimistically, I won¡¯t force others to be the same as me. Young people like Shang Muxiao still had a long way to go in life. They could slowly explore a survival theory that suited them without the need for others to impose it on them. ¡°Gem?¡± Shang Muxiao laughed out loud, saying ¡°gem¡± several times in a row, and practically mumbled to himself in the end. ¡°Then my life must be really poor.¡± Just when I thought that he was sneering at my argument, he suddenly shouted at the viewing platform, then raised his hands and hoisted himself onto the narrow masonry wall. P revvfcis ofia ws ygfjatlcu rabq. Ktfgf kfgf cb ragffa ilutar tfgf, jcv la kjr qlamt-yijmx ecvfg atf nlfklcu qijaobgw. Ciatbeut P mbeivc¡¯a rff jcsatlcu mifjgis ja atf wbwfca, jmmbgvlcu ab mbwwbc rfcrf, wbra bo atfw kbeiv yf miloor. Lf kjr rajcvlcu eqbc la rb vjcufgberis atja atf klcv mbeiv yibk tlw vbkc. ¡°You are a pessimist and you can say such a thing. Professor Bei, I¡¯m a little curious, how many gems have you ever had in your life? Which is your favorite one?¡± He seemed to be walking on a tightrope, opening his arms and working hard to keep his balance, wobbling as he walked. In the acrobatic troupe, there were still safety ropes to walk a tightrope. Shang Muxiao had nothing, and if he fell, he would be half-crippled even if he didn¡¯t die. And even if he was ¡°not dead¡±, how could I save him like this? It was practically death in all directions. ¡°Shang Muxiao, come down.¡± I ordered him in a deep voice, completely ignoring what his problem was. ¡°Are you worried about me?¡± He still had a happy smile without a trace of seriousness. I tried to suppress my anger and stretched out my hand to him. ¡°Come down, it¡¯s too dangerous for you.¡± He stopped walking around as I was in a cold sweat, turned his back to the cliff and stood facing me, his lowered eyes first falling on my hand, and then on my face. ¡°Be good¡­¡­¡± I enticed him carefully. He looked down at me condescendingly, spread his arms, and showed a very bright smile. ¡°You¡¯re worried about me.¡± He was smug, his posture as if he was going to fall back. ¡°Shang Muxiao!!¡± With my eyes wide open, I roared as I reached for him. The next second, I lost my balance and fell to the ground before Shang Muxiao. My palm was torn by the rough stone and it was burning hot. My legs were tangled together in an unnatural position, limp and feeble. I gasped and anxiously went to look for Shang Muxiao¡¯s position, but when I looked up, I saw that the other party had nimbly jumped off the low wall. ¡°Why are you so careless?¡± He came to help me with a relaxed smile, as if the thrill just now was no more than my hallucination. ¡°You screamed so loudly just now. Were you afraid that I would actually jump off?¡± He wasn¡¯t really about to jump, he was just testing my reflexes. My reaction made him curious and delighted. Only now did I really agree with Yang Haiyang¡¯s evaluation of him ¡ª ¡ª crazy. He was crazy. I closed my eyes, trying to calm my wildly fluctuating emotions. ¡°Professor Bei? Bei Jie?¡± Seeing that I didn¡¯t respond, Shang Muxiao kept calling my name. If he had any sense, he would know to leave me alone for a while. I gritted my teeth, but the fire couldn¡¯t be suppressed. I hadn¡¯t been this angry in a long time.. I jerked away from him and refused to communicate or touch. Unprepared, he sat down on the ground with his brows furrowed. When he looked at me again, his eyes had become extremely sinister. Like a wolf cub who had finally stopped wagging its tail and returned to its true nature. Yes, how could a wolf be obedient? I was simply indulging in fantasy. I stared straight at him, not losing my composure on the surface, but inside I was thinking quickly on what to do when a fight broke out. I didn¡¯t have Yang Haiyang¡¯s skills, so I guess I could only bite a few times to let out my anger. When I was in my twenties, I never had such a fight. I really regressed the more I lived ¡°I¡¯m just messing with you, why are you so angry?¡± After a moment of confrontation, Shang Muxiao¡¯s wild beast-like eyes had mostly subsided when he spoke again. He clapped his hands and stood up from the ground. He stepped back, leaned against the low wall of the observation deck and stopped trying to help me. I would be able to get back into the wheelchair with a little effort, but it wouldn¡¯t look good. All struggles, difficulties, and embarrassments would be presented in front of Shang Muxiao¡¯s eyes without reservation. Being disabled was one thing, not wanting to act ¡°disabled¡± in front of others was another. Everything seemed to stand still. I didn¡¯t move, and Shang Muxiao didn¡¯t move either. We were at a stalemate, and there was a great possibility that the other side would emerge victorious. The temperature in the mountains became colder and colder as the night fell. When the wind blew, a thin coat would not be able to block the cold wind at all. I shivered uncontrollably, and I couldn¡¯t hold back my throat and coughed. Shang Muxiao suddenly made a heavy ¡°tsk¡± sound, sounding very impatient. The palms of my hand hurt for a while. I gritted my teeth and planned to sit like this for all eternity. It suddenly became dark in front of my eyes and something with body temperature fell from the sky, covering my head and face. I pulled it off and saw that it was a jacket. After stepping on the grass, Shang Muxiao walked past me and went to the back of the car. ¡°I¡¯m going to smoke a cigarette.¡± Judging by the fact that he chose to avoid it, it seemed like I had won the battle. But I couldn¡¯t feel happy at all. I thought that I was too naive. No matter if it was a one-month gambling game, or the fact that I would rather sit for eternity than climb onto a wheelchair in front of Shang Muxiao, it was all so unbelievably naive. The faint smell of smoke coming from the back of the car dragged me back from my self-loathing for a while. After smoking a cigarette, Shang Muxiao walked back. I had also returned to my wheelchair. ¡°You¡¯re bleeding.¡± He stared at my leg. I wore a pair of white trousers today. I had just rubbed them on the ground and got a lot of stains. The most obvious one was at the knees. The fabric was torn, revealing the wound covered with soil underneath. It was a mass of black and red, which looked very miserable. ¡°I don¡¯t feel it.¡± I returned the jacket to him and shoved it directly into his arms. When I was about to withdraw my hand, he grabbed it. As the coat fell to the ground, he glanced at my palm and said, ¡°The hand is bleeding too.¡± I wondered if he really had night vision with such sharp eyes. ¡°It¡¯s okay¡­¡± I pulled my hand back and said, ¡°I don¡¯t want to stargaze anymore, let¡¯s go back.¡± After what happened just now, I think there would be very few people who could leisurely continue to watch the stars with him. No matter how hard I tried to push forward, the wheelchair¡¯s wheels only spun in the same spot. I looked back in confusion and saw Shang Muxiao picking up the clothes on the ground and shaking them, while the other hand firmly held the handle of my wheelchair, not letting go. In an instant, I was like a cat that had been caught by the back of its neck, and I could only let him play with me as he wished. ¡°What are you doing?¡± I lowered my voice, trying not to seem overwhelmed. Shang Muxiao threw his coat back to me again. ¡°Who said we were going back today?¡± In the wilderness, with his words and deeds, the beginnings of several classic suspense films have already appeared in my head. Was he going to try to push me off the mountain¡­ I put his jacket over my leg with my uninjured hand, and wondered if I should ask him where we were going. He pushed me along the dark mountain road for a while. Suddenly, he turned a corner and entered a deep path. There were trees on both sides, forming an expanse. Except for a little starlight overhead, it was practically impossible to see one¡¯s outstretched fingers. ¡°Where are we going?¡± I finally couldn¡¯t help but ask, tightening the jacket on my knees. ¡°Yin Nuo took me here once before, and it¡¯s right in front¡­¡± Almost as soon as he finished speaking, a faint light appeared in front of him. When I got closer, I realized that it was a paper lantern hanging by the courtyard gate. To the left of the lantern was a wooden sign with the name of the courtyard ¨C Liushui House. Below was a piece of tattered paper, with the words ¡°Pick cherries, fresh crystal cherries. No money needed if it¡¯s not sweet¡± written with a brush. CH 10 ¡°We¡¯re here. The food is delicious and the beds are very comfortable.¡± After speaking, Shang Muxiao rang the doorbell. By this time, I had guessed that he was going to stay overnight at a farmhouse, but it still felt absurd. ¡°I never said I wanted to stay here.¡± I never knew we were going to stay here. Shang Muxiao didn¡¯t take it seriously, ¡°No, you have to clean the wound, right? If you drive back for two hours like this, and by the time you get to Qingwan, your blood will be drained.¡± Based on what he said, people who didn¡¯t know might think I had cut an important artery. ¡°This little wound will not drain my blood¡­¡± He suddenly laughed and interrupted me, ¡°Has anyone ever said that you are too serious?¡± They have. And when they said that, they were usually trying to shut me up. I fell silent and said no more. ¡°Who is it so late¡­¡± The old man in the blue shirt came over to open the door. When he saw Shang Muxiao, he was stunned. When he saw me, he was even more surprised, ¡°Did you¡­ fall?¡± he asked. It was obvious that they were not confident enough. ¡°I called to reserve a room before.¡± Shang Muxiao didn¡¯t answer. He pushed me into the small courtyard and said, ¡°Please help me check in quickly, we are both tired.¡± The small courtyard was an authentic Chinese farmyard. There were several round tables in the lobby and an L-shaped counter at the door. The old man closed the courtyard door and walked slowly into the house. ¡°It turned out to be you. I thought you weren¡¯t coming.¡± He turned to the counter, grabbed the key from underneath, ¡°Go straight and turn right into the third room.¡± Shang Muxiao pushed me all the way to the room. When I entered the room and saw two beds, I secretly let out a sigh of relief. ¡°Wait, I¡¯m going to ask the boss for something.¡± Shang Muxiao put me down and went out again. After about five minutes, he came back in with a first aid kit in his hand. He opened the box and took out cotton swabs and hydrogen peroxide to clean the wound for me. ¡°I¡¯ll just do it myself¡­¡± I went to grab the cotton swab. He stepped aside and didn¡¯t say anything, but he had already spoken with his actions ¡ª this wasn¡¯t something I could decide. I was really tired, not only physically, but also mentally. Shang Muxiao was truly skilled. He could tire me out just by looking at the stars. I smiled at him, made a ¡°please¡± gesture, and gave up my autonomy over my wounds. ¡°Everytime I fell when I was a child, my parents would only let me endure it. Only my sister would treat my wounds. But she was a bit clumsy and always caused me a lot of pain. When I grew up, I learned how to deal with my wounds by myself.¡± His movements were very gentle, hardly causing me much pain. He really was skilled. ¡°You love your sister very much.¡± Shang Muxiao¡¯s hand froze. The cotton swab pressed down uncontrollably, and poked into the flesh, causing sharp pain. I subconsciously wanted to withdraw my hand, but Shang Muxiao grabbed my wrist even harder and pulled it back in front of him. This time, he moved more carefully. Wherever the cotton swab passed by, I could feel a blow of cool air. ¡°Because she is my only gem.¡± He lowered his face, and I could only faintly see that he seemed to curl his lips, ¡°I am not as rich as Professor as to have so many gems. I only have one. Of course it will be treasured.¡± What he said, even a steel-hearted person would feel pained upon hearing it. I thought of the environment in which he grew up in as a child. Distant from his father with a mother that didn¡¯t love him, and suddenly I understood his crazy behavior ¡ª ¡ª It was cultivated from when he was a child, and fighting for ¡°attention¡± subconsciously. Hold on¡­¡­ P kbxf eq. Qts rtbeiv P ulnf tlw j gfjrbc? Vlcmf tf mbeiv erf atf gerf bo rfio lcpegs jujlcra Vtjcu Tecgbe, tf mbeiv jirb erf la bc wf. Xblcu mgjhs jcv atfc jmalcu qlaloeiis, ab klc ws rswqjats. Aera ilxf vfjilcu klat kbecvr, wjsyf la kjr jirb tlr rqfmljias. Putting aside the slight grief, I hit him directly and said, ¡°The way you express treasuring is to force her to break up with her boyfriend?¡± Shang Muxiao didn¡¯t think there was anything wrong with his approach at all. His tone was quite righteous, and he had his own set of theories: ¡°They are not from the same world, and they will not be happy together. That man has low education, no money, and has been divorced with a daughter. My sister is rich and educated, young and beautiful. She deserves the best man in the world.¡± The more he talked, the more disgusted he became, and it made me feel guilty. With a clear cough, I asked, ¡°What¡¯s your father¡¯s attitude? Does he also object?¡± ¡°He doesn¡¯t care about our lives at all.¡± Shang Muxiao threw away the cotton swab and wrapped my hand with a gauze, ¡°He is still living in a dream.¡± Regarding Shang Lu, he didn¡¯t say much, and I didn¡¯t ask much. But it was clear that their relationship wasn¡¯t very good. After wrapping my hand, Shang Muxiao took out another cotton swab from the first aid kit, knelt down halfway, and naturally wanted to roll up my trouser legs. I was stunned for two seconds before I realized that he was going to treat the wound on my leg for me. I quickly grabbed his arm and stopped him in panic. ¡°Wait. I can do it myself, I can do it myself.¡± Since the car accident, I didn¡¯t like people touching my legs. Except for the physiotherapist, these legs were just like a young lady¡¯s three-inch golden lotus feet from ancient times. It wasn¡¯t easy for others to see it. Shang Muxiao gave me a deep look, straightened up, and threw the cotton swab back into the box. ¡°I¡¯m going to take a shower first. Don¡¯t sneak away by yourself. After all¡­¡± He raised his right hand and showed me what was on his index finger, ¡°The car keys are with me.¡± I immediately touched my pocket and only found my mobile phone. I didn¡¯t know when the car keys were stolen by him. How could there be such a person¡­ Up until Shang Muxiao entered the bathroom and left me alone in the room, I was still in a state of extreme shock. Subjects are driven by ¡°motivation¡± and demonstrate the will through action. In other words, everything had a motive, and there was no action without motive in this world. Shang Muxiao should also have motives for doing things, but his motives were really unpredictable. As long as it was about him, nothing developed the way I expected it to be. Before, I thought that he was not as friendly as Shang Lu, and he seemed difficult to get close to, but now that I think about it, maybe ¡°difficult to get close¡± wasn¡¯t the impression he had on people. ¡°Difficult to get close¡± was just my intuition telling me that I should stay away from him. We were not the same. Compared to Shang Yunrou and Yang Haiyang, we were truly in two different worlds. There was no sensation in my legs so it was very convenient for me to handle it by myself. I cleaned the wound somewhat roughly and wrapped it in gauze, but even then, Shang Muxiao still wasn¡¯t done taking a shower. Putting his coat on one of the beds, I controlled the wheelchair towards the balcony door. I noticed just now that there was still a door in the house. I thought it was a balcony, but when I opened it, I found that it was a yard. The yard was surrounded by flowers and plants as a natural barrier without much decoration. There was only a table and two chairs that were placed on the porch. The moon tonight was extraordinarily round. I watched the moon in the yard for a while, and heard a noise behind me. When I went back to the house, I saw that Shang Muxiao had already finished his bath and had come out. He only wrapped a bath towel around his lower body. His upper body was bare, revealing his strong muscles, and his hair was still dripping with water. Upon closer look, I could see his body was covered in wounds. There were bruises of varying degrees on his ribs and waist. Yang Haiyang was really heavy-handed and didn¡¯t show any mercy at all. ¡°Do you want to take a shower?¡± He wiped his hair. ¡°I can help you.¡± I turned around and closed the door, ignoring his suggestion. ¡°When will the car keys be returned to me?¡± He laid down on the bed and started playing with his phone. ¡°Tomorrow,¡± he said. Does this mean I have to stay overnight? I resisted the urge to sigh. Out of sight, out of mind. I controlled the wheelchair to go to the bathroom. This was just an ordinary farmhouse, and all of its facilities served ordinary people first. There were no special facilities for the disabled. This meant that it would be extremely difficult for me to go to the toilet or to take a shower. Fortunately, it was only one night, so I should be able to get over it. I didn¡¯t know why, but I suddenly had such optimistic thoughts at such a time. It turned out later that this may also be a protective mechanism of the brain ¡ª ¡ª to appease my crumbling heart. After simply scrubbing my body, when I left the bathroom, the lights in the room had already been dimmed. Shang Muxiao¡¯s bed was silent. There was a mound under the quilt with only a small part of black hair exposed on top. It looked like he was asleep. Good thing he fell asleep. The wheelchair drove across the carpet without much noise. Taking care not to wake the other person, I parked the wheelchair by the side of the bed with one side next to the edge of the bed. Then, with my hands on the bed, I rolled up sideways on the bed in a somewhat awkward posture. When I finally leaned against the head of the bed with the strength of my arms, I couldn¡¯t stop panting. Looking at my injured palm, there was a little blood on the surface of the snow-white gauze, which appeared when it was propped up on the bed just now. This was also why I had to wait for Shang Muxiao to fall asleep. No matter how good I usually pretended to be, when this happened, I would still turn back into that useless trash that can¡¯t do anything. Too unsightly. This disability was already very serious. With one hand disabled, it really was fatal. With a wry smile, I covered myself with the quilt, and then glanced in the direction of Shang Muxiao. He was still in his original posture, and seemed to have fallen asleep. That night, I didn¡¯t sleep too well. First, I wasn¡¯t used to the strange environment, and secondly¡­ I started dreaming again. ¡°Bei Jie, I have something to tell you when I come back from this trip.¡± Lu Feiheng touched my head with a gentle smile on his lips and said, ¡°I thought about it for a long time and thought I should tell you.¡± I didn¡¯t really like people touching my hair, so I avoided it and asked, ¡°Can¡¯t you say it now?¡± ¡°No. It¡¯s still a secret and cannot be unlocked.¡± At that time, I was too young to get more information from his complicated eyes and words and deeds. I just had a strange premonition that what he had to say was important, extremely important. ¡°How mysterious.¡± He refused to say, so I stopped asking, thinking that the answer would be known in five days, but I didn¡¯t think that we would be completely separated the next day. What was his secret? What did he want to tell me? These questions used to be my nightmare. Later, as I grew older, slowly, from hesitation, to disbelief, to conviction. One day I suddenly woke up and realized that I had missed a young and frivolous love. Lu Feiheng, Jing Shen and Xu Wei were my roommates in college. I treated Lu Feiheng no differently from the other two. I never thought he would like me. But looking back, in fact, many details were already very obvious. I suspected even Jing Shen and Xu Wei had seen the clues long ago, so they suggested that everyone go to the ancient town together to create opportunities for me and Lu Feiheng. As a result, the opportunity was not created, and everyone suffered a serious car accident first. Due to the sudden change of lanes by the vehicle in front, our vehicle lost control and crashed into the high-speed isolation barrier. Xu Wei and I were thrown out of the car. I was lucky and survived, but Xu Wei was unfortunate. When he fell out, he landed on the back of his head, and he was dead before the ambulance arrived. The other two, sitting in the front row, were stuck in the severely deformed car. They were engulfed in a raging fire before the fire truck could even arrive. For a long time, I could hear the screams of the both of them even after I fell asleep. I was so tormented that I told my mother about it, but she said it was just my hallucination. The two of them had been seriously injured when the fire started. Their consciousness was blurry so it was impossible for them to scream. She was such a person. She had always been cold, rigid, and without any warmth. My dream was very messy. One moment I was talking to Lu Feiheng. The next moment I was sitting in the car, and the next moment, when the car lost control and hit the isolation barrier, I woke up suddenly. I had already fallen out of bed. I was still a little stunned, massaging my forehead in confusion. Why could I still fall over the guardrail? Why was it so soft under my body, and when did the house have a carpet? ¡°Hey, are you okay?¡± It was not until Shang Muxiao¡¯s voice sounded that I gradually regained my senses and remembered that I was outside in a farmhouse called, ¡°Liu Shui House¡±. ¡°I¡¯m okay¡­¡± The light above my head suddenly turned on. I raised my hand uncomfortably to block my eyes. There was a rustling sound from Shang Muxiao¡¯s side. After a while, he jumped out of bed, wearing only a pair of jeans, unbuttoned. I was still a little confused, so I just stared at him blankly, forgetting to even reject him. He carried me to the bed with the quilt. I sat for a while while he put on a t-shirt. ¡°It¡¯s seven o¡¯clock, are you hungry?¡± He glanced at his phone and asked. I shook my head, and after calming down, the hunger was not so obvious, but another physical desire gradually became prominent, with a full sense of existence. ¡°I¡¯m a little hungry. I¡¯m going to see if the boss has prepared breakfast¡­¡± He turned to leave, and I felt that the desire was getting stronger and stronger. If I held it back, it would probably not look good, so I hurriedly grabbed his hem. ¡°Can you¡­ take me to the bathroom first?¡± I didn¡¯t have to ask him for anything else, but if I were to rely on myself, I would probably have to pee my pants by the time I moved to the toilet. Shang Muxiao didn¡¯t respond, and I didn¡¯t even look at him. I was still annoyed at myself. I could feel his gaze wandering over me. But just as I couldn¡¯t determine the motives behind his actions, I also couldn¡¯t determine the motive behind this gaze. It felt a little like a cobweb that suddenly covered my face, invisible, sticky, and very sinister. After a long while, he suddenly moved: ¡°You want to go to the toilet? You should¡¯ve told me earlier.¡± He bent down, picked me up again neatly, and went to the bathroom. I lowered my face, and my whole person wanted to immediately evaporate on the spot, unable to look at him at all. When we got to the bathroom, Shang Muxiao put me on the ground. He held my arm with one hand, and wrapped the other around my waist, supporting me as I stood. This pose made me feel bad. But at this time, I could only honestly say that there wasn¡¯t a better posture. ¡°Okay, let¡¯s pee.¡± Shang Muxiao¡¯s voice was close to my ear and contained a teasing smile. His breath swept over my neck, which made goosebumps erupt uncontrollably. CH 11 Taking a piss in the presence of one person is no different for me than taking a piss in the presence of a group of people. Emotionally speaking, I want him to let go of me and get out of here this instant. But rationality tells me to be patient, to let go, that I cannot do this alone. Emotion and rationality are tangling and tearing at each other, sending my mind into utter chaos. Those days when I was lying in a hospital bed, unable to move, are the memories I wish to recall the least in my life. And now, it feels like I have gone back to that time. That time when I was not a ¡®living person¡¯, but merely a ¡®living corpse¡¯. Having self-respect and feeling of shame are things that are not needed for a ¡®living corpse¡¯, being ¡®alive¡¯ is all that he possesses. I stand still for a long time, and then in a very faint voice, I say to Shang Muxiao, ¡°Don¡¯t look¡­¡± Don¡¯t look at me in such a sorry and embarrassing state. Shang Muxiao probably thinks that I am being a bit overdramatic. He snorts and turns his head to the side. ¡°Oh. As you wish then.¡± This is really a pain in the ass. Still and all, it is better to just get this over with, rather than prolong the pain. I need to address this physical urge of mine as soon as possible before he gets more impatient. Having an unsupple hand because of the wound, it takes a few tries for me to undo the zip. The sound of secretion can be heard throughout the bathroom and as my system feels relaxed, I also find myself trembling uncontrollably. I try to stem the tide of the sound, but to no avail. In the same vein as a cat under a stress reaction, I too, have no control over my body at all. The hand on my waist tightens, and without turning around, Shang Muxiao asks me in confusion, ¡°Why are you trembling?¡± I tremble all the more at his words and inadvertently smear a few drops of pale yellow liquid on the toilet seat. This is like ¡ª the more one fears something to happen, the more it will come true. I stare dazedly at the yellow liquid. I feel like my body is slowly crumbling, bit by bit, as my ashen soul rises into mid-air and looks on at the situation woodenly. I look at this clown in front of me, a man struggling to hold on to his last shred of dignity, only to have it go against him. I bite hard on my lower lip, trying to save my precariously frayed nerves by distracting myself with pain. Because of the trembling, it has become a big task to close the zip after tucking back the organ that has done its excretion. Moreover, it still fails to zip smoothly, as if it really means to be against me. I gradually lose my patience and start to vigorously tug at the rebellious zip, wishing I could rip it off instantly and make it out of my sight. I feel a slight pain in my palm, it should be the wound opening up again. ¡°Not done yet?¡± Shang Muxiao keeps getting no response from me and cannot help but turn his head, just in time to see the sight of me tussling with the zip. ¡°I¡­¡± I stop and look down, my eyes falling on the few drops of piss on the toilet seat, and say rather calmly, ¡°I can¡¯t zip up.¡± Shang Muxiao is quiet for a moment before letting out a brief, soft sigh, in response to which my eyelids twitch. I know this kind of sigh very well; it usually follows when one¡¯s patience runs out. A bitter taste spreads in my mouth. As I am about to try again, Shang Muxiao suddenly picks me up, walks out of the bathroom, and puts me on the bed. Then, he heads back to the bathroom. I lie back on the bed, using both of my hands to finally get the zip up that I just couldn¡¯t pull up earlier for any reason. The ceiling lights are somewhat blinding. I have no idea what Shang Muxiao has gone back to do, whether he has seen the ¡®crime evidence¡¯ left behind. I just want to hide myself. I repented. I should not have allowed Shang Muxiao to be close to me, nor should have I thought that this was merely a child¡¯s game to pass the boredom or an innocent bet. I should have stayed away from him, I should have stayed away from everyone. I wrap myself up in the quilt, forming a huge cocoon. This dark and airtight space is a bit suffocating, but it helps to calm me down a little. There is no other way to hide, no other way to escape. I can only paralyse myself in this way, fooling myself that this ¡®bulwark¡¯ is safe and that no one can ever get in. Shang Muxiao exits the bathroom as the sound of footsteps draws nigh. ¡°Don¡¯t you feel smothered?¡± He chuckles at the sight of me and approaches to tug at the quilt. I also tug at it for dear life, not letting him succeed. ¡°Call off the bet, I concede,¡± I say to him from under the quilt. A moment of silence falls outside. Then, Shang Muxiao¡¯s somewhat amused voice rings out, ¡°Simply because you relieved yourself in my presence, likewise on the toilet seat?¡± I close my eyes and wrap myself up tighter. ¡°Are you going to stay there forever?¡± I make no reply. I feel very safe hiding in this ¡®bulwark¡¯. ¡°It¡¯s not like anyone else is going to know, what in the world are you so bothered about? I thought you wouldn¡¯t care what people thought of you.¡± With brute force, he yanks the quilt off the top of my head, and leaves me with my face uncovered. I glower at him, and say in a hoarse voice, ¡°Beat it.¡± I do not care what other people think, but I have my own feelings, and at the moment, I am feeling very low. He freezes, seemingly not expecting me in this state. ¡°You¡¯re crying?¡± I definitely am not crying, but I do tend to get red-eyed when I get emotional and look as if I¡¯m about to cry, which often leads to misunderstandings. ¡°I¡¯m not.¡± I turn my face away from him. Shang Muxiao sits down on the bed, not saying anything for a couple of minutes, before finally giving in. ¡°Fine, fine, let¡¯s call it quits. Let¡¯s call it quits, yes? We can call it even, no winner or loser.¡± He says in a drawn-out voice, sounding quite unwilling. I look back at him and ask, ¡°Where are the car keys?¡± He digs into his pockets and then tosses the car keys onto the bedside table. ¡°Wipe your hands.¡± He tosses me the wet towel he has been clutching in his hand and then heads into the bathroom for the third time. By the sound of the movement, he should be off to wash up. After breakfast, Shang Muxiao and I set off back to Qingwan. I do not wish to talk on the way, he¡¯s also wise enough to not bother me. My hand had been re-dressed. The wound had stuck to the gauze which leaked a lot more blood when it was torn off. When putting the second piece of gauze on me, Shang Muxiao suddenly apologises. If I hadn¡¯t seen his mouth move, I would have wondered if I was just hearing things. ¡°Please forgive me.¡± He looks up at me and blows at my wound. ¡°Let me blow on it so that it won¡¯t hurt as much.¡± I obviously cannot feel his breath because of the gauze applied there, but when he blows, my muscles twitch involuntarily, as if they feel pain. I draw my hand back, somewhat fearing that I might have hurt a nerve, but it never recurs after that one time. On the side, Shang Muxiao asks, ¡°Do you forgive me? Professor Bei.¡± Children have always liked to go into the whys and wherefores, questioning things for them to understand, but adults have too many qualms to be reckless. Although he is one hell of an asshole, like a true forgiving adult, I finally accept his apology, even though my ¡®mhn¡¯ sounds rather forced. By the time we arrive at my apartment, it is already almost noon. Shang Muxiao¡¯s blue and white sportbike is parked in the same place, like a serene beauty that the passers-by cannot help but take a good look at. ¡°I¡¯m off then, let¡¯s hang out again next time.¡± While putting on his helmet and twisting the throttle, Shang Muxiao finally speaks to me for the first time since the return trip. After all that has happened, he still expects a next time? ¡°Drive safely.¡± Saying a forced farewell to him, I head into the elevator without looking back. Returning to the familiarity of my home, where I am clearly only away for one night, feels like a lifetime ago. I take a short rest in the living room and then head into the bathroom to take a shower. Relying on the fact that my legs cannot feel anything, I ignore the wound and let the water wash over it until it starts to turn whitish. After a refreshing shower, I lay down on my bed, ready to catch up on my sleep, when I suddenly remember that I have a psychological support group to go to this evening. I give Liao-jie a call and tell her that I am feeling a bit under the weather and cannot join the group for this week, to which she expresses her understanding and concern for me. I then hang up the call, feeling even more tired. I sleep through the day and wake up at 5 p.m. I open a takeaway app, wanting to order one for myself, when a call from Bei Yan cuts in on the screen. With a sobbing voice, he asks me to pick him up, saying that he has had a fight with our parents and does not want to go home anymore. He is brought up with high expectations and has always been under strict control. He must have to have three meals a day, take extra classes, and even his time after school must be arranged, to the extent that even his friendships have to be vetted. Looking at him is like watching myself as a child. One son fails, and they raise another in the same way. It is as if we are not living people to them, but mere puppet toys rolling off a factory. I tell him to stay where he is, and that I will come to him soon, and after making sure he will do as I have said, I lift the quilt and get out of bed, when I suddenly freeze at my wounded leg which I have left to dry out. It has only been a few hours, but now it has started to cause inflammation and suppuration. I am in a hurry to be bothered about it, so I hastily wipe away the pus and blood with a tissue, put on gauze, and drive to where Bei Yan is. I arrive at the place to find out that it is a veterinary hospital. As soon as I enter, everyone looks at me, then Bei Yan gets up from his seat and runs over to me. ¡°Ge, you¡¯re here at last.¡± Bei Yan has grown up a lot in the past two years, but his growth is not in line; it is somewhat the opposite. A short, stout one with very chubby cheeks. ¡°What are you doing in such a place?¡± I ask. He squirms, not daring to look at me. ¡°Bei Yan.¡± I frown. He gets scared, flinches, and finally tells the truth. It turns out that he saw a stray dog hit by a car on the road and felt pity for it, so he took it to the hospital himself, and as he had no money, he dared not tell our parents, and called me for help instead. What he said about having a fight with our parents was all smoke and mirrors. As soon as he finishes explaining, a young veterinarian in green scrubs with a surgical mask on his face comes out of a room and asks who the native dog that was involved in an accident belongs to. ¡°Mine, mine, it¡¯s mine.¡± Bei Yan rushes over excitedly. I tag after him and there I see the name on the veterinarian¡¯s badge as ¡®He Weizhou¡¯, so I address him as ¡®Dr. He¡¯. ¡°How¡¯s the dog?¡± He Weizhou takes off his mask, revealing a stoic countenance but rather striking features. ¡°There are fractures in both hind limbs, which have now been cast, but it still needs to be hooked up on an IV drip.¡± With that, he leads us to the dog who is still sleeping as the anaesthetic is yet to wear off. The dog is an authentic native dog, probably just over three months old, lying there pitifully with its tongue lolling out, as if dead. This dog cannot be brought back with us. There is no place for him at either my place or my parents¡¯. We have no choice but to board it at this hospital for the time being and find another owner for it once it has fully recovered. Yu Xixi seems to have always wanted a guard dog. I will check with her about this the next time we see each other. Before leaving, He Weizhou asks for my phone number for easier contact and says he will send me pictures of the dog every so often. I have just dealt with a certain dog, and now another one comes into the scene. I motion for Bei Yan to get in the car and drive him home. ¡°Next time, when you have something to say, say it directly, there is no need to lie to me. Go now. Just say that your extra classes ended late and that there was a traffic jam.¡± Bei Yan dawdles out of the car and then asks, ¡°Ge, aren¡¯t you coming in?¡± I glance at the familiar yet unfamiliar green iron gate, and shake my head, ¡°Not today, I still have things to do later.¡± ¡°Oh.¡± He looks a little lost. ¡°I¡¯ll go now then.¡± He takes out his key and opens the iron door, making his way up the stairs before disappearing from my view. At this time of the day, every household is already preparing dinner. The area is full of the aroma of meals. My parents should also be waiting for Bei Yan to return for dinner. I touch my empty stomach, and then I open the takeaway app and order the same meal as before. By the time I reach home, it is already on my doorstep. The rice has all gone unsoft and cold, quite unpalatable. It is unpalatable but still a shame to just throw it away. After a few bites, I just cannot eat it anymore and end up throwing it away. CH 12 ¡°Xiao Jie, why have you not visited me for so long?¡± Yang Youling sits on my lap, and says with a tone full of dissatisfaction. Though we are nominally godfather and goddaughter, she never addresses me as one. It is always ¡®Xiao Jie¡¯, and I wonder where she has heard it from. ¡°Because I have to work to earn money.¡± I boop her tiny nose and park my wheelchair in front of the dining table. ¡°So hard-working.¡± The little girl kisses my cheek with a stuffed rabbit in her hand and adds, ¡°Alright then, you¡¯re forgiven.¡± ¡°Let¡¯s eat.¡± Yang Haiyang walks out from the kitchen bringing the last course of soup, and when he sees his daughter sitting on top of me, he rushes over to get her down. One can tell by his expression how much he is afraid that Yang Youling will crush me. Actually, I don¡¯t think I¡¯m that fragile. Since the stargazing with Shang Muxiao, I feel a little more physically and mentally resilient. ¡°Oh.¡± Yang Youling pouts as she hops out of the wheelchair and sits down in her own personal seat with the stuffed rabbit in her arms. It is said that this pink stuffed rabbit is a birthday present from Shang Yunrou. The little girl likes it so much that she carries it with her everywhere she goes these days. The dishes are all personally cooked by Yang Haiyang. Being home-cooked, they taste really good, way tastier than takeaways. As we eat, Yang Haiyang and I carry on a casual chat, mostly about parental topics, how Yang Youling is doing in nursery school, the convenience store, him and Shang Yunrou¡­ ¡°I like Aunty Yunrou, I want her to be my mom!¡± Upon hearing the name Shang Yunrou, Yang Youling looks up from her own rice bowl, a grain of rice still clinging onto her lips. ¡°But I have yet to ask Aunty Yunrou to marry me. You say, what do you think I should do?¡± Yang Haiyang picks the rice off his daughter¡¯s lips and smiles with a doting fatherly look. ¡°Then you should put in more effort.¡± Yang Youling¡¯s little brows furrow as she gives a serious proposal, ¡°Act pitiful. Aunty Yunrou is so nice, she¡¯ll take pity on you.¡± I cannot help but laugh aloud and then say to Yang Haiyang, ¡°Did you hear that? Act pitiful, she said. Mug up.¡± Yang Haiyang is also at a loss, not knowing whether to laugh or cry. ¡°I cannot do that, I¡¯m not Shang Muxiao.¡± At the mention of Shang Muxiao, the smile on my lips fades a little. I then purposely change the subject by saying, ¡°Have you already proposed?¡± Yang Haiyang had also just mentioned it as a passing remark. He soon forgets about Shang Muxiao and starts talking about his proposal plan. ¡°I¡¯m going to propose on Thanksgiving Day.¡± ¡°Thanksgiving Day?¡± Though it is also a holiday, Chinese people are mostly non-religious. One rarely hears of a proposal that is chosen specifically on that day. Yang Haiyang says, ¡°If the proposal is successful, that day will be my Thanksgiving day every year.¡± I¡¯m in awe and feeling deeply moved. I never thought that Yang Haiyang would have such a sweet and romantic side to him. ¡°I have booked a candlelit dinner in advance and have also bought the ring. I only hope that everything will go smoothly on that day, and no mishaps will occur.¡± A flicker of worry passes through his eyes, but it soon dissipates and he makes no more comments. I think I know what he means by ¡®mishaps¡¯. Should Shang Muxiao learn of his proposal, it will be more than just smashing a glass plane. I am afraid he will be attacked by Shang Muxiao in a dark alley and have his head smashed in. After the meal, Yang Haiyang then clears the table and goes to his bedroom where he takes out two tickets for an art exhibition and gives them to me. ¡°Mei Zixun¡¯s solo exhibition?¡± I read the letterhead on the ticket, and the artist¡¯s name sounds unfamiliar to me. ¡°It¡¯s Yunrou¡¯s mom.¡± Yang Haiyang says, ¡°After her passing, her paintings were all managed by a foundation under her name, which holds regular exhibitions globally every year, with the proceeds going to charity in addition to maintaining the foundation¡¯s daily run.¡± ¡°The tickets were given to me by Yunrou to give to you. She said you look like a person who would very much appreciate art¡­¡± Though aesthetics is also a branch of philosophy, I have always only researched and discussed it in class, but know very little about the works it exhibits. Still¡­ ¡°Thank her for me.¡± Since Shang Yunrou especially gave it to me, I should at least show up, thus not disappointing her generosity. There is only one person close to me who is definitely interested in an art exhibition, and that is Shen Luoyu, so I give her a call and she happens to be free this Saturday. The exhibition is to take place at the National Gallery of Art from 08:00 a.m to 05:00 p.m. I have agreed with Shen Luoyu to meet at 03:00 pm at the entrance of the gallery, so that we can just go straight to dinner afterwards. Prior to the exhibition day, I look up some information about Mei Zixun on the internet to have at least a basic understanding of her paintings, so I will not be at a loss to understand what I am looking at by then. The internet is mostly focused on her exhibitions, awards and the like, while Shang Lu is only briefly mentioned, and not once does the words ¡®depression¡¯ or ¡®suicide¡¯ appear, only that she died of illness at the age of thirty-seven. Her most emblematic paintings, mostly before the age of thirty, combine bright and brilliant colours with natural landscapes, which have created her unique personal style, and were once described by the famous art critic, Fan Feng, as ¡®the number one Oriental impressionist¡¯. Regrettably, after she reached the age of thirty, her paintings waned year by year due to illness, and eventually, she ceased to produce work in her last two years. The ¡®The Courtyard View¡¯ marks the last of a set of three giant oil paintings she created in her thirties, each measuring 190 x 200 cm, and is arguably the star of every exhibition; even the tickets feature a part of this painting. Come Saturday, Shen Luoyu and I meet up at the entrance of the gallery and enter together, then we split up and go our separate ways to look around the exhibition, agreeing to meet at the exit at five o¡¯clock. The exhibition hall is rather extensive, but not too crowded, and from time to time no one really bothers to look at a painting for a long time. Mei Zixun¡¯s work of colour is really impressive. It was already beautiful when I saw it online, but seeing it in person, ¡®stunning¡¯ is the only word to describe it. I take my time wandering around, looking at each one, enjoying myself so much that by the time I get to the area where the ¡®The Courtyard View¡¯ is on display, it is already almost four o¡¯clock. The exhibition hall has only one entrance and one exit. Just when I am about to proceed, my eyes catch sight of a man standing in the middle of the hall, wearing a baseball cap and a black biker jacket. I do not need to see the entire face of the man, just his profile and I can tell it is Shang Muxiao. He hasn¡¯t been showing up before me the entire week. Following the call-off of the bet, it seems that all contact between us has also been cut off. The wounds on my palm and leg have already formed scabs after a week of treatment, and I believe they will be back to normal after some time. I believe that Shang Muxiao will also be like these wounds, gradually fade out of my memory, and never cross paths again. But then coming across him here¡­ Oh yes, this is his mother¡¯s art exhibition, there is no wonder that as a son, he also came to take a look. I intend to make a quiet, hasty exit before he notices, when a sweep of my eyes catches sight of what he is holding. My heart suddenly pounds. It is a box cutter, resembling a pen, retractable and a good hand for unpacking boxes. I know this because I have such a knife as well. It is not as sharp as a traditional knife, but it is more than capable of cutting through the oil painting canvas. Shang Muxiao is standing silently in front of the ¡®The Courtyard View¡¯, staring up at the very centre of it, his hand constantly extending and retracting the cutter, unaware of my arrival. His visage is very sombre, and the expression he wears as he stares at the painting in front of him is faintly menacing. It is as if it is not a beautiful courtyard in his dreams, but a place of his darkest nightmares. I have a feeling he¡¯s going to do something stupid. He especially brings a cutter and passes through security ¡ª I don¡¯t think he¡¯s just here to collect a package. Suddenly, he walks toward the painting. ¡°Shang Muxiao!¡± Before rationality takes hold, my body gives itself the go-ahead. Shang Muxiao stops in his tracks and looks at me as if he¡¯s seen a ghost, and I take that time to go over and grab his wrist. ¡°Let go.¡± He sounds frightening. He¡¯s not dwelling on why I am here, but simply asking me to let go of him. The more he acts like this, the more I don¡¯t let go, instead holding on tighter. ¡°What are you going to do? There are surveillance cameras all over the place and every painting is equipped with an alarm, are you mad?¡± Although these are his mother¡¯s paintings, they technically already belong to the foundation, something he cannot possess, let alone have the right to destroy. ¡°I repeat, let go.¡± He enunciates the last two words. It would have been better if I hadn¡¯t seen it in the first place. Now that I am here, how can I just do nothing? He tries to set his hand free, but I hold onto it firmly to prevent him from taking any action. Both of us are tugging in the hall. He thinks I¡¯m being nosy, I think he¡¯s being too unruly, and both of our actions are marked with resoluteness. I do not understand why he always has to do something out of the ordinary. He has a great youth ahead of him, but he is spending it so stupidly. ¡°Give me the knife.¡± I reach for the knife, which he dodges very fiercely. Between the struggle, a sharp pain assaults my palm, and the next moment, the knife falls to the ground and slides strongly to the foot of the wall. ¡°You¡­¡± He looks so enraged that I feel for a moment that he really wants to kill me. But he freezes on the spot as soon as he sees my hand, and so does his expression, leaving a numb face; this numbness does not dissipate for a long time. My palm is bleeding from a cut sustained by the knife. Luckily though, it is not that deep; it¡¯s just that this fresh wound adds to the old one, and I am afraid it will take a while to heal again. I hold up my hand and pull a hankie from my pocket to pressure the wound, not looking at him anymore. ¡°You shouldn¡¯t have stopped me.¡± The bitterness in his words is so obvious, but his voice veers to calm, in the sense that he has given up his intention to destroy the painting. Clamorous voices can be heard from outside the hall, interspersed with the sound of intercoms. It appears that the security has detected something off in the hall from the surveillance and has sent the nearest security guard over to check. I hurriedly look up at Shang Muxiao. I see him still standing, unbothered and unintimidated, and I frown as I urge, ¡°Are you still not going?¡± He gives me a deep look and then turns to ¡®The Courtyard View¡¯, looking rather reluctant, but the situation forces him to hasten and he can only leave so, thus, he exits through another door. Immediately after he has gone, I pick up the knife from the foot of the wall, and no sooner have I put it in the storage pouch on the side of my wheelchair than the security guard arrives. He scans his eyes over me and checks around the hall, and after spotting nothing, he replies to his intercom and goes back to patrolling elsewhere. I slump my shoulders and take a deep, deep breath, realising as an afterthought that I have been so nervous just now that I have forgotten to even breathe. I no longer feel like strolling through the exhibition once more, so I simply head out early and buy some gauze from a nearby pharmacy to treat the wound. The gallery closes at five o¡¯clock and I meet up with Shen Luoyu at the entrance, and she is quite surprised to see the wound on my hand. ¡°Where did you get this injury? Was it there before? Why don¡¯t I remember.¡± She props up her eyeglasses and leans in closer to get a better look. I withdraw my hand to hide it, not letting her see too clearly. ¡°It was there, you just missed it. It happened to me by accident last week, I have it on my leg too, but it¡¯s almost healed.¡± ¡°You fell? How? Where? Is your leg okay?¡± She asks a series of questions, not in the least doubting the truth of my words. ¡°I¡¯m hungry, let¡¯s go to dinner now.¡± I deliberately avoid answering any of her questions, concentrating only on the number one most important agenda in life. ¡°Aiya, you¡­¡± She cannot pry me out. She is frustrated, but there is nothing she can do about me, and only a moment later she catches up with me. ¡°Then how about eating at that place I told you about last time?¡± I originally thought that after the art exhibition, my relationship with Shang Muxiao would be completely over. Apart from occasional encounters on campus as well as his sister¡¯s in the offing wedding, there is unlikely to be a chance of meeting him again in private. But to my surprise, I run into him again the next day, all the more so on my own doorstep. He is soaked to the skin, blocking my way, rainwater dripping from the tips of his hair and sliding down the ends of his eyes, like a dog no longer favoured. CH 13 The news has caused an uproar among the group. ¡°How¡­¡± ¡°This disease does spread rapidly, and Mr. Huang is already of old age¡­¡± ¡°He seemed fine last week¡­ This is so sad¡­¡± Though I have not been present for a few sessions and am not yet familiar with the group members, it is still saddening for anyone to have someone who has been so chatty and witty just a couple of weeks ago suddenly pass away. As far as I can remember, Mr. Huang was a very easy-going elder. He was in his seventies, had grey hair and looked in such good spirits that no one would have believed he was a cancer patient unless he said so. It is said that he was diagnosed with lung cancer a year ago and the doctors told him to undergo chemotherapy, but he felt that he might not be able to survive at his age, thus he only underwent conservative treatment and then signed himself up for the psychological support group to condition his mind. ¡°Mr. Huang left a letter for all of us in the support group. Let¡¯s listen to it altogether.¡± Liao-jie tears open the white envelope she has been holding in her hand, takes out the letter paper inside, and reads it out in front of us. ¡°Bye, everyone! See you around!¡± ¡°See you around!¡± Six group members bid farewell to each other and exit the gym only to find that it is raining heavily outside. I am a bit bummed. I forgot to check the weather forecast when I left home today and I didn¡¯t bring an umbrella. ¡°L-Laoshi¡­¡± A shy voice comes from behind. I look back and find that it is the shy high school girl. She seems to be at a loss for words when I look at her directly, and stares at my face for a good three to four seconds before she pulls an umbrella out of her bag as if she just suddenly remembered it. ¡°You¡­ You don¡¯t have an umbrella with you, do you? I-I can offer mine and take you to your car.¡± I look at her umbrella, it is of a girly pink colour. ¡°Thanks,¡± I say softly. It is raining a bit heavily and her umbrella covers me entirely, soaking half of herself in the process just a few steps to the parking space. Such kindness I dare not take for granted. I then ask her where she lives so that I can give her a lift. ¡°No need, no need, it is too much of a bother¡­¡± The girl hurriedly waves her hand to decline. ¡°I will just take the bus back.¡± Five minutes to the bus stop in this weather sounds pretty bad, let alone with her wet clothes. I can see that her hands are red-ish from the cold, and guess that she must be very cold by now. ¡°Get in, quickly.¡± I inadvertently put on a bit of sternness that I usually use in class, and with a shudder, the girl does obediently get into the car. She lives at the other side of the school, in the exact opposite direction from my place. With only the two of us in the car, it is a bit awkward not to talk, but the girl seems to be introverted and neither am I a talkative person. We only talk a little at first and then we do not interact again. ¡°Laoshi, do you know what death is like?¡± We are almost at her place when she suddenly asks. I open my mouth, but I am unsure how to answer that. Discussion of ¡®death¡¯ is an ever-present theme in philosophy, though it is difficult to characterise its nature. ¡°Some philosophers believe that the death of the corporeal body is not the true death, but that the true death is the extinction of the will. A man¡¯s body dies, but his will lives on, and so he lives in this world forever. A man who lives, but whose will has long since ceased, and who lives as if he is a walking corpse, is dead even as he lives.¡± The girl is quiet for a moment and asks again, ¡°Then Grandpa Huang¡¯s will¡­ is still here?¡± ¡°Have you seen the film ¡®Coco¡¯?¡± ¡°Ah¡­¡± She thinks for a moment and then says, ¡°I have.¡± I have not actually seen it, but Yu Xixi did. She came to school the next day and retold the entire plot to me, and I even cried when she got to the emotional part, and thought the film was unsurpassable. ¡°He is still around as long as we remember him.¡± I say, ¡°You can think of it that way.¡± The girl thanks me again as she gets out of the car, still not daring to look at me, but she speaks much more smoothly now, as if she has already mocked it up in her head many times. ¡°Thank you. I¡¯m going to take the entrance exams next year and I hope to get into the philosophy department at Qingwan and become a student of yours.¡± She opens the door and props up the umbrella, then suddenly turns back. ¡°Uhm¡­ You can call me Tian¡¯er.¡± During our first group session, each member introduced themselves, and I remember that the girl¡¯s surname is Yu. ¡°Mhn. Be careful, the road is slippery.¡± I say goodbye to her and set the navigation home. It is utterly quiet in the car, and as I drive, my thoughts unconsciously recur to Mr. Huang¡¯s letter. It is no wonder that Yu Tian¡¯er suddenly got sentimental. Having heard a farewell letter like that, one cannot simply remain indifferent to death. ¡°To all of you my friends, by the time you read this letter, I should have already departed from this world. I, Huang Yinguo, have known you all for a short time, but I have considered myself a friend to you. In the last moments of my life, I would like to give a tip to all those who are feeling unhappy. Live each day like it is your last. Who knows if you are still here tomorrow, why not make the most of it now? Why not cherish the now? Leave your worries behind for another day. I used to think that I had lived long enough. At the age of seventy-six, I had seen all the changes in our society, the wonders of the world, my oodles of children and grandchildren, my family in harmony¡­ what regrets could I have? But as I was approaching my end, I realised that I had a lot to let go of. I won¡¯t go into a long speech, so let me conclude this letter with this: you are still young, live well.¡± Live well¡­ These two words sound simple, but doing so is actually a lot harder. After parking the car, I go into the elevator and press my floor number. Ten seconds or so pass, and with a ¡®ding¡¯, the elevator stops and the doors open slowly in opposite directions from each other. As soon as I exit the elevator, there I see that ¡®paper tiger¡¯ slumped at my door. He is resting against the door, soaked to the skin, and I cannot tell if he is freezing, but his face is very pale, his lips devoid of colour. How I wish this dog had listened to Mr. Huang¡¯s letter. His eyes are slightly closed so I wonder if he has fallen asleep already. ¡°Shang Muxiao,¡± I call him softly as I approach. He stirs at the sound and opens his eyes slowly. I wonder if it is because his face is very pale that his eyes appear particularly deep and dark. ¡°You¡¯re finally back¡­¡± He says as he rubs his forehead and tries to wake himself up. ¡°Why are you here?¡± My hand suddenly aches for some reason at the sight of him. He looks up, the back of his head resting against the door, and his voice sounds full of exhaustion. ¡°I drove all the way over here but on the way, it ended up raining. My sister is not at home, I guess she has gone to see that man again. I have nowhere else to go, please allow me shelter.¡± His hair is still dripping with rainwater, completely wet all over, and I can say that he is in a terrible state of distress, and whilst we only have a mutual acquaintance at best, he speaks casually to me as if we have been friends for years. I should drive him away, nothing good ever comes when he is involved. But of course there is no way he will listen to me, not to mention that I cannot enter my home with him blocking the door. Well, in any case, he is Yang Haiyang¡¯s girlfriend¡¯s brother, and l also count as his teacher, plus he is currently in a bad shape, so allowing him in my home¡­ should not be too much. ¡°Let¡¯s get inside first.¡± Shang Muxiao stands up and moves to the side. I open the door and enter the apartment, and as I am about to switch on the light, a flash of lightning suddenly dashes outside the window, followed by the rumble of thunder. ¡°My mother¡­ met her end in rainy weather like this.¡± Shang Muxiao walks to the window and quietly looks out at the rain. ¡°She sent everyone away and dumped me into the rain. I desperately rapped on the door to get inside but never got any response from her. The rain was so heavy, I was out there, very cold. I couldn¡¯t understand why she never liked me. Then, when my sister returned from school, our driver broke down the door and they found her in her studio. She was wearing a white dress, sleeping so peacefully, it was the calmest and gentlest look I had ever seen on her¡­¡± His tone is calm, but I listen to it with chills. I remember Yu Xixi saying that Shang Muxiao was only five years old when Shang Lu¡¯s wife died. No wonder he hates rainy days like that. Any little sad memory of a five-year-old is enough to cast a lifelong shadow, let alone one so tragic. For a moment, I am at a loss as to how to respond and forget about turning on the light, I just stay fixed in place, staring at his back. A rich man does not care if an extra penny is missing from his possessions, whereas a poor man losing a penny may be the very cause of his demise. The look in his eyes makes me uneasy, and this unease is not out of fear or worry¡­ it comes from the literal pain I feel in my heart. ¡°Why don¡¯t you take a shower first, and I¡¯ll go find out if there¡¯s anything you can wear¡­¡± I say, avoiding his gaze and bolting into my bedroom. I raise my hand and press the area of my heart, and only after a moment, the pain dissipates and the uneasiness wears off. Why can¡¯t humans hold a little more control over the sovereignty of their corporeal bodies? I let out a silent sigh. After having a hard time finding a set of pyjamas that Shang Muxiao can probably wear, I return to the living room. I know that he has gone to do what I have told him to do upon hearing the sound of water in the bathroom. Although my apartment is designed for a person living alone, not that big, it still has two bathrooms. One is in my bedroom, for my exclusive use, with the height of the sink and so on adjusted to the height of my wheelchair, and the other is the one Shang Muxiao is using now, the guest bathroom. ¡°Open the door, I brought something for you to wear.¡± The sound of the water in the shower dips down and eventually ceases altogether. After a while, the bathroom door opens and a stream of hot, humid air escapes from within. Shang Muxiao, with nothing on, his body dripping with water, takes the clothes from my hands. Just like that, unbothered by my gaze. ¡°Thanks,¡± He says softly and closes the door again. I am left there still in a daze for a moment. Thereafter, I go to fetch an unused quilt from the cupboard and chuck it on the sofa, turn up the air conditioning in the living room and then head into my room. After washing up, I take a gander at the door of my room. Feeling a little uneasy, I go out to have a look. Shang Muxiao¡¯s whole being is curled up on the sofa, and his eyes open as soon as I approach. His hair is not fully blown dry, still a little damp, and his usual cocky demeanour is gone. Right now, he actually looks somewhat like an obedient child. ¡°Professor Bei,¡± he extends his hand towards me. ¡°I seem to have a fever.¡± I stare at his outstretched hand. I hesitate, but still take hold of it. The temperature is so hot, he really has a fever. ¡°I¡¯ll go look for some medicine.¡± I search through the cupboards and find one antipyretic medicine that has not yet expired. I pour water into a glass and bring it to Shang Muxiao. He sits up, takes the medicine and then the water from my hand, and tilts his head up as he takes a quick swig. He lies back down, looking so uncomfortable that he seems to not even want to say a word. I put the glass of water on the coffee table to one side and pick up the quilt that has been dragged to the floor and stuff it on him. It is still raining outside. I turn off the lights in the living room, except for a dim yellow lamp so that the room is not too dark. I wake up in the middle of the night, use the toilet, and then go to the living room to check on Shang Muxiao. I measure the temperature of his forehead with the palm of my hand and it still feels a little hot. Shang Muxiao stirs up at my touch and looks at me with haziness in his eyes. ¡°Sorry to wake you up.¡± I am about to withdraw my hand when Shang Muxiao grabs my wrist and pulls my hand back against his face. ¡°Your hands are so cold, so soothing.¡± The ends of his eyes grow red because of the fever, and his voice is tinged with a hint of huskiness. I feel uncomfortable, wanting to withdraw my hand, but mindful that he is a patient. I have been a patient too, and I know that being sick is not a pleasant experience. One can also easily become vulnerable. ¡°It¡¯s because you¡¯re still feverish. You¡¯ll be fine when it goes down.¡± ¡°Bei Jie¡­¡± He looks at me with reddened eyes, his lips right where my pulse is, seeming to love the feel of that very skin. ¡°Be my gem.¡± I am so dumbstruck that I completely forget to react. I can still turn a blind eye to that cocky appearance of his when he makes that bet with me or to his casual address of ¡®Professor Bei¡¯. But now with such an appearance and such a voice, asking me to be his gem¡­ He is, indeed, very crafty. CH 14 ¡°Rest well.¡± I draw back my hand, turning a deaf ear to his words, and simply leave a hasty reply before leaving the scene as though making a run for it. I can feel Shang Muxiao¡¯s eyes following me, wrapping around me and clinging to the nape of my neck. I am just looking ahead the whole time, putting up with that deep gaze of his until finally we are barred by the bedroom door. I lock the door and gently rub my thumb over the hot skin on my wrist, the warmth belonging to Shang Muxiao still lingers on it, distinct and indelible. I slowly clench my hand, compressing the wound that lies beneath the gauze, a continuous stinging pain arising in my palm, my senses quickly overpowering the distracting warmth. ¨C The next morning, I wake up feeling listless. Shang Muxiao is still asleep when I leave the apartment. The rain stops in the wee hours of the night, but the weather is still inclement; there are still waterlogged remains to be seen on the ground and the air is cold and clammy. The late autumn rains are the harbingers of winter. Every time they fall, it signifies that winter is getting closer. Shang Muxiao should be gone by the time I return home later. ¨C I mop up today¡¯s morning class thanks to Yu Xixi¡¯s Americano, though the caffeine loses its effectiveness by the afternoon. For the first time in all my years of teaching, I space out in the middle of class. Shang Muxiao¡¯s voice echoes unpredictably in my head, repeating the words he said to me last night. ¡°Bei Jie, be my gem¡­¡± How can such words be spoken so naturally? Is a ¡®gem¡¯ something or someone that anyone can be and want to be? ¡°¡­shi?¡± ¡°Laoshi!¡± I come back to my senses and see the students all looking puzzled, puzzled as to why I space out in such a situation. I try to pick up where I left off as if nothing has happened, but I have lost track of where I was already. ¡°Let¡¯s have a ten-minute break.¡± I turn off my portable mic, and head to the side of the podium, unscrewing my thermal mug and taking a big sip of black coffee, the bitter taste running from my tongue to my throat, down to my stomach. I do not know if it is a psychological reaction, but in a matter of moments, my mind actually feels less foggy. ¡°Bei-ge, are you okay?¡± Yu Xixi worriedly runs up to me and sees my cup of coffee already reaching the bottom, and she frowns. ¡°You have drunk a lot of coffee today, did you not sleep well last night? You do not usually drink this stuff.¡± ¡°I¡¯m okay. Yes, I didn¡¯t sleep well last night.¡± I rub my temples and close my eyes to mellow myself out, not saying more. Yu Xixi might be thinking of something good, but it is hard for me to think of how indeed ¡®good¡¯ my weekend has been. ¡°Shang Lu¡¯s son has been absent lately.¡± Yu Xixi says with a tone of sadness. I open my eyes and sweep my gaze silently in her direction. Yu Xixi, seemingly realising something, turns her head, sees me looking at her, and immediately blushes. ¡°What, people love looking at handsome men no¡­¡­ And he is about the same age as the other celebrity¡¯s children. He has the ideal height and the ideal face. Many people expect him to follow in Shang Lu¡¯s footsteps in the entertainment industry.¡± I do not want to talk about Shang Muxiao right now, so I barely express my opinion, and give a simple ¡®oh¡¯. However, Yu Xixi seems to have misunderstood that ¡®oh¡¯ to mean that I am querying her for more, as if she really has to explain it all to me. ¡°No, really, a lot of people are optimistic about him. He has this really popular photo from two years ago, and nowadays, every so often, marketing websites still use it to attract attention.¡± Yu Xixi pulls out her phone and looks for something. ¡°Here, this is that photo.¡± She hands me her phone and I take it, instantly catching sight of a pair of familiar yet unfamiliar eyes in the photo. It is of a black and white filter, in an open-air setting, where the corner in the background is blurred with string lights and outdoor umbrellas. The light and shade are just right, giving the stern-looking young man in the photo a youthfulness. He is wearing a pastel-coloured woollen sweater and his hair is cut rather neatly, perfectly showing the contours of his superior visage. He probably senses that he is being spied on and glances casually toward the camera, thus letting the photographer capture a candid shot. His expression remains natural and casual, yet there is a cold, chilling look in his eyes. ¡°This kind of HD close-up photo is taken so well, the quality is perfect, is it not? I remember when this photo first surfaced, many people thought that this was a pathfinder for Shang Muxiao to venture into the entertainment industry, but consequently waited for two years with no news, except for this photo and only this photo.¡± Yu Xixi shakes her head as she adds, ¡°If he really had the intention to pursue a career in the entertainment industry, he would have gone to a drama school a long time ago, rather than wasting all his time and energy on our school taking up finance. The saying is true that a son follows his father¡¯s footsteps, but in Shang Muxiao¡¯s case, he is definitely going to inherit the family business, instead of acting. Anyway, with this, his persona as a swotter has been completely upheld, and his popularity with the public is even higher.¡± How can a true ¡®swotter¡¯ let himself fail a subject. I give no comment on Yu Xixi¡¯s exaggerated account, and as I return her phone, I accidentally tap somewhere and the screen returns to the ¡®Album¡¯ feed, revealing photos other than this one of Shang Muxiao. These other photos are still of Shang Muxiao. There are about twenty or thirty photos in the entire album, from different angles at different times, and it is evident that they were taken secretly during class. I look at Yu Xixi without saying a word. She quickly grabs back her phone, looking embarrassed as she explains, ¡°It is not like that. I have two friends who really like him, I merely took photos of him on their behalf.¡± I nod. ¡°Oh.¡± ¡°¡­¡± Yu Xixi looks as if she is about to go berserk. ¡°It is not like that, really. Bei-ge, believe me. I really do have these two friends! They are the ones who forced me to do it, I didn¡¯t want to! Believe me!¡± ¨C After work, I am about to start the car when my phone vibrates as a message from Shen Luoyu arrives, asking where I am. [On my way home.] I then start the car and exit the school. A short while later my phone vibrates again and I assume it is Shen Luoyu replying to the message. I leave it unread, intending to reply when I get home. But it is not long before the phone rings as an incoming call comes. Of course I assume it is Shen Luoyu who is calling because she cannot wait for my reply, so I readily turn on the Bluetooth speaker of the car. ¡°When will you be home.¡± As the low, raspy voice rings out from the speaker, I uncontrollably veer the steering wheel about ten centimetres to the right, which I quickly square back into the right direction. With my heart pounding, I glance at the number on the smart screen, and see that it indeed is Shang Muxiao. ¡°Have you not left yet?¡± He then replies in a weak voice, ¡°I slept all day. I feel so drained I do not feel like eating. That medicine you gave me didn¡¯t work, I still seem to have a fever.¡± Hearing this, I frown and say, ¡°I hung your clothes out on the balcony, go check if they¡¯re dry, and change if they are. I¡¯ll be home soon¡­¡± ¡°You¡¯re kicking me out?¡± His spoiled, childish voice from a moment ago abruptly changes, and the mood plummets. I pause and keep thinking to myself that he is a patient and I need to be understanding. Building up my mind, I patiently explain to him, ¡°Since the medicine does not work, you need to at least go to the hospital to get treated.¡± There is silence on the other end, only the sound of light breathing can be heard. I wait for some time for his reply, and fearing that he might have suddenly fainted, I call out to him with a hint of urgency, ¡°Shang Muxiao?¡± ¡°Mhn.¡± He quickly responds, ¡°I will wait for you to get home then.¡± ¨C I get home faster than usual, and as I enter the elevator, I suddenly remember that I have yet to reply to Shen Luoyu¡¯s message, so I take out my phone and read it, and then I feel my brain buzz. [I have something to deliver to you. Take your time, drive slowly. I¡¯ll just head straight inside your home when I get there first. Let¡¯s eat together for dinner.] Shen Luoyu has the password to the door lock of my apartment, and sometimes when she comes to deliver something to me, if I am not there, she will just put it inside before leaving. The elevator doors slowly open. My apartment is already right in front of me, but I do not have the courage to open the door. I try to recall if I have seen Shen Luoyu¡¯s car in the parking garage, but nothing comes to my mind. I just hope she¡¯s not as fast to arrive as me¡­ I press my finger on the fingerprint lock and the door opens with a female voice saying ¡®opening.¡¯ The door opens a little, and two figures standing in the living room look over. In the end, I am still not faster than Shen Luoyu. But why I am afraid of her seeing Shang Muxiao, I am not sure myself. Shang Muxiao and I are innocent in every sense of the word, and normally when people see a single man with another young man of the same sex in his home, they do not readily think of it in terms other than that of relatives or friends. I only let the other party stay the night, not sleep with him, so what is there to be guilty about? ¡°Uh, I am not aware that you have a guest here.¡± Shen Luoyu raises the bag in her hand and says, ¡°A friend gave my mother a chunk of bacon and she asked me to bring some to you. This guy here is¡­¡± She appears to have just arrived as well, as she has yet to even put down the stuff she brought. Shang Muxiao and I exchange a glance and speak almost simultaneously. ¡°He¡¯s my friend.¡± ¡°I¡¯m his student.¡± I groan inwardly, not wanting to look at Shen Luoyu¡¯s expression. At the same time, I feel grateful that Shang Muxiao has already changed back into his own clothes, otherwise things would be even more unexplainable. ¡°You go first, wait for me in the parking garage,¡± I say to Shang Muxiao. I do not know whether it is because he is sick or because there is a third person present, he is unusually amenable at the moment. He nods his head modestly and without saying a word heads out. The door closes again and the next second, Shen Luoyu raises her voice slightly in surprise as she says, ¡°Student?¡± ¡°He¡¯s younger, yes, but we¡¯re friends.¡± Shen Luoyu looks somewhat puzzled. I lock eyes with her for a moment and add, ¡°He¡¯s Yang Haiyang¡¯s girlfriend¡¯s brother, who happens to be a student at our school.¡± Shen Luoyu knows Yang Haiyang too, just not that personally, so she is not aware of the other party¡¯s love life. ¡°I see. I was like, how come you¡¯ve suddenly got such an atypical friend.¡± She seems to be accepting of this. She takes the bag to the kitchen and stuffs the meat in the fridge for me. I tell her that there is something I have to go to with Shang Muxiao, and I might not be able to join her for dinner. She waves her hand, not at all minding, and just accepts that it is Shang Muxiao who first made an appointment with me. ¡°Just take care of yourself. Let me just use your kitchen, I will leave once I have dined.¡± I feel a little ashamed, and say, ¡°Okay. I will treat you to dinner next time.¡± ¨C I go down to the parking garage and as soon as I exit the elevator, I start looking for Shang Muxiao, but I scan around and see him nowhere. When I finally make it to the car, I see him crouching with his back against the car door, hands in his jacket, and his eyes closed, probably still feeling unwell. At the sound of the wheelchair, his eyelashes flutter and his eyelids lift, and when he sees that it is me, a dazzling smile gradually spreads across his face. The corners of his mouth move his facial muscles, the ends of his eyes are drawn up in a slight curve, and with just this expression, his previously unapproachable demeanour takes on a radical change. In an instant, it is as if he has gone from being an untamable wild dog to a domestic dog that does bend to your every whim, not only circling around your feet, but also showing you its soft belly. ¡°Laoshi,¡± he utters this word briskly and sweetly. ¡°Do you regard me as your friend?¡± CH 15 Fair warning: There¡¯s a significant section about PTSD/survivor¡¯s guilt. ¡°Laoshi, do you regard me as your friend?¡± This is the first time I have heard him call me ¡®Laoshi.¡¯ He has always called me ¡®Professor Bei¡¯ or even by my full name before. Over the years, many people have called me Laoshi, and even Yang Haiyang sometimes jokingly addresses me as one. I thought I have long been familiar with it. But when Shang Muxiao calls me that, I feel that there is something different. His ¡®Laoshi¡¯ is unlike anyone else¡¯s. I know it is a common form of address, but when he says it, for no apparent reason, it makes my fingertips tingle and my back feels uncomfortable as if ants are crawling over it. ¡°Get up, get in the car.¡± I ignore his question and just hone in on unlocking the car. After a while, Shang Muxiao also gets into the car, seated on the passenger side. ¡°Have you noticed that whenever you do not want to answer my questions, you pretend like you did not hear them?¡± I slowly drive the car out of the basement, and give him a primer on the conventions of being an adult. ¡°When a person chooses to be silent, you should cease being pushy. If he wants to answer, he will answer the first time, and if he chooses not to, then he simply does not want to.¡± Shang Muxiao lets out a long, lukewarm ¡®oh¡¯, then lowers the back of his chair and speaks no more. The sun always sets very early this time of year, and while it had still been a little bright when I got home, it is now completely dark. I figure that Shang Muxiao¡¯s fever is induced by the cold, so it should not be a big problem. I find a close-by hospital, which is only five kilometres away from my home, and we arrive there in about twenty minutes. The car pulls into the basement and the wheels grind over the speed bumps, making a fair amount of noise. I cannot tell if Shang Muxiao rouses from the movement or if he is awake in the first place, he suddenly says, ¡°Was that your girlfriend back there?¡± I pause for a moment before I realise that he is talking about Shen Luoyu, and I hurriedly say, ¡°No, she¡¯s my cousin.¡± He is not even thinking about it more thoroughly. Would I have agreed to that funny bet if I had a girlfriend? ¨C On parking the car, Shang Muxiao gets out first, and when I finally settle the car and go to look for him, I see him crouching again in a corner. ¡°Can you still make it?¡± I am a little worried that he will not be able to make it to the consultation room. He stands up, his body wobbling precariously, thankfully not falling over. ¡°Dizzy.¡± He leans against the wall, looking pale. I tell him to hang on a little longer, and on the way, I watch him almost at every step to see that he is keeping up well and only then do I feel relieved. We finally make it to the front desk. They check his temperature; it is forty degrees, even higher than yesterday. The doctor takes a blood test, reads the report and prescribes two bags of IVs. I have gone back and forth to pay for the medication, as Shang Muxiao sits quietly on a bench in the hospital corridor, his jacket zipped up to his head, with the collar up, and half his face hidden inside. There are not many people in the ward. Even with the cold weather, all the windows are closed and the air conditioning is on, so it can seem a bit stuffy. As soon as Shang Muxiao steps in, he frowns and chooses to sit by the window, silently pushing the window wide open so that fresh air can flow in. Then I go to close the window again. He looks at me in displeasure and goes to open the window again, only for me to slap the back of his hand. ¡°Are you trying to get your brain burnt?¡± He has a fever of forty degrees and still has the courage to let the cold air blow on him; he must really think his life is too long. He rubs the back of his hand and makes a face. He tries to say something, but swallows it back when he catches my gaze, and does not touch the window again after that. The nurse arrives with the equipment for injection and sticks one on Shang Muxiao. He says nothing when she does it, but when she leaves, he shows me the back of his hand like a child seeking pity from an adult. ¡°Laoshi, she injected me, it hurts so bad.¡± The joints in Shang Muxiao¡¯s hands are well outlined, his fingers long and slender, and the skin on the back of his hands is less flesh-y that one can easily see the veins and bones traced there. To say that Nvwa spent different efforts on each person when she created them, she must have put extra effort into creating Shang Muxiao to make him more pleasing to the eye from his head down to his feet, not to mention his hands. ¡°There is no injection that does not hurt.¡± Unmoved, I check the wall clock, and see that it is already almost seven o¡¯clock. Shang Muxiao still needs to finish the two IVs. He cannot finish them in just an hour, so it looks like we will have to dine at the hospital. ¡°What do you want to eat? I¡¯ll order a takeaway.¡± ¡°I don¡¯t want to eat, I¡¯m not hungry.¡± He nestles into his seat and looks like he¡¯s going to sleep again. He has not eaten all day, and even if he is not sick, starvation is going to make him sick. I open the takeaway app and pick a nearby restaurant. Ignoring what Shang Muxiao said, I ultimately ordered a bowl of chicken congee for him and a bowl of mixed noodles for myself. Half an hour later, the takeaway arrives. I place it on a small stool reserved for a patient¡¯s attendant, pick up the bowl of congee and gently push it towards Shang Muxiao. He opens his eyes slowly, sees the congee passed in front of him, and ignores it. ¡°I told you I don¡¯t want to eat.¡± It is not this much trouble to get even Yang Youling to eat. How can this ¡®dog¡¯ who is already twenty years old still be as difficult to serve as a two-year-old? And why on earth am I even serving him? Just because he is Yang Haiyang¡¯s future brother-in-law? I feel like a babysitter right now. While my good friend is out there on a date, with no one to take care of the naughty kid at home, it is up to me, the bachelor one who is occupied with nothing. I¡¯m the one who has to do all the work to take care of someone¡¯s child, feed him and chase him around at home, all for the sake of my good friend¡¯s newfound love. Yang Haiyang has no idea what I have put myself through for him. I scoop up a spoonful of congee, place it in front of my mouth and blow on it, and then pass it in front of Shang Muxiao. ¡°Open your mouth.¡± If he refuses again, then I¡¯m going to shove this spoon in his mouth. Shang Muxiao looks at the congee and then at me, and perhaps he picks up something in my tone of voice and no longer acts stubborn, obediently downing the congee. In this way, I do the scooping while he does the eating, and we do not communicate with each other the whole time until almost half of the bowl of congee has been eaten. ¡°I really can¡¯t finish it.¡± He tilts his head, refusing to eat any more. ¡°Go ahead and eat as well, your noodles are getting cold.¡± Seeing that he genuinely does not have an appetite, and since he has already eaten enough, I no longer force him. I put the bowl of congee aside and pick up my noodles. Noodles are the tastiest when served hot, but when left out for a long time, they tend to lump up and stick together, thus compromising the taste. My noodles have been in the open for quite some time, and they are now almost in a lump, but I cannot be too choosy with my condition, so I swallow them all in a couple of sips. It is almost nine o¡¯clock when Shang Muxiao¡¯s two bags of IVs are finally fully finished. I ask the nurse to take his temperature again and it is 38.9, not quite back to normal, but it has slowly gone down. On the journey back, while waiting at a red light, I indulge in some hesitation before I ask, ¡°Do you want me to send you back to your place?¡± He was in a bad situation yesterday, so it was justified to offer him my place, but it would seem peculiar to let him stay there any longer. Even Shen Luoyu can tell that he and I are not compatible. We are two completely different types of people, be it in the way we conduct ourselves or in our personalities, we can be said to be the opposite of each other. Looking after him when he is sick and taking him to the doctor is as far as our relationship can go at the moment. To make fun of myself as a babysitter is one thing, to actually be one is another. With no immediate reply from Shang Muxiao, I cannot help but look at him and find him looking at me too. I can see his very dark eyes even in the dark interior of the car. ¡°Are you sick of me?¡± Tapping my index finger on the steering wheel, I press down the restlessness in my heart and say, ¡°Where do you live?¡± He slightly looks down and says, ¡°My family¡¯s home, but I cannot go back now. My dad and I had a row, he found out about that day at the exhibition and kicked me out, and even had all my cards blocked.¡± So this was the real reason for him coming over to my place on a very late and rainy night. ¡°Have you gotten hold of your sister yet?¡± He lies back in his seat, and says without looking at me, ¡°I turned my phone off.¡± ¡°¡­¡­¡± What a thoughtless child. I can imagine how anxious Shang Yunrou would be right now since she cannot reach him, and she might even break down in tears and make it to the police. ¡°Turn it on right now and let your sister know you¡¯re okay.¡± In exchange, I compromise, ¡°If you really don¡¯t have anywhere to go, you can stay at my place until you¡¯re well.¡± He is young and fit, for sure he will recover soon. He will be fully well in two days at most. I will let myself be a mom for two more days, I think to myself. From red light jumps to green, and the traffic moves forward again. Within the quiet car, Shang Muxiao suddenly speaks after a long silence. ¡°Thank you.¡± ¨C When we arrive home, Shen Luoyu has already left, leaving a note on the table saying that there are dishes she made in the fridge and that I should heat them up and eat them when I am hungry and not always order takeaways. I send her a message of thanks and tell Shang Muxiao to make himself comfortable, and then head into my bedroom. Through the door, I can hear a bombardment of text messages echoing from outside and figure that Shang Muxiao has finally switched on his phone. ¨C Afraid that I will not be able to sleep well and it will spoil my mood in tomorrow¡¯s class, I take a sleeping pill before I go to bed, except that it makes it worse. Why, despite being in my own home and familiar surroundings, I still get the nightmares. One moment, people in the dorm room are discussing their plans in life after graduation, and the next moment, three blood-soaked bodies appear in front of me. ¡°Bei Jie, it hurts, save me! Save me!!¡± Lu Feiheng is crawling towards me, the flames on his body charing his skin little by little. I try desperately to put out those fires, but to no avail at all. I can only watch helplessly as he turns to ashes and black char in front of me. Fear floods my heart and I tug at my hair, my screams all caught in my throat, unable to make a sound. I feel something tight on my feet and look down to see that it is Jing Shen who has grabbed me. He asks me why I did not save them, why I am the only one who lives, and before he can finish his sentence, he turns into ash and dissipates in front of me. I shake my head and keep backing away. ¡°No, no¡­¡± Then I suddenly step on something, I stiffen and look back to see the already distorted body of Xu Wei. The strings of rationality in my head suddenly snap, and I begin to scream and howl my heart out. I didn¡¯t mean to survive, I¡¯m sorry, I¡¯m sorry¡­ I am at fault. I should not have survived the accident, please forgive me¡­ forgive me¡­ ¡°Bei¡­¡± ¡°Bei Jie¡­¡± I keep struggling. My consciousness is blurred. I only feel my body being gently shaken and I hear intermittent calls made to me. ¡°Bei Jie, wake up¡­ you¡¯re having a nightmare, it¡¯s okay, whatever it is, nothing happened¡­¡± A hot palm caresses my cheek and I struggle to open my eyes; some kind of liquid sliding down the corners of my eyes, blocking my vision for a moment. The emotions involved in the dream have been so intense to the point of being brought to reality. ¡°I¡¯m sorry¡­¡± I choke out, still in a state of confusion as to where I am and who is in front of me. ¡°Shhh.¡± In the darkness, the other person holds me up gently, caresses my back and asks, ¡°Why are you apologising?¡± Trembling all over, I cannot resist the urge to move closer to this reassuring embrace. ¡°For¡­ I am the only one alive¡­¡± Deep down, I know this is a form of PTSD, a psychological problem, but every time I remember my three best friends who died tragically in the dead of night, I still feel uncontrollably guilty for having survived. The atmosphere is still, and the other person wraps his arms more tightly around me. His voice is soft, as though he is talking to me, but also as though he is talking to himself. ¡°¡­Being alive is not something to be ashamed of, you do not need to apologise to anyone.¡± CH 16 My alarm clock goes off at exactly seven in the morning. I struggle to wake up, my brain still groggy owing to the sleeping pill. I sit on the bed and take a moment to refresh myself, and the memories of last night recur a little as my consciousness awakens. In the past, whenever I am having a nightmare, even if I cannot remember anything the next day, the pain that is engraved in my bones and the tremors of my body still haunt me for some time. But it is different this time. In the fragmentary flashbacks, the solid embrace in the darkness and the soft reassurance in my ears are all too overwhelming, overshadowing the heart-wrenching pain, as if it is just another bizarre dream. Being alive is not something to be ashamed of, you do not need to apologise to anyone. That is the first time someone has told me that. So it is not just his face going for him after all. A smile spreads across my lips, then I suddenly remember that when I woke up from the dream last night, I also broke down in tears and was held for a long time in Shang Muxiao¡¯s arms as he soothed me. I held onto his clothes for dear life, like a drowning man grasping onto his last lifeline, and did not let go of him until I cried myself to sleep again. I bury my face in my palm, unable to believe that I could cry like that, especially in the presence of Shang Muxiao. There is no telling how he will laugh at me about it¡­ Disgruntled, I wash up and psych myself up before going out of my bedroom. Shang Muxiao is not on the sofa, and there is a strange smoky smell in the air, as if something has burnt. Alarmed, I follow the smell to the kitchen and there I see Shang Muxiao, sitting at the table enjoying his meal, with a takeaway bag on the side, and a variety of breakfast meals on the table, like steamed buns, flower rolls, soy milk and congee¡­ which almost fills the small table. ¡°You¡¯re up.¡± He sees me and lifts his chin, gesturing for me to come over to eat. ¡°What is this burnt smell?¡± ¡°It¡¯s the congee.¡± He appears to be completely well now. With his appetite increased, he takes two bites of a flower roll and goes for the next one even before he can swallow the one in his mouth, a far cry from the weak appearance he had yesterday when he had trouble eating. ¡°I was going to cook congee, but in just a blink of an eye it burnt, so then I ordered takeaway.¡± Sweeping his eyes over the bin in the corner, he says with a look of distaste, ¡°The pan is ruined, I just did not bother washing it. I will compensate for it with a new one later.¡± I look over and almost do not recognise my small milk pan. The once vivid mint green surface has gone black, and the enamel coating inside is thick with burnt carbon; it looks like a completely different pan. It is indeed like what he said ¡ª ruined. ¡°No need, it is already old too, not worth that much,¡± I remember that there is a full set of this pan, which Shen Luoyu gave me when I moved here, saying that it is a brand from abroad. The advantage is that it is good, the drawback being its price. The total price of the set she gave me was over five figures. It was quite hard for me to receive it from her, and given that it is expensive, I rarely used the pan at all. I never imagined that it would meet such a tragic fate at the hands of Shang Muxiao. ¡°Minced pork congee with century egg, have some?¡± He lifts the cover of a plastic bowl and pushes it in front of me. I nod and reach for the plastic spoon in the takeaway bag. He does not mention anything about last night, nor does he show any intention of mocking me, which makes me wonder if last night was nothing more than my imaginary dream. ¡°Has your fever gone down?¡± Sitting at a table having a meal and not conversing is always a little awkward, so I try to find something to talk about. ¡°Yeah. It went down late last night.¡± ¡°Did you speak to your sister already?¡± ¡°Mmn.¡± He takes a sip of soy milk and wipes his mouth with a paper towel, probably done with his meal. ¡°I will return home tonight.¡± After breakfast, we head off to school together using my car, and as we are on different campuses, he gets off at the gate. ¡°By the way¡­¡± He opens the door of the car and is about to get out when I call out to him and tell him about the passing of Mr. Huang from the support group. Perhaps someone inquired about the funeral to Liao-jie as she sent a group message yesterday with the time and location, saying that those who want to send Mr. Huang on his last journey can attend, and those who are not able to do so are also fine, that everyone can arrange it according to their own schedule. The funeral service is scheduled for this afternoon, and as I have no classes to attend at that time, I plan to go and send Mr. Huang off. ¡°So that old fellow passed away.¡± Shang Muxiao looks apathetic and seemingly unsurprised. ¡°Are you going?¡± ¡°I am.¡± He thinks for a moment before saying, ¡°Then I will go with you.¡± That surprises me, as I expected him not to. After all, he has only participated in the support group once and probably does not remember how many people were in it when he first attended. Ultimately, I tell him that we will meet at the school gate at two o¡¯clock that afternoon, to which he nods and says okay, gets out of the car and walks away. ¨C I finish my morning classes, have lunch, and spend some time in the office perusing documents, unknowingly getting a little engrossed. If not for Shang Muxiao¡¯s message saying that he is already waiting at the school gate, I would never have noticed that it is already time. I assume he is going with me in my car, but when I arrive at the gate, I see a familiar blue and white sports bike parked on the roadside. The rider has his helmet on and one foot propped up on the ground. Regardless of whether it is the picture or the rider himself, both are like models in a poster, and despite the fact that nobody can see his face, he still attracts a lot of stares from passers-by. I pull up to his side, lower the window and ask, ¡°So you will be following me?¡± Opening the visor, he raises a brow and says, ¡°What, are you afraid I won¡¯t be able to keep up with you?¡± The subtext seems to convey: ¡°With that tortoise speed of yours, I¡¯ll let you go ten yards and I have no fear.¡± Without another word, I draw up the window and drive ahead of Shang Muxiao to lead the way, and the thirty kilometre entire journey will only take us an hour. ¨C Today is a fine sunny day, free of wind and rain, and whilst the temperature is low, it does not make one feel cold; such good weather. Upon our arrival, a crowd of people had already gathered around Mr. Huang¡¯s tombstone, each holding a white chrysanthemum in their hands, wearing solemn and mournful expressions. There is a man standing at the end of the crowd. He is either a funeral service worker or a member of Mr. Huang¡¯s family, clad in black and holding a handful of white chrysanthemums in his arms. He sees us approaching, and asks for our identity and gives Shang Muxiao and me a flower each. We stand at the far end and can only hear indistinct talking at the front, which seems to be Mr. Huang¡¯s son giving a eulogy. After about two minutes, as the eulogy finishes, the crowd begins to move, and one by one, they come forward to lay their flowers. Shang Muxiao and I are the last two to go there. The tombstone is already covered with flowers, the old man in the photo is smiling warmly, and the place where the urn is placed is engraved with a dazzling line of golden characters ¡ª you all are still young, live well. He actually chose to have this inscribed as his epitaph, almost like¡­ his final words of advice to us, the younger generation, who came to his funeral. The solemn emotions in my heart dissipate, and I feel a little amused and warm, just like the sunshine today. Even in such a cold season, I feel the slightest warmth. The funeral ceremony is simple and brief. I spot a few familiar faces from the support group in the crowd, but they just nod as a greeting from afar and leave without much exchange after the funeral. Shang Muxiao and I head back to the cemetery gate together. I do not know if he has been affected by the atmosphere at the funeral as he seems very quiet throughout the walk. ¡°This is the first time I have attended a funeral.¡± Shang Muxiao suddenly says as we near the gate. Upon hearing this, I feel that something is amiss. This is his first to attend a funeral, so where was he during his mother¡¯s? As if he hears my thoughts, he continues in an apathetic voice, ¡°When my mother had her funeral, I was not allowed near and had to stand at a distance, held by a nanny. It was because my dad said that my mother would not wish to see me.¡± It is only a moment ago when I feel the sunshine warming me up, yet somehow at this moment the coldness creeps back in. Although my relationship with my parents is also very distant and indifferent, it is not as hostile as his. I can hardly imagine Shang Lu saying such words to a five-year-old child. ¡°The day she died, she asked me if¡­ I wanted to go somewhere with her. I had always been afraid of her, she never liked me, and other than always flipping out on me, she blamed me for ruining her career, so I intuited that this ¡®somewhere¡¯ was not a good place and I refused. She became angry all of a sudden and forcefully pushed me out the door and dumped me in the rain, and would not open the door no matter how much I cried.¡± At this point, he lets out a mocking laugh. ¡°Only when I grew up did I realise that she was talking about taking me to the Netherworld, which indeed was not a good place to be.¡± ¡°Everyone says that she is sick, that that is not what she wanted, and that I should forgive her.¡± He is walking in the sunlight, but his voice is cold enough to drop ice crystals. ¡°But I¡¯m also not culpable of her being sick, why can¡¯t I hate her?¡± We reach the gate. Our vehicles are parked not far away. He stops on his way and I cannot help myself but also stop. ¡°Her paintings are so full of life and have such beautiful symbolism. Looking at those wonderful colours brings instant tranquillity to one¡¯s mind. She gives her best side to others, her worst side to me.¡± So that is why he wanted to destroy the ¡®The Courtyard View¡¯, to destroy what in his view is spurious to the point that it is sickening. He had grown up with his parents¡¯ condemnation and had never received an ounce of warmth from them; his sister was all he had. Yet now, Shang Yunrou is no longer his¡¯ alone. He is standing in front of me, hands in his jacket, clearly in his prime at twenty, but with eyes full of fatigue and resentment towards the world. You all are still young, live well. He has seen this message too, but is at a loss as to what amounts to living well. ¡°This is also the first time I have attended someone¡¯s funeral.¡± I say, ¡°Twelve years ago, when the funerals of my three friends who were in a car accident with me were held, I was still lying in a hospital bed, hardly able to get up.¡± Shang Muxiao faces me with a calm expression on his face, looking not the least bit surprised. ¡°You have seen it. I am still mired in nightmares to this day. I have not been able to escape from the tragedy.¡± I do not know when the notion of ¡®acceptance¡¯ has become all the rage. To be able to deal with all kinds of events; neither in sorrow, nor in joy, nor in resentment, nor in hatred; to seek inner peace and take it upon oneself to attain great wisdom, mind pure and free of distracting thoughts. It is as if to harbour selfish desires is to be inferior, and to show hatred is to be unjustifiable. ¡°Schopenhauer believed that the primary way to eliminate pain and suffering from our lives was not to wean ourselves off life, but to achieve the extinction of the will to live through the practice of abstinence and austerity. When the will is gone, one will no longer suffer. By inference, what really proves that you are alive is instead the outpouring of extreme emotions, those moments of irrepressible outbursts of desire, of doing things that can only bring ¡®suffering¡¯.¡± I stare into his eyes and say slowly, ¡°So it¡¯s okay to not be able to let go. Not everything can be easily erased from your life.¡± It is okay not to come by acceptance. It is utterly okay to hate. Life is a cluster of magnificent glowing flames, fuelled and strengthened by these ineradicable desires. It is probably the first time he has heard of this theory, tilting his head slightly for some time to grasp it. ¡°Is it okay that I can¡¯t let go of it?¡± ¡°It is.¡± ¡°Is it also okay to hate her?¡± ¡°It is.¡± He says nothing for a while, looks at me with a smirk, and leans down towards me all of a sudden. ¡°Very well.¡± Before I can even react to what he is about to do, I feel a very light brush to my face, a soft tactile sensation that feels like it is charged with electricity, numbing the half of my body that perceives normalcy. ¡°This is my reward to you for taking me in these days. I¡¯ll be going now, see you at school tomorrow.¡± Like a naughty child who has succeeded in his prank, he scampers off after the kiss, waves his hand with his back to me and turns to get into his sports bike. I am left still in shock and can only watch as he drives off. Until I can no longer see him at all, I raise my hand, my fingertips gently touching the spot of skin he has kissed, and then I quickly withdraw my hand, clenching it into a fist. Returning to the car in a sleepwalking manner, my eyes sweep across the rearview mirror and I find my entire face flushed. CH 17 Whenever my gaze passes over Shang Muxiao, regardless of whether I intend to look at him or not, he always returns it with a smile. He seems to be in a very bright mood. He is sitting by the window in the lecture hall with his chin propped up and his eyes following me wherever I go. His laid-back appearance is in stark contrast to the other students, who are listening carefully and are deeply engaged in taking notes. What is he even here for if he is not paying attention to the lecture? ¡°Henri Bergson is also a very important figure in the history of Western Philosophy, who, like Schopenhauer and Nietzsche, does not deem instinct to be inferior to rationality. This is the thought that gives rise to his ¡®theory of intuition¡¯, on which his metaphysical reasoning is based. For if humans do away with reason and adhere to their instincts, they may discover the essence of life¡­¡± On the podium, my phone screen suddenly lights up and I glance at it to see a message from Shang Muxiao. [Are you free tomorrow night?] I take my eyes away from the phone, ignoring him, and continue with my lecture. A few minutes later, the screen lights up again. The first message is still up on the screen, and a new one pops up. [Please watch the competition.] ¡°¡­¡®If we are able to ask questions to instinct, and instinct is able to answer them, then instinct is able to reveal to us the deepest secrets of life¡¯. His ¡®Creative Evolution¡¯, through intuitive methodology, completely subverts the previously established philosophical system of ¡®evolution¡¯ and marks a further maturation of the Lebensphilosophie.¡± I immediately place the phone face down, and opt for an out-of-sight, out-of-mind attitude. Shang Muxiao is sitting upright and beyond reproach when I look over, but as soon as I look away, he lowers his head, seeming to send another message. ¡°Stop doing things that are not relevant to the class.¡± I stop my lecture and say in the same volume and in the same tone of voice as I always do in class. In my peripheral vision, Shang Muxiao quickly looks up and with full awareness, stops the movement of his hands. The other people in the hall also look up upon hearing what I said and look in the direction I am looking, wondering which unlucky student has been subjected to my admonition. But I simply pick a random direction to look at and not at anyone in particular. To avoid getting things sidetracked, I turn back to face the big screen, pull up the next PowerPoint and continue with the lecture. As the class ends, the students get up one after another, including Shang Muxiao, who is now making his way over to me. I am trying to figure out how I am going to escape when several philosophy students rush to surround me and start asking me questions one after another. This is the Heavens doing me a good turn. Really let me breathe a huge sigh of relief. Since the car accident, my life has been like a curve chart, slowly dropping from a high point, though it has later become stable. My life has been at peace, and things are improving. Others may find it humdrum, but I relish it, and feel secure and at comfort. But this ¡®comfort¡¯ suddenly gets intruded upon by Shang Muxiao, a factor that causes me to lose control of my life. It¡¯s exhausting to see my life stumbling all over again. It is not that I am afraid of facing Shang Muxiao, I just have an ostrich mentality. I think that by not facing him directly and ignoring him, I can continue to stay in my comfort zone and not dwell on those complicated psychological changes. After all, it is the nature of human beings to draw on what is fruitful than what is harmful. ¨C After half an hour of being pestered with questions, and all the students have cleared out, I finally get to leave the lecture hall. Yu Xixi has already gone out first, taking my things with her back to the office. During the day, the school is always teeming with people, bustling with life, and at the same time, a place of relaxation. The Plane trees have started to lose their leaves now that it is late autumn, and at the strong request of the students, the school leaves the pathway uncleared during this season, thus scattering all over the road. As such, it has become a good photo spot and is the most popular part of the school in autumn. But this gives me a huge headache. The fallen leaves make the road uneven and it is hard to see what is underneath. Especially after rain, it is easy to skid in place if the wheels get stuck in some slippery mud pit. Like now. The rear wheels get stuck in a puddle under the fallen leaves and I cannot get out at all. The wheels are in lost motion, crushing the surrounding leaves, but instead of getting out, the road becomes muddier. Just as I survey the area, ready to call for help from anyone around, a voice laced with laughter suddenly rings out from behind me. ¡°Laoshi, need some help?¡± I stiffen and look back to see Shang Muxiao standing two metres behind me, I have no idea how long he has been there already. My eyes softly sweep over his face and I purse my lips as I turn back to look ahead. ¡°Come over.¡± I say in a voice he can hear. His laugh intensifies, and with the sound of the cautious trampling of leaves, he soon comes up to me. ¡°Come and see my race competition, okay?¡± He puts his hand on the push handle of the wheelchair, but does not push it. His words convey a request, but also seem that it will take no for an answer. ¡°Your race competition?¡± He kept mentioning this competition in his messages earlier. I first assumed he was inviting me to a basketball or football competition or something, but it turns out to be his race competition? ¡°Qingwan International Circuit, tomorrow night, 9 pm, VIP Box No. 16.¡± He taps his index finger on the handle, and waits for my answer. ¡°Will you come?¡± In that case, can I still say ¡®no¡¯? ¡°Okay.¡± I am left with no choice but to agree. No sooner have I said this than the wheelchair is pushed out of the mud pit. Shang Muxiao does not stop there, but pushes me all the way to the end of the Plane trees pathway. He waves his phone at me. ¡°I have sent you the e-ticket. Remember to be there on time.¡± He glances at the time on his phone and appears somewhat surprised. ¡°Ah, I¡¯m going to be late for my next class.¡± He says this, but still moves at a leisurely pace. ¡°I¡¯ll be off then. See you tomorrow.¡± Yet he is still standing there, not walking away, but looking at me silently. It is only when I respond by saying ¡®see you tomorrow¡¯ that he waves goodbye to me with his invisible tail wagging, like a dog given a verbal command. ¨C The e-ticket that Shang Muxiao sent me has a large QR code in the middle and at the top reads ¡®Qingwan 3rd Frost Cup Motorcycle Grand Prix¡¯. I do not really associate myself with sports, I do not have any knowledge of any sporting event, and I do not exactly know what kind of thing this Frost Cup is. Initially, I was a bit worried that it was some kind of underground illegal racing. But then I figure that since it has gone on three times, it should be¡­ more or less legit. The following evening, I head out two hours early. However, the International Circuit is located far out in the countryside, and due to my first time there, it has taken me quite a while to find the location, and it is already 8:50 by the time I queue up for entry. Shang Muxiao messaged me at 8:00 asking where I was, but I was driving at the time and did not reply. He then called at 8:30, but it so happened that I was in the middle of a desperate search for a parking spot and I accidentally rejected it. By 8:40, having no messages from me and having not picked up his call, he messaged with a few words, in which I could perceive his somberness with just a glance. [You lied to me.] I resist the urge to sigh as I take the elevator up to the VIP box and reply to his message telling him I have arrived. He has not replied, so I wonder if he is now busy. The entire venue is brightly lit, and there is a huge audience sitting in the main grandstand, and some even have banners up. The higher you are, the greater the view over the entire track you get, and with the VIP box at the top, facing the starting line, it provides the best view. ¡°Welcome to Qingwan¡¯s 3rd Frost Cup Motorcycle Grand Prix race. Now, please allow me to give you all a passionate commentary on this event.¡± As soon as I enter box 16, I hear the commentary coming from the big screen perched overhead. Standing in front of the floor-to-ceiling window is Yin Nuo, who turns around at the sound of my arrival, and looks at me somewhat surprised. ¡°Professor Bei?¡± He appears not to have known that I was coming. I frown, and explain to him, ¡°Shang Muxiao asked me to come.¡± He stares speechless for a moment. He looks a little bemused, but also looks like he accepts what I¡¯ve said. ¡°The race is about to start.¡± He steps aside a little, allowing me to come forward and watch. The box is spacious, featuring a bar, sofas, and a TV, with a bottle of sparkling wine soaking in an ice bucket on the bar. Looking down from the floor-to-ceiling window, one can clearly see the sport bikes lined up neatly in the starting grid, ready to roll. ¡°A-Xiao is over there¡­¡± Yin Nuo points to the rider in a blue racing suit at the front of the queue, then moves his finger back and points to the rider in a red racing suit at the back, ¡°and Yanyi is over there.¡± ¡°There are fifty racers competing this year. In terms of the venue and the fixture arrangements for a non-professional motorbike race, this is as big as it can get.¡± The commentator is doing the pre-race warm-up commentary alone, and thanks to him, it saves me from watching in confusion. ¡°As you all know, GP racing is an event in the motorcycling field that highlights each team¡¯s financial capability and strength. These teams go to great lengths to get their bikes set up, costing millions of dollars in the process. As for our privateer race, although we do not have such luxurious custom bikes, and each bike has a different displacement, each competitor¡¯s bike is still very spectacular. Let me present them to you all.¡± ¡°First up, rider Shang Muxiao, with bike number 28, in his third time competing, on a BMW hp4 in classic lupine blue, which is optimised on the basis of the S1000RR. This bike is set for a production run of only 750 models worldwide, and it costs over a £¤1,000,000.¡± ¡°Bike number 96¡¯s lime green bike is the very classic Kawasaki Ninja ZX-14R. Dubbed the ¡®Six-Eyed Demon¡¯ because of the six headlights on the front of the bike, and it costs around £¤220,000¡­¡± ¡°Zhou Yanyi, bike number 71, has been a long-time competitor since the first competition. He rides a Ducati 1299, a very eye-catching red colour, and it costs around £¤350,000¡­¡± Halfway through, a staff member holding a countdown board walks slowly down in front of the starting line. ¡°The race is about to start.¡± The commentator ends the introduction of the riders and their vehicles and turns to explain the race format, ¡°This race runs for 22 laps and lasts for about forty-five minutes. There is no points race, a single race will determine the winner. First place will be awarded a special prize of £¤300,000 in addition to our beautiful Frost Cup Grand Trophy.¡± At the countdown of thirty seconds, the riders get ready, and not even the thick floor-to-ceiling glass can block out the sound of the rugged engines. Yin Nuo¡¯s gaze is firmly fixed below. He looks nervous, and does not speak again. The only sound remaining in the box is the sound of the commentator. The atmosphere around me is so contagious that I too cannot help but hold my breath as I watch below. Down to ten seconds and in the nick of time, the blue-clad rider at the front suddenly looks up to where I am. He is wearing a helmet and is far enough away that normally I should not be able to see through his gaze. But I have this indescribable feeling that he is looking for me. Down to seven seconds¡­ He seems to have seen me, flicking his helmet with two fingers and flying a kiss my way, as arrogantly as if victory is already guaranteed. Yin Nuo, who is beside me, looks at me. Fortunately it does not take long as his attention returns to the race. Down to three seconds, Shang Muxiao finally lowers his gaze from here and crouches his body down. Three, two, one¡ª Broom! Like a night owl looming in the night, swooping down from the trees, Shang Muxiao dashes out from the starting line ahead of the others. CH 18 ¡°This circuit, being near the grandstands, was designed to be a series of turns when it was first built in order to increase watchability, while after the series of turns, where the audience cannot see, the road is mostly straight.¡± The race will stretch over forty minutes. Perhaps the racers are holding back a bit since it has just started, with more of their spots changing occurring in the race, while the top three remain largely unchanged. The race is not so thrilling, so the commentator once again focuses his commentary on the racers, continuing his previously unfinished introduction of the racers¡¯ bikes. This race will run for twenty-two laps, and every two minutes, Shang Muxiao will pass underneath our box at 300 km/h, so fast that he is like a blue lightning bolt, occurring so many times that he is already far away before our eyes can even focus on him. The gap between the Six-Eyed Demon in the second spot and Zhou Yanyi in the third is very narrow. Zhou Yanyi seems to be always looking for an opportunity to try and overtake. But the Six-Eyed Demon is a skilled and experienced driver, holding him back time and again, not allowing him to do as he wanted. ¡°Beautiful, very wise beyond his years of experience; the Six-Eyed Demon is holding on to the second spot with might and main and not letting the Ducati overtake him easily! The speed between him and the first bike has also shrunk to 0.6 seconds, I believe a very tight battle for victory awaits us in the last few laps.¡± As the commentator has said, by the twelfth lap and halfway through the race, each and every one of the racers no longer hold their strength. The Six-Eyed Demon also gradually starts to increase his speed, shaking off the clinging Zhou Yanyi by a little bit and taking on the challenge for the first spot. One lap, two laps pass¡­ The lime green Six-Eyed Demon is about to catch up with Shang Muxiao, and both are only half a bike length away. By the sixteenth lap, as the pair once again races next to each other across the main grandstand, the thrilling chase elicits loud cheers from the audience. ¡°Six laps to go, the Six-Eyed Demon has further narrowed the gap to the first spot using his thorough cornering skills¡­¡± As they cross the curve, the rider¡¯s weight is skewed to one side and his knees are almost on the ground, looking like he¡¯s about to tip over at any moment, and the fact that Shang Muxiao is really close to the opponent¡¯s bike puts people on edge, fearing that they might accidentally collide. On the nineteenth lap, the Six-Eyed Demon once again attempts to overtake as they cross a curve, only to end up in an accident when his body leans too far and his wheel fails to grip the ground, sending him skidding off the track with his bike. This also seems to have slightly affected Shang Muxiao. When the Six-Eyed Demon skids over the curve, Shang Muxiao has already straightened up and passed the curve. I don¡¯t know if they actually bump into each other, but his bike lurches uncontrollably. I press my palm to the glass and my back tenses. I try to get a closer look at him, but he is too fast to be picked up by the view inside the box. I turn back to the big screen TV and it shows the Six-Eyed Demon who has had an accident. In the slow-motion replay, his entire body rolls on the ground continuously after his hands release from the bike before finally coming to a stop at the edge of the track. ¡°Didn¡¯t expect that to happen. Alas, I hope the rider is not seriously hurt¡­¡± The commentator¡¯s originally exuberant tone falls. ¡°It should be fine.¡± Yin Nuo also turns to look at the TV. ¡°The riders are each fitted with airbags behind them, and they have very rugged helmets. He landed on his back, so he is unlikely to be seriously hurt.¡± And as if echoing what he said, the rider in the green racing suit then slowly rises from the ground and waves his hand at the audience, gesturing that he is okay. The audience burst into cheers again and the commentator also heaves a huge sigh of relief. ¡°Though the bike is destroyed, thankfully the rider is okay, really very impressive.¡± The screen cuts back to the rider in the first spot again. Owing to the accident, Zhou Yanyi moves from third to second, from which he seizes the opportunity to reduce the speed between him and Shang Muxiao to 0.4 seconds. In the final three laps, every curve has the possibility of being the winning spot for Zhou Yanyi. Blue and red bikes, one ahead and one behind, racing for the lead, and giving up no ground. In competitive sports, one always aims to be first. As the final lap draws near, the commentator¡¯s tone grows more excited. ¡°This is the last lap. Looks like Shang Muxiao is set to hold on to his first spot to the end! This curve will be Zhou Yanyi¡¯s last hope to overtake¡­ Now he¡¯s trying to overtake, 0.2 seconds to go, can he make it? Ah, fail, Shang Muxiao speeds up and pulls away from him. The speed between them is back to 0.4 seconds again¡­ Shang Muxiao is about to cross the finish line, and he crosses it first!! The winner of this year¡¯s Frost Cup is born! Let¡¯s all give it up for this young 20-year-old talent!¡± That seamless bike is like a comet streaking across the sky, leaving a blue shadow on my retinas. Shang Muxiao stands up as soon as he crosses the finish line, holding the handlebar with one hand and the other fist pumping in the air, slowing down as he embraces the applause from all around him, his excitement palpable. Young, shining, full of unlimited possibilities¡­ My fingertips softly glide over the vivid, striking blue hue through the glass, the sweat from my palm leaving a little mark. Twelve years ago, of the same age, I was also just like him; full of glory, young and foolhardy, thinking I was capable of anything. Looking at it now, his life is very much in contrast to mine. He is healthy and handsome, I am disabled and weak; he is fearless, I am over-cautious; he exudes youthful energy, I am like¡­ dead-alive. ¡°He was fourth in the first year. He had just turned eighteen at the time and his performance was already pretty good, but being fourth made him have a sombre mood for a good few days. The second time, Yanyi won first place and he came second. In any case, it was his friend who won first place, so he wasn¡¯t that upset, but he wasn¡¯t very happy either. This year, finally, he came first as he¡¯d always hoped. He is happy, and we can finally move on from seeing his sombreness.¡± Yin Nuo¡¯s voice brings my thoughts back to reality. ¡°Well, he¡¯s very talented,¡± I say casually. Shang Muxiao¡¯s bike enters the pit stop and the following bikes have now crossed the finish line. The podium directly opposite our VIP box is already set in readiness, with champagne ready and waiting for the winner to arrive. Pop! Startled, I turn around to find Yin Nuo opening the sparkling wine on the bar. The golden liquor falls into the wine glass and he holds it up and passes it in my direction, saying, ¡°Have a glass?¡± I shake my head. ¡°I can¡¯t, I drove here.¡± Yin Nuo returns to the window again with a glass of wine and his gaze falls to the podium. ¡°Professor Bei, are you and A-Xiao seeing each other?¡± He asks this with neither gossip nor a smile on his face, it is more like calling me to account. This question is too personal. Not to mention that I am not in that kind of relationship with Shang Muxiao, and even if I am, what does it matter to him? I frown as I look at his side profile for some time and then turn to look at the podium too. Shang Muxiao takes off his helmet and he is surrounded by the crowd on the podium, with the second and third runners-up on each side. The Frost Cup trophy looks like it has been carved from a whole block of white quartz. The crystal is naturally opaque, glowing a light blue when exposed to light, and from a distance, it looks just like real ice. With the delay in my reply, Yin Nuo gets somewhat impatient. ¡°Professor Bei¡­¡± ¡°You like him.¡± I get to the precise point. If he does not like Shang Muxiao, he cannot possibly speak to me in such an antagonistic tone, I am still his elective teacher after all. The person next to me is quiet. Some time passes before he speaks through clenched teeth, as if he¡¯s in his death throes, ¡°I am merely reminding you out of kindness. It is impossible for someone to occupy his heart completely. The most important person in his heart has always been his sister, and as long as she orders something, he can leave anyone behind at any time without looking back. Professor Bei, you cannot bear that, do not let yourself fall into the pit too deeply.¡± It seems that Shang Muxiao is really too attached to his sister, a fact that is known to everyone around him. ¡°Don¡¯t worry.¡± Shang Muxiao accepts the trophy and holds it in the air, accepting the limelight, with so much confidence and so much naturalness in his expression. ¡°I haven¡¯t fallen into whatever pit yet. But you, why don¡¯t you tell him?¡± Twenty is the age when one speaks with great fervour about a ¡®dreamy love¡¯ kind of thing. Over the years, if I had any regrets in life, apart from these legs, it would be that I didn¡¯t get to have that reckless love at the time when I could still run and jump around at will. Alas, the timing of Lu Feiheng¡¯s confession was really poorly picked. I focus my attention back on the podium to see that Shang Muxiao is no longer there, only the second and third runners-up are there with their arms around their shoulders as they pose for photos. ¡°You do not know him. He never tarries long with something or someone he does not need. If he finds out¡­¡± Yin Nuo¡¯s voice trails off, with some resignation and in a more helpless way, ¡°we will not even be friends.¡± A flash of realisation suddenly dawns on me. It is not that Shang Muxiao has only one gem, rather, for him, those who he does not really care for are not gems even if they come to him genuinely, they are merely fake stones. He only wants the one that shines the brightest, the one that he most cherishes, the one he has chosen as his ¡®gem¡¯. He will guard it under his wings and hide it in the deepest part of his tree hollow, where no one can touch it nor see it. Willful and picky. The door of our box flings open, and Yin Nuo and I look over in unison. Shang Muxiao walks in holding the trophy, breathing a little heavily, as if he has raced all the way from the podium to here. ¡°A-Xiao¡­¡± Yin Nuo welcomes him with a smile, but Shang Muxiao doesn¡¯t even look at him and walks straight towards me. This ¡®stone¡¯ that cannot be a gem instantly dims in colour and retreats in silence, not attempting to come forward again. ¡°Where are you looking?¡± Shang Muxiao turns my chin over in displeasure, upset that I¡¯m not giving him my full attention. I cock my head to get away from his hand and control the wheelchair to move back a little without being noticed. ¡°Congrats, it was a terrific race.¡± His face initially looks a little unhappy, but when he hears me compliment him, a smile flashes up at once. He truly has the temperament of a child. ¡°Did you like it?¡± I assume he¡¯s asking if I like this kind of competition. To be honest, I don¡¯t like it, it¡¯s too dangerous. When that Six-Eyed Demon fell off the track earlier, watching the footage of the rider continuously rolling, it was as if the pain of the bones breaking limb by limb had briefly returned to me. If the worry of another accident with Shang Muxiao hadn¡¯t been behind me now, that feeling might have existed even longer. ¡°It was fun.¡± However, as a prudent adult, politeness is a basic social etiquette. Even though I don¡¯t like it, I still express my appreciation for this competition. Shang Muxiao¡¯s eyes narrow as he smiles. ¡°It¡¯s a pity you can¡¯t sit on my bike. Many people have expressed interest in sitting on my bike¡¯s pillion seat.¡± With that, he puts the heavy trophy into my arms. ¡°Here.¡± I subconsciously hug the trophy and then get very confused. What does this mean? Seeing my confusion, he points to a spot on the trophy and says, ¡°Look, there¡¯s a star here.¡± I look in the area where his finger is pointing and see a shiny pentagram-shaped stone embedded in the brown base of the front of the trophy, with a long silver tail trailing behind the star, in the form of a comet. The way Shang Muxiao speaks is like a child seeking praise, his tone rising slightly, and his face bearing an unconcealed delight. ¡°Don¡¯t you like stars? I made up my mind before the race to give you this trophy, which has a star on it.¡± ¡°Will you accept it?¡± He asks.