《Dark Secrets (Dark Secrets #1)》 Page 1 Prologue Everyone has a secret. The depth and darkness of that inner truth can be the precursor that determines ones lifeline or, perhaps, eventually, personality. To err is human, so I''m told. But my mistakes and regrets were buried so deep, darkened my soul so black, that they were no longer secrets, but bars on a prison I trapped myself in, I guess. And if I opened that door, if I let them out, there was a strong chance that those who love me might never look at me the same. I couldn''t live with that; I was the treasure in everyone¡¯s life¡ªthe little girl who was born still, without hope of ever taking a breath. To show them what I truly was would be to destroy them.Advertisement They say that death blessed me with skin pale as the moon, soft as a rose petal, and lips coloured with blood. The day I was born, my parents held my tiny, dead body for a last goodbye, but all the tears in the world couldn''t restore life. Until they did. Mum always said my father¡¯s love saved me¡ªthat as his hands touched my breathless form, I started coughing, which became crying and, finally, blue skin turned pink, renewing the room with hope. His large hands laid open, cradling this screaming child like a curious new stone and a breath passed before they could move, before they could dare to believe I was alive. My mother named me for my grandmother, Amara, which means ¡°everlasting.¡± But I no longer wear that name with pride; she was a woman of beauty and kindness, something I could not liken to. Not anymore. How could that miracle, that child they proclaimed to be the ¡°blossom of life,¡± have become something so dark, so tainted, that the wish they had for her to breathe would one day become the mistake they regretted? I had ended life and, in that, was not worthy of mine any longer. Chapter One ¡°Ara-Rose, hurry up. You¡¯re going to be late.¡± ¡°Sure, Vic¡ªuh, Mom,¡± I called down to the woman at the base of the stairs. ¡°Just finishing my hair.¡± ¡°Your hair¡¯s perfect,¡± she called back. I rolled my eyes, unwinding the long braid, then scooped the dark waves into a ponytail, pulling the elastic band out again after a few seconds to fluff it around my face. It was Murphy¡¯s Law¡ªto be starting a new school, in a new country, on a bad hair day. With a deep huff at my reflection, I stood back; the girl in the mirror looked as miserable as my soul felt. Even the smile she¡¯d practiced so many times just looked forced¡ªoverly polite. But it was the best we could do. On the bright side, I was lucky to have stayed so thin over the months. Even with all the emotions I¡¯d been eating, my yellow dress still looked nice on me. Maybe too fem for school. Maybe not. I had no way of knowing what the kids over here wore or even if long hair was fashionable. For all I knew, I could be heading into a one-way popularity suicide jump. And I think, in truth, that¡¯s why I wore this dress. I kinda wanted to just blend in¡ªstay away from everyone. But being cast as a frigid dork on day one served my purpose too. I turned away from the mirror, stuffed a summer cardigan in my bag and readied myself by the bedroom door. Step one on Ara-Rose¡¯s road to recovery: new school. A lanky galoot passed me in the hall, giving a cool nod as he ruffled a hand through his bed-hair, shrugging his backpack onto both shoulders. Where I came from, that was something only dorks did. ¡°Hey.¡± ¡°Hey, Amara.¡± ¡°Sam,¡± I huffed. ¡°I hate being called Amara, you know that.¡± ¡°I''m sorry.¡± His shoulders dropped. ¡°You¡¯re right. Butt-face suits you so much better.¡± ¡°Oh, yeah?¡± I said as he stalked down the stairs. ¡°Well¡­it suits you better more.¡± ¡°Nice try,¡± he called, slamming the front door on my humiliation. I slapped my own brow, shaking my head. My knack for sibling rivalry needed improvement. ¡°Morning, honey,¡± Dad said, coming out of his room at the end of the hall, wearing his suit and an expectant grin. ¡°Morning, Dad.¡± ¡°Nervous?¡± I stood on my toes, pressing my forehead into his kiss. ¡°No. I''m actually fine.¡± But my pathetic giggle exposed the truth my words buried. ¡°You¡¯ll be okay. You just need to get back into living, honey. After all, it¡¯s been two months.¡± ¡°I know.¡± I¡¯d been counting the days. ¡°But¡­what if someone says something mean and I start crying?¡± ¡°Says something about what?¡± ¡°You know.¡± He clicked his tongue. ¡°The scars?¡± I nodded, my eyes on my feet. ¡°Honey, you are beautiful. And these¡ª¡± I flinched a little when he touched my jaw. ¡°The doctor said they¡¯d completely fade, eventually, and for now¡ªwell, they¡¯re barely visible. You¡¯re still my beautiful girl.¡± Beautiful? My lip quivered. ¡°How can you even say that, Dad? Maybe I was once, but¡ª¡± ¡°Oh, honey, don¡¯t cry. It¡¯ll be okay. Hey¡ª¡± He squished my cheeks together. ¡°Look, all the kids there are great. You¡¯re going to love it, I promise. But you know the hardest part of a journey is always the first step. And look at you; all dressed up, lookin¡¯ pretty, and you¡¯ve got your little backpack. The hard part¡¯s over now.¡± ¡°Um, actually, I think the hard part¡¯s gonna be the whispers and stares when I walk into that school with a neon sign over my head that says ¡®New¡¯.¡± He laughed once. ¡°Would you like me to drive you?¡± ¡°Dad?¡± A frown replaced my pout. ¡°It¡¯s across the road. I¡¯ll walk.¡± ¡°I could walk with you?¡± ¡°Yeah, right. That¡¯ll really help me blend in, won¡¯t it? I might even be lucky enough to get my head flushed down the toilet.¡± ¡°None of the kids there are like that. I think you¡¯ll be just fine. Now¡ª¡± he turned me toward the stairs and gave a soft shove, ¡°¡ªgo to school. And don¡¯t come home until you¡¯ve been a normal teenager for at least a day.¡± ¡°Bye,¡± I called over my shoulder, vaguely aware of Dad following. I opened the front door and stepped outside, hearing it close behind me with a certain amount of farewell in the sound that did not permit return. I had been officially kicked out of the house for the day. No more moping, Ara-Rose. Time to move on. After all, they¡¯ve been dead now for two whole months. Not like you should still be grieving. ¡°Boo!¡± ¡°Ah!¡± The sudden noise pushed my heart up my throat. ¡°God damn it, Sam, you little butt-head.¡± I leaped off the porch step, dumped my backpack on the grass, and ran after him. ¡°Come back here and I¡¯ll make it quick.¡± He ducked behind Dad¡¯s car. ¡°I¡¯ll tell Mom if you do it, Amara.¡± ¡°It¡¯s Ara-Rose!¡± I stomped my foot. ¡°Well, that¡¯s a stupid name.¡± ¡°Not as stupid as your face.¡± ¡°Really?¡± He stood up, holding his hands out. ¡°That¡¯s all you could come up with?¡± I huffed, stomping once in his direction; he bolted behind the tree, cackling. ¡°You¡¯re such a pain, Sam.¡± ¡°Rather be that than whiney and melodramatic.¡± ¡°I''m not melodramatic. I''m expressive. There¡¯s a difference.¡± I let my voice quiver a little and squatted down with my face in my hands, tucking my dress in first so my underwear wouldn¡¯t show. He was about to see how melodramatic I could be. ¡°Aw, sis, I didn¡¯t mean¡¯ta make ya cry...¡± he said, making the stupid mistake of touching my shoulder. I grabbed his wrist, calling on three years¡¯ worth of self-defence training, and jammed my shoulder into his chest¡ªflipping him onto the grass in front of me. ¡°Ah!¡± He coughed out, rolling into a ball on his side. ¡°How do you do that?¡± ¡°Call me Amara again and I¡¯ll be happy to demonstrate.¡± I dusted my hands off, stepped over the pile of Sam and walked to the curbside. But an invisible barrier stopped me; I merely watched the students across the road, filing up the stairs to my future daily obligation. ¡°Bell¡¯s gone, Ara-Rose. We¡¯re late.¡± I shrugged. ¡°Well, you might like after-school detention, but I don¡¯t.¡± ¡°You don¡¯t have to babysit me, Sam. You can walk ahead.¡± He went quiet for a second; the call of teens laughing and a whistle blowing somewhere on the football field seeming suddenly really loud. ¡°It¡¯s not so bad there, you know.¡± ¡°I¡¯m sure it¡¯s not. I still don¡¯t wanna go.¡± ¡°People¡¯re really nice,¡± Sam offered. I looked up at him¡ªall the way up. His height shaded me from the morning glare, leaving the simple, easy-going smile he inherited from my dad to warm the moment. ¡°I don¡¯t want them to be nice. I want them to leave me alone.¡± ¡°That¡¯s easy.¡± He shrugged, readjusting his backpack, then wandered onto the road. ¡°If you want them not to like you, just be yourself.¡± ¡°That¡¯s it! I¡¯m going to kill you this time, pest.¡± ¡°You have to catch me first.¡± I charged after him, my sudden movement making him squeal like a girl, though it kind of sounded like a bumblebee. ¡°I used to run track, Sam, remember? You won¡¯t get away.¡± ¡°Yeah, used to. But I doubt those twig legs could even catch a renegade granny with a walking-stick.¡± He took off again when I glared at him, and I bet he thought he¡¯d escape, darting so gracefully over the grass, but he hadn¡¯t counted on me being a little fitter than I let on¡ªuntil I grabbed his shoulder. ¡°Oh no, don¡¯t kill me, I take it back.¡± I reached past his shielding hands and punched him. ¡°Jerk.¡± ¡°Ouch.¡± He rubbed his arm as I walked away. ¡°You punch like a girl.¡± ¡°I am a girl.¡± ¡°Yeah, well, you owe me.¡± He caught up to me, grinning. ¡°Why?¡± ¡°Because I got you to school¡ªwithout all the tears and fuss.¡± I stopped walking, turning to smirk at Sam. ¡°Have a good day, sis.¡± He skipped off with a wide stride and disappeared into the building¡ªnow only a few steps in front of me. I stood staring up at it like some kid who found a wall of broccoli with their name on it, ignoring the increasing volume of Dad¡¯s house calling my return. I refused to even give it a backward glance. If I did, I¡¯d surely run back across the grass, screeching like Sam, and hide under my bed for the day. Instead, I bit my lip, considering the mundane scene beyond the glass doors with a bit of disappointment; it was nothing like American high schools on TV. Everything was plainly coloured and all the kids looked normal; no glamorous groups of girls walking down the hall, flicking their hair while guys parted for them. No one was dancing or singing and, thankfully, no slushies. There were lockers, though¡ªgreyish-brown ones. Not big enough to be stuffed inside. A few boys ran past me in a tight, sweaty group, tripping their way up the cement steps, ignoring my neon sign, despite the word ¡®New¡¯ having grown so big now it was making my shoulders sink. When the doors slammed behind them and the crowd parted, I braved step one, then step two, stopping dead at step three, catching sight of two heavy black boots¡ªbeyond the glass. My eyes traced them up the denim jeans to a black shirt, rolled up over the elbows of a guy. The head, however, was gone. Or rather, hidden behind the doorhandles. But one thing was for sure; he was looking this way¡ªperhaps at me, standing dead still while people moved all around him, laughing and acting normal. And my nerve-wracked brain concluded one thing, practically screaming out loud, Sweet mother of all things inhumanly awkward, please do not let him be planning to greet the new kid. I dumped my bag on the step and grabbed my cardigan to cover my arms¡ªhopefully to hide my face in too. Then, with my chin tucked toward the concealment of my collarbones, I threw my bag over one shoulder and continued with the inevitable. By the time I reached step seven, Mr Black Boots, with his hands in his pockets, had progressed forward as well. I closed my eyes and, praying he¡¯d just disappear, pushed the door open, waking with a gasp when a hand grabbed my arm. ¡°New?¡± said a girl with a very bright smile, her blonde ponytail bouncing behind her. ¡°Ur, no.¡± I looked to where the boy had been standing and, thankfully, my prayers were answered. She giggled. ¡°I¡¯m Emily Pierce.¡± Her extended hand shook mine; I drew it back quickly. ¡°Cheer Captain and¡ª¡± she tilted her head, ¡°¡ªyour self-appointed tour guide.¡± Self-appointed tour guide? I considered this bouncy girl for a second, forming an opinion on her that probably wasn''t fair. But, as far as I was concerned, it really should be illegal to wear skirts that short to school and, so, maybe her perfect skin and confident disposition was a little threatening¡ªmaybe it forced a pang of jealousy in me, but I think I really just didn¡¯t like this girl. The door swung closed behind me then, pushing me into the school with a whack on the butt. ¡°I uh¡ª¡± I moved out of the way for another group of people coming in. ¡°I really don¡¯t need a tour guide.¡± ¡°Okay, but, good luck finding anything around here. Kids strip the labels off the doors and switch them around for just this sort of occasion.¡± She turned away. ¡°If you want to be the laughing stock¡ª¡± ¡°Okay.¡± I caught up. ¡°Fine. Where¡¯s the office, then? I need to get a schedule.¡± ¡°It¡¯s this way.¡± She pointed forward, smiling. ¡°So, do you have a name?¡± Page 2 My fingers tightened around my backpack. ¡°Um, yeah. Ara-Rose.¡±Advertisement She drew a breath through her teeth. ¡°Yikes. Do you go by Ara? The whole Rose thing¡¯ll get dropped around here anyway, you know, ¡®cause it kinda sounds a little¡­ antique.¡± I smiled pleasantly, remembering that being normal meant fitting in; slapping a girl you just met led to detention. ¡°I guess just Ara¡¯s fine,¡± I said, but scowled at the girl when she wasn''t looking, thinking I should start shortening her name. In fact, that¡¯s what I¡¯d do. Well, maybe later, assuming we ever talked again after this one time. ¡°So, what brings you to our school?¡± the girl asked. Death, Tragedy. ¡°My feet.¡± She looked at me, then, seeing I was joking, actually laughed. And I suddenly liked her so much more. ¡°Seriously. Did you just move here or were you, like, expelled from another school?¡± I wondered if I looked like the sort of kid who¡¯d get expelled. ¡°Sea change.¡± I shrugged. ¡°Eccentric mom?¡± My brow crinkled. ¡°What do you mean?¡± ¡°Oh, I mean, most of the new kids come here because their moms decided to be a painter or marry a man they met on the Net. Eccentric moms.¡± ¡°Oh.¡± I tried to laugh. ¡°No. Just a sea change.¡± ¡°Well, our gain,¡± she said, linking arms with me as if we were friends. I laughed awkwardly, using the excuse of adjusting my backpack to break away from her. And she talked non-stop after that¡ªher high voice too fast for my ears, while I let my mind wander in the ugliness of the d¨¦cor. Brown seemed to be the preferred colour at this school and, in my yellow dress, I blended in too easily with the linoleum floors. But it was better than black, I suppose, which had been the only colour I really took notice of anymore. Not that I wore black, but everything just felt black. ¡°Hey!¡± Emily called from a few steps ahead. ¡°Are you coming?¡± I snapped out of my state, realising my feet had stopped moving. ¡°Oh, yeah, sorry.¡± ¡°What were you doing?¡± I walked quickly past her curious stare. ¡°I, uh. I kind of faze out sometimes.¡± ¡°Why? Do you have, like, a brain condition or something?¡± I laughed for real this time. ¡°No, just an over-active imagination.¡± ¡°Hm. Well, you should fit in just fine here, then.¡± ¡°Great.¡± Not. She stopped walking. ¡°Were you being sarcastic?¡± I shrugged. ¡°Because, you know, we started back last week. If you wanted to be a wallflower, you should have started with all the other new kids.¡± ¡°I was¡­¡± I looped my thumb around my backpack strap. ¡°I wasn¡¯t quite ready.¡± ¡°Well, I hope you like attention.¡± Attention, I didn''t really have a problem with. It was questions I wanted to avoid or, well, answers. ¡°Come on.¡± She linked her arm through mine again. ¡°Let¡¯s just find out where your first class is.¡± The corridor had gone quiet¡ªall the students closing the plain brown doors on the noise in each classroom, leaving only the occasional squeak of Emily¡¯s sneaker on the linoleum. Ahead of us, pale light filtered in through the glass doors leading to a parking lot, making the floor gleam in an eerie way, like something out of a post-apocalyptic horror film. ¡°Okay,¡± Emily said, stopping abruptly by a door on the right, her ponytail swinging behind her again. ¡°This is the school office and your first stop on today¡¯s tour.¡± ¡°Awesome.¡± I nodded, fake-smiling again. ¡°Can you just show me to the last stop?¡± She laughed and pushed the door open. ¡°Sure. As soon as the last bell rings.¡± Inside the quiet, muggy room, a lady behind the desk, talking softly on a phone tucked into her chin, looked up and smiled, issuing a straight finger at us while she wrote something down. ¡°Okay, Mrs Rossi, I¡¯ll let them know. You just tell him to get some rest and we¡¯ll see him back here next week. Okay, bye.¡± She hung up, stashed the note elsewhere, then looked at me; I shrunk, contemplating a quick dive to hide under the desk. ¡°What can I do for you, Miss Pierce?¡± ¡°New kid.¡± Emily leaned her forearms on the counter. ¡°Need her schedule.¡± ¡°Name?¡± She put her glasses on and fingered through a pile of manila folders. ¡°Um, Ara-Rose,¡± I said, stepping closer. She stopped searching. ¡°Amara-Rose?¡± Emily¡¯s eyes fell on me. ¡°Um, yes.¡± ¡°Right.¡± The lady woke up then and, in a jittery fashion, fumbled about her papers. ¡°I¡¯ll just find your file here among all this mess, and¡ª¡± her voice trailed off. ¡°Haven¡¯t had a chance to read it yet. Been so busy with all this stuff here. Ah, here we go.¡± She put her glasses on. ¡°Yes, this is you.¡± I stared at the folder, wondering when I had become an A-Four piece of stationery. ¡°Well, um, here¡¯s your class schedule¡ª¡± She handed me a piece of paper. ¡°And you can just go ahead and take one of those there maps ya see.¡± Emily handed me a pamphlet from the desktop. I ran my fingers over it, biting my lip to hide a hint of a grin. This little piece of paper was my new best friend. ¡°Now, Emily, can you show Amara-Rose to her first class?¡± ¡°Happy to.¡± Emily grabbed my hand and dragged me from the room, but even as the door closed, the eyes of Reception Lady lingered along my nerves. ¡°I bet you have English first period.¡± She snatched my schedule, then grinned widely. ¡°You do. I hate you.¡± ¡°Nice to meet you, too.¡± I took the paper back and frowned at it. ¡°It¡¯s just....¡± She started walking; I followed. ¡°You have David Knight in your class.¡± I scratched my head, choosing to ignore her complete lack of composure. ¡°School heartthrob?¡± ¡°You guessed it. I mean, he¡¯s a bit of a jerk, really¡ªto most girls, but he¡¯s just so damn cute no one cares.¡± My lip curled. I bit it. This girl had issues. ¡°I don¡¯t like jerks, really.¡± ¡°Mm-mm.¡± She shook her head. ¡°He won¡¯t be a jerk to you. You haven''t done anything to annoy him yet.¡± ¡°Lucky me.¡± ¡°Yeah, and he totally goes for that lost lamb thing you¡¯ve got going.¡± She motioned to me¡ªall of me. ¡°Um, yeah, well, my biggest concern for senior year is not what some jerk-face cute guy thinks of me.¡± ¡°That¡¯s because you haven¡¯t seen him yet.¡± I rolled my eyes. As if I¡¯d ever be that pathetic. ¡°Yep.¡± She considered me again for a second. ¡°He is just going to snatch you up.¡± ¡°Should I be worried?¡± I wasn''t partial to being snatched. ¡°No way. They¡¯d deny it, but any girl in the school would give their right arm to be snatched by David.¡± Or maybe just you would. ¡°Okay.¡± She stopped again. I wanted to keep walking¡ªright past the glass doors, out to the front parking lot and into the closet under the stairs back at Dad¡¯s house. ¡°Here¡¯s Room One; you¡¯re late, but people will only whisper about you for the first ten or so minutes.¡± ¡°Great.¡± I faked another smile. ¡°That¡¯s the spirit.¡± She curled a fist in front of the door and said, ¡°Take a deep breath.¡± I tried, but the deep gasp of air just formed another lump in my throat, making me dizzy as I held it in. ¡°Okay, you can let it out.¡± She laughed. ¡°You ready?¡± My head moved; I think I nodded. Then, Emily rapped lightly on the door, sending my nerves into a frenzy. Don¡¯t get me wrong, I could handle nerves, and butterflies in my stomach were just yesterday¡¯s breakfast, but these felt more like bats. Big black, hairy bats. The door clinked and popped open a little, revealing a shiny head with a light tuft of hair around the ears. ¡°Emily? What can I do for you?¡± ¡°This is Ara. She¡¯s new.¡± Emily presented me. ¡°Ah, yes. Of course.¡± He turned to look at my face; his eyes warm, his grey-brown moustache curving atop his grin. ¡°Ara, is it, not Amara-Rose?¡± I shook my head¡ªmaybe I should¡¯ve nodded. Who knows? ¡°Well, Ara, I hope you¡¯re a much quieter student than this lot.¡± He jerked his thumb to the noisy class; I tried to look past him to get a handle on the room, so as not to trip on anyone when I walked in, but he was in the way. ¡°I don¡¯t think you need to worry about that, Mr Benson. She¡¯s hardly said two words.¡± The teacher looked back at me, straightening up a little, making my heart race as if I¡¯d just run a block, which seemed like a viable option, just...in the other direction. ¡°Are you nervous, Ara?¡± I nodded slowly. ¡°I¡¯ve never been to a new school before.¡± ¡°Well, I tell you what¡­¡± He touched his chin, then turned and signalled into the class. ¡°I think I have a solution.¡± ¡°Yes, Mr B.¡± A boy stepped up before I expected him to, and a short gasp escaped my lips, making my heart skip a beat that it would never recover. I wanted to grab Emily, who stifled a giggle beside me, and shake her for being right about a boy so cute you¡¯d picture yourself in his arms without even knowing his name. I really hoped this wasn''t Mr B¡¯s idea of a ¡®solution¡¯ to my anxiety. As the boy settled into his lean on the doorframe, his casually-dishevelled dark-brown hair fell into his eyes; he swept it back, and any hope of composure withered away with the hold of that smile; how his dark-pink lips sat closed and turned up sharply in the corners, his gaze fixing mine in place. He seemed completely unfazed by my totally obvious ogling. I even felt myself rise onto my toes; my inner fantasies wandering off to a world where I shoved Mr Benson aside and stepped up to charm the hell out of this boy with my sassy disposition. But the true, witless me stood, mouth gaping, begging my skin not to drop my bones all over the floor. ¡°Ara? This is David,¡± Mr Benson said, eyeing the proverbial drool on my lip. Time came rushing back like a smack across the face; I snapped my gob shut and wiped my chin, glad there wasn¡¯t actually drool there. I already knew that boy was David; my reaction completely mirrored the stupidity I despised in Emily two minutes ago. David¡¯s smile changed then, became wider, drawing me in to his world, almost inviting me to be his friend. But the dimples beside his lips made promises I knew they¡¯d never keep. ¡°Hello, Ara.¡± He nodded, almost like a bow. Breathe, Amara-Rose, just breathe. I lifted my hand a little to wave. No words came out, though. Pathetic. ¡°Ara, David is my best student,¡± Mr Benson said, then looked at the boy. ¡°David?¡± ¡°Yes, sir?¡± The boy stole his gaze away, his head turning before his eyes left mine, and shoved his hands into his pockets, his shoulders lifting as if he was some kind of shy guy. No freakin¡¯ way. ¡°Ara¡¯s a little worried about coming to a new class,¡± Mr Benson said. ¡°Would you take her to the library and fill her in on last week¡¯s lessons, please?¡± A sudden wash of relief brought my body back to life. I wanted to hug Mr Benson for being so considerate. ¡°Of course.¡± David smiled at me again, the sound of his voice running through me, like milk for my soul¡ªliquid with maturity, yet simultaneously weightless. ¡°Excellent.¡± Mr Benson went to walk away but stopped. ¡°And keep your charms to yourself, young man.¡± ¡°I¡¯ll do my best, sir,¡± he said, looking right at me with those smiling green eyes. And my cheeks exploded with heat, sending it to my ears. I looked down at my feet, biting my spreading grin. ¡°Okay. Well, Ara, you take care, and I¡¯ll see you in class tomorrow.¡± Mr Benson patted my shoulder. ¡°Thank you,¡± I said, looking him directly in the eye this time. ¡°You are more than welcome.¡± He turned to face the boy. ¡°David, you can get your stuff.¡± For a split second, as David and Mr Benson walked away, I braved a glance into the room of dread¡ªseeing only a desk and a whiteboard. Looked normal enough. I¡¯d imagined fiery pits and wailing souls. Guess I was wrong. Emily squeaked, bouncing on her toes. I actually wanted to squeal, too. She was so right. He was so hot! ¡°Oh my God. You¡¯re so lucky.¡± She waved two handfuls of spirit-fingers. ¡°Lucky? I have to spend forty minutes alone with that guy.¡± I pointed into the class. ¡°Trust me, Ara. You¡¯re going to love David.¡± That¡¯s what I was worried about. ¡°He¡¯s not that cute,¡± I said, but the lie showed in my tone, shouting to the world that I was as pathetic as Emily. She rolled her head to one side. ¡°It¡¯s okay to like him, you know. We¡¯re only human.¡± I swallowed my pride and said, ¡°Does he have a girlfriend?¡± Emily leaned closer. ¡°He¡ª¡± ¡°Sure thing, Mr Benson.¡± David¡¯s smooth voice filled the hallway a second before he stepped out of the classroom, carrying his bag and a stack of books. Emily straightened up, poorly masking her conspicuous smile. ¡°Everything all right, Emily?¡± he asked. ¡°Mm-hm.¡± He looked at me then and studied my face with slightly narrowed eyes¡ªas if maybe he was trying to figure me out. I wished him luck. ¡°You ready, new girl?¡± I managed to nod. Somehow, staying with Mr Benson seemed more appealing. I was going to make a fool of myself in front of this boy, I just knew it. Page 3 ¡°Don¡¯t worry.¡± Emily touched my arm. ¡°David will take good care of you.¡±Advertisement ¡°You¡¯re late for class, Emily,¡± he said in a dull tone, looking at his watch. ¡°Okay, well. Have fun, Ara, and¡­I¡¯ll see you at lunch?¡± she asked, her eyes round, hopeful. Terrific, I¡¯d just made a new friend without even trying. Great. Not. ¡°Thanks, Emily, and yeah, sure, I¡¯ll see you at lunch, then.¡± She skipped off, beaming, but as she reached the corner, stopped to fan her chin, mouthing what looked like ¡°He¡¯s so hot,¡± right as David turned to catch her. I allowed a small smile, watching her quickly press her hands behind her back as she disappeared around the corner, leaving David and I completely alone. My heart pumped blood the wrong way around my body, and the beat bounced off every wall in the school¡ªa suspenseful soundtrack to a gripping scene. I forced myself to look up from my shoes, and though I sat for hours last night scripting topics for just this sort of occasion, when I met David¡¯s gaze, it was all gone¡ªescaped me completely. All I could find was a white cloud of wordless stupor. I was without ammunition, alone in the wilderness, with a lion. ¡°Come, I¡¯ll show you to the library.¡± He started walking. I stayed put, safe and snug against the wall, where I couldn''t trip on my own nerves. He didn''t even notice I stayed behind, just walked ahead without me. Or maybe he did notice but chose to ignore it, figuring I¡¯d eventually move. But staying behind gave me a great vantage point for hotness-evaluation; I could see the definition in his back through that black shirt¡ªcould see the marvellous contours of his arms and how his torso seemed to taper inward at the waist, like an upside-down triangle, despite his otherwise very slim form. I¡¯d seen that kind of physique, but a little bigger, only on guys in the football teams back home. Which made me wonder if David was a football jock. If he so, he disguised that stereotypical arrogance really well under the impression of a kind, well-mannered boy. ¡°Hey, are you coming?¡± he said, walking backward to face me. ¡°Um, yeah. Sorry.¡± I pushed away from the wall and started after him, giggling to myself when he turned away. I always knew the world was unnaturally cruel and today I learned it could also be cruel in an unbelievably giving way. David strolled along silently beside me, focusing on the path ahead. I didn''t know if I should¡ªor could¡ªsay something to break the silence, which made it turn suddenly into the uncomfortable sort. Yet, he didn''t seem uncomfortable, and his self-satisfied grin made me feel almost like he could hear every deranged, lustful thought I was having. I rocked my jaw, searching deep inside for that level-headed girl in me who didn¡¯t get pummelled by a cute face. She was dead, though. David killed her. ¡°What were you focusing on in your last school¡ªfor English studies?¡± he asked in that buttery voice, like, if I could swallow it in one gulp, it wouldn¡¯t even touch the sides of my throat. ¡°The standard stuff,¡± I murmured. ¡°I wasn¡¯t in any advanced classes or anything.¡± He nodded. ¡°Do you read much?¡± ¡°Not anymore.¡± He looked down at his feet. I felt bad for that answer; it was probably a little vague¡ªmaybe even rude. I just¡­I wanted him to keep talking, but¡­not ask any questions. ¡°Why not?¡± he asked, with a sassy grin. ¡°Why not what?¡± He cleared his throat, the corner of his lip creeping up to his dimple. ¡°Why don''t you read anymore?¡± ¡°Um, no reason. What do you like to read?¡± He laughed to himself. ¡°Dracula, Jamaica Inn, Pride and Prejudice. I actually read quite a bit. Though, not so much anymore, myself.¡± ¡°Why not?¡± I asked, curious about his reasons. Also curious as to why a seventeen-year-old boy would admit to reading Pride and Prejudice of his own free will. ¡°Well, let¡¯s just say¡ª¡± he grinned as he leaned against the wall near another brown door, ¡°¡ªI have better things to do with my time at the moment.¡± ¡°Er, yeah me too,¡± I added. He laughed and stood up from the wall, patting the door. ¡°So, this is the library.¡± ¡°Really?¡± It sat inconspicuously in the long wall of the first floor corridor, rather oddly-placed for such an important room. If David wasn¡¯t with me, I might¡¯ve passed it completely. ¡°Don¡¯t let looks deceive you. It¡¯s actually quite well-stocked,¡± he said, opening the door. We stepped inside and shelves of books, practically touching the ceiling, greeted us with the rich smell of old pages. A group of study desks marked the centre of the brightly lit space, and computers lined the wall on one side. It seemed the school made up in supplies for what it lacked in style. ¡°They fit a lot into a small room, don''t they?¡± ¡°Yes,¡± my unfairly gorgeous tour guide said simply, standing motionless beside me. ¡°Would you like a seat?¡± I wanted to ask if he meant I could take one home with me, to keep, but was afraid the corniness might show me up for the dweeb I really was. So, I started off with a determined stride and, using my ankle, kicked a chair out at the circle of study desks. The lone student beside me didn¡¯t bother to look up as I dumped my bag down, unzipped it and stuffed my schedule inside. But then, he most likely didn¡¯t hear me approach since the music coming from his earphones could be heard in London. ¡°Are we allowed iPods in here?¡± I asked, looking up to meet David''s stare. He made no effort to look away, smiling before saying, ¡°Yes.¡± And my pulse quickened. He just looked so pleased with himself for something, like a schoolboy who just got a new video game. ¡°We weren¡¯t allowed iPods at my old school.¡± I looked back at the kid for a second. ¡°Private school.¡± ¡°Figured as much.¡± ¡°Is it that obvious?¡± ¡°No. I just have a knack for categorisation.¡± He cocked his head a little. ¡°Hm, me too.¡± ¡°Then we should get along great.¡± He dropped the grin and moved into all-business mode, placing a heavy rectangle book on the table in front of me, tapping it twice. ¡°This one¡¯s for you.¡± ¡°Yay,¡± I said in my most sarcastic tone ever. The pages were thin and the cover was hard, which could only mean boring. ¡°You know,¡± David said, sitting down, ¡°you¡¯re awfully quiet. I expected you to say more by now.¡± ¡°We¡¯re in a library,¡± I whispered. He laughed and looked around. ¡°We don¡¯t have teachers in here. No one cares if you talk.¡± I sat taller and slowly turned my head. He was right. I didn¡¯t even notice. There was no desk and no old, grey-haired woman with large-rimmed glasses shushing us when we breathed. ¡°Cool.¡± ¡°Yeah.¡± He sat back, leaning his elbow on the desk, a pen coming up to the corner of his mouth. ¡°It¡¯s pretty cool.¡± I looked away from him, finally calming myself enough to act human, and opened the giant book. ¡°What page?¡± ¡°You know¡ª¡± he inclined toward me, his voice becoming a husky whisper, ¡°¡ªit¡¯s your first day, so we can either fill you in on Mr Benson¡¯s class, or¡ª¡± He paused, looking at the student near us. I rested my cheek on the back of my hand. ¡°I already prefer the or.¡± And as soon as that creepy sentence slipped past my lips to ruin my life, I dropped my hand, my head begging to follow. But, instead of throwing a spitball at me before quickly fleeing the room, David just leaned back, crossing his hands behind his head. ¡°You know, I think I¡¯m beginning to like you already, Ara-Rose.¡± Which was great, except, I was already in love with him. ¡°It¡¯s just Ara, by the way,¡± I said. He sat straight and looked at me with one slightly squinted eye, then folded his arms. ¡°Okay, Ara. What¡¯s your next class?¡± ¡°Uh, hold on a sec.¡± I dug into my backpack, pulled out the schedule and map, then passed them to David, who read the page, wearing an impish grin. ¡°What?¡± ¡°We have quite a few classes together.¡± ¡°Oh. Okay.¡± ¡°Including music.¡± He cleared his throat into his fist. ¡°Is that...bad?¡± All the blood ran from my face as he handed the schedule back to me. He shook his head. ¡°I mean, not all bad. We have Mr Grant, but I¡¯m in your class.¡± ¡°Is he...nice?¡± I kind of expected a two-headed monster, judging from the smirk on David¡¯s face. ¡°It¡¯s okay, I¡¯ll be there with you.¡± I folded my bottom lip between my teeth. Music class was going to be bad¡ªI could feel it. ¡°He doesn¡¯t stay in the room long,¡± David said. I looked up at him. ¡°Mr Grant. He comes in, tells us what to do and leaves.¡± ¡°And then what?¡± ¡°We usually just have a jam-session.¡± ¡°Wicked.¡± I shut the textbook in front of me, finding my cool again. ¡°So? What instrument do you play?¡± I could sum up a lot about a person by the kind of music they liked, and more, by the instrument they chose to express themselves with. David sat back a little, drumming his fingers on the desk. ¡°Well, I actually play all instruments. But this year I¡¯m focusing on the guitar.¡± Damn. Well, that blew my prejudice out the window. ¡°Hm. I would¡¯ve figured you for a bass guy.¡± ¡°Bass? And¡­what exactly would that say about me?¡± The heart-stealing smile he presented as he leaned on his elbow made me shiver¡ªin a good way. ¡°Cool? Confident?¡± A soft breath left my lips before I added, ¡°Sexy?¡± And though, on the outside, I shrugged as I said it, every ounce of cool I¡¯d mustered stopped moving and groaned, slapping its head. David stared at me for a second, his lip twitching as if stuck on a word. ¡°I¡¯m sorry. That was so rude of me.¡± I covered my brow. ¡°No, really, it wasn¡¯t at all. It was just¡­¡± He stared forward, frowning slightly. ¡°Unexpected.¡± I looked down at my books, unsure what to say. ¡°You just seem so shy and quiet, now. I never expected you to say something so¡ªhonest.¡± ¡°I¡¯m not really shy.¡± I traced the edge of the book. ¡°I¡¯m just quiet because I¡¯m new. But you won¡¯t be able to shut me up in a few weeks.¡± I laughed but stifled it quickly. As if that would be reassuring. And I was off again with the assumptions. Who said this guy would even talk to me after today? He was only here because the teacher forced him to bring me up to scale. I kind of felt sorry for him then. He suppressed a smile, nodding his head softly. ¡°Well, I look forward to seeing your more talkative side.¡± Was he serious? Maybe I didn¡¯t make myself clear enough the first time. Um, hello? I am totally infatuated with you and I just met you. You should run away, now! ¡°What? What are you laughing at?¡± I asked, hoping my facial expressions hadn¡¯t given away my strange internal monologue. ¡°Nothing.¡± I scratched at the edge of the book again. ¡°Normally, people don''t laugh at nothing.¡± He stopped. ¡°Maybe I''m not normal.¡± ¡°Hm.¡± I nodded to myself, and since there was no rock to hide under in here, I covered the awkward tension with a very normal question that I was rather proud of. ¡°So, are the people here nice?¡± I said, when what nearly came out was, ¡°Hey let¡¯s be rebels and ditch class¡ªgo somewhere quiet, talk for hours and get to know each other,¡± but that would¡¯ve been way too creepy. David nodded, taking a deep breath. ¡°Yeah, mostly. You shouldn¡¯t have a problem, though. Seems you¡¯ve struck up a friendship with Emily Peirce?¡± ¡°Is that good?¡± I hoped it was. Emily seemed nice, but I¡¯d hate to have ended up friends with the school bully. ¡°Uh, yes.¡± He cleared his throat, looking away. ¡°It¡¯s good. Emily has¡­a special gift for making people like her.¡± ¡°You like her, then?¡± ¡°She¡¯s just easy to be around. I think you two will be good friends.¡± Did that mean I was easy to be around? And there I went again, looking for hidden meanings in words that weren¡¯t there. ¡°I¡¯m sure you¡¯ll be fine here, Ara. You¡¯ve already made two friends today and school has only just begun.¡± He smiled warmly. That was nice of him¡ªto say that. It felt so weird that, only half an hour ago, I was terrified to even step off the driveway, and now I was here, alone with David, and he just called himself my friend¡ªcompletely tarnishing all my first impressions about this once seemingly nightmarish brown building. ¡°Well, thanks.¡± I shrugged, but couldn¡¯t contain my smile. It was a strange sensation, but for the first time in over two months, I just smiled because I wanted to. Chapter Two ¡°Why are they all staring at me?¡± I said under my breath as we strolled through the corridor. David just grinned, wiping his thumb across his chin. ¡°I¡¯m right, aren¡¯t I?¡± I scowled at one of the girls, whose mouth hung open like a frog waiting for a fly. ¡°They are staring.¡± ¡°They¡¯ll stop in a few weeks. They¡¯re just fascinated by anything with colour. And you are¡ª¡± he smiled at my yellow dress, ¡°¡ªvery colourful.¡± Colourful? I wished I could be smaller¡ªsmall enough to fit inside a locker. Page 4 ¡°Dave, too cool for the team jacket this year? Didn¡¯t get your name on the list.¡±Advertisement David jolted forward a little with the affectionate slap that guy planted on his shoulder as he passed. ¡°I¡¯m skippin¡¯ out this year, man.¡± ¡°Dude. Why?¡± ¡°Tell ya later.¡± ¡°Okay, later, bro.¡± The guy nodded and kept walking, giving some brotherhood click of his fingers that David copied. ¡°Are you on the football team?¡± I asked. ¡°Not anymore.¡± Okay. I looked ahead, weaving through the oncoming traffic, taking his lack of elaboration as a giant ¡®None of your business¡¯. As we passed a few open class doors, the crowds thickened, pushing David slightly closer to me, but not quite close enough to touch. I thought about ¡®accidentally¡¯ tripping, so I¡¯d have to catch myself against his arm, but, knowing my luck, I¡¯d miss and end up on the floor with my skirt above my head. ¡°Turn here,¡± he said, waking me from that little daydream. I walked with my nose tilted slightly to the roof, taking in the dim lighting and rich burgundy colour of the walls. ¡°Why is this area so different to the rest of the school?¡± ¡°They hold concerts open to the public in that room at the end.¡± He pointed past the trophy cases to a set of heavy-looking double doors. ¡°Guess they wanted to give the illusion of grandeur.¡± ¡°And parade the victories of their student body?¡± I nodded to the over-stuffed trophy cases. ¡°Yeah.¡± He breathed out through a smile. ¡°Um, Mr Grant¡¯s a bit of an exhibitionist. We tour around and enter just about every contest there is.¡± ¡°Sounds like my kind of music teacher.¡± ¡°Oh, yeah,¡± he said, pushing on the heavy door. ¡°He¡¯s real loveable.¡± I half laughed. ¡°So, we always have music class in the auditorium. Good acoustics. And more space,¡± he said, and as the door opened, my breath caught in my throat. ¡°It¡¯s much brighter in here when the House Lights are on, though.¡± ¡°Are you kidding? This room is great in the dark.¡± My eyes followed the long columns of steeply inclined seats, stopping on the red velvet curtains framing the stage. It reminded me instantly of ballet¡ªwith the smell of latex, chipboard and wool carpet, while the sound of feet on the floorboards over a hollow stage, if I closed my eyes, took me home again. In the aisle before the front row, students had dragged tables and chairs into a small, disorderly cluster, where they all sat, tuning their instruments or laughing and talking. In the seconds it took to size up the group, my eyes swept past them and stopped on a long forgotten acquaintance of mine. ¡°A piano?¡± ¡°Very observant,¡± David said, and I rolled my eyes at him. He laughed. ¡°Come on, I¡¯ll introduce you to her.¡± ¡°Her?¡± ¡°Yep,¡± he said simply, and as he let go of the auditorium door, it thudded loudly behind us, making everyone look up; the shambolic wailing of their instruments stopped abruptly, leaving a dense silence as we started down the aisle. ¡°It¡¯s okay,¡± he leaned closer to whisper. ¡°They¡¯re not necessarily staring at you, Ara, more the fact that you¡¯re walking with me.¡± ¡°Why? What does that matter?¡± ¡°You¡¯re a girl.¡± ¡°I know, but¡­¡± ¡°Guess I just don¡¯t really ever talk to girls.¡± ¡°Oh.¡± I folded my arms around myself. ¡°Why?¡± He grinned and slipped a guiding hand through the strap of my backpack, resting it just under my shoulder blade. ¡°I uh¡ªI don¡¯t like any of them.¡± ¡°Oh.¡± I tried to laugh off the nerves, but nothing came out. All I could focus on was his touch against my cotton dress, so close to my skin. As we neared the stage, some of the kids stood up, but their eager smiles sent my shoulders to my ears. ¡°Hey, guys.¡± David nodded his greeting, keeping his hand safely on my back. ¡°This is Ara.¡± I took a deep, shaky breath, and waved, but the forced smile probably made me look more like a troll than a friendly newcomer. ¡°Ah, a fellow muso.¡± A vertical palm appeared at my mid-section, ready to shake my hand; I looked up from his thin wrist to his sandy-blonde hair, then back down to his broad, honest grin, warmly inviting friendship. ¡°Um, hi.¡± ¡°Nice to meet you. I¡¯m Ryan.¡± He shook my hand then inclined his head to a small, dark-haired girl in the corner, quietly playing her violin. ¡°And that¡¯s Alana.¡± ¡°Hello.¡± I smiled at her, but my troll face clearly scared her back into the shadows after a quick nod my way. Ryan laughed, leaning closer. ¡°She¡¯s shy.¡± ¡°Oh.¡± ¡°Anyway, that there is Fiona, and that¡¯s Jess, Jay, Dan¡­¡± He rattled off names as I nodded and smiled at the faces, forgetting their names instantly. They should¡¯ve all been called Bob¡ªmake things so much easier. ¡°So?¡± Ryan asked. ¡°What¡¯s your poison?¡± I stared at him, trying to figure out what the hell he meant. ¡°He means what do you play?¡± David added, barely masking his amusement. ¡°Oh. Um. Piano?¡± I said, but it sounded more like a question for some reason. ¡°Nice.¡± Ryan nodded then pointed to the old brown upright. ¡°Well, that¡¯s Big Bertha. She¡¯s old and large and always in the way¡ªbut she¡¯s in tune.¡± ¡°Big Bertha?¡± I scratched my head, looking at David. ¡°We have a name for everything around here,¡± David said. Before I could laugh, a loud clap resonated around the auditorium. Everyone stopped and looked to the silhouette at the entrance. ¡°I hear we have a new student today.¡± ¡°Right here, sir,¡± Ryan said, and I was pretty sure I just shrunk about two inches. ¡°Excellent.¡± His booming voice reached my ears with the presumption that he was a big, tall man, but as he stalked toward us, he became amusingly short and round. I tightened my lips, trapping the laughter, when I caught sight of his blonde ponytail, gathered at the nape of his neck, tugging heavily on the few straining hairs clasping for dear life around the edges of his bald spot. Stylish. But, short as he was, he was also still a centimetre taller than me; just tall enough to be threatening as he towered over me, burrowing into my soul with an accusing glare. ¡°Miss Thompson, I presume?¡± Self-amusement turned to fear and dried my throat. I looked at Bertha, considering hiding behind her. ¡°Yes, sir.¡± ¡°And what will you be playing for us today, Miss Thompson?¡± ¡°Uh. Playing?¡± ¡°We expect a performance from all our students on the first day.¡± He grinned, cupping his hands as he looked around the class. And at that point, the second head I¡¯d earlier assumed he¡¯d have, showed itself. Everyone in the class waited for me to respond, or maybe to run away crying. Clearly, this was the reason for David''s smirk in the library. I felt like saying, ¡°FYI, David, you being here with me does not make this spotlight on my awkwardness okay. Not even a little bit!¡± But I bit my tongue instead, my eyes narrowing when David tipped his head in a slight nod. It was so obvious. He knew this was coming. He knew Mr Grant was going to do this. Why didn''t he warn me? Then I could have made some lame excuse to run back home for the day. Mr Grant stood back from his lean toward me, offering the piano stool. ¡°If you please, Miss Thompson. Or do you require sheet music?¡± Groaning, I shuffled out of the straps of my backpack and went to dump it on the ground. ¡°I¡¯ll take this for you.¡± David grabbed it and placed it by his feet. ¡°Uh, thanks,¡± I said, then walked over to Bertha. The weight of two options dragged me to slump a little heavier on the stool; burst into tears and run away, or play a song? ¡°If you can only play Chopsticks, Miss Thompson, that will be fine,¡± Mr Grant said, and I just wanted to pull his ponytail. Jerk. But there was no way I¡¯d let this know-it-all music professor make me cry in front of all these kids. I was sure he¡¯d reduced many a student to tears in the past and it was time somebody taught him a lesson. If there was one thing I hated in this world more than anything, it was people using their talents or skills or, worse, knowledge, to make other people feel small. And that¡¯s exactly what Mr Grant was doing to me. And it worked. Everyone watched. I hesitated only a breath more, then lifted the cover and touched the very tip of one finger to the high C, too afraid to press down. ¡°Ara?¡± David rested his elbows on the top of the piano and smiled at me. I did not smile back. ¡°You¡¯ll be okay. Just play.¡± My lip quivered a little, tears burning in my eyes. That little bit of control I had over my life was just about to slip away. Mr Grant, standing uncomfortably close, watched me reposition my stool so I could reach the foot pedals, then held out a stack of papers. ¡°Your sheet music.¡± ¡°I¡¯ll be fine without that, thank you, Mr Grant,¡± I stated calmly and politely. Really, I wanted to take them from his puny little hands and clonk him over the head. Instead, I traced the columns of black and white for a second, drawing a tight breath through my teeth. I didn¡¯t know the weight of the keys or the force it would take to draw a sound from them. This piano was unfamiliar and old, and after two months without so much as hearing a piano, I wasn¡¯t sure I could even play anymore. This could end badly. ¡°Today, Miss Thompson,¡± said the intolerant imp. David gave me a reassuring nod, leaning a little closer to watch my fingers as they found their way home. Okay, you can do this, Ara-Rose. Just breathe. I looked around the room and grinned. ¡°Has any one here heard of the band Muse?¡± Under the cheers of the class, David nodded and sat back against the table behind him, while everyone else pulled their chairs into a neat circle around me. Even Alana moved from her desolation in the corner and stood beside Ryan, with her violin still in hand. ¡°Go get ¡®em, Ara.¡± Ryan waved an encouraging fist. ¡°Thanks,¡± I muttered. The world disappeared for a second then. I inhaled and felt the cool of the keys under my fingertips¡ªheavy and solid. Breathe. The first notes of the song filled the air, and a familiar flood of excitement rushed through my heart, then flowed down my hands. The keys were heavier than the ones back home, but it only took two chords to get used to it. ¡°This is called United States of Eurasia, followed by Collateral Damage,¡± I said. A few people laughed loudly and cheered. As I panned over the notes, feeling the long-forgotten muscles in my hands stretch; I cleared my throat and sung the words. David looked down, keeping a smile hidden behind his eyes as he nodded in time with the music. On the second verse, a violin came in out of nowhere; I looked over my shoulder and smiled at Alana, who had her eyes closed. But her accompaniment gave me a new kind of confidence, and my voice flowed, unwavering, into the echo of the auditorium. It just felt so damn good to release the air from my lungs this way again, as if this was my first breath in two months. Everyone else in the room became a part of the performance then¡ªkeeping the beat with their hands and feet as I played. It was like a journey; a story with a beginning, middle, and end. And right where I¡¯d have done so, if it were me, the violin cut out, leaving an eerie stillness as I drew the song to an end; the high notes sorrowful, laden with a distant kind of pain that reminded me of home¡ªof my best friend. With my eyes closed, encasing the memories of my old school and the softly-weighted keys of the baby grand piano in the music room there, my fingers played for me, allowing me to drift away to the shores of days when life was simple. Alone, in that place, I felt the last note leave, and only silence remained¡ªhovering like a breath held. I opened my eyes to David¡¯s beautiful face. ¡°Oh, crap. Did I faze out?¡± ¡°No.¡± He stood up, and Ryan started clapping like a seal at a marine park. ¡°Way to go, New Kid,¡± one of the girls said. ¡°Thanks.¡± I smiled sheepishly, steering my eyes away from David''s soul-penetrating gaze. ¡°Well¡ª¡± Mr Grant peered down his sharp nose, ¡°¡ªI can see I have nothing much to teach you, Miss Thompson.¡± ¡°That¡¯s okay, Mr Grant,¡± Ryan said. ¡°Dan still hasn''t gotten past open chords.¡± A boy ditched a pencil at Ryan. ¡°Right.¡± Mr Grant turned on his heel and walked back up the aisle. ¡°Carry on, people. We will be working on our performance pieces for the Halloween concert.¡± My eyes stayed on the keys until the heavy door to the auditorium closed with an echoed thud behind the two-headed beast. What was that guy¡¯s problem? ¡°Did he expect me to fail?¡± I asked, looking around the group. ¡°He does it to everyone new.¡± Ryan patted my shoulder. ¡°Well, thanks for the heads-up, David.¡± I frowned at him. ¡°I figured you could handle it.¡± He looked at Ryan then and they both laughed. There was no way he could¡¯ve known that, unless he¡¯d read my student file¡ªwhich I highly doubted. This was obviously some cruel practical joke they played on new kids. I folded my arms. ¡°So what gave you that impression? That I could handle it?¡± David stopped laughing and folded his arms, too, looking a little smug. ¡°Your fingers, actually.¡± Slowly, I pulled them out from the fold and studied them. My nails used to be perfectly rounded atop the long, thin digits, but looked a little worn these days from being munched on so often. But he was right. Page 5 ¡°The hands of a pianist,¡± he added.Advertisement Very observant, Mr Know-It-All. ¡°Fine. I¡¯ll pay that one. But next time, a little warning, thanks.¡± ¡°Sure. Well, in that case, maybe you should ditch History class,¡± he said, holding back a smile. ¡°That guy gives really boring lectures.¡± ¡°Thanks, I¡¯ll keep it in mind.¡± I rolled my eyes, not really meaning to smile as well. It was hard to be annoyed at David¡ªhe was just so sweet, and I had to hand it to him, he was right. I could handle it. I did handle it. I was grateful to Mrs Baker now for the three hours every Tuesday and Thursday, where she would painstakingly force me to play piano until my fingers seized up and turned bone-white. Mrs Baker was one thing I would not miss about my old life. ¡°Seriously,¡± David whispered in my ear as the hovering crowd dissipated and went back to their projects. ¡°There was a reason I didn¡¯t tell you about Mr Grant.¡± ¡°I¡¯m listening,¡± I said, shuffling over so he could sit beside me. ¡°I was afraid you¡¯d run home.¡± I would have. ¡°I¡¯m not that weak,¡± I said. ¡°But I could¡¯ve at least prepared myself.¡± ¡°I''m sure.¡± He smiled to himself, placing his fingers on the keys. ¡°Heart and Soul?¡± ¡°Huh?¡± I looked up at him. ¡°Heart and Soul. You wanna play it?¡± ¡°That¡¯s a little Kindergarten, don¡¯t you think?¡± ¡°Oh, I¡¯m sorry, Mozart,¡± he said with a breathy laugh. ¡°Would you prefer a more complicated duet?¡± ¡°Can you handle it?¡± I asked teasingly. ¡°Young lady, I can handle anything you can dish out.¡± ¡°That, I strongly doubt.¡± After David escorted me all the way to third period Math class¡ªeven though he wasn¡¯t in my class¡ªI watched him walk away, and fell inside myself at the back of the room. I didn¡¯t recognise anyone from Music class and, for the most part, no one bothered to strike up a friendship. So, I sat quietly and thought about David until the teacher said, ¡°Five minutes left to finish those questions and hand them in. If you¡¯re done already, you can leave.¡± A few students jumped up, placed their work on Miss Chester¡¯s desk and left the room. I pushed my unfinished paper aside and reached into my bag for my map¡ªto hopefully locate the nearest bathroom. But as I pulled my schedule and pencil case out, then my purse and keys, and looked into the empty space, a wave of panic rushed over me. Oh my holy God! It was gone. I checked the ground, the desk, even in my pencil case. Nope. Definitely gone. But I was sure I had it in the library. The familiar heat of panic flushed through my arms, rising into my cheeks as I dropped my face against my hand. I was ruined! I could see the headlines now: New Girl Asks Where Bathroom Is¡ªGets Laughed at for Needing to Pee. The bell screeched. I stood, packing my stuff into my bag with the speed of an old, arthritic lady. As the last of the gossiping dregs shuffled from the room, I herded out behind them, dumping my paper on the teacher¡¯s desk before stepping into the corridor. The hot, damp air trickled over the balustrade from the courtyard below, wetting my lungs as I breathed it in. Of all the doors nestled into the brown bricks around the square lot, not one of them looked like a bathroom, and of all the kids hanging over the guardrail, tossing things to their friends on the ground floor, not one of them looked like the kind of kid I could ask for directions without being laughed at. So, I swung my bag over my shoulder, and as I looked up, my gaze met a pair of amazing green eyes, shining out like emeralds. ¡°Need a guide?¡± David flashed his mischievous grin. God, yes. ¡°Well, I wouldn¡¯t if someone hadn¡¯t taken my map,¡± I said accusingly, then smiled back as I stood beside him. ¡°Sorry. But those things are impossible to read, anyway.¡± He looked down at me. ¡°You¡¯d have gotten lost without me to show the way.¡± ¡°Is that so?¡± My playful tone drew a smile to his lips again. ¡°Yes.¡± ¡°You seem pretty sure of yourself.¡± He nodded, his smile remaining. ¡°So, are you saying I¡¯m incapable of finding my own way?¡± I said. ¡°No.¡± He shook his head. ¡°Only that life¡¯s easier when you have someone to walk beside you.¡± ¡°Life?¡± ¡°Er, yeah, I meant¡­in the context of getting from A to B.¡± He rubbed a hand across his mouth. ¡°That was kind of awkward, wasn¡¯t it?¡± ¡°Uh, yeah.¡± I let the laughter out with a breath. He had foot-in-mouth-disease almost as bad as me. ¡°You know, Emily warned me about you.¡± ¡°She did?¡± He turned and looked forward as we started walking, his natural cool spreading calm out over my awkwardness. I hugged my books tightly to my chest to stop from flinging my arms around his waist. ¡°Yeah, she said you had a tendency to snatch up lost lambs.¡± ¡°Did she tell you why she thought that?¡± He stopped then, and took my math book from me, tucking it under his arm¡ªbeside his books. I watched it for a second. ¡°Not really. I came to my own conclusions, though.¡± ¡°And what might they be?¡± ¡°Well, it¡¯s not the lost lamb thing you¡¯re into. It¡¯s fresh meat.¡± ¡°Fresh meat?¡± He laughed, looking away. ¡°Yeah. You know? A new toy¡ªsomething different to play with than all the old ones.¡± David stayed quiet for a moment, and I watched the other students file past us in a hurry. ¡°You don¡¯t think of me like that, do you? That I am only talking to you because I want something more interesting to play with?¡± I shook my head. ¡°I did. But, I actually think you might be a very genuinely nice guy.¡± I tried not to let the surprise seep out in my tone; it did anyway. ¡°I mean, I¡¯ve never had a guy carry my books.¡± We both looked at the books. ¡°I¡¯m not sure I¡¯ve ever carried a girl¡¯s books. Not at this school, anyway.¡± ¡°Oh, you didn¡¯t grow up here?¡± He swallowed. ¡°No.¡± ¡°Are you new, too?¡± He turned and started walking. ¡°No.¡± Hm, king of elaboration. ¡°Have you...been here long?¡± ¡°No.¡± I ran my tongue along the ridges of my back tooth. ¡°Longer than a year¡ªless than a year?¡± ¡°About two years. Almost.¡± ¡°And, um...so, you don¡¯t really talk to many of the girls?¡± ¡°No.¡± ¡°Because you don''t really like them.¡± ¡°Correct.¡± ¡°Why?¡± We came to a stop, and David scratched his ear as I leaned on the wall. ¡°Tell me why?¡± ¡°Why do you ask so many questions?¡± ¡°Because you evade so many answers.¡± His lip tugged on one corner, his eyes smiling. ¡°Yes, I suppose I do.¡± ¡°So...¡± I twirled my hair around my finger, vaguely noticing a few girls giggle as they rushed in through the door beside us. ¡°Are you going to tell me why don¡¯t you like the girls here?¡± ¡°Guess I¡¯ve just never really been interested in any of them, until¡ª¡± I smiled at the way he smiled. ¡°Until what?¡± He stepped into me, showing no respect for my territorial bubble; the length of his entire body hovered barely a centimetre away from mine, forcing my gaze to roll upward just to meet his lovely green eyes. ¡°Until today.¡± My mouth opened, but only a soft breath came from the very back of my throat, stopping on the sweet scent of his vibrant, chocolaty cologne. All I could do was squeak. David nodded to the door beside us. ¡°Did you need to go?¡± Go? I forced myself to look right. ¡°The bathroom,¡± he added. ¡°Ur, yes, I kinda did.¡± Oh, God, awkward meter off the Richter scale. ¡°I¡¯ll mind your bag.¡± ¡°Okay, I¡¯ll just be a sec.¡± I passed it to David, then pushed the door open to a nose-burning bleach smell, mingling with other rancid scents in the heat of the only non-air-conditioned room in this school. And as the door shut quietly behind me, a voice rose above the putrid smell with familiar content. ¡°The girl in the yellow dress?¡± it said. I stopped dead, remaining in the concealment of the dividing wall. ¡°Yeah, the new girl,¡± another replied. I cringed; this was that moment where you decide to either walk in there and act like you didn¡¯t hear, or stop and listen, hoping they wouldn''t discover you. I should¡¯ve read up on this in the How to be a New Student Without Looking Like an Idiot guide. ¡°What¡¯d you think of her?¡± she continued. ¡°Well, she¡¯s pretty, I guess.¡± ¡°You think so?¡± ¡°Yeah, I mean, did you see how blue her eyes are? Like, so wasted on her face, hey?¡± Ouch. ¡°Yeah, totally. You want some?¡± the other girl said. ¡°What scent is it?¡± ¡°Sunlight Breeze.¡± ¡°Yeah.¡± A long hiss of a spray can sounded before the sharp, choking fumes of deodorant filled the tiny bathroom. I covered my mouth, silently coughing into my hand. ¡°And did you hear? She¡¯s already got her claws into David Knight?¡± My heart jumped to alert. Claws? ¡°Yep. Typical. He doesn¡¯t like her, I heard. He¡¯s just interested in her because she¡¯s wearing a dress and it¡¯s, like, easy access.¡± My eyes all but jumped out of my head, but as soon as the echo of her voice retreated, I felt my heart break a little. ¡°That must be it, I mean, come on. He¡¯s way out of her league.¡± ¡°Yeah, I don¡¯t know what she thinks he wants with her. Did you see her outside just now?¡± ¡°Yeah, oh my God!¡± The other laughed. ¡°She has so never had a boyfriend before.¡± ¡°Yeah. Probably still a virgin.¡± I swallowed, becoming a little smaller. ¡°Mm. I give it a week before he loses interest.¡± ¡°A week? That¡¯s generous. Maria said the girl has, like, scars on her face.¡± My breath froze halfway through a gasp, the walls closing in around me. ¡°True? No way? That¡¯s so gross. I wonder if he¡¯s noticed them.¡± ¡°How can he not? Apparently they¡¯re¡ª¡± A face appeared right in front of mine and everyone took a breath. While I stood frozen in humiliated stillness, a blonde girl just looked me over¡ªfocusing on my scars, then threw her hair back and opened the door, dragging a dark-haired girl behind her. I hid myself in the corner as bright light from the corridor filled the room, disappearing with their sudden high-pitched cackles. A layer of my soul slowly peeled away like an unfurling blossom, petal by petal. I blinked the tears free, unable to move or think or breathe, focusing only on the impression of my nails digging into my palms. They were right. David was probably showing interest in me as a joke or a bet he made with a friend. I was stupid to think he hadn''t noticed my scars. I touched my jaw, my fingertips shaking, and as my desperate urge to go to the bathroom faded, a longing to go home came in its place, stepping aside for the rolling in my stomach; I lopped a hand across my gut and ran for the toilet. Even as I rinsed my face and washed my mouth out, the voice of that girl played in my head: ¡°Out of her league; A week before he loses interest.¡± Somehow, the idea that David would be grossed-out by me had taken over my fear of being new. In the mirror, my face looked pale and washed-out, which made the scars look red and menacing, worse than they did this morning. I leaned closer and poked about my face, moving my skin to get a good look at them; tiny little dots covering one side of my neck and along my jaw, like a fine sprinkling of nuts on a sundae. The weird thing was, I hardly ever noticed them; it was like my mind subconsciously blacked them out. But I knew they were there, and I knew everyone else could see them. Including David. The real world sucked so much more than my mum said it would. I splashed another handful of water over my face and grabbed a few sheets of paper towel, pausing when the door opened, but no one came in. ¡°Ara?¡± I froze, instantly recognising David''s voice. ¡°Uh, yeah?¡± ¡°Are you...are you okay?¡± I laughed. He probably thought I fell in. ¡°Um. I¡¯ll be out in a sec.¡± ¡°Ara?¡± he said, his tone a little flat. ¡°Answer me, or I¡¯m coming in. Are you okay?¡± ¡°I...I¡¯m good.¡± But I wasn¡¯t, and the mirror too clearly reflected the sadness in my eyes. The mask I¡¯d become so good at holding in place hadn¡¯t slipped, but cracked completely, and the self-pity I¡¯d battled so hard against suddenly won the war. But I took a deep breath and looked my reflection square in the eye. ¡°Every ache is step toward redemption,¡± I told myself. I still didn¡¯t believe it, though. Nothing could undo what had been done and I knew, eventually, David would find out, and he¡¯d hate me too. But not today. I straightened my shoulders. Not yet. I just wanted a little more time with him. Give me that, I said to myself, hoping it¡¯d reach some magic fairy godmother. Just him. Just for today. And I¡¯ll never ask for anything else, ever again. The summer sun streamed into the corridor, and as I stepped into the light, drew a deep breath and looked sadly at the boy leaning over the railing on the other side. The shadows highlighted the contours of his shoulder blades and the arch of his spine. If I knew him better, I could slowly trace my finger down his back, feeling how solid and real he was under my touch. Except, right now, I wanted nothing more than to run over and tell him everything those girls just said. Only problem was that, in the real world, he wouldn''t care if my feelings were hurt; he¡¯d probably just freak out and dust me off like a cobweb. Page 6 He turned around and smiled at me with those kind, warm eyes, and the pain I just forced down rose to the surface again. I flattened the front of my dress, blinking rapidly until, as the tears receded, David¡¯s arm landed around my shoulder. ¡°Are you okay?¡±Advertisement ¡°Mm-hm.¡± I nodded. He stood back up slowly, his jaw stiff, and looked at the two girls from the bathroom¡ªnow whispering to each other by an open locker in the corner. ¡°You¡¯re not okay. I can tell.¡± ¡°Perils of being new.¡± I flashed a grin. ¡°Or perils of gossip,¡± he said, checking over his shoulder before looking back at me. ¡°Do you mind if I teach those girls a lesson?¡± ¡°Why would you want to do that?¡± ¡°Just go with it, okay?¡± he whispered in my ear, so close that his breath tickled my cheek. ¡°Are they watching?¡± I cast my eyes to them; they stared on with arched brows, lips curled in disgust. ¡°Yeah. They¡¯re watching.¡± ¡°You ready?¡± ¡°Ready for what?¡± ¡°This.¡± He gently wrapped his fingers around my arms and walked me backward, past our bags and the stack of books, until my spine pressed against the cold wall. ¡°What are you doing, David?¡± ¡°Giving them something to talk about.¡± He propped his forearm on the wall, bending at the knees, hiding us behind his shoulder as his face came in line with mine. And my eyes stayed on him, locked to his every move, trying to predict his next. But even though he moved his hand slowly to my face, my heart still skipped when his thumb touched my cheek, gently sliding down, then across my bottom lip. I could taste something sweet on his skin, and I wanted so badly to make a joke, wanted to run or hide, or close my eyes and breathe him in. In fact, I thought I was holding my breath, but as his lips hovered in front of mine, the warmth he exhaled went into my lungs. But he didn''t kiss me. He just smiled into me, speaking with his eyes. I knew what he was doing, and he knew, if he had any sense at all, he knew what this closeness was doing to me. I swallowed, my mouth watering. But the good feeling slinked away as the two girls walked off in a huff, flipping their hair. I looked up at David, who smiled in a way that made me feel I belonged here. ¡°Why did you do that?¡± ¡°Do what?¡± He leaned a little closer; I stopped him with a hand to his firm, cool chest. ¡°You¡ªyou made them think we were kissing.¡± ¡°Yes.¡± ¡°But, don¡¯t you get it? They¡¯ll spread this around to everyone¡ªtell the whole school you were kissing me!¡± I swallowed the lump in my throat. ¡°Precisely.¡± ¡°But¡ª¡± Against everything inside me, I pressed my hand more firmly to his chest and shoved him away, then rolled out from the wall and flung myself across the corridor. ¡°What does it matter if they tell everyone?¡± He slowly turned around, holding his arms out wide. I looked into the sunny courtyard below, leaning my elbows over the cold, metal bar. ¡°Well, do you want people thinking you like me?¡± ¡°Ara.¡± He appeared beside me, and as he wrapped his fingers over the railing, our elbows touched. ¡°What would be so wrong about liking you?¡± I shook my head, refusing to point out the obvious. ¡°You¡¯re a very sweet girl. And you don''t deserve to be the entity of other people¡¯s cruelty. I would rather they told the whole school I was kissing you in the corridor than to have them talk about you like that.¡± He pointed back to the bathroom. ¡°You heard that?¡± Everything suspended in slow motion around me. ¡°How did¡ª¡± ¡°Bathrooms echo, Ara.¡± It felt like a hot-air balloon had just been let off in my face. I bit my quivering lip tightly. ¡°I can¡¯t believe you heard that.¡± ¡°Don¡¯t worry about it.¡± David gently grabbed my wrist and started walking, dragging me along behind him. ¡°They¡¯re not nice people. I¡¯m just sorry that of all the girls you had to run into in there, it was those two.¡± ¡°Well, thank you¡ª¡± I stopped and pulled my arm from his grip, ¡°¡ªfor standing up for me. No one¡¯s¡­ever done that before.¡± ¡°Really?¡± He looked amazed, or maybe mortified. ¡°I never needed it.¡± I reached down and picked up my bag as an excuse to avoid eye contact. ¡°Thick skin and quick wit were kind of a requirement at an all girls¡¯ school. But¡­I guess I just lost my nerve.¡± ¡°You shouldn¡¯t have to stand up for yourself, Ara. People should mind their tongues.¡± David softened a bit then, quickly bending to grab our books off the floor by his feet. ¡°And for the record, mon amie, despite what those girls just said¡ª¡± He took a step closer, ¡°¡ªI think you are very pretty.¡± Yep, that did it. Cheeks hot; heart tumbling down the stairwell; lust-meter at fifty. ¡°So, you¡ªyou speak French?¡± ¡°Seulement quand je parle avec mon coeur.¡± David started walking, but I caught a glimpse of a smile as he turned, shouldering his bag. ¡°What does that mean?¡± I asked. ¡°Google it.¡± A second passed before I forced myself to run after him. ¡°I will, you know¡ªlook it up.¡± He just stared ahead, his dimpled smile making my heart race as we walked in silence. Chapter Three The bell tolled before we even made it to the cafeteria. David smiled gently and jerked his head in the other direction. ¡°Come on, your next class is this way.¡± ¡°How do you know that?¡± I asked, running after him. ¡°I read your schedule, remember?¡± ¡°Yeah, but, how did you retain all that info? I can¡¯t even remember what classes I actually signed up for.¡± David said nothing, just smiled¡ªa kind of secret smile¡ªas we headed back up the stairs, past a waving carrot-top girl. ¡°Um, hi,¡± I muttered, returning the wave. ¡°That¡¯s Ellie.¡± David leaned in. ¡°She¡¯s in our music class.¡± ¡°Oh, okay.¡± I looked back down the stairwell at her just as she glanced up to gush over David. ¡°She likes you.¡± ¡°No, she doesn''t. She¡¯s just¡­I don''t know.¡± He shrugged once. ¡°I think they all suffer from a ¡®desire the unattainable¡¯ disease around here.¡± ¡°Oh, so you think you¡¯re too good for them?¡± I challenged playfully. He fanned the collar of his shirt, humour lighting the smugness on his face. ¡°I don''t think I am. I know I am.¡± I laughed. ¡°So¡­you¡¯ve never dated any of the girls¡ªever?¡± ¡°No. And I don¡¯t plan to.¡± ¡°Oh,¡± I said, falling suddenly through the earth. David¡¯s head whipped up as he came to an abrupt halt. ¡°Um¡ªI, uh¡ªI really didn¡¯t mean it like that. I¡ª¡± ¡°Dave? Ditching class, man?¡± the same jock from earlier said, slapping David on the shoulder again. ¡°Hey, you know the code, bro.¡± David grinned, pointing down the hall at him. ¡°Ditch school; ditch life,¡± they both said, and laughed. As soon as the boy disappeared around the corner, so did David¡¯s smile. ¡°I¡ª¡± ¡°I need my books.¡± I pointed to them. He gently drew them from the stack and placed them in my waiting hand. ¡°Thanks.¡± We stood looking at each other for a moment, surrounded by the sound of a teacher¡¯s voice talking about today¡¯s lesson in history. ¡°So, this is your class,¡± David said. ¡°I figured.¡± I smiled softly, but my heart was completely broken. ¡°Well, thanks.¡± ¡°Hey, Ara.¡± He grabbed my arm. I looked up from his hand to his lovely green eyes. He let go. ¡°When I said I don¡¯t plan to date, I wasn¡¯t talking about y¡ª¡± ¡°It¡¯s okay, David, you don¡¯t owe me an explanation.¡± I tried to grin. ¡°I only just met you, after all. And I hadn¡¯t placed myself in that category, anyway.¡± David¡¯s jaw set stiff, his eyes fixing on the ground. ¡°So, I¡¯ll see ya later?¡± I said, slowly backing in through the doorway. ¡°Ah,¡± the teacher said. ¡°Ladies and gentlemen, we finally have a new student.¡± I turned away from David, leaving our conversation before his response, but felt better suddenly seeing a familiar face in the room. ¡°Hi, Dad,¡± I whispered so no one else would hear, then stole a quick glance at the now empty corridor. ¡°Attention please.¡± Dad¡¯s voice rose above the chatter. Everyone hushed. ¡°This is Ara-Rose. I¡¯m sure some of you have already met her¡ª¡± ¡°Actually¡ª¡± I cringed. ¡°It¡¯s just Ara.¡± He looked sideways at me for a second. ¡°Okay, this is just Ara.¡± ¡°Nice to meet you, Just Ara,¡± someone called from the back of the room, and a low hum of laughter erupted over the entire class. ¡°Settle down, Maverick,¡± Dad said sternly. ¡°Thanks a lot, Dad,¡± I said under my breath. ¡°Uh, Emily?¡± he called to a girl in the front row of the raised, auditorium-style seating. Without hesitation, the same girl I met this morning, with her swinging ponytail, bounded over. ¡°Yes, Mr Thompson?¡± ¡°You¡¯ve met Ara?¡± Dad aimed his thumb at me. ¡°Yes, sir.¡± She added a little too much ¡®cutesy¡¯ to that eyelash batting, and my mouth fell open. She totally had a crush on my dad. ¡°Right. I want you to help¡ª¡± he looked at me as he passed some papers to Emily. ¡°Just Ara?¡± ¡°Ara¡¯s fine,¡± I said. Hint, hint. ¡°Help Ara get up to date with our lessons, please?¡± ¡°Sure thing, Mr Thompson.¡± Emily grabbed my hand and dragged me to sit next to her¡ªright in the front¡ªright where Dad would be able to see my every move. ¡°Um, do you always sit here?¡± I asked, plonking down. ¡°Yup. I can see the teacher better.¡± She watched Dad walk across the room and push the antique gramophone, normally in our attic, out of the way. ¡°Why would that be a good thing?¡± ¡°Are you kidding me?¡± She motioned her open palm to my dad. ¡°Look at him.¡± Uh-oh. ¡°Um, Emily¡ª¡± ¡°Isn¡¯t he cute?¡± she continued. ¡°Don¡¯t you think he looks just like Harrison Ford¡ªbut, like, Indiana Jones Harrison Ford?¡± I glanced at my dad, my nose crinkling as I took notice of his greying, light-brown hair and the creases he¡¯d get around his kind eyes when he smiled. I guess he did sort of look like Indiana Jones. ¡°Emily,¡± I whispered again. ¡°Yeah.¡± She sighed, dreamily gazing up at him. There was no easy way around it. I had to tell her before she embarrassed herself further. ¡°He¡¯s¡­my dad.¡± She spun around so quickly that I jumped. ¡°You are kidding me. Oh my God, Ara. Why didn¡¯t you tell me?¡± ¡°I¡¯m so sorry, I just, I didn¡¯t realise you were¡ª¡± ¡°We are so having a sleepover at your house.¡± She practically jumped in her seat. ¡°I¡¯ve had a crush on Mr Thompson for, like¡ª¡± she flipped her head to one side, ¡°¡ªtwo years.¡± My tongue pushed into the side of my cheek. I really did not expect that. I thought she might be a little humiliated at the least, but I guess it was better this way. ¡°Two years, huh?¡± ¡°Yup. It¡¯s why I take History.¡± ¡°That¡¯s¡­disturbing.¡± ¡°Not really.¡± She shrugged, gnawing the tip of her pen. ¡°You could look at it as though your dad is inspiring my education.¡± I wondered if he¡¯d feel the same way. Instead of rolling my eyes at her, I turned my head back to watch Dad writing the words ¡®Religious History¡¯ on the board. ¡°Oh, come now, it¡¯ll be fun and you know it,¡± he announced to the groaners around the room, then turned back to write on the board again. Emily leaned in. ¡°He¡¯s right,¡± she whispered. ¡°He always makes boring topics fun.¡± ¡°I know.¡± I smiled to myself. ¡°He even used to do all the voices of characters when he¡¯d read to me.¡± ¡°He does that in class¡ª¡± Emily laughed, ¡°¡ªwhen he reads direct from text books. Sometimes he puts on different accents.¡± As I went to laugh, my eyes darted quickly from my dad to a boy beside me, who jolted forward in his seat, a scrunched-up piece of paper bouncing off his desk, landing on his schoolbag a second later. He spun around, presenting his middle finger to the boys up the back, while my dad remained oblivious, glancing from a textbook to the whiteboard. ¡°What a loser,¡± one of the boys said. I turned away and leaned closer to Emily. ¡°Do they know that by making that L sign on their own heads, they¡¯re technically making themselves look like losers?¡± She rolled her eyes. ¡°They are losers.¡± I let out a small laugh. In the seat across from me, the boy scrunched up a sheet of paper, hiding it under his desk, keeping his eyes on my dad the whole time. I looked back at the jocks, who watched the kid with an amused kind of interest, until they broke formation suddenly, launching to their feet as he sent a paper cannon into enemy territory. ¡°Oh, crap.¡± Emily covered her head with her notepad, smiling. ¡°He just started a war.¡± I went to duck too, but Dad started in with something about Greek gods, forcing a cease-fire; the jocks sat down, and the boy knocked the ammo into his open backpack. Page 7 ¡°Looks like they¡¯ll live to fight another day,¡± I said.Advertisement ¡°No,¡± Emily whispered under my dad¡¯s lecture. ¡°It¡¯ll just be a lunch-room continuation.¡± ¡°Great. Food fight?¡± She shrugged. ¡°Probably.¡± ¡°Will David be in that?¡± It was a simple enough question, but my newfound affections rested too thickly in the undertone. She turned to me quickly, grinning, and before she could say Oh, my God, you like him, I said, ¡°So, does my dad know you have a crush on him?¡± ¡°No way.¡± She leaned back, her eyes wide. ¡°I would be so humiliated.¡± I scratched my temple, wondering how admitting it to his daughter was any less humiliating. ¡°So, how was the library, with David?¡± She kind of sung his name. I froze, wondering which parts of my amazing morning I should leave out. ¡°It was okay. He seems nice.¡± I nodded casually, but Emily¡¯s smile grew. ¡°You like him.¡± I cleared my throat, repositioning my chair. ¡°I think he¡¯s...a nice...kid.¡± She scoffed in the back of her throat. And I knew, from the look on her face, exactly what she was about to say. ¡°You so do like him.¡± ¡°Nope.¡± I wore the face of denial, but the cheesy grin in my eyes must have changed the wording on my neon sign to ¡®Oh my God. I totally do.¡¯ ¡°I knew it.¡± She pointed at me. ¡°I knew it.¡± I grabbed her finger and pushed it down. ¡°I do not like him.¡± ¡°Oh, I¡¯ve seen that look before. You have Knight Fever.¡± ¡°Knight what?¡± ¡°It¡¯s what we call it when all the girls swoon over David.¡± ¡°I¡¯m not swooning.¡± I turned my face away. ¡°He¡¯s charming, isn¡¯t he?¡± She leaned on her hand, her thoughts a million miles away. ¡°It¡¯ll kill you, you know? Knight Fever. Have you heard the I don¡¯t date speech yet?¡± I drew a tight breath. ¡°Oh no. You have. Oh, I thought¡ª¡± Her head moved slowly from side to side. ¡°Well, now I¡¯m sure he¡¯s gay. I mean, I was sure you had to be his type. Us girls have pretty much got it down to a science.¡± ¡°Got what down to a science?¡± ¡°The girls David Knight will and will not scope.¡± ¡°What¡¯s scoping?¡± ¡°Perving, you know¡­checking out.¡± She shrugged. Oh. ¡°He scopes?¡± ¡°He¡¯s a hot-blooded male, Ara? Of course he does. Just, very subtly,¡± her tone dropped its certainty. ¡°Like, he never actually looks, but he¡¯s nicer to some than others. So, we¡¯ve grouped together a sort of profiling on him.¡± ¡°Okay, that¡¯s just creepy,¡± I said, turning away. ¡°It¡¯s not¡ª¡± she paused when my dad glared at us, ¡°¡ªit¡¯s not like that. It¡¯s just a bit of gossip. We don¡¯t have, like, a file on him or anything.¡± ¡°So, you thought I was his type?¡± ¡°Well, I was sure, but¡­I guess not.¡± She shrugged, staring forward. And that was it. A shrug. That¡¯s all I was? I really liked this guy, and I¡¯d just been dusted off with a shrug? I drummed my fingers on the desk, trying really hard to focus on the legends of Zeus, but my stomach grumbled, making a fuss about my missed mid-morning snack, and nausea brought the taste of bile up to the back of my throat. ¡°He seemed so genuine,¡± I turned and whispered to Emily, letting my temper get the better of me. ¡°He walked me to every class. He was so nice, so sweet, and¡ª¡± I told her about the bathroom gossip and the theatrical kiss. Her eyes rounded into her brow. ¡°Are you serious?¡± ¡°Yes. So what¡¯s the deal then?¡± ¡°He has. Never. Done. That before,¡± she exclaimed. ¡°Okay? So why did he give me the speech?¡± She slowly looked away. ¡°I can not figure that boy out.¡± The bell rang before I expected it to. I swallowed the last of my sentence and smiled at Emily; she was so easy to be around. At first, I thought she was a bit stuck up, but the last forty minutes suggested that might¡¯ve just been a nasty first assumption. I jammed my books into my bag and frowned at the elbow in my rib. ¡°What?¡± She nodded across the room. ¡°Look.¡± At the end of my gaze, David came into focus, hands wedged in pockets, shoulder on the doorframe and a very sexy grin across his lips. ¡°Hi,¡± I mouthed, looking down at my bag before he could see my cheeks change colour. ¡°Mm-mm.¡± Emily shook her head, hugging her books. ¡°What¡¯s mm-mm?¡± ¡°Hm, he likes you, Ara¡ªhe¡¯s just trying not to show you.¡± ¡°You think?¡± I looked back at David, now talking to my dad. ¡°Come on, girl. Even Mr Thompson noticed the way he was staring at you.¡± ¡°Oh no.¡± I hid behind my hand. ¡°It¡¯s the touch-my-daughter-and-you-die speech.¡± I wanted to melt¡ªhide under my desk or slink away. Emily hummed, smiling. ¡°They¡¯re both so gorgeous.¡± ¡°No, Emily,¡± I said flatly. ¡°Only one of them is gorgeous.¡± ¡°I agree,¡± she said. ¡°Your dad is so much better.¡± We both laughed, but mine ended in a sigh. ¡°I hope Dad doesn¡¯t give David the creeps. I only just met the poor guy.¡± ¡°Nah, he¡¯s just making the lines clear. Can you blame him?¡± ¡°Yes. He¡¯s breaking all the rules I set out before I came here.¡± ¡°You gave your dad rules?¡± I nodded. ¡°Okay?¡± Dad said loudly, patting David on the shoulder. ¡°I had no intentions of that, Mr Thompson,¡± David said, looking him right in the eye. I watched on in horror. ¡°Oh God, just hide me now.¡± Emily laughed. ¡°Let¡¯s just hope you don''t receive the tail-end of that lecture.¡± ¡°Exactly what I was just thinking.¡± She must¡¯ve known my dad pretty well. It felt kind of strange then to know I shared him with so many other kids. I always knew that, but never experienced it firsthand before. Dad sat back at his desk, and I chose the opportune moment, as he reached for something on the floor, to slink quietly past¡ªsinking my neck into my shoulders. Emily, however, shamelessly stopped in front of the desk just to tell Dad how great his lecture was today. Never mind that she wasn¡¯t even listening. I really quite liked Emily. ¡°Hi, David,¡± I said. He just smiled and took my bag as we walked into the corridor. ¡°Look, I¡¯m so sorry. What was my dad saying to you?¡± He laughed once. ¡°You know, it¡¯s okay, Ara. If I was your father and I saw some punk kid look at you the way I¡¯m sure I was, I wouldn''t have used words.¡± We stopped walking, and I groaned, slamming my back against a row of lockers as I tried to rub the ache of mortification from my temples. ¡°Of course,¡± David continued after a short breath, ¡°if I¡¯d known he was your dad, I might¡¯ve thought twice about¡ª¡± ¡°Hanging out with me?¡± I dropped my hands to my sides. ¡°I¡¯m sorry. I should¡¯ve told you.¡± And so, I lost my first friend. I was in no way offended, though. I knew going to the same school as my dad would have its pitfalls. I¡¯d accepted that. ¡°No¡ª¡± He stepped closer to me, shaking his head. ¡°No, Ara, I would have thought twice about staring at you that way¡ªin front of him.¡± His words softened on the end. ¡°Oh. Okay. Well, uh, I¡¯m sorry I didn¡¯t mention it earlier.¡± ¡°Well, a heads-up would¡¯ve been nice,¡± he said. ¡°Touch¨¦.¡± I smiled, surprised he remembered me saying that in music class. ¡°So?¡± We both said at the same time, then laughed. ¡°You go.¡± ¡°No, ladies first.¡± He bowed his head. ¡°Um, about before¡ª¡± ¡°Okay, wait.¡± His hand came up like a stop sign; I snapped my mouth shut. ¡°What I said before about dating?¡± He paused. ¡°It was a mistake. I¡¯m so used to having to give that speech, it just came out on auto. But I didn¡¯t mean it for you. I was just illustrating how I don¡¯t¡ªI mean¡ªI¡¯m just not that kinda guy.¡± David¡¯s fists clenched beside him. ¡°What I meant was that I¡¯d never date any of them¡ªI didn¡¯t mean that to include yo¡ªI mean, what I''m trying to say is¡ª¡± He looked directly into my eyes, and all the students in the hall seemed to disappear. ¡°You¡¯re not just any girl, Ara, I¡ª¡± he swallowed, ¡°¡ªI¡­like you.¡± Uh? What? My lungs went tight, like a softball just got lodged in my chest. I looked around, waiting for a group of kids to jump out from behind the lockers and laugh at me, screaming April Fools. Despite it not being April. David laughed to himself then. ¡°I¡¯m sorry. That was very forward of me. You don¡¯t even know me yet, and I¡ª¡± ¡°Um, David?¡± I stopped him. Oh my God. I had no idea what to say. I mean, for all I knew, I had merely imagined him saying that and, at any minute, I¡¯d wake up, still in Dad¡¯s class, Emily beside me and a piece of paper stuck to the drool on my chin. I hugged my arms across my waist. ¡°This is all a little bit weird.¡± ¡°I¡¯m sorry.¡± He scratched his thumb across his upper lip, clearing his throat. ¡°I get it.¡± ¡°No, you don¡¯t get it.¡± I chased after him as he turned away. ¡°No. Really.¡± His smile radiated sincerity. ¡°I really do. You don¡¯t have to explain.¡± ¡°But¡ª¡± ¡°Come on, we¡¯re late.¡± He walked a little faster then, but slowed and turned back to face me, pointing his thumb toward the stairs. ¡°It¡¯s uh¡ªit¡¯s this way.¡± I walked after him, forcing my fingertips into my own brows. I wished I could scream it out¡ªtell him exactly what I was thinking. But I just didn¡¯t want to seem creepy or desperate. And it was creepy, and probably a little desperate, to like a guy I just met. Of course, that didn''t change the fact that I was practically envisioning my initials beside his surname. Creepy. David stopped walking. ¡°Did you just say something?¡± ¡°I uh¡ªno.¡± I hope not. ¡°Was I thinking out loud?¡± ¡°Uh, I don''t know. Did you mean to say that?¡± ¡°Say what?¡± ¡°You two!¡± A door burst open beside us, and an evil-villain-type-scary woman, who probably kidnaped Dalmatians, popped her angry face out. ¡°Why aren''t you in class?¡± ¡°Sorry, Miss Hawkins, we were just going,¡± David said slowly. ¡°Well, make it quick, please, the bell has rung.¡± She slammed the door, leaving David and I alone again. The awkwardness separated us with an invisible line. ¡°Lunch?¡± David said, shattering the tension. ¡°Lunch?¡± ¡°Yeah. Can I¡­¡± He stuffed his hands in his pockets, looking up from his shoes. ¡°Can I walk you to lunch after class?¡± I smiled, a simple smile. ¡°Sure, why not.¡± The words ¡®coward¡¯, ¡®moronically deranged¡¯ and ¡®stupid, stupid, stupid!¡¯ stared at me from the page where an equation was supposed to be solved. But if I couldn''t find the formula for curing regret, how was chemistry going to be any easier? I dropped my face against my hands, slamming my elbows on either side of my book, while the whole conversation with David played in my mind like a regret marathon on repeat. How could I have just stood there with my giant gob open and let nothing out? I should¡¯ve told him. I should¡¯ve said, ¡°Thanks, David. I like you, too.¡± What is wrong with me? ¡°Everything all right, Ara?¡± Miss Swanson asked. I sat up straight and grabbed my pen. ¡°Um, yeah. All good.¡± Satisfied, the teacher turned back to the board and, one by one, the students followed suit, leaving me and my scribble alone again. My scribble became pictures then, each word transforming into a snake or overlapping circles and other various works of notepad art, all twining together to form two words: Knight Fever. I had it bad¡ªbad enough to be drawing love hearts. I scribbled them out, practically ripping the page with my pen. It was way too early to use that word. This was in no way love at first sight¡ªjust my deep-seated need to feel accepted manifesting itself into emotions that weren''t real. I nodded, satisfied with my psychological assessment. That would¡¯ve made Vicki proud. Except, I didn¡¯t want it to be right. It felt good to like a boy. It felt good to be that distracted. But I couldn¡¯t let that feeling divert me from the plan; to put my head down, get through this year and hopefully, somewhere in the mix of all my moving on, I might actually move on¡ªwithout dragging anyone down with me. When the lunch bell rang, I stayed in my chair, sharing my pendulum thoughts with the Bunsen burner. He didn¡¯t talk back, thankfully, but I wished he would. If it was even a he. ¡°Sorry,¡± I said, ¡°If you¡¯re a girl, you have a lovely figure.¡± ¡°I assure you, I¡¯m a boy,¡± it said in a velvety voice. And my cheeks went really hot when I realised it wasn¡¯t the Bunsen burner that spoke. All I could do was laugh, staring forward with a rock of tension making my head want to sink down. ¡°I¡¯m...just gonna go hide under the desk.¡± David cleared his throat into his fist. ¡°Don¡¯t do that. It¡¯s okay, I talk to inanimate objects all the time.¡± Page 8 ¡°You do?¡± I said as he sat beside me.Advertisement He nodded. ¡°Is something on your mind, new girl?¡± ¡°A lot of things are, but only one of them¡¯s bothering me right now.¡± He clasped his hands together on the table in front of him. ¡°I¡¯m all ears.¡± I tried to think of something funny to say, but couldn¡¯t. ¡°I¡¯m sorry about before.¡± ¡°Before what? Before the beginning of the world, before the coming of Christ?¡± ¡°Ha-ha.¡± I slapped his forearm, noting the silkiness of his skin just below his sleeve. ¡°No, about before, when I choked up.¡± He laughed. ¡°Oh, don¡¯t worry about that, pretty girl. I have a tendency to...¡± he smiled, ¡°...over-share.¡± ¡°Not really. All you said is you like me.¡± I dipped my shoulder a little, feeling funny about saying that out loud. ¡°And I just choked because no one¡¯s ever said that to me before.¡± ¡°Well, it wasn¡¯t a confession of love. Like can mean many things.¡± ¡°I know.¡± I just wished it was a confession of love. ¡°And I guess...in that sense, I actually like you too.¡± He grinned, making a thin line of his lips. ¡°Good. Then, friends?¡± ¡°Yeah, friends.¡± David frowned then, looking down as my belly added its two cents. ¡°Hungry?¡± he said. I wrapped my hands over the rumbling. ¡°Uh, yeah, just a little.¡± Chapter Four Though the rest of the school was unbelievably free of clich¨¦s, given that I¡¯d expected a High-School-Musical type scene when I first arrived here, the cafeteria was not. The buffet style cabinets, the old ladies in hairnets, and even the giant hall with long lines of plastic picnic tables, looked just like something out of a movie. Nothing like the old window-in-a-wall we had at my old school, where you could buy pies and wraps and that¡¯s pretty much it. ¡°This is so much cooler than back home,¡± I said, sliding my tray down a few seats to sit at the centre of the empty table. The warm weather had attracted most of the students outside today, so we had free pick of the room. David slid in next to me. ¡°Cooler would be if they hired enough kitchen staff to accommodate the great number of students.¡± ¡°I thought they did just fine.¡± ¡°Today, yes,¡± he said. ¡°But it usually takes until the end of lunch period to be served, and half of us end up eating in class.¡± ¡°Oh, why was today so quick then?¡± I looked back at the now empty buffet¡ªall the kids seated, eating, aside from a few dregs gathering by the drink machine or buying dessert. ¡°They had help today.¡± ¡°Volunteers?¡± ¡°Of a sort.¡± David covered his smile with a fist. ¡°Half the football team is serving detention in the kitchen.¡± ¡°Really? Why?¡± ¡°Something about ditching paper cannons.¡± He picked up a corn chip and held it near his mouth. ¡°You planning to eat?¡± ¡°Oh, um, yeah.¡± I straightened my tray and leaned my elbows on the table. ¡°So, what¡¯s the deal here anyway, like, social hierarchy? I¡¯m guessing they¡¯re at the top.¡± I pointed to the group of well-built jocks at the corner of the room. ¡°The guys having the fruit war?¡± He smiled as a piece of banana hit the glass window then slid down into a pile of pulp on the floor. ¡°That¡¯s the other half of the football team, and yeah¡ª¡± he nodded, looking away from them, ¡°¡ªthey¡¯re pretty much the top of the food chain. Fourth on the list would be these guys.¡± He waved at one of the girls at the table in front of us. ¡°Music class. They pretty much hang out together. The lowest ranking would be the boys behind you.¡± ¡°Let me guess.¡± I smirked, looking at their paper-wrapped sandwiches and milk cartons beside the chessboard. ¡°They¡¯re the chess geeks.¡± David laughed. ¡°You must be psychic.¡± ¡°Well, the whole scene is self-explanatory, but the ¡®Chess Club¡¯ jacket was a dead giveaway.¡± ¡°Yes, I suppose it is. Do you play?¡± ¡°Play?¡± ¡°Chess.¡± ¡°Oh, yeah. I do. Should I be sitting with them?¡± ¡°No.¡± He chuckled. ¡°Unless you want to wear fruit juice home every day.¡± I shrugged. ¡°Strawberry would look rather fetching on me, I think.¡± ¡°Your hair smells like strawberries,¡± he said, and I wondered quietly how he could smell that. ¡°So where do you fit in?¡± I asked. David looked to the side. ¡°Well¡ª¡± ¡°Hey, guys.¡± Emily perched herself on the seat across from David. ¡°Emily.¡± He nodded his greeting. ¡°Hi,¡± I said, then shovelled a mouthful of lasagne into my gob¡ªan offering for the empty hole in my belly where a green ogre dwelled. ¡°Hey, do you guys mind if Ryan and Alana sit with us?¡± she asked. ¡°They¡¯ve got new-girl fever.¡± ¡°No,¡± I scoffed, ¡°why would I mind?¡± David lifted one shoulder. ¡°Fine with me.¡± After Emily signalled them over, she leaned forward and a bright grin lit up her caramel eyes. ¡°So, what¡¯dya think¡ªa new love blossoming, or what?¡± New love? My head burned as if a warm towel had just been wrapped around it. ¡°I think you might be right, Emily,¡± David said, a sassy smile twinkling in the corners of his eyes. And as I was about to grab both cheeks and run screaming like a girl at a boy-band concert, he redirected his gaze to the pair walking toward us, standing as close to each other as possible. ¡°I don¡¯t think either of them has figured it out, yet, though,¡± he finished. Emily sighed, gazing dreamily at Alana and Ryan, while I caught my breath. ¡°Hey, all.¡± Ryan bumped knuckles with David, then sat down next to Emily, sliding Alana¡¯s tray closer to his. ¡°Hi, guys.¡± I smiled, still feeling silly. ¡°Hey, Ara¡ªso cool what you did to Mr Grant, today.¡± Ryan pointed gun-fingers at me. ¡°I¡¯m sure it¡¯ll go down in high school history: The Newbie Bites Back. Part One.¡± Beneath his docile tones, he made himself sound like the voice-over for a movie trailer. ¡°I wasn¡¯t biting back,¡± I said with my mouth a little full, ¡°not really. I was just¡­politely not taking any crap.¡± ¡°So noble.¡± Ryan nodded, lost in awe. Alana sat quietly beside him, not making any effort to stand out. ¡°So, Ara?¡± Emily said. ¡°We just finished French class¡ªare you taking French this semester?¡± ¡°Nope. Foreign languages just don¡¯t click up here.¡± I tapped my head. ¡°My friend tried to teach me some French once¡­it was bad. I sounded like I was spitting insults at someone who made me hungry.¡± Ryan and David chuckled to themselves. ¡°That¡¯s a pity.¡± Emily propped her cheek against her hand. ¡°I was kinda hoping we¡¯d have someone to take the spotlight off us for a while.¡± ¡°Spotlight?¡± ¡°Yeah. Our teacher, Mz Sears¡ª¡± Ryan pointed his chip at me, ¡°¡ªTotal cow.¡± ¡°You mean grenouille?¡± Emily said. ¡°Uh, Em?¡± David frowned. ¡°You know that doesn¡¯t mean cow, right?¡± Her cheeks flushed pink. ¡°Uh¡ª¡± ¡°Well, what¡¯s being a cow got to do with a spotlight?¡± I asked. Unless she was a Broadway cow. ¡°Oh, nothing.¡± Emily sighed. ¡°I just thought she might play nice in front of a new kid for a while.¡± ¡°She¡¯s not nice?¡± ¡°Sometimes, but she¡¯s just so finicky. Everything has to be done a certain way. If you don¡¯t follow her rules to the T, she goes all PMS on you,¡± Emily added, then looked at Ryan. ¡°Yeah. She¡¯s so stuck-up, Ara, like you wouldn¡¯t believe. She came from some private school in the city, and she just doesn¡¯t understand our ways.¡± Ryan waved his hands about in the air, making ¡®scary fingers¡¯. Alana shook her head and smiled into her salad. ¡°Well, I come from a private school. I¡¯m not stuck-up, am I?¡± I asked. ¡°You come from a private school? No way.¡± Ryan leaned back in his seat, making a cross with his index fingers. ¡°Yes way.¡± I sipped my choc-milk to wash down my lunch. ¡°It¡¯s nothing like this place. A different world.¡± ¡°So where did you go to school?¡± Alana finally spoke up. ¡°Really far away.¡± I smirked. ¡°How far?¡± Ryan asked. ¡°Very far.¡± ¡°Yeah, you have a bit of an accent there. What is that? English?¡± Emily leaned in slightly, as did Ryan and Alana, and the eager curiosity in their eyes made me want to smile¡ªuntil I looked at David. I wasn¡¯t sure if he didn¡¯t care, or didn¡¯t want to know, but he sat still, with his fingers clasped just in front of his simple smile. ¡°Okay. Promise you won¡¯t laugh.¡± I pointed at them. Ryan crossed his heart. Emily crossed her fingers, laughing already. Alana and David waited patiently. ¡°I¡¯m¡­from Australia.¡± Almost closing my eyes, I awaited the onslaught of giggling¡ªbut they just gawked at me. ¡°No way? You¡¯re all the way from Oz? You¡¯re totally like Dorothy,¡± Ryan said. ¡°Yeah, and that makes David Toto.¡± Emily laughed. ¡°Yeah, um, Dorothy was from Kansas,¡± I said. ¡°If anything, I¡¯d be the Cowardly Lion.¡± ¡°No, the Tin Man. Didn¡¯t that Aussie guy play the Tin Man in that movie?¡± Emily looked up at the ceiling as though her answer would be there. ¡°No way¡ªTin Man? Ara has too much heart,¡± Alana added. ¡°You saw her play the piano?¡± Mockingly, I tilted my head and sighed. ¡°Aw, thanks.¡± When Alana ditched a piece of lettuce at me, David¡¯s hand shot out and caught it¡ªright in front of my face. My mouth dropped and everyone else burst out laughing. ¡°Nice catch, David.¡± ¡°Yeah, he used to play baseball,¡± Emily said. ¡°Really?¡± I turned to look at him. ¡°It was¡ª¡± he stood up and reached across the table to drop the lettuce on Alana¡¯s plate, ¡°¡ªa long time ago.¡± ¡°So, all the way from Australia, hey? You don¡¯t sound Australian,¡± Emily said. ¡°Actually, I do. Just not so much anymore.¡± I smiled softly. ¡°I¡¯ve spent the last month or so working on my accent, but you can hear it when I get upset.¡± David shifted in his chair. ¡°Are you ashamed of it?¡± Alana asked. ¡°No.¡± I shook my head. ¡°I just didn¡¯t wanna draw any extra attention to myself.¡± ¡°So, is it different over there to, like, how school is here?¡± Emily held a forkful of carrot just in front of her mouth. ¡°Yeah. In ways. I mean, we have our school year from January to December and we break over summer as well, except it¡¯s over Christmas.¡± ¡°Christmas in summer?¡± Ryan stared into the distance. ¡°Weird. But cool.¡± ¡°Actually, it¡¯s not cool,¡± I said. ¡°It¡¯s really bloody hot.¡± Emily and Ryan stared at me blankly. Alana stifled a soft giggle. ¡°Summer is hot, Ryan?¡± She nudged his arm. ¡°Not cool?¡± I looked at David, who shook his head. Emily and Ryan did the same, half smiling. ¡°Okay, that goes in the vault as the worst joke of the week.¡± Ryan pointed at me again with his ketchup-covered chip. I feigned insult. ¡°But you did sound very Australian when you said bloody,¡± Emily added. David chuckled beside me. ¡°Yeah, say it again?¡± Ryan leaned forward, turning his ear toward me, making a funnel of his hand. ¡°She¡¯s not a circus freak, Ryan.¡± Emily pushed his hand down. ¡°Thanks,¡± I mouthed, and with my belly full, all my pre-rehearsed questions came flooding back. ¡°So, where do you guys normally sit?¡± ¡°Well,¡± Emily chimed in, ¡°David sits with the giant, incredibly gorgeous guys throwing food at each other.¡± She grinned at David. ¡°More like monkeys, really. And I sit with that group out there by the tree.¡± She pointed to the windows covering the back wall of the cafeteria. Outside, in the sunshine, a large group of clich¨¦-ridden boys and girls gathered under a big oak tree, laughing and throwing water. David leaned closer and whispered, ¡°Second in command.¡± I wondered where that placed me if I hung out with one from each group. Emily¡¯s voice trailed back in suddenly with my attention span. ¡°Ryan hangs out on the basketball courts, mostly.¡± She looked at Ryan for confirmation; he shrugged with a small nod. ¡°And Alana hangs with those guys.¡± She pointed to the Music class kids. ¡°Cool.¡± I nodded. ¡°Well, thanks for keeping me company today, you guys. I would¡¯ve felt like a total loser sitting by myself.¡± ¡°That would never happen.¡± Emily tilted her head to the side. ¡°Someone would¡¯ve come and talked to you. If they could get past David, that is.¡± She threw him a mock annoyed stare. David grinned and leaned back in his chair, resting his hands behind his head. ¡°Can you blame me? I kinda like fresh meat.¡± I inched away from him jokingly, and a sudden whoosh of air brushed past my hair, impacting something that screeched loudly. Silence washed over the room. We all turned to the kid behind us, who sat straight again, rubbing his head. Page 9 ¡°What gives?¡± His friend stood up, aiming his voice at the jocks.Advertisement ¡°What up, losers? Mommy forget to pack your helmet?¡± Apple pulp covered the chess club boy¡¯s hair and shoulders, while the remainder of the offending fruit rolled around on the ground just near his feet. ¡°That¡¯s it,¡± he said, and with teeth tight in his mouth, jumped up and grabbed the apple. ¡°Just leave it, Dominic. It¡¯s not worth it,¡± one of his friends said. ¡°No. I¡¯m sick of this.¡± His knuckles turned white around the apple. No one in the room seemed to have moved; I think they were bracing for an all-out war. But someone should have done something. If even one person stood up for that boy, just once, maybe those jerks would leave him alone. I pushed my chair out, and as I took a step toward him, Emily squeaked, ¡°David? Don¡¯t!¡± My eyes flicked from the apple that was in Dominic¡¯s hand, to the other side of the cafeteria where juice rained in a shower over the jocks, a million tiny pieces of apple sticking to the wall behind them. A cool silence lingered. David¡¯s arm came back down to his side, his shoulder still leaned into the throw, when the whole room erupted¡ªevery person, sitting or standing, started clapping and cheering. Even the helmet-comment jock raised his thumb. David took a few pats on the back and shook a few hands, and when he looked at me again, his eyes betraying fake amusement by displaying anger, I closed my gaping mouth and walked up to the chess-kid. ¡°Hey? Are you okay?¡± I asked. ¡°Yeah, I¡¯m fine,¡± he moaned and sat back down, rubbing his head. ¡°Those guys are just assholes.¡± ¡°Yeah. They had no right to do that. I¡¯m so sorry. If I hadn¡¯t moved, it would¡¯ve hit me.¡± ¡°Guess it¡¯s good you moved then.¡± He gave me a smirk, his whole face still red. I shrugged. ¡°Nah, I can handle embarrassment pretty well.¡± ¡°Lucky you.¡± I smiled softly at him. ¡°Are you sure you¡¯re okay?¡± He nodded and shifted his black knight to another square on the chessboard. ¡°I¡¯m used to it.¡± ¡°Yeah, but it was cool what David just did,¡± one of the other guys piped up, still laughing. ¡°Right. Today. But tomorrow he¡¯ll just be a big jackass again like the rest of them.¡± A bucket of realisation flooded over me like heat. ¡°Really? He¡¯s a bully?¡± The boy glanced at David, then shook his head; not a no, but maybe more like he was shaking it at himself, then went back to his game, ignoring me. David turned quickly away then, dropping his head, tension making a stiff line across his shoulders. ¡°Is that true?¡± I sat back down in my spot. ¡°Really, Ara,¡± Emily said. ¡°He sits with the jocks, but he¡¯s not like them at all. Anymore.¡± Anymore? I searched his face for a second, but he kept his gaze on the table between his wrists. Ryan and Alana looked back at their food, making sideways glances at each other. ¡°So what¡¯s the big deal, then?¡± I shrugged and looked at Emily. ¡°Why are you all acting strange?¡± Emily took a breath to speak, but David cut in. ¡°Because I was a jackass, Ara.¡± He turned to me, and a flicker, resembling disgrace, fluttered under his eyelids. ¡°When I first came to the school, I used to do stuff like that all the time.¡± ¡°Oh, okay. Well¡­¡± I blinked, studying the side of his face. ¡°I still don¡¯t get it. You¡¯re not like that now, so¡ª¡± ¡°I had hoped it might be some time before you learned of this. You know what they say¡ªabout first impressions.¡± David looked at me with those big, green eyes, and all I could think was how unfair it is that guys have thicker, darker lashes than girls. ¡°I doubt Ara¡¯s first impression of you is that you¡¯re a jackass, David,¡± Emily said. My eyes went from her to David again, humour-laced confusion making them smaller. ¡°Wait, you were worried about my first impression¡ªof you?¡± David exhaled a breath through his nose. I wanted to laugh. ¡°Um. I¡¯ve already decided who I think you are and, David?¡± I looked over at the chess club boy. ¡°What you did for that kid¡ªit was really nice. Jackass-jocks, they don¡¯t do things like that.¡± ¡°And neither do fragile, very breakable young girls.¡± He grew taller in his seat, his tone sharp. I inhaled a huff of insult through my open mouth. How dare he? Fragile? Breakable? ¡°I can take care of myself, thank you,¡± I scolded. ¡°How¡¯d you even know I was gonna throw it back at them?¡± ¡°I could tell¡ªfrom the way you charged forward, guns blazing.¡± ¡°Really, Ara. You should avoid revenge throws when it comes to fruit at this school,¡± Emily warned. ¡°Yeah,¡± Ryan added. ¡°We¡¯ve had kids hospitalised with lemons in places they don¡¯t belong.¡± I cringed, hiding my disgust. ¡°Well, thanks, but I¡¯m fine. I know how to hold my own.¡± ¡°Sure. Until you hit the wrong person in the head and they come after you,¡± Ryan said. I doubted they¡¯d come after a teacher¡¯s daughter. ¡°I¡¯d be okay. I¡¯ve done self-defence training.¡± ¡°Serious?¡± Emily sat taller. ¡°Yeah, well, kind of. My friend¡¯s a cop, so he taught me how to fight off bad guys.¡± ¡°Cool. You should teach us some moves.¡± Emily motioned to herself and Alana. ¡°Won¡¯t matter, Ara,¡± Ryan said. ¡°If they know you¡¯ve done self-defence, they¡¯ll make a point of showing you how weak you really are. And you¡¯re like¡ª¡± he presented me with a flat palm, ¡°¡ªtiny. They¡¯d pin you in two-point-one nanoseconds.¡± David glowered at Ryan then looked back at me, turning his whole body to face mine. ¡°Look, the fact is, they don¡¯t care who you are or who you hang out with. If they get it in for you, you might as well leave the school.¡± ¡°Then I¡¯d just leave.¡± ¡°Precisely why it was just better for all if I turned it into a game.¡± ¡°Well, I don¡¯t need someone making those decisions for me. If I want to get myself in trouble, that¡¯s my prerogative.¡± I folded my arms, sounding too Aussie on the last word. After a second, David breathed out through his nose, his shoulders sinking. ¡°You¡¯re right. I¡¯m sorry I stepped in; it was not my intention to offend you. I just didn¡¯t want¡ª¡± He swallowed hard. ¡°Didn¡¯t want what?¡± I hated when people stopped talking mid-sentence. His jaw went tight as his eyes narrowed, tracing every inch of my face like I was the most irritating person in the world. ¡°It¡¯s an apple bomb,¡± I said. ¡°Get over it.¡± ¡°It¡¯s not the apple bomb issue I have a problem with.¡± He sat back a little, gaining distance. ¡°It¡¯s you and your altruistic need to get yourself marked as a target.¡± Altruistic? Me? Boy, he so did not know me. I cleared my throat, half aware of all the eyes at our table baring down on David and I. ¡°And why would that irritate you so much? You don¡¯t even know me. I¡¯m not your problem.¡± My words only made him rub his brow; he took a long breath, turning the tension around the table into dense air. ¡°Ara. You just don¡¯t get it.¡± ¡°Don¡¯t get it? Don¡¯t get what?¡± I wanted to stand up so I could yell louder. ¡°That you had no right to play white knight and step in when I was going to help someone. I am not a little girl. I can take care of myself.¡± He opened his mouth then closed it quickly. ¡°You know what, fine. Go ahead. Throw a damn apple at them and see what they do to you.¡± ¡°Fine.¡± I unfolded my arms, stood up and grabbed the apple off Alana¡¯s plate. ¡°Whoa!¡± David had his hand on my wrist before I even drew it back by my side. ¡°I was bluffing, Ara.¡± A smirk formed laughter in the back of my throat, my shoulders shaking with the sound. ¡°And I was calling your bluff.¡± I pointed at him, letting him take the apple. ¡°You should see the look on your face.¡± Emily and Ryan laughed too, but Alana just looked ultimately worried. David, however, drew a breath to support a probably very massive serving¡­ ¡°So, Ara?¡± Emily interjected. ¡°You moved over here from Oz. Why?¡± David snapped his mouth shut, and my posture drooped a little¡ªnot likely noticeable, but enough to make me feel smaller. We both sat back down with a little too much weight in the slump. ¡°I¡ªuh.¡± I wanted to say mind your own business. As I scanned the room, wishing the jocks would throw a banana or something, David reached across to grab the salt from my tray and knocked my milk carton flat. Everyone jumped back just as brown rivers spread across the plastic table, trickling onto the floor, right where our laps had been. ¡°Ara, I¡¯m sorry. That was an accident.¡± He lifted our trays out of the mess, shaking his head. ¡°I¡¯ll get a sponge.¡± After he walked away, I looked at Emily and we both broke into laughter. David didn¡¯t know it, but I owed him¡ªbig time. When the bell rang, I stacked my dirty tray on the trolley and smacked straight into David¡¯s chest as I turned around. ¡°Oh, David, you scared me!¡± ¡°Sorry.¡± He smiled and placed his tray on mine, staying awkwardly close to me. I took a half a step back so I could look up at him without straining my neck. ¡°Are you okay, Ara?¡± I crossed my arms over my chest and hunched my shoulders a little. ¡°Why would you ask that?¡± He looked around the almost empty lunchroom. ¡°I¡¯ve seen you avoid the topic of your family and your home twice today.¡± He stepped closer¡ªclose enough for me to discover that the top of my head only just met his mouth. ¡°I just want you to know that I am an excellent listener.¡± ¡°I¡ª¡± I couldn¡¯t speak; he was way too close to me. His lips nearly brushed my hair as I nodded, and the heat of his breath¡ªwith an underlying cool, like he¡¯d just had a mint, yet warm and sweet¡ªtrickled over the bridge of my nose. I took another step back from him, afraid I might accidentally stand on my toes and kiss him. ¡°I¡­um. It¡¯s nothing. I¡¯m fine. I just¡ª¡± really should¡¯ve made up some elaborate lie before I came to this school, is all. ¡°Okay, Ara.¡± David took a deep breath and looked to the side. ¡°Like I said, I¡¯ll be here when you want to talk. I¡ªI can see there¡¯s something bothering you. I don¡¯t have to know you to notice that.¡± ¡°Well. That¡¯s¡­a little bit concerning.¡± I laughed it off. ¡°Look, when I need a friend? I promise, you¡¯ll be the first person I come to.¡± ¡°Okay.¡± He looked into my eyes for a long moment. I wondered what he could see there. I¡¯d been told my emotions displayed themselves on my face, but for my sake, I really hoped not. ¡°Come on.¡± David ushered with a nod. ¡°Let¡¯s get you to class.¡± The shrill peal of a whistle summoned football practice to start behind me, and the dull thud of a boot on the ball made my skin itch to be off the field. But I wasn¡¯t ready to go home, so I perched myself on a tree stump at the edge of the road and looked across at the white house. It was a different world over there; the maple trees lined the paths on both sides of the street, and behind them sat quaint little houses¡ªwhimsical yet mysterious¡ªlike something from a fairytale. They were pretty much all the same as my dad¡¯s, just different colours; some grey, some olive green, but mostly white. The kind of houses that, on the fourth of July, had flags hanging from the porches, and kids running from the long, grass-lined driveways waving sparklers around. Dad¡¯s house was the only one with a hedge fence, though, since, thanks to Vicki¡¯s aversion to Man¡¯s Best Friend, we were the only family on the block without a dog. Instead, we had an overfed cat, whose one value was keeping my feet warm in winter. I could see his tail sticking out from behind the gutter over the porch¡ªthe same place he was sitting last time he fell from the roof. Stupid cat. ¡°Hey, Ara.¡± I looked up, squinting in the sun. ¡°Hi?¡± ¡°Do you live around here, or are you lost?¡± asked a boy who looked remarkably like my brother. ¡°Uh, yeah¡ªI live just over there.¡± I pointed across the road. ¡°The house with the blue door?¡± ¡°Yeah.¡± ¡°Hm.¡± He nodded, thoughtful. ¡°That¡¯s pretty cool. Ours is brown.¡± I chuckled. ¡°Yeah, it¡¯s only blue because it¡¯s supposed to be good luck.¡± His lips tightened. ¡°Didn¡¯t know that.¡± ¡°Yeah.¡± I nodded. ¡°Well, red¡¯s actually good luck. But, I didn¡¯t have the heart to tell my mom. She¡¯s old¡ªshe gets confused,¡± I joked. ¡°Should just paint it red, then tell her it¡¯s blue. She probably won¡¯t even notice.¡± He smiled down at me and extended his hand. ¡°I¡¯m Spencer, by the way.¡± ¡°Hi.¡± I shook it. ¡°Well, I better go. Later.¡± He flipped his chin before walking across the road, disappearing into the shade of dancing maple leaves. Dad was right. I nodded to myself. The kids here weren¡¯t so bad. ¡°You can go in,¡± someone muttered sarcastically from behind. ¡°Hey, Sam.¡± ¡°Hey. What¡¯ya starin¡¯ at?¡± ¡°Cat¡¯s up on the roof again.¡± Page 10 He chuckled. ¡°So go get him down.¡±Advertisement ¡°No way. I already fell off that roof. Not planning to do it again.¡± ¡°Ha! Yeah, I remember that. What were you, like, seven, then?¡± ¡°Six, actually.¡± I looked at the second storey of the house. ¡°And you shouldn¡¯t laugh. It was a big fall. I could¡¯ve been killed.¡± ¡°Mom thought you were, remember?¡± ¡°No.¡± ¡°Don''t you remember her running down the stairs behind Dad, screaming She¡¯s dead¡ªoh, my God, Greg¡ªshe¡¯s dead? Vivid memory.¡± He tapped his temple. I chuckled. He imitated a very good version of Vicki¡¯s panicky voice. ¡°That was my first traumatic experience, y¡¯know? And I owe it all to you.¡± ¡°Well. You¡¯re welcome.¡± I rolled my eyes. ¡°Isn¡¯t that why Dad bricked up your balcony door¡ªand put a desk there?¡± ¡°Yes. But probably also ¡®cause it¡¯s harder to sneak out a window than a door.¡± Sam smiled, and somewhere, as the day had gone on, despite what I felt for him this morning, I kind of felt a pang of a connection then¡ªseeing my dad¡¯s eyes in his. ¡°Do you smell that?¡± he asked. ¡°Yeah, Vicki¡¯s making casserole.¡± I inhaled the scent of gravy and Italian herb. Sam took off running. ¡°I¡¯ll race you?¡± ¡°Hey. No fair.¡± I darted after him, catching up as we both jumped the creaky bottom step of the porch then burst through the front door. ¡°Sam? Ara-Rose, is that you?¡± Vicki called from the kitchen. ¡°Who else would it be?¡± Sam muttered to me as we dumped our schoolbags on the staircase. ¡°Come in here and have a snack before homework please,¡± she called. As I walked into the dining area to the left, Italian herb blended warmly with garlic and onion, sparking a flashback of cold winters and roast dinners. But the oak dining table by the window, littered with Vicki¡¯s scrapbooking mess, and the island counter sitting centre to dark wood kitchen cabinets, held too much class above the little beach house I grew up in, obliterating any sense of ¡®coming home¡¯ after a long day. ¡°Did you shut the front door? You¡¯re letting all the cool air out,¡± Vicki yapped from her position at the counter. Sam waltzed past, grabbing an apple from the fruit bowl. ¡°Sorry¡ªI got homework to do.¡± ¡°What, and I don¡¯t?¡± He shrugged, biting his apple, and wandered into the forbidden formal rooms through an archway on the other side of the kitchen. ¡°You¡¯re such a pain, Sam.¡± ¡°Be nice, Ara-Rose,¡± Vicki warned. I groaned and headed back to the entranceway, slammed the front door, then stomped into the kitchen again. ¡°Tough day?¡± Vicki asked. ¡°No. Why?¡± ¡°You just seem moodier than your usual self.¡± ¡°Moody? I¡¯m never moody.¡± I grabbed an apple and plonked into a dining chair facing the window. Outside, across the road, football practice was in full-swing, with shirtless guys running back and forth across the grass. I kind of wished David were on the team this year so I could sit on the tree stump and watch him train. Then again, Vicki would probably be sitting right here, in the chair, watching me watch him. I knew she¡¯d been sitting in it just before we came in, probably watching me talk to that kid Spencer, because the seat was still warm. ¡°So?¡± Vicki said. ¡°How was school?¡± My eyes narrowed. That wasn¡¯t just a question formed out of a light attempt at decent conversation¡ªit was a probe; she wanted me to tell her she was right¡ªthat school wasn''t as bad as I thought¡ªand busying herself washing coriander couldn¡¯t disguise that meddlesome undertone. She should¡¯ve known better. After all, it was her profession. Okay, so she hadn¡¯t worked as a psychiatrist since she married my dad, but she still practiced¡ªon me. ¡°School was fine,¡± I muttered absently, fingering through the tablecloth of photos and cardboard frames. ¡°Did you make any friends?¡± ¡°No one makes friends on the first day, Vicki.¡± ¡°Oh. I¡¯m sorry to hear that.¡± She wasn''t sorry. She didn''t really care. ¡°Did you see any cute guys?¡± her tone became light, suggestive. Did she really think I was that clueless¡ªthat I wouldn¡¯t notice her trying to get me to open up? With a short sigh, I bit into my apple, licking the sweet juice as it spilled onto my lip. ¡°Ara-Rose?¡± she prompted. ¡°What?¡± ¡°I asked you a question.¡± I sat back, rolling my eyes. She wasn''t going to let this go. She was hell-bent on having a ¡®conversation¡¯ with me this afternoon. If I didn''t attempt to ¡®play along¡¯, she¡¯d tell my dad I was exhibiting anti-social behaviour again. ¡°Ara-Rose?¡± she said, standing right beside me. ¡°Cute guys? Uh¡­yes.¡± I grinned widely, keeping my face down. ¡°A guy that¡¯s so cute he makes Stefan look like a dweeb.¡± ¡°Who¡¯s Stefan?¡± I groaned. ¡°Never mind. He¡¯s cute, he¡¯s fictional¡ªthat¡¯s all that matters.¡± ¡°Do you¡­like him?¡± ¡°Who, Stefan?¡± ¡°No, this boy you saw today.¡± ¡°Like him?¡± ¡°Yeah, do you like him?¡± she repeated. Yes, I do. ¡°No. I just met him. But he¡¯s cute.¡± She breathed out, her shoulders dropping. The movement was small, but so obvious to me; I was accustomed to the casual displays of indifference she used in order to psychologically assess or relate to me. She counted on the fact that I was a docile teen with no clue what went on around me. Clearly, she¡¯d never been a teenager. I knew all the tricks, and I never gave anything away about my psychological well-being. I wouldn¡¯t give her the satisfaction. She walked away again, and I shifted the photos until the dark wood of the table bared itself from under them. Not one of those photos was of me. I spent every summer and at least six winters here since I was a child, but the absence of my face in these scrapbooks was just another indicator that I really was just a walk-in¡ªa temporary fixture made permanent by circumstance. I was like a painting you hung on the wrong wall using your last nail. ¡°Did you sit with anyone at lunch?¡± Vicki asked. I spun around again and watched her fussing about near the stove. ¡°Yes.¡± ¡°Well, that¡¯s good. I knew you wouldn¡¯t end up sitting alone¡ªeven though you were so sure you would.¡± She laughed lightly. ¡°Guess you were right.¡± She ignored my disingenuous tone, tipping the chopping block over the pot, breaking the cloud of steam as she scraped the veggies in. ¡°So, do you like any of your teachers?¡± ¡°No.¡± But my friend likes your husband. ¡°What about Dad? You¡¯re in his class, right?¡± ¡°Yeah, but he gives boring lectures.¡± I assume. Not that I was listening. ¡°Well, don¡¯t tell him that¡ªyou¡¯ll hurt his feelings.¡± Feelings? Do dads have feelings? Almost as if his past self heard me, his smiling face appeared among the pile of photos. He was so much younger then. His hair was darker and the crinkles around his eyes weren''t as deep. Vicki was younger, too. Her hair was still the same straight blonde, but her thin, white face had no smile lines. They were abysmal now, running down from her nose to the outside corners of her mouth like a V¡­ for Vicki. ¡°What did you think of the cafeteria food?¡± Vicki asked, tasting her casserole. I spun my apple core between my fingers and watched her rinse the spoon off under the tap. ¡°It was okay. Pricey, though.¡± ¡°Shall I give you some extra money tomorrow¡ªdid you have enough today?¡± She looked up with round eyes of concern. ¡°Actually, I didn¡¯t use my own money.¡± ¡°Well, how¡ª¡± ¡°Someone offered to spot me.¡± Well, forced me to let them. ¡°Oh, that was nice. Who was it?¡± ¡°A guy named David Knight.¡± ¡°Hm. David¡­David,¡± she muttered his name under her breath, her brow wrinkles deepening. ¡°Nope. Never heard of him.¡± I shrugged. ¡°Well,¡± she said, ¡°sounds like you¡¯ve made an impression, Ara-Rose. I told you people would like you¡ªyou¡¯re a very lovely girl.¡± I dropped the snotty teen facade and sat back against my chair. It was hard to be hostile when she wouldn''t take the confrontation bait. ¡°Um, thanks, I mean, that¡¯s great and all, but I don¡¯t think being a lovely girl is an asset in high school these days, Vicki. Also, I¡¯m just gonna go by Ara now.¡± ¡°Oh? Really? But you always loved your name. What does your dad think of that?¡± ¡°Well, it¡¯s my name.¡± ¡°But you were given the name Rose for a reason, dear. I know it would break your fathe¡ª¡± ¡°Mike always called me just Ara, Vicki. It doesn''t bother me, so it shouldn''t bother my dad.¡± ¡°Okay.¡± She nodded and turned back to the stove. ¡°If you¡¯re sure?¡± But I wasn''t sure. I didn''t want to drop the Rose. I didn''t want to go to a new school, make new friends¡ªpretend to be something I just wasn''t sure I could be anymore. ¡°I¡¯ll be in my room,¡± I said, shoving my chair out. ¡°I have a lot of homework to do.¡± ¡°Okay, Ara,¡± Vicki called after me with a hint of detest behind my new name. Why did she have to make it worse? She could just be nice about it¡ªsupportive, even. I mean, on what twisted version of this story was I supposed to seek my dad¡¯s permission to omit my middle name? I felt like kicking something. ¡°Is Mom still cooking?¡± Sam asked, coming in through the arch on the right. ¡°Yes, why?¡± He grinned, dropped his books in his schoolbag, then dumped it back on the stair. ¡°I''m gonna watch TV. Don''t tell, okay?¡± ¡°She¡¯ll hear it.¡± He held up his wireless headphones. ¡°Whatever,¡± I said, grabbing my bag, and stomped up the stairs. As I pushed my door open, it swung back and hit the wall, making my open window rattle. But the heat in my temper simmered a little at the sight of dancing prisms on my lemon walls, like rainbow butterflies, as the afternoon sun reached through the crystals on my windows, reflecting life around the room. Back home, my room faced west, and the setting sun would cast golden rays of blinding light through my window, igniting the whole room ablaze with a warm, orange glow. I¡¯d lay on my bed, talking to Mike on the phone, watching the prancing spectrums perform their final act for the day. But here, my window faced east, giving me only morning sun. Dad, somehow, knew how much that daily routine meant to me, so he bought these Plane Mirrors and even let me climb out my window¡ªafter I threw a tantrum about independence¡ªto position them carefully so they¡¯d catch the light of the retiring sun. It was just a little piece of magic, from a childhood passed, that he wanted me to hold onto. ¡°Homework. Now.¡± I heard Vicki say. ¡°But, Mom,¡± Sam whined. ¡°Now.¡± I smiled to myself and shut my door, kicking my shoes off as I flopped backward on my bed; one hit my dressing table and the other landed by my door, then, I dug my toes into the squishy carpet and let out a long sigh. It was over. The torturous first day was over. ¡°See?¡± I called across to the girl in the mirror. ¡°It wasn¡¯t that bad.¡± ¡°Mo-om!¡± Sam yelled from the hallway. ¡°Ara-Rose is talking to herself again.¡± ¡°Shut up, Sam!¡± I sat up and ditched a pillow at the back of my door. ¡°Time to call the men in white coats,¡± he yelled. ¡°That¡¯s enough, Samuel,¡± Vicki said, loud enough that I heard her voice from the kitchen. Sam¡¯s boisterous cackle faded down the hall, but he¡¯d left a great cloud of infuriation behind. I huffed out loud. Talking to myself did not make me crazy. Waiting for myself to talk back did, but¡­let¡¯s not go there. I looked down at my bag, then over at my dresser, sitting against the angled wall of my wardrobe. The girl in the yellow dress wasn¡¯t there anymore; the only thing looking back was the oak tree outside. I smiled then, thinking about my day; thinking about how David said he liked me, and I read into so wrong I couldn¡¯t even speak after. I think he took it pretty well, though. He didn¡¯t make me feel like a total loser. Well, until Society and Environment class, when he corrected the teacher on the Emancipation Proclamation. It wasn¡¯t even on topic, but it took one simple comment from a kid up the back, and our discussion on North America turned into a full-blown slavery debate. David, rather heatedly, put everyone in their place. I stayed quiet through the whole thing, but his mere presence made me want to pick up a book and read it. I think he had that effect on everyone¡ªeven the teacher. ¡°Ara?¡± Vicki knocked on my door. ¡°Yeah?¡± I jumped up and sat at my desk, quickly grabbing my books from my bag. ¡°Dad called¡ªasked if you need some help with homework.¡± ¡°Um. No, thanks,¡± I called. ¡°Okay. Well, just give him a call if you do,¡± she said through the door. ¡°He¡¯s supervising detention today.¡± ¡°Got it,¡± I said, kind of just wanting her to go away. I waited another few seconds, and when she added nothing else, spun around to face the window. The day outside was so bright and the afternoon breeze had settled among the leaves of my oak tree, rocking the rope swing in a soothing wave, as if to say, ¡°Come to us, Ara-Rose.¡± And I wanted to. I really did, which made homework feel like a rock of pressure on my neck. I looked at the pink phone on my desk and slowly pulled my nail from between my teeth, grabbing it quickly to dial Dad¡¯s mobile. Page 11 ¡°Ara?¡±Advertisement ¡°Hi, Dad.¡± ¡°Hey, how was school today, honey?¡± ¡°Um, great. So, I was just¡­I''m a bit stressed, Dad¡ªwith homework. Can I¡­¡± ¡°Why don''t you leave it for today?¡± he said, and I grinned. ¡°Maybe just do a bit of reading, and I¡¯ll talk to your teachers for you. Sound good?¡± I breathed a sigh of relief, maybe a little forced. ¡°Thanks, Dad. That¡¯d really help.¡± ¡°Okay. That¡¯s good then. Hey, since you¡¯re finally using that phone I got you, why don''t you call your pal in Australia? I know he¡¯s¡ª¡° ¡°Dad. No.¡± ¡°Ara, he¡¯s been calling every day.¡± ¡°Yeah, but he stopped now, right? You said he hadn''t called for a week.¡± He went quiet. ¡°That¡¯s not necessarily a good thing, honey.¡± I sighed heavily, resting my head on my hand. It wouldn¡¯t be easy to talk to my best friend again. I wasn''t even sure I had the right to after evading his calls so often. ¡°Ara-Rose, he cares about you. He¡¯s just worried¡ªjust wanted to make sure you¡¯re doing okay.¡± ¡°I know, Dad.¡± ¡°Why not give him a call then? Maybe after, you can sit back and read a book for a while?¡± ¡°I just¡­what if he doesn¡¯t want to speak to me?¡± Dad laughed. ¡°Just call him.¡± I jammed my fingers between my teeth again. ¡°Okay. Maybe I¡¯ll think about it.¡± ¡°That¡¯s great. Now, go rest up and don''t stress over homework, okay? I promised you we¡¯d ease you back into this slowly, so that¡¯s what we¡¯ll do.¡± ¡°Thank you, Dad.¡± ¡°Anytime, honey. Bye.¡± ¡°Bye.¡± I hung up and, before placing the handset down again, flipped it over and stared at the numbers. I¡¯d dialled Mike¡¯s number so many times I could do it with my toes if I wanted, but it took me a minute, as I stared at the phone, to remember the first digit. And in that moment, a pocket of fear crept in, asking me what I was going to talk to him about. I mean, what did I say? ¡°Hi, Mike. I haven¡¯t called to see if you¡¯re coping in the last two months, but I just wanted to let you know that I''m not. That I feel tired and sad all the time. That I went to school today and fell in love with a boy at first sight, and I''m pretty sure I might be going insane, because that¡¯s just not normal, but I thought I¡¯d just tell you that because you have no reason to care how I feel anymore after I¡¯ve ignored you the way I have.¡± With a sigh, I looked at the phone again. ¡°Go on,¡± it teased. I pinned the number in, my hand shaking, and it only rang twice before the husky voice on the other end made my heart jump. ¡°Hello?¡± ¡°Hey, Mike.¡± ¡°Ara?¡± ¡°Yeah. It¡¯s me.¡± ¡°Hey, kid. How you doin¡¯?¡± His voice pitched high on the end. ¡°Um¡ª¡± I scratched the wood grain on my desk. ¡°I¡¯m good.¡± ¡°How¡¯d your first day go?¡± ¡°How did you know I was starting school today?¡± ¡°I spoke to your dad on Saturday.¡± ¡°Oh.¡± ¡°So¡­?¡± he said leadingly. ¡°How was it?¡± ¡°Um, well, it was good, actually.¡± ¡°Really?¡± He exhaled. ¡°That¡¯s great. I¡¯ve been worried ¡®bout ya all night. I haven''t even slept.¡± ¡°Oh crud, the time difference thing.¡± I slapped my forehead. ¡°I''m sorry, Mike. Should I go?¡± ¡°No. No, of course not.¡± I heard a ruffling sound on his end and imagined him sitting up in bed, his black cotton sheets looking blue in the moonlight under him. ¡°So, did you make any friends yet?¡± ¡°I did.¡± I grinned, then Mike got the run down on all the happenings of the day; Emily, Alana, how cool Ryan was¡ªa tiny bit about David¡ªand a massively overdramatised recap on music class with Mr Grant. ¡°No joke? What an arse.¡± Mike laughed. ¡°I wish I¡¯d been there. I would¡¯ve played Chopsticks and deliberately done a bad job of it.¡± ¡°I know you would. I was thinking about that while I was playing.¡± I chuckled. ¡°You were thinking about me?¡± I nodded, even though he couldn¡¯t see it. ¡°I really missed you today.¡± Mike went quiet. ¡°I¡­I''m actually really glad to hear that.¡± ¡°Really?¡± ¡°Yeah,¡± he said quietly. ¡°I just. Ara, about that night¡­¡± ¡°Can we not talk about the past?¡± I said quickly. ¡°Can we just talk about¡­normal stuff, please? ¡°Sure thing, kid.¡± ¡°Thanks. So, what¡¯ve you been up to the last few months?¡± He sighed heavily, probably running a hand through his sandy hair. ¡°Well, you know how I applied to Tactical last year?¡± ¡°Yeah?¡± I said, getting excited at the excitement in his voice. ¡°I¡¯ve got one more interview to go, and I¡¯m pretty much in.¡± ¡°You¡¯re kidding me? Mike, that¡¯s so awesome. I can¡¯t believe you¡¯ve finally done it.¡± ¡°Well, don¡¯t jinx it. I haven¡¯t made it yet.¡± ¡°Yeah right. You¡¯re, like, super fit and super smart. You were in when you were born and you know it.¡± ¡°Yeah. I know. Hey, listen, I was thinking¡­once I make it in, I¡¯ve got a few weeks before training begins. Can I come see you?¡± ¡°Are you kidding?¡± I stood up, practically squealing. ¡°Of course you can. I¡¯d love that. There¡¯s so much I wanna show you, and I really want to talk to you about this guy, and¡ª¡± I paused. ¡°What guy?¡± Mike¡¯s voice peaked. I pictured his face, the way the corners of his lips would turn up under his rough, sandy-brown stubble. ¡°I really need your advice, actually.¡± I slumped back down in my chair. ¡°Sure, I¡¯m good for it. What¡¯s the deal, kid?¡± ¡°Well, his name¡¯s David.¡± ¡°The one who showed you around today?¡± Does he not miss anything? I barely even mentioned David. ¡°Yeah, except I left everything out. He didn¡¯t just show me around, Mike, he, like, I don¡¯t know, he stayed with me all day, and didn¡¯t really make a secret of the fact that he likes me.¡± My brows rose. ¡°He¡¯s, um, well. I really like him.¡± ¡°That¡¯s great, right?¡± ¡°No.¡± ¡°What¡¯s the problem then?¡± ¡°After one day?¡± I looked out at the corner of the school¡¯s front parking lot, just visible from my window. ¡°Does that make me creepy?¡± ¡°How long did it take you to fall completely in love with Leopold?¡± he asked, referring to my favourite movie. ¡°That¡¯s different.¡± ¡°How?¡± ¡°Because Leopold¡¯s not real. David is, and I¡¯m not some character in a love story.¡± ¡°Ara?¡± Mike groaned. ¡°You¡¯ve always been like this.¡± ¡°What?¡± I asked, defensive. ¡°You like a guy, flirt with him, befriend him, but whenever¡ª¡± he cleared his throat, ¡°¡ªwhenever they like you, show the tiniest bit of interest, you run the other way. I don''t know, it¡¯s like you¡¯re afraid they¡¯re gonna wake up one day and realise you¡¯re not that special or something.¡± I gasped silently, closing my eyes. ¡°You know me better than I thought.¡± ¡°I know I do, Ara. I¡¯m your best bud. Now stop worrying and just let this David guy like you¡ªif that¡¯s what he wants to do. I mean, you like him too, right?¡± He sounded so mature, so unlike my Mike¡ªmy fun-loving, carefree Mike. ¡°Yeah. I like him, but¡ª¡± ¡°But what? You¡¯re afraid that liking someone you just met means you¡¯re abnormal?¡± ¡°Well, yeah. Kind of.¡± I shrugged, scraping at the wood grain again. ¡°It¡¯s not creepy or weird if you both feel the same way. And, do you think he¡¯s creepy for liking you?¡± I might if he liked me the way I like him. ¡°No.¡± ¡°So, then, you¡¯re not creepy¡ªyou¡¯re a teenager. You¡¯re supposed to fall head over heels with every guy who has a cute smile.¡± He laughed. ¡°Mike, you make too much sense.¡± ¡°I know,¡± he said, still laughing lightly. ¡°But you do the same to me when I¡¯m having a girl crisis¡ªso we¡¯re even.¡± ¡°Yeah, how are things on that front, anyway?¡± He groaned loudly. ¡°Don¡¯t even ask. I am never dating again, Ara. They¡¯re all the same.¡± ¡°Hypocrite.¡± ¡°Yeah, I know.¡± The smile on his lips came through with his voice. But the small moment of happiness fizzled out quickly when I looked at my stack of homework. I sighed and leaned on my hand. ¡°I should go, Mike. I asked Dad to get me out of homework and now I feel kinda bad.¡± ¡°Why?¡± ¡°I told him I was too stressed, but I actually just couldn''t be bothered doing it.¡± Mike laughed. ¡°Oh, good to see you¡¯re still the same Ara.¡± I smiled. ¡°Okay, kid. Well, keep ya chin up. I¡¯ll come see you in a few weeks, okay?¡± ¡°Yeah, that¡¯ll be great.¡± ¡°Talk to you later.¡± ¡°Bye.¡± I hung up the phone, and the room felt suddenly empty, like I¡¯d just caught the first vortex back to reality¡ªone where I was alone. Always alone. ¡°Ara?¡± Dad sounded panicked. I flung my door open and the concern on his face dropped instantly. ¡°What were you doing, honey? I¡¯ve been calling you for two minutes.¡± ¡°Sorry, Dad. I was reading the compulsory books for English class¡ªI had my earphones in.¡± ¡°Oh.¡± He seemed suspired. ¡°Any good books?¡± ¡°Eh.¡± I nodded, rolling my shoulder forward. ¡°Well, I spoke to your teachers and¡ª¡± ¡°Um, about that, Dad,¡± I said as we walked down the stairs. ¡°I think I¡¯ll be okay. I can handle a little homework.¡± He smiled widely and pulled my chair out at the dining table for me. ¡°Good girl. I''m very glad to hear that.¡± As I sat down, I glanced at Sam, who, for the first time since I moved here, didn''t smile; he pushed his vegetables around his plate with his fork, hiding under his baseball cap. Poor Sam. I wondered how he felt suddenly inheriting a permanent sister after fourteen years being an only child. If it bothered him, he hadn¡¯t acted out or anything. I was grateful for that. But something seemed to be bothering him tonight. ¡°Samuel,¡± Dad¡¯s stern voice made us both look up as he sat down. ¡°Cap, son.¡± Sam sighed to himself, slipping his baseball cap off and dropping it to the floor, without protest. Weird. ¡°So, Ara met a boy today,¡± Vicki said, serving a pile of peas onto Dad¡¯s plate. Dad winked at me. ¡°He knows,¡± I said, smiling, ¡°he already interrogated him.¡± ¡°I did not interrogate him. Whatever gave you that impression?¡± ¡°I saw you talking to him¡ªin class.¡± ¡°Oh.¡± Dad scratched his brow. ¡°Yes, that. Well, I might¡¯ve lightly threatened his safety. A little.¡± Vicki sat back down beside Dad. ¡°You didn¡¯t? Greg, how¡¯s the poor girl supposed to make a life for herself here if you scare off all the kids that look at her sideways?¡± ¡°That was more than a sideways glance, Vicki.¡± Dad chuckled, sprinkling salt all over his dinner. ¡°I used to be a boy myself, remember.¡± She shook her head and snatched the salt. He reached for it again, and without so much as looking at him, Vicki moved it away. ¡°It¡¯s okay, Vi-er-Mom,¡± I said teasingly. ¡°His grilling didn¡¯t work, anyway. David still walked everywhere with me.¡± ¡°David? As in¡­David Knight?¡± Sam almost rocketed forward. ¡°Yeah. So?¡± ¡°David¡¯s a nice kid,¡± Dad said. ¡°He¡¯s a bully!¡± Sam added. Dad¡¯s lips turned down with thought. ¡°I don¡¯t know about that. We teachers have never heard sultanas about him.¡± ¡°Sultanas?¡± My forehead twitched. ¡°Dad, is that some kind of weird teacher-lingo?¡± ¡°Actually. It is.¡± ¡°Sultanas are bad gossip on the grapevine,¡± Sam informed. ¡°And grapes are good gossip,¡± Dad finished. ¡°So, where do sour grapes come in?¡± I said. Four long lines formed across the top of Dad¡¯s brow. ¡°You know what? We don¡¯t have one for sour grapes. I¡¯ll bring that one up in the lunchroom tomorrow.¡± He nodded, spooning casserole into his mouth. ¡°So, no sultanas about David, then? That¡¯s good,¡± Vicki said, eyeing me. ¡°Must be rare?¡± ¡°Oh, yeah, it is. We teachers scamper about the halls, unnoticed, so we get some good gossip, and believe me¡ª¡± Dad winked at Sam, ¡°¡ªI hear it all.¡± Sam shuffled in his seat. Dad looked away, chuckling to himself. ¡°Okay. What have you done, Samuel?¡± Vicki asked, sounding kind of bored. ¡°Nothing.¡± Sam looked her right in the eye. Page 12 She focused intently on him for a moment, then laid her napkin slowly beside her plate. ¡°You might as well tell me, Sam. I will find out¡ªone way or the other.¡±Advertisement Sam liquefied. ¡°Spill it. Now.¡± She poked the table with her finger. ¡°I got a lunch-time detention today.¡± ¡°Why?¡± Vicki asked. He stayed quiet. ¡°Sam!¡± Vicki reached across and took the salt off Dad again, her eyes never leaving Sam¡¯s face. ¡°Either you tell me, or I come into the school for an appointment with the principal.¡± Sam stewed in his own nerves, looking at Dad, who laughed into his plate. ¡°I got caught sneaking into the girls¡¯ locker room,¡± he muttered to his chest. Unable to hold back any longer, Dad burst into a loud, burly laugh, covering his mouth to keep his dinner in. I looked at Vicki, unsure if I should laugh or not, but a smile crept across my lips. ¡°Greg, I can¡¯t believe you weren¡¯t going to tell me?¡± ¡°I just¡ª¡± Dad caught his breath, still laughing; the infectious sound spread over the whole table. ¡°I couldn¡¯t.¡± I laughed then, and Vicki started, too. ¡°What on earth were you going in there for?¡± ¡°It wasn¡¯t like you think.¡± Sam¡¯s cheeks went bright red. ¡°Oh, sure. No. A fourteen-year-old boy goes into the girls¡¯ locker room to buy a sandwich,¡± Dad joked. Sam¡¯s teeth clenched. I felt a little sorry for him. He obviously didn¡¯t want to talk about it. They should be able to see that. And they were probably just making light of the situation, but I felt a sudden urge to protect¡ªsomething I¡¯d never felt for Sam before. ¡°So, Dad?¡± I said. ¡°You know my friend from Australia¡ªMike? He said he might come over in a few weeks. Can he stay here?¡± ¡°Here? You want a boy to stay here¡ªunder the same roof as you?¡± Vicki jumped in. ¡°He¡¯s not a boy,¡± I corrected. ¡°He¡¯s a man.¡± ¡°A man? Oh, well, that makes it okay, then,¡± Vicki said, poorly attempting sarcasm. ¡°How old is Mike now, anyway?¡± ¡°He¡¯s twenty,¡± I said, and looked at Sam, who mouthed thank you before returning to his casserole art. ¡°Twenty? Ara, you¡¯re not even eighteen yet. It¡¯s against the law.¡± ¡°Vicki?¡± I screeched. ¡°Mike and I have never been like that with each other. God, we used to take baths together.¡± ¡°Not to mention, Mom,¡± Sam said, ¡°legal age of consent is sixteen. I checked.¡± ¡°Now, why on earth would a boy your age be looking up that kind of information?¡± she asked, horrified. Sam just smirked. ¡°Look¡ª¡± Vicki closed her eyes for a second. ¡°I¡¯m sorry, Ara-Rose. I¡¯m just not used to having a daughter. I¡ª¡± she exhaled, ¡°¡ªI just don¡¯t want anything bad to happen to you.¡± ¡°Well, I appreciate that, Mom,¡± I said with a mouthful of carrot. ¡°But you don¡¯t have to worry about Mike. There¡¯s, like, this invisible barrier around him that repulses me from loving him that way.¡± She nodded. ¡°Well, all right. But when does he want to come?¡± ¡°As soon as he gets his acceptance into Tactical¡ªin a few weeks,¡± I beamed. ¡°What, the SWAT unit?¡± Dad asked. ¡°Yeah¡ªthat¡¯s not what they call it over there, though.¡± ¡°Is he gonna be a sniper?¡± Sam asked, sitting taller. ¡°Um, no.¡± I frowned at him. ¡°But, anyway, he¡¯s got one interview left then he gets a few weeks off before training begins.¡± ¡°Well, that¡¯s great, Ara.¡± Dad reached across and patted my hand, as if this was my victory. ¡°It¡¯s what he always wanted, isn¡¯t it?¡± I nodded, swallowing my mouthful. ¡°Yep, he¡¯s doing well for himself.¡± ¡°Shame you don¡¯t like him then,¡± Vicki added. ¡°Nah, he lives in Australia, anyway.¡± I shrugged. ¡°Could be a bit tricky.¡± ¡°At least you couldn¡¯t get pregnant,¡± Dad said with a completely straight face. I stopped chewing, and Sam coughed a carrot out onto his plate, but Dad just sat there, eating and sipping his wine as if nothing had been said. ¡°Moving on then?¡± Vicki suggested, raising her glass. Chapter Five Bright yellow sunlight beamed off my mirror and into my eyes, blinding me. I rolled over and faced the wall, snuggling back into the warmth, seeking a few more minutes in the bliss of this cloud-soft bed and the lingering remnants of last night¡¯s dreams. In my own mind, while I slept, I came to know David so much better than I did yesterday. Perhaps maybe even well enough to invite him over after school today. Except, that would mean introducing him to Vicki¡ªand cleaning my room. Hm, perhaps not. Down the hall, Sam¡¯s stereo suddenly blasted out into the morning. I rolled over and checked my bedside clock. ¡°Sam! It¡¯s six in the morning. Turn it down.¡± His rock scream, followed by a thud that could only be a stage dive into his pile of laundry, suggested he didn''t hear me. ¡°Dad?¡± I tried, but on listening closer, heard the screaming shower pipes through the wall. Great. I burrowed under my covers for a second longer, trying to find that dream again, but it was gone, as was any point of lying here trying to retrieve it. I threw my covers back, leaped out of bed¡ªof my own free will¡ªthen dug around in my pillows and blankets for my iPod. It was time for a little battle of the bands. But my iPod was gone from the base of my bed, where it usually landed after a harrowing night of tossing and turning. Outside, on my windowsill, a tiny bird with silky blue feathers appeared, chirping and fussing about in the condensation puddle. ¡°You took it, didn¡¯t you?¡± I glared accusingly at him. He stopped chirping and stared at me, then flew away. Guilty. I knew it. Well, I thought he was, until I lifted my pillow and found it right where I left it when I went to sleep. That was a first. And with eyes narrowed into vengeful slits, I scrolled through my playlists to find the most soulful compilation of what Sam called ¡®woe is me¡¯ songs, then slipped my iPod into its dock and held the volume button until the tip of my finger turned white and my soft, elegant tunes drowned out Sam¡¯s music. ¡°There.¡± I dusted my hands off. ¡°Ara.¡± Dad banged on my door. ¡°Too loud. Sam, you too.¡± ¡°He started it!¡± I called. ¡°I''m finishing it. Turn it down or I¡¯ll confiscate your dock.¡± I turned it down, even though I knew he wouldn¡¯t actually follow through on his threat. I¡¯d tested that so many times now I knew it was an empty one. Fact was, he didn''t have the heart to take away the one thing that brought happiness to a grieving girl. He knew that without my music I had nothing to live for. That¡¯s why he bought me the dock in the first place. The one I moved here with had the wrong pins for the wall socket, and I was so tired and so upset from the long flight that day, I tried to force the plug into the wall anyway, repeatedly, with my foot. Dad came in and pulled me away before I could get myself electrocuted, but I¡¯d never let him see me cry that way before. As soon as I calmed enough to fall asleep, he went straight down to the store and got me a brand new dock. I''m not sure I even thanked him. I swiped my thumb over a small layer of dust on the speaker and smiled, then turned it up just a few more decibels, whacking the snooze button as the alarm sounded the hour of wake. I wanted it to be nine o¡¯clock, though, so I could be in English class with David. When the pipes beyond the wall stopped squealing, I stripped off, left my clothes on my floor and wandered through my walk-in wardrobe to the bathroom I shared with Sam. The little bugger had left the second door open, leaving my girl parts exposed to any who walked down the hall. I quickly ran and locked it into place. ¡°Ara!¡± Sam banged on the door. ¡°Go away. I got here first.¡± I turned on the faucet and stepped into the shower, closing the glass door. ¡°But I need the comb.¡± ¡°The what?¡± ¡°I need the hairbrush.¡± ¡°Why?¡± I ran my fingers through my hair, wetting it. ¡°You never brush your hair.¡± ¡°Well, I am today.¡± ¡°Well, you can wait. I''m already in the shower.¡± He groaned, but obviously walked away. On the glass, some remnant of a steam drawing Sam had done showed itself. I swiped a hand through it, leaving my palm against the cool for a moment, watching the condensation drip down from under it in three long lines. I felt grounded, steady, calm, for the first time in so long. Maybe because this was the first morning I¡¯d woken without crying since I got here. I¡¯d almost forgotten what it felt like. And I knew it was because of school¡ªbecause I met David and Emily and Ryan and Alana yesterday. I pulled my hand down from the glass, watching the lone print disappear behind the steam again. I wasn''t really alone anymore, and when I thought about getting out of the shower, getting dressed and going to school, I actually felt a bubble of excitement. In my wardrobe, I threw on my light denim shorts and a pink tank top, then wandered out to my room. The rug, weaved entirely out of dirty laundry, stared back at me; its evil laughter rising over my music, making demands for the release of my shoes. ¡°Where are they?¡± I asked myself, lifting a sweater and some jeans then tossing them beside the empty laundry basket. ¡°You nearly ready for school, Ara?¡± Vicki asked, opening my door without knocking. ¡°Yeah. I just can''t find my shoes.¡± ¡°Well, I''m not surprised.¡± She laughed. ¡°It¡¯s not my fault.¡± I stood up, dusting my hands off. ¡°My wardrobe got gastro and threw up all over my room.¡± ¡°Why don''t you go down and have breakfast. I¡¯ll find them for you¡ªmaybe even tidy up a little.¡± I smiled at her, about to accept, when I spotted one shoe under my bed. ¡°Ooh, there it is.¡± She walked in and started picking up clothes as I sat on my bed and slipped my shoe on. ¡°Here.¡± ¡°Oh, thanks. Where was it?¡± I asked, taking the shoe from her. ¡°Near your dresser. How it got so far away from the other one, I don''t know.¡± I shrugged and, seeing my favourite sweater in the pile of clothes over Vicki¡¯s arm, stood up and tugged it out. ¡°I never wash this.¡± ¡°Why?¡± She looked horrified. ¡°I just¡­it was Mike¡¯s.¡± I hugged it to my chest. ¡°Very well.¡± She took it from me and laid it over my chair. ¡°Now, go down and eat, please. You¡¯ll be late for school.¡± ¡°Okay.¡± I grabbed my schoolbag. ¡°Bye.¡± After scoffing down a bowl of oatmeal, I practically ran to the front door. ¡°A little eager today, Ara?¡± Dad said, dropping a quick kiss to my cheek as I passed him. All I could do was grin. ¡°Want a ride to school?¡± ¡°Dad? Why don¡¯t you try walking for once?¡± ¡°I have to go ¡®round the front. Easier to drive.¡± ¡°Wow, that¡¯s so lazy. Walking¡¯s better for you.¡± ¡°I¡¯ve got better things to do with my time.¡± ¡°Oh, really? Like what? Work on that heart attack you¡¯re trying to have?¡± I nodded toward his travel mug, which we both knew was full of coffee with way too much cream and sugar. He saluted me with the mug, taking another sip as he walked away. ¡°Have fun at school, honey.¡± ¡°Bye,¡± I said, closing the front door behind me, but my conceited smirk went flat when I heard a low growl coming from the end of the porch. Skittles, with his fluffy grey tail thrashing about, sat curled up like a porcupine, hissing and snarling at something; I followed his evil-kitty stare to a boy standing across the road. Just standing there¡ªa guitar case by his feet, his eyes on his phone, one hand in his pocket, wearing a black shirt with the sleeves rolled up to his elbows. My heart dropped into my feet. David. ¡°Psst. Shut up, Skitz.¡± I stomped on the floorboards. The cat startled to silence, but his tail kept thrashing. I wondered if David was maybe waiting for me¡ªif he even knew I lived here. Then again, everyone knew which house was Mr Thompson¡¯s, so it was a safe bet I lived here too. As I leaped off the porch steps and onto the grass, the frogs in my belly jumped up to my chest, making my heart pound. I didn''t know what to say to him¡ªor if he¡¯d even remember me. But that was silly. Why wouldn''t he remember me? All around me, the summer sun warmed the ground, making the grass look almost yellow. I closed my eyes for a second and took a deep breath, tasting the flavour of fresh dew blowing in on the breeze. When I opened them, David looked up, meeting my smile with a grin. And I practically floated across the road then. He looked really sexy in that shirt; it wasn¡¯t black, like I first thought, but dark grey, and way too much for my hormones to handle. I almost didn¡¯t care if I freaked him out with my ogling. It was his own fault for looking so sexy. ¡°Hi, David,¡± I said cheerfully¡ªmaybe too cheerful. ¡°Hello, Ara.¡± He took my backpack and tossed it over his free shoulder. ¡°You look pretty.¡± I bit my lip, practically melting into a puddle. ¡°Um, thanks.¡± He laughed. ¡°Okay, now you just look pink.¡± Both hands slowly rose to cover my cheeks. ¡°Well, don''t say nice things to me then.¡± Page 13 ¡°Okay. But that doesn''t leave me a whole lot to say.¡±Advertisement I smiled up at him, forgetting every thought when the morning sun beamed down across his hair, highlighting the golden tones, making every strand obvious. I just wanted to run my fingers through it. ¡°I like your hair,¡± I said, instantly snapping to the realisation that I just said it out loud. ¡°Thank you.¡± He grinned mischievously, sweeping his hand through it. ¡°I uh¡­I grew it myself.¡± I laughed. ¡°Sorry¡ªforgot to put my brain-to-mouth filter on this morning.¡± ¡°That¡¯s okay.¡± He winked at me. ¡°I like you that way.¡± ¡°Good.¡± He dropped his hand into his pocket, and my eyes strayed from his hair to his jaw then down to the top button of his shirt, sitting slightly open, showing golden skin underneath. ¡°Ara?¡± David said. ¡°Hm?¡± ¡°Stop biting your nails, sweetheart.¡± He gently pushed my fingers away from my mouth. ¡°Oh.¡± I stuffed both hands tightly into my pockets. ¡°Didn¡¯t realise I was.¡± After a soft smile, he started walking. ¡°I know. You do that a lot.¡± ¡°I know.¡± I grinned sheepishly, then pointed to his guitar case. ¡°What kind of guitar is it?¡± ¡°Oh, uh¡ª¡± He looked down at the case. ¡°It¡¯s a Maton. Twelve string.¡± ¡°Nice.¡± I nodded, yawning. ¡°Did you sleep last night?¡± ¡°Actually? I did. For the first time in months.¡± I smiled, but dropped it instantly, realising my response could be bait for more questions. Please don¡¯t bite. ¡°You don¡¯t normally sleep?¡± he bit. ¡°Uh. Well. I um. Yeah, of course I do. I just meant that¡­¡± Wow, I¡¯d really put my foot in that one. ¡°I stayed up late talking with a friend last night.¡± ¡°But you said you slept.¡± ¡°I did. After.¡± I looked at my feet, wishing he¡¯d just drop it. ¡°Who was your friend?¡± ¡°Huh?¡± ¡°Who were you taking to last night?¡± ¡°Oh, a guy I grew up with¡ªin Australia.¡± ¡°A guy?¡± ¡°Yes. A guy.¡± ¡°And he¡¯s¡­a friend?¡± ¡°Yeah.¡± ¡°Was he a school friend?¡± ¡°Not really. I mean, he was a few years ahead of me in primary school, then I went to an all girls¡¯ high school, so, you know, we played at school as kids, but not once we grew up.¡± ¡°What did you do then?¡± I laughed. ¡°Then? He practically lived at my house¡ªor me at his.¡± David nodded, his eyes straying slowly forward. ¡°And you miss him¡ªthat¡¯s why you stayed up talking?¡± ¡°I¡ª¡± I closed my fist around my thumb, resisting the urge to munch it. ¡°I don¡¯t really know.¡± ¡°You don¡¯t know if you miss him?¡± he confirmed. I felt his eyes on me, felt him searching inside me, sending my shoulders around my ears. ¡°How many years ahead?¡± he asked out of nowhere. ¡°What? Who?¡± ¡°This guy.¡± He smiled. ¡°You said he was a few years ahead in school. How much older is he than you?¡± ¡°A little over three,¡± I said, growing taller without the tension shrinking me. ¡°So¡­he¡¯s twenty?¡± David asked. ¡°Yup. Twenty one in May next year.¡± David nodded. ¡°And what about you? When¡¯s your birthday?¡± ¡°What, you can¡¯t guess that by studying some random feature of mine?¡± I said sarcastically. ¡°Like my piano hands?¡± ¡°I could find out for myself¡ªif I wanted to. But I¡¯d rather ask you.¡± ¡°Well, when you put it that way¡­March seventeen.¡± His eyes narrowed slightly. ¡°Pisces, huh?¡± ¡°Yup.¡± He chuckled, shaking his head. ¡°That explains a lot.¡± ¡°Hey! What do you mean by that?¡± ¡°Nothing,¡± he said. ¡°It¡¯s just funny how much that fits you.¡± ¡°Says he who¡¯s known me for a day.¡± He smirked. ¡°Hey, you two.¡± Emily waved before we reached the top of the stairs. ¡°Hi, Emily.¡± I waved back, noticing that, aside from her blue top, we¡¯d pretty much dressed the same. ¡°Good morning, Emily.¡± David nodded in his cool, charismatic way. ¡°Ready to start another day?¡± she said. ¡°Alwa¡ª¡± ¡°Em. David.¡± Ryan called, running out from the school. ¡°What¡¯s wrong?¡± Emily asked. ¡°It¡¯s Nathan, guys,¡± he said, coming to stand beside us. ¡°Who¡¯s Nathan?¡± I looked at David. ¡°Oh, right. Sorry, Ara, you wouldn¡¯t know about this,¡± Ryan said, ¡°but, he¡¯s our star quarterback¡ªhe got sick last week. Hasn¡¯t been able to get out of bed.¡± ¡°Oh, that¡¯s awful. What¡¯s wrong with him?¡± I asked. ¡°Well, at first they said it was a really bad flu or something, but my mom just spoke to his mom in the pharmacy.¡± Ryan looked at David. ¡°He¡¯s had to go to the hospital, man. They couldn¡¯t keep him at home any longer.¡± ¡°What? No!¡± Emily covered her mouth. ¡°Will he be okay?¡± ¡°They¡¯re not sure. He¡¯s on machines and stuff to keep him alive, but, you know Mrs Rossi? She was crying ¡®cause she doesn¡¯t have insurance¡ªsaid she can¡¯t get Nathe the care he needs.¡± Emily covered her mouth. ¡°What are they gonna do?¡± ¡°Are you all good friends with Nathan?¡± I asked. ¡°Everyone is¡ªhe¡¯s just one of those guys, y¡¯know?¡± Ryan added. David¡¯s fist clenched slightly by his side. ¡°Well, why don¡¯t we do a fundraiser?¡± I shrugged. ¡°We could put on a concert and charge people to come¡ªgive the money to Nathan¡¯s mom.¡± As if a light bulb had been switched on, they all looked up at me with a shimmering glint in their eyes. ¡°Oh my God, Ara.¡± Emily grabbed my forearm and started bouncing on her toes. ¡°That¡¯s such a good idea.¡± ¡°Yeah, good one, Ara.¡± Ryan grinned. ¡°We should get moving on this right away,¡± Emily said. ¡°I¡¯ll talk to Mrs Hawkins about it¡­er, if you don¡¯t mind, Ara.¡± ¡°Oh, yeah, Em, this is better your project than mine.¡± ¡°Great.¡± She beamed, rocking back on her heels. ¡°Well, I¡¯ll get things moving, and maybe have everyone meet in the auditorium at lunch if they want in?¡± I nodded, shrugging. ¡°Okay.¡± She went to walk away, then stopped. ¡°Way to go, newbie.¡± ¡°Yeah. You rock,¡± Ryan said before skipping off, looping his arm over Alana¡¯s shoulder when she came out from the school. And David and I were finally alone again. Or maybe just I was. He seemed distracted again, wearing a kind of smile I thought belonged only to me¡ªthe tight-lipped one that covered a set of gritting teeth. ¡°David?¡± He bent down to pick up his guitar case, his arched brows prompting my question as he stood up again. ¡°Are you okay?¡± I asked. With a soft smile, the edgy concern lifted from his face and he nodded. ¡°Yeah, sure. I¡¯m fine.¡± While Miss Chester prattled on up the front of class, I drew pictures of eyes all over my notepad; sad eyes, smiling eyes, secretive eyes, but all of them David¡¯s eyes¡ªnot that they really looked anything like his. I doubted even a camera could capture the true beauty of his face. Even my memory did it no justice. I tapped my pencil on the page, trying to see through the solid classroom door, hoping David was waiting for me out there. The clock on the wall sat at three minutes to lunch, but the corridors were already bustling with students, and I was in the only class whose teacher didn¡¯t give early marks. Then, almost as if it obeyed my command, the bell wailed loudly and the class broke into noisy shuffles, fleeing the room. I tucked my books under my arm and pushed my chair in, looking up to the sound of my name. ¡°Yes, Miss Chester?¡± ¡°Can I talk to you, please?¡± ¡°Um, sure.¡± I glanced quickly at the corridor¡ªto freedom¡ªto David, leaning on the locker with his hands in his pockets, looking down at his shoes. ¡°Did I do something wrong?¡± ¡°No, just wondering how you¡¯re doing?¡± she said softly, busying her eyes on some papers. ¡°Doing? Uh¡­I¡¯m¡­fine.¡± ¡°Just so you know¡ª¡± She looked up at me, her pale lips forming a smile. ¡°I¡¯m a good friend of your dad¡¯s. If you need to talk¡ªat any time¡ªI¡¯m always available. Okay?¡± I smiled politely, hugging my books a little tighter. ¡°Um, thanks.¡± ¡°Okay, and, Ara?¡± she said as I turned away. ¡°Yes.¡± ¡°Try to pay more attention in my class.¡± ¡°Okay. Sorry.¡± ¡°See you tomorrow.¡± ¡°Yep,¡± I said, feeling stupid after. Yep? What was I thinking? Yep? ¡°Everything all right?¡± David stood from his lean. ¡°Yeah. Fine. Why?¡± I let him take my books. ¡°What did Miss Chester want?¡± ¡°Sheee¡­just wanted to see how I was going.¡± ¡°Going with what?¡± ¡°Uh, homework?¡± I cringed at the tone of my lie. David smiled warmly, keeping his eyes on the path ahead. ¡°So¡­you¡¯re not paying attention in class?¡± ¡°Um, no. Not really.¡± I looked down at my feet, half noticing the walls go from white to burgundy. ¡°Why not?¡± ¡°Why not what?¡± ¡°Why aren¡¯t you concentrating?¡± ¡°I¡­I guess¡­I¡¯m tired?¡± And there that questioning tone came again. ¡°You can talk to me, Ara.¡± David gently grabbed my arm, stopping me by the auditorium door. ¡°You don''t have to make up some lie.¡± ¡°Lie? About what?¡± ¡°I heard what she said.¡± He waited, looking right into me as if I¡¯d just spill the beans. ¡°She wasn¡¯t just asking how you were coping with a new school, was she?¡± ¡°I uh¡ª¡± ¡°Hey, you two.¡± Emily popped up out of nowhere. ¡°Ready to start our first official meeting for the benefit concert?¡± ¡°Yup.¡± I stepped away quickly to stand beside Em. ¡°Ready.¡± ¡°Great. Did you get lunch, yet? Cafeteria lines are out the door today.¡± She nodded toward her tray of food. ¡°Mr Grant said we can eat lunch in the auditorium if we¡¯re rehearsing.¡± ¡°Really?¡± I said. ¡°That¡¯s great.¡± ¡°Yeah, I know, hey. So, I¡¯ll go reserve a table near the stage. See you in a minute?¡± ¡°Why don¡¯t you go ahead, Ara,¡± David said, passing my books and his bag. ¡°I¡¯ll brave the cafeteria lines.¡± My fingers tightened around his backpack, finally touching something that belonged to him. ¡°Sure, thanks, David.¡± He tried to smile, but his clearly agitated gaze kept drifting toward Emily. ¡°Anytime.¡± As he turned away, I squatted down and reached into my bag. ¡°David. Money.¡± ¡°Keep it.¡± ¡°No way.¡± I stood up. ¡°Take it.¡± ¡°Ara.¡± He held his palm against my outstretched hand, glaring down at me. ¡°David.¡± I glared back. ¡°Come on.¡± Emily grabbed my arm and dragged me gently away. ¡°One thing you¡¯ll learn pretty fast is not to refuse David when he wants to spend money on you.¡± I turned my head slowly to look at her. ¡°How do you know that?¡± ¡°David and I have been friends for a while.¡± She watched him walk around the corner. ¡°We used to be closer, but¡­¡± ¡°But?¡± I probed. ¡°Nothing. We¡¯re just not anymore¡ªpeople grow apart.¡± With a heavy sigh, I grabbed our bags and books and headed into the auditorium behind Emily. ¡°I can¡¯t let him buy me lunch all the time¡ªwhen¡¯s it going to stop?¡± She giggled, walking ahead of me. ¡°It¡¯s not.¡± Sinking into my quilt, I drifted, floating in that blissful moment between sleep and wake, where dreams mingle with reality, slowly and magically merging until everything in the now disappears. Here, in this halfway world, I could be with David in any form imaginable; friend, girlfriend, lover. I drew a deeper breath and settled into the fantasy, angling my face to the warmth of the summer sun as it kissed my skin, lighting everything around me with a yellow glow. ¡°Hey there, beautiful.¡± David landed beside me in the grass. ¡°Hey.¡± I smiled, pulling petals off a daisy, whispering, ¡°He loves me; he loves me not.¡± ¡°Don¡¯t do that.¡± He cupped my hand, crushing the flower slightly. ¡°Don¡¯t do what?¡± ¡°Don¡¯t say he loves me not.¡± I looked across at him and, seeing his playful smile, returned one. ¡°Why can¡¯t I say it?¡± ¡°Because it¡¯s not true.¡± He ditched the flower and rolled me onto my back, landing beside me, with the grass closing in around us. ¡°Then what is true?¡± I asked, twirling my hair around my finger. Page 14 ¡°The phone,¡± he said.Advertisement ¡°Huh?¡± I frowned, staring up at him until the song of a bird transformed into a high-pitched screech, then sat bolt upright in my bed, leaving the dream behind to a cold-slap reality. ¡°Oh, shut up,¡± I said to the phone, flopping back down with my pillow over my face. To my surprise, it actually did, and I once again drifted off to fantasyland, finding myself beside a tree, with warm beams of light wrapping around me again, but no David. ¡°David?¡± I looked behind me, above me, below me. He was gone. But where did he go? People didn¡¯t just disappear from fantasies. ¡°Ara-Rose?¡± I turned slightly, seeing only my reflection in the glass of the phone booth behind me, disappearing with each flicker of a fluorescent light outside the corner store. ¡°Mum?¡± ¡°Ara-Rose, where are you?¡± I felt the weight of the pay phone in my hand then and squeezed it. ¡°I had a fight with Mike.¡± ¡°With Mike? What were you doing at Mike¡¯s? I thought you went to Kate¡¯s.¡± ¡°Mum?¡± I said, panic rising in my tone; I could see her face then, in the glass; she rubbed her forehead, washing away the weeks of sleepless nights. She looked tired and so worn. I knew I shouldn¡¯t be doing this, but I didn¡¯t care. ¡°I¡¯m scared.¡± ¡°Tell me where you are?¡± ¡°Mum, they¡¯re coming for me.¡± ¡°Who?¡± She leaned forward, her reflection showing the panic in her eyes. ¡°Ara, tell me where you are.¡± I looked over my shoulder at the dark shadows, stealing the light from the pavement as they fingered their way along¡ªgetting closer. ¡°You need to come, Mum. You just need to come get me.¡± I kept looking over my shoulder, unsure what was out there; I couldn¡¯t see past the street light over the booth, but I could feel them, knew they were lingering, waiting for me to hang up. ¡°I¡¯ll come. Just stay there, Ara. Just stay there.¡± ¡°Hurry,¡± I said, feeling a coolness take the air. Then, the line went dead. ¡°Mum.¡± I hung up the phone a few times, pressing all the numbers, but the receiver was empty¡ªno static, no noise. Behind me, the lights in Ronnie¡¯s store went out and the wind stopped; I touched a hand slowly to the glass, and another came up to meet it. ¡°Ara!¡± A deep voice snapped my mind back like an elastic band on a wrist; my eyes flung open. ¡°Dad?¡± ¡°Ara, your phone¡¯s been ringing every few minutes for the last twenty. Will you please answer it?¡± I rolled over, rubbing the haze from my eyes. ¡°The phone?¡± ¡°Yes,¡± Dad said and closed my door, leaving me in darkness. I jumped up, grabbed the phone, tripping over the clothes and shoes on my floor, and landed in my desk chair. ¡°Hello?¡± ¡°Hey, baby, did I wake you?¡± ¡°Mike?¡± ¡°Yeah, how you doin¡¯?¡± he asked, then took a quick breath. ¡°Oh, yeah, the time thing. Sorry, Ara. I¡¯ll go.¡± ¡°No, wait.¡± ¡°Yeah?¡± he said softly. ¡°I¡­¡± I put the phone to my other ear. ¡°I was dreaming about her, Mike.¡± He went silent. ¡°Your mom?¡± ¡°Yeah.¡± My voice cracked. ¡°I keep thinking she¡¯s gonna come pick me up and I¡¯ll go back home again, and¡ª¡± ¡°Aw, Ara, please don¡¯t cry, it¡ªyou¡¯ll break my heart, baby.¡± He completely lost his voice then. ¡®I just, you don¡¯t know how much it kills me that I can¡¯t be there with you right now.¡± I smiled softly, sniffling. ¡°I¡¯m sorry I didn¡¯t take your calls the last few months, Mike.¡± ¡°I know, baby girl. Okay. And¡ªyou know me, Ar. I¡¯m always here for ya, no matter what. Okay?¡± I wiped the mess of warm, salty tears from my cheeks. ¡°I just¡ªit¡¯s been so hard without you.¡± ¡°Have you talked to your dad, yet¡ªabout what you told me? Have you told anyone?¡± My head rocked from side to side. ¡°Ara, I can¡¯t hear you when you shake your head.¡± He chuckled. My sudden burst of laughter forced static down the phone line. ¡°You always know how to make me laugh.¡± ¡°Look, you need to talk to someone.¡± His voice took on the serious note he seemed to have adopted over the past two months. ¡°It¡¯s not healthy for you to keep all of this inside, baby girl. You said you made friends? Why don¡¯t you have a girlie night and do one of those big deep-and-meaningful things?¡± I shook my head. ¡°I don¡¯t know them well enough, Mike. I¡¯m just not ready to share that part of my life with anyone.¡± ¡°Well, what about that David dude. I bet he¡¯d listen?¡± ¡°He might. But, I don¡¯t want him to hate me if I tell him the truth.¡± ¡°Ara, grow up. You need to talk to someone about this. Now, I don¡¯t care who¡ªyour dad, Vicki, Sam even, but¡ª¡± ¡°I¡¯ve got you to talk to.¡± ¡°I¡¯m not there, Ara.¡± ¡°You will be soon, right? My dad said you can stay here.¡± ¡°Yeah? Tell him thanks. And stop changing the subject.¡± ¡°I¡¯m not. Look, I¡¯ll talk to someone, okay. I do know you¡¯re right. I just¡ª¡± ¡°You¡¯re just gonna bottle it up until you¡¯re in a straightjacket.¡± I bit my tongue. ¡°I¡¯m gonna call you the second my interview¡¯s booked, Ara, and we¡¯re gonna pencil in a day for me to arrive. Then, if you haven¡¯t told David or Emily or someone what happened, I¡¯m gonna do it for you,¡± he said. ¡°Got it?¡± ¡°Okay, Zorro.¡± I laughed. ¡°When do you think they¡¯ll do your interview?¡± ¡°Two weeks or so.¡± ¡°Cool. So, Mike, why did you call?¡± I asked, realising that he woke me. ¡°I was just thinking ¡®bout ya, that¡¯s all. The ice cream man came past, playing that stupid jingle. Made me remember the time he ran over your foot¡ªwhen you chased him for your change.¡± My left toes twitched. That stupid truck cost me six weeks off ballet and a permanently demented pinkie toe. ¡°Well, I¡¯m glad it brings you happiness to remember me in pain.¡± ¡°Aw, I really miss ya, kid,¡± he breathed the words out. ¡°I¡¯ll let you get back to sleep.¡± ¡°Okay.¡± ¡°Night, Ara.¡± ¡°Night.¡± Chapter Six ¡°David! You waited?¡± ¡°Of course I did.¡± He laughed, watching me cross the road, still pulling my shoes on. ¡°Stayed in the shower too long, did we?¡± ¡°No, I uh¡ª¡± I placed my bag in his outstretched hand, a little puffed. ¡°My diary was begging me to write in it¡ªI was compelled to obey.¡± ¡°Compelled?¡± David nodded, smiling. ¡°Yeah, you know how it goes with these things,¡± I joked. ¡°If you don¡¯t do as the voices tell you, they just get louder.¡± David stopped walking. ¡°You hear voices?¡± ¡°What?¡± I frowned. ¡°No. It was a joke.¡± ¡°A joke?¡± ¡°Yeah. You do know what a joke is, don¡¯t you?¡± ¡°Of course I do. Just¡ª¡± ¡°Just when it comes from me it isn¡¯t funny.¡± I nodded. ¡°Not about hearing voices.¡± ¡°Why?¡± ¡°Because you faze out all the time. If you¡¯re hearing voices as well, it might mean there¡¯s something wrong.¡± ¡°Oh.¡± I dragged the word out, nodding my head, then shrugged. ¡°Makes sense, I suppose.¡± ¡°Did you eat breakfast?¡± he asked accusingly. ¡°Yes, Dad,¡± I responded in the same tone. ¡°Sorry.¡± David laughed, shaking his head. ¡°I¡¯ve just noticed that you get a little¡­tempestuous when you haven¡¯t eaten enough.¡± ¡°Tempestuous?¡± He nodded. Hm. ¡°It isn¡¯t my fault, you know. I have an ogre living in my belly. He makes me do bad things.¡± ¡°So¡­you faze out, hear voices, and blame your tempered outbursts on a fictional creature living in¡­¡± he looked down at my stomach, ¡°¡ªyour belly.¡± ¡°Precisely. The boy catches on quick.¡± ¡°Well¡ª¡± he shook his head, ¡°¡ªone thing I can say about you, Miss Ara, is that never a moment passes where I am not entertained.¡± ¡°Is that¡­a good thing?¡± He chuckled once. ¡°Yes. It¡¯s a good thing, mon amie.¡± Mon amie. I repeated the words to myself, unable to hide my grin. ¡°Why do you speak French?¡± ¡°Why?¡± he asked, surprised. ¡°Yeah. I mean, what made you want to learn French?¡± He looked forward, both of us slowing simultaneously as we neared the big brown building. ¡°I uh¡ªI grew up in a community that was inhabited mostly by the French.¡± ¡°Oh. Cool. Where did you grow up?¡± ¡°Not too far from here.¡± ¡°And¡­they all spoke French?¡± ¡°Yes.¡± I frowned. I couldn¡¯t think of anywhere in New England that was grossly dominated by any one race. But, Mr I-Don¡¯t-Elaborate had, indeed, elaborated. I wasn¡¯t going to push for more. Not yet, anyway. I exhaled, looking up the stairs ahead of us, wishing it were Friday. ¡°Do we have to go to school today?¡± ¡°Yes,¡± he said kindly. ¡°Well, I think we need an evasive action plan for Her Royal Dictator-ness at rehearsals today.¡± David tossed his head back, laughing. ¡°She was pretty moody yesterday, wasn¡¯t she?¡± ¡°Yeah. I mean, I know it¡¯s just ¡®cause she¡¯s trying to get things done. And I guess, if it weren¡¯t for Em, this benefit concert really wouldn¡¯t be happening.¡± ¡°Hm, yes, but if she wanted to get things done, then casting the football team in a comedy skit was a terrible idea.¡± ¡°Yeah, but it breaks the monotony of all the musical numbers.¡± ¡°Yes. How many do we have now?¡± ¡°Um, ten, I think.¡± He nodded, slowing his steps to match mine. ¡°Good line-up too.¡± ¡°Yeah. But Emily should be letting us practice our songs at lunch; not spend the whole period separated like kindergarten kids, painting ticket signs.¡± ¡°Well, if we hadn¡¯t joined the pencil throwing fight, she wouldn¡¯t have separated us.¡± He smirked. ¡°She shouldn¡¯t have anyway. We¡¯re not children; we¡¯re practically adults.¡± ¡°Then we should act as such,¡± he said with a nod. ¡°Fine.¡± I folded my arms. ¡°No mucking about today then.¡± ¡°I don¡¯t know about that.¡± He tilted his head almost bashfully toward one shoulder. ¡°I kinda liked mucking about with you yesterday.¡± I couldn¡¯t help it; I giggled a little. ¡°Yeah, me too.¡± ¡°Then, we shall endeavour to attempt discretion, today.¡± ¡°Discretional chasing, giggling and poking each other?¡± He chuckled. ¡°Yes, except, now that I know where your ticklish spot is, I don¡¯t need to chase you; I can just poke you whenever I please.¡± ¡°Not in English class, though. You know how ticklish I am.¡± His smile grew, his eyes small with thoughts I wanted him to share. ¡°Yes, and your infectiously sweet giggle is at my disposal.¡± I tensed, noticing his eyes on my lower ribcage. ¡°You wouldn¡¯t.¡± He clicked his tongue and winked at me. ¡°You can try to stop me.¡± I hugged my ribs and bit my lip, grinning. ¡°Maybe I don¡¯t want to.¡± Emily leaned forward on her desk, eagerly engaged in Dad¡¯s lecture. I hoped she was getting an A for all the extra listening she was doing. Then again, her interest wasn¡¯t companionless today¡ªmost of the class seemed to be paying attention. My listening skills needed some work, however. Then again, get David out of my head for five minutes and I might be able to function. ¡°Now, who here believes in God?¡± Dad asked, holding his hand in the air; stunned silence replied. ¡°It¡¯s not a trick question, people. Hands up if you believe there exists something bigger than yourself.¡± Come on, Dad, as if anyone¡¯s going to risk popularity to answer that question. Emily¡¯s hand shot up into the sky. ¡°Oh my God. You suck-up.¡± I elbowed her, but put mine up, too¡ªto save getting in trouble from Dad later. A few other people followed; the rest of the class just laughed and pointed at us. ¡°Okay. Now, hands up who believes Jesus walked on water.¡± Everyone in the class started laughing. My dad, with his own hand up, nodded, then started writing on the board: ¡°Myths and legends¡ªReligious History.¡± He read the words out, tapping each one, then popped the lid on his marker with a thud from his open palm. ¡°Who can tell me what that suggests we might be discussing?¡± Emily put her hand up. ¡°Emily?¡± Dad pointed the marker at her. ¡°It means, like you mentioned last week, that nearly everything we know about religion is based purely on some story or, like, Chinese whisper that¡¯s been passed down from one generation to the next. Not too many cold, hard facts.¡± ¡°Right.¡± Dad wrote What is real? on the board. ¡°Now, I¡¯m not saying Jesus never actually walked on water, but what I am saying is that, like young Emily just said, nearly every story you¡¯ve ever been told has been written by someone else. We don¡¯t know the facts for ourselves. But there is a fact behind every story. Now, it¡¯s my job to inspire freethinking, not encourage atheism, so, having said that¡ª¡± He wrote something else on the whiteboard. Page 15 Assignment: Fact of MythAdvertisement ¡°For the next few weeks you¡¯ll be researching the origin of a myth or legend¡ª¡± he shook his head, ¡°¡ªdoesn¡¯t have to be religious, but if you sift through any myth and go deep enough, you¡¯ll usually find some religious connection, like most things in life. So, find a myth, research the legends around it and make a report based on your opinion whether or not there could be some truth behind it, and what it originally had to do with religious beliefs.¡± He looked around at all the students. ¡°Because, let¡¯s face it, if Jesus walked on water then there¡¯s a damn sure bet there¡¯s a Santa Claus, right?¡± The class broke into laughter. ¡°Mr Thompson?¡± a girl asked. ¡°Does that mean you¡¯re admitting Jesus didn¡¯t walk on water?¡± ¡°No.¡± My dad leaned against his desk, crossing his arms. ¡°It means I¡¯m admitting there¡¯s a Santa Claus.¡± The class roared with laughter again. ¡°Maybe he wasn¡¯t lying to my five-year-old self when he said he believed in Santa,¡± I whispered to Emily. She started laughing. ¡°I can so picture your dad saying that, too.¡± ¡°I¡¯ll bet you can.¡± I grimaced. ¡°So, find the myth and decide the truth from your own perspective. That¡¯s all everybody. Have a good day,¡± he called out over the bell. Emily and I walked out of class, shoulder to shoulder, still laughing at Dad¡¯s unusual lecture. ¡°And, if he actually caught a burglar in your house on Christmas Eve, he¡¯d think it was just Santa.¡± ¡°Oh my God. I could so see that happening.¡± ¡°Yeah, then, next morning, he¡¯d be like, Gee, Sam¡ª¡± she lowered her voice to sound like my dad, ¡°¡ªI¡¯m terribly sorry, but when Santa came last night he filled his sack with your presents instead. And¡­er¡­and the china and the silverware and the jewellery.¡± I folded over in a fit of teary giggles. ¡°Oh, my God, Emily. That¡¯s so spot on. I mean, his belief was unyield¡­¡± With an abrupt jolt, my cheek hit a warm, firm chest, and a boy stumbled back an inch, looping his arms around my shoulders. ¡°I knew you¡¯d fall for me eventually,¡± he said. ¡°David.¡± I looked up into his sparkling emerald eyes, melting within the circle of his arms. ¡°I¡¯m so sorry. I wasn¡¯t watching where I was going.¡± ¡°Don¡¯t sweat it, pretty girl. I got ya.¡± I closed my eyes, feeling the tingle of his fingers down my ponytail, touching me like I belonged to him, making no effort to move away. ¡°Not on school grounds please, you two.¡± I jumped back from David¡¯s arms. ¡°Sorry, Mr Thompson.¡± ¡°Keep it PG.¡± He pointed at David, then tossed a scrap of paper into the wastebasket beside his desk¡ªwithout taking his eyes off us. Emily¡¯s eyelids fluttered as he walked away again. ¡°He¡¯s so cool.¡± ¡°Ew?¡± I winced. David laughed at her, dropping his lingering arm back down to his side. I wanted him to ignore my dad and just pull me close again¡ªsteal me from this place so we could lay together, my head in his lap, talking for hours about nothing. But, unfortunately, he was no mind reader, and I would never muster up the courage to say that, so, staying at school, pretending not to want him, was my only option. ¡°So, I hear Mr Thompson gave an unusual lecture today?¡± David asked Emily. ¡°Oh my God, yes.¡± She sunk into her knees, moving her hands around as she recounted the lesson. A few other kids joined in, adding their own theories on what my dad was aiming to teach us, and I just stood there watching David¡ªwatching the way he interacted with others. When he noticed, he sent a soft smile my way, the crescent-shaped dimple above his lip showing¡ªthe one that only showed with that certain kind of smile. I imagined pressing my finger to it; imagined the moment I fell into his arms back there happening all over again, except he¡¯d sweep me off my feet this time and prop me against the wall, wrapping my legs all the way around his hips. My lips would finally be on his, and his hands would sneak up my skirt, forcing a sharp intake of breath in me when he¡­ ¡°Earth to Ara?¡± Emily waved a hand through the cloud of my fantasy. I snapped back to the reality of a noisy corridor. ¡°Huh?¡± ¡°Welcome back,¡± she said. Ice rained through me. ¡°Did I faze out again?¡± David cleared his throat, growing seemingly taller as he slowly rolled his shoulders back. ¡°Uh, yeah. Just a bit,¡± Emily said. ¡°David?¡± I looked right into his emerald eyes, seeing them go dark, almost black. ¡°I uh¡ªI have to go.¡± He wiped a hand across his mouth, then stalked off into the crowd. ¡°What happened?¡± I asked Emily. ¡°Where¡¯s he going?¡± She just stared at me blankly. ¡°What were you thinking about just then?¡± The ice rain melted as my bones turned to lava. ¡°Uh. Nothing PG, that¡¯s for sure.¡± She cackled. ¡°Yeah, I guessed that much.¡± My shoulders dropped. ¡°Was it that obvious¡ªwhat I was thinking?¡± She smirked. ¡°Have you ever looked at your face when you do that¡ªwhen you disappear like that?¡± I shook my head. ¡°It¡¯s funny. You just¡­your eyes drift off to the ceiling, and your lips just sit apart like you¡¯re waiting for someone to kiss them.¡± She tried to hold back her laughter, but it shook her whole body. ¡°Except, that time, you were looking right at David, chewing your lip, kind of blushing at the same time. I think¡ª¡± She pointed to my chin. ¡°I think you need to wipe the drool off.¡± ¡°Stop that.¡± I brushed her hand away; she laughed. ¡°God, I can¡¯t believe I let my imagination run away with me at school.¡± ¡°Yeah.¡± She hugged her books, looking down the corridor after David. ¡°Maybe next time do it with a book in your hand so people think you¡¯re reading something juicy.¡± ¡°Good idea,¡± I said, half groaning. ¡°Do you think David¡¯s upset with me?¡± ¡°Upset? Are you kidding?¡± Emily laughed, pointing to where he¡¯d disappeared. ¡°Ara, that¡¯s not David upset.¡± ¡°So, that¡¯s¡­offended?¡± ¡°No way, not unless he¡¯s gay. And judging from how his fists just clenched up and his whole body went all rigid, I would guess he is definitely not gay.¡± ¡°So why did he run away?¡± She started walking. ¡°He does that. I think he really likes you. And if he got the vibe I got coming off you, then he walked away because you made him feel something.¡± ¡°What do you mean by that?¡± I hoped she wasn¡¯t being rude, implying I made him...you know, feel...something. ¡°I mean, David doesn¡¯t really do emotions. The few times I¡¯ve ever seen him close to feeling anything¡ªhe takes off.¡± ¡°Why?¡± She just shrugged again. She seemed to pass everything off with that move. ¡°Well,¡± I said, ¡°I¡¯m just glad he can¡¯t read minds, or he might never come back.¡± Sam caught up and babbled about his day while I nodded and smiled and drifted in and out of consciousness, my mind on my own day¡ªon the fact that David never came back to school after I practically jumped him in the corridor. But I fell back to attention, with the hot sun bearing down, the smell of topsoil and wet grass all around me, when I heard the word David. ¡°Huh?¡± ¡°Yeah, you and David Knight. My friend Steve said he heard from Trav that you slapped David in the hallway at school today.¡± ¡°What?¡± I practically yelled, my steps coming to a halt. ¡°Yeah, they say he left school in a real hurry¡ªtires screeching and all.¡± I rolled my eyes. ¡°That¡¯s a grape turning into a sultana, Sam.¡± He stared at me, blinking. ¡°I mean, it¡¯s second-hand whispers. David left school today because he was sick.¡± Or because I wanted to fornicate with him. ¡°Oh yeah? Well, I saw you two on the stairs this morning¡ªhe was standing real close to you. Rumour has it you guys are an item.¡± ¡°Nope. Nothing going on there.¡± ¡°Nothing going on¡­yet?¡± He grinned. I chuckled quietly. ¡°It¡¯s not like that, Sam. We¡¯re just friends.¡± ¡°Do you like him?¡± I smirked. If I so much as hinted on the truth, the whole school would know by first period tomorrow. ¡°No. I really don¡¯t. I mean, he¡¯s cute and we have a lot of fun together, but he¡¯s not really my type.¡± ¡°Does he know that?¡± ¡°Yeah. And what¡¯s it to anyone else, anyway? How does what two seniors get up to become news to Freshies?¡± Sam just laughed lightly. ¡°Very little goes on in that school, Ara. Star football player quits the team this year then starts talking to a girl, after notoriously dismissing every advance so far. People are wondering if you¡¯ve got a golden vagi¡ª¡± ¡°Whoa!¡± I held my hands up. ¡°What a horrid thing to say.¡± He rolled his eyes. ¡°So, there¡¯s nothing going on with you and lover-boy?¡± ¡°God, no,¡± I said, flooding with fury. ¡°Liar.¡± ¡°Sam, look at me.¡± I motioned to what my old friends called a twelve-year-old dress sense, then to my scarred face. ¡°I¡¯m never going to be anyone¡¯s girlfriend.¡± He went quiet until we reached the driveway. ¡°Hey, Ara?¡± ¡°Yes?¡± ¡°When we get in, can you peel me one of those apple snakes I saw you do the other day?¡± ¡°You saw that?¡± He nodded. ¡°Uh, yeah, sure. I¡¯ll even teach you how to do them.¡± ¡°Really?¡± ¡°Yep.¡± ¡°Thanks, short-stuff.¡± He wrapped his arm over my shoulder as we jumped the creaky bottom step and ran to the top of the porch. ¡°Ooh, that¡¯s a good one,¡± I said to Skittles, scribbling the title down on a scrap of paper. The cat licked his paw, stopping to eye the movement of my pen for a second. ¡°Don¡¯t pretend not to care, Skitz. You like him just as much as I do.¡± I placed the pen by his paw and leaned on my hand, watching the blue sky fade over the horizon. So far, Dad¡¯s project on myths, Mr B¡¯s assignment on playwrights, and the list of numbers I was supposed to work out for math had not been touched. Instead, I had a ten-song list of cry-your-eyes-out-over-not-being-loved tunes for my David Playlist. I leaned on my other hand then, scraping a thumbnail between two front teeth, wondering where he went after school, if his parents tore shreds off him for ditching, if he even had parents, where he lived, what condiments he liked on his toast in the morning, what the last song he listened to in his car was. So many things. And all the while, my song list grew, pushing homework further and further down my list of priorities. ¡°That¡¯s it!¡± My chair nearly tipped back as I jerked away from the desk, scaring the cat and sending the little blue bird on my window into sudden flight. I needed to get out of the house. My nails were stinging down to the quick and all this over-thinking made my brain hurt. I changed my clothes, grabbed my blue, nylon-string guitar, and headed outside to the oak tree. Yellow leaves rained to the ground, falling from the old tree as the weight of each sway drew a low creak from its branches, reminding me I was growing up and that, soon, this swing would be a thing of my past. My soft, light-blue dress swayed around my knees in the gentle breeze, sweet with the diluted fragrance of frangipanis. I felt better just breathing again. But, from here I could see the school parking lot, which only brought back the memory of my embarrassing eat-the-cute-guy-in-the-corridor display, making me hold that newfound breath. When my head dizzied from the movement, I sunk my toes into the cool, slightly moist soil and grabbed my guitar. The stranger I usually saw in my mirror glared back at me from the glossy surface; I ran my fingers over her face then gently along the strings, making a dull, tuneless song as I thought back to when I first saw this guitar; it had been on display in the music store window, and I had fallen in love with it immediately. How was it so uncomplicated to love an inanimate object, yet, when it came to a boy, a girl would fall all over herself to hide her true feelings? Well, unless she was me. Then, the truth would come out in embarrassing displays¡­in corridors¡­at school. I dropped my head into my hand, replaying that whole fazing out thing for the hundredth time. But what was the point? Really? I mean, it wasn¡¯t like I could take it back by reliving it. With a deep exhale, laced with the heat of humiliation, I squared my shoulders and twisted the pegs on the neck of the guitar, then strummed a soft A minor; the first chord my mum played on this when she bought it for me. And a song formed from there, taking me through my David playlist until the thinking about him got too much to bear again. My fingers stopped dead on the strings. I couldn¡¯t get this boy out of my head for five seconds. ¡°Please, don¡¯t stop on my account.¡± I smelled his sweet scent before I felt his presence behind me. ¡°David? Where did you come from?¡± ¡°Seriously? Do I have to give you the birds and bees talk?¡± His fingers appeared around the ropes of the swing just above my head. ¡°Funny,¡± I said sarcastically, but in truth, I actually did think it was funny. ¡°I uh¡ªI went back to get my books from my locker¡ªsaw you sitting here,¡± he said. ¡°I hope it¡¯s okay I dropped by.¡± Page 16 ¡°It¡¯s more than okay,¡± I said, lifting my feet as he gently pushed the swing.Advertisement ¡°Hey, uh¡ª¡± He cleared his throat. ¡°I¡¯m sorry I left like that at school today.¡± ¡°Oh God, David, don¡¯t you apologise. I was the one who¡ª¡± ¡°Ara, you did nothing wrong.¡± I planted my feet, stopping the motion of the swing, then laid my guitar on the grass. ¡°What do you mean? Emily tells me I practically licked you.¡± ¡°Licked me?¡± David laughed, settling onto the ground right in front of my legs, resting his arm over his knee. ¡°Yeah, the whole...fazing out thing.¡± ¡°Oh, that.¡± He dusted his hand off on his jeans, leaning back a bit. ¡°Sorry, I never even noticed that. I mean, I knew you fazed out, but it was actually your strawberry shampoo that reminded me I had something to do.¡± ¡°My shampoo?¡± I raised a brow. ¡°Yeah.¡± He grinned, his white teeth showing. ¡°O...kay.¡± ¡°So, what were you thinking then? In the hallway?¡± His eyes searched mine for a moment, an incredibly suggestive grin warming them. I looked away, feeling almost naked. ¡°Just that...¡± I like you! I like you and want you to like me so bad it kills me! It. Kills. Me! ¡°Just that it¡¯d been a long time since I was in anybody¡¯s arms.¡± ¡°Why¡¯s that?¡± I shrugged. ¡°Guess I just don¡¯t really like to be touched anymore.¡± ¡°Why not anymore?¡± I rubbed my chin, kind of wiping off my scars. ¡°Don¡¯t do that,¡± he said, rising onto his knees. ¡°Don¡¯t do what?¡± He pulled my hand down from my face. ¡°Don¡¯t rub at your skin.¡± ¡°I¡ª¡± I studied the grass under my bare feet. ¡°Ara? Look at me,¡± he asked softly, tilting my chin to lift my gaze. ¡°Why do you hide your face so often?¡± ¡°Because it¡¯s hideous.¡± His eyes lit up, shimmering like a green marble held up to the sun. ¡°Hideous?¡± ¡°Okay, maybe not hideous. But¡ª¡± I couldn¡¯t bring myself to ask how he could possibly look at my scars. ¡°Can I say something?¡± I nodded, keeping my eyes on his. He so slowly reached out and brushed his fingertips just over the fine hairs on my face. ¡°These scars you despise so much, Ara, they¡¯re not what you think they are.¡± I held on as long as I could, but I just couldn¡¯t let him touch them anymore; I gently pulled his hand away and turned my face. He sat back down on the ground, his elbow on his knee, knuckles just beside his lips. ¡°I know you think everyone can see them, but that¡¯s not true. It¡¯s only up close that I''ve ever noticed, and I have, not once, ever thought you were hideous, Ara. Not ever.¡± I rubbed my jaw into my shoulder, reliving the memory of waking to tiny cuts and slivers of glass in my face. ¡°I don¡¯t see how you can say that.¡± ¡°That¡¯s because you don¡¯t know how beautiful you are.¡± I smiled at my feet, afraid to look up, afraid to see sarcasm in his eyes. And as if it came out of nowhere, a hand slowly appeared, moving cautiously toward mine, but stopped just above my fingertips, hesitant, like he was asking me¡ªmaking sure it was okay. I tensed from ankles to knees, holding my breath, feeling my heartbeat surround everything in my world. It all could''ve turned to ash under my feet¡ªthe ground, the swing, the day, the future, and I would¡¯ve remained oblivious to it, because even the suggestion of touching him¡ªof holding his hand¡ªclosed off everything else that could possibly matter. ¡°May I?¡± he asked. I tried to say yes, but only a quivering breath came past my lips. David¡¯s cheeks lifted with a soft grin; he turned his hand, sliding his fingertips under mine, closing them against my palm, then pulled me down gently to the grass in front of him. ¡°Ara?¡± David paused, frowning at me. ¡°You¡¯re supposed to breathe.¡± I took a deep breath and, though daylight remained, all around me night enclosed my world¡ªtunnelling my vision to the only thing in the universe worth looking at. I smoothed my thumb over his, feeling myself lean closer, our eyes locked so intensely that if we were any nearer, the colours would¡¯ve blended. ¡°Are you okay?¡± he asked quietly, holding my hand with a kind of gentility that made me feel precious. But I wasn¡¯t okay. Not anymore. I was lost, fallen completely into some feeling I wasn¡¯t ready for. Somehow, our fingers fit so perfectly together, like they were created only for this purpose. I was the lock and he was the only key. How would I ever come back from this? ¡°No. I¡¯m not okay.¡± ¡°Let me tell you something.¡± David edged a little closer. ¡°And I say this as your friend, Ara.¡± I braced myself. He brushed my ponytail over my shoulder, the softness of his touch sending a shiver down my neck. ¡°Your scars make no difference to the way I see you. I know you¡¯re afraid that you aren¡¯t good enough for me, but how could I ever look past those eyes long enough to see scars?¡± I half smiled, rolling my face downward; he¡¯d been allowed to look at them longer than anyone so far. ¡°Why are you being so nice to me?¡± His fingers tightened on mine. ¡°Because I like you.¡± Behind me, the swing stirred gently in the breeze, and the golden glow of sunset surrounded the sky in a blanket of soft pink and purple clouds, making his eyes dark and shadowed. ¡°Why do you like me?¡± ¡°Because you¡¯re funny, cute, sweet, smart¡ª¡± I scoffed at that one; he smiled. ¡°You¡¯re, believe it or not, actually quite witty and, from what I can tell after this short period of time, I have a lot more in common with you than any other girl I¡¯ve ever spoken to.¡± ¡°Not hard since you never talk to girls.¡± He shook his head, smiling as he ran his fingers down my ponytail. ¡°I feel a connection to you, Ara¡ªone I¡¯ve not felt before.¡± ¡°Connection?¡± ¡°I¡ª¡± He kind of laughed, looking past me for a second. ¡°I think we roll on the same wavelength, if you know what I mean.¡± ¡°Yeah.¡± I nodded. ¡°I think I know exactly what you mean.¡± He looked up from my lips. ¡°You wanna know something else, pretty girl?¡± ¡°Only if I¡¯m going to like what you have to say.¡± His serious eyes warmed, a wide smile showing his teeth again. ¡°I think I like holding your hand.¡± Chapter Seven The rain passed left a chill that made my toes cold under the strappy shoes. I hugged my arms across my chest, making myself small as I passed a group of obviously drunk boys. ¡°Hey.¡± One of them broke from the cluster. ¡°Oh, hey.¡± I waved, glad it was only Mark from school. ¡°What you doin¡¯ out this late?¡± he said, but kind of kept walking past me. ¡°Just headed home.¡± ¡°You want a ride?¡± He motioned behind him to his group of mates. ¡°Nah. I¡¯m gonna call my mum.¡± ¡°Okay.¡± He nodded and turned back, jumping into the huddle as I headed for the corner store, where the only pay phone still in existence resided. The flickering light beamed down on me inside the booth, making my skin almost blue. I picked up the receiver with two fingers and held it just beside my face, not touching my cheek, then dialled reverse charges; it picked up in two rings. ¡°Mum?¡± ¡°Ara-Rose?¡± she sounded groggy and confused. ¡°Yeah, it¡¯s me. Um¡ª¡± My lip quivered. ¡°Can you come get me?¡± ¡°Why?¡± ¡°I¡¯m at a pay phone. Can you please just come get me?¡± I burst into tears. ¡°What happened? Why are you crying?¡± Her voice became clear with panic as she threw a dozen questions at me. ¡°I...I had a fight with Mike.¡± ¡°Mike? What were you doing at Mike¡¯s? I thought you were at Kate¡¯s.¡± ¡°I was, Mum. Okay. I don¡¯t wanna talk about it. Can you just come get me?¡± ¡°Ara-Rose. It¡¯s the middle of the night. I just got Harry down again and he¡¯s¡ª¡± ¡°Mum!¡± I yelled down the line, holding the grotty phone in a tighter grip. ¡°It¡¯s three in the morning. I¡¯m cold and tired and¡ª¡± ¡°Ara, just...¡± She let out a breath. ¡°Hang up, okay, I¡¯ll call Mike. He can come¡ª¡± ¡°No, Mum. Don¡¯t. Please don¡¯t. I don¡¯t wanna see him.¡± ¡°Why, honey, what happened?¡± ¡°Nothing,¡± I practically screamed, my tears coming out in streams. ¡°Just come get me.¡± ¡°Harry¡¯s sick, Ara.¡± She went quiet. ¡°He shouldn¡¯t go out at this time of night. You know I care about you and, quite frankly, I¡¯m terrified of the fact that I don¡¯t know where you are. I mean, I¡¯m guessing you¡¯re on a pay phone, aren¡¯t you?¡± ¡°Mm-hm.¡± I sniffled, wiping my cheeks. ¡°Honey, you¡¯re seventeen now. You¡¯re too old for this. Just stop being a baby and go back to Mike¡¯s. I¡¯ll come get you first thing in the morning.¡± ¡°No!¡± I held the phone right in front of my lips to make my voice as clear as the goddamn day. ¡°I am never going back there, Mum. Never. If you don¡¯t come get me, I¡¯ll hitchhike home.¡± ¡°Please, honey, just¡ª¡± ¡°Fine. I¡¯m hanging up,¡± I said. ¡°I see a car.¡± I didn¡¯t see a car. ¡°I¡¯m sticking my thumb out, Mum. I¡¯m doing it.¡± ¡°All right. Okay. I¡¯ll come get you. Just¡ªjust stay there, okay?¡± ¡°Okay.¡± I calmed instantly. ¡°Where are you?¡± ¡°The corner store.¡± ¡°Ronnie¡¯s?¡± she screeched. ¡°Ara, that¡¯s three blocks away. You can walk that.¡± ¡°I¡¯m scared, Mum. And I¡¯m...I¡¯m wearing heels.¡± It clicked then. I knew it did. I knew she knew the only reason I¡¯d be wearing heels when I was supposed to be at a sleepover would be if I wasn¡¯t at a sleepover. ¡°Just stay there, Ara-Rose. And by God, child, you are in a world of trouble when we get home.¡± She hung up. I held the phone for another few seconds, resting my head on the glass, feeling the swirl of alcohol mix in my system with fear, making me want to puke. But when I opened my eyes again, daylight flooded my world; it took a second for my eyes to adjust¡ªto see the dresser mirror on the other side of the room, the yellow walls, the white door and the new morning greeting me. And I could still feel her; still feel her voice in my ears. I smoothed the covers out on top of me and let the proverbial rock on my chest keep me in place, on my back, unable to breathe. Downstairs, Dad¡¯s burly laughter rose above the clatter of Vicki making breakfast, arguing about something with Sam. But I was okay. Slowly, the air came back into my lungs and, breath by breath, the rock lifted, leaving me picturing only one thing: David. I jumped out of bed and headed straight for the shower, eager to start the brand new day. Sam burst through the front door. ¡°Ara, David¡¯s waiting for you across the road.¡± My spoon hit the side of my bowl, splashing milk onto the placemat, as I leaped from my chair to peer out the window. David¡¯s head whipped up, his eyes meeting mine for a split second when I pulled the sheer curtain back. And I was out of there. I grabbed my bag, leaving my bowl on the table, and ran out the door. In the case of David versus Breakfast, the judge and jury were in; we all knew the verdict. Outside, the morning sun cast a spotlight on his perfection. I wanted to stop walking and just stand still¡ªgawking at him for a while. But he looked different somehow, than he did yesterday. His mysterious green eyes held a smile in the corners, but the depth of focus in them, when added with his thinly pressed lips, made him look almost uneasy. ¡°Hi, David.¡± He took my backpack and threw it over his shoulder, then started walking, without saying a word and without the usual smile. My brow contorted into a frown. ¡°David?¡± ¡°Mm?¡± he said, but his eyes didn¡¯t answer, like they usually did. ¡°Is¡­everything okay?¡± ¡°Uh, yeah.¡± He dropped his fingers from the bridge of his nose and looked up, remembering suddenly that I was alive. ¡°Sorry. I have a lot on my mind.¡± ¡°Oh.¡± I stared forward, wishing I had pockets to shove my hands in so I wouldn¡¯t chew my nails. ¡°Anything I can help with?¡± ¡°No.¡± ¡°Maybe I can at least listen? You know, lend an ear.¡± ¡°If discussing this problem would solve it, then I would. But it won¡¯t, so there¡¯s little point.¡± So, he¡¯d taken a leaf out of my book. Suddenly, Mike¡¯s threat to either talk to someone or have him do it for me didn¡¯t seem so big and scary. In some ways, after sitting with David in my backyard last night, letting the sun set around us, just two friends, holding hands, I¡¯d almost considered telling him what brought me to live here. So many times I even opened my mouth, and while sleeping last night, had, I think, resolved to ¡®let him in¡¯. But his sudden distance, like someone had flicked the ¡®reality¡¯ switch, made me think all that magic I felt with him was an influx of hormones and, today, the world was back to its usual cold self. Page 17 I stole a glance at David; he was walking beside me in physical form, but his mind and spirit were so far away that his eyes had completely fixed on one spot¡ªnarrowed with deep concentration. I almost wondered if he was trying to start a fire with telekinesis.Advertisement ¡°So¡­did you¡­did you get up to anything interesting last night?¡± I asked. ¡°Interesting?¡± he said, kind of confused. ¡°I just¡­never mind.¡± I looked away. And he didn¡¯t mind. Didn¡¯t even bother to engage in small talk. At the top of the stairs, Emily and Alana talked casually as if they¡¯d been close their whole lives, despite their friendship being only as old as theirs to mine. They didn¡¯t really match, as friends. Alana was so plain and almost gothic; she was smart and read books by indie authors, whereas, Emily was so colourful; she always looked fresh and happy, or maybe¡­overexcited. She must drink coffee every morning¡ªlots of coffee. Mind you, that never worked for me. But despite originating from different ends of the galaxy, they seemed to fit on exactly the same page. Kind of like I thought David and I did¡ªuntil today. ¡°Hi, guys.¡± I waved as we reached the top. ¡°Hey.¡± Emily smiled. ¡°No cheer practice this morning, Em?¡± ¡°Not for me. Had a meeting with the school board.¡± ¡°Oh, okay,¡± I said. ¡°What for?¡± ¡°Benefit concert.¡± ¡°Cool. So, where¡¯s Ryan?¡± ¡°Right here.¡± He popped out from behind the glass doors, wearing a wide grin. ¡°Hey.¡± ¡°Hey.¡± He gave me a quick hug, then cupped hands with David, who¡¯d managed to wake up enough to appear social all of a sudden. ¡°So, new girl. You made it through your first week, and¡ª¡± Ryan scratched the back of his neck and looked at Emily. ¡°Well, we were thinking,¡± Emily jumped in. ¡°Would you like to come to Betty¡¯s Caf¨¦ tonight¡ªto celebrate?¡± ¡°Is that the little fifties-style caf¨¦?¡± I asked. Emily nodded. ¡°Yeah, the pink and blue one.¡± ¡°It belongs to Emily¡¯s aunt.¡± Ryan hooked his thumb in Emily¡¯s direction. ¡°Aunt¡­Betty?¡± I raised one brow. ¡°How¡¯d you guess?¡± Emily faked surprise, then waved a dismissive hand in the air as she laughed. ¡°Well¡ª¡± I looked at David, wondering if he¡¯d go. He placed his guitar case on the ground and rested his hands in his back pockets, then, ever so subtly winked at me. ¡°Uh, sure, you know what?¡± I looked back at Emily. ¡°That sounds really great.¡± The distraction would be a welcome relief; maybe I could stop thinking about David for a while. ¡°Okay, it¡¯s settled then.¡± Emily bounced on the balls of her feet. ¡°So, we¡¯ll carpool?¡± She looked at Ryan and Alana, then especially at David. ¡°Um¡ª¡± I froze, trying to think of a way to say I never went in cars with teenagers. I didn¡¯t want to insult their driving ability or have them make the standard enquiry, complete with raised brow. ¡°Actually.¡± David took a small step forward. ¡°I uh¡ªI was going to ask Ara out tonight.¡± He looked directly at me then. ¡°So, perhaps¡­I could be your escort?¡± My brow folded. He was going to ask me out? What kind of out? Friends? More than friends? Friends who like to hold each other¡¯s hand then ignore each other in the morning? ¡°Oh, a date? Really?¡± Emily said. ¡°I¡¯m sorry, I didn¡¯t realise you two had¡ª¡± ¡°We¡¯re just friends,¡± David said in a very business-like tone. ¡°So you don¡¯t mind sharing her for the night, man?¡± Ryan asked. ¡°Not at all.¡± David kind of nodded. ¡°Yeah, and, um,¡± I chimed in, looking sideways at him, ¡°¡ªand, really, hanging out with you guys¡¯ll be great.¡± ¡°Okay. So, you bring Ara, David, and I¡¯ll go with Ryan and Alana.¡± Emily linked her arm through Alana¡¯s. Ryan, all tall and lanky-looking, sighed enviously at Emily, subconsciously imitating the Leaning Tower of Pisa. It was so obvious he liked Alana. I wondered why he hadn¡¯t just got with the programme and asked her out. I mean, it was obvious the feelings were mutual. The routine catch-up at the top of the stairs continued then, without my cerebral focus. They were all smiling and talking, but I couldn¡¯t really hear them. My thoughts were off with my troubles, somewhere in clueless land. David wasn¡¯t really present, either. He was smiling and talking, too, but kept looking at me with those narrowed eyes¡ªstudying me¡ªprobably unaware he was even staring. And all my brain could do was worry that he felt he¡¯d made a mistake talking with me that way last night. But I could feel the energy between us, still alive as always, and after praying so hard, every breath of yesterday afternoon, that he¡¯d lean forward and kiss me, I think I grew a little tired of wishing. Yet, despite that, I still kept looking at his lips, imagining it. My feelings had manifested overnight and ¡®I think I like holding your hand¡¯ was not going to do for me. Not long term. Either he had a confession of love buried somewhere in those emerald eyes, or I needed to go to therapy. David laughed, catching a paper canon, then hurled it up the back of the room where its journey ended on the brow of a football jock. I slinked down lower in my chair; I¡¯d really rather avoid getting a headache from unfinished English homework. It was bad enough that Mr B, with his strict designated seating plan, placed me right up front, right next to David. Not that I minded the David part, I was just kinda worried I might do something to embarrass myself¡ªlike drool all over his notebook or start playing footsies with him under the table. ¡°Morning, class.¡± Mr Benson walked in, oblivious to the origami air-raid going on behind him. David sat quickly in his seat, playing the good student. ¡°Faker,¡± I scoffed. He opened his mouth to speak, then dropped his words with a smile as his hand shot up behind his head. Everyone behind us broke into claps and cheers. ¡°Nice catch, man,¡± one of the jocks called. ¡°Settle down, class.¡± Mr Benson eyed the room for a second before turning back to write on the board. Totally and utterly confused, I frowned at David. What the hell was all that about? He smiled broadly and opened his palm to reveal a paper cannon. ¡°Did you just catch that behind your head? Without looking?¡± He dumped the scrunched up paper onto his desk and leaned closer. ¡°Of course not. I just made it look that way.¡± ¡°Well, you¡¯re a good catch. Er. I mean catcher.¡± He looked to the front of the class, crossing his arms over his chest, laughing to himself. I left my lips slightly open as I smiled, because the sweet scent of his cologne brushed pleasantly over my tongue every time he leaned in or spoke. He smelled so fresh, like he¡¯d just stepped out of the shower, still steaming and hot, then sprayed deodorant all over his skin. ¡°I need everyone to take out their notepads and jot some notes down for...¡± Mr Benson started, but I lost focus as David leaned down and unzipped his bag. With his body angled that way, one side lengthened, his arm slightly up, stretching forward, his cologne dominated our private little space; I drew a really deep breath, then opened my eyes slowly¡ªmeeting with his direct gaze. ¡°You okay?¡± He held back a chuckle, placing two pens and two notepads on his desk. ¡°Uh. Yeah.¡± ¡°Were you¡­thinking about ice cream?¡± ¡°Ice cream?¡± ¡°Yeah.¡± He bit his lip, looking at mine. ¡°You looked like one of those girls off a seductive ice cream commercial.¡± I flashed him a grin and he sat back, breathing out his laughter. ¡°Okay.¡± Mr Benson folded his arms, leaning on the front of his desk. ¡°Today, we¡¯ll be having a class discussion about¡­¡± Toes in the sand¡ªstanding on a beach at sunset, kissing, making everyone who passes jealous... ¡°Ara?¡± Mr Benson said. ¡°Perhaps you can answer that question for us?¡± ¡°Uh¡ª¡± I sat up a little. Crap! David nudged me and held out three fingers under the desk. ¡°Um¡ªthree?¡± I said. ¡°That¡¯s correct.¡± Mr B turned back to the board. ¡°There were three characters in¡­¡± ¡°Thanks,¡± I whispered. ¡°Don¡¯t mention it.¡± David folded his arms again and kicked his legs out straight in front of him, crossing his ankles. He was wearing those heavy black boots again; I¡¯d seen him in those nearly every day, except yesterday, when we sat on the grass by my swing, talking for hours¡ªour fingers entwined; his cold, like mine, yet warmer than mine. It felt so good, but for such a short time, because as soon as the sun went down, he left. I offered him to stay for dinner, but he said he already had plans. Talk about disappointment. I wanted to touch his fingers again¡ªto make sure they really felt the way I remembered. When David¡¯s head turned to watch the pacing teacher move around the class, I stared down at his hand, just to gauge the distance. Maybe I could accidentally brush past him or¡­ ¡°You could at least try to concentrate.¡± He leaned his head a little closer as he spoke, keeping his eyes forward, his arms folded. How could I concentrate when every time he breathed, I could feel it and hear it? All I wanted was to rest my head against his chest and listen to his heart. ¡°Ara, stop that,¡± he whispered gruffly. ¡°Stop what?¡± ¡°You¡­you know that look you get¡ªwhen you¡¯re thinking¡­things?¡± ¡°Mm?¡± His lips parted, his eyes sparkling with a grin. ¡°Well, you¡¯re¡­thinking.¡± ¡°Maybe you shouldn¡¯t sit next to me then,¡± I whispered back playfully. ¡°I shall ask Mr Benson to move my seat if you wish,¡± he muttered. ¡°No, David, I¡ª¡± ¡°Eyes forward please, Miss Thompson,¡± Mr Benson said. The eyes of every student in the class made my spine go stiff. Damn this tongue. When Mr Benson looked away, I tore a strip of paper from my notepad, coughing over the sound it made. David smiled, watching my crafty display of rebellion. ¡°What are you doing?¡± he whispered so low it was only his cool breath I heard as his lips shaped the words. ¡°Shh.¡± I frowned at him and nodded toward the teacher. ¡°Show me,¡± he said, leaning over to look at the paper. ¡°No peeking.¡± I hid it with my elbow. He sat back in his chair, chuckling quietly. Sorry, I wrote. When I said that, I just meant that you make me lose my concentration. I want to be next to you. I just wish we weren¡¯t at school. There, that should do it. Somehow, it was so much easier to say what I wanted to say when I didn¡¯t actually have to say it. ¡°Here.¡± David placed a fingertip on the top corner of the note and slid it across the desk. ¡°I want you all to write this down,¡± Mr Benson said, scribbling on the board. I dared to glance back to see what David thought of my note; he slipped it into his pocket, smiling my favourite smile¡ªthe one that lit up the corners of his eyes before showing in his lips¡ªbut didn¡¯t say anything. ¡°Point one.¡± Mr Benson wrote number one to ten on the board, and kept talking about something I cared nothing for. David, with his left hand, started taking notes, looking up at the board and back down again, and I watched in amazement. How did I not notice he was left-handed? His guitar wasn¡¯t left-handed. ¡°Here.¡± He slid a page of notes across to me; an exact copy of what was on the board. ¡°Thanks. But, don¡¯t you need these?¡± He smiled down at another page in front of him; the same notes. ¡°Oh.¡± I toyed with the edge of the paper. ¡°Ara?¡± David whispered, eyes forward, head close to mine. ¡°Mm-hm?¡± ¡°Can I hold your hand?¡± ¡°In class?¡± ¡°Yes. In class.¡± The idea took my breath. I couldn¡¯t even nod. I felt his cool touch just above my elbow before he slid his fingers slowly down the length of my arm, making little bumps lift the fine hairs as they followed the curve to the back of my hand. I flipped my palm over and our fingers laced. ¡°You okay?¡± he asked. I nodded, squeezing his hand tightly. Just don¡¯t ever let go, David. We sat with our hands concealed under the desk for the rest of class. But every now and then, David ran his thumb over mine and smiled at me¡ªand every time he did that, my heart skipped into my throat like the rush you get on a roller coaster. I grinned like the Cheshire cat, silently praying the teacher wouldn¡¯t notice the reason for my happiness, and as I sat, feeling closer to this boy than I had to anyone in my life, ever before, I drew a conclusion again that I thought I¡¯d discarded completely; I was in love. Even if you couldn¡¯t fall in love with someone in four days, I didn¡¯t care. It didn¡¯t change how I felt right then. I could only hope, as I watched David trying to conceal his own smile, that he¡¯d one day feel the way I did. Definitely in love. Dad paced the floor, hands behind his back, droning on about some faerie myth, and as usual, Emily and I quietly gossiped our way through the hour. She scribbled another fact about her latest crush on a page and passed it to me. Since he sat behind us, the only thing we could actually talk about in here was David. Which is why History was my new favourite, David-less class. Page 18 ¡°I already know that,¡± I said to Em, sliding the paper back to her.Advertisement ¡°Oh, sorry.¡± She looked a little sheepish. ¡°Did I tell you he lives near you?¡± I half glanced over my shoulder at him; he was plain, kind of quiet, like Alana, but with sandy hair. His only redeeming quality was his dazzling hazel, almost green-grey eyes. ¡°I met him once¡ªon my first day,¡± I said. ¡°Really?¡± I nodded. ¡°Well, what did he say to you? Was he nice? Did he¡ª¡± ¡°Em?¡± I put my hand up between us; she had somehow managed to excite herself so much she¡¯d almost drifted onto my lap. ¡°Why don¡¯t you just talk to him?¡± She ducked her head and took a half glance back at him. ¡°I can¡¯t.¡± ¡°Why?¡± ¡°What if he doesn¡¯t like me?¡± In my mind, I flicked my hand out and whacked her across the back of the head; in the real world, I just rolled my eyes at her. Ever since she first took real notice of him at rehearsals yesterday, all she¡¯d done was talk about what this person told her about him, or what that person said he did in Math class. But I had to agree with her when she said that ever since she first decided he was perfect, she¡¯d seen the world move in slow motion. Now, that I understood. ¡°So, are you and David going out now?¡± she asked. ¡°Yeah, we¡¯re going out tonight, remember?¡± ¡°No, dummy.¡± She slapped my arm. ¡°I mean, has he asked you to be his girlfriend?¡± ¡°Do guys do that?¡± Her expression said the words her lips held back. ¡°Yes, Ara. Guys ask girls out.¡± ¡°Oh. Well, no. He didn¡¯t. He um¡ªhe said he liked holding my hand.¡± ¡°Hm. PG.¡± I rolled my eyes and sat facing the front again. ¡°Maybe he¡¯s just being a gentleman¡ª¡± She leaned a little closer, keeping her eyes on Dad as if we were paying attention to him. ¡°I mean, that would be very like him, Ara. He might be waiting for you to make the first move?¡± I sat up in my chair. ¡°Yeah, he does have that freaky old-world charm thing. Maybe he¡¯s ultra-traditional.¡± ¡°It would make sense.¡± She offered, rolling out a flat palm. I chuckled once. ¡°Maybe I should offer him my intentions in writing, then.¡± ¡°Nah, I don¡¯t think¡ª¡± ¡°Em?¡± I elbowed her. ¡°That was a joke.¡± ¡°Oh.¡± She frowned. ¡°Ara, you tell the worst jokes.¡± ¡°Yeah, I must get it from my dad.¡± I grinned as the whole class broke into laughter at one of his inadvertently humorous comments. ¡°No.¡± Emily sighed, leaning on her hand, dreamily gazing at Dad. ¡°He¡¯s funny. You must¡¯ve inherited your terrible joke problem from your mom.¡± My heart stopped for a beat. ¡°Yeah. I guess I do.¡± And it was true. But not from the mom they all thought I grew up with. I got my terrible joke problem from the mother I just buried. It was kind of our little game¡ªalmost an art form; lame ¡®Dad¡¯ jokes for a girl without a dad around. And I didn¡¯t realise, until now, that I was still playing it. I saw myself then¡ªthe girl standing by a coffin, looking down, wondering how I would walk away¡ªsay goodbye to someone I¡¯d loved my whole life. I left her there, walked on, but my heart would never let go, never believe she wouldn¡¯t wake up¡ªnever play that game with me again. I covered my quivering jaw, releasing a moist, jagged breath into my hands. I needed to run. I needed to leave the class before the grief broke through right here in front of everyone. Dad looked up suddenly and started talking with a slight information-stutter as he frowned at me. ¡°Sorry, class¡ª¡± He sauntered casually over to his desk and lifted a piece of paper, ¡°¡ªjust remembered I need to send a note up to the office.¡± ¡°Ooh, I¡¯ll go Mr T,¡± one of the girls said, holding her hand high in the air. ¡°Actually¡ª¡± He scanned the room. ¡°Edmond!¡± The whole class turned to look up the back of the room, following Dad¡¯s unusual tone. Edmond dropped his phone and sat up straight, pulling his headphones out of his ears. Dad handed me the note and whispered, ¡°Go.¡± I went. My feet carried me swiftly, leaving the curious stares of the entire class burning into my back, and the lecture on why we don¡¯t play with phones in class absconded into the empty corridor until the door slammed shut behind me. Holding my breath, I dropped the fake note to the floor and felt for the wall as the hot, salty liquid of my troubled past streamed down my cheeks. For every tear I swiped away, another took its place, and I fought to quiet my sobs, but the pain just went too deep. ¡°Stupid jokes.¡± I kicked the base of the wall. This was why I swore I¡¯d never let my guard down, why I swore I wouldn¡¯t try to make friends here. As soon as they found out, they¡¯d all crowd around me in the lunchroom, using my pain to fill the boring hour. I¡¯d seen it happen before when a girl lost her mum to cancer at my old school. I couldn¡¯t let that happen to me. Slowly, I rolled my face upward to look at the classroom door, kind of wondering why Dad hadn¡¯t come out to see if I was okay¡ªsee if I needed a hug, because, for the first time since I lost her, that was all I really wanted. Just a hug. Just to feel like someone could hold me down¡ªstop me from floating away. I dropped my forehead against the wall and hugged myself, not really sure I could do this anymore. ¡°Ara?¡± Long, cool fingers slowly gripped my arms from behind. ¡°What happened? What¡¯s wrong?¡± His words were barely a whisper, but I recognised his voice right away, and he was the last person I wanted to see. He¡¯d definitely ask questions¡ªquestions I didn¡¯t want to answer. ¡°I¡¯m¡ªI¡¯m okay, David. I just¡­¡± I wiped my face, keeping my head down. ¡°I guess being new just got to me.¡± ¡°No, this is not nerves or fear, Ara. This is grief.¡± His fingers tightened on my arms, his gently melodic tone forcing a rise of heartache inside my chest. ¡°Talk to me.¡± ¡°I can¡¯t.¡± I sobbed, wrapping my fingers over my entire face. ¡°It¡¯s okay.¡± He tried to turn my shaking body, but I held fast, afraid to let him see me. ¡°It¡¯s really okay.¡± ¡°No, it¡¯s not. Why does everyone always say that?¡± I asked, barely able to understand myself. ¡°I¡¯m so sick of hearing that.¡± ¡°Ara. Please. Please. I¡¯m worried about you.¡± His hand came forward, cupping my shoulder as he spun me gently into his chest and wrapped me up in his arms. ¡°Please, don¡¯t cry.¡± ¡°I¡¯m trying not to,¡± I said, shielding my face in the darkness against his chest. And he smelled so good, so real and so warm. He smelled like something safe, like a person who could hold on to me if I fell. I wanted to hold on; I wanted to wrap my arms around his waist and just hold on. But my arms, tucked so tightly into my chest, just couldn¡¯t break free. I just needed to be small, closed in. ¡°Okay.¡± He rubbed my back and took a step, keeping me close to his chest as we walked. ¡°Come on.¡± I hiccupped in an embarrassingly high-pitched tone. ¡°Where¡¯re we going?¡± He looked down and smiled at me. ¡°We¡¯re going somewhere we can be alone¡ªtalk.¡± And like that, in one sentence, David hit every chord I ever wanted to hear. My heart squeezed tighter, then twisted into a large, pulsing knot¡ªa good knot. As we hurried into the front parking lot, I glanced over my shoulder every few seconds¡ªwatching for teachers, while David stayed calm, walking with the grace of a king. We stopped by the passenger door of a shiny black car with a soft-top roof. ¡°Is this your car?¡± I asked. ¡°No, I¡¯m stealing it.¡± He jammed the key in the lock and twisted it, then laughed at me. ¡°Yes, it¡¯s my car, Ara.¡± ¡°How old is it?¡± ¡°Uh¡ª¡± He looked at the car, then at me. ¡°It¡¯s a little old.¡± ¡°Classic old?¡± ¡°Kinda. It was my uncle¡¯s.¡± He held the door open for me. ¡°Hop in.¡± As David shut the door, the exasperating heat closed me in right away, and the tan leather seat burned the backs of my thighs under my skirt. I lifted one leg, then the other, and wiped the sweat from under my knees, placing fabric between skin. ¡°You okay?¡± David asked, opening his door, releasing the tight pressure of exasperation for a moment. I nodded, slinking down lower in my seat. ¡°I¡¯ve never ditched school before.¡± ¡°This isn¡¯t ditching,¡± he said. ¡°Your dad will understand.¡± I nodded. ¡°I guess so.¡± He smiled across at me and shook his head, reaching into his back pocket. ¡°What are you doing?¡± ¡°Easing your conscience.¡± He pinned a number into his phone and pressed it to his ear, taking my hand. ¡°Miss Apple?¡± I heard her voice muffled on the other end. ¡°Yes, I have Ara Thompson with me; can you let her father know she¡¯s fine, and I¡¯m taking her for a walk to clear her head.¡± I slowly inched up in the chair, inconspicuously wiping a few dots of moisture from my upper lip. ¡°Yes, I¡¯ll bring her home later. Give him my number if he wishes to check on her. Okay. Bye.¡± He hung up the phone and dumped it in the centre console, then started the engine. ¡°Thank you,¡± I said. ¡°You¡¯re very welcome.¡± I sat back then and rubbed under my eyes where the tears had dried in the heat, making my skin stiff. Even my nose felt dry and swollen. We sat at the exit sign for a second until the traffic passed, then David took off down the street, going slightly over the speed limit. ¡°How long have you had your licence?¡± ¡°A while.¡± He looked at my forehead and frowned; I wiped the sweat away with the back of my hand. ¡°Oh, sorry, Ara. I don¡¯t really feel the heat as much as most people. Here.¡± He turned on the air-conditioner. The suffocation of the heat eased after the first blast of hot air passed and the chilly wind blew against my face. ¡°Is that better?¡± With my nose pressed to the vent, I nodded. ¡°Yeah, thanks.¡± ¡°If you get hot or cold, Ara, you really need to tell me. It¡¯s just not something I think about.¡± ¡°Why?¡± I sat back in my seat and angled the vent to blast along my hairline. He grinned. ¡°I¡¯m insensitive.¡± ¡°Yeah, you¡¯re so neglectful of others¡¯ feelings, David.¡± ¡°I know. Sometimes I lose sleep over it.¡± He laughed. ¡°Mm, I don¡¯t know how you live with yourself,¡± I joked. ¡°Takes practice.¡± And he meant that, I could tell. And I was sure it was aimed at me. ¡°What are you saying?¡± ¡°Regret. It takes time to live with it.¡± He reached across and took my hand again. ¡°You called your mom Vicki the other day.¡± I felt numb then, not just from the crying but the stupidity. ¡°Did I?¡± ¡°Yes. And if I am good at only one thing, Ara, it¡¯s deduction; I think I¡¯ve known for a while now that your mom died. I just don¡¯t know why you pretend she hasn¡¯t.¡± I rolled my face slowly toward my chest. ¡°Because I didn¡¯t want people to ask how she died. Didn¡¯t want them to feel sorry for me.¡± ¡°People only feel sorry for you when there¡¯s good reason, Ara. Your mom¡¯s gone. People just want to help.¡± ¡°I know.¡± But I didn¡¯t want their help. Every ache was a step toward redemption. ¡°Redemption?¡¯ David said. I looked up at him quickly. ¡°Did I say that out loud?¡± ¡°Uh¡ª¡± He looked at the road again, his face grey. ¡°Yes. Didn¡¯t you mean to?¡± I couldn¡¯t believe my own carelessness. ¡°No.¡± ¡°What did you mean by that¡ªabout redemption?¡± ¡°Just that¡­when you do something wrong, sometimes you can make up for it.¡± ¡°By doing what?¡± I blinked a few times and the dried tears made my skin crack a little. ¡°Suffering.¡± The car slowed for a second, then, as David sat taller, his fingers tighter on the wheel, it went back up to speed. I flipped the visor mirror down and gasped at the mess David had been looking at for the last five minutes. My life was over. I wiped the smudges of black mascara from under my eyes, using the remaining tears around my lashes to smooth it away without too much of a problem. But I couldn¡¯t wipe away the blotchy patches of red under my skin and worse, my nose, whenever I cried, turned bright pink¡ªforming a giant rouge smudge across my face. ¡°I look like a clown,¡± my voice quivered. ¡°You look¡ª¡± David turned my face with his fingertips, ¡°¡ªadorable.¡± Right. Adorable. Was he serious? I folded my arms across my chest, looked out the window and focused on my breathing. The passing houses and tree-lined streets were all the same around here. Pretty, with that old-style, Halloween kind of feel. It felt like it should be autumn and everything sort of orange and brown, with the slight hint of cinnamon in the air. But the summer had this magic little place trapped in its grasp, making everything yellow and gold, and a little wilted. The trees thickened as we turned onto a narrow road with dirt strips on both sides, and my squinting eyes relaxed as the sun¡¯s glare disappeared over the canopy. ¡°David, where¡¯re we going?¡± Page 19 ¡°Somewhere quiet, where no one can hear us.¡±Advertisement I laughed. ¡°That sounded kinda creepy.¡± He laughed too. ¡°Sorry. I realised that just as I said it.¡± I sat taller to take a good look at the deserted forest road. ¡°Why should we be where no one can hear us?¡± ¡°Because, you need to talk. And you won¡¯t talk if you think someone might hear you.¡± I looked away, pinching the base of my thumb with my fingertips. He was right; I did need to talk, but I didn¡¯t want to talk to him. He had this delusion that I was some nice, sweet girl. He didn¡¯t know the real me¡ªthe one that I was trying not to be anymore. ¡°Let me guess¡ª¡± He smiled, watching the road carefully, taking the curves with a kind of precision that put my dad¡¯s driving to shame. ¡°You don¡¯t wanna talk to me about it. Am I right?¡± ¡°I¡¯m sorry.¡± I looked out the window. ¡°It was nice of you to bring me out here, but I don¡¯t¡ª¡± ¡°I¡¯m not going to let you go until you talk to me.¡± ¡°And what are you going to do? Torture a confession out of me?¡± He tilted his head a little, keeping his eyes on the road. ¡°It wouldn¡¯t be the first time.¡± ¡°Well, it won¡¯t work. I have my reasons for not wanting to talk, David.¡± ¡°And they mean nothing to me. You¡¯re talking. Period.¡± ¡°You can¡¯t make me.¡± I folded my arms and stared ahead, biting my teeth together. The car slowed dramatically, gravel crunching under the tires as we pulled onto the side of the desolate road. ¡°Ara?¡± I shook my head. ¡°Ara?¡± David said again. Begrudgingly, I twisted my neck to look at him. I felt kind of like a spoilt kid throwing a tantrum. ¡°I¡¯m sorry,¡± he said, turning his whole body to face me. ¡°Sweetheart, you¡¯re taking things a little too seriously. I meant no harm. Really. And the more I think about it¡ª¡± he rolled back in his seat and faced the front, a cheeky grin stretching the corners of his mouth, ¡°¡ªthe more I think I might just have to kidnap you until you do talk to me.¡± A small smile crept onto my lips. I pressed them together firmly to keep it hidden. ¡°Ara, please don¡¯t be so moody. It¡¯s okay to smile.¡± I let my arms fall away from my chest with the release of a long breath. The ogre was obviously dominating my mood right now. I should¡¯ve eaten more at lunch. ¡°I know you have the best of intentions here, David. But this is really nothing to do with you.¡± I tried to sound polite, but the words came out sounding so mean. ¡°I can help you,¡± he said after a second. ¡°I want to help you. All the bad things, Ara, all the pain you feel¡ª¡± he reached for my hand; I let him take it, ¡°¡ªI can make it all hurt less. But you have to let me in.¡± ¡°I can¡¯t,¡± I said in a breaking whisper and turned away. ¡°Come.¡± ¡°Where?¡± I looked back at him. He smiled and opened his door, allowing the clammy air to mingle with the pleasant, artificial cool. ¡°Somewhere better.¡± ¡°I hope you don¡¯t think I¡¯m getting out in the hea¡ª¡± ¡°Let¡¯s go.¡± David appeared on my right, opening my door. ¡°How did you get there so fast?¡± ¡°Come on.¡± He grabbed my hand, leaning in to unbuckle me. ¡°I wanna show you something.¡± Chapter Eight The trees opened out to a forest trail before us, and the sun streaked through gaps in the tightly laced canopy, splashing long, dust-filled beams across the path. Above us, the summer heat looked on, forbidden to taint the cool, kind of clay-scented air. ¡°Watch your step here.¡± David steered me around a small cluster of rocks hidden beneath a pile of leaves. ¡°Thanks. I totally didn¡¯t see that.¡± He gave a soft nod, sliding his hand off my lower back. ¡°I know.¡± ¡°So, where are we going exactly?¡± ¡°South-west.¡± ¡°Hm. Helpful.¡± I looked to the path ahead, then up at the ball-shaped glare of the sun through the trees, using my hand as a visor. ¡°But actually, we¡¯re going slightly more south.¡± ¡°True.¡± David nodded. ¡°The path we¡¯re on heads south, but turns to the west up ahead.¡± He stopped walking and looked at me. ¡°Wait, how did you know that?¡± ¡°I¡¯m Aussie.¡± I used my best homeland-sounding accent. ¡°My friend Mike taught me how to roughly guess my direction by looking at the sun¡ªsaid it would come in handy if I ever found myself in the bush¡­with a strange guy¡­who might not turn out to be so nice.¡± ¡°Right.¡± David wiped a hand across his grin as he started walking again. ¡°Sounds like Mike¡¯s a smart man.¡± ¡°Yeah.¡± I followed after him, making no real effort to catch up. ¡°Taught me some defensive moves, too.¡± ¡°Is that so?¡± He sprung up right in front of me, catching me as my face hit his chest. ¡°You weren¡¯t hinting at me about anything, were you?¡± ¡°How did you get there so fast?¡± ¡°I was standing right here, waiting for you. You really should watch where you¡¯re going.¡± I glared up at him quizzically. ¡°Ara? I asked you a question. Were you suggesting I¡¯d be capable of hurting you?¡± ¡°How would I know? I don¡¯t really know you.¡± His eyes left my face before he turned and trudged off. ¡°Ouch.¡± ¡°Well, you don¡¯t really give me much to go on.¡± I chased after him. ¡°I mean, you¡¯re so secretive all the time.¡± ¡°Secretive?¡± ¡°Yeah.¡± ¡°About what, specifically?¡± He stopped again, wearing a defensive smile. ¡°Um¡ª¡± I stopped walking too. ¡°Well. I really don¡¯t know.¡± ¡°So¡­you want me to be less secretive about nothing specifically?¡± He nodded once and started walking again. ¡°How do you do that?¡± My footfalls came down hard on the muddy leaves, slipping a little with the weight of irritation. ¡°Do what?¡± ¡°Take my well-thought-out point and turn it into nothing.¡± The smile sparkled in his eyes as I caught up to him. ¡°It¡¯s a talent of mine.¡± ¡°It¡¯s annoying. I really hate you for it,¡± I said in a light-hearted tone. He stopped again, almost as if he¡¯d been sprung back by an elastic hinge. ¡°Hate is a very powerful word, mon amour. Do not use it unless you truly understand its value.¡± ¡°Okay then¡­¡± I folded my arms. ¡°I despise you¡­¡± Affectionately. David smiled to himself. ¡°I can live with that¡ªfor now.¡± We walked in silence for a bit then; me, trying to control my breath so I didn¡¯t sound puffed out, beside him, who walked so straight and tall I wondered if he really felt the ground beneath his feet at all. ¡°But it¡¯s true, you know,¡± I said after a while. ¡°What?¡± ¡°Your inability to elaborate. I¡¯ve asked you heaps of questions about yourself and, somehow, you¡¯ve managed not to tell me anything. And I didn¡¯t even realise how little I actually knew until Emily started telling me all about Spencer, you know, what brands he likes, what colour his bike is. And she hadn¡¯t actually even spoken to him yet.¡± I shook my head. ¡°I don¡¯t even know if you like cats or dogs.¡± He laughed to himself, his boots crunching dry leaves beneath his steps. ¡°Cats, if I¡¯m sitting at home on a cold night; dogs, if I¡¯m going for a run.¡± ¡°You run?¡± He nodded. ¡°I like to keep fit.¡± I let that simmer for a while, thinking about everything. After a minute of silent companionship, David stretched out his arm and pointed ahead of us. ¡°See that slight thinning of the trees up ahead?¡± I nodded. ¡°That¡¯s where we¡¯re headed.¡± ¡°What¡¯s up there?¡± ¡°It¡¯s a surprise.¡± Everything with you is. We walked toward a newly decaying cedar tree, laying sidelong, slanted a little down the slope of the trail, making a wooden partition between us and the sudden openness of whatever was beyond. As we came nearer to the opening, the muddy clay smell disappeared under a damp, kind of mossy scent, spiked with the lemony fragrance of tree sap. David stepped up quickly and took my hand, guiding me around the tree. ¡°Welcome to the lake.¡± ¡°What the¡­¡± The leaves stole my gaze upward before casting it out to the unspoiled, reflective body of water in front of me. A grand pathway of clover blanketed the trail toward the edge of the lake, and tiny hovering bugs danced above the star-shaped foliage left abandoned by maple trees. Though the sky dominated the space, it still felt cool and shadowed and kind of¡­private. A place not so very different from the mountain-surrounded picnic spots my dad used to take me to, but with an element of magic to it, like, somehow, I could believe we were the only two souls left in the world. ¡°David, this is beautiful.¡± I searched the vacant place beside me where David no longer stood, finding him leaning on a bulky, waist-height rock, right by the water¡¯s edge. ¡°How did you find this place?¡± ¡°It¡¯s not something you¡¯d find on a hike.¡± He unhitched himself from the black rock and walked behind it, then squatted down. ¡°No one comes out to this trail anymore.¡± ¡°Anymore?¡± He stood up, smiling, and presented a pillow-sized black bag. ¡°This land is owned by my family. We closed the hiking trails to outsiders about a hundred years ago.¡± ¡°You say that like you were a part of the decision.¡± ¡°Well¡ª¡± he reached into the plastic bag and pulled out a picnic rug, ¡°¡ªit¡¯s up to each generation to decide. I chose to keep the land private.¡± ¡°Why?¡± ¡°I like knowing I can come here to think. That when I do, I¡¯ll be completely alone.¡± ¡°Alone is right.¡± I looked around again. A few metres out, in the middle of the lake, a family of trees gathered on a small island, surrounded by a moat of algae. And the only other signs of life here, aside from David and I, were a couple of ugly brown ducks. ¡°It¡¯s very¡­private here.¡± ¡°It originated as hunting land.¡± He tucked his hands into his pockets, taking a long breath, squinting as he observed the landscape. ¡°What did you hunt?¡± ¡°Hunt?¡± ¡°Yeah. You said it was hunting land.¡± His jaw rocked. ¡°I did, didn¡¯t I?¡± I nodded. ¡°It was¡­¡± He ran a hand through his hair. ¡°Foxes.¡± ¡°Foxes?¡± ¡°Yeah.¡± ¡°And¡­what about now? Do you still hunt here?¡± ¡°Only if the foxes stray onto the land¡ªdisregarding the warnings around the border.¡± ¡°What!¡± I laughed. ¡°Last I checked, foxes couldn¡¯t read.¡± ¡°Well, then they die,¡± he stated, then plonked down on the blue-and-red chequered blanket, with his back against the rock. ¡°Don¡¯t be shy.¡± He patted the spot next to him. ¡°I won¡¯t bite.¡± I folded my arms, remembering suddenly why he brought me out here. ¡°Come on, Ara. You know you wanna talk to me.¡± The arrogant smile on his lips filtered through his voice. ¡°You also know I¡¯m not going to let you go until you do¡ªand no kitten-force Kung-fu is going to help you. I¡¯m not sure if you¡¯ve noticed, ma petite, but I¡¯m a lot bigger than you.¡± ¡°What does ma petite mean?¡± I twisted at the shoulders to face him. He smiled to himself, looking down at his outstretched legs. ¡°Roughly? Little girl.¡± I huffed. ¡°I am not a little girl!¡± ¡°Good. Then stop acting like one. Sit down.¡± I wanted to sit there, so badly, but letting him in to my world meant opening it, and I wasn¡¯t sure I even could anymore. David shrugged, then rested his hands behind his head¡ªkeeping his smiling eyes on me. ¡°I¡¯ve got all day.¡± Slowly, with his conceited stare melting my icy exterior, my frown dropped, my arms following, until, with a low sigh, I wandered over and sat down about a metre across from him. And he waited, saying nothing. I was happy to let time just pass around us¡ªhappy to be this nice, sweet girl he thought I was, for just a little longer. But I knew it would come to an end. It had to eventually. He had to know the truth about me¡ªabout what I¡¯d done. ¡°I¡¯m sorry, David.¡± ¡°Why would you need to be sorry?¡± ¡°I think I might¡¯ve given you the wrong impression about myself.¡± I lowered my gaze. I didn¡¯t want to see his face as I said this¡ªthe way any compassion would dissolve from his eyes, and that look, the smile that seemed to be reserved only for me, would vanish into disrespect. ¡°Actually, I deliberately gave you the wrong impression.¡± ¡°So, you¡¯re not a schoolgirl with a broken heart?¡± ¡°Is that all you see in me?¡± He shook his head when I looked at him. ¡°You know what I see in you.¡± I nodded. ¡°And that¡¯s exactly what I wanted you to see¡ªeveryone to see. But I¡¯m not nice. I¡¯m not sweet and I¡¯m not this golden child that organises benefits and listens to people talk about their day. I¡ª¡± I laughed a little. ¡°Half the time I really don¡¯t care what Emily thinks about the latest books she¡¯s reading and, most of the time, I cut her off¡ªtalk about things I want to talk about.¡± Page 20 David laughed. ¡°And your honesty is one of the other things I like about you.¡±Advertisement I shook my head. ¡°But it¡¯s not honesty. It¡¯s horrible. I mean, it¡¯s not like I don¡¯t care about people, but, I¡­I never really place them first.¡± He exhaled. ¡°And you think that makes you a bad person?¡± I shrugged. ¡°Maybe just selfish.¡± ¡°Okay, so maybe you¡¯re selfish. I still like you.¡± I couldn¡¯t help but smile at that, but dropped it quickly. ¡°What if¡­what if my selfishness went so deep it cost someone their life?¡± He rose to his knees and shuffled closer. ¡°Then you have to take a risk, right now¡ªyou have to put faith in our friendship, and just know that when you tell me what you¡¯re going to tell me, I¡¯m here¡ªfor you. Not for anyone else. I don¡¯t care about Emily or her trivial conversations either, Ara. Not right now.¡± He grabbed my hand. ¡°Right now, I¡¯m here with you, my little friend, and you¡¯re going to tell me what¡¯s on your mind.¡± I stole my hand back and pressed both palms to my now cool cheeks, swallowing the tight lump in the back of my throat. ¡°Ara,¡± he said softly, cupping his hand over mine, his fingertips resting just beside my ear. ¡°I can see you holding back tears.¡± ¡°I know. But if I let them go, I¡¯m not sure I¡¯ll stop.¡± He clicked his tongue. ¡°Can I tell you something? A little story¡ªa legend among my people.¡± I nodded, resting my hands in my lap. ¡°They say that the tears one cries for loss are the Tears of the Broken. We call them the Devil¡¯s Liquid because, for each one you shed alone, you sacrifice a piece of your soul.¡± I sniffled, looking up at him. ¡°And they also say that for each tear shared, you give a piece of yourself for someone else to safeguard until you¡¯re ready to see the sun rise again.¡± ¡°And you¡­¡± Hot tears doubled my vision; I blinked them out. ¡°You want to be that someone?¡± He stared at me, his round eyes unmoving. ¡°Ara, I am that someone.¡± Only a short sniffle passed before it all fell to pieces. ¡°She shouldn¡¯t have been there, David.¡± I covered my face, inaudible gusts of explanation dribbling through my lips. ¡°She should¡¯ve been in her bed, sleeping.¡± ¡°Your mom?¡± I nodded into my hands. ¡°It was my fault.¡± ¡°Why?¡± ¡°It was late.¡± I swallowed. ¡°I called her to come get me. I could¡¯ve walked home, but¡ª¡± I wedged my thumbnail between my teeth. ¡°It was so stupid. I¡¯m seventeen. I¡¯m not a child. But I was angry and all I wanted was my mom. I just wanted to go home.¡± ¡°So you asked her to come get you?¡± ¡°Made her.¡± ¡°And that one act makes this your fault?¡± ¡°Yes.¡± ¡°Why?¡± ¡°Because, I¡ª¡± I looked over at the lake, at the ducks splashing about, without a care in the world. I wanted to be them; brown and ugly, but free. ¡°Keep talking,¡± David ordered softly. ¡°I don¡¯t know what to tell you,¡± I explained, using my hands as if to animate my words. ¡°The memory has, like, faded or something. It all looks like it was filmed on some camera with this blue filter. I can¡¯t see it all as clearly as I did before. I just¡­it¡¯s like it happened to someone else.¡± He sat down, his feet flat to the floor on either side of my legs, our faces almost touching. ¡°But it didn¡¯t. It happened to you, and I need you to talk to me about it, Ara.¡± I nodded. ¡°It feels silly¡ªlike, no matter how I paint the scene, you just won¡¯t understand¡ªyou won¡¯t get it.¡± ¡°Then don¡¯t try to make me understand. Just tell me how you feel.¡± ¡°I feel¡­¡± I closed my eyes for a second. ¡°Alone. Lost. So, so empty and so full of this incredibly strong¡­regret.¡± ¡°Regret for calling her or for what you¡¯ve suffered?¡± ¡°For Harry.¡± My voice completely broke. ¡°Who¡¯s Harry?¡± ¡°My baby brother. He¡­I got in the car¡ªI shut the door and the first thing I did was look at Harry. He was pale. He¡¯d been sick for a week or so, and he just smiled at me. Two teeth, all gums. So bright. So happy.¡± ¡°It made you feel lighter¡ªto see him?¡± I nodded. ¡°Yeah. That¡¯s¡­exactly.¡± ¡°And now? How do you feel to look back on that memory?¡± I closed my hands around my face. ¡°Dark. Hollow. I can¡¯t see his face anymore. It¡¯s like¡­it¡¯s just so dark. And a part of me still feels scared¡ªlike I¡¯m gonna get in trouble from my mom when I get home, you know¡ªfor all the bad decisions I made that night. But, for that one moment, when I got in the car and she smiled at me like Harry did, I felt like I¡¯d made one right choice. Just one. And then¡­¡± I couldn¡¯t say it. I just couldn¡¯t bring myself to say the words out loud. It wasn¡¯t until right then that I realised I¡¯d never had to. My dad broke the news to everyone, while I stood, numb and silent. ¡°Keep talking,¡± David said, with the insistent tone of an adult. ¡°All I remember was pulling away from the stop sign, then feeling this incredible jolt. Mom¡¯s hand grabbed mine for a second, but¡­everything shook¡ªlike the most violent roller coaster I¡¯ve ever been on. My arms, my head, everything just¡­¡± I searched for the words. ¡°I felt pain, but it was the rush¡ªthe speed of things I really remember. I heard Harry crying; heard glass; heard my mom¡¯s scream get cut off suddenly, but that¡¯s it. I shut my eyes, praying for it to end, and when I opened them again, we¡¯d stopped. The crying had stopped. The noise, everything. ¡°I didn¡¯t even know I was upside down until I tried to undo my seatbelt. But it was stuck. I was stuck, and all the blood was making my head tight, making it hard to breathe.¡± ¡°Breathe now,¡± David said, placing his palm firmly against my ribs. I took a long breath, releasing it slowly. ¡°I didn¡¯t even realise I was holding it.¡± ¡°I know.¡± He smiled softly and pulled his hand away. I focused on my breathing for a second until my head stopped spinning, then looked up at David¡¯s incredible green eyes. ¡°I haven¡¯t really thought much about the accident. I¡­I forgot a lot of things¡ªthings I¡¯m remembering now.¡± ¡°Like what?¡± ¡°The silence.¡± My eyes narrowed into the memory. ¡°The way, after we stopped rolling, it was like the world stood, staring on, completely hushed for a moment, maybe waiting for our souls to leave the earth.¡± ¡°And Harry? What happened to him?¡± My lips turned down tightly, quivering. ¡°I didn¡¯t want to hear him cry. I didn¡¯t want him to be hurt¡ªlost somewhere I couldn¡¯t get to him. I was glad he was quiet. But I didn¡¯t know what that meant. I didn¡¯t know it meant¡­¡± My words flaked away as thoughts that rushed through my head when I looked into the backseat and saw nothing came flooding back. ¡°Where was he?¡± David asked. ¡°He was¡­gone.¡± He sighed, his hand coming up on my shoulder as he pulled me in, cradling my face against his chest. ¡°His blue beanie¡ªthe one Mom knitted when we found out he was a boy¡ªit was still there. It came right off his head. It¡­I wanted to grab it, but I was afraid.¡± ¡°Of what?¡± ¡°I don¡¯t really know. Maybe that I¡¯d see blood or¡­maybe worse.¡± My voice trailed down to a whisper on the end. ¡°I didn''t know what to do. I¡­no one came. I thought people would come running, but no one came. So¡­I just¡­I screamed. I knew it wouldn¡¯t help, but I couldn''t stop it. And something I learned that day¡ª¡± I looked up into David¡¯s eyes. ¡°It doesn¡¯t matter how loud you scream. There is no such thing as the worst things can get. There is no rock bottom. There is only a deep, endless pit of hell that you can fall through. You always imagine, like the movies, that you scream and someone comes¡ªthey come and they save you and they stop you from screaming. But¡­I stopped because my throat went dry. I screamed so long¡ªI stopped because my body couldn''t scream anymore.¡± My eyes filled with tears. ¡°Where¡¯s the humanity in that?¡± ¡°There is none,¡± he said, drawing me into him again. I closed my eyes and pictured the eerie dimness of the streetlights outside the car window, how, in the cold, the glow seemed to settle on the footpath like fog; the endless silence broken only by the hollow ticking of an indicator lamp¡ªdistant and lonely in the dead of night. ¡°If it had happened on another road¡ªmaybe where there were houses, we would¡¯ve¡­someone would¡¯ve come sooner. But¡ªthe drive home was down this freeway. If I¡¯d walked, I could¡¯ve cut through. I could''ve¡ª¡± ¡°Shh.¡± He stroked my hair. ¡°Don¡¯t go there, Ara. Just don¡¯t let yourself go there.¡± I studied the pattern of his denim jeans and the contrast of my white knee, nestled right into the underside of his upper thigh. He was slowly moving closer and closer, and I only felt safe and closed-in. ¡°I never believed in God. My mom tried to make me. I just never really believed. But, in that moment, when everything was dead quiet and I couldn¡¯t see my mom, didn¡¯t know where Harry was, I prayed. I leaned on my elbows to hold my weight, clasped my hands together around all the blood and glass, and begged God to let Harry be okay. But he¡­¡± ¡°He¡¯s okay now, Ara.¡± ¡°How can you say that? Harry was my world, David. Ever since he was born, all I ever did was talk about him, play with him¡­and¡­how can you think it¡¯s okay that he''s dead?¡± ¡°I didn¡¯t say that. I said he¡¯s not suffering anymore.¡± I looked down at my lap, sniffling. ¡°I didn¡¯t mean for any of this. I didn¡¯t mean for them to die.¡± ¡°Ara, of course you didn¡¯t, sweetheart.¡± He wrapped me in his arms, turning me slightly so my shoulder rested against his chest. ¡°Of course you didn¡¯t.¡± ¡°But even still, it was my fault, and I know I shouldn¡¯t think like that, I really do. But I feel like a murderer. I¡ª¡± I looked back on the memory of the empty backseat and the feeling of everything being gone. It was like lying flat on a steel bed, having someone hit your soul with a rubber mallet, sending it in black splatters everywhere; each piece reaching out to something tingly, making you shake. I had no control. I didn¡¯t know where Harry was and couldn¡¯t get free to make him okay. ¡°He was just a baby. What if he was awake? What if he was cold and wondering why we¡¯d left him there? What if he wanted to go home?¡± I burst into tears. ¡°Oh, David. I just wanna take him home.¡± ¡°My love. I wish I could make you better. God knows, I do. But, I know, so much better than anyone, what that feels like¡ªto lose something precious¡ªand that there¡¯s nothing I can even say.¡± I nodded. ¡°I just¡­how can he be gone? I was there. I was squeezing my mom¡¯s hand when he was born. I was the first person to hold him. I suggested his name, David. How could all that be gone?¡± ¡°Sometimes, my love, life just doesn¡¯t make sense.¡± ¡°I know. It¡¯s like¡­It¡¯s like creating something; like crafting it and painting it, then, in one stupid move, dropping it to the ground.¡± He rubbed gentle circles over my back. ¡°I know, but I also know that by talking to me, you¡¯re taking the first step toward healing.¡± ¡°I don¡¯t know about that, David. I just feel like I¡¯ve been lashed with something big and hard, and I can¡¯t make that go away.¡± I touched my chest where it always hurt. ¡°I tried to tell myself it wasn¡¯t my fault. I tried to make amends, pray for forgiveness, but it doesn¡¯t matter what I do. This pain, it doesn¡¯t go. I feel choked-up and so damn sorry.¡± ¡°You know you don¡¯t need to be sorry, Ara. You know this wasn¡¯t your fault.¡± My face crumpled. I truly wished I believed that. ¡°I¡¯ve been through every one of Vicki¡¯s books¡ªtrying to find a way to make sense of the guilt. And I know all the facts. But science doesn¡¯t measure grief, David. It can¡¯t, and it can¡¯t make sense of it. In my heart¡ª¡± I touched the base of my ribs. ¡°Way down here¡ªI think, maybe my soul, I can¡¯t put the guilt away.¡± ¡°Time, Ara.¡± He hugged me close again. ¡°Time is all that can heal.¡± ¡°But I get so angry. Sometimes I really think I¡¯m okay, and then I get so angry at myself. I hate myself for making that phone call¡ªfor going out that night. I just¡ªsometimes the anger is so much stronger than the grief.¡± ¡°What are you angry about, Ara¡ªjust that you called her?¡± I shook my head. ¡°So many things. I think the powerlessness, you know, the feeling like I had no control, and that it was my life. My goddamn life, but I was a kid; just a kid who had to do as she was told.¡± ¡°What are you talking about?¡± I bit my teeth together, folding forward as the feelings I¡¯d pushed down rose up in me again, making everything tight in my core. ¡°They took me away; they came, and they leaned into that car and all they said was this one¡¯s alive. Then they took me away. They wouldn¡¯t let me go; wouldn¡¯t let me find Harry. I was fine. I wasn¡¯t hurt. Just glass and cuts, but I was fine. If I could¡¯ve¡ªif they just let me look. I might¡¯ve found him.¡± Page 21 ¡°Did¡ªdid they ever find him?¡±Advertisement I nodded. ¡°They found his seat on the side of the road. Harry wasn¡¯t in it.¡± He stiffened. ¡°What happened to him?¡± ¡°They wouldn¡¯t tell me. But I heard a nurse say the cop was having counselling¡ªthe one that found him.¡± He clicked his tongue and squeezed me tighter. ¡°You shouldn¡¯t have had to hear that.¡± ¡°I know. And it made me so mad. I mean, I was over sixteen; legally old enough to make my own medical decisions. Legally old enough to be told what was going on. But they stuck me in that bed, drugged up on who knows what¡ªleft alone until my dad arrived¡ªfrom America. They let him tell me my mom was dead. They let him tell me I¡¯d been horrifically scarred. And he didn¡¯t even say it. It was the way he looked at me, David. He hadn¡¯t seen me in nearly a year, and the first time he laid eyes on me was when my face had been ripped apart. What do you think I saw in him that morning?¡± David¡¯s throat shifted. ¡°I know. But you¡¯re safe now.¡± ¡°I don¡¯t want to be safe, though. I feel like I owe a debt.¡± He tilted my face upward with both hands. ¡°A debt?¡± ¡°I¡¯m not stupid. Like I said, I know it¡¯s not my fault. I know it was an accident. But I feel like they¡¯re coming for me. Like I gave my family to them, and now they want me.¡± ¡°Who?¡± ¡°I don¡¯t know. The other side¡ªdeath. Karma, maybe. I don¡¯t know.¡± David¡¯s teeth slid slowly over each other as his jaw came forward and his eyes flicked to the place of deep thoughts. ¡°Do you¡ªdo you ever think of taking those matters into your own hands?¡± ¡°Mm-hm. Like, maybe I could trade places. You know¡ªoffer myself in exchange. If I could go back, maybe I could¡ª¡± ¡°Ara, my love, there is no going back.¡± His hands tightened on my face. ¡°We make mistakes, we have regrets, but, sweetheart¡ª¡± He opened and closed his mouth a few times, his eyes searching my face for any words he could say to make it all okay. ¡°It was selfish of you to make her come out and get you in the middle of the night, and it if it weren¡¯t for that, she would never have been there when that truck tire blew out. But that doesn¡¯t mean it wasn¡¯t her time to go. You can¡¯t control everything, Ara, and what matters is that, if you were to go back, you¡¯d do it differently.¡± ¡°How is that possibly any good to me¡ªto know that?¡± ¡°Because you learned something. And if that¡¯s all you can take from this, then it¡¯s better than walking away with only grief.¡± I shook my head. ¡°Don¡¯t give me that rubbish, David. They spoon-fed me that crap in the hospital until I nearly choked on it. There is no lesson to be learned. There is no goddamn bright side. There are two facts here; they are dead, and if I hadn¡¯t called Mom, they wouldn¡¯t be.¡± I could tell David was frustrated. I could tell he wanted to shake me. I wanted to shake me. I didn¡¯t want to feel this way, and couldn¡¯t expect anyone else to understand, which is precisely why I hadn¡¯t said it to anyone. ¡°Why are you shaking your head?¡± I asked him. ¡°I just¡­I¡¯m angry. Not at you, but¡­at everything. What¡­who was looking after you? Who¡¯s been talking to you about this, who have you had to comfort you?¡± I brushed my hair from my face. ¡°My dad.¡± ¡°Does he know you blame yourself?¡± I swallowed, unable to see my shoes through the blur of tears. ¡°No.¡± ¡°What kind of closure have you had, girl? Did he even let you farewell them in their graves before he dragged you away from the only home you¡¯ve ever known?¡± David sounded almost as angry as me. ¡°We went to the funeral. But a storm hit. It rained so hard I could only see a grey blur in front of me where their coffins should be. And most people left.¡± ¡°Did you?¡± I nodded. ¡°At first, I refused. I knelt on the ground, in the mud, letting it soak through my clothes. I just wanted to touch them¡ªto feel them again.¡± ¡°But your dad made you leave, didn¡¯t he?¡± I nodded again. ¡°I sat there, with my hand on Harry¡¯s coffin, just watching the rain drip over my skin and into the ground where he was headed. I didn¡¯t want him to go in there. I didn¡¯t want that to be it for him. And my dad¡­he sat down next to me.¡± I smiled. ¡°He got covered in mud. He just took my hand and moved it down a little, told me it was over Harry¡¯s heart¡ªthat he had his teddy and his little blanket in there to keep him warm and that, tucked up right beside his face was a picture of me and Mom. And I got up, and as soon as Dad got to his feet too, I shoved him, and I yelled at him.¡± ¡°Why?¡± ¡°A teddy?¡± I wiped my nose on the back of my wrist. ¡°He put a teddy in there with Harry. What teddy? Why didn¡¯t he come to me? Ask me? Harry would¡¯ve wanted his monkey¡ªPappy. He wouldn¡¯t want some stupid teddy. But it was too late. It was sealed up¡ªlocked up. I couldn''t change it. I couldn¡¯t change any of it.¡± ¡°Goddamn it.¡± He rested his chin on my head, shaking his. ¡°Ara, I just¡ªI just wish I¡¯d known you then. I just wish I¡¯d met you sooner. I had no idea you were carrying this much grief. I mean, I knew you were sad, I knew you were grieving, but this¡­¡± He kissed my hair. ¡°I didn¡¯t know it went this deep.¡± ¡°No one does. And I won¡¯t tell them. And neither will you.¡± It came out as a demand, but deep down, it was a question. He held all the cards right now. If he told my dad I called my mum that night, I¡¯m not sure Dad would ever forgive me. David¡¯s soothing touch wordlessly tried to wash the pain of my scars away. He just sat there, shaking his head, making line after line over my jaw. ¡°When did this happen? You arrived here a month ago, but your scars¡ªthey¡¯re healed too much to have such little time pass.¡± ¡°It was June. My dad and I stayed at a motel until my face healed enough for me to go out in public again.¡± ¡°A motel? Didn¡¯t you have any family to stay with?¡± ¡°Only Mike¡ªmy best friend. But I didn¡¯t want to see him, and we couldn¡¯t go back to the house. Dad said it would be too painful.¡± ¡°It would¡¯ve. But you still should have gone back once before leaving.¡± ¡°I did. I made him take me back there before we got on the plane, and¡­¡± ¡°And?¡± As I craned my neck to look at David, he gazed down at me, the feel of his breath on my nose and lips calming me with the reality of his existence. ¡°Talk to me, Ara.¡± I pictured the grey day, the cold wind and the rain making waterfalls over the windscreen as we pulled up outside my house. The lights were all out and the remainder of the daylight fought against thunderclouds for right of existence in my world. I took each shaky step up to the porch with a kind of stillness that had my dad lingering closely behind me. ¡°It hadn¡¯t really hit me that they were gone,¡± I said. ¡°Not until I pushed the door open and looked down the hall. And¡­for a second, I waited, expecting, truly believing I¡¯d see Harry crawl up to me at full speed with his little train in his hand. ¡°Everything looked the same and it smelled like home, but it was empty¡ªand so very quiet¡ªlike they weren¡¯t there anymore. I couldn¡¯t feel them there anymore.¡± I tapped my chest with an open palm, trying to push the pain back in. ¡°The dishes were still in the sink, and the clock on the wall was still ticking¡ªthat much stayed the same. It felt strange, how, even though we weren¡¯t there, time just kept moving without us.¡± I shook my head slowly, seeing that ticking hand. ¡°It should¡¯ve stopped, but it didn¡¯t. That¡¯s when I fell down. It hit me so hard. I just broke apart and cried in the doorway. ¡°Dad didn¡¯t know what to do. He ran next door to get Mrs Baker; she made me get up. She told me I had to be strong now; that childhood passes with tragedy, and the sooner I came to accept that, the easier my life would be.¡± David groaned, folding my face into his chest. ¡°What did your dad say to that?¡± ¡°Nothing. He just led me to my room and shut the door.¡± I closed my eyes and saw the dark shadows in the hallway near my room, how the absence of that warm summer sun meant the death of everything I loved. ¡°I packed a few things, and¡­as I was leaving, I went to Harry¡¯s room¡ªto get Pappy, his monkey toy, but Dad blocked the door; he wouldn¡¯t let me go in there.¡± I broke to tears so deep the words came out in hiccups. ¡°Why?¡± ¡°He said it would hurt more. He said I needed to make Harry a memory¡ªsomething that didn¡¯t feel real anymore.¡± ¡°He was just doing what he thought was best, Ara.¡± David choked back tears. ¡°I know.¡± I nodded. ¡°But he was wrong. They all think they know what I need¡ªbut they don¡¯t.¡± ¡°What do you need, sweetheart?¡± he asked. ¡°Tell me, and I¡¯ll make it happen.¡± ¡°I need to go back, David¡ªto that night. I need to put down that goddamn phone, and if I can¡¯t do that, I just need to die.¡± ¡°Ara.¡± David grabbed both my cheeks, thrusting my face up until I looked into his eyes. ¡°What do you think your mother would feel to hear you say that?¡± ¡°That¡¯s just it.¡± I pushed his hands away. ¡°She wouldn¡¯t feel anything, because she¡¯s dead, and it¡¯s my fault. No matter what you try to say, it¡¯s my fault.¡± ¡°It was no one¡¯s fault. Get it through your head.¡± He grabbed me more firmly, not letting me break away this time. ¡°You wanna blame someone, blame the truck driver, blame the tire shop who fitted used tires, but don¡¯t blame yourself because it won¡¯t bring them back.¡± My brow creased tightly in the middle. I grabbed his hand slowly. ¡°Wait, I never said there was a truck.¡± David stiffened, staring ahead, his mouth hanging open a little, like he was about to say something. I retraced my story in my head. ¡°David?¡± I sat back so I could look right into his eyes. ¡°Tell me how you knew that?¡± ¡°I¡ª¡± He winced, scratching the back of his neck. ¡°I kind of already knew.¡± ¡°Did¡­did my dad tell you?¡± ¡°Not everything.¡± He wiped his thumb over a line of tears on my cheek. ¡°But he told me why you were here.¡± ¡°When?¡± I yelled. ¡°Why?¡± ¡°Ara, calm down, it¡¯s okay.¡± He went to pull me closer, but I pushed away as hard as I could. ¡°You¡¯re traitors¡ªboth of you.¡± I jumped to my feet to get as much distance from him as possible. ¡°Sweetheart, don¡¯t be upset.¡± ¡°No. All this time. All this time, you knew. You knew and you made me talk about it. Why?¡± ¡°Because I knew it wasn¡¯t just their death bothering you. I knew it went deeper.¡± He stood up too. ¡°Turns out I was right.¡± ¡°So¡­¡± My eyes went wide, realisation sinking in like nausea. ¡°So, you were spying, for my dad?¡± ¡°Ara, no¡ª¡± He extended his hand. ¡°What would possibly make you want to do that, David?¡± ¡°Ara, it wasn¡¯t like that.¡± He edged closer, both hands out now. ¡°When did he tell you¡ªhow long have you known?¡± ¡°Please, just¡ª¡± ¡°When!¡± My scream echoed off the rocks and came back to haunt me with its severity. ¡°When you first came here.¡± He walked slowly toward me, as if I were a mental patient he was going to grab at first opportunity. ¡°He caught me during football practice, watching you on the swing, and¡ª¡± ¡°You were¡­watching me?¡± An eerie sensation travelled over my neck and spine, like a hand just touched my shoulder in a room that was supposed to be empty. ¡°Not like you think.¡± I backed away one step at a time in unison with his. ¡°You¡¯re a creep.¡± He stopped walking, lowering his arms as his green eyes flooded. ¡°I know how this sounds, Ara-Rose. But it wasn¡¯t like that. I swear. Just, please. Listen to me.¡± I laughed, though it wasn¡¯t out of amusement. ¡°All this time¡ªyou¡¯ve known about me. Even when we talked in the library?¡± He nodded. ¡°Well¡ª¡± I shook my head, ¡°¡ªI guess it makes sense now why you were so¡­¡± Friendly? Eager? Was that it? What was it with him? Did he enjoy the company of messed-up young girls? Perhaps it was a complex of his: Knight Syndrome. I felt like such an idiot. I turned and marched off to vent my anger away from anyone that could get hurt. ¡°Ara?¡± ¡°David, just leave me alone. Don¡¯t follow me!¡± I didn¡¯t look back; I didn¡¯t want to know if he followed or if he turned and went back home. As far as I was concerned, hiding a secret from someone, hiding that you were playing a game with them¡ªthat you were probing to get info out of them¡ªwas a friendship-ending offense. If I never saw him again, that would even be too soon. The forest showed me down an alternative path to the one we came in on. Billowing grass grew up between old tire tracks, and I followed them, hoping they¡¯d lead me into town. But my trek of rage drove me forward quickly, submerging me into an eerie surrounding, with the trail fading to thick shrubs, and at the end of it, only ugly, tangled trees and thorn-laced vines. I stopped walking. The once background sound of birds singing and leaves rustling in the wind was now unnervingly loud. Page 22 Real smart, Ara. Go off the beaten track.Advertisement I wandered over and slumped heavily onto a nearby log, hugging my arms across my body. I wasn¡¯t sure what to be worried about out here; back home I knew there could be kangaroos around, but also knew they very rarely attacked. Here, there could be any manner of man-eating creature, and that¡¯s without even thinking about the foxes. I really hoped they could read David¡¯s signs on the border. I checked my phone; no service, and it was getting late. The gentle breeze stopped then and a cunning silence looped around me, stealing the tranquillity of the woods. Even the midges dancing in beams of light disappeared with the warmth, leaving a cold kind of concern creeping under my skin. I kicked a ladybug off my shoe and looked back up the slope I just walked down. There was no denying it. I was stupid to walk off like that. And I shouldn¡¯t have yelled at David. I took a really long breath, lifting my shoulders all the way up, and let it out slowly, then stood up, dumping my phone in the pocket of my dress. Maybe he was waiting for me back by the lake¡ªmaybe it wasn¡¯t too late to apologise. I steeled myself for a round of grovelling, but after only one step back up the hill, crashed right into the warm embrace of strong, firm arms. ¡°Ara!¡± ¡°David?¡± ¡°You silly girl!¡± He wrapped me up almost restrictively, his fingertips pressing against my ribs. ¡°Don¡¯t ever run off like that again. I couldn¡¯t find you. I was worried sick.¡± ¡°I¡ªI¡¯m sorry,¡± I whispered into his chest. ¡°Ara? You. Have. Nothing to be sorry for.¡± ¡°But I¡ª¡± ¡°No.¡± He shook his head against the top of mine. ¡°I won¡¯t let you say that word anymore; not for anything.¡± I tugged a little to make him loosen his grip, then looked up at him. ¡°Why didn¡¯t you just tell me you knew about my mom?¡± He smiled, breathing out through his nose. ¡°Would you have wanted me to know? Would you still have been my friend?¡± It was a rhetorical question; we both knew the answer. ¡°So, what am I to you now? I mean, why would you still be friends with me now that you know all of this? Am I some damsel project to you or something? Do you think you can save me?¡± David shook his head. ¡°No, Ara. It was never about that.¡± ¡°Okay, so, what do you want from me; if my dad hasn¡¯t sent you in as his informant, then what do you want with me?¡± ¡°Informant?¡± He looked down at me. ¡°Is that what you thought?¡± ¡°It makes sense. From the first moment we met, you acted like we knew each other¡ªlike we were already friends. I just¡­I wondered why you were so interested, when, you know, I¡¯m no super model. I don¡¯t really have anything to offer you.¡± ¡°You have more than you think, Ara.¡± He exhaled, rocking his jaw. ¡°Okay, at the risk of sounding creepy, I¡¯m going to tell you why I was so¡­overeager when you first came to school.¡± ¡°Creepy? You weren¡¯t stalking me, were you?¡± ¡°Ha! No, I wasn¡¯t. But I had seen you several times.¡± ¡°When?¡± ¡°The first time was about a month ago¡ªguess it was the day you arrived. I was on the football field doing laps for practice and I passed your house¡ªsaw this sweet little thing in a yellow dress, just standing there looking up at the blue sky. And I stopped running.¡± I pictured it for a second; David on the field, me by the car, watching Dad get the suitcases from the trunk, and Vicki standing on the porch steps, covering her mouth, trying not to cry, and so badly, I knew, wanting to run out and hug me. But she didn¡¯t. And I was glad for that, because I¡¯d have pushed her away. ¡°My first thought was how unusual it was to see a girl in a dress like that. And I just thought you looked so pretty, so innocent and¡­when I looked a bit closer, I realised that you looked sad. And something in me felt tight.¡± He touched his chest, rubbing it. ¡°I hadn¡¯t really felt that before.¡± He laughed a little; I smiled. ¡°I just wanted to make you okay. And I hoped I¡¯d get a chance to meet you. I knew that was Mr Thompson¡¯s house, so I figured you were his daughter.¡± ¡°So you asked him about me?¡± He smiled, his lips spreading wide over his teeth. ¡°Uh, no. I didn¡¯t have the guts. I uh¡ªI actually set it up. I guess I set him up to have to tell me about you.¡± ¡°How?¡± ¡°He was running football practice one afternoon, and you were out in the backyard. I asked your dad if that girl on the swing at his house was related to him. And he told me you were his daughter. And I told him you were beautiful.¡± ¡°Suck up.¡± He laughed. ¡°I waited so long for you to come to school, Ara. When you finally did, and I finally saw you up close, I¡¯m sorry¡ª¡± he touched his chest, grinning, ¡°¡ªbut, I actually couldn¡¯t believe how beautiful you were and I¡ª¡± He stopped, closing his eyes. ¡°You?¡± ¡°I instantly fell in love with you.¡± My heart stopped beating, slipping through each of my internal organs until it hit my feet. David laughed lightly, tucking my hair behind my ear. ¡°You¡¯re going to be okay, you know. We¡¯ll get through this. Together.¡± ¡°Together?¡± ¡°Yeah.¡± I snuggled into his chest, wrapping my arms all the way around him. ¡°I like the way that sounds.¡± ¡°Me too,¡± he said, and in his arms I stood, with my eyes closed and the tranquillity of love keeping my heart beating, while each breath I took unlinked my soul from the binds of my shadowed past. I never wanted to go back to before. I wanted this embrace to last forever¡ªto stay here in his arms where all of my troubles didn¡¯t seem so absolute and the world didn¡¯t seem so cruel. There was something about the way he held me that made me feel safe¡ªmade me realise, as wholly as I knew myself, that the empty feeling I¡¯d suffered so long could only have been cured by this moment¡ªby David, who came into my life as just a boy, and turned out to be a knight. Chapter Nine David closed the front door and we both looked up the dark staircase to the sound of a piano. ¡°That¡¯s weird,¡± I said. ¡°We don¡¯t even have a piano.¡± He smiled. ¡°I¡¯ll wait here.¡± ¡°By yourself?¡± His smile softened. ¡°Something tells me you might need a minute.¡± ¡°Why?¡± I frowned. ¡°Ara?¡± Dad called down from his room. ¡°Is that you?¡± ¡°Uh, yeah. I just came back to get changed.¡± ¡°Come in here first, please.¡± I looked at David, who took a step back, offering the stairway. ¡°I¡¯ll just be a sec.¡± ¡°I¡¯ll be right here.¡± Each step I took felt like my last; I was sure Dad had a massive lecture waiting behind his bedroom door on why we don¡¯t sneak out of school with strange boys, but as I pushed his door open and saw him sitting on the end of his bed, my heart felt heavy. ¡°Dad?¡± He turned his face from the cradle of his hands. ¡°Come in. Close the door.¡± ¡°Where¡¯s Vicki and Sam?¡± ¡°Family pizza night.¡± ¡°Oh yeah. Sorry.¡± I stopped. ¡°I forgot about pizza night.¡± ¡°It¡¯s fine, honey.¡± He patted the bed; I sat down next to him. ¡°Why didn¡¯t you go, Dad?¡± He gave me a look that suggested the obvious. ¡°My daughter ran away from school today¡ªcrying. I wanted to be here when you got home.¡± ¡°I¡¯m sorry about that, Dad.¡± I twiddled my thumbs. ¡°Ara-Rose, you don¡¯t need to be sorry.¡± He rubbed my back. ¡°I¡¯m just glad someone was there for you.¡± ¡°Yeah.¡± Dad¡¯s soft smile infected my heart, making me grin, too. ¡°David kind of forced a deep and meaningful confession out of me.¡± Dad laughed. ¡°So, you told him¡ªabout why you came to live here?¡± No, you did. ¡°Yeah. We¡¯re¡ªhe¡¯s helping me through it.¡± Dad sighed massively and wrapped his arm all the way around my shoulder, pulling me into him for a bear-tight hug. ¡°I¡¯m so relived to hear that. And you¡¯re all going out to Betty¡¯s tonight, right?¡± I nodded. ¡°If that¡¯s¡­is it still okay?¡± ¡°Of course it is, honey.¡± He pressed a big sloppy Dad kiss on my brow. ¡°More than okay. I¡¯ll even give you a later curfew. How¡¯s that sound?¡± ¡°Really? What time?¡± ¡°Eleven sound fair?¡± ¡°Yes!¡± I hugged him, wrapping my skinny arms all the way around his neck. ¡°Thank you, Dad.¡± ¡°Just happy to make you happy.¡± He rubbed my back, and as I pulled away, sitting beside him again, my butt landed on the remote, starting up the film he¡¯d been watching. I went to apologise, but my eyes strayed from his smile to the TV set, stopping on the tiny dancer, gracefully billowing across the screen. ¡°I¡¯m sorry, honey.¡± Dad grabbed the remote and went to turn it off; I placed my hand over his. ¡°Wait. I want to see.¡± He lowered the remote and I rose to my feet, walking slowly over to watch the only piece of my mother I had left. ¡°Did she ever tell you about this concert?¡± Dad asked. I shook my head. ¡°It was the year before she quit ballet.¡± ¡°Before she had me?¡± ¡°Yes.¡± He stood beside me. ¡°It was Swan Lake.¡± ¡°I know.¡± I smiled, watching my mother dance. ¡°I did this one last year for our ballet recital.¡± His arm wrapped my shoulders. ¡°I remember. You were such a beautiful dancer.¡± ¡°I think I inherited that from Mom.¡± ¡°Yes.¡± He looked at the screen. ¡°Among other things.¡± I looked up at his watering eyes. ¡°You miss her, too?¡± He pressed stop on the remote and the screen went black. ¡°I always will.¡± A moment of silence passed between us. ¡°I¡¯m sorry, Dad.¡± ¡°What for?¡± ¡°I¡­I¡¯m just sorry¡ªabout everything.¡± He looked down at me, his eyes narrowing tightly on the inner corners. ¡°You know, honey, if there¡¯s something you need to tell me¡ª¡± ¡°Thanks, Dad.¡± I hugged him softly, squeezing once before backing up. ¡°I do know that.¡± ¡°Okay.¡± His concerned smile dropped for the warm one I always loved. ¡°Well, you go on now and have a good night. Promise?¡± I nodded. ¡°Yeah. I promise.¡± As I closed his door, the gentle hum of piano followed me out into the hall again. ¡°Are you okay, Ara?¡± David called from downstairs. ¡°Uh, yeah,¡± I called back. ¡°Just gotta throw on some jeans. Won¡¯t be long.¡± I slipped into the cleanest-smelling pair of jeans I could find on my floor and grabbed the blue zip-up sweater from my dresser, then scrunched my hair up a few times and grabbed my purse as I stumbled out the door. ¡°You won¡¯t be needing this.¡± David took my purse, appearing out of nowhere, and ditched it back into my room. I heard it hit my bed with a dull, leather-sounding thud. ¡°Why won¡¯t I need that? Don¡¯t they sell food there? I¡¯m starving.¡± He shook his head, unamused. ¡°You know I won¡¯t let you pay for your own food.¡± ¡°Why? Is my money dirty?¡± I followed him down the stairs, my careless feet thumping loudly behind his barely audible footfalls. ¡°No.¡± He opened the front door. ¡°But when a guy takes a girl on a date, he should pay. It¡¯s the way I was raised.¡± ¡°Well¡ª¡± I sauntered past him; he closed the front door behind us, ¡°¡ªit¡¯s weird.¡± ¡°Don¡¯t pretend you object to me treating you as a lady.¡± ¡°Maybe I do.¡± Despite that, he still opened the car door for me. ¡°Why do girls always do that?¡± ¡°Do what?¡± ¡°Spill that equal rights nonsense¡ªargue that we¡¯re taking their independence by opening a door for them. That¡¯s just not the case.¡± ¡°Well, what is the case?¡± I sat down on the front seat, leaving my feet on the driveway. ¡°Simply that we¡¯re demonstrating good breeding; showing the girl we¡¯re worthy and capable of taking care of her¡ªthat we¡¯re polite, considerate, nurturing.¡± I folded my arms. ¡°Women don¡¯t need nurturing¡ªor to be taken care of. We can fend for ourselves. We¡¯re equal to men, you know.¡± ¡°Ara.¡± He stared down at me, the skin under his eyes tight. ¡°I¡¯m not disregarding equality by being a gentleman; I¡¯m exercising chivalry.¡± ¡°That¡¯s outdated, though, isn¡¯t it?¡± I challenged, with a grin. ¡°Never,¡± he said in a high tone. ¡°Why should courtesy be outdated¡ªor offensive? Is it not polite to offer a pregnant woman your seat on a bus?¡± ¡°Yes, but that¡¯s different.¡± ¡°Why?¡± ¡°Because she¡¯s pregnant.¡± ¡°Then, if you want equal rights for all, it would only be polite for me to also offer this to a woman who is not pregnant. Or to the man playing Angry Birds on his iPhone.¡± ¡°This is getting off topic.¡± I swung my legs into the car. ¡°The point is¡ª¡± Argh! What was my point? ...Oh yeah. ¡°The point is that I should be able to pay for my own food if I want.¡± Page 23 ¡°And you can, but not when you come out with me. I have rights, too.¡±Advertisement ¡°So¡­I¡¯m taking away your rights by buying my own food?¡± ¡°Absolutely.¡± ¡°What a load of rubbish.¡± ¡°Think of it like this; some girls believe exerting independence by denying a man his own rights to be respectful demonstrates strength. But women are incredibly strong. We already know this. So, unfortunately, by labelling chivalry to be insolent, she is merely robbing the next generation of civility¡ªensuring the extinction of well-mannered men. It¡¯s my right and duty to preserve the tradition.¡± ¡°Not all women consider it good manners when a guy forces her to accept a free lunch.¡± I tightened the fold of my arms. ¡°Oh, really?¡± He looked down at me with one brow arched. ¡°Yet, if I neglected to wrap my jacket over your shoulders on a cold evening I¡¯d be regarded as a jerk.¡± ¡°I¡ª¡± ¡°I¡¯m a gentleman, Ara. Get used to it.¡± He closed the door on my retort and appeared suddenly in the seat next to me. ¡°How do you move so quick?¡± ¡°I don¡¯t. You just faze out all the time.¡± David pulled into an angled space outside the buzzing corner caf¨¦ and shut the engine off. ¡°Welcome to the best burger joint in town.¡± Beyond the flashing pink and blue signs on the windows, the generation gap seemed to be left behind; kids sat on chrome-rimmed stools by the milk-bar, singing Elvis songs loud enough to hear from here, while others gathered around the white billiard tables on the lower level. Even the staff, in their flaring poodle skirts and sneakers, seemed to have jumped right off the Grease film set. ¡°David?¡± ¡°Yeah.¡± As I looked back at him, he smiled softly, comfortably, as if he¡¯d not taken his eyes off me the whole time. ¡°I¡¯m sorry about the whole independence thing. I think it¡¯s really sweet that you¡¯re a gentleman.¡± He nodded, taking my hand delicately. ¡°I know.¡± ¡°You do?¡± ¡°Yes. I can see right through your girl power act, young lady.¡± ¡°Oh, really.¡± I leaned back in the chair, my eyes employing a defiant glare. ¡°And what exactly do you see, Mr Know-It-All?¡± ¡°I see¡­¡± He leaned forward, luring me into his private little world. ¡°I see a young girl who just wants to be loved by a man worthy of her.¡± Several retorts came to mind, none of them sassy and creative like I wished. I went with ¡°Aw, how romantic,¡± squeezing my fists tightly to stop from launching myself into his arms. ¡°Come. Let¡¯s get some food.¡± He turned slowly and hopped out, closing the door quietly behind him, then appeared by my door, offering his hand. As my fingers touched his, blood rushed up with a quick skip of my heart, and I drew my hand back. ¡°Wow, you are really cold tonight.¡± ¡°Yeah. I know.¡± He looked at his hand, rubbing his thumb over his fingertips. ¡°They get cold when I drive.¡± ¡°Mine get cold when I do homework.¡± ¡°Maybe you should avoid it then.¡± ¡°Maybe I like cold hands,¡± I said, walking beside him, and when he smiled down at me, I caught sight of his fangs. ¡°Why are you looking at me like that?¡± he asked. ¡°I was just thinking.¡± I braved rejection and reached for his hand again; he let me take it. ¡°With those pointy canines and cold hands¡ªyou could pass as a vampire.¡± His sudden boisterous laughter made me smile. ¡°Better watch out then; we are on a dinner date, after all.¡± ¡°Hm,¡± I said. ¡°Guess I better order garlic then¡ªor maybe a steak.¡± ¡°A steak?¡± ¡°Yeah, you know¡­?¡± I prompted, stabbing my heart with an invisible stick. ¡°As in¡­a stake?¡± David shook his head, but a warm smile sparkled in his eyes as he opened the caf¨¦ door and the nineteen-fifties time warp enveloped us. ¡°I would guess, by the look on your face, that you like it,¡± he said. ¡°It¡¯s great. Crowded, though.¡± ¡°When you taste the food you¡¯ll see why.¡± My stomach groaned. ¡°Ah, I see the very mention of sustenance has awakened the ogre.¡± David grinned at my belly. ¡°Stop laughing,¡± I said, covering it. ¡°Make me.¡± ¡°I can, you know.¡± I looked up at him. ¡°I¡¯m tougher than I look.¡± He pinched my bony wrist between two fingers and held it up. ¡°Yeah. So much muscle.¡± ¡°Shut up.¡± I laughed, punching him softly in the arm. ¡°Ouch.¡± He rubbed it. ¡°That really hurt.¡± ¡°Really?¡± ¡°No.¡± He smirked, offering a seat nearby. ¡°I was just trying to be nice.¡± I slid into the booth, shaking my head, and David shuffled in beside me, coming closer each time I moved over to give him more space. It wasn¡¯t until my shoulder and arm pressed against the cold glass that I realised it wasn¡¯t more space he wanted, but less between us. I looked into my lap, smiling to myself. ¡°Have you¡­¡± I cleared the nerves from my throat. ¡°Have you seen the others yet?¡± ¡°By the pool table.¡± He tilted his head in their direction, without taking his eyes off me. ¡°Hm. Didn¡¯t even see them when we walked in.¡± I leaned around him and watched Emily and Alana¡ªcovering their mouths, giggling at Ryan. ¡°Are they checking out his butt every time he takes a shot?¡± David nodded, smiling. ¡°Do you think we should go say hello?¡± I asked. ¡°No, they¡¯ll come over when they finish. For now¡ª¡± he shrugged, ¡°¡ªI kinda like this.¡± So did I. In fact, I kinda hoped they didn¡¯t notice us at all. The corner of David¡¯s mouth twitched, breaking his face into a grin. ¡°What? Why are you smiling?¡± ¡°No reason,¡± he said. I turned my face away, feeling heat rise up in my cheeks. Sometimes it felt like he knew exactly what I was thinking. ¡°Why do you do that?¡± He cupped my chin, turning my head. ¡°Do what?¡± ¡°You turn your face away when you blush,¡± he said delicately. ¡°I wish you wouldn¡¯t.¡± ¡°It¡¯s embarrassing.¡± ¡°It¡¯s sweet.¡± My breath fluttered as our eyes locked together for an awkward moment. Well, awkward for me¡ªhe seemed perfectly at ease. ¡°You know, you have an irritating quirk, yourself.¡± ¡°I do?¡± he said. ¡°Yes.¡± ¡°And what might that be?¡± ¡°That!¡± I pointed to that smile¡ªthe one evident only by the two dimples above the corners of his lips, while his gaze drifted downward. ¡°It¡¯s like you¡­I don¡¯t know, it¡¯s like you have a secret or a joke, and it¡¯s a good one, but you don¡¯t want to share it.¡± ¡°Oh.¡± He nodded, hiding the smallest hint of humour. ¡°I guess I do, maybe do that¡ªa lot.¡± I nodded. ¡°You¡¯re very observant, Ara-Rose.¡± ¡°So, what is it? Why do you do it?¡± ¡°I just spend too much time in my own head, that¡¯s all.¡± ¡°Like me?¡± ¡°Yeah, except¡­it gets pretty boring up here, so I find ways to amuse myself.¡± The bright smile dropped instantly and his lost words hung in the air as I folded my arms and stole his smile for my own. ¡°So, am I boring you?¡± I asked. ¡°I didn¡¯t mean it like that.¡± ¡°Hey, you two.¡± Emily bounced up beside the table. ¡°Hey, Em.¡± ¡°Check it out.¡± She inclined her head to one side in a quick movement, hinting with her eyes. ¡°Oh my God, you guys,¡± I beamed, seeing the joined hands of Alana and Ryan. ¡°When did this happen?¡± ¡°Well.¡± Ryan swept his fingers through his hair. ¡°I kinda got the hard word put on me.¡± Alana raised her eyebrows in Emily¡¯s direction. Emily shrugged. ¡°You weren¡¯t there to talk with me about David this afternoon, so I had to find something to do.¡± David looked sideways at me, his radiant smile gleaming. ¡°You talk about me?¡± I blinked a few extra times, feeling pretty sheepish, and chose to ignore him. ¡°Well, that¡¯s really cool, guys. I¡¯m glad you finally got together.¡± ¡°Yeah.¡± Ryan shrugged. ¡°I¡¯m pretty happy about it.¡± They slid into the seat opposite us, while Emily slid in beside David, leaving a less than reasonable gap. I all but got my ruler out and measured it to the last millimetre. ¡°What can I get you guys?¡± a waitress said, popping up out of nowhere, pulling a pen from her ponytail. David handed me the menu; I placed it back down, shaking my head. As the others rattled off their orders, he leaned in and whispered against my ear, ¡°What¡¯s wrong? Why aren¡¯t you ordering?¡± ¡°I am,¡± I said enthusiastically, logging the cool, minty scent of his breath in my memory. ¡°I just don¡¯t need the menu.¡± I looked at the waitress as a tray of burgers and fries passed her head. ¡°I¡¯ll have that, thanks.¡± She turned around, then smiled when she looked back. ¡°Okay, Betty Burger, fries and shake?¡± She wrote it down and looked at David. ¡°Same.¡± He smiled. ¡°Okay, that¡¯ll just be a moment.¡± She skipped off. David stared at me. ¡°That¡¯s a lot of food. Can you really eat all that?¡± Evidence that he didn¡¯t know me very well at all. ¡°I think we should have a challenge.¡± ¡°I¡¯m always up for that,¡± Ryan said. ¡°Cool. It¡¯s a who can eat the most challenge?¡± Emily shook her head. ¡°Ew, no, sorry. Count me out. I¡¯m on a diet.¡± My eyes bulged. ¡°A diet?¡± ¡°Yeah. I mean, no, not like that.¡± She waved her hands around. ¡°It¡¯s just a healthy eating thing¡ªto stay fit. I¡¯m on top of the pyramid. If I weigh too much, someone could get hurt.¡± ¡°Okay then. Alana?¡± ¡°Sorry. Count me out, too. I have a really small stomach. I¡¯ll probably lose on the first fry.¡± Ryan grinned wildly. ¡°Count me in, sister.¡± He shook my hand, then we both looked at David, who leaned back in his chair, linking his fingers behind his head. ¡°I don¡¯t know. I can eat a lot. I could probably eat you and not think twice about it.¡± He leaned forward and rested his elbows on the table, titling his shoulders closer to me. ¡°Do you think you¡¯re up for that kind of a challenge, little girl?¡± ¡°Bring it on,¡± I said, and as I went to shake his hand, a jolt of static shot through us, making me yelp. ¡°Ow. I hate that.¡± ¡°Sorry.¡± David touched the sleeve of his thin black sweater. ¡°I¡¯m wearing wool.¡± ¡°Wool?¡± I exclaimed with a certain amount of accusation in my tone. ¡°How do you even know that¡¯s wool? You¡¯re a guy!¡± He leaned on his hand, resting his knuckles just beside his smile. ¡°A guy who knows what wool feels like.¡± ¡°Sometimes I think you know too much for your age, David Knight.¡± ¡°Well, I come from a wealthy family.¡± He distracted himself, swapping the salt label with the sugar one. ¡°Grooming and Deportment were lessons of great significance during my upbringing.¡± ¡°Grooming and what?¡± Emily asked. ¡°Etiquette classes,¡± I informed, leaning around David to look at her. ¡°I had to do them in modelling school when I was ten.¡± ¡°Oh.¡± She sat back, staring ahead thoughtfully. ¡°Hm, that makes sense on so many levels.¡± Yup, I thought so too. Being raised like an English Lord explained why he was so charming and charismatic and¡­otherworldly. When we finished dinner, David and Ryan discussed, rather heatedly, their opinions on the best guitar brands while I lost myself to thought, sliding my finger over the condensation on my milkshake glass. The waitress took our plates and left the bill, which David snaffled quickly, opening his leather wallet. ¡°I¡¯ll get this one, guys.¡± ¡°Are you sure, man?¡± Ryan offered a fifty. ¡°Yeah. Hundred percent.¡± David nodded, laying the cash out with a rather large tip to accompany. ¡°Well, thanks,¡± Ryan said. ¡°I¡¯ll get the next one.¡± David nodded, leaning forward to stuff his wallet in his back pocket. ¡°Ara.¡± Emily leaned around David to look at me. ¡°You¡¯re not human, are you? How do you eat so much?¡± I patted my belly. ¡°I like my stomach to be full.¡± ¡°No kidding,¡± she said. ¡°Well, I think it¡¯s good to see a girl eating,¡± Ryan said. ¡°Don¡¯t you, Dave?¡± ¡°Yeah.¡± He looked at me with soft eyes, then linked his fingers through mine under the table. ¡°I don¡¯t have to be one of those guys who¡¯s gotta convince his girlfriend to eat. Huh! She¡¯ll probably eat mine t¡ª¡± he stopped mid-sentence. Everyone at the table stared at him, including me. ¡°Girlfriend?¡± Emily said. ¡°So, it¡¯s official?¡± David just sat incredibly still, barely breathing, and certainly not speaking, so I squeezed his hand and nodded. ¡°Yes,¡± David said smoothly, turning slightly to look at Emily. ¡°It¡¯s official.¡± Page 24 ¡°Hey, that¡¯s really awesome, man. Congrats.¡± Ryan reached out and they shook hands, bumping knuckles after.Advertisement ¡°I knew it,¡± Emily practically squealed. ¡°I just knew she¡¯d be your type, David.¡± ¡°I don¡¯t think I have a type, Emily,¡± he said, and wrapped his arm around me. ¡°But Ara¡¯s pretty much everything I ever wanted in a girl.¡± Everyone made a cheering-yet-that¡¯s-totally-lame noise at David¡¯s mushy statement, but my whole body flooded with warmth, making me feel almost dizzy. ¡°Way to make me look bad, man,¡± Ryan said, laughing once. ¡°If I even tried to say something like that I¡¯d be accused of reading poetry from the Lame Book of Things Guys Shouldn¡¯t Say.¡± We all laughed, and David pulled me closer until my head rested between his jaw and shoulder, our thighs touching, the warmth from under his arm making the sharp, sweet smell of his cologne so much stronger; a spicy scent, like Brut, not the orangey-chocolate one he usually wore. ¡°Guess that just leaves me now,¡± Emily said, leaning on her hand. ¡°Well, if you¡¯re not with Spencer soon, maybe you should meet my best friend¡ªhe¡¯s coming to visit in a few weeks.¡± I leaned around David to look at her. ¡°Is he from Australia?¡± she asked. ¡°Mm-hm.¡± I put my drink down on the table. ¡°And he¡¯s really cute.¡± ¡°Cute, is he?¡± David raised one brow. ¡°Actually, yes. He is.¡± ¡°What does he look like?¡± Emily leaned further around, forcing David to sit back a little. ¡°Well, why don¡¯t you come have a sleepover at mine next Saturday and I¡¯ll show you some pics.¡± ¡°Yeah? I¡¯d actually really like that.¡± ¡°Cool. Alana, you wanna come, too?¡± I asked, allowing myself to feel the excitement of a normal teenager for a moment. She looked at Ryan and smiled, shrinking into herself a little more. ¡°Um, yeah, if Emily doesn¡¯t mind?¡± ¡°Mind? Of course you should come. Hey, I¡¯ll bring a movie, yeah?¡± ¡°Yeah, and I¡¯ll get a pizza,¡± I added. ¡°Better make that two,¡± Ryan said. ¡°Otherwise the girls¡¯ll go hungry.¡± ¡°Funny.¡± I rolled my eyes. ¡°I¡¯ll bring the popcorn,¡± Alana said, shyly. ¡°Great. It¡¯s settled then.¡± And I was actually excited. Mike would be, too, when I told him. In fact, this had been a great day. The best ever. In a way, I was kinda glad my dad so cruelly forced me back to school this week, because I had new friends now and my horrible past was no longer a burden I solely owned. But best of all, David liked me enough to want me as his girlfriend. In fact¡­love. Love is what he¡¯d said. I looked sideways at David, flouncing his hand around in the air as he explained the size of the pizza he ate last night. He didn¡¯t know it yet, and I wasn¡¯t ready to tell him, but I loved him, too. Not in the way he loved me¡ªlike the way you love your guitar or your best friend¡ªbut real love. The kind of love you hold for someone you want to marry one day. The phone rang twice. I waited impatiently, tapping my fingers on the desk. ¡°Hey, Ara.¡± ¡°What you doin¡¯?¡± I asked, hearing a strange static kind of sound. ¡°He¡¯s playing a death-match, online, with me,¡± another voice said very clearly into the receiver. ¡°Oh, hey, Josh.¡± I laughed, wincing. Lucky I didn¡¯t just blurt out my news the second Mike picked up. ¡°Hey, Ara. How¡¯s things, what you been up to?¡± Josh asked, half distracted. ¡°Well, actually. A lot. That¡¯s why I called,¡± I said in an eager, soprano voice. ¡°Hang on,¡± Mike said. ¡°I¡¯ll just de-link the phone line from the headsets.¡± I heard a noise, like someone tapping a fingertip on the lid of an empty tin, and a bleep followed, making the slight static in the phone line recede, leaving a clear, quiet hum. ¡°Okay, I¡¯m alone now. How you doin¡¯, kid?¡± Mike¡¯s deep, sexy voice made my blood warmer. ¡°Well, actually, I¡¯ve been waiting up all night for you to get home so I could call you. I¡¯ve got good news.¡± ¡°I¡¯m listening.¡± I paused for dramatic effect. ¡°I¡¯m having a sleepover next weekend.¡± ¡°Really?¡± he dragged the word out. ¡°No, I was kidding.¡± ¡°Well, that¡¯s great. Are you gonna talk to the girls about what happened¡ªwith your mum?¡± I shook my head, watching my reflection in the window. ¡°Nope. Don¡¯t need to.¡± ¡°Why?¡± ¡°Already talked to someone.¡± ¡°Who?¡± he asked. ¡°Was it your dad?¡± ¡°No, it was David.¡± ¡°Yeah? The guy you like?¡± ¡°Yep.¡± ¡°Well, come on, fill me in, then?¡± His voice glided in that husky smoothness that could only be Mike¡¯s. ¡°Well, it turns out he already knew.¡± I sighed, rubbing my forehead. ¡°He spoke to my dad before he even met me.¡± ¡°Well, that¡¯s cool. And he still made friends with you?¡± ¡°Yes,¡± I said in a flat tone. ¡°I know, I know¡ªyou told me it¡¯d be fine.¡± ¡°Did you tell him about¡­you know, the other part of it¡ªyour inner guilt?¡± I hesitated. ¡°Yes.¡± ¡°And he still wants to be your friend?¡± he asked, unperturbed. ¡°Actually, that¡¯s why I¡¯m calling. We made our relationship official tonight,¡± I beamed. Mike went quiet. ¡°Ara, what did you do?¡± ¡°What? Oh, no, not like that, Mike.¡± I laughed, waving my hands about. He exhaled. ¡°So, like what, then?¡± ¡°As in he said the word girlfriend.¡± I couldn¡¯t help but grin. ¡°Well, that¡¯s really cool. I¡¯m glad there¡¯s someone lookin¡¯ out for ya.¡± ¡°You could make even half an effort to sound happy for me, Mike.¡± ¡°I am happy for you, baby. I just¡ª¡± ¡°You¡¯re still my bestie, Mike.¡± ¡°I know, but I¡¯m not there, Ara. And I¡¯m worried. I know you too well, and I know that tone. You¡¯re pretty serious about this guy, aren¡¯t you?¡± ¡°Maybe.¡± I grinned, glad he couldn¡¯t see it. ¡°Baby, you gotta be careful. Grief can magnify emotions. You know that. What you¡¯re feeling, it may just be¡ª¡± ¡°Don¡¯t say it, okay?¡± I said, holding the phone away from my ear in case he did. ¡°I don¡¯t need you telling me what to feel.¡± He just sighed heavily. ¡°Okay. Fine.¡± ¡°Thank you.¡± I sat quiet for a second, considering just hanging up. ¡°Hey, guess what?¡± ¡°What?¡± ¡°I have a girl I want you to meet when you come over.¡± ¡°Ara, don¡¯t play matchmaker. I¡¯m coming to see you, not go on dates.¡± ¡°She¡¯s blonde. And cute,¡± I offered, my voice rising in question. ¡°She¡¯s the one I¡¯m having over next weekend for a sleepover. I¡¯m gonna show her some pictures of you.¡± ¡°Well¡ª¡± his voice dragged, ¡°¡ªI do like blondes, but not dumb ones.¡± ¡°Oh, no, don¡¯t worry, she¡¯s definitely not stupid. But don¡¯t get ahead of yourself, Romeo. She might not even like you. You¡¯re not that good looking.¡± ¡°Are you kidding? I¡¯m a hunk.¡± He laughed. I smiled. ¡°Yeah, I¡¯d pay that. But it takes more than just good looks to get the girl.¡± ¡°Well, how ¡®bout my charming personality and witty sense of humour?¡± ¡°Might work.¡± ¡°Worked on you.¡± ¡°Not funny, Mike.¡± ¡°Sorry. I take it back. I didn¡¯t mean it like that.¡± ¡°Whatever. Anyway. You don¡¯t need to worry about me now, okay. I¡¯m doing well. I¡¯m still not fine. But I¡¯m okay. Today.¡± ¡°I¡¯m glad, kid. You could use a bit of okay. But¡ª¡± a long, stretching groan sounded down the phone line; I pictured him rolling his spine, straightening his arms behind his head, ¡°¡ªI¡¯ll be there soon, and then you¡¯ll be all better.¡± ¡°Don¡¯t flatter yourself.¡± He laughed for a second, then became all stern; ¡°But, seriously, Ara? Please don¡¯t set me up with this friend of yours. I¡¯m in a difficult place right now with matters of the heart. I¡¯d rather not drag anyone else into that. Okay?¡± ¡°Sure thing.¡± But I knew he¡¯d change his mind when he saw her. The fresh scent of Mr Warner¡¯s cut grass next door mixed with the lemony fragrance of Vicki¡¯s bathroom cleaner, and the sound of the vacuum cleaner down the hall sent a warm pang of calm through me. I smoothed my hands over the unruffled bedcovers on top of me, remembering my irrational but normal dreams. I wondered how today could seem so perfectly sunny and bright when yesterday, despite the weather being the same, my whole life had felt grey and stormy. With a hint of a skip in my step, I leaped out of bed and stood right in front of my open window, drawing a breath of the fresh, cool morning air. It wasn¡¯t even nine o¡¯clock yet, but I wanted nothing more than to be up and a part of the day. When my crappy old phone bleeped, I dove onto my bed and opened my messages; Can I come see you today? It¡¯s David, by the way. An invisible paintbrush swerved across my lips, bringing them up on both corners. I texted back: Are you kidding? Of course you can. Didn¡¯t want to seem overeager. Be there in five, he texted back. My eyes went wider, taking in my ultra messy room. I scooped my clothes off my floor in one big pile and threw them in the laundry basket, then shook my quilt over my bed and sprayed deodorant all around my room, waving a hand through the scented cloud to rid the stench of depression from within the walls. ¡°Vicki?¡± I called, grabbing my doorframe to lean out into the hall. ¡°Yes, dear?¡± ¡°I¡¯ve got a friend coming over, okay?¡± ¡°Okay.¡± I heard the vacuum cleaner start up again, relieved she didn¡¯t ask if it was a boy friend or a girl friend. I wasn¡¯t ready to tell her I had a boyfriend yet. I shut my bedroom door to get changed, but as I lifted my shirt, heard a high-pitched yowling echo in the street below. Hanging from the old oak tree in the backyard, a fat grey body swung from side to side, flailing around in an attempt to free its paw from a branch. ¡°Stupid cat.¡± I laughed, pulling my top back on as I burst through my door. ¡°Hey, princess.¡± Dad passed me on the stairs. ¡°Where¡¯re you running off to in such a hurry?¡± ¡°Vicki¡¯s dumb cat¡¯s got itself stuck in the tree.¡± ¡°Ara to the rescue, huh?¡± ¡°Again.¡± I passed through the forbidden formal room, pushed the back door open and leaped off the porch, landing on the dewy grass. But instead of climbing up a tree, stopped dead at the sight of every sunrise that ever brought day, standing in my backyard, holding a very sorry-looking grey fluffball. ¡°David?¡± ¡°He¡¯s fine,¡± he said, tucking Skittles¡¯ lashing tail into the hold as we met under the tree. ¡°Oh, my knight in shining armour. You saved my baby.¡± I took the cat from him, then squeezed the tip of its paw to inspect the claws. ¡°He¡¯s just a little embarrassed, I think.¡± ¡°He should be.¡± I cradled the cat close to my face; he was still growling in the back of his throat, not at all amused to be held like a baby. ¡°Silly kitty.¡± David smiled fondly at me. When I released my hold on the cat, he bolted over the hedge fence¡ªinto the front yard. ¡°How did you sleep last night?¡± David asked, running a finger down my arm. ¡°Laying down,¡± I said, and David laughed. ¡°No, in all seriousness, I actually did sleep. No joke. And I had normal dreams.¡± ¡°Then my work here is done.¡± He took a step away, then turned back, wedging his hands in his pockets. ¡°Kidding.¡± ¡°Not funny.¡± I slapped his chest, noting that small indent between his pecs. I just wanted to keep my hand there, against his plain white T-shirt. He grabbed it as I pulled away, and brushed his lips across my knuckles. ¡°You don¡¯t have to be afraid to touch me, Ara.¡± Oh, my heart. Will it ever beat again? I smiled and slowly reached up to his face; it felt silky, warm under my fingertips, with just a tiny hint of regrowth breaking the skin around his chin and upper lip. ¡°It looks good.¡± ¡°What does?¡± ¡°You. Clean-shaven. I like it.¡± He gave a short, breathy laugh, and placed his hands on my hipbones. ¡°So, how are you feeling today? After everything we talked about yesterday.¡± ¡°I¡¯m really good. I mean, I still hurt inside, all the time, and I never stop thinking about them, but¡ª¡± I shrugged. ¡°It will get easier.¡± David ducked his head a little so our eyes met in perfect alignment. ¡°You will always think about them, but I can promise you that missing them will get easier.¡± ¡°How do you know so much about this stuff?¡± ¡°I¡¯ve suffered a lot of loss in my life.¡± He nodded smoothly and looked away. ¡°But, I find more people to love and make my life about them.¡± As our eyes met again, his warmed with a soft, simple smile. Page 25 ¡°If you¡¯d told me that a week ago, I might not¡¯ve believed you.¡±Advertisement ¡°But you do today?¡± I nodded, resting both hands flat on the front of his chest, my elbows touching his ribs. I needed to stand on my toes a little to feel like he could hear me talk without my having to yell, but that only made my lips come up to his chin; not close enough to lean forward and steal a kiss. ¡°I¡¯m glad my dad told you, David¡ªabout my mom. I think I¡¯ve decided I¡¯m not going to yell at him. I mean, he was just doing what he thought was best for me, right?¡± ¡°He didn¡¯t really mean to tell me, Ara. That wasn¡¯t his intention. I lead him into it.¡± My smile twisted up with a frown and I shook my head. ¡°Is that why he gave you the touch-my-daughter-and-you-die speech?¡± David¡¯s eyes narrowed a little as he cleared his throat. ¡°He never gave me that speech.¡± ¡°But, in History class, he¡ªyou said he¡ª¡± He shook his head once, a suppressed grin creeping up into his eyes. ¡°I lied.¡± I dropped my arms to my sides. ¡°I told my dad off, you know, for giving you that speech? And worse, he played along. How could you two just conspire against me like that?¡± David laughed aloud, tilting his head back so his canines showed. ¡°I¡¯m sorry.¡± He shook his head, failing to subdue his amusement. ¡°I shouldn¡¯t laugh. But you¡¯re just so funny when you get on a heated rant. I love it when you do that.¡± He pointed to my hands wedged firmly on my hips; I dropped them. ¡°So what was my dad saying that day?¡± ¡°He asked me to keep an eye on you, since I already knew why you were here, and you had apparently taken a liking to me.¡± He combed a fingertip though my hair and swept it back behind my ear. ¡°And I told him I had absolutely no intention of letting you out of my sight.¡± Hmph! ¡°Well, it¡¯s nice to know he approves of you. But how¡¯d he know I liked you?¡± ¡°Something about sultanas and grapes?¡± David¡¯s dark brows pulled together. I laughed, thinking of Dad¡¯s weird teacher lingo. And then, so many other things suddenly seemed to fit together, like a three dimensional puzzle that I assumed was only two. ¡°So, when you said you didn¡¯t know he was my dad, that day after History class?¡± David¡¯s smile slipped away. ¡°He asked me to keep it from you that I even knew your name.¡± I nodded slowly. ¡°I wondered how you knew it was Ara-Rose¡ªin the library, because no one here knew that until after History class. You sneaky little thing.¡± I pointed at him. He reached down and took only my fingertips in his delicate grasp. ¡°I¡¯m sorry I deceived you. I meant no ill intent.¡± ¡°It¡¯s in the past, David.¡± ¡°So, you¡¯re not still mad at me?¡± ¡°I¡¯m incapable of being mad at you. Well, for long anyway.¡± I smiled, drawing my shoulder up to my ear. ¡°I¡¯m glad you talked to my dad. If you hadn¡¯t, we¡¯d never¡¯ve met, and I would¡¯ve wished every day that we did.¡± ¡°Not possible. You¡¯re not the kind of girl I could ever just pass in the street, Ara. I would¡¯ve seen you eventually, and it would only have been a matter of time until I made myself a part of your life after that.¡± He cupped his hand over the side of my neck. ¡°Tragic past or none, we would¡¯ve ended up friends.¡± ¡°Ara-Rose!¡± a high-pitched and rather cross voice called from behind. Vicki stood on the back porch, her hand on her hip, still clutching a dishcloth. ¡°Get some clothes on, please.¡± ¡°Oh my God!¡± I covered my chest with my forearms. ¡°Why didn¡¯t you tell me I was still in my pyjamas?¡± David grinned, looking at my tiny pink shorts and white tank top. ¡°Relax. You look adorable.¡± ¡°Adorable?¡± I said, making myself smaller. ¡°I¡¯m not even wearing a bra.¡± He took my hand and we walked toward the house. ¡°Yes, I noticed that.¡± ¡°What¡¯s this one?¡± David called out. ¡°What¡¯s what one?¡± I called back from my wardrobe. ¡°The playlist called Mike?¡± ¡°Hey! Are you snooping through my iPod?¡± ¡°Of course.¡± My eyes narrowed. ¡°So, why do you have a playlist named for a guy?¡± ¡°Oh, it¡¯s just all the music that makes me think of him. You know, the fun we had, that kind of thing.¡± I shrugged and shimmied out of my bed shorts. ¡°Should I be worried? There¡¯s no David list.¡± ¡°Not yet.¡± I smiled to myself, glad I saved that one as Night Fantasy¡ªdeliberately leaving off the K. ¡°Hm, this Night Fantasy one looks awfully suspicious.¡± I could actually hear the grin in his tone; I wanted to throw something at him. ¡°Hey, don¡¯t look at that list.¡± I pulled my dress over my head quickly. ¡°There are a lot of sad songs on here, Ara. I hope this isn¡¯t my playlist.¡± ¡°What if it is?¡± I said, stepping back out into my room. My gorgeous boyfriend docked the iPod and a ¡®David¡¯ song came on. ¡°Because it gives me the impression that you think I don¡¯t like you.¡± ¡°Then, maybe, after yesterday, I need to make a new list.¡± ¡°Yes. I would say so.¡± He turned to face me and his mouth fell open. ¡°Ara, that colour is beautiful on you.¡± He practically floated over to me. ¡°It really brings out the pinks in your skin.¡± I flattened the front of my cotton dress, closing my eyes when he ran the back of his finger over my cheekbone. ¡°Emerald green,¡± I muttered, getting lost in the way the tingle of his touch made my teeth feel numb. ¡°It¡¯s one of my new favourite colours.¡± ¡°One of? What¡¯s your favourite, then?¡± ¡°Yellow.¡± ¡°Any reason for that?¡± ¡°It¡¯s a happy colour. The colour of the sun.¡± I opened my eyes. ¡°I just refuse to think everything in life has to be all dark and gloomy all the time. So, I like yellow,¡± I said. ¡°What about you? What¡¯s your favourite colour?¡± He stared at me for a moment, smiling as he looked down at my mouth, then back into my eyes¡ªcatching them in a breathless hold. ¡°Sapphire.¡± ¡°Why sapphire?¡± ¡°Because, since I met you, I¡¯ve seen nothing but magic in the world.¡± He gently moved his cold fingers from my cheekbone to the nape of my neck. ¡°You might say that sapphire represents the blue of a brighter horizon¡ªa life I never imagined.¡± ¡°Being in love?¡± His fingers tangled in my hair and he pulled me slightly closer. ¡°Being in love with you. And now, every time I see this colour, my heart skips a beat; it makes me think of everything that might be possible, that never was before.¡± I kind of laughed. ¡°Aw, I feel special now.¡± He laughed too. ¡°Sorry. Does it bother you for me to speak my heart?¡± ¡°Not at all. But sometimes I feel like you¡¯re making this stuff up, you know, like you¡¯re just saying what I want to hear.¡± He held out his pinkie; ¡°I promise I speak only truth.¡± I linked mine over his. ¡°Then I promise to always try to believe you. But I can¡¯t promise not to giggle.¡± ¡°Well¡ª¡± he swiped his thumb down my chin, ¡°¡ªwe both know how I feel about that giggle.¡± The warm sun heated the room around us then, and the tranquil hum of the weekend filled the air, until a loud rumbling disturbed the peace. David looked down at my belly. ¡°You haven¡¯t eaten yet, have you?¡± I shook my head. ¡°Come on, we need to feed you before the beast presents itself.¡± ¡°You know me too well, already.¡± Skittles hissed, leaping out my open window, sending my homework scattering as we entered the room. ¡°What did you do to that cat, David?¡± I asked, turning to look at him. ¡°He hates you.¡± David grinned, closing the door. ¡°Are you suggesting I threw him up that tree to get your attention?¡± I laughed. ¡°It wouldn¡¯t sur¡ª¡± ¡°Ara.¡± Vicki opened my door. ¡°This stays open.¡± My arms fell loosely by my sides. ¡°Seriously?¡± She gave me ¡®the glare¡¯, then walked away. ¡°Looks like the cat¡¯s not the only one who doesn¡¯t trust me,¡± David joked, smiling. ¡°Argh.¡± I stomped over to my desk and pressed play on my iPod. ¡°Why does she have to treat me like a child?¡± ¡°She¡¯s not,¡± he said, tossing my stuffed dog aside as he landed on my pillow. ¡°She¡¯s treating you like a teenager who¡¯s alone in her room with a boy.¡± I smiled and turned the music up pretty loud¡ªloud enough to give us some privacy. ¡°Well, she needs to get used to you being around. After all, you are going to come meet me here every morning now, so you can make me one of those glorious coffees, aren¡¯t you?¡± He chuckled, opening his arm so my body could slide along next to his. ¡°You liked that, did you?¡± ¡°Mm-hm.¡± ¡°Well¡ª¡± he kissed my head as I snuggled into him, ¡°¡ªI¡¯ll think about it.¡± ¡°Good.¡± But I kinda knew he wouldn¡¯t. I think Vicki made him feel really unwelcome. ¡°I¡¯m not bothered by your stepmother, if that¡¯s what you¡¯re thinking.¡± I rolled up a bit to look at him; his green eyes smiled down at me. ¡°I was. I thought maybe she¡¯d offended you¡ªyou know, sitting with us at breakfast and all.¡± ¡°Not even a little bit.¡± He pressed my head until I rested it back on his white T-shirt. ¡°I¡¯ve dealt with a lot worse than Vicki.¡± ¡°Well, you¡¯re pre-approved by my dad, right? So she has to accept you.¡± ¡°She does, sweetheart. Just give her time.¡± I nodded, and we laid that way for a while then, music filling the silence, while a summer breeze swept through the window, circling my vanilla body wash with the fragrance of fresh cut grass and the sharp, spicy scent of David¡¯s cologne. It was so easy to be with David. He asked me a lot about Australia, and we sat for about half an hour comparing the differences in words from the two countries, like jam versus jelly and sweater versus jumper. He thought jumper was another word for a kangaroo or a really depressed guy standing on a rooftop. ¡°And the food here is different, too, as in the portions,¡± I said. ¡°I¡¯ve never been so happy in all my life.¡± I patted my belly. ¡°The ogre¡¯s started raising his demands. I¡¯m gonna get fat soon.¡± David squeezed my hand. ¡°You would still be beautiful, even if you were too big to touch your toes.¡± ¡°Gross.¡± I winced, but it made me smile. ¡°That¡¯s the sweetest thing any guy has ever said to me. In a really strange way.¡± He went quiet for a second, shaking his head. ¡°I don¡¯t think you get it, Ara.¡± ¡°Get what?¡± I rolled onto my belly, resting my elbows against his chest. ¡°Get what, David?¡± With his lips pressed together, he smiled, studying my face. ¡°Never mind. So, what¡¯s your favourite genre of film?¡± Seriously? So we were playing the withholding game again. I deliberately slumped myself a little too heavily onto my back against his chest again. ¡°Favourite genre of film? I guess it used to be action. The nineteen-eighties kind. But, now¡ª¡± ¡°Now?¡± David led when my silence lasted too long. ¡°Now, I like comedies. You know, it¡¯s like¡ª¡± I huffed through my nose, ¡°¡ªI¡¯m always so unhappy. If I can find something that makes me laugh and forget about my life for a while, that¡¯s what I like to do. So, comedies.¡± My shoulders lifted once. ¡°What kind of comedies? Stand-up, action¡ª?¡± ¡°Romantic.¡± I smoothed my fingertips over David¡¯s ribs. ¡°What about you?¡± ¡°Horror,¡± he stated, cupping his hand over mine, stopping it from lifting his shirt. ¡°Really? Why? They¡¯re so¡ªicky.¡± ¡°Not for me. I love a good, scary horror. I have this thing for blood; can¡¯t get enough of it.¡± Well, I never assumed that one. I just couldn¡¯t believe my ears. Sweet, kind David? Liked blood? It just didn¡¯t fit. I rolled onto my belly again to study his face. ¡°Really?¡± He just smiled and placed his hand under my shoulder blade, making me feel so grounded and so real with the weight of his touch. What was it about him that could come across as so harmless, when all I¡¯d heard were stories about his bullying antics, and now he was telling me he liked horror? ¡°It doesn¡¯t suit you,¡± I said. ¡°What?¡± ¡°Gore, horror. All that stuff. I can¡¯t picture you watching things like that.¡± He just laughed. ¡°Guess we won¡¯t be having many movie nights then¡ªsince we have such different tastes.¡± ¡°Oh, no way, we so will. You¡¯ll just have to watch chick flicks.¡± His smile widened. ¡°I look forward to it. Of course, I would like to watch a horror with you¡ª¡± He motioned to my hand on his chest, ¡°¡ªif it meant you¡¯d snuggle into me to feel safe.¡± I rested my cheek on his shirt again. ¡°We can do that without the horror.¡± ¡°What about books? Can you read books with horror?¡± ¡°Yeah. I like some Stephen King stuff.¡± Page 26 ¡°Have you ever read anything by Anne Rice?¡±Advertisement ¡°Yeah. I got swept up in the vampire craze. Basically, any books or movies about fangs, and I was there.¡± I nodded. ¡°You?¡± ¡°Yes. Even I fell victim to vampire pop culture.¡± I laughed aloud. ¡°Yeah, but, personally, I prefer animal-eating vamps. Killing people is just¡ª¡± I rubbed pretend goose-bumps off my arms. ¡°It just doesn¡¯t appeal to me.¡± ¡°It doesn¡¯t?¡± ¡°Nope.¡± ¡°What if you met a vampire who was nice, like me, but killed people? Would you still like him?¡± I shook my head. ¡°I know there¡¯re girls who would. But, I guess, after seeing death firsthand¡ªhow it affects people, I¡¯m not sure now.¡± He went ultimately quiet and still; I think he even stopped breathing. I propped my head up again and his stunned stare at my face drew a smirk to my lips. ¡°You okay?¡± ¡°Aspirations,¡± he said suddenly, the stare washing away to a smile. ¡°What do you want to be when you grow up?¡± I sighed, knowing full well that his liquid eyes were hiding some deeper thought, but he wouldn¡¯t share it. ¡°Um, I always wanted to be a teacher¡ªlike my dad. But now I think I kind of want to be a musician¡ªwrite my own songs.¡± ¡°I think that would be perfect for you.¡± ¡°Yeah, me too.¡± I rolled onto my back and took his hand again. ¡°I¡¯d like to be famous one day¡ªmaybe as a pianist.¡± ¡°You¡¯d need to get a piano first.¡± ¡°Oh God, trust me, I know. I¡¯ve been begging Dad for one since I was four.¡± ¡°Why hasn¡¯t he bought one for you?¡± ¡°He wants me to be a teacher. Better income.¡± ¡°Not if you were to make it famous.¡± I shrugged. ¡°Guess he¡¯s seen Hollywood dreams go sour too many times.¡± ¡°But it¡¯s not just big dreams with you, Ara. You¡¯re very talented¡ª¡± he laughed on those two words. ¡°I don¡¯t think you¡¯d ever be happy teaching.¡± I felt warm then. ¡°It amazes me how well you know me.¡± He frayed his fingers gently through mine. ¡°You know, I wanted to be in a rock band once.¡± ¡°Really?¡± ¡°Yeah. It was a long time ago.¡± ¡°Why didn¡¯t you?¡± ¡°Went in another direction.¡± ¡°What direction?¡± He did that pause thing he was becoming famous for; I assumed he was weighing up all the different answers he could give against the ones he would give to keep me out of his world. ¡°I¡¯m not so sure about that now. Might say I¡¯m at a crossroads.¡± And that answer, believe it or not, let me into his world more than if he¡¯d said Law or something like that. I smiled. ¡°What direction do you want to take? I mean, what options are there?¡± ¡°That¡¯s just it; I don¡¯t know.¡± ¡°How can you find out?¡± ¡°I can ask.¡± ¡°Who?¡± He sighed. ¡°My uncle, I suppose.¡± ¡°And what would the question be?¡± I probed. His fingers tightened on mine. ¡°When I know the answer to that question, I¡¯ll ask it.¡± I chuckled. ¡°Is it that you don¡¯t want to tell me, or that you genuinely don¡¯t know?¡± ¡°It¡¯s that I can¡¯t tell you.¡± ¡°Why?¡± ¡°Because I have secrets.¡± His body became a firm board under me. ¡°I like secrets,¡± I said, and the board turned to sponge. ¡°What if they¡¯re dark secrets?¡± ¡°What kinds of dark secrets?¡± ¡°Bad ones.¡± I really thought about that for a second¡ªabout the fear I had that he¡¯d hate me when he learned my dark secrets. But I never imagined he¡¯d have some¡ªthat there might be reasons I could hate him. ¡°Then don¡¯t tell me just yet.¡± ¡°When should I tell you?¡± ¡°One day.¡± ¡°What if I didn¡¯t have much time¡ªwhat if I had to tell you soon?¡± That rubber mallet of destruction came at my soul again; I felt it getting closer. ¡°What¡¯s your favourite sport?¡± David didn¡¯t answer for a few breaths. ¡°Hockey. You?¡± The mallet missed completely, falling through the blankets under me. ¡°I like dancing, but as for actual sports, I was never interested. It was a taboo subject in my house¡ªmuch to Mike¡¯s disgust.¡± David cleared his throat, crossing his ankles over where they dangled off the end of my bed. ¡°So he really did spend a lot of time there.¡± ¡°Yep. Every day. He was a permanent fixture¡ªjust another piece of furniture. His mom and my mom were really close.¡± ¡°You and Mike were, too?¡± ¡°Yeah. We were. I mean, we are, but we¡¯re just so far apart right now.¡± ¡°Do you think things will be the same as before when he comes to see you?¡± ¡°I hope so. He¡¯s always been a constant thing in my life. It¡¯s been really hard without him.¡± I crossed my hands under my head, losing myself to thought for a second before a smile expanded my lips. ¡°He¡¯s kind of like a favourite pillow, you know, you can cry into it, it keeps you warm and comfy, and it¡¯s always there.¡± ¡°But you don¡¯t sleep with it?¡± He tried to make it sound like a joke, but I knew he was also really curious. Everyone was. ¡°No, David. It¡¯s not that kind of pillow,¡± I said slowly, then added, ¡°It¡¯s a couch pillow. Mike¡¯s just a couch pillow. But this one¡ª¡± I rolled over and traced circles over his chest; he tensed, his hand ready, near mine, ¡°¡ªthis is my new favourite pillow.¡± He nodded, then took my hand, pressing his lips to it once. ¡°I¡¯m sorry. I wish the circumstances that brought you to me had been different. But I am very glad you came here.¡± ¡°Me too.¡± ¡°And I¡¯m sure, when you see Mike in a few weeks, you¡¯ll fall back into step with each other right away.¡± ¡°Yeah, probably.¡± I shrugged, then curiosity itched. ¡°So? What about your family? Do you have any brothers or sisters?¡± ¡°I have a brother. A twin.¡± ¡°Really? Wow.¡± I sat up next to David¡¯s hips, crossing my legs under me. This was way too interesting for a lie-down conversation. ¡°Are you identical?¡± ¡°Yes. We look the same, but we¡¯re very different.¡± ¡°Well, I gathered that. Why doesn¡¯t he go to school with us?¡± ¡°He chose a different path¡ªstayed with my uncle, in New York.¡± ¡°So, who do you live with, then? Are your parents still together?¡± ¡°My mother passed away when I was a baby, and my father followed not long after.¡± ¡°Oh, David.¡± I covered my mouth. ¡°I¡¯m so sorry.¡± ¡°It was a long time ago.¡± He rested his arm behind his head. ¡°So, you grew up with your uncle?¡± ¡°Well, I was raised by my aunt, and when she passed away, my uncle took my brother and I into his care.¡± ¡°Wow, you weren¡¯t kidding when you said you¡¯d suffered a lot of grief. I feel bad, like I¡¯m making a big deal out of my problems, but you¡ª¡± ¡°Don¡¯t say that.¡± He pushed himself up on his elbow and took my hand. ¡°You have every right to ¡®make a big deal,¡¯ Ara. You just lost your mom. My grief, my loss, it all happened a very long time ago.¡± ¡°Can¡¯t be that long ago. You¡¯re only a teenager.¡± I frowned, half laughing at the way he brushed off his own grief¡ªjust like me. He smiled and looked down at our hands, then took a deep breath. ¡°I¡¯m older than I look. The things I¡¯ve been through in life have made me older¡ªgiven me wisdom beyond my years.¡± He laid back and said through a breathy smile, ¡°Sometimes I feel like I¡¯m over a hundred years old.¡± ¡°Sometimes you sound it, too.¡± ¡°I know.¡± ¡°So, do you see your uncle much, I mean, since you moved away?¡± ¡°Every other week or so. I¡¯ll be seeing him tomorrow.¡± ¡°What for?¡± ¡°We¡¯re members of a council. We have a few things to discuss.¡± ¡°What kind of council?¡± He cleared his throat. ¡°A charity organisation.¡± ¡°Oh. What charity?¡± He grinned. ¡°Blood donation.¡± Hm. ¡°Then, I must confess.¡± I showed him my arm. ¡°I¡¯ve never donated.¡± He laughed out loud. ¡°Something we shall have to remedy.¡± ¡°No way. No one sticks needles in me.¡± ¡°I could rent a vampire for the day¡ªhe could draw it from you.¡± I rolled my eyes. ¡°So, what about your brother? Do you see him much?¡± ¡°Jason?¡± David¡¯s cheek flinched. ¡°Not so much. We¡¯ve kind of grown apart.¡± ¡°Why?¡± ¡°He uh¡ª¡± He eyed Vicki as she passed my bedroom door, pretending not to look in on us, ¡°¡ªhe and I had a falling out a while back. Things are¡­neutral, now.¡± ¡°Neutral?¡± ¡°Mm,¡± he muttered and sat up. ¡°I¡¯m just waiting for him to find out about you.¡± ¡°Is that a bad thing?¡± ¡°No,¡± he said in short. ¡°I mean, I don¡¯t think so.¡± ¡°I don¡¯t like that answer, David.¡± Vicki passed my room, again, and David pulled my hand, making me sit beside him. ¡°How ¡®bout we get out of here for the day, go to the lake?¡± A smile spread across my lips¡ªa real smile. ¡°Sounds great.¡± ¡°Okay. Do you have a picnic basket?¡± ¡°Yeah, I think so,¡± I said, standing up beside him. ¡°Go get it.¡± He leaned in and pecked my cheek. ¡°I¡¯ll run to the store and get some supplies.¡± Chapter Ten Drawing a deep lungful of the woodsy leather smell, I smiled. Dad¡¯s car smelled nothing like this, and though the upholstery of David¡¯s car was sticky and uncomfortable under my legs in the summer heat, it seemed to retain the aged scent of experience¡ªa bit like riding in the car with my grandpa, which made it emotionally comforting¡ªkind of¡­safe. Heavy weekend traffic made the trip out to the lake take longer. David, only half paying attention to the road, watched me sort through the CDs in his glove compartment. Most of the music would belong better in my dad¡¯s collection, but a tickle of elation perked me up at the sight of familiar cover-art. ¡°I¡¯ve actually heard of these guys.¡± I held up the disk. ¡°I know a few of their songs.¡± David smiled. ¡°I have that album on my phone. I¡¯ll bring it with us when we get to the lake¡ªplay it to you.¡± ¡°Okay. Do¡­do you like them? I mean, I know you have a CD, but, like, what¡¯s your favourite one of their songs?¡± His chest puffed out with a deep breath as he looked at the CD. I held it up so he could see the back. ¡°Off that album¡­Overcome.¡± I nodded, scanning the song titles. ¡°Why that one?¡± ¡°I like the piano.¡± ¡°Oh.¡± I considered the cover, then left it in my lap. ¡°We have more in common, musically, than just that one album, Ara,¡± he said, clearly having sensed my gloom. ¡°I hope so.¡± ¡°You¡¯ll see. Don¡¯t worry¡ªit¡¯s as important to me as it is to you.¡± ¡°Okay.¡± I looked out the window for a second. ¡°What¡¯s your favourite song at the moment?¡± ¡°Ooh¡ª¡± He drew a tight breath through his teeth. ¡°Hard to say. I go through phases. I uh¡ªright now, I¡¯m actually really enjoying Moonlight Sonata.¡± ¡°I like that one, too.¡± I smiled, sitting back. ¡°Maybe you can play it for me¡ªon the piano at school on Monday.¡± ¡°Ara.¡± He placed his hand firmly on my leg. ¡°I would love to.¡± ¡°Great.¡± I loved watching him play; it was almost as if he never even had to think about where his fingers were going. I wasn¡¯t sure I¡¯d ever heard him hit a bum note, and just the thought of watching him play again filled me up with¡­well, happiness, I guess. ¡°Hey, can I tell you something?¡± ¡°Sure.¡± He tore his eyes away from the road and they locked to mine for a breathless second. ¡°David!¡± I sprung upright in my seat, eyes wide. ¡°Watch the road!¡± ¡°It¡¯s okay, Ara. You are more than safe in the car with me.¡± He reached across and pried my fingers from their grip on the leather seat. ¡°My uncle forced me to take one of those stunt-driving courses once. I know how to handle myself on the road.¡± ¡°That doesn¡¯t mean you¡¯re incapable of having an accident,¡± I scolded. ¡°Besides, it¡¯s not just your driving I¡¯m worried about.¡± ¡°Would it make you feel better if I told you I¡¯ve never had an accident?¡± ¡°No.¡± I stole my hand back. ¡°Okay. I¡¯ll keep that in mind. No more eye contact when driving. Deal?¡± he said with a breathy laugh, shaking his head. ¡°Deal.¡± ¡°Now, what were you about to say, before?¡± I wasn¡¯t sure if I should say it, since the moment had passed. ¡°Just say it.¡± Page 27 My uncertainty lingered in the silence.Advertisement ¡°Ara, say it.¡± ¡°I¡¯m happy, is all.¡± I shrugged and looked away. ¡°I¡¯m happy that we said we love each other, even if people say there¡¯s no such thing as love at first sight.¡± We both stared forward, silence the only common ground. I kind of wished I hadn¡¯t said it. One thing I¡¯d learned about life was that happiness is subject to ignorance; as soon as you acknowledged it, it¡¯d disappear¡ªlike everything else you care about. David smiled; his own private joke again. ¡°It really bothers you, doesn¡¯t it?¡± ¡°What?¡± ¡°Being in love with me.¡± ¡°I¡¯m just at odds with how I feel and what common sense says¡ªyou know, what I should feel.¡± David watched the road carefully, his easy smile making me feel silly for having doubts. ¡°You can¡¯t make rules for your heart, Ara. And¡­if you berate yourself for what you feel, you¡¯ll eventually convince yourself not to feel that anymore. So¡ª¡± He studied my face for a quick second, then turned his eyes back to the road. ¡°Please just let yourself love me. I love you, and I don¡¯t want to lose your heart to some silly laws made up by man.¡± ¡°But people just don¡¯t understand it.¡± ¡°Then stop trying to make them. If they¡¯ve ever loved before, then they¡¯ll understand and, if not, just let it go. They¡¯ll get it one day.¡± I took a long, slow breath. ¡°You¡¯re right, you know, about being aged beyond your years.¡± He laughed. ¡°Do you think you can still love me, even if I¡¯m an old man, deep down inside?¡± ¡°Maybe. How old are you, anyway? Emily said you¡¯re older than us.¡± ¡°Emily should mind her business.¡± I smirked. ¡°Feisty, aren¡¯t we?¡± ¡°No. I just despise gossip.¡± ¡°Well, we wouldn¡¯t need to gossip if you ever told me anything about yourself.¡± He exhaled. ¡°She¡¯s right. Emily. I am older. I¡¯ll be nineteen in November.¡± ¡°Are you repeating a year?¡± ¡°Yes.¡± ¡°Why?¡± ¡°I uh¡ª¡± He scratched the back of his head, resting his elbow on the door after, his fist in front of his lips. ¡°I went through a rough patch a few years ago and¡­I kind of let my grades slip.¡± ¡°What happened?¡± ¡°That was when I left my uncle¡ªto come here.¡± ¡°And¡­why did you leave your uncle?¡± ¡°I lost someone.¡± He swallowed, putting both hands on the steering wheel again. ¡°I¡¯ve been hiding from the world in a way, I guess, ever since. I wanted to pretend I was still seventeen¡ªget back some of the time I lost.¡± ¡°I¡¯m really sorry, David.¡± I wished I could just kiss all his pain away. But grief just didn¡¯t work like that. ¡°So, is that one of your secrets¡ªyour dark secrets?¡± I said playfully. ¡°No.¡± ¡°Will you tell me something else about you¡ªsomething I don¡¯t know?¡± ¡°Not today.¡± ¡°Why?¡± ¡°Because.¡± ¡°Not good enough. You know everything about me; I know nothing about you.¡± ¡°And it will stay that way.¡± My eyes narrowed and I bit my teeth together, folding my arms again. ¡°Fine. Don¡¯t tell me. But I won¡¯t stop bugging you until you do.¡± ¡°Fine,¡± he scoffed out a chuckling breath, ¡°but I don¡¯t give in easily.¡± ¡°Yeah? Well, I¡¯m very stubborn. I don¡¯t give up easily.¡± There was so much attitude in that delivery, I wondered if perhaps I was capable of normal teenage behaviour. David¡¯s head rocked from side to side, fluid with annoyance. ¡°You are a wilful creature, Ara-Rose. I swear you will be the death of me.¡± ¡°I will if you don¡¯t stop keeping secrets.¡± ¡°Ara, be nice,¡± he said. I tilted my nose in the air and watched the trees outside, blurring in hues of green and brown as we passed them. The drive to the lake was relatively short, but the scenery changed so much, from closely gathered houses to a long stretch of highway and finally, a tunnel of trees around a hard-packed dirt road. As the tires crunched on the gravelly shoulder, my blue guitar, which hadn¡¯t shifted the whole drive, clunked noisily¡ªthe vibrations drawing gentle hums of odd notes from the strings. I glanced over my shoulder to check on it; still upright, the strap looped safely over the headrest in the backseat. As I turned back to face the front, David¡¯s gaze quickly shifted from me to the road. ¡°What?¡± I asked. ¡°You¡¯re not mad at me, are you?¡± he asked cautiously. When aren¡¯t I? ¡°No. But I do wish you¡¯d trust me.¡± ¡°Believe me, I do trust you. But, to tell you more about myself means letting you into my world, Ara.¡± ¡°So?¡± He shut the engine off, the sudden quiet making my ears ring. ¡°My dark world.¡± ¡°Oh.¡± I looked to the front, folding my arms, and left it at that. David glided along beside me, the guitar slung over his shoulder like a one-strapped backpack, and the picnic basket in hand. The sun filtered down through the tops of the trees in hazy lines of pale yellow and white, highlighting the golden tones in his hair. I just wanted to stop walking right then and run my fingers through it. But I wasn¡¯t sure our relationship was quite on the unguarded-impulse-control level yet. When we came out to the clearing by the lake, the familiar lemony spice of wet bark and the heavy clay scent of decomposing leaves awakened my senses. A spectacular rainbow of nature greeted us, and I lost myself in the awe of this secret place. With the autumn hovering on the horizon of the approaching months, the deciduous evergreens surrounding the lake began to turn a hundred different colours. An illustration of mottled pinks, yellows and reds emulated off the lake¡¯s reflection, and dust motes settled on the water around the moss¡ªgiving it an almost snow-like aspect. Across the lake, at the centre of the tranquil masterpiece, several flocks of colourful birds disappeared into the dense greenery of the island. ¡°This place is so amazing, David.¡± And my mood just lifted like an elevator up the Empire State building. David¡¯s hands circled my waist. He tucked his chin against the curve of my neck and squeezed my ribs. ¡°I can think of something more amazing.¡± Aw, how sweet. I smiled, resting my elbows over his. ¡°I like that¡ªthe feel of you against me that way.¡± David pulled away, but stole my hand as he did, turning me to face him. ¡°Come on, let¡¯s sit down.¡± He swept his arm outward, presenting a small square patch of grass, flattened by the rug¡ªpicnic basket centred, and his iPhone setting the scene with some soft music. ¡°How did you set that up so fast?¡± I looked back at David, my eyes quickly darting from where he¡¯d been standing beside me, to the rug, where he laid with his ankles crossed and the cheekiest grin warming his eyes. ¡°I¡¯m sure you¡¯re not human.¡± He laughed loudly. ¡°I think you¡¯re the one who¡¯s not human, Ara. I¡¯ve become accustomed to your trips outside your own head now. I set this up while you were lost in thought.¡± ¡°I should get that looked at.¡± I wandered over and sat down in front of him. ¡°Hey, are you getting sick?¡± ¡°Ouch.¡± David jumped back a little when I touched the purple indent under his eye. ¡°You¡¯re freezing,¡± he said. ¡°Sorry. I always forget that.¡± He cupped my hands, changing their temperature with the warmth of his breath. ¡°That feels nice,¡± I said, watching him. ¡°Did you know¡ª¡± He closed his hands a little tighter around mine and pressed his nose against my fingers, drawing a deep breath, ¡°¡ªyou smell like a freshly baked cake?¡± ¡°Yeah.¡± I gently pulled my hands away, rubbing the moisture from his breath into my skin. ¡°That¡¯s just my body wash.¡± ¡°No.¡± He shook his head, looking up at me. ¡°It¡¯s just you.¡± I needed a subject change before those green eyes of his, all kind and smiling, made me lean forward and kiss him. ¡°What¡¯s this song? It has the most heartbreaking melody.¡± ¡°It¡¯s called Overcome.¡± David looked down at his hands. ¡°The one I said I¡¯d play to you.¡± The words of the song danced around in my head, lilting softly over the wistful tide of the piano, while David stared into the tree line, his mind a million miles away. I watched his soft, angel-like face for just long enough to see that he was more beautiful than I¡¯d really noticed before. He was always lovely, but with his eyes lost in the splendour of the colourful surroundings, focused and totally unaware that I was staring, I could suddenly see just how out of my league he really was. His features were almost symmetrical, even down to the width of his mouth on both sides and the sharp, heart-shaped curve of his upper lip. There was this undeniable allure about him¡ªsomething¡ªmaybe an energy that just drew me in, making me want to close my eyes and fall against him. It was too late for me. I¡¯d never be able to go back. Never be able to live without him. ¡®Overcome¡¯ was very suitable for how I felt about this boy. David looked up from his reverie and frowned at my face. I wiped away my pout, forcing a look of composure, though inside, my heart was breaking. I wondered how I could possibly ever be good enough for him. ¡°Do you know why they say love is blind?¡± he asked out of the blue. ¡°Um¡­¡± Okay, that was a strange question. ¡°Because¡­you can¡¯t see straight when you¡¯re in love?¡± He shook his head. ¡°It¡¯s because you don¡¯t need to see to fall in love. It¡¯s purely chemical. You can fall in love with someone before you¡¯ve spoken one word to them, and they don¡¯t have to be perfect, Ara, just perfect for you.¡± ¡°What if you¡¯re not from the same species¡ªcan you be perfect for each other then?¡± ¡°Ara¡ª¡± he sat up a little. ¡°What do you mean?¡± ¡°I mean.¡± I toyed with the hem of my dress. ¡°You¡¯re¡­perfect, and I¡¯m¡­¡± He sat back, exhaling through his smile. ¡°That¡¯s what you meant.¡± ¡°What did you think I meant?¡± ¡°Nothing.¡± He reached across and took my hand. ¡°Ara. I don¡¯t know where you get this silly idea that we¡¯re not right for each other, but¡ª¡± ¡°I never said that.¡± ¡°No, you said you¡¯re not good enough for me.¡± I looked down at my pale white fingers wrapped around his golden skin. ¡°I¡¯ve never loved anyone like this before. Ever. What do you think that means for me, Ara?¡± I shrugged, not meeting his eyes, though I could feel them on me. ¡°You are more than good enough for me¡ªfrom personality to spirit and all the way to superficial and unimportant qualities.¡± He laughed. ¡°I mean, you¡¯re the single most beautiful thing I¡¯ve ever laid eyes on and, believe me, Ara-Rose, I have seen a lot of girls.¡± One shoulder came up to my jaw. ¡°I guess I just don¡¯t see what you see.¡± ¡°Then I¡¯m happy to keep saying it until you do.¡± He touched the backs of his fingers to my cheek. ¡°Just relax into this, okay? We¡¯re together¡ªI¡¯m not going anywhere. Not ever.¡± ¡°Promise?¡± He looked at me for a long moment. ¡°Yeah. But only if you promise to look in the mirror every day and tell yourself you¡¯re beautiful.¡± ¡°Okay.¡± I smirked. ¡°I will.¡± ¡°Good. Hungry?¡± He jumped up with a movement as light and fluid as a man on the moon. ¡°Um, yeah, I am, actually.¡± I hadn¡¯t even noticed it, but my stomach felt like a hollow pit. It might¡¯ve even growled at one point, but I¡¯d been too lost in David¡¯s flawless face to notice. I could¡¯ve starved to death and probably wouldn¡¯t have cared. ¡°Here.¡± He handed me a small bunch of grapes and sat across from me, grabbing my guitar. ¡°Thanks.¡± I picked at the plump, round fruit, while David plucked the strings; the squared tips of his fingers finding the notes so effortlessly, as if he knew every one like his own flesh. ¡°Do you realise,¡± I said with my mouth full, ¡°that I¡¯ve never actually heard you play guitar?¡± ¡°Yes.¡± He smiled, keeping his head down, twisting the pegs atop the neck. After a strum and a nod of satisfaction, he started playing. My eyes tried to close again as the sound touched my heart, but I forced myself to open them and watch the phenomenon that was David¡¯s every note. In comparison to him, my musical ability was substandard, clumsy even. I hated that. ¡°You make me feel like an amateur.¡± ¡°Well, I¡¯ve been playing for a very long time.¡± His laughter sounded like a release of tension, and as I sat back, watching the midday sun beam across his neck, he stopped playing. ¡°What are you doing?¡± He shuffled over and picked a grape off the bunch, then popped it in his mouth, chewing thoughtfully. ¡°I wanna play you a song.¡± ¡°Okay.¡± I dumped the grapes back in the basket, readjusting my seat. ¡°Do I know it?¡± ¡°You might. It¡¯s by Muse.¡± He propped his left leg up, resting his forearm on his knee, and strummed the guitar. ¡°It¡¯s called Unintended.¡± Page 28 I picked through my music brain, but didn¡¯t recognise the melody at all.Advertisement With each chord change, my mind began to wander, the wind-chime notes carrying me to another place¡ªa dream-like world where emotions were displayed in melody. This one, with its harmony balancing on the edge of sadness, would be the song of a night sky that fell in love with the sun¡ªforever forbidden to be together, watching over a world that would end if one didn¡¯t exist. David looked at me, and as he sung, the notes starting low and rolling up through the scale, his lips curved into that sexy smile. He tried to hold it back, but it crept onto his face anyway. And I closed my eyes, feeling a tight pull, like the blood in my brain suddenly gained ten pounds, filling my skull, David¡¯s perfect voice surrounding my thoughts. He made me want to cry¡ªto be a part of him, part of his voice¡ªand though I couldn¡¯t see anything but the golden light turning my eyelids red underneath, I could feel the colour of the lake around me; an image carved out in melody. As the song came to an end, the last notes hovered in my subconscious for a moment. I wiped a fingertip under my eye. ¡°Ara? You¡¯re crying.¡± Sudden warmth spread through my cheek, the bright red glow behind my eyelids becoming shadowed as David¡¯s hot, sun-kissed fingers touched my face, pressing it against his heart. ¡°I¡¯m sorry, David, it¡¯s just that¡ª¡± I pulled away and wiped my face with both hands, ¡°¡ªmusic is something that comes from a really deep place in me. I feel things so much, so completely, and that song?¡± I leaned back and looked into his emerald eyes. ¡°It was so beautiful.¡± ¡°It reminds me of you¡ªof us.¡± ¡°Why?¡± ¡°Don¡¯t you see how much I¡¯m in love with you?¡± He grabbed my face, his gaze penetrating my watery barrier, making my heart forget how to beat. ¡°Don¡¯t you get it? Forever doesn¡¯t have to be a curse for me. Not anymore¡ªnot now that I have you.¡± Motionless, breathless, with the only connection to the real world being the burning sun above, my mind fought for reason. ¡°But we don¡¯t get to live forever.¡± ¡°What if we did? What if you could have an eternity with me?¡± His thumbs pressed into my cheeks a little firmer. ¡°Would you take it?¡± I nodded. ¡°If eternity were real¡ªI¡¯d give my soul to spend it with you.¡± ¡°Ara?¡± He squeezed my face. ¡°Open your eyes. Look at me and say that.¡± The sun brought momentary blindness with its bright glare as I looked at David. ¡°I didn¡¯t know they were closed.¡± He studied me carefully, his brow tight in the middle. ¡°What did you want me to say?¡± I asked. Nearby, bee¡¯s buzzed with a gentle hum and a few birds chattered noisily in the treetops above us, and David¡¯s round eyes stared, glassy and distant, his lips sitting parted¡ªno words coming out. ¡°David?¡± ¡°Nothing.¡± He dropped his hands, shifting away from me, weighted like the dead. A cool breath lifted my chest in a long, slow gasp, and a strange pull of energy¡ªor maybe warmth¡ªdetached from the physical space between us, like hot ribbons had bound us, and now, snapped and tore away. A spell had been broken. The cold breath rushed out of my lungs too quickly, tightening my throat. I touched my fingertips to the racing pulse between my collarbones. ¡°David? I feel dizzy.¡± ¡°It¡¯s okay.¡± He rolled me onto his lap, brushing my hair from my face. ¡°What just happened? I feel so sick.¡± I snuggled my brow against his denim jeans, closing my eyes around the icy torrent of blood draining all the warmth from my cheeks. ¡°Come on.¡± David patted my back and lifted me to sit. ¡°You need to eat. You get dizzy when you¡¯re hungry.¡± I forced a smile. ¡°True.¡± But that was different, I was sure of it. That felt more like my soul had been connected to his for a split second. I felt so drawn to him, like I could¡¯ve stayed there forever¡ªdied in his arms and have been grateful for that one, close moment. Now it was gone¡ªthat warmth, the breathtaking intensity of our bodies so close to each other¡ªI wanted it back. I felt like it belonged to me. David shuffled over and leaned his back against the rock while I swallowed every agonising bite of the food he handed me, forcing it down with orange juice because my mouth refused to make saliva. In fact, my body refused to do anything normal¡ªincluding breathe properly. ¡°Did you feel that?¡± I looked up from under my lashes, pinching the edges of a sandwich. ¡°Before¡ªwhen we were close?¡± ¡°Feel what?¡± ¡°That¡­the energy?¡± He shook his head once, pursing his lips. ¡°Nope.¡± ¡°You big, fat liar!¡± ¡°I¡¯m not lying.¡± ¡°Yes¡ª¡± I got to my knees, ¡°¡ªyou are.¡± ¡°Look, even if I knew what you were talking about, that does not mean I felt it.¡± He sighed heavily and threw his sandwich into the basket, then sat back against the rock, folding his arms. ¡°Well, what was that? What was I feeling?¡± ¡°Love?¡± I dropped the sandwich to the rug. ¡°David!¡± ¡°I don¡¯t know, Ara. What am I, a scientist?¡± ¡°You do know.¡± I looked over at the picnic basket. ¡°Did you drug those grapes?¡± David laughed. ¡°Ara? Why would I do¡ª¡± ¡°Then what was that?¡± I cut in. ¡°It didn¡¯t feel natural, and I know you know something about it. I saw how you looked at me.¡± I pointed at him; he shook his head, smiling down at his folded arms. ¡°You felt it, too. I know you did. Now tell me what it was.¡± ¡°I¡¯m not going to fight with you,¡± he said calmly. ¡°I¡¯m not fighting.¡± ¡°Then drop it.¡± ¡°No. Don¡¯t you think if I felt a¡ªa gravitational pull toward you, like my soul just split in two and then was suddenly¡ª¡± I scrunched an imaginary piece of paper between my palms, ¡°¡ªforced back together, that if you felt it, too, or if you know why I felt it, you should tell me?¡± ¡°Gravitational pull?¡± His brow rose; he leaned forward a little, resting his forearm over his knee. ¡°Why do you do that?¡± ¡°What?¡± ¡°Make me feel silly¡ªmake me think I feel things you don¡¯t.¡± After rubbing his forehead viciously, he swept a hand through his hair and sat back against the rock again. ¡°Can we drop this? Please?¡± I looked down at the ant-covered bread in front of me, blinking back tears. ¡°Ara.¡± His voice commanded I look at him; I shook my head. ¡°Ara, please. Look at me.¡± ¡°Why?¡± ¡°Please?¡± Reluctantly, I rolled my face upward. His golden smile warmed. ¡°Oh, sweetheart. I¡¯m sorry.¡± He reached out to me. ¡°You know how I feel about you.¡± ¡°But I don¡¯t know if you felt what I just felt.¡± I nodded to the place on the rug where we¡¯d been sitting during the¡­moment. ¡°If you didn¡¯t feel it too¡­what does that mean?¡± ¡°What that was has nothing to do with how I¡ª¡± His fists clenched in obvious frustration. ¡°You are one of the most stubborn damn girls I¡¯ve ever met.¡± He looked right into me. ¡°Do you know that?¡± I bit my lip. ¡°And do you know what else, Ara?¡± He appeared in front of me, tilting my chin upward. ¡°What?¡± ¡°It¡¯s also one of the most charming things about you.¡± I caught the gleaming in David¡¯s eye, committing it to memory. ¡°No more tears, okay?¡± ¡°Okay.¡± He tugged my hand until I came to sit beside him against the rock, and I nestled the crown of my head under his chin, placing my hand over the cotton shirt that barely contained the coolness of his skin underneath. I was sure he was getting colder. ¡°Ara?¡± ¡°Mm-hm.¡± His strong arms squeezed me closer for a second. ¡°We¡¯ll talk about things another time, all right?¡± I nodded. As the day rolled on, David asked me a lot about home¡ªabout my mum and Mike, and didn¡¯t back down until I answered every question. But I found that, somehow, when I spoke to him about home, the good memories, I could do it without wanting to cry. It was like he formed an invisible, remedial barrier around me. I could just be with him, and that was nice. I rested my head in his lap, letting the tickle of sweat roll down my spine under the hot summer sun and soak into my green cotton dress, while David gently stroked my hair, pointing out odd clouds. ¡°I don¡¯t know.¡± He squinted, shadowing his brow. ¡°I think it looks more like a bee.¡± ¡°No way,¡± I scoffed, outlining the cloud with my fingertip. ¡°See? Long tail, giant wings. It¡¯s a dragon.¡± ¡°Okay, you¡¯re right. It¡¯s a bee.¡± David chuckled. I slapped his arm playfully. ¡°Ouch.¡± He rubbed his chest. ¡°What are you doing?¡± I laughed. ¡°I hit you in the arm.¡± ¡°Yeah, but it hurt here.¡± Aw, so sweet. ¡°Then, where would it hurt if I damaged your heart?¡± I asked in a light, joking tone. His eyes darkened, the smile fading. ¡°The soul.¡± ¡°Um¡ª¡± I cleared my throat, looking away from his eyes. ¡°So, what¡¯s out on that island? Anything interesting?¡± ¡°I could show you, if you like.¡± ¡°Okay. But won¡¯t we get wet?¡± David looked down at the tops of my thighs, just covered by the rim of my green dress, and smiled. ¡°You won¡¯t.¡± ¡°Well, maybe we¡¯ll leave it for today. There¡¯s always tomorrow, right?¡± I rolled onto my knees and sat with my face right in front of David¡¯s, the tips of our noses just off touching. We both took a long, shaky breath, and the sweet scent of honey came back on my lips, making my mouth water. His hand slowly came up, taking hold of me, steering my face toward his. But he stopped¡ªheld me there, my lips tingling just in front of his, and softly ran his thumb over them. ¡°David?¡± He closed his eyes tightly. ¡°Please don¡¯t.¡± ¡°Don¡¯t what?¡± He didn¡¯t answer¡ªjust sat there, taking shallow breaths. I focused on his mouth, moving slowly forward, closing my eyes, holding my breath. ¡°It¡¯s getting late,¡± he said, and a cold rush separated us. My eyes opened to the ugly black face of the rock he¡¯d been leaning against. I turned around to watch him walking off, running a hand through his hair. ¡°David?¡± ¡°You know, you¡¯re right.¡± He stopped about ten paces away. ¡°We can go out to the island another day. I think I remember something about a History assignment being due,¡± his voice rose in question. The breath I¡¯d been holding made a huge lump in my throat. ¡°It can wait.¡± ¡°No¡ª¡± He shook his head, coming over to pack the picnic basket. ¡°It can¡¯t.¡± I flopped onto my back with a huff. In the corner of my mind, my silly fantasy continued¡ªDavid and I, all hands and lips, floating along the rest of the day in each other¡¯s arms. But reality shut the door on that world; opening another to the mountain of pending homework I faced instead. With a sigh, I stood up and folded the picnic rug. ¡°Here, you wanna stash this back in your rock crevice?¡± He stepped away, shaking his head. ¡°This is your secret place now too, Ara. I¡¯ll show you where to hide it.¡± I hugged the blanket and smiled. ¡°You mean our secret place.¡± Chapter Eleven Everything had been set out properly; my pencils neatly lined up beside a notepad, my laptop centred, and even a glass of water for hydration. But after surfing the Net for two hours, the only thing I¡¯d accomplished was a mental list of reasons David wouldn¡¯t kiss me. Outside, the hills to the east grew dark, and the summer sun settled red on a cloudless sky, turning the tops of the maple trees golden pink. It wasn¡¯t until my eyes burned, looking back at the white glow of my computer screen that I realised my attention had been on the distant horizon longer than I thought. It was almost too dark in my room to see now. I tapped my pencil on the desk, trying to focus, but every time I tried to commit to an idea, the burn of kiss-rejection stole my concentration, forcing me to worry about why David jumped away from me so quick. All I wanted was to do normal things with him like, you know, holding hands, going to a movie or snuggling up on the couch¡ªkissing when my parents weren¡¯t in the room. But we were in the middle of nowhere today, and he still wouldn¡¯t kiss me. I groaned at myself, and despite the sticky heat sneaking in through my window, gluing itself to my brow and neck, I lifted the feather quilt on my bed and slid my feet under it, rolling onto my side as I drew it up over my shoulders. Maybe if I could fall asleep until Vicki called me for dinner, I wouldn¡¯t have to think about David. I flicked the lamp out and snuggled down, breathing the fruity scent of my sheets. That was the hardest thing about moving; how different things smelled¡ªlike the towels and my shirts as I pulled them over my head. Vicki¡¯s clean laundry had a vibrant, peachy smell, whereas my mum¡¯s was a milky, powdery scent¡ªa bit like Mike, since our mums always bought the same laundry detergent. But peach was kind of comforting to me now; it meant I was in bed, away from the world, away from my troubles. I lay perfectly still, listening for the crickets¡¯ closing act, but the air was so thick and dense with heat even the bugs had taken the back road to anywhere but here. Page 29 The sun completely disappeared then, leaving the heat behind, and when the soft breeze picked up outside, I closed my eyes and imagined it was the sound of the ocean. When I opened them again, Mike smiled down at me from the photo I¡¯d tacked on my bedside wall. I yanked it downward and touched my fingers to his bright, cheeky smile. In so many ways, every guy I met, every smile that made my heart flutter, had been measured up to Mike¡¯s; it was always the first thing I noticed about a guy, always the deal breaker. The only place I got to see Mike¡¯s smile now, though, was in my dreams or in a picture taken long ago.Advertisement I kissed the photo and pressed my thumb to it against the wall. ¡°G¡¯night, Mike.¡± I didn¡¯t even have a photo of David to sit and fantasise over. All I had were a few faded images in my mind. But it was better than nothing, and more than enough to cast him in my fantasies each night. I closed my eyes and wandered away to my happy place, seeing David by the lake, strumming my guitar. He smiled back at me, then looked away again. ¡°The words have changed.¡± I sat on the ground beside him, my legs crossed. ¡°No, they haven¡¯t.¡± ¡°They have. That song was about love before.¡± ¡°And what is it about now?¡± he asked. ¡°I think¡­¡± I frowned, listening to him sing the words. ¡°Death?¡± His lips tugged on the corners, showing his dimples. ¡°That¡¯s what it was always about.¡± ¡°Why didn¡¯t you tell me?¡± ¡°I did. You just couldn¡¯t hear it,¡± he said and leaned closer, plucking the same string over and over again, the horrid repetition of a single note making my ears ring. ¡°Listen now.¡± ¡°But that¡¯s not a song.¡± ¡°Then you¡¯re not listening.¡± He played louder; I covered my ears. ¡°David. I don¡¯t get it. I don¡¯t understand what you¡¯re trying to say.¡± ¡°Death, Ara. It¡¯s about death.¡± He appeared in front of my face, his nose touching mine. ¡°Can you handle death?¡± ¡°Whose death?¡± ¡°Theirs.¡± ¡°I still don¡¯t understand.¡± ¡°Answer me.¡± He grabbed my arms, the high note he was playing before ringing as the shadows closed in around us, making the ledge of his brow dark, menacing. ¡°Answer me!¡± ¡°No!¡± I sat bolt upright, still feeling his hands on my arms, while the screeching of that single note, which suddenly gained a tone, became the ring of the phone. I jumped out of bed and grabbed it. ¡°Hello?¡± ¡°Hey, kid, did I wake you?¡± ¡°Mike? Um¡ªI uh, no, I was just daydreaming. What¡¯re you doing up?¡± I looked at my clock. ¡°Isn¡¯t it, like, before six in the morning over there?¡± ¡°Yeah, I was in bed, but I was just layin¡¯ here, thinkin¡¯ ¡®bout ya.¡± I could hear the grin behind his tone. ¡°Me? Why?¡± I sat at my desk. ¡°Interview¡¯s booked now¡ªfor next Monday. Thought I might start planning my trip.¡± ¡°When do you think you¡¯ll be coming?¡± He took a long breath. ¡°I was thinking I should fly out that night?¡± ¡°Really?¡± Elation made my voice high. ¡°That¡¯s fine with me. I¡¯d be happy if you came now.¡± I flipped open my laptop, clicked on my calendar, then iTunes. ¡°You miss me that much, huh?¡± He sounded surprised. ¡°Mike, I¡¯ve never, ever had to live without you before. You¡¯re like my security blanket. I miss hanging out, you know, just being¡ªnormal.¡± ¡°Great. I¡¯m a blanky.¡± He laughed. ¡°What about David? He still in the picture?¡± His light tone concealed a spearhead¡ªsomething only I would notice. ¡°Argh. I just. Don¡¯t. Know, Mike. You know, he told me he loves me?¡± I whined. ¡°But¡ª¡± ¡°After a week?¡± Mike¡¯s voice cracked. ¡°Yes. Well, it¡¯s not a week for him, remember? He¡¯s had around a month to think about it. But, you know, it¡¯s funny ¡®cause I kinda fell in love with him, too, like, the day I saw him.¡± It was hard to admit that¡ªespecially to Mike. I knew he couldn¡¯t comprehend love, and I never wanted to hear the word infatuation. ¡°So what¡¯s the problem, then? Are you being a commitment-phobe again?¡± He sighed, sounding bored. ¡°No, it¡¯s the opposite, actually. He hasn¡¯t kissed me yet.¡± Mike laughed. I could almost see him tilting his head forward, scratching his brow. ¡°How long have you been official?¡± ¡°Well, how long were you and Bec official before you guys did more than just kiss?¡± ¡°That¡¯s different. I¡¯m an adult and you¡¯re a kid. Did you ever think that that might be his problem? You being under eighteen?¡± Mike concluded. ¡°How old is this guy, anyway?¡± ¡°He¡¯s a little older.¡± I brushed over that one. ¡°And yes, I did consider the fact that we¡¯re not technically adults.¡± Well I wasn¡¯t, but David was. ¡°But we are at the legal age of consent here, and he¡¯s a hot-blooded male¡ªand there have been opportunities. I just don¡¯t get it. A kiss can¡¯t hurt, right?¡± ¡°Unless you¡¯re a hot-blooded male, Ara,¡± he said dryly. ¡°A kiss can make you want a lot more, and maybe he just has¡ª¡± he paused for a second, ¡°¡ªself-knowledge? He might think he won¡¯t wanna stop if you were to ask him to go further. And maybe he¡¯s afraid if he did have the willpower to stop, it might hurt your feelings.¡± His voice dropped on the end. ¡°That could have something to do with it. But it makes me feel¡ª¡± I knew the word, but didn¡¯t want to admit it. ¡°Undesirable?¡± ¡°Yes,¡± I muttered. He laughed¡ªa loud, full bellow. The tightness in my stomach spread to my teeth. ¡°Mike. Stop it. Don¡¯t laugh at me, you know I hate that!¡± He stopped instantly. ¡°I¡¯m sorry, Ara, it¡¯s just that¡­I¡¯ve always thought you were cute. I¡¯m not stupid, I have eyes, and I promise, you are not undesirable.¡± ¡°Mike, you can¡¯t say that. You¡¯re my friend.¡± ¡°Yes, I¡¯m your friend, which means I can say that.¡± I typed pick up Mike on Tuesday in my desktop calendar then went back to iTunes. ¡°What¡¯re you doing?¡± Mike asked, sensing my absence, I guess. ¡°Downloading a song.¡± I clicked on search. ¡°A legal download, I hope,¡± he muttered in his stern ¡®cop¡¯ voice. ¡°Yes,¡± I hissed, rolling my eyes. ¡°What song?¡± ¡°It¡¯s by this band called Live. You know them, right?¡± ¡°Yeah,¡± Mike scoffed. ¡°Why would you be listening to them, though? It¡¯s a little old for you, isn¡¯t it?¡± ¡°Mike, I¡¯m three years your junior. If it¡¯s old for me, it¡¯s old for you.¡± Overcome started downloading so I looked up the song David said reminds him of me¡ªthe one by Muse. I just had to hear it again. My playlist of David was getting very long. ¡°So, what song then?¡± Mike asked after a moment. ¡°Oh, um, the Live one?¡± ¡°Yeah.¡± ¡°Overcome.¡± ¡°Where¡¯d you hear that one?¡± ¡°David likes it. He played it today on his iPhone. Why?¡± ¡°You know me, baby; I judge how you¡¯re feeling by your playlist. Don¡¯t you think that song¡¯s a little¡­?¡± ¡°What, depressing?¡± ¡°Maybe,¡± he said reluctantly. ¡°Mike. Are you worried that I¡¯m suici¡ª¡± ¡°No. Ara. Please don¡¯t think that. I just¡ªyou normally listen to such happy music. I just thought¡ª¡± ¡°Really, I¡¯m fine.¡± Just tired of people thinking I¡¯m depressed. ¡°I know Vicki and Dad think I¡¯m suicidal and, to be honest, if you all don¡¯t leave me alone, I might have to do something rash just to get you off my back. So, shut it! Okay? I¡¯m fine.¡± The line went dead silent. He should¡¯ve been used to my outbursts, but I guess, with all the miles between us, it was harder to just brush it off like normal. ¡°I¡¯m sorry,¡± he said. ¡°Good. ¡®Cause I¡¯m okay. I have David. My life is about him now. Look¡ª¡± I exhaled and softened my tone. ¡°I love you, Mike. I know you¡¯re just worried. But it¡¯s really an insult to my character that everyone keeps watching me all the time for the wrong move. I live with a former psychiatrist, for God¡¯s sake. I¡¯ll go crazy soon.¡± I took a breath and the smell of Vicki¡¯s cooking filled my nostrils. ¡°I need to feel free to make mistakes or listen to depressing music, and I need you to be with me on that.¡± It was supposed to be an attempt at reason, but unfortunately for Mike, he¡¯d just become victim to two months¡¯ worth of saved-up ranting. ¡°Mike?¡± His quiet breath revealed his presence. ¡°Mike?¡± ¡°You¡¯re not a little girl anymore, Ara,¡± he concluded softly. ¡°What¡¯s happened these last few months has¡­well, it¡¯s changed you. A lot. You¡¯ve really had to grow up and¡­I¡¯m sorry for that.¡± I rested my hand over my belly button to quiet the flutters his words formed there. ¡°But I¡¯m also really proud of you. I just need to see you again¡ªmake sure you¡¯re still my girl.¡± ¡°I¡¯ll always be your girl, Mike. You¡¯re my best friend.¡± ¡°But you have David now. You won¡¯t be needing me for much longer.¡± ¡°Don¡¯t say things like that, Mike.¡± ¡°Why? You know it¡¯s true. But it¡¯s okay,¡± he assured himself. ¡°It¡¯ll just be an adjustment, that¡¯s all¡ªnot having you all to myself whenever I wanna talk to you.¡± ¡°It was the same for me when you were dating Lyndall. It¡¯s just the way things are. But I¡¯m sure we¡¯ll always be friends.¡± ¡°Yeah, I¡¯m sure we will.¡± After a second, he laughed softly. ¡°I¡¯m really looking forward to seeing you. I can¡¯t wait to pick you up and squeeze you until you can¡¯t breathe.¡± ¡°Ha! No way. I¡¯ll totally squeeze you harder.¡± ¡°Sure, those skinny spider arms¡¯ll do so much damage.¡± ¡°Shut up, Hercules!¡± I chuckled the words out. ¡°Miss you.¡± Mike sighed, his laughter ceasing. ¡°I know you do.¡± The morning greeted me with a light, airy feeling, and the awakening floral scent of frangipanis sent shivers of normality through my chest. I snuck down the stairs and quietly opened the front door, hoping Vicki wouldn¡¯t realise how late I was today. But it wasn¡¯t my fault; ever since I met David, the world was just too good to leave behind for the sake of sleep. So, technically, it was his fault I slept through my alarm this morning. The last of the minivan parade sped past my dad¡¯s house as I reached the edge of the driveway, and the glowing heat of the sun warmed my skin while the sight of David warmed my whole day. Completely distracted, as usual, he didn¡¯t even see me walk out. As I cleared the windbreak of the house, the morning breeze blew in from the east, sweeping the dewy scent of roses in on its back. Strands of my hair caught the gust and wisped pleasantly along my shoulders like tickly feathers. I closed my eyes and lost myself in the sensation. ¡°Ara! Look out!¡± My eyes shot open. The windshear of a speeding car nearly sucked me onto the road, but a hand gripped my arm and yanked me from the edge. ¡°Jeeze, Ara!¡± Sam dropped my arm. ¡°What the hell were you thinking?¡± I swallowed hard and blinked. One more step and I would¡¯ve been under that car. ¡°Sorry, Sam. It wasn¡¯t there when I started crossing.¡± ¡°I know.¡± He watched the beaten-up old bomb scream around the corner¡ªsmoke billowing out from its exhaust. ¡°He came out of nowhere.¡± ¡°Sam.¡± A smile spread over my shock. ¡°You just saved my life.¡± ¡°David. How come you didn¡¯t see that?¡± He looked over my shoulder just as warm hands clasped my waist; David spun me into him, ignoring Sam. ¡°Man, you were looking right at her.¡± ¡°Are you okay?¡± David asked in a soft whisper, cupping my cheek. ¡°Mm-hm.¡± I nodded. ¡°I¡ª¡± He shook his head and looked at Sam. ¡°I was looking this way, but I was¡­I just didn¡¯t see it.¡± I touched my collarbone; it felt like my heart was trying to break through the skin. David placed his hand over mine. ¡°Well, I gotta get to school,¡± Sam said, nodding toward the building as the last bell rang. ¡°You need me to hold your hand across the road, sis?¡± ¡°Funny.¡± I rolled my eyes. ¡°Take care, Ara. Okay?¡± Sam started walking backward. ¡°Dad only just got you back. It¡¯ll kill him if you¡­do something stupid.¡± My mouth fell open. ¡°It was an accident,¡± I called out, standing on my toes to make my voice seem bigger. He shrugged and kept walking. ¡°I¡¯m sorry, Ara.¡± David¡¯s eyes, still lost along the outline of my face, narrowed when I looked back at him. ¡°I really¡ª¡± his brow tightened, ¡°¡ªshould have seen that.¡± ¡°It¡¯s not your fault, David. I was totally in my own world.¡± I laughed, but David just shook his head. ¡°Your heart. It¡¯s beating so fast.¡± He wrapped one arm, then the other around my shoulders and squeezed me tight enough to trap my hands against my chest. Page 30 ¡°It¡¯s because you¡¯re doing that.¡±Advertisement He said something to me then, in a tone I interpreted as anger or maybe fear, but the words were in French. ¡°Huh?¡± ¡°Come on, let¡¯s just get to class.¡± He started walking. ¡°David?¡± I said. ¡°What is it? Is something wrong?¡± ¡°I¡ª¡± His chest heaved, almost unnoticeably, as if he were regurgitating or maybe choking on words. ¡°Oh God, there is something wrong.¡± My heart picked up again and everything around me disappeared to insignificance. He didn¡¯t move, didn¡¯t speak, just stood¡ªmotionless, wordless and unresponsive. Tiny bubbles of despair flitted around my stomach. I felt like everyone on the school grounds was watching us. But the field was empty; we were late, and I didn¡¯t care. ¡°Does this have something to do with the reason you don¡¯t wanna kiss me?¡± ¡°What? Is that what you think? That I don¡¯t want to kiss you?¡± He shook his head and started walking away. ¡°Honestly, Ara, I don¡¯t know where you come up with these things.¡± ¡°Well, then, tell me what¡¯s wrong. What am I supposed to think when you act like this?¡± I stepped out onto the road, pointing back to the spot where we¡¯d just been standing. He stopped, but didn¡¯t turn around. ¡°David, what is it, what¡¯s wrong?¡± His head rolled downward. ¡°I spoke to my uncle last night.¡± ¡°Okay, and?¡± ¡°And¡ª¡± He turned to face me again. ¡°When he comes to visit today, he has requested I return with him.¡± ¡°Return? Return where?¡± ¡°New York.¡± ¡°Why? For how long?¡± David¡¯s eyes closed for a second. ¡°For good.¡± ¡°What? You¡¯re leaving?¡± He looked up then, and I don¡¯t think he expected to see the hurt I could feel coming from my eyes. Without a word, he closed the gap between us and wrapped his body around me, pinning my face to his cool silk shirt. And though the warmth of his hands invited my soul to feel love, his heart betrayed the anguish in his eyes¡ªseeming completely still, as if it weren¡¯t even beating¡ªcertainly not feeling the pain I was. ¡°Ara, leaving was never optional for me.¡± My stomach sunk. ¡°But¡­you said. You told me you weren¡¯t going anywhere.¡± His shoulders dropped. ¡°I know. I¡ªit was silly of me to say that. I got caught up in you, in this, and I made promises I knew, even then, that I probably couldn¡¯t keep.¡± ¡°C¡ª¡± My mouth hung open, stuck on a word. ¡°Caught up? You don¡¯t just get caught up, then make fake promises.¡± ¡°It wasn¡¯t fake. When I made that promise, my every intention was to try to keep it.¡± ¡°Well, what¡¯s changed? Why can¡¯t you keep it now?¡± ¡°You might say reality came back to pay me a visit.¡± I stared at him. ¡°What kind of answer is that? That tells me nothing, David.¡± ¡°I know. I¡¯m sorry. I¡¯ve done everything the wrong way here. I just wasn¡¯t prepared to come here and fall in love, and now that I have, I need to rethink everything my life means.¡± ¡°But¡­can¡¯t you rethink your life¡­with me in it?¡± ¡°It¡¯s not viable.¡± ¡°Viable? Viable?¡± Incredulity rose up in me like heat. ¡°So, that¡¯s it? No negotiations. You¡¯re just leaving me?¡± ¡°It wasn¡¯t supposed to be for another few months.¡± ¡°Months? You said never. When were you going to tell me this¡ªthat you were leaving?¡± He swallowed. ¡°You weren¡¯t, were you? You were just going to leave?¡± I edged forward, my hands on my hips. He moistened his lips. ¡°It was one option.¡± I died inside then. ¡°I mean so little to you.¡± ¡°No, Ara¡ª¡± ¡°Get off me!¡± I rolled my shoulder, pulling my arm away from his touch. ¡°God, you¡¯re a player. You¡ªhow could you do this to me?¡± ¡°It wasn¡¯t supposed to be like this. I wasn¡¯t supposed to love you this way.¡± ¡°But you do. Doesn¡¯t that, I mean, can¡¯t that change how things have to be?¡± Slowly, he turned and looked at me. His eyes shimmered so green in the morning light, so liquid with troubles that I wanted to look away. ¡°I wish it did.¡± ¡°So, that¡¯s it. You¡¯re going¡ªleaving¡ªtoday?¡± He nodded. The world went dark behind my eyelids. I bit my quivering lip, then folded my arms, standing straight, and walked right past him. ¡°Ara, where are you going?¡± I couldn¡¯t speak¡ªcouldn¡¯t even think; I just had to go to school, go to class, just move. ¡°Ara?¡± He grabbed my arms and pulled me back gently. ¡°Where are you going?¡± ¡°I have to go. I¡ª¡± I spoke to his chest. ¡°I can¡¯t hear this.¡± ¡°Why, Ara, what¡¯s wrong?¡± ¡°Don¡¯t you get it, David? You can¡¯t leave.¡± ¡°I have to.¡± ¡°No.¡± I shook my head, folding my arms tighter. ¡°I¡¯ll die. If you go, I won¡¯t be able to go on. You¡¯re the glue. You¡¯re everything that¡¯s holding me together. How will I possibly be okay without you?¡± He dropped his arms to his sides. ¡°Don¡¯t say that.¡± ¡°Why? Would you rather I lied? Would you rather I said great, let¡¯s have a freakin¡¯ celebration¡ªa farewell party. What did you honestly expect by telling me this?¡± He looked down. ¡°I¡¯m not sure.¡± I wiped my face with my hand and walked away again. ¡°I¡¯ll see you in class.¡± ¡°I wish I¡¯d told you the truth. I should have told you I¡¯d be leaving, Ara.¡± He caught up and stood in front of me, blocking my path. ¡°I¡¯m sorry for that.¡± ¡°But you didn¡¯t. And you wait until now, when I finally let myself need you, finally let myself feel okay again, to tell me you¡¯re going to take all that away.¡± ¡°I won¡¯t take it. You¡¯ll be okay. Don¡¯t you see? You¡¯re okay now. You have Em, you have your dad, Mike¡ª¡± ¡°They mean nothing to me, David! They¡¯re not you.¡± He rocked back on his heels. ¡°I¡¯m sorry.¡± ¡°Sorry?¡± I nodded, smiling, though the lump in my throat wanted to rip me open. ¡°Of course you are.¡± And it all broke apart. I dug the heels of my palms into my eyes, and my shoulders hunched, shaking, as everything I thought was okay fled my heart. I felt so unsteady, like I was standing on the street, alone, in the pouring rain, and even the smell of the cut grass and the vapours of the melting dew on the hot pavement couldn¡¯t change my mind, couldn¡¯t make me believe this was not some horror movie where my hero walked away, got hit by a taxi, and I never saw him again. ¡°You will get through this,¡± he said coldly. I stifled my tears, straightening, like the strong girl I could pretend to be. ¡°Is that what you really believe?¡± He let out a long breath. ¡°It¡¯s not my heart¡¯s desire to leave you. If you only knew how much you mean to me, you¡¯d know how the very idea of not being here to hold you, to see you smile, to be the one that makes it okay, is killing me. I¡¯ve lost sleep over this, Ara. It wasn¡¯t supposed to be like this,¡± he said, his voice losing that deep, strong tone. ¡°Nothing¡¯s ever what we want it to be.¡± My lip quivered; I bit it. ¡°No, it¡¯s not. And I betrayed you¡ªbetrayed your heart by allowing you to love me, when I knew this would end.¡± ¡°Did you think you could control this?¡± I dug my finger into my chest. ¡°Did you think you could stop me falling in love with you, like it¡¯s some accident?¡± ¡°I could¡¯ve left¡ªbefore you fell for me.¡± ¡°So, before my first day¡ªbefore English class, before you took me to the lake and made me open up to you in a way I never thought I could with anyone.¡± He pinched the bridge of his nose. ¡°This is a mess.¡± I rolled my shoulder back and looked around the field. ¡°Will he let you finish out the day, at least?¡± David shook his head. ¡°He¡¯ll arrive just after lunch; I need to be there to meet with him.¡± I looked at my dad¡¯s house, then at my own feet for a long moment. ¡°Just go then.¡± ¡°What?¡± ¡°Go now. Just go. Don¡¯t drag this out.¡± Each sentence became more breathy, the composure I was attempting being slaughtered by a lack of control over anything in my life. ¡°Ara, don¡¯t cry like that. You¡¯ll make yourself sick again.¡± ¡°I can¡¯t help it. Do you think I¡¯m doing it deliberately?¡± ¡°Come here.¡± He reached for me. ¡°No!¡± I shoved his chest as hard as I could. ¡°I said go. I don¡¯t want to see you anymore. I don¡¯t want to even look at you.¡± ¡°Ara, stop it.¡± ¡°No. You hurt me. You made me love you. You made me want to be happy with you¡ª¡± I drew a deep, shuddering breath and folded over as he moved in and wrapped me up in his arms¡ªtucking my hands into my chest so I couldn¡¯t fight him. ¡°Shh. It¡¯s okay,¡± he said into my hair. ¡°It¡¯s okay.¡± ¡°I thought it was for always. I pictured a future,¡± I sobbed inaudibly. He slowly reached up and rubbed his mouth with a tight hand, his eyes closed. ¡°I know. I did too.¡± ¡°Then what happened? Why are you just letting this go?¡± ¡°This isn¡¯t what I want. I was stupid¡ªI thought I¡¯d be the exception, but Ara, I¡¯m not. I can¡¯t change this.¡± Like accepting death, his words rolled over me, and I nodded. ¡°Do you know what will happen to me¡ªwhen you¡¯re gone?¡± He grew taller, inch-by-inch. ¡°Don¡¯t think that way. You¡¯re a strong, capable girl.¡± He grabbed both my arms. ¡°You will be okay. I know this.¡± I shook my head. ¡°No, that¡¯s just what you tell yourself.¡± ¡°It¡¯s what I have to tell myself,¡± he yelled, his gaze fixing mine. After a moment, he gently pushed me away and walked toward my dad¡¯s house, stopping after a few steps. ¡°Goddamn it, Ara.¡± I crossed my hands over my stomach to keep the contents in, drawing a few deep breaths, watching him do the same; his back to me, hand to his face. The bell tolled behind us and students broke through the school doors, their noise filling the field¡ªfirst period. David quickly turned and stalked closer, grabbing my arm again before he was fully at my side. He pulled me close, glaring down at me. ¡°What would you have me do?¡± I shoved his hand off my arm. ¡°Stay.¡± ¡°And what if those secrets of mine, those secrets you¡¯re too innocent to handle, were stopping that from ever being possible? Would you be ready to hear them then?¡± I stepped forward, lifting my chin to feel taller. ¡°Yes.¡± He doubled back, his eyes narrowing for a second. ¡°Liar.¡± I twitched a little. ¡°I just¡­I don¡¯t want you to be something bad, David.¡± ¡°Because you¡¯re not sure if you could love me?¡± ¡°I¡¯ve never been in love like this before; I just don¡¯t know what it can withstand, and I feel so fragile¡ª¡± I touched my chest. ¡°I just feel so afraid to lose you¡ªafraid to even want to stop loving you.¡± He looked around as the students branched out in several directions, intruding on our little battle over the end of the world. ¡°I can talk to my uncle. Maybe I can convince him to let me stay¡ªat least for my original designated allowance.¡± ¡°But not for always?¡± He exhaled slowly, and I knew it weaselled its way in there¡ªthe idea that a few months wouldn¡¯t suffice. ¡°There are other options¡ªsome I, until now, haven¡¯t been willing to explore; but staying is not one of them.¡± ¡°Well, what is?¡± ¡°None of them, really, Ara.¡± He groaned, scratching his brow fiercely. ¡°None of them are right¡ªnot for you.¡± ¡°Why?¡± He closed his eyes. ¡°Because I love you. Because I want better for you. And because all your dreams, Ara¡ªeverything you want in life could be destroyed if we stayed together.¡± ¡°Why?¡± ¡°That, my love, is as far this explanation goes without formal approval.¡± My eyes narrowed as I stepped into him, peering right into his soul. ¡°Who the hell are you?¡± ¡°I¡¯ll find a way to explain this to you. I¡¯ll talk to my uncle and return for you later.¡± ¡°When?¡± ¡°After lunch,¡± he said, and walked away without waiting for a response. ¡°Hey, Ara,¡± Emily beamed, racing up to where I stood; she smiled widely, looking at me then at David wandering away. ¡°Missed you in roll-call today.¡± ¡°Em?¡± I rolled my head to the side, knowing full well she could see my tears. ¡°Don¡¯t pretend there¡¯s nothing going on¡ªthat just makes it worse.¡± ¡°Sorry.¡± Her shoulders dropped. ¡°Are you okay? Did you have a fight?¡± I watched David getting smaller and smaller as he briskly walked toward the front parking lot. ¡°I gotta get to class.¡± ¡°Okay. Um, Ara?¡± Page 31 I stopped, turning stiffly back to face Em.Advertisement ¡°I¡¯m sorry. I know you¡¯re upset, but, if you need to, like, talk or anything¡ª¡± she pulled one shoulder up and touched her cheek to it. ¡°Thanks, Em. But I¡¯m okay, really.¡± I could hold in hurt just fine. I didn¡¯t need to talk about it. Chapter Twelve As we walked to class, Emily babbled mindlessly about the benefit concert and our difficult mythology paper¡ªwhich hadn¡¯t sounded so difficult when Dad assigned it¡ªwhile I slipped into the safety of my proverbial eggshell-carrycase, wandering around wearing my fake smile, even though, inside, my guts felt like fricassee. David¡¯s pendulum behaviour had finally sent me nuts; my every thought centred on reasons he might be leaving¡ªand I kept coming back to believing it was because of me. In my world, it didn¡¯t matter what was wrong or what you had to do, you¡¯d give it all up, give up everything for love. I¡¯d do that for David. But then, my dad always did say I spent too much time living in fantasyland¡ªexpecting the fairy-tale endings I¡¯d read about in books. At lunch, we set the date for the benefit concert and finished making ticket signs¡ªwith the help of the Art students. Then, Emily went as far as to ask that the performers meet after school for further rehearsals. And we actually agreed. Everything for the concert was falling in to place, while for me, everything was falling apart. Even watching Alana and Ryan cheerfully walk everywhere together, and whenever a teacher wasn¡¯t looking, hold hands or kiss, I actually felt the hollow pit of jealousy; something I¡¯d never felt before. They were so normal, and I was beginning to think, to my dismay, that David was not. ¡°Em?¡± I said, lowering my voice so Dad wouldn¡¯t growl at me for talking in class again. ¡°Mm?¡± She kept her eyes on him. ¡°Hypothetical question.¡± ¡°Oh, I love this game.¡± I smiled. ¡°If you loved someone, more than anything, what would be the only thing that could make you leave them?¡± ¡°Hm.¡± She watched the projection screen as Dad changed the image, and I caught one or two words of his lecture about some religious topic¡ªsomething to do with vampire myth. ¡°Death, I suppose. I¡¯d only leave if they could either die or get really hurt by my being with them.¡± I nodded to myself. ¡°What if you were a criminal and you didn¡¯t want them to know?¡± She shook her head, leaning on her hand. ¡°Nah, I¡¯d tell them; if they loved me, they wouldn¡¯t care.¡± ¡°What if your horrible truth was that you went from place to place, making people love you, then leaving them¡ªfor the fun of it.¡± ¡°Then it wouldn¡¯t be real love, so it wouldn¡¯t count.¡± My heart wriggled down into my diaphragm. ¡°Can I ask you a hypothetical question?¡± Emily said, lowering her voice when Dad gave us a warning glare. ¡°Sure.¡± I tried not to switch off; too many times she¡¯d said things and I had to pretend I¡¯d been paying attention. But I just felt like crying¡ªa feeling so deep I had to sit straight and take a few shallow breaths. I knew only too well that if David thought he would be hurting me by staying, then he would absolutely leave and not come back. And I loved him for that as much as I hated him for it. ¡°Ara?¡± Emily elbowed me. ¡°What do you think?¡± Oh crud. ¡°Um¡ª¡± ¡°Ara and Emily!¡± Dad said, saving the day. ¡°Sorry, sir.¡± Emily winced. ¡°Ask me again later,¡± I said, leaning closer. She nodded and we tuned in to Dad¡¯s lecture; ¡°So,¡± he continued, ¡°When God created Adam, he also created who?¡± He pointed his pen to the back of the room. ¡°Eve.¡± ¡°In some versions of the story, yes, that¡¯s true. But it¡¯s also told that God first created a woman named Lilith. Now, she has many names in different cultures: Lilith, Kali, Satrina. She¡¯s also known as The Snake, The Screeching Owl¡ª¡± I fazed out when I smelled something very similar to David¡¯s orange-chocolate cologne; I looked around, but he wasn¡¯t in the room. ¡°So, unlike her sister Eve, Lilith was not created from a part of Adam. She was created as his equal. However, Adam would not treat her as such. He tried to force her to submit to him as he pleased, and in a stand for her own rights, Lilith left the Garden of Eden.¡± ¡°Sweet, world¡¯s first feminist,¡± one of the football jocks snickered. ¡°I have to admit,¡± I whispered to Em, ¡°this is getting kind of interesting.¡± ¡°Very sharp, Mr Grady.¡± Dad paced the floor, gesturing with his hands as he spoke. ¡°So, at a loss now, God decided to create another woman for Adam. But this time, she would be bound to Adam by the flesh.¡± Dad stopped and looked around. ¡°Who knows how he did that?¡± ¡°She was created from one of Adam¡¯s ribs or something, right?¡± the paper cannon kid next to me said. ¡°That¡¯s right. And because she was bound to him she couldn¡¯t¡­?¡± Dad pointed around the room, stopping on Emily. ¡°She couldn¡¯t just leave?¡± ¡°Exactly. Lilith, on the other hand, believed Eve was made to be na?ve¡ªthat God had not given her the knowledge of herself. Some say Lilith acted as the snake that conned Eve into tasting the Forbidden Fruit, also known as the¡ª?¡± ¡°Fruit of Knowledge.¡± Emily grinned, dropping her raised hand. ¡°That¡¯s right. Ten points to the students paying attention down the front here¡ª¡± Dad grinned and scribbled only five lines on the top right corner of the board. ¡°And deduct five, for my daughter, who hasn¡¯t heard a word we¡¯ve been saying.¡± The whole class erupted into a murmur of giggles; I sunk down in my seat¡ªstaring daggers at my father. ¡°Now, as the story continues, Lilith, who was created in God¡¯s exact likeness, lived outside the Garden of Eden. If we jump forward in the story a little¡ª¡± he looked at his watch, ¡°¡ªyou¡¯ll remember from our studies in religion last year that those in God¡¯s likeness have the same power as the Almighty¡ªwhich included immortality. ¡°You¡¯ll find that, in many cases throughout history, Lilith was said to be the Goddess of Seduction and believed to have power over men. In fact,¡± Dad said, raising his index finger, ¡°in many cases, when men were unfaithful, they proclaimed it to have been an act of seduction by the Goddess, and not an act of sin. Sounds like the easy way out if you ask me.¡± He melodramatically loosened his tie. The class laughed¡ªbut not me; I was still mad at him for singling me out. ¡°Wasn¡¯t she also said to be a demon, which ate small children?¡± a student asked. ¡°Yes, Grace.¡± Dad raised a brow. ¡°That¡¯s exactly right. There are many different myths surrounding Lilith. If anyone here knows the story of Cain and Abel, you¡¯ll know that Cain murdered his own brother and was punished by God¡ªbanished and cursed for eternity with a thirst for blood. Then, he fell in love with the Goddess, Lilith.¡± Dad smiled at the class. ¡°Can anyone see where I¡¯m going with this?¡± He looked around; no one answered. I shrugged when he looked at me. How would I know? ¡°Okay, well, it¡¯s told that Lilith and Cain had a child¡ªan immortal, who inherited his father¡¯s thirst for blood. The world¡¯s first myth about¡­?¡± He waited, his brow arched, cheeks high. ¡°Vampires,¡± said a voice from the doorway. Quiet murmurs spread over the class as everyone turned to look at the boy leaning on the doorframe with his hands in his pockets. ¡°Very good, David, and you¡¯re not even one of my students. And so¡ª¡± Dad said as he walked over and took a note from David¡¯s hand, ¡°¡ªyou can see that even legends of the most vile of creatures may have some religious origin.¡± David looked at me and smiled. It was not returned. ¡°Ara?¡± Dad called, still reading the note. I sat up a little and stared at David, my mind filling with questions. ¡°Yes?¡± ¡°Go with David, please?¡± All eyes in the class fell on me; I stood up slowly, jammed my books and pens into my bag, then shrugged at Emily as I sauntered past, slipping out the classroom door with David behind me. ¡°What did you say to my dad?¡± He started walking. ¡°I told him I needed to rehearse with you¡ªfor the benefit concert.¡± ¡°And he bought it?¡± I asked, the surprise in my voice a little too obvious. He just laughed. ¡°Did you talk to your uncle?¡± ¡°Yes.¡± ¡°And?¡± ¡°And¡ª¡± His shoulders dropped. ¡°I still have to leave, but¡ª¡± ¡°But what?¡± ¡°But he¡¯s granted me, provisionally, the original amount of time I had left.¡± ¡°How long?¡± His tongue moved between his lips for a second before he pressed them together. ¡°I¡¯m not sure. But, you can count on me being gone by winter.¡± Dread made my arms heavy. ¡°Then there¡¯s no need for us to see each other anymore.¡± ¡°Oh, no you don¡¯t.¡± He grabbed my wrist. ¡°You¡¯re coming with me, whether you like it or not.¡± ¡°Where?¡± ¡°Somewhere else.¡± ¡°Why?¡± He maintained his tight grip. ¡°If I have to leave in a few months, I won¡¯t waste this time we have left; there are some things I want to do with you, Ara-Rose, and I won¡¯t let the fear I might hurt you stop me from loving you the way I¡¯ve needed to for so long.¡± ¡°Hurt me?¡± The bridge of my nose crinkled. ¡°Why would you hurt me?¡± ¡°Just¡ª¡± He pulled me along by the arm. ¡°Come on. We need to go before we get caught ditching.¡± ¡°No, David.¡± I twisted my wrist around in his grip and yanked it out through the break in his thumb and forefinger, then stood fast¡ªfolding my arms like a spoiled child. ¡°Not until you tell me where we¡¯re going.¡± ¡°You stubborn little thing,¡± he said quickly, taking one long stride in my direction, then arched his body downward as he swept me off the floor, into his arms. ¡°Whoa.¡± I pinned my dress under my legs, nudging his chest with my elbow. ¡°Put me down. This is kidnapping.¡± ¡°No, it¡¯s not,¡± he stated with a smile, keeping his eyes on the path ahead. ¡°It¡¯s a rescue.¡± ¡°Rescue?¡± I scoffed. ¡°I don¡¯t need to be rescued.¡± He stopped walking and looked down at me; I shrank into his arms a little. ¡°The fair maiden who is locked in the darkest tower, guarded by the cruellest beast, never believes herself to be in danger; only suffering sorrows untold and a heart untouched.¡± ¡°But I¡¯m not in a tower.¡± ¡°You will be if you don¡¯t come quietly.¡± I huffed; he just looked forward and smiled to himself, then stuffed me in his car and drove away with me. ¡°Okay, Prince Charming.¡± I buckled my seatbelt. ¡°Fess up. Where¡¯re you taking me?¡± ¡°The lake.¡± ¡°Why?¡± He stared ahead. ¡°David. Why?¡± ¡°Not telling.¡± ¡°Why?¡± ¡°Because you need to learn to control your moods, Ara, without getting your own way first.¡± My eyes narrowed and I tightened my crossed arms. ¡°You¡¯re not my dad. I don¡¯t need you to teach me a lesson.¡± ¡°Someone has to.¡± He held back a wry smile. I huffed, bit my teeth together and looked out the window. When David took the final turn onto the long stretch of tree-covered road, my arms loosened, my lungs drawing the fresh pine scent of evergreens and the cinnamon flavour of the approaching autumn. That smell was kind of comforting to me now¡ªlike the feeling you get when you finally come home after a really bad day. We pulled over in the usual spot, then walked in total silence until my temper became a physical sting in my chest. ¡°Why are you walking so fast?¡± He ignored me, continuing on his path, gliding effortlessly over the rocks and twigs¡ªas if he were walking an inch above the forest floor, like a ghost. Meanwhile, I stumbled and slid on the bark-covered slopes, brushing the side of my leg off constantly, then standing back up¡ªtrying to look as graceful as David. Infuriation burned every drop of blood in my body. ¡°Why are you ignoring me?¡± ¡°Because you haven¡¯t calmed down yet.¡± I pretty much walked with my teeth clenched the whole time after that. When we came to the rock where we usually sat, David shook his head and continued on a path we¡¯d never walked down before. ¡°Now where are we going?¡± I whined, dropping my arms to my sides. ¡°I¡¯m tired and it¡¯s hot. I don¡¯t wanna walk anymore.¡± He continued ahead¡ªtall and sleek, never looking back. Argh! I felt like throwing a rock at his head. David spun around then, his eyes alight with a humoured glint. ¡°Forget to have lunch, did we?¡± ¡°None of your business.¡± ¡°Actually, it is, because I¡¯m the one that has to put up with your moods.¡± ¡°I¡¯m not moody.¡± But I knew that was a lie, and as I looked away from the irritation in his stern eyes, my breath stopped around a dose of crushing anxiety; his words ¡°put up with your moods¡± resonating with every belief I had that he would one day get sick of me. Page 32 ¡°You¡¯ll want to take those off.¡± I looked down at my shoes. ¡°No. Not until you tell me where we¡¯re going.¡±Advertisement ¡°Fine, leave them on.¡± He shrugged, then reached behind him and lifted his shirt, tugging it past the sharply cut V of muscles diving just below the waistline of his jeans. I looked back down at my feet before it came off completely. ¡°It¡¯s okay, Ara,¡± David said, a hint of laughter in his tone. ¡°You don¡¯t have to look away.¡± ¡°I wasn¡¯t looking away.¡± ¡°No, course you weren¡¯t.¡± He came to stand in front of me, the rim of his Calvin Klein¡¯s showing just under the rise of his dark jeans; his tan skin covering every inch of him I wanted to see. And I could look, if I wanted to. He held my hand firmly, like he was asking me to look, and when I finally braved it, a body like I¡¯d never seen before, except on TV, gobbled up my heart, destroying me in the end with that cheeky grin. ¡°Something wrong, Ara?¡± ¡°I¡¯m not blushing ¡®cause I think you¡¯re hot.¡± I reached down and slipped off my shoes, then dumped them by a rock. ¡°You don¡¯t affect me, David Knight.¡± ¡°I know. You¡¯re too sensible to be knocked off your feet by a guy without a shirt.¡± He grinned, reaching his hand out. I stared at it. ¡°Come on.¡± Reluctantly, I walked the five-pace gap and touched his fingertips. ¡°I don¡¯t see why you need to take your shirt off; it¡¯s not that hot.¡± ¡°Didn¡¯t want it to get wet.¡± ¡°Wet?¡± He nodded and led me to the cold, crisp water of the lake. ¡°Do you see where we¡¯re going now?¡± I followed the direction of his nod. ¡°The island?¡± ¡°Yes. There¡¯s a small sandbar that extends all the way across. It¡¯s only as deep as¡ª¡± he considered my height for a second, ¡°¡ªprobably your upper thigh.¡± My breath caught in my throat as the cold water reached my knees, and my fingers involuntarily tightened around David¡¯s. ¡°How did you find this sandbar?¡± I asked. It was only wide enough for David and I to walk on, side-by-side, disappearing into the depth of the lake after that. ¡°Well,¡± he chuckled as he spoke, ¡°let¡¯s just say I kinda stumbled over it one day. It¡¯s the only way out to the island unless you swim¡ªor fly.¡± ¡°Is the water deep outside the sandbar?¡± He nodded once. Above us, fingers of clouds blotted out the sun, and a cool breeze dragged the shivers in my body to the surface. David¡¯s jeans were soaked¡ªthe water seeping all the way up to his pockets, but not anywhere on those golden ribs, or arms, did I see so much as a goosebump. ¡°How come you¡¯re not cold?¡± He looked down at me, then let go of my hand and wrapped his arm over my shoulder. ¡°You are?¡± I nodded. ¡°It¡¯s okay, I can think of a few ways to get warm.¡± I bit my lip to stop from giggling, already feeling warmer. Under the crystal clear water, I saw David¡¯s feet for the first time, and smiled. It¡¯s kinda funny how seeing someone¡¯s feet can make them seem less mysterious; how it can make it easier to imagine them beside yours in a bed or in the kitchen while you make breakfast. But seeing his feet would only make it harder for me to cope when the winter came. David¡¯s toes kicked up a swirl of sand, which spread out like a brown cloud¡ªhiding our feet completely. My fingers tightened around his again. ¡°Are you afraid?¡± he asked, looking at my hand. ¡°A little,¡± I said. ¡°Please, don¡¯t be. I won¡¯t hurt you,¡± he said softly. ¡°I know. That¡¯s not what I¡¯m afraid of.¡± I laughed. ¡°Then, what is it?¡± ¡°I¡¯m just afraid of what it¡¯s going to feel like when I can¡¯t hold your hand anymore.¡± He sighed, and a hint of a smile angled the corners of his mouth. ¡°Well, it¡¯s not goodbye, Ara. Not yet.¡± I moved my head in a nod¡ªfeeling detached and outside reality. ¡°Are you gonna let that get wet?¡± He motioned to the edges of my dress, slightly touching the water. ¡°I won¡¯t look if you want to lift it up a little.¡± ¡°I¡¯ll be fine,¡± I said, regretting it as soon as the water soaked in. Ahead of us, a thick moss blanket smothered the lake at the base of the island. We waded through, parting it with our fingers, like cheese on a pizza, until the steep, muddy slopes of the banks halted us with warding trees, leaning out like diagonal spears. David curled his palm around a branch and hoisted himself onto it. I waited in the water, imagining all the slimy things that might be lurking under the green, sludgy moss. ¡°Don¡¯t worry.¡± David reached down from his perch, grinning. ¡°The worst thing out here is me.¡± ¡°Well, in that case¡ª¡± I took his hand, ¡°¡ªmaybe I should be worrying about my heart instead of my toes.¡± ¡°You just let me worry about your heart, mon amour.¡± He yanked me from the lake in one fluid movement, swinging me onto the sloped shore; the soil sunk and shifted into a small mound between my toes; I scrunched them together, looking up at the knitted crown of yellow and green leaves. I felt so closed in, with low-lying shrubs and ferns at my feet and flowering vines covering nearly every other surface from floor to canopy. ¡°It¡¯s amazing under here.¡± ¡°I know.¡± David tucked his bunched-up shirt into the waistband of his jeans. ¡°I feel like I¡¯m in my own little cubby hole.¡± ¡°Yes. It¡¯s very hidden here. No one can see us, not even if they were flying over.¡± ¡°Hm. Comforting.¡± He laughed. ¡°Come on, I¡¯ll take you to my favourite spot.¡± As we walked, my toes tangled in the carpet of loose-leafed clover. I lifted my feet a little higher with each step and placed them flat over the creepers, stabilising myself with my hand on the mossy tree trunks. It all smelled so moist, in a hot but dry kind of way. ¡°Just watch out for these little terrors¡ªthey¡¯ll give you a nasty scratch.¡± David reached forward to shift the furry, silvery arm of a fern from our path. ¡°Speak from experience, do we?¡± I said playfully. ¡°Yes.¡± He held it in place, dropping it softly back against the hip of the tree after I passed. ¡°My brother and I used to play here as children.¡± I could actually picture that, too; little David, with a companion of exact look-alike, popping up above the bushes, pretending to shoot each other. ¡°I bet you were a cute little boy.¡± ¡°Stunning,¡± he said, then pointed ahead. ¡°Look up there.¡± My eyes followed the vertical columns of maples to a deliciously colourful display of twisting climbers, shrouded with palm-sized purple and white flowers. ¡°Wow. They look like purple cherry blossoms.¡± ¡°Want one?¡± ¡°Oh, no. It¡¯s okay. They¡¯re too high u¡ª¡± David grinned, then ran to the base of a tree trunk, took a small leap, wedging his foot against the bark, and plucked a flower from a vine six or seven feet off the ground. ¡°For you,¡± he said, landing back beside me. ¡°Thank you.¡± I sniffed its sour, grassy fragrance. And it was only as I tucked my hair back, placing the flower behind my ear, that I really noticed the vibrant songs of possibly thousands of different birds and small animals, chiming through the treetops like a symphony. ¡°It¡¯s kinda noisy here, isn¡¯t it?¡± ¡°It¡¯s a kind of noise I can handle.¡± ¡°And what, my talking isn¡¯t? He looked sideways at me; I turned my face to the front and kept walking¡ªwell, shuffling, through the thick undergrowth. ¡°Would you like me to carry you?¡± ¡°I¡¯m fine.¡± I straightened the flower behind my ear. ¡°But, how much further do we have to walk?¡± ¡°Just to right¡­over¡­there.¡± He pointed to a small circle of long grass, centre to a ring of tightly packed trees, with a single beam of sunlight making the busy movements of tiny insects look like sparkles. ¡°Come on.¡± He took my hand. ¡°Do you come here often?¡± I asked. ¡°Not so much anymore.¡± ¡°Why?¡± ¡°I used to come here to reflect on the miseries of my life.¡± He kicked a few stones away from the grass and plonked down on his side. ¡°Last few weeks I haven¡¯t needed to.¡± I sat down, too, hugging my knees to keep the moist, tickly grass off the backs of my thighs. ¡°This would be a great spot to bring a book.¡± I could imagine that warm beam of sunlight overhead lighting the pages for me, just enough that I wouldn¡¯t need to squint. It made me wish I¡¯d brought one with me, but it was great just sitting here¡ªwith David. ¡°I have a box here, buried, where I keep books for when I visit unexpectedly.¡± ¡°Really?¡± He nodded. ¡°But, right now, it¡¯s great just sitting here.¡± He sat up, resting his arms over his knees, leaning a little closer. ¡°With you.¡± ¡°I was just thinking that.¡± I looked away from his ultra-cheeky grin. ¡°Sometimes I feel like you steal my thoughts.¡± ¡°How do you know I don¡¯t?¡± I shook my head, smiling. ¡°That¡¯s just the thing, I¡¯m starting to wonder if¡ª¡± ¡°Wait!¡± He held up a finger, his secret smile spreading across his face. ¡°I have a surprise for you.¡± ¡°A surprise, but¡ª¡± ¡°Come on.¡± David offered me his hand, suddenly standing, when a second ago he so was not. ¡°Hey, how did you¡­?¡± ¡°Come on.¡± He reached down and grasped my fingers, hoisting me off the ground. All protest stopped instantly with the feel of his smooth skin on the side of my face, my collarbones, and the back of my forearms as he directed them around his bare waist. Little bumps rose over my cheeks and across my shoulders, making me shiver, but not from cold, though. I¡¯d never felt them from touch, but I was sure¡ª ¡°Shh,¡± David said. ¡°I didn¡¯t say anything.¡± I rolled my face upward to smile at him, but the second I saw his tightly closed eyes and the ultra-still mask of concentration, it slipped away. ¡°David, what¡¯s wrong?¡± ¡°Shh.¡± He opened his eyes for a second, winking at me before closing them again. I exhaled a laugh, burying my face against the small hollow at the centre of his chest, where that sweet, kind of chocolaty smell dominated the powdery cologne under his arms. And my cheek felt moist suddenly, the heat of the day slipping past the canopy, making the air damp and almost hard to breathe. ¡°Wow, it just got really hot,¡± I said, looking up to see the rainfall I could hear all around us. But there was no rain, only the soft pattering sound. ¡°Stay calm, okay.¡± David pressed one hand to my lower back, rolling my hips toward his, and the other to the base of my neck, forcing my face against his chest. My cheek squished up into my eye, making my lip jut out. I really hoped he didn¡¯t look down¡ªthis was so not my sexy face. ¡°Why do I need to stay calm?¡± He didn¡¯t answer; he just held me close, his eyes shut tight, his beautiful dark-pink lips, set perfectly into his golden brown skin, twitching. The pattering sound around us became louder then, drowned out for a second by a flock of birds bursting through the canopy above us¡ªcolouring the sky in reds and greens. When silence fell over the island again as the birds disappeared, I saw something move from the corner of my eye, yanking my arm back when a light feathery touch brushed my skin. ¡°It¡¯s okay,¡± David said in a low voice. ¡°You¡¯re safe here.¡± ¡°I know,¡± I said, ¡°I just thought I felt a spider on my arm.¡± ¡°My love.¡± He gently kissed the top of my head, tangling his fingers in my hair. ¡°Look up.¡± It took a second for my eyes to adjust, but as the blurry cloud of yellow and pale blue became the fluttering of hundreds of tiny wings, my mouth dropped. ¡°Oh, my God.¡± I watched in amazement, the cloud filling the space around us like pastel snow. ¡°How is this possible?¡± ¡°Anything is possible.¡± David smiled. I smiled back and reached out as the glowing sun filtered down through the leaves, lighting the winged creatures in a soft, misty glow. They flitted across my skin with tiny silk kisses, forming a circle around us, like we were in some magical orb of nature. But the gem-like green of David¡¯s eyes stood out among the pale colours, as if he was backlit by the brightest star in the sky. His head turned, unlocking the hold of his gaze, and he nodded to the tip of my finger, held way up into the magic. I laughed, staying ultra still so as not to scare the blue and black butterfly there; it fluttered its wings for a single moment, before flying away. ¡°David, this is so beautiful.¡± He cupped my chin, pressing the tip of his nose to mine. ¡°I know.¡± The heat stole my breath then, so humid and wet, but the distance of David¡¯s lips to mine, just enough to slip a finger between, made the air hotter, thicker, scented sweetly with the taste of his honey breath blowing against my tongue every time I breathed him in. I couldn¡¯t do it anymore. I had to let myself imagine the way his kiss would feel. Then, the dream left my thoughts and touched reality. David¡¯s lips skimmed across the surface of mine, so softly, so hesitantly, coming to rest just in front of my mouth as he breathed for the both of us. The world stopped. Every sound, every brush of air disappeared until only he and I existed. Page 33 His fingers tightened on the small of my back, my dress lifting a little in his closed fist, then he pressed my spine, sweeping me onto my toes until our faces aligned¡ªlips finally touching. He kissed me deeply, drawing a breath so full it stole mine. I felt the wet soil and grass beneath my toes, the sweat trickling down my back, soaking into my dress, felt everything as if this one moment brought me to life, lit everything in stark contrast¡ªmaking it real, me real, him real, the world, somehow, a place I never thought existed.Advertisement He broke away for a single moment and slipped both hands along the sides of my face, pressing our lips together again after, hungrily catching my bottom lip against his, drawing it in, breaking only to release and drink it in again. I had to open my eyes¡ªto savour this moment forever¡ªbut while the kiss felt like a reality so stark it couldn¡¯t possibly become just a memory, when I looked up and the golden beams of sunlight shone through the cloud of butterflies, it felt more like a dream. This had to be a dream. With his hands pressed firmly to my cheeks, he gently drew my face away, smoothing his thumb over the moisture of his kiss. ¡°Are you happy here?¡± he whispered. ¡°Yes, but it¡¯s only for the moment.¡± I closed my eyes, resting both hands on his shoulders. ¡°You¡¯ll be gone soon. And I won¡¯t be happy anymore.¡± ¡°You will forget about me one day,¡± he said in his soft, deep voice. ¡°I promise you that.¡± I shook my head. ¡°No, David, I¡¯ll never forget you. I¡¯ll love you for the rest of my life.¡± One corner of his mouth quirked up. ¡°That, my love, is what I¡¯m afraid of. Because I¡­will love you¡­until the end of time.¡± He wrapped his fingers around my wrist, drawing my hand down until it rested over his heart, then, with his other hand, pressed my face into his chest again. We stood together in our timeless embrace and watched the miracle of life swarm around us for a while. But all it did to feel him so close was make me fall so much deeper in love with him¡ªso much that I was sure I¡¯d die when he went away. Chapter Thirteen My fork scraped the plate where the absence of a potato mound left the ceramic bare. Even though I¡¯d managed to create something worthy of special mention in Art Weekly Magazine, I couldn¡¯t lift the heavy weight I¡¯d carried to the dinner table with me. I was losing David. He¡¯d be gone by winter and there was nothing I could do about it; not even a magical first kiss could save our happily ever after. Our dreamy afternoon was followed by an intensely silent drive home, with me trying so hard not to burst into a snivelling, needy teenage girl, and when I walked through the front door, slammed it and readied myself to run upstairs and sob my heart out, Vicki called on me to help with dinner, forcing me to swallow my grief like a hard wedge of cheese. ¡°Ara?¡± I looked up from my plate. ¡°Hm?¡± ¡°How was practice this afternoon?¡± Dad asked. ¡°Practice?¡± ¡°With David? The reason you left class today.¡± ¡°Oh, um, good. I¡¯m gonna perform a piece of music from a movie.¡± ¡°You mean going to, not gonna,¡± Dad added sternly. I shrugged. ¡°And you have your friends coming over this weekend, don¡¯t you? Emily and Alana?¡± Vicki asked, taking the salt from Dad. I nodded. ¡°How¡¯s your mythology paper coming along?¡± Dad asked. ¡°Good.¡± But it wasn¡¯t good, though¡ªI hadn¡¯t even started it. They all sat silently then, the feel of their stares burning into my face until Sam started laughing. Dad looked at him with a raised brow. ¡°Something funny, son?¡± ¡°Ara¡¯s in love,¡± he teased. I sat up straight, scowling at him. ¡°I am not.¡± ¡°Yes, you are. You wanna marry David.¡± He laughed, poking his fingers in the air at me. My cheeks went really hot. Dad looked at Vicki and a smile crept up under her lips. ¡°I think you¡¯re right, Sam.¡± She pointed to my face. ¡°I¡¯ve seen that look before.¡± Okay, Dad, time to step in¡ªstand up for your only daughter. But Dad broke into laughter, too. Traitor. ¡°I¡¯m sorry, honey.¡± He wiped his napkin across his mouth. ¡°But I think your brother may be right.¡± ¡°I wondered why you were suddenly so eager to go to school.¡± Vicki covered her smile with her hand. ¡°Well, I guess we¡¯d better have young David over for dinner¡ªdiscuss the dowry,¡± Dad joked. ¡°Dad?¡± I whined, hiding my face in my hands. ¡°So, he¡¯s taking you to the Fall Masquerade, then?¡± Dad asked. I looked up. ¡°The what?¡± ¡°Oh, yeah.¡± Vicki heaped a spoonful of potato salad onto her plate. ¡°Ara¡¯s never been to a masquerade, has she?¡± Dad¡¯s eyes lit up. ¡°No, she hasn¡¯t. Well, this¡¯ll be exciting then.¡± ¡°Wait, what¡¯s the Fall Masquerade?¡± I asked, confused. ¡°Every year, during fall, the town holds a masquerade for seniors¡ªlike a school ball, but for the whole town,¡± Sam said. ¡°You have to wear a mask and a giant dress¡ªtotally lame.¡± ¡°And you know what that means?¡± Vicki squeaked. ¡°We get to go shopping.¡± ¡°Well, David hasn¡¯t asked me yet.¡± And likely wouldn¡¯t be here. ¡°When is it?¡± ¡°They¡¯ll put posters up soon. It¡¯s usually held in early autumn,¡± Dad added. I smiled, thinking about the last ball I went to, which wasn''t really a ball at all; it was an end of year formal, and my ¡®date¡¯ was my best friend, whom my mum actually had to pay to take me, because he thought wearing a penguin suit was an indication that you wanted to mate with an arctic bird. And since he didn¡¯t want to mate with me, he¡¯d told my mum, it was going to cost her. We had fun, though, Mike and I, but the formal was no masquerade. Then, almost as if Dad read my mind, he asked, ¡°When¡¯s Mike coming?¡± ¡°Oh, um, his interview is next Monday, so he¡¯ll be here on the Tuesday some time.¡± ¡°How does David feel about that?¡± Vicki asked in an evocative, feather-ruffling tone. My shoulders dropped. ¡°David? Why would he care about my best friend coming to stay?¡± Vicki¡¯s expression suggested the obvious; she didn¡¯t even have to speak. My lip curled. ¡°David doesn¡¯t see it like that. He knows Mike¡¯s my friend.¡± ¡°Well, we¡¯ll just see, won¡¯t we?¡± She rolled her head to the side. ¡°Ara, sometimes a girl as young as you can misinterpret things, see them as more innocent than they really are. Mike¡¯s a fully-grown man¡ª¡± She placed the salad back on the table, ¡°¡ªmaybe he feels differently about you than you do about him.¡± Dad just sat there, saying nothing. My mouth hung open a little; I couldn¡¯t believe he didn¡¯t correct her. Betrayal. Again. I threw my napkin down and stood up. ¡°Mike and I are friends. That¡¯s all it¡¯s ever been!¡± ¡°Ara, sit back down. Vicki knows that,¡± Dad said. ¡°No, Dad! I¡¯m tired of it. Just because Mike¡¯s a boy and I¡¯m a girl?¡± I pointed to my chest. ¡°Don¡¯t you guys get it? Don¡¯t you understand what David means to me?¡± ¡°Honey, you¡¯ve known him for a week,¡± Dad reminded me. ¡°Yeah, and that was enough to make me fall in love with him,¡± I retorted. ¡°But seventeen years didn¡¯t work for Mike? So what¡¯s gonna change now?¡± ¡°She¡¯s got a point.¡± Sam shrugged. I looked at Dad and he looked at Vicki. ¡°Ara, you¡¯re so young. This thing with David¡ªit¡¯s just an infatuation. You can¡¯t know what love is yet,¡± she said. ¡°How can you say that?¡± I leaned forward slightly. ¡°You don¡¯t know what I feel. None of you do.¡± ¡°Honey, you can¡¯t feel that kind of love at your age.¡± ¡°How would you know? I¡¯m sorry, are you the all experienced love gurus because you¡¯ve both had a failed marriage?¡± I waved my hands around at the word gurus, then dropped them to my hips. ¡°So, just because I¡¯m under eighteen, means I don¡¯t know how to feel?¡± ¡°We¡¯re just saying that love is complicated,¡± Dad said and held his hand up to Vicki, quietening her. ¡°It takes a long time to figure it¡ª¡± ¡°Don¡¯t tell me I don¡¯t know my own heart. ¡¯Cause I can tell you, I do¡ªand it hurts.¡± My voice broke under the strain of tears. ¡°It hurts all the time, Dad. It hurts for Mum and Harry and Mike. And I loved them. And I love you¡ª¡± the tears burst past the strain, ¡°¡ªso, you can¡¯t tell me I don¡¯t know what love is, because I think, of all the people in this room, I¡¯m the most qualified to say what my heart is capable of.¡± Dad¡¯s jaw fell open and Vicki looked at her salad. Sam hovered between standing and sitting. ¡°Well, Ara¡ª¡± Vicki placed her fork on her plate and folded her fingers in front of her chin, ¡°¡ªdo you feel better now you¡¯ve effectively displayed your maturity in front of your fourteen-year-old brother?¡± My arms fell to my sides. I just couldn¡¯t believe it. I¡¯d had enough¡ªjust about all a girl could take. I watched them all¡ªwaiting for me to respond. But I had no response. Of course I didn¡¯t feel better. What a stupid question to ask. ¡°How you think I feel, Vicki?¡± My chair fell over and hit the wall as I pushed it out with the backs of my legs and ran from the room. ¡°Let her go,¡± Dad said calmly as I thudded up the stairs, holding my forearm across the ache in my gut. I couldn¡¯t stop it; it all wanted to come out¡ªall the fear, the heartbreak, the grief. I knew too well what I felt for David; knew no one could understand it; knew it was crazy. And I knew, if losing everyone I loved so far hadn¡¯t killed me, loving David would. I slammed my bedroom door unintentionally hard, sending vibrations through the house, making my open window rattle. Then, with a wailing breath, slid down the door and sat on the ground, hugging my knees to my chest¡ªmaking myself as small as possible. I couldn¡¯t breathe¡ªcouldn¡¯t even find a good enough reason to breathe. I wanted to go home. Just wanted to go back and make it all okay again. But I couldn¡¯t, and I was so tired of losing people¡ªso tired of hurting to the point where crying just seemed pointless. It never helped. Tears or none, nothing ever changed. I just wished I could figure out what horrid crime I committed in a past life and atone for it, so maybe this life wouldn¡¯t suck so much. Outside, the sunlight turned orange and the soft yellow glow that filled my room earlier slipped away with an empty blackness. My nose went cold and my cheeks numb and, after a while, an eerie rumble of thunder growled as a flash of white scorched the sky for a split second, then disappeared. I stayed motionless in my nightmare life, listening to the quiet patter of rainfall that crept into my world under the cover of night¡ªafraid to move, afraid to cry anymore in case the brooding storm should find me here. The familiar sound of doors being locked into place and lights flicked off around the house filled the wordless evening with noise. My parents¡¯ footsteps thudded up the stairs and, while the lighter ones continued down the hall, the heavy ones stopped by my door. I sunk my face into crossed arms, holding my breath. Please don¡¯t come in, Dad. ¡°I¡¯m sure she¡¯s sleeping,¡± Vicki whispered. ¡°I know. I just¡­¡± ¡°I know,¡± Vicki said softly. The footsteps faded to the other end of the house and silence swept over the night once more as Dad¡¯s bedroom door closed. My real mum would¡¯ve told him to check on me¡ªto open the door anyway and make sure I was all right. She would¡¯ve followed him in, warming the sudden unwelcome chill in here, and she would¡¯ve told me not to be silly. Told me to get up off the floor and get into bed; that when I woke in the morning, everything would seem clear again. And a part of me knew that, but not having her here to say it made the pain, made missing her, so much worse. As I lifted my head and considered climbing into bed, a low rumble rolled across the roof, like a hundred horses running past on hard ground, the noise electrifying the skies with silver forks. It was almost as if the storm had lain dormant, building, waiting for my family to go to bed. I covered my head, crying into my knees. I had nowhere to hide¡ªno one to cuddle up safely beside. I was too old to climb into bed with Dad and Vicki now, and too far away from the phone on the other side of the room, in front of my open window, to call Mike. I counted the seconds between the thunder, sliding my hands up the wood of the door, edging stiffly to my feet. Then, as soon as it struck and grew silent again, I ran, wedged my fingers onto the top of the wooden frame and slammed my window shut¡ªdrawing the curtains together before the next strike of lightning. It hit as I turned away, making me squeal and trip all over myself to get away from the window; I fell into my stool, climbing onto it, and leaned my head on my hands against the dresser. With the curtains closed, the darkness of my room swallowed up my reflection¡ªmirroring back only the outline of my head, shoulders and, as the lightning flashed again, the image of my mother¡ªsmiling down at the tiny baby in her arms. I lifted the photo frame from the dresser and kissed them both, then wiped away the smudge my lips left on the glass. This was my favourite photo. My only photo. I so clearly remembered the day I took it; Harry, who was about two months old, had just been bathed, and my mum¡ªI ran my fingers over her face¡ªwrapped him safely in a towel. Then, when she looked down at him again, I took the shot, capturing the exact moment she saw her baby¡¯s first real smile. This was how I wanted to remember them, but at night, when I closed my eyes, it was the last seconds I ever saw them that flashed into my dreams¡ªmaking the smiles and the sunlight fade from nearly every memory. Page 34 Resting my bare forearms on the wood of the dresser, cold and exhausted from all the crying, I dropped my head between my hands and let the warm, salty tears fall over my nose and drip away. ¡°I¡¯m so sorry, Mum,¡± I whispered to nothing. ¡°I¡¯m so, so sorry.¡±Advertisement My crystals lashed against the window frame as the gloomy sky shoved its way into my morning, blowing papers around in the remains of the tsunami that hit my desk last night. I sat up on my elbows and looked down at the quilt covering my still fully dressed self then over at the shoes laid out neatly by my bedroom door, as if I was entering a dojo. Great, I thought, flopping back, pulling the blankets over my head. So, I¡¯ve finally gone insane enough to put things away neatly while sleepwalking myself into bed. ¡°Ara-Rose. Time to get up.¡± Vicki banged on my door, making me jump. ¡°I¡¯m up,¡± I called, throwing my covers back. I wandered over and shut my window on the stormy day, drawing the curtains across, then slumped in my desk chair with a loud groan. All my homework was ruined¡ªevery little bit. I tried to separate the dry pages from the wet ones, but dropped them all with a huff of defeat. It was no use; I¡¯d have to start all over again. I propped my head against my hand, my elbow on the desk. Time had escaped me. I¡¯d be late for school if I didn¡¯t get my act together, but I just didn¡¯t feel like being a part of the world. Everything in my life that was once worth living for was now gone, or thousands of miles on the other side of the world. After months of trying so hard to keep it together, to be normal and move on, I¡¯d finally had enough. I couldn¡¯t think of one good reason to get dressed. From under my pile of class literature, I slid out my diary and opened it. Last night¡¯s rain missed most of my books, thankfully, but the corner of my diary got a bit wet¡ªwell, soggy was a better word. It cracked as I opened it and turned to a blank page. The fading smell of home lingered in its binding, slowly being washed away by ageing and the sticky, inky smell of a blue pen. So many thoughts had been written down in here from times when everything was okay¡ªand not so okay. I fanned the edges with my thumb, considering a flip back through memory lane, but thought better. Before I knew grief, my problems were so mediocre, so unimportant. I don¡¯t think I could stand to hear myself drone on about my hopeless thoughts on boys or friends who wouldn¡¯t talk to me after a fight. Back then, I was so narrow-minded, so na?ve and ignorant to the world. I think it¡¯d just make me wanna throw up¡ªor slap myself. I grabbed a pen from my drawer and leaned over the diary, expelling every twisted, deranged and ludicrous thought in my head. The one word that stood out, though, as I read back over it, was Dad. Somewhere inside me, I still wondered if David was some hired-help my dad called on to make me okay, and now that I was okay, David had to give some lame-ass excuse to leave. Bad thing was, I wouldn¡¯t put it past my dad to do that. And even if that wasn¡¯t the case, it didn¡¯t matter. I felt awful last night; I had never cried so much and I never, ever wanted to again. David had his nature-documentary timeline, and that was fine. But I didn¡¯t have to put up with it. If he really had to leave in the winter, then he could go, but I wouldn¡¯t let him destroy my heart on the way out. I snapped my diary shut and stood up. I had to end it now. With a new sense of purpose, I jammed my iPod into the dock and blasted my Girl Power playlist. If I was going to take a new approach to life, then I¡¯d need a montage¡ªand a sexy outfit. I sang along, making a huge mess as I pulled nearly everything out of the neat little crevices in my wardrobe, then tossed my jeans, red tank top, and the only heeled shoes I owned into the bathroom. Then, in true montage style, shut the bathroom door and emerged again as the new, sexy, I-don¡¯t-take-no-crap me¡ªcomplete with red lip-gloss. I stopped by my dresser to dash on some mascara, and the soulless face of my past stared back at me. ¡°Don¡¯t pout,¡± I said to her. ¡°We¡¯re breaking up with him, and that¡¯s that!¡± The front door slammed a little as I stepped out onto the porch, and, okay, so that didn¡¯t feel so good, but the new me wanted it to. And she walked fiercely toward the roadside, her head down, eyes away from what she knew was waiting there. Then, as the montage music ended with an abrupt and sudden silence inside my head, I looked up at him, and my resolve wavered; he sat on a tree stump, his head in his hands, bag on the ground by his feet, forcing an ache in my heart. But the new me in the heeled shoes stood taller, gave a not-so-gentle reminder of why we were doing this, and screamed, No more David Knight. He stood up as I crossed the street, his eyes practically bulging from his head. ¡°Ara? My God, you look amazing.¡± I shrugged away from his touch, nearly falling backward as the heels of my pretty black shoes, so out of place on the thick turf, sunk into the ground. ¡°Ara?¡± His eyes narrowed, studying my face. ¡°Don¡¯t. I know what you¡¯re going to say. Please don¡¯t.¡± ¡°I¡¯m sorry, David, it¡¯s better this way.¡± The words felt like shards of glass in my throat. ¡°Look, yesterday was great and all, but we both know where this is going. I don¡¯t see the point in dragging it out.¡± ¡°Dragging it out?¡± His shoulders came forward with his words. ¡°We love each other, Ara¡ªspending our last few months together is not, by any means, dragging things out.¡± ¡°It is to me. You¡¯re the one leaving¡ªyou don¡¯t have to care, you don¡¯t have to suffer like I do.¡± ¡°Is that what you think?¡± He stepped into me; I stepped back, raising my hands. ¡°Ara, you know nothing about what I will suffer for leaving you.¡± ¡°You¡¯re right. I don¡¯t. Because you never tell me anything.¡± ¡°I can¡¯t tell you. Don¡¯t you understand that?¡± ¡°Why should I? Why can¡¯t you just be honest with me?¡± ¡°You don¡¯t want to know¡ªyou told me you don¡¯t want to hear about my dark world!¡± I shuffled my feet, folding then unfolding my arms. ¡°Maybe I¡¯m ready now.¡± He didn¡¯t expect that. He doubled back a little, rubbing his head. ¡°There are so many things, Ara. I wouldn¡¯t know where to begin.¡± ¡°How ¡®bout the reason you¡¯re leaving.¡± ¡°I¡ª¡± The words hung just on the exit of his lips; I tensed. ¡°I¡­I can¡¯t.¡± ¡°Then you can forget me staying friends with you.¡± I turned away. ¡°I¡¯m afraid of what you¡¯ll think of me,¡± he said, and I stopped walking. ¡°I¡¯m afraid, because I know how sweet you are, how, despite what you think about yourself, how kind and loving and warm you are.¡± ¡°So, you think I can¡¯t handle the truth?¡± He smiled softly. ¡°I know you can¡¯t.¡± I looked away, breathing out. ¡°Look, we have a few months left. I just want you like this¡ªmy sweet, beautiful girl who loves me; who looks at me like I¡¯m good. I couldn¡¯t bear it if you hated me, Ara. I can¡¯t bear this¡ª¡± he motioned to the distance between us. ¡°Please don¡¯t break up with me.¡± ¡°I have to, David.¡± ¡°No, you don¡¯t.¡± ¡°I¡¯ll fall more in love with you.¡± I forced back tears. ¡°If I keep doing this, it¡¯ll only make me break down when you¡¯re gone¡ªand I won¡¯t get back up this time. I¡¯ve got nothing left in me.¡± ¡°Oh, Ara. Please don¡¯t say things like that.¡± I heard it in his voice, the way my words crushed him. ¡°All I ever wanted was for you to be okay again.¡± ¡°Yeah, well¡ª¡± I looked right into him, making sure my words hit the deepest part of his heart. ¡°Now you¡¯re the one breaking me.¡± He folded over, propping his hands to his knees. ¡°Bye, David,¡± I turned away. ¡°And please don¡¯t talk to me if we pass each other in the hall.¡± ¡°Do you really mean that, Ara?¡± His voice travelled across the distance effortlessly, carrying the entire weight of his confusion. God no. ¡°Ara?¡± My feet froze, no longer driven by the anger, and as I spun around to meet his emerald green gaze, my resolve slipped completely. ¡°I don¡¯t want to hurt you, David. I¡¯m just trying to move on.¡± ¡°But, you should fight! If you really love me, you should fight for us¡ªto be together until the end¡ªuntil they drag me away.¡± ¡°Maybe I¡¯m tired of fighting.¡± I looked down. ¡°Maybe I just need to trust that the people I love will be with me. Forever.¡± ¡°Ara. Please, look at me?¡± he asked smoothly, his voice dropping on the end. ¡°No.¡± I shook my lowered head. ¡°Ara, you have to trust me; you have to believe that I will only ever do what¡¯s best for you. Me leaving, keeping you free from my world, it¡¯s what¡¯s best. You can¡¯t see that now, but if you were to know the truth, you¡¯d see it then.¡± I bit my teeth together in my mouth. ¡°Please just give me you¡ªjust give me this girl I love, just for a few more months. I¡¯m begging you.¡± ¡°I¡¯m just not strong enough to keep loving you, knowing I have to let you go. I¡¯m sorry.¡± ¡°So? What? You have the strength to walk away, but not to stay and fight?¡± His hands went back into his pockets. ¡°Would it do any good? To fight? And for what? For a guy who loves me enough to leave me for my own good?¡± ¡°You have no idea how right you are.¡± He looked down, shaking his head. I stood for a long time, watching him watching me. ¡°Why is this so hard for you? You and my dad planned this¡ªyou never really felt any of¡ª¡± ¡°What are you talking about?¡± ¡°You¡¯re letting me down gently.¡± I searched his face for proof. ¡°You promised him you¡¯d make me okay again, and maybe you fell in love with me in the process, but then you realised, didn¡¯t you, that I¡¯m never going to change, that¡ª¡± ¡°Do you really believe that? Do you really think I would do that?¡± ¡°You¡¯re a nice guy, David. But this¡ª¡± I held my hands out, presenting me, ¡°¡ªthis is a lot for anyone to take.¡± ¡°Ara?¡± He reached for me again. I pulled away. ¡°Just stop it.¡± ¡°No. What you just said¡ªit¡¯s not true. I never made any deal with your dad. I love you. I¡ª¡± ¡°But it doesn¡¯t matter, does it?¡± I said drily. ¡°You¡¯re leaving, whether you love me or not.¡± ¡°Ara. What can I do? Please.¡± He stepped closer, his hands out, wanting to grab me. ¡°Please just¡­just tell me how to fix this.¡± ¡°You can¡¯t.¡± I turned away. ¡°It¡¯s over.¡± ¡°No.¡± His hand shot out and he spun me into his chest by my arm. ¡°I¡¯m not going to let you go that easily.¡± ¡°Well, you don¡¯t have a choice.¡± Using the tops of my forearms, I pushed his hands off me. ¡°Just like I don¡¯t.¡± ¡°Choice, huh? So, you want a choice?¡± he called; I kept walking. ¡°I could tell you why I can¡¯t stay¡ªI could give you a choice, but you won¡¯t like it.¡± ¡°But at least it would be on my own shoulders.¡± ¡°And what then?¡± He grabbed my arm again, stopping me. ¡°What if you hate me after?¡± ¡°I hope I do. Because it¡¯ll make losing you so much easier.¡± His mouth hung open, his body thrusting forward slightly with each breath. ¡°I will die inside¡ªif you hate me.¡± ¡°Either way, someone gets hurt.¡± He nodded once. ¡°Then, I¡¯ll tell you¡ªbecause I would die a thousand deaths to save you from the pain of a paper cut, Ara. But I can¡¯t tell you here. Not now.¡± I scoffed, shaking my head. ¡°Right. You can tell me, but not today, huh? Same old story.¡± ¡°Ara, will you stop acting like a child?¡± ¡°No! You know what?¡± I rolled my hip back, sinking my hand onto it. ¡°Maybe you should just do us both a favour and leave now.¡± ¡°Why do you do that?¡± he called as I walked away. ¡°Why do you light your own fuse?¡± I rolled my eyes. ¡°It doesn¡¯t have to be this way. Ara?¡± He came up behind me, inhumanly fast, and grabbed my arm, releasing it quickly when I glared at him. ¡°I said, leave me alone. I am not your little toy, David. And I¡¯m so tired of being in pain.¡± He backed up as I walked slowly forward, poking his chest. ¡°You know what your secrets are; you know me¡ªknow how I¡¯ll react. Do you even need to tell me? Really?¡± He stood taller, his hands falling to his side. ¡°Didn¡¯t think so. Just go, okay. Just leave me to get over you.¡± His mouth hung open, tongue between teeth and lip. ¡°You said you were ready to hear. You said you were ready to know my dark world.¡± ¡°Well¡ª¡± I looked over at the school. ¡°Maybe that was the anger talking.¡± ¡°And what now?¡± I bit my lip for a second. ¡°I don¡¯t want to hate you, David. I don¡¯t want to know if I¡¯ll hate you forever.¡± ¡°Then what do I do?¡± It was clear; there was only one thing he could do. I nodded, preparing myself. ¡°Just leave.¡± He rolled back on his heels, eyes focusing on some black pit of nothingness. ¡°Leave?¡± Page 35 ¡°Yeah. Just go now,¡± I said, and despite the invisible strings tying my heart¡ªtrying to make me move toward him¡ªI forced myself to turn away, leaving everything behind.Advertisement When I took one last glance backward, David was gone. ¡°Ara!¡± Ryan called, running toward me at full speed. I quickly swiped the tears away, forcing a smile. ¡°Hi.¡± ¡°Hi.¡± He stopped running and looked at my cheeks. ¡°You okay?¡± I nodded, sniffling. ¡°What¡¯s up? You look¡ª¡± I looked at his eyes, how red they were. ¡°Have you been crying?¡± He put his hands on his hips, panting, folding over a little. ¡°Yeah.¡± ¡°What happened?¡± ¡°Nathan Rossi.¡± He caught his breath. ¡°He passed away early this morning.¡± ¡°Oh no!¡± I covered my mouth. ¡°I gotta find David. You seen him?¡± ¡°Does he know?¡± Ryan shrugged. ¡°Don¡¯t know. That¡¯s just it¡ªhe was closer to Nathan than any of us. We¡¯re worried ¡®cause no one¡¯s seen him today.¡± ¡°I have,¡± I said. I just broke his heart. ¡°Did he say anything?¡± ¡°I never gave him the chance.¡± He nodded to himself, his hands still on his hips. ¡°Did you have a fight?¡± ¡°Mm-hm.¡± ¡°Come on.¡± The stench of his sweat wafted up when he put his arm around me. ¡°I¡¯ll take you to the office¡ªget you a tardy slip.¡± ¡°Thanks, Ryan.¡± Chapter Fourteen Emily sat with her hands wedged under her knees, her legs swinging over the edge of the stage, trying to talk through the sobs. I wandered down the aisle silently, hugging my sheet music, trying not to disturb her quiet speech. ¡°If he was here right now, he¡¯d probably slap us on the shoulder and tell us to get up¡ªthat the show must go on.¡± She sniffed, wiping her face softly with a tissue. ¡°I know it¡¯s been a hard day, and¡ª¡± she motioned around the room, ¡°¡ªmost of us have gone home. But, Nathan¡¯s gone, and¡­I know this whole thing started out as a way to help his mom with the hospital bills, but now she¡¯s got a funeral bill on top¡­of¡­that.¡± Her voice broke. Ryan leaped up and sat on the stage, wrapping his arm over her shoulder. ¡°So¡ª¡± she composed herself, ¡°¡ªhaving said that, rehearsals will continue and so will the show, as a memorial concert.¡± ¡°But we¡¯re not doing it this week, right?¡± someone in the front row asked. Emily shook her head. ¡°We don¡¯t have to. Any votes on when we should hold it?¡± ¡°Yeah,¡± a boy said. ¡°Weekend after next. The funeral¡¯s this Thursday, so¡­¡± he let his voice trail off. Emily looked around the rest of the group. ¡°Everyone agree with that?¡± People shrugged or nodded. Emily looked at me, and I smiled, bringing one shoulder up to my ear. ¡°Okay, so, two weekends from now. And we¡¯ll need to draw up new ticket sale signs¡ªif you guys can take care of that?¡± She nodded toward the art students; they nodded back. ¡°Okay. So, thanks for coming, everybody, and¡ª¡± she stood up, ¡°¡ªlet¡¯s get this show on the road.¡± The small group disbursed, murmuring between themselves, while Ryan walked Emily off stage and talked to her quietly at the base for a second. She nodded, wiped her face, then hugged him tightly and walked away. ¡°Hey, Em,¡± I said, deliberately avoiding how are you or I¡¯m sorry. ¡°Hey, Ara. Where¡¯s David?¡± ¡°Didn¡¯t Ryan tell you?¡± We slid into the end seats on the front row. ¡°Mm. No. What happened?¡± Her eyes narrowed. I just shattered him to pieces. ¡°He uh¡ªhe left school for the day.¡± ¡°Really?¡± She slid down in her seat, folding her fingertips over her eyes. ¡°I feel like such an idiot for crying at school. I wish I¡¯d left, too.¡± ¡°Oh, Em¡ªdon¡¯t. It¡¯s not silly at all. Hell, even I¡¯ve done it.¡± ¡°Really?¡± She sat up a little. ¡°Mm-hm.¡± I hugged my music sheets. ¡°Well, why? Was someone mean to you?¡± I shrugged. ¡°Who?¡± ¡°Remember the theatrical kiss thing¡ªwith David, the toilets, my first day?¡± ¡°Oh, yeah¡ªSummer and that short girl she hangs around?¡± ¡°Yeah.¡± I laughed. ¡°Summer was telling us the whole story, you know, that afternoon.¡± Emily leaned back in her chair. ¡°No one believed her, though¡ªabout David kissing you. I wouldn¡¯t have if you hadn¡¯t told me about it in History class.¡± ¡°Why? Is it so hard to believe David would kiss me?¡± She laughed once. ¡°That wasn¡¯t what we didn¡¯t believe; it was how Summer said he was doing it to stand up for you. David doesn¡¯t stand up for anybody,¡± she added with a hint of spite. ¡°He stood up for the Apple King, at lunch that day.¡± ¡°Yeah, it seems you¡¯ve unearthed a new David.¡± She looked down at her hands, flipping her silver padlock bracelet. ¡°So¡ªhe went home, huh?¡± I shrugged. ¡°Do you think he¡¯ll come back?¡± ¡°He does this, you know?¡± She smiled sympathetically. ¡°If things get too¡­emotional, he takes off for a few days. But, he¡¯ll be at the funeral on Thursday. I¡¯m sure you can speak to him then.¡± ¡°But, what if it wasn¡¯t because of Nathan that he left? What if it was for some other reason? Would he still come back for the funeral?¡± ¡°What other reason would he have?¡± she asked, smiling at Spencer as he walked past; he didn¡¯t smile back. ¡°What¡¯s the deal with Spence?¡± I asked. ¡°Was he close to Nathan?¡± ¡°No. You saw that, huh? The quick-look-away thing he does.¡± ¡°Yeah. Does he do that a lot?¡± ¡°Every time I look at him.¡± ¡°And you think it¡¯s ¡®cause he doesn¡¯t like you?¡± I tried to stifle a giggle. ¡°It must be. Why would he do it if he liked me?¡± ¡°Because, Emily¡ª¡± I shoved my notes on the chair and stood up, ¡°¡ªhe¡¯s a guy. They¡¯re more afraid of you than you are of them.¡± ¡°Ara!¡± she squeaked. ¡°What are you doing?¡± I ignored her, walking over to Ryan, Alana and Spencer. My brilliant idea of setting Emily up with Mike was about to go out the window¡­ ¡°Hey, guys.¡± ¡°Hey, Ara.¡± Alana leaned a little closer. ¡°I was thinking¡­about the sleepover this weekend?¡± ¡°Yeah.¡± ¡°Um, could we¡­maybe move it to next weekend?¡± ¡°The Saturday before the concert?¡± I confirmed. ¡°Yeah. With the funeral this week¡­¡± She nodded at Emily, sitting low in her chair, staring at her feet. ¡°Might be a bit much.¡± ¡°Yeah. That¡¯s cool. Next week¡¯ll be fine.¡± ¡°So, Ara?¡± Ryan asked. ¡°Are you coming to the wake at Betty¡¯s on Thursday night?¡± ¡°I um¡ªI didn¡¯t know about it. Why is Mrs Rossi doing it there?¡± ¡°She¡¯s not,¡± Ryan said, placing his arm around Alana. ¡°It¡¯s just a bunch of us kids fare-welling Nathan in our own way. Betty¡¯s was his favourite burger joint¡ªwe figure it¡¯s appropriate.¡± ¡°Oh, okay. Well, that sounds cool. I guess I¡¯ll try, but I may have to go to Mrs Rossi¡¯s with my dad, you know¡ªpay my respects as a family.¡± I shrugged. ¡°I get it. Totally cool. If we see you there, we see you there,¡± Ryan said. ¡°Hey, so, you two are going together, right?¡± I asked Alana and Ryan. ¡°Yup.¡± ¡°So, why don¡¯t you take Emily, Spence? I know she needs a ride,¡± I lied, hoping he wouldn¡¯t pick up on the fact that I couldn¡¯t know that, since I didn¡¯t even know about the wake before now. Spencer smiled over at Emily¡ªlooking away before she looked up. Hopefully, this was one match that¡¯d work out well. Grief struck the school like a tidal wave; the teachers cancelled homework for the week, and even my dad, when I woke up this morning and begged him not to make me go to school, just sighed and said, ¡°Fine, stay home¡ªbut just for today.¡± I froze on the spot, watching him walk away, half expecting him to turn back and say he was joking. But Dad wasn¡¯t his usual self; I think the grief of losing his ex-wife and a student in the same year was taking its toll. There was no point in going to school, anyway. David wouldn¡¯t be there, and I couldn¡¯t bear the emptiness surrounding that place without him. I only stayed at school yesterday for the small glimmer of hope that he might decide to come back. He didn¡¯t. Instead, he had inflicted on me a foul taste of what life without him would be like, and already I couldn¡¯t take it. Sam stacked the last of the dinner plates on the counter beside the sink, and I flicked on the faucet to help wash the scraps down the ancient garbage disposal. There were an awful lot of leftovers tonight. When the clock in the front entrance chimed seven, I sighed. The anticipation to possibly see David tomorrow¡ªpossibly tell him I was sorry, and maybe even tell him I¡¯d take that last few months with him¡ªmade the day drag. I spent the better part of it out on my swing, just wishing he¡¯d come by; even contemplated throwing the cat up in the tree just to entice him. And if I knew where he lived, I¡¯d have gone over¡ªwithout invitation. My ears pricked to the sound of Dad and Vicki¡¯s footsteps overhead. It was unusually empty in this house tonight; no TV buzzing from the lounge room, no laughter from Dad as he told Vicki about his day, and Sam, who normally tossed the forks in the air and caught them behind his back, dried them slowly and placed them quietly in the drawer. All the silence gave me too much time alone with my thoughts¡ªnever a good thing. ¡°Are you okay, Ara?¡± Sam said. I jumped back from the sink, flicking the faucet off as water spilled over the edge, soaking my tank top. ¡°Damn it.¡± ¡°Might wanna clean that up before Dad sees,¡± Sam said, drying a plate. ¡°It¡¯s just water, Sam.¡± ¡°Yeah, but¡­you don¡¯t want him asking how it happened, right?¡± ¡°What¡¯s that supposed to mean?¡± I asked, mopping it up with the floor mat. ¡°You were¡­pretty spaced out there for a bit.¡± ¡°I¡¯m not going to flip, Sam.¡± I rolled my eyes. ¡°I know everyone¡¯s waiting for it, but I¡¯m okay, really. Really!¡± He took a long step sideways¡ªaway from the crazy person¡ªand continued drying the dishes, wearing the same smug grin he always wore when he thought he had the upper hand. That¡¯s it! I dipped my fingertips into the sink then flicked dishwater all over his head. ¡°Argh, Ara!¡± He blinked, wiping his face, and when he looked up at me, revenge burning in his gaze, that little prank suddenly seemed like a better idea in theory. ¡°Oh, you¡¯re gonna pay for that.¡± He held the tea towel an arms length away, spinning it in circles to make a long, twisted snake. ¡°Oh, no. No. Don¡¯t you dare!¡± I warned, with the pointed finger of authority. ¡°And who¡¯s gonna stop me?¡± He flicked the back of my leg with the towel. ¡°Ouch.¡± I squealed, running around the island counter to out-manoeuvre him. No good¡ªhe took a head shot. ¡°Hey, no fair, keep it below the knees,¡± I yelled, running toward the front entrance, then bolted up the stairs. ¡°Come back and I¡¯ll make it quick.¡± He thudded up behind me. As the towel came at me again, I slammed my bedroom door¡ªcatching the end of it in the doorframe. Sam laughed boisterously, trying to pull it out. ¡°Told you I¡¯m faster, Samuel,¡± I called through the door. ¡°And don¡¯t even¡ª¡± ¡°That¡¯s enough, you two,¡± Dad said in his booming voice. ¡°But, Dad¡ª¡± Sam started. ¡°I said enough! Now get back down and finish your chores.¡± ¡°What about her?¡± ¡°Now!¡± In the hall, Sam sighed loudly. The tea towel made a grating sound before releasing from the door with a short, dull thud. ¡°Why does the princess always get her own way? It¡¯s not fair.¡± ¡°Move it, Sam,¡± Dad finished. I tensed, waiting for him to yell at me¡ªto force me downstairs where I¡¯d get my butt whopped as soon as he walked away, but he didn¡¯t. Instead, he walked down the stairs and closed the front door, obviously having gone out it. I opened my door to check, hearing the car start up, and felt suddenly really bad for mucking about with Sam. ¡°Did Dad just go out?¡± Vicki asked, coming out from the spare room. ¡°Um, yeah. I think Sam and I might¡¯ve upset him.¡± She looked at the front door. ¡°I doubt that, Ara-Rose. He¡¯s just¡­He¡¯ll be okay. It¡¯s just been a big year.¡± ¡°Yeah. I guess.¡± I closed my door before I could see the tears I heard in her voice, and wandered over to sit at my desk. Under the charcoal sky of the coming night outside, the oak tree rustled lightly in the breeze, and the swing, hovering low over the soft grass, swayed gently¡ªalmost as if a small, invisible child were rocking back and forth on it. Along the sidewalk, a group of kids ran noisily past our block, dragging a red wagon behind them. Their laughter filled the night until they disappeared down the street, leaving an eerie stillness behind them. Page 36 It amazed me how a second of distraction could make everything seem less empty, not quite so lonely, and when it was gone, the mere silence you were lost in before felt more like a vortex of desolation. Just like with David, I suppose; he came into my life when I was numb inside and, without him, I felt like I was dead.Advertisement And that was exactly why I had to let him go. Knowing the grief he¡¯d suffer for losing Nathan made me soft; made me think about taking him back. But that would do me no good at all. Time heals, David told me once, and if that was true, then time needed to start now. The sooner I let him out of my heart, the sooner I¡¯d move on. Tomorrow, at sunrise, I¡¯d go running for the first time since I lost them¡ªfeel the fresh air on my face in the early morning, just as I used to every day with Mike, back home in Australia. Vicki would think I was okay again, Dad would be happy I¡¯d left my mum and Harry in the past, and I would run. Nothing more. Run, until everything that hurt in my heart and my soul moved to the edges of my limbs, into my knees and my lungs, and I would leave it there. Leave the pain¡ªleave the sorrow. Leave David. When we saw each other at the funeral, he wouldn¡¯t know me. I could play a different Ara. I could stand strong¡ªsmile. I would smile. If only for a second, just to nod toward him, while in my mind I¡¯d be saying goodbye. Chapter Fifteen ¡°Dad, you look nice,¡± my voice trailed up as I set eyes upon my suit-wearing father, coming out of his room. ¡°Thank you, Ara.¡± He nodded solemnly. It hurt to hear his voice sounding so flat and sad. ¡°You okay, Dad?¡± ¡°I¡¯m fine, honey.¡± ¡°Okay. Hey, um, Dad?¡± I said as he started walking away. ¡°Is this dress okay for a funeral?¡± His lips twisted tightly as he studied my mournful black attire: a soft cotton dress, with a burgundy belt around the waist. ¡°Ara, are you sure you¡¯re ready for this?¡± I frowned up at him. ¡°For a funeral?¡± ¡°Yes. It¡¯s just that¡ªit¡¯s barely been two months, honey.¡± His eyes held obvious memory of my mother. ¡°Are you sure you can cope with this?¡± ¡°No, Dad. I¡¯m not sure. I¡¯m actually not sure about anything anymore. But I want to go¡ªfor Emily and¡­David.¡± His name stuck in my throat. Dad nodded, but didn¡¯t speak. The clock on the wall at the base of the stairs chimed eight. The funeral wasn¡¯t until nine o¡¯clock, but Mrs Rossi asked my dad and his family to attend a church service beforehand. Unfortunately, he agreed. ¡°Had breakfast?¡± Dad asked, heading down the stairs. ¡°Yeah,¡± I lied. I knew I should sit at the table and eat with him¡ªmaybe even have a coffee to help ease the chill in my skin from my early morning run, but he was better than anyone at seeing through my mask; I wasn¡¯t okay. I wasn¡¯t ready to see a coffin or see people crying. But I had to see David one last time before he was gone from my life forever. I sat at the base of the stairs, hugging the post, listening to the calm of the house; the way the smell of toast could make everything seem kind of okay. My hunger pangs grew, twisting my gut into knots. But instead of eating, I watched my father with a careful eye¡ªresting his chin on interlaced fingers, staring out at the white glare of the morning. I wondered where his thoughts were¡ªwhere his heart was. He said so little about what he felt or how he was coping, that watching him, seeing him look so sad and distracted, came as a bit of a shock. ¡°All set to go, are we?¡± Vicki asked, coming down the stairs. ¡°Yeah.¡± ¡°Did you eat?¡± I nodded, resting my head against the post after. ¡°Vicki.¡± Dad smiled at her adoringly as he came in from the kitchen. ¡°You look lovely.¡± ¡°Thank you, Greg.¡± She straightened the front of her skirt. ¡°I¡¯m just sorry for the occasion.¡± Dad nodded, and the sadness stole the smile from his blue eyes. Vicki did look nice in black, but it seemed like such an unfriendly colour, almost cruel really, to say goodbye to someone in. If my last memory were of my funeral, I¡¯d want to see everyone dressed in colours¡ªto celebrate my life, instead of mourn it. ¡°Sam, you ready?¡± Vicki called. ¡°One minute, Mom.¡± ¡°Hurry up. We¡¯ll be in the car.¡± ¡°Okay.¡± Dad grabbed the keys and Vicki shouldered her purse, and as she pulled the front door open, my breath stopped short of my lips. The cool morning air blew across my knees, sending a chill through my skin, and the sun reflected brightly off the damp black road outside, like a spotlight¡ªblinding me. But my eyes did not betray me, displaying perfection before them. ¡°David?¡± my dad said cheerfully. ¡°You¡¯re right on time.¡± Right on time? David stood in the doorway with one hand in the pocket of his tailored black suit as he shook my dad¡¯s with the other. ¡°Good to see you again, Mr Thompson, Mrs Thompson.¡± He nodded politely at Dad, then Vicki, and turned his head to look directly at me. I was shrinking. I could feel it. I wanted to close my mouth, wipe the dumbfounded stare off my face, but I really loved David too much to hide the elation in my soul. He looked so damn perfect. There was no way I¡¯d be able to control my emotions now. ¡°Good morning, Ara,¡± he said in that smooth, weightless voice. ¡°Um¡­hi,¡± I said, and my eyes fell to the floor. I didn¡¯t want to see him standing there, looking at me like nothing ever happened between us¡ªlike we were just friends. ¡°Uh, Ara?¡± Dad broke the lengthy silence. ¡°Since you kids are having your own wake at Betty¡¯s, I thought you might like to ride in with David?¡± ¡°You mean you assumed.¡± ¡°Ara?¡± Vicki gasped. ¡°No, she¡¯s right, Vicki,¡± Dad said softly. ¡°I¡¯m sorry, honey. I did think it would be okay.¡± I folded my arms, biting my teeth together. It wasn¡¯t supposed to be like this; I was supposed to see him from afar¡ªsupposed to prepare myself for talking to him. Nobody seemed to care about my trying to move forward. I went jogging today! Jogging! Wasn¡¯t that enough? Dad had just single-handedly destroyed all the resolve I had to let David go. Well, I wasn¡¯t going to stand by and let them conspiratorially send me to a mental institution. I could handle this. I¡¯d dealt with worse. ¡°I¡¯ll just see you there then.¡± David looked at me once then turned stiffly away. ¡°I didn¡¯t say I wouldn¡¯t go. I said you should have checked with me first.¡± David stopped. ¡°Okay, Ara.¡± Dad patted my arm. ¡°I¡¯ll remember that for next time.¡± I took off, skulking along behind David, arms still folded, piercing his soul with eyes like daggers when he opened the car door for me. ¡°I can get the door myself.¡± ¡°I¡¯m sorry.¡± He took a step back. ¡°I know you can. I was¡­¡± I pushed past him and slumped into the passenger seat, shutting the door on whatever he was going to say. In the silence, while Dad talked to David by the mailbox, the woodsy, lemony smell of his seats stirred the memory of our picnic by the lake¡ªmaking my stomach growl again, spreading the familiar weak and shaky feeling through my arms. I looked over at Dad, his hand on David¡¯s shoulder, with Vicki jumping in to touch his arm. It was nice of them to just leave me sitting here, in the heat, waiting. David glanced back at me, just for a second, then shook my dad¡¯s hand, jerking his head in my direction. I saw Dad¡¯s mouth move, breaking into a grin; I knew they were laughing at my bad mood¡ªthey always did. No one cared to ask what was wrong. All they cared about was that my sulking was something funny to laugh at. ¡°You okay?¡± David slid into the car, closing the door on a roll of thunder. I cleared my throat and looked out the window. ¡°I¡¯m fine.¡± ¡°You haven¡¯t eaten.¡± ¡°I¡¯m fine,¡± I muttered¡ªjust to shut him up. ¡°You know, you could¡¯ve said no.¡± He started the engine. ¡°I didn¡¯t force you to come in my car.¡± ¡°You could¡¯ve said no, too.¡± ¡°Your dad asked me. What was I supposed to say?¡± ¡°Hmph.¡± I refolded my arms for good measure and glared at my parents as we pulled down the drive. By the time the church came into focus on the distant horizon, the silence in the car had evolved into a big fat cloud of tension. I just wanted to hurry up and get there, but David was driving much more carefully and a hell of a lot slower than ever before. When the car finally pulled up in a parking space, my door swung open, David offering his hand before I even saw him pull the key from the ignition. ¡°God! Don¡¯t do that!¡± ¡°What?¡± He looked ultimately confused. ¡°You keep popping up¡ªlike, way too fast.¡± ¡°Ara, I didn¡¯t. I swear. You must have blacked out, sweetheart¡ª¡± ¡°Don¡¯t call me that!¡± Ignoring his offer of assistance, I grabbed the doorframe and hoisted my dizzy self from the car, taking inconspicuously deep breaths to steady the ringing in my ears. ¡°Ara, are you okay?¡± His hand hovered near my waist. ¡°You¡¯re really pale.¡± ¡°I¡¯m fine,¡± I said, scowling at him. ¡°You¡¯re not fine.¡± He stood taller, dropping his hand. ¡°Would you like me to take you home?¡± For a moment, my gaze lingered between the church and freedom, but Emily caught my eye and waved softly. I waved back and shut the car door. ¡°No. Then everyone will wonder why the new girl suddenly disappeared from a funeral¡ªquestions would follow.¡± David laughed a little, wiping the amusement from his face quickly when he looked at mine. ¡°I¡¯m sorry. Um¡ªshall we go in?¡± ¡°Lead the way,¡± I offered, and walked slowly behind him, in no rush to be stuck in that dreary red-bricked building. ¡°Mr Knight.¡± The priest by the door shook David¡¯s hand. ¡°Lovely to see you again.¡± ¡°You too, Father.¡± David turned to a short, portly woman in a black tunic then, and kissed both her cheeks. ¡°Thank you for coming, David.¡± She reached up and stroked his face. ¡°My Nathan would be so proud to see you all here.¡± ¡°He was a good boy.¡± David squeezed her hand. She smiled, her pudgy face tight with sorrow. ¡°And who do we have here?¡± ¡°This¡ª¡± David stepped back and placed his arm around my waist, pulling me closer. ¡°Is Ara Thompson.¡± Her eyes went from David to me, widening. ¡°My dear child. How sweet of you to come.¡± I smiled softly; there wasn¡¯t much I could say. ¡°You¡¯re so much like your mother,¡± she said, taking my hand in her moist, plump grip. ¡°And is your father far behind?¡± I gave a quick glance into the parking lot. ¡°He¡¯ll be here any minute.¡± She nodded, patting my hand. ¡°Well, I¡¯ll see you both after the ceremony.¡± ¡°You will.¡± David kissed her cheek again and stepped across the threshold of the church, smiling as he made the sign of the cross over his body. I dipped my fingers in the holy water by the door, too, and did the same. ¡°This isn¡¯t the time to smile, David.¡± He dropped his private, glittering grin. ¡°Sorry. I was¡­remembering something.¡± ¡°What?¡± ¡°Private joke.¡± ¡°Same old David,¡± I scoffed, turning away a little too quickly. The walls grew taller around me, seeming to reach miles up into the sky, gathering a deathly chill from the outer atmosphere and sending it down here, to my world, making my stomach churn. A hint of smoke from singed candles wafted around the room, bringing my mind back to the last time I set foot in a church; the light faded from each stained-glass depiction of Bible stories lining the walls, making the coloured images grey and blurred¡ªrevealing faces from the past; my mum, Harry, even my grandpa all stared out at me, though their spirits did not linger here, within these walls. I closed my eyes for a second and shut everything out¡ªthe muffled sobs and whispers, the dreary organ music and the sound of paper rustling on the wooden backs of chairs. David grabbed my arm and gently steered me to the edge of the pew, sliding in next to me, pushing me further up to allow room for more people. I wrapped my fingers around the back of the seat in front of me, taking slow, deep breaths until the bile pinching my tongue eased off. ¡°Mint?¡± he offered; I grabbed one from the tiny tin and popped it in my mouth, refusing to look at him. ¡°You¡¯re welcome,¡± he said smugly and stuffed them back in his pocket. Then, the priest began, as did the incessant kneeling and standing. After communion, I knelt beside David and opened one eye to watch him. He seemed intent on his prayer; his eyes closed tight, lips moving fast¡ªspeaking in tongues. Okay, so, not in tongues, but something that sounded remarkably like Latin. He never mentioned religion before. I didn¡¯t even know he was Catholic and did not know he spoke Latin. But why not; he spoke French? Then, so did Mike¡ªbut that was different, because his mum was French, so he grew up with it. ¡°Focus, Ara,¡± David whispered quietly. I turned my head, closed my eyes, and continued the Hail Mary I¡¯d started, just as everyone around us shuffled in their places and began to sit back in the pews. David reached across and helped me up gently by my arm. I glared at him, jerking away. ¡°I can get myself up, thank you.¡± ¡°Sorry.¡± He swallowed, rubbing the left side of his chest as he looked to the front. When his hand dropped back into his lap, I studied the fine lines in his knuckles, the squared tips of his nails and the curl of his fingers, imagining mine wound through them, until he folded his arms, readjusting his seat. Page 37 I sat back then and listened to the eulogies given by Nathan¡¯s family and friends; each person passed by his coffin afterward and dropped a rose inside. I closed my eyes; from all the way up the back, I couldn¡¯t see Nathan in that box unless I angled my face the right way. Mum and Harry had closed caskets. I don¡¯t think I¡¯d have coped with seeing their faces, so still, so devoid of life. Just seeing Harry¡¯s tiny coffin beside Mum¡¯s was enough to haunt me forever. It seemed funny how, no matter how big you thought someone was in life, when you lay them down, with six sides wrapping them tightly, they just look so small. It wasn¡¯t right to see a coffin that small.Advertisement David moved his hand onto mine and squeezed firmly. ¡°Just don¡¯t think about it, Ara.¡± I turned my head to look at him; he kept his eyes forward. ¡°Nathan was, and will always be a well-respected and much loved friend.¡± I tuned in to the voice of Emily, standing up at the front, reading from a stack of palm cards. ¡°He was there to give advice or a quick word of encouragement to anyone¡ªbe they a jock, a chess geek, a cheer girl, or even a kid he didn¡¯t know. ¡°Nathan was the guy we all expected to see graduate with honours, make the national football league, marry the prom queen.¡± Emily smiled then, looking down. ¡°Death is sad in any case, but when it comes so suddenly and takes the life of someone who had so much to offer the world, who never had the chance, it truly is tragic.¡± She stepped down and placed the cards inside the casket. ¡°We¡¯ll all miss you, Nathe. Rest in peace.¡± David¡¯s hand tightened on mine, and a single cool drop fell between our palms; I looked up and saw him nodding, breathing out slowly through parted lips. ¡°David?¡± He sniffed and shook his head, wiping a line of moisture from his chin. ¡°It¡¯s okay,¡± I said, squeezing his hand back. The grey sky opened up as we stepped outside the church, and the cool breeze eased the trapping tension of my own sorrows¡ªsorrows I had no right to bring with me to the farewell of another. Small droplets of rain began to sprinkle over the black hearse while David and a group of boys from the football team carried the pine box and slid it into the back. ¡°You okay, honey?¡± Dad whispered in my ear. ¡°Mm-hm.¡± I nodded. ¡°You look pale.¡± ¡°I could take her home?¡± David offered quietly, popping up beside me. ¡°I¡¯m fine,¡± I scolded, moving swiftly away to stand among the crowd. David walked by the hearse with the other pallbearers, leading the procession line through the church gates and into the cemetery. Each headstone we passed displayed names, dates, flowers, some even pictures of those who laid beneath¡ªevery little detail showing the life they once belonged to. I closed my eyes and let the darkness narrow me in, the sobs of huddled mourners around me guiding my blind footsteps until a hand grabbed my arm. My eyes flashed open to David¡¯s face. ¡°Don¡¯t walk with your eyes closed,¡± he said, ¡°It¡¯s dangerous.¡± Hmph! I tucked my cold, shaking hands into my elbows, and David walked away¡ªback to his place beside the black car. When a loud grumble rolled across the darkening sky, everyone looked up¡ªsquinting against the white sun until a cloud shadowed its glare. Icy patters of rain came down again, and little black umbrellas popped up all around me. I folded over ever so slightly, remembering how the uninvited rain ruined my last chance to farewell my family¡ªhow it blinded me, made me so cold and so wet I had to fight with myself to stay. I hoped it wouldn¡¯t do the same to Nathan¡¯s family. ¡°Are you okay, dear?¡± A skeletally-haggard old lady reached her hand toward me. I nodded, taking a step away when a long, firm arm scooped my waist and pulled me under the shelter of a black canopy. ¡°She¡¯s fine.¡± David¡¯s silky voice hummed through the top of my head. ¡°She¡¯s with me.¡± ¡°Okay.¡± The old lady smiled at David, but when she looked at me, her eyes narrowed. ¡°Aren¡¯t you supposed to be up front?¡± I asked, craning my neck to look up at him. He winked at me, a smile warming his face. ¡°I thought you might need some shelter.¡± I pushed his arm from around my waist. ¡°I was fine. I don¡¯t need you to shelter me.¡± Only I did¡ªso, so badly it hurt just to stand this close to him. ¡°Oh, um. I¡¯m sorry.¡± He placed the umbrella in my hand, squeezing my fingers around the handle before stepping back into the rain. ¡°Wait, David¡ª¡± I reached out, but he strolled away too quickly, disappearing into the mist as the congregation dispersed suddenly, forming a semi-circle around a hole in the ground. I scanned the crowd for my dad or Vicki, finding them beside the priest. The rain came down harder then, making my ears feel blocked with its noisy pattering. Droplets of cold water splashed up onto my shoes, wetting my toes, while we stood around and waited for the boys to position the pine box above the ground. The priest readied himself, straightening the cloth over his shoulders while an altar boy tipped and swayed, standing on his toes to keep an umbrella over the man. ¡°Friends and family¡ª¡± The rain stopped abruptly and all eyes cast to the heavens for a moment as umbrellas closed, like flowers at dusk, all around me. I leaned the umbrella David gave me against a nearby headstone and folded my arms over my chest. As the priest began again, Dad wrapped his arm around Mrs Rossi and cast a quick glance at me; I smiled reassuringly. On the outside, I knew I looked strong, but inside, my heart was pouring like the rain passed, and my arms felt weak, like the blood was too thick to pump smoothly through my veins. The pressure of all the grieving people was starting to penetrate my emotional wall, and when I looked at Nathan¡¯s mother¡ªcrying her heart out for her only child¡ªthe memory of Harry came flooding back to the surface with vengeance. My hunger gave way to the green ogre, making my chest quiver as I fought to suppress the grief. But it was just no good¡ªall I saw was myself, in place of Mrs Rossi. I remembered how much it hurt to say goodbye. I knew what she felt, knew I couldn¡¯t help her, because nothing anyone said would ever make the pain go away. The repressed grief burst out of me like an uncontrolled gust of rain-laced wind; I folded over a little more, shaking, and thunder cracked overhead, a flash of lightning giving the coffin a white glow¡ªthe last light it would ever see. Looking up through swelling tears, I focused on the tall, familiar man standing near the priest with his hands clasped in front of him. ¡°Mike?¡± I said, taking a step toward him; he didn¡¯t hear me. I followed his gaze, and my heart shot into my throat, falling straight back down into my gut when I saw two coffins, side by side; one white, small, the other long. I wanted to fall to my knees between the open graves, to touch them one last time¡ªhave longer to say goodbye, but Dad stepped up and whispered in my ear as they lowered them into the ground, ¡°They¡¯re together up there, Ara.¡± I jumped back and looked across at Dad, still standing beside Mrs Rossi. ¡°It¡¯s just us now,¡± his voice played in my ear. I looked back at the boxes containing my entire family as the priest spoke over the smallest one. ¡°Can I please go with them, Dad?¡± He didn¡¯t respond. Because he couldn¡¯t. He wasn¡¯t even really standing beside me. ¡°As we lay this child to rest,¡± the priest said, ¡°may the angels greet him in Heaven. Father, for you are the all forgiving.¡± But what if there was no Heaven? What if Harry was lost out there somewhere¡ªalone, crying for me, and I never came to him? He was too small to be all alone¡ªtoo small to be gone. He shouldn¡¯t have been there. He should¡¯ve been safe in his bed. I wiped my face, smudging the rain into the tears while I watched Mike sprinkle a handful of soil over the coffins. Then, he looked at me, and my heart stopped beating as our eyes met. ¡°Mike?¡± I called out to him, but he just shook his head, unable to speak through his tears. ¡°Ashes to ashes, dust to dust.¡± The words of the priest filled my ears; they sounded too real, like I was still there. ¡°Ara?¡± My mind snapped back to reality. People sobbed hysterically around me, and Mrs Rossi fell into my dad¡¯s chest, hiding her face. Lost in the unbelievable realism of my memory, I hadn¡¯t felt David place his arm around me. His voice, saying my name, echoed in the distance of my memory. I looked up at him for long enough to see extreme concern behind his eyes. ¡°I¡¯m okay,¡± I said, letting my gaze drift back to Nathan¡¯s box. As it slowly lowered closer and closer to the ground, I thought about the empty space¡ªthe horrible moment which brings everything into reality the minute you leave the funeral and walk into that vacant house. Before they¡¯re gone, before you bury them in the cold, hard ground, everything seems surreal, like they¡¯re just on a shopping trip or somewhere in the house where you can¡¯t hear them. But when their flesh touches the earth and settles in its final destination for all eternity, it takes with it the cloud, the safety of the cage that hides you from believing they¡¯re never coming back. When Nathan¡¯s mom got home, she¡¯d fall apart. She¡¯d cry until there were no tears left and it would still do her no good. Nathan would never come back¡ªHarry was never coming back. My shaking hands turned to ice. David¡¯s grip tightened around me. All the things they¡¯d miss out on; it was too much to bear. Nathan would never finish high school, Mum would never see me get married, hold her first grandbaby and¡ªI swallowed hard, pressing my shaking knees together¡ªHarry would never go to school, never paint his first picture, never learn to walk. He never even got to have a birthday party. The oxygen around me felt over-used. My head rocked back and forth inside, and as the shivers ran from my hands, up my arms and into my chest, I heard a quiet gasp¡ªand everything went black¡­ ¡­Grains of sand fell through a narrow passage in a glass jar and hit the base with a soft pattering. The ground swayed gently beneath me, and the frosty rushing of my whole world felt calm now, closed in by the warmth of the summer sun. It was just David and I, watching the rain fall onto the leaves above us¡ªstaying perfectly dry in the hidden clearing where I had my first kiss. But as I felt the rain on my skin suddenly, I looked up to an open grey sky and the nostril hairs of a man, his breath brushing my fringe. ¡°Dad?¡± ¡°Shh,¡± he whispered into my head. ¡°It¡¯s okay, honey. I¡¯m taking you home.¡± ¡°What happened?¡± ¡°You fainted.¡± ¡°I what?¡± I rolled my head to the side and looked around the church parking lot. ¡°I fainted?¡± ¡°I should have known better. It was just too soon,¡± Dad said, more to himself. ¡°You¡¯re going to be okay, Ara,¡± Vicki said from beside Dad, holding an umbrella over me while she dripped with rain. I touched my hand to the back of my neck and pulled out a piece of grass. ¡°Did I hit my head?¡± Dad nodded. ¡°David caught you, but he was a fraction of a second too late.¡± ¡°He only stepped away from you for two seconds to place a rose into the, er¡­and you fell,¡± Vicki added. ¡°I must admit, though¡ª¡± Dad half laughed, ¡°¡ªhe made it to your side quicker than I¡¯ve ever seen anyone move. I almost didn¡¯t see it myself.¡± ¡°So, he didn¡¯t even get a chance to say goodbye to Nathan?¡± Dad whispered something softly to Vicki¡ªsomething ending in the word David. My ears pricked up. ¡°Is he¡ª¡± I hesitated, ¡°¡ªis David mad with me?¡± Dad¡¯s head moved slowly to look at Vicki again. ¡°Ara, why would he be mad with you? You didn¡¯t mean to pass out,¡± Vicki said. They wouldn¡¯t understand, so I said nothing else. Dad placed me in the backseat of the car and the door swung open on the other side. ¡°I¡¯m fine, Vicki, you can sit in the front with Dad,¡± I started, but my eyes fell on something magnificent. ¡°David?¡± And that was it. That was the final straw. I buried my crumpling face in my hands. I wanted to tell him to go away, but his arms, as they fell around me, pulling me into his cool, firm chest, held me so tight my body couldn¡¯t shake. Even the soaking rain, making his suit icy cold against my face, didn¡¯t bother me. I just needed him so badly. ¡°Shh, sweetheart.¡± He stroked my hair, whispering into the top of my head. ¡°It¡¯s okay. It¡¯s going to be okay.¡± ¡°No, it¡¯s not.¡± I sobbed uncontrollably. ¡°Nothing ever is.¡± ¡°Don¡¯t say that.¡± He slid down in the seat a little more and wrapped his arms tighter around me. ¡°You mustn¡¯t say things like that.¡± ¡°Dad?¡± I lifted my head, speaking a little louder to project my voice over the heavy pounding of rain. ¡°I¡¯m so sorry¡ªdid she see? Did Mrs Rossi see?¡± ¡°Ara, honey. Mrs Rossi¡¯s more worried about you, okay?¡± ¡°Oh no.¡± My head shook against my hands. ¡°Ara, please stop crying?¡± David asked softly, brushing my hair from my face. He smelled so good and he was just so sweet. That rich, orange-chocolate scent, the scent that could only be David¡¯s, matched his gorgeously gentle personality so well. My sobbing stopped short for a second when a loud rumble emanated from the ogre within my belly. ¡°Ara? Did you eat breakfast?¡± Vicki asked in a high-pitched tone. David¡¯s chest sunk as he breathed out deeply, pressing his cheek against my forehead. ¡°No, she didn¡¯t. Silly girl.¡± Page 38 ¡°Ara?¡± Dad sighed. ¡°You know better than that. What were you¡ª¡± He stopped, almost visibly biting his own tongue. ¡°It doesn¡¯t matter. When we get home, you need to go straight upstairs. Vicki and I will fix you some food and bring it up. Okay?¡± Dad looked in the rearview mirror.Advertisement I nodded, letting David pull me closer to his saturated shirt. We were almost home now. The sweet smell of the frangipani trees in Mr Herman¡¯s garden scented the cold, wet air coming in through Dad¡¯s window, and I breathed the last few minutes of David I would ever get. Chapter Sixteen Dad let David carry me upstairs, much to my disgust and against my very strongly worded protest. When we stepped into the warm, soft light of my room, a wave of relief washed away the tight feeling in my chest. David stood me on the ground, pulled the quilt back on my bed, then lowered me onto the mattress¡ªsmoothing the rain away from my legs before sliding my shoes off my feet. ¡°Thanks.¡± I smiled down at him. ¡°My pleasure.¡± He smiled back and, as he stood up, placed my shoes neatly, side-by-side, next to my bedroom door. Something clicked then; the air stopped flowing to my lungs for a second and pieces of my life over the last few weeks started to fit together. My window¡ªthat night¡ªI closed it. But it was open¡ªin the morning. ¡°Lay back,¡± he said, and I did, very slowly, all the while moving pieces of the puzzle around in my head. He pulled the quilt up to my chin, sitting himself on the bed beside me. ¡°David?¡± ¡°Yes, Ar¡ª¡± He frowned at my wide-eyed expression, then stood up, stiff and slow. I saw his throat move as he looked over at the shoes. I looked at them, too. That was all the confirmation I needed. ¡°I can explain.¡± ¡°You snuck¡­into my room?¡± I said. ¡°Why? I mean¡ªhow did you even get in here?¡± ¡°I¡ª¡± He stopped and straightened up suddenly, keeping his eyes on me. ¡°Come in.¡± I looked at the door. ¡°Hey, honey.¡± Dad popped his head in, smiling widely at a plate in his hand. ¡°Made you a salad sandwich.¡± ¡°Thanks, Dad.¡± I sat up. Though I was hungry and felt pretty sick because of it, all I wanted was for him to go away so I could figure out what the hell David was doing in my room that night and, more embarrassingly, how long he¡¯d been watching me. ¡°Mrs Rossi called,¡± Dad said, sitting beside me, handing me the plate. ¡°She asked me to tell you that she was overwhelmed with happiness to see you today and not to worry about fainting, because if you hadn¡¯t done it first, she would have.¡± He laughed softly. ¡°And then she added that she wouldn¡¯t have had a handsome young man there to catch her.¡± David¡¯s shoulders lifted once with a chuckle. ¡°I told her I¡¯d have caught her, but, apparently¡ª¡± Dad looked a little solemn, ¡°¡ªI¡¯m not a handsome young man.¡± I smiled softly. ¡°It was nice of her to call.¡± ¡°She was worried about you.¡± ¡°We all were,¡± David said, then moved away and leaned on the wall beside my door, his arms over his chest, a thousand thoughts dancing across his face. And all I read there, in his eyes and on his brow, was agony. ¡°Ara?¡± Dad waved a hand in front of my stare. Clearing my throat, I looked at the smile badly masking his concern and almost laughed. ¡°I¡¯m okay, Dad. Really. I guess I just need to eat.¡± He exhaled, relieved, I guess, and nodded. ¡°Okay. Do you¡­need some time alone?¡± One of David¡¯s brows arched up slightly. ¡°Just give me a second to talk to David?¡± ¡°Sure thing, honey.¡± Dad stood up and patted David on the shoulder as he passed, shutting my door behind him. The silence in the room hovered over the howling winds outside. David closed his eyes for a second, rolling his chin toward his chest. I wondered who should speak first; the prosecutor or the defendant. ¡°Eat,¡± he said, out of the blue. My eyes narrowed and I bit my teeth together. ¡°I think you have a few confessions to make before you go asking me to do anything.¡± His arms dropped to his sides with a heavy sigh. ¡°I¡¯m not talking until you¡¯ve eaten something.¡± Keeping my eyes on him, I picked up the sandwich and tore a corner away with my teeth. ¡°Happy?¡± I muttered with my mouth full, slamming the sandwich back down on the plate. David nodded once, the frown he wore erasing the usual smile from his eyes. Everything about him seemed odd without that smile. Empty, almost. ¡°Okay,¡± I said after I swallowed, ¡°I¡¯ve eaten now. Fess up, for once.¡± He walked slowly over and knelt by my bed, taking both my wrists and setting them gently beside my legs. ¡°I love you. I would never do anything to hurt or dishonour you, and I would never intrude on you in a corrupt manner. But, I did come to your window and I did come in to your room.¡± ¡°Why?¡± ¡°I¡¯ve been worried about you. Your dad said you were suicidal, and I wasn¡¯t sure if he might be correct. After we¡ª¡± he rocked his jaw, blinking a few times, ¡°¡ªafter I kissed you and then took you home, I¡ªI knew what you were thinking, Ara. I knew you just¡­wanted to stop the pain. I was really worried you might. So I¡ª¡± he shrugged and jerked his head to my window. ¡°I jumped through. Came to check on you.¡± ¡°So, it was you who put me into bed?¡± David swallowed. ¡°I¡¯m sorry. I shouldn¡¯t have interfered. But, when I found you at your dresser, I nearly fell to pieces. You looked so alone, so destroyed, and worse, Ara, I did that to you. I made you sad because I never told you the truth¡ªthat I¡¯d be leaving. If I had, you would never have let yourself fall so in love with me, and the worst part is, that¡¯s exactly why I didn¡¯t tell you.¡± ¡°That¡¯s so horrible, David. How could you be so mean?¡± ¡°It wasn¡¯t my intention to be mean. I just wanted to love you. I really, honestly thought things would be different¡ªthat when it came time for me to leave, you either wouldn¡¯t care as much as you did, or you might¡ª¡± He exhaled, rubbing his brow. ¡°Might?¡± ¡°Might come with me.¡± I sat up and dumped the sandwich beside me. ¡°Come with you? That¡¯s an option?¡± He frowned. ¡°It¡¯s always been an option.¡± ¡°Well, why didn¡¯t you tell me?¡± ¡°You¡ª¡± His frown deepened. ¡°Ara, you broke up with me before I had the chance.¡± ¡°Yes, because you¡¯re leaving! If we could stay together, that changes everything.¡± ¡°As does coming with me. Ara, you couldn¡¯t¡ª¡± He huffed, pursing his lips. ¡°You couldn¡¯t live a normal life. You wouldn¡¯t be able to see your family anymore.¡± ¡°Why?¡± ¡°Because¡ªremember I told you I have secrets?¡± I nodded. ¡°That¡¯s why.¡± ¡°Well, what¡¯re your secrets then?¡± ¡°Are you ready to hear them? Are you ready to hate me?¡± ¡°Are you really going to tell me or are you going to start, then say you¡¯ll tell me later?¡± ¡°How does the full truth sound?¡± ¡°Sounds good.¡± He ran a hand through his hair and sat on the bed beside me. ¡°I shouldn¡¯t be doing this today¡ªyou¡¯re in an emotional state.¡± ¡°Uh-uh!¡± I wagged my finger. ¡°Don¡¯t you dare. You are telling me, Mr Knight.¡± He let out a short laugh. ¡°Fine. But¡ª¡± ¡°But?¡± ¡°But.¡± He turned slightly and grabbed both my arms, squeezing firmly. ¡°By hearing this, you¡¯re¡ªwell, you¡¯re making a verbal agreement, Ara, as am I.¡± ¡°What do you mean?¡± ¡°I mean¡­I have obligations to fulfil, should this go bad.¡± ¡°Which are?¡± His fingers tightened around my arms again. ¡°David, what?¡± ¡°I might have to kill you.¡± ¡°What?¡± ¡°If¡­¡± His jaw went tight. ¡°Look, in the past, people have not taken this news well and there have been instances where, some in my position, have had to kill those they¡¯ve told.¡± My mouth hung open. I rolled my quilt away and slowly rose to my feet. David shuffled back, letting me walk to the other side of my room. ¡°Would you really be capable of doing that to me?¡± He looked down. ¡°I¡­I don''t want to. Which is one of the reasons I haven¡¯t wanted to tell you, thus far.¡± ¡°You¡¯re serious! You¡¯d kill me?¡± ¡°No, Ara. But if you¡ªif you told anyone, if you freaked out, it would be out of my hands.¡± I nodded. ¡°Okay, so I won¡¯t freak out.¡± ¡°I hope you don¡¯t.¡± He smiled and patted the mattress. ¡°Sit with me.¡± I shook my head. ¡°Ara, please?¡± I shook it again. If this secret was so bad he might have to kill me, there was no way I was sitting next to him. No way! He looked down at his hands. ¡°Ara, I¡¯m a vampire.¡± ¡°A what?¡± ¡°A vampire¡ªguys who drink blood, you know¡ªfangs, all that stuff.¡± I burst out laughing, folding over a little. ¡°Stop laughing, Ara. It''s not funny.¡± ¡°No, it''s cool. Hey, can you turn me?¡± I rolled my neck. ¡°I think I''d suit immortality.¡± He rubbed the bridge of his nose. ¡°You know, this isn''t a joke.¡± I folded my arms. ¡°Prove it.¡± ¡°P¡ª¡± He shook his head, wiping the incredulity from his lips. ¡°Prove it?¡± ¡°Yeah. If you¡¯re really the undead, prove it.¡± ¡°Ara, we¡¯re not undead.¡± He stood up. ¡°And what do you want me to do to prove it, eat you?¡± I shrugged. He groaned. ¡°Fine.¡± I had time only to smile before he rushed in and wrapped his arms around my waist, nuzzling his face into my neck. The tickly sensation of his cool breath sent a shiver down my spine, allowing warmth to return only once my heart skipped a beat. ¡°You are a very silly girl,¡± he said calmly, pressing his lips to my shoulder. ¡°What if I¡¯d bitten you? What then?¡± ¡°If you really were a vampire, you could do a lot worse than bite me¡ªif you wanted to.¡± ¡°Right. If I wanted to.¡± He stood behind me and gently swept my hair over my shoulder, clearing way for his lips. ¡°Remember that when you freak out in a minute, okay?¡± I laughed. ¡°Sure thing.¡± ¡°Okay. Now, see that rise of hills over there?¡± His finger aimed to the eastern hills where the first rays of sunlight touched the earth each morning. ¡°Yes.¡± ¡°There¡¯s a garden on the other side. Blue roses grow there. Have you seen it?¡± He went back to kissing the curve of my shoulder. ¡°The Applebury Reserve?¡± I rolled my eyes, lost in pleasure. ¡°Yeah, I¡¯ve seen it.¡± ¡°It¡¯s twenty miles away. How long do you think it would take to run there?¡± ¡°I don¡¯t know? Depends how fast you run. And then, calculating that would involve math, so...¡± David¡¯s irritation blew out in cold air through his nose. ¡°What if?¡± ¡°What if?¡± I said back. His arms tightened on my waist and he pressed his cheek to mine. ¡°What if I told you I could do it¡ªrun there and be back before you had a chance to blink?¡± ¡°I would say that you are very talented¡ª¡± my voice trailed up with humour, ¡°¡ªand I would be jealous.¡± ¡°But it would prove I¡¯m a vampire; you¡¯d believe me then?¡± ¡°Yeah.¡± I spun around, hands on hips. ¡°Let¡¯s see what you got.¡± He looked out over the hills, then back at me. ¡°So, you know the Applebury Reserve is the only place that grows blue roses, right?¡± ¡°Um, yeah¡ªI guess?¡± ¡°Okay. Don¡¯t be scared.¡± He inched away, holding up his index finger. ¡°Please don¡¯t scream when you see this?¡± My eyes locked to his. He smiled, standing so tall and so sure of himself. It was hard to doubt him when he looked like that. I almost hoped he could do what he claimed. I¡¯d hate to think he was actually insane. He scratched his temple for a second then held his palms out. ¡°Nothing in my hands, right?¡± ¡°Right.¡± He turned them over a few times; I nodded to confirm¡ªagain. ¡°Now, don¡¯t move?¡± ¡°Okay,¡± I started to say as a cold rush of air blew into my eyes. I closed them, feeling a tickle down my cheek, and the sweet, vibrant perfume of roses filled the air around me¡ªflavouring my breath with a walk in the garden. ¡°Look.¡± His hot breath brushed right against my ear. When I opened my eyes and they met with his, he watched expectantly, a ghost of anguish pinching his brows. ¡°Huh!¡± My quick gasp made him smile. ¡°How did you get that?¡± ¡°I told you. I run very fast.¡± He smoothed the petals of the blue rose over my cheek again. ¡°Yes. That is fast. I am jealous.¡± My eyes narrowed with scepticism. ¡°Now, tell me how you really did it.¡± David groaned in the back of his throat and took a step away. ¡°I can see this is going to be a little more of a challenge than I anticipated.¡± Page 39 ¡°What is?¡±Advertisement ¡°You know, if this was the early nineteen-hundreds, you¡¯d already be screaming.¡± ¡°Oh, and you speak from personal experience, do you?¡± Without even a smile at my joke, he placed the thornless rose in my hand and pulled me along. ¡°Come. Sit down.¡± I plonked onto my feather quilt and dug my toes into the carpet. David stood before me, then looked over his shoulder¡ªin the direction of my wardrobe. ¡°You ready for this?¡± ¡°For what? A fashion show?¡± He flashed a cheeky, lopsided grin, and vanished into thin air, appearing a second later by my wardrobe door. ¡°How¡­?¡± ¡°Do you believe me now?¡± He sprung up right in front of my face. A quick, half-breath reached my lungs as I launched for my bedroom door, but his strong hand covered my mouth before my cry for help ever reached the ears of its intended. I convulsed violently, wriggling to break free from the intensifying hold. Let me go! Get off me! I tried to stomp on his toes but he moved his foot, and my heel struck the ground with knee-jolting force¡ªsending instant tears into my eyes. I cried out under his iron grip. ¡°Ara! Look at me!¡± He shook me once, pinning the back of my skull to his chest, his forearm firmly caging my collarbones. ¡°Just stop struggling. Look at me!¡± Heaving lungfuls of air came through my nose, dragging strands of my hair with it, but with each passing breath, I managed to calm myself enough to stop struggling, but not enough to stop shaking. David¡¯s hold relaxed a little, but stayed firm. ¡°If I let go, will you promise not to scream?¡± I shook my head. He was a monster. A killer. Oh, my God. How did I not see this? ¡°Ara, please?¡± His deep, milky voice set my heart on fire with the hurt beneath his calm tone. I turned my head and forced my gaze upward, meeting the painfully detached ache behind the emerald eyes I loved so much. ¡°Mm-bm-mm-nn,¡± I muttered under his grasp. He released me instantly and air entered my lungs in a grateful gasp. I folded over slightly, rubbing my chin. ¡°I¡¯m sorry. I didn¡¯t mean to hurt you.¡± ¡°I¡¯m not hurt, I¡ª¡± I bolted for the door again, reaching the handle as he pressed his palm flat to it, stopping it from opening. ¡°No!¡± ¡°Ara, don¡¯t.¡± ¡°Let me go.¡± I tugged the handle, bucking him with my hip. ¡°I can¡¯t.¡± ¡°Why?¡± ¡°I need you to calm down first.¡± My fists tightened. ¡°I¡¯m calm.¡± He just smiled, shaking his head. ¡°You¡¯re not calm.¡± ¡°Er!¡± I growled, shoving his chest; this time, unlike our fight on the field, he didn¡¯t shift¡ªnot even a little bit. ¡°Get away from me.¡± ¡°Make me.¡± He laughed, pinning my wrists against my chest. My eyes darted over every inch of his face; his dark pink lips, his emerald eyes, so kind, so loving, and his dimple¡ªthe moon shape one above his lip. It was all David, but none of it was the boy I went to school with; he was never real. He never even existed. David stood back. ¡°Ara?¡± ¡°No.¡± I shook my head, dropping my hands to my knees. ¡°Ara, let¡¯s talk about this.¡± ¡°What¡¯s to talk about?¡± I stood up, pressing my spine to the door. ¡°You¡ªyou¡¯re a¡­you have fangs, and I can think of only one thing they would do.¡± He touched his thumb to his tooth. ¡°Yes.¡± ¡°Kill?¡± I confirmed. ¡°Yes.¡± ¡°Oh, God!¡± I folded over again, hiding my brow in my hands. ¡°Why?¡± ¡°For¡­to survive.¡± ¡°Isn¡¯t that a little selfish?¡± He laughed once. ¡°You¡¯re serious?¡± ¡°Yes, I¡¯m serious!¡± ¡°Uh, Ara, I don¡¯t have a choice but to kill.¡± ¡°Everyone has a choice.¡± ¡°Not in this instance, sweetheart.¡± He wandered over and sat on my bed; I wanted to tell him not to call me sweetheart, but didn¡¯t have the guts to say that to a vampire. He smiled¡ªhis secret smile. ¡°Do you really hate it when I call you sweetheart?¡± My mouth hung open. ¡°Did I say that out loud?¡± ¡°No.¡± He grinned, rubbing the tops of his knees. ¡°I can read minds, Ara.¡± I slid down the door and sat on the floor with my head in my palms. ¡°How is that¡­possible?¡± ¡°I¡¯m sorry,¡± David said. I looked up quickly to his hand on my shoulder. ¡°Get away from me.¡± He evaporated, appearing by my window. I dusted my arm off, scraping away any vampire germs that might¡¯ve been left behind, then looked over at him; he looked so conflicted yet so comfortable as he considered the world below. The muscles in his arms, with the way he folded them across his chest, looked bigger, more defined. And I had once wanted them on me, wanted to feel him against me. Now, I only felt anger at myself for that¡ªfor ever loving him when he was such a vile, disgusting monster. He took a breath and spoke to the world outside, ¡°Despite what you may believe, my girl, I am still human inside. And everything you¡¯re thinking right now does hurt.¡± I blinked, trying to make my mind go blank, but it wouldn¡¯t; I just kept seeing the faces of people as they screamed, begged for their lives, while David towered over them and took it. ¡°Have you always been able to read my mind?¡± He nodded, not looking at me. I wanted to be mad, but the heat that rushed through me was boiling mortification, more than anger. I buried my face in my hand and groaned. Oh, so many thoughts I wouldn¡¯t have wanted him to hear. David chuckled. ¡°That¡¯s pretty much what everyone says.¡± ¡°God, I feel so violated.¡± ¡°I¡¯m sorry, my love. I know it¡¯s awful but, if it¡¯s any consolation, I¡¯m not usually listening. And I can only hear your immediate thoughts. For anything in the past, I actually have to go inside your head.¡± I looked up at him. ¡°But, you can get in there¡ªyou can find things?¡± He nodded. ¡°That¡¯s so freakin¡¯ creepy.¡± He became smaller. ¡°Please don¡¯t say things like that, Ara.¡± ¡°Well, what do you expect me to say?¡± ¡°Ah, it¡¯s a vampire!¡± He waved his hands about like a girl. ¡°I kind of did say that.¡± I smiled. ¡°But you muzzled me.¡± He winced, letting a breath out. ¡°I¡¯m so sorry about that, Ara. I just couldn¡¯t have you running down to tell your dad.¡± I bit my lip, knowing full well that¡¯s exactly what I was going to do. ¡°So, I¡¯m calm now. Am I free to go, or are you going to keep me hostage in here for the rest of my life?¡± He turned back to face me. ¡°Will you keep quiet?¡± I nodded. ¡°Then you¡¯re free to go.¡± I felt better after a sigh of relief. Slowly, I got to my feet and opened my bedroom door. Dad¡¯s voice lilted up the stairs, homely and warm; I listened for a second then looked back at David, who leaned on my desk, his arms folded. ¡°Was that all¡ªis this your only dark secret?¡± He nodded. ¡°So you¡­¡± I lowered my voice. ¡°You kill people?¡± He nodded. I stepped back in my room and shut my door, resting my head on it for a second. ¡°Do you like killing them?¡± ¡°Yes.¡± His voice came smoothly across the room, making my shoulders lift around my ears. ¡°Do you¡­do you ever regret it?¡± ¡°I didn¡¯t, no, not until I fell in love with you.¡± I turned around then. ¡°And what difference does that make?¡± ¡°Compassion. Vampires are nothing if not compassionate, but only for our own kind. When we fall for a human, that compassion, for some reason, extends out to their race as well.¡± ¡°Except, instead of loving thy neighbour, you eat him.¡± ¡°It isn¡¯t like that. We don¡¯t just walk around with a constant desire to munch on random humans. And never those in our local community. We eat only when we get hungry¡ªlike you do.¡± ¡°No, not like I do. I go to the shop¡ªbuy a packet of chips. Not walk into a dark alley and end the local milk man.¡± David laughed. ¡°Neither do I.¡± ¡°So, what about when you are hungry?¡± I threw my hands up. ¡°Is it hard to live among us then? I mean, there¡¯s no way I could live in a chocolate factory.¡± ¡°I just don¡¯t let myself get that hungry.¡± ¡°How thoughtful of you.¡± He cleared his throat. ¡°Does¡­¡± I looked past him to the grey day. ¡°So, how did you fall in love with me if I¡¯d look better on your plate?¡± ¡°I didn¡¯t choose to fall for you, Ara. It just happened.¡± ¡°How, I mean, what¡¯s a vampire even doing at our school?¡± He laughed. ¡°I¡¯m on leave.¡± ¡°Leave?¡± ¡°Yes. I work for two years in the vampire community, then take two years to be human.¡± ¡°Human? There is nothing human about what you are,¡± I said with a mouthful of spite. ¡°We fall in love,¡± he offered, stuffing his hands in his pockets. ¡°We can eat, sleep, walk in the day, as if we were still human. But¡ª¡± ¡°But you¡¯re not.¡± ¡°Actually, I was going to say but¡ª¡± he tried to keep a light grin on his lips, but the hurt of my repulsion revealed itself within his eyes, ¡°¡ªeverything is stronger; our bodies, our minds, all of our senses. We feel everything with an intensity I cannot describe; happiness, pain, heartache¡ª¡± he cringed on the word, ¡°¡ªand love are so much stronger than you can possibly imagine.¡± I softened a little¡ªabout five-percent. It was the way he said love. There was something so¡­vulnerable about it. ¡°I don¡¯t know.¡± I shrugged one shoulder. ¡°I think I might be able to empathise with you on the feeling-things-more-strongly aspect.¡± The sharp, crescent-moon dimple returned as he nodded. ¡°You have a lot of heart, Ara. Perhaps that¡¯s why I¡¯m so drawn to you. You¡¯re not like other humans.¡± His smile dropped away and he looked down at his shoes. ¡°I am sorry that I¡¯ve hurt you with my secrecy. More than you know.¡± Apology not accepted¡­yet. I squared my shoulders. ¡°Okay. So, you said you eat and sleep and everything else? Why be a vampire at all?¡± ¡°It¡¯s not by choice,¡± he said calmly, like I was an infant. ¡°You see, it¡¯s like an alien, I guess. I thought about it once¡ªhow I could describe it to a human.¡± He pointed at me as he spoke, then touched his chin with thought. ¡°It¡¯s like an alien comes down and plants itself in you. You¡¯re everything you were before, except that now, you have these incredible abilities, and your human side is driven by the desires of the alien¡¯s first nature¡ªblood. ¡°I¡¯m still David, but I¡¯m also this alien. I drink because I¡¯m compelled to. If I don¡¯t drink, I become weak and desperate, then I¡¯d eventually turn into a monster.¡± He laughed lightly and added, ¡°Much like you if you don¡¯t have breakfast. Only, there¡¯d be no stopping me. I would kill¡­uncontrollably.¡± Great, so, I fell in love with an alien-operated vampire. We stood in silence again for a minute. ¡°So, why humans? Why not squirrels? Or cats?¡± I subconsciously nodded toward my window, imagining Skittles on a plate. David laughed. ¡°It is vital to consume the blood of your own kind. I am human, in part. Without human blood, human energy, and human life force, I¡¯m nothing. Animal blood, and I speak from experience, not only tastes like ash, but can¡¯t satiate the thirst and it won¡¯t nourish.¡± ¡°What if you just didn¡¯t eat blood at all?¡± ¡°I¡¯d end up back at square one¡ªkilling uncontrollably until my hunger was quenched; it¡¯s much kinder to take a few lives than many.¡± ¡°Oh, God!¡± I nearly folded over and threw up. ¡°How can there be any kindness in killing?¡± ¡°Live a few hundred years and you¡¯ll find out.¡± I looked at him with a pang of excitement. ¡°So, are you immortal?¡± ¡°Yes.¡± ¡°You don¡¯t die?¡± He shook his head. ¡°At all?¡± I double-checked. He shook his head again and stood taller. ¡°No. We¡¯re virtually indestructible.¡± ¡°Virtually?¡± ¡°We can¡¯t die, but we can get hurt. Our bones are like cement¡ªiron-coated cement. They do not break. Ever. And our flesh is extremely difficult to penetrate¡ªnot that it would do any good to cut a vampire, because we heal incredibly fast.¡± ¡°Well, so, like, there¡¯re no stakes or holy water or silver or decapitation?¡± ¡°No. Immortal means immortal, Ara. There is no death. No peace. Only an endless eternity of mourning and solitude¡ªwatching everyone you love grow old and wither away¡ªforever just a memory, leaving nothing but a fruitless hope of finding happiness again.¡± ¡°Sounds¡ª¡± I studied his face, ¡°¡ªunbearable.¡± ¡°You have no idea,¡± he said through a breathy laugh as the tension in the room eased. ¡°I know you, David. I know you have a good heart, but, I mean, I¡¯m struggling to understand how you can be so loving, yet so¡­dangerous. How¡­how do you live with the guilt? For killing people.¡± Page 40 David laughed lightly. ¡°I don¡¯t. I have no choice but to stay alive, but I hate myself for some of the things I¡¯ve done. You just find a way to do it without leaving too many scars on the world¡ªor your own heart. But there aren¡¯t too many vampires with empathy for humans. It gets lost when we change. Mostly, you¡¯re just food to us.¡± As he shrugged, he flashed an easy smile at me; I shuddered.Advertisement Food? ¡°Don¡¯t ever use that term around me again, David. I still care for humans, you know, since I¡¯m one of them.¡± ¡°I¡¯m sorry, Ara. We¡¯re just from different worlds, you and I. I¡¯ll be careful what I say around you, I promise.¡± He looked into my eyes, his gaze guarded. ¡°Assuming you still want to see me.¡± ¡°I don¡¯t know.¡± He looked down at his feet. ¡°Would you like me to leave?¡± I bit my lip, tapping my fingertips on my leg. ¡°Not yet.¡± ¡°May I sit?¡± he asked, motioning to the bed. I nodded; he sat down. ¡°So, is it true that all vampires are totally hot and sexy?¡± I asked after a few minutes. ¡°Depends on your tastes, I¡¯d say.¡± He sat back a little, smirking. ¡°Get to the point.¡± ¡°I¡ª¡± I shook my head. ¡°I didn¡¯t have a point.¡± ¡°Yes, you did.¡± ¡°Did not.¡± ¡°You forget,¡± he said, pushing my quilt away from his leg. ¡°I can read your mind. What was your point?¡± My shoulders sunk. ¡°Why me? Why a plain, ordinary, scarred human, when you could be with a hot vampire chick?¡± He moved his words around inside his mouth for a second. ¡°You do things to me that no other girl, human or vampire, has ever done. It¡¯s not optional for me to love you, Ara. I¡­when I¡¯m with you¡ª¡± He looked at me, breathing out before continuing. ¡°I¡¯m more human than monster. More heart-and-soul than vacant-shadowy-night.¡± He blinked softly and added, ¡°Plus,¡± with a smile. ¡°Plus what?¡± ¡°Plus, I¡¯m crazy in love with you.¡± I looked down to hide my wide grin. ¡°It¡¯s not enough for me just to love you, though,¡± he said. ¡°I need to be with you¡ªto see you, to touch you¡ªbe a part of you in a way no one else in the world ever could.¡± My face fell into my hands, his words sending giggles through my chest. I couldn¡¯t believe I¡¯d managed to fall in love with a real, blood-sucking vampire. And my parents were afraid I¡¯d start hanging with kids on drugs. ¡°Ara? Are¡­are you crying, ma jolie fille?¡± David¡¯s hesitant embrace fell around me, and the fear I felt before edged in the centre of my stomach, while the weight of his arms on my body made my heart beat faster. But I closed my eyes and focused on the truth; this was David. Not some random murderer. My David. I looked up, and the vampire ran a cool fingertip under my eye¡ªa kind of affection, kind of touch, that felt so normal to me now. ¡°Are you okay?¡± David asked, looking overly concerned. ¡°Relax, David. I haven¡¯t lost it¡­yet.¡± ¡°Sorry.¡± He broke into a breathy smile. ¡°It¡¯s just that¡­when a guy tells a girl he¡¯s a vampire, he doesn¡¯t exactly expect to be laughed at.¡± ¡°In my defence, I screamed as well.¡± He stiffened. ¡°Well, would you expect anything less than fear, David? You¡¯re a dangerous creature¡ªnot a Cullen,¡± I added, with a wry smile. He laughed, loud and full. The sound warmed the room with its grace. ¡°I wish.¡± He rolled his head backward as the laugh dissipated to a smile. ¡°Great books, though.¡± ¡°You read them?¡± ¡°Of course.¡± He breathed out, still smiling as he added, ¡°Wouldn¡¯t life be so much easier if it were really that way?¡± ¡°No, because then you¡¯d be icy-cold¡­and pale. But I like your golden skin.¡± ¡°I know you do.¡± My ears and cheeks flushed with heat. ¡°So, you don¡¯t, like, sparkle or anything, do you?¡± ¡°Ara. You¡¯ve seen me in the sun,¡± he stated dryly. ¡°Did I look like a lamp to you?¡± Hmm. I remembered how lovely he looked in the sun; how he seemed to glow¡ªan incandescent beauty with perfectly formed muscles. His skin was so soft and smooth, hairless, as far as I could see. But although the memory was bright and golden, making me forget how dark my room was getting, I was pretty sure he didn¡¯t have moths buzzing around his head or anything. So, no, he didn¡¯t look like a lamp. But boy, would I love to take his shirt off right now just to be sure it was all real. A tiny smile tugged the corners of David¡¯s lips, changing his whole expression. ¡°Stop it!¡± I scolded, holding my finger up to warn him against his invasive, mind-reading behaviour. Would there ever be any way to get used to him being constantly in my head? David¡¯s shoulders lifted with his short, breathy laugh. Obviously not. ¡°Okay. So, those myths aside¡ª¡± I wandered over and plonked on my floor, crossing my legs to get comfortable. ¡°Just to save you time, Ara, technically, everything you think you know is a myth.¡± ¡°Like what?¡± ¡°For one, despite ancient storytelling, vampires are not actually dead.¡± He sat on the edge of my bed and leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees. ¡°And we¡¯re not undead, either¡ªwe¡¯re actually alive.¡± ¡°Really?¡± ¡°Yeah. And you know what else we¡¯re not?¡± he hinted with a lopsided grin. ¡°Enlighten me,¡± I said playfully. ¡°We¡¯re not evil demons or weirdoes with anaemia, but¡ª¡± he pointed to the roof, ¡°¡ªwe are, in fact, colder¡ªwhich is where some of the stories come from, I guess.¡± ¡°But¡­why are you cold if you¡¯re alive?¡± ¡°Why are you cold?¡± He grinned; I shrugged. ¡°If we go for long periods without¡­nourishment, we get colder and a little pale.¡± ¡°So, you¡¯re not so very different from me, then?¡± I grinned. ¡°Ha! Maybe you¡¯re a vampire and you just don¡¯t know it.¡± He pointed at me, his very cute, dimpled smile making me laugh. It was nice to laugh with him again. ¡°There¡¯s just one thing I¡¯m curious about, though. You said you¡¯re not dead?¡± He nodded. Everything David and I ever did together, every moment I touched him since we met, I ran over in my mind. ¡°I¡ªI can¡¯t remember ever hearing a heartbeat. Do you have a heart?¡± His gaze fell on his clasped hands. ¡°I don¡¯t have a heartbeat, because I don¡¯t need my heart to beat. You see, the energy¡ªthe life force I draw from a human¡ªmoves the blood through my arteries. It¡¯s very powerful.¡± ¡°Like magic?¡± ¡°Kind of. And I don¡¯t need my heart to pump blood to my lungs for oxygenation either, because I don¡¯t make the blood. It comes to me with oxygen in it. See?¡± He held out his forearm and rolled up his sleeve to reveal clear veins, slightly protruding from his skin as if he were flexing his muscles. ¡°They don¡¯t contain blood. They carry the remaining life force¡ªthe energy that makes me immortal. The blood I drink runs through the arteries, which are deeper. That¡¯s why my veins look skin-tone.¡± ¡°So¡­really? You don¡¯t make your own blood?¡± ¡°Nope. When the blood I drink runs out of oxygen and nutrients, I simply drink more.¡± ¡°So, if you get a cut and bleed, it¡¯s not your blood seeping out?¡± ¡°No, it is. My body coverts the blood I drink to use as its own.¡± ¡°Wow.¡± I stared at his arm. ¡°But,¡± he added, rolling his sleeve back down, ¡°I do still have a heart.¡± My head bounced and my lips pressed together into a thin smile. ¡°I know.¡± ¡°Then you know I love you?¡± His hand flinched a little¡ªlike he was going to reach for me, but thought better of it. ¡°I know you do. The trouble is¡ªI love you, too.¡± ¡°Why should that be a problem?¡± ¡°Because you¡¯re a vampire, David. You¡ª¡± My words were lost. What could I say? That I wasn¡¯t sure how I felt about him now I knew he killed people? That¡¯d be kinda shallow, wouldn¡¯t it? ¡°It¡¯s not shallow, Ara. This,¡± he said, motioning to himself, ¡°is a lot for anyone to handle.¡± I let my cheek lift my lip in the smile it forced. ¡°Touch¨¦.¡± He sat back again, rubbing his thumb over his chin. ¡°I was human once, you know. And I do understand how you feel about the deaths.¡± ¡°Do you?¡± ¡°Yes.¡± I nodded, thinking for a moment. ¡°So, how long have you been a vampire?¡± ¡°Since nineteen-thirteen.¡± ¡°I knew it! I knew you weren¡¯t an eighteen-year-old boy.¡± I shook my head in amazement. ¡°It all makes so much sense now¡ªespecially how you keep appearing at my side all the time.¡± After that thought came another, but a more carefully considered question this time. ¡°Are you¡­alone?¡± He shook his head. ¡°No. I live in a large community of vampires. Plus, I have my uncle and my brother, which is more than most vampires have.¡± I nodded. ¡°Wait, they¡¯re vampires, too?¡± ¡°Yes.¡± ¡°What about girlfriends? Have you ever had one?¡± I probably didn¡¯t really want to know, especially if she went out to dinner with him and ended up becoming the main course. David laughed again. ¡°I¡¯m not that careless, but, yes, I have had girlfriends.¡± ¡°Was anyone special? I mean, you¡¯re pretty old, right, so have you ever, like, loved anyone?¡± ¡°Loved?¡± ¡°Yeah¡ªlike you love me.¡± ¡°Like I love you?¡± He shook his head. ¡°Never. But there were two other girls I¡¯ve loved in my existence. Neither of them worked out.¡± ¡°Why?¡± His eyes narrowed slightly. ¡°Why do you want to know this?¡± ¡°Same reason you wonder about Mike.¡± I pointed at him. ¡°And I know you do.¡± David nodded. ¡°So, you wanna know who the competition is.¡± I shrugged. ¡°Okay. Fine. Well, let¡¯s just say that for one of the girls¡ªit turned out that we were really too different, and¡­¡± He took a breath, biting his lip, his eyes distant. ¡°And the other was¡­just not meant to be.¡± ¡°Well, what happened to her?¡± I moved an inch closer, sensing his obvious distress. ¡°Perhaps this story is for another time.¡± ¡°Is that what happened two years ago?¡± I asked after dropping it for a whole three seconds. ¡°Is she the reason you missed so much school¡ªwhy you came to live here?¡± ¡°Ara, I don¡¯t want to talk about it.¡± ¡°So, you can tell me that you kill people, but you won¡¯t talk about ex-girlfriends?¡± ¡°Stop it.¡± ¡°Why? Why won¡¯t you tell me?¡± Agitation wandered into my tone. ¡°Was she human, like me? Did you love her as much as you love me?¡± ¡°She¡¯s gone!¡± David yelled. ¡°Okay? Just drop it!¡± My heart jumped. I sunk back into myself. ¡°I¡¯m sorry, David.¡± ¡°Er!¡± He gripped his hair. ¡°No, Ara, I¡¯m sorry.¡± My hand moved and I felt his fingers around mine before I realised he was beside me. ¡°I shouldn¡¯t have yelled at you like that. It¡¯s just¡ªthey took her away. She was a vampire, and they took her away.¡± ¡°Why?¡± ¡°Ara, please, I don¡¯t want to talk about it.¡± He studied the ground, as if he couldn¡¯t look at me. ¡°You really did love her?¡± I asked quietly. ¡°Yes. But nothing like the way I love you¡ªthat has no measure, but I loved her enough.¡± ¡°Will she ever come back?¡± I studied his eyes. ¡°No.¡± ¡°Do you want her to?¡± ¡°No,¡± he raised his voice a little, then softened it, running his fingers through his hair. ¡°Look. It doesn¡¯t matter. I just. I don¡¯t want to talk about it yet, okay?¡± ¡°Okay. I¡¯m sorry. I won¡¯t ask again.¡± ¡°No,¡± he moaned, rolling his head back a little. ¡°You can ask¡ªjust not today.¡± ¡°That¡¯s what you always say.¡± I looked right into his eyes; he looked ready for a challenge, but too much was going on in my head. I wasn¡¯t up to arguing with him. Instead, my mind wandered through the past few weeks, analysing and going over everything we said or did together, then stopped on the best memory I had stored away up there in my catalogue of thoughts; the butterflies¡ªthe look of concentration on his face as they fluttered around us; the seemingly perfect timing. David¡¯s head titled down a little and a very sexy smile spread across his lips. ¡°It wasn¡¯t a timing thing at all, was it? Did¡ªdid you do that?¡± I asked, full of wonder. ¡°It¡¯s one of my many talents,¡± he said, still grinning. ¡°But, how? Are you magic?¡± ¡°No.¡± He shook his head, almost laughing. ¡°I¡¯m a creature of nature, Ara. Hard as that is to believe¡ª¡± ¡°A creature of nature! But you kill people?¡± ¡°Ara?¡± he scolded softly. ¡°I¡¯m no different to the lion killing the antelope.¡± Page 41 ¡°Except that the lion doesn¡¯t look like the antelope, or live among its kind.¡±Advertisement ¡°True, but still, like the lion, I blend into my natural surroundings; he has the advantage of a certain colouring, and I have the ability to emulate the human form.¡± ¡°Yeah, but if you¡¯re so natural, how come your species isn¡¯t born¡ªyou¡¯re, I don¡¯t know, like, created, aren¡¯t you?¡± ¡°You¡¯re unbelievable, girl.¡± He shook his head. ¡°You¡¯re sitting beside a vampire, and wrought with scepticism. Is it so hard to believe I might be one of God¡¯s creatures¡ªjust because I kill?¡± I thrust my shoulders back and sat up straight. ¡°Yes.¡± ¡°Look¡ª¡± He exhaled frustration. ¡°What I am is a natural occurrence. I wasn¡¯t created by witchcraft or magic. And yes, some do say it started as a curse, but it was actually passed on by those of an ancient bloodline.¡± ¡°Your bloodline?¡± ¡°No. I was human once. You see, it takes a genetic polarity in a human which, when converged with vampire venom, triggers the change in their genetic makeup. They become less human and more of what is commonly called a vampire.¡± ¡°A genetic polarity?¡± I frowned, thinking over his words. I took genetic sciences in school¡ªI wasn¡¯t any good at it. ¡°So, are you saying you have to have the right gene to become a vampire?¡± ¡°Yup, so, even though I¡¯m a supernatural being, I¡¯m actually mostly natural¡ªjust also very super.¡± He grinned warmly, straightening one leg out in front of him, hugging his other knee. ¡°So, if you¡¯re not magic, how did you do that thing with the butterflies?¡± He shrugged. ¡°They¡¯re just affected by humidity. Vampires? We can manipulate the elements¡ªwater and temperature for example.¡± He scratched the back of his neck. ¡°I can get really scientific about it if you like, but most people fall asleep after about ten minutes.¡± He had an explanation for everything. Always. I hated that. ¡°Well, it was the most beautiful moment of my life, so far.¡± I¡¯d dreamed about those flutters of blue and yellow, surrounding us like we were in some private, mystical bubble, nearly every night since that day. Pity he had to ruin it by combining it with the memory of my first kiss¡ªto a guy who kills people with his teeth. ¡°You know¡ª¡± David hesitated. ¡°There¡¯s a reason I did that, Ara, and it¡¯s not what you think.¡± ¡°Did what?¡± ¡°Kissed you.¡± I hugged my knees, not bothering to tuck my dress under my legs. ¡°I¡¯m listening.¡± ¡°I never imagined you would one day find me repulsive, and I knew then that I would be leaving you.¡± He leaned a little closer and lowered his voice. ¡°But I love you, and I just wanted to be your first kiss.¡± ¡°That¡¯s a little selfish, don¡¯t you think? You should have asked me if I wanted my first kiss to be with a murderer.¡± He shook his head, pressing his lips into a flat smile. ¡°I don¡¯t care if you¡¯re mad at me. It was worth it.¡± I smiled, because he was right. I could try to be mad at him for that kiss but, in truth, it wouldn¡¯t have mattered if he¡¯d just eaten, I¡¯d still have wanted my first kiss to be with him. I just wouldn¡¯t tell him that. I turned my nose up with a flick of my chin. ¡°You¡¯d be more interesting if you were magic.¡± He smiled so lovingly at me. ¡°Well, there is an element of magic, by human definition.¡± ¡°Guess there¡¯d have to be with all that speed and healing fast stuff.¡± I stopped and turned the pages of myth in my mind. ¡°Hang on. You did say you heal fast, right?¡± ¡°Yup.¡± He grinned, hugging his knee. My mind was getting lost in information. ¡°How?¡± ¡°Rapid cell regeneration. It¡¯s responsible for immortality as well,¡± he answered with a hint of humour in his voice. ¡°Okay, Mr I-Have-An-Answer-For-Everything. And what about the whole vampires are demons thing?¡± I looked at him, my own tone light, quizzical. He shook his head. ¡°No demons.¡± ¡°Good thing you¡¯re not, I suppose. I would¡¯ve had a hard time explaining to Nathan¡¯s mom why you suddenly just burst into flames today.¡± David laughed. ¡°Yes, I imagine you would.¡± ¡°So, is that why you smiled like that¡ªwhen we walked into the church?¡± ¡°It was. The whole demon thing¡¯s kind of a private joke among my kind.¡± ¡°Why? Is there some truth to the myth?¡± ¡°None whatsoever.¡± ¡°But, then¡­why do people think holy water can burn you and stuff?¡± ¡°Rumours.¡± ¡°Rumours?¡± ¡°Yes. Powerful things, those gossip circles.¡± He grinned mischievously. ¡°The whole story started out, originally, when a vampire was found sleeping in his bed. The townspeople believed the man to be dead.¡± David tapped his chest. ¡°No heartbeat, you see. So, they buried him¡ªalive, and when he finally woke and dug his way out of the grave, he retaliated with murder.¡± ¡°Retaliated? But, they didn¡¯t know he was alive, did they? It wasn¡¯t deliberate, right?¡± ¡°No.¡± ¡°Then why did he want revenge?¡± ¡°Same reason any claustrophobic, which woke to find themselves buried alive, would.¡± ¡°Claustrophobic?¡± I touched my neck. ¡°How can a vampire be claustrophobic?¡± David laughed. ¡°We carry over many human traits when we change. We can be moody, thoughtful, arachnophobic, afraid of heights¡ªmany things. We¡¯re still mostly human in so many ways.¡± ¡°And this guy was afraid of enclosed spaces?¡± ¡°Right. And even if he wasn¡¯t, imagine, for a second, being trapped in darkness, compounded by a force you cannot see¡ªnot knowing which way is up or down.¡± He studied me thoughtfully. ¡°I told you a vampire¡¯s emotions are stronger?¡± ¡°Yeah.¡± ¡°This claustrophobic vampire woke in darkness, terrified. As he clawed at the soil for three days, his fear became anger and his anger became fury. When he finally took a breath, he vowed revenge on all who ever laid eyes on him. Then, he stumbled into town and obliterated every soul.¡± ¡°What a bastard!¡± David laughed again. ¡°Well, he did leave one alive¡ªa small boy. Does that make him more likeable?¡± ¡°Depends,¡± I said. ¡°Why did he leave him alive?¡± ¡°The boy, who reminded him of his own son, attacked the vampire with the jagged edge of a broken branch. Amused by the fearless bravery of the boy, the vampire took the spike and jammed it through his own heart, faking his death to satisfy the boy¡¯s hunger for revenge.¡± ¡°How noble of him.¡± David smirked. ¡°Anyway, from then on,¡± he continued, ¡°the human race decided, since the wood the child used originated from a tree on consecrated ground, that these Demons of the Night could be taken down by all things holy. Word spread and, like a disease, the rumours grew into the myths you still hear today.¡± ¡°Hm.¡± I considered his tale. ¡°And do you know what the name of that small boy was?¡± ¡°I¡¯m sure you¡¯re going to tell me.¡± He nodded, smiling. ¡°Van Helsing.¡± ¡°And that¡¯s a true story?¡± I asked. ¡°True story.¡± ¡°Well¡­if that¡¯s true, why wouldn¡¯t you just correct them¡ªthe humans, I mean¡ªtell them the truth about the whole demon rumour thing?¡± ¡°Because, the lies assist with our cover.¡± He shrugged. ¡°Those who can walk in the day, go to church or wear a cross, can¡¯t possibly be one of these demonic creatures, and so, we can remain secret¡ªlive in peace.¡± ¡°Wow.¡± ¡°Yeah. You¡¯ll find most of the myths about my kind were started in much the same manner.¡± He smiled nostalgically and looked away. ¡°We do love our grapevines, we who walk in the night.¡± ¡°Grapevines?¡± My brow arched. ¡°Ha! Yeah. Borrowed that one from your dad.¡± ¡°That was so not cool that you would¡¯ve been better off saying we do love a bit of intrigue.¡± David paused and studied me with soft eyes. ¡°You would have fit well in my time, girl.¡± ¡°I fit in fine here, thank you.¡± I folded my arms. ¡°So, why didn¡¯t he wake up?¡± ¡°Who?¡± ¡°The vampire. When they buried him¡ªwhy didn¡¯t he wake up?¡± ¡°Oh. He was drunk.¡± ¡°You can get drunk?¡± My words burst out in a gust. ¡°Of course we can¡ª¡± He laughed. ¡°We can use drugs, too.¡± ¡°Really? Do you get addicted, like humans do?¡± He shrugged dismissively. ¡°Don¡¯t know. Never met a vampire who used drugs. But I¡¯ll be sure to ask if ever I do.¡± ¡°Thanks. Appreciate it.¡± ¡°Any time.¡± His sarcastic smile spread the corners of his lips widely. ¡°Okay, so, on with the interrogation.¡± ¡°Be my guest.¡± He motioned a forward hand to me, as if ushering me through a door. ¡°So, vamp myth one-oh-one; a crucifix won¡¯t burn you?¡± ¡°I hope not.¡± David reached into the collar of his shirt and pulled out a heavy gold chain with a cross on the end of it. ¡°I wear it whenever I go to church.¡± I doubled back internally. ¡°So, you are religious?¡± ¡°A little.¡± He smiled and dropped the cross to his chest. ¡°But, you¡¯re also¡­dangerous?¡± I concluded. ¡°Very.¡± He smiled malevolently; a shudder crept up my spine. I didn¡¯t want to think of those who¡¯d come to learn that as their last lesson. Slowly, I started my questions again. ¡°How can you believe in God¡ªand then go out and murder?¡± ¡°It¡¯s not murder.¡± ¡°Yes, it is.¡± ¡°No, it¡¯s not. It¡¯s nourishment¡ªnecessary for survival. Does a farmer murder a cow?¡± ¡°That¡¯s different.¡± ¡°Why?¡± ¡°Because a cow¡­¡± I bit my lip. ¡°Because they¡­well¡­¡± I threw my hands up. ¡°I don¡¯t know. What do I look like, a priest?¡± David laughed. ¡°I love it when you know I¡¯m right.¡± ¡°You¡¯re not right!¡± Anger forced pulsing blood into my cheeks. ¡°You believe in the Ten Commandments, pray at church, read the Bible¡ªbut you can kill the man sitting next to you without so much as¡ª¡± ¡°Uh-uh, hold it right there, missy.¡± He held up a finger; I snapped my gob closed. ¡°I said I believe in God, not the Bible, not the ways of the church. They are not the same thing.¡± ¡°How are they not the same thing?¡± ¡°Live as long as I, and you will see. Now¡ª¡± he folded his arms, ¡°¡ªwe¡¯re not having a religious debate. There are more important things to discuss at this moment.¡± ¡°Fine.¡± But I didn¡¯t want to talk. I was too mad. ¡°Can you remember anything I¡¯ve told you so far?¡± ¡°No.¡± ¡°Yes, you can.¡± He smiled, rolling his head a little to one side. ¡°Recite it for me or I¡¯ll read your mind just to check you were listening.¡± I looked up at him, fury turning to rage in my eyes. ¡°Fine.¡± I took a deep breath. ¡°You¡¯re¡­a¡­a God-fearing variation of normal human makeup, caused by a hidden polarity in the genes that¡¯s activated when vampire venom mixes with your blood after being bitten?¡± ¡°You¡¯re a very fast learner, Ara-Rose.¡± His face lit with surprise. No, I¡¯m not¡ªI just hang off your every word. David grinned. I looked away. ¡°There aren¡¯t many of us, you know. If that makes you feel better.¡± Good! ¡°Why?¡± ¡°As it stands, fewer and fewer humans over the years have been known to have this gene. It seems to be breeding out. We¡¯ve not had a successful turning in decades. Consequently, my kind has been forbidden to create vampires without approval.¡± ¡°Forbidden? By who?¡± ¡°We have a society. Just like you,¡± he said. ¡°We live in peace, mostly, but there are laws we must follow, and consequences. We can¡¯t just walk around doing whatever we please¡ªor killing whomever we please.¡± ¡°Really? So, the killing¡¯s controlled?¡± ¡°To a degree.¡± ¡°Oh¡­¡± I unfolded my arms. Civility among murderers? ¡°What other laws do you have?¡± ¡°Well¡ª¡± He looked over at the window for a second, then took a short breath. ¡°We¡¯re not allowed to occupy positions of power or fame, in order to maintain cover. And, if we¡¯re in a situation or accident which would be fatal to a human, we absolutely must be reborn.¡± ¡°Reborn?¡± ¡°Yes. Start a new human life.¡± ¡°Oh, is that why you can¡¯t be famous or anything, ¡®cause it would be hard to hide after you ¡®die¡¯?¡± ¡°Exactly. Especially these days with things like television and photographs. It makes disappearing really problematic.¡± ¡°So, what else? I mean¡­can you fly, do you still grow hair, do you sleep upside down in a cave?¡± David scoffed lightly, pressing the back of his wrist to his upper lip. ¡°You really love your myths, don¡¯t you?¡± Page 42 I shrugged.Advertisement ¡°Ur, well, we do still grow hair, so¡­sorry, if you become a vampire, you still have to shave your legs. As for sleeping in a cave¡­upside down¡ª¡± He merely raised a brow to answer. ¡°What about fly?¡± He hesitated. ¡°Like I said¡­we can manipulate the elements. Some of us have mastered the ability to become completely weightless and move through the atmosphere¡ªsuspended above the earth. But not all can, and it¡¯s only for short distances. It takes decades of practice.¡± ¡°But, can you?¡± I prompted. Uncertainty controlled his smile. ¡°Yes.¡± ¡°That is so cool.¡± It was the only cool thing¡ªeverything else was disgusting and infuriating, but flying was cool. ¡°So? What else can you do?¡± ¡°Well, at this point, I can officially inform you that we are a secret society¡ªso, much of the information about our laws and abilities, I cannot divulge.¡± He smiled, his eyes becoming small. ¡°Even though I already have.¡± ¡°But you can reveal yourself? People can know what you are?¡± ¡°Only on one condition.¡± He paused and took my hand. ¡°That is why I told you I must leave, Ara¡ªin the hope that it might come to this¡ªto you finding out once and for all about me, about what I am. Otherwise, I would¡¯ve just left you.¡± ¡°Like you did to all the others?¡± ¡°I never said that.¡± ¡°You move on every two years; you must¡¯ve made friends. Am I the only one you¡ª?¡± ¡°You¡¯re the first human I¡¯ve ever told, yes.¡± And for some stupid reason, that made me feel special, close to him. But I didn¡¯t want to feel like that anymore; I hated what he was, and I wasn¡¯t sure if I actually might¡¯ve hated him, too. But I knew that some part of me didn¡¯t want him to go away. Not for forever. My lip quivered. ¡°So, you can tell me that you¡¯re a vampire, but you have to leave if you do?¡± ¡°No¡ª¡± He pulled my face against his chest. ¡°Silly girl. No. I can tell you only if I¡¯m sure that you¡¯re¡ª¡± My head whipped up to see his face when he went quiet. ¡°I¡¯m what?¡± ¡°I guess the right words are¡­my significant other.¡± David almost read over his own words in the air, then, seeming happy with the terminology, looked at me. He smiled, pressing his finger under my chin until my teeth fit back together. Significant other? ¡°But¡­you¡¯re a vampire. I can¡¯t be your significant other, David. We can¡¯t even be together.¡± He swallowed hard. ¡°We can, if you loved me enough.¡± ¡°David, you know I love you. But you kill people in order to live,¡± a hint of hysteria touched my tone. ¡°I don¡¯t know if I can be a part of that. Not as your friend, not as your lover, and certainly not as a vampire.¡± David froze in place, like a stone carving. The expression of confusion seemed eternally placed within his eyes, and his chest stopped moving as if he¡¯d given up breathing. ¡°Believe it or not, Ara, it¡¯s kinder to kill them.¡± ¡°Er!¡± My lip twisted up in disgust. ¡°I don¡¯t want to hear anymore, David. Kinder? I¡ªI just can¡¯t even conceive of the idea.¡± ¡°Perhaps you have heard enough, then.¡± A slight nod moved his head, but his face stayed frozen; the smile I loved completely blanketed by pain. ¡°I shall leave you now.¡± ¡°Wait, don¡¯t go yet.¡± He stopped, but didn¡¯t look at me. ¡°I just¡ªI just need some time to think. Do you think you can give me that?¡± ¡°All I have is eternity.¡± He snapped out of his intensely deep stare, shrugging, then leaned down and kissed the top of my head. ¡°I won¡¯t need that long. But, David?¡± ¡°Yes, my love.¡± He stopped by my door. ¡°Are you in any danger? Because you told me?¡± I hugged both legs to my chest. ¡°Like, will they be mad with you?¡± The door swung open and he stood between here and gone. ¡°No. But if you ever say anything and they were to find out¡­¡± ¡°I won¡¯t say anything.¡± I rested my cheek on my knee. ¡°Good.¡± He gave a nod and disappeared, leaving my door swinging in the breeze he left behind. I sat there, in the middle of my room, hugging my knees to my chest, until the afternoon turned to evening. When Vicki flicked the hall light on and came up the stairs, I ducked in the darkness, waiting until she passed. And I noticed then, crumpled at the foot of my bed, the damaged remains of the blue rose David stole¡ªthe representation of the moment that changed everything. I jumped up quickly, butt numb, legs stiff, and grabbed the flower, pressing it to my nose. Despite all the damage done, despite the petals falling away, weeping, it still smelled just as sweet as before. Which was comforting to me, because, for all the things that seemed irredeemable, some things were still okay. I grabbed my diary and pressed the flower between the last pages, then snapped the book shut and sat on my bed in the dull light shining in from the world outside my room. Chapter Seventeen ¡°Ara, come down and have some dinner, please,¡± Vicki called from the bottom of the stairs. Again. ¡°Not hungry.¡± ¡°Don¡¯t care.¡± ¡°Argh!¡± I slammed my diary on the bed and stomped into the hall. It just didn¡¯t seem right to go downstairs and eat dinner with the family¡ªlike a normal person. Nothing was normal anymore. I mean, I should probably be telling my dad that I may have gone crazy, because I¡¯m pretty sure my boyfriend just told me he¡¯s a vampire. I smiled, stopping halfway down the stairs. That would be pretty funny¡ªto see the look on their faces if I said that. ¡°Ara?¡± Vicki rolled her head forward, raising a brow. ¡°Your dinner¡¯s going cold¡ªmove it.¡± ¡°Oh, sorry.¡± I started down the stairs again. ¡°What is wrong with you?¡± ¡°I¡¯m just tired.¡± ¡°Well, that¡¯s to be expected.¡± She walked into the dining room and sat beside Dad. ¡°Feeling better?¡± Dad asked. ¡°Mm-hm.¡± I sat down too. ¡°Emily called while you were resting,¡± Vicki said. ¡°She wants to come see¡ª¡± ¡°What did you tell her¡ªabout why I fainted?¡± Everything around me seemed to rock, then grow larger and wider, before rapidly shrinking back in. ¡°Ara, it¡¯s okay,¡± Dad assured. ¡°We told Emily you have low blood-sugar¡ªthat you hadn¡¯t eaten. No one knows anything about your mom.¡± My shoulders dropped; I let out a breath of tension and drew back relief. ¡°So, David caught me, huh?¡± Dad nodded. ¡°Yes.¡± ¡°Did you see him catch me?¡± ¡°No. That¡¯s the weird thing. I wasn¡¯t really paying attention.¡± Dad set the bowl of peas on the table and looked at me. ¡°All I saw was David by the er¡ªwell, David was a few feet away. I heard everyone gasp, so I looked over at you, then he was there, lifting you off the ground.¡± ¡°Really?¡± ¡°Yeah. He should join the track team,¡± Dad said. ¡°Yeah. He is really fast.¡± ¡°What¡¯s the matter, Ara?¡± Dad asked. ¡°I¡¯m fine. I¡¯m just really tired.¡± ¡°Honey, you can fool some of the people all of the time¡ªbut you can never fool your dad.¡± He grinned. ¡°I know. It¡¯s just¡ªDavid.¡± ¡°David? What¡¯s he done?¡± The warm blue of Dad¡¯s eyes turned to ice. ¡°Dad¡ªnothing. He just. He has to go away soon. I¡¯m going to miss him, that¡¯s all.¡± ¡°Go away? Where?¡± His tall posture seemed to shrink back down a little. ¡°It doesn¡¯t matter. I don¡¯t wanna talk about it, okay?¡± ¡°Okay,¡± he said slowly, then looked at Vicki. With a sigh, I stood up and issued a pleasant smile. ¡°I¡¯m going to bed. I¡¯m tired.¡± ¡°But you didn¡¯t eat anything,¡± Dad said. ¡°I¡¯m not really hungry.¡± ¡°Okay, that¡¯s fine, Ara.¡± Vicki held a plate out to me. ¡°But at least take some food up with you. You look skinny.¡± Stifling the urge to scowl at her and tell her to mind her own business, I looked up from my bony hips and nodded, taking the plate. ¡°Thanks.¡± ¡°Night, honey,¡± Dad muttered, way too casually. He knew there was something up, but he wasn¡¯t going to ask. Dads are smart sometimes, but even smarter to stay out of it. There was no comfort for me in the dark tonight. I couldn¡¯t dream that I¡¯d wake up and meet David across the road tomorrow; couldn¡¯t fantasise about the day we¡¯d get married or how we¡¯d sit on a porch swing, rocking back and forth while we watched our grandchildren play in the yard, because those dreams were the darkness, now¡ªa haunting kind of darkness. They were what kept me going when I didn¡¯t want to breathe; they were what made me think that perhaps I wasn¡¯t cursed. But it was ever clearer that I was being punished¡ªhaunted by those dreams forever¡ªbecause David and I couldn¡¯t possibly be together. A dancing flame flickered against the wick of the vanilla candle by my bed; I sat in its gentle glow and blew out the match, breathing the cindering smell of wood as the flame withdrew. Across my room, the girl in my dresser mirror appeared; I touched my fingers over my face, over the scars, watching her do the same. Once, David had made it all okay; he made the scars seem faded, he made the days feel sunny, but now, despite the gentle glow of the candle taking some of the darkness from my room, he¡¯d also made the nightmares that used to hide in the shadows when I was a little girl peek out from the past. All the things my parents said weren¡¯t real¡ªall the monsters and demons¡ªactually were. I mean, there could be a bogeyman under my bed, for all I knew. And David was one of those monsters; he was the epitome of nightmares¡ªthe very thing that made me draw my foot from the edge of the bed and hide it under my covers. But a small part of me wanted to accept him. A small part of me¡ªa very small, irrational and rose-coloured-glasses part¡ªdidn¡¯t care. I just loved that damn vampire so much. But at the same time, I couldn¡¯t separate myself from the idea of a life lost. Then again, I wasn¡¯t sure I could live with myself if I let him go. For such a short time, I thought I was going to be okay. David rescued me, showed me what real love felt like, gave me my first kiss. No one had ever kissed me like that before, and no one had ever told me they loved me¡ªand meant it. And now that was gone¡ªthe hope of being with him always¡ªI just felt empty and more confused. Disregarding my resurfaced fear of The Bogeyman, I flipped my legs over the side of the bed and wandered to my desk, opening my diary in front of me. Dear Diary, It¡¯s funny how love goes; you think you have morals and strong beliefs, but when you strip it all down, the truth is that I want to love him. I want to forget about what he is and just love him. But, by accepting him, I¡¯d be condoning murder. On the other hand, I can go on forever not loving him, when there¡¯s nothing I can do to save those people, anyway. Will I punish myself for what David is? I looked up from the pages to the phone by my elbow. I wished it would ring and, in my moment of weakness, I could tell my best friend everything. He¡¯d know what to do. But he¡¯d tell me to run. In fact, he¡¯d be on the first plane over here, stick me in a duffel bag, and carry me off to a faraway land, pack me into a crate, and stand guard for the rest of my life. Okay, perhaps the phone ringing was a bad idea. I dropped my head into my hands. Outside, dotted twinkles of silver sparkled in the night sky; once, they were glimmers of hope for me, but tonight, stared back down into my insignificant little life, offering no solace or resolution at all. But matters of the heart; they were never solved rationally. Love is irrational. Love is unfair. There would be no going back. No lazy afternoons by the lake, warm and safe in David¡¯s arms. We¡¯d never get married or have babies, never grow old together and get arthritis, and if I became a vampire¡ªnever die. Before I lost my family, death was always something that, for me, seemed years away¡ªhundreds of years. But in the face of immortality, all I could think of was how restless it must be to know you¡¯d never find peace, never reunite with those who¡¯ve passed, never find out what was on the other side. And sure, you get to live forever, but I bet the novelty would wear off pretty soon¡ªand then what? Then it¡¯s too late. And what if I became a vampire and, after a few thousand years, he got bored with me? ¡°That¡ª¡± a voice broke through the silence, ¡°¡ªcould never happen.¡± ¡°David?¡± I shot up out of my seat and pinned my back to the wall beside my dresser. ¡°How long have you been there?¡± He sat comfortably in the nook of my window, his back against the frame on one side, his foot propped up on the other. ¡°Long enough.¡± ¡°Long enough for what?¡± ¡°To know that you¡¯re battle of conscience is not winning against your heart.¡± I pressed my hands flat to the wall behind my hips. ¡°One will have to win eventually.¡± He jumped off the ledge, landing silently in my room. ¡°I know.¡± ¡°David, please¡ª¡± I put my hand out; he stopped advancing. ¡°Just stay back, okay?¡± ¡°I won¡¯t hurt you.¡± ¡°I know.¡± I tried to take a breath, but couldn¡¯t. Page 43 He looked up from his feet, smiling, with a hint of mischief behind his eyes. ¡°Do you?¡±Advertisement ¡°Yes. I¡¯m not afraid of that, right now. I¡ªyou know how I feel about you. And knowing what I know about you should change that, but it hasn¡¯t.¡± I touched my chest. ¡°And until it does, even a little bit, I won¡¯t trust myself to touch you.¡± ¡°Why?¡± ¡°Because it¡¯s ludicrous, David. You kill people¡ªwith your teeth. I should hate you.¡± ¡°And yet you want to accept me.¡± ¡°Which means there¡¯s something wrong with me.¡± ¡°Or maybe you¡¯re just in love.¡± I shook my head, reinforcing my warding hand when he took another step closer. He sighed, letting his arms fall loosely to his sides. ¡°If I could perform a memory charm on you¡ªmake you forget, would you want me to?¡± ¡°You could do that?¡± ¡°Just answer the question.¡± ¡°I¡ª¡± I didn¡¯t know; happiness was a part of my life when I was in love with David, the boy. All of this reality was just too unusual. I felt insecure, like I was walking on a glass cliff top¡ªsure I might fall through at any minute. But, would I want to love him if I didn¡¯t know he was a killer? ¡°Yes,¡± I said very quietly, looking down. ¡°Then why can¡¯t you accept me, now?¡± ¡°It¡¯s complicated.¡± ¡°Ara, look at me,¡± he said. ¡°Love is complicated, but you can¡¯t deny this is love.¡± ¡°I can try.¡± His eyes, green and intense, searched mine. ¡°You refuse my affections, you will watch me walk away, give up our love, for what? To make a stand against a natural predator? That¡¯s all I am, sweetheart.¡± He slowly came closer, laughing softly. ¡°Would you give up your firstborn to protest against lions killing a zebra?¡± ¡°That¡¯s the problem, David. I will be giving up my firstborn. I¡¯ll be giving up everything.¡± I pushed away from him and darted across to my desk. ¡°I can never have a family, a life, not even a death if I choose you. I¡¯ve been over it¡ªthere¡¯s no right way to do this.¡± ¡°That may be so, but you still have a choice to make.¡± His voice shook on the word choice. My lip quivered and fresh tears stung the edges of my dry eyes. ¡°Why did you have to make me fall in love with you?¡± David stood stiff. ¡°I didn¡¯t make you.¡± ¡°I know.¡± I folded my arms and rolled my chin to my chest. ¡°But I do love you, and now I have to choose between love or life and, David, I want a family¡ªlike Mum had; I want a little Harry. I want to be a soccer mom and do carpooling and argue with my daughter about the boys I think aren¡¯t good enough for her. And then, one day, when I¡¯ve had a good life, with the man I love, I want to know what it¡¯s like to be old¡ªand die.¡± I looked up, my eyes narrowed. ¡°Can you understand any of this?¡± ¡°More than you know.¡± Misery swallowed his voice, then he evaporated. A breathless second passed before he appeared on the edge of my bed, his face in his hands. For the first time since his confession this afternoon, I really let myself look at him¡ªsee him for what he was. I pictured the vampire, the monster, and under it, with his shoulders stiff, his grey shirt hugging the knuckles of his curved spine, was the boy¡ªthe one with a heart, which was probably very broken right now. ¡°Damn you for being so cute.¡± I slumped beside him on the bed. ¡°Why did your uncle want you to leave with him the other day?¡± He laughed into his hands then sat up straight, wiping them over his jeans. ¡°I called him¡ªtold him I was in love¡ªthat I couldn¡¯t leave you when the time came. And he told me that was exactly why I had to leave.¡± ¡°Because you were in love?¡± ¡°No. Because I love you enough to wish I could give up everything.¡± That made me feel heavy and a little numb. If David had just gone, I would be so broken right now, but it would be normal. ¡°Maybe your uncle was right.¡± ¡°Oh, Ara, please don¡¯t say things like that.¡± The anguish in his eyes forced me to close mine. ¡°Have you even considered coming with me?¡± I couldn¡¯t answer him, because I couldn¡¯t give him the answer he wanted. ¡°Ara, please. For the sake of a few drops of blood?¡± His voice edged beyond desperate. ¡°You would throw away everything? You would turn your back on love?¡± ¡°No, David,¡± I said. ¡°I won¡¯t turn my back on love. But I won¡¯t be a part of murder, of death, of fear. It¡¯s more than a few drops of blood. They¡¯re people. Does that mean nothing to you?¡± ¡°It does have meaning to me, but not in the way it does to you.¡± He lowered his head, maybe ashamed of himself. He should be. ¡°David, I will always love you¡ªto the very depths of my soul, but I won¡¯t live out eternity as an immoral killer,¡± I said. ¡°I¡¯m sorry.¡± ¡°Immoral?¡± With a slow breath, he floated up to stand and towered over me, casting a dark shadow across my face. ¡°You think me¡ªimmoral?¡± ¡°I¡¯m sorry, David, but¡­I do.¡± I kept my head down, my eyes on David¡¯s clenched fist. ¡°If you could only see what you are doing¡ªwhat it will do to me to be without you.¡± The energy¡ªthe kind of force surrounding him that was normally warm and soft¡ªturned cold, chilling the air with a tearing sensation. ¡°I am not immoral, and I do have a heart¡ªfeelings to be exact.¡± When our gaze met, my stomach tightened into my throat at the sight of the liquid agony in his very human eyes. ¡°David¡ª¡± ¡°No. Can¡¯t you see? Ara, you have no idea what you¡¯re giving up.¡± ¡°If you knew my heart, you¡¯d know those words are untrue,¡± I whispered, looking away from the broken pieces of the boy I loved. ¡°If I knew your heart, Ara, I would¡¯ve known I should never have shared myself with you.¡± He cut the air with his hand. ¡°You¡¯re right,¡± I said irresolutely. ¡°You should never¡¯ve told me. I didn¡¯t want to know. I didn¡¯t need to know. Now, I have to lose you still, but it¡¯s worse, because I know you¡¯re out there, every day, taking life. And I kissed you. I let myself love you. And I wish I hadn¡¯t.¡± ¡°So that¡¯s it, then.¡± He nearly choked on his words. ¡°You want nothing to do with me, now?¡± ¡°You should¡¯ve given me more time. I wasn¡¯t ready for you to come back yet.¡± He took two slow steps away from me, touching his chest as the distance became greater. ¡°Well, have no fear, my love. I shall not make that mistake again.¡± He sounded a hundred years old to me, then. The weight of his existence tore down my walls as I watched him walk away, and somewhere inside me, a little voice screamed out, echoing from the depths of my soul¡ªwarning me that if I let him leave now, I would never see him again. ¡°Wait!¡± I called in a breath of desperation, reaching for him as I jumped to my feet. ¡°David, wait.¡± He stopped, crouched on the ledge of my window, keeping his eyes on the night below. ¡°Please, give me more time. I¡¯m not ready to let go, yet, I just¡ªmaybe we could have until the end of the summer, at least. But, I just need time to think about it.¡± David turned his head and looked into my eyes. Tears streamed down my cheeks, and when the vampire jumped back into my room and stood right before me, I didn¡¯t even flinch. Not one uneven breath escaped me. He leaned down and pressed his cold fingertips to my face, rolling it firmly upward to meet his. ¡°Follow your heart, mon amour,¡± he said. ¡°When nothing in this world makes sense anymore, just follow your heart.¡± I drew a shaky breath and closed my eyes as an intense exchange of hope and fear consumed our souls and, in a flash, as I opened them again¡ªhe was gone. Gravity made me stumble forward a step in his wake, his absence leaving my heart burning. The night below my window, cool and quiet, regarded none of the tension in my soul. A lonely cricket hummed his perfect song, and I closed my eyes as the last day that life was everything I expected came to an end. Squinting in the bright morning sun as my sneakers clapped over the pavement, I started down the street¡ªin the opposite direction of the school. I wanted to be as far away from that building as I could get. I drew deep, throat-grazing breath of the near-autumn chill, blowing it out in a slow, controlled breath. I¡¯d almost forgotten how to breathe while running. I¡¯d let myself get so unfit that, instead of feeling free and fast now, I felt like I was trying to jump under water. But the tight stitch, the inability to breathe, and the sweat beading on my brow was all normal. And none of it was fair. I should be ignorant to all of it¡ªsunshine, birds singing, hearing my dad talking in the kitchen, or a car taking off down the street. No one my age should appreciate little things like that. When I wake up, my only dilemma should be which dress I want to wear. It sucked that I¡¯d felt grief so deep I could value the little things. And it sucked that I had to either lose the boy I loved, or become immortal¡ªand the fact that David killed people really sucked. No pun intended. The only trouble was, when I concluded not to love him, it hurt inside¡ªa physical ache in my gut, like the one that made me throw up on the first day of school. ¡°Hello stranger,¡± a soft, soprano voice called. I stopped dead and turned around. ¡°Hey, Emily. Do you live around here?¡± She shook her head and motioned behind her. ¡°Spencer lives here. I stayed over last night.¡± ¡°What?¡± My eyes bulged. ¡°Stayed over?¡± ¡°Yeah.¡± She nodded. ¡°Oh, I mean, not like that¡ªI was just babysitting his little sister.¡± ¡°Oh, okay.¡± I folded over a little, trying to catch my breath. ¡°Didn¡¯t you go to the wake, at Betty¡¯s?¡± ¡°Yeah, but Spencer¡¯s mom¡¯s a nurse. She got called in on nightshift after.¡± ¡°So¡ªcan¡¯t Spence babysit?¡± Emily scoffed, obviously humoured. ¡°He¡¯s just not that kind of guy.¡± ¡°Oh.¡± I wandered over and leaned next to her on the brown picket fence. ¡°Give his mom my number then. I love babysitting.¡± ¡°Okay, I will. So¡ª¡± she looked down at my running shorts, then my sweat-covered forehead, ¡°¡ªI¡¯m gonna go out on a limb here and guess you were¡ªgoing to a ball?¡± We both laughed. ¡°Uh, yeah.¡± I looked down at my shoes. ¡°I thought I better start getting fit.¡± ¡°Hm.¡± She folded her arms. ¡°Fit. Is everything okay?¡± ¡°Of course it is,¡± my tone rose upward. ¡°Is it David?¡± ¡°A little.¡± I sighed and sat down on the curb. ¡°Let me guess¡ª¡± she sat beside me, ¡°¡ªhe¡¯s got you all confused?¡± ¡°It¡¯s a talent of his, isn¡¯t it?¡± I said. ¡°Yeah. So, what is it? What¡¯s he done?¡± He¡¯s a vampire and he kills people. ¡°He said he loves me.¡± Her mouth fell open a little, but nothing came out. ¡°Yeah.¡± I laughed. ¡°I know, hey.¡± ¡°Hm, well, he¡¯s never done that before, either. Are you happy?¡± I nodded and sort of shook my head too. ¡°Have you said you love him?¡± ¡°Yeah. Why?¡± ¡°I dunno. Just wondering.¡± I tensed. ¡°Is that¡­a bad thing?¡± She laughed. ¡°Why would it be bad?¡± ¡°I just¡­I don¡¯t know. I¡¯m not really too good at this boyfriend thing. Normally, when I have this kind of crisis, I ring Mike, but¡ª¡± But I couldn¡¯t tell him about this one. ¡°But?¡± ¡°I think he¡¯d laugh at me.¡± ¡°For being in love?¡± ¡°Maybe. He never really takes that stuff seriously, you know. I don¡¯t think he¡¯d get it.¡± ¡°You could always talk to me,¡± she suggested. ¡°Thanks, Em. But I think I just need some time to sort my head out.¡± ¡°And running helps with that?¡± She tried not to laugh. ¡°Uh, well, it used to.¡± I sat back, leaning on my hands. ¡°I used to run with Mike every day. It was like, even running with him, even talking while we did, I always came back feeling like I¡¯d left my problems behind.¡± ¡°How¡¯s that working out on this run?¡± ¡°Not so good.¡± I laughed, then stopped. I knew Emily was trying to get me to open up. She was using the exact same tactics as Vicki, without even realising it. ¡°We had this band of seagulls on the corner of my street,¡± I said to divert the conversation. ¡°Whenever we¡¯d run that course, the damn things¡¯d barely scatter a few feet in the air to get out of the way. It was really annoying. I always promised myself I was gonna put my foot right up their butts if they didn¡¯t move.¡± I rested my elbows on my knees, my chin on my palm. ¡°Mike called them gullsters¡­instead of gangsters.¡± ¡°You didn¡¯t, though? Did you? Kick them?¡± Emily looked horrified. Leaning back quickly, I said, ¡°No! No way. Mike would, though.¡± I stared ahead then. ¡°He never had any problems kicking butt. I guess that¡¯s why he¡¯s so suited to the Force.¡± ¡°The police?¡± ¡°Yeah. He¡¯s joining the¡­kind of like, SWAT unit.¡± ¡°Really?¡± Emily grinned. ¡°That is super sexy.¡± Page 44 ¡°I guess.¡± I breathed out slowly. ¡°It¡¯s dangerous, though.¡±Advertisement ¡°You worry about him?¡± she asked. Pressing my lips together, I slowly shrugged. I actually worried a lot. ¡°I just miss him.¡± ¡°So, why¡¯d you decide to move away from your real mom?¡± Gulp. ¡°Uh, to be with my dad.¡± Emily nodded. ¡°Do you like it here?¡± After a deep breath, I looked down at the mildly busy street, then tilted my face into the warming sun as it melted the early-morning chill from my cheeks. ¡°It¡¯s not like home. It¡¯s not hot and dry, and there¡¯s no ocean in the distance, no black cockatoos on the lampposts, but¡ª¡± ¡°But you still like it?¡± ¡°Yeah. I think I actually love it.¡± ¡°Well, good¡ª¡± she nudged me with her elbow, ¡°¡ªbecause you¡¯re starting to grow on us, Ara. Everyone was really disappointed you weren¡¯t there last night¡ªat Betty¡¯s.¡± ¡°Yeah.¡± I smiled sheepishly and looked down at my untied shoelace, dangling, wet and muddy, from my sneaker. ¡°I wasn¡¯t feeling well.¡± ¡°I know. I saw the whole save me, David, save me thing¡ª¡± she held her forearm to her brow, pretending to fall backward a little, then dropped her hand, smiling. ¡°He was really worried about you, you know?¡± ¡°I know.¡± ¡°We all were.¡± ¡°I know. I¡¯m sorry. It¡¯s just because I didn¡¯t eat.¡± ¡°Yeah, Mr Thompson told me.¡± ¡°I know. He said you called last night.¡± ¡°Yeah.¡± She looked up then as a car pulled into Spencer¡¯s driveway. ¡°Oh, I gotta go. My mom¡¯s here.¡± I stood up and dusted the loose pebbles of asphalt from my shorts. ¡°Okay, Em. I¡¯ll see ya later.¡± ¡°Are you coming to school today?¡± she asked. ¡°Nah, Dad¡¯ll give me the day off after what happened yesterday.¡± ¡°Okay, well, don¡¯t be a stranger.¡± She walked backward toward the burgundy car. I waved and turned toward home, then walked the rest of the street and landed, in a huffing mess, on the porch step near Vicki¡¯s grey cat. ¡°Hey, Skitz.¡± He ducked low, growling at me. ¡°What?¡± I leaned forward, the creaky step dipping under my weight as I reached for the cat. But I drew my hand back when his growl intensified, moving deeper to the back of his throat, his tail lashing about. Then I noticed something grey and wriggly between his paws, and it wasn¡¯t his fat belly coming to life, either. It was a field mouse. ¡°Hey, way to go, Skitz. Good little hunter, aren¡¯t ya?¡± He scoured the scene¡ªprobably making sure it was safe to unveil his prey¡ªthen tossed the mouse into the air and caught it in his teeth, pausing to scrutinize me. ¡°Gross.¡± Time to go inside. I stood up quickly, but my heel shattered the step under my foot¡ªdragging my shin through before my knee smashed into the edge of the top step, sending me forward onto my hands. Without thinking, I rolled over and pulled my leg free from the wooden cage, scraping the flesh back the other way, making it sting as a mix of blood and sweat smeared into the shredded skin. ¡°Ow! Ow! Ow!¡± I hugged my knee, watching a purple line appear where it had cracked the upper step. Not bothering to see if I was okay, Skittles bolted off with his catch of the day. ¡°Traitor!¡± I yelled, blinking back tears. ¡°Ara? Are you okay, dear?¡± I jumped a little as the front door swung open, disturbing the quiet. ¡°What happened?¡± ¡°Had a fight with the porch step¡ª¡± I took a breath through my teeth, rocking back and forth. ¡°Step won.¡± Vicki tilted her head and sighed. ¡°I told Greg to fix that weeks ago. I¡¯ll go get the first aid kit.¡± She ran inside, leaving the front door open, and quickly came back to sit beside me on the remains of the once creaky bottom step. ¡°What were you doing out here anyway, Ara? It¡¯s very early.¡± I winced as she smoothed some sterile solution down the minced skin on my shin. ¡°I went jogging.¡± She stopped for a second. ¡°I didn¡¯t know you were jogging again. That¡¯s really good to hear.¡± She sounded pleased¡ªwith herself. ¡°Yeah. Guess it is.¡± Except, it wasn¡¯t a sign of my recovery, but more of my isolation and desperate need to figure my own head out. ¡°Did you see Skittles out here, by any chance? I thought I heard his bell. He has a vet appointment this morning and I want to bathe him before we go.¡± She grinned. ¡°Yeah, well, he¡¯ll need one now,¡± I said. ¡°Why?¡± She covered the cut with some gauze and tape. ¡°He caught himself a nice, juicy mouse,¡± I probed, watching her face for disgust. It licked her expression without any further prompting. Sam would definitely be bathing Skittles now. Victory move. I one-upped him and he wouldn¡¯t even know it was me. ¡°Why would you let him do that, Ara? You know how I feel about that.¡± ¡°Why?¡± I scoffed. ¡°Vicki, he¡¯s a cat¡ªthey kill mice. It¡¯s what they¡¯re supposed to do.¡± And as soon as I said it, everything slowed down around me. The cat killed. I praised him for it. I all but patted his head not more than two minutes ago. But I¡¯d never punished him. And yet, for some reason, I¡¯d been punishing David for doing exactly the same thing, in the only way I knew how; by denying him my heart. Deep down, the real truth I didn¡¯t want to face was not that he was a vampire, but that, like he said, if I loved him, then there must be something wrong with me. But I loved him anyway¡ªfor who he was, vampirism aside. Mouse catching aside. David wouldn¡¯t kill if it weren¡¯t necessary. He was a good, kind person, but also a vampire. It wasn¡¯t the same thing. Vicki waved her hand in front of my face. ¡°Ara, are you all right, dear?¡± Blinking, I snapped out of my trance. ¡°Uh, yeah. I¡¯m fine.¡± ¡°Well, come on, we¡¯ll go inside and yell at Dad for not fixing that step.¡± She took my hand and helped me to stand. ¡°Actually, Vicki, I think I¡¯ll just go sit on the swing for a bit.¡± ¡°Okay.¡± She frowned, then smiled. ¡°Well, I¡¯ll be inside if you need to talk.¡± ¡°Oh, um¡ª¡± I almost laughed, ¡°¡ªthanks, Vicki.¡± She nodded and walked back up the stairs. When the front door closed, my smile dropped. I stumbled clumsily over the hedge fence at the side of the house and into the backyard. Then, as I righted myself and looked up¡ªmet with the eyes of a vampire. ¡°David?¡± Perfect as always, he leaned casually against the oak tree, with one hand in his pocket and a very sexy smile across his lips. ¡°Hello Ara,¡± his tone seemed to sing the words. ¡°What¡¯re you doing here?¡± David looked down at his feet as he shuffled up, very human-like, from his lean against the trunk. I loved it when he looked human. ¡°Can we talk?¡± He offered his hand. ¡°I, uh¡ª¡± I looked at his long, outstretched fingers. ¡°I don¡¯t think that¡¯s a good idea.¡± ¡°Oh.¡± He dropped his hand. ¡°Okay¡­I¡¯ll go then.¡± ¡°No. I¡ª¡± I stepped forward, reaching for him. ¡°I don¡¯t want you to leave. It¡¯s just¡ª¡± I smiled sheepishly down at my bleeding leg. His eyes followed mine, his brow pinching when he saw the gauze. ¡°What happened?¡± I flopped down on the ground in an exhausted heap, my legs and arms sprawled out to the sides. ¡°Apparently I¡¯m heavier than I used to be.¡± He laughed, gently bending my sore leg at the knee as he squatted down. I tensed a little, rolling up at the waist to watch him rest a sweet kiss to the purple bruise. ¡°You will never have to be afraid of me, Ara.¡± ¡°But you¡¯re a vamp¡ª¡± ¡°Yes.¡± He extended his hand and helped me to sit up. ¡°And it would take a lot more than a line of blood across your skin to make me hurt you.¡± ¡°So, it doesn¡¯t bother you¡ªthe blood?¡± ¡°No.¡± He sat down across from me. ¡°Then, it doesn¡¯t make you want to bi¡ª¡± ¡°Shh.¡± He placed his finger to my lip and nodded toward something behind me. I stiffened. ¡°What is it?¡± ¡°Vicki.¡± He looked back at me. ¡°She¡¯s watching us from the laundry.¡± ¡°Well¡­what¡¯s she doing in there¡ªjust watching us?¡± ¡°No.¡± David¡¯s intense stare softened to a smile. ¡°She¡¯s bathing a cat, I believe.¡± ¡°What?¡± I spun around to see her struggling with something in the sink¡ªsomething smudgy and dark-grey¡ªalmost slimy, with claw-ending tendrils thrashing out of the tub every few seconds. ¡°Why is she bathing the cat?¡± ¡°I assure you, I have no idea.¡± I turned back, folding my arms, probably wearing a scowl, too. ¡°It was a rhetorical question. Sam was supposed to be doing it¡ªas payback for¡­well¡­never mind.¡± I didn¡¯t want to tell him I mucked around with my little brother like a seven-year-old. ¡°Those deep scratches were meant to be for him.¡± David laughed. ¡°Revenge will not bring satisfaction, Ara.¡± ¡°Says you,¡± I scoffed, biting my teeth together. ¡°If you want to get back at Sam for hitting you with a towel¡ª¡± ¡°How do you know about that?¡± David only smiled, ignoring that question. ¡°You might try stashing dirty cups in his room for Vicki to find, then perhaps she will punish him with the dishes for the next month.¡± I grinned¡ªa wicked grin. ¡°You are evil, aren¡¯t you?¡± ¡°When it comes to little brothers, yes, I have a few tricks up my sleeve.¡± ¡°So, um¡­¡± I checked behind me, then whispered, ¡°Can we go somewhere? Talk?¡± ¡°Would you like to change first?¡± David grinned, nodding toward my shorts and zip-up jacket, but stared just a little too long at the space right below my navel. If only I knew what he was thinking then, when he looked at me that way. ¡°Inappropriate things, Ara,¡± said the annoying mind reader. ¡°Like what?¡± His lips moved, twitching, while his smiling eyes changed shape several times. ¡°Go get changed. I¡¯ll meet you in the car.¡± ¡°But¡ª¡± I said, stopping when my words struck an empty yard. ¡°Damn it, David.¡± I stood up, dusted myself off and went to get changed. Chapter Eighteen The warm air of the fading summer skimmed across the glassy surface of the lake, filling my lungs with the scent of grass and clay. ¡°I never thought I¡¯d see this place again.¡± ¡°Why would you think that?¡± David smiled, already laid out on the picnic rug. ¡°Well, because, obviously, this place has no hold for me without you in it.¡± ¡°So, you weren¡¯t planning to see me again.¡± He nodded to himself. ¡°It¡¯s not that. I just¡­I thought, you know, after I broke up with you the other day that, maybe, I wouldn¡¯t get the chance.¡± ¡°I wasn¡¯t going to give up on you that easily.¡± He paused then, thoughtful. ¡°Does it make you afraid? To be here alone with a vampire?¡± ¡°It¡¯s no different to before, really.¡± I slumped on the rug, across from David, tucking my dress under my legs as I sat. ¡°I¡¯ve always been out here alone¡ªwith a vampire.¡± ¡°Yes, but¡­¡± sadness stole his smile, ¡°¡ªnow, you¡¯re repulsed by me.¡± I twiddled my fingers in my lap. ¡°I was wrong to react that way, David. I¡¯m not repulsed by you, not really. I just¡­I have to separate it in my mind; this boy I¡¯m in love with from this vampire who kills.¡± ¡°Why do you separate it? Why not just accept it¡ªaccept me, for what I am?¡± ¡°I guess I accept it in my own way. It¡¯s like, I mean, if you were lost in the wild after a plane crash and had to eat the pilot to survive, no one would think anything of it. Humans are the element of your survival, and¡­I don¡¯t think that changes who you are inside.¡± ¡°Of course it does, my love. You said it yourself¡ªyou couldn¡¯t see me being a guy who liked blood and gore. If I kill, if I enjoy killing, that has to change what you thought I was.¡± After thinking about that for a second, feeling the pull of nerves in my throat, I shook my head. ¡°No. You¡¯re a good guy. I know you are.¡± ¡°I am now. I wasn¡¯t before I met you.¡± ¡°Are you trying to convince me to hate you?¡± ¡°No. Only make you realise that you can¡¯t just say you accept me for who I am. I am a vampire. I kill people. Some of them you may have met. If you accept me, you have to accept me for everything I am. Not just the lie you tell yourself.¡± ¡°Well, I guess that¡¯ll take more time. Baby steps.¡± He nodded. ¡°Baby steps. Fine. But we don¡¯t have much time.¡± ¡°It¡¯s okay. Making the decision to accept that I still love you was the hard part. I should move along from despise and repulsion quite quickly after that.¡± ¡°Onto what?¡± ¡°Extreme bliss, hilarity¡ªthe mind¡¯s way of dealing with what it doesn¡¯t understand.¡± ¡°And then what?¡± I shrugged. ¡°Maybe true acceptance.¡± ¡°But, you¡¯re not about to come hunting with me or anything, are you?¡± He smirked. Page 45 I tried not to be offended, but I actually really just wanted to slap him. ¡°That¡¯s not funny.¡±Advertisement ¡°Sorry.¡± He looked down by his leg and brushed a few leaves away that fell from a tree. ¡°So, you don¡¯t want me to leave with my uncle?¡± I shook my head. ¡°Not yet.¡± ¡°You¡¯ll give me until the end of the summer, then?¡± ¡°If that¡¯s all we can have.¡± One corner of his mouth turned up ever so slightly. ¡°But, you won¡¯t give me forever?¡± ¡°Forever,¡± I laughed the word out. ¡°That used to have such a different meaning to me.¡± I smiled and looked away. ¡°I can¡¯t even comprehend eternity, David. It¡¯s too much for my puny human brain to take.¡± ¡°Yes, you can. Try this¡ªthink of the longest day you¡¯ve ever spent,¡± he said, sitting up. I thought of Wednesday¡ªthe day before the funeral; a whole day not knowing if I¡¯d ever see him again. ¡°Now, spend the rest of your life like that,¡± he said, his voice dropping. ¡°Is it really that miserable?¡± ¡°Not all of it.¡± He tried to smile, shifting his fingers from the tangled hold in his hair to the ground beside him. ¡°There are good things. But you get tired sometimes, you know? And then, once in a while, if you¡¯re lucky, you come across something that makes your life worth living.¡± I held the smile on my lips, but it went stale in my soul. ¡°And what about when I¡¯m gone? Will you find another person to love, then?¡± ¡°See, you just don¡¯t get it.¡± He shook his head, leaning back on his hands. ¡°There was a time where I was just existing, and I never knew any better. But when I saw you, when I held you, you burrowed right into my soul, Ara. You reached a part of me that has never been touched before and I¡ª¡± He looked away. ¡°I¡¯ll never be the same again. Wherever I go, whatever I do in this world, I will never find another reason to live as good as you.¡± ¡°If you love me that deeply, can¡¯t you just stay with me then¡ªbe human?¡± ¡°I¡¯m not human, Ara,¡± he said, poorly disguising the ache in his voice. ¡°I know.¡± ¡°I never will be human. I¡¯m a vampire. Even if I could get approval to stay with you for the next eighty years, what then? I¡¯d have one measly lifetime with you¡ªpretending all the while to be human, watching you age just a little bit more each day, until every ounce of life withers away from your soul and I lose you for good.¡± ¡°But at least we would have lived¡ªbeen a family, had a life together.¡± ¡°One life. One. When we could have an eternity.¡± ¡°So, that¡¯s it; no negotiation? Your way or the highway?¡± I scoffed. ¡°It¡¯s not my way, girl. Do you think I want this?¡± He pointed to his chest. ¡°God, even if I was willing to stick around to watch you die, it¡¯s not up to me.¡± ¡°Well, who decides?¡± ¡°The World Council.¡± ¡°Can¡¯t we reason with them?¡± ¡°No. Discussion closed.¡± ¡°Why?¡± ¡°Ara, humour me, please¡ªjust stop pushing.¡± ¡°No, why can¡¯t we reason with them?¡± ¡°Because they do not negotiate the laws. Vampire¡¯s in my position stick to their Sets¡ªno matter what.¡± ¡°Sets?¡± ¡°It¡¯s what we call the communities we belong to¡ªclubs, sort of.¡± ¡°Vampire clubs?¡± My brow arched. ¡°I said sort of like clubs. They¡¯re there to protect vampires from your society.¡± ¡°So, we¡¯re the dangerous ones, now?¡± ¡°Yes. Do you know what could happen if vampires were discovered? It could start a war.¡± ¡°Would that not be a good thing? You guys would win¡ªthen you could live in peace.¡± ¡°That¡¯s not the point, Ara. And we would never be in peace. Fear can turn good people into an angry mob. And then¡­what if we lost? We¡¯d end up locked away or in a science lab being tested on so humans could wield or recreate our powers.¡± ¡°Oh.¡± ¡°Yes, oh.¡± He smiled. ¡°Without a Set, you are exposed, out in the open¡ªno one to help cover up a bad kill, no one to assist with identity change. And I know better than anyone that vampires must be kept under a tight rein¡ªif not, they can become unruly. The law applies to all. Not just those who feel special because they¡¯re in love.¡± ¡°But, it would only be for eighty years, then you could go back.¡± ¡°It doesn¡¯t work like that. They don¡¯t grant leave to people in my political position.¡± ¡°Political position?¡± ¡°Yes. I¡¯m a Set leader¡ªon the minor council.¡± ¡°Can¡¯t you quit?¡± ¡°Would you really ask me to give it up for you, Ara?¡± One of his eyes narrowed. ¡°Because I could. I could leave, but I¡¯d be hunted like a dog¡ªface imprisonment.¡± ¡°Prison?¡± He nodded. ¡°And why would I want to quit? I¡¯ve worked hard¡ªspent decades doing unspeakable things to obtain my position. I enjoy my job, Ara.¡± ¡°Well, can¡¯t I just come with you¡ªbut stay human?¡± I asked carefully. He shook his head softly. ¡°No. It¡¯s against the law.¡± ¡°Really?¡± ¡°Yes, either you become a vampire or I have to leave you behind at the end of the summer.¡± ¡°Does¡­does it hurt¡­to be changed?¡± ¡°Yes.¡± ¡°If I¡ªsay I decided to be like you, what then?¡± ¡°Well, it wouldn¡¯t happen overnight. There are processes to go through. But we¡¯d take our time, prepare you¡ªget you used to the idea first. I wouldn¡¯t rush you.¡± ¡°Who would I kill?¡± ¡°Who?¡± ¡°Yeah, I mean, is it random or do you choose them?¡± ¡°Well.¡± He grinned and picked an ant off the rug, then tossed it onto the grass. ¡°I usually avoid eating comedians.¡± ¡°Why?¡± I asked slowly. ¡°Because they taste funny.¡± I imagined a tumbleweed rolling past. ¡°That wasn¡¯t funny.¡± ¡°Okay. Sorry.¡± He shook his head, smiling, then painted his serious face on again. ¡°Every vampire is different, and the hunt or the kill, it¡¯s very intimate¡ªasking a vampire how he kills is almost as personal as asking what colour underwear he¡¯s wearing.¡± ¡°Oh, sorry. I didn¡¯t realise.¡± ¡°No, it¡¯s fine. We¡¯re in an intimate relationship, Ara, so it¡¯s okay for you to ask.¡± I liked that. I felt special. ¡°So, how do you choose them?¡± ¡°It used to be random¡ªusually women. Now, it¡¯s men. I stalk them for a bit, see if they¡¯re worthy of existing, if not¡ª¡± He shrugged to finish. ¡°And you enjoy it? The¡­kill?¡± ¡°Yes.¡± My body shuddered involuntarily. ¡°And you feel for them after?¡± ¡°Now, I do. But only as bad as you¡¯d feel for knocking an old lady over in the street.¡± For some reason, I pictured an old lady falling from her walking frame. ¡°How often do you eat?¡± ¡°Every couple of days. I can go for as long as five days, but it gets very¡­uncomfortable.¡± He readjusted his position. That wasn¡¯t so bad. At least it wasn¡¯t three square meals a day. David chuckled lightly. ¡°So¡­are you hungry now?¡± I asked. ¡°No. I would never be that irresponsible again. To be here alone with you would be dangerous if I were deprived.¡± Dangerous? ¡°But you said¡­just before, in my backyard, that I never have to be afraid of you.¡± ¡°Only because I will never again take risks with you.¡± ¡°So, have you ever wanted to¡­feed from me?¡± ¡°Yes.¡± My breath caught in my throat, and an uneasy silence hovered around us. David¡¯s lip twitched, one eye narrowing ever so slightly, making my heart warm as I read the uncertainty behind his gaze. Then, I burst out laughing. ¡°You should see the look on your face.¡± I pointed at him. ¡°You¡¯re not sure if you should¡¯ve said that, are you?¡± The sweet, familiar smile tugged at the corner of his lip for a second, then, it broke into a broad, honest grin as he laughed along with me. ¡°I just don¡¯t want to frighten or repulse you. I¡¯m never sure what to say.¡± I let my bottom lip slip forward into a pout for a second. ¡°I¡¯m sorry. It must be hard for you.¡± ¡°Hard?¡± He breathed out, leaning forward a little more. ¡°That doesn¡¯t even begin to describe it.¡± ¡°So, do you find it hard keeping yourself a secret, you know, your abilities?¡± ¡°Ha! Yes. Especially in emotional situations.¡± ¡°Which is why you always take off?¡± ¡°Yes, like that day at school¡ª¡± He smiled leadingly. ¡°In the hallway.¡± I looked up at him. ¡°Do you mean when I¡ª¡± I realised then that he would¡¯ve seen everything I was thinking that day. I covered my cheeks. ¡°Oh my God.¡± He chuckled. ¡°It was worse for me. I wasn¡¯t sure what to do, you know. That hallway was full of people, and I just wanted to stand there and watch your thoughts unfold. Then, at the point I couldn¡¯t take anymore, I wanted to¡ª¡± ¡°To float away or something?¡± ¡°No.¡± He looked up from the ground and smiled. ¡°I was about to lift you in my arms and run, vampire-speed, to the storage room under the auditorium stage.¡± ¡°You would not,¡± I said, my tone ringing in question. ¡°Ara.¡± He raised one brow. ¡°I¡¯m a guy. Not a saint.¡± ¡°Well, what¡­¡± I crossed my legs under me, shifting nervously. ¡°What would you have done with me in there?¡± He left the long silence hanging, smiling down at the grass. ¡°I would¡¯ve demonstrated my affections for you.¡± ¡°And¡­¡± I played with the hem of my dress, ¡°¡­how exactly would you have done that?¡± David cleared his throat and sat back up from his lean, dusting the grass and soil off his hands. ¡°This is getting off subject.¡± ¡°Right.¡± I bit my lip. ¡°So, that was the reason you left school that day¡ªnot because of my strawberry shampoo?¡± ¡°Yes.¡± ¡°But¡­why leave? Why not just take me to the auditorium closet?¡± ¡°Because¡ª¡± He frowned, curiosity making his eyes smaller. ¡°Would you have wanted me to?¡± Uh, yes. Hell yes. ¡°Maybe.¡± I shrugged. He laughed. ¡°And what about now? Would you still want the same things?¡± ¡°Maybe.¡±. ¡°So, you trust me?¡± ¡°I¡­guess so.¡± ¡°What if I were to kiss your neck?¡± My heart picked up. ¡°Um¡ª¡± He moved closer, taking my hand as he knelt before me. ¡°Is this okay?¡± I nodded, and he brought my hand up slowly, placing it on his chest. ¡°And, what if I did¡­this?¡± He tilted my chin up, exposing my neck, and slowly lowered his face to mine, stopping right in front of my eyes. ¡°You still okay?¡± I nodded, breathing out. ¡°How ¡®bout now?¡± His warm breath moved over my neck, slipping around to my spine as his lips gently made a line of kisses from my ear to my collar bones, his hair brushing my cheek, his shoulder right in front of my mouth, taking my hot, lustful breaths, and sending them back to me with the scent of David. ¡°I¡­I¡¯m okay with that,¡± I whispered. He rolled back up, keeping his hand against my face, and ran his thumb over my lashes. ¡°Look at me.¡± I opened my eyes. ¡°Was that okay?¡± I nodded. ¡°You weren¡¯t scared?¡± ¡°You¡¯re just the same.¡± I shook my head, unable to believe it. ¡°And I love you just like before.¡± A smile broke across his lips, showing his fangs. ¡°You cannot fathom the relief I feel, Ara, to have you know what I am and still let me touch you that way.¡± ¡°You¡¯re not that scary.¡± I smirked, rubbing the moisture from my neck. ¡°My human self might not be. But you haven¡¯t met the vampire yet.¡± ¡°When do I get to meet him?¡± ¡°I¡¯m not sure you will.¡± ¡°Why?¡± ¡°Because it might frighten you, Ara. And I. Never. Want you. To be afraid of me again.¡± ¡°But I¡¯m okay, now. If you scared me, David, you could always talk me around.¡± He shook his head. ¡°No. After what happened in your room that day, I will never risk scaring you again.¡± ¡°Why?¡± ¡°Because I felt dead inside,¡± he snapped. ¡°I couldn¡¯t touch you; couldn¡¯t be the one to comfort you. I¡­I felt so helpless, like you were screaming for me¡ªstanding behind a glass partition, and I couldn¡¯t reach you.¡± ¡°I think you came across as rather in control.¡± ¡°God, no. Do you know what it feels like when you can¡¯t touch someone? To be the one who placed fear in their eyes, and be powerless to take it away? I was terrified I¡¯d lost you¡ª¡± his voice dropped, ¡°¡ªand I just wanted to hold you; just make you see me again.¡± Page 46 ¡°It¡¯s okay now.¡±Advertisement ¡°I know. And that is why I will never show you the vampire.¡± ¡°You¡¯ve seen my ogre.¡± He laughed aloud, his teeth showing as he rolled his head back. ¡°Yes, and let me tell you, mon amour, after meeting the ogre at the funeral on Thursday morning, I will personally see to it that you never skip another meal again.¡± ¡°No, you won¡¯t.¡± I looked down as I spoke. ¡°You¡¯ll be gone by winter.¡± ¡°It doesn¡¯t have to be that way.¡± He reached for my hand. ¡°I know. But your world doesn¡¯t sound too appealing¡ªblood and death aside. You have a lot of rules. It¡¯d be like living with your parents for eternity.¡± ¡°It¡¯s to keep everyone in line. If vampires had free reign, the world would be overrun with them.¡± ¡°So, is that what you do¡ªmaintain the law? Is that what the council is?¡± ¡°Yes. You might say I¡¯m the judge and jury. I see to it that the law gets followed and punish those who choose not to.¡± ¡°And, do you get paid for that?¡± ¡°Yes.¡± ¡°Who pays you?¡± ¡°All vampires pay a percentage of their wages to the World Council. Might call it vampire tax. And that¡¯s how we fund the Set, research facilities, and the lavish lifestyle of the council leaders.¡± ¡°Sounds like a cult.¡± ¡°Ha!¡± he laughed. ¡°I suppose it is a bit like that.¡± ¡°Hm, now that¡¯s the organisation I want to belong to for eternity.¡± ¡°There are good things about it, Ara. We have a lot of fun¡ªwe¡¯re like a family.¡± ¡°And, if I came with you, even though you have to return to duty, we¡¯d still get to be together?¡± ¡°Yes. Like normal people.¡± ¡°Normal?¡± I laughed. ¡°We could wake up beside each other every day.¡± And those few words almost sold me instantly. I drew a deep breath, biting my tongue before I could tell him to take me away and turn me. ¡°And what about school? And what about my dreams of being a famous pianist?¡± ¡°School, you can still attend. But¡­as for fame¡­¡± My stomach sunk. ¡°Could I be famous without a face? You know, just sell my music?¡± ¡°No.¡± ¡°Oh.¡± I looked into my lap. David moved closer and pulled both my hands toward his chest. ¡°Tell me something, my love.¡± ¡°Anything,¡± I whispered, feeling my heart cry with the gravity of the shadows in his tone. ¡°If I were to leave today and promise never to come back, and you knew you would die an old, grey woman¡ªthat you would meet your mom and Harry at the pearly gates¡ª¡± He breathed out heavily through his nose, then looked into my eyes, ¡°¡ªbut you would¡¯ve missed an eternity with me¡ªis that something you could live with?¡± His hand tightened on mine. ¡°Could you watch me leave, knowing you¡¯ll never see me again?¡± The thought filled my mind like a roll of film from a sad movie or a Kleenex commercial: David, walking away¡ªsaying goodbye to him for the last time, for forever. He¡¯d drive down the long, winding road, and when he disappeared over the distant horizon, I¡¯d turn around and walk away. My life would go on in the exact direction I planned for. I¡¯d marry, have babies and grandbabies, and a happy, full life¡ªbut a life without David. And it hurt. It burned in a way I never wanted to feel. But while love could possibly shadow morals, it didn¡¯t quell my desire to live, to die¡ªto see Mum and Harry again on whatever the other side was. ¡°Ara?¡± He slid his fingers along my chin and turned my face toward his. ¡°You¡¯ve got to stop making your life about Harry and Eleanor¡¯s death.¡± My heart jumped with the mention of my mother¡¯s name. It had been a long time since anyone said that name. A tear fell onto my cheek where the cool air around the lake took the warmth from it, leaving a cold line down my face. David wiped it with his thumb. ¡°Sweetheart, you don¡¯t have to live in my world, but if you decide to stay human, you do have to live. I care so much for you. And this sadness you keep inside will stop you from finding happiness,¡± he said softly. ¡°Your every thought, every path you take, is influenced by their death. It has to stop.¡± ¡°But you make it all okay. I can¡¯t live without you, David, I¡¯ve already decided that.¡± His face doubled under my tear-shrouded vision. ¡°Just, living with your lifestyle, that¡¯s a different matter. How do I do that?¡± ¡°I¡¯m not asking you to kill anyone, today. But if, at the end of the summer, you haven¡¯t come to accept murder, then you have to accept that we can only ever love each other from afar. Do you understand this?¡± With those words, my tears spilled past my lashes, and the reality of losing him suddenly became so much more potent. He softened, touching the back of his finger to my trembling lip. ¡°I¡¯m sorry, my love. I never meant for you to hurt like this.¡± ¡°I¡¯m okay.¡± I sniffed, wiping my tears away. ¡°I just don¡¯t really wanna think about you leaving for now.¡± ¡°Okay.¡± He opened his arm and I slid over, nestling close to his chest. ¡°Maybe I¡¯ll change my mind about becoming a vampire once I¡¯ve had some time to think about it all.¡± He released a very long, very slow and shaky breath; I looked up, leaving the closeness of his body when I saw a tear in his eye. ¡°David, what¡¯s wrong?¡± His knee came up as a prop for his elbow, his fingers tightly tangling in his hairline, while the sunlight emphasised shadows around his temples, making them seem deep¡ªshowing contours of his face I¡¯d never noticed before. ¡°I was so afraid I¡¯d lost you.¡± ¡°I know.¡± No. You can¡¯t possibly know what I¡¯ve been through these past few days, Ara. There is no way to describe the agony I¡¯ve suffered, worrying that, even driving down here today, that you were going to tell me goodbye.¡± He cast his eyes to the blue sky, then closed them for a second. ¡°It¡¯s almost like¡­I am afraid I¡¯ll wake up in a moment and none of this will be real, you¡ª¡± he touched my face, ¡°¡ªwon¡¯t be real.¡± ¡°I¡¯m real.¡± I touched his hand. ¡°If I had lost you¡ª¡± He pulled away, resting his elbow back over his knee, ¡°¡ªIf you had told me that you could never love me for what I am, I would¡¯ve died inside¡ªenough that I would¡¯ve spent eternity searching for a way to end my life.¡± ¡°How dare you¡ªeven think like that?¡± I got to my knees in front of him. ¡°Suicide? That¡¯s a coward¡¯s choice, David. I don¡¯t ever want to hear you say that again.¡± ¡°Oh, look who¡¯s talking.¡± He looked up at me, kind of laughing. ¡°Do you really think I don¡¯t hear your thoughts, girl?¡± My mouth fell open. He¡¯d obviously been listening to me a lot more than I thought. ¡°Those thoughts are private.¡± ¡°Not anymore.¡± ¡°How dare you.¡± ¡°How dare you.¡± He rose to his knees as well, becoming taller than me again. ¡°You are my soulmate, Ara¡ªyour life belongs to me, and I will not let you have thoughts like that. Not ever. Clear?¡± ¡°No. Not clear. Those thoughts were¡­¡± I looked around for the right words. ¡°Were images conjured up in a moment of extreme heartache and loneliness, David¡ªfleeting thoughts¡ªnever intentions.¡± ¡°So you would never have acted on them?¡± he asked, looking down at me. ¡°God, no. Never. But you would. That¡¯s the worst part about this. You lecture me, but you¡ª¡± I stabbed my fingertip into his chest. ¡°You¡¯d take the first express to purgatory if it meant easing your own heartache.¡± ¡°If it were possible for me to die¡ª¡± he held back a smile, ¡°¡ªyes.¡± ¡°No!¡± I shook my head. ¡°You don¡¯t get to say that. No matter what happens, no matter what life throws at you, you always have to keep going. I did.¡± I pressed my palm to my chest. ¡°It hurt me to keep going when Mum died, but what would you be doing if I just gave up when I wanted to, when the pain got too much?¡± ¡°Well, it won¡¯t matter what happens to me in our case, because if you stay human, you will never know, will you?¡± ¡°No. You can get through it. You can live¡ªfind happiness again.¡± He shook his head decisively. ¡°I won¡¯t be the same man if I lose you.¡± ¡°No one stays the same, David. Everything you are is as a direct result of something that¡¯s affected you in your past, whether it was horrible or wonderful¡ªand no one has the right to destroy themselves because they can¡¯t deal with the pain,¡± I said. ¡°You have to learn from it. It¡¯s not over¡ªthe good in your life¡ªit¡¯s not over until you¡¯re dead.¡± A pompous smirk occupied his face. ¡°Pretty passionate about this, aren¡¯t ya?¡± ¡°It¡¯s because I¡¯ve been there. I almost crossed that bridge a few times.¡± He swallowed hard, becoming suddenly very still. ¡°Will you come to it again when I leave?¡± Maybe. ¡°No.¡± I smiled. ¡°And you won¡¯t, either. Look, I know you can¡¯t die, but you have to promise me that no matter what¡ª¡± I took both David¡¯s hands in mine, ¡°¡ªpromise me you¡¯ll keep going, and that you¡¯ll try to make your life good again after I¡¯m gone.¡± ¡°Do you mean gone as in old-and-grey-dead, or gone as in you¡¯re-not-coming-with-me?¡± I sighed. ¡°You have to be prepared for it, David. What we have is so wonderful, it will always be wonderful, but it might just be a wonderful memory.¡± I squeezed his fingertips until he looked at me. ¡°Promise me that if I choose to stay human, you will love again¡ªyou will keep fighting for happiness.¡± David wrapped his wrists around my lower back and pressed my waist to his. ¡°I am nothing without you. I won¡¯t promise to go on, because it would be a lie.¡± He kissed my brow. ¡°When you die, when you no longer exist, I will give myself to the monster inside me, Ara. I won¡¯t survive,¡± he said, then smiled. ¡°You will just have to promise me forever.¡± ¡°I want to. But today, I can only promise my forever¡ªnot yours.¡± He exhaled heavily, leaning back, a mischievous grin igniting his eyes as he looked into mine. ¡°I¡¯ll make you see reason. I can be very persuasive.¡± ¡°And I can be very stubborn.¡± ¡°And that, mon amour, is one of the things I love about you,¡± he said with a husky laugh. ¡°But please, just don¡¯t be too stubborn. I only have until the last leaf turns red and falls from the last tree. Then, I must go.¡± There was nothing more to say. A choice had to be made. We could have the summer together¡ªit was our only promise. But everything else would just take more consideration. I sat down between his legs, my back against his chest, his soft breath warming the top of my head, and awed the tranquil serenity of the lake for a while. Then, as my mind wandered over everything we just said, it stopped on one particular inquisition. ¡°Okay, so tell me?¡± I squinted against the sun as I turned slightly to look at him. ¡°When exactly did you want to feed from me?¡± David laughed aloud. ¡°It was right here on this spot, actually. The second time we came to the lake. Do you remember it?¡± He obviously didn¡¯t know how clearly I remembered everything he and I had ever done together. ¡°When you should¡¯ve kissed me.¡± ¡°Yes. It was very stupid of me. Not just because I didn¡¯t kiss you when I had the chance, but also because I hadn¡¯t had blood in two days. Which would¡¯ve been fine if it weren¡¯t for these¡ª¡± He ran his thumb along my lower lip; I closed my eyes, revelling in the tickly sensation. ¡°Then, to make matters worse, I had to contend with your warm, velvet skin, your sweet smelling breath and this.¡± He placed his hand on my chest. ¡°I nearly completely lost control.¡± ¡°Really?¡± ¡°Yes, but, after that day, I now know what I¡¯m capable of. I need you in my life more than I need nourishment. I¡¯m pretty sure that¡ª¡± he grinned warmly, ¡°¡ªkissing you shouldn¡¯t be a problem.¡± ¡°I think I kinda knew.¡± I laid back against his chest. ¡°I mean, I knew there was some reason you wouldn¡¯t kiss me, but I just never imagined it was because you wanted to bite me.¡± He smiled and kissed my forehead. ¡°Well,¡± I mused, ¡°I suppose that¡¯s the best excuse I¡¯ve ever had for a boy not wanting to kiss me.¡± ¡°There¡¯ve been others?¡± David asked, curiosity lifting his tone. ¡°No, well, one¡ªwhen I was about five. But that was because of cooties.¡± ¡°Hm, yes, cooties. Horrible disease. Caught it once, myself,¡± he joked. ¡°Was it from a girl?¡± ¡°Well, it wasn¡¯t from a cat, if that¡¯s what you¡¯re asking.¡± David chuckled and pulled me tighter, kissing my forehead again¡ªlike his lips couldn¡¯t get enough of me. We sat still for a while, quietly listening to the sound of our own thoughts¡ªor maybe just mine. David and I could exist like this, in perfect unity, where the silent whispers of our minds filled the warm space around us. It didn¡¯t feel uncomfortable. And despite him knowing every little thought I had, including things like needing to go to the bathroom, it, strangely enough, wasn¡¯t awkward. Page 47 ¡°David?¡±Advertisement ¡°Yes, my love.¡± ¡°No matter what I choose, you know I¡¯ll love you for as long as I live, right?¡± He drew a long breath, becoming so still the only sound around us was the gentle songs of birds along the soft breeze. ¡°Then, I guess,¡± he said softly, releasing his breath, ¡°I must hope that you will choose to live forever.¡± I wrapped his arms tighter around my shoulders and sat back, imagining it, as a darkened summer glow trilled across the southern sky, lighting the dusk with a brilliant red. The treetops turned orange first, and then, as the shadow of the night descended into the forest, I could no longer see the lake beside us, but marvelled at the heavens¡ªlittered with thousands of brightly twinkling stars. In that moment, there was no death, no immortality, and farewells were for the unlucky. There was only David and I, and the night¡ªforever. For my forever. Chapter Nineteen Leaning my shoulder against the window frame, I watched the sun rise over the hills to the east¡ªthe very same hills David ran to when he stole the blue rose. It¡¯d been only four days since I was thrust into the world of the supernatural, but I still felt just as confused. No clarity had come with time passing. No decision had come waking me in the middle of the night, telling me if I should go with him or remain human. I was starting to wonder if it would. The morning breeze brushed over the trees outside, forcing those below to hold onto their hats and papers a little tighter as they headed into the school. And I saw them all in a different kind of light now. Any one of them could be like David¡ªthere was no way of knowing. They all looked so normal, so human. Like he did, I guess. I looked down at my soft, pale white hands and the little blue veins running under the skin, rising slightly over the bones. These were the hands of a mythological vampire, not David¡¯s; his were warmer than mine, and pink and strong, and they shook a little when he held them out in front of him for too long. I wondered how much of that was well-rehearsed human behaviour, or really just the way his hands were, which made me wonder what he would have been like when he was human. ¡°Morning, beautiful.¡± He sprung up on my windowsill. I stumbled back, hand over chest¡ªtrying to stop my heart from leaping out. ¡°David. You have a habit of popping up when I¡¯m thinking about you.¡± ¡°Do I?¡± ¡°Mm, but I think you already know that.¡± He grinned and placed a paper bag in my hand, kissing my cheek as he stepped into my room. ¡°For the ogre.¡± ¡°Ooh. Yum.¡± The warm scent of vanilla and cinnamon wafted out in a moist puff from the bag. ¡°Afraid I¡¯ll bite you if the ogre gets tempestuous again?¡± ¡°Don¡¯t joke¡ª¡± He pointed at me as he flopped down on my bed. ¡°Your bite is pretty sharp for a fangless wonder.¡± ¡°Says he whose bruises recovered in ten seconds.¡± I walked over to sit next to him. ¡°You want some?¡± He shook his head. ¡°I¡¯ve eaten already.¡± ¡°Food or¡­¡± ¡°I missed you last night,¡± he said softly, pushing the curtain of hair away from my face, totally ignoring my question. ¡°Oh, what? You mean you didn¡¯t sneak into my room?¡± ¡°Well, I came by to check on you, but I never stay if your dreams are peaceful.¡± ¡°How would you know they¡¯re peaceful?¡± ¡°I can see them.¡± He grinned and laid back on my pillow. ¡°Last night, you were dreaming about Mike.¡± Dread spread through me, stiffening my arms. ¡°Ha!¡± His lips turned up sharply, showing his fangs. ¡°So, you remember your dream, then?¡± I rolled my eyes. ¡°It wasn¡¯t like that.¡± He scoffed, tucking his hands behind his head. ¡°Looked pretty intense to me.¡± ¡°You¡¯re reading into it wrong,¡± I said, trying my hand at dream analysis. ¡°I wasn¡¯t dreaming about Mike, specifically, just the friendship I had with him¡­that I now have with you¡ªonly that with you, I have so much more. His face was a representation of our relationship, but the body,¡± I scoffed, motioning to David¡¯s fine chest, ¡°was clearly you.¡± David nodded, still smiling, with an edge of mockery in his eyes. ¡°Should I be worried?¡± ¡°No,¡± I said with a mouthful of pastry. ¡°Don¡¯t be silly.¡± ¡°Do you love Mike?¡± ¡°No.¡± He sat up, dropping his elbows to his knees, his hands clasped. ¡°You sure?¡± I sighed. ¡°Look, I do love Mike, but it¡¯s a different kind of love. Here.¡± I took his hand and placed it against my cheek. ¡°You told me you can see the past if I let you¡ªsee for yourself. Read my mind.¡± His emerald-green eyes darted over my face. ¡°Really? You¡¯ll let me read your mind?¡± ¡°Mm-hm.¡± He closed his eyes, exhaling slowly. ¡°Thank you, Ara.¡± ¡°Did you see?¡± ¡°No.¡± He pulled his hand down from my face. ¡°If you say you don¡¯t love him that way, then I believe you. I don¡¯t need to see it in your memories. Just don¡¯t break my heart, okay?¡± ¡°Okay. I promise. Now, can you stop hassling me and let me get ready for school? We¡¯re gonna be late.¡± I popped the last bite of pastry into my mouth and kissed David on the lips. ¡°Thanks for breaky, by the way. It was delicious.¡± ¡°I imagine it must¡¯ve tasted the way you would,¡± he said thoughtfully. ¡°Well, you¡¯ll never know.¡± I winked at him, then practically skipped into my wardrobe. After I pulled my shirt off and snapped the clasp of my bra behind me, a warm, honest chuckle filled my room. I peeked around the corner. ¡°How old were you in this photo?¡± David asked, without looking up from the small square sheet. ¡°Two or three, I think.¡± ¡°The boy next to you is Mike?¡± ¡°Yup, and he¡¯d just tipped a bucket of bathwater over my head.¡± ¡°Yeah, I kinda gathered that.¡± David nodded, smiling tenderly at the picture. ¡°He picked on you a lot, didn¡¯t he?¡± ¡°Yup. Not much has changed, really.¡± David slipped the photo back into my nightstand where he¡¯d been snooping. ¡°You were a very cute baby.¡± ¡°I know. So, what about you?¡± I headed back to my wardrobe and shimmied into my jeans. ¡°Do you have any baby pictures?¡± His pause of consideration turned into a long silence, so I stepped back into my room. ¡°David?¡± ¡°There were some.¡± He nodded, his gaze distant. ¡°My father was never one for portraits. As Jason and I grew older and would sit for long enough, my uncle had a few done. There may still be one in existence.¡± ¡°Didn¡¯t your mother ever have one done?¡± I asked, and David¡¯s eyes darkened instantly. I covered my mouth with both hands. ¡°I¡¯m sorry¡ªthat just slipped out. I forgot she passed away.¡± ¡°No, no, Ara, it¡¯s fine. Please¡ª¡± he took my hand, ¡°¡ªdon¡¯t be sorry.¡± ¡°But I am. I feel really bad. I should¡¯ve remembered that.¡± I slumped down on the bed beside him, sucking my gut in a little since I had no shirt to cover it. ¡°Make you a deal.¡± He ran his thumb over my bra strap. ¡°You can say whatever you want to me, if you do it dressed like this.¡± I laughed. ¡°Should I go put on a shirt?¡± He smiled. ¡°No.¡± ¡°Will you tell me about her¡ªyour mother?¡± His gaze drifted to distant places. ¡°I mentioned once that she died when I was a baby?¡± ¡°Yes. Childbirth?¡± ¡°Yes.¡± I clicked my tongue. ¡°Aw, David.¡± He shook his head. ¡°It was common for those times, especially with Jason and I being a multiple birth. She simply gave birth, then fell asleep¡ªnever woke up again.¡± ¡°Did she ever get to see you?¡± ¡°She named me before she died¡ªsince I was first born. Jason came shortly after, but, she simply had nothing left to fight with. Before the midwife even cut the cord¡ªshe was gone.¡± ¡°So, did your father ever talk about her?¡± He shook his head. ¡°I¡¯m told she was beautiful and loved by many. But, my aunt was the only woman I ever considered my mother.¡± ¡°Well¡­what happened to her?¡± David¡¯s smile tightened. ¡°Another time, my love.¡± ¡°Okay.¡± I stood up. ¡°Another time, then.¡± His eyes narrowed, but the corners of his lips indented his cheek with a slight dimple. ¡°What?¡± I said. ¡°Do I have breakfast on my face?¡± He stood beside me, taking my hand. ¡°Thank you.¡± ¡°What for?¡± ¡°For dropping the subject¡ªwithout the usual fight.¡± ¡°Well, thank you for letting me into your past.¡± ¡°Anytime.¡± He nodded, but his tone suggested this might be the last. School could not have been more boring this week. David was only in three of my classes, which meant that pretty much every second of my day sucked. After spending Monday and Tuesday in misery land, I got tired of my own moping, so, to entertain myself, started answering every question the teachers asked, even when I didn¡¯t know the answer. At least it was good for a laugh¡ªeveryone else¡¯s. In fact, the new nickname of ¡®class clown¡¯ was beginning to stick. In Home Economics, I got scolded for laughing out loud while the teacher was talking, and it wasn¡¯t even my fault. It was David¡¯s¡ªdespite him not being in that class. See, earlier, he¡¯d told me that vampires rarely fall in love with humans¡ªmuch the same as we don¡¯t fall in love with cows, since we eat them. Then, I saw Josh Granger ogling Mrs Tacony. But she¡¯s the biggest cow ever. It completely disproved David¡¯s theory¡­and then I laughed. Humiliation followed when the whole class looked at me, and the teacher demanded I share the comedy. I said I was sure I heard a fart. Suffice to say, the punch David wore afterward barely indented his flesh and totally did not defuse my mood. But he took my moods well, laughed them off, mostly¡ªwhich was good, I guess, because, like David¡¯s murderous streak, my moods weren¡¯t something I could change. But, murder aside, I found one positive to his vampirism; we¡¯d definitely spent more time together. We were inseparable at school, and he spent every night in my room until, kissing me sweetly, he¡¯d say ¡°Goodnight, my love,¡± then leave through my window before I could convince him to go further. The downside to all the extra time together was that I really felt it when we were apart. I really missed him. In History class, I at least had Emily to keep me distracted. Well, when she wasn¡¯t turning around to giggle at her new crush, that is. ¡°So, you and David seem to be okay now?¡± she whispered. I nodded. ¡°Yeah. We¡¯re happy.¡± He¡¯s a vampire, but we¡¯re happy. ¡°Oh, and hey, I never got to thank you for hooking me up with Spence.¡± She smiled, tilting her head into her shoulder. ¡°Yeah, no worries. Did he ask you out on a real date yet?¡± ¡°Yep. And guess what?¡± ¡°What?¡± I said, grinning in exaggeration of her expression. ¡°He asked me to the Masquerade Ball.¡± And there was the squeak. One of the things I loved about Emily was the way she could display excitement so easily. She was just so¡­normal. ¡°Awesome. Got a dress yet?¡± My enthusiasm needed some practice, though. ¡°I¡¯m going shopping with my mom, tonight.¡± ¡°Cool. Yeah, I¡¯m not looking forward to being dragged from shop to shop with Vicki, forced to try on everything with fluff.¡± I laughed, but Emily frowned at me. ¡°Who¡¯s Vicki?¡± ¡°Um, she¡¯s my stepmom.¡± ¡°Oh, right. Duh.¡± She slapped her brow. ¡°So, you don¡¯t like her? I mean, ¡®cause you call her Vicki?¡± ¡°Yeah, um¡ªold habit, I guess.¡± I shrugged and turned around to talk to Spencer. ¡°So, Spence, you gonna save me a dance at the ball?¡± His cheeks turned bright pink. ¡°Ah, yeah. If that¡¯s okay with Emily.¡± ¡°Of course it is. As long as Ara doesn¡¯t mind if I dance with David.¡± ¡°Nope. Cool with me,¡± I said, practically digging my nails through my own palm. ¡°You three!¡± Dad barked from the front of the class. Everyone turned and looked at us. I shrunk to about the size of a quarter. Conversation. Over. When the bell rang at the end of class, everyone broke formation and dispersed quickly. ¡°Ara, come up and see me before you leave, please,¡± Dad said, not looking at me. ¡°Yikes. That sounded like an order,¡± I said to Em. ¡°Sorry, Ara.¡± Her shoulders lifted a little. ¡°Will you be in trouble?¡± ¡°Em, don¡¯t worry about it¡ªhe¡¯s my dad. What¡¯s the worst he can do? Ground me?¡± ¡°Yes. That¡¯s worse than he can do to me.¡± I laughed, slinging my bag over my shoulder as I walked away and stepped up in front of Dad¡¯s desk. ¡°Sorry for talking in class, Mr Thompson. It won¡¯t happen again.¡± ¡°Ara.¡± He exhaled, leaning back in his chair. ¡°I appreciate that you¡¯ve had a hard time adjusting to a new school and, don¡¯t get me wrong, I¡¯m very happy you¡¯ve made new friends, but there¡¯s a time for work and a time for play. I don¡¯t want to catch you gossiping in class again or I will move you to Mr Adams¡¯ class. Do I make myself clear?¡± Page 48 I forced back a grin. David was in Mr Adams¡¯ class. I¡¯d love it if he moved me. ¡°Sorry, Dad. It won¡¯t happen again.¡± Or maybe it would¡ªjust a bit.Advertisement ¡°Okay. Now, how¡¯s that mythology paper coming along?¡± ¡°Uh. Great. I¡¯m doing mine on vampires.¡± I just decided. Dad raised one brow. ¡°Is that inspired by last week¡¯s intriguing lecture¡ªon Lilith?¡± ¡°Actually, it is.¡± And the fact that my boyfriend just happened to know that history firsthand. ¡°But, if I determine that I believe the truth behind the myth¡­are you and Vicki gonna have me admitted into psyche care?¡± Dad laughed once. ¡°Aw, honey. We¡¯d never do that. Even if you decide I¡¯m a vampire and try to stake me through the heart.¡± His face softened away from his grin as he shook his head. ¡°I love you, okay? I know we¡¯ve been a little watchful of you lately, but it¡¯s because we care about you.¡± ¡°We?¡± ¡°Ara, you know Vicki cares for you, too.¡± I scoffed unintentionally loud. ¡°She¡¯s just trying to give you space,¡± he said. ¡°She¡¯s afraid you¡¯ll accuse her of trying to replace your mom.¡± I rolled my eyes. ¡°Okay, Dad. I¡¯ll try¡ªwith Vicki. It¡¯s hard, you know. I¡¯m just afraid to let her in, that¡¯s all.¡± His stern expression melted and he stood up. Then, even with his next class filling the room behind us, he still walked all the way around his desk and wrapped his arms around me¡ªreally tightly. I patted his back, dreading the thought of everyone watching. ¡°Um, Dad. Sorta need to breathe here.¡± The old man pulled back and held me at arm¡¯s length. ¡°I love ya, honey. Now get to class, you¡¯re late.¡± I waved and threaded my other arm through my backpack, making haste for the exit¡ªwith thirty pairs of eyes burning into my spine. Warm water splashed over my wrists, spraying up in my face a little. I readjusted the faucet and rubbed my hands together under the soft flow of water, studying my face in the mirror. The last time I looked at myself in this mirror, I felt completely alone, isolated, unsure. But so much had changed since my first day of school, and even my reflection somehow looked different. I smiled, drawing my hands away from the basin and dried them on my jeans as the door opened and two cackling girls came in with the steady breeze. ¡°Oh, hey, new girl.¡± Gypsy bumped her hip playfully with mine. ¡°Hi.¡± I shouldered my schoolbag. ¡°Did you guys come in here to bitch about somebody else today, or am I on the hotlist?¡± ¡°Actually, you are on the hotlist.¡± She leaned on the counter, folding her arms. ¡°Rumour has it you and David Knight are an item.¡± ¡°Rumour would be correct¡ªthis time.¡± I folded my arms and leaned beside her. ¡°You know there¡¯s only one reason that boy dates girls¡ªand it¡¯s not love,¡± Summer said, propping her hand on her hip. I shrugged. ¡°He loves me.¡± ¡°Yeah, right.¡± Summer¡¯s eyes flicked to Gypsy. ¡°He says that to every girl.¡± ¡°I¡¯m sure he does.¡± I stood up from my lean. ¡°But, I bet he¡¯s never said it to you.¡± Her head bopped from side to side in the hollow of her shoulders. ¡°What if he has?¡± ¡°Nah, I doubt that.¡± I shook my head, gazing down my nose at her as I passed. ¡°You¡¯re a little out of his league¡ªhe only likes us ugly girls.¡± Her mouth fell open, allowing for a high-pitched huff. ¡°You bitch.¡± ¡°Uh, Summer. I think that was a compliment,¡± Gypsy said, looking a little confused. ¡°I think she just said you¡¯re pretty.¡± ¡°Have a nice lunch,¡± I called over my shoulder as I stepped out of the stinky toilet block, leaving them and their gossip where it belonged. ¡°Ara?¡± The white glare of the open corridor framed the silhouette of a boy. ¡°David? I thought we were meeting in the auditorium for lunch.¡± He unhitched himself from the railing. ¡°We are, but I¡­¡± ¡°You?¡± ¡°You were late, so I went looking for you. Then I saw Summer and Gypsy, and¡­¡± ¡°Aw.¡± I slid my hands inside his denim jacket and snuggled against his chest. ¡°You were worried about me.¡± ¡°I¡¯m sorry.¡± He kissed the crown of my head. ¡°I know you can take care of yourself, but I¡­I just didn¡¯t want them to make you cry again.¡± ¡°Aw, David.¡± I hugged him tighter, smiling like a little kid, breathing deep his vibrant, heart-tingling scent¡ªall sugary and mouth-watering. ¡°You¡¯re so sweet.¡± ¡°Mr Knight!¡± a booming voice shocked my thoughts from inappropriate paths. ¡°Not on school grounds.¡± ¡°Certainly, Mr Rogers. Won¡¯t happen again.¡± David held me out from his chest. I kept my face down until Mr Rogers passed. ¡°Didn¡¯t you see him coming?¡± ¡°Yes, but what was I supposed to do?¡± ¡°Warn me.¡± He smiled his secret smile. ¡°Getting sprung showing affection on school campus is not a good enough reason to step away when you¡¯ve got your arms around me like that.¡± ¡°Maybe not for you, but he might tell my dad.¡± ¡°He won¡¯t.¡± David started walking¡ªwithout touching me. ¡°He was a boy once, himself. He understands.¡± ¡°So does my dad. Except when it comes to me.¡± ¡°Okay, we won¡¯t touch at school, then. Will that make you happy?¡± ¡°No. Just keep watch, next time. What good is a vampire boyfriend if he can¡¯t use his powers to keep you outta trouble?¡± ¡°Oh, I don¡¯t know, I must be good for something.¡± He grinned widely, opening the door for me. ¡°Well, you¡¯re a good kisser, but that¡¯s the human in you¡ªnot the vampire.¡± ¡°That¡¯s because the vampire me hasn¡¯t kissed you yet.¡± ¡°Ooh.¡± I pretended to feel a shiver down my spine. ¡°Well, maybe you should let him out for a while, then.¡± David leaned closer as we passed a group of students. ¡°Meet me under the stage, and I¡¯ll show him to you.¡± ¡°Don¡¯t tempt me.¡± The second toll of the lunch bell rang loudly as David went to speak. He swallowed his sentence, remaining quiet until we reached the auditorium. ¡°After you,¡± he said, opening the door. ¡°Thank you, kind sir.¡± I curtsied, making him laugh. I loved making him laugh. ¡°Hey, guys.¡± Ryan stood up and waved from the front of the room. ¡°Ryan. Emily.¡± David nodded. ¡°How¡¯s rehearsal going?¡± I asked, stashing my schoolbag next to the group of desks. ¡°Eh¡ª¡± Ryan shrugged. ¡°Haven¡¯t started. We¡¯ve mostly been making paper airplanes and seeing who can hit the lighting rig.¡± ¡°Sounds productive.¡± I looked at Emily, who rolled her eyes and leaned on her hand. ¡°This might be a little cold,¡± David said, sliding a tray of food in front of me, then flashed a wildly mischievous grin. ¡°I made it to the cafeteria line first.¡± ¡°Well¡ª¡± I sat down between him and Emily, digging my fingertip into the lukewarm nachos, ¡°¡ªyou do run really fast.¡± ¡°So, Ara, did you get totally busted by your dad?¡± Alana asked. ¡°Uh, not really. Why do you ask?¡± ¡°I was in his next class¡ªsaw him talking sternly with you,¡± she said. ¡°Em said it was ¡®cause you were all gossiping during a lecture.¡± My brows rose. That had to be the most I¡¯d ever heard that girl say. ¡°Um¡ªno, he just wanted to find out how my mythology paper was coming along.¡± ¡°I¡¯m doing mine on fairies,¡± Alana said in a dreamy tone. ¡°I love fairies.¡± ¡°Yeah, I¡¯m doing mine on trolls,¡± Ryan added. ¡°What about you, Dave?¡± David looked up from thumbing his phone, and the words he was holding back washed across his face; he hated being called Dave, but he¡¯d never say it. I smiled sympathetically at him. ¡°I¡¯m uh¡ªI¡¯m actually in Mr Adams¡¯ class. We¡¯re doing a different topic this semester,¡± he said. ¡°Yeah, me too,¡± another kid added from the other end of our little rectangle of friends. While the conversation continued, I excluded myself, watching David focus intently on his phone, wondering what he was doing. He grinned without looking up, then inched his body closer so our shoulders touched and his screen sat between us. ¡°I¡¯m tweeting.¡± ¡°Really?¡± I whispered, reading the reply he¡¯d sent to an EricDelaR. ¡°I didn¡¯t know your kind used social media.¡± He laughed once and slipped the phone into his pocket. ¡°How narrow-minded of you.¡± It amazed me how much more human he was around everyone from school, and how, now I knew what he was, I could see right through his poorly-executed disguise. His movements were so deliberate; blinking carefully, closing his eyelids a little too slowly, and he shifted on a counted beat. One, two, three¡ªI made it to ten and he crossed his ankle over his knee. One, two, three¡ªyup, ten again and he uncrossed it. He turned his head and smiled, branching us away from the group conversation again. ¡°Problem?¡± I shrugged. ¡°Would you prefer an odd count?¡± His smile gleamed. I nodded, and counted in my head. One, two, three; he ran his hand through his hair. One, two; he picked up his cup. Much better. ¡°What about you, Ara?¡± I looked up, like I¡¯d been sprung talking in class. ¡°What¡¯re you doing yours on?¡± ¡°My what?¡± ¡°Honestly, Ara.¡± Emily shook her head. ¡°Do you ever pay attention?¡± I stared blankly at her; she smiled and said, ¡°Your mythology paper. What are you doing yours on?¡± ¡°Oh, um¡­vampires.¡± David coughed beside me and shot up out of his chair, dusting soda off his jeans. ¡°Damn it!¡± ¡°You all right, man?¡± Ryan frowned. ¡°Uh¡ª¡± He stood up straight, holding a now oddly-shaped cup out from his body, glancing over the wide stares of all the other kids at our table. ¡°Yeah. Swallowed the wrong way.¡± Emily¡¯s cheek tightened on one side, and the others, not thinking anything of David¡¯s strange reaction, went back to their food and conversation. ¡°David?¡± I whispered, mostly talking through my teeth. ¡°What¡¯s wrong?¡± ¡°Can we talk?¡± he asked, his eyes widening for a second. ¡°Sure.¡± I stood up. ¡°Where?¡± He jerked his head in the direction of the stage. ¡°We¡¯ll be back,¡± he said to everyone else. ¡°Okay, don¡¯t be too long,¡± Emily said, ¡°I¡¯m gonna kick everyone¡¯s butts soon and get this rehearsal into swing.¡± ¡°Of course.¡± David nodded, though it looked more like a bow, then took my hand and led me away. Is this just an elaborate escape plan¡ªto get me in private? ¡°No,¡± David said. Hmph! Chapter Twenty The heavy black door creaked as I pushed it open, and David ducked under the low frame, closing us into the musty darkness, thick with the smell of latex and old books. ¡°Ara, you can¡¯t do your paper on va¡ª¡± I cut his words off with my lips, flinging my arms around his neck; he attempted protest, laughing under the kiss, but, after a deep breath, slid his long, elegant fingers up the sides of my face, finally letting me have my own way. ¡°Show me the vampire,¡± I whispered into the hollow of his mouth. He pulled away softly. ¡°Not here.¡± ¡°Yes.¡± I grinned. ¡°Here.¡± ¡°What if I scare you?¡± ¡°Then we¡¯re in a perfect place for me to try really hard not to scream.¡± He clicked his tongue, shaking his head. ¡°Do you even understand what the vampire is?¡± ¡°A less guarded side of you?¡± ¡°Yes. Very much so. And he may be inclined to bite you or, at the least, be rough with you, perhaps even do things I might regret after.¡± That only made it harder for me to breathe. I knew, deep down inside, that David would never actually hurt me, so the thought of biting only stirred the idea of him as a primal being, all his emotional guards down¡ªjust David; raw, instinctual, completely exposed David. And I wanted it bad. I jumped up and wrapped my legs around his waist, forcing his lips open with mine. ¡°Ara, please,¡± he groaned loudly, but tucked his hands under me, beneath my dress, and finally took control of the kiss. ¡°You know, you really shouldn¡¯t wear dresses to school.¡± ¡°Take it off me, then.¡± ¡°Ha!¡± His breath burst from his lips in a cool gust. ¡°Don¡¯t say things like that. I haven¡¯t eaten enough for this kind of misbehaviour, my love.¡± ¡°When did you last eat?¡± ¡°Monday morning¡ªright before I brought you the pastry.¡± ¡°That¡¯s two days. You should be fine.¡± ¡°Ara.¡± He set me down on the ground, and my toes tingled with prickling pins. ¡°This isn¡¯t a game.¡± ¡°Who says I¡¯m playing?¡± ¡°Ara, be sensible.¡± I chewed the tip of my finger for a second, attempting control, but it was just too much¡ªhis skin, his warmth, his chest under my breath; I slid my fingers into the neckline of his jacket and pushed it away from his shoulders. Page 49 ¡°You don¡¯t know how to take no for an answer, do you?¡± he said, casting the jacket across the room.Advertisement ¡°That wasn¡¯t a no,¡± I teased, moving closer. ¡°So, you gonna show me this vampire, or what?¡± ¡°Why, Ara?¡± He took a small step back. ¡°What¡¯s with the sudden change of heart?¡± ¡°It¡¯s not sudden¡ªnot for me. I just¡­I like you.¡± I walked forward and linked my fingers together behind his neck. ¡°And I¡¯ve kinda come to terms with this vampirism thing, I think.¡± ¡°You think?¡± he said through a smile. ¡°Yeah. I guess¡­I guess I¡¯m ready to know all of you.¡± ¡°No matter what¡ªeven if it scares you again?¡± ¡°I don¡¯t know if it would, David. I¡­can¡¯t you tell?¡± I touched a hand to my chest. ¡°I trust you.¡± He took a breath and cast a long glance to the darkest corner of the closet. ¡°That¡¯s a pretty convincing argument, I must admit.¡± I grinned at him. ¡°So you¡¯ll do it? You¡¯ll bite me?¡± ¡°Even if I show you the vampire, Ara, I can¡¯t actually bite you.¡± ¡°Why?¡± ¡°Because if my fangs break your skin, you¡¯ll be injected with venom.¡± ¡°So?¡± ¡°So, if you¡¯re injected with venom, you¡¯ll¡­it¡¯s just a bad idea.¡± ¡°Oh.¡± We stared into each other, both of us clearly thinking it all through, and in the dim light of the room, his eyes almost looked black, as if the pupils had flooded the green, like dark desires overshadowing sensibility. He unlatched my hands from around his neck. ¡°We should get back out to rehearsal.¡± ¡°Wait.¡± I grabbed his sleeve. ¡°What if¡­I mean, when humans bite playfully, we don¡¯t actually break the skin.¡± I looked at his neck. ¡°Can¡¯t you do it like that?¡± ¡°I¡ª¡± He frowned, thoughtful. ¡°I don¡¯t know. I¡¯ve never done anything like this with a human before.¡± ¡°Well, here.¡± I leaned closer. ¡°Let me show you how it¡¯s done.¡± Before he could stop me, I pushed his jaw to one side, rising onto my toes as my teeth glided over his flesh, coming closed again with a mouthful of David between them. Under the moisture of my tongue, his sweet scent became his flavour¡ªthe lovely orange-chocolate replacing the gritty, salty taste I¡¯d expected. I bit down harder then, with every ounce of force I could muster, catching the tendon in his neck, feeling his jaw stiffen, his arms tense, his ear move away from my cheek as he opened himself up to me, and I loved it. ¡°Oh, Ara, you have the sweetest little bite.¡± He placed his fingers loosely around my face, but they went tight suddenly and he pushed me away. ¡°Ouch!¡± ¡°What¡¯s wrong?¡± I wiped my mouth dry with the back of my arm. ¡°Did I hurt you?¡± ¡°Yes, you little leech.¡± He cupped his hand over the bite then looked at it. ¡°I may not have a heartbeat, but I still feel pain.¡± ¡°You¡¯re bruising.¡± I squinted through the dull light to see his neck. ¡°I know. I can feel that.¡± ¡°I¡¯m sorry.¡± ¡°Are you kidding me?¡± He laughed, scooping his hands under my bottom, lifting me so my legs wrapped around him. ¡°That felt amazing. It hurt, but damn it was hard to control myself.¡± ¡°Control yourself?¡± ¡°Yes.¡± He looked down to where the apex of my thighs met his stomach. ¡°I wanted to do¡­things to you.¡± ¡°What kinds of¡­things?¡± He reached up slowly and slipped the shoestring strap of my dress down my shoulder. ¡°Very bad things.¡± ¡°Show me, then?¡± I closed my eyes and tilted my chin up¡ªexposing my throat. ¡°I¡¯m not scared.¡± ¡°I know,¡± he said. ¡°Which is a very big turn-on.¡± I giggled. ¡°Urgh.¡± He rolled his head back. ¡°Don¡¯t do that adorable giggle. You¡¯ve no idea how crazy it makes me.¡± I did it again, laughing louder when his upper lip and nose pressed into the sensitive hollow of skin between my collarbones, the stubble on his chin scratching my chest. ¡°That tickles.¡± He grazed his teeth playfully along my flesh; they felt sharp, like the edge of a blade. I knew the control he would¡¯ve used to stop them cutting, but for some reason, a deep part of me, a part that rose too close to the surface, really didn¡¯t care if he cut me. I wanted to be cut by him. ¡°David?¡± ¡°Yes.¡± ¡°Is it normal for me to think this way?¡± He laughed into my skin, kissing but not biting. ¡°Yes.¡± ¡°But, you won¡¯t, right¡ªyou won¡¯t cut me?¡± ¡°No. I won¡¯t. But I am going to feel your flesh against my teeth.¡± He turned us to the side and placed me on the table, stepping in closer until his hips once again rested between my thighs. ¡°Do not scream,¡± he warned. ¡°It will only excite the monster.¡± ¡°Is that not a good idea?¡± His hands flew up and tangled in my hair, his thumbs on my cheeks, holding my face in front of his. ¡°If you do¡­you will die.¡± I held my breath, lost in the intensity of his penetrating gaze. But something inside told me not to worry. Maybe it was the way he held me, his hands so tight around my face, or maybe it was the concern in his own eyes that made me sure he would never let himself destroy me. My jaw jutted forward a little, my bottom lip catching his in a delicate kiss¡ªa wordless reassurance. He kissed back, his eyes closed, his lips soft, moist, cold, like the lips of a person who just ate ice. And as it intensified, as his hands slipped beneath my dress again, finding my hips, bare and waiting, I grinned playfully, resting back on my hands. Undress me. ¡°Jesus Christ, Ara.¡± He became as taut as a statue. ¡°You don¡¯t know how close you are to losing your innocence right now.¡± ¡°Maybe I¡¯m ready for it.¡± I lifted my dress a little. David stood taller, looking down at my floral-print undies. ¡°To lose your virginity in a closet space?¡± I parted my legs a little more, inviting his touch to where his eyes and thoughts lingered. ¡°Yes.¡± His heavy breath stopped, his hand slowly reaching toward my upper thigh, then he grabbed it firmly, letting his thumb fall against my delicates. ¡°You shouldn¡¯t play games like this with a dangerous predator.¡± ¡°A dangerous predator shouldn¡¯t bring young girls into dark spaces¡ªalone.¡± ¡°It wouldn¡¯t be a problem if that girl would stop showing the vampire parts he¡¯s wanted to see for the longest time.¡± He lowered my dress and smoothed it over my legs. ¡°Did you ever think maybe she¡¯s wanted to show him for the longest time?¡± ¡°What is wrong with you?¡± he said with a smile. ¡°Why do you say things like that? I want to do any number of unsavoury things to you, right now, including kill you. Can you comprehend that?¡± ¡°That¡¯s what makes this so romantic. I know you won¡¯t, even though you want to.¡± He shook his head, frowning over a smile. ¡°Only you could think something like that is romantic.¡± ¡°David.¡± I ran my fingers from the tip of his hairline, over his skull and to the back of his neck, feeling his hair slip through them. ¡°You¡¯re a vampire. Don¡¯t even pretend you don¡¯t think it¡¯s romantic.¡± A breathy laugh parted his lips. ¡°I really love you, Ara. You are just so perfect for me.¡± I rolled my head to the other side, lengthening my neck. ¡°Good. Then show me what it feels like to be under the spell of the vampire.¡± ¡°I¡ª¡± His eyes met mine with hesitation. ¡°I¡¯m afraid I¡¯ll enjoy it.¡± ¡°Isn¡¯t that¡­a good thing?¡± ¡°No. I mean¡­¡± He looked at my neck, running his thumb over the pulse. ¡°You know my teeth are sharper than yours. Even if I only use my front teeth, chances are I¡¯ll cut you.¡± ¡°You won¡¯t.¡± I smiled. ¡°I know you can control yourself when it comes to me.¡± ¡°Perhaps, but¡­I¡¯ve wanted to¡ªfor so long.¡± ¡°What, cut me?¡± ¡°Yes. Eat you, feel your blood pulse under my teeth, see the life leave your eyes, breath leave your lips.¡± I let out a slow huff. ¡°Whoa.¡± ¡°I know.¡± He laughed timidly. ¡°It¡¯s a vampire thing, and I¡ªI¡¯m afraid I might enjoy hurting you, Ara. If¡­if we do this, and the vampire in me takes control, there will be no going back.¡± ¡°As in¡­you¡¯ll kill me?¡± ¡°Perhaps. Or I will not be able to stop thinking about killing you¡ªhurting you¡ªeven after the day is done and we¡¯ve parted ways.¡± I thought about that for a second, feeling a mischievous smile creep its way into the corners of my eyes. ¡°Then it¡¯ll be a true test of our love, won¡¯t it?¡± ¡°No,¡± he said, sweeping my hair away from my shoulder. ¡°It will be a test of my willpower.¡± And before I could respond, his teeth started my heart, coming closed tightly around my flesh. I squirmed, a cold shiver running down my spine while hot blood rushed up under the grip of his bite. Everything in me from toes to shoulders tensed, the tendon in my neck going rigid like wet rope, and all the nerves under it screamed out in agony while my heart pleaded for more, my flesh burning in an intensely good way. He kept his fangs distant, but every now and then, they brushed against me like the pointed tip of a blade run softly over flesh. ¡°Bite me harder, David.¡± I grabbed his arms, digging my nails in, half pushing him away, half pulling him closer. I felt his body turn cool against mine, like the heat of desire pushed his hunger deeper, making him icy between my legs. And he became more ferocious, losing himself to the bite, his hands searching my body wildly, travelling under my dress, demanding my craving skin crawl into his touch. I crossed my ankles over his hips, imagining my clothes were gone and I could feel his bare chest smoothly against mine. ¡°David?¡± I squeaked as he bit down harder, pressing me against the chairs stacked on the table. ¡°David, it¡¯s hurting a bit.¡± ¡°Shh.¡± He shoved the chairs off with a quick push and rolled me onto my back as they crashed noisily to the floor. The people outside laughed raucously, their familiar, human sounds setting my heart on fire. ¡°David. Stop.¡± My neck burned where he pulled away, but he didn¡¯t stop; he moved to the other side and wrapped his lips hard around my skin as I pushed against him. I felt the scrape of his fangs, sharp, as if he¡¯d cut through, stinging like a thousand hot little needles under my skin. ¡°David. It¡¯s hurting.¡± He cupped a hand under my bottom, slipping my underwear past my hip on one side as he dragged me closer, thrusting his pelvis into mine. And though I wanted him to¡ªwanted him to make love to me right here on the table, I also wanted him to kill me. I could see it all, as if his intentions became my thoughts. But I didn¡¯t want to die. I didn¡¯t want David to have to live with the regret of killing me. ¡°David!¡± I burst into tears. ¡°Please don¡¯t.¡± ¡°Don¡¯t what?¡± He looked down at me, confused. I shoved him away and rolled up to stand¡ªdarting across the room to the safety of the wall. ¡°Why did you do that?¡± ¡°Do what?¡± He appeared in front of me, eyes wide, pupils completely swallowing the green. ¡°Do what, Ara?¡± ¡°Why didn¡¯t you stop?¡± My voice broke. ¡°Oh, my love.¡± He reached for me; I yanked away, the energy between us turning stone cold. ¡°Ara, I¡¯m so sorry. I didn¡¯t realise you were frightened.¡± ¡°I asked you to stop.¡± I looked up at him. ¡°That¡¯s a pretty clear indication, don¡¯t you think?¡± ¡°Yes. But, I¡ª¡± He rubbed his brow. ¡°I didn¡¯t hear you. I only tasted your tears.¡± ¡°What?¡± ¡°I was drawn in completely. Compelled by the scent of adrenaline¡ªthe fear¡ªit makes the hunger unbearable.¡± ¡°But¡ª¡± I cupped my hand to the burning on my neck; he hadn¡¯t broken through. ¡°You didn¡¯t bite me.¡± ¡°Ara?¡± He frowned as if the suggestion insulted him. ¡°I would never do that. I always had control over that. I just¡ª¡± he turned away, ¡°¡ªI couldn¡¯t control the vampire.¡± ¡°Isn¡¯t it the same? I mean, the bite is the vampire?¡± ¡°No.¡± He scratched the back of his neck. ¡°The bite is the hunger. The lust before is the vampire.¡± ¡°Oh.¡± I touched my collarbone. ¡°So, you wouldn¡¯t have bitten me?¡± He rushed in close and cradled my face in hands. ¡°Not in a million years.¡± ¡°Then, why couldn¡¯t you hear me?¡± ¡°I¡ª¡± He closed his eyes. ¡°I can hear the resonance of your voice in my head now, but I was so lost in your velvet touch, I could think of nothing but¡­¡± ¡°But what?¡± He shook his head. ¡°It doesn¡¯t matter. I wouldn¡¯t have done it, anyway. Not with you.¡± ¡°Not with me? What do you mean?¡± I folded my arms as he walked away. ¡°What wouldn¡¯t you have done with me?¡± Ignoring my question, he leaned against the table and reached his hand out. Page 50 I hesitantly took it.Advertisement ¡°I¡¯m sorry I scared you, my love. But have no doubt that my lips, my teeth, or my touch would not have done anything you didn¡¯t want me to.¡± He held back a cheeky grin. ¡°Except maybe tear your clothes off.¡± I smiled, feeling my cheeks tingle. He pulled me into his chest, and the cool of his skin through the thin fabric of his shirt surprised me. ¡°From now on, my love, if I¡¯m in that state, use your thoughts to reach me¡ªit¡¯s clearer.¡± I nodded against him. He let out a breath, pressing each digit of his fingertips firmly over my face and neck. ¡°I¡¯m so, so sorry I scared you.¡± ¡°I¡¯m okay.¡± I rolled my face upward to look at him. ¡°Well, now I know you wouldn¡¯t have bitten me, I¡¯m okay.¡± He clicked his tongue. ¡°Look what I¡¯ve done to you.¡± ¡°It stings.¡± ¡°You¡¯re bruising badly.¡± ¡°You were pretty rough.¡± I smiled, holding my hand to the mark. ¡°I won¡¯t do that to you again. Ever.¡± He looked up from the bruising, the promise of his words filling out the green in his eyes again. ¡°What if I want you to?¡± His jaw tightened, but his smile remained soft. ¡°No. Not ever again.¡± ¡°But, I liked it.¡± I pulled my hand down from my neck and gasped, seeing a red smear. ¡°I know.¡± He caught my wrist, holding it away from him. ¡°I was hoping you wouldn¡¯t notice that.¡± ¡°What¡­I mean¡­how¡­did you cut me?¡± ¡°No. It¡¯s just from the er¡­sucking.¡± One corner of his lip quirked upward. ¡°I drew your skin a little too¡­eagerly.¡± ¡°Can¡¯t you smell it¡ªthe blood?¡± I held my hand up to him. ¡°Yes.¡± ¡°Didn¡¯t you taste it?¡± He shook his head. ¡°It broke through as I pulled away. I was trying to ignore it.¡± ¡°Does it make you want to bite me?¡± ¡°It makes me want to taste you¡ªto see if you taste the way you smell.¡± Holding my hand near my nose, I sniffed. ¡°I can¡¯t smell anything.¡± ¡°That¡¯s because you¡¯re not a vampire.¡± ¡°Here.¡± I held my hand up in front of his lips. ¡°Taste it.¡± ¡°Ara, don¡¯t!¡± ¡°David?¡± I frowned at the empty space in front of me, then spun around a few times until my eyes found him leaning against a stack of chairs across the room. ¡°What¡¯s wrong?¡± He inched away from me as I approached. ¡°I can¡¯t do that. One taste could be enough to make me lose control.¡± My nose crinkled and I looked down at the bloody smudge on my hand, then pressed my tongue to it. Erk! ¡°Gross. How can you drink this stuff? I taste like a coin.¡± David laughed softly. ¡°You silly girl, of course you won¡¯t like it.¡± ¡°Well, how do you know you would?¡± With a deep, heavy sigh, he reached across and wiped his thumb over the bruise. ¡°David, what are you doing?¡± ¡°Tasting you.¡± His shoulders lifted once, dropping as he popped his thumb in his mouth and closed his eyes. ¡°David?¡± I said in a shaky voice, taking one step back. His eyes flashed open; I jumped inside. ¡°Just like I thought. Vanilla and honey. Kinda like a cupcake.¡± ¡°Are you¡­¡± I took another step away. ¡°Are you okay?¡± ¡°Actually?¡± His lips turned down as thought washed across his face. ¡°I¡¯m fine. No sudden urge to kill you.¡± ¡°Really?¡± ¡°Strangely, the vampire is screaming for me to suck the life out of you¡ª¡± He rolled his head to one side and studied me quizzically, ¡°¡ªBut the human me wants to kiss you and tell you how much I love you.¡± ¡°Well, I always have liked the human you.¡± I wrapped myself in his arms. ¡°Then, the human me you shall have.¡± ¡°But, David?¡± ¡°Yes,¡± he said distractedly, kissing my hairline. ¡°You were scary as a vampire, but only because I didn¡¯t know what you were capable of. But now I¡¯ve seen it¡ª¡± I smiled at the memory of him losing control, ¡°¡ªI liked it.¡± ¡°You¡¯re not serious, are you?¡± He whipped me out from his body and held my shoulders. ¡°Ara, are you joking? Please? Because, I can¡¯t take that kind of a joke.¡± I frowned, shaking my head. ¡°Why would I joke about that?¡± ¡°Oh, God.¡± His hand fell to his knees. ¡°What¡¯s wrong?¡± ¡°Ara. You don¡¯t know what that means to me.¡± ¡°Is that¡­a good thing?¡± ¡°It¡¯s amazing, that¡¯s what it is. You¡ª¡± he held my face and dropped a quick kiss on my lips, ¡°¡ªare amazing. Do you have any idea how precious you are to me? I never knew such a creature could exist, and now I¡¯ve found you¡­¡± His voice slowed. ¡°I have no idea how I¡¯m going to let you go.¡± ¡°Same way you stopped yourself from biting me, I guess,¡± I said, pulling his hand away from my face. He nodded once. ¡°This is a first for me, you know. I¡¯ve never had to do that before¡ªto control myself. It took everything in me not to rip your throat open and drink your blood, and even more to stop enticing you with the spell of lust.¡± ¡°Is that what made me want to¡­you know, die?¡± ¡°Yes.¡± He laughed. ¡°It¡¯s how we kill. We seduce you into trusting us.¡± ¡°So¡­you seduce men too?¡± ¡°No. I¡¯ve never seduced a man. And I¡¯ve not killed any girls since we met.¡± He brushed his curled fingers over my cheek. ¡°I use an attack kill, now. It¡¯s more brutal, more painful for the human, but I can¡¯t bear the thought of killing girls since I found you.¡± ¡°Why?¡± ¡°Because I see your face¡ªthink how I would feel if that was you.¡± He looked up as, above us, the loud thunder of footsteps sent vibrations through the walls. ¡°We better get back out there¡ªlunch will be over soon.¡± ¡°Okay.¡± I breathed out. ¡°But, what will we tell everyone?¡± They all saw us walk in here. I didn¡¯t even wanna imagine what they¡¯d think. ¡°Ara, what do you think they will think? We¡¯re teenagers. Let them think what they want. They¡¯ll never guess the truth.¡± ¡°Well, at least that part¡¯s true.¡± No one would guess that I led a vampire under the stage and let him bite me. Or even more so¡ªthat I bit him. It didn¡¯t matter what they thought, anyway. I was so damn hungry that if I didn¡¯t go eat, David would become the next victim of the ogre. Then, he wouldn¡¯t need to worry about me becoming a people-eater, because he¡¯d be in my stomach. David shook his head, laughing softly. ¡°I can think of a few ways I could be in your stomach, Ara, without being eaten. Of course, you¡¯d still have to put a part of me in your mouth.¡± My lips gaped, a giant huff expelling between them. His eyes widened. ¡°Oh, no, I didn¡¯t mean it that way. I meant blood¡ªdrinking my blood.¡± He held his wrist up. I dropped the insult and giggled into my hand. ¡°I¡¯m so sorry, Ara. That came out sounding¡­incredibly wrong.¡± ¡°Yes, but, it was also funny to watch you react that way.¡± He lowered his head and shook it, a sharp intake of air whistling through his teeth. ¡°I love you, David,¡± I said, still laughing at his fallibility. ¡°Come on.¡± He reached for my hand. ¡°Shall we head back out and face the music?¡± ¡°Yes.¡± The reality simmered over me then and I shook my head at myself. ¡°I can¡¯t believe I just provoked a vampire into biting me.¡± Therapy, anyone? David cleared his throat. ¡°You said it first.¡± ¡°Hey!¡± I dropped my hands to my hips. ¡°I¡¯ll give you therapy in a minute, if you don¡¯t stop reading my mind.¡± He chuckled, wandering across the room to grab his jacket. I loved it when he laughed. It made him seem so normal¡ªso human. ¡°Except, there is nothing human about what we just did,¡± he joked. ¡°Stay out of my mind!¡± I headed for the door in a stormy huff. ¡°Wait.¡± He grabbed my arm and held up his jacket. ¡°You might want to put this on.¡± I frowned at him; he pointed to my neck. Oh crap! The bite! If it looked as bad as it burned, people would think David did something really horrible to me. ¡°I did.¡± He held his jacket out, pulled it closed around my chest once my arms were in, and kissed my brow. ¡°What about you? I bit you.¡± ¡°I¡¯ll be healed by the time I cross the room. But you¡ª¡± he laughed, running his finger over my bruise again, ¡°¡ªyou may take a little longer.¡± ¡°How long?¡± ¡°If you heal fast¡ªa week, maybe. If not¡ªa month.¡± Crud! ¡°If Dad sees it, he¡¯ll freak.¡± ¡°Ara, he¡¯ll freak if word gets back to him that we were even in this closet¡ªalone.¡± Damn. Didn¡¯t think of that. I wrapped my hand over the bite. The rough denim of David¡¯s jacket rubbed against it, making it sting more. But, since he¡¯d been wearing the coat all day, the strong smell of him was all over me like a warm breath, so I didn¡¯t mind one bit. ¡°Oh, and one more thing.¡± He grabbed my arm again. ¡°The history paper?¡± ¡°What about it?¡± He kissed my temple quickly. ¡°Don¡¯t do vampires.¡± ¡°Why?¡± ¡°Just don¡¯t.¡± ¡°You never give me a reason.¡± ¡°I don¡¯t have to¡ªyou should just trust me.¡± ¡°No way. What do you think this is? The eighteen-hundreds?¡± ¡°No. I think you are a human, and I¡¯m a vampire¡ªand I have my reasons.¡± He turned away with a sly smile, and the room filled with light as he opened the door, severing any further discussion. Hmph! I¡¯m still doing vampires. You can¡¯t stop me. He leaned closer and muttered, ¡°Try me.¡± A group of David¡¯s friends, only at rehearsal for their stupid comedy skit, burst into a Mexican wave as we walked out, sending me spinning back toward the closet. David grabbed me by the coat. ¡°Keep walking, Ara.¡± ¡°Hey, Dave? Man, your jeans are wet,¡± one of the jock¡¯s pointed to the soda spill. ¡°Funny. Real funny.¡± David nodded and took my hand. ¡°Now I wish you had eaten me in there,¡± I said. He laughed as we wandered back to our table. ¡°Don¡¯t worry about it. No one will pass any further comment on it. I¡¯ll personally see to that.¡± ¡°Okay.¡± ¡°Okay.¡± He squeezed my hand. ¡°Oh, hey, you¡¯re back.¡± Emily smiled casually. ¡°Are we? Didn¡¯t notice,¡± I said. She rolled her eyes. ¡°Do I need to ask what you two were up to in there?¡± Ryan¡¯s brows rose and fell a few times. ¡°We were just talking,¡± David said casually and pushed my chair in for me as I sat down. ¡°Right, ¡®cause everyone goes to the make-out room to ¡®talk¡¯,¡± Spencer said. ¡°As a matter of fact, that¡¯s exactly why we were in there,¡± David said, then winked at me. ¡°I would never be so inappropriate as to display my affections for the girl I love, in a closet space.¡± Everyone looked into their laps. Conversation. Over. ¡°So. Subject change,¡± Emily chimed in, motioning around the table. ¡°The memorial concert? The whole reason we¡¯re here?¡± ¡°Let¡¯s start the rehearsal, then.¡± I grinned, biting into my nachos, but they tasted boring in comparison to David. From the corner of my eye, I saw him grin, and while conversations went on around us, David reached into my lap and took my hand, winding his leg under my ankle. And it felt nice¡ªlike the way things should be; sitting at lunch with friends, talking about normal things, concealing the burning desire to run away with the boy you love, and never let him go. Thursday passed with a rhythmic pace; note-passing with David when we were in the same classes¡ªonly I didn¡¯t need to pass them to him, since he just read my mind; talking with Emily in History, trying to get kicked into Mr Adams¡¯ class, and lunch times with my group of friends in the auditorium, rehearsing for the memorial concert. When the day ended, I said my goodbyes and wandered across the field toward my dad¡¯s house, stealing the quiet for my own private thoughts¡ªfor once. The sun warmed my upturned face and the wind caressed the crevices around my nose and under my chin. I closed my eyes, entrusting the safety of the widespread field of grass as I bounced along, smiling to myself, for no other reason than that I was happy. ¡°Haven¡¯t you learned not to walk with your eyes closed?¡± So much for private thoughts. ¡°Well, I¡¯m happy. If you want me to get across the road safely, you¡¯ll just have to walk me home.¡± I opened my eyes to look at David. He looked so normal with a schoolbag on his back¡ªjust a boy, just as everyone else saw him. His dark side was a secret. No one could ever imagine he was a vampire, and no one would ever know. Except me. ¡°So, I was thinking?¡± He glided along beside me, at my pace, with his hands behind his back and that cheeky grin slipping into place. Page 51 ¡°Mm. I¡¯m listening.¡±Advertisement ¡°I want to buy you a dress for the Masquerade.¡± ¡°A dress? Why?¡± We stopped for a second, and David took my hands. ¡°This will be your first real ball. I want you to feel like a queen. And¡ª¡± he turned and started walking again, smiling, ¡°¡ªI won¡¯t take no for an answer.¡± ¡°But¡­Vicki?¡± I ran after him. ¡°She wants to take me shopping.¡± ¡°And she can.¡± He spun around and walked backward. ¡°But when you find the right dress, I want to pay for it.¡± ¡°David, I can¡¯t¡ª¡± ¡°Ara.¡± He cut in with a finger to my lips. ¡°I¡¯ll have no more of this. Just accept it, as a gift¡ªa token of my affection for you. It will do me great honour to escort you to the ball in a dress fit for a queen¡ªfor my queen.¡± My throat stopped passage of all vocabulary. I froze in place, my hands and feet numb under the weight of his perfect words. All I could do was nod and swallow the sentence that had been my retort. Sam¡¯s schoolbooks engulfed the dining table, leaving one space left for me to do my homework; the kitchen counter. I slumped over my books, munching an apple, spinning my hips from side to side on the swishy stool. I¡¯d deliberately moved my schoolbag off the seat beside me, hoping David would sit there to either help me with my homework or just plain old be close to me, but he went and sat next to my pesky brother instead, and helped him. Except, he wasn¡¯t helping him with his math¡ªhe was doing it for him. ¡°David, will you stay for dinner tonight?¡± Vicki asked, casually chopping away at vegetables. David looked up from the page. ¡°That¡¯d be great, Mrs Thompson. If Ara doesn¡¯t mind.¡± A giant, invisible question mark formed above my head. Why would I mind, dummy? Unless you plan to eat us for dinner. He smirked. ¡°Great,¡± Vicki beamed, without needing my answer. ¡°It¡¯s nothing special. Although, I am making apple pie for dessert.¡± My vampire flashed the most incredibly charming smile and said, ¡°Apple pie happens to be my favourite.¡± ¡°Oh, really?¡± Vicki¡¯s whole face lit up. ¡°That¡¯s great then.¡± I groaned quietly, rolling my eyes. I think my stepmother has a crush on you, David. He nodded to himself, his eyes small with humour, aiming the pen tip to the top of the page. He went on then to explain some number jargon to Sam, and I turned back to my books, a breath away from asking for his help. I really just didn¡¯t get this Pythagoras¡¯ Theorem crap. I never had. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw David look over at me for a second, but as the numbers on the page started to shift into place in my brain, I fazed him, Sam, and Vicki out, and concentrated on my homework¡ªtaking a sideways glance every now and then to see David look up at the same time. All I really wanted, though, was to go upstairs to my room so David and I could do our ¡®homework¡¯ in private. The idea made me smile to myself. A roll of paper hit my forearm then and bounced up, landing between my wrists. David winked at me, rolling his hand in the air as if to say ¡®Open it.¡¯ As I unfolded the paper, perfect Victorian cursive handwriting stared back up at me in the words: What exactly would we be doing in your room¡ªother than homework? Stay out of my head! He laughed and took a sip from his coffee cup; I ditched the paper back at him, but he caught it without even looking. Smart arse, I thought. But if you were any decent sort of mind reader, you wouldn¡¯t need to ask what I wanted to do with you in there. He looked over at me, his face tight with a frown, his cup just in front of his lips. I waited until he dared to take another sip, then showed him what we¡¯d be wearing if Vicki trusted me alone upstairs with a boy in my room. Brown liquid burst all over Sam¡¯s homework, spraying from David¡¯s mouth as he jerked up out of his chair, wiping his chin on his sleeve. ¡°Ara!¡± That¡¯ll teach you. I giggled, covering my mouth. Vicki stared between David and I, and Sam, oblivious to all other life forms aside from himself, simply shook his head, sighed, like we were immature, then went back to his homework. ¡°Ara,¡± Vicki said, handing David a dishcloth. ¡°What did you do to the poor boy?¡± ¡°Nothing,¡± I said innocently. ¡°I¡¯m sure.¡± David placed the cloth and his cup in the sink, shaking his head the whole time, then popped up beside me when Vicki turned to the stove, and whispered quietly in my ear. ¡°You need a filter on your thoughts, Ara-Rose.¡± I scraped the side of my face down his chin, closing my eyes for a second when his soft lips left a kiss behind before he walked back over and sat beside Sam, still shaking his head. ¡°So, Ara,¡± Vicki said casually, ¡°you have the girls coming for a sleepover this Saturday, right?¡± ¡°Mm-hm.¡± I nodded, quickly looking back at my homework. ¡°When are we going dress hunting then? I assume you¡¯ll want to do it soon, before Mike arrives?¡± ¡°Did Ara tell you, Mom?¡± Sam interjected, winking at David. ¡°David¡¯s gonna buy her a dress?¡± My head whipped up to look at my vampire; he smiled behind his book, keeping his eyes on the text and nowhere near my infuriated glare. Vicki looked at me, then at David. ¡°That¡¯s a very kind offer, David. Are you sure?¡± ¡°I¡¯m positive, Mrs Thompson. If you take her shopping, I¡¯ll cover the costs.¡± ¡°Dresses can be expensive,¡± she said in a remarkably condescending tone. David leaned back in his chair and lopped his arm over the backrest. I knew he was looking at Vicki, probably thinking, I¡¯m about eighty years older than you, lady. I think I know what things cost. ¡°There is no price too high. I want Ara to have the prettiest, most extravagant dress money can buy,¡± he said instead. Vicki stared, her mouth gaping. ¡°How much do you want her to spend?¡± Don¡¯t, David, please don''t. Vicki would definitely spend exactly what he told her to, without any hint of remorse. I, on the other hand, would feel like a dirty thief. He grinned, completely ignoring me as he ripped a corner of his notepad, scribbled something down on it, showed it to Sam, who nodded, then passed it to Vicki. ¡°No less than this.¡± Vicki gasped. ¡°What? Vicki, how much? Tell me?¡± I whined. She folded the paper and slipped it into her pocket, spinning back to the stove with a bounce in her step. ¡°So, we¡¯ll go shopping on Saturday morning then, before your friends arrive?¡± I folded my arms and looked at David. ¡°What?¡± He shrugged, holding both hands out, looking so cute and human my heart melted. You¡¯re cheeky, David, but I love you. While David had mastered the styles and behaviours of the twenty-first century, practicing them well at school, when it came to automatically switching to ¡®good boy¡¯ mode around a girl¡¯s parents, old habits died hard. He ate with the perfection of his inner English Lord, talking topics over dinner that had my dad more than a little impressed, and even complimented Vicki¡¯s cooking. I kept watching his fork go from his plate to his mouth like a graceful bird flying, wondering how it affected him to eat human food. But when it came to the apple pie, I don¡¯t think he was lying about it being his favourite, because he ate mine too. Then, he scored extra points with the parental units by helping me with the dishes, forever winning Sam over by giving him the night off. Didn¡¯t earn enough trust for my dad to leave the kitchen, though. Instead, he decided to ¡®read his paper¡¯ while David and I stood by the sink, trying to talk about ¡®human¡¯ stuff. David finished wiping the counter and re-rolled his sleeves before sticking hands back into the water, then handing me a soapy plate. ¡°Is it awful?¡± I asked, taking it in my towel-covered hand. ¡°Is what awful?¡± I leaned closer, keeping one eye on Dad. ¡°Eating?¡± David let out a short breath of laughter. ¡°No. It¡¯s very normal for me. I mean¡ª¡± He bent his knees so his lips came in line with my ear. ¡°It¡¯s not totally necessary, but I still enjoy it.¡± ¡°Really? So, it tastes okay?¡± ¡°Yeah.¡± He laughed. ¡°I guess it¡¯s like chocolate; you don¡¯t need it, and you can¡¯t survive on it, but you can enjoy it now and then.¡± ¡°Oh.¡± I nodded. ¡°I thought it¡¯d be like vamp¡ªI mean, like your kind in the movies, you know; how it tastes like ash.¡± ¡°Nope. Things actually taste better,¡± he added, handing me another plate. ¡°My senses are very finely tuned, so, taste is enhanced, touch is enhanced. Everything.¡± His smile was oh-so incredibly suggestive. ¡°So?¡± I said slowly, running one finger at a snail¡¯s pace down his spine, feeling the soft silk of his shirt bunch up as I glided along. ¡°This feels better when you¡¯re a vampire?¡± ¡°Shh.¡± He nodded toward my dad, his shoulders lifting with the slow breath he took after. ¡°And, yes. That feels incredible.¡± Dad stood up suddenly and walked out of the room. I held my breath. ¡°Did he hear me?¡± David listened for a second, then shook his head. ¡°No. He¡¯s gone to talk to Vicki about Mike coming to stay.¡± ¡°Well, what about it?¡± ¡°He just realised he might need some help getting that giant sofa out of the spare room. He¡¯s going to ask me.¡± ¡°So he trusts you to help move furniture and do dishes, but not be alone in the kitchen with his daughter?¡± ¡°Sounds pretty standard for dads, Ara.¡± ¡°Yeah, well, maybe we should tell him you¡¯re a vampire¡ªat least then he¡¯d stop worrying about me getting pregnant.¡± ¡°Why wouldn¡¯t he worry?¡± ¡°Because you¡¯re a vampire. Vampires can¡¯t have babies.¡± ¡°That¡¯s¡­¡± He grinned. ¡°Not entirely true.¡± ¡°What!¡± My eyes nearly bulged out of my head. He laughed and looked at the pile of dishes. ¡°You know, I can think of at least three better ways to be spending our evening. You want me to get this done in record time?¡± A hint of mischief shimmered behind his eyes. ¡°Okay,¡± I said slowly. He grabbed both my shoulders and gently directed me to stand centre to the room. ¡°Count to twenty,¡± he said, then disappeared into a blur of grey and black, like watching the road out the window when driving down the highway. The faucet ran, cupboard doors shut and opened, and I stood, mouth open, towel and plate still in hand, until David grabbed it and placed it on the shelf, closing the cupboard door after, dusting off his hands as he stood beside me. ¡°All done.¡± ¡°I only counted to ten!¡± I said. ¡°Told you.¡± He jerked one shoulder up and dropped it. ¡°I¡¯m fast.¡± ¡°Hm.¡± I wrapped my arms along the sides of his waist and pressed my cheek to his shirt buttons. ¡°I knew there was a reason I should keep you around.¡± ¡°Shall we go upstairs? I¡¯ll give you a few more.¡± ¡°Tease.¡± I smiled, squeezing him tighter. We both knew he wouldn¡¯t come upstairs with me. It was past ten o¡¯clock, and he had his rules. ¡°It¡¯s out of respect for you, Ara.¡± ¡°I know, but it¡¯s annoying.¡± I pulled my scarf away from my neck a little, allowing the bruises to breathe. ¡°Look at you.¡± David ran his thumb over the skin just beside the mark. ¡°We shouldn¡¯t have done that. You¡¯re going to have bruises for weeks.¡± ¡°I¡¯m fine.¡± ¡°No, you¡¯re not.¡± He covered the bruise again. ¡°I watched you fidget with that all night. I know it¡¯s bothering you.¡± ¡°It was worth it.¡± ¡°No. I was way too rough with you.¡± ¡°I liked it.¡± I looked up, my voice and my eyes filling with all the guilt of a child who just stole the last cookie. He let a breath out through his smile. ¡°You¡¯re not the shy, meek little thing I thought you were, are you?¡± ¡°No, I¡¯m really not¡ªand, you know, when you did that to me, it made me feel¡ªI don¡¯t know.¡± I shook my head, lost for the right word. David smiled warmly. ¡°I do. I believe the words you¡¯re looking for are excited, lustful¡ª¡± his voice lowered before he said, ¡°Aroused.¡± My cheeks turned hot underneath. He was right. ¡°What does that mean, though? That being bitten makes me want to¡­to have sex with you?¡± I whispered the ¡®s¡¯ word. ¡°Yes, but I prefer to think of it as¡ª¡± he stroked the backs of his fingers slowly over my cheekbone, ¡°¡ªmaking love.¡± My breath shuddered. ¡°Surely that¡¯s not right¡ªfor me to be turned on by you doing dangerous things to me?¡± ¡°Of course it is. It¡¯s called human nature. What¡¯s not right is taking pleasure in taunting me when I¡¯m about to kill you.¡± ¡°Is it¡ª¡± I chewed the inside of my lip. ¡°Is it wrong for me to want¡ª¡± Gah! I huffed the rest of my words out in one gust. ¡°Ara?¡± David stepped closer, towering over me a little, eyes of concern stealing his smile. ¡°S¡¯il te pla?t, mon amour? What is it?¡± ¡°I¡ªI want you to¡ª¡± ¡°Ara,¡± Vicki called before she walked through the doorway. ¡°It¡¯s late, time you were getting to bed.¡± Page 52 My shoulders dropped. ¡°Sure, Vicki.¡±Advertisement ¡°Ara, please?¡± David said quietly. ¡°What were you going to say?¡± Come back? I looked up at him. When she¡¯s gone to bed? David nodded. ¡°Goodnight, Ara.¡± ¡°Night.¡± My smiling eyes stayed locked to his as he backed away, kissing my hand. ¡°Goodnight, Mrs Thompson, and thank you for a lovely meal.¡± He smiled at Vicki with all the charm and sincerity of an eighteenth-century prince. She totally fell for it. ¡°Well, you¡¯re welcome, David. Any time. Maybe next time I¡¯ll cook something a little more interesting.¡± ¡°To be perfectly honest¡ª¡± the prince bowed his head, ¡°¡ªI¡¯ve not had a meal that delicious in a long time.¡± Vicki¡¯s chest puffed up, and the smile on her face spread so wide I pictured her as a big feathery chicken that just laid an egg. ¡°I¡¯ll see you tomorrow.¡± I linked arms with him and led him to the door. ¡°You will. Until then¡ª¡± he bowed his head, ¡°¡ªtu es dans toutes mes pens¨¦es.¡± I heard Vicki gush behind me. Sucker. But as the door closed, my heart fluttered and a pathetic girlie giggle shook my chest. I didn¡¯t even know what he said, but I bet it was romantic. All I knew, from growing up with Mike saying stuff like that all the time, was that S¡¯il vous pla?t was please, respectfully, and S¡¯il te pla?t was for addressing a close friend, while mon amour was my love. Not that Mike ever said that to me, but I heard him groaning it to other girls when I slept over his house. He really used his French upbringing to his advantage when it came to girls. I wondered if David was doing that¡ªtrying to woo me, or if it was just a habit for him to speak French. ¡°Ara?¡± Vicki stood beside me. ¡°Hm?¡± I looked away from the front door, shaking off that little shiver David left behind in me. ¡°Stop staring at nothing. Go to bed.¡± ¡°Oh. Right.¡± I rubbed my head. ¡°Sorry.¡± As I took the first step, Vicki gently grabbed my hand and smiled up at me. ¡°And by the way, David is a very lovely boy.¡± ¡°Thank you.¡± I smiled, gripping her hand for a second. ¡°And he¡¯s more than welcome here anytime.¡± ¡°Cool.¡± I tugged my hand away and ran upstairs; I just wanted to be in his arms again. Having him in my room past nine at night was a real treat. I wasn¡¯t going to waste even one second more talking to Vicki, even if she was actually being nice. I flung my door open to a dark room, slamming it shut with my heel. ¡°David?¡± ¡°Ara.¡± Dad waltzed in without even knocking, and flicked on the light. ¡°Dad? What¡¯s up?¡± I quickly checked around my room. ¡°Just wanted to say goodnight.¡± He smiled warmly, resting his shoulder on the doorframe. ¡°Oh. Well, you should¡¯ve knocked, Dad. I was just about to get changed.¡± He looked at my clothes, his eyes going wider. ¡°Oh, I¡¯m sorry, honey. I forget you¡¯re all grown up now.¡± ¡°It¡¯s okay.¡± I walked over and gave him a quick hug. He kissed the top of my head, patting my hair, then stood back. ¡°I¡¯ll see you in the morning.¡± ¡°Night, Dad.¡± ¡°Night,¡± he said again and closed the door. I spun around a few times, but the quiet emptiness of my room remained the same. Maybe David was waiting until my parents actually went to sleep. So, I took a shower, washed my hair, and slipped into my nice pyjamas¡ªthe ones that actually matched¡ªthen jumped into bed to keep warm in the cooling air. The cold turned to frost and my tired eyes felt sandy by the time Dad and Vicki finally shut their door. Then, with a stealthy silence that even the cat on the end of my bed didn¡¯t pay attention to, David slipped through my window, lifted the covers and snuggled down beside me, pulling me onto his chest. ¡°Hello,¡± I whispered. ¡°Hello.¡± ¡°Mmm.¡± I breathed him in deep; he smelled sweeter than he did before¡ªa more concentrated version of his scent, kind of like a Terry¡¯s Orange Chocolate treat. ¡°What¡¯ve you been doing? You¡¯re all hot and you smell so nice.¡± ¡°Do you really want to know?¡± ¡°Were you¡­hunting?¡± ¡°Would it bother you if I was?¡± A minute¡¯s silence passed in a second. ¡°I¡¯m not sure.¡± ¡°Just don¡¯t think about it, sweetheart.¡± His long fingers swept my hair back over my forehead, leaving behind a warm sensation under the tingling cool. ¡°So, that smell¡ªit¡¯s the blood you just had?¡± He laughed a little. ¡°Kind of. It¡¯s how my body interprets the blood, which is unique for every vampire.¡± ¡°I like it.¡± ¡°That¡¯s because you like me.¡± ¡°So, it¡¯s also why you¡¯re so warm all of a sudden, then?¡± ¡°Yes.¡± ¡°Then, why are your hands cold when the rest of you is so warm?¡± I traced a line over his index finger. ¡°Because it¡¯s cold outside. I¡¯ve been waiting for your dad to go to bed.¡± ¡°Why? He wouldn¡¯t have known you were in here.¡± ¡°I wouldn¡¯t be so certain about that, my love.¡± ¡°Mm. I like it when you call me that.¡± I smiled and slipped my fingertips under David¡¯s shirt, resting them on his belly. ¡°I like it even more in French.¡± ¡°I know,¡± he said. ¡°How do you know?¡± I¡¯ve never let myself think that around you. ¡°Your body temperature changes when I speak French.¡± ¡°Hm.¡± My eyes narrowed with a disapproving grin. ¡°I¡¯m not sure I like that.¡± ¡°Don¡¯t fall in love with a vampire, then.¡± He kissed the top of my head. ¡°Okay. I¡¯ll remember that next time.¡± ¡°You had better,¡± he said, sounding a bit English. ¡°Staying human to be with a human is one thing, but if I ever find you in the arms of another vampire, I¡¯ll turn you myself.¡± ¡°Duly noted.¡± I kissed his chest, smiling to myself. ¡°So, what did you say when you were leaving tonight¡ªwhen you said ¡®Until then,¡¯ and added a whole string of words I doubt were in English?¡± He laughed once, combing his fingertips gently through the front of my hair. ¡°Until then, you are in all my thoughts.¡± ¡°And then you went hunting?¡± ¡°Yes.¡± ¡°Do you think of me¡­when you hunt?¡± ¡°Sometimes.¡± He let the word hang for a minute then added, ¡°But not in the way you might think.¡± ¡°In what way?¡± ¡°I imagine you with me, enjoying the uh¡­the life of a vampire.¡± He paused and lifted his head off the pillow a little to look at me. ¡°Does that bother you?¡± Hm, does it? ¡°Not in the way you might think.¡± ¡°In what way, then?¡± ¡°I¡¯m not sure.¡± Maybe it bothered me that I couldn¡¯t really picture him when he was gone. I mean, if he were human, doing human things, I could picture him at home, on the couch, watching TV or eating dinner with his uncle. But no, my boyfriend had to go into dark alleyways and stalk my species. I didn¡¯t want to picture myself beside him, enjoying the¡­kill. I had tried a few times before, but it never felt right. My mind would always go back, standing on the sidelines, seeing his victim; the way he¡¯d hold her, pinning her down like he did to me when I tried to scream that day, seeing how he¡¯d bring his lips close to her flesh, and my blood would run hot, watching, but not because I wanted her to die, because I wanted¡­ ¡°Ara. Stop it!¡± ¡°What?¡± ¡°I can see that. I can see what you¡¯re thinking.¡± The blankets rustled under me as I sat up to look at David, blinking to focus in the dim moonlight shining through my window. ¡°Does it bother you? I mean, is it because I can picture it, or is it because I picture it wrong?¡± ¡°Neither of the above.¡± He grinned. ¡°Well, what then?¡± ¡°It¡¯s because you were picturing the victim¡ªas you.¡± I meshed my lips together. ¡°Oh. I was, wasn¡¯t I?¡± ¡°That¡¯s it, isn¡¯t it? What you were trying to tell me in the kitchen tonight?¡± David sat up and grabbed my arm, squeezing it gently. ¡°Um¡­¡± ¡°Ara? Is that what you were trying to say¡ªyou want me to drink your blood?¡± His eyes narrowed on the inner corners, his lip lifting over his teeth on one side. Without a word, I lowered my head and nodded, letting my drumbeat heart fill the empty silence that surrounded my awkwardness. ¡°I¡¯ll never do it.¡± He dropped my arm and sat back. ¡°I¡¯m sorry.¡± My eyes stayed on my knees. ¡°Is it¡­is it bad of me to think that way?¡± ¡°Yes.¡± Oh. The awkward silence grew fatter and shrunk in around me. ¡°It¡¯s just that¡ª¡± How could I explain this? ¡°It¡¯s just that there¡¯s this strange pull¡­urging me toward you in a different kind of way. I¡ªI want to feel your teeth against my flesh, I¡ª¡± ¡°Ara, stop talking.¡± ¡°But, why? I just¡ª¡± ¡°Ara. I said stop talking.¡± David stiffened. It¡¯s not fair. You never let me finish my sentences. I knew it was wrong, and I felt really ashamed of myself, but at the same time¡­it excited me¡ªthe thought, the idea of giving him what was mine¡ªto know it¡¯d warm him and make him smell sweet, to know I¡¯d truly be a part of him. ¡°Stop it!¡± David disappeared. My mouth hung open. ¡°What did I do?¡± ¡°You can¡¯t think like that around me, Ara, it¡¯s dangerous.¡± He leaned against my dresser with his arms folded. ¡°I will never do that with you, so get the idea out of your head.¡± Humiliation and rejection tightened my chest muscles, spreading heat through my limbs until it spilled out over my cheeks. ¡°Ara, don¡¯t cry.¡± He appeared on the bed, wrapping me in his arms. ¡°Please, I¡¯m sorry. I just¡ª¡± ¡°What¡¯s wrong with me? Why wouldn¡¯t you want to do that with me?¡± He took a deep breath and smoothed my tears from my cheeks. ¡°It¡¯s not that I don¡¯t want to, mon amour. There are just so many reasons not to.¡± ¡°Like?¡± ¡°Well, I¡¯d have to cut you, for one, and I can¡¯t use my venom to numb the flesh first.¡± I stopped blubbering and looked up from his shoulder. ¡°We could cut where no one would see?¡± ¡°How will that be any different? I still have to cut you.¡± ¡°I don¡¯t care. Something¡¯s happened inside me, David. I feel confused about it all, like, it¡¯s really gross when I think about it¡ªthe idea of drinking blood¡ªbut when I feel it¡ª¡± I placed my hand in the centre of my chest. ¡°It just feels so right.¡± ¡°I know. And, believe it or not, it¡¯s only human to feel that way,¡± he said, and his breath brushed my cheek. ¡°You¡¯re instinctually drawn to me¡ªto my bite.¡± ¡°Why?¡± He shrugged. ¡°Surely you¡¯ve watched documentaries on animals and insects that kill by luring their prey?¡± ¡°Yeah.¡± ¡°Well, that¡¯s why you feel the desire to be bitten. It isn¡¯t real, Ara, which is another reason I will never share blood with you.¡± ¡°But¡­you¡¯re not using lust as a spell now, are you?¡± ¡°No. Of course not.¡± ¡°Then¡­why do I still want you to drink my blood?¡± Beneath his smile, his white teeth gleamed; my eyes traced the sharp edges of his fangs and the straight lines of the front teeth. ¡°Maybe you¡¯re more like my species than you care to admit.¡± I frowned. ¡°What do you mean?¡± ¡°I mean¡ª¡± He sat up a little. ¡°Okay, look, it¡¯s a very intimate act¡ªblood sharing. It¡ª¡± ¡°Wait! Sharing?¡± ¡°Yeah.¡± ¡°Sharing? For real?¡± ¡°Yeah.¡± ¡°As in, like, I can drink yours?¡± ¡°Yeah. Of course.¡± ¡°But¡ª¡± I pointed to my neck. ¡°You don¡¯t bleed.¡± ¡°I do bleed.¡± ¡°But I tried to¡­I mean¡­I actually tried to cut you open when I bit you. You didn¡¯t break.¡± ¡°You¡­¡± His eyes widened, his head rolling forward into the cloud of disbelief. ¡°You tried to cut me?¡± ¡°Yeah.¡± I grinned. He coughed out the shock with a smile. ¡°It won¡¯t work. If I were to share blood with a human, I¡¯d have to make a cut myself¡ªfor them to drink from.¡± ¡°Oh, okay.¡± I looked at his neck more carefully. ¡°Stop thinking about it, Ara. We can never do that.¡± ¡°Why?¡± ¡°Because it¡­it leads to other things, okay? Not to mention, it¡¯s seen as a bit bizarre to do it with a human you don¡¯t plan to kill.¡± ¡°Why?¡± ¡°Because¡­¡± ¡°Because?¡± ¡°Because it just is. I¡¯m not going into detail, Ara. You don¡¯t need to know anything else about my world. Now just drop it.¡± After a long pause, David took a deep breath through his nose and let it out. ¡°I¡¯m sorry, Ara. Okay. I just don¡¯t want to taint you any further than I already have.¡± Page 53 I sniffled. ¡°You¡¯re repulsed by the idea of doing it with me.¡±Advertisement ¡°Repulsed?¡± His jaw jutted forward. ¡°Not in the slightest. Sweetheart, sharing blood with the one you love is one of the most intimate exchanges of passion. Lust and desire mean nothing in comparison to blood sharing. God knows I want to do that with you. I just¡ª¡± ¡°Just?¡± ¡°Just¡­I won¡¯t. Okay?¡± My mouth filled with saliva. I swallowed it down. ¡°I wish I knew what you tasted like.¡± David released a short, breathy laugh. ¡°Well, I¡¯ve been told it¡¯s a little like milk with too much sugar.¡± ¡°What do you mean by told?¡± ¡°I¡¯m pretty old, Ara. I have been with other¡ª¡± ¡°Wait!¡± I held my hand up. ¡°Don¡¯t go there.¡± He laughed. ¡°Okay, I won¡¯t. If you promise to drop this blood sharing thing.¡± I looked down at my hands. ¡°Are you afraid you might kill me if we did it?¡± ¡°I don¡¯t know.¡± ¡°Are you picturing it?¡± I asked playfully. ¡°I¡¯m trying not to.¡± I watched his eyes, so lost to thoughts I wished I could be a part of. ¡°Why don¡¯t we just try it, like, maybe a small cut at first¡ªjust to test?¡± ¡°Look. Stop it, okay?¡± He firmly planted his hand to my shoulder. ¡°I¡¯m not going to hurt you like that. I really love you too much to bear the thought of you being in pain¡ªespecially just to please me.¡± ¡°Then I¡¯ll do it myself.¡± I jumped off the bed and ran to my desk. ¡°What are you doing?¡± David seized my arm as I grabbed the scissors. ¡°I¡¯m gonna do it myself. Then you don¡¯t have to hurt me.¡± ¡°Ara, you¡¯ve lost it. You¡¯ve actually gone crazy¡ªgive me those.¡± He snatched the scissors from my hand and threw them back in the drawer¡ªslamming it shut. ¡°You¡¯re right.¡± I sat down in my desk chair. ¡°I have gone crazy.¡± Maybe all this had been too much for me. Maybe finding out about David was the last straw. Vicki warned me that trauma and grief could manifest themselves in unusual ways¡ªways you might not recognise. But she was talking about things like promiscuity and drug use, right? ¡°This isn¡¯t manifested grief, Ara. It¡¯s a collection of thoughts and cravings over a period of time that have grown into desire,¡± said the voice of reason from beside me. ¡°There¡¯s nothing wrong with you. But you have to drop this. All right?¡± I nodded, wiping fat teardrops from my chin. David ran his fingers through his hair and down the back of his neck, then held out his hand; I looked up at him. ¡°Come on,¡± he said. ¡°Where¡¯re we going?¡± He grabbed his jacket off my desk and slipped it on. ¡°We both need some fresh air.¡± ¡°Fresh air?¡± ¡°Yes.¡± ¡°And, where exactly are we going to get that from?¡± I asked in a shaky voice as he scooped me off the ground. ¡°And how are you planning to get there?¡± He squeezed me close, propping his chin on my forehead. ¡°You may want to cover your eyes.¡± ¡°Holy shi¡ª¡± I rolled my face into his chest as a jolt forced me to hold my breath. ¡°You okay?¡± he asked, his lips against my hair. I think so. ¡°I¡¯m going to put you down now, okay?¡± ¡°We¡¯ve stopped moving?¡± ¡°Yes.¡± He laughed. ¡°We¡¯ve stopped.¡± ¡°Okay.¡± I clung to his shirt as he set my bare feet to a cold, slanted surface, and a dewy breeze circled my ankles, howling a warning. ¡°Are we up high?¡± The kidnapper wrapped his arm around my waist and whispered in my ear, ¡°Open your eyes. See for yourself.¡± ¡°Do I have to?¡± I shut them tighter. ¡°You¡¯re not afraid of heights, are you, Ara?¡± He chuckled lightly. ¡°I¡¯m going to kill you for this, David Knight. I ha¡ª¡± A breath of awe escaped my lips as my eyes inched open and I saw the endless skyline, trailing off to a dark blue horizon, where the hills that were grey in the day looked invisible under the scattered stars. ¡°David, it¡¯s so beautiful up here.¡± He shrugged. ¡°I come here all the time.¡± ¡°Is this where you spent the summer? Spying on me?¡± ¡°Yes,¡± he said, with a cheeky grin, taking my shaking hand to help me sit with my legs dangling over the slant of my dad¡¯s roof. ¡°But you know that was only while I was worried about you.¡± ¡°So, you don¡¯t do it anymore?¡± ¡°Ha! Ara, if I was going to be at your house, I¡¯d be in your room, with you¡ªawake, or I¡¯d be at home, leaving you to rest.¡± I snuggled my head into his shoulder. ¡°So, if I was depressed again, you¡¯d stay with me more often?¡± ¡°No,¡± he laughed the word out. ¡°You¡¯re a little suicidal for me right now.¡± I slapped his chest with the back of my hand. ¡°Wanting to share blood with you is not suicidal.¡± ¡°Oh boy.¡± He shook his head, still laughing. ¡°If you only knew the truth of what you do to me with your thoughts, girl. You have no idea how close you¡¯ve come to death, do you?¡± A cold shiver raced down my spine and sent my heart back into my chest with a jump. But even after the eerie feeling subsided, the shaking remained and my teeth chattered together. ¡°You¡¯re so human,¡± David remarked lightly, wrapping his jacket over my shoulders. ¡°And you¡¯re so warm¡ªlike a human.¡± The heat within the leather felt like that warm spot in someone else¡¯s bed after they get up, layered pleasantly with the scent of citrus and that woodsy smell his car had. I slipped my arms through the sleeves, then moved to sit between his legs, wrapping his arms tightly around my chest. ¡°Are you frightened up here?¡± he whispered against the back of my ear. ¡°The human in me is, but the girl in me, who knows how much you love her, isn¡¯t.¡± ¡°You know I¡¯d never let you fall, right?¡± ¡°Even if I do fall¡ª¡± I yawned as I spoke, ¡°¡ªI know you¡¯ll be there to catch me.¡± I smiled, and as I looked at the eastern horizon, a flicker of silver glittered across the night sky. ¡°Did you see that?¡± ¡°A shooting star.¡± David nodded. ¡°Make a wish.¡± With my eyes closed, I crossed my heart and thought, I wish David would get the happy ending he longs for. David held his breath, his whole body going stiff. ¡°Why did you wish only for my happy ending?¡± ¡°Because, then I know that, even if our happy ending isn¡¯t together, you¡¯ll still be happy.¡± He swallowed and looked away. ¡°I thought you said you were a selfish girl.¡± ¡°I am.¡± I shrugged. ¡°I didn¡¯t wish for world peace.¡± He snickered softly. ¡°My darling, there are more than enough people in the world to wish for that. But it requires sacrifice and tolerance¡ªnot hopes and prayers.¡± ¡°Like us,¡± I said. ¡°What do you mean?¡± ¡°I mean, happiness is a possibility for us¡ªwe can be together. It just means a sacrifice on one side.¡± David nodded. ¡°And tolerance on yours.¡± ¡°Tolerance?¡± ¡°Yes. For death.¡± ¡°You can¡¯t ask a human to tolerate the death of another human. That isn¡¯t fair.¡± ¡°But, your species kill each other all the time.¡± ¡°I don¡¯t. Not personally.¡± ¡°Okay, well, you tolerate the death of animals for your nutrition.¡± ¡°Spoken like a vampire.¡± I smiled ruefully, keeping my eyes on the night sky. ¡°Well, my love, I am a vampire. Get used to it.¡± He kissed my temple. ¡°Bite me,¡± I scoffed. ¡°Don¡¯t tempt me, young lady¡ªyour death wish may just become a reality.¡± I rolled my eyes. ¡°So¡­if you drank my blood and we made love after¡ªI could get pregnant?¡± ¡°What?¡± The word burst from his lips. ¡°You said, when you were washing the dishes tonight, that it isn¡¯t entirely true about not being able to have children with a vampire?¡± ¡°Oh.¡± He wiped his hand across his jaw, shaking his head. ¡°Well, it¡¯s rare. You would¡¯ve heard of it in your much-loved mythology. The incubus and the succubus?¡± ¡°Is that real?¡± ¡°In a way. It¡¯s not like the horror stories, though. Supposedly, the babies are mostly human¡ªnot immortal. They can survive on less blood than vampires, but still require food. I¡¯m not sure how it works for female vampires. None of the girls I¡¯ve ever known have fallen pregnant, but for males, we can still¡ªyou know¡ª¡± he shrugged, ¡°¡ªwe can still give life. There¡¯s a rumour among my Set that my uncle has a son, born by a human girl.¡± ¡°Why wouldn¡¯t you tell me about this, David?¡± I asked softly. ¡°You know my desire to have children is one of the reasons I can¡¯t promise you eternity.¡± ¡°Yes, but it¡¯s not the only reason.¡± He stroked his soft cheek down mine. ¡°I didn¡¯t think it necessary to tell you.¡± ¡°Like so many things.¡± I ground my back teeth together. ¡°Yes. But, if you don¡¯t ever want immortal life, then what good would it be to have a child, and have maybe five years together before you grow too old to be with a teenager?¡± ¡°It would still be better than having only a few weeks.¡± ¡°True, but after those five years, I would lose you and my children¡ªnot to mention they would one day out-age their father.¡± David? Father? Of my children? I really liked the way that sounded. ¡°Besides, even if I was selfish enough to take those five years from you, I¡¯d be away for the first two. I have to return to duty, and what then? You¡¯ll be a single, teenage mother, and you may have missed your chance at love¡ªat a normal, happy life. No.¡± He shook his head, tightening his hold around me. ¡°I want you to have a good life, Amara-Rose. I want you to be mine, for all time, and I could convince you to come with me¡ªand eventually you would. But I will not let you give up the things you want. Not while they still mean everything to you.¡± ¡°I know. I guess. It was just a shock¡­to find out that you can still¡­¡± I rested my hand in my lap. ¡°I don¡¯t know. I¡¯m really confused.¡± ¡°Confused about what?¡± ¡°About what I should do. I want to be with you always. Not just until the winter comes. It¡¯s not fair.¡± ¡°Life¡¯s not fair, Ara. Haven¡¯t you learned that by now?¡± I shook my head, turning around to face him. ¡°No, David. I refuse to believe that. Life is what you make it. Sometimes things happen that suck, but it doesn¡¯t mean your whole life is unfair.¡± I shrugged and looked at the stars. ¡°Life is just life, and sometimes you just get played a different hand to what you wanted.¡± ¡°And you don¡¯t think that¡¯s unfair?¡± ¡°Situations can seem unfair, but all things considering, David, we¡¯re still alive, still breathing¡ªnot ill or starving or dying of disease. In that sense, I think we¡¯re kinda lucky, right?¡± ¡°I suppose.¡± I reached out and brushed my chin with his thumb. ¡°After all, we did find each other against all odds.¡± ¡°Right. And I wouldn¡¯t be here¡ªalive¡ªif you hadn¡¯t come along.¡± ¡°Really? So you think you would¡¯ve acted on those, what did you call them¡ªfleeting thoughts?¡± I shrugged. ¡°I don¡¯t know.¡± ¡°You scare me, Ara-Rose.¡± He grabbed my shoulder and spun me back into him, forcing me to hold my breath under his bear grip. ¡°What¡¯s going to happen to you when I leave?¡± I didn¡¯t answer; I didn¡¯t feel it needed an answer. And I wasn¡¯t sure I had one to give, anyway. The silence hovered over us for a while then as the dark blue horizon turned almost pale white and the sweet smell of morning dew mixed with the perfumed air from the dying summer rose. David and I both took a long breath. ¡°Are you okay, David?¡± I asked, sensing a shift in his spirit. ¡°Every day I wake,¡± he started hesitantly, ¡°And I tell myself that I¡¯ll let you go; that it¡¯s the right thing to do. And then you say things like that to me¡ªtell me that you¡¯re not sure about living¡ªand I wonder if I should just convince you to come with me; if I should just wish for you to suddenly lose your desire to live life, wish for you to throw your arms around me and beg me to change you. ¡°And then I look at you and I see you for the sweet, young, human girl, who has never lived a day in her life, and I just can¡¯t do it¡ªI just can¡¯t take your life from you. I have to bite my tongue every time I¡¯m about to say something that would convince you.¡± He pressed his face firmly against mine for a second, breathing me in. ¡°I¡¯m just a guy, Ara. I¡¯m not perfect. In fact, I¡¯m more perfectly imperfect than a human. I have this evil side in me that is screaming for me to steal you. It¡¯s only the angel on my shoulder that makes me wish a better life for you.¡± ¡°I know, and sometimes I wish you¡¯d just force me to do it, too. But I¡¯d hate you for it. It¡¯s just so dumb.¡± I slammed my hands down by my sides. ¡°All of it. I wish it were different.¡± Page 54 ¡°Well, you know what they say?¡±Advertisement ¡°Yes. They say a lot of things that don¡¯t really make sense. But which one were you referring to specifically?¡± ¡°Wishing is good time wasted.¡± ¡°Shut up, David! God, you¡¯re so negative.¡± I leaned forward to look at him, groaning out loud. ¡°You know, you might not, but I still believe wishes come true.¡± ¡°That¡¯s because you¡¯re still a child.¡± ¡°Then what does that make you?¡± ¡°Ha! A sick-minded hundred-year-old who has a fetish for teenage drama.¡± I laughed too, and looked out over the treetops. ¡°There is still magic in the world, Mr Knight. You don¡¯t have to be a child to find it. Even my dad believes in it, and he wasn¡¯t a child when he taught me to believe¡ªtaught me how to make wishes.¡± ¡°How can you teach someone to make wishes?¡± ¡°There¡¯s a special way to do it.¡± ¡°There is?¡± ¡°Yes.¡± ¡°Will you teach me?¡± I smiled and cleared my throat as I turned to look at David, noticing the tiny silver reflections of stars in his eyes. ¡°Well, when you see the first star of the evening or the last star in the early morning, close your eyes, cross your heart and make a wish. If you keep it secret, then it will come true, one day.¡± ¡°And you still believe that?¡± ¡°Yes. I do. And no one is going to take that away from me with borrowed philosophy about life.¡± I took a breath of the cool, dawn air. ¡°When you find that one of your seconds has been wasted on a wish, and you think you could¡¯ve really used that second¡ªreally need it back¡ªthen I¡¯ll agree it¡¯s wasted time wishing. But not yet.¡± I looked back to the sky. ¡°Not while I still have hope.¡± ¡°My only hope is that you see sense¡ªrealise that being a vampire isn¡¯t so bad, and let me bite you¡ªto change you.¡± David sighed, closing his eyes and crossing his heart. ¡°And there¡¯s that evil side,¡± I noted with a smile. ¡°Yes. But I will never stop wishing for it, Ara. I know that¡¯s wrong, but I can¡¯t control my heart¡¯s desires.¡± ¡°As long as you control your teeth, then I¡¯m fine with that.¡± ¡°But you asked me to drink your blood¡ªwhat if I lose control?¡± he said playfully. ¡°I¡¯m not having this argument with you. I don¡¯t want to be a vampire. I just want to be with you. Nothing more.¡± ¡°Okay. No more talking about it.¡± He kissed the top of my head and held me to his chest. ¡°When you¡¯ve decided you can¡¯t live without me anymore, then we¡¯ll talk about it.¡± ¡°But I already decided that.¡± ¡°Okay, well, when you decide you don¡¯t want to be a frail old lady and die, then we can talk about it.¡± ¡°Not gonna happen.¡± I laughed. David breathed out softly. ¡°You know, I¡¯ve never met a girl so eager to die in all my life.¡± I shook my head and folded my arms across my chest. ¡°No, David, I¡¯m not eager to die¡ªI¡¯m eager to live.¡± And for the first time since I lost Mum and Harry, that was finally true. Love had given me a reason to exist, and now, even without love, I wanted a life. We could remain in the bliss of summer romance until winter showed, and I wouldn¡¯t think about the choice I had to make; I just wanted to pretend it wasn''t there, because, when the time came to make my decision, he knew, and I knew, we¡¯d be saying goodbye. I could only hope some miracle would come along to save me from the choice of losing the one I love, or killing to be with him. Chapter Twenty-One ¡°Wake up. Wake up.¡± Vicki slapped my bedcovers. ¡°Time to go.¡± I groaned, shielding my eyes as she threw my curtains apart, blinding me with the white glow of morning. ¡°Vicki. It¡¯s Saturday.¡± ¡°Yes. I know.¡± She opened my window, and the fresh scent of cut grass and rain blew in with the light breeze. ¡°Good to see you¡¯ve finally started sleeping with this closed.¡± ¡°I didn¡¯t. Dad must have closed it.¡± Or David. I tried to remember last night, but could only half remember falling asleep against my vampire¡¯s chest, which, instead of bringing a rise of anger for him closing my window, brought only a dreamy sensation all through my limbs. ¡°Ara?¡± Vicki said, staring at my face. ¡°Are you awake?¡± ¡°Yes.¡± I flopped back on my pillow. ¡°I don¡¯t wanna go to school today.¡± ¡°You know full well where we¡¯re going today, young lady,¡± Vicki said in an insistent tone. ¡°Yes, which is why I¡¯m staying in bed.¡± ¡°That¡¯s enough. Now, just humour me and your boyfriend, and let him spend some money on you.¡± I pulled the covers over my head. ¡°Be nice.¡± She ripped my blanket away and dumped it on my chair, leaving me cold in the nakedness of my bed. ¡°Is it really so bad that David wants to buy you a dress?¡± ¡°Yes.¡± I pushed up on my elbow. ¡°I have savings, Vicki. I can buy my own dress.¡± ¡°Ara-Rose!¡± She folded her arms. ¡°Where are your manners?¡± ¡°In my drawer, where I left them.¡± She shook her head, sighing, and wandered over to find them, pulling out some jeans and a T-shirt instead. ¡°Get dressed. We leave in ten minutes.¡± ¡°Argh. Fine.¡± ¡°Thank you.¡± I flipped my legs over the side of the bed and stumbled to the window. I wanted to grunt at her, but held it in, folding my arms and resting my head on the glass pane instead. Outside, the dull grey clouds hid the sun, making everything under its suppressed glare seem vividly white¡ªlighting up the entire yard and all the garden debris. ¡°Did it storm last night?¡± ¡°Yes. You didn''t hear it?¡± Vicki folded her arms, looking out at the clouds as they spilled over and the soft pattering of rain filled the desolate street below. ¡°Nope. Slept like a baby.¡± I shrugged. ¡°Maybe I¡¯m just getting over my fear of storms.¡± ¡°Well, lucky Dad closed your window then.¡± A pensive twist to my lips became the first smile of the day. ¡°Yeah. Really lucky.¡± Thanks, David. ¡°And tidy this room,¡± Vicki added as she closed my door. With a certain amount of dread, I studied the chaos around me; clothes on every piece of furniture, covering every scrap of carpet¡ªlooking remarkably like a storm broke loose in here last night. I got dressed, then shook my quilt out over my bed and hid my clothes, clean and dirty, in the laundry basket so Alana and Emily wouldn¡¯t think I was a total pig when they came to stay tonight. ¡°Ara. I¡¯m going to the car¡ªhurry up,¡± Vicki called. ¡°Just a sec.¡± I ran to the bathroom, locking both doors, then smeared another layer of concealer over the bruises David left when he ate me in the auditorium closet. The leftover proof of my insanity looked mean and ugly¡ªlike a swollen, purple infection, leaking some kind of clear fluid. But, thanks to Vicki¡¯s shopping obsession, another layer of this two-hundred-dollar bottle of concealer, that could cover up a nose if you wanted to, saw my mark disappear. I stood back and observed my handiwork. I¡¯d actually healed pretty well for such a short time, really, but a part of me wished it would leave a little scar¡ªa permanent mark to remind me that I was David¡¯s and he was mine. And as that thought entered my head, a giant hand, bearing my name, came down across my brow. ¡°Sick, Ara-Rose. You¡¯re sick,¡± I said to the girl in the mirror. All the common sense I once had evaporated into the background of my subconscious when it came to David¡ªeven making me delusional enough to offer him my blood. And in the clarity of daylight, I was glad he didn''t drink it. I could see the insanity in it now. But deep down inside, that lust-driven human in me was screaming for him to do it. Outside, a horn beeped twice. I patted my pocket, slipped my shoes on, and stuffed the last of my savings into my purse as I left my bedroom. But as I reached the front door, a hand grabbed mine. ¡°You won¡¯t be needing this.¡± ¡°Hey!¡± I screeched, watching my purse leave my grip by force of David¡¯s. ¡°It¡¯s for lunch, or if I need anything else, you know, for the sleepover or, like, girlie stuff.¡± ¡°Nice try. If you need anything else, I¡¯ll take you shopping later.¡± He tucked my purse into his pocket and kissed my cheek, then, as the front door swung open and Vicki called out again, he disappeared. A victory grin spread across my face, though, as I slid into the car, patting the roll of bills I¡¯d stuffed in my pocket earlier. He clearly didn¡¯t see that thought, and since he didn¡¯t check my purse to see the grand amount of ten dollars I really put in there, he¡¯d never know about it. Human: one. Vampire: zero. Vicki parked at the centre of the long, outdoor strip of shops. I jumped out of the car and looked up at the sky. Even though the sun wasn¡¯t shining, as it had been last time I was here, somehow, everything felt so much brighter. The shopping strip was quiet for a Saturday, not that it was usually very busy anyway. It reminded me of my hometown; how there were people out and about, but scattered and far between. I checked my watch, hoping we¡¯d be out of here by the time Emily and Alana came over. By eleven o¡¯clock, exhausted from moaning and whining my way around the entire shop, I decided enough was enough, but Vicki dragged me to her favourite caf¨¦ and made me order lunch. I just wanted to go home. After trying on thirty dresses, the only one I remotely liked was an emerald-green one¡ªlike David¡¯s eyes. But it wasn¡¯t really grand enough, so Vicki said. I thought it was fine. ¡°So, I still have to find some pretty new underwear and a mask.¡± I laid my shopping list down on the table beside my plate. ¡°Well, you can¡¯t get a mask until you have a dress,¡± Vicki said with a mouthful of salad. ¡°And the underwear you get will depend on the fabric of the dress, too.¡± ¡°Why?¡± ¡°Because, if you get a satin dress, you won¡¯t want lace underwear.¡± ¡°Oh,¡± I said, swallowing a chunk of salt-coated steak. ¡°I think I¡¯ll just get that green dress then¡ªthe satin one. I''m kinda done with shopping for today.¡± Vicki stopped chewing, making her glare seem more severe. ¡°Ara. David has given you a lot more than that to spend. The green one¡¯s pretty, but you can do better.¡± ¡°I know. But I¡¯m not gonna let him buy the dress, Vicki.¡± She looked up quickly. ¡°You didn¡¯t really think I¡¯d just go along with this, did you?¡± She took a deep breath. ¡°I had a feeling you¡¯d protest at some point.¡± I smirked, thinking, You¡¯re not as dumb as you look, then. ¡°Well, I guess it¡¯s up to you, Ara-Rose. But, before we go home, can you please just humour me and try a dress in that store?¡± I looked behind me to the window of glitter decorating the front of a very expensive-looking store, with fairy-tale-perfect dresses beyond. ¡°Fine,¡± I rescinded with a huff. ¡°I¡¯ll be your little Barbie doll for another half hour¡ªbut that¡¯s it.¡± ¡°Thank you,¡± she said kindly; I rolled my eyes and finished my steak. We stepped carefully around the silks and tulles falling over the wooden floor as we entered the realm of couture, and a thin girl smiled from behind the counter before turning her attention back to her magazine. ¡°This is beautiful,¡± I said, spinning slowly to take it all in. ¡°Told you,¡± Vicki beamed. ¡°Okay.¡± I held my arms out. ¡°Dress me up.¡± Turns out, you should never say that to an old lady who never had a daughter, in a room with a commission-based sales clerk. I unwillingly tried on every dress in the store, like a dummy, lost in some mind-blank brought on by constant movement and the repeated inhalation of the manufacturer¡¯s fabric preservatives and dyes. But when they threw a shimmering, sky-blue dress at me, I woke suddenly. It slid onto my body like silk to satin, the carefully tailored lines fitting the contours of my hips like a glove. I stepped onto the box in front of the four-walled mirror and smiled as Vicki and the clerk gasped. ¡°You look like a princess.¡± Vicki almost started crying. Spinning around slowly, running my fingers over my hips, I marvelled at the soft organza, bunched together at the waist on one side and shrouded with little diamantes. The strapless corset bustle hugged my body until the full, flowing drop of the skirt glided out from my hips and over the ground¡ªlike a wedding dress, but blue. And even better, the clerk had pulled the corset so tight my waist became a half-size smaller and I totally looked like I was wearing a push-up bra. Vicki was right. The dress was amazing. ¡°We¡¯ll take it,¡± Vicki all but squealed. I shook my head. ¡°No, it¡¯s a thousand dollars, Vicki. I can¡¯t. I¡¯ll just get the green one in the other store.¡± ¡°But why, Ara?¡± ¡°I told you. I¡¯m not going to let my boyfriend buy a dress for me. It¡¯s ridiculous!¡± ¡°He¡¯s buying it for you?¡± the clerk asked, astonished. ¡°No! He¡¯s not.¡± ¡°But, Ara. It¡¯s so lovely, and¡ª¡± ¡°It¡¯s just a stupid dress. Who cares? I¡¯ll wear it for a few hours, then take it off and never wear it again. It¡¯s a waste of money.¡± ¡°But¡ª¡± Page 55 ¡°I can do what I want, Vicki. It¡¯s my life!¡± I jumped off the podium and stormed into the change room¡ªslamming the door.Advertisement The girl in the mirror looked up at me; she was thinking the same thing; the dress was beautiful. I wished I could afford it, because it definitely was the one. But I wouldn¡¯t take advantage of my boyfriend just because he happened to have made a few smart investments in his hundred-year existence. On the other hand, David would love this dress too, and I knew, from the look on Vicki¡¯s face, that I just broke her heart. ¡°Maybe¡ª¡± I said, reaching out to the girl in the mirror; she smiled. No. I drew my hand back quickly. ¡°No! We¡¯re not getting the dress.¡± ¡°Did you say something?¡± the clerk asked. ¡°Uh, no¡ªjust talking to myself.¡± Myself looked at me solemnly. I shook my head. ¡°Stop pouting. We¡¯re getting the green dress.¡± Vicki walked quietly behind me as I headed to the other store, purchased the green dress with my own money and headed to Summer Magic, Masks and Hats Boutique. ¡°This one would¡¯ve been perfect with the blue dress,¡± Vicki offered, holding up an almost transparent blue mask. The little stones around the eyes were patterned out like a butterfly, and as she angled it just so, it caught the light, shimmering like a diamond-powdered oil painting. ¡°Yes.¡± I swallowed, switching to ¡®indifferent mode¡¯ with a noncommittal shrug. ¡°It¡¯s great. But I have the green dress.¡± ¡°Oh, well, the only mask here that goes with green is this gold one.¡± Vicki¡¯s lips spread into a sinister grin. ¡°I know how much you love gold.¡± ¡°Gold?¡± I tried to swallow the vomit in the back of my throat. ¡°I do love gold. And you¡¯re right, it¡¯ll look great with the green.¡± Begrudgingly, I snatched the mask, purchased it and left the store, gagging on the bitter taste of regret. After the first five minutes into the drive back home¡ªin complete silence¡ªI watched Vicki¡¯s face, and the pig-headed me softened a little more. Sam was her only child. He would forever be her only child. I felt kind of guilty for ruining her only chance to do the girlie ¡®going-to-a-ball¡¯ thing. ¡°Vicki?¡± ¡°Mm?¡± ¡°I¡­I had fun today.¡± She gave a small smile as we pulled up to the garage door, and my heart sunk into the pit of my stomach. ¡°What¡¯s David doing here?¡± I sat forward slightly, looking at his car. ¡°He was supposed to be here at two.¡± I was supposed to have this dress hidden by then. Vicki shut the engine off. ¡°We thought it might be better if they started earlier.¡± ¡°But¡ª¡± ¡°What¡¯s the matter, Ara? I thought you¡¯d be happy to see David.¡± Her tone had all the malice of a person who knew that I knew she knew I was totally getting busted¡ªand she was relishing in the idea. ¡°Of course I¡¯m happy to see him, Vicki.¡± I closed the car door with my hip and folded the dress over my arm. ¡°I can¡¯t wait to show him my dress.¡± ¡°Me too.¡± She walked ahead and opened the front door for me, all the while grinning like an evil stepmother. The skin on my neck tightened. ¡°Greg? We¡¯re home.¡± ¡°We¡¯re upstairs,¡± Dad called. ¡°How was shopping?¡± ¡°Great,¡± I said. ¡°So you got a dress?¡± David, with his fingers wedged into his pockets, looked down at me from the top of the stairs, anticipation lighting his eyes. ¡°I did, and I think you¡¯ll love it.¡± He kissed my cheek as I passed him and, as Vicki followed, my shoulders subconsciously hunched around my ears. ¡°Did you have fun?¡± Dad asked, standing behind a big red sofa¡ªwedged in the doorway of the spare room. Vicki shrugged and sat on it. ¡°That good, huh?¡± Dad wiped his brow, winking at me. ¡°She hasn¡¯t changed a bit when it comes to shopping, Greg,¡± Vicki whined. My vampire folded his arms, his eyes narrowing as he stared at Vicki for a second, then, his head whipped up and he looked at me with an open-mouthed frown¡ªmy cue to leave. ¡°I¡¯ll just hang this up.¡± I headed into my room quickly, feeling a jitterbug run down my spine. When I headed back out to help Dad with the spare room, I half expected David to jump out and attack me. But he didn¡¯t. Worse, he continued to help Dad¡ªall the while saying nothing at all¡ªwell, nothing at all to me. He was mad. I knew it. I could tell. The two boys struggled with the offending sofa while Vicki, who must¡¯ve climbed in past Dad, vacuumed the imprints off the carpet where furniture had been. At last, the bulky lounge shifted, and David pretended to struggle with its weight as he and my dad carried it out of the room and angled it up the stairwell to the attic. ¡°Ara?¡± I looked at Vicki, then the stairs and the front door, and considered running for a second. ¡°Come help with the dusting, please,¡± she said. Against my better judgment, I sauntered into the spare room and took the feather duster from her. ¡°Make sure you dust the cornices, too. I hate cobwebs.¡± ¡°Don¡¯t go to a vampire¡¯s house then.¡± I grinned, imagining David¡¯s house was full of coffins, cobwebs and bats. If David had Vicki and Dad over for tea, she¡¯d conceal a feather duster in her handbag and sneak off to the bathroom every five minutes, but secretly, she¡¯d be removing all of David¡¯s eight-legged pets. Then again, the only reason a vampire would invite Vicki and Dad to tea is if they were the main course. ¡°I suppose you think you¡¯re pretty funny?¡± I looked up, snapping out of my reverie in a suddenly Vicki-less room. ¡°Actually, I do. I think you¡¯d look rather fetching in a coffin.¡± David¡¯s eyes narrowed in obvious confusion. ¡°Ara, what are you talking about?¡± ¡°The cobwebs.¡± I pointed to the ceiling, then dropped my hand slowly, realising that wasn¡¯t what he was referring to. ¡°Oh. The dress?¡± ¡°Yes. The dress.¡± ¡°I¡ªYou know what?¡± I sunk my hip down on one side, propping my hand on it. ¡°Bite me!¡± ¡°Don¡¯t tempt me, young lady.¡± ¡°It¡¯s just a dress. Get over it.¡± He shook his head and backed away as Dad and Vicki waltzed in, carrying the bed head. ¡°Vicki, please, let me take that.¡± The human David took over for the angry vampire, and I secluded myself in my task while the three of them continued furnishing the room around me. As time ticked on and my mediocre chores came to completion, I leaned on the tall chest of drawers across from the foot of the bed and watched David, suddenly aware that he wasn¡¯t so much angry that I hadn¡¯t accepted his gift, but hurt. In his day, it was common for a man to send his date a pretty dress. And my declining it was probably seen as very rude. But these were modern times. Things had changed. Women had rights now. My head nodded in self-satisfaction, but my heart danced a lonely samba under my rib cage as the afternoon sun lit the room and kissed his golden skin. He made it so hard to be mad at him; I knew he was mad at me, and I was mad at him for being mad at me, but now I was mad because I didn¡¯t want to be mad at him anymore¡ªand that made me feel uneasy because I had a right to be mad that he was upset that I hadn¡¯t accepted a gift. He dusted off his hands after he placed a small set of drawers next to the bed, then smiled at me¡ªthe conceited I-know-what-you¡¯re-thinking-and-I¡¯m-finding-it-funny smile. ¡°Er!¡± I stomped my foot, balling my fists up beside me. ¡°You¡¯re so annoying.¡± ¡°Ara?¡± Vicki looked up from making the bed, then looked at David as I stormed out of the room and slumped on the settee in the hall. Dad walked out after me and stopped by soon-to-be-Mike¡¯s door with a look of intense thought, then snickered and walked away. Vicki, with her arms folded around a spare blanket, followed him¡ªafter casting an accusatory glare at me. I folded my arms, scoffed in her direction when her back was turned, and refolded my arms. ¡°Another one of Ara¡¯s infamous tantrums.¡± David, with his towering height, stood in front of me. ¡°I¡¯m not throwing a tantrum.¡± I slid down in the chair, biting my teeth together. ¡°Hm.¡± He turned and headed back into the spare room. ¡°Coulda fooled me.¡± ¡°Coulda? You mean¡­did!¡± ¡°Yes.¡± He stopped and leaned on the doorframe. ¡°I must admit, that was very clever of you¡ªstuffing your purse with a lesser amount. But you can¡¯t read minds, mon amour¡ª¡± he tapped his temple, ¡°¡ªso your plan was doomed from the start.¡± ¡°Well, you assumed I was submissive, so yours was too.¡± ¡°Submissive?¡± He dropped his arms and moved over to me. ¡°Ara, is that what you think?¡± ¡°I don¡¯t know. You seem to know all my thoughts, so you tell me.¡± ¡°Ara. Look at me.¡± He knelt in front of me. ¡°Please?¡± With my movements as rigid as a frozen elastic band, I rolled my head upward, but kept my bottom lip in a completely tight pout. ¡°My love, I¡¯m sorry. I never meant to offend you. I¡ª¡± He took my hand; I let him, with only a little bit of a fight. ¡°I was being playful, mostly. I truly did not think that my spending money on you would be considered rude or controlling.¡± ¡°It¡¯s not that, David.¡± My tone sung with reason. ¡°It¡¯s that when I tried to decline, you got mad at me.¡± ¡°Mad?¡± He doubled back a little. ¡°You think I¡¯m mad?¡± ¡°You¡¯ve been ignoring me,¡± I said quietly. ¡°Ara,¡± he laughed my name out. ¡°I¡¯m not mad. Not at all. Jeeze, girl, sometimes you really can make a mountain out of a molehill, can¡¯t you?¡± Tears coated the surprise behind my eyes. ¡°I thought you¡¯d yell at me.¡± ¡°Yell?¡± His brow pulled low on one side, thought washing across his face. ¡°Ara, what kind of man do you think I am?¡± ¡°One that likes to get his own way.¡± As if a rope had just pulled his soul out onto the carpet, his face went pale, his eyes draining of the smile. ¡°I¡¯m so terribly sorry if I¡¯ve given you that impression. I¡ª¡± He shook his head and dropped my hand. ¡°I truly never meant for you to feel that way.¡± ¡°Aw, David, now I just feel guilty.¡± He smiled. ¡°Don¡¯t. Look, I¡¯m sorry I was pushy, but if it means that much to you, I¡¯m glad you bought your own dress, and I will be happy to see you wear it with pride.¡± ¡°Really?¡± A half a smile crept onto my lips. ¡°Oui, jolie fille.¡± He touched his hand to the hollow between his collarbones. ¡°I am your eternal servant. You should never feel pressured to do something because I want you to¡­¡± He swallowed, his eyes becoming glassy. ¡°And you should never be afraid of me¡ªor my reaction.¡± ¡°I wasn¡¯t really afraid¡ªper se. Just anxious.¡± My shoulders dropped. ¡°I just don¡¯t like disappointing you.¡± ¡°My love, nothing you want with your heart will ever be a disappointment to me. You must know that?¡± ¡°I do. Now.¡± I shook my head, laughing softly. ¡°I¡¯m sorry, too, David. I¡ªI mean, it¡¯s not that big a deal¡ªbuying my own dress. I guess, in some ways, I just wanted to prove that¡­that I could make a stand.¡± ¡°You, my girl¡ª¡± He rested his upturned palm along my jaw, ¡°¡ªdon¡¯t ever need to prove that to me.¡± ¡°David, you¡¯re a vampire¡ªa part of me will always need to prove I¡¯m not weak.¡± He looked down then, his eyes focusing on something far away while his lips turned up; my heart skipped at the sight of his dimples. ¡°What are you smiling at?¡± I asked. ¡°I hope you like scary movies.¡± An eerie feeling swept over me as my gaze followed his to the front door at the base of the stairs. ¡°Why?¡± ¡°Come in, Emily,¡± Sam said as he passed. ¡°Hello,¡± Emily chimed in her high but elegant voice, opening the door. ¡°Hey, Em.¡± I stood up. ¡°Hey,¡± she said, then turned and waved to someone outside. ¡°Bye, David.¡± David? Not surprisingly, when I looked back, my eyes fell upon the plain colours of the corridor walls and the rosewood floorboards below the rug David had been kneeling on. ¡°Right on time, Em.¡± I looked at the clock on the wall as I reached the base of the stairs. ¡°Yep, and I hope you like scary movies.¡± She held up a USB stick. ¡°It¡¯s based in Australia¡ªsome place called Wolf Creek?¡± I shivered. That¡¯s what David meant. ¡°Uh, wow. That¡¯ll be great,¡± I lied, not really sure why I did that. I could almost hear David laughing down the street. Well, I hoped he enjoyed his little joke, because he¡¯d be paying for it when I called him at two in the morning, scared, unable to sleep because the bad man might get me¡ªinstead of calling Mike, like always. My arms folded in smug gratification. Well, there you go, that was one thing I¡¯d let him pay for. Chapter Twenty-Two ¡°I don¡¯t know.¡± Emily grinned at Dad as he stood up. ¡°I think Sam has a point.¡± ¡°See, old man,¡± Sam said. ¡°If a senior agrees with me, I must be right.¡± Page 56 Dad, with a humoured grunt, stacked a pile of plates in the sink and leaned against the counter. ¡°Well, I happen to know that this particular senior is an A grade student because she doesn¡¯t play video games.¡± He motioned a hand to Emily, who sat taller¡ªbristling with pride.Advertisement ¡°Dad.¡± Sam smirked. ¡°Emily¡¯s only an A grade student because she has a cru¡ª¡± ¡°Good work ethic,¡± I cut in, sure Sam was about to say ¡°crush on her teacher.¡± Sam bit his lip, offering Emily an apologetic look; she just shook her head, picking the pineapple off her pizza. ¡°If only a good work ethic was addictive¡ªlike those video games you play, Samuel.¡± Dad sat back down at the table. ¡°The fact is, my boy, you have an example to set for the other students, being that you¡¯re a¡ª¡± ¡°Teacher¡¯s kid. I know, I know.¡± Sam rolled his eyes. ¡°We¡¯ve all heard the speech, Dad. But, you can¡¯t debate my argument with any profitable reasoning. I learned more about physics by playing Halo than I did from Mr Ester.¡± Dad let out a long breath, pinching the bridge of his nose. ¡°It¡¯s okay, Mr Thompson,¡± Emily said in an encouraging tone. ¡°Alana and I still believe in the importance of homework, isn¡¯t that right, Lani?¡± Alana looked up from her plate and nodded. ¡°I¡¯m sorry.¡± I folded my arms. ¡°I¡¯m with Sam on this one. Burnout taught me the logistics of driving a car.¡± Dad jostled with a little chuckle. ¡°Exactly.¡± ¡°Hey. What¡¯s that supposed to mean?¡± ¡°I mean¡ª¡± he sat back, folding his arms, ¡°¡ªthat there¡¯s a reason you don¡¯t have your licence yet.¡± ¡°You don¡¯t have your licence?¡± Emily practically spat the words out. ¡°Um¡­no.¡± I sank into myself. ¡°Why?¡± ¡°I uh, I¡¯m not very good at driving,¡± I lied. Truthfully, I just didn¡¯t see the need to be behind the wheel. ¡°Maybe Alana and I could teach you,¡± Em offered. ¡°I think we¡¯ll leave the driving lessons to the experts,¡± Dad chimed in. ¡°But, if your methods aren¡¯t working, Mr Thompson, maybe she could learn from those of us closer to her age,¡± Emily said. Sam stifled a giggle; Dad raised a brow at him. ¡°When did I become the old guy?¡± ¡°Uh, about forty years ago, Dad.¡± I laughed. ¡°Hm. Should¡¯ve seen it coming. So¡ª¡± he said with a change in tone, ¡°what are you girls up to tonight?¡± ¡°Scary movie,¡± Emily said. ¡°Yay.¡± I waved an invisible flag, with mock enthusiasm. ¡°Yeah? Which one?¡± Sam sat up, suddenly more eager to be a part of the conversation again. ¡°No way, pest. Girl¡¯s night,¡± I said. ¡°Aw. No fair.¡± ¡°Life¡¯s not fair, son. Get used to it,¡± Dad said distractedly¡ªthe common disease of resorting to philosophical one-liners taking the intelligence out of any point he may have been trying to make. ¡°Well, Sam, if you want to paint your nails and look at pictures of Ara¡¯s hunky BFF, then you can have a girl¡¯s night with us,¡± Emily said. ¡°Yeah, I¡¯ll pass.¡± He slumped back in his chair. ¡°All right, well¡ª¡± Dad stood up and took the last of the plates, ¡°¡ªSam and I will get the dishes, and you girls can go talk about boys.¡± Awkward. ¡°Yeah, um, that¡¯s our cue to go.¡± I stood and motioned the girls to follow. Three pairs of feet dangled off one side of the bed, three heads off the other, while the sun slipped behind the house, bringing darkness down the walls, and the dancing rainbows around my room faded, but Emily and Alana¡¯s stories distracted me from the dying colours in my life, reminding me of a time when I once thought the world was normal. ¡°So, whose idea was it to hang the crystals over the window?¡± Alana asked. ¡°It was so magic in here with all those rainbows.¡± ¡°Oh, um, Pollyanna.¡± ¡°Pollyanna?¡± She rolled onto her belly. ¡°Yeah. It¡¯s from an old movie my mom used to love.¡± ¡°Hm. Never seen it.¡± Alana looked at Emily, who shrugged, shaking her head. ¡°So, Ara, are you gonna show us these pics of Mike, or what?¡± ¡°Sure, Em, but, you¡¯re with Spence now, do you really need to be checking out other guys?¡± ¡°Who says I¡¯m checking him out?¡± She sat up beside Alana. ¡°I¡¯m just curious as to why your eyes light up when you mention him.¡± ¡°They so do not light up,¡± I demanded. ¡°Um, actually, Ara, they kind of do,¡± Alana said carefully. ¡°Yeah, you sparkle.¡± Emily waved her fingers around. ¡°So¡ª¡± she shuffled to the edge of the bed, ¡°¡ªlet¡¯s see them.¡± ¡°Fine.¡± I rolled up with a huff and wandered over to my desk. ¡°I don¡¯t have many, though. I only grabbed one box when I moved¡ªand it was the wrong one.¡± ¡°Which box did you mean to grab?¡± Em asked. ¡°Just some old family ones.¡± I shrugged as if it didn¡¯t matter. ¡°I¡¯d switched the boxes about a week before and just didn¡¯t realise until I was already here.¡± ¡°Why not ask your mom to send them over for you?¡± Alana said. ¡°Yeah. Guess I could.¡± I bumped the drawer closed with my hip and plonked down on the ground with the box in front of me. Alana sat beside me, waiting anxiously while I fingered the lid, trying not to peel back the carefully placed rainbow and kitten stickers Mike randomly stuck on there when he was bored one day. ¡°Oh, my God!¡± Alana reached past my wrist and grabbed the first picture the light touched, then jumped up and handed it to Emily, who smiled instantly. ¡°Oh. He is cute.¡± ¡°You think?¡± My lip curled. Emily laid back on my pillow, her silky blonde hair spilling out around her like liquid. ¡°Hell yeah. He¡¯s kinda rustic, isn¡¯t he?¡± Alana, with another picture in hand, nodded. ¡°Is he a surfer?¡± She flipped the image around for me to see; Mike, in his board shorts, on the beach¡ªgolden and tanned, with yellow hair falling scruffily over his eyes. ¡°Yeah, I suppose.¡± I shrugged. ¡°He does surf.¡± ¡°I can¡¯t believe how cute he is.¡± ¡°Yeah, he sorta is¡­in a way.¡± I pretended to cringe. ¡°In a way? Ara, he¡¯s actually really cute,¡± Alana said. ¡°Even by my standards.¡± ¡°And you two never uh¡ª¡± Emily let the suggestion in her tone lead that question. I shook my head. ¡°It¡¯s really not like that.¡± ¡°Never?¡± She grinned, and the pathetic liar in me showed herself on my face. ¡°Oh, my God. You so had a fling!¡± ¡°We didn¡¯t.¡± ¡°You did,¡± Emily insisted. ¡°Did not.¡± Alana studied my smirk. ¡°Ara, you¡¯re a terrible liar.¡± ¡°Drat.¡± My shoulders sunk. ¡°Okay, maybe I did, kind of, throw myself at him. Once.¡± ¡°Really?¡± Emily sat up and crossed her legs under her. ¡°Well? Come on, girl, fill us in!¡± My head dropped to one side with a groan. ¡°Okay. Um, so, it was my friend¡¯s eighteenth¡­¡± ¡°Ooh, wait, wait, wait.¡± Em waved her hands about, coming to sit down in our little circle around my box of Mike. ¡°Okay. Go.¡± ¡°Um.¡± I laughed at her, half frowning. ¡°So¡­I had a drink at her party. Well, okay, maybe three.¡± I laughed. ¡°Or more.¡± The girls gasped, wide-eyed. ¡°What?¡± I shrugged. ¡°You rebel,¡± Alana breathed the words out. ¡°I know, I know. It¡¯s not one of my proudest moments. But, the legal age for drinking in Australia is eighteen,¡± I added. ¡°So, I¡¯m not that far off¡ªnot like here.¡± ¡°Huh! So lucky,¡± Emily scoffed. ¡°So, anyway. I walked to Mike¡¯s house to stay the night so my mom wouldn¡¯t find out¡ª¡± ¡°Did his mom know you were drunk?¡± Emily sat forward. ¡°Let me finish.¡± I held a hand up; Alana laughed. ¡°It was actually Mike who picked up on it, like, before I even got in the door.¡± Emily and Alana exchanged glances. ¡°How did he know you¡¯d been drinking?¡± Alana asked. ¡°He¡¯s been a cop since he was eighteen,¡± I said. ¡°He knows the signs, and he knows me¡ªand I don¡¯t act like that.¡± ¡°Wait. I thought he was just getting into the Force,¡± Alana asked. My head moved in a ¡®no¡¯ as I popped a candy in my mouth. ¡°He¡¯s just getting in to the Tactical Response Group. That¡¯s where he really wanted to be. But he¡¯s been a beat cop for forever.¡± ¡°So...¡± Emily led, ¡°what happened then?¡± ¡°Um, well, so, he took me upstairs to his room and sat me down for a severe talking to. But, I just thought he was hilarious. I couldn¡¯t stop laughing at him.¡± ¡°How did he take that?¡± ¡°He was trying not to laugh, too, but¡­then I kind of went and threw my arms around him and kissed him¡ªtold him I¡¯d always loved him.¡± ¡°Huh! I would¡¯ve, too,¡± Emily said. ¡°Did he kiss you back?¡± Alana asked, completely arrested by my tale. ¡°Yeah¡ª¡± I lowered my head, ¡°¡ªfor a moment. But then he stopped¡ªpushed me away.¡± ¡°Ouch.¡± Emily winced. ¡°That must have hurt?¡± Alana¡¯s voice softened. ¡°Not really. I mean, I felt rejected and all, but it was¡­he yelled at me. He had never yelled at me before¡ªfor anything.¡± I laughed it off, but I¡¯d pushed that memory so far down that remembering it came as a shock. I¡¯d almost convinced myself the kiss never happened. ¡°Why¡¯d he yell at you?¡± Alana asked. ¡°Was it because you kissed him?¡± ¡°It was because¡­he said he was just really disappointed in me¡ªfor drinking. He was worried, I guess.¡± ¡°That sucks. So he didn¡¯t like you the way you liked him?¡± Emily asked. ¡°No.¡± I shrugged casually. ¡°But it was a mistake. I don¡¯t really feel that way about him. It was just the alcohol.¡± ¡°Or did you just tell him it was liquor-lust to save face?¡± Emily smirked. ¡°I didn¡¯t tell him anything.¡± I shook my head. ¡°I kind of ran home after that¡ªnever talked about it again.¡± ¡°Oh. So...how will things be when you see him on Tuesday, then?¡± I could see the word awkward appear in bold all over Emily¡¯s face. ¡°It¡¯ll be fine.¡± I hoped. ¡°So, have you guys got a dress for the Masquerade yet?¡± Alana, detecting my need to divert, knelt up and placed the picture she was holding into the box. ¡°I¡¯m wearing the same dress my mother wore, and her mother, and so on.¡± ¡°Wow, that¡¯s so cool.¡± I started gathering the pictures into a pile. ¡°Mm-hm. It was actually first worn by my great-great-grandmother at the very first town Masquerade.¡± ¡°That is totally cool.¡± Emily handed me a stack of pictures. ¡°I haven¡¯t found one yet. I¡¯m still looking. Just¡­nothing seems to suit me.¡± ¡°I find that really hard to believe, Em.¡± I rolled my eyes. ¡°Well, what about you, Ara? Have you got a dress yet?¡± Alana asked. I grinned, placing the lid on the box. ¡°I thought you¡¯d never ask.¡± ¡°Ooh, you do.¡± Emily squeaked. ¡°Let¡¯s see it, let¡¯s see it!¡± ¡°Okay.¡± I bounced to my feet. ¡°I¡¯ll just be a sec.¡± They both positioned themselves on my bed, anticipation alight in their eyes, and I bounded into my wardrobe, stopping dead as I closed the door behind me and saw a giant white bag hanging on the hook. My breath quickened, my throat constricting to the size of a straw when I slowly tugged the zipper down the length of the bag and saw blue. ¡°Damn vampires!¡± ¡°What?¡± Emily called. ¡°Oh, ah, nothing. Just got bitten by a mozzie.¡± I sucked my finger, drawing away the mock-irritation of a mosquito bite. Alana and Emily laughed. ¡°You sound so Aussie when you say that.¡± ¡°Well, I am Aussie.¡± ¡°Yeah, I know,¡± Emily called, ¡°you just never sound it.¡± ¡°Well, they say practice makes perfect.¡± I looked back at the blue dress inside the bag, wondering where those conspiring renegades had stuffed my pretty green dress. And when my eyes brushed past my old purple sweater and faded blue jeans, I saw it there¡ªshoved away like some ratty old coat. ¡°Hu!¡± I scoffed, reaching for it. So, David wanted to play dirty? Well, there was no way I¡¯d wear his superficial affection, in any form. I hung my green dress on the other hook, then zipped up the white bag and wedged it into a tight space near the wall, dusting my hands off after. ¡°There.¡± But, before I even stepped away, the sudden weight of guilt nearly forced my shoulders to the ground. Would it be so bad¡ªwearing the dress? my inner princess reasoned. I mean, what could it hurt? After all, David¡¯s already paid for it. The dress and I stared at each other across the silent battleground of conscience. Page 57 It was a pretty dress and I did love it.Advertisement I pulled it back out and hung it on the hook. It couldn¡¯t hurt just to try it on again¡ªsee if it really was as perfect as I¡¯d been dreaming it was all afternoon. Without allowing a second for my conscience to overreact, I unbuttoned my jeans, tore off my top and bra, and crawled into the dress¡ªleaving it on the hanger until I had my arms through, then unhitched it from the hook and let it slide into place around the shape of my body. It was hard to think I¡¯d be telling him to return this when it felt so amazing on my skin. As I reached around to tighten the satin bows at the back, I felt a cool touch on my wrist. ¡°Shh,¡± someone whispered; I spun around mid-gasp and a tall, handsome vampire placed an elegant finger to his lips. ¡°Shh.¡± ¡°David, I¡ª¡± ¡°Shh.¡± He smiled and nodded in the direction of the girls. ¡°You¡¯re lucky you¡¯re so cute.¡± By turn of his hand, I faced the wall again, closing my eyes when his deft fingers took my ribbons and twisted each one through the loops of the corset, tying them up; it tickled so softly, drawing warmth from inside my chest, making my knees weak. I rested a hand to the wall for support. ¡°All done,¡± he said, but as I tried to turn around, he held me in place by my shoulders. ¡°What¡¯re you doing?¡± ¡°Shh.¡± Using the tip of his very cold finger, the vampire traced a line ever so slowly from the base of my neck, all the way down my spine and across my shoulder blades, resting just under where my bra would sit. ¡°I¡¯ve never seen this part of your body before.¡± Despite the urge to dissolve under his touch, I held tight to good sense. ¡°David, you can¡¯t just come in here, touching me like that, and expect me to fall into your arms.¡± ¡°That wasn¡¯t my intention, sweetheart.¡± I spun around to protest against his pet name, but all my anger dissipated as liquid adoration melted the green in his eyes. ¡°You look so beautiful in that dress, Ara.¡± ¡°I do?¡± I frayed my fingers down the diamantes on the bodice. ¡°A beauty, I fear¡ª¡± he touched his chest, ¡°¡ªthat is a perfection I do not deserve.¡± Well, safe to say no one¡¯s ever said that to me before. He placed both hands in his back pockets and lowered his shoulders, shaking his head. My frown broke into a grin. He just had this way of looking at me, like, behind one eye he showed the human, the cheeky boy from school, while the truth of his thoughts hid within the other; he¡¯d smile from somewhere inside himself, looking at me like he¡¯d never seen me before. And every time he did that, I was lost. All I wanted now was to take this dress off and tell the girls to go home. ¡°I love you, Ara.¡± David laughed and kissed my cheek. ¡°I have to go.¡± ¡°Hurry up, Ara. What, are you still sewing the seams?¡± Emily joked. ¡°It¡¯s a corset, Em. Good things take time.¡± I turned back to look at David but, as usual, he left without saying goodbye, leaving me to find only emptiness. I drew a breath to quieten my heart, then stepped out to show the girls my dress. ¡°Oh my God!¡± Emily jumped up and ran to me. ¡°Ara, you look like a princess.¡± Alana shook her head, walking slowly over. ¡°No way, she looks like an angel.¡± ¡°Look at the way it sets off her eyes. They¡¯re bluer than the sky against that dress, Ara.¡± Emily ruffled the layers of my skirt, then sighed. ¡°I wish I could find a dress like this.¡± ¡°You will. Hey, why don¡¯t we all go shopping next week? We¡¯ll find something just as perfect for you,¡± I said. Emily nodded eagerly. ¡°I¡¯m in.¡± Alana cringed. ¡°I¡¯d rather not. I hate shopping.¡± ¡°Really?¡± I asked. ¡°Yeah, I mean, not hate it, but I¡¯d rather do other things,¡± she said. I shook my head. ¡°I¡¯m sure you and I are kindred spirits, Lani.¡± ¡°Perhaps.¡± She shrugged. ¡°Except I have better taste in boys.¡± As I turned away, chuckling softly, I caught my reflection in the window; the sky was dark, and though the howling wind and the pattering rain outside made my stomach sink¡ªfor fear there might be a storm on the way¡ªI saw only a smile on the face of the dark-haired beauty in the glass. ¡°Oh my God, Ara!¡± Emily grabbed the price tag, her mouth gaping. ¡°Was this dress really a thousand dollars?¡± Crud! My shoulders rolled forward. ¡°Actually, yes. David bought it for me.¡± ¡°What?¡± Alana picked up the tag and flipped it over, searching for a sale price, I guess. ¡°He wanted me to feel special. I tried to stop him, but he did it anyway.¡± And without that cheeky grin distracting me, I found it so much easier to be mad at him. Emily sat down on my bed, her gaze distant, hands folded into her lap. ¡°I can¡¯t believe it, Ara. I never thought I¡¯d see the day when David Knight fell in love.¡± ¡°Did you not think he was capable?¡± I asked. ¡°No. I¡¯m sorry. I didn¡¯t. I was sure that, ten years from now, when we met for our high school reunion, he¡¯d be America¡¯s most eligible bachelor.¡± She had no idea how right she was. Ten years from now, I¡¯d be so much older than him, and our high-school-sweetheart-romance would be a memory I thought about when I was alone. ¡°He might still be,¡± I added with a light giggle. ¡°Just because we¡¯re in love now doesn¡¯t mean we¡¯re gonna get married or anything.¡± Only, I knew we would¡ªif things were different. We loved each other enough to commit to a lifetime together, but I just couldn¡¯t commit to eternity¡ªand David couldn¡¯t commit to a life. ¡°Are you serious?¡± Emily stood up. ¡°He spends a thousand dollars on a dress, because he wants you to feel special, and you¡¯re not sure if you¡¯re going to marry him?¡± I sighed, feeling utterly defeated. I wished I could tell her the truth. I knew she¡¯d understand¡ªbe able to give me advice and take some of the burden of life and death decisions off my shoulders. If it just slipped out, if I just said it, right here, right now, maybe David wouldn¡¯t be that mad with me¡ªmaybe he¡¯d understand that I needed someone to talk to. And if Emily helped steer my decision toward becoming immortal, then David would only be grateful, right? I opened my mouth and, as Alana sat down in my desk chair, with my pillow in her lap, the squeaky hinge woke me to reality. I snapped my big gob shut. Emily squinted, studying my face. ¡°There¡¯s more to it, isn¡¯t there?¡± ¡°More to what?¡± I shrugged casually and started untying my dress. ¡°Is it¡­are you still in love with Mike?¡± ¡°What? I never said I was in love with him.¡± ¡°Then, I don¡¯t understand?¡± Of course she couldn¡¯t. How could anyone? David was perfect. Why would I not want to marry him? ¡°What¡¯s to understand, Em? David and I¡ªwe¡¯re in love, but we want different things in life.¡± I grabbed a shirt off the end of my bed. ¡°Eventually, we¡¯ll have to go our separate ways. We both know that. David understands.¡± ¡°Who are you trying to convince, Ara? Us, or yourself?¡± Emily asked. I held my dress in front of my chest, pulled the shirt over my head and, once covered, stepped out of the dress and threw it on the bed. ¡°What does it matter? It¡¯s not like you¡¯re losing him, Emily.¡± She shook her head. ¡°It matters because I care about him. We¡¯ve been friends for years, Ara, and I¡¯ve never seen him like this. He¡¯s happy. And it was like he knew you were coming¡ªlike he predicted it, or something, because, about a month before we even met you, he changed¡ªbecame the David everyone else can tolerate.¡± About the time I arrived at Dad¡¯s. ¡°So?¡± ¡°So, he smiles. He laughs,¡± Emily continued. ¡°And the only time that hasn''t been true, since the moment he finally asked you out, was the day of Nathan¡¯s funeral. What¡¯s going to happen to him if you don''t love him like he loves you?¡± Her ignorance just made me insanely mad. ¡°Who says I don''t?¡± ¡°You just said you had no plans to marry him. Ara¡ª¡± She pointed to my door, ¡°¡ªthat boy is practically picking out goddamn rings. You have no idea how lucky you are.¡± ¡°I do. Actually.¡± I sighed, dropping my arms to my sides as I sat on the bed, wishing I could fall into her shoulder and cry hysterically. ¡°I hate that we can¡¯t be together. More than you know. But it isn¡¯t my decision to make. Not really. There are outside factors stopping us from being together.¡± ¡°Why should it matter? When you love someone, you give up everything for that,¡± she said. I kind of laughed. I didn¡¯t know Emily went so deep. Everything she said was true, though, and it hurt. I just wasn¡¯t brave enough to risk everything for love. My mother taught me better than that¡ªtaught me to follow my head, because the heart could lead a girl down paths that may destroy her life. I just wanted to forget about decision-making for the summer; just wanted to enjoy the time I had with David and maybe, somewhere in time passing, the answer would just come to me. ¡°That¡¯s the worst advice I¡¯ve ever heard, Emily.¡± She opened her mouth and drew a long breath. ¡°You¡¯re just too blind to see the logic.¡± ¡°Or maybe too sensible.¡± ¡°Guys¡ª¡± Alana ditched a pillow between us. ¡°Stop fighting.¡± Emily sat on my bed, shaking her head. ¡°Sensible people die alone, Ara¡ªlike my gran and my Aunt Betty. My dad says if you don''t fight for love, you have nothing to fight for.¡± Despite numerous arguments I could squash that statement with, I decided to sever the conversation instead. ¡°I¡¯ll keep that in mind. Shall we watch that movie now?¡± The quiet hum of restful breathing filled my room under the howling of the wind outside. I laid awake, wishing I could put my bedside light on to illuminate the dark, scary corners of my room. I hugged my copy of Wuthering Heights and internally sent despise in waves of anger to the mattress on the floor. I should¡¯ve told Emily I hate scary movies. My phone lit the roof green for a second; I flipped over and reached across the gap between my bed and nightstand, cautiously, in case The Bogeyman reached up to grab my hand, then tucked my arms back in quickly with my phone in hand. The message on the screen read: Call me if you need me. I smiled and texted back: Thanks, David. But, it wasn¡¯t him I wanted to call. The green glow remained on my face and hands, and Emily stirred as the keypad bleeped when I pinned in the digits of a familiar number. I knew I should call my boyfriend, but in the darkness, surrounded by the fear of a storm outside, all I wanted was to hear the homeliness of Mike¡¯s familiar voice. And with the mere buzzing of the ringtone down the line, the eerie feeling of isolation slipped away a little. Pick up. Come on, Mike. Please, pick up. ¡°Hey, beautiful. What¡¯s up?¡± he asked, bringing me home with the sound of his voice. ¡°Hey, Mike,¡± I whispered. ¡°What happened?¡± he asked quickly. ¡°Are you okay, Ara?¡± ¡°Sleepover,¡± I said. ¡°Watched a horror movie.¡± ¡°Oh, baby girl. Why do you do it? What movie was it?¡± ¡°It doesn¡¯t matter. I¡¯m never sleeping again.¡± ¡°You will¡ªyou always do eventually.¡± ¡°Not for a few weeks, though.¡± Mike laughed. ¡°It¡¯ll be all right. I¡¯ll be there in a few days, then I¡¯ll sleep by your wardrobe and keep the monsters from coming out to get you.¡± I chuckled. ¡°It wouldn¡¯t be the first time.¡± ¡°Ha, yeah, I remember that night. How old were you then?¡± ¡°Um, fourteen, I think.¡± ¡°Well, I¡¯m sending a hug through the phone for ya, okay?¡± ¡°Okay,¡± I whispered, actually feeling a little better with that thought. ¡°Hey, I was thinking ¡®bout you before you called. You must¡¯ve read my mind.¡± ¡°What were you thinking about this time¡ªme in a blender or something?¡± ¡°Ara, I don¡¯t only reflect on memories of you in pain.¡± ¡°Hm. Seems like you do.¡± ¡°It was one memory. Once.¡± ¡°Two.¡± ¡°No. It was only the ice cream truck one.¡± ¡°And the other one.¡± ¡°Which one?¡± I couldn¡¯t think of one, realising then that I was wrong. ¡°So, now you expect me to document every conversation we have.¡± ¡°Ara, what is wrong with you tonight?¡± ¡°What do you mean what¡¯s wrong with me?¡± ¡°You¡¯re doing your thing.¡± ¡°My thing?¡± ¡°Yeah, when you twist my words around until we get in a fight. Don¡¯t do that. I¡¯m not trying to fight with you, baby. I was just¡­I wanted to call you¡­I was thinking about you¡ªthen you called. It surprised me, that¡¯s all.¡± ¡°You should be used to it.¡± He paused. ¡°It¡¯s been a long time since we¡¯ve been that in tune with each other, Ar.¡± ¡°What¡¯s that supposed to mean?¡± He paused again. ¡°Mike?¡± Emily rolled over and stirred with the disruption of my voice through the perfect silence. ¡°I¡¯m still here, Ara. I just¡­I need a few seconds, okay?¡± Page 58 ¡°Okay. I¡¯m just moving into the spare room.¡± I walked into the hall, my toes balancing over the quiet spots in the floorboards that I¡¯d memorised.Advertisement ¡°Is that the room I¡¯ll be staying in?¡± ¡°Yep.¡± I grinned and leaped through the dark, landing on his bed. ¡°I¡¯m sitting on your bed.¡± ¡°Maybe you can keep it warm ¡®til I get there.¡± ¡°Yeah, sure, I¡¯m gonna stay in bed for the next few days,¡± I said sarcastically. He paused again, then, after a long breath through what sounded like his nose, asked, ¡°So, how are things with the boyfriend?¡± ¡°Not so good.¡± I winced; how was the truth so automatic with Mike? ¡°We¡¯ve kind of decided to break up after the autumn ball.¡± I think. ¡°What? Oh, baby girl. I¡¯m sorry. Why? I mean, why would you do that? I thought you guys were a sure thing?¡± Mike¡¯s sympathetic tone brought my tears out from hiding. ¡°I don''t want to, Mike. But he. He has a. Kind. Of. Problem.¡± I sniffled before the sobs came breaking through. ¡°What is it, baby? You can tell me.¡± ¡°I know, Mike, but¡ª¡± I could feel Mike in the room with me, the way he¡¯d normally hang up the phone, right about now, and no more than two minutes later be knocking on my window. But that wasn¡¯t possible anymore, and after he left here and headed back home in two weeks, it¡¯d never be possible again. ¡°I¡ªhe has a secret and I have to keep it,¡± I said, sniffling. ¡°I want to tell you. But I can¡¯t.¡± ¡°Ara, baby, you know damn well if there¡¯s a secret someone says you shouldn¡¯t tell, you absolutely shou¡ª¡± ¡°It¡¯s not like that, Mike. Okay?¡± I took a moment to compose myself. ¡°Anyway, none of it matters. He has to leave, and after the last leaf of autumn turns red and falls from the last tree, he¡¯ll be gone.¡± ¡°What?¡± Mike scoffed. ¡°What the hell is that? Some fairytale timeline, bull crap? Leaves turning red? Ara! Did he hurt you?¡± ¡°No, Mike. He didn¡¯t hurt me. I mean, not physically. I¡¯m hurting inside, like I always do, but it isn¡¯t his fault. It¡¯s my decision that caused it.¡± ¡°Wait. What? Your decision? Ara. If he hurt you, I swear to God, I¡¯ll¡ª¡± ¡°No, Mike, he never hurt me, okay? He asked me to come with him. To go away with him.¡± A moment of silence passed. ¡°Where?¡± ¡°Far away. I¡¯d never be able to come back.¡± I actually felt a dense cloud wander into his breath, making everything silent before imminent explosion occurred. ¡°Don''t worry, Mike. I told him no,¡± I added quickly before he could freak out, even though it was a lie. The explosion came across the miles in a loud whoosh of air, the phone line interpreting it as static. ¡°So, you¡ªwhat, you¡¯re breaking up when?¡± ¡°When winter comes¡ªmaybe before. He said I could count on him staying until at least the end of summer.¡± ¡°And how¡­¡± I heard him sniffle. ¡°How are you coping with that?¡± The sadness of the idea felt so final, so eternal now that I¡¯d said it aloud. ¡°Not sure.¡± ¡°Well, you still have me.¡± I laughed out in one short burst of air. ¡°I know. I¡¯ve always had you.¡± ¡°It¡¯s just not really a consolation, is it?¡± ¡°Don''t be like that, Mike.¡± ¡°I''m sorry. I just¡­¡± He paused for a few ticks of the clock on the wall. ¡°Do you hate me, Ar? Is that why you didn''t take my calls?¡± ¡°Hate you? Why would I hate you?¡± ¡°Because of¡­because of what happened that night.¡± For the first time since that night, I allowed myself to think about it all¡ªto really think about it. Did I hate him? He turned me down¡ªrejected me. But you can''t be held responsible for the desires of your heart; it wasn¡¯t his fault he didn''t love me. ¡°It would be easier¡ªif I hated you.¡± ¡°Don¡¯t say things like that,¡± he said softly. ¡°Why?¡± ¡°It hurts me to think of you wanting to hate me.¡± ¡°Why?¡± ¡°You know how I feel about you, Ar.¡± ¡°Yeah. I know.¡± ¡°I don''t think you do. I don''t think you get it.¡± ¡°What do you mean?¡± ¡°You can''t¡­you can do no wrong, baby. All that stuff¡ªeverything¡ªit doesn''t change the fact that you will always be my best friend. You know that, right?¡± ¡°I know, Mike. I just...can we just forget it ever happened, please?¡± ¡°Already forgotten.¡± I sighed and stood up from Mike¡¯s soon-to-be bed, then looked out at the twinkling stars in the sky to the west; they reminded me of David¡ªafter our blissful night on the rooftop¡ªand for the rest of my life, they always would. Which was funny, really, because, while thoughts of my dark knight remained with the midnight sky, thoughts of my Mike, my warmth, would always be the beaches and sand¡ªthe blue skies. Two separate parts that made my days whole¡ªmade my world. ¡°You okay, Ara?¡± Mike asked. ¡°Just thinking how much I¡¯ll miss you.¡± ¡°I¡¯ll be there soon,¡± he said. ¡°I know, but you¡¯ll be gone soon, too.¡± Mike sighed. The sound strengthened the memory of his face; his prominent jaw, with a kind of arrogant set to it that was completely softened by his charming smile¡ªthe kind of smile that made you a part of his world when he offered it to you. I could see his shaggy, sandy-coloured hair, the blonde tones lighter in the summer, and his autumn-brown eyes, deep, like leaf-covered pools. ¡°Where are you, Ara? What world of thought have you slipped away to this time?¡± he asked in a soft, almost whisper. ¡°A world I don¡¯t want to be in.¡± ¡°Just hold tight a few more days, kid. I¡¯ll be there to pull you out soon.¡± I smiled to myself. ¡°I miss you.¡± ¡°I miss you too, kiddo.¡± Chapter Twenty-Three ¡°I¡¯ll be back before dark,¡± I called to Dad, closing the lid on Vicki¡¯s sewing box. ¡°It¡¯s going to rain¡ªyou¡¯ll need a coat,¡± he yelled from upstairs. I stuffed the pilfered pin into my pocket, taking a quick look at my bare arms, then tiptoed out the front door, pulling it quietly closed behind me. ¡°Take a jacket,¡± David said sternly. ¡°God!¡± I jumped back from the vampire. ¡°You gotta stop popping up like that.¡± ¡°Jacket.¡± ¡°Oh, fine.¡± I went to obey, then stopped, folding my arms. ¡°Actually, no. If you want me to bring one¡ªyou can go get it.¡± His eyes slowly narrowed above his tight jaw, an invisible rope bringing his shoulders back, making them straight and hard. I swallowed, about to shift my hand and place it on the doorknob, when a breath of wind swept my hair back and David grabbed my hand, leading me to the car¡ªwith my jacket over his forearm. ¡°I love how you do that.¡± ¡°Hm,¡± is all he said. We sat quietly on the first half of the drive out to the lake, not a peaceful silence either¡ªa deliberate one. I had nothing good to say to him today after that whole dress incident last night. ¡°Vicki seems happy about your dress,¡± David chimed, a flash of pure white teeth gleaming through his dark pink lips. ¡°I¡¯m sure.¡± I folded my arms. ¡°Oh, come on, Ara. You¡¯re not really mad, are you? It¡¯s a dress, let it go.¡± ¡°It¡¯s not the dress I have a problem with¡ª¡± And all of a sudden, we were arguing again. ¡°It¡¯s the fact that you went behind my back. You picked through mine or Vicki¡¯s brain until you found what you wanted, then took it upon yourself to force me in a direction I didn¡¯t want to go.¡± David smiled. ¡°But you love the dress.¡± Even though I refused to look at his charming smile, I could still feel its warmth. My arms dropped to my sides. ¡°I do love the dress. But I¡¯m just afraid it¡¯ll always be like this, David. That you won¡¯t respect my decisions.¡± Like the one to stay human. ¡°I never thought of it that way.¡± He looked down at the steering wheel. ¡°I¡¯m sorry, Ara. I must have misinterpreted your thoughts yesterday when we talked. I¡¯ll¡­I¡¯ll take the dress back.¡± ¡°No. Don¡¯t do that.¡± I choked on my own words. ¡°Just...in future, even if my thoughts indicate the opposite, listen to me when I say no.¡± He nodded. ¡°So, you¡¯ll wear the dress?¡± ¡°David, of course I¡¯ll wear the dress. I love the dress.¡± ¡°I know you do.¡± ¡°I know you know I do.¡± And all the irritation over the dress evaporated with one flash of his turned lip and irresistibly cute dimples, making the sun rise again in my world. ¡°Thank you, by the way.¡± ¡°For what?¡± ¡°The other night, when you closed my window. It rained and I would¡¯ve been very cold if you¡ª¡± My words dissipated with a gasp of air; I projected forward, nearly striking the dash as the car screeched to a halt in the middle of the road. ¡°David! What the hell!¡± I pried my fingers from their grip of fear on the seat, then slapped him hard¡ªnot hard enough, though. He didn¡¯t even flinch. ¡°When was this, Ara? Which night are you talking about?¡± ¡°Friday. Why?¡± I rubbed at my now throbbing hand. ¡°Tell me exactly what you think I did.¡± He grabbed my face, turning it from one side to the other, then let out a breath. ¡°Umm, you closed my window.¡± I pushed his hand off my face. ¡°Why the sudden freak-out?¡± After a moment of stillness, he looked over his shoulder, then back at the dash. ¡°Because, Ara, I never close your window.¡± My blood ran cold. ¡°I¡¯m pretty sure my brother came to visit you.¡± ¡°What? How do you know my dad didn¡¯t close it?¡± David reluctantly turned his gaze to me. ¡°The scent.¡± ¡°The scent?¡± ¡°Yes. It¡¯s nearly exactly the same as mine, only, I should¡¯ve followed my gut when I realised it was on things I never touch¡ªthings I¡¯ve never been near.¡± ¡°Are you saying there was some strange vampire in my room? While I was sleeping? Oh my God.¡± I shook my hands around, taking short breaths. ¡°I think I¡¯m hyperventilating.¡± ¡°It¡¯s okay, Ara. Really. He would never hurt you¡ªyou have nothing to worry about.¡± He placed a calming hand to my shoulder. I didn¡¯t feel convinced. ¡°He¡¯s like me, my love¡ªin so many ways,¡± he said, rubbing my back. ¡°He¡¯s a good guy. He was just curious about you.¡± ¡°Then why did he sneak into my room? What is it with you Knight boys?¡± ¡°It¡¯s my fault. I wouldn¡¯t let him meet you.¡± ¡°Why?¡± ¡°Because my personal life is not his business.¡± ¡°How is it not? He¡¯s your brother.¡± He looked forward, almost pouting. ¡°You¡¯re starting to sound like my uncle.¡± I reached across and touched his arm. ¡°David?¡± He looked at me again. ¡°I don¡¯t see what the big deal is? Why didn¡¯t you just let him meet me? It would¡¯ve saved all this¡­¡± I motioned to us, stopped dead in the middle of the desolate road. ¡°Drama.¡± ¡°He doesn¡¯t fit into your world as well as I do¡ªanymore.¡± David wrapped his fingers over his thumb, cracking it absentmindedly. ¡°I was afraid he might scare you.¡± ¡°Scare me?¡± ¡°Yes.¡± He smiled into his lap, tossing a sideways glance at me after. ¡°He can come across as a little...malevolent.¡± ¡°And you tell me not to worry that he was in my room? With me? Alone?¡± ¡°Yes.¡± ¡°David!¡± ¡°I''m sorry.¡± ¡°How do you know he didn''t do anything¡­unsavoury? I mean, touch me, breathe on me¡ªlook at me?¡± ¡°I know my brother. He¡¯s¡ªfor all his faults, violence and depravity are not among them. He wouldn¡¯t do anything¡­dishonourable to you.¡± ¡°Then why did you study me like that?¡± ¡°Involuntary reaction.¡± He shrugged; he looked so human when he did that. ¡°It was silly of me. If he¡¯d bitten you, you¡¯d already be a vampire.¡± ¡°Do you really think he¡¯d have done that?¡± He rubbed his chin. ¡°I don''t know. I guess I was just worried he might.¡± ¡°Why? Isn''t it against the law?¡± ¡°Yes, but, I¡ª¡± His gaze drifted into the world of nothing, coming back with a trace of alarm. ¡°If you ever see me or speak to me and you feel something is slightly off, just¡ªjust ask me something only I¡¯d know, and don''t think about the answer.¡± ¡°Why? Can he read minds, too?¡± ¡°Yes. And not just human minds, either.¡± ¡°What, like, dogs and cats?¡± ¡°And vampires.¡± ¡°Really?¡± ¡°Yes.¡± I held back the urge to laugh. ¡°So, he¡¯s more talented than you. I bet that sucks.¡± He brushed my hair from my face and stared at me intently, a hint of a smile returning to one corner of his mouth. ¡°What would suck is having your fourteen-year-old brother inherit the height in the family, while you were left¡­short.¡± Page 59 ¡°Hey! I am not short.¡±Advertisement He laughed and turned back to the steering wheel. ¡°Yes, you are.¡± ¡°Well, you make up in annoyance what I lack in height.¡± I folded my arms. ¡°So, can I meet him?¡± ¡°Who, Jason?¡± ¡°Yeah.¡± ¡°No,¡± he answered swiftly. ¡°Why?¡± ¡°There¡¯s no need¡ªhe was obviously satisfied.¡± ¡°Er! That¡¯s so creepy.¡± I dusted myself off as if I¡¯d walked through an empty web. ¡°I¡¯m sorry, Ara. I¡¯ll talk to him, okay?¡± I swiped my hair from my face, looking out the window. ¡°You better.¡± David put the car in gear and we pulled away again, gaining speed a little faster than usual. I sat watching the world go by for a minute, sorting out my inner fears by imagining everything; that vampire slipping through my window, standing over me, his face and his smile just like David¡¯s, while his eyes told a different story. And that damn cat. He was on my bed that night. How could he call himself a guard cat if he couldn¡¯t even alert me to strange predators sneaking into my room? I bet he would¡¯ve slept through my death, had it been a murderous vampire. ¡°So, you said I¡¯d already be changed if he¡¯d bitten me. How long does it take?¡± ¡°A day or so. For some it can take only hours.¡± ¡°Why?¡± ¡°It¡¯s based on the strength of your immune system; the venom kills it slowly, and when it finally gives out, you change permanently into a vampire¡ªassuming you have the gene.¡± ¡°What if I don¡¯t?¡± ¡°Well, it won¡¯t matter, because you refuse to become what I am. So¡ª¡± ¡°David! Tell me. What if he¡¯d bitten me, and I didn¡¯t have the gene?¡± ¡°Then¡ª¡± he went quiet again until he looked at me, ¡°¡ªyou die.¡± ¡°Whoa! Hold on. So, you bite someone to feed off them? If they have the gene, they become a vampire, and if not¡ª¡± ¡°Something like that.¡± He nodded, scratching the back of his neck. ¡°I¡¯ve never turned someone. Of all the people I left alive in my years, not one has survived. My uncle is the only person I know who¡¯s done it successfully.¡± He picked at the crumbling leather where his fingers had gripped the steering wheel during our abrupt halt. ¡°It¡¯s not an easy task; the exact method¡¯s a closely-guarded secret¡ªto prevent unauthorised transformations. All I do know is if Jason and I hadn¡¯t been compatible for the change, we would have grown ill.¡± Grown ill? ¡°So, it¡¯s kinder to kill them?¡± ¡°Yes.¡± He looked back at me. ¡°Our venom numbs the skin and induces euphoria; they desire the bite¡ªwe drain them and¡­they die,¡± his voice softened. ¡°It¡¯s peaceful; serene. But if we leave them alive, the venom becomes parasitical; they get a fever, their immune system deteriorates, as do the cognitive functions, then, they fall into a coma. It¡¯s a degrading and¡­painful death.¡± ¡°Can someone survive¡ªif they don¡¯t have the gene?¡± His eyes scrunched tightly for a second. ¡°I¡¯ve heard of a few cases; they recover from near death¡ªgo on with normal life, like it never happened. But it¡¯s rare, and they¡¯re never quite the same again.¡± ¡°So, I could choose to give up my life¡ªto be with you¡ªand it might not work?¡± ¡°It¡¯s a possibility. But, do you remember that feeling you had at the lake? The uh¡ª¡± He smiled, rubbing his chin, ¡°¡ªgravitational pull?¡± ¡°Yes?¡± ¡°That¡¯s how I know you¡¯re my soulmate.¡± I pulled the seatbelt away from my neck a little so I could turn in my seat. ¡°And that means I can be changed?¡± ¡°Kind of. You see, soulmates are designed for each other, Ara. If you couldn¡¯t be changed, the phenomenon wouldn¡¯t have occurred.¡± ¡°Did you feel that with the person who changed you¡ªwith your uncle?¡± He laughed. ¡°No. You only feel it with your soulmate, and it¡¯s especially rare to feel it with a human. My uncle took a risk changing Jason and I, on the hope we would be more like him, genetically. And there was nothing to lose anyway. We¡¯d just signed up to join the army. He wanted us protected if we ever went to war.¡± ¡°Really? That¡¯s how you became a vampire?¡± ¡°Yeah.¡± ¡°Why would he do that? He could¡¯ve killed you.¡± ¡°He swore an oath to protect our bloodline. It was either death by Arthur or by something possibly a lot worse.¡± ¡°So, he risked killing you¡ªto save you?¡± ¡°Love works in mysterious ways, Ara.¡± ¡°Love? Love is not plunging two barely nineteen-year-old boys into a world of murder.¡± His knee sunk as he pressed his foot to the clutch and changed to a lower gear, bringing the car smoothly onto the gravelly roadside, then sat staring at the dash for a second. ¡°Being a vampire¡¯s not all bad, you know.¡± He twisted the key in the ignition, shutting it off. ¡°I know. I''m sorry, David.¡± I reached across and grabbed his hand. ¡°I didn¡¯t mean to imply your uncle didn¡¯t care for you or anything, I just¡ª¡± Was just implying that if he loved the boys, why would he possibly think a life of vampirism was better than death? ¡°I¡¯ve lived a good life, Ara. I have no regrets about immortality.¡± He smiled down at our hands then, opening my palm to trace a line down the middle. ¡°And you wouldn¡¯t either, you know¡ªonce you got used to it.¡± ¡°Used to the killing, you mean?¡± ¡°There is a bright side.¡± He ran the tip of his finger down the Fate Line on my palm. ¡°You never age.¡± ¡°I¡¯m seventeen. I think I have a few years before ageing is going to bother me.¡± ¡°I don¡¯t know,¡± he teased, ¡°You¡¯re already changing. Look¡ª¡± He pointed to the line. ¡°This is shorter than it was a week ago.¡± I snatched my hand back. ¡°Are you saying my days are numbered?¡± ¡°No.¡± He smiled to himself. ¡°Just that things are¡­changing.¡± ¡°Nothing stays the same forever.¡± ¡°I do,¡± he said. ¡°Well, physically, anyway.¡± ¡°I don¡¯t know. I think your maturity levels stayed the same as your eighteen-year-old human self.¡± ¡°Is that so?¡± His emerald eyes met mine. ¡°This coming from a girl who thinks throwing a tantrum is an acceptable manner of getting her own way.¡± ¡°I don¡¯t think it gets me my own way. It actually does.¡± He laughed. ¡°Only because your dad¡¯s treading on eggshells around you until he¡¯s sure you won¡¯t run away or commit suicide.¡± ¡°Then why do my tantrums work on you?¡± ¡°Because,¡± he said, taking my hand. ¡°I love you.¡± I sat back in the chair and let my hand fall into my lap. ¡°I wish we could be like two characters in a book; that some miracle could keep us together.¡± ¡°I know, my love, but this is life,¡± David said. ¡°And our reality is that fiction doesn¡¯t mix with fact.¡± ¡°Yet I¡¯m sitting beside a vampire right now,¡± I said sarcastically. ¡°The only thing fictional about vampires is the possibility of one falling for a human.¡± I smiled to myself. He stole my hand back and sat quietly then, tracing his fingertip down the middle of my palm again. ¡°It really bothers you, doesn¡¯t it?¡± I asked. ¡°What?¡± ¡°The lines¡ªthe changes.¡± ¡°It¡¯s symbolic of many things, I believe.¡± ¡°Like what?¡± ¡°Perhaps not just the future, but maybe¡­¡± ¡°Maybe?¡± ¡°Nothing.¡± He laughed and folded my fingers around his, but the smile faded from his eyes and a flicker of something foreign flashed for only a second before it disappeared. ¡°I¡¯m just being melodramatic.¡± ¡°David.¡± I squeezed his hand a little tighter. ¡°Is something wrong?¡± ¡°I¡ªNo.¡± He patted my hand and released it, smiling. ¡°It¡¯s nothing. Let¡¯s just enjoy this day.¡± ¡°Okay, but, you¡¯d tell me, right? If there was something wrong?¡± ¡°Probably not.¡± I cleared my throat, unbuckling my seatbelt, but as I turned to open the door, looked up at the vampire standing there. He offered his hand. ¡°Would you like to go back to the island today?¡± ¡°Yeah.¡± I took his hand. ¡°Sounds great.¡± Raindrops broke the glassy stillness of the water, distorting the deep red reflection of autumn foliage. Ripple upon ripple stretched closer to the shore, pushing the clusters of orange and brown leaves in laps up onto the clay banks. David and I stood at the cusp of the lake, hand in hand, watching the watery road out to the island. ¡°It¡¯s magnificent this time of year, isn¡¯t it?¡± ¡°It¡¯s always magnificent,¡± I said. ¡°But I wish I¡¯d worn a skirt instead of jeans.¡± ¡°Hm,¡± he hummed, giving an automated smile. I stood between him and his distracted glare. ¡°David?¡± ¡°Hm?¡± He managed to look at me this time. ¡°I know there¡¯s something wrong. What is it?¡± ¡°Nothing.¡± ¡°That¡¯s not nothing.¡± ¡°Well, it¡¯s nothing that needs discussing right now.¡± Above us, the dark grey clouds closed in, swallowing the last smudge of blue left in the sky, making the sudden dread in my gut go deeper. ¡°So?¡± I closed my eyes for a second, pushing the swell of worry aside. ¡°Are we going to the island, or are we gonna stand here and get incredibly wet?¡± He looked up at the sky. ¡°Perhaps we should go home. I¡¯m not sure even the island can contain that storm.¡± I hugged myself, shivering a little as dots of rain fell over my bare shoulders. ¡°You cold?¡± David asked, rubbing my arm. I nodded. ¡°I can feel the autumn coming on.¡± ¡°And so follows the winter,¡± he said absently, his shoulders dropping. ¡°Come on then.¡± My hand linked with his. ¡°Home?¡± ¡°No. The island. Never know when it might be our last chance to go back there.¡± ¡°I¡¯ll always go back there¡ªeven when you¡¯re not with me anymore.¡± His nose and chin stayed pointed at the island, while his eyes slowly drifted onto me, narrowing, the question on his mind a breath away from his lips. But I squealed, my arms flailing out in an octopus manner when he bent down and scooped me up. ¡°What are you doing?¡± ¡°Getting us to the island faster.¡± ¡°Oh. Crap!¡± I buried my face in his neck, my teeth making a cage as the forces of gravity tried to hold me down under the vampire¡¯s need for speed. It felt kind of like going upside down on a roller coaster, gravity pushing at my head, compressing my arms and legs, possibly trying to cube me. We stopped abruptly and my gut kept going as my feet touched the ground. I folded over, feeling heat rush into my cheeks and ears. ¡°You gonna be sick?¡± David laughed. ¡°I¡¯m okay.¡± I reached up and grabbed his arm, using it to steady myself. ¡°I¡¯m okay.¡± ¡°Just take slow breaths. It¡¯ll ease off.¡± I nodded, rolling to a stand under the majesty of our secret little island. Even if I was about to puke, the cool cave of foliage stole my thoughts enough to make me forget how fast I¡¯d just travelled, and the fruity tingle of wild flowers filled my senses, making it easier to breathe. ¡°Better now?¡± David asked. ¡°Yeah. Better.¡± ¡°Good.¡± In my peripheral, a vibrant purple petal caught my eye; I turned to David and smiled. ¡°For you,¡± he said, tucking my hair back with the flower. ¡°You know, I still have the one you gave me here last time.¡± ¡°I know,¡± he said, sliding his hand down my arm to take my hand. ¡°Ara?¡± ¡°Mm?¡± I tore my eyes away from the canopy¡ªthe way the gaps in the leaves, if I looked only at the grey behind them, looked like blurry, floating lanterns. ¡°I need to tell you something.¡± As our eyes met, a flash of sadness turned his pale green. ¡°Something which, I¡¯m afraid to say, is not good news.¡± ¡°Okay.¡± My small voice trembled. ¡°I told you I¡¯d warn you when it was time for me to leave?¡± My stomach sunk; I bit my bottom lip. ¡°Well¡­the¡ª¡± his voice steadied with a chest-lifting breath, his gaze fixing on my lips, rising up to my eyes. ¡°The time has come.¡± ¡°No.¡± ¡°I¡¯ve been called to return to duty.¡± ¡°What? When?¡± ¡°Two weeks.¡± ¡°Two weeks? But, that¡¯s not enough time. How can I¡ªhow can you expect me to...¡± I fought several arguments with him in my head, not winning any of them. ¡°No, you can¡¯t do this. You have to tell them no.¡± ¡°That¡¯s not the worst part, Ara.¡± He took another deep breath. ¡°In that two weeks, I am expected to operate the Set from the New York offices. I will only be able to see you at night.¡± ¡°Night? Two weeks? And that¡¯s it? For forever?¡± ¡°Unless you change your mind and become a vampire,¡± he said in a low, dry tone. Page 60 ¡°David. I can¡¯t make a decision like that in two weeks. How can you possibly expect me to¡ª¡±Advertisement ¡°Because you have to, Ara!¡± He looked at me long enough to see the hurt infect my face. ¡°The time is now. Like it or not. You have to choose. When the full moon rises in a fortnight, I will be boarding a train and leaving for Le Chateau de la Mort¡ªwith or without you beside me.¡± ¡°You can¡¯t do this to me. Mike¡¯s here for the next two weeks. How am I going to choose between life and immortality while he¡¯s distracting me?¡± I wiped fat raindrops off my shoulder, moving out from under the giant leaf collecting them. ¡°Can¡¯t you reason with them? Can¡¯t you do something?¡± ¡°Ara. You don¡¯t understand the ways of the Set. I¡¯ve been ordered to return by the head of the World Council¡ªthe king, for God¡¯s sake. One does not refuse an order from the king.¡± ¡°But¡ª¡± ¡°Look.¡± He dropped his head with a dejected breath. ¡°Two weeks to get my affairs in order was a generous courtesy. He needn¡¯t have offered that at all.¡± ¡°Why? Are you in trouble?¡± ¡°In ways.¡± He looked up at the leaf above us and grabbed my hand, leading me to the shelter of a larger tree. ¡°The man I entrusted to run things in my absence has proven less than reliable. I must return and pull things into line.¡± ¡°But you have a life here. What about school and¡ª¡± ¡°The Set do not care! It¡¯s a part of being on the Council. I knew this when I joined; I accepted that with all of its glory and all of its responsibility. I must leave. That is all there is to it.¡± The pattering of rain filled the silence in around us while it all sunk in. ¡°But, what will I do without you¡ªhow will I get through the days?¡± ¡°Something tells me you¡¯ll be fine.¡± He smiled conceitedly, shaking his head once. ¡°What¡¯s that supposed to mean?¡± ¡°Nothing.¡± ¡°David?¡± I demanded, stepping closer. He stared at the ground. ¡°I was listening last night. When you spoke to Emily and Alana¡ªabout Mike.¡± Oh no. My lips parted for some kind of explanation, but only air came out. ¡°That¡¯s what happened? Wasn¡¯t it?¡± He looked back at me. ¡°The reason you were crying the night you asked your mom to pick you up? The night she¡ª¡± ¡°Yes,¡± I whispered. ¡°I¡¯m so sorry, Ara.¡± He gripped the back of my head and pulled me into him, squishing my cheek against his warm, soggy cotton shirt. ¡°He was a fool to turn you down.¡± ¡°No, he was probably smart.¡± David leaned back a little and cupped my face delicately in his hands. ¡°I guess that explains your over-analysing when I wouldn¡¯t kiss you. I¡¯m sorry. If I had known¡ª¡± ¡°It¡¯s not your fault. You did the right thing. Better to feel undesirable for a few days than to be dead, right?¡± I laughed a short release of tension. ¡°Do you love him?¡± ¡°Who?¡± ¡°Mike.¡± ¡°I¡ª¡± My eyes drifted past David¡¯s to nothing in particular. ¡°S¡¯il te plait, mon amour, tell me the truth. It will hurt more if you lie.¡± ¡°I...¡± New tears came for a new kind of pain: betrayal, unrequited love, the loss of a friend. I hadn''t cried for Mike yet, and I needed to so badly. I closed my eyes, and a tight cramp twisted my heart. If Mike had loved me that night, I wouldn¡¯t be here. But he didn¡¯t, and now I had David¡ªonly to lose him, too. ¡°I love you more than I love him.¡± David stiffened, straightening away from me. ¡°But he¡¯s better for you. You can live with him¡ªdie with him.¡± ¡°But he doesn¡¯t love me, David.¡± ¡°You lied to me,¡± he said coldly. ¡°I know.¡± My eyes closed involuntarily. ¡°I¡¯m sorry. I know I told you once that I don¡¯t love him. It¡¯s just that¡ªI¡¯m really confused.¡± I looked at him; he looked away. ¡°When Mike rejected me, I locked all the feelings I have for him deep inside. I felt so damn stupid. I didn''t even want to admit them to myself.¡± I touched a hand to my chest, my words a breathless whisper. ¡°I was just trying to forget it happened.¡± I searched for compassion in David¡¯s eyes, but only a hard man glared down at me, his jaw stiff. Everything around me felt cold; the air, my arms, my face, even my heart. ¡°Perhaps, with this information coming to light, we no longer need our last two weeks together.¡± ¡°David. No,¡± I said, grabbing his arm, but my words disappeared under a roll of thunder. ¡°It doesn¡¯t have to be this way. We¡ªwe can work it out¡ª¡± ¡°There¡¯s nothing to work out. You love Mike, and you don¡¯t want immortality.¡± ¡°I never said that. Please, we can make our own future. I believe in magic still. I believe there¡¯s hope for us¡ªfor our lives, tog¡ª¡± ¡°Shh.¡± He placed a finger over my lips and brought his face down to align our eyes. ¡°No, Ara, my love. It is all too clear to me now. I have to be the strong one, for both of us¡ª¡± he dropped his finger, ¡°¡ªand you have to be the one that goes on. You must go on, have babies, beautiful babies, and be happy¡ªlive that dream.¡± ¡°Don¡¯t you get it, David?¡± I shook my head, my eyes still, watering. ¡°You¡¯re the only dream I want to live.¡± ¡°Precisely. Live. You¡¯ve been waiting for me to tell you I¡¯ll stay, that all of this is some nightmare. But, my love¡ª¡± His eyes softened, a hundred years of sadness flaming within them. ¡°It¡¯s not.¡± I managed one syllable before the smoke of his words stung my eyes, forcing the volcanic eruption of blubbering. ¡°Don''t cry, sweetheart. I love you, and you will always belong to me. But I can¡¯t keep lying to myself, believing you¡¯ll change your mind.¡± ¡°But, maybe I will.¡± He shook his head again. ¡°Even then, it would only be to save me from eternal solitude. And for that reason, I just can¡¯t take your dreams away. Your human life is your greatest gift and my greatest sacrifice.¡± I sniffled, wiping my hand over my nose. ¡°It doesn''t have to be that way.¡± ¡°It does, my love. Look¡ª¡± He pointed to a blue and black butterfly, dancing in the shelter of a silky leaf. ¡°You see, you¡¯re much like that butterfly.¡± ¡°How?¡± He wrapped both arms around my waist from behind, tucking his chin against my shoulder. ¡°She started her life in the shadows, close to the ground. She lived and existed only as others saw her; a caterpillar, nothing more. Then, one day, she bloomed into a beautiful, brightly-winged creature¡ªso free, so pure. Something she could never have been had someone taken her away. ¡°Her life is short in comparison to most. But she will live each moment, flying, spreading her beauty, her life through the tree tops, so that when her existence comes to an end, as the sun goes down on her final day, her spirit will go on, and there will always be a beautiful butterfly to carry on her name.¡± David kissed the top of my ear, smoothing his hands against the skin on my belly just under my top. ¡°I love you, and your spirit will go on. As long as you have happiness, I have everything I will ever desire.¡± ¡°But what will you do without me?¡± ¡°I am the rain.¡± He looked up at the sky; I looked too. ¡°I exist each clouded day whether the butterfly flies or falls. A human life is but only a blink in the eye of eternity. I will go on when you are gone, I will have no choice.¡± ¡°Go on, or move on?¡± His arms tightened around me. ¡°I will never move on. The pain I will feel for eternity without you is a sacrifice I am willing to make to save you from forever longing, wishing you¡¯d been given the chance to live. I owe that to you¡ª¡± He nodded once. ¡°For the love I feel¡ªI owe that to you.¡± ¡°So that¡¯s it? You¡¯re making the decision for me?¡± I turned to face him. ¡°I have to, Ara. I¡¯ve been watching, waiting, scanning your thoughts to find some hint of promise for us. But you don''t, anywhere in your thoughts, want to be a vampire. And yet, you keep making me wait for your answer. And stupidly, I keep waiting.¡± I had nothing to say. He was right. Life was just too important. I¡¯d seen it in action; the beauty, the magic it had to offer. And I feared, if I gave that up for immortality, I¡¯d never forgive myself, or worse, never forgive David. ¡°Just give me two weeks more. For forever, please? Just let me have the last two weeks.¡± ¡°Two more weeks?¡± He stepped back. ¡°While you spend those days with another man¡ªone you happen to love?¡± My head hung in shame. ¡°Please don¡¯t hate me for loving him, David. I loved him for such a long time before I ever even knew you existed.¡± ¡°I do know that.¡± He exhaled, stepping into me. ¡°I just¡­I suspected it. I''m actually angrier at myself, Ara¡ªfor not listening to my own gut¡ªagain.¡± ¡°What would you have done if you¡¯d asked me and I¡¯d told you I loved him?¡± I rolled my face up to look at him. ¡°Would you have left?¡± ¡°That¡¯s the stupid thing about all of this.¡± He sighed, casting his gaze to the heavens. ¡°What¡¯s stupid?¡± ¡°That, even if you had admitted your feelings for Mike¡ª¡± he touched my cheek and smiled, ¡°¡ªthere¡¯s no way I¡¯d have left you.¡± ¡°Then don¡¯t leave yet.¡± Hope filled me. ¡°Give me the nights¡ªfor two more weeks. Please?¡± ¡°You don¡¯t even need to ask. You know I will. How can I not savour those last few nights?¡± I melted against him again. ¡°Thank you, David.¡± After a moment, he turned my face so my blue eyes met his shimmering green windows. ¡°I just need to hear you say it, though¡ªfrom your own lips.¡± ¡°You mean¡­that I¡¯m not coming with you?¡± He nodded. ¡°I haven''t made my mind up yet.¡± ¡°Please stop playing these games, Ara-Rose. Tell me the truth.¡± ¡°That is the truth, David. My mind makes up its mi¡ªwell, my mind makes decisions all the time, doesn¡¯t mean I agree with them.¡± ¡°Stop it.¡± He drew back a little further. ¡°Ara, just say it. Just tell me you¡¯re not coming with me.¡± ¡°No. Because that¡¯s not what I¡¯ve decided on.¡± I folded my arms. David turned away from me, extending his arm to grasp a tree branch. ¡°You will eventually have to say it, Ara. Either way, a decision has to be made. Wholeheartedly or not.¡± ¡°Okay, then¡­ask me on the last day of our two weeks¡ªthat way I can be sure you¡¯ll stick around.¡± ¡°The night of the Masquerade?¡± ¡°Yeah. It¡¯s perfect.¡± I carefully touched his elbow until he turned his face to me. ¡°You can ask me on the last dance.¡± ¡°The last dance?¡± He dropped his hand from the branch, his brow staying up in an arch of mockery. ¡°On the last stroke of midnight?¡± I nodded, smiling. ¡°Perfectly corny.¡± He grabbed me gently by the arm and pulled until my chest fell against his. ¡°I¡¯m sorry I yelled at you.¡± ¡°That wasn¡¯t really yelling, David.¡± ¡°No matter. I shouldn¡¯t speak to you that way, despite how I feel.¡± ¡°I yell at you all the time.¡± He laughed. ¡°But you¡¯re harmless. When you yell, it¡¯s merely amusing.¡± ¡°Thanks. Glad to know you take me so seriously.¡± ¡°Only as serious as you take me.¡± ¡°Hey.¡± I slapped his chest softly. He laughed. ¡°So, I guess that means you don¡¯t take me very seriously.¡± ¡°Not really.¡± I smirked, then remembered the gift I had in my pocket. ¡°Gift?¡± ¡°Stay out of my head, vampire!¡± ¡°Make me.¡± I ignored that and reached into my pocket, keeping my hand there, unsure if I should do this. ¡°It¡¯s a little corny, but¡ª¡± ¡°I like corny.¡± ¡°I know.¡± I smiled warmly. ¡°I figured the old guy in you might like it.¡± David¡¯s lips quirked up on one side, his eyes lighting with curiosity. ¡°You¡¯re getting good at keeping your mind clear when you want to hide something from me.¡± ¡°I know.¡± I grinned and pulled out a small white square of cloth. ¡°You know in movies, how the fair maiden would sometimes give her knight a handkerchief?¡± ¡°Well¡ª¡± David swept the beads of water through his hair, ¡°¡ªit wasn¡¯t a custom that started in movies, but, yes?¡± ¡°Um¡­well, since you have this strong set of beliefs about staying with me at night, I figured you could at least take a part of me home with you.¡± I pressed the cloth into David¡¯s palm. ¡°It has my scent on it.¡± He sniffed it. ¡°So that¡¯s why you were sleeping with this under your pillow the last few nights?¡± ¡°Yeah. You saw that?¡± ¡°Yes. I thought you might have had a cold or were¡­crying.¡± I pouted, reaching back into my pocket. ¡°No, I¡¯ve actually had this diabolical plan going all week.¡± ¡°Plan?¡± ¡°I¡­it isn¡¯t just my scent I want you to have.¡± Page 61 ¡°Okay?¡± His brows pinched with confusion; my shoulders lifted as I clamped my index finger onto the pin in my pocket, then drew my hand out. ¡°Ara!¡±Advertisement ¡°This is my perfume,¡± I said quickly, before he could get mad, then dropped a dollop of blood onto the hanky. David¡¯s fingers tightened around mine for a moment. ¡°It¡¯s the best way I could think of to give you a part of myself.¡± ¡°You silly, sweet girl.¡± He shook his head, then kissed mine. ¡°Thank you.¡± Ouch. ¡°I must¡¯ve pricked it pretty deep.¡± I squeezed the base of my finger. ¡°It¡¯s still bleeding.¡± ¡°Don¡¯t squeeze it¡ªyou¡¯ll make it worse.¡± He pocketed the hanky and took my hand, pausing for only a moment of hesitation, then slid my fingertip into his mouth, closing his lips tightly around it. His smooth, tepid tongue pushed my nail up to the roof of his mouth, sliding slowly down the length of my finger; he closed his eyes, his shoulders lifting with each calm breath. I wasn¡¯t afraid. I wasn''t worried he might lose control. There was no urgency to his touch; just a deep longing that I could feel emanating from his skin, coming off him in waves. He opened his eyes as he slid my finger past his lips, dropping a gentle kiss there. ¡°Ara, you taste amazing¡ªlike a creamy dessert wine. Sweet and yet so powerfully intoxicating.¡± His eyes changed colour around his words, just like they did in the storage closet at school; the green became darker, encircling the growing pupil, almost entirely consuming the whites of his eyes. ¡°I can¡¯t keep doing this.¡± I stared up at him, blinking each time his warm breath touched my lashes. ¡°Doing what?¡± ¡°Telling myself not to touch you, not to...to want you¡ªto drink from you.¡± ¡°Oh God, David, don''t you know how badly I want that, too?¡± ¡°Yes. And that¡¯s what makes it so much harder for me to refuse you.¡± My eyelids fluttered involuntarily. ¡°I don''t want you to refuse me.¡± He tried an accusatory glare, but the look washed away quickly as he ran his tongue over his lips one last time and the history of my blood clearly fell against it. ¡°Fine.¡± ¡°Fine what?¡± The vampire surfaced within his eyes; he cupped the side of my neck, his body inches from mine, his breath suddenly weighted, fast. ¡°I¡¯m going to drink from you. But not with your clothes on.¡± I looked down at my jeans, then back up at the vampire. ¡°Huh?¡± ¡°Vampires like skin; we need skin. If we do this with clothes on¡ª¡± he looked away for a second, ¡°¡ªwhen I get carried away, I might rip them off you. I don¡¯t wish to explain to your father why I¡¯m bringing you home naked.¡± ¡°Oh.¡± I laughed, but a sudden sinking feeling shot through my arms, like a hot blast of toxic, adrenaline-inducing drugs. ¡°It¡¯s okay.¡± He placed a steadying hand over my heart. ¡°I won¡¯t do anything to hurt you. You have my word.¡± ¡°I know. It¡¯s just¡ª¡± I disentangled my fingers from their ball-grip. ¡°It¡¯s just that no one¡¯s ever seen me¡­naked before.¡± ¡°Are you uncomfortable?¡± I nodded. ¡°Why?¡± ¡°I¡¯m¡­I¡¯m afraid¡­that you might be...disappointed.¡± I tensed, waiting for him to laugh, but he only slid the backs of his fingertips along my cheekbone and stared deeply into my eyes, reaching down to take my wrist with his other hand. ¡°What if I were to undress, and suddenly you decided I was not as...hot as you thought?¡± ¡°What?¡± I smiled. ¡°Impossible. You¡¯re totally hot, and besides, as if I¡¯d care. I love you.¡± He smiled down at me. ¡°Precisely.¡± ¡°Point taken.¡± I frowned at myself. ¡°Naked then?¡± ¡°Yes.¡± He released my wrist and fingered the base of my tank top. ¡°Naked.¡± My shoulders rounded, hunching slightly as he lifted it, revealing the strip of white skin above my jeans, then my belly button and my ribs. I stiffened all over, realising I hadn¡¯t planned my undergarments to suit this kind of¡­misbehaviour. ¡°Don''t worry,¡± he said with a laugh. ¡°You won¡¯t be wearing them for much longer anyway.¡± And so many pictures of all the things we would do ran through my mind; I knew David could see each and every one of them. I lifted my arms above my head, and a breath of a smile swept across my lips as David dropped my top to the wet grass and stepped back, shaking his head. ¡°Ara, my love.¡± That look warmed his entire face. ¡°You are incredibly perfect.¡± I quickly covered my purple and pink candy-striped bra. ¡°Even in a bra from the same boutique as Bozo the Clown?¡± David¡¯s burst of laughter caught me off guard, making me smile. He reached out, took each of my hands, and pulled them away from my ribs. ¡°This¡ª¡± he nodded to my bra, ¡°¡ªis just another thing that makes you so damn sweet and cute. You¡¯re seventeen. I didn¡¯t expect black lace.¡± ¡°But, I look like a flamboyant zebra.¡± ¡°You look beautiful.¡± ¡°Well, I feel naked.¡± ¡°Well, you¡¯re not¡ªyet.¡± His eyes slowly drifted to my jeans. ¡°May I?¡± ¡°Mm-hm.¡± I nodded, holding my breath. In one yank of my button-fly jeans, the denim parted, revealing my pink underwear. I drove my thumbs into the waist and shimmied them down my hips, feeling the air cool my skin where the rain made it soggy under my jeans. David watched, his eyes falling past my underwear to the apex of my thighs, down my skinny white legs and to my knees, his lips splitting into a grin when I carelessly stumbled and tripped, kicking my ankles free with about as much finesse as a drunkard. As I stood expectantly in front of him, more naked than I¡¯d ever been with anyone, the whirling winds circled the clearing, sweeping my hips, my arms, my belly, touching all the places I knew David was dreaming about. And for the first time in my life, I felt beautiful before his eyes. The patters of rain stopped completely then and the beads of water glistening in David¡¯s hair and over his lashes looked almost out of place. His golden skin showed through his white t-shirt, made almost see-through by the rain, hugging the curvy bulk of his chest and arms. He spread the collar and slipped it past his head, peeling it away, all sticky and soggy, from his skin, then dropped it to the grass beside my clothes. I smiled at the pile; he smiled, too. The sun wandered in for a peek at this innocent step toward danger, making the water on David¡¯s skin sparkle. He looked as though he was starring in the wrong storybook. ¡°What¡¯s funny?¡± he asked. ¡°I like the sun on your skin.¡± He angled his arm outward and studied it, running a hand down the droplets, his eyes flashing to another thought for a second. ¡°What?¡± I asked. ¡°What¡¯s what?¡± ¡°What were you just thinking?¡± ¡°Oh. Uh¡ªjust that¡­¡± He laughed. ¡°I hope the rain didn¡¯t soak through my jeans.¡± ¡°Why?¡± I asked, watching him unbutton them. ¡°Because,¡± he said, slipping them down his hips. ¡°My briefs are white.¡± ¡°So?¡± I said, but as soon as I heard my own words, the white of his shirt, all see-through with the water, registered in my mind. ¡°Oh.¡± He winked and tossed his jeans aside, allowing me a moment to scrutinise. My waterfall gaze drifted over his broad shoulders and the tight skin across his chest, down the cagey ripples of his ribs, stopping at the thick band of his underwear. Above those, there wasn¡¯t the obvious six-pack I kind of expected, just that nicely contoured ¡®V¡¯ leading up smoothly to his ribs. A girly giggle twitched at my lips. ¡°I always wondered if you were a boxers or briefs guy.¡± David looked down, then shrugged. ¡°These are kind of in between.¡± ¡°They¡¯re sexy and¡ª¡± I pouted. ¡°They didn¡¯t get wet.¡± He threw his head back, laughing. ¡°Quite frankly, I¡¯m relieved.¡± ¡°Well¡ª¡± The heavens forced my gaze away from him, ¡°They won¡¯t be dry for long.¡± ¡°No.¡± He curled his palm and caught a few raindrops. ¡°I should be taking you home.¡± ¡°I don¡¯t want to go home.¡± ¡°I know.¡± My toes angled inward, my lip hiding behind my teeth as his suggestive smile brought my blood up to my heart in a heat wave. ¡°I want you to come closer.¡± ¡°I know.¡± His words landed all hot and moist on my face, his chest suddenly inches from mine. ¡°And it¡¯s taking everything in me not to want you right now.¡± I shook my head. ¡°You can want me.¡± David folded over a little, his brow coming to rest on mine; I looked up into the anguish his closed eyes tried to hide. ¡°Lay down,¡± he whispered, stepping back. The grassy bed beneath my feet felt sticky, the summer¡¯s dying heat making the rain rise off it in a warm cloud. David stayed standing, stiff and tall as a tower, while I pressed my palms to the grass, my elbows shaking, and edged jaggedly onto my back, trying to look relaxed. ¡°Close your eyes,¡± he demanded sweetly, still not opening his. ¡°Okay,¡± I said, but after six long breaths and two fistfuls of grass pulled from the soil, only an empty breeze had caressed my half-naked body. I opened my eyes. David?¡± I watched him expectantly, waiting for him to look at me. He didn¡¯t. He was fighting that battle within¡ªthe war between the vampire and the human¡ªand as he dropped to one knee, then the other, his fists tight, my main concern was not the possibility of my own death, but that he might deny himself the pleasure of my blood. ¡°You remember not to scream, right?¡± I nodded, biting my lower lip. Without a second thought, both his hands cupped my face, then slid down my jaw and over the curve of my neck, slipping my bra strap off my shoulder. ¡°Just stay still, Ara.¡± The air coming into my lungs felt empty. ¡°Are you¡­are you going to take my bra off?¡± ¡°Not if you don¡¯t want me to.¡± My eyes opened to his breath on my chin, his lips within reach, his body immensely close but not touching; wanting but not taking, practically floating down the length of mine like he was just a layer of heat in the atmosphere. Every nerve in my brain called out to him; every part of my body, tingling hot, begged him to press himself against me. But he didn¡¯t move. He just smiled to himself, leaning on his elbow beside me. ¡°Well, do you want me to take it off you or not?¡± I could feel my pulse, racing like a twitch in my neck; felt my body succumb to the lust¡ªscream out its own instinct-driven desire to die at his hands. But I wasn¡¯t ready to undress completely. ¡°Not yet.¡± His eyes stayed on the bare patch of skin, his lips softly landing there as he smoothed the strap back in place. ¡°You okay?¡± ¡°Yeah,¡± I said, then quickly reached down to scratch my sticky leg. ¡°The grass is just really itchy.¡± ¡°Shall I run to the rock and get the picnic rug?¡± ¡°No,¡± I said, eyes wide. That would just give him too much time to think about what he didn¡¯t want to do to me. He smiled to himself¡ªhis secret smile¡ªand cupped my neck, his thumb sliding down over my chin easily with the rain¡¯s assistance, coming to rest just under my jaw, tipping it up to expose my throat. ¡°Your life is in my hands right now,¡± he whispered against my pulse. ¡°And the most beautiful thing about that, Ara, is that all I can read in your mind is desire.¡± ¡°That''s because you don¡¯t scare me, Mr Knight.¡± ¡°I wish I did.¡± ¡°No you don¡¯t.¡± ¡°You¡¯re right,¡± he said, keeping his eyes on mine as he reached down and took my hand, folding it open to press a firm kiss on the softer, more delicate side. ¡°I like you this way.¡± I looked at his nail sitting ready at my wrist, one firm indent away from releasing my blood. ¡°Then what are you waiting for?¡± ¡°Someone to stop me.¡± I gave him a reassuring smile. ¡°I trust you, David.¡± ¡°You shouldn¡¯t.¡± He traced a shallow, horizontal line, drawing slivers of red out over my milk-white skin, like pinhead rivers running quickly for the sea. But I didn¡¯t feel the cut¡ªjust the pressure of his fingers gripping my bone. Only a beat passed after that before the black in his eyes washed the human away¡ªthe vampire taking control, pressing his teeth down on the outer edges of the wound to open it further. Thousands of tiny bubbles raced up my veins, making my fingers want so badly to flex out and either shove him away or run along his jaw. My blood could finally reach him¡ªwas deep inside him right now, touching his heart, coursing through his veins, warming everything I could never physically touch. I wanted it to stay there forever. I wanted the sun to go down around us, and rise again tomorrow, leaving us here like this, always. I rolled my face to the leaves above, watching them swirl around, while my lungs filled with humid air, the rain moistening the back of my throat with each shallow breath. And the feel of David''s thumb in the cup of my palm, holding my hand in place against the stubble on his chin, made me feel so close to him¡ªto the human that loved me; the human that was buried deep beneath desire right now. But the trust was magic¡ªalmost euphoric, as if the world around me was just a soft echo¡ªlike being lost in the perfectly tuned note of a song I¡¯d never heard. I could float away, were it not for David grounding me, keeping me here. I finally knew what it felt like to be his victim; a human that could nourish him, but loved enough to be left alive. I felt the lick of death, felt the peace others must feel when they finally give over to it¡ªhow nothing in the world really mattered anymore. In a funny way, it all just seemed kind of silly to worry about the things we did. Page 62 Slowly, David drew away, leaving a moist, cool patch on my wrist, and smiled down at me. A stain of crimson love bled from his lips in rivulets, seeping out over his perfect smile.Advertisement My chest and shoulders lifted with each deep breath, guiding my soul back to the present. ¡°Are you okay, my love?¡± I nodded. ¡°I might actually have found Heaven on Earth.¡± David studied my face for a second, then cupped the back of my head and rolled me up, slipping behind me, slowly looping his arms around my shoulders, like the wings of a mother swan. ¡°I think you¡¯re delusional.¡± I giggled quietly, resting my feet beside his, our knees bent, committing the feel of his bare chest on my slippery, rain-soaked spine to memory. If I ignored the breeze making my wet bra cold, I could actually pretend we really were naked together. ¡°Thank you, David.¡± ¡°For what?¡± For letting me have my own way, for wanting it, too, for not denying that he wanted it, for being more than just an ordinary boy¡ªfor¡­ ¡°For being real.¡± I tucked my brow against his ear and slowly tickled the back of his wrist, imagining his blood in my mouth. ¡°You don¡¯t have to imagine it, Ara,¡± he said, kissing the bone above my eye. ¡°If you want it, you can have it.¡± ¡°Really?¡± I turned slightly at the shoulders to look back at him. He lifted his wrist and shut his eyes tight for a second, and when I snuggled my spine against his chest again, saw red gush out over his skin. He tipped his arm, balancing the liquid there as he slowly offered it to my lips. Without hesitation, I opened my mouth and scooped up the runaway drops with my tongue, wrapping my lips around his arm, the warmth of sweet orange-chocolate flooding my mouth like liquid made of satin ribbons. ¡°Describe it to me,¡± he whispered into my hair. ¡°In your thoughts.¡± I swirled the warm blood around on my tongue and let it slide down my throat, into my stomach¡ªlike the first hot cocoa of winter; smooth and rich, warm¡ªlike his voice. You taste like...like... ¡°Okay.¡± He slid his index finger against my lip then down my chin, gently pulling my face away from his wrist. ¡°That¡¯s enough, my love. I¡¯m not sure what it¡¯ll do to you.¡± Through the whir of the world spinning around me, I turned my head and looked up into David¡¯s eyes, filling with that amazing, almost transparent shade of green, but brighter than ever before¡ªDorothy¡¯s Emerald City illustrated in the gaze of a vampire. ¡°David, I think I can see your soul.¡± He closed his eyes around a smile. ¡°You are so damn sweet.¡± I licked my teeth, tasting his blood again. ¡°Mm, no, you are.¡± ¡°I am, huh?¡± He looked at my lips, moving slowly onto his knees in front of me. ¡°Let me taste it.¡± I opened my mouth to touch David¡¯s, his tongue skimming across mine, pushing it away from the sharp edges of his fangs. Warm sweet butter and salty copper mixed in our kiss, and it almost felt like David and I were thinking the same thing¡ªthinking how amazing it was to taste the essence of him and me; everything that made us exist broken down to flavour between our lips¡ªtangible, real. My body sung with ideas and desires too long refused. ¡°I know,¡± David whispered into my breath. ¡°You know what?¡± I angled my face to the sky, laying back on my elbows as his lips travelled down my neck, over each and every one of the tiny scars there. ¡°I know how you feel.¡± I moaned, my breath expelling in a half gasp as his lips circled my navel suddenly. ¡°Mm. I don¡¯t think you do.¡± He laughed, my wet skin making the path of his breath obvious. ¡°David.¡± I parted my knees and let him kiss my inner thigh, feeling his wet hair drip against my undies. ¡°What are you doing?¡± ¡°I want to know every inch of your body by only the memory of my lips.¡± My eyes flung open as he kissed fabric, folding it down over my hips a little. ¡°Don¡¯t worry,¡± he said. ¡°I won¡¯t go there¡ªtoday.¡± Droplets of rain tickled my flesh, skimming silkily over my belly, staying on my skin until they reached my back, soaking away into the ground then. It was cold, I could tell, and I hoped the goosebumps over my skin, probably making my legs prickly, didn¡¯t turn David off touching me. ¡°You¡¯re not prickly, Ara,¡± David said, caressing the underside of my knee delicately, bringing my ankle up over his hip as he drank the rain from the curve of my waist. I drove my fingers into his wet hair, following the movements of his head against my skin. ¡°David?¡± ¡°Yes, my love?¡± ¡°I want to feel you against me.¡± ¡°I know you do,¡± he said, and when I hooked my fingers just under his elbows and tugged him upward, his bare chest and arms slipped across my body, stealing a quick gasp as I felt him on top of me for the first time. It was like a hunger finally fed; a wave finally meeting a rock, dissolving into spray. For everything else in the world that made me cry, in this moment I finally found life. I wanted to tear away the wet remains of fabric between us and feel him inside me. He laughed breathily into the flesh just below my ear. ¡°Ara, I can''t think straight when you think that way.¡± ¡°Don¡¯t then. When you think straight, you deny me what I want.¡± He stopped and pushed up slowly on his elbows, elevating his chest from mine. I stared him down, beads of water blinding me, the rain pouring into our quiet little world as if it had no care for the fact that our forever was limited. ¡°I know what you¡¯re doing,¡± I said. ¡°I know you¡¯re about to tell me we have to stop.¡± ¡°I have good reason for that.¡± He rose onto his knees, keeping his hands beside my shoulders, his body forming a shelter over mine. ¡°What reason?¡± David nodded to the now dark sky. ¡°That rain¡¯s gonna get heavier any minute.¡± ¡°No. This sucks! You never give me my own way.¡± ¡°That, my love, is because your own way involves me taking something from you I''m not willing to take.¡± ¡°My virginity?¡± A cheeky grin spread across his face, golden under the grey sky. ¡°Yes.¡± ¡°Oh, my holy, freakin¡¯ God. You have got to be kidding me!¡± ¡°Sorry. I''m not.¡± With the cold conclusiveness of reason, the small split in my wrist started stinging. ¡°Why? Is my virginity like kryptonite or something?¡± ¡°No. Even better.¡± He dropped a quick kiss on my mouth. ¡°It¡¯s sacred.¡± ¡°Sacred?¡± My arched brow thickened the sarcasm. He breathed out through his nose, closing his lips into a thin smile. ¡°Yes, my love. You will always remember your first. If you choose not to come with me, one day you will fall in love with someone else, and you¡¯ll want to be pure¡ªuntainted¡ªfor him. If I take you now, you can never go back. I would hate for you to regret any of our interactions one day.¡± ¡°David. This is the new world. It doesn¡¯t work like that now.¡± ¡°That may be so, but it still works that way for me.¡± His wide, sincere eyes looked right into mine, his voice intense with conviction. ¡°In my society, virginity is a virtue to be praised and cherished, not something girls give away without reflection or care.¡± ¡°But¡ª¡± ¡°Ara, please? It¡¯s what I want for you.¡± His harsh tone forced me into silence. ¡°Sometimes you can think too much with your heart and not enough with your head. I have to be the adult here. I have to protect you from yourself¡ªfrom your human nature.¡± ¡°But, David, I can take care of myself. I¡¯m a big¡ª¡± ¡°It¡¯s my job to protect you,¡± he scolded then softened. ¡°Even if it means I¡¯m falling apart.¡± ¡°Fine.¡± ¡°I¡¯m sorry, Ara.¡± ¡°I said it¡¯s fine.¡± I looked to the side, tears coating my eyes. ¡°Come on then¡ª¡± He pulled away a little, helping me to my feet, standing closer while I closed my eyes, waiting for the world to stop dancing. ¡°You okay?¡± I nodded, rolling my undies back to the correct position. ¡°Okay, let¡¯s get you home before you catch a cold.¡± ¡°No.¡± I threw my arms around his ribs and cupped my wrist, forming a chain of unyielding force. ¡°We¡¯re staying a little longer today.¡± ¡°Is that so? And¡­¡± He tried to lift my chin; I held fast, refusing to even look at him. He gave in. ¡°What exactly are you going to do if I decide to force you?¡± ¡°You won¡¯t.¡± ¡°Hm, you¡¯re so sure of yourself,¡± he said, but I heard the smile in his tone, and the fact that he did nothing else except tangle his fingertips in the hair at the nape of my neck and hold me, proved I was right. My bones turned to rubber inside my flesh, loving the closeness of skin on skin, with my vampire. And though the summer rain continued, I felt only warmth. His blood had awakened me, like a powerful drug, and mine had filled his veins¡ªgiving him life, fuelling his movements. There was no fear¡ªno weight to the truth right now that, one day, he''d be gone, and my arms would fall empty to my sides¡ªthe feel of his embrace gone, his body gone, his smile just a memory fading, and his lips, never more a kiss that belonged to me. But I owned it now. I smiled into his skin. Despite everything that waited, despite everything I knew would happen, it felt like I could exist eternally, living forever in this one breath of closeness with my everlasting knight. For today, there was no tomorrow. Chapter Twenty-Four ¡°Ara-Rose?¡± Vicki called from downstairs. ¡°Yeah?¡± I answered quickly so she wouldn''t come up and spot my vampire pillow. ¡°Emily¡¯s on the phone,¡± she said. ¡°Ergh! Why¡¯d she call the home line?¡± I said to myself. ¡°I have a mobile.¡± ¡°She was probably hoping your dad would answer,¡± David said, his voice a gentle hum against my ear through his bare chest. ¡°If that¡¯s the case, she needs therapy.¡± ¡°Good, then you could go together.¡± I slapped his arm; he pretended to be hurt, rolling up a little. ¡°Ara-Rose! Now!¡± ¡°Coming,¡± I called to Vicki. David grabbed my hand as I fell away from his arms. ¡°Don¡¯t go? Emily can call back later.¡± ¡°No¡ªI¡¯m up now. I won¡¯t be long, okay?¡± He groaned, then rolled over, snuggling into the pillow where my body had just been. ¡°Be quick. It¡¯s cold here without you.¡± ¡°I will.¡± Since David closed my curtains when he came through my window earlier, I didn¡¯t notice the grey day until I stepped into the fresh, cool air of the hallway. The windows all around the house were open, same as every weekend, and the soft lemon scent of Vicki¡¯s bathroom cleaner mixed with the moist weight of freshly cut grass, drying the back of my throat as I drew a deep breath. I tucked my hands under my arms, wishing I¡¯d put on a sweater to come down. ¡°Morning, Dad.¡± He smiled over his newspaper. ¡°Morning, honey.¡± ¡°Any good news?¡± I hurried past him to the phone on the wall. ¡°You know what I always say,¡± he moaned, lowering his nose into the paper again. ¡°Yes, I do. No need to say it, Dad.¡± I took the phone from Vicki. ¡°Hey, Em.¡± ¡°Hey, Ara. What are you two doing today?¡± By ¡®you two¡¯, I assumed she was referring to David and I. ¡°Lazing around. Why?¡± ¡°Everyone¡¯s going bowling tonight. You guys wanna come?¡± ¡°Um¡ª¡± Bowling versus bed with David. I leaned against the wall. ¡°Maybe. What time?¡± ¡°About six.¡± ¡°Oh, okay, well, yeah. I¡¯d say we will, but I¡¯ll have to check with David.¡± ¡°Okay. When will you see him?¡± ¡°When I hang up the phone.¡± I grinned, watching Vicki. She had no clue what I was talking about, thank God. ¡°Oh my gosh, Ara. You rebel. Did he stay last night?¡± ¡°No, no. Nothing like that. Just...early,¡± I hinted, hoping she¡¯d catch my drift¡ªand couldn¡¯t help smiling suggestively. ¡°Oh. Okay. So, like, sneak through the window sort of thing?¡± ¡°You got it.¡± I giggled; Vicki looked at me with a raised brow. ¡°So, six then?¡± ¡°Yep.¡± ¡°Okay, see you then.¡± ¡°See ya.¡± The phone clinked, and suddenly I was back in the kitchen with my parents. ¡°What did Emily want?¡± Vicki asked. ¡°They¡¯re going bowling tonight.¡± ¡°Are you and David going?¡± ¡°Yeah, so far. I¡¯ll have to check if he wants to¡ªbut I¡¯d say we probably will.¡± I shrugged. ¡°What time is David coming over today?¡± He¡¯s already here. ¡°Don¡¯t know. But I¡¯m going to get some more sleep before he does.¡± ¡°Sleep? It¡¯s nine in the morning, Ara,¡± Vicki stated. ¡°So?¡± I shrugged. ¡°I¡¯m a teenager. Aren¡¯t we supposed to hibernate?¡± The only other sound Vicki made as I walked away was a loud sigh. What could she say, really? This is what she wanted; a normal teenage girl. The soft strumming of guitar filled the hallway with an easygoing air as I stomped back up to my room. When I pushed my door open, expecting to see the outline of a vampire, my smile dropped as the bright yellow light of morning shone through my open curtains¡ªonto my empty bed. My eyes darted quickly to the iPod, in its dock, with a song playing at a volume my dad would approve of. And as I watched the rain spatter on the glass of my window, blurring my vision of the outside world, I listened to the words, gathering that my vampire meant them as a musical sticky-note saying, My love, I shall return soon. Page 63 Not that that¡¯s what the words were, but that¡¯s how David would say it.Advertisement With the absence of an all-hearing vampire in my room, I took a moment to be human, then jumped into the welcoming, enveloping heat of the shower, washed my hair quickly and jumped out, wrapping the towel around my chest and tucking it under my arm. As I stepped back into my room, a sudden breeze swept through my window and knocked all the papers off my desk. ¡°Damn it, David,¡± I said to myself, squatting down to pick them up. I was sure that was closed a second ago. ¡°It was. I opened it.¡± ¡°Agh! David!¡± My heart splattered in my chest; I looked up from my precarious squat on the ground to the vampire perched on the windowsill like a pterodactyl. ¡°You scared the living bejeezus out of me.¡± ¡°Sorry.¡± ¡°What were you doing out there?¡± I stood up, tapping the edges to force them into a neat stack. ¡°You ruined my homework pile. Now I have to reorder these before I hand them in to Dad tomorrow.¡± ¡°I¡¯ll do it for you.¡± He shrugged, obviously in no hurry to remove himself from the path of the whipping breeze. ¡°Why are you just sitting there?¡± I looked at him suspiciously. ¡°Are you hiding something?¡± He shook his head, one of his eyes narrowing slightly into his smile as he looked over my wet, towel-covered body. ¡°I¡¯m just admiring the view.¡± ¡°You better mean the stunning panoramic view of the hills and my backyard, David Knight.¡± I dumped my disordered papers on my desk and took a step back. ¡°Nope. I meant my beautiful, almost-naked girlfriend.¡± He jumped down from the ledge, slowly pushing the window closed behind him. ¡°So¡ªbowling?¡± ¡°That¡¯s the plan,¡± I said, inhaling the fresh cologne wafting off this suave boy as he stepped in front of me, hair all wet and brushed back, for once, showing his forehead. He looked more like a man today in that black hoodie and grey V-neck shirt than he ever had before. It almost made me sad that he¡¯d never grow older than nineteen. ¡°So, do you actually want to go bowling?¡± ¡°As long as I¡¯m with you, I will do anything.¡± He smiled down at me, his eyes becoming small with warmth. ¡°But you shouldn¡¯t stand in front of me like this, my love. You make me think inappropriate things.¡± ¡°Oh. Sorry. So¡ª¡± I took a wide step back, ¡°¡ªare you any good at bowling?¡± ¡°You forget¡ª¡± he used a louder voice to call out as I disappeared into my wardrobe, ¡°¡ªI lived through the fifties. Bowling was huge then.¡± ¡°Doesn¡¯t mean you¡¯re any good at it,¡± I stated, slipping my emerald-green sweater over my head. ¡°True. It¡¯s more like I have to try to be bad. I¡¯m a little too precise. I¡¯ve also been known to break a pin or two.¡± I turned around, buttoning my jeans, and met cheek-to-chest with the rain-dotted fabric of David¡¯s jacket. ¡°Hey! How did you even know I was finished getting dressed in here? I could¡¯ve been naked.¡± He tapped his temple, grinning. Hmpf! ¡°Is there any point in me even dressing in a different room¡ªwith you and your mind-reading invading my privacy?¡± ¡°Etiquette?¡± He shrugged. Then, as his eyes traced over the low, rounded neckline of my sweater, his finger copied. ¡°I like this.¡± I closed my eyes. ¡°I like you touching me like that.¡± ¡°So¡ª¡± His finger came away, a sudden tone of urgency making my eyes open. ¡°Are you up for a little outing today?¡± ¡°I can¡¯t. I have a few notes and references to finish on my paper.¡± ¡°Which paper?¡± He followed me out of the wardrobe. ¡°The mythology one¡ªon vampires,¡± I teased. ¡°The subject I told you not to do?¡± ¡°Yup.¡± David smiled, nodding toward my suddenly very neatly reordered pile of papers. ¡°Or do you mean the report I just finished for you? The one on angels.¡± ¡°Angels?¡± I ran over to my desk and flicked through the pages. ¡°No! I spent hours working on that, David!¡± ¡°I know. And it was a great report. But I told you not to do vampires¡ªyou didn¡¯t listen.¡± ¡°But, why?¡± I spun around and leaned on the desk. ¡°What does it matter?¡± ¡°Because you know things you shouldn¡¯t, and if you happen to publish any minor detail of fact, and my Set were to somehow find out, I could be punished, and you¡ª¡± His words trailed off. ¡°I¡­what?¡± ¡°You could be killed. It¡¯s not worth the risk.¡± ¡°Killed?¡± ¡°Shh.¡± He rested a finger to his lip. ¡°Your dad doesn¡¯t know I¡¯m here, remember? Look, I didn¡¯t want to tell you that because I didn¡¯t want you to worry. I just hoped you¡¯d listen to me¡ªfor once.¡± ¡°That was naive.¡± I smiled. David smiled too. ¡°I know that now.¡± ¡°So, that¡¯s what you were doing¡ªwhen I came out of the bathroom?¡± ¡°Yes.¡± He laughed, wiping a hand across his jaw. ¡°You actually snuck up on me¡ªfor once. The evidence was still in my hands. I had to leave it on the windowsill and hope it didn¡¯t blow away while you were standing there.¡± ¡°You could¡¯ve just told me the truth.¡± I stepped into him, tucking my arms along his ribs. ¡°That would¡¯ve made me change my mind.¡± ¡°I¡¯ll remember that for the future.¡± He kissed the crown of my head. ¡°So¡ªwhat punishment?¡± ¡°Huh?¡± ¡°You said they¡¯d punish you if I published any facts. What would they do?¡± ¡°Oh, I don¡¯t know, maybe a seven-day-burial, a month being tortured by the First Order, or a personal favourite of my Set...a complete draining,¡± he said casually. ¡°Draining?¡± ¡°Mm.¡± He nodded, his mouth small. ¡°They drain every ounce of blood from your arteries and leave you parched and partially insane in a dark room for a few weeks.¡± ¡°How do they drain you? You heal like superglue¡ªhow do they get the blood out fast enough?¡± ¡°They place a metal vise, right here¡ª¡± he pinched his fingers, then spread them outward a few inches above his wrist, ¡°¡ªit holds the arteries open¡ªprevents closing and healing of the wound.¡± ¡°That¡¯s horrible.¡± ¡°That¡¯s why I didn¡¯t want to tell you. I knew you¡¯d ask these questions and not let up until you had all the gory facts, well¡ª¡± he stopped with a non-committal shrug, ¡°¡ªeither that or not speak to me for three days.¡± ¡°Okay, well, with that in mind, a paper on angels will be great.¡± I pointed into his face. ¡°And I better get an A.¡± David laughed. ¡°Don¡¯t worry, you will. So¡ª¡± he scratched his nose, ¡°¡ªan outing then?¡± ¡°Where to?¡± He walked away and opened my bedroom door, then turned back with a grin. ¡°I thought I might teach you a little about history.¡± ¡°You know, I live with a History professor.¡± Our hands linked back together. ¡°There¡¯s not much you can teach me.¡± ¡°Oh, I don¡¯t know about that,¡± he mused. ¡°Come on, meet me at the front door in twenty seconds.¡± ¡°Twenty?¡± He kissed my cheek and, with less than a sweeping breeze, disappeared out the window¡ªclosing it behind him. ¡°Ara?¡± Sam called. ¡°Prince Charming just pulled up.¡± ¡°I told you not to call him that, Sam.¡± ¡°You¡¯re not the boss of me.¡± ¡°Argh. You¡¯re such a pain!¡± ¡°Better than being a troll.¡± The front door opened. ¡°Hi, David.¡± ¡°Sam,¡± David said. Do me a favour, I thought, for David¡¯s purpose, tie his shoelaces together when he¡¯s not looking? ¡°I see you two still haven¡¯t managed to find common ground.¡± David walked in and looked up expectantly at me. ¡°Hard to find a way to relate to a serpent,¡± Sam said, keeping his nose in his book. ¡°Maybe I¡¯ll just have to dumb myself down a little so we can hold a decent conversation one day.¡± ¡°See what I have to put up with?¡± I said to David, grabbing my coat as I shut my door. ¡°Good morning, Ara.¡± ¡°Morning.¡± I stomped down the stairs. ¡°Sleep well?¡± he asked, pecking me on the cheek. ¡°Better than ever before.¡± I grinned suggestively. Sam groaned, rolling his eyes. ¡°Get a room.¡± ¡°Grow up, Sam,¡± I said, slamming the front door behind David and I, but an almighty crash from inside stopped me in my tracks. ¡°Hey!¡± Sam¡¯s high-pitched screech echoed across the street. ¡°Who tied my laces together?¡± I looked up at David. He shrugged and smiled. The car door opened, and a cool breeze eased the dread compressing my lungs. Across the road, wiry branches guarded iron gates, warding visitors away from the dwelling of the dead or, perhaps, imprisoning them. And the worst part was, something told me that was our destination. ¡°David?¡± I grabbed his sleeve, folding myself against his arm. ¡°What are we doing here?¡± ¡°Come on¡ªit¡¯s okay. I wanna show you something.¡± He took my hand and led me through a gap in the creaking gates, lifting the heavy chain so I could duck under. The air smelled murky with rotting leaves under the diluted scent of dead roses, their brown petals blown away in the wind, littering the cobblestone path like confetti. ¡°I don¡¯t like it here.¡± ¡°You will. I¡¯m taking you to an older part of the cemetery¡ªthere are trees there and it¡¯s not so¡ª¡± he looked around the yard; I looked too, at the way the low cloud in the sky made everything look dark grey and¡­ ¡°Eerie,¡± he said finally. ¡°Yeah, eerie is exactly what I was thinking.¡± He laughed softly and held me close as we strolled past rows and rows of headstones. In the distance, a murder of crows blackened the day, gathering at the feet of a caretaker tending a grave. They cawed loudly, their sinister fables setting me on edge. ¡°See that grave there?¡± David pointed to a cracked plaque, barely able to stand within the stone grasp of its template. ¡°Mm-hm. Marcus Worthington¡ªdied eighteen-forty?¡± He nodded. ¡°He¡¯s a friend of mine. Goes by the name of Philippe now.¡± ¡°So...he¡¯s not actually buried there?¡± ¡°Nope. In fact, many of the graves in any ancient cemetery are actually empty. The bodies either still living, or removed for scientific research hundreds of years ago.¡± ¡°Freaky.¡± ¡°Mm. I suppose it is.¡± ¡°Well, I¡¯m glad you¡¯re not in one of these graves.¡± I snuggled against his shoulder. ¡°That¡¯s just the thing¡ª¡± He pointed to a towering oak tree at the top of a small hill, sheltering five small headstones from the threatening storm. ¡°See that group of graves up there?¡± ¡°Yeah.¡± ¡°That¡¯s my family¡¯s plot.¡± I stopped walking. David grinned and walked ahead. Oh boy, when he said history, I had no idea he meant this kind of history. I caught up to him, huffing and puffing a little, and stood by his side, watching his nostalgic smile fall on the first headstone. ¡°See this?¡± He pointed down. ¡°Here lies Thomas Arthur Knight. Beloved father and husband. Died nineteen-oh-four,¡± I read aloud. ¡°Who was he?¡± ¡°My father.¡± My head whipped back up to look at David. He stuffed his hands in his pockets, wearing a cheeky grin. ¡°You were nine when he died?¡± ¡°Turning ten.¡± ¡°Well, who was this?¡± I stepped around the base of the grave, so as not to walk on the dead, and dusted some dried orange leaves off the next stone. ¡°Mary Elizabeth Knight?¡± ¡°My mother,¡± his tone softened on the word. I looked back at the grave with wide eyes, kneeling down to dust a few more leaves from the base, then traced my fingers over the stone carving of letters. ¡°Died in childbirth, eighteen-ninety-four.¡± The inscription on her headstone made me sad. She never made it to motherhood; they couldn¡¯t even give her the dignity of citing that she¡¯d been a beloved wife and mother? Only died in childbirth. It seemed so cold. ¡°It wasn¡¯t cold, sweetheart. Not intentionally.¡± ¡°Even still,¡± I said, dusting off my jeans as I stood back up, ¡°it sounds cold.¡± ¡°I know.¡± He nodded, considering the grave. ¡°My father was destroyed when she died. He was expected to put up a strong front, but his grief was so deep that he became a recluse¡ªcouldn¡¯t even make arrangements for her burial. In the end, Father John had to step in and take charge.¡± ¡°That¡¯s so sad.¡± ¡°Yeah. The worst part is¡ª¡± he pointed to the word Mary, ¡°¡ªno one ever called my mother by her real name. She was known as Elizabeth. That name should have marked her final resting place, but the priest didn¡¯t know.¡± ¡°Why didn¡¯t you change it?¡± ¡°Uncle Arthur wanted to. He and my mother were...close, but my father forbade him. Even when Father passed, Arthur would not go against the right of a husband.¡± ¡°How noble of him.¡± Page 64 ¡°Well¡ª¡± David took my hand and led me away, ¡°¡ªhe¡¯s been around a while. He¡¯s old-fashioned.¡± When we stopped in front of the next two headstones, David smiled, rocking back on his heels. ¡°These two are the best.¡±Advertisement ¡°Jason Gabriel Knight. Nineteen-sixteen,¡± I read, but it was the second one that grabbed my attention straight away; my heart jumped into my chest when I saw his name written there, even though I was standing right beside him; David Thomas Knight¡ªbeloved son and hero. 1894-1918. ¡°Why did you die?¡± ¡°There was an explosion. A bomb.¡± His tight smile caged laughter. ¡°There was no way anyone could¡¯ve survived it. Pertinent to our laws, I had no choice but to move on and become somebody else.¡± ¡°Were you the only one killed?¡± ¡°Thankfully, yes. But, I had established quite a good life for myself; had plenty of money in the bank, a house, friends¡ªbut no will. So, with my brother and only kin supposedly dead, my estate became ward of the government, and I had to start all over again.¡± He laughed; I covered my mouth. ¡°Talk about learning from your mistakes.¡± ¡°Well, what good would mistakes be if you didn¡¯t get to learn from them?¡± I shrugged, then looked down at the next headstone in the plot. The name didn¡¯t match the others though; hers was Deveraux. ¡°She was my mother¡ª¡± David answered my thought, ¡°¡ªmy aunt by blood, but mother by choice.¡± He stepped away and drew the dried brown vine hugging the stone top away, revealing a name and an inscription on the bronze plate: Arietta Mary Deveraux Beloved Mother and Aunt. Lies beneath, sent to the earth with child in arms. Safe for eternity in the embrace of the Lord. 1908. My skin tightened with little bumps. ¡°Child?¡± ¡°Yes,¡± David whispered. ¡°She died the second the child was born.¡± He focused on his toe as he scuffed up a chunk of grass. ¡°We buried them together.¡± ¡°Nineteen-oh-eight? So you were only...¡± I counted in my head for a second. ¡°I turned fourteen a few months after she died,¡± David said. I watched the grief trickle across his brow before he contained it. ¡°After all these years, you still feel it? You still feel her loss so strongly?¡± He bit his lip. ¡°There are some things you can never move on from, Ara.¡± ¡°So, she died in childbirth¡ªlike your mother?¡± ¡°No.¡± The way he said that, his voice laden with detest, made my blood run cold. ¡°Will you tell me what happened?¡± I asked cautiously. David looked up at me quickly, then, leaving my words alone behind him, walked over and sunk down on the grass with his back against her stone¡ªas if he¡¯d sat there a thousand times before. ¡°You look like her,¡± he said. ¡°I do?¡± He nodded. ¡°Her hair was long, like yours, but as gold as the sun. And her eyes¡ª¡± he closed his, dropping his head as a slight smile lifted his lips, ¡°¡ªas blue as the ocean. She would have loved you.¡± He patted the spot next to him; I sat down, my back against the stone, too, my legs crossed. ¡°She would have been proud of me to have found such a sweet girl.¡± ¡°I¡¯m sure she knows¡ªsomehow.¡± I wanted to take his hand, but there was an air of tension around him¡ªthreatening, like he¡¯d explode if I touched him. ¡°So you believe in the afterlife¡ªbelieve they¡¯re watching over us?¡± I shrugged. ¡°I guess I have to. Otherwise it all just feels too final.¡± ¡°It is final,¡± he said coldly, obviously not realising how deep that hurt. His gaze frosted the distant horizon, his hands tight in his lap. ¡°Ever since the day she came to retrieve us from the orphanage after my father passed away, she treated Jason and I as if we were her own sons.¡± ¡°Why were you in an orphanage?¡± I cut in. ¡°It was temporary¡ªwhile they waited for her to arrive from England.¡± He seemed to watch a memory on the grass between his feet. ¡°But we were treated kindly there.¡± ¡°So, no Oliver Twist scenario?¡± David laughed once. ¡°No. Nothing like that.¡± ¡°What about your uncle? Why didn¡¯t he take you?¡± ¡°Set rules,¡± he stated. ¡°Oh.¡± Of course, silly me. ¡°Well, in Arthur¡¯s defence, when Arietta passed, he managed to have many rules bent in order to have Jason and I in his charge. It¡¯s never been done before, or again.¡± ¡°Whose butt did he kiss?¡± I joked. ¡°The king¡¯s.¡± ¡°Oh,¡± I said, and something in the brevity of his words made my curiosity on that subject flee. ¡°So, how did Arietta die?¡± He picked up an orange, star-shaped leaf, scratching the veins with his thumbnail. ¡°I knew you couldn¡¯t resist asking me that again.¡± ¡°Sorry. You don¡¯t have to tell me.¡± I folded my hands into my lap and looked up at the tree above us; the leaves rustled lightly in the breeze, and despite this being a place the dead rested, I felt comfortable here, like it was just some pleasant picnic spot¡ªsomewhere to sit and think about the past. ¡°She always wanted children,¡± he said out of the blue; I sat still, holding my breath in case he should change his mind. ¡°She loved my brother and I, but wanted a daughter. She used to play hopscotch with the little girls on the sidewalk outside our house.¡± ¡°I love hopscotch.¡± David smiled at me. ¡°The summer after my father¡¯s passing, Arietta was walking to the market when a sailor stopped her on the roadside. He asked if she was okay, and she asked why he would inquire such an odd question to a stranger who showed no signs of distress. When he said he was concerned for her pain¡ªsince it must have hurt when she fell from Heaven, she fell completely and unconditionally in love with him.¡± ¡°Well, he sounds charming.¡± I grinned woefully. ¡°In a corny kind of way.¡± ¡°He was charming and kind. He treated Jason and I as if we were his own sons. Victor Stronghold was his name, and soon, became Arietta¡¯s. And we were happy.¡± He nodded. ¡°Victor took us fishing and camping, taught us how to play baseball and showed us maps of the world. But happiness was short lived. They had tried for so long to have a child, and when the days of waiting for the stork to arrive became years¡ªwe all lost hope. ¡°I was nearly thirteen when Uncle Arthur came to visit. He and my aunt became close. Victor was called away to duty in the Navy for six months and¡ª¡± David scratched his brow, ¡°¡ªwhen he returned, Arietta was pregnant.¡± ¡°So it was your uncle¡¯s baby?¡± I asked, my eyes wide. ¡°Yes. Victor was devastated and humiliated. He left town for a few months, but returned later and begged her to stay with him¡ªdespite her indiscretions.¡± ¡°He must have really loved her.¡± ¡°Apparently. But she refused¡ªrepeatedly. I remember them fighting about it¡­at night¡­while we cowered in our beds, frightened Victor would hurt our aunt. One night she announced to him that she¡¯d be marrying Arthur. So he left, and life went on.¡± ¡°Wait. So, just to be clear. Arthur was a vampire then?¡± He nodded. ¡°He was. He planned to change Arietta after the child was born.¡± ¡°Wow.¡± David plucked the dry edges of the leaf in hand and flicked the debris onto the wind. ¡°The doctor predicted the child would arrive in spring, but the snow had started to melt and the days turn warm and still, nothing happened. I stayed home from school for more than a fortnight to watch over her until, one day, she packed my lunch and sent me out the door¡ªtold me she would be fine.¡± He rested the back of his head against the stone. ¡°I remember it all like it was yesterday. So many things aligned to allow tragedy to upturn our lives that day.¡± ¡°Like what?¡± ¡°Uncle Arthur was running errands on the other side of the Port¡ªa day¡¯s travel by foot¡ª¡± He straightened his leg, ¡°¡ªand Jason and I would not be home until sunset, at the earliest.¡± ¡°So¡­¡± I waited, but he¡¯d obviously continued living the story inside his mind, forgetting to share. ¡°What happened then?¡± ¡°I¡ª¡± He rolled his head sideways to look at me. ¡°I just don¡¯t know if I can talk about this, Ara. It¡¯s too¡­¡± I watched his flat palm smooth circles over the left side of his chest. ¡°It¡¯s too painful.¡± I nodded. ¡°That¡¯s fine.¡± ¡°But, I¡ª¡± He sat up more and reached for my face. ¡°I could show you¡ªif you would let me.¡± ¡°Show me?¡± ¡°I can share memories,¡± he said, his voice trickling with hope. ¡°It¡¯s¡­it won¡¯t be very clear, since I haven¡¯t mastered this technique yet, but it will save me the lengthy monologue.¡± His lip quirked on one side. ¡°Okay.¡± I grabbed his hand, rolling my cheek against it. ¡°Show me.¡± ¡°Close your eyes.¡± He shuffled closer and rested his other hand on my cheek. ¡°Try not to fight it when you see memories that don¡¯t belong to you. Just watch¡ªlike a movie.¡± ¡°Okay,¡± I whispered. A faint image, like a photo taken on a sunny day then placed in a dark room at a perpendicular angle, appeared on the backs of my eyelids. I drew a deep breath and watched the slanted image, kind of squinting a little, even with my eyes closed. ¡°Sorry. I¡¯m not too good at this.¡± David¡¯s breath brushed softly against my ear. ¡°Does it hurt?¡± ¡°No. Is it supposed to?¡± ¡°No. But it can.¡± ¡°I¡¯m fine,¡± I said and settled back internally to watch the movie. The evening sky hugged the ground in the distance, red bleeding into night, and as far as the eye could see, the undisturbed horizon ran off into hills, tan roads snaking inward and disappearing among them. The last dregs of light turned the grass orange where it lined the dirt road under a boy¡¯s feet. He whistled and waved to his neighbours as he passed, but in his green eyes, the depths of his worries flared. He walked with an edge to his step, half hurrying, half skipping, as if to pretend he felt no concern. But when he looked up to a house at the end of the street, the open front door seemed to stop his heart. Silence seized the sound of children laughing, dogs barking, and his own quiet thoughts. I couldn¡¯t understand why, but I could sense something was off. So could the boy. Two breaths passed before the thump of his knapsack hitting the ground brought all life, all sound, back. The movie played in slow motion, making the distance between the picket gate and the porch steps seem like a hundred yards as he ran, his heels kicking up clouds of dust behind him. But everything stopped, the colour draining from the day, shadowing out the warmth as no one greeted the boy¡¯s call. He stood in the frame of the door, his eyes tracing the raw pine staircase, the archway to the left, and finally falling over a table knocked to its side; shattered blue pottery lay among twelve rose stems, the red petals crumpled and torn, smudged into the hardwood floors all around his feet. ¡°Arietta?¡± he called again, expecting to hear her reply. He held his breath, this boy with gold-brown hair and fair skin, and bravely entered, though he could feel the grip of tragedy climbing the walls. He toed the edge of the table, shifting it away, seeing four curled fingers, tipped red with blood, the rest of the arm slightly hidden by the gate of the stairs. ¡°Aunty?¡± He ran to her side, falling to his knees at the sight of her fragile, slender body, twisted awkwardly, as if she had fallen from something impossibly high and landed without bones in her body. Stringy tendrils mocked what was once hair of gold, and as the boy reached forward and stroked it from her cheek, he turned her face toward him and let out a shallow, empty cry, falling back on his heels. A face unrecognisably human stared back at him; eyes swollen shut, a deep void where the other half of her skull should be¡ªher lip torn up to her nose, several teeth missing. My heart, which had been steady the whole time, suddenly beat faster. The boy got to his knees again and, swiping tears from his youthful cheeks, lifted the bodice of her dress and fell heavily upon her blackened belly. He felt helplessly around the dome of skin, searching for the feel of life within, and while his body shook from the fear of truth, he turned his head to read something inscribed on the wall beside him. The memory blanked out the words, leaving only the feeling that followed, and I knew they were a passage from the Bible, condemning infidelity. David covered the belly of his aunt and sat up suddenly, his ears pricked, his shoulders tense, eyes wide. Then, he launched to his feet and extended his hand toward the door. ¡°Jason. Don¡¯t come in!¡± A boy, an exact copy of David, stopped dead in the doorway¡ªhis boisterous smile slipping away at the sight of his blood-covered brother. ¡°Get Uncle, Jason. Get Uncle!¡± David yelled his command, but Jason was already gone. Swift and graceful, he tore down the street, his lanky limbs blurring with speed until he disappeared from David¡¯s sight. David turned back to his aunt and fell to his knees, weeping. ¡°I¡¯m so sorry, Aunty. I should...I should have been here¡ª¡± His body submitted to grief, but stopped suddenly as the deathly figure beneath him groaned. ¡°Aunty!¡± He held his breath. ¡°Aunty!¡± ¡°Da-v-id¡ª¡± She moved her hand to reach for him, her soft gaze suddenly slipping past him to a white look of terror. Like a tidal wave preparing itself for slaughter, the silence drew in around them, then cracked apart, like a shattering vile of terror; the woman clutched her belly and rolled upward, screeching for all the pain Hell had summoned. Page 65 ¡°Aunty? What can I do?¡± The boy¡¯s voice trembled with helplessness. ¡°Tell me what to do, and I¡¯ll do it.¡±Advertisement ¡°Save him! Save my baby!¡± She rolled away, covering her stomach in a tight, protective embrace. The memory faded out to white dots around the edges of the film, and the birds in the tree above us sang a melody I had no mind for a moment ago, but was completely aware of. I lifted my eyelids, blinking against the grey day, and turned my head to look at David¡ªthe grown up David. ¡°You found her?¡± ¡°I delivered her baby.¡± I covered my mouth. ¡°But you were just a child. How did you do that?¡± He swallowed a hard lump. ¡°I was simply there to hold her as she was born. I did little else, and there was nothing I could do to help my aunt.¡± His fists clenched. ¡°No one came to the sound of her screaming. No one called for a doctor. She was a woman scorned for her sins, and they let her die like a dog.¡± His lip stiffened and anger flooded his voice, a kind of anger I¡¯d never, ever seen in him. ¡°I wrapped the child in my jacket and laid in my aunt¡¯s arms until nightfall. ¡°By the time I heard footsteps on the porch outside, I was numb¡ªcompletely numb. I simply stood, held the baby out to my uncle as he burst through the door, and told him, ¡°I lost her.¡± ¡°Arthur took the child from my arms and, though I knew nothing of the world, I saw a piece of his soul die then; he closed her eyelids and covered her face delicately with my jacket. ¡°I will never truly understand what my uncle lost that night and, at the time, I thought nothing of the fact that he fell to the floor beside Arietta, with his child crushed against his chest, and laid there until the dawn. Only now do I see it for the madness it stirred within him.¡± ¡°Did he ever recover?¡± ¡°Can someone recover from that?¡± David asked rhetorically. ¡°He went on with normal life, like any wise vampire on the World Council would, but he never spoke of her. Even now, the mention of children sends his eyes soulless.¡± David reached over and wiped a warm tear from my cheek, then smiled softly. ¡°The police came; they took Victor and charged him with aggravated assault. He was jailed for a month, then released with a warning, since the evidence was inconclusive.¡± ¡°That¡¯s it? He killed her and he got a month?¡± I almost rocketed forward in protest. David nodded and clapped his hands together, letting his elbows fall loosely over his knees. ¡°And life went on. Uncle Arthur left town for a while, promising to return when he had made arrangements for Jason and I.¡± He brushed his palm across the headstone behind him and nodded toward it. ¡°We buried her on a warm spring day, with her baby in her arms, where she will lay evermore.¡± ¡°David, that¡¯s so sad,¡± I whispered, feeling the rise of little bumps over my cold skin. ¡°Hers has been a loss I have never moved past.¡± He inclined his head to his position on her grave. ¡°And this is where I¡¯ll sit one day, feeling the grief for another¡ªwith no hope of ever holding her again. Only¡­the name will read a different story; it will be one of true love, lost tragically to eternal sadness.¡± He looked down at the ground. ¡°For me, Ara, your death will be only but a breath away; a second in time and you will be gone. You have your whole life ahead of you, but for a vampire...it¡¯s nothing but a heartbeat.¡± ¡°I¡¯m sorry, David. I wish with all of my heart it were different.¡± ¡°I know. But you will never feel the pain of it as I will.¡± He sniffed once, nodded, then looked at me. ¡°When you die, I will never see you again. Can you comprehend what that feels like for me?¡± His words were almost enough to make me change my mind in that breath¡ªto save him from this horrible reality. It all just seemed so hopeless. ¡°Come on.¡± He stood in front of me, his hand outstretched. ¡°I heard the ogre complaining about ten minutes ago. Let¡¯s get some food.¡± ¡°Okay.¡± Gravity bequeathed me with excess weight as I rose to my feet and followed David, stealing a glance back to the hill where Arietta would stay. Once, she had been promised immortality and now, she was in the ground¡ªnever to know her child¡¯s name. I could see myself sitting up there beside her; my feet led me away, but my heart remained where, one day, my body would return to meet it. And that idea scared me to the point of shaking¡ªthe idea of death. It never used to, but seeing those graves painted the truth on a canvas of reality¡ªtextured in rough strokes of dark grey, blue, and black. It was real. Death was real, and it was coming for me¡ªa little closer every day. But it was normal¡ªthe way things were supposed to be. Sitting by those graves made me see how deep David¡¯s pain would go. He would lose me one day, and I wasn¡¯t sure I could live with the fact that he¡¯d mourn me forever. It felt wrong, like I was being selfish. But I couldn¡¯t lose the hope of seeing Mum and Harry again, or just switch off the desire to have a child, and I wouldn¡¯t give away the magic of life for an eternity of blood¡ªeven if that same fate meant saving David from eternal agony. Emily cursed, fumbling with the tray, nearly dropping the whole thing as she placed it on the counter in front of our designated lane at the bowl. She straightened the cups, then held up the list of orders. ¡°Okay, fries and shake?¡± ¡°Mine.¡± I put my hand up. ¡°Burger with egg?¡± Spence put his hand up. Like a game of popping weasels, hands shot up, claiming various orders down the line of teens. David took his nachos and smiled at Emily, but the smile faded quickly to the seclusion of thoughts distracting him like a theatre show in his head. Ryan and Alana slid into the seats next to me and pointed out some of the other kids from school, already playing on lanes further down the alley. It seemed this was the thing to do in this town on a Sunday night; in fact, I was pretty sure the student body of Evergreen High made up most of the customers here tonight. ¡°Well, that¡¯s one way to eat fries.¡± David grimaced at my French fry, dripping in chocolate shake over my cup. I shoved the chip into my mouth and muttered, ¡°It¡¯s yummy.¡± ¡°Yeah, don¡¯t knock it ¡®til you try it,¡± Ryan interjected, grabbing one of my fries and helping himself to a dip in my shake. David smiled inquisitively, reaching over to help himself as well. ¡°Well, what d¡¯ya think?¡± I asked. He frowned at first, then his face lit up. ¡°It¡¯s good¡ªsalt and sugar.¡± He nodded, then looked away quickly. ¡°David, are you okay?¡± He leaned closer, keeping his eyes forward. ¡°I feel like I just want to force you to come with me.¡± I frowned, slowly turning back to the front. ¡°I¡¯m sorry.¡± He looked down at his plate. ¡°It¡¯s just¡­being at my aunt¡¯s grave today really put things into perspective for me; I don¡¯t want to miss you like that, Ara.¡± Warm blood flooded my heart, a wave of sympathy almost forcing me to splutter out the words, Let¡¯s go now. Take me to the bathroom and turn me¡ªbut I stopped myself. ¡°David. I¡¯m sorry, but look, I¡¯ll see you for the last dance at the ball, and who knows what I might decide in that time?¡± ¡°You can¡¯t come with me if he loves you, Ara.¡± David sat up straight. ¡°Mike can give you a life¡ªhe¡¯s better for you. You know that.¡± ¡°He doesn¡¯t love me. So it won¡¯t be an issue.¡± I rolled my eyes. ¡°We¡¯ll see.¡± David pushed his nachos away and walked over to our lane, slipping into the human role as I sat back, watching him. He blended himself among Em, Spence, Ryan, and Alana rather well, laughing and talking, but his soul was dark beyond those eyes, and no one but me seemed to notice. Even Emily, who paid attention to pretty much everything he did, was blinded by the foggy spectacles of her new romance. David looked at me then and jerked his head quickly, reaching out as he did. I let my lip pout for a second. I¡¯m okay, he mouthed, a smile proving it. So I hopped down off the stool, strolled over, and took his hand. ¡°You know, bowling shoes make your feet look big,¡± he said, looking down at them. My toes curled. ¡°Arrogant comments make your mouth look big. Besides¡ª¡± I nodded down at his shoes, ¡°¡ªyou look like you just stepped out of a circus.¡± ¡°I think bowling shoes are a good look.¡± Emily popped up beside us and tapped her toe in the circle of our conversation. We looked down at her feet, and my blood boiled. How could her feet look perfectly dainty in those shoes? She wore the same size as me! ¡°Dave, man. Your turn,¡± Ryan called. David dropped my hand and walked away, laughing. ¡°What?¡± Emily shrugged at me. ¡°I hate you,¡± I said affectionately and headed over to the lane. She laughed behind me. Bowling had never been my forte, and even though David rolled a perfect strike every time, with the exception of one, because I shot him an inappropriate thought which put him off his game, we still lost. Ryan and Alana took home the win; a giant, stuffed bowling pin¡ªpurchased by all the losers. ¡°I¡¯ll see you guys at school.¡± Emily waved as we headed out the door. ¡°Don¡¯t stay out too late, kids,¡± Ryan joked from behind the stupid, stuffed pin. ¡°We won¡¯t,¡± I said. ¡°But I¡¯m not sure if I¡¯ll be at school tomorrow, anyway.¡± ¡°Why not?¡± Emily stopped walking beside Spencer. ¡°Um¡ª¡± ¡°I have to go away,¡± David jumped in. ¡°My uncle is taking me on holiday, so tomorrow is my last day.¡± ¡°Oh no¡ªAra¡¯s going to be so lost,¡± Emily said. My cheeks went hot; David grinned when I turned my face away. ¡°Well, I hope so,¡± he beamed, ¡°then I can be sure she won¡¯t give her heart away to someone else while I¡¯m gone.¡± ¡°Not a chance of that, David. I think you might be stuck with this one.¡± Emily winked at me. Cool, strong arms wrapped my waist and pulled me close to a firm, tight chest. ¡°I hope so.¡± ¡°What about the concert and the ball?¡± Alana stepped around the giant toy and her wide, jet-black eyes reflected the neon lights behind me. ¡°I can come back for the concert, but as for the ball¡ªwell, I may make the last dance.¡± He snuggled his cheek against mine. ¡°Well, good luck, David. I hope you make it home safe,¡± Emily said, her tone holding way too much gravity. David tightened his grip around me. ¡°O¡­kay. See ya, guys.¡± I waved again and dragged David toward the car. He opened the door and grabbed my wrist as I bent to climb in. ¡°What is it, Ara? What are you thinking?¡± ¡°Didn¡¯t you hear me?¡± ¡°Not clearly. You had about four different thoughts at once.¡± ¡°Oh, um¡­well, I was wondering why you didn¡¯t tell them you¡¯re never coming back.¡± David smiled. ¡°We never do that. That¡¯s why telling you about leaving in the first place was such a big deal.¡± ¡°Really? So you just disappear?¡± ¡°Yes. Mostly. We send letters to people in positions of authority, like schools or employers, once we¡¯re safely away, but if there had been any suspicions surrounding our stay, announcing plans to leave could create unrest.¡± ¡°Oh.¡± I traced the rubber seal along the base of the window. ¡°But, there¡¯s no suspicion this time, so why not just tell them?¡± ¡°There¡¯s no way of knowing that. People mostly keep their suspicions to themselves, and besides¡ª¡± he pulled my finger away as I peeled the rubber back, ¡°¡ªit¡¯s the way we do things. We¡¯re consistent in our behaviours.¡± ¡°But you told me you were leaving.¡± I smiled sheepishly, forcing down a rising yawn. ¡°Which is rare, mon amour, like I said. Now, come on¡ª¡± he offered the seat in the car, ¡°¡ªlet¡¯s get you home before you fall asleep where you stand.¡± I sat down and the door closed behind me, giving my head support as I drifted away, feeling my seatbelt clip around me a second later, followed by a cool kiss on my hand, then nothing more until the quiet thud of door woke my mind a little. ¡°Shh,¡± David whispered into my brow, lifting me from the car. Quietly conscious of his embrace, I rolled my head into the hollow of his shoulder and fixated on the gentle, soapy smell of his shirt, seeping into my nose with each restful breath. ¡°Oh, she¡¯s exhausted,¡± Dad¡¯s voice hummed as a pale ring of light broke the darkness under my eyelids. ¡°Shall I carry her upstairs?¡± David asked, holding me a little closer. ¡°Uh, yeah, sure. No need to disturb her further.¡± The front door closed behind us. I stayed in the blissful elation of dream world, in David¡¯s arms, until the cold touch of my pillow fell along my cheek and I sunk into the softness of my mattress. My shoes came off and a still silence filled the room; it sounded like no one was there, but I could feel David¡¯s presence. ¡°Goodnight, my love.¡± He pressed a cold kiss to my brow. I lifted my mind out of sleep just long enough to whisper, ¡°David?¡± ¡°Yes, sweetheart.¡± ¡°Stay with me tonight?¡± ¡°I planned to,¡± he whispered, and the bedroom door closed, leaving me in darkness. Outside, the sound of Dad¡¯s voice farewelled David as his car pulled away from our house. And the only other sound, after Dad¡¯s footsteps trailed away behind his bedroom door, was the quiet, rhythmic tick of the clock on the wall by the front door, timing my dreams while I slipped away. Page 66 Just before the grasp of sleep possessed me, two cool, strong arms fell around my shoulders, and I let myself wander into the peaceful harmony of the night, against David¡¯s chest.Advertisement Chapter Twenty-Five The sweet, chocolaty smell of David stirred my senses through the night, waking me with surprise when I looked up and saw the golden morning sun on his cheek. ¡°You stayed!¡± ¡°Of course.¡± He stretched his arms out above us. ¡°You asked me to.¡± ¡°Hasn¡¯t mattered in the past.¡± ¡°Yes, well,¡± he said, his arm landing back down around my shoulders. ¡°In the past, I didn¡¯t only have two days left with you.¡± That put a dampener on the day. ¡°Sorry.¡± ¡°It¡¯s okay.¡± ¡°No, it¡¯s not.¡± He rolled me onto my back, his long body against the length of mine. ¡°Just don¡¯t think about it. In fact¡ª¡± He couldn¡¯t help but smile, his eyes drifting to a thought. ¡°Why not go back to thinking about that dream you were just having?¡± My mouth popped open. ¡°You saw that?¡± ¡°My love¡ª¡± He kissed my nose, ¡°I saw everything.¡± ¡°God damn mind readers!¡± With a feisty huff, I threw the covers back and headed for the shower¡ªand maybe a few minutes of unheard thoughts. ¡°Your thought patterns are not mollified by short distances, Ara. I can still hear you,¡± he called out as I shut the bathroom door. ¡°Argh! Stop it.¡± I covered my ears, as if that would help, but I couldn¡¯t stop seeing those images; David and I¡ªnaked, tucked in a loving embrace. And the worst part was, all of it was my own imagination forming dreams out of desires. It was like writing a porn entry in a diary and having someone read it out loud. It was just too personal to share. I took off the jeans and green sweater I slept in last night and stuffed them in the laundry basket, burying my undies and bra in case David needed to use the bathroom. ¡°I¡¯ve already seen your underwear, my darling girl,¡± he called out. ¡°You don¡¯t have to hide them now.¡± My shoulders dropped with a vocalised breath. At least there was one good thing about having a mind-reading vampire boyfriend¡ªI¡¯d had plenty of practice at emptying my thoughts and focusing on nothing. I was sure, in some odd way, that could be a good skill to have. ¡°Speaking of skills,¡± David said from just outside the bathroom door, ¡°we need to rehearse for the benefit concert. I¡¯m not even sure which song we¡¯re supposed to be playing now.¡± I reached into the shower and twisted the faucet on, then stood back and waited for the water to get hot. ¡°Um, we¡¯re doing that one from that movie¡ªthe one Nathan liked.¡± David chuckled softly. ¡°He liked a lot of movies, Ara.¡± ¡°Well, you know which one I mean,¡± I said, getting frustrated. ¡°I can never remember the title.¡± ¡°Are you still doing a solo performance?¡± His voice echoed slightly too loud through the door, making me cringe a little in case Dad should hear. ¡°Yeah, and we¡¯re also doing Somewhere Over the Rainbow.¡± David didn¡¯t respond. I waited, looking over my thin body in the reflection of the shower glass for a second, but when the silence lasted, I stepped into the welcoming steam whorls and ran my hands over the water falling through my hair. The running water and locked doors offered me a kind of privacy I wasn¡¯t used to anymore¡ªone where I could imagine my thoughts were unheard...just like my shower singing. ¡°Ara!¡± I jumped out of my skin at the sudden thud on the door. ¡°Save some water for future generations, please.¡± Geeze. ¡°Yes, Dad¡ªjust rinsing my hair.¡± ¡°It doesn¡¯t take your mother that long.¡± By mother, he meant Vicki. ¡°She has short hair, Dad.¡± He groaned aloud. ¡°Hmph. You¡¯d do a lot more than just groan if you knew I had my boyfriend in my room right now,¡± I said under my breath. Thing was, Dad would freak if there was a boy in my room, but I bet he¡¯d take it really well if I told him David was a vampire. I think he¡¯d see it as a rare opportunity to hear tales of History firsthand. I sighed heavily, feeling the full weight of everything I learned about David and his history yesterday. I pictured him there still, by the grave, but when he folded over and buried his face in his hands to hide his tears, it was my name carved in stone behind him. And one day, that scary thought would be a reality. Slowly, my hand rose up through the swirling steam cloud and rested against the foggy glass. Droplets of water melted around the base of my palm, and as I exhaled a breath of sorrow, the delicate touch of David¡¯s long fingers appeared on the other side of the cold barrier. ¡°Don¡¯t cry, Ara,¡± he said in a deep, soothing whisper. ¡°Please, please just don¡¯t cry.¡± ¡°How can I not cry?¡± We rested our heads against the glass. ¡°I don''t want you to hurt that way, David.¡± ¡°I know.¡± He shut his eyes tight. I could feel a kind of magic between us that I was sure I¡¯d never find anywhere else in the world; it was like, even though our flesh wasn¡¯t touching, I could feel him against me¡ªfeel him from somewhere deep within. And when he wasn''t around, I felt a kind of emptiness that seemed unnatural. ¡°I don¡¯t know if I¡¯m strong enough to miss you for the rest of my life,¡± I whispered, watching the hot, steamy water run wasted down the drain below my feet. ¡°Then don¡¯t.¡± He exhaled, and as quickly as he¡¯d appeared, he was gone again, leaving my hand against the glass, alone. The phone rang while I struggled, in the privacy of my wardrobe, trying to pull my light blue cotton dress over my head; it rolled up, catching on my not-quite-dry skin, and stuck halfway down my waist. I tugged harder, a rise of frustration nearly turning to tears. I didn¡¯t want to miss that call if it was Mike ringing before he got on the plane. What if it crashed and I never got to hear his voice again? What if it¡ª ¡°Hello.¡± David¡¯s melodious voice filled the room. I froze, listening. ¡°Yes, she¡¯s getting dressed.¡± Oh, God, don¡¯t tell him that! He¡¯ll freak out, thinking you¡¯re watching me, or something. I pulled my dress down and tripped all over myself to get out of the wardrobe. ¡°I¡¯m here. Gimme the phone.¡± David grinned, holding his index finger up. ¡°No, no, nothing like that.¡± ¡°David,¡± I huffed impatiently, offering a flat palm. ¡°Yes. It¡¯s all she¡¯s talked about for the last couple of weeks,¡± he said, then laughed. ¡°Okay, okay. That¡¯s enough.¡± I snatched the phone from him and, assuming I knew who he was talking to, said, ¡°Hi, Mike.¡± ¡°Hey, baby girl. How¡¯s things?¡± ¡°Great. You at the airport?¡± ¡°Yeah, just thought I¡¯d make sure you hadn¡¯t forgotten me.¡± ¡°Yeah right. It¡¯s all I¡¯ve talked about, isn¡¯t it?¡± I poked my tongue out at David. Mike laughed. ¡°Well, I¡¯ve been looking forward to it, too. And I expect the biggest hug you¡¯ve got tucked into those skinny little arms tomorrow, Ara.¡± ¡°Oh, trust me, I¡¯ve been practicing my squeezing,¡± I said. ¡°With David?¡± he teased. ¡°Uh-huh, but you get a different kind of squeezing.¡± ¡°Oh, fine then, I know where I stand.¡± I could hear the amusement behind his feigned insult. ¡°Still in exactly the same place as always,¡± I added. ¡°Okay, well, have fun today, and¡­I¡¯ll see ya tomorrow.¡± ¡°Yep, bye.¡± I had to dig my heels into the carpet to stop from bouncing around like a little girl. And as the phone disconnected, severing the lines of communication to my best friend, an empty feeling swallowed my soul for a second until I looked at David. But he looked troubled¡ªleaning back in my chair, drumming his fingers on the desk, his thoughts a million miles away. ¡°David?¡± He looked up at me¡ªsnapping out of his stare. ¡°What is it?¡± I asked. ¡°You¡¯re right.¡± A very cheeky grin lit his eyes. ¡°He did not approve of my being here while you were getting dressed.¡± ¡°So?¡± ¡°So, he¡¯s overprotective. I know the sort, Ara, he will ask questions about me.¡± ¡°Can you read his thoughts over the phone?¡± I said as I walked over and leaned my butt on the desk. David shook his head. ¡°No. I can only read certain electrical wavelengths¡ªwhich don¡¯t communicate over the phone. But I¡¯ve been around humans and been subject to their thought-patterns long enough to make conclusions from very little detail.¡± ¡°Like one of those cool detectives on those crime shows?¡± David laughed, resting his chin on his hand. ¡°Yeah, something like that.¡± ¡°And you think you¡¯ve summed Mike up, huh?¡± He scratched the corner of his brow, taking a deep breath. ¡°All I know is it¡¯s a good thing I won¡¯t be here during the day. I can¡¯t be around you if he is.¡± ¡°Why?¡± ¡°I might be tempted to kill him,¡± he muttered with a certain amount of animosity; my mouth fell open a little. ¡°He thinks he has some claim to you.¡± ¡°Really?¡± My cheek tightened on one side with a half-smile. ¡°You know, you¡¯re cute when you¡¯re jealous.¡± ¡°Ara, be serious.¡± David leaned forward, elbows over his knees, looking at the floor between his feet. ¡°I don¡¯t know, maybe I should leave now. It¡¯s just too risky. If he gets wind there¡¯s a guy in your room every night, you know what he¡¯ll do.¡± ¡°Look.¡± I sat on the desk, letting my bare feet dangle. ¡°You might think he¡¯s got some weird Spidey sense that can track the scent of another male like a mother to cigarettes on her son¡¯s breath, but I¡¯m not sure I really care if he finds out I have a guy in my room at night¡ªnot right now I don¡¯t.¡± He looked up at me. ¡°Ara, if he finds me in your room and we¡¯re forced to meet in person, it will only be a matter of time before he starts asking all the wrong questions.¡± ¡°And I¡¯ll give all the wrong answers. I won¡¯t tell him the truth about what you are.¡± ¡°It¡¯s not the questions he asks you that I worry about¡ªit¡¯s the ones he asks himself.¡± ¡°Well, will it be that bad if he figures out what you are?¡± ¡°You mean aside from the fact that he¡¯d steal you away from me, take you across the country, lock you in a closet, then fly back here and start a pitchfork rally against me?¡± I laughed, rubbing my hand over my neck where droplets of cold water dripped down from my hair. ¡°You know, the chances are he¡¯ll figure something¡¯s not right, anyway. I mean, especially when I refuse to laze around and watch movies with him at night.¡± ¡°I know. But¡ª¡± He reached up and wiped an escaped droplet from my chest. ¡°Well, I suppose it¡¯s only for two weeks, right? Maybe we¡¯ll be lucky to fly under the radar.¡± ¡°Maybe.¡± ¡°And my being away during the day will be good practice for you.¡± ¡°Practice? You mean for being without you for forever?¡± ¡°Yes.¡± ¡°Don¡¯t try to justify it, David.¡± I hopped down off the desk and leaned on my dresser¡ªaway from him. ¡°You working for two weeks before you leave has no bright side.¡± ¡°Everything has a bright side.¡± I raised a brow at him, then looked away, scoffing internally. ¡°You will be happy again, one day.¡± David¡¯s voice softened as he whispered in my ear, suddenly beside me. I spun into his arms and let my head fall against his chest. ¡°I wish you could stay for just a few more years.¡± His arms tightened ever so slightly around my shoulders. ¡°I do too, my love, but even if I could stay with you, why would I? So I can watch you fall in love with someone else, or see you miss your chance?¡± I looked up to see his jaw stiffen and his eyes narrow. ¡°I don¡¯t know which is worse.¡± ¡°I still won¡¯t promise you goodbye, David.¡± ¡°You will¡ª¡± he nodded, ¡°¡ªbecause you can¡¯t promise me eternity. And one day, I know there¡¯ll be some boy who¡¯ll come along and sweep you off your feet, just as I have.¡± ¡°No.¡± I shook my head. ¡°I won¡¯t let that happen.¡± ¡°And I will not let you lose your chance at love, at life, Ara.¡± His voice rose an octave. ¡°When you feel it¡ªthat pull toward love, I want you to take it. I want you to go with it.¡± ¡°But I¡¯ll never truly love another¡ªnot the way I love you.¡± ¡°But it will be enough,¡± he said. ¡°And you can have your life; you can watch your babies grow, become an old lady and¡ª¡± he smiled, ¡°¡ªget arthritis.¡± ¡°Somehow that all seems kinda silly now.¡± I rolled my eyes at myself. ¡°But it¡¯s not silly, my love. It¡¯s not silly at all.¡± His eyes softened, his thumb gently waking the hairs on my face, calling them to stand on pleasant ends. ¡°Our love is a gift, Ara. It¡¯s more intense and inexplicable than any love I¡¯ve ever known, and it will always be a part of us.¡± ¡°Just not a physical part,¡± I said solemnly. ¡°Love is stronger than the physical being. I don¡¯t need to feel your lips, your touch, or to hear your words to know you will always love me. And you know that, too, deep inside.¡± Page 67 ¡°But I¡¯ll feel another¡¯s. And so will you. If I can¡¯t bear that thought¡ªthe thought of you touching anyone¡ª¡± I placed his hand over my heart, ¡°¡ªhow can you possibly bear to think of me being with someone else?¡±Advertisement He laughed out a breath. ¡°It makes me feel hollowed out in the pit of my stomach. But what choice do I have? I am a mourner without tears, a wild stallion locked in a stable¡ªpowerless to change my position.¡± ¡°I¡¯m sorry, David.¡± I looked down. ¡°I know you are, Ara.¡± He hooked his finger under my chin and rolled my face upward. ¡°But you should not have to apologise for the desires of your heart.¡± ¡°My heart should learn to shut up.¡± ¡°I disagree. I love you the way you are. Never change that.¡± He touched my chest. ¡°Do you¡­¡± I looked up into his green, loving eyes. ¡°Do you think we¡¯ll ever stop missing each other, or that maybe, one day, you¡¯ll be able to forget me?¡± ¡°Forget you?¡± His tone dropped all comprehension. ¡°Do you not understand? My love, I won¡¯t just miss you. I will exist as if I were a rose without the grace of rain. There will be no peace for me¡ªever.¡± ¡°Then why?¡± I pushed away from him and took a step back. ¡°Why did Fate bring us together? Why did we find each other only to be forced apart?¡± ¡°We found each other, my love, but maybe Fate had nothing to do with it. What if we just weren¡¯t meant to be?¡± ¡°So we were a mistake¡ªa cosmic glitch?¡± ¡°Perhaps, but, if so, you are the one mistake I will never regret.¡± ¡°I don¡¯t want to be somebody¡¯s mistake.¡± ¡°Cosmic glitch then,¡± he said kindly, and I smiled. But, sadly, I knew exactly what he meant, because I felt the same way. Neither of us would recover from this, but it¡¯d been worth all the pain. I knew a love more perfect and more devastating than any other feeling I¡¯d ever had in my life, and I owed that to this man, who had very unfortunate timing. Our eyes met in a standstill of anguish and indecision. Neither of us could find the words to make everything okay¡ªit would never be okay. The school bell ringing in the distance broke the silence in my room. It seemed so stupid to me then; school, life, everything in the wake of the thought that I¡¯d lose David forever. Going to school, living life like normal was an empty, silly idea. ¡°You better call the school and tell them you¡¯re sick today,¡± David said, standing across the room, his shoulder against the window frame. ¡°Roll call will start soon. They¡¯ll alert your dad if you¡¯re not there.¡± I didn¡¯t even see him move. I wanted to walk over and touch my fingertips to his spine where the morning light shadowed and highlighted the contours, but I wasn¡¯t sure why he walked away¡ªor if he wanted me to touch him. I stayed motionless, watching David¡¯s thoughts fall away from the hold of his gaze and onto the world below my room, while my thoughts consumed the empty space around us. I didn¡¯t care that he could hear them, and I didn¡¯t care that if Vicki came home early from shopping she¡¯d find David and I ditching school. Nothing mattered to me in the same way it used to. It all just seemed inconsequential with the idea that these were the last touches of light I would ever see on his skin. I would never know the summer sun glistening behind his emerald eyes again, never see it kiss his hair with tones of gold, and never again feel it warm his fingers while he played my guitar, sitting in front of me in a world of childhood dreams, as innocent as a sweet smile. All we had was one last day, where we would watch the sun set before our eyes, and bring with it the darkness of eternal nights. There would be no way to prevent it; it would come, and even the nights would disappear in a countdown around us until he was gone. But I would forever be David¡¯s girl. I knew I¡¯d look for him in the face of every man I passed for the rest of my life, and though my physical existence on Earth would end one day, I knew in my heart that I would love him, too¡ªfor eternity. ¡°Come on.¡± He turned suddenly and smiled, offering his hand. ¡°Let¡¯s not waste this day on solemn thoughts.¡± ¡°What do you want to do then?¡± I took his hand. ¡°I wanna teach you a song.¡± ¡°What song?¡± I asked, grabbing the guitar when he pointed to it. ¡°One I wrote.¡± I stopped for a second and watched him sink down on my bed. ¡°You write songs?¡± ¡°Course I do.¡± He patted the space of mattress between his legs. ¡°Sit here.¡± ¡°O¡­kay.¡± I sat with my back against his chest, and David took the guitar, positioning it across my lap in front of us. ¡°What¡¯s the song called?¡± ¡°The Knight of the Rose.¡± ¡°What¡¯s it about?¡± I asked, letting David take my fingers and place them on the strings. He paused. ¡°You.¡± ¡°About leaving me?¡± ¡°No. It¡¯s not a goodbye song; it¡¯s a love song¡­¡± his tone softened away to near silence. ¡°It was just written with the tears of farewell.¡± Somehow, that made it hurt more. David smiled against the side of my face, then took my hand again. ¡°After the first chord, place your fingers here.¡± ¡°What¡¯s that chord? I¡¯ve never seen it before.¡± ¡°I think I invented it.¡± He kind of laughed, then strummed it once. My eyes went wider. ¡°Wow. That¡¯s really¡­intense.¡± ¡°Yes.¡± He arranged my fingers on different strings and pressed them down firmly, as if to ask if I had it. I nodded. ¡°Okay. I¡¯ll whisper the chords as we go along. I want you to know this song by heart, Ara.¡± ¡°Why?¡± He moved my fingers back to the A Minor¡ªthe first chord. ¡°So you can play it when you miss me.¡± I didn¡¯t want to think about that right now. ¡°Who says I¡¯m going to miss you?¡± I said playfully instead. ¡°My love¡ª¡± he pulled me closer, reaching his right hand around to the guitar, ¡°¡ªif you never, not for even one second, miss me once I¡¯m gone, then I will be happy eternally. But we both know that won¡¯t be the case,¡± he teased. ¡°You¡¯re so sure of yourself, aren¡¯t you?¡¯ ¡°Only with good reason.¡± He pecked my cheek, drawing a smile to my lips, and gave the song life in the same breath, his fingers dancing in an elaborate pattern over the strings. We changed chords then, and the flow of my favourite notes, nearly each and every one I ever loved, filled every corner of the darkness in my heart. I could¡¯ve sworn the room even illuminated with bright, white light. It was as if he¡¯d written down every song that ever made me feel something, and combined them, crafting the notes with an ethereal life-force. He whispered the next chord in my ear, moving his fingers with mine. I wanted to separate myself from this world, try not to feel all the pain, the loss, the dying hope of the future climbing to the surface, making me want to cry. I just couldn¡¯t believe he¡¯d be gone soon. Two weeks. Just two weeks, and I would never, ever see him again; never feel his breath on my skin again, never look into those emerald eyes, never kiss his soft, dark-pink lips. He said it wasn¡¯t a goodbye song, but it had all the sadness of parting in the flow of its notes. How could I not cry; how could I not fall to my knees right now and beg the universe for one chance? Just one little piece of hope that there¡¯d be a happy ending for us. I¡¯d give anything. Anything for that. The song floated softly to a haunting end, leaving the room silent for a heartbeat. I tried to take a breath but it came out of my lungs instead of going in, making the grief shriek from my lips. I covered my face as David pried the guitar from my tight grip and placed it on the ground, pulling me against him on my pillows. ¡°Shh. It¡¯s all okay, my love. Everything will be okay.¡± But he didn¡¯t believe that. He couldn¡¯t even convince himself. He stroked my hair back, tucking me up like he¡¯d never let go. ¡°I¡¯ll never stop loving you, Ara. You know that, don¡¯t you?¡± I nodded, hiccups quietening to soft sobs. ¡°And you know I will too, right?¡± He nodded against the top of my head, kissing my hair after, and the last of my strength dissolved. I closed my eyes and drifted away in his arms, allowing myself to dream, for a moment, that things were different¡ªthat David and I could be together for the rest of my life. Our future danced around in my head like a short film¡ªa black and white. I walked toward that boy at the end of the aisle, whose green eyes reflected the awe in his heart as they fell over my white dress, his joy dissolving my nerves, making the people in the pews disappear. It was just he and I, alone, on the edge of fulfilling one of our hearts¡¯ greatest desires. As I finally came to stand beside him, he took my hand and smiled down at my bouquet; a soft, simple piece of completely white roses, with one immaculately blossomed red one set centre. ¡°What¡¯s that one for?¡± David¡¯s soft, warm breath brushed the top of my head, waking my mind a little. ¡°The part of my heart that will never belong to anyone else; the part of me that will always be only yours.¡± ¡°How appropriate,¡± he said, and shifted under me as he reached into his pocket. ¡°I have something¡ªa gift for you¡ªwhich comes bearing the exact same sentiment.¡± I looked up to the golden light of the morning sun on my walls, my eyes drifting from David¡¯s lips, down the curve of his arm around my waist, to his closed fist. ¡°What is it?¡± He unfolded his fingers, revealing a pool of delicate silver chain, slightly covering a heart-shaped locket. ¡°So you may never forget that you¡ª¡± he pointed to the engraved rose, ¡°¡ªare in my heart.¡± ¡°David, it¡¯s beautiful.¡± I turned the locket over and ran my finger over the fine inscription on the back; though I wasn¡¯t sure, it looked like it was written in French. ¡°What does it say?¡± ¡°Tu m¡¯appartiens.¡± He kissed my cheek and smoothed my hair back, leaving a cool tingle behind where he linked the chain around my neck. As it fell onto my chest, just below my collarbones, my hand rose up instantly to hold it tight. ¡°What does that mean?¡± He slowly pressed his lips to my ear. ¡°You belong to me.¡± ¡°For as long as I live?¡± ¡°No, mon amour. For all time.¡± ¡°I like that,¡± I said, sitting back against him, and he wrapped his arms across my waist, holding me that way until the sun went down, stealing away the last day of our forever. Chapter Twenty-Six Orange shadows stretched across the highway in the early morning sun, and my thoughts, distant and reflective, seemed lost far beyond the car window too. I leaned my weary head on the glass, trying to hold on to that last moment before everything changed. Today, for the first time, I woke to the sting of normality; coffee, with its unusual ability to make everything seem okay; toast on the table when I came down, feeling the early morning chill on my bare arms, and quiet conversation with Dad¡ªtrying not to wake the rest of the house. Even though Mike was arriving today, excitement was not the first feeling I had as my alarm startled me from peaceful slumber; it was devastation, weighed down with a tight ache in my throat called sorrow. It was kinda fitting really, that the last time I saw Mike, I was in exactly the same state of mind as I was now¡ªmiserable. I really thought Mike¡¯s coming to stay would ease the pain of losing David. But I was wrong. Dad moved his gaze from the road and smiled at me; I knitted some semblance of a grin across my face, but the world couldn¡¯t make me smile for real, and in two weeks, when David left forever, I¡¯d never smile again. Unless I became a vampire. Thing was, with the days of losing him coming closer and closer, the idea of killing for love seemed less horrific. Not enough that I was ready to tell him that¡ªor think it around him. I just¡­I just needed guidance¡ªa sign. The music in the car became louder when one of Dad¡¯s favourite songs came on, and as we turned onto the long stretch of highway toward the airport, a black billboard with a white circle of light caught my attention. I spun in my seat and read the words as we whizzed past: Let Fate Decide. Let Fate decide? Dad turned the radio off then, leaving me feeling exposed in the silence as an idea took shape. I sat back in my chair, smiling. Maybe if I couldn¡¯t decide what to do, I could ask a higher power to grant me an epiphany¡ªor at least an answer. Mike loved me, but he, in no way, loved me like I loved him. It would take some miracle for his heart to change, just like the kind of miracle it would take to convince me to go with David and be a murderer. So maybe that was it; maybe that was my answer. If Mike magically confessed his undying love for me, I¡¯d stay human, live my life, have babies, and one day die. But, if I was right, if he really only loved me as a friend, then it¡¯d be a sign that I should throw away childish beliefs about meeting ghosts of the past in the hereafter, let go the hope of one day being a mother, discard all my moralistic beliefs, and go with David¡ªbecome a vampire. It was perfect; like rolling the dice and saying ¡®seven¡¯. Dad looked sideways at me and changed gears as we slowed, coming into the airport. ¡°You excited?¡± he asked. ¡°Kinda nervous, actually.¡± ¡°Nervous?¡± he said. ¡°Why?¡± Part of me wanted to tell Dad about the ¡®Tragic Rejection Moment¡¯ between Mike and I, but the sensible part said, ¡°It¡¯s just been a while, is all. I¡¯m not sure if we¡¯ll be friends like we used to.¡± Page 68 ¡°Honey.¡± Dad pulled over in the pick-up zone and placed his hand on mine. ¡°I¡¯m sure you¡¯ll be fine. You may have been apart for a while, but Mike¡¯s been there the whole time. I¡¯ve been talking to him every couple of days¡ªgiving him updates on you.¡±Advertisement ¡°Dad?¡± I groaned. ¡°Really? I mean, I knew you were talking, but¡ªupdates? Come on¡ª¡± Dad shrugged. ¡°He asked. I told.¡± ¡°I don¡¯t know how you thought telling me that would make things better.¡± I folded my arms and looked out the window. ¡°Because I don¡¯t want you to feel like he abandoned you by not pushing you to talk to him. He¡¯s just been giving you some space.¡± I unfolded my arms and looked beyond the glass entrance of the terminal to the people flooding the airport, gathering around the baggage collection for flight 728. Mike¡¯s flight. ¡°He¡¯s here.¡± I unlatched my seatbelt, ignoring the intoxicating surge of adrenaline seeping into my arms and chest, making my heart pick up about ten paces. I wished I could see him¡ªjust make him out among the crowd so I could sneak up on him¡ªsee how different he looked before he saw me. ¡°Go on.¡± Dad grinned, watching me edge in my seat. ¡°I¡¯ll be back soon,¡± I beamed as I sprung from the car. People gathered their bags from the conveyer belt and hugged their families. I pushed against the tightly packed bodies, using my elbows to almost swim through the crowd, my gaze shifting side to side. ¡°You lost, sweetie?¡± a man asked when I studied his face carefully under his sandy-blonde hair. I shook my head and hurried past him, stopping dead when I saw a guy on his phone by the Coke machine; sandy-coloured hair, broad shoulders. I squinted, jutting my neck forward as I took baby steps in his direction¡ªseeing only flashes as the crowd of people stole my view several times. Then, certainty flooded through me when he threw his bag over his shoulder and flipped his phone in the air before stuffing it in his back pocket. That was him! I stopped walking; he was so much taller than I remembered, and bigger, too. His blue shirt fit tightly around the softballs in his arms, but there was still that something in the way he held himself¡ªa sort of tall stance with a kind of confidence that came from being an officer of authority. He looked good. Good enough that I felt my cheeks flush as the perfect word to describe him entered my head...sexy. ¡°Ara?¡± He spun around suddenly, eyes lighting up. I couldn¡¯t move. I¡¯d imagined this moment so many times in my mind; how I¡¯d run into his arms and he¡¯d lift me off the ground and kiss me¡ªlike he loved me. However, that was always only a dream, and I left that behind¡ªfound another reason to exist. But, as I looked upon my old crush for the first time in so long, my new reason to exist seemed to fade for that one moment, and whether it was by habit or longing, I wasn¡¯t sure, but for that moment, I still wanted Mike just as bad as before. ¡°Ara? Baby?¡± He ushered me to him. ¡°What ya waitin¡¯ for, girl, come here.¡± With no mind for the family walking in my path, I darted forward, forcing them to part as I launched toward Mike, barely giving him a chance to drop his bag before I jumped into his arms. We stumbled back a few steps with the force of my eager embrace¡ªa physical reaction my steady-legged vampire could never have, unless he was pretending to be human. And I loved how human Mike was right then. ¡°Whoa, baby. That¡¯s happiness to see me.¡± His widespread fingers pressed firmly against the back of my ribs. I squeezed his neck, wrapping my legs around his hips¡ªprobably showing my undies to every dirty old man who cared to look. He just felt so good to hold; a little piece of the past, with a warmth that could only be human¡ªas if he¡¯d carried some of the Perth sun all the way to the U.S. with him. I rested my cheek in his neck and let myself cry like a little girl. ¡°I missed you so much.¡± Mike¡¯s arms became a band of restriction, stopping air from coming into my lungs. ¡°I missed you too, kid.¡± When he went to lower me, I held on tighter. ¡°Not yet. Just...not yet.¡± ¡°It¡¯s okay, Ara. Let go. I¡¯m not going anywhere.¡± He unwound my arms from his neck and placed me on the ground. I pulled my dress down to cover my legs. ¡°Let me get a look at you.¡± He shook his head, smiling. ¡°You¡¯ve gotten thinner. Are you eating?¡± ¡°You sound like my mum.¡± I clutched the edges of my dress in fists of nerves. ¡°And, yes, I do eat.¡± ¡°What¡¯s this?¡± He reached for my locket. ¡°Oh, um. A friend gave it to me.¡± I took it from his hand and dropped it back into place. ¡°You belong to me?¡± His brow folded over one eye. ¡°Ah, yeah. It¡¯s um, a good friend?¡± I offered, but from the way his lips meshed tightly and his eyes narrowed, I knew he didn¡¯t like it. ¡°David?¡± ¡°Maybe?¡± The corner of my mouth turned up involuntarily. He just blinked a few times, then drew a deep breath through his nose and placed his arm around my shoulder. ¡°Should I be worried?¡± ¡°Mike? You¡¯ve been here for a whole two seconds. Don¡¯t start.¡± ¡°I don¡¯t like it, Ara. It sounds¡ªpossessive.¡± ¡°You¡¯re just jealous,¡± I said, smiling. ¡°Jealous, huh?¡± His face lit up and his eyes warmed with so much familiarity that all the pain of the separation over these last few months melted away. He grabbed my hand. ¡°So what if I am? You¡¯ve always been my best friend. Then, out of nowhere, you meet some random guy, fall in love with him, and he brands you with his mark. Now, all of a sudden, you belong to him?¡± Brands me? A quick breath came cold into my lungs as I reached for the yellowing bruises on my neck¡ªthe ones from the indiscretion under the stage. But when Mike¡¯s eyes narrowed as he looked at my hand, I tensed from toes to shoulders, realising that wasn¡¯t the mark he was referring to. He grabbed my wrist and pulled it away from my neck, gasping loudly when he saw what was hiding beneath my carefully styled, bruise-covering hair. ¡°Who did this to you? Was it him?¡± I shrank into myself, looking around. ¡°Mike, stop it. Please. People are staring.¡± ¡°I don¡¯t care. Look at you. What kind of a guy would do this to a young girl?¡± ¡°It wasn¡¯t like that.¡± ¡°Oh, really. Then what¡¯s the story, Ara?¡± ¡°Look, he wasn¡¯t trying to hurt me, okay? Just stop worrying about me all the time.¡± Mike grabbed my chin and studied the marks on both sides of my neck. ¡°Stop worrying, huh? Well, it certainly looks like I should be concerned. Have you seen this? Have you looked at yourself? Jesus, girl.¡± He released my face gently. ¡°What the hell?¡± ¡°It was an accident. I¡ªI bit him,¡± I said bashfully. ¡°We were just playing around. I let him do it to me, and he¡ªwell, we got a little carried away.¡± Mike¡¯s arms dropped to his sides and disappointment filled his watery eyes. ¡°Did you sleep with him?¡± I shook my lowered head. I felt so foolish. ¡°Ara. I¡¯m sorry.¡± He looked around the busy terminal, rubbing at the frown on his face. ¡°Just. Why would you let him do this to you? How do you think I feel to come here after missing you for so long, so worried because I can¡¯t be here to protect you, and I find this¡ª¡± He held his hand out, presenting the bruise. ¡°God, Ara. You should have more respect for yourself.¡± ¡°I know.¡± My face crumpled and fell into my hands. ¡°I already feel bad enough about it.¡± About wanting him to do it. ¡°I don¡¯t need you making it worse.¡± He clicked his tongue, then wrapped both arms around my shoulders, muffling my sobs against his chest. I hated the fact that our dramatic reunion in the middle of the airport was on display to hundreds of people¡ªall watching. ¡°I¡¯m not mad at you, Ar.¡± He rubbed my back. ¡°Okay? I¡¯m not mad at you. I¡¯m just¡ª¡± He sighed and pulled back, wiping the tears from my cheeks with both thumbs. ¡°I¡¯m mad at myself. I never should¡¯ve let your dad take you away. I should¡¯ve come after you¡ªor kept you with me.¡± He sounded utterly defeated. I shook my head. ¡°He¡¯d never¡¯ve let me stay, Mike.¡± ¡°He would¡¯ve let you stay with me.¡± I shook my head again. I was glad I came here; glad I met David¡ªeven though I was going to lose him. ¡°He didn¡¯t hurt me, Mike. David? He didn¡¯t hurt me. I wanted him to do it. I liked it.¡± ¡°Ara? You¡¯re just a girl. You shouldn¡¯t be playing games like that with boys. He should¡¯ve known better,¡± Mike said in a singing tone. ¡°Look, I¡¯m sorry. I just lost it, is all. I just never expected to see you with bruises.¡± ¡°I know. I said I was sorry.¡± ¡°You don¡¯t need to be sorry, Ar. I do get it, okay? I really do. And I¡¯ll let it go. Just, please don¡¯t let him do it to you again. Promise?¡± I nodded, secretly crossing my fingers behind my back. I wondered then, if explaining to Mike that David¡¯s actually a vampire might ease his disdain for the whole biting situation¡ªsince it could¡¯ve been worse. When Mike laughed, I half expected he¡¯d read my thought, but he simply shook his head and said, ¡°It¡¯s really damn good to see you, girl.¡± ¡°Yeah. It¡¯s kinda weird. I feel like I¡¯m imagining this.¡± Mike reached across and pinched me. ¡°Feels pretty real to me.¡± ¡°Ouch.¡± I rubbed my forearm. ¡°That hurt, you know.¡± ¡°Grow up,¡± he said with a grin. ¡°Hmpf.¡± ¡°Shall we go home?¡± he asked. ¡°Yeah.¡± My arms dropped back down to my sides. ¡°Sounds good.¡± Mike bent and grabbed his suitcase, then shouldered his backpack swiftly, wrapped his arm around my neck, and we wandered slowly out to the parking bay where I left Dad. ¡°Mr Thompson. Good to see you again.¡± Mike shook Dad¡¯s hand firmly. ¡°Yes, yes, it¡¯s good to have you here.¡± Dad cupped his other hand over Mike¡¯s in the ¡®double¡¯ handshake. ¡°We¡¯ve been hearing a lot about you these past few months.¡± ¡°Really,¡± Mike asked in a leading tone. ¡°Ara talks about me?¡± ¡°Yes.¡± Dad grinned. ¡°I started to wonder if you were my daughter¡¯s only friend.¡± ¡°Ha!¡± Mike looked at me with that cheeky, cocky grin. ¡°I am.¡± ¡°Are not.¡± I punched him in the arm. He leaned away, rubbing off my pathetic effort at violence. When we pulled into the driveway at home, Mike turned in his seat and smiled at me. ¡°You never told me how beautiful this place is, Ara.¡± ¡°It¡¯s all right, I guess.¡± I shrugged, not meeting his eyes. Each tree had turned a different colour with the near-autumn air, and as the leaves fell from the branches one by one, they gathered in piles or floated down the curve of the road, leaving a wash of yellows and reds and oranges all over Maple Terrace. But my fairy-tale timeline meant that for every leaf that fell away, so too did the days I had left with David. Sure, it was pretty, but all that beauty was slowly and surely delivering me to heartbreak. ¡°Ara would prefer it if they were Gum Trees, I think,¡± Dad said and hopped out of the car, laughing to himself. ¡°What¡¯s up, Ara?¡± Mike asked. ¡°You sulked the whole way home.¡± ¡°Nothing. I¡¯m fine.¡± I climbed out, too, slamming the car door behind me. I was sure Mike groaned to himself, but he arrived at the trunk with a smile on his face. ¡°I¡¯ll take that.¡± ¡°Boy, that¡¯s heavy.¡± Dad nearly dropped Mike¡¯s bag as he passed it to him. ¡°I must be getting old.¡± ¡°Nah. You¡¯re not old, Mr Thompson. I¡¯m just bloody strong,¡± Mike said. ¡°I¡¯d have to be to keep up with this one.¡± He ruffled my hair. ¡°Hey, get off.¡± I patted it back into place. ¡°Please, call me Greg, Mike¡ªyou¡¯re like one of the family. And who knows¡ª¡± Dad winked at me, ¡°¡ªwith the way my daughter talks about you, maybe one day you will be.¡± ¡°Daaa-aad.¡± I buried my face in my hand. Mike chuckled. ¡°Not likely, sir, unless you have another daughter I don¡¯t know about.¡± Ouch. ¡°I have a son,¡± he suggested then frowned. ¡°Hm. Yeah, not really on that side of the fence,¡± Mike said. ¡°Well, I guess we¡¯ll just have to adopt you, then.¡± Dad patted Mike on the back as they headed inside, leaving me, shouldering a rise of hurt, to trail behind them. ¡°When did he become the favourite?¡± I muttered under my breath. The warm smell of bacon and toast wafted into the entranceway, with the sweet aroma of sugared coffee lingering in a pleasant layer over the top. I stepped in and closed the door, smiling at Sam as he ran upstairs carrying¡ªor dragging¡ªMike¡¯s suitcase. ¡°Sure you don¡¯t want me to take that, Sam?¡± Mike said. ¡°Now, now, you just let the boy worry about that,¡± Dad said, leading Mike into the dining area. ¡°I think I smell breakfast.¡± ¡°I think I smell heaven,¡± Mike added. I rolled my eyes and pushed past him and Dad to sit at the table and watch them all play ¡®happy families¡¯. Mike was such a suck-up. He knew exactly how to get into oldies¡¯ good books and he was holding no bars back. It was also one of the things I really loved about him. Page 69 ¡°Mike, good to finally meet you.¡± Vicki left her practically permanent kitchen position to hug him. ¡°How have you been?¡±Advertisement ¡°Good, Vicki. Really good,¡± Mike said softly. ¡°It¡¯s nice to finally put a face to the voice.¡± Great, so Vicki had been talking to him on the phone, too. Just bury me now. Vicki smiled. ¡°I¡¯ve made you some breakfast¡ªfigured you¡¯d be hungry after all that travelling.¡± ¡°Yeah, great,¡± Mike said and sat at the table next to me. ¡°The airport food was pretty average.¡± ¡°So, Ara tells us you¡¯ve been accepted into the ah¡ªwhat was that called again?¡± Vicki asked, fussing over the plates. ¡°Vicki,¡± I moaned. ¡°Dad¡¯s already interrogated him. Do you have to do it too?¡± ¡°I don¡¯t mind an interrogation, Ara.¡± Mike elbowed me gently. ¡°It¡¯s uh¡ªit¡¯s called the Tactical Response Group. We get to use cool guns, basically.¡± He grinned at Sam as he sat down. ¡°Do you get to shoot people?¡± Sam asked, leaning right across the table to be in Mike¡¯s bubble. ¡°Well,¡± Mike¡¯s voice softened, ¡°the only place I like to shoot people is on Halo. Other than that, we try to avoid it as much as possible. But I have a Taser?¡± he offered. ¡°Awesome. Hey, do you play on Live¡ª¡± Sam¡¯s voice became background noise while the boys talked video games and Vicki served breakfast around all the commotion, sitting quietly down after. Without touching my food, I leaned on my hand and listened to the sound of normal; how the laughter, forks clinking on plates, and cups resting with a clunk on wood could echo familiarity and content. Once upon a time, being normal meant having a life with two parents, no grief, and no scars. Now, normal meant I could sit in my kitchen, eat food with my family, and at the end of my life¡ªdie. A few months ago, I didn¡¯t know how much I had to be grateful for, but the hourglass of Fate could rock and tip everything out of balance at any time. I knew now that I had to take each breath of normal with a kind of appreciation I never understood before, because imagining, with David¡¯s interpretation of eternity, if I didn¡¯t have any of this¡ªI looked at Dad and Vicki, leaning closer to each other as they laughed¡ªI would miss it all terribly. ¡°Well, Vicki¡ª¡± Mike wiped his mouth with a napkin and rested his arm on the table, ¡°¡ªthat was the most amazing breakfast I¡¯ve had in a long time. Ara¡¯s right, you are a good cook.¡± ¡°Ara said that?¡± Vicki¡¯s wide eyes landed on me. I wanted to brush them off. ¡°Well, thank you, Ara, and thank you, Mike. I really enjoy cooking¡ªespecially for people who eat it without salt.¡± She glared at Dad. ¡°What?¡± Dad shrugged, holding his hands out. Mike laughed and placed his napkin on the table. ¡°Well, my mother raised me with the strong belief that it¡¯s considered an insult to the chef when one puts salt on his food.¡± Vicki¡¯s smile pushed her brows up. ¡°See, Greg? You could stand to learn a few table manners, yourself.¡± Sam laughed. ¡°Hm, Ara?¡± Dad cleared his throat, ignoring Vicki and Sam. ¡°Why don¡¯t you give Mike the grand tour?¡± ¡°I¡¯m sure he¡¯s seen a house before, Dad.¡± ¡°Not yours, though,¡± Mike said, seeming to offer me the position of Tour Guide. ¡°Okay. Come on.¡± I stood up, but when I reached for his hand, he quickly drew it away. Even Dad and Vicki saw it, disguising their shock with a swift glance at their plates, while I ate the swell of mortification. ¡°Thanks again, Vicki.¡± Mike grabbed his plate and mine. ¡°You¡¯re welcome, Mike.¡± I walked off in a huff, looking back at Mike. ¡°Are you coming or not?¡± ¡°Coming.¡± He dumped the plates in the sink as we passed the kitchen and headed through the arch to the forbidden formal room. ¡°So, this is the dining room¡­¡± ¡°Two dining rooms?¡± ¡°Yeah, for all those dinner guests Vicki entertains.¡± I laughed. ¡°Right.¡± Mike nodded, crossing his arms. I don¡¯t think he realised I was joking. ¡°And out there is the backyard.¡± I pointed beyond the windows. ¡°Is that the swing? Where you sit when you¡¯re sad?¡± ¡°No, it¡¯s a slide.¡± ¡°Ha-ha.¡± He flicked his hand out and knocked my ponytail. ¡°Uh!¡± I held up a finger. ¡°No mucking about in here. You¡¯ll hit the chandelier.¡± Mike looked up. ¡°Hm. Look at that. A real chandelier.¡± ¡°It¡¯s plastic,¡± I remarked and walked on, leading him to the TV room that met back up with the front entrance. ¡°We watch TV in here.¡± Mike stood by the suede sofa and considered the giant LCD sitting neatly on the white cabinet. ¡°No drinks in the lounge,¡± he read the ¡®house rules¡¯ painted on the wooden wall-plaque. ¡°No name-calling. No¡­¡± ¡°Okay.¡± I grabbed his shoulders and spun him toward the door. ¡°We all know the rules.¡± ¡°I don¡¯t.¡± He tried to walk back to the TV room. ¡°I wasn¡¯t done.¡± ¡°You can read them later. I wanna show you your room.¡± ¡°Okay. But only because I stink.¡± He lifted his arm and sniffed his own odour. ¡°I need a change of shirt.¡± ¡°No kidding.¡± I pushed his arm down. ¡°Now, Sam,¡± Dad¡¯s voice absconded into the entrance. ¡°Why does she get to stay home?¡± Sam said, and I imagined him pointing off in some random direction as if pointing at me¡ªthe ¡®she¡¯. ¡°Because she has a friend who just arrived.¡± ¡°There¡¯s always some excuse. It¡¯s like she never goes to school.¡± Mike rested his forearm on the balustrade, half laughing, and looked at me. ¡°You never go to school, huh?¡± ¡°Not a lot.¡± I kicked up the carpet at the base of the stair. ¡°How¡¯s it been¡ª¡± he nodded toward the dining room, ¡°¡ªhaving a little brother?¡± ¡°Not much different to putting up with you.¡± He laughed and looked around, his eyes taking in the stairs, then the window above the front door, and landing back on me. ¡°I like this. It¡¯s a nice house, Ara. It¡¯s good to see the places you¡¯ve been talking about all your life.¡± ¡°Well, later I¡¯ll show you where I landed when I broke my arm that time.¡± ¡°Sounds good.¡± He tugged on a strand of my hair, making me lower my foot from the first step to look up at him. ¡°I really missed ya, girl.¡± ¡°I know,¡± I said, and my eyes moved slowly from his camel-skin boots, over the light denim jeans and traced swerves over the ripples under his shirt, stopping in a hold on his warm eyes. The caramel colour had always reminded me of autumn¡ªonce my favourite season¡ªbut there would have to be a different comparison for his eyes now that my autumn would forever be a reminder of losing David. Maybe¡­ ¡°Ara?¡± ¡°Hm?¡± His face blurred and sharpened into focus. ¡°Did you hear anything I just said?¡± ¡°Um¡ª¡± Mike¡¯s shoulders dropped and he nodded to himself. ¡°Come on, why don¡¯t you just show me upstairs?¡± I knew he was upset. I didn¡¯t want him to be upset. ¡°No,¡± I said, flashing him a cheeky grin. ¡°Ara. Come on. I¡¯m tired. I¡¯m not in the mood for games.¡± My brow arched. ¡°Race you?¡± And the mask cracked, bringing warmth back to his eyes. ¡°Ah, forget that,¡± he said, taking a quick step toward me. ¡°This is more fun.¡± ¡°No!¡± I squealed, rapping my fists on his leg as he swept me up like a football, legs kicking behind us, and bolted up the stairs. ¡°Put me down!¡± ¡°Make me.¡± He laughed over my protest, so I angled my head just so, and bit his thigh. ¡°Ow!¡± I landed on the carpet on my hands and knees. ¡°I can¡¯t believe you just bit me.¡± ¡°I can¡¯t believe you just dropped me.¡± ¡°Sorry. Defensive reaction.¡± He rubbed his leg. I stood up, dusting myself off and we both held eye contact for only a second before laughing. ¡°Truce?¡± I held up my pinkie. ¡°Truce.¡± He linked his with mine, then pulled it close to his body, wrapping his other hand behind my head to bury my face in his chest. ¡°Come here, you.¡± ¡°Yeah. I missed you, too.¡± I patted his back a few times then stepped away. ¡°So¡ª¡± He looked from one door to another. ¡°Which one¡¯s my room?¡± I pointed to the spare room. ¡°Which one¡¯s yours?¡± I nodded to the one behind him; he took a look, then hobbled over to his door, his hand firmly on his thigh. ¡°Oh, grow up, Mike. I didn¡¯t bite that hard.¡± ¡°How do you know?¡± He stood tall, dropping the act. ¡°I might need a tetanus shot.¡± I wanted to whack him, but knew it would start the war all over again. So I took the moral high road instead and opened his door for him, ruffling his hair as the light from his room swept the carpet by my feet. ¡°Does poor baby need a cuddle?¡± ¡°Quiet, you,¡± he said playfully and his eyes widened as he looked into his room. ¡°Ooh. Nice.¡± ¡°Yep. And you can thank David for putting the bed up,¡± I said, and crossed the room to close the window. ¡°Dad was trying to put the foot at the head and the same on the end.¡± ¡°David, huh?¡± ¡°Yes.¡± I pushed the curtains further apart to allow for more light, then turned around and opened the door adjacent to the window. ¡°So, there¡¯s a bathroom here.¡± ¡°Wow, my own bathroom. Nice.¡± Mike leaned his head around the bathroom door, then smiled back at me. ¡°And you have a TV.¡± I walked to the wardrobe¡ªthe door on the left of his bed¡ªand rolled out one corner of the LCD. ¡°We usually roll it away to make more space.¡± ¡°Great.¡± He grinned. ¡°I¡¯ve got a stack of our favourite movies on my hard drive.¡± ¡°Awesome.¡± I nodded, pressing my lips into a thin line. Mike stared down at me with a half-lit smile, his hands on his hips like he was questioning a suspect, and a narrowed look in his eyes that made me clear my throat. ¡°Why do you keep staring at me like that, Mike?¡± ¡°I¡¯m sorry. There¡¯s just¡ª¡± He went to walk away, but stopped and gave that same look again. ¡°Did you dye your hair or something?¡± ¡°Why?¡± I toyed with the ends. ¡°Does it look different?¡± ¡°Not sure.¡± ¡°Okay.¡± I laughed. ¡°That makes perfect sense.¡± ¡°Sorry.¡± He shook his head and hooked his fingers under the handle of his suitcase. ¡°I just haven¡¯t seen you in so long. I think I forgot how you looked.¡± ¡°Oh. Well, didn¡¯t you have a picture?¡± He shrugged dismissively, placing his suitcase on the end of the bed. ¡°Probably somewhere. Why?¡± ¡°You could¡¯ve referred back to that.¡± ¡°I ¡®spose I could. Guess I just didn¡¯t think of it.¡± ¡°Oh.¡± I nodded solemnly. ¡°What?¡± he said, looking up from the padlock on his bag. ¡°What¡¯s with the long face?¡± ¡°Um...well, it¡¯s just David,¡± I said, instead of blubbering that he clearly didn¡¯t miss me like I missed him. ¡°I told you¡ªhe has to go away for a few weeks before he leaves indefinitely, and¡ª¡± ¡°You¡¯ll miss him?¡± ¡°Mm-hm.¡± I nodded. Mike softened then and grabbed my wrist, pulling me into his chest for another way-too-tight hug. ¡°It¡¯s all right, kid, you got me. I¡¯ll keep ya company.¡± ¡°I know.¡± I pushed out from his arms. ¡°But, I¡¯ve relied on him so much to get me through. I just don¡¯t know how I¡¯ll¡ª¡± ¡°Well, what was I, if not the one who helped you get through things, before you came here?¡± he said. ¡°You¡¯ll be fine, Ara. It¡¯s not the end of the world. And he¡¯ll be back to say goodbye, right?¡± I nodded. It was all I could do for fear of crying hysterically. ¡°Okay.¡± He patted my arm. ¡°So just¡­cheer up and enjoy this time with me. Okay?¡± ¡°Okay.¡± I huffed. ¡°And sit down. You¡¯re making me feel edgy just standing there, hovering by the door.¡± He motioned to his bed. I looked at it for a long moment. It didn¡¯t seem right to sit on his bed now¡ªnow that I had a boyfriend. Mike looked at the bed too, then smiled. ¡°What? Did you booby-trap it¡ªlike last winter when you and your friends thought it¡¯d be funny to¡ª¡± ¡°No,¡± I said swiftly, then wandered over and slumped down in the centre, with my feet dangling off the side. ¡°I just¡ªI don¡¯t know if I¡¯m comfortable being in your room now, is all.¡± ¡°Right.¡± Mike nodded, letting his gaze slip past me to the window. I rolled onto my side and propped my head up with the ball of my palm. ¡°So, what¡¯s the plan today?¡± ¡°Well, a change of shirt¡¯s first on the list.¡± He unzipped his suitcase. ¡°Then, I wanna hear all about this boyfriend of yours.¡± I grinned at the sound of his accent, how, alone, in a quiet space, the Aussie in him became more prominent, more noticeable¡ªnot a strong accent, just enough to surprise me. Page 70 ¡°What?¡± He frowned.Advertisement ¡°Oh, um. It¡¯s the accent,¡± I said. ¡°It sounds so...foreign.¡± ¡°Have you heard yourself? You¡¯re all American.¡± He put on a mock American accent, but it sounded more Canadian. ¡°Hey, don¡¯t knock the accent.¡± I rolled onto my back and looked up at the ceiling. ¡°Took me weeks to get it right.¡± ¡°Well, it sounds very authentic,¡± he said warmly. ¡°Thank you.¡± ¡°Don¡¯t mention it.¡± He chatted away then, zipping and unzipping pockets in his suitcase, laying things in the drawers across from the bed then closing them gently, while I watched in a sort of dream-like state. He still didn¡¯t seem real. I half wondered when I was going to wake up. When the suitcase scuffed along the floor, I looked at Mike as he kicked it under the bed and laid a clean shirt on the blanket. ¡°Hey, wanna see what I¡¯ve been doing lately?¡± ¡°What?¡± I pushed up on my elbows. He yanked his shirt from the back of the neck and pulled it over his head, and my mouth dropped. ¡°You like?¡± ¡°Looks like you¡¯ve been working hard to get into the Tactical Group.¡± I smiled at him one last time before a shiver ran down my spine, forcing me to look at the roof again. ¡°There¡¯s no way not to appreciate that kind of workmanship.¡± ¡°Well, they expect a certain level of fitness,¡± he said, ruffling about at the foot of the bed, ¡°it¡¯s my duty to exceed that.¡± ¡°Well, you certainly didn¡¯t look like that the last time you took your shirt off, so...duty fulfilled,¡± I scoffed, and everything went dark with the strong scent of Mike. ¡°Ew. Wash this thing. It stinks,¡± I joked, peeling his shirt off my face then tossing it back at him. He caught it, held it to his nose, then shrugged and threw it behind him. ¡°Come on¡ªmove over.¡± ¡°Make me.¡± ¡°Fine.¡± The giant jumped onto the queen-sized bed and sunk his elbows heavily into the softness beside me, making me roll slightly into him. I shoved my palm against his arm and rolled onto my back. ¡°God, you take up so much space.¡± He chuckled and tucked his elbows under his ribs to hold his head off the bed. ¡°If you don¡¯t like it, you could just get off my bed.¡± I smiled as he shoved me gently. ¡°Like I said; make me.¡± ¡°If anyone could make you do anything, Ara-Rose, my life would¡¯ve been much easier.¡± ¡°Ha-ha.¡± I flicked his earlobe. ¡°Ouch.¡± He laughed, cupping it. ¡°That actually hurt.¡± ¡°Sorry.¡± ¡°Yeah, right.¡± He pretended to flick mine, pressing the tip of my nose when I shied away. ¡°Pain.¡± ¡°Wide load.¡± ¡°Meany.¡± ¡°You know I¡¯m joking,¡± I said softly. He drew a long breath through his nose, his gaze tracing circles over my features. I smiled back up at him, seeing the fine lines I¡¯d memorised and the little pupil-sized scar on the bridge of his nose that he got when I threw a rock at him for being a jerk one day. I felt at home in the comfortable silence¡ªthe kind we were used to. ¡°Know what?¡± he said in that husky whisper. ¡°What?¡± When his face came closer to mine, I almost held my breath, thinking he was going to at least kiss my head, but he rolled onto his back with a rather large huff and linked his fingers behind his head. ¡°I¡¯m tired.¡± ¡°Yeah. Long trip, isn¡¯t it?¡± ¡°Especially changing over at LAX. I was stuck at Customs for an hour.¡± ¡°An hour?¡± I blew my fringe off my face. ¡°They must¡¯ve been moving fast that day.¡± Mike laughed softly and grabbed a pillow from the top of the bed, stuffing it under his head. And as his breathing slowed and the noise in the house died down after Dad and Sam went off to school and Vicki started the car up then drove down the street, I looked out at the clouds through the top of the window, just happy to be by Mike¡¯s side again. Mostly, I could only see the eaves of the roof jutting out above the glass, but beyond that, the summer sky went on forever¡ªleading to the place, the world David was living in today. Even though I knew he was a fast runner, part of me wondered how he was going to get all the way back here from New York every night and still be back there in the morning to start work. Then I wondered what he actually did while ¡®operating the Set¡¯. As the shadows and the yellow glow of the sun moved across the floor and to the wall, I rolled onto my side and watched Mike¡¯s chest rise and fall with his quiet breath, while the vein on his neck pulsed lightly on each heartbeat. It was something so small¡ªseeing someone¡¯s body live, function¡ªbut until I¡¯d spent so long with a vampire who didn¡¯t need a heart, I¡¯d never really appreciated the miracle in our design. I wanted to reach inside his chest and feel the blood pulse through his heart, feel it full and fat and living, feel the life in his veins¡ªthe life David took from others. And, looking at my best friend sleeping so peacefully, so trusting, a small occurrence crept up; how could I ever take that. How could I reach into a person¡¯s life and take them from the world¡ªdestroy their family? Destroy their future, their hopes and dreams. What if it were Mike? Or my dad? It was all very easy to brush it off and think, ¡°Well, I don¡¯t know this person,¡± but at the end of the day, how would I feel if a vampire killed someone I loved? ¡°What you thinkin¡¯ ¡®bout?¡± Mike¡¯s voice startled me. ¡°Oh, hi, I thought you were asleep.¡± I tried to smile¡ªit was a pathetic effort. ¡°Clearly.¡± He sat up and shuffled to the edge of the bed. ¡°What was on your mind?¡± ¡°I don¡¯t want to talk about it,¡± I stated. He sighed and dragged me, by the hand, to sit beside him. As the weight of his heavy arm fell around my shoulder, I nestled my brow under his jaw. The deep, almost candy-musk scent of his cologne made a flash of his bedroom, back home, pop into my mind. ¡°You smell good,¡± I noted. ¡°It¡¯s the cologne you bought me for my birthday.¡± ¡°Really?¡± I sat up and looked at him, incredulity littering my grin. ¡°I thought you said it reeked like an unopened coffin.¡± ¡°Hm. I did say that, didn¡¯t I?¡± His gaze became thoughtful. ¡°Yes. Among other things.¡± I looked down at my hands. ¡°I was a bit of a dick, wasn¡¯t I?¡± I shrugged. ¡°You were only young.¡± ¡°I was your age.¡± ¡°True. So, in that case, I reserve the right to be an annoying cow, since you were.¡± ¡°Fine. But only ¡®til you turn eighteen.¡± ¡°Deal.¡± I grinned, then, It growled. ¡°Ha!¡± Mike poked my belly; ¡°The ogre! I see some things haven¡¯t changed at all.¡± ¡°Nothing¡¯s changed, Mike¡ªnot really.¡± His eyes narrowed, boring into mine. ¡°What¡¯d you mean by that, Ar?¡± ¡°Um¡ª¡± I internally slapped myself on the head with a novelty-sized baseball bat. Mike stopped for a second, halfway between getting up and sitting back down, then shook his head and pulled me off the bed. ¡°Come on, let¡¯s just feed the beast.¡± ¡°Okay. Then, later, I¡¯ll take you across to the school so you can meet my friends.¡± I bounced on my toes a little. ¡°Friends, hey?¡± ¡°Yup. I¡¯ve made this whole new life for myself, Mike. I''m, like, totally normal now.¡± ¡°You¡¯ll never be normal, Ara. You¡¯ve always been¡ªspecial.¡± That comment should¡¯ve been followed with the usual head-tilt-eye-wink-combo, but instead, his gaze delved into mine. Golden brown eyes, like maple syrup, creasing in the corners a little with his smile. ¡°I hope you don¡¯t mean that in a derogatory sense,¡± I said. He rolled his eyes, groaning. ¡°Come on, I need food¡ªit¡¯s past lunch time already.¡± ¡°Don¡¯t have to tell me twice.¡± I ran down the stairs ahead of him. And everything was just the same as before¡ªbefore all the tragedy and the awkward I-don¡¯t-love-you-the-way-you-love-me stuff. I threw pieces of fruit at Mike while he prepared food and we talked about old times, movies, music, home, and it was easy¡ªfor a moment. Mike, with the sleeves of his dark-blue shirt rolled up, stood chopping onions and coriander at the counter, looking so tall and so grown up that I tried not to look at him¡ªtried not to feel¡­anything. But the strange sensation in my body, flooding me with pulsing hot blood every time he smiled, made me long to be in his arms. Then, that confusing pendulum of indecision kept changing things. I¡¯d go back to square one and think, no, Ara, what are you saying¡ªyou don¡¯t want him to love you, because that means Fate has decided you should let David wander the earth, miserable, for eternity. I felt kind of like Sherlock Holmes, examining clues, pacing around in my own head; to live or to love? That is the question. But, if I had to spend the rest of my human life with anyone other than David, the only person I¡¯d want would be Mike. So, I guess the question would be: to live and love for all my life, or to kill and love eternally? I was beginning to wonder why I got out of bed this year. When the plates no longer contained food and the last of the enthusiastic catch-up wore down to more planned questions, Mike shook his head and smiled. ¡°Know what I found the other day?¡± ¡°What?¡± ¡°Remember that picture we took at the golf course?¡± ¡°The day you tried to teach me how to play?¡± I started laughing, already replaying the tragic ending to that day in my mind¡ªtragic for the window of a golf cart, that is. ¡°Yeah.¡± Mike laughed. ¡°You were so much smaller then, and you still had that gap.¡± He pointed to his front teeth. I ran my tongue over my gums. ¡°I thought you said you didn¡¯t look at any pictures of me over the last few months?¡± Mike looked down at his hands, smiling under reddening cheeks. ¡°Well, maybe a few.¡± I shook my head. ¡°Then how did you forget what I looked like?¡± ¡°I guess I didn¡¯t, really. You¡¯ve just...You know, you¡¯ve grown up so much while we were apart.¡± ¡°Of course I have. Did you think I¡¯d stay a little girl forever?¡± Although, that was a likely possibility. ¡°I just never expected time would change you so much while I wasn¡¯t around to see it. You¡¯re¡ª¡± he considered carefully, ¡°¡ªwell, you¡¯re a woman now.¡± ¡°A woman? Mike, I¡¯m seventeen. No older than when I left.¡± I laughed. He shook his head. ¡°It¡¯s not your age, it¡¯s something¡­else. I don''t know, maybe it¡¯s just that you¡¯ve been through a lot. Guess it¡¯s bound to leave its mark.¡± ¡°You mean scar.¡± He reached across the table for my hand; I reluctantly placed it in his. ¡°I¡¯m here now, baby girl. I didn¡¯t know how much I was missing you until I saw you. Now it feels almost like my heart might tear out if I have to leave you again.¡± ¡°I¡¯m sure you¡¯ll change your mind after two weeks with me. Then you can go back and get on with your life,¡± I said, then laughed in an attempt to bring nonchalance back into the room¡ªsince it suddenly got very intense. He nodded as he said, ¡°I¡¯m beginning to rethink that.¡± ¡°Rethink it? Rethink what?¡± ¡°I miss you, Ara¡ªyou belong in my life, you always have. I¡­ look¡­I have to tell you something.¡± His shoulders lifted a little. ¡°Please don¡¯t get mad, okay?¡± ¡°Okay?¡± My limbs tightened. He looked down at our hands for a second, then back at me with those caramel eyes, warmed with a smile but infused with anxiety. ¡°The truth is, I came here to say goodbye. One final goodbye before I let you go for good. You seemed to be getting on with your life, but, now I¡¯m here, I can¡¯t do it.¡± He shrugged and one corner of his lip turned up. ¡°So, I¡¯m going with plan B.¡± ¡°What¡¯s plan B? Hire a time-machine for the week and change the past?¡± ¡°Ar¡ª¡± He gave that deep groan and intense stare he always gave when I was being silly. ¡°Baby, I¡­ on the plane over here, I was sitting next to two old ladies, and I was so stuck in this cage of uncertainty I actually talked their ears off.¡± Oh dear. ¡°I don''t know what the best way to say this is, and I don''t know when¡¯s the right time¡ªso I''m just gonna come out with it.¡± ¡°Wait. Don''t say it yet.¡± He shook his head, already decided. ¡°Baby, I love you.¡± My heart imploded; I pulled myself together quickly, opting for Ignorance Road. ¡°I know you do, Mike, and I know you¡¯ll always be my bestie.¡± ¡°Yeah, but¡­ that¡¯s not what I meant and you know it.¡± I sat frozen, my lips shaped to the word Ah! And then it all folded inward, tears streaming down my face as it crumpled like I¡¯d eaten a lemon. ¡°You know, you¡¯re not supposed to cry when a guy says he loves you,¡± Mike said. I sobbed into my hand. ¡°Tell me you don''t mean it.¡± His upturned palm appeared under my cave of asylum; I ignored it, looking away. ¡°I do mean it, baby. I¡­ I want you to come home with me when I go.¡± Page 71 ¡°No!¡± I shot up out of my seat, hugging myself. ¡°Don''t say that. Don''t say that.¡± ¡°Are you serious?¡± He stood up, reaching.Advertisement I pointed a stern finger toward him. ¡°Take it back.¡± ¡°What? Why?¡± ¡°Take it back! Now!¡± ¡°Baby, I can''t take it back.¡± He touched his chest. ¡°It¡¯s how I feel.¡± ¡°No, no, uh-uh.¡± I waved my hands around, blinded by tears. ¡°Nope. Nup. You don''t. That¡¯s not right.¡± ¡°Ara?¡± He walked toward me, primed to steady the crazy beast. ¡°Don''t come near me.¡± I shoved him really hard and took a few steps back since he didn''t even shift an inch. ¡°Okay. I can see you¡¯re a little upset, so, I''m gonna just¡ª¡± He motioned to the table. ¡°I''m just gonna sit. Okay?¡± I stood shaking, breathing like a tired puppy. As soon as Mike sunk into the seat, he breathed out profanity and dropped his head against his hand. ¡°Please tell me you don''t mean it?¡± I could feel myself rocking back and forth. ¡°Please tell me you just feel bad for me because my mum died.¡± ¡°That¡¯s what you think this is?¡± He stood up again. ¡°A pity party?¡± I nodded, hopeful. He went to reach for me but stopped and swiped a hand across his nose. ¡°Is that what you want it to be?¡± I folded over a little, feeling myself die, breath by breath. ¡°Please just take it back, Mike. Please? I know you mean it but¡­please?¡± ¡°Why?¡± His voice broke. ¡°It¡¯s¡­I can''t hear that.¡± ¡°Why?¡± ¡°Because you don''t know what you¡¯ve done.¡± He took a quick stride toward me and wrapped me in his arms. ¡°Baby.¡± I sobbed a snotty mess of heartache into his shirt, making it wet, and he just held me around my shoulders, almost delicately, as if he didn''t have the right to touch me. ¡°I''m so sorry, baby. I know it¡¯s a¡ª¡± ¡°No.¡± I shook my head. ¡°Just stop talking. Don''t make this any worse.¡± ¡°It¡¯s okay, baby. It¡¯s really okay.¡± He half laughed. ¡°No, it¡¯s not. Nothing is¡ªand it¡¯s never going to be okay again.¡± ¡°Why do you say that?¡± he asked in a gentle tone. ¡°Mum¡¯s dead, Mike, okay? And you can''t make it better by telling me you love me. It doesn''t work like that.¡± He laughed. ¡°Even if it could change the past, that isn¡¯t something I¡¯d lie about, baby. Come on, you know me better than that.¡± ¡°No.¡± I wiped the tears from my face with the back of my hand. ¡°You¡¯re lying.¡± You have to be lying. ¡°Ara?¡± Mike started again. No! I took short, quick breaths. The breakdown that had been looming all this time flitted to the surface. I held my hands over my ears, shaking my head. ¡°Will you just listen?¡± he said. ¡°No¡ªplease, Mike, please don¡¯t do this.¡± I felt Fate taking a step closer to me every time he opened his mouth, swathing me in the cloth of mortality, binding me to this dice I rolled. ¡°Amara, calm down.¡± He pulled my hands away from my ears. ¡°Please listen. You never¡ªthat night¡ªyou never let me explain it to you. We were trying to make the transition from childhood friends to something so much more¡ªsomething I was afraid you weren¡¯t ready for. God!¡± His arms tightened around my body, almost completely consuming my shape in a snug cloud of safety. ¡°I have never been able to forgive myself for that.¡± ¡°Forgive yourself? Mike! It was me¡ª¡± He pressed his thumb over my lip to shush me. ¡°No, it was my fault. I wanted you. I wanted you so damn bad, but I couldn¡¯t do those things with you while you were drunk. It would¡¯ve been irresponsible of me.¡± He rolled my face upward until our eyes met, keeping his thumb to my lips. ¡°I wanted you to love me, but not like that¡ªnot intoxicated, not when we hadn¡¯t talked about it. When I told you no, you got so upset, I just didn¡¯t know what to do¡ªI let the ball drop.¡± ¡°Why are you telling me this now?¡± It came out as a whisper, perhaps less. ¡°Why not then?¡± ¡°I chased after you, Ara. I searched the streets for an hour. I called your house, no one answered. Then¡ª¡± We both knew the ending to that story. He wiped the tears from my face and kissed my brow. I could feel my hands shaking again as sensation came back into my limbs. ¡°Why didn¡¯t you tell me before I left Perth then?¡± ¡°I tried. You wouldn¡¯t see me, remember?¡± ¡°Then why not on the phone¡ªafter I left?¡± ¡°Why? So you could feel worse, or so I could feel worse? I couldn¡¯t come to you, Ara. It¡¯s been killing me, I¡ª¡± He dropped his head into his palm and closed his eyes. ¡°I can¡¯t sleep anymore. I play it over in my mind all the time¡ªthe things we should¡¯ve done that night.¡± ¡°Things you said no to.¡± He clutched the base of my jaw gently in his hand. ¡°I know. But I just didn¡¯t want you to have regrets in the morning. I knew I wouldn¡¯t.¡± I wanted to look away from his penetrating stare, the way his eyes seemed to read mine. But he held my chin and forced me to keep looking at him. ¡°I¡¯d been watching you for months,¡± he continued, ¡°just waiting for you to realise how I felt about you, and then, that night, you took me by surprise. I didn¡¯t know how to tell you what I really felt, and I was so afraid if I did, and you were just confused because you¡¯d been drinking, that it¡¯d ruin our friendship forever. It was just one stupid misunderstanding and I lost you¡ªfor good.¡± Mike smoothed my tear-soaked hair from my temples and along my chin. ¡°Ara, I don¡¯t know why you¡¯re so upset, baby. It¡¯s not the end of the world.¡± ¡°But it is!¡± I pushed his arms off me. ¡°It is for me. You don¡¯t get it. You don¡¯t know what this means.¡± ¡°I do, baby. I get it. Your mum and Harry died becau¡ª¡± ¡°No! It¡¯s not that. You¡¯re not even close. God, you don¡¯t know anything about my life.¡± I turned away, seeing him take a step toward me as I fled the room, but he stayed where I left him. The weakness in my mind forced itself outside my head, travelling down my legs, making it hard to climb the stairs. I just had to make it to my room before I fell. I burst through my door, half folded over, and slammed it shut with my foot before collapsing into a pair of strong, cool arms. ¡°My love. It¡¯s okay. Just calm down.¡± Salty pools distorted the face of my vampire, spilling past my lashes as I blinked away my disbelief. ¡°What are you doing here? You¡¯re supposed to be at work.¡± ¡°I felt¡­¡± He touched his chest. ¡°I felt something shift.¡± ¡°Shift?¡± I wiped my face. ¡°I think it was you.¡± He wrapped me up safely in his arms. ¡°What is it, my love? What happened?¡± ¡°He loves me, David,¡± I blubbered. ¡°What do I do now? He loves me.¡± ¡°I know,¡± his voice was liquid with worry. ¡°It¡¯s okay. Everything will be okay.¡± I shook my head, sniffling. ¡°Fate. Fate de-de¡ª¡± I couldn¡¯t get it out. ¡°Decided.¡± ¡°What are you talking about, Ara?¡± I tried to speak, but even my thoughts wouldn¡¯t form the truth for him to see¡ªthe truth that I let my future fall in the hands of Chance and now I had my answer. Now, I knew what I had to do. He looked at me for a long moment, obviously trying to find a thought among the mess of confusion in my mind. ¡°Just cry, sweetheart¡ªfor as long as the tears will fall.¡± He kissed the crown of my head, then swept me up in his arms and carried me to the bed. ¡°I¡¯ll be here. I¡¯ll hold you until you fall asleep.¡± I settled against his chest, and even though he had no heartbeat to show his emotions, I could feel the pain my every thought inflicted on him; feel his body stiffen every time I saw Mike¡¯s face in my mind; feel the thorn through his soul with every beat of my heart that wasn¡¯t for him. But he stayed with me, loved me a while longer as my heart tore itself apart and shattered in two; one piece for David and one for Mike¡ªwho really owned that part of me all along. And as the sky turned dark, in his arms I drifted toward a deep, exhausted sleep. Restless images flashed in downward scrolls like an old film before my eyes¡ªthe movie jagged, cut, stuck together¡ªan incomprehensible storyline. The colour was gone, leaving only greyed hues through an unfocused lens. Faceless strangers stared as I passed each row of seats, and I held my bouquet closer to my heart, protecting what was within. They could see the red rose, sitting in contrast to the white flowers surrounding it¡ªthe only colour in this grey little world. I could feel their curiosity, heard their whispers, but no one would understand, so I held my head high and walked on, each step taking a lifetime, as if I was being slowed by a force unseen. I could see the man at the end, where the light touched the lip of the steps; standing tall, proud, confident. He was waiting there¡ªfor me¡ªhands behind his back, eyes watching, face shadowed by the darkness of this never ending walk. The light around him faded more for each step I took, so too did the dull, lifeless toll of church bells, ringing somewhere out there in the world beyond my future. As I finally reached his side, my red blossom wilted, tar seeping up its veins, soaking away the colour around the shrinking petals until, finally, they fell like black snow toward my ruby slippers. David and I held our breath, watching them leave their life behind, decaying into ash around our feet. ¡°See, you don¡¯t need it anymore,¡± he said. ¡°Don¡¯t need what?¡± He nodded toward the ash. ¡°Life.¡± I looked up into his proud eyes and held my breath. It was time. It had to be now or never. ¡°You¡¯re wrong, David,¡± I said, placing the remains of the pale bouquet in his hand. ¡°That¡¯s not what it means.¡± ¡°What does it mean, then?¡± I slowly drew a breath, hesitating on the preface of his destruction. ¡°That I don¡¯t need you anymore.¡± His eyes brimmed with liquid, making the green appear as colour among the greys. ¡°I have to go,¡± I said in a whisper. ¡°Where are you going?¡± I reached behind me and took the firm, strong hand that grabbed mine. ¡°To live.¡± He seemed to own no comprehension at first, but as my mind woke a little with the feel of his cool arms coming away from my body where I hadn¡¯t felt them before, I saw his eyes switch from realisation to deep sadness. He nodded, taking slow steps backward; his elbows, his arms, his waist, tapering into the darkness until, finally, the shadows consumed him. ¡°I¡¯m sorry, David,¡± I said, waiting, knowing what would come next. A lifetime seemed to pass before the ground quivered beneath my feet, the ashes around my ruby slippers rising into the air, floating like dust particles in a smoky cloud. And inch-by-inch, the ground crumbled toward me, narrowing in my little world. I felt for Mike¡¯s hand, turning to look back at the emptiness of my own faults. But he was gone. The only thing out there was Fate; I could hear Her laughing, could feel Her eyes on me, watching on as the ground came away completely, empty air wrapping my form, dragging me down in an eternal fall toward the darkness of mortality. ¡°David.¡± My whispered cry became an echo as the timespan of forever spread out around me. ¡°I¡¯m sorry.¡± Gasping, I jolted awake, grabbing the edges of my blanket. David? I looked behind me, under me, beside me¡ªhe was gone. No. Oh, God, he saw it¡ªthe whole thing. I covered my mouth with both hands and closed my eyes tight as I remembered the dream. ¡°What have I done?¡± The clock in the hall ticked loudly, each second timing the beat of my heart and bringing the rise of realisation a little closer to the surface; Fate decided. Mortality. Death. Life. Mike. But that didn¡¯t mean I agreed. Exhaustion made me flop back down on my pillow, and as my hand fell beside my face, something cool and smooth touched my fingertips, filling my senses with the floral perfume of roses. ¡°Morning, sleeping beauty.¡± Mike leaned against the doorframe with a tray in his hands. Sound suddenly came rushing back to my ears. ¡°Morning? How long was I out for?¡± ¡°All night.¡± He shrugged and walked into my room. ¡°You cried for a long time at first, then you went quiet. I came to check on you, but you were asleep.¡± He set the tray down on the bed beside my legs, bringing the smell of toast in behind him. ¡°Still your favourite flower?¡± He nodded toward the rose. ¡°You left this?¡± I picked it up, being careful of the thorns on the stem. ¡°Who else?¡± ¡°Well, thank you.¡± I sniffed its sweet, soft scent, fading as the autumn destroyed everything that was once beautiful in the summer. ¡°You have no idea what this means to me.¡± ¡°Are you okay?¡± Mike sat beside me, moving the tray onto my lap. ¡°Not really. I just can¡¯t believe it, Mike. All this time, I thought I was wrong. I thought I misread everything between us.¡± I put the rose down. ¡°I need to know¡ªis this how you really feel, or is it guilt?¡± Mike grinned and looked down, rubbing the back of his neck. ¡°Will it matter? You love David.¡± Page 72 I frowned at him.Advertisement ¡°I heard you talking in your sleep,¡± he said sheepishly. ¡°Really?¡± Was there no privacy in this world? ¡°Okay. I¡¯m just gonna throw it out there and you can do with it what you want.¡± He turned his body to face me then took both of my hands. ¡°I am in love with you, Ara-Rose. You were never wrong about that. You never misread anything, okay? I love you.¡± He squeezed my hands on each of his end words. ¡°I¡¯m a complete moron, and I¡¯m so bloody sorry for that. But I loved you before your mum died, so I¡¯m pretty damn sure it¡¯s not guilt, baby.¡± ¡°I...¡± His words soaked through me. ¡°I can¡¯t respond yet, Mike. I need to think.¡± ¡°I know.¡± He nodded. ¡°So, for now, I¡¯ve arranged with your dad for you to have a few days off school¡ªgive you some time to clear your head.¡± He winked at me and smiled, but it faded quickly, leaving the serious Mike behind again. ¡°Your dad loves you, you know. He was worried about you last night.¡± ¡°What did you tell him¡ªabout why I was crying?¡± ¡°Everything.¡± ¡°Everything?¡± ¡°Yeah, I told him everything.¡± ¡°You what!¡± I jolted forward, nearly sending the breakfast tray flying. ¡°Mike, how could you?¡± ¡°Ara.¡± He pulled my hand away from my mouth. ¡°I know you didn¡¯t want him to know what happened the night your mum died, but he¡¯s your dad and he loves you¡ªno matter what.¡± I shook my head. ¡°Not now that he knows she died because of me, I¡ª¡± ¡°Ara. Don¡¯t say that.¡± He grabbed my arms firmly and pulled me in for a short hug. ¡°I¡¯m the loser that turned you down. I¡¯m the one to blame. Not you.¡± ¡°No, Mike.¡± I gently shook my head and closed my eyes, calling on the strength I¡¯d come to know since meeting David, trying to believe my next words. ¡°It was no one¡¯s fault. It just happened and, I guess¡ª¡± I opened my eyes to Mike¡¯s smile, ¡°¡ªI guess it¡¯s natural to look for someone to blame, but neither of us intended that to happen. We should both stop blaming ourselves.¡± He tucked a strand of hair behind my ear. ¡°Your dad was heartbroken when I told him you were carrying the blame. He hadn¡¯t even guessed it, you know. He¡¯s been so worried about you, and when I told him you felt responsible for what happened to your mum, he was actually relived that that¡¯s all it was. He doesn¡¯t hate you, baby, he can¡¯t hate you. He loves you too much. That¡¯s why he let you have a few days off¡ªto be with me.¡± ¡°He likes you,¡± I noted begrudgingly. ¡°He¡¯s an excellent judge of character.¡± Mike grinned; I smiled back. I couldn¡¯t resist it. He just had this presence about him that excluded everyone from his inner circle of love, but when he smiled like that, it meant you belonged. ¡°I can¡¯t believe you told him about us. I yelled at him, you know¡ªwhen he accused me of loving you.¡± ¡°Is that such a bad accusation?¡± Mike asked, a little insulted. ¡°It¡¯s not true.¡± I smiled. ¡°Ouch.¡± He laughed, then leaned over my body with his face right up close to mine. ¡°So? What do you want to do today?¡± ¡°Honestly?¡± I unfolded my arms. ¡°I think I¡¯d like to just sit around and watch movies.¡± ¡°I thought you¡¯d say that. But, I get to hold the popcorn.¡± ¡°No way! You always do.¡± ¡°I¡¯ll fight you for it.¡± He tickled my ribs. ¡°Stop it!¡± I giggled, wriggling about, trying to pull his hand away without knocking the tray. ¡°Make me.¡± ¡°Mike!¡± I squealed. ¡°Stop it or I¡¯ll wet myself.¡± ¡°Stopping.¡± He raised his hands above his head and sat back. ¡°Ha!¡± I said. ¡°Works every time.¡± Vicki heaped another pile of butter-scented potatoes onto Mike¡¯s plate. ¡°So, what did you kids get up to today?¡± ¡°Watched movies,¡± I said with my mouth full. ¡°Anything good?¡± Dad asked, sprinkling salt on his dinner; Vicki just sighed at him as she sat down in the soft light of our candlelit dinner. ¡°Couple of oldies. Ara made me watch some black-and-white with a curly-haired kid in it,¡± Mike said. Dad looked at me. ¡°What movie?¡± ¡°Oh, um, Shirley Temple,¡± I said. ¡°Ah, yes, good ol¡¯ Shirley.¡± Dad nodded. ¡°I used to love Shirley,¡± Vicki said dreamily. ¡°I grew up watching those movies.¡± Sam slid down in his seat. ¡°You grew up watching the invention of the light bulb.¡± ¡°That¡¯s enough, son,¡± Dad said sternly. ¡°Why the long face, Sam?¡± Mike asked, passing the peas to Vicki when she motioned for them. ¡°I got a B on my English paper¡­¡± Big deal. At least you didn¡¯t inadvertently tell your boyfriend you¡¯re in love with another man. ¡°What¡¯s wrong with a B?¡± Mike asked. ¡°Dad expects a B-plus-A-minus average,¡± I said and smiled at Dad. ¡°It¡¯s not that I expect that, Ara-Rose,¡± Dad said, ¡°I just know you¡¯re both capable of it. If you aren¡¯t achieving those results, it means you¡¯re not applying yourselves.¡± ¡°But it isn¡¯t my fault!¡± Sam dumped his elbow on the table. ¡°Mr Benson hates me, he¡¯s always in my face about stuff I¡ª¡± ¡°Samuel. Teachers do not degrade papers based on their opinions of students,¡± Dad cut in. ¡°You need to start accepting responsibility for yourself.¡± When he glared at the tabled elbow, Sam quietly removed it. ¡°You got a B because you prioritised video games over homework.¡± ¡°Video games have more value to me than English homework, Dad. How will knowing what a verb is or deciphering Shakespeare get me a job out in the ¡®real world¡¯?¡± ¡°What do you want to do?¡± Mike asked, cutting off Dad¡¯s large mouthful of Sam-serving air. ¡°Video game design,¡± Sam said into his chest. ¡°Cool.¡± Mike nodded. Sam looked up. ¡°Really? You think that¡¯s cool?¡± Mike looked at Dad; Dad sighed and separated himself from the conversation by pouring gravy. ¡°Yeah. That¡¯s a great business to get into¡ªespecially now with all the developments in graphics and, not to mention, you can actually make more money in the gaming industry than the film industry.¡± ¡°Dad doesn¡¯t agree.¡± Sam¡¯s eyes dropped their hopeful glimmer. ¡°He says I need to be serious. That designing games isn¡¯t gonna get me a stable income.¡± Mike just laughed. ¡°It won¡¯t¡ªif you don¡¯t have a good education. How many companies do you think will hire a kid who can¡¯t even commit to homework?¡± Sam looked puzzled. ¡°What difference will that make?¡± ¡°Because it¡¯s not just about what you learn at school. It¡¯s also about proving you have the ability to put your head down and do the work, especially if you care nothing for it. If you can¡¯t do that, Sam, you don¡¯t have the right to a job you love doing, and I can tell you¡ª¡± Mike scoffed, ¡°¡ªeven in a job you love, there¡¯ll be moments you hate.¡± Sam became smaller in his chair. ¡°Point is, mate, you work hard through the crap so you can enjoy the other eighty percent that¡¯s good. Not to mention, if you want to design games, you will need English¡ªand math.¡± Mike winked at me. ¡°Creativity, passion, and some mad computer skills won¡¯t be enough if you want a stable income. You need that piece of paper they call a degree. That¡¯s all there is to it. So, in that way, your dad¡¯s right. But¡ª¡± he held a finger up while he shovelled a spoonful of potato in and swallowed, ¡°¡ªif you just do all the hard work while you have nothing else to worry about except being a kid, when you grow up and you want the job stability you care nothing for now, you won¡¯t have to fight for it¡ªit¡¯ll be yours.¡± Sam¡¯s eyes changed, narrowed with thought, then he stood up and dumped his napkin on his beef and gravy. ¡°Sam, where are you going?¡± Vicki asked. ¡°I just realised I didn¡¯t do my essay,¡± he called from the stairway before we all heard his bedroom door close. Dad grinned and patted Mike on the shoulder. Then, the conversation went on without me, while I pushed the food around on my plate. I just wanted to go upstairs and wait for David to come. Despite enjoying watching movies with Mike, I found myself checking the length of the shadows outside his window for most of the day¡ªjust waiting for night to fall. ¡°You okay, baby?¡± Mike asked quietly, leaning closer. ¡°Mm-hm.¡± I nodded, forcing a smile. ¡°I¡¯m just tired.¡± ¡°Maybe you should get an early night.¡± He pushed my fringe off my face. Vicki held back a smile, watching us, then quickly looked at Dad. ¡°You do look a little tired,¡± Mike added after a lengthy silence. I stared into his face with narrowed eyes. I wasn¡¯t really tired at all. I just said that so I could excuse myself early to be with David. ¡°Well, I feel tired,¡± I said, wondering if ¡°you look tired¡± was guy-speak for ¡°you look hideously haggard. Go see a beautician.¡± ¡°Well, why don¡¯t you head up now and take a shower?¡± He nodded toward the archway. ¡°Doesn¡¯t look like you¡¯re getting any closer to consuming your dinner by transforming it into a plate.¡± I looked down at my canvas of mash and gravy. ¡°Can¡¯t yet. Gotta do the dishes first.¡± ¡°Ara¡ª¡± Mike¡¯s brows lifted, sarcasm hovering in his tone. ¡°I¡¯ll do the dishes for you. Just go get some rest.¡± I shook my head. ¡°No way. You¡¯re a guest. Guests don¡¯t do dishes, right, Dad?¡± Dad looked at Mike, then shrugged. ¡°I don¡¯t see why not¡ªif he¡¯s offering.¡± ¡°Dad! You never side with me!¡± ¡°I¡¯m sorry, Ara, but Mike¡¯s not really a guest, is he?¡± ¡°Then what is he?¡± ¡°He¡¯s practically family.¡± My mouth hung open, allowing only a breathy scoff to show my disapproval. ¡°Besides, Ar, you always made me do the dishes at your old house,¡± Mike added with a cheeky grin. ¡°That¡¯s different.¡± I bit my teeth together. ¡°Why?¡± ¡°I don¡¯t know. ¡®Cause it¡­it just is.¡± ¡°Ara?¡± Mike scratched his eyelid and sighed. ¡°Go to bed.¡± ¡°Make me.¡± I folded my arms; he merely glared at me with one brow arched and a look of intent behind his half smile. ¡°Argh, fine!¡± I stood up, slapping my napkin on the placemat. ¡°You¡¯re all traitors.¡± As I reached the stairs, Mike¡¯s laugh echoed out in response to some comment of Dad¡¯s¡ªprobably about my mood swings. Stuff it. As if I cared. They could have their little laugh¡ªmaybe they¡¯d annoy me just enough to make me accept the offer to run away from all of them forever. That¡¯d show ¡®em. My room greeted me with the crisp scent of fresh linen under a diluted waft of coconut soap and strawberry shampoo. ¡°David? You in here?¡± My gaze subconsciously flicked to the window; closed. Maybe it was too early. I took a shower, changed into some pyjamas and curled up in bed with a book. But I couldn¡¯t focus. That dream I had last night¡ªthe ruby slippers, the bouquet, the look of acceptance on David¡¯s face as he backed away¡ªkept playing in my thoughts. And a gooey filling of dread burned a giant hole in my heart with its acid. What if he wasn¡¯t coming back? What if he took me literally¡ªwhat if he thought I agreed with Fate¡¯s decision? The book landed on its side between my bed and the wall as I jumped up and, with rather quick steps, walked to the window and threw open the curtains. No. No way. He promised he¡¯d never leave without saying goodbye. He was just late, that was all. In one sweep, I sent my orderly homework into a spread of disarray over my laundry-rug, then climbed over the wood top and tucked myself into a ball against the cold glass of the window. Pale blue light filtered in from the world outside and lit the edges of my desk and bed, casting soft shadows across my floor. The streetlight below seemed to sing loneliness down onto the vacant sidewalk, and clouds hijacked the stars from the sky. There was nothing out there that resembled life tonight, and strangely, though my heart was beating, there was nothing here that much resembled it either. With a long, dejected sigh, I lowered my head onto my knees and closed my eyes. A loud chime set my heart ablaze with a start; I looked up from my knees, instantly regretting having moved my stiff neck. I rubbed the top of my spine and looked around my room, then down into the street below, counting the chimes I heard in my head. One, tw¡ªThere were only two. There should¡¯ve been more than that. I came to bed at seven. It couldn¡¯t be two in the morning. My window was still shut fast into place, no sign of any vampire having entered, and as I rubbed the tingle of pins away from my toes, realisation sunk right into my heart. It really was two in the morning. David never came. He just left me here to fall asleep in the windowsill¡ªby myself, cold and alone. I buried my head in my arms, holding back the tears. What did I do to him? Why didn¡¯t he come back to see me? Page 73 A tear rolled down past the tip of my nose and fell onto my thigh, trickling down into a salty pool on the windowsill.Advertisement It was the dream. It had to be. But that dream didn¡¯t mean anything, and he didn¡¯t even give me a chance to explain. The gentle sobs of my heart breaking stopped abruptly when the door handle twisted and light spilled into my room, creeping in a yellow line along my floor, up my desk and over my toes. I rubbed my nose and eyes into my knees to dry the tears, feigning sleep. The deep, husky voice of my best friend reached me with a breath of concern. ¡°Baby girl, what¡¯re you doing asleep here?¡± he whispered to no one in particular. His wide, broad arms fixed a hold under my knees and around my back, then swept me off the windowsill, over the desk and into his body like he was some kind of ultra hot fireman rescuing me. I stayed floppy in his arms, breathing long and deep as if I were asleep, and the softness of my bed¡ªmuch warmer than the cold glass my elbow was leaning on¡ªcocooned my body safely, Mike tucking my feet under my quilt, bringing it up around my shoulders as I rolled away. ¡°Night, baby.¡± He pressed a quick kiss to my temple and left the room, closing the door behind him. ¡°Thanks, Mike,¡± I whispered quietly, allowing a smile to appear for one second before it melted away in the darkness. ¡°It¡¯s alive!¡± Mike waved his hands dramatically as I zombie-walked into the kitchen and sat on the stool. ¡°Barely.¡± I laid my head on my hands, watching Mike by the stove. ¡°Hungry?¡± He held up a spatula. ¡°Not for plastic kitchen implements, if that¡¯s what you¡¯re offering.¡± ¡°Oh, a comedian today, huh?¡± He turned back to the stove, grinning. ¡°So, are you hungry or not?¡± ¡°A little.¡± I grabbed an apple and took a bite. ¡°Where is everybody?¡± ¡°Sam¡¯s at school, Vicki¡¯s gone to the movies with her friend, and your dad¡¯s at work.¡± Mike turned back and winked at me. ¡°It¡¯s just us.¡± ¡°Okay, so, is that why you think it¡¯s acceptable to wear a pink apron?¡± He laughed, untying it. ¡°Thought that might cheer you up a little.¡± ¡°What makes you think I need cheering up?¡± I turned my wrist over in question¡ªthe apple still in hand. ¡°Ara, I know you better than you know yourself. You need cheer. So¡ª¡± he grabbed the fry pan and tipped the contents onto two plates in front of me, ¡°¡ªI made your favourite. Pancakes!¡± I glared at him sceptically. ¡°Is there maple syrup?¡± Mike grinned, placing his hand on a bottle of brown liquid right by my elbow, and slid it slowly over. ¡°Would I forget the syrup?¡± ¡°It wouldn¡¯t be the first time.¡± I snickered and snatched the bottle. He walked around the counter and slid onto the stool next to me, dumping a fork by my plate. My attempt at moodiness slipped away completely, though, when the first bite of his light, fluffy pancakes touched my tongue. Like sugar-coated puffs of heaven, the golden exterior of the pan-fried breakfast melted with the syrup at the perfect ratio of sweet and savoury¡ªsending trickles of warm delight down my spine. I stopped eating and studied him¡ªthe chef, the wonder-cook, the man who knew no failure. ¡°Something wrong, baby?¡± Mike asked, mid-shovel. Yeah, you¡¯re making it really hard not to love you. ¡°I uh¡ªI just remembered I have rehearsals today.¡± ¡°Rehearsals?¡± ¡°Mm. For a benefit concert we¡¯re doing to raise money for this kid who died.¡± ¡°Oh. Okay. What time?¡± he asked. ¡°Dunno.¡± I shrugged. ¡°I don¡¯t think I¡¯ll go.¡± Mike sat taller, eagerness replacing his grin. ¡°Wanna go for a run with me instead?¡± ¡°Yeah. Actually, I¡¯d love that.¡± ¡°Great. Maybe we can make a picnic out of it. What¡¯d ya think?¡± I nodded and filled my gob again. ¡°Yeah. I¡¯d like that.¡± ¡°So, do you wanna talk about it?¡± Mike dropped to the grass by our picnic blanket and gulped a few swigs of water. ¡°Talk¡­about¡­what?¡± I huffed, letting my hands catch me on the ground, then rolled onto my back to watch the midday sun overhead. Mike screwed the cap on his water bottle, swiped the sweat from his brow and leaned forward with his elbows draped over his hairy knees. ¡°The reason I came in to find you asleep on your windowsill last night.¡± As if controlled by a body-stiffening remote, my limbs went long. I laid very still, suddenly no longer aware of my exhaustion. ¡°No.¡± ¡°You know that won¡¯t gel with me, baby.¡± A bottle of water appeared over my face; I sat up on my elbows and took hold of it. ¡°You need to talk, and whatever it is, you kn¡ª¡± ¡°It¡¯s none of your business, Mike.¡± I sat all the way up, unscrewed the lid and rolled the bottle to my lips, letting the cool liquid melt the heat in my throat. ¡°Just stay out of my room if you don¡¯t like it.¡± He let out a short sigh, not an agitated or a hurt one, just more¡­frustrated. ¡°Here. Eat.¡± I studied the sandwich for a long breath, then snatched it with just a little too much hostility. ¡°That won¡¯t work on me anymore, Mike!¡± ¡°Ara? Where are you going?¡± Mike jumped up and ran after me as I headed toward the swing set across the park. ¡°Wherever you¡¯re not.¡± ¡°Why?¡± I dumped the sandwich on the ground¡ªwith a pang of regret¡ªand said, ¡°Because I¡¯m not going to let you talk me into opening up to you.¡± ¡°By giving you a sandwich?¡± He stopped, making a point of laughing at me. ¡°Yes.¡± I looked at the discarded lunch. ¡°Whenever you want me to open up, you feed me. And it always works, but this is none of your business.¡± ¡°Okay. Fine.¡± He held his arms out to the sides, still laughing. ¡°I won¡¯t ask. We¡¯ll just hang. ¡®Kay?¡± The sandwich stared up at me; I really wished I hadn¡¯t thrown it away. I wondered if maybe I could dust it off and eat it still. I knew I hadn¡¯t been eating enough the last few days because my arms and elbows looked so bony and pale that the scab David left from drinking my blood looked red and malicious. ¡°Baby?¡± Mike went to touch my arm; I dropped it to my side, not having realised I was picking at the scab. ¡°Push me on the swing?¡± I said playfully. The mask of concern dropped from his lips, but stayed in his eyes even as they lit with a smile. ¡°Sure, baby.¡± And that was that. He didn¡¯t even mention my weird sleeping habits again¡ªor my mum, or David¡ªonly Vicki and my relationship with her. But I assured him things were getting better, and he said they must be since I willingly called her ¡°Mom¡± the other day. When the park emptied and a strong breeze swept half of our picnic away, we packed up and jumped in Dad¡¯s car, then headed home. ¡°Are you okay?¡± Mike asked, looking at my knees; I looked too. My legs were so stiff and rigid that my knees turned completely white. ¡°Yeah. I just¡ªI never really feel quite safe in cars, now. It¡¯s like, before, I knew they could crash and that they were dangerous, but now I know what that feels like, I don¡¯t feel so invincible.¡± ¡°Blind faith gone, huh?¡± ¡°Yeah. But you still have it.¡± I nodded to the road. ¡°You don¡¯t feel the fear of these deathly metal machines.¡± ¡°I know. I¡¯m just one of the lucky ones, Ara, but the same could be said about you.¡± ¡°What¡¯d you mean?¡± ¡°You have a real sense of what danger is now. I know that¡¯s a pitiful consolation, but at the same time, you¡¯re seventeen and you have an understanding about life that no other kids your age could. Cars are dangerous and people are blas¨¦ about that power. I¡¯ve seen enough accidents in my time on the Force to know how little people value the power of these metal machines.¡± The car slowed as Mike flicked on the indicator and changed gears; muscle by muscle, my legs unclenched, and as we rolled at less than half the recommended speed limit, Mike turned his head and smiled at me warmly¡ªignoring the honking horns from behind us. ¡°Thanks, Mike.¡± ¡°Anytime.¡± When we pulled up in the driveway at home, the engine going quiet, a finger appeared in my peripheral. ¡°Might wanna tie that up so you don¡¯t trip,¡± Mike said. ¡°Uh, crud.¡± I bent over my legs and twisted my lace into a bow, then looked up as the door popped open. ¡°Thanks,¡± I said, unbuckling my seatbelt and jumping out. As the door closed after me, the look on Mike¡¯s face became apparent. ¡°What?¡± ¡°You didn¡¯t yell at me for opening the door.¡± ¡°Oh.¡± I looked at the car, then shrugged. ¡°Guess I didn¡¯t.¡± ¡°I like this new, grown-up you.¡± Deliberately scanning his broad shoulders, his proud, tall stance and school-boy grin, I said, ¡°And I like this new, hot-guy you.¡± ¡°You think I¡¯m hot?¡± ¡°Don¡¯t flatter yourself. I was joking.¡± He faked a pout and we walked up the fixed previously-broken porch step. ¡°After you, my lady.¡± He bowed, opening the door for me. ¡°Thank you, kind sir.¡± I ducked through. ¡°You are more than welcome, my pretty friend.¡± ¡°Hey there,¡± Dad said as he came down the stairs. ¡°Hi, Dad.¡± ¡°Did you have a good day?¡± I looked at Mike, then back at Dad. ¡°Actually, yeah.¡± ¡°Good. That¡¯s good,¡± Dad said. ¡°Well, I¡¯m going to unpack the car. I¡¯ll see you upstairs for a movie?¡± Mike looked at me. ¡°Yeah, sure.¡± He walked away, and Dad¡¯s gaze seeped into my skin. ¡°What, Dad?¡± I asked with a smile. He leaned in, kissed my cheek and said, ¡°I¡¯m just happy to see you happy again.¡± Then, he followed Mike into the kitchen, leaving me alone in the wake of his odd suggestion. I was glad he¡¯d fallen for the illusion that I was happy; he needed it¡ªneeded to relax a little and not worry so much that I was suicidal. And even though, right now, I could feel a small sliver of happiness, as I looked up to the coming night through the small window above the front door, I knew that feeling was fleeting. Chapter Twenty-Seven It might¡¯ve been a dream, but it was as close as I¡¯d been to him in two days; I rolled over in bed and flipped my pillow to the dry side, wiping the moist layer of ageing tears from my cheeks. Outside, the thunder rolled again; it¡¯d been that way all night. Bad weather was brewing, but it hadn¡¯t the strength to burst out and become a storm. I didn¡¯t mind the thunder tonight, though, because I understood its pain¡ªhow it felt as though it just couldn¡¯t get free¡ªto be where it was supposed to be. It was trapped, caged in by the wrong conditions. I rolled over and watched the numbers change on my alarm clock, the gentle green glow reminding me of David¡¯s eyes. But each time I¡¯d fallen asleep tonight and opened my eyes after twenty minutes to see that glow, it only made me feel hollowed out, reminding me how his eyes looked in the dream I just woke from; he was scared, running¡ªtrying to get away from something. Maybe from me. Maybe from the Set. I didn¡¯t know. All I knew was that he wasn¡¯t here and he never said goodbye. What if he¡¯d been arrested for hanging out with a human? What if they¡¯d read my History paper and were torturing him right now? I sat up, clutching my pillow, my heart racing. ¡°Hey, you¡¯re up,¡± Mike whispered softly, pushing my door open a crack. ¡°You ready to leave?¡± ¡°What, you wanna go now?¡± ¡°Yeah, it¡¯s a long drive.¡± ¡°You never mentioned leaving this early.¡± ¡°I know.¡± He grinned, opening my door fully. ¡°I planned to wake you¡ªfigured I¡¯d save my ears from all the whining last night about getting up early.¡± ¡°What makes you think I¡¯d have whined?¡± Mike just raised his brows, rolling his head down a little. ¡°Oh, fine.¡± I jumped out of bed. ¡°I¡¯ll get my bag.¡± ¡°Might wanna put some clothes on, too.¡± He nodded to my pyjamas and closed the door. I threw on my bikini, shorts and a shirt, then slipped into my flip-flops and met Mike at the car¡ªdragging my feet the whole way. We stopped off to grab an egg muffin from Macca¡¯s, then took to the highway, leaving this sleepy little town behind for the day. As the sun peeked out from the eastern hills, I rested my head on the window and tried not to fall asleep. ¡°So, why are we going to a beach four hours away?¡± ¡°Because.¡± Mike shrugged, tossing his coffee cup into the brown paper bag our food came in. ¡°I liked the pictures.¡± ¡°Fair enough, I suppose,¡± I said, then reached for the dial on the stereo. ¡°I wanna play that one again.¡± ¡°You liked that?¡± Mike put his window up as he spoke, and my cheeks tingled where my hair had been whipping my face. ¡°Yeah. I mean, it¡¯s a little morbid¡ªfor my tastes, but¡ª¡± ¡°Hey. There¡¯s nothing morbid about Metallica.¡± ¡°There is about that one.¡± ¡°It¡¯s one song out of how many?¡± I stared up at him, not one ounce of care showing in my expression. Page 74 ¡°Fine. I¡¯ll play it again. But no more knocking the music,¡± he warned with a joking air to his tone.Advertisement We arrived at the beach just as the Sunday sun woke the rest of the world. Mike parked Dad¡¯s car in the only empty space left near the boardwalk and wandered casually around to open my door. ¡°Your Majesty.¡± He bowed, offering his hand. ¡°Merci,¡± I replied politely, returning the bow. ¡°Ah, so the boyfriend finally got you speaking French, too, huh?¡± ¡°How¡¯d you know he spoke French?¡± He frowned at me for a second, his eyes falling on my silver locket. ¡°I just assumed, because of the uh¡ª¡± He pointed to his own neck. ¡°Oh.¡± I touched the locket. ¡°Yeah. He did¡ªdoes¡ªspeak French.¡± ¡°Well,¡± Mike said, sounding awfully cheery, ¡°It suits you¡ªFrench. You should speak it more often.¡± ¡°Nah. I don¡¯t wanna learn it, then wake up one day and realise all the disgusting things you¡¯d been saying to those girls all these years.¡± ¡°Ha!¡± His whole upper body jerked toward the heavens with his burly laugh. ¡°Yeah. Second thoughts; don¡¯t learn French.¡± I smiled, folding my arms across my body as Mike walked to the trunk, flipping the keys around on his index finger. ¡°Nice beach, isn¡¯t it?¡± he said, fussing about, pulling things out. ¡°Yeah.¡± I turned and faced the coast, the gentle summer breeze greeting me to the day. Down by the water, families built sand castles and couples walked hand in hand, stopping to kiss and marvel at the horizon. I once had that fantasy¡ªto be right there, standing toes in the ocean with David, kissing as the sun went down, which made coming here with Mike feel kind of strange¡ªkind of¡­sad. ¡°Well, what¡¯re you waiting for?¡± Mike offered his hand to the view before us. ¡°Go ahead. I¡¯ll catch up.¡± ¡°Really? You don¡¯t want help carrying all that?¡± I nodded to the picnic basket, the blanket and a dozen other things. He closed the trunk and shook his head. ¡°Just go, baby.¡± Without further encouragement, I pulled off my shorts and shirt, left them on the ground for Mike to grab on his way down, and flew to the call of the ocean, my feet barely touching the sand before I hit the whitewash with the grace of an elephant. The waves enveloped my ankles, cooling the burns on the balls of my feet, leaving behind a tingle, like sherbet mixed with cola, as they receded. I could almost believe I was back home in Perth. And even with my eyes closed, unable to see the origins of the noise around me, I could feel the brightness of the day, filling me with the hope that some things in life were still normal. I placed my hands to my knees and bent closer to the water to catch the light breeze coming off it, feeling my toes sink into the soft, grainy sand as the waves swam back out to sea. ¡°You still look like a little girl¡ªstanding there in that rainbow bikini.¡± I opened my eyes to the portrait of summer and Mike¡¯s arm around my waist. ¡°Well, I¡¯m not a little girl anymore, Mike.¡± I pushed his hand off my skin. ¡°I know. I just thought you looked cute, that¡¯s all.¡± ¡°I don¡¯t do cute,¡± I said sarcastically, but a band of ¡®gullsters¡¯ beside us drowned out my retort with their hideous squawking. I jumped inside a little, clutching my locket. ¡°God, I¡¯m not used that sound anymore.¡± ¡°Scrat!¡± Mike said, waving his hand at the gulls. ¡°Get outta here.¡± ¡°Don¡¯t you dare kick that bird.¡± I grabbed his arm as he stalked toward them. ¡°I never actually hit them, Ara. I wouldn¡¯t do that.¡± ¡°Doesn¡¯t matter, what if you did? By accident?¡± ¡°Then I would apologise¡­profusely.¡± He bowed his head. ¡°But you know what I wouldn¡¯t apologise for?¡± The corners of his eyes sharpened as he smiled and leaned slowly closer, then, the world came out from under me; I flew through the air, landing on my back in a massive, cool splash, with Mike¡¯s hand catching the base of my neck before my head went under water. I opened my mouth to yell, gurgling the salty burn of a wave down my nose and throat instead. ¡°You asshole!¡± I coughed, sitting up as he jumped back. ¡°I¡¯m so gonna get you.¡± ¡°You have to catch me first.¡± He started running. I hesitated only for a moment; we both knew I¡¯d never catch him, but it was damn well worth a try. Each time I reached for him, he darted out of the way¡ªlike we were both south poles on a magnet, but at last, I managed to grasp the rim of his shirt; I closed my fingers around it, wearing a victory grin for only the breath it took him to roll his shoulders, leaving me, and the shirt, face down in the sand. ¡°You¡¯ll have to do better than that, baby.¡± He laughed boisterously. I pushed up on my hands and sat hugging my knees, hiding my face in my arms. Sand was stuck to the water all over my body, making me feel like a crumbed steak. Well, it was time this steak got a little revenge! ¡°Ara, you okay? Did I hurt you?¡± Mike asked, leaning over me. Wrong move. He didn¡¯t even see it coming; I grabbed the back of his neck and pushed the entire force of my shoulder into his chest, rolling his head under my arm as I flipped him into the water. His weight came as a shock. He never used to be that heavy. But he went down hard, wetting my legs, arms, shoulders, and the kid a meter down from us, as the water exploded out from under him. ¡°Well,¡± he said, clasping his hands over his belly, taking a breath after a wave receded. ¡°Girl; one. Guy; nothing.¡± I stared at him, an impish grin making my eyes small, wondering if I should point out that we both knew he let me flip him. ¡°Well, you taught me that move, oh-wise-Master.¡± I sat down on the edge of the ocean. ¡°You should be weary of your students; they usually supersede you.¡± He rolled onto his stomach and smiled at me, the magic of the ocean lighting him like a happy feeling. He seemed more alive, more spirited, sort of¡­free here. He belonged on the beach, with the sand and the blue skies. ¡°What ya thinkin¡¯?¡± He jumped up, ruffling his hair into a mess as he landed beside me. ¡°I was just remembering home.¡± I shrugged. ¡°Thinking how easy all this is. Like, sometimes, when I¡¯m with you, I forget they¡¯re gone.¡± I wrapped my arms around my legs and linked my fingers together. ¡°The sunlight, the beach, all of this stayed with you when I left, and now you¡¯re here...it¡¯s like you¡¯ve brought it all back with you.¡± ¡°You say that like it¡¯s a bad thing.¡± I shrugged again. ¡°I don¡¯t wanna lose that when you go.¡± He gave a gentle smile and let his elbows hang loosely over his knees. ¡°You know it doesn¡¯t have to be that way.¡± ¡°Mike?¡± I dragged out each vowel. ¡°I¡¯m sorry.¡± His smile dissolved. ¡°I just miss you, too, you know. I went to the beach a few weeks ago¡ªwatched the storm come in across the bay, and it didn''t feel the same without you.¡± I half smiled, allowing memories in. ¡°Did you sit on the fishing jetty while it was raining?¡± ¡°Yeah.¡± He nodded, dusting a line of yellow sand off his shin. ¡°But I just didn''t get it anymore. It was just cold and I felt silly.¡± I drew a really long breath; the salt in the ocean was so strong I could almost taste it, as if the air were made of sand, brushing the back of my tongue each time I swallowed. Even though this beach wasn¡¯t nearly as pretty as the one back home, it was good to feel the crisp water and the weight of my body sink into the sand again. But the heat reminded me of the truth, because, while the sun may have burned into the side of my face like a hot iron, the breeze was icy and strong¡ªnot humid and wet, like home. It was nature¡¯s truth, and it screamed out so clearly that autumn was coming, and that David would be gone for good. I ran some of the cool ocean water over my cheek, and the heat dissipated with a soft tingle. ¡°This looks better,¡± Mike said. ¡°Don''t!¡± I spun my face away from his cold, wet touch. ¡°Whoa. Ara. I¡¯m not going to hurt you.¡± He leaned around and looked at me. ¡°I¡¯m sorry.¡± I frowned, touching my jaw. ¡°You just startled me.¡± ¡°You still defensive about those scars?¡± I lifted one shoulder and dropped it again. ¡°You know, you shouldn¡¯t be.¡± ¡°They¡¯re hideous.¡± I looked away, fighting back tears. ¡°Hideous?¡± Mike¡¯s voice trailed up. ¡°Ara, you can barely see them.¡± ¡°Then why did you touch them?¡± ¡°It¡¯s just¡­the sun was reflecting off the water beads on your skin. It looked pretty. Like little diamonds. I just wanted to touch you.¡± And I just wanted to run away. In my mind, the scars had faded to an almost invisible memory. When I looked in the mirror, I never even noticed them anymore; tiny little dots covering one side of my face and neck, silvery and very indistinct. But Mike noticing them made me feel uncovered and monstrous¡ªlike they were all over me. ¡°Ara. I¡¯m serious. They¡¯re barely visible.¡± He shuffled closer and turned my face. ¡°You¡¯re still just the same beautiful girl you¡¯ve always been.¡± That¡¯s where he was wrong. I wasn¡¯t the same. Nothing about me was the same. Not on the outside and not from the inside. ¡°Ara?¡± Mike called as I stood and walked down the beach, dusting sand off my butt. No one understood. No one could possibly understand. He didn¡¯t see the scars because he didn¡¯t want to see them. But they were there. They would forever be there as a reminder of who I used to be¡ªwho I had tried so hard not to be anymore. I wandered past a little girl with dark hair sitting by a lumpy-looking sand castle, carefully placing shells around it in a swervey pattern. She smiled at me, her little face so warm and honest I smiled back, even though I didn¡¯t want to. I was just like her once, and it made me insanely jealous of the normal life she had¡ªthat everyone had, even Mike. No one could possibly know the demons I faced; not the ones from my past and not the physical ones that had left me alone¡ªscarred in my heart, just living out my days, waiting for death. ¡°Ara.¡± Mike¡¯s hand clasped my arm; I stopped walking with a jolt. ¡°Don¡¯t walk away from me like that. Talk to me.¡± ¡°About what?¡± The venom in my tone made the little girl look up from her bucket and spade. ¡°What do you think, Ara? You know how beautiful you are. Why would you pretend you don''t?¡± ¡°That¡¯s what you think I''m doing? Pretending?¡± I turned away. ¡°God, you¡¯re so insensitive.¡± ¡°I''m sorry, baby,¡± he called. ¡°It¡¯s just¡­I just don''t get it. You can''t even see the scars. I¡¯d have to know they were there to notice them.¡± ¡°Why do you lie to me?¡± I spun around. ¡°Baby. I¡¯m not.¡± He stepped into me and his eyes narrowed as he studied my face¡ªtracing the curve of my jaw where only David¡¯s eyes had previously been allowed. ¡°Do you still see them there? Honestly?¡± I nodded, turning my face away. ¡°Oh, baby. I¡­I don¡¯t know what to tell you. I think it might be some kind of psychosis.¡± ¡°What?¡± I frowned up at him. ¡°Look, I don¡¯t know what you see when you look in the mirror, but all I see is perfect white skin on the face of the prettiest girl in the world.¡± I touched my scars with my fingertips. ¡°Ara.¡± He gently grabbed my wrist and pushed my hand down from my face. ¡°I promise, on my own future grave, you have completely healed.¡± ¡°Really?¡± I whimpered in a breaking voice, keeping my eyes on my toes. ¡°Yes.¡± Mike¡¯s shoulders dropped enough for me to see it through my peripheral. Then, even with the warm sun, the salty air, and all the families around us, I felt the rise of pain I¡¯d held in¡ªthe pain I never got to share with Mike¡ªbubbling up in my chest, then my throat, like an aching blockage of air. I needed him to hold me; I needed him to make everything okay. ¡°I¡¯ve needed you here so, so badly, Mike.¡± My lashes burned on the edges as hot tears filled my eyes and the beach disappeared into a blur. ¡°Ara, baby¡ª¡± He caught me against his chest, the rough sand scratching my jaw. ¡°It¡¯s okay. It¡¯s okay. I¡¯m here now.¡± ¡°I needed you, Mike. I needed you,¡± I sobbed almost inaudibly. ¡°All this time, and you haven''t been here.¡± ¡°Oh baby, I wanted to be here. I just¡ªI thought you hated me.¡± ¡°I did.¡± I sobbed harder. ¡°I''m so sorry, Mike. I did.¡± He clicked his tongue. ¡°Oh, baby, what has life done to you?¡± The little girl by the water stared at me as her mother grabbed her by the wrist and quickly led her away. And I didn¡¯t care if I scared families off. The funny thing about breaking down is that you can¡¯t choose when to do it¡ªit just hits you like a storm; a flash of heat, an overpowering surge of anger, and then¡ªthe pouring rain. I was just glad Mike was finally here to shelter me from it all. ¡°Yeah, she¡¯s okay,¡± he spoke softly to someone behind me. ¡°She lost her mum recently.¡± ¡°Oh. Oh, poor dear,¡± an elderly-sounding lady said. She said something else, but I didn¡¯t hear. Mike pressed my face tightly against his bare chest¡ªcausing a sort of unintentional vacuum seal over my ears. Page 75 The sobs slowed and I scratched the salt away from my cheek as I looked up at him. ¡°You really can¡¯t tell my face is horrifically scarred?¡± His opinion mattered to me more than almost anyone else¡¯s¡ªeven more than David¡¯s.Advertisement ¡°No.¡± He held both my arms and leaned back a little. ¡°You can¡¯t tell at all. You are perfect, just like you were before. You still have flawless, tight, smooth skin. Okay? So, stop feeling so bad about yourself, baby.¡± He bent his knees so his eyes came in line with mine. ¡°You are beautiful.¡± I nodded and ran my fingers over the scars. It was hard to even feel the slight bumps anymore; they used to feel like little pins rising up from under my skin. ¡°I hate looking at myself, you know. I don¡¯t look like me anymore.¡± ¡°You look the same to me. Maybe a little older¡ªwiser, even.¡± I smiled. ¡°I really missed you, Mike.¡± ¡°Yeah. I know you did.¡± ¡°I really miss Mum and Harry, too.¡± I looked at the water, trying to stop the memory of their faces; ¡°I keep thinking I¡¯m just gonna go home and they¡¯ll be there, you know, like always.¡± ¡°Is that why you don¡¯t want to move back with me?¡± ¡°I never said that, Mike. Okay? Look, you just came in and, out of the blue, on the first day you get here, tell me you love me¡ªno mind for the fact that I have a boyfriend¡ª¡± ¡°Boyfriend?¡± Mike said. ¡°Ara, you knew him for a day before you decided you were in love with him.¡± ¡°I did not. It took me ages to decide that.¡± He scoffed. ¡°A week then.¡± ¡°Are you kidding me?¡± I jerked forward, pointing to his chest. ¡°You¡¯re the one who told me I was being silly for not following my heart.¡± ¡°What was I supposed to say? Forget him, he doesn¡¯t like you, he¡¯s just pretending? I¡¯m your friend. I care about you. I wanted you to be happy.¡± He dropped one hand to his side. ¡°I just never thought you¡¯d actually believe you were in love with him.¡± ¡°Believe I¡¯m in love with him? What would you know about it? You don¡¯t even know your own heart.¡± I shrugged out of his grasp. ¡°You think you love me¡­but you don¡¯t.¡± ¡°Ara¡ª¡± Mike reached out, warning me of the staring people around us with a look in his eye. ¡°No. I don¡¯t care if they look. Let them look. I¡¯m not going to stand here while you tell me what¡¯s in my heart.¡± ¡°That¡¯s not what I¡¯m doi¡ª¡± ¡°Stop trying to touch me.¡± I jerked away from him. ¡°I do love David, Mike. I do. You have no idea how much¡ªand you never will,¡± I added coldly and folded my arms as I turned away. ¡°Oh, never, huh?¡± He followed, raising his voice as much as I had. ¡°So this freaky, overly-possessive thing you have with David¡ªis that true love, is it¡ªis that how it works?¡± he asked in a conceited tone. ¡°So, when you love someone more than anyone in the world has ever loved anyone else before, you let them hurt you and leave bruises on you?¡± I huffed. ¡°And don¡¯t think I didn¡¯t see that cut on your wrist, Ara.¡± My steps came to an abrupt halt; I unfolded my arms and looked down at my left wrist. ¡°Yes. I saw it!¡± His voice became huskier. ¡°I know you didn¡¯t do that. I know you better than that.¡± ¡°I¡ª¡± ¡°David did it. Didn¡¯t he?¡± He came up out of nowhere, spinning me around sharply and held my wrist up. ¡°Is this what love is, Ara? Is it? Because I love you more than this. I would never hurt you like this.¡± ¡°You¡¯re hurting me now.¡± I twisted my wrist in his grip and yanked it out through his fingers. ¡°Just leave me alone, okay? I¡¯ve had enough.¡± ¡°Ara?¡± he called. Forget it. I didn¡¯t need to stand there and have him tell me I knew nothing about love; I¡¯d felt its spiny sting¡ªI knew exactly what it was. Mike was just worried because he thought David hurt me. But of course he did; love is pain. And maybe it was wrong of David and I to do what we did, but it felt right in the moment, so I didn¡¯t care what Mike thought. Not that he¡¯d know it was blood sharing, anyway. In fact, I actually couldn¡¯t even imagine what he thought David had done to me. ¡°Ara. Stop.¡± ¡°I said leave me alone, Mike.¡± ¡°No,¡± he said from a few feet away. ¡°I¡¯m not letting you walk off by yourself. You¡¯re a young girl in a bikini, for God¡¯s sake. Anything could happen.¡± ¡°Why, because I¡¯m walking on such a deserted strip of sand?¡± I faced him, gesturing to all the beach-goers. ¡°You don¡¯t have to be alone to have something bad happen.¡± ¡°I know,¡± I said conceitedly, because it was the bad things that made you end up alone. ¡°Look, you can walk off and throw your little tantrum, but I¡¯m going to follow you wherever you go.¡± ¡°Fine.¡± ¡°Fine.¡± Across the carpet of sunburned backs and multi-coloured towels, the salty, plastic smell of sunscreen wafted between us, and even in the brightness of the day, the compassion in his eyes shone out like a beacon among the darkest sea. The last of my dummy-spit released with a huff, and I dropped my hands to my sides. Damn him and his kind eyes. All I wanted then was to fall back into his arms¡ªback to where we stood before¡ªbefore I yelled at him and told him he knows nothing. ¡°Mike, I¡ª¡± ¡°Uh-uh.¡± He shook his head and launched forward into a half run, sweeping me into him. ¡°You don''t need to say a word, baby. Okay?¡± The hot sun beat down, making sweat trickle down my temples, but I closed my eyes and held my breath in the intense squeeze of his arms¡ªa hold so tight I knew he never wanted to let go, knew he loved me. Not like he loved the ocean or the sunset, but like the way I loved David. True, honest, and intense love. ¡°I¡¯m sorry, Ara. I know you love David, and I know he loves you. I shouldn¡¯ta said those things. It¡¯s just¡ª¡± He brushed my hair from my face, then lifted my locket for a second. ¡°I love you, too. I really do. I love the way your eyes turn deep blue when you¡¯re sad; the way you bite your lip when you play piano; I love your smile and the way you view the world, Ara. I absolutely love everything about you.¡± He paused and his eyes darted over my face. ¡°I just wish you could understand that¡ªwish you¡¯d forgive me for making the biggest mistake I ever made¡ªand love me back.¡± I folded my face against his chest again; the sand had dried in the heat, soothing the itch along my jaw, and the sound of his heart through the thick of his skin had an oddly comforting hum to it. I could tell from the way he took shallower breaths that he was waiting for me to say something. But I couldn¡¯t grace him with a response, because I had nothing good to say to him. He could never understand the love I had with David, or the way we interacted with each other, and he probably thought I was sadistic for allowing David to hurt me, but he¡¯d never understand the true intensity of the passion behind it, either. Slowly, and more surely than ever before, I was starting to consider going with David. Chapter Twenty-Eight No one even looked up as I stepped into the auditorium and dumped my bag by a chair. ¡°Hi, guys,¡± I said, unwinding my scarf from my neck. ¡°Hey, stranger,¡± Spencer called from the stage. ¡°Hi,¡± Emily said as I sat beside her in the front row. ¡°Where¡¯ve you been, girl?¡± Ryan landed in the next seat and gave me a skinny-armed hug. ¡°Just hanging out at home.¡± I sat back in the chair. ¡°Good turnout for a rehearsal.¡± Emily nodded, her eyes on a notepad. ¡°Most of them are just here to watch¡ªor distract those who are trying to practice.¡± ¡°Yeah,¡± Ryan said. ¡°We have to be out by ten, but no one¡¯s taking things seriously.¡± ¡°Oh.¡± I slid down in the seat and put my feet on the crate in front of me. ¡°Well, do you mind if I take the stage now¡ªI gotta get back early tonight?¡± ¡°Yeah, sure,¡± Emily said to her page. ¡°Everything okay?¡± ¡°Mm-hm.¡± Except, I didn¡¯t really want to be around this place any longer than absolutely necessary. ¡°Where¡¯s David? Is he coming tonight?¡± Ryan asked. Emily looked up from her book; I shrugged, reaching for my locket. ¡°Oh, I thought he said he¡¯d make it for dress rehearsals.¡± Ryan looked a little confused. ¡°He did¡ª¡± I tipped the crate with my foot, trying to look disinterested, ¡°¡ªbut I guess the plan changed.¡± Or the heart. ¡°Where¡¯s your new pal...Mike?¡± Ryan asked. ¡°Uh, he¡¯s taking my brother to a movie tonight.¡± ¡°Sweet.¡± Ryan nodded. ¡°Well, I¡¯ll fill in on guitar for David, if you like?¡± ¡°Okay. Let¡¯s just get this over with then.¡± I gave a reassuring smile to Emily¡¯s frown as I stomped up the stairs, then stopped dead. ¡°Hey, where¡¯d the piano come from?¡± ¡°Oh, it¡¯s on loan from Musicology,¡± Emily called out. ¡°What¡¯s Musicology?¡± I sat down on the stool in front of the baby grand, flipping out imaginary jacket tails first. ¡°Music store,¡± Ryan said, walking past me to grab his guitar. ¡°Oh, cool. The keys feel nice.¡± ¡°Wait ¡®til you hear her.¡± Ryan sat on a stool near Alana, who turned the pages on her music stand. ¡°We¡¯re calling her Betty.¡± ¡°Calling who Betty?¡± I said. ¡°The piano,¡± Alana said. ¡°Oh.¡± I looked at it. ¡°Why Betty?¡± ¡°The song¡­¡± Alana said, rolling her eyes in Ryan¡¯s direction. ¡°Black Betty.¡± ¡°Hm.¡± I looked down at my fingers as they positioned themselves on the home-plates. ¡°Okay, we¡¯ll start with Somewhere Over the Rainbow.¡± Ryan nodded and found the page in his sheet music, then repositioned the capo on the neck of his guitar. ¡°Hip, bubbly, Ucayali-style or¡­¡± ¡°Longing misery,¡± I said. Ryan nodded. ¡°Nice. Let¡¯s do it.¡± They played, all of them, including the version of me who took over when the real one could no longer bear to feel. In those moments, sometimes I felt like I was watching from outside myself, while another version of me lived inside my own mind¡ªrecreating this land of misery to a world where I could smile. I tried so hard to imagine David sitting in place of Ryan, smiling over at me. But no matter how hard I tried, the image wouldn''t alter, and wishing with all my heart wouldn''t change things either. It would be a waste of time. Ryan gave a nod of approval, and I smiled back because, in truth, our song did sound amazing. The three instruments harmonised so well with each other, even though my fingers were a little stiff and the flow of emotion through them was rigid, if not absent. When I opened my mouth to sing the words, my voice cracked and we all burst out laughing. All the sea-salt I swallowed the other day made my throat dry and hoarse; I sounded like a broken gramophone. But I was glad Mike took me to the beach, because despite our argument, the rest of that day went really well; just two old friends hanging out, eating salty fish and chips, talking about nothing, as the sun went down. While my mind wandered into the other days we¡¯d spent together, the performance moved to the next song on our list; an instrumental piece from one of Nathan¡¯s favourite gangster movies. ¡°Ryan?¡± I stopped playing for a second. ¡°Yeah?¡± He looked over the music stand, and Alana lowered her violin. ¡°On that last bar, can you give me a B flat, instead?¡± ¡°Uh¡ªyeah, okay,¡± he said slowly and frowned, but did it anyway, and then his face lit up when I came in with the piano. ¡°Okay. Cool, so, just remember; B flat on the second verse, okay?¡± I said, flexing my fingers. ¡°Em? You got the time?¡± ¡°Uh, yep,¡± she said from the base of the stage. ¡°Eight-thirty.¡± I closed the cover on the keys. ¡°I¡¯m gonna call it quits, guys. I need to get home.¡± Mike would be back by now. ¡°Okay, cool.¡± Ryan placed his guitar on the stand and turned to Alana. ¡°Hey, Ara?¡± Emily¡¯s light footsteps made a dull thud as she came up the stairs and stood beside me. ¡°Um, I hope you don''t mind, but¡­being that your act has the most heart, I thought I might place you last in the set¡ªyou know, kind of thought if people leave on a sad note¡ª¡± ¡°Yeah, all cool.¡± I held my hand up. Em obviously didn''t realise that closing a show was actually a great honour. ¡°And, um, that sounded amazing, by the way.¡± She ran her fingertip over the glossy top of the piano, her reflection appearing upside-down. ¡°Thanks. Looks like I still have enough soul left in me to play music.¡± I smiled, trying to sound light. ¡°You miss David?¡± ¡°Yeah. Kinda.¡± ¡°He¡¯ll be back.¡± She shrugged, then smiled and walked off to bark orders at the next act. It really was such a shame David never fell for Emily. She would¡¯ve been a perfect match for him; she wasn¡¯t complicated or moody, like me, and she would¡¯ve given him eternity. A jaded smile grasped my lips while I watched her, falling into Spencer¡¯s embrace, tilting her face up so he could kiss the tip of her nose; they were so in love, like normal teenagers¡ªso innocent and so easy. They¡¯d never know the complexities of my life, and could never even imagine them. Page 76 Somehow, that made me angry, or maybe it was jealous. Or maybe it just made me feel more¡ªalone.Advertisement ¡°It¡¯s not all bad.¡± Ryan sat beside me on the piano stool. ¡°What¡¯s not?¡± I switched on my happy face. He elbowed me softly. ¡°David? I know you were missing him just now.¡± I looked down at my thumbnails, clicking them over each other. ¡°Yeah. I kinda was.¡± ¡°Well, he¡¯ll be back before you know it. So, chin up, m¡¯kay?¡± ¡°Yeah, okay.¡± I smiled at him. ¡°Thanks Ryan.¡± But he was wrong. We were just another town David was moving through, and I was just another ending to a tragic love story. None of us would ever see him again. I scribbled on a piece of paper and rested it in the lip of my windowsill, then headed for the door. I couldn¡¯t leave my room for the evening without making sure David knew my priorities, should he see fit to come back; one tap on Mike¡¯s window and I¡¯d magically materialise in my room. ¡°So, how was rehearsal?¡± Mike closed the DVD drive and grabbed the remote as I shut his bedroom door. ¡°Crowded.¡± But lonely. ¡°I¡¯m looking forward to seeing you play.¡± I bounced onto his bed and propped my back against his pillows. ¡°I wish you were doing a duet with me.¡± ¡°Well, maybe we¡¯ll have to sneak over to the school during lunch and use the piano one day.¡± His face lit with a cheeky grin as he slumped down next to me¡ªright on top of the popcorn bowl, scattering it across the sheets, like pebbles on tiles. ¡°Ah, crap!¡± We both cursed. ¡°Here, I¡¯ll get that.¡± Mike knelt by the bed, took the bowl from me, and started scraping the salty snack off the edge with his broad, square palms. He¡¯d always had such big hands. So strong and protective. Like somehow, if he was holding me and the world was burning around me, I wouldn¡¯t be afraid. ¡°Something wrong, kid?¡± He looked up. Forgetting his question, I grabbed his hand and turned it over, placing my palm against his, feeling the salt of popcorn all over the tips of his fingers. My hands were thinner, more petite than his, the top of my oval-shaped nail only just falling in line with the first fold of his fingertips. ¡°I missed your hands.¡± He laced his fingers through mine, then flipped our hands over and traced circles over my knuckles, seeming distant, almost sad. ¡°Are you okay, Mike?¡± He moved the popcorn bowl to the nightstand and shuffled up to sit beside me. ¡°You have her hands, you know? Your mum¡¯s.¡± I tucked my arm under my rib and snuggled against his chest. ¡°I know.¡± I had a lot of my mother in me; her hair, her heart-shaped face. But I got my dad¡¯s eyes. Harry had her eyes. Harry had her smile¡ªmy smile. But they were gone. The only thing left from that life now was Mike¡ªand I was so glad I at least had him. It made me wonder¡ªabout his hands¡ªhow they made me feel so safe, and his eyes, how every thought behind them placed me first, and that smile, the way it¡¯d warm my heart, making me a part of his world every time he gave it to me, without fail¡ªif I went with him to Perth, would it always be like this? Would we be happy, get married and have little dark-haired babies with caramel-coloured eyes and strong hands? I liked the idea¡ªliked the idea of always feeling like this; loved. Mike looked down at me, watching my eyes expectantly, like he was waiting for me to say what he knew was in my heart. But, after a quiet moment, he pulled me back to his chest and pressed play on the remote. As the opening credits rolled across the base of the screen, I closed my eyes and listened to the hum of human normality. I loved it¡ªloved Mike, and I wished I could tell him that. Wished he knew. We¡¯d laid like this so many times as friends, but in his arms, tonight, I felt the difference¡ªfelt his love, felt how real it was. And it drove a strong urge within me to look up at him and say, ¡°I¡¯ll come with you. Let¡¯s go home to Perth.¡± But I knew that when the movie ended, and I crawled away from the warmth of his arms and went back to my cold, empty room, I¡¯d look beyond the eastern hills, feeling the inexplicable gut wrench that made me want to scream to the world below¡ªtell them to find David, beg him to come back and change me into a vampire. My desires were at odds with my heart, and the war raged inside me, unresolvable still. I could give my heart to Mike tonight, but if David so much as passed me on the street, ever again, I¡¯d throw it away. I was sure of that. So, I said nothing. Just closed my eyes and played it out as a fantasy instead¡ªimagining my life with him from this exact moment onward. And I smiled. ¡°Ara?¡± Mike swept his hands through the front of my hair, his low voice coming from above my brow. ¡°Mm,¡± I muttered sleepily, keeping my eyes closed. ¡°You still with me, baby?¡± ¡°Hm?¡± ¡°Shh.¡± He kissed my head and the volume on the TV decreased. ¡°Just sleep.¡± The smell of morning and the crass sound of a crow somewhere outside brought my mind back from sleep. I rolled up on my elbows and looked around the room¡ªmy room. Wait, my room? Feeling as though I was holding my breath, I clarified everything in my mind; my room was dark, the curtains closed¡ªobviously by Mike; unopened by David. The house sounded quieter than usual. Even the gentle hum of cars and the distant chatter of school kids outside was absent from the day; it almost sounded like a Saturday, but without the lawnmower. Last night, while I fell asleep in my best friend¡¯s arms, a few things became so clear to me that I was afraid clarity would be gone come morning. But the feeling I had as sleep arrested me remained the same. I jumped out of bed, dashed my curtains across and looked to the eastern hills. Somewhere over that rise, somewhere further than I cared to imagine, my David went away. I could feel him; feel his soul aching beyond the rising sun. He never told me where he lived, or even which direction he ran to each night, but I could feel him over there¡ªsomewhere. Down below, nestled into the long, yellow-tipped grass in the backyard, the oak tree sat gloriously, staring back up at me. As many times as we¡¯d studied each other, I had also let my heart skip a beat, expecting to see David beneath its leafy bows. But, for some reason, as I watched the gentle motion of the rope swing, absently touching the brittle bark for a second before floating along the wistful breeze, I felt none of the surprise, the ache, that he wasn¡¯t there. The only thing present in my heart was that warm feeling I had in Mike¡¯s arms last night, which suddenly burned into a flaming heat. With a tight fist, I rubbed my chest and grabbed the edge of my desk to remain upright. Was it possible that Mike managed to crawl his way a little bit deeper into my heart while I was sleeping? Could it be possible that my brain finally understood the fact that David was gone¡ªthat even tomorrow, when I looked for him on the stage where he should be performing our duet, I wouldn¡¯t see him? Did I finally get the message? I backed away from the window, clutching my locket, and turned to face my dresser mirror, studying the girl staring back at me. ¡°He is gone, isn¡¯t he?¡± she said. Well, I think she did, anyway. ¡°Yes.¡± And I knew he wouldn¡¯t return for anything. Not for the concert, not for all the tears in the world, not if Skittles got stuck in the tree, and not even if I threw myself from the window and splattered all over the ground. David Knight was gone¡ªfor good. But I didn''t feel anything. Nothing. I should¡¯ve be crying or kicking things. The admission of fact should¡¯ve changed something in me. Anything. But it didn¡¯t. The girl in the mirror looked out at me; I looked away. That reflection told a different story to the reality of the world behind me. My room was light and airy, with the softness of summer morning all around, while her world¡ªthe world beyond the glass¡ªwas a dark forest, backdrop to the face of this lonely girl, trapped, staring out from beyond her prison of secrets. Love was the key¡ªmy starry night, my David¡ªbut he left. I remembered back to the day I first thought of him as the night, and how, in that same thought, I smiled for Mike because he was always my blue sky; my happiness. In the mirror, the contours of the girl¡¯s face became shadowed as the sun rose around her, light touching the darkest shadows of her illusory cage. The iron bars behind her dissolved into white tree trunks, and the leaves became visible as green star-shaped foliage for the first time. Blue sky. The night was gone now, but there would always be the blue sky. But was it enough? I looked away from her again, seeing her hopeful smile dissolve before I turned my head. The roar of thunder all around me became the obvious call of the ogre; I clutched my hand across my belly and listened to his cries for nourishment. The last thing I wanted was to go downstairs and have breakfast with Mike. The feeling, the desire to hold onto him, to make sure I never lost him like I did David, burned in me; I was sure I¡¯d tell him I love him and ruin everything when I changed my mind again as the night descended. I needed to think. I needed to let it all sink in. I felt catatonic, empty, hollow. Afraid, because the feeling in me¡ªof not feeling anything¡ªfelt like suddenly waking up deaf. ¡°Run,¡± the girl in the mirror said. ¡°Run?¡± I looked back at her. She smiled and nodded. ¡°Run.¡± A sneaky tempo guided my steps as I passed the dining area where Vicki and Mike sat laughing and drinking coffee. Then, without first eating, bolted out the front door. My shoes tapped the pavement softly at first, but as I reached the end of the drive, they picked up. I zipped my sweater around my neck¡ªtrapping my locket inside. It wasn¡¯t cold, but for some reason I felt exposed and naked. Like I was being watched or followed. I think a part of me knew that if Mike caught a glimpse of me running from the house without him, he¡¯d come after me. And I really didn¡¯t want that. I really needed to be by myself for a while. There was a part of me that kept trying to believe the reason David hadn¡¯t come was because he¡¯d been held up at work or hadn¡¯t realised how much time had passed since we last spoke. But the part of me that knew David also knew he wasn¡¯t that absentminded. Fact was, he wasn¡¯t here because he had no intention of coming back. Feeling unbelievably weak and tired, I beelined for a park bench and graced the seat with my bottom. The leafy shade of the tree felt nice, almost protective. I looked around the park at the children playing in the distance¡ªthe moms and dads pushing their kids on the swings, and even the big sisters running to their little brother¡¯s aide when they fell over or got sand in their mouths. It made me miss Harry¡ªmiss being a big sister. I flopped back on the backrest with my chin tilted to the cool breeze and let my troubles consume me. The only moisture left in me now was the salty, sticky mask of sweat the wind was drying off my brow. I still loved the way a breeze felt on my face, though; it took a month for my wounds to heal enough that I¡¯d let Dad take me in public¡ªon a plane, over to his home. My days were spent in a motel, in the dark¡ªaway from civilisation. I never even let Mike see me. Dad tried to let him in once, but I screamed and freaked out like I was going to tear myself apart. I couldn¡¯t let him see me like that. I felt so ashamed¡ªfelt like a monster, and worse¡ªlooked like one. By the time Dad brought me here, there were only a few yellowing bruises left, and I could bear the wind on my face¡ªnever to take it for granted again. It brushed my hair over my cheek in a tickly touch, like a thousand butterflies dancing on my skin, and in the simplicity of the sunny day, surrounded by trees and grass, I could almost imagine I had no problems. Even the song of the birds seemed to have a tune to it, like I was in some twisted version of a Disney film. I half expected the woodland animals to gather at my feet as I broke into song. For the first time in weeks, I lowered my head and took a good look at my fingers. They were my mum¡¯s hands, but they were bony and looked weak now. Heartache had taken the spirit from them, and though I wanted nothing more than to find the nearest piano and expel the song I¡¯d had stuck in my head all morning, I wondered if I could truly play¡ªfor the feel of it¡ªfrom the heart, anymore. I slumped back on the bench again. I didn¡¯t even know what was in my heart now. I used to be sure it was Mike, then it knew nothing but David. Now they seemed to share a little piece each. When my stomach growled again, I checked the watch Sam gave me for my fifteenth birthday¡ªthe sport watch he told me was to help time my runs so I¡¯d realise I wasn¡¯t as fast as I thought¡ªand smiled, unable to see the time through a sudden rush of tears. He was a good little brother¡ªSam. As much as I hated him sometimes, he was my brother. And in my heart, I¡¯d never really let myself believe that. But I was still a big sister, and though no one would ever replace Harry, I knew that if anything ever happened to Sam, he¡¯d be just as irreplaceable. And that¡¯s the thing about love, really, isn¡¯t it? That there is no replacing the ones we love. I¡¯d never replace David¡ªnot even with Mike. Suddenly, the rise of emotion I should¡¯ve had this morning when I finally admitted David wasn¡¯t coming back, presented itself¡ªscreaming out from my heart in the form of a song. A vibrant, tingling sensation warmed my fingertips; like static electricity before it charges out on something metal. I jumped up, ignoring the dizziness and narrowed vision of low blood-pressure, and ran for the school. I needed to play. The dark room echoed as the door closed behind me and the shadows swallowed me whole. No one looked up; no one turned their heads, because the only sentinel was the pitch black. Everyone was at lunch, the auditorium set for the concert tomorrow night. Page 77 I kicked the door ajar a little, placed the doorstop in the crack and hugged myself as I headed down the aisle, walking the path of the thin blue line of light from outside. The warmth of the day remained behind, making me shiver as I reached the stage. I looked back for a moment, seeing only a faint outline of the seats along the aisle, then felt my way up the stairs, keeping my hands out in front of me in case I tripped.Advertisement ¡°Ara?¡± ¡°H-hello?¡± I waited in the middle of the stage, hearing nothing. No one whispered back. ¡°Hello? Is anyone there?¡± My voice stayed low, almost as if I didn¡¯t want an answer. All around me, the shadows carried eerie secrets, like a person may be lingering within¡ªwaiting for me¡ªwhile the strong feel of being watched crawled over my skin, tightening my pores. I knew I shouldn¡¯t be in here. Knew I should be at lunch, be attending school today like everyone else. I hesitated a moment longer. If I was caught in here, I¡¯d be in trouble. But, like a beacon of salvation, the piano greeted me with all its glory, sitting majestically centre stage. I took a seat and looked down at my hands on the keys. Here, in front of the piano, I felt narrowed in¡ªsafe inside some magical, invisible orb, where no one could see me. For one moment I just needed to sit; just to exist in the space where music was the centre of my world; where the only thing that mattered was the notes, the keys, and me. My heart was trying to make sense of things¡ªof the fact that David left me because I had that stupid dream, even though I had no control over it. And I guess, in a way, that was the problem; what we dream does have meaning. What we think, feel, desire¡ªit matters. And it hurts. But life taught me that searching for reasons why it sucks is as futile as screaming out to the heavens ¡°Why, God, why?¡± No one will ever answer, because there is no answer. No one is watching from above; no angels are standing by to answer our prayers. We are the authors of our own lives, and what we suffer is due to our own error. How we endure is determined by our will to survive. I would survive this. I had to stop asking, had to stop wondering if there was some point to all this¡ªsome lesson to be learned¡ªbecause, in doing that, I was holding myself back from moving on. David told me to move on¡ªtold me to love another, but contradicted that by being hurt at the possibility. My heart was Mike¡¯s before I came here¡ªbefore it all happened. And, sometimes, I wished I¡¯d never met David at all¡ªwished I didn¡¯t know what it felt like to love someone that way. My thoughts came back to the auditorium while I took a deep breath. Though I sat motionless, aside from my hands scaling across the keys, the room seemed to be spinning slowly around me. I wasn¡¯t sure if I was dizzy or just lost in some ultra-realism with slow-motion camera panning, but nothing felt right¡ªor looked right. I played the scales slowly back and forth a few times, listening carefully, seeing my future in the physical form of the notes; Mike, our children¡ªtheir little round faces smiling out at me from the space between thought and reality. I saw our lives¡ªlong and happy. And he would love me, and I would love him just as much. But I still just didn¡¯t know if it was enough. Confusion consumed my emotions and took control of my hands; I played harder, slamming the notes. All of the anguish, the loss¡ªI wanted it to go away. I wanted David to stay, to marry me, to have babies with me and grow old together. The notes became slow and high once again. It¡¯d never happen. I had a choice to make. To choose life or eternal love¡ªif David would still even have me. He probably didn¡¯t even want my answer anymore. And I didn¡¯t expect to see him at the Masquerade next Sunday. I wanted to hope he was happy somewhere out there, that he¡¯d moved on¡ªbut it hurt when I tried. I closed my eyes tight and let my heart die a little more, as it had been, slowly and surely, every day since my first kiss. David, if you¡¯re out there, somewhere, please know how much I miss you. Please know how sorry I¡ª ¡°Ara!¡± Mike¡¯s angry voice broke through my thoughts. ¡°Where have you been?¡± The room fell silent instantly as I pulled my hands from the keys and placed them in my lap, lowering my head. ¡°Do you have any idea what I¡¯ve gone through this morning?¡± The stage thudded under his feet. ¡°I was about to call the police.¡± ¡°Police? I was at school¡ª¡± ¡°Don¡¯t give me that rubbish. I knew you didn¡¯t attend school today because your dad¡¯s been out there searching for you since we realised you weren¡¯t in roll call!¡± There was nothing for me to say. I kind of knew he¡¯d be worried. ¡°Well.¡± I shrugged. ¡°Guess you found me, so¡ª¡± ¡°No. I didn¡¯t. Your dad did. And he was so mad he couldn¡¯t even come in here to talk to you, Ara. He called me.¡± He pointed to his chest. ¡°How could you just run off like that? Not tell anyone where you were going. Jesus, girl.¡± The fabric on the stool dipped as he sat beside me, shaking his head. ¡°I don¡¯t need your permission to go for a run.¡± ¡°That¡¯s what you were doing?¡± ¡°Yes. Is that okay with you?¡± ¡°Ara, stop being a child. You know damn well you should¡¯ve told someone where you were. Don¡¯t try to make me out to be the bad guy. I¡¯ve been driving all over town looking for you. We had no idea what time you left or how long you¡¯d been gone.¡± He looked at his watch. ¡°It¡¯s twelve-thirty, for God¡¯s sake, girl.¡± I looked down at my lap, running my thumb over my locket. ¡°Stop yelling at me.¡± ¡°No. I¡¯m mad. I was so worried about you I nearly shook Emily when I asked her if she¡¯d seen you.¡± ¡°What! You talked to my friends?¡± I smacked the stool with both hands. ¡°Mike, how could you¡ªnow you¡¯ve gone and made a huge drama out of thi¡ª¡± ¡°No. Ara. You made the drama. You took off without leaving a note to say you hadn¡¯t gone to school. You¡¯ve been gone all bloody day!¡± ¡°Yeah, well, no one asked you to come looking for me.¡± I folded my arms. ¡°I¡¯m fine. I just lost track of time.¡± ¡°Well, that may be the case, but you¡¯ve caused a lot of worry. People care about you, Ara¡ª¡± He reached for me; I jerked away. ¡°I care about you.¡± ¡°You? You don¡¯t care about me. You just feel sorry for me. You just feel responsible for me, like you always have¡ª¡± ¡°Ara? Don¡¯t say things like that.¡± ¡°I didn¡¯t say it!¡± I shot up off the stool and fled to the heavy curtains near the wall. ¡°You did!¡± ¡°What? When?¡± He sat taller. ¡°Ara, I would never say something like tha¡ª¡± ¡°You did. The day I arrived here, when my dad made me speak to you on the phone. You said you were tired of being responsible for me, that I had to grow up, and if I wasn¡¯t such a baby then none of this would¡¯ve happened!¡± Mike stood up, reaching for me. ¡°Ara, that was not what I said and you know it. You¡¯re adding words to what I¡ª¡± ¡°Am I? Or is that what you wanted to say? Is that what you really meant, only you didn¡¯t have the guts to say it?¡± I yelled across the stage, feeling rather well-placed for such a theatrical display of emotion. ¡°My exact words to you that day, and my exact meaning were, I feel responsible for what happened to your mum and Harry. And you said it was your fault, that if you hadn¡¯t run away it wouldn¡¯t¡¯ve happened. That¡¯s when I said that running away was a childish thing to do. And that was all I said, Ara. The fact is, I was responsible for you. I let you down. I did not say you caused this. I never said, felt, or meant that. You know that.¡± ¡°No. I don¡¯t. I know the way you looked at me. I saw you look away when you first saw me after the accident; I remember how disgusted you were in me that night for daring to feel what I felt for you¡ª¡± ¡°That¡¯s what you think?¡± He briskly stepped forward and grabbed my arms. ¡°That I was disgusted? In you? Ara, I was disgusted in myself for¡ª¡± ¡°For telling me how you truly felt?¡± I shrugged out of his hands. ¡°You shouldn¡¯t be. Because that should be allowed. If you don¡¯t love someone, you have a right to tell them.¡± ¡°But I do love you. You know that.¡± He swooped into me again. ¡°Don¡¯t touch me!¡± I ducked out from under his arms and ran to the edge of the stage. ¡°I don¡¯t want you to touch me.¡± ¡°Ara. Please¡ª¡± I took a glance over my shoulder to see his bulky silhouette by the piano, reaching out to me, then jumped off the edge, bent my knees as I landed on the ground, and walked away with my arms folded. ¡°Where are you going?¡± he asked. ¡°Home.¡± At a run, Mike¡¯s footfalls fell down on the hollow-sounding floor, then stopped as a soft tap of shoes on carpet came up behind me. ¡°Baby, talk to me. Please don¡¯t be like this. I just want you to be happy.¡± ¡°Happy!¡± I spun around. ¡°If you wanted me to be happy, then you¡¯d never have told me you love me, Mike. Now I¡¯m just confused and empty.¡± Mike doubled back, dropping his hand to his side as the blade of my words hit his heart. ¡°You don¡¯t mean that,¡± he whispered. ¡°What would you know? You don¡¯t know anything about me, Mike. Maybe you used to¡ªin fact, no¡ªscratch that. If you did, you¡¯d never have rejected me like that.¡± ¡°Ara, I didn¡¯t reject you. I just asked you to wait a second while I processed what was happening between us. You shook me up, girl. I wasn¡¯t expecting you to throw your arms around my neck and kiss me.¡± ¡°Yeah, well¡ª¡± I looked up at him, keeping my arms folded, ¡°¡ªit was a mistake. You and I. All of it. Nothing but a big, fat mistake. Now, it¡¯s time I fix things¡ªput them all back in the right place.¡± ¡°What are you saying?¡± He grabbed my wrist; I yanked it back. ¡°I¡¯m saying, I. Love. David, Mike. Not you.¡± The lie came out through my lips like a hot breath; I couldn¡¯t even gasp the words back in¡ªthey just fell out. When Mike dropped his head, even the shadowed darkness did nothing to hide his pain. ¡°So that¡¯s it then?¡± His voice quaked. ¡°You¡¯re just going to throw it all away because of some boy you just met?¡± ¡°He¡¯s not just some boy, Mike. He¡¯s my one true love.¡± Mike nodded, clenching his fists beside him. ¡°You¡¯re not a child anymore, Ara. It¡¯s time you grew up. All this true love and fairy-tale bullshit!¡± His angered voice touched my nerves. ¡°It¡¯s not real. He is not your true love. He¡¯s a random stepping stone, a fall back guy¡ªa¡ªa bloody infatuation.¡± ¡°Don''t say that word!¡± I screamed at him, clenching my fists. ¡°I never want to hear that word. You don''t know. None of you know. You don''t have a clue what I feel¡ªwhat I''ve gone through.¡± ¡°Tell me then, Ara¡ª¡± He stepped closer. ¡°Tell me, so I understand.¡± I looked at him for a moment longer, swiping my shaking hand across my nose before I sunk to the ground, curling into a ball. ¡°I can''t do it. I can''t do it anymore, Mike.¡± He fell to his knees and wrapped me up in his arms. ¡°What, baby?¡± ¡°I''m so tired. I''m so goddamn tired. I just can''t do it anymore.¡± It was all too much. I missed David like I needed air, like I couldn¡¯t breathe anymore. Mike made it all feel better, made the air thinner, easier to take, but I couldn¡¯t fix it. I couldn¡¯t fix how hurt I was that he pushed me away in the first place. I just couldn¡¯t fix it. ¡°Ara. Baby, talk to me. Why are you shaking?¡± ¡°It¡¯s all gone.¡± I closed my eyes tight. ¡°It¡¯s all¡ªall of it. I don''t wanna do this anymore, Mike. I don¡¯t wanna do this anymore.¡± Mike took a deep breath, letting it out with a loud groan. ¡°Look¡ªI hurt you. I¡¯m sorry for that, okay? But you don¡¯t love him. Not like you love me.¡± ¡°No¡ªyou¡¯re right. I don¡¯t. I love him more.¡± ¡°Ara,¡± Mike said softly, ¡°I¡¯m not giving up yet. I know you better than you know yourself.¡± ¡°Then tell me what to do,¡± I sobbed, pressing my fists into my eyes. ¡°Just tell me what to do.¡± ¡°Come home with me. Let me love you.¡± ¡°It won''t make it okay. It¡¯ll never be okay.¡± ¡°I know. Ara, we can''t take back what happened. We can only try to move forward. But if you let me, I¡¯ll take care of you. I¡¯ll hold you until all the hurt just hurts less. Please¡ªlet me do that.¡± I took a deep, jagged breath. ¡°I can''t. I can''t, because when I do¡ªwhen I decide to, I die inside.¡± ¡°Why, Ara? Why do you feel that way? I¡ªI don''t understand.¡± ¡°You can¡¯t, Mike. You can¡¯t, because you don''t understand love.¡± ¡°Love?¡± I nodded. He drew back a little. ¡°This isn''t just about losing your mum and Harry, is it?¡± I shook my head. ¡°So¡­it¡¯s about David?¡± I nodded. ¡°You¡¯re serious? All this is about David?¡± He motioned to my ruined self on the floor of the school auditorium. I nodded again, my chest quivering, my snotty nose snivelling. Page 78 ¡°Ara, I know you don''t want to hear this, but I''m gonna say it anyway, okay?¡± He touched my shoulder.Advertisement ¡°Please don''t.¡± ¡°I have to, baby. You¡ªyou¡¯re not okay. You need a hand to guide you right now, and I¡ªI know you better than anyone. This isn¡¯t normal¡ªthe way you feel. This is grossly magnified by grief. This love you feel for David¡ªit isn''t real.¡± I looked up at him quickly. ¡°You¡¯re wrong, Mike.¡± The beast inside me grew¡ªrising up from the ashes of disaster as I clambered to my feet. ¡°It¡¯s you I don''t feel for.¡± He stood too. ¡°Ara, that¡¯s not true and you know it.¡± ¡°It is true,¡± I screamed. ¡°I stopped feeling for you the day my family died. And I don¡¯t care if that hurts you, because you need to know.¡± ¡°Ara¡ª¡± He edged closer. ¡°Don¡¯t. Please don¡¯t.¡± ¡°I¡¯m sorry, but...I want you to go home, Mike. We¡¯re never gonna be what we were. It¡¯s all just too broken now. I just can¡¯t forgive you for pushing me away.¡± Then, hurriedly, before guilt could set in, I turned and headed for the door. But the light barely even touched my face before I realised what that would have done to him. I couldn¡¯t see him, but I could feel the cold in the room from the detachment of his soul. The thing was, if he couldn''t understand what I felt for David, then he couldn''t understand how to love me. We¡¯d never be right for each other. Holding my head high, with pride moving my feet, I kept walking, even though I knew, deep down inside, beneath the ogre, beneath the pain I always felt, I loved him, and I wanted him to take me home. ¡°Say it again!¡± Mike ordered, grabbing my wrist, whirling me into the cage of his arms. ¡°Say it like you mean it and I¡¯ll go. But you don¡¯t, Ara.¡± He studied me carefully, his eyes darting over every inch of my face. ¡°You don¡¯t mean it. Say it!¡± He shook me. My lip quivered and a cold tear rolled over my cheek. It was suddenly very clear that he wasn¡¯t as sure I loved him as he said he was. He believed me when I said I didn¡¯t care for him¡ªjust as I¡¯d wanted him to. ¡°That¡¯s it, is it? Nothing? You have nothing to say to me?¡± His voice cracked above the controlled hysterics. ¡°After all these years, after¡­after all the¡­¡± He let go of my arms, backing away as his hand covered his mouth. ¡°Oh, God. I did this. I did this.¡± Even though my face crumpled with the saturation of regret, I refused to let myself hide in my hands. He needed to see I was hurting, too. He needed to know how I felt. If I couldn¡¯t tell him now, I¡¯d lose him forever. But I couldn¡¯t speak. My chest felt so tight the words wouldn¡¯t come. If only he was like David, I could say in my mind, I¡¯m so sorry, Mike. I love you. I love you! And I want you to know that. I just¡­I¡¯ll always love David, though. Always. Above the silence, a mighty growl suddenly broke through. Mike looked up at me, his eyes then falling to my belly as the ogre made a last demand for nourishment. ¡°When did you last eat?¡± He looked back at my face, and in the pale light from outside, I noticed the hint of a smile around the corners of his eyes. ¡°Last night.¡± A loud huff of air burst out through his wide grin. ¡°I shoulda known.¡± His arms flew up and wrapped around me, pulling me into his chest with a jolt. ¡°I shoulda known you could never say things like that.¡± As my breath struggled through his strangle hold and into my lungs, I tried to push away from him, to protest against his sudden change in direction. But he squeezed me tighter and shook his head. ¡°No way, baby girl. I am not letting you go.¡± So, with a sigh, my shoulders dropped and I gave in, let him hold me¡ªlet his warm, strong embrace make me feel safe and loved again. The way he always made me feel. ¡°Just say it though, please?¡± He held my shoulders, looking down into my face. ¡°Just so my heart will believe my ears. Please just tell me you didn¡¯t mean any of it?¡± ¡°You know I didn¡¯t, Mike,¡± I said very softly. His chest shuddered. ¡°I¡¯m so sorry I yelled at you, baby.¡± He gathered me up; I folded into him willingly, letting him make an apology for something he need not apologise for. ¡°I was just so worried. If I¡¯d lost you¡ªif you were gone, I¡­I just don¡¯t know what I would¡¯ve done.¡± Even though I knew he was referring to the fact that I ran away this morning, a small part of me wondered if what he really meant was, if I didn¡¯t love him, or if I truly wanted him to go back home. And that made me feel happy, in a silly kind of way, that he could love me so much, to be so devastated if I would not love him in return. When we walked through the front door back home, Dad didn¡¯t even bother grilling me. I half expected to become the steak to his side of fries with way too much salt. But he just hugged me¡ªheld me tight, like I mattered more to him than anything in the world¡ªthen handed me back to Mike before walking away, without saying a word. I looked to Mike for reassurance. ¡°Food?¡± he said with a gentle smile. I nodded. ¡°Yeah. Food sounds great.¡± The last chimes of the principal¡¯s speech resonated in my thoughts. Even with my eyes closed, I could feel the pale glow of the spotlight over me as my fingers scaled across the keys, breaking the hearts of those in the crowd tonight. Of all the worlds my mind created, this, where I lived each day, was the most painful one; the world that hovered on the wrong side of truth¡ªthe one I could not escape from, even if I closed my eyes or woke myself up. In this world, everyone I loved was gone, and the boy the crowd mourned, Nathan, was gone too. No matter how much we played for him, he would never hear our songs, but I would play for them anyway¡ªfor all those who lived only in my memories. Including David. I truly believed he¡¯d come tonight, but mine was the last performance, and so far, he hadn¡¯t showed. So, I sang the words of the song from memory, not from my heart. All the joy, all the passion I once felt when singing was non-existent¡ªdead, weighted like heavy rain. But my music teachers taught me well how to perform when everything around me was falling away. No one in the crowd would have known how much I was suffering for the painful realisation that all this was real. That David really was gone. We finished the song to a standing ovation. Mike wiped a mock tear from his cheek; I smiled at him, then took a bow and sat back down at the piano for my solo. After a deep breath, I closed my eyes, and in the moment it took to open them again, the room went dark and ultimately quiet. A wispy cool encircled me; the absence of life filtering emptiness into my world. I sat taller and looked around the vacant auditorium. I was alone; everyone was gone. How long had I been sitting here? A whisper of a memory salted my thoughts, making me look down at my bone-white, numb fingers. I remembered playing. I remembered the faces of the audience¡ªhow, afterward, they greeted me and shook my hand. I had smiled and nodded, while inside, I was dying. I could see it all as it happened, but couldn¡¯t remember living it. I wondered if Dad or Mike were looking for me¡ªworried about me. My posture sunk a little as I made myself smaller and took a few shallow breaths. Truth was, I really didn¡¯t care if they were worried. I just wanted to play, rain my heart into a song until it no longer felt like it was bleeding. Ignoring the tension of the impending grilling, I placed my fingers to the keys again. Each note poured through them like rainbow-coloured grief¡ªstrings of light that, with every pull on my heart, tore away another part of my soul; brought to the surface another emotion, another painful memory I thought I¡¯d locked away for good. Through all of this that I¡¯d suffered, I knew that, inside, I was destroyed. I would never be the same again. I tried once, to move on, to be normal, but with the loss of David, of my one true love, I knew that moving on was never in the cards for me. Whatever my existence here was fated to be, happiness was not it. David was not it. Like a strong link to a powerful memory, the faint hint of a familiar scent touched my lungs. I drew a deep breath of orange-chocolate, and my body rejoiced the sensation of oxygen, as if I¡¯d not taken a breath since I last held David. My head whipped up; I looked back to the chairs that only hours ago had been filled with friends and family, and all of a sudden, in the middle seat, softly lit by the light from the corridor outside, I saw a face. David. He stood up slowly, like a ghost weighed down by the anguish in the world. How long had he been there? What had he heard in my thoughts while he was watching me? ¡°I know this is hard.¡± He appeared behind me, his smooth, ethereal voice shattering my heart. ¡°But you knew this. Breaking up was never going to be easy.¡± ¡°So, that¡¯s what this is?¡± I asked in a quiet voice, looking down. ¡°We¡¯re broken up, now?¡± ¡°I wish it wasn¡¯t so.¡± ¡°It doesn¡¯t have to be.¡± ¡°It does.¡± ¡°But...maybe it wouldn¡¯t be so bad to¡ª¡± I spun around on the seat and stopped dead when I looked at him; it ached inside to see his face after I was sure I¡¯d never lay eyes on him again. ¡°What wouldn¡¯t be so bad?¡± ¡°To¡­to be like you.¡± He shook his head. ¡°You can¡¯t be like me. I¡¯ve spent so much time thinking about it¡ªdesperate to find some way this could work. But, Ara? There¡¯s no saying you even carry the gene. What if we tried and you¡ª¡± He shook his head again. ¡°No. You have to take a chance at life. You have to live it to its fullest before I could even dream of changing you.¡± ¡°But¡ª¡± ¡°No.¡± He placed his thumb to my lips. ¡°If you die, Ara, without ever knowing life, motherhood, I could not live with myself. It is better to have lived your life in heartache, than never to have lived at all.¡± ¡°I know. I do know that. And¡ª¡± I pictured my future, my children, my wrinkled skin. ¡°And I want a life, but¡­but the heartache is worse than I thought.¡± David looked at my hand, over my heart, and nodded. ¡°I know.¡± We held our gaze for a long moment, leaving our future resting on the pause of a few simple words. After a while, I sighed, turning my face away when the words refused to come. ¡°He¡¯s right for you, you know.¡± David broke the silence, though the tension stayed as thick as blood. My quiet breath sunk. ¡°I want you to be with him. I want you to go back to Perth with him.¡± I looked up quickly. ¡°I see in his thoughts, Ara. I watch him with you. He loves you¡ªdeeply.¡± He lost his voice on the last word, closing his eyes as he said it. ¡°I know, David. I know he loves me, and¡ªI love him too.¡± I had to whisper, afraid my words would wound him forever; like somehow, making my voice low might take away some of the sting. ¡°But I can¡¯t go with him. I can¡¯t. I just can¡¯t leave you here al¡ª¡± ¡°Ara. Be smart.¡± David dropped to his knees in front of me. ¡°I can¡¯t have you here, lingering in a place I may one day return. That¡¯s not living. You have to go¡ªyou have to be far away so I can never find you.¡± ¡°But¡ª¡± ¡°No. I won¡¯t do it. I won¡¯t return and ruin your life and, knowing how close you are¡ªthat I could just drive to you¡ªwould be more agony than I could bear.¡± The tears in my eyes turned to thick droplets as they spilled onto my cheeks and over my lips. He was right. It would be selfish of me to wait around here for him¡ªto hope he might change his mind and become a fake human. If he left his Set, he¡¯d have nothing, and one day, I¡¯d be gone anyway. At least, for now, we suffered the absence in union¡ªdesolate union. ¡°Please, just don''t make me say goodbye, David. Go, leave me, but don''t make me say it.¡± He smiled and sat beside me on the piano stool. I tried to steady my pulse, pushing away the memory of the first time I saw that dimple; how I wanted nothing in the world except him¡ªjust him. Life or death or murder meant nothing¡ªI just wanted him. ¡°This is not goodbye, Ara. Not yet. I still have a few more days.¡± ¡°I know.¡± I cleared my throat. ¡°Until the last red leaf falls, right?¡± ¡°Until the last red leaf falls,¡± he said with a grin. I touched my fingertips to David¡¯s face, and he held my hand to his cheek, closing his eyes. My heart picked up with the desire to lay against him¡ªsafe in his strong, loving arms¡ªheld tight, like nothing could ever bring me harm. If only we could run away¡ªrun from everything. Run from reality and the supernatural, run from fate and tragedy. But we couldn¡¯t. ¡°Where will you go¡ªwhat will you do when I¡¯m gone?¡± I asked. He looked down and then smiled as our eyes met again. ¡°See the pyramids.¡± He shrugged. ¡°Always wanted to fly a silver plane, too.¡± I managed a soft smile. ¡°Don¡¯t you ever forget, Ara, how much I love you.¡± He placed both hands on my face, then turned my head slowly. ¡°And you still, and always will, belong to me.¡± I nodded, rolling my cheek into his thumb as he wiped a tear away. Then, he slowly lowered his lips to mine, and like so many times before, they fit to perfection, as if we were made for each other¡ªbut so cruelly unsuited to each other. We¡¯d kissed for love, kissed for lust, for happiness and thankfulness, but this was a kiss of sorrow, of loss and despair, yet so full of love¡ªso soft and so gentle. Like a beast handling priceless porcelain. Page 79 But even with the warmth in my soul, weightless from his touch, the small silver locket around my neck felt heavy under the pain of imminent separation. It had felt that way for so long now, but only in his arms, with his lips once again belonging to mine, I could finally see that it always would¡ªand I wasn¡¯t sure I could bear it.Advertisement I yanked the chain loose and held it out to David as I pulled away from the kiss. ¡°I¡¯m sorry. I just can¡¯t do this.¡± ¡°Ara?¡± His voice overflowed with confusion as he held the locket in his open palm. ¡°It¡¯s too painful for me. I can¡¯t keep this as a memory of you. I need to forget. I need to try to move on, and every time I do, this is a constant reminder that you¡¯re no longer a part of my life.¡± My voice broke¡ªshattered, as I delivered the words I knew were tearing out his heart. His rounded eyes burned through me, deep into my soul; he wanted me to feel what he felt right then, but I already knew. I could feel it myself¡ªin my bones, breaking my resolve. I looked away. It hurt too much to see that on his face. It would only destroy me over and over again. The locket sat in David¡¯s outstretched palm, shimmering like moonlight on sand in the soft, dull light of our eternal darkness. Placing my thumb against the heart, I closed his fingertips around it and held my grip there for a second. ¡°This is not goodbye, remember?¡± ¡°Not yet, anyway.¡± He nodded solemnly as he placed my heart into his pocket, and then, like so many times before, without a word, without a smile, the darkness was the only thing I saw in his place. Chapter Twenty-Nine With my back against the wall outside Mr Benson¡¯s class, I hugged my books¡ªthe books David usually carried¡ªand watched everyone pass. They didn¡¯t talk to me. They hardly even gawked at me anymore, and the horrid yellow linoleum just seemed to be a part of the scenery, ironically, like me. Didn¡¯t mean it fit, though. ¡°Hey, did you hear?¡± Emily came bounding over. ¡°Depends. What was I supposed to hear?¡± ¡°The benefit? We raised enough to cover Nathan¡¯s funeral.¡± Her lips practically touched her ears. ¡°And due to an anonymous donation, Mrs Rossi won¡¯t have to pay the hospital bill, either.¡± ¡°Wow, that¡¯s really great.¡± We moved aside for Mr B to get into class. ¡°So, who¡¯s the donor?¡± Emily glared at me. ¡°Ara, the point of being anonymous is that no one knows who you are.¡± ¡°Oh, right.¡± I closed my eyes for a second. ¡°Sorry. I¡¯m just¡ªI¡¯m not really with it today.¡± ¡°Are you ever?¡± she asked; I shrugged. ¡°So, what happened to you anyway, after the show? You just¡­disappeared.¡± She fluttered her fingers as if throwing a handful of butterflies into the air. ¡°I uh¡ª¡± ¡°Is it Mike? ¡®Cause you guys seem pretty friendly.¡± She paused for a moment. ¡°Is Mike taking you to the ball? Since David had to go New Hampshire?¡± New Hampshire, huh? ¡°I haven¡¯t asked him. But, I guess he will. It¡¯s been really busy around my place lately.¡± ¡°Yeah, tell me about it. We haven¡¯t even gone shopping for my dress yet.¡± ¡°Oh, my God. Emily. I¡¯m so sorry. I totally forgot.¡± ¡°I don¡¯t blame you, not with a hunk like that hanging around.¡± She elbowed me softly, hugging her books to her chest. ¡°Can I make it up to you?¡± I asked. ¡°Yeah, okay.¡± She lifted one shoulder and dropped it. ¡°Hey, why don¡¯t we go tonight? Maybe have some dinner out?¡± ¡°Yeah, you know¡ª¡± I grinned, ¡°¡ªthat may be just what I need. What time?¡± ¡°Six fine with you?¡± ¡°Sounds¡ªgreat.¡± Really great, actually. We parted ways and I suffered the trials of obligation for the next seven hours in silence. It was during this desolate wandering I had a revelation; school was so boring. I decided I wouldn¡¯t be coming tomorrow and probably not for the rest of this week, actually. I wanted as much time with Mike as I could get before he boarded that plane next Monday and, if I decided not go with him, disappeared from my life forever. It seemed to be the way with people I loved; I¡¯d get to hold them, love them only long enough to realise I couldn''t live without them, and then they were gone. A blink of an eye. There was no going back to the simplicity¡ªthe uncomplicated rose-coloured glasses of love. Love was not enough anymore, and if love were truly blind, then I¡¯d surely be running away with David. But the heart must not be allowed to rule the mind. At least, that¡¯s what I kept telling myself. Though, I was starting to wonder which one was which. Mike sprawled out across my bed and sorted through the playlists on my iPod while I fussed about in my wardrobe, choosing a dress to wear out. ¡°So, what¡¯s this shopping trip for again?¡± he called. ¡°Um. Emily needs a dress for the ball. I was supposed to go with her last week, but¡­¡± I shrugged to myself. ¡°Ball?¡± The words came from directly behind me. I spun around, cupping my hands over my bra. ¡°Mike? Get out of here!¡± ¡°Relax, kid, I¡¯ve seen it all before.¡± ¡°No,¡± I scoffed, shoving him. ¡°Get out. You can talk to me when I¡¯m decent.¡± ¡°You look pretty decent, now.¡± His smug grin made me smile, but common sense took over and I shoved him again. ¡°Out. Now!¡± ¡°Okay, okay.¡± He laughed as he backed away, palms raised. ¡°So, are you going to the ball?¡± ¡°Well, I¡ª¡± I looked at the dress, hanging in all its glory on the hook beside me. ¡°Was David supposed to take you?¡± Mike asked from right behind me again. ¡°Hey. I said out!¡± ¡°Just answer me and I¡¯ll go.¡± ¡°Don¡¯t give me that cheeky grin, Michael Christopher White. I said out. Now, out.¡± He grabbed the finger I pointed in his face. ¡°Make me.¡± ¡°I shouldn¡¯t have to. You should give a girl some respect.¡± ¡°I do respect you.¡± He pulled me close, cupping his warm hands on my bare waist. ¡°I¡¯m also just very attracted to you. So¡ª¡± he grinned, running his thumb from my rib to my hip, ¡°¡ªcan I escort you to the ball, since the flesh eater isn¡¯t here?¡± Flesh eater? Oh, right, he was referring to the bruises on my neck. ¡°Don¡¯t talk about him like that, Mike,¡± I said. ¡°Besides, I thought you hated getting all dressed up?¡± ¡°Who me?¡± His eyes flashed with mischief. ¡°Ara, I would like nothing more than to dress like a penguin and dance with the most beautiful girl in the room. Besides, we both know I look hot in a suit.¡± I glared up at him, making my eyes small. His hands clasped together so tightly behind me then that I couldn''t really move. I wanted to tell him to get out, but I also wanted him to stay. I just wanted it to feel right. But it wasn¡¯t right. Not yet. ¡°So, what¡¯d ya say¡ªwill you let this lowly Aussie hunk escort his princess to the ball?¡± ¡°No, but I¡¯ll let my best friend do it.¡± ¡°Great. I¡¯ll go buy a suit tomorrow then.¡± ¡°Okay, thanks, Mike.¡± ¡°No worries, baby.¡± He rested his head on mine, cradling me close, continuing his welcomed intrusion. ¡°Um, Mike,¡± I said into his warm, firm chest, my lips practically eating his shirt with each word. ¡°Kinda need to breathe.¡± ¡°Oh, sorry.¡± He let me loose. ¡°I always forget how fragile you are.¡± I rolled my eyes. ¡°Okay, now, out. I need to get dressed.¡± ¡°Ara?¡± Vicki called. ¡°Emily¡¯s here.¡± ¡°Send her up,¡± I called back and glared at Mike. ¡°Okay.¡± He laughed at my ¡®nose in the air¡¯ stance, then turned around, but didn¡¯t leave. ¡°Maybe I¡¯ll take Sam to another movie.¡± ¡°You two are getting pretty close.¡± ¡°Yeah. He¡¯s a good kid,¡± he said, leaning on the wall, forgetting he was supposed to be looking away. ¡°He¡¯ll be sad when you go.¡± ¡°Maybe I just won¡¯t go then?¡± I could hear the question in his suggestion. He wanted me to ask him to stay. I shrugged instead, buttoning my jeans. ¡°I¡¯m not having this conversation with you right now, Mike. I have too much on my mind.¡± He went quiet, nodding, then wedged both hands into his pockets, took one last long look at me and left with a cheeky grin on his face. After a less than successful shopping trip, Emily and I sat empty handed at the caf¨¦ and ordered a burger. ¡°Mike seems nice.¡± Her eyelids fluttered. ¡°You were definitely right about his cuteness.¡± I nodded, swallowing my mouthful. ¡°He feels really bad for practically shaking you the other day.¡± ¡°It¡¯s okay. Really. I get it. He was worried.¡± Her smile subsided to a frown. ¡°Really worried, actually.¡± I nodded, feeling pretty awkward. ¡°So, how¡¯s David?¡± she asked. ¡°Have you two run up a huge phone bill yet?¡± ¡°Nope.¡± ¡°Oh.¡± She blinked a few extra times, looking at her plate. I placed my burger down. ¡°I uh...I actually haven¡¯t spoken to him since he left.¡± ¡°Why¡¯s that? Has he lost his phone again?¡± She grinned. ¡°Um, no.¡± My jaw tightened to hold back the quivering lip. ¡°We broke up, actually.¡± ¡°What?¡± she screeched; everyone in the caf¨¦ turned to look at us. ¡°What do you mean? Why?¡± ¡°He¡­he wasn''t going on holiday, Em. He...was moving away¡ªpermanently.¡± Her face contorted¡ªan illustration of her thoughts. ¡°But¡­he didn''t even say goodbye.¡± ¡°I know. He hates goodbyes,¡± I lied. ¡°But, he was my friend!¡± The waitress nearby stopped walking and looked at Emily. She cleared her throat, blinking back tears. ¡°He wouldn¡¯t just leave without so much as a goodbye.¡± ¡°I''m sorry, Em. He did.¡± Her lip trembled. ¡°But¡­I knew him longer than you. Why would he just¡­that¡¯s so mean.¡± ¡°And you¡¯re surprised? You know what he¡¯s like.¡± ¡°Yes.¡± She scowled at me, like this was my fault. ¡°But he was never mean to me, Ara¡ªnever intentionally, anyway.¡± ¡°Well, I don''t think he left to be mean, Emily.¡± ¡°Why did he leave¡ªdid he tell you?¡± I sunk my chin against my hand with a huff. ¡°His uncle got a call to move, and David had to go with him.¡± ¡°His uncle?¡± She frowned. ¡°David doesn''t live with his uncle anymore.¡± I sat taller. ¡°How do you know¡ªdid you ever go over his house?¡± ¡°House? Ara, he lives in an apartment.¡± My stomach dropped through my legs and onto the floor. ¡°So you went there?¡± ¡°Of course I did.¡± ¡°Oh. Um.¡± Ouch. ¡°Well, I''m sorry he didn''t say goodbye, Em. Maybe he¡¯ll call you or something.¡± She looked down at her meal, folding her bottom lip over her top one, her eyes awash with thought. ¡°How are you coping then?¡± ¡°Me? Fine.¡± She smiled, her eyes glassy. ¡°Liar.¡± I laughed once. ¡°No, really, I knew this was coming, so I''m okay.¡± ¡°How long have you known?¡± I shrugged. ¡°Did you know at the sleepover?¡± ¡°Mm-hm.¡± ¡°Oh.¡± She nodded. ¡°Not planning to marry him. So, that¡¯s what you meant that night?¡± I nodded. ¡°I''m sorry, Ara.¡± ¡°I''m okay.¡± She stared me down. ¡°Ara, I¡¯m your best friend. You don''t have to be strong around me.¡± Funny thing was, she had become my best friend, and I knew I could tell her about David¡ªand she¡¯d understand. ¡°Thanks, Emily. But I really am okay.¡± ¡°Did he say where he was even going?¡± ¡°No. Only that he won''t be back. That¡¯s why we broke up.¡± I could see the thoughts flickering across her brow, in her eyes and over her lip, changing, forming into questions. ¡°Why didn''t you go with him? I mean, if I loved someone as much as you loved David, I would¡¯ve just jumped in his suitcase.¡± I laughed. ¡°Um, well, because I didn''t want to.¡± ¡°Why?¡± ¡°He¡­he wants a kind of life that I¡­well, we want different things.¡± ¡°Like?¡± I swallowed. ¡°Well, I want a family one day, and he¡ª¡± ¡°He?¡± ¡°He wants a career in¡­¡± Punishing naughty vampires. ¡°Politics. He can''t have distractions, like a family.¡± Or food he¡¯s in love with. ¡°Kids?¡± Emily practically spat. ¡°You let David go because you want kids?¡± I nodded, knowing it was a poor argument. ¡°I don''t get you, Ara.¡± She dabbed her teary eyes with her napkin. ¡°Not much to get, Em. It is what it is.¡± She shook her head, leaving her burger abandoned on the plate. ¡°It¡¯s getting late. We should probably go.¡± ¡°Okay,¡± I said softly, grabbing my bag as I stood up. ¡°You okay, Em?¡± Page 80 ¡°Yeah. I¡¯m¡­yeah.¡±Advertisement I sighed, linking arms with her as we left the cafe. ¡°Hey, Em? About your dress? We only have five shopping days left¡ªare you sure you didn¡¯t like any of them?¡± She grimaced. ¡°No. None of them really felt right. I don¡¯t know, maybe I¡¯ll just go in jeans.¡± ¡°Yeah, it might be a bit tricky for Spence to co-ordinate his tux with denim.¡± ¡°Well, it¡¯s no big deal, really. If I don¡¯t find a dress¡ªI just won¡¯t go.¡± ¡°You have to go!¡± ¡°Why?¡± ¡°I¡­¡± I frowned. ¡°I guess you don¡¯t.¡± I hadn¡¯t really thought of that. I was so caught up in our only options being to either find her a dress or have her go in something old and tatty, I never even considered the idea that there were other choices to be made. Which made me realise¡­I had options, too¡ªjust like everyone else. Maybe I¡¯d been going about this whole immortal-love-or-eternal-sadness thing all wrong. I¡¯d been feeling trapped by the choice between two paths¡ªDavid or Mike¡ªbut it was the confines of my own mind narrowing those choices. I walked a little taller as we reached the parking lot, thankful that Emily was distant and distracted herself, allowing me to escape to my own thoughts. Fate had stepped in and offered me an alternative to eternal blood. But maybe I didn''t have to choose either of them; maybe I could choose to be on my own¡ªto go in a different direction altogether and forget love. Since Mum died, I¡¯d spent so long blaming myself and living with guilt and anguish that I¡¯d forgotten I was a girl of my own rights, and that there was such a thing as choosing how to feel. Like when Dorothy made it home from Oz, she learned that she was never really gone in the first place¡ªthat all the fear and loneliness she felt in that world was in her own mind. I have control over my own life, and I get to choose what it is that breaks me... ¡®Dear diary, Power of choice lasted about as long as it took me to sit in the nook of my window, diary in lap, and look out at the empty night. Emily was heartbroken about David tonight, and I wondered why he hadn¡¯t at least said goodbye to her. She was right. She never did anything to hurt him. He shouldn¡¯t have left her without a goodbye. And her sadness magnified my own, making my sudden epiphany to be independent null and void. Who was I kidding to think I could just get over David and Mike by choosing to be happy on my own?¡¯ I chewed my pen for a second, then rubbed my ankle, warming the icy chill that whistled in under the slightly open pane. Down in the street, with the moonlight hidden behind a dense cloud, cars and trees looked shadowed and intimidating. It seemed eerily still out there, but the familiar feeling of being watched trickled past my reflection, making me hold my breath a little. I wished it were true¡ªthat I was being watched. By David. Except, a part of me was deathly afraid it may be something else¡ªor no one at all. I wasn¡¯t sure which was worse. ¡®I never even leave my window open, anymore¡¯, I continued, ¡®I don¡¯t want the fresh air, and I¡¯m also a little afraid David¡¯s creepy brother might visit me in my sleep again. That freaks me out beyond words.¡¯ A loud crack outside startled me, and a bright flash turned my legs white for a second. I froze, unable to inch the window closed so the menacing storm wouldn¡¯t notice me here. It grew in the sky above me, rolling in over the tops of the trees, carrying every fear, every tear I ever cried, surrounding me, cornering me in this tiny little space, only half covered by glass. Then, in a second attempt to demonstrate its power, the thunder ricocheted off the distant horizon with a sharp snap, receding to a dense growl. And I believed it, submitting to the taut being it demanded I become. I thought it had passed¡ªmy fear of storms. I¡¯d tried so hard, for so long, to grow up and get over it, and only a few weeks ago I thought I¡¯d succeeded, but it seemed that every time something broke in my heart or my life, so crumbled that pillar of strength I thought I¡¯d built. I looked across my room to my door, knowing Mike would be out there¡ªawake, waiting for me. But he wouldn¡¯t always be there to comfort me through these thundery spells, unless I went with him to Perth. If I stayed, I¡¯d have to learn to wait out the storms, alone¡ªfind a way to live while they raged on. I leaned my back against the wall and let thought consume my expression for a moment. The call of the storm howled outside, but inside, my heart battled with my mind, stirring the force of a hurricane, waking my vault of indecision again, opening the overly-traversed door of Mike versus David. When the next crack of thunder hit, though, I decided then and there that none of it mattered right now. Safety. Warmth. Hiding from that storm was all that mattered. That was all. I ditched my diary and ran, a something¡¯s-going-to-grab-my-ankle kind of fear moving my feet. But my heart jumped a beat of relief when I looked across the dark, empty corridor to see Mike¡¯s door open. I leaped toward his bed¡ªwithout touching his floor, and fell into him. ¡°Hey. There you are.¡± He wrapped his arm around me as I snuggled up as close as physically possible to his bare chest. ¡°I was wondering how long it¡¯d take you to come in here.¡± His voice sounded so light. I could tell he was laughing at me. But I didn¡¯t care; I just needed to feel his arms around me¡ªneeded to feel him. ¡°I¡¯m sorry, Mike. I¡ª¡± ¡°Shh, don¡¯t be sorry, baby. I was actually hoping you¡¯d come in.¡± ¡°You were?¡± ¡°Why do you think I left my door open?¡± I smiled, listening to each beat of his heart come as reliably as the next, letting my shoulders drop as Mike stroked my head, easing away the knot in my stomach. ¡°Thanks, Mike.¡± ¡°Any time.¡± And I knew that was the truth, more than an automated statement. Just like every moment in the past, Mike had and would always be there to comfort me through the storm. ¡°Hey, Mike?¡± ¡°Yeah, baby?¡± ¡°Do you remember the year I told my mum I was too old to be afraid of storms?¡± ¡°Yeah.¡± He laughed. ¡°I¡¯m not sure if she actually believed you or just wanted to believe you.¡± I snuggled my face into his skin. ¡°I think she knew the truth.¡± ¡°I knew the truth.¡± ¡°I know you did.¡± ¡°Yet you always freaked out when I tapped on your window during a storm,¡± he mused. ¡°Of course I did. How scary do you think it is to completely believe The Bogeyman comes out to get you in the thunder, and then see a face outside your window?¡± He laughed loudly. ¡°But you knew it¡¯d just be me.¡± ¡°Yeah. After a while, anyway.¡± I closed my eyes and let myself remember laying with him¡ªin his arms, safe and happy all those nights. ¡°Mike?¡± I whispered. ¡°Yeah?¡± ¡°I¡­I.¡± He laughed and kissed the top of my head. ¡°I know, baby. I know you¡¯re scared.¡± ¡°No¡ª¡± ¡°Ara, baby, we¡¯ll talk in the morning. It¡¯s after midnight¡ªgo to sleep.¡± I swallowed my courage and stuffed the words I love you back down where I¡¯d stored them all these years, then closed my eyes and let Mike¡¯s heartbeat take me away to the peace and silence of dreamland. A songbird announced the arrival of morning, waking my mind from the best sleep it¡¯d found in ages. I inched one eye open, blinded by the glare of sunlight streaming in¡ªits soft, yellow glow making me smile because, finally, the rain had passed. If I could sleep like that every night, I¡¯d make it my occupation to go to bed. But the bed moved under me, rising softly before warm, moist lips touched my brow. I pushed up onto my hands and knees. ¡°Mike!¡± ¡°Hey, princess. You slept well,¡± he noted. ¡°Yeah.¡± I rubbed my face, checking to see if his door was shut. It was. ¡°I did, actually.¡± ¡°You okay?¡± I blinked a few extra times to focus properly on the way the morning seemed to make his skin look like honey and his eyes as warm as hot cocoa. He was very beautiful in the morning. ¡°Um, yeah. I¡¯m sorry. I didn¡¯t mean to fall asleep in your bed.¡± He laughed, shaking his head, then just looked at me for a few seconds. ¡°And I¡¯m sorry it doesn¡¯t storm like that every night.¡± My cheeks lifted first, forcing my lips to follow. ¡°Come here.¡± He placed a hand on my shoulder and tugged. My muscles were so stiff that I slumped down heavily on his bare chest, and every inch of skin that wasn¡¯t covered by my tank top touched his, making me shiver inside¡ªa good shiver. ¡°Why did you keep me last night, Mike?¡± ¡°Are you kidding?¡± His arms tightened around me for a second. ¡°You snuggled up so close to me, Ara, with your face and your soft breath over my chest. Why on earth would I put you back in your room?¡± ¡°Because I¡¯m not yours.¡± ¡°So you keep telling me, but yet...¡± He motioned down at my hand over his heart. ¡°What time is it?¡± I asked, moving my hand onto his stomach. ¡°Um¡ª¡± He stretched his arm out around my back and looked at his watch, forcing me closer. I liked this closeness. ¡°Midday.¡± ¡°Midday?¡± ¡°Wait a sec.¡± He grabbed my arm as I leaped for the side of the bed. ¡°You stay. I¡¯ll get breakfast. Well, brunch now, I suppose.¡± He grinned, and his unshaven, sandy-brown stubble did nothing to hide the sexy indent in his cheek¡ªnot even a little bit. As he gently pushed me back onto the pillows, everything from my heart down went numb. His soft, partially open lips came toward me so slowly that I closed my eyes and held my breath, waiting for them to touch mine. But, he kissed my forehead and walked out the door, leaving me breathless. I rubbed at my face, as if maybe I could chafe off some of my awkwardness. I wasn¡¯t sure I¡¯d ever get this boy thing right. I don¡¯t know, maybe I¡¯d just waited too long to have him kiss me and now I was plotting scenes in my mind that were completely opposite to what was going on the real world. For all I knew, he hadn¡¯t even woken up beside me this morning. I could be in my own bed right now and not even know it. Spreading the covers out neatly over my ribs, I drew a deep breath of the morning, smelling the warm scent of toast beneath it. Mike would come back up soon. I needed to compose myself. I cupped my hand and blew into it, nodding with approval when my breath came back scentless, then knotted my fingers through my hair in a desperate attempt to tidy my probably very haggard appearance. Okay, so that wasn¡¯t composure. But I¡¯d been crazy over Mike for so long. I wanted him to come back up those stairs and look at me like I was the only girl in the world, then take me in his arms and kiss me¡ªon the lips. Not the forehead. ¡°What ya thinkin¡¯ ¡®bout?¡± Mike asked, leaning against the door with a tray in hand. ¡°You.¡± ¡°I hope so. From the look on your face, you like whatever you were thinking about.¡± ¡°Maybe I do; maybe I don¡¯t.¡± I tried not to grin. He rested the tray on the foot of the bed and his homely smile set my heart racing like¡ªlike I was the only girl in the world. ¡°Where are you, right now?¡± he said softly. I came back to my own head, smiling sheepishly. ¡°Sorry. Did I faze out again?¡± ¡°Uh, yeah,¡± he scoffed. ¡°Just a bit.¡± ¡°Sorry.¡± ¡°What were you thinking?¡± I hesitated. ¡°I probably shouldn¡¯t say.¡± Mike wiped his hand across his mouth, then laughed once; a short, breathy laugh. ¡°Okay, well, that¡¯s a good sign, right?¡± I nodded, half shrugging. ¡°But¡­¡± He patted my leg through the covers. ¡°You don¡¯t think straight when you¡¯re hungry. So, I''m not gonna read into that too deeply.¡± ¡°What, you think I''m delusional?¡± ¡°God, I hope not,¡± he said in a breath, sitting down beside me. I bit my lip. He knew too well what I¡¯d been thinking¡ªhe didn''t need to be like David to be in my head, which was as comforting as it was¡­awkward. ¡°Here.¡± He passed me a plate and I swapped my lip for toast; the peanut butter swirled around on my tongue with the jelly at the prefect consistency; it didn¡¯t even stick to the roof of my mouth. ¡°Mmm. You¡¯ve always been the best at making toast.¡± ¡°Must be the chef in me,¡± he joked. ¡°So, if the chef in you makes good toast, what can the cop in you do?¡± Oh, that was suggestive, Ara. ¡°I could arrest you? For dangerously good looks.¡± I choked on the toast for a second, nearly losing it out my nose. ¡°That¡¯s the worst joke I¡¯ve heard in ages.¡± Mike chuckled. ¡°So, I¡¯m still king, then¡ªof bad jokes?¡± ¡°Right? I forgot about that,¡± I mused. ¡°No one here gets it. They think you¡¯re just trying to be funny and not succeeding.¡± ¡°Don¡¯t worry. I get ya.¡± His teeth showed with his gentle smile. ¡°You always did. So¡ªif you¡¯re king, I¡¯m queen, then?¡± ¡°Pardon the bad joke again, but...¡± He leaned forward and stroked my cheek in a melodramatic fashion. ¡°You¡¯ve always been my queen.¡± The rumble in the back of my throat couldn¡¯t decide if it was laughter or a giant scoff. ¡°Yeah, that was a pretty terrible joke.¡± Page 81 ¡°Maybe I wasn¡¯t joking,¡± he said suggestively.Advertisement ¡°What does that mean?¡± ¡°I mean¡ª¡± ¡°Wait.¡± I sat up a little further and reluctantly put the yummy toast down as a full speed rant shot off from the starting line. ¡°Don¡¯t bother saying it. I already know but, Mike, you keep playing this game with me¡ªsaying you¡¯re in love with me, but you touch me and pull away, or you say things to my dad that make me think I¡¯m imagining all this, and when we¡¯re alone, you¡ªit¡¯s like you pretend we¡¯re together and then remind yourself that we¡¯re not. Why? Why do you do that if you want me? Why do you keep confusing me, Mike? I can¡¯t do this. I can¡¯t be the girl that takes charge and makes the first move. I¡¯ll never be that girl. If you want me, you have to make it clearer than this. You have to be consistent.¡± ¡°Ara?¡± Mike frowned, surprised. ¡°Where¡¯s this coming from, baby? What¡¯s wrong?¡± ¡°This is what¡¯s wrong. Us,¡± I yelled and tried to stand, but he took my hand and pulled me back down, grinning. ¡°Are you saying that...you love me?¡± ¡°You know I do¡ªotherwise I would¡¯ve told you already that I don¡¯t.¡± I lowered my head. ¡°Holy shit.¡± He sat back, his lips parting as he stared at nothing. ¡°Shit. You¡¯re serious?¡± ¡°You thought otherwise?¡± ¡°I¡­¡± He looked at me then, rubbing his brow. ¡°I wasn¡¯t sure anymore, Ara. I thought maybe¡ª¡± He shook his head. ¡°It doesn¡¯t matter, but¡­I just can¡¯t believe it. You have no idea how long I¡¯ve waited to hear you say that. I just don¡¯t even know what¡­I just¡­¡± ¡°You didn¡¯t answer my question.¡± ¡°Question?¡± ¡°Why did you tell my dad you don¡¯t want me?¡± ¡°Baby, I¡ªI never said anything to your dad about not wanting you. What¡¯re you¡ªwhen was this?¡± ¡°The other day, when you said that thing about going home¡­alone. I don¡¯t do long distance relationships, Mike¡ªthey don¡¯t work.¡± Even though I¡¯d love David from afar for the rest of my life. ¡°Ara, I didn¡¯t mean that. I was...¡± He looked frustrated. ¡°As if I was going to tell your dad I¡¯d asked you to come home with me. He¡¯d have pulled out his shotgun right then.¡± My eyes narrowed with an insistent smile. ¡°True. I suppose.¡± ¡°Ara, I want you. You know that. I¡­I want nothing more than for you to come home with me.¡± He looked at me for a long moment. ¡°And¡­you know I¡¯d look after you, right?¡± He would. He¡¯d take very good care of me; love me, protect me, and I¡¯d never want for anything. ¡°I know,¡± I said softly. ¡°Then¡­come with me.¡± He took my hand, his gentle touch littered with hope. ¡°You could finish school, go to uni¡ªbe a teacher¡ªlike you always planned?¡± ¡°Mike?¡± ¡°Please. Don¡¯t say anything now. Not if you¡¯re going to say no. Just¡ª¡± He paused, releasing a really deep, tense breath, then looked away¡ªfar away to where his thoughts were on the other side of the window. ¡°Whatever you choose? I already decided I can¡¯t go back¡ªnot without you.¡± A warm grin lit his face then. ¡°If you stay, I stay.¡± The little fold between my brows tightened. ¡°What about your career?¡± ¡°Ara, you¡¯re the love of my life.¡± He took both my hands. ¡°What would my career mean to me if I didn''t have you? God, I only joined because I thought I¡¯d lost you.¡± ¡°Lost me?¡± He sighed and looked down; sad Mike. ¡°When you moved away¡ªwhen you refused to even speak to me¡ªI figured you hated me. And¡­I don''t know, I guess I decided that if I didn''t have you to look after, I¡¯d be a perfect candidate to risk my own life, because it¡¯d be worth nothing.¡± ¡°Mike? What a horrid thing to say.¡± ¡°I know. I''m sorry. It¡­it wasn¡¯t like a suicide mission or anything. But, I could¡¯ve joined tactical six months ago. I chose not to because I didn''t want to leave you alone if anything ever happened to me.¡± Mike¡¯s eyes softened as they scanned my cheeks and my lips. ¡°When you told me you fell in love with David, I¡ªI died inside, Ara. I thought everything was lost. So, if I have to give up Tactical to stay here and be with you for the rest of my life, it doesn''t even need a second thought. All I ever wanted was you.¡± ¡°So you¡¯d move here? Throw it all away? What would you do for a job?¡± My voice of reason challenged. ¡°I¡¯ll be fine. I used to be a chef, remember? I can get work anywhere.¡± ¡°But you¡¯d need a working visa.¡± ¡°Or¡ª¡± He took my hands again and looked into me with those charming, caramel-colour eyes, melting my heart like maple syrup on pancakes. ¡°Or, we could get married. You¡¯re an American citizen now, right?¡± His tone softened on the end into a shrug of his shoulder. ¡°You¡¯re never getting married. Remember? You hate weddings.¡± I laughed. ¡°No.¡± He shook his head. ¡°I said I wouldn¡¯t get married until I found the right girl.¡± ¡°But you¡¯d only be marrying me for a visa.¡± ¡°Oh, come on, Ara.¡± He brushed a quick hand through his hair. ¡°I was using it as a line to open that door. I¡¯ve bloody been trying to cough out a proposal since the first day I got here.¡± Holy crap! ¡°Why didn''t you just ask me?¡± I played neutral, concealing the little girl inside me who was jumping up and down, throwing confetti. ¡°Because you would¡¯ve said no.¡± ¡°You don''t know that.¡± ¡°I didn''t wanna risk it, Ar. I uh¡­I don¡¯t take rejection as well as I¡¯d like to think I do.¡± We both laughed softly. Then, he inched closer, and the serious Mike I¡¯d come to know more recently slipped into place. ¡°All I¡¯ve been waiting on is you¡ªfor you to realise you love me, and then, that night, when I didn¡¯t kiss you¡ª¡± I looked away, feeling the pain of the night I lost my mother etching into my heart. Mike hooked a finger under my chin and pulled my face toward his. His lips were so close I could smell the peanut butter on his breath. It smelled nice. ¡°You took me by surprise, Ara. It was all I¡¯d ever wanted, you know? I¡¯d imagined it so many times and, when it finally happened, I acted like a damn fool. And I lost you. I had to accept that you were being dragged away from me, had to accept that you wouldn¡¯t even speak to me, and then, worse, had to break apart hearing you speak about loving another guy. Do you know how hard it was for me to play the supporting friend, when all I wanted to do was coax your naive little mind into believing he didn''t want you?¡± ¡°Why didn''t you?¡± ¡°Because I love you.¡± He squeezed my hands. ¡°I wanted you to be happy, and you sounded happy with him. But¡­I don''t know now, Ara. I''m glad he¡¯s gone, because, all I''ve seen so far is the damage he''s done to you.¡± I rubbed my hand over my neck. ¡°It wasn¡¯t like that, you know. He loved me.¡± Mike nodded. ¡°I know.¡± ¡°Do you?¡± I asked conceitedly. ¡°Yes, I do. I uh¡ª¡± He scratched his brow. ¡°I have a confession to make.¡± ¡°Uh-oh.¡± His shoulders dropped. ¡°I stole David¡¯s number from your phone and¡­I called him.¡± ¡°What? Why?¡± His arched brow gave half the answer. ¡°Come on, Ara. Why do you think? I¡¯m not stupid. I¡¯ve watched you pretending to be happy, but I knew there was something up with you. I¡¯ve known you all your life. I knew he was hurting you. And I was afraid he might be one of those controlling types; you know, who makes you feel like you need him to feel good about yourself.¡± ¡°Mike? He¡¯s so not like¡ª¡± ¡°I know.¡± He smiled and flattened my frown with his thumb. ¡°He¡¯s a decent guy, Ara.¡± ¡°So, when you talked to him,¡± I asked delicately, ¡°like, what...what did he say?¡± ¡°He told me he¡¯s leaving¡ªthat you couldn¡¯t be together. He told me you wanted a family one day and a normal life, but he couldn¡¯t give you that.¡± ¡°So¡ª¡± his words echoed in my mind, ¡°¡ªhe...what, he told you to have me?¡± ¡°It wasn¡¯t like that, Ar.¡± Mike rolled his head to one side. ¡°He just said he knows I¡¯ll make you happy and that¡¯s all he ever wanted for you.¡± David gave me away? ¡°Please don¡¯t be mad, Ara.¡± Mad? I wasn''t mad that he called David. I felt hurt that he knew everything¡ªembarrassed, but it wasn¡¯t Mike¡¯s fault. It was so like him to do this. He was my protector¡ªhe always had been. My best friend. My Zorro. ¡°I''m not mad at you, Mike. Okay?¡± ¡°Well, don''t be mad at David, either, baby.¡± His fingers tightened over my hand. ¡°He just wants you to have a¡ªa normal life.¡± ¡°And you think you can give me that?¡± ¡°Ara, I¡¯ll give you everything. I¡¯ll be whatever you want me to be. I¡¯ll be a husband, a father to our children, a provider, a protector, but most of all, Ara, if you say you¡¯ll marry me, I will love you¡ªmore than anyone has ever been loved in the history of mankind, and I will devote every breath I take to being the best husband you could ever have.¡± ¡°But what about what you want, Mike? I don¡¯t want you to be what I want. I want you to be happy, too. I mean, do you even want children?¡± We¡¯d never discussed that. Mike was good with kids¡ªhe always adored Harry, but never spoke of wanting a family. He took a breath, lifting his shoulders as he did. ¡°All I ever wanted was you, baby girl¡ªa thousand times over and every day for the rest of my existence. I¡¯ve never really thought about kids before.¡± I nodded, looking down at my fingers. ¡°But¡­¡± His gaze settled on my belly, lost in a smile. ¡°But?¡± I said. ¡°If I could place a piece of myself inside of you and¡ª¡± he lifted my top and traced little circles around my navel, ¡°¡ªand that would grow, and become something so beautiful as life¡ªa life that¡¯s a part of you and me, combined? I can¡¯t imagine something more magical. So, yes.¡± He broke eye contact for a second and reached into his nightstand, closing the drawer with his pinkie after. ¡°I want to have babies¡ªwith you. I want a hundred little dark-haired, blue-eyed babies running around, and you and me, we¡¯ll be together. We¡¯ll have each other. Always. That¡¯s what I want.¡± The breath I finally released quivered its way out. ¡°Please?¡± Mike slipped off the bed and knelt in front of me, lifting the lid just a fraction on a small purple box. ¡°Make me the happiest man on the planet, Ara. Marry me.¡± Every flower that once was dead bloomed within my heart, and the ashes of my soul circled in on the breeze, finding breath, light among the darkness. I looked into the small box, and a red blossom shimmered back; a ruby rose, with two emeralds on either side. A promise in the shape of life, disguised as the colour of blood¡ªa colour so exquisite in the shadowed parts of my broken past that it cast a spotlight on the door to a future I thought was gone¡ªa door that opened by the key of one word. Mike and I belonged together; we were two souls from the same world. But my heart¡­would it always truly belong to David? ¡°Yes,¡± I whispered so quietly that Mike¡¯s eyes focused on my lips. ¡°Did you just say yes?¡± ¡°Yes. I...yeah, I did.¡± I could feel the light sparkling off my tears. ¡°Seriously?¡± ¡°Yeah, seriously.¡± I bit my lip. Mike laughed, his shaky fingers removing the ring from the box, holding it to the tip of my nail. ¡°I¡­I have a speech.¡± ¡°A speech?¡± His cheeks and forehead went pink. ¡°Yeah, I uh¡­I kinda planned this for a while.¡± I shrugged, smiling widely. ¡°Let¡¯s hear it then.¡± He cleared the awkwardness from the back of his throat, holding my fingers firmly¡ªalmost unintentionally too tight. ¡°I designed this for you, because any other stone, any other ring would never have been perfect enough to tell you how much I love you; how you¡¯re a part of everything I am, and how no matter what I see in the world, I will never see anything that is quite as delicate and perfect and sparkling as you. You¡¯re my girl.¡± He pointed to the ruby stone. ¡°My beautiful rose.¡± The ring slid perfectly into place on my finger¡ªfitting like the way Mike fit me, like we were made to go together. I smoothed my fingertip around the gold. ¡°It¡¯s perfect, Mike.¡± ¡°I know.¡± The corners of his eyes softened and he grinned, running his fingers along my forearms, bringing them to rest just on the backs of my elbows. As I parted my legs and let him kneel between them, my confident, womanising best friend became a little rigid, jittery, I suppose¡ªwith a kind of schoolboy awkwardness I¡¯d never seen in him before. ¡°What¡¯re you thinking, Mike?¡± ¡°Nothing,¡± he said, but his eyes held the smile of poorly concealed thoughts. ¡°Liar.¡± He looked away, seemingly lost for words. ¡°Sorry. It¡¯s just...I¡¯ve never felt this way before. About anyone. Not like this. I¡ªI just don¡¯t know what to do with you.¡± Page 82 ¡°You could...¡± I swallowed, trying to force down the rising heat in my cheeks. ¡°You could kiss me. That¡¯s always a start.¡±Advertisement But he laughed at me instead. ¡°I want to...kiss you. So bad it¡¯s actually causing pain in my chest. But I just don¡¯t wanna get it all wrong.¡± ¡°Mike?¡± I pulled his face toward me and closed my eyes tight. He smelled so fresh and sexy¡ªa vibrant, musky cologne. I just wanted to press my face into his neck and breathe him in. ¡°What can a kiss hurt?¡± ¡°Everything. I¡¯ll go too far. I won¡¯t be able to stop. My knees are shaking, baby¡ª¡± He laughed and looked down. ¡°I¡¯ve wanted this for too long. It¡¯s taking everything in me right now not to throw you on the bed and tear off your clothes.¡± He chuckled, but stopped, a frown blending with his smile. ¡°I probably shouldn¡¯t have said that.¡± ¡°Mike. Just shut up and kiss me.¡± He looked down into my lap, his shoulders sinking. ¡°What¡¯s wrong?¡± I made him look at me. ¡°Your dad¡¯s not home¡ªneither is Vicki.¡± ¡°And?¡± ¡°And, I¡­¡± He scrunched my shorts up in his fist. ¡°I''m afraid I might want more of you than I should take.¡± My lips split into a perfect grin. ¡°Good.¡± The breath he was obviously holding burst out of him. ¡°Oh, baby. Don''t say things like that to a guy who¡¯s trying not to seduce you.¡± ¡°You just asked me to marry you¡ªthat goes beyond seduction.¡± ¡°No.¡± He shook his head, moving out from between my legs to sit beside me. ¡°That¡¯s even more of a reason I should be careful with you, Ara. You¡¯re so young and so full of life. I know you want this, baby. I know you¡¯ll ask me to¡­you know¡­¡± He nodded toward me, hinting the obvious. ¡°I would. So what?¡± ¡°So, you¡¯re seventeen, girl. Wait a few years, at least until we¡¯re married.¡± ¡°Oh, God.¡± I rolled my face into my hand. ¡°Not you too.¡± ¡°What?¡± ¡°Did David put you up to this?¡± ¡°To what?¡± ¡°This no sex before marriage rule?¡± Mike grinned. ¡°He¡ªhe refused you?¡± My shoulders dropped. ¡°So, you¡¯re¡ªyou¡¯re still a¡­?¡± ¡°Virgin?¡± My neck jutted forward with incredulity. ¡°Yes, Mike. Oh my God. I can''t believe you asked that. And I already told you, at the airport, that I hadn¡¯t¡­you know.¡± ¡°I''m sorry, baby, I didn''t believe you.¡± He shrugged, hands out, looking ultimately innocent and sweet. By the time my infuriation simmered and I looked over at him, he was shaking his head, smiling down at his lap. ¡°What?¡± I said. ¡°I¡­I always wanted to be your first.¡± His glittering grin infected my scowl, making me smile. ¡°Well, you could¡­you know, you could do it now.¡± He shook his head, sliding closer, taking my hand. ¡°No way. You are the only girl left on this planet that still has her innocence. There is no way I''m taking that from you until we have officially tied the knot. We¡¯re gonna do this the right way, Ara.¡± I huffed. ¡°I''m human, you know.¡± ¡°And?¡± ¡°And I''m¡ª¡± I bounced my feet a few times, feeling the heat rise within me. ¡°I''m¡­I want it, Mike.¡± ¡°Oh, baby, I know, but it¡¯d be your first time. Why not just wait, just a bit. Wait ¡®til we¡¯re back home, in a place we both feel comfortable, so I can take my time with you¡ª¡± His imagination spilled ideas across his face, ¡°¡ªenjoy the first time we get to be naked together; touch you slowly, kiss you in places I only ever dreamed of.¡± I took a quivering breath and moved his hand closer to the apex of my thighs, keeping my fingers twined in his so it seemed like an innocent gesture. He caught on though, and pulled our hands back toward my knees. ¡°You¡¯re really going to hold firm to this, aren''t you?¡± I said. He nodded. ¡°It¡¯s not easy. But, you¡¯ll thank me one day, baby.¡± ¡°Always the upstanding citizen, never the bad boy.¡± ¡°I¡¯ve done the bad boy thing, Ara, with a lot of girls,¡± he said; we both laughed. ¡°I never respected or loved any one of them, okay? But I love you, and out of respect for you, and for your father, I am not going to have your innocence when you''re seventeen, before we get married, in your dad¡¯s house, while he¡¯s at work, earning money to care for you. Okay, so, stop breathing like that and stop moving closer.¡± He grinned. I bit my teeth together and pulled my hand from his so I could fold my arms. Mike just laughed at me. ¡°Don''t be such a baby. It¡¯s not the end of the world.¡± ¡°It¡¯s not the end of the world if we make love, either. It¡¯s not like you¡¯re going to eat me alive.¡± Like my last boyfriend. ¡°You mean like the last guy who put his mouth on you?¡± Mike laughed; I looked up at him quickly, then touched my hand to the aged bruising on my neck again. ¡°Not funny, Mike.¡± ¡°No, it¡¯s not.¡± But he kept laughing anyway. ¡°So, what now then?¡± ¡°Now?¡± He touched my face and turned it toward him. ¡°Now, I''m going to kiss you.¡± ¡°Oh. Okay.¡± ¡°Finally.¡± ¡°Finally.¡± I grinned, so, so ready. Inch by inch, his face moved closer to mine, his hot breath sweeping my chin. I swallowed and moistened my lips with my tongue¡ªnot daring to breathe, hoping my peanut butter breakfast wasn¡¯t still on my breath. And the smile I gave when Mike tilted his head made him laugh just as our lips touched. Finally touched. He was so warm, so solid, so real. His stubble scratched against my chin, while the air from his nose brushed over my upper lip, but it was perfect¡ªgentle, loving¡ªnot wet or sloppy, like Emily described Spencer¡¯s kiss. He closed his lips around my tender pout, held there for just a second, then pulled slowly away, keeping his eyes closed for a second. We looked at each other and both broke into a smile. ¡°Perfect,¡± he whispered. My body refused to move¡ªeven as he took my rigid hand and ran his thumb over my ring. ¡°Are you happy, Ara?¡± ¡°Yeah.¡± I reached for my locket, dropping my hand when I realised it wasn¡¯t there. ¡°I guess¡­I guess it just sunk in, you know? I¡¯ve kind of been waiting for that kiss since before¡­¡± We both knew what came after ¡®before¡¯. He cupped my face, his sympathetic gaze easing my soul. ¡°It¡¯s all okay now, Ara. We¡¯re gonna be fine. We¡¯ll go home, we¡¯ll get married, and everything will be okay again.¡± I nodded, but my heart sunk. ¡°What is it, baby?¡± ¡°I¡ª¡± I looked at my ring. ¡°Marrying you I''m sure about, but¡­I don''t know if I''m ready to leave Dad, you know. He¡¯s¡ª¡± ¡°He¡¯s your dad.¡± Mike nodded. ¡°I get it. We don''t have to think about that part yet, okay? We¡¯ll figure all that out later.¡± I nodded. ¡°Okay,¡± he said, then kissed my forehead. ¡°Hey, I gotta go tell my dad. He¡¯s gonna be so happy I finally asked you.¡± ¡°Okay.¡± I smiled, sweeping the lingering tear from my eye as Mike leaped off the bed and headed for the door. ¡°Baby?¡± He barely got a step away before turning back and kneeling down in front of me again, taking my hand. ¡°You. Have made me. The happiest man alive.¡± I looked up from our hands and into his smile. ¡°I was sure I¡¯d come here to say goodbye,¡± he said. ¡°I¡ªI was ready to leave with a broken heart, but instead, I¡¯ll be bringing yours home with me.¡± I smiled, even though one part of that story was wrong. I didn''t want to go back to Perth¡ªI wanted to stay here, in New England, where David may one day return. As Mike stood up again and walked away, I twisted the ring around on my finger. It was so delicate that if I knocked it the wrong way I was sure it¡¯d break. I was happy though. ¡°Dad says it¡¯s about time.¡± Mike popped his head around the corner, phone in hand. I grinned at him. ¡°Yes, Dad. I did.¡± He turned away again. ¡°No. Well, I need to be home next week, but we haven¡¯t told Ara¡¯s dad yet.¡± My smile dropped when Mike disappeared down the hall¡ªleaving me alone with my thoughts. What would my dad say? He¡¯d probably make me wait until I turned eighteen¡ªor twenty-one. I knew what my mum would¡¯ve said. She¡¯d be happy. Even though I was young. She would¡¯ve been able to see that I loved him; she would¡¯ve taken me shopping for a dress, and.... I let that thought slip away with the agony it brought. What would David say? After all, he wanted this¡ªhe gave me away. He must¡¯ve known, when he told Mike to have me, that this would happen. I wondered where he was. If he was far away¡ªif he was working in New York, or maybe flying silver planes over pyramids along the Nile. My heart allowed a small smile, thinking of the song he was referring to when he said that. I knew he intended that phrase as a sort of statement. And that made me sad to be wearing an engagement ring to another man. But the next thought was a warm one¡ªa happy one, because Mike¡¯s voice, deep and husky, travelled down the hall and into my ears. I could lay all day and listen to him talking¡ªespecially knowing he¡¯d come back in here after to see me, because I was his world. I looked down at my left hand and traced my fingertip over the ruby. It really was such a pretty ring, and I couldn¡¯t help but to smile at the odd significance of the single red rose. Chapter Thirty A pale blue light filtered between a crack in my curtains, casting shadows of raindrops across my carpet, while memories of David paraded in my mind. The celebration dinner Vicki made for Mike and I tonight kept me distracted until I was tired. But all it did to be distracted was make me realise, even deeper, how hard it was going to get to find things every day that made time pass until I grew old and died. ¡°I dream about you, you know?¡± I whispered, imagining David sitting beside me on the bed. ¡°When I close my eyes, I see your face. Will it ever stop hurting?¡± The apparition shook his head and reached out to touch me, then, like a cloud of steam brushed away by a hand, he vanished. Only a streak of yellow light remained in his place, filtering in from the hallway. I looked up and smiled at Mike, who leaned against the wall with two steaming mugs in his hands. ¡°You awake?¡± he whispered. The clock beside me said midnight. ¡°I am now,¡± I lied. ¡°Sorry, baby. I¡¯ll leave you to sleep.¡± ¡°No. Wait. I¡¯m awake. Please, come in.¡± My feather quilt ruffled as I sat up. He closed the door with his foot and walked through the darkness to my bedside. The cups clinked together on the nightstand, and as my eyes adjusted to the dim light, I noticed his look of concern. ¡°Mike? You okay?¡± ¡°You were quiet tonight¡ªat dinner,¡± he said. ¡°Is something bothering you?¡± ¡°What makes you think there¡¯s something bothering me? Maybe I¡¯m just tired.¡± ¡°Ara, come on. Don¡¯t play games with me. I¡¯m the one person in the world you can say anything to¡ªwithout consequence.¡± He placed the warm mug in my hand, securing my fingers around it before letting go. ¡°Don¡¯t try to lie to me.¡± I sighed and looked down at the creamy layer of warmed milk, forming a white coating of froth in the mug. ¡°I was in love with him, Mike.¡± ¡°David?¡± He nodded after a deep breath, sitting down. ¡°I know. And I know you probably always will be. I do understand that, Ara.¡± ¡°And you¡¯re okay with that?¡± I asked slowly. ¡°Why wouldn¡¯t I be?¡± ¡°Because it¡¯s¡­I mean, how can you want to be with me¡ªknowing I¡¯ll always have another man in my heart?¡± He paused, and thought changed his expression. ¡°Ara, I love you¡ªeverything about you¡ªpast, present, future. He was obviously a big part of your life the last few months and, you know, he kept you safe while I wasn¡¯t here,¡± he said simply. ¡°So, if you always have a place for him in your heart, baby, that¡¯s something I can live with.¡± My eyes filled with liquid. I smiled down at my hot chocolate, then took a sip through my teeth. ¡°You don¡¯t know how happy I am to see this on you.¡± Mike unfolded my ring hand from the cup, pressing his thumb firmly to the stone. ¡°I dug it out so many times, practiced my speech, then put it away again.¡± ¡°How long have you had it?¡± ¡°I, uh¡ªI designed it when I was seventeen¡ª¡± He scratched the back of his head. ¡°Ara, I¡¯ve been in love with you for forever. I was just too stupid to do anything about it. So, finally, about a year ago, I took the design to a jeweller and had it made.¡± ¡°A year? God, you are stupid,¡± I scoffed. He sighed a few times, opening his mouth to speak then stopping, until finally, he quietly said, ¡°Your mum said the same thing.¡± ¡°Do you mean Vicki?¡± ¡°No.¡± He smiled. ¡°I mean, yes, Vicki knew about the ring¡ª¡± ¡°Since when?¡± Page 83 ¡°Uh, I told them about a month ago¡ª¡± And suddenly, her strange behaviour toward Mike made so much sense, ¡°¡ªBut, I was talking about your real mum.¡±Advertisement I looked at the ring. ¡°Did she get to see it?¡± He nodded. ¡°She cried.¡± ¡°So, she approved?¡± He laughed. ¡°Of course. She practically had us betrothed from the day you were born, Ara.¡± The soft smile I gave felt nice across my mouth; I liked smiling, especially for my mum. ¡°Well, it¡¯s easily the most immaculate ring I¡¯ve ever seen, Mike. I can¡¯t believe you designed this¡ªfor me.¡± ¡°Well, you¡¯re my beautiful rose.¡± He laughed then¡ªat himself, I think. ¡°Look at me, Mike the poet.¡± ¡°I like poetry. I¡¯ve always been a sucker for a romantic.¡± I placed my cup on the nightstand next to Mike¡¯s. Mike smiled. ¡°Squidge over.¡± I moved to the cold side of the bed, letting him slip beneath my covers, coming to rest my cheek against his ultra warm chest. He felt so different from David; he was bulkier, warmer, and the sound of his heart beating in his chest brought a kind of fear to my own¡ªknowing it could break or stop beating by the smallest, stupidest mistakes. But the humanness of Mike made me feel oddly safe in a way I hadn¡¯t always felt with David. I was comfortable with him¡ªwe matched. Mike was my human match. Mike¡¯s arms relaxed heavily around me, like wearing a bead-filled doorstop as a hug. ¡°Are you excited about the ball?¡± he asked. ¡°Mm-hm.¡± I nodded, drifting away to the sound of his deep, constant breath. This would be my life from now on, and I had to admit, after all the pain, after all the loss and loneliness, it finally felt like I could breathe. A semi-conscious dream stole my eyes to the images in the back of my mind; I rolled my face up once more to smile at Mike, see what he thought of my dream, but he couldn¡¯t see it, and while that was reassuring in a way, it also made me feel a little¡­lonely. I slipped back into my dream, walking down a long aisle toward my destiny¡ªtoward Mike. I tried so hard to picture David there in Mike¡¯s place but I couldn¡¯t. It was Mike. It had always been Mike. As I stood beside him, I pulled the red rose from my bouquet and gave it to him. ¡°You don¡¯t need this anymore, Ara.¡± He kissed my lips and let the rose fall to the floor. ¡°Every part of your heat belongs to me now.¡± I watched the red petals hit the ground, then looked up into his smile. ¡°From this day on¡ªfor always,¡± I said. He nodded, reaching for me, and as I rolled my face into his hand, I jumped back with the cold shock of electricity through my cheek, waking to the feel of icy skin and a familiar sweet scent hiding under the shadows of dawn. ¡°David?¡± I whispered. No one replied. I jumped out from the warmth of Mike¡¯s arms and ran for the window, stopping dead, seeing a yellow rose on the windowsill. My ruby ring suddenly felt heavy¡ªalmost as if I was wearing the pain in my soul; I picked up the cold, thornless blossom and pressed it to my nose, spotting my iPod on the sill underneath it. Our lives, every inch of our journey had been mapped out in song on that device¡ªfrom the first time I saw him and fell in love with him, through the days of wondering if he loved me, to the heartache of knowing he only loved me enough to leave me for my own good, and finally, to losing him. It would do me no good to listen to that playlist again, even though I knew that¡¯s what David wanted. But I just couldn¡¯t live my life in the past anymore. I had to find a way to move forward. The street below was desolate and quiet, no sign of David having been or gone. The dawn sky looked cold and grey, like the world was readying itself for rain, and all the streets were empty, the lights still on along the footpath, while a soft red glow outlined the mountains to the east. I looked over at Mike, sleeping peacefully, and drew in the sweet pear scent of the rose once more. Then, as I went to press the Home button on my iPod, noticed a new playlist there, titled ¡°Ara¡±. It only had one song, so I stuffed my earphones in and pressed play; I could move forward tomorrow. Today, I just wanted to be closer to David by thinking about him¡ªpain or none. A delicate piano told a sad story, making my heart ache in the first bar. I pushed open my window, leaning on the frame as the words began; I¡¯d never heard this song before. I knew David liked John Mayer, but he¡¯d never even said which song was his favourite. I wondered why he put this one on my iPod and no other song. And then I listened more carefully to the words, relating instantly to the feeling; falling asleep thinking about the one you love¡ªyour heart so broken because they¡¯re gone. You dream, for a moment, that they¡¯re right beside you¡ªthat everything in the world is finally all right. But the warmth of their hand, the clear memory of their smile dissipates suddenly, destroyed by waking. It almost makes you want to sleep for the rest of your life so you can be together. I checked the title of the song again, smiling. Appropriate. ¡°Dreaming With A Broken Heart.¡± Tiny bumps of chill dotted my belly with the kiss of a cool breeze, and the sun touched the earth just over the horizon, warming everything around me; the treetops became pink and gold, and orange leaves floated softly down to the ground, like autumn snow. I pinched three of the yellow petals from the stem of the rose and held them out over the lip of the window frame; one for my heart; one for my soul; one for eternity. They all belonged to David. Each and every bit of me would always be his¡ªno matter what my dreams may tell me. When the wind swept past my window again, I flicked the petals into the day; they floated up into the air, making circles on the breeze, following the autumn leaves to the old oak tree in the garden, finally resting, with one last kiss from the wind, right on the seat of the swing. ¡°I love you, David. Forever,¡± I whispered into the nothing, reluctantly shutting my window on the stormy wind. A tear rolled down my cheek as I looked up to the sky and saw one, single star sparkling out above the waking world, almost like it was David watching over me. ¡°Make a wish.¡± Strong arms wrapped my waist from behind. ¡°I don¡¯t believe in wishes anymore, Mike.¡± ¡°Well, I¡¯ll make one for you, then.¡± He squeezed me tighter, then crossed his heart. ¡°What did you wish?¡± I asked. ¡°Can¡¯t tell you. It won¡¯t come true.¡± He pressed his hands to my waist and turned me around, slowly plucking my earphones from my ears. ¡°Why are you crying, baby girl?¡± I sniffed back the runny liquid in my nose. ¡°So much has happened. Everything¡¯s changing for me now, Mike. Sometimes, I feel like I¡¯m losing control of it all¡ªlike it just goes too fast.¡± ¡°It does go fast, princess,¡± he said; I looked down. ¡°But, that¡¯s why you¡¯ve got to make the most of every day. To love whole-heartedly¡ª¡± he kissed my forehead, ¡°¡ªto laugh at stupid jokes¡ª¡± he kissed my nose, ¡°¡ªand to find the good in every moment; happy or sad or difficult.¡± He pulled back for a second as he moved in to kiss my lips and added one more thing, ¡°And I¡¯m going to be here to do it all with you. For the rest of our lives.¡± I closed my eyes, nodding. ¡°I love you, Mike.¡± My phone forced me to get up off my back, leave my comfy pillow behind and wander across to my desk. ¡°Hello?¡± ¡°Hey, Ara.¡± ¡°Hi, Em. What¡¯s up?¡± ¡°Um. I need you to do me a favour.¡± ¡°Sure. Anything,¡± I said, peeling the curtain back with my fingertip, looking down over the evening. ¡°I¡­I kind of need you to tell Spencer I can¡¯t go to the ball.¡± ¡°What!¡± I screeched. ¡°Why can¡¯t you go¡ªand why can¡¯t you tell Spence yourself?¡± ¡°He¡­well¡­I was kind of going to get you to tell him I have laryngitis.¡± ¡°Why?¡± ¡°I didn¡¯t want to tell him I can¡¯t go. I just¡­I think I might cry.¡± ¡°Em, I don¡¯t get it. Why aren¡¯t you going?¡± ¡°I haven¡¯t got a dress, Ara.¡± She started crying. ¡°And I don¡¯t even have anything old in my wardrobe. My mom cleaned everything out a few months ago and donated it all to charity.¡± ¡°Oh, Em.¡± ¡°I only have this ugly red thing that I wore when I was twelve. And I can¡¯t go to the ball in a dress that short, either. I¡¯ll look like a hussy.¡± ¡°Ara?¡± Sam said, popping his head around the wall. ¡°Hang on, Em.¡± I looked over at Sam, covering the mouthpiece of the phone. ¡°What are you doing in my wardrobe?¡± ¡°Can I borrow your hair gel?¡± I raised a brow at him. ¡°Why?¡± He stepped into my room, grinning. ¡°I got a date tonight.¡± ¡°A date?¡± I smirked. ¡°Yeah. Can I use it or not?¡± ¡°Fine. But shut that bathroom door. I¡¯m talking girl stuff.¡± He walked off, starting up the hairdryer in the bathroom, but didn¡¯t shut the door. ¡°Argh. Sorry, Em. Pest control.¡± She laughed. I walked into my wardrobe and glared at Sam through the bathroom mirror. ¡°I told you to shut this door.¡± He shrugged. ¡°So shut it.¡± ¡°Argh!¡± I slammed it behind me and stormed out of my wardrobe, but a flash of blue fabric on the hook caught my eye, and as I thought back to the night David forced me to accept that dress, an epiphany hit me like a rock in the head. ¡°Oh my God. Em!¡± ¡°Still here.¡± ¡°Come over. Right now. I have a dress for you.¡± She didn¡¯t even get to say anything. I hung up the phone and ran downstairs to wait for her, opening the door seven minutes later to a solemn-looking Emily. ¡°Hi,¡± she said. I gave her a hug, and she smiled as she pulled away¡ªbut not at me. ¡°Hey, girls,¡± Mike said, sitting on the stairs behind me. ¡°Hi, Mike,¡± Emily said, her cheeks going pink. ¡°You back for another shaking?¡± he joked. ¡°I¡¯ll pass,¡± she said sheepishly. ¡°You know, you look kind of different when you¡¯re not mad with worry.¡± Mike laughed. ¡°Yeah, guess it¡¯s easier to see my face when I¡¯m not towering over you, badgering for information on missing girls.¡± He cast a raised brow my way. Emily giggled. ¡°It was okay. You didn¡¯t actually shake me.¡± ¡°Okay, enough small talk.¡± I grabbed Em¡¯s hand. ¡°Come see your dress.¡± Mike laughed as we rushed past him, then slammed my bedroom door behind us. ¡°Now, close your eyes¡ªand stay here.¡± I held out a warning finger. ¡°Can''t go far with my eyes closed,¡± she said. I left her by my bed while I ran to the wardrobe to get the green dress, and came back, holding it against my body. ¡°Okay. You can look.¡± Emily¡¯s eyes lit up and her mouth popped open as she ran toward me¡ªwell, to the dress. ¡°Oh, my God, Ara. This is perfect. Where did you get this?¡± ¡°Had it for ages.¡± I shrugged. ¡°Can I try it on?¡± ¡°Of course, dummy, that¡¯s why I asked you over. Here.¡± I handed her the dress and directed her to my wardrobe. ¡°I hope it fits.¡± ¡°It looks like it will,¡± she said, her voice muffled under a shirt or something. ¡°Yeah, we¡¯re the same size, so it should be fine.¡± ¡°I can¡¯t thank you enough for this, Ara. I just haven¡¯t found anything I love enough to wear, but I think this¡ª¡± She stepped out and her beauty struck me. ¡°Might do?¡± ¡°Emily?¡± I couldn¡¯t help but to rush over and hug her. ¡°How perfect is this on you¡ªoh my God!¡± She readjusted the shoestring strap on her shoulder and spun slowly to show the low back, scooping down just past the purple cotton undies she had on today, while the shimmering emerald green hugged her curves, making her skin look like liquid satin. ¡°I hate you, you know.¡± I sighed enviously, folding my arms. ¡°It never looked that good on me.¡± ¡°Aw, I¡¯m sorry, Ara. But I do love it,¡± she said. ¡°Well, then, it¡¯s yours.¡± ¡°Mine? Ara, I can¡¯t¡ª¡± ¡°Yes, you can. I want you to have it. It was¡ª¡± I shook my head, looking for the right words ¡°¡ªmeant for you.¡± ¡°Thank you.¡± She reached out; I hugged her again. ¡°I¡¯m so glad we¡¯re friends.¡± ¡°Me too. Come on¡ª¡± I took her hand, leading her to the door, ¡°¡ªwe have to show Mike.¡± ¡°Wait.¡± She pulled back a little. ¡°Are...are you sure it looks good? I mean¡ª¡± ¡°Em. It¡¯s great. Stop worrying.¡± I stuck my head around the corner. ¡°Mike?¡± ¡°Yeah?¡± He flashed a really sexy grin, stopping just as he was headed down the stairs. ¡°What¡¯d you think?¡± When I pulled Emily around the corner, Mike tilted his head to one side. ¡°Wow. Yeah, that¡¯s a great dress. Do a spin,¡± he said, twirling his finger in the air. Emily spun around. ¡°I don¡¯t know, Ara. Perhaps I¡¯m marrying the wrong girl.¡± Emily¡¯s head whipped up; she looked at me, her mouth falling open. ¡°Marrying? Did he say marrying?¡± I shot a death glare at Mike. ¡°Um, yeah. We¡¯re¡­Mike asked me to marry him,¡± I said, fraying my fingers to show my ring. Page 84 ¡°Oh my God,¡± Emily squealed, grabbing my hand; Mike rubbed his ear with his finger. ¡°When did this happen?¡±Advertisement ¡°Yesterday.¡± ¡°Wow.¡± She pressed both thumbs to my ruby, becoming seemingly smaller from the shoulders down. ¡°And¡­what about David?¡± ¡°Um¡ª¡± ¡°He¡¯s¡ªout of the picture,¡± Mike said softly, but very politely. Emily¡¯s eyes screamed her true thoughts. ¡°Well, that¡¯s just, like, so great, Ara. I¡¯m so happy for you two.¡± ¡°I¡¯m just gonna¡­¡± Mike jerked his thumb toward the stairs and walked a few steps backward before fleeing with the speed of a man in trouble. Oh, wait¡ªhe was in trouble! ¡°Emily?¡± I closed my bedroom door, then spun around to look at her. ¡°What¡¯s wrong?¡± ¡°What have you done?¡± her voice trembled. ¡°I already told you, Em.¡± I sat on the bed, shifting Emily¡¯s jacket out of the way. ¡°David and I broke up. Why are you so surprised?¡± ¡°Because, you were supposed to meet again one day, on a windy autumn morning, and fall in love all over again. Not go and marry another man!¡± She pointed to my door. ¡°Em?¡± I chuckled. ¡°This isn''t a fairy-tale.¡± She looked at me for a long moment, then threw her hands up in the air. ¡°I don¡¯t know what to say to you, Ara. You know, he loved you. Why should kids or careers or anything stop you from being together?¡± ¡°It¡¯s not just the kid thing.¡± ¡°Then what else is there?¡± She sat beside me. ¡°He¡­he has things in his life that he doesn¡¯t want me a part of¡ªthat I don''t want to be a part of.¡± ¡°Like what?¡± I raised a brow at her. ¡°Em, come on, you know David''s got secrets.¡± Her eyes narrowed. ¡°So, you can''t love him if he has secrets?¡± ¡°No, it¡¯s not that.¡± I stood up. ¡°It¡¯s that I can''t be with him now I know those secrets.¡± She stood too. ¡°Are you kidding me? His inner demons are stopping you from being together?¡± ¡°Yes.¡± In a roundabout way. ¡°That¡¯s not love then, Ara. It never was.¡± ¡°Shut up, Emily. You don¡¯t anything about what I felt for him.¡± She doubled back a little. ¡°Look, I''m sorry.¡± I dropped my arms to my sides and slumped on the bed. ¡°I''m just tired of people thinking they know my heart.¡± ¡°I wasn''t saying I did. I just¡­I just don''t get it, you know. You wanted him so bad. I remember you telling me you¡¯d give anything if he¡¯d just ask you out. What changed?¡± ¡°The heart.¡± I shrugged. She shook her head. ¡°I gotta know.¡± ¡°What?¡± I asked, confused, as she reached into her bag and pulled out her phone. ¡°I gotta ask him.¡± ¡°Ask who what?¡± ¡°Ask David what he did that¡¯s so terrible it¡¯s destroyed this magic love I thought you guys had.¡± I smiled. ¡°He¡¯ll never answer his phone, Emily. He¡¯s probably got a new number.¡± She shrugged, holding her phone to her ear. ¡°It¡¯s ringing.¡± I tensed. What if he answered? What then? I felt my toes edge, turning in preparation to run and snatch the phone. ¡°Jason?¡± She practically screeched, almost projecting forward. ¡°Hi, um, I¡ªuh¡ªwhere¡¯s David?¡± I tried to force my brow into a dismissive position to hide my obvious confusion at the way she spoke to Jason¡ªlike she¡¯d known him for years, or had, at the very least, met him before. ¡°Just tell me where he is,¡± she said, then went quiet. ¡°Well, does he know what Ara¡¯s gone and done?¡± ¡°Hey!¡± I scoffed. She bit her lip, ignoring me, then nodded¡ªto herself, I think. ¡°She¡¯s marrying him, Jason.¡± I gathered, from the look on her face, that Jason didn''t really have a lot to say about it. And why would he? ¡°Okay.¡± She shrugged. ¡°He¡¯s your brother.¡± She hung up the phone and looked at me; I felt like a school kid in big trouble from the principal. ¡°You are the stupidest girl I''ve ever met.¡± ¡°Hey! I am not. I''m just trying to be happy.¡± She shook her head, conceit littering her smile. ¡°By living without David?¡± ¡°Yes.¡± ¡°Then that just makes you even dumber than I thought.¡± ¡°Look. Stay out of it, Em. It¡¯s my life.¡± ¡°And I¡¯m your friend. That means I get to tell you when you¡¯re being a dumb cow!¡± ¡°No, Emily, I¡¯m being sensible. I¡¯m doing what any normal, sane teenager should do.¡± ¡°That¡¯s the point! Don¡¯t you get it? You¡¯re a teenager. You don¡¯t have to make smart choices.¡± ¡°That¡¯s the stupidest thing I¡¯ve ever heard.¡± ¡°Well, exactly. And I have the freedom to say and do stupid things, because I¡¯m young, Ara. And so are you. And if you let love go now for reasons only an adult would care about, you¡¯ll regret it for the rest of your life.¡± ¡°What would you know about regret? You¡¯re the same age as me.¡± She looked down at her feet. ¡°I have my regrets.¡± ¡°Yeah, well, for me, David won¡¯t be one of them. It¡¯d be worse if I stayed with him.¡± ¡°What is wrong with you?¡± She tossed her phone onto my bed. ¡°Do you need a brain scan or something? It¡¯s David!¡± She waved flat palms at me. ¡°David freakin Knight, Ara, not just some random guy.¡± ¡°Just stop it, Em. Okay!¡± I thrust my body forward a little, tightly holding back tears. ¡°He¡¯s gone! He¡¯s not coming back, and I don¡¯t want to talk about it!¡± ¡°That¡¯s because you know you should have gone with him.¡± ¡°What the hell does it matter to you?¡± ¡°He was my friend, Ara. I cared about him. And I care about you, too. God only knows why I bother, because you obviously don''t care about yourself.¡± I shook my head, looking away. ¡°I''m sorry, okay,¡± she said. ¡°I just¡­I¡¯ve never really had close friends before and, I mean, David was my first one. He was the first person that ever understood me.¡± Yeah, or read your mind. ¡°And you¡ª¡± she continued. ¡°You became my friend because you actually liked me. Not because I was popular or knew all the guys. You actually liked me, Ara, and I don''t have any other friends like you and¡­¡± Her lip quivered. ¡°He¡¯s gonna take you back to Australia, isn''t he?¡± ¡°Who?¡± ¡°Mike.¡± ¡°He wants to,¡± I said, unable to look at her. ¡°And what then? Then I¡¯ll have no one.¡± ¡°You have Alana.¡± She swiped her tears and sat on my bed. I sat down beside her. ¡°I''m sorry, Emily.¡± ¡°I''m sorry, too.¡± She took my hand. ¡°It¡¯s not my place to interfere, I just¡ª¡± ¡°You care?¡± She nodded. ¡°I don¡¯t like him.¡± ¡°Who?¡± ¡°Mike.¡± ¡°What? Why?¡± ¡°I don¡¯t like how he calls you baby and girl all the time.¡± Her nose crinkled. ¡°Don¡¯t you find it degrading?¡± ¡°Why would I?¡± I shrugged. ¡°He¡¯s not trying to control me or own me by using a pet name.¡± ¡°But you¡¯re not his pet. That¡¯s just the point.¡± ¡°And he doesn¡¯t treat me like a pet, either. It¡¯s a term of endearment. I, unlike you, have an appreciation for verbal affection.¡± She laughed through her nose. ¡°You sound like David.¡± ¡°I do?¡± ¡°Yeah. He says stuff like that all the time.¡± She softened. ¡°Er, well, said.¡± I shrugged. ¡°Guess he was starting to rub off on me.¡± ¡°Guess so.¡± ¡°It started out as a way to tease me, you know.¡± I smiled at a distant memory. ¡°What was?¡± ¡°Baby. The way Mike always calls me baby. It started because he was always faster, stronger and smarter than me. No matter how hard I tried, I could never beat him at any game or race or anything. So I¡¯d sulk.¡± I shrugged again. ¡°He¡¯d always call me a baby, then, after a while, he just started saying it after pretty much everything he said, until one day it changed¡ªthere was a warmth behind the word that hadn¡¯t been there before, and I¡ª¡± I smiled, ¡°¡ªI kinda liked that. It made me feel special.¡± ¡°I guess I know what you mean. We kind of let almost anything go when they make us feel special, don¡¯t we?¡± Em twiddled her fingers in her lap, then exhaled and stood up. ¡°But, let the record show; I don¡¯t like Mike. I don¡¯t think he¡¯s good enough for you.¡± ¡°But he is good for me.¡± ¡°They¡¯re not the same.¡± ¡°Are in my world,¡± I scoffed. ¡°So, anyway, how do you know Jason?¡± She stiffened, going a little pale. ¡°Oh, now you have to tell me,¡± I said, pointing at her. She turned away and walked over to my window, heavy, as though gravity gifted her with iron legs. ¡°Em, are you okay?¡± ¡°It¡¯s nothing, Ara. Really. It was just a summer fling¡ªit ended.¡± She braved a teary glance at me as I stood beside her. ¡°Doesn¡¯t mean it didn¡¯t happen,¡± I said. The corners of her lips twitched, turning downward. ¡°I was in love with him.¡± ¡°Love?¡± ¡°Mm-hm.¡± She grabbed a tissue from my desk and wiped her nose, nodding. ¡°We dated for the summer and then, when it got cold and the fun of the sunshine disappeared, he just left.¡± ¡°Left? As in¡ªhe moved, or he just didn¡¯t come back?¡± ¡°Just gone.¡± She stood back, wiping her face again. ¡°Really? Without a goodbye?¡± ¡°Can you hear how fast my heart is beating?¡± She touched her chest. ¡°That was the first time I¡¯ve heard his voice in nearly a year.¡± ¡°So, what, he never even left a note to say where he¡¯d gone?¡± ¡°No¡ªthat was the worst part. He just didn¡¯t show for our date and stopped answering his phone. I asked David if he knew what was going on, but he said his brother was a player¡ªthat I¡¯d just been one of his victims.¡± ¡°Victims? That¡¯s a pretty cruel way to put it.¡± She nodded. ¡°David had a way with words.¡± We both laughed. ¡°Yeah, he did,¡± I said. ¡°Actually, he told me his brother was a bit¡­malevolent. Why would you be with a guy like that, Em? You¡¯re gorgeous, you can do better.¡± She sniffled. ¡°That¡¯s just it; he wasn''t like that at all. I don''t know what David was talking about, but Jason was really sweet.¡± I smiled. Brotherly love. I guess it was the same as me telling everyone Sam was a troll. He wasn¡¯t actually a troll. And I was glad for that¡ªthat Jason wasn¡¯t¡­malevolent. I could never picture David''s twin being a creepy, stalking vampire. I tried so many times, but putting the face of David on anything cruel just never fit. ¡°So, is it true they¡¯re identical?¡± She nodded. ¡°Yep. Like, perfectly identical.¡± ¡°That must¡¯ve been hard for you then¡ªafter Jason left, you know, being friends with David¡ªalways seeing his face.¡± ¡°Not really. They were very different people. David was cute, but he had boundaries you couldn''t cross. You could never be, like¡­relaxed with him.¡± I shrugged. ¡°I could.¡± ¡°I get that.¡± She gave a soft, distant smile. ¡°I really do. It was the same with Jason and I. People always seemed to avoid him, you know, and I just didn''t see what they saw.¡± The predator. ¡°He was gentle and loving and¡­¡± She looked at my bed then. ¡°He jumped through my window on the morning of our six-week anniversary and filled my room with frangipanis, waking me up by running one over my face.¡± Her fingers traced the memory over her skin. ¡°I loved him, enough that we talked about growing old together and what we¡¯d name our kids.¡± ¡°And then winter came.¡± She nodded. ¡°Yep. Literally.¡± I wished I could tell her about the Set laws and vampire migration. She probably blamed herself, deep down inside, for making him leave. ¡°Guys do that,¡± I said instead. ¡°Summer flings.¡± She lifted her hand from the fold of her arms and wiped another tear, nodding. ¡°It just hurt to think we had something special¡ªonly to find out it was just a game.¡± ¡°Is that what you really believe? That he didn''t love you?¡± ¡°I never used to believe it¡ªnever wanted to. But it has to be the case. You don''t just walk out on those you love.¡± I shrugged. ¡°Maybe he was like David¡ªmaybe he had secrets, too.¡± ¡°No. I think they¡¯re both just assholes. I mean, how could David just go and leave like that, too? He saw how broken I was when Jason left¡ªhe was the one who picked up the pieces. Surely, he must know what he¡¯s done. Why couldn¡¯t he have just said goodbye¡ªat least to me?¡± ¡°Maybe he just thinks it¡¯s better this way.¡± Page 85 ¡°Better for who?¡±Advertisement I clicked my tongue. ¡°I wish I could fix this, Em. I really do.¡± She shook her head, looking out the window. ¡°There is no fixing it. There''s not even any point. They''re gone and we just have to move on.¡± ¡°Exactly,¡± I said, waving my ring hand in front of her. She smiled. ¡°I guess I see your point now. But¡­David still wants you, Ara. I¡¯m sure of it. If I had that choice¡ªwith Jason¡ªI would¡¯ve taken it. No matter what.¡± ¡°I know.¡± I rubbed her back gently. ¡°Do you think he still thinks about you¡ªJason?¡± Emily stood quietly with her arms folded, her eyes on the dreary day. ¡°I hope so. I think about him from time to time. You never genuinely get over your first love, Ara. This¡ª¡± She lifted my ring hand. ¡°This will be a long journey for you.¡± ¡°I know.¡± I nodded. ¡°Trust me, I know.¡± ¡°Just¡­¡± she took a breath, ¡°¡ªif Mike steals you away, takes you back to Oz, will we still be friends?¡± ¡°Of course,¡± I said, dragging the word out. ¡°I think we¡¯ll always be friends.¡± ¡°I hope so.¡± She hugged me. ¡°I¡¯ve never met anyone like you. You¡¯re so real, you know, you just, you¡¯re honest with who you are.¡± ¡°You think?¡± I half groaned. ¡°Yeah. I mean, you have this weird bad joke thing, you dress how you wanna dress, and you tell it to me straight¡ªyou aren¡¯t even pretending not to be in love with David, even though you¡¯re marrying another man. I think that¡¯s really cool.¡± ¡°Well, thanks, Em.¡± ¡°So, what does Mike think¡ªabout David? Does he know how you feel?¡± I nodded. ¡°He¡¯s okay with it.¡± Emily sighed and looked out the window again. ¡°I really don¡¯t like him.¡± ¡°You don¡¯t have to like him, Em. I do.¡± ¡°I know, but, I think that¡ª¡± she hesitated, ¡°¡ªif he weren¡¯t here, you would¡¯ve gone with David.¡± ¡°Nup.¡± I shook my head with certainty. ¡°I wouldn¡¯t have.¡± She suppressed a conceited smile and shrugged one shoulder. ¡°I think you would.¡± As I waved goodbye to Emily, Mike stood behind me with one hand in the small of my back and the other waving. ¡°She hates me,¡± he said as her car disappeared down the street. ¡°No. She just doesn¡¯t understand.¡± I turned and closed the front door. ¡°She thought David and I were a sure thing. And so, all of this¡ª¡± I held up my ring hand, ¡°¡ªis a little sudden for her.¡± ¡°I get it. No offence taken. So?¡± He stood taller and grinned. ¡°Terminator or The Mummy?¡± ¡°You choose. I¡¯ll get popcorn.¡± I grinned. Mike walked up the stairs and when the door to his room closed, I headed into the kitchen. ¡°Hey, Dad.¡± ¡°Hey, honey.¡± He looked up from his newspaper for a second. ¡°Any good news?¡± I asked, opening the pantry. ¡°No news is the only good news,¡± he scoffed. I shook my head. ¡°You know, Mum still said that all the time.¡± ¡°Did she?¡± he said absently, staring up blankly at the wall. Poor Dad. With a soft sigh, I walked over to sit on the chair beside him. ¡°How long, Dad? Before you stopped missing her when she left?¡± He sniffed once and folded his paper, smoothing it out on the table. ¡°Never.¡± ¡°Never?¡± He looked into my eyes then. ¡°I never stopped missing your mother. Sure, after about ten years or so it got easier to bear, but I still miss her, even now.¡± ¡°Oh.¡± I looked out the front window. ¡°I did wrong by her, Ara. I made one stupid mistake and I lost her. But when you love someone, like I loved her, you will always miss them. I try not to think of her if I can.¡± ¡°But, you love Vicki, right? Doesn¡¯t that make it easier?¡± He nodded thoughtfully. ¡°That¡¯s the only reason I didn¡¯t go back and beg your mom to forgive me. I did love Vicki¡ªdo love Vicki, I mean,¡± he said with a laugh. ¡°But, I loved your mom, too.¡± It hurt to hear him speak of her in the past tense like that. ¡°I don¡¯t think you ever truly get over losing someone you love. But, it gets easier after time passes, and you can get through the days without missing them so much,¡± he added, probably in response to my horrified expression. He couldn¡¯t know how much I was relating his story to my own experiences with boys. He was the only person I could think of that suffered a loss as great as mine. I needed to know if there was a life after love¡ªafter true love. ¡°Is this about David?¡± he asked. ¡°A little.¡± I smiled at the table. ¡°Ara, Mike loves you. He¡¯s been trying to ask you to marry him for the last year.¡± Dad cupped his hand over mine. ¡°He was so worried you¡¯d turn him down that he almost asked me to ask you for him.¡± ¡°Really?¡± ¡°Yes, honey. Look, I know you love David, but you loved Mike first¡ªand if you thought you could move on from love once, then there¡¯s a good chance you can do it again, right?¡± He patted my hand. He was right. It was just going to take some time. But, of course I¡¯d move on¡ªeventually. Nothing ever lasted forever, right? ¡°See? That¡¯s why you¡¯re a teacher, Dad. The all-knowing.¡± I waved my hands around in the air, then stood up and kissed him on the cheek. ¡°Love you, Dad.¡± ¡°Ara?¡± I turned back to his insistent tone. ¡°Yeah?¡± ¡°I uh¡­I need to talk to you.¡± ¡°Okay¡­¡± I sat back down. ¡°I received a call today¡ªfrom Ray Bougerstern.¡± ¡°Dad!¡± I slammed my palms on the table and stood up. ¡°Ara. Sit back down. We need to discuss this.¡± ¡°Why now?¡± I felt the blanket of fury wrap my shoulders. ¡°Mike¡¯s waiting for me to watch a mo¡ª¡± ¡°And he¡¯ll wait. You can¡¯t keep avoiding this. The insurance policy has cleared the account. I need to know what you want me to do with the money.¡± My lip quivered as I looked down at my feet. Blood money. The money a company paid out because my mother no longer existed. A consolation. Condolences in the form of green notes. ¡°Keep it. Give it to Sam.¡± ¡°Ara. Your mother took that policy out so that you could take care of yourself if she were no longer around.¡± ¡°I can do that without money, Dad!¡± ¡°No, you can¡¯t,¡± his voice grumbled, peaking above anger. ¡°She¡¯s gone, Ara-Rose. She¡¯s not coming back, no matter what tortures you inflict on yourself. No amount of your own suffering will change what happened.¡± He reached for my hand; I kept it tight in the fold of my arms, biting my lip. ¡°Honey, just take the money. Use it to start your life. Use it to¡ª¡± ¡°You¡¯re not going to let this go, are you?¡± ¡°I¡¯m sorry. I haven¡¯t wanted to bring it up again. I know it¡¯s hard for you, but¡ª¡± ¡°Just put it in a trust fund,¡± I said finally. ¡°Put it in a high interest account until I turn eighteen or something.¡± ¡°Thank you,¡± Dad said with a nod. ¡°I hope you¡¯re happy.¡± I spun on my heel and stormed away. Chapter Thirty-One Something about the lazy tone of the day made me edgy. Dad and Mike played chess in the formal dining room, Vicki hung laundry on the clothesline, and Sam stood talking to Mr Warner over the fence. My old companion, the swing, rocked gently under me while I strummed my way through months of painful memories, trying to find some sense in it all. My life had changed so quickly; from being a normal teenager, going to school, practicing for my big ballet recital, to losing my family, then my first true love, all while discovering the existence of monsters. Perhaps that was it. Perhaps it wasn¡¯t the calm quiet that had my gut churning. Perhaps it was the monster called truth¡ªthe knowing in my heart that tonight, on the last stroke of midnight, the part of me that wouldn¡¯t believe David was gone would turn, look up at the clock tower on the chamber building and hope he¡¯d tap me on the shoulder and ask me to dance. But it was only a hope. Both me and myself knew he wouldn''t show. Vicki looked over, shaking her head. ¡°Ara, dear, you should be inside doing your makeup.¡± I sighed, tuning my guitar. ¡°I don¡¯t need makeup under a mask, Vicki.¡± ¡°Of course you do. It¡¯ll¡ª¡± But I fazed her out, strumming random chords while the representation of my confused brain paced around in my head, calling himself Holmes. Nothing really made sense anymore. When things happen in life, after time passes, I could usually always see some reason, some lesson I needed to learn from it. But losing my mum, moving here to meet my first true love, then losing him, too, made no sense at all. It all just seemed pointless. I dropped my fingers from their position on the strings, letting the song die without a name. The whole world seemed pointless. But I couldn¡¯t let my mind wander that path; the trying-to-find-meanings-or-reasons-for-life path. Every time I walked that road, I came to the same conclusions, leaving that train of thought with nothing more than a large suitcase of frustration. Perhaps we were here to love, or to experience many trials¡ªor maybe even to feel. I didn¡¯t know. Pain was the only one that even touched the reality of living. So, maybe the meaning of life was to cram as much pain and heartache as we could into the puny timeline of our miserable existence. Satisfied with that dismal conclusion, I started playing again, watching through the window as Dad and Mike played chess. It was like looking across the waters of reflection, reading the story of my life; two elements of my past¡ªfrom different worlds¡ªcoming together in battle. They moved in slow motion; Mike rolling his head back, laughing at Dad¡¯s witty move; Dad coughing into his hand at Mike¡¯s reaction. And it occurred to me then, as I watched their hands meet in the offer of peace, that this was it. That was my Dad and my fianc¨¦. There would be no more boys for me. Mike would be my first¡ªand my last. A chapter of my life had ended before it even began. Perhaps that¡¯s why my dad liked Mike so much; he¡¯d never have to worry about me ending up with a loser¡ªor alone. But that didn¡¯t save me from eternal loneliness. Losing my soul to the calm whisper of the breeze and the warm September sun, I hummed softly, singing a few of the words to a song¡ªone that made my soul ache to hear, but to play, only seemed to bring clarity. ¡°I wish I could see you, but you went away; you left me defenceless, in the cold and the rain. I found my way home, and the world was all right, ¡®til the darkness came, and took my knight. ¡°When I look in the mirror, the face that I see, wears the scars of her past well, but she isn¡¯t me. I lost myself somewhere, when I walked to the light. For the darkness came and took my knight.¡± The melody rang in my ears, forcing a tiny, stinging tear to the corner of my eye. I never cared much for the words before, but today, it seemed they were written just for me. By my foot, a grey fluff-ball meowed, forcing his spine against my ankle. ¡°Feel like flying up into a tree, Skitz?¡± I joked with a weak smile as I placed the guitar on the ground and let my heart sink down with it. The cat looked up at me, his big, yellow eyes soft and round. ¡°Okay.¡± I chuckled lightly. ¡°Maybe I like you a little.¡± ¡°I should hope you like me a lot¡ªsince you¡¯re marrying me.¡± ¡°Hey, Mike? Did you win?¡± ¡°Nah.¡± He placed his hand down on the grass, the rest of his body sinking into it. Skittles leaped onto his front paws, ready to run if Mike was a threat, but then just closed his eyes, without re-adjusting his position, and started purring. Mike laughed at him. ¡°Your dad¡¯s too quick. He beat me twice.¡± ¡°He never beat my mum, you know? Not once,¡± I said. ¡°Yeah? I didn¡¯t know that.¡± I nodded. ¡°You¡¯re not upstairs putting on your war paint?¡± His soft tone provoked my tears; I forced them back with a shrug. ¡°It won¡¯t take long once I start.¡± ¡°Hm.¡± He picked a strand of grass and curled it around his finger. ¡°What¡¯s hm?¡± ¡°Are you sure you want to do this, baby? It¡¯s not too late to change your mind.¡± ¡°Change my mind? About what?¡± Mike pushed up off the ground, shuffling over to kneel in front of me. ¡°You don¡¯t have to marry me. I¡¯ll be okay if you say no.¡± ¡°Why would you think I don''t want to marry you?¡± A watery glaze glimmered under the light of the sun in his eyes. ¡°Since I asked you, you haven¡¯t been happy. Not really.¡± ¡°I¡¯m trying, Mike.¡± ¡°I know. But is trying enough, Ara? Am I enough?¡± The pain in his words came through with the firm clasp of his fingers around my hips. Mike was scared¡ªI could feel it. He had as much to lose here as I did. I mean, was love enough for this relationship to work, when it wasn¡¯t enough for David and I? ¡°I just need to get away from here, I think, Mike.¡± My voice trembled. ¡°I wanna go home.¡± ¡°Ara. Baby.¡± He pulled the swing into him, wrapping me up in his arms. ¡°That¡¯s fine. We¡¯ll go. We¡¯ll leave tomorrow, if you like?¡± ¡°I would¡ªbut, I think we better plan it properly first.¡± I flashed him a grin, which he returned. Page 86 ¡°Oh, baby girl. You¡¯re gonna be so happy. I promise. I¡¯ll buy you a house and give you everything you want.¡± He squeezed me way too tight, forcing me to hold my breath against the base of his jaw. ¡°I love you so much.¡±Advertisement ¡°I love you too, Mike.¡± And that was the truth. It felt good. Normal. I knew I should be with Mike, should go home to Perth¡ªand everything would be right again in the world. The quiet whispers of my family lilted up the stairs, carrying my mind back from the hold of a masked stranger¡¯s gaze. Her blue eyes stared out at me from a place and time I no longer belonged. She was the lie after the truth, hiding behind this beauty in a blue dress. And I couldn¡¯t stand the sight of her. Somewhere, at some point, I¡¯d split in two. The innocent, dream-believing girl that tragedy left behind disappeared when David ran away with my heart. I was his picture of beauty, created by him, for him, but I¡¯d never feel his cool fingers under the ribbon of my corset, holding me close as we twirled in our graceful, eternal dance. All that was left was the other half of me¡ªthe shell. And I¡¯d dusted enough shimmer powder over my skin that I could almost disguise myself as a sparkly vampire. No one could see the depths of my darkness underneath. Except Mike. He knew there was something different¡ªthat something had changed. But I bet he never even conceived of the idea that my depression went so deep the fear they all had that I¡¯d top myself was slowly creeping into possibility. I¡¯d overheard him tell my dad he was worried¡ªthat I might be depressed. My dad just said it wasn¡¯t a possibility; it was a fact, and all we could do was just be here for me. But the ever-watchful eye of my fianc¨¦ was getting overbearing. When he came to my room earlier, I called him to enter, completely ignorant to the fact that, while I was standing by my mirror, trying to re-pierce my ear, I was only wearing my underwear and bra. ¡°Hey, kid.¡± He grinned, his eyes falling over my bare curves. ¡°Mike!¡± I scrambled for something to cover myself with. ¡°Shut the door! My dad might walk past.¡± ¡°Relax, baby.¡± He looked behind him, closing the door, then sauntered across the room. ¡°You look gorgeous.¡± ¡°I look like a girl in her underwear.¡± I leaned in front of the mirror again, forcing the silver stud against the unyielding hole in my earlobe. ¡°I¡¯m just trying to get this damn thing to go in.¡± ¡°Need help?¡± ¡°Nah, I¡¯m fine.¡± I glanced away from the mirror long enough to see his smiling eyes trace my shoulders and ribs, fixing on my blue lace undies. ¡°New?¡± ¡°Yeah, I bought them to match my dress.¡± I slapped his hand off my hip. ¡°What about this? Have you always had a strapless bra, or is that new too?¡± ¡°No. It¡¯s new.¡± ¡°Well, you look very sexy¡ª¡± his voice dragged, ¡°¡ªa little too sexy for an unmarried girl.¡± ¡°Stop it.¡± I slapped his hand away again. ¡°I can¡¯t concentrate while you keep doing that.¡± ¡°Here, let me try.¡± ¡°Okay, but, good luck.¡± I placed the earring in his waiting hand. ¡°I haven¡¯t been able to get one in that hole for over a week.¡± The warmth of his breath touched my neck as he leaned close, stud in fingertips, and fumbled against my earlobe until I heard a small ¡®pop¡¯. ¡°All done.¡± ¡°Thanks.¡± I rubbed my ear. It burned a little. ¡°Is the other one okay?¡± ¡°Yeah, it¡¯s just this one¡ªit keeps closing. I don¡¯t know why.¡± ¡°Start wearing your earrings and it won¡¯t happen.¡± ¡°I can¡¯t. I hate sleeping in them. So?¡± I leaned my butt on the dresser, rolling my hand in the air. ¡°Did you want something?¡± ¡°Oh, um¡ª¡± He unfolded his arms. ¡°I came to see if you were hungry. I uh, I haven¡¯t seen you eat anything today.¡± ¡°That¡¯s because I haven¡¯t,¡± I remarked, pushing past him. ¡°Ara?¡± he whined. ¡°Why, baby?¡± ¡°Because, maybe if I don¡¯t eat, I¡¯ll die.¡± I flopped backward on my bed with a huff. ¡°Ara, grow up, you don¡¯t mean that.¡± He stood above me, his arms folded. ¡°No. But I also kinda do.¡± ¡°Well¡ª¡± he grabbed my hand and pulled me to sit, ¡°¡ªthen you need to get some help, baby. That¡¯s not normal.¡± I forced a smile, tilting my head. ¡°Mike. You worry too much. I¡¯m fine. Really.¡± ¡°Ara? Sane girls don¡¯t say they¡¯re trying to starve themselves to death.¡± ¡°I didn¡¯t really mean it¡ªnot literally.¡± I stood up. ¡°Now go, let me get dressed or I¡¯ll be going to the ball in my underwear.¡± I waved my hands down my body. ¡°Huh,¡± he scoffed, ¡°you should. You¡¯d be the belle of the ball, Ara.¡± ¡°Suck up.¡± I opened my door for him. ¡°Oh, in case I didn¡¯t mention it,¡± he said, pecking me on the cheek as he passed, ¡°you look hot like that.¡± ¡°You might have.¡± I rolled my eyes and shut the door. The black and white image fused with colour as my mind came back to the present. All around me, night had fallen into complete silence; the crickets hushed, even the voices downstairs¡ªleaving a kind of stillness that left me breathless, listening carefully for any signs of life. When I looked back at the girl in the mirror, my eyes flashed from her pale face to the wiry shadows behind her, the resonance of a familiar gaze lingering in my immediate memory¡ªa reflection from the world I lived in. My head whipped up. I spun around and ran to grasp my windowsill, hope filling my heart as I held back the call of his name on my lips, leaning out into the dusk air. But below, the quiet street was empty; the streetlamp, spilling circles of white light onto the pavement, flickered a few times, and that same silence I¡¯d come to hate greeted hope and I with a wall of emptiness. I backed away from the window¡ªaway from the absence of anything that resembled life, then turned to my mirror and waited for the girl in the blue dress to look at me again. The face we thought we saw was not David¡ªmerely physically manifested wishful thinking; the only thing outside my window was the beginning of another night. And for the rest of my life now, that¡¯s all there¡¯d ever be. I closed my bedroom door and headed down the stairs, seeing my dad¡¯s eyes tear up like sudden rain. ¡°Dad?¡± I glided down the stairs. ¡°You okay?¡± ¡°You look so pretty, honey. Just like your first ballet concert.¡± ¡°Uh, yeah, well, just don¡¯t lift me onto your shoulders this time.¡± ¡°Why, not? You¡¯re still my little girl.¡± He looked up at me where I stopped on the last step. ¡°I¡¯m not a little girl, Dad.¡± ¡°Honey, you¡¯ll always be my little girl.¡± ¡°I wonder what¡¯s taking Ara so lo¡ª¡± Mike stopped dead as he walked in; his arms dropped, his lips split into a pearly smile, and his eyes, from behind a small black mask, glistened. ¡°Ara.¡± ¡°Hey, Mike.¡± He leaped up onto the step. ¡°Aw, baby, look at you.¡± ¡°You like it?¡± I brushed my hands down my hips. He shook his head slowly, considering my dress. ¡°More than the outfit I saw you in when I re-pierced your ear.¡± Dad¡¯s eyes narrowed; I looked away, clearing my throat. ¡°Come on then.¡± Vicki held a camera up and waved us off the stairs. ¡°Time for pictures.¡± ¡°Really?¡± I groaned, taking Mike¡¯s arm. ¡°Ara, this might be the last ball you ever go to,¡± Vicki reasoned. ¡°I want memories.¡± ¡°Oh, fine.¡± I huffed, and Mike grinned at me with a kind of enthusiasm that wasn¡¯t there when he was forced to escort me to the last ball we went to. But I didn¡¯t share his excitement. Vicki posed us in awkward and weird places to snap her memories, but the world slowed down around me, and I stood in the warm embrace of my fianc¨¦, smiling for reasons I could only pretend I felt, watching everything move as if it were on screen¡ªa film with no volume. The voices, the wind, the laughter, all gone¡ªeverything in my world was silent, empty¡ªwrong. This should have been David; it was always supposed to be David, but once upon a time, I¡¯d have said the same about Mike. Everything was back where it was before¡ªbefore the universe flipped the hourglass, before I lost everything in my world that grounded my soul, and before I ever knew anything about David Knight. Now, I was in the arms of the one I was destined to be with all along. It was an odd learning curve, and a painful one, but I just had to accept it. When I got home, when I landed in Perth and went home to Mike¡¯s house, she wouldn¡¯t be there¡ªaround the corner. Mum was gone. Harry was gone. And I had to move on. This was moving on. I closed my eyes and let the world pass by for a moment, spinning, like the snow in a musical, glass dome. When I opened them again, fairy lights twinkled from the tall white trunks of leafless trees, and soft music filled my ears as sound suddenly enhanced my world again. An almost magical glow seemed to surround everything. The majestic old council chamber sat tall as the backdrop to the dim, candle-lit space, and masked dancers twirled around the floor with hypnotic cadence¡ªsweeping and bowing to the harmony of a string quartet. Mike and I stood at the cusp of the wooden dance floor, surrounded by the beauties, but my eyes delighted only in the canopy of stars, observing the Masquerade from the kingdom above. ¡°Do you recognise anyone?¡± Mike asked. ¡°No.¡± I felt kind of lost, like I was alone in the crowded space. The dance floor, the stairs, and even the balcony off the council chamber were filled with people¡ªmasked strangers, just like me¡ªbut for all I felt in my soul, the court could¡¯ve been completely empty. ¡°Would you like some refreshments before we dance?¡± Mike gestured toward the balcony. ¡°I¡¯m fine.¡± I tucked my arms into my chest, wondering if David was here¡ªwatching. ¡°Would you like to dance?¡± Mike bowed, offering his hand. ¡°Not really.¡± ¡°Aw, come on, Ara. First rule of a dance is never to refuse a dance,¡± he said with a grin, stealing my hand. Rolling my eyes, I sunk into a curtsy, obliging Mike, and with one step over the threshold of the dance floor, he swept me into his safe, strong arms, and we joined the flow of dancers like a rose petal on the breeze; never missing a beat. I followed each step of Mike¡¯s wide stride, closing the movement with a short, gliding turn, making patterns like circles around the room. ¡°When did you learn to dance like this?¡± I asked, very impressed. ¡°Well, a guy¡¯s gotta know a few tricks if he¡¯s gonna get the girl.¡± He flashed his cheeky grin, and a small flutter started my heart. ¡°I like this new you,¡± I said, turning my head in the direction our hands led us. ¡°Good, because this is the me you¡¯ll be marrying.¡± The music faded out then, and the room came to a standstill; Mike kissed my hand and bowed, while the rest of the crowd softly applauded the musicians. ¡°Can we go find Em and the others now?¡± I asked. ¡°Of course, Ara. This is your night. We can do whatever you want.¡± He looked over his shoulder. ¡°Come on, we¡¯ll go to the balcony¡ªit¡¯ll be easier to see from up there.¡± As we passed through the crowd, they parted for us, turning their heads; I leaned closer to Mike and whispered, ¡°What are they staring at?¡± ¡°You,¡± he said. ¡°Why? Is my bra showing?¡± I quickly tucked my thumb around the rim of my dress. ¡°No, baby.¡± He laughed, pushing my hand down. ¡°It¡¯s just because, of all the beauty here tonight, you¡¯re the brightest thing in the room.¡± Shrinking into myself, I glanced at the other costumes; pale grey, coffee, burgundy, black¡ªno blue. I was the only girl in a colour this bright. ¡°Great. I feel like a wasp at a bumblebee convention.¡± Mike laughed. ¡°Well, you look like the flower.¡± ¡°Erg.¡± I rolled my eyes. We stopped by the balcony railing and looked down onto the room of dancers, swirling under a blanket of stars. I felt like a god between worlds. ¡°Wow, it¡¯s so much prettier from up here.¡± ¡°Yeah. These Yanks really know how to throw a shindig.¡± ¡°Yanks?¡± I raised a brow at him. He just grinned, inching away from the slap he expected. But as he turned back to lean on the railing again, he stopped, watching a young couple giggle their way into the darkness on the other side of the chamber court. ¡°What¡¯s down there?¡± I looked too. The gardens were dark, the lights, usually lining the paths that wound through the endless trees and wide planes of grass, were switched off¡ªan obvious attempt to deter hot-blooded teens. Little did the planning committee realise, that dark spaces made it so much easier to be¡­¡¯romantic¡¯. ¡°Do you think your friends might be down there?¡± ¡°Don''t think so,¡± I said with a sigh. Above, the clock on the tower chimed nine; its hollow, long tolls haunting and dreary, like warning bells down the streets of death and plague. He nodded a few times, his eyes narrowing. ¡°You¡¯re missing him¡­aren¡¯t you?¡± ¡°I¡ª¡± I drew a breath and looked away; there was no point in lying. Page 87 ¡°I¡¯m sorry,¡± he said, looking down at his clasped hands.Advertisement ¡°Mike?¡± I started, ¡°It¡¯s¡ª¡± ¡°Hey, there you are.¡± Before I even spun around, Emily wrapped her arms over my shoulders and squeezed. I gave Spencer, who stood awkwardly in the dust cloud of Emily¡¯s enthusiasm, a short wave. ¡°We¡¯ve been looking everywhere for you guys.¡± ¡°Yeah, sorry.¡± I stood back from her, swiping my hair from my face. ¡°But we¡¯re here now. And look at you¡ª¡± Emily twirled around to show her long blonde ponytail, in a spiral down her back, and the perfect fit of the dress; Mike cleared his throat beside me. ¡°I can''t believe how grown-up you look.¡± ¡°Yeah, my mom says¡ª¡± She stopped and looked beside us when Mike and Spencer shook hands. ¡°Oh yeah, sorry guys.¡± She ducked her head a little. ¡°Um, Mike¡ªSpence; Spence¡ªMike.¡± ¡°Nice to meet you.¡± Mike grinned. ¡°So, you¡¯re Ara¡¯s fianc¨¦?¡± Spence looked at me for confirmation. ¡°The one and only,¡± I said; Mike grinned as I linked my arm in his. He liked that. I could tell. And I liked that he liked it. ¡°So, Spencer? You scrub up nice,¡± I added. ¡°Yeah, thanks. You¡¯re not so bad yourself, Ara.¡± He appraised my gown¡ªnot in a creepy way, but I think he was just as shocked as I was that it was actually me under all the sparkles. ¡°Where¡¯s Alana?¡± I asked. ¡°Haven¡¯t seen her.¡± Emily shrugged. We looked over the crowd of dancers for a moment. Each one was hidden beneath a mask of feathers or sequins, their hair drawn up in dazzling ringlets or left down to flow over their shoulders. It seemed futile to find a friend among them. Then I spotted a girl at the centre of the dance floor, with a tall, sandy-blonde-haired boy. Her cream and black dress with pink accents of lace took my breath away, fitting Alana¡¯s description of her hand-me-down perfectly. Mike looked over my shoulder, following my gaze. ¡°Wow. That¡¯s quite a dress.¡± ¡°Oh, wow.¡± Emily sighed, leaning against the railing beside me. ¡°And Ryan looks so¡­vintage,¡± I added. ¡°They make a good couple,¡± Mike noted. ¡°Yeah. I¡¯m a good matchmaker.¡± Emily grinned, hiding her piercing, Mike-directed gaze of abhorrence under her mask. I got the sense then that maybe she really did hate him. ¡°Well, Miss Ara.¡± Spencer bowed to me. ¡°I believe you owe me a dance.¡± Emily gave me a smile of approval. ¡°Very well, Mr Griffin. It would be my pleasure,¡± I said in a formal English accent, then wrapped my arm over Spencer¡¯s. Mike walked behind us with Emily on his arm. I felt a little sorry for him, knowing Emily would probably step on his toes deliberately. We danced, and the flow and magic of the masquerade concealed my pain and emptiness for just a while. Passed from arm to arm, I danced with nearly every guy attending the ball, and when I finally fell back into Mike¡¯s embrace as the first stroke of midnight chimed through the air, my head swirled like a room full of butterflies. The enchanting tone of the evening burst into a spectrum of colour above us when blue and pink electrified the skies¡ªdissipating into yellows and whites as they dissolved among the stars. Everyone stood still, tilting their faces upward while the clock chimed each agonising toll of realisation. Midnight. The music played on, saddening my heart with its desultory notes. All the beauties around us smiled in awe at the colours of the end, while my heart fought to ignore the sombre melody of loss and separation. He wasn¡¯t coming. David really wasn¡¯t coming. Mike pulled me close, pressing his fingers firmly between my shoulder blades. ¡°I love you, Ara-Rose. You know that, don¡¯t you?¡± he whispered. Wiping the tears from my lips and cheeks, I looked up at his face, feeling the last chime of midnight pass, taking all my hopes and dreams with it. ¡°Mm-hm.¡± The fireworks cracked, echoing off the horizon, but the noise, along with the gasps and giggles of girls, faded into the background when his lips touched mine. The room twirled again, the dancers moving around us, taking step to the rhythm of a sound I could no longer hear because, while I was safe in his arms, there was nothing but Mike and I¡ªno one else in the world. It had always been that way, and I knew then that it always would. His lips broke away from the kiss with a cool wash of air, the room flooding with noise again as he looked over his shoulder. ¡°May I?¡± a gentle voice asked, and a boy stepped into view; tall, yet not as tall as Mike, with soft brown hair¡ªhis face hidden behind a black mask, but instantly recognisable. David? Chapter Thirty-Two Mike kissed my cheek and took a step backward, giving away the last dance of the evening to this stranger he¡¯d never met. My heart raced, my breath quickening as the boy stepped into me and took my hand, but it all stopped¡ªall the hope, all the excitement, just trickled away when his cold touch met mine with no familiarity. It wasn¡¯t him. The stranger pulled me close with one sweeping touch, my hips against his, my body arching back slightly, his green eyes locked to mine. ¡°Moonlight Sonata,¡± he said in a smooth, gentle voice, gesturing toward the piano. ¡°Your favourite piece.¡± ¡°Yes.¡± I squinted against the dark, trying to see him better beneath the mask. ¡°Do I know you?¡± He shook his head once and said nothing more. The song¡¯s harmonies set the pace to his gracefulness, while the elegance in his stance seemed adopted from another era; one hand gently under my shoulder blade, the other extending our arms out widely. He¡¯d danced before. Perhaps on a night such as this. I dreamed of it for a moment; he and I, in another time, another place, dancing this way until sunrise. But the very idea, the very thought of having been in his arms before, came from a place¡ªa dream-like state¡ªsomewhere deeper inside. It was as if I didn¡¯t own the thought at all. I looked up at the boy, his smile showing only by the dimple beside the curve of his lip, and a strange sensation saturated the air around me, a feeling like energy¡ªclosing me in, making this dance a secret from the rest of the world. From the sideline, Mike stood watching, arms folded, leaning in, whispering to Alana and Ryan every few seconds. I wondered if he could see us; if he could see the way this boy held me¡ªif he found it odd that he pulled me close, like he¡¯d held me there a thousand times before. All the laws of nature said he could, but I felt invisible. ¡°Can you feel that?¡± I asked. He turned his head an inch and looked down at me; his mysterious eyes held a depth of darkness to them that made me feel suddenly very uneasy. ¡°I¡¯m the one doing it.¡± I looked at Mike again¡ªhaving a thumb war with Spencer¡ªand my heart hurried a little. I wanted him to come, to tap this boy on the shoulder and ask for me back, hold me safe in his arms, but the boy squeezed my hand gently, tightening his hold on my back. ¡°Our dance is not yet complete, my lady,¡± his wet lips whispered onto my brow. ¡°It would be incredibly bad manners to leave a man in the middle of the dance floor. You wouldn¡¯t want to be rude, would you?¡± ¡°I¡¯m sorry. I didn¡¯t mean to be rude,¡± I said softly, and something inside me screamed, wriggling about, warning me to move away. But I stayed in his arms, smiling his smile as we passed each dancer, softly nodding my head in greeting. It felt unnatural. When the music ended, the boy stopped and clapped gently. ¡°Thank you, my lady.¡± ¡°You¡¯re welcome,¡± I said, but made no haste to move away from him. I stood, staring up at him, like a stuffed animal. ¡°Please tell me who you are.¡± Another song began; he bowed low, holding his arm across his body. ¡°Care to dance the encore first?¡± ¡°I¡ª¡± I swallowed, shaking my head as a name came to mind. ¡°Jason?¡± ¡°Tr¨¨s bien, madame.¡± He stood taller, his lip creasing in one corner, leaving the smile to come only from behind his eyes¡ªthe way David smiled when he read my mind. ¡°You look so much like him.¡± Jason exhaled and offered his arm; ¡°Walk with me?¡± ¡°Where to?¡± ¡°Just to the balcony,¡± he said, cupping my hand into the crook of his elbow. We passed right by Mike and my friends, who didn¡¯t even look up as this stranger led me away from the dance floor. ¡°It¡¯s a beautiful night, wouldn¡¯t you agree?¡± ¡°A perfect night.¡± I leaned on the marble railing, watching the other dancers in the final act. ¡°Perfect for one¡¯s last,¡± he said softly. ¡°Pardon?¡± ¡°I shall not repeat myself, girl. It¡¯s rude not to listen.¡± ¡°I heard you. I just wondered what you meant.¡± Jason smiled, seemingly to himself. ¡°I meant that if this were your last night, it would be a grand way to spend it.¡± ¡°Yes.¡± I looked down at the dance floor again. ¡°I suppose so.¡± ¡°Do you know why I¡¯ve come?¡± I shook my head. ¡°Are you here because of David?¡± ¡°In ways.¡± His eyes focused on something distant, while the same malignant smile as before settled onto his dark-pink lips, sending shivers down my spine. Bad shivers. ¡°Where is he?¡± I asked. ¡°In pain, I suspect?¡± ¡°What do you mean by that?¡± I stood up straight. Jason turned and leaned his back on the ledge. ¡°I mean¡ªyou hurt him. Badly. I suspect he¡¯s grieving at this time.¡± ¡°What would you know about it?¡± ¡°I know you gave him your heart, then denied him your life.¡± ¡°That¡¯s none of your business,¡± I said, turning to walk away. But his hand lashed out and caught my arm, spinning me into his chest with a breathtaking jolt. ¡°On the contrary, my dear, it is.¡± ¡°What are you doing?¡± I wedged the ball of my palm into his chest. ¡°Let go of me.¡± When a few curious glances flicked our way, Jason placed his hand firmly on my lower back and forced my arms into position. ¡°Dance with me.¡± ¡°What if I don¡¯t want to?¡± ¡°I¡¯ll make you.¡± He held me firmly, spinning around to the soft piano, like we were just two masked teens in love. ¡°What do you want, Jason?¡± ¡°I think you already know what I want.¡± ¡°I¡¯ve never been one for guessing games.¡± ¡°Let¡¯s just say¡ª¡± his eyes, under the cover of the black mask, became small with a smile, ¡°¡ªI¡¯m not here for pleasure.¡± The pulse between my collarbones seemed to shoot out backward, filling me with a sudden urge to run. I cast my eyes to the dance floor, but Mike was gone. The space he stood before¡ªvacant. ¡°Well,¡± I said, sounding amazingly calm, ¡°if it¡¯s not pleasure, it must be business. What business do you have here?¡± ¡°The concluding of an age-old quarrel among brothers¡ªone you, so unfortunately, have found yourself recompense of.¡± ¡°What?¡± Jason¡¯s head moved at a fraction of an inch, the green in his eyes occupying the corners. ¡°Someone is looking for you.¡± I followed his sideways gaze to see Mike running through the crowd¡ªpanicked, touching the shoulders of various individuals¡ªobviously desperate to find me. Look up, Mike, look up. ¡°I¡¯ll kill him, Ara. If he comes for you¡ªhe will die.¡± ¡°Why?¡± I gasped. ¡°What do you want with me?¡± ¡°It¡¯s nothing personal, really.¡± He tilted his head. ¡°Then again, perhaps it is.¡± ¡°Huh?¡± He sighed. ¡°I¡¯m going to hurt you to hurt my brother.¡± My mouth fell open with a huff. ¡°Don¡¯t you dare touch me.¡± ¡°Oh, I¡¯m going to do worse than touch you.¡± ¡°No!¡± I sunk my knees down, slipping free from his hold, but he grabbed my arm, hoisting me to my feet and started walking toward the dark chamber gardens. ¡°Let me go, Jason,¡± I ordered, ¡°I¡¯ll scream.¡± He just smiled wickedly, keeping his eyes on our destination. ¡°You won¡¯t scream. Because I¡¯ll kill them¡ªall of them, Ara. I will take every last life that resides in this miserable gathering, and I will save you until the end, so you may watch as I tear apart each one of your friends and eviscerate your replacement lover.¡± ¡°No. You have no right to do that.¡± I tugged hard against him. ¡°I won¡¯t let you hurt them.¡± ¡°Then come quietly.¡± ¡°No.¡± I scratched at his hand, trying to unwind his fingers from my arm, but they tightened¡ªhis nails digging in to my flesh. ¡°Let me go!¡± He laughed. ¡°Um, no.¡± As we neared the step, my darting gaze of desperation flicked around the room, passing over the smiles of distracted couples. But each face was unfamiliar. No one knew me. No one knew I was being kidnapped. And not one of the faces was David. He was supposed to be here. He was supposed to come. The last dance on the hour of midnight. That was the deal. The haunting piano stopped below us, and the gentle clicking of applause filled the air as Jason pulled me along¡ªattempting discretion¡ªand to my amazement, succeeding. We stopped by the stairs, waiting as a few couples emerged from the darkness, straightening their clothes, looking a little flushed. Jason smiled at them knowingly, pulling me in to conceal his tight grip within the closeness of our bodies. I tried to push my hips away from his, but he hooked his foot around my ankle, leaning closer to whisper against my brow. ¡°If you bring attention to yourself, young lady, I will dig my fingertip into your skin and cut your bone in half.¡± Page 88 I stopped struggling, taking shallow breaths to suppress the deep urge to fight, and when I saw my hand against the lapels of Jason¡¯s jacket, my ruby ring standing out like midnight blood, Mike¡¯s face, the way he smiled when I accepted his proposal, came to mind. All those things that were lost filled my heart with regret. I wanted Mike to come¡ªwanted him to save me. And a part of me didn''t care about anyone else in the room; a part of me just wanted to scream out while I still had the chance. But if I even indulged in the idea, I¡¯d be risking Mike¡¯s life too.Advertisement ¡°Mike can¡¯t help you now, anyway, Ara. He¡¯s only human.¡± David could help me¡ªif he were here. I know he¡¯d... ¡°David will not help you, either. He¡¯s not coming back for you.¡± Jason¡¯s eyes flooded with amusement as he looked down at the cold liquid running from my nose and eyes, trickling past my quivering lip. ¡°But you already knew that, didn¡¯t you?¡± I nodded, closing my eyes tight. ¡°It¡¯s quite the poetic ending, really, that you despised him, lost him because you could not become the beast he is, and yet, in dying, your beautiful face and body will be marred beyond recognition, crafting you, essentially, into an eternal beast.¡± ¡°No!¡± The fright left my lips in an uncontrolled wail, and several other cries came from nearby, couples parting, nearly toppling over the railing as a bulk figure burst through them on the stairs. Jason slowly looked over his shoulder, his gaze meeting Mike¡¯s for a split second, a lifetime of comprehension passing the invisible barrier between them. And Mike started running. Panic overruled my fear. I wriggled in Jason¡¯s arms, torn between reality and paranormal. I couldn''t let my world touch Mike¡¯s¡ªcouldn¡¯t let him die for me. ¡°Jason!¡± I gasped in a low voice. ¡°Run!¡± ¡°As you wish,¡± he said, and in that moment, as he reached down and swept me off the ground, Mike knew. I closed my eyes and prayed as the darkness closed me in, seeing Mike¡¯s face, seeing all hope slip for that one heartbeat when he knew, when he realised for the first time, that he would never see me again. A rush of wind and the feel of speed beneath my feet ended suddenly. I opened my eyes again to kaleidoscope shadows of leaves on my hands and dress. Jason spun me at the shoulders, facing me in the other direction, and pointed past the border of the forest to the top of the stairs. Mike grasped the railing and leaned into the night¡ªsearching the darkness frantically, as my name echoed off the emptiness, his voice breaking to tears beneath the panic. ¡°He won¡¯t give up, you know,¡± I said. ¡°Then he¡¯ll die.¡± I looked back at Jason and, seeing the seriousness in his eyes, slowly looked upon my Zorro one last time. Mike¡¯s hands flew into his hair, gripping tightly as he sunk down onto the step, his head between his knees. ¡°That¡¯s quite a warrior you have there,¡± Jason said. ¡°Perhaps I should oblige him to a duel?¡± ¡°You came here for me. You leave him out of this,¡± I warned, clenching my fists. Jason watched again for a second as Emily landed beside Mike, her hand on his shoulder, her head whipping up to search the gardens before she took off up the stairs, running. Mike rolled back, looking up at the sky, then reached into his pocket, his phone lighting his face blue a second later. ¡°My dad. He¡¯s calling my dad.¡± ¡°No,¡± Jason said. ¡°He¡¯s calling the police.¡± The severity of the situation hit me then. I drew a shaky breath, feeling the frosty, pine-scented wind tighten my chest. ¡°You won¡¯t get away with this.¡± ¡°That was never the plan.¡± My shoulders slowly inched closer to my jaw. ¡°I¡­I don¡¯t want you to hurt me.¡± ¡°Of course you don¡¯t,¡± he said, amused. ¡°It wouldn¡¯t be any fun if you did.¡± ¡°Fun? So that¡¯s what this is really about? Fun?¡± He turned to me, slowly laying widespread fingers to his mask and drew it away, revealing a face that stole my breath. ¡°To a degree.¡± ¡°You¡¯re sick, Jason.¡± I looked away from the kind eyes of my David, offensive on this vile man. ¡°I¡¯m not the sick one. Your beloved vampire ex is.¡± ¡°David?¡± I scoffed. ¡°At least he would never take an innocent life for revenge.¡± Jason¡¯s sudden burst of laughter was revoltingly boyish and sincere; a different kind of laugh to his brother¡¯s. ¡°Oh, that¡¯s right. You think he¡¯s kind¡ªand compassionate.¡± ¡°I don¡¯t think. I know.¡± He spun around about a foot away and bowed with humour, crossing his hands over his stomach. ¡°My dear, young lady, you have been kept in the dark, haven¡¯t you?¡± ¡°Not as far as I¡¯m concerned.¡± I wedged my hands onto my hips. ¡°As far as you¡¯re concerned? As far as you are concerned, my sweet girl, he is a vile, disgusting vampire who kills people with his teeth; not good enough for you to love eternally. Is it any surprise he might have done something terrible in his past that, perhaps, hurt others?¡± ¡°Like what?¡± ¡°Like killing a girl I was in love with!¡± Jason¡¯s cold breath infected the side of my face as he sprung up suddenly in front of me, whispering his words into my skin. ¡°And I intend to repay him the favour.¡± I jerked away, shoving him. ¡°Go ahead, Jason. If you¡¯re going to kill me, just get it over with.¡± He laughed. ¡°Excuse me?¡± ¡°You heard me.¡± I wiped my lip, standing taller. ¡°I¡¯m tired of this. In fact, since you obviously want to taint his honour with your little story about how evil David is, why not break into a little bad-guy monologue?¡± I challenged. ¡°Maybe you can even get stuck in it just long enough for me to escape.¡± Jason¡¯s hand moved, and every muscle in my throat seized up, the blood filling my head above the cage of fingers. ¡°Do not speak to me with such contempt, you haughty little bitch.¡± He thrust his arm downward, slamming me to the floor. I coughed out, falling to my side, clenching the grass in a small fist as I tried to catch my breath¡ªhalf suffocating under the rattling of my heart. ¡°Have we learned our lesson now?¡± The predator towered over me. ¡°Just leave me alone.¡± I sniffled, rolling onto my knees, tearing the mask from my face. ¡°Leave you alone?¡± He knelt beside me, taking the mask. ¡°Why would I go and do a thing like that? Especially now you¡¯re crying.¡± ¡°What¡¯s that got to do with it?¡± I asked, dabbing a finger under my lashes. ¡°She cried. She begged him to stop.¡± He turned my jaw until it faced him; I wouldn¡¯t look into his eyes, though. ¡°You, my dear, have only reached phase one of your torture.¡± ¡°Then what¡¯s phase two?¡± I asked through my teeth, scrunching the grass tightly. ¡°If you¡¯re going to kill me, I¡¯d rather not drag this out playing guessing games.¡± ¡°Oh, but my lovely girl, games are half the fun¡ªthey¡¯re what will climax the ending when I show him the way I hurt you,¡± he said in a kind voice, like he was talking to a child. ¡°Finally, he will get to see how it feels to watch someone he loves die at the hands of someone he¡¯s trusted his whole life.¡± ¡°You saw him kill her¡ªthis girl you loved?¡± My whisper came out ragged. ¡°I did¡ªin his memories.¡± He seemed to choke. ¡°You cannot fathom the debasing things he did to her, Ara¡ªyou cannot comprehend what she suffered in those last moments.¡± ¡°So you¡¯re going to be the one to make me understand?¡± I said sarcastically. Jason thumbed a tear away from my chin. ¡°Yes, but first, by making you see.¡± When his hand came up fast, I cowered, shielding my cheek, but he shoved my wrist away, gripping both sides of my face to pull me closer. ¡°What¡¯re you doing?¡± I asked, nose to nose with this man who meant to hurt me. ¡°Blessing you with the gift of insight.¡± He squeezed my face tighter as I fought him. ¡°Sit still.¡± ¡°No. I don¡¯t want you to touch me.¡± ¡°You need to see this,¡± he said, breathless. ¡°You need to know what you¡¯re dying for.¡± ¡°Why?¡± ¡°Why?¡± His voice broke, tears coating his eyes. ¡°Because it matters.¡± And a small part of me actually felt a pang of pity for him then. I held my breath, listening for the voices in the distance calling my name. All I wanted was to run to them, to get away, but I exhaled slowly and looked deep into the eyes of my captor. ¡°Let it go, Jason.¡± He pressed his thumbs under my eyes, holding me in place; the indentation of his grip suggesting that movement might result in a cracked skull. ¡°Take a deep breath, Ara.¡± ¡°Please¡ªdon¡¯t.¡± As his icy touch sent a stinging jolt through my cheek, I jerked back, wriggling like a fish on a hook; I pushed my wrists down on his forearms, merely making his grip tighter. ¡°Get off me, it hurts.¡± ¡°I know.¡± ¡°Please¡ª¡± I tugged at his thumbs. ¡°Please stop.¡± ¡°Close your eyes,¡± he ordered. ¡°It will hurt less.¡± A whimpering cry shook the back of my throat; I swallowed hard, scrunching my eyes tightly over the hot, stinging tears, and drew a quick breath instantly when I saw a girl¡ªas bright as the sun in the day. She looked like a memory, one that didn¡¯t belong to me, but clear as a reflection. ¡°Rochelle, Rochelle, Rochelle,¡± a man said, standing over her where she cowered in the corner, her head in her arms. His feet parted enough that I could see her bare toes, her golden legs, and honey blond hair falling over her shoulder. She looked just like Emily. ¡°Yes.¡± Jason¡¯s grip eased and the stinging in my face turned numb and cold. ¡°She did. Will you sit still now?¡± As I nodded, the film became clearer; the girl looked up¡ªher eyes round with fright, her whole body convulsing uncontrollably. David knelt beside her and softly ran his fingers down her arm, taking her hand, then kissed it. ¡°Such a pretty little thing. It¡¯s a pity you had to cry, Rochelle¡ªyou really are repulsive when you snivel.¡± She buried her face again, her delicate, feminine voice so high, so frightened. ¡°Please. Please let me go.¡± He smiled softly. ¡°I will. I just have to do something first.¡± ¡°W-what?¡± even in a quiet voice, her French accent was so thick. His hand slid along her ankle, up her leg, coming to rest on her knee. ¡°If you promise to lie still, I will be gentle.¡± ¡°No. Please!¡± ¡°Don¡¯t beg, Rochelle.¡± He unfastened the top button on her dress, parting the collar. ¡°It won''t hurt for long.¡± ¡°Va te faire foutre, trouduci.¡± She spat on him. ¡°You dirty little whore!¡± He thrashed the back of his hand across her chin with lip-splitting force. I squealed, covering my mouth as she did. ¡°Shh.¡± Jason squeezed my face. ¡°You¡¯ll expose our position to your little hunting party.¡± ¡°I¡¯m sorry,¡± I said. ¡°Just watch.¡± He pushed my mind closer to the memory: David lowered his face to the girl¡¯s and whispered something in her ear, turning her cheek to lick the blood from it after. My chest tightened. ¡°Your taste does not really appeal to me,¡± he said. ¡°Then let me go.¡± ¡°I would, if you were merely my next meal, but I''m here for another reason.¡± ¡°What reason?¡± ¡°My brother does not have the courage to do what must be done.¡± He ran his finger down the opening in her dress, smoothing it off her shoulder. ¡°This is not personal, Rochelle. It¡¯s just business.¡± ¡°What must be done?¡± I said. ¡°What?¡± ¡°Please?¡± she shrieked. ¡°Please don¡¯t, David, I¡¯m p¡ª¡± ¡°Shh.¡± He covered her mouth, slipping behind her, cradling her spine to his chest. ¡°It will be over soon.¡± She hummed her aversion in the back of her throat, tugging at his hand. ¡°It hurts more if you fight, Rochelle,¡± he whispered into her hair, meticulously rolling her head to expose the vein on her neck. ¡°I¡¯ll try not to enjoy this.¡± ¡°David, no!¡± my squeal broke off as he sank his teeth in, yanking the girl¡¯s head back until a bone broke through her collar. I covered my face, trying to hide from the reality. ¡°No. You must see.¡± ¡°Please, no, Jason. Please don¡¯t make me watch.¡± He ripped my hands from my face. ¡°You will watch.¡± As I looked back into the memory, David looked up, his eyes meeting mine¡ªdisturbing the core of my soul with the ferocity behind them¡ªtearing out my every ill-conceived notion that he was once human inside. I hated him then, as I saw the monster he¡¯d warned me about so many times¡ªI hated him. I sobbed loudly, watching his victim fall limp in his arms, her last breath releasing in a whisper, ¡°David?¡± He moved closer. ¡°I¡¯m pregnant.¡± I drew back, frozen, unable to think; my heart pounded in my chest as the realisation of the loss that could never be retrieved flooded my angry heart, bringing a cascade of tears down my cheeks. Rochelle faded. David dropped her lifeless corpse to the floor, letting her head hit the ground, her neck twisting awkwardly as she fell¡ªthen stood up and walked away. His heavy black boots were the last thing I saw in the memory before reality washed in like cold water on my face, making me jump inside. ¡°Jason,¡± I cried through deep, breathless sobs. ¡°I¡¯m so sorry.¡± Page 89 All I could see was her face as she tried to beg David¡ªheartless, merciless, and unrelenting David¡ªfor her life.Advertisement Jason wrapped his arms around his knees and crossed his ankles where he sat on the grass beside me. ¡°This is the pain I¡¯ve lived with for too long. Do you see now?¡± ¡°I don¡¯t want to see it.¡± I rolled forward, rooting my trembling hands to the grass, my soft curls sticking to the tears around my lips. ¡°Please get it out of my head.¡± ¡°I can¡¯t. You own it now.¡± I couldn¡¯t breathe. I couldn¡¯t believe what I¡¯d just seen. ¡°Why? Why did he kill her?¡± I asked. ¡°She carried another soul inside her.¡± ¡°The baby? He killed her because she was pregnant?¡± He nodded once. ¡°At the preliminary hearing, he claimed he was keeping the peace¡ªridding the world of an unauthorized half-blood.¡± ¡°Did he¡­was he ordered to do that?¡± ¡°No. He took it upon himself.¡± ¡°Then how do you know that¡¯s why he killed her? How do you know it wasn¡¯t an attempt to change her¡ªso you could keep her?¡± Jason stiffened. ¡°He tried that one. Outside the council chamber, alone, he told me he meant it as a surprise¡ªthat he lied to the Blood King about his reasons to avoid punishment.¡± ¡°Then, why didn''t she change?¡± ¡°Even if he was speaking the truth¡ªeven if he meant to change her, only one soul can be immortalised, or they will both die.¡± ¡°So, then, maybe he didn¡¯t know she was pregnant?¡± ¡°My brother is not ignorant, Ara, you know this.¡± I exhaled. He was right. David always had the upper hand. Always. Nothing got past him. ¡°You loved her¡ªlike he loves me?¡± The grip around his knees tightened. ¡°She was everything to me; fifty years has passed, and that has not changed.¡± ¡°But¡­now you¡¯re planning to do the same thing to David. Don¡¯t you know what I am to him?¡± He studied my face with repugnance. ¡°Yes, and I will take that from him.¡± My head rocked from side to side in astonished, intensely maddening disbelief. How could my David be capable of such horror? ¡°I know it means nothing to you, Jason, but¡­I am so, so sorry,¡± I whispered with a focused, watery stare. ¡°You¡¯re right. It changes nothing,¡± he said irresolutely. ¡°Now you know why you must die.¡± ¡°Ara!¡± I looked up to the sound of that voice; Mike¡ªhe was close¡ªso close that if I dared to scream, he¡¯d find me. Without warning, Jason swept me from the wet grass and threw me over his shoulder. All the blood rushed into a tight pulse in my lips and cheeks, making it hard to see, leaving only the whipping breeze as evidence to the ground moving beneath us. I didn¡¯t care if he took me away, though. I hung limply over my captor, unable to feel anything anymore. All I could see were Rochelle¡¯s eyes in her last moments¡ªthe fear, the desperation for her life and that of her unborn child¡ªwhile a soft whisper repeated from my lips, ¡°David. How could you?¡± Chapter Thirty-Three We broke through into a clearing and a dense, shadowy darkness overtook. The only lights around were a thousand twinkling stars in the sky and the distant glow of the Masquerade; pink, like the last drop of sunlight on the horizon. Jason set me down in the long grass, my bare toes sinking into the dewy soil. I hadn¡¯t even noticed my shoes fell off until now. The voices of the hunters¡ªthe ones searching for me¡ªwere as faint behind the height of the towering trees around us as the soft, magical music of the ball, still playing, perhaps to keep the patrons calm. But I knew they could search all night, put posters up on every tree, phone every television station in the world, and they would never find me. ¡°They will find you,¡± Jason said, his voice revealing his position in the darkness. ¡°Once I''m finished with you, that is.¡± ¡°What? You¡¯re going to leave me here?¡± ¡°Yes.¡± ¡°Please, Jason. Don¡¯t do this,¡± I begged, stepping away, reaching for the place my silver locket used to rest. ¡°Just think about it for a second.¡± He laughed lightly. ¡°Ara-Rose, I have thought about it¡ªfor a very long time.¡± He appeared in front of me. ¡°I know exactly what I¡¯m going to do to you.¡± I swallowed, grateful that the dark cloaked his face. If I¡¯d been able to see the intent behind the smile I heard in his voice, I was afraid my skin might have fallen from my limbs. But, ignorant, I could pretend to be strong. ¡°Then, why haven¡¯t you done it yet? Are you waiting for some perfect moment?¡± He stepped forward, the shadows lifting, revealing his eyes as hollow, yawning caves. ¡°No, Ara. I¡¯m a vampire¡ªwe like to play with our food.¡± ¡°I''m not your food. You came here to kill me. That makes me a victim.¡± ¡°Yes, I suppose it does.¡± His firm grip sent a rush of blood shooting from my arm to my heart; he pulled me closer, his orange-chocolate scent waking my mind to a different version of the dream it always put me in¡ªcasting me suddenly into the theatrics of a nightmare. ¡°But still, I have a few games¡ªthings I want you to suffer before I kill you.¡± ¡°Don''t do that,¡± I said, pushing his chest, unable to get my arm free. ¡°Don¡¯t keep saying things like that.¡± ¡°Stupid little thing, aren¡¯t you?¡± he said with a laugh. ¡°Or, perhaps, brave¡ªmaking demands of your reaper.¡± ¡°I¡¯m not afraid of you.¡± ¡°You should be.¡± Something exchanged between us then, a kind of knowing that came from experience; it was as if I could see every thought beyond the darkness of his eyes. He wanted to do something to me then¡ªwhat, I didn¡¯t know, but it made me suddenly not so sure of myself. ¡°Do you know what his favourite genre of film was? Did he tell you?¡± ¡°Horror.¡± I nodded, eyes on the ground. ¡°Yes. So, I thought I might make this little charade as gruesome an end as I could dream up, so that when I show him the memory, he will be haunted by it for the rest of eternity.¡± He walked slowly around me, the feel of his eyes gliding over every bare inch of my skin, stopping in front of me with his cold breath moist on my brow, his body close like he was my David. ¡°I haven¡¯t eaten for five days and the hunger in me is so vicious right now, I''m not sure I can make this last as long as I would like.¡± I closed my eyes, crossing my forearms over my chest. ¡°I''ve touched your hair before.¡± He lifted a clipping and pressed it to his nose. ¡°I watched you¡ªwhile you slept, and never intended to touch you, but your hair¡ª¡± He breathed in deeply, closing his eyes. ¡°You smell so pretty. Did he ever tell you that?¡± I nodded. ¡°And it¡¯s not just your blood¡ªit¡¯s you, your human cosmetics, your hair, your clothes. All of you.¡± He considered the chocolate-brown curls against his palm for a moment, running his thumb over them. ¡°This is easier than I thought.¡± ¡°What?¡± I asked, feeling my shaky breath brush warmly across my salty, tear-stained lips. ¡°I was sure your beautiful face would force compassion within me, but¡ª¡± he shook his head, dropping my hair, ¡°¡ªI feel nothing for you, as if you were merely a dog who had bitten a child. I just want to see you dead¡ªin the worst way possible.¡± My crossed arms tightened over my chest. ¡°And, don¡¯t get me wrong; I do see this as a waste of life¡ªbeautiful life. I will not deny the fact that you are something special, Ara, but I cannot let you live. You understand this?¡± He lifted my chin; I nodded, sniffling. ¡°However, I would like to dance with you one last time before I begin.¡± My body moved with his, close, circling like two birds falling mid-flight. The feel of his cool fingers at the ribbon of my corset and the softness of his palm against mine, made me wish only that I were his¡ªhis girl, for him to touch, to love, to hold. I wanted to be a part of him, as I once was with David. He spun me out from his body gracefully, and I twirled back into his chest, completely intoxicated by his spell¡ªand completely aware of it too. We swayed together in the cool breeze, surrounded by the trees, where no one could see us, and no one would ever find us¡ªnot until he was finished with me. ¡°Beg me not to kill you,¡± he whispered, his lips against my brow like a kiss. ¡°Beg me and I will show you mercy.¡± ¡°I¡ª¡± My throat tightened, eyes spilling with tears as I looked into his; he was just like David. But he was going to kill me no matter how much I begged. And the worst part was, it didn''t matter to me, because, as if a thread of finely-woven silk had bound us, I was unable to resist. I wanted him to kill me; I wanted him to hurt me first¡ªbecause it would be an honour to die by his hand. ¡°That¡¯s not a very convincing plea for your life, Ara,¡± he said. The faint blue sparkle surrounding my thoughts persisted like delirium consuming an otherwise rational mind. I smiled up at him, wishing we would dance this way together, forever. ¡°What are you doing to me, Jason? Why does nothing make sense?¡± ¡°Hush now, sweet girl. I am making this easier by allowing you to feel safe with me. It is one of my many talents.¡± ¡°But I¡ª¡± ¡°Shh. This is an extension of kindness, child. Do not look a gift horse in the mouth.¡± My throat fought hard for its own vocabulary¡ªfor common sense. But he smelled just like David, and I missed him so much I just wanted to believe he was David; to imagine for one last moment that I was in his arms¡ªthat I still mattered to him. ¡°Close your eyes and you shall believe it.¡± ¡°You can never be him. And you¡¯ll just be closer to becoming the monster he is by killing me¡ª¡± My gaze delved deep into his hollow, shadowed eyes, ¡°¡ªbut you will never have a heart like his, and I will never give you mine.¡± We stopped moving, his hands slipping from my body, an icy rush tearing away the cloud of my confusion, leaving behind a sudden explosion of terror. ¡°I don¡¯t want your heart, you stupid girl.¡± He peeled me from the closeness of his body, tossing me off to the side by my arm. But my dress caught under my toes, my hands flailing as I fell backward, stopping against the ground with a high-pitched surge of wind blasting from my lungs. Before I could even find the source of the sudden pain I felt, blood gushed out over my fingertip. ¡°Ooh.¡± Jason stood over me, wincing. ¡°That looks nasty.¡± ¡°Ah!¡± I pinched the edge of the partially detached nail, my hand shaking like glass in an earthquake. ¡°You¡¯ll need to fold that back, or it¡¯ll come right off,¡± Jason said. ¡°I know,¡± I yelled at him, trying to use my thumb to roll the nail back in place, but every time I touched it, it shifted and the pain intensified, closing in around me as if I were in a red box. ¡°Settle down.¡± Jason took my hand, straightened my arm out to the side¡ªaway from my line of sight¡ªand¡­ ¡°Ah!¡± I screamed, but it reduced to a tiny whimper as the agony receded. When Jason released me, I doubled over, weeping breathlessly into my skirt. I just wanted to go home. I didn¡¯t want to die like this. Not like this. ¡°Ara, look at me.¡± I struggled to push myself up to my knees, falling on my elbows each time. The killer just watched. I couldn¡¯t even look at his face to see if he was enjoying it. I felt pathetic and helpless, humiliated at my own whimpering. But I couldn¡¯t stop it. It just kept coming out. ¡°Why are you crying like that?¡± He grabbed my arm to help me to my knees. I tried to speak, but the words had no shape¡ªjust distraught sobs, like a hysterical child. All anger had trickled away with realisation; he wasn¡¯t playing games. He really was going to kill me. This was real. This was no book or movie where the girl gets rescued. I was going to die here. Tonight. Even the distant sound of voices, having grown in number, coming toward us, couldn¡¯t be sounds of salvation for me¡ªmerely a cruel, cold reminder that there was life beyond this. And I would never know freedom again. ¡°Please just let me go, Jason.¡± ¡°I can¡¯t.¡± I wiped the tears and dribble from my chin. ¡°Please. I had nothing to do with her death. I¡ª¡± ¡°But your lover did.¡± ¡°No.¡± I covered my ears, shaking my head. ¡°David¡¯s not to blame, either. It¡¯s you. You loved her¡ªyou brought her into your world¡ªyou didn''t protect her!¡± ¡°You know nothing!¡± I felt only a sharp jolt, nerves stinging in the base of my skull as he grasped a handful of my hair, pulling my face closer, his shaky breath coming through his teeth in three short words. ¡°You. Know. Nothing.¡± ¡°I know what you are,¡± I said, arching my neck to stop my hair from coming out. ¡°I know the things you¡¯re capable of.¡± ¡°Then you can imagine what I¡¯m about to do to you.¡± I tried to shake my head. ¡°I¡¯m not afraid of you. You won¡¯t hurt me. Emily told me that you¡¯re swee¡ª¡± ¡°You shut your mouth, you horrible little human.¡± His fingers knotted tightly in my hair, moving the flesh over my scalp, making my forehead higher. ¡°Jason, please.¡± My fingertips slowly reached for his arm. ¡°Please, look at me. I¡¯m not the enemy. I¡¯m not the¡ª¡± Page 90 ¡°One does not have to deserve the misfortune they suffer.¡± His anger landed in my face in dots of saliva. ¡°You were to die by torture for his crimes, but now you will endure it more slowly for your own mouthy impudence, you stupid, stupid girl.¡± ¡°Ara-Rose!¡± Voices echoed off the shallow valley. Jason¡¯s grip on my hair eased until he untangled his fingers gently from the loose remains and removed his hand.Advertisement I looked up at him, my scalp burning like the rage rising within me. ¡°Go ahead. Do what you want. It will never change the fact that Rochelle¡¯s dead¡ªand all it will achieve is your own pain when David takes revenge on you.¡± Jason just sat beside me on the ground. ¡°Actually, my dear, the laws of our kind prevent he should seek retribution for the death of a human.¡± He grinned, seemingly pleased with himself. ¡°The unlawful changing of one to a vampire, yes¡ªbut not death.¡± ¡°What?¡± ¡°I have the right to mutilate my kill in any way I see fit¡ªas long as I eat you. The law will not side with David this time. There is nothing he can do, and he will have an eternity to reflect on the horrific way in which I hurt you. Oh, Ara¡ª¡± He rolled his head back. ¡°It will kill him inside; the images I will savour for him shall be etched into the iris of his minds-eye for all time.¡± ¡°No¡ªthat isn¡¯t fair.¡± ¡°Life is not fair. But you refuse to believe that, don¡¯t you?¡± I shook my head, the anger becoming a physical form of hatred inside me. ¡°I won¡¯t let you destroy my faith in¡ª¡± ¡°I don¡¯t need to destroy it,¡± he yelled. ¡°I will destroy you instead, then David¡¯s hope, his faith in life, in love, will be lost forever.¡± ¡°No. You will let me go. I will not be the victim in your family feuds,¡± I said with an unsteady cry, trying to sound strong. ¡°You know¡ª¡± he stopped and listened as the hunters came closer, ¡°¡ªyou only make this more of a game for me¡ªto see how long I have to hurt you until your faith breaks.¡± ¡°And all that will do is prolong my life, because I will never lose faith. Love will prevail. David will come for me, and I will go home and live my life, and you¡ª¡± I spat the words out, ¡°¡ªwill suffer for eternity without Rochelle.¡± He reached sideways and knocked his forearm across my chest; I yelped out an odd sounding whimper as I fell to the ground with my hands across my ribs, unable to find my breath for a second. ¡°Keep up this haughty attitude, and I will see to it that death is not the worst you suffer.¡± I snickered miserably to myself, pressing my hands to the ground, stretching my arms to lift myself up. ¡°What could be worse than death?¡± ¡°Many things,¡± he scoffed. ¡°How ¡®bout if I ensure your replacement lover finds his precious baby girl in such disgrace that he will suffer the nightmares of your naked, mutilated body, for the next fifty years?¡± ¡°Please! No!¡± I jumped to my knees and grabbed his sleeve. ¡°Kill me, do what you want, but don¡¯t let Mike see¡ªI¡¯m begging you.¡± ¡°Begging?¡± he asked, cold amusement oozing through his voice. ¡°I gave you the chance to beg, but you were too proud. Now I will give you no such fortune. Curious though¡ª¡± He rubbed his chin. ¡°You care not for what I show your true love, but for Mike¡ªyou wish him to be free of this detest. Why?¡± ¡°He¡¯s good, Jason.¡± Hysteria turned my words to hiccups. ¡°He doesn¡¯t deserve this. It has nothing to do with him. Please just don¡¯t hurt him like this.¡± ¡°Shh, hush now, sweet little girl. It will all be okay¡ªfor you. You will be dead in a few hours, and all of this¡ªthe cold, the dark, the fear of what his last vision of you will be¡ªwill all be over.¡± Jason softened then and stroked my face, so gently. ¡°How¡¯s this sound? Now that I know how much Mike means to you, perhaps I will make sure that he finds you revoltingly displayed.¡± As his laughter filled the silence, images flashed in my mind of so many horrible possibilities. I shook my head, trying to find words in the back of my closing throat. I didn¡¯t want Mike to see. I didn¡¯t want his last memory of me to be something horrible. ¡°Let me paint the picture for you.¡± He knelt beside me, tracing his finger slowly from my chin to my collarbones as he spoke. ¡°I could tear a line down the centre of your body and peel you apart, leave your legs spread, intact, so that when he finds your adulterated corpse, his heart will give out, and he will fall to the ground beside you¡ªand die.¡± I crossed my hands over my chest and focused on the brown and green stains discolouring my ball gown, blocking out the roar of his hilarity. Mike would break. He would die if Jason did that to me. Already, my mere death would destroy him more than anything in this world ever could. I had to escape¡ªI couldn¡¯t let him do this to Mike. ¡°Now, who says I''m merciless?¡± He continued to laugh, relishing in self-amusement, while I gauged the distance between his hands, sitting loosely over his parted knees, leaving open the one place no man was immune to pain. Then, with every ounce of force I could muster from my weakened body, I lifted my foot and slammed it down into Jason¡¯s groin. A balk of anguish rang out into the night. The vampire folded in, clutching his weak spot, and as I spun onto my hands and knees and jumped to my feet, his fingers wrapped my ankle. I screamed, kicking them off, but jerked away too fast, losing the grip on gravity. A wicked jolt sent me down to kiss the grass a few feet away from him, and as the blow wore off, I pushed up on my hands, spitting lawn clippings from my mouth. ¡°Get. Back. Here,¡± Jason grumbled, so strained with agony I knew there was still time. I got back up, stumbling onto my fingertips for a second before finding my feet¡ªand ran. Just ran, ignoring the sear of pain in my nail as I hoisted my skirt above my knees, fighting for each step I took. I wanted to look back. Wanted to see if he got up¡ªsee if he was behind me. But I¡¯d watched enough movies to know that would be my final mistake. So I ran¡ªmy legs hot, shaky with adrenaline, making them move faster than I knew possible but not fast enough; I pictured the face of anger on the vampire behind me, feeling the crawl of my skin as I imagined him rising to his knees, watching me run¡ªgiving me a moment to believe I¡¯d escaped. Hope filled my chest as I reached the border of the trees, my feet slipping for a second on the skinny dregs of pine needles, and searched the darkness for a shadow¡ªa figure, a person that might have wandered away from the hunting party. And the beat of my heart thumped so ferociously I could hardly breathe, but I took a gulp of the icy night air, shaping it to scream, ¡°Hel¡ª¡± ¡°Nice try.¡± My body shot backward, like a lasso had snagged my neck. The iron grip of the vampire cut any hope of rescue, muffling my scream; only a whimper escaped, lost to the empty silence of the dark night. No one would hear it. I was too late. I dropped to my knees, trying to loosen his hold around my throat. ¡°You cannot outrun a vampire. It is pointless to even try.¡± A series of consonants rolled from the back of my tongue, trapped by his stranglehold, my nose and cheeks pulsating with blood¡ªlike they were about to pop open. ¡°I want to kill you, right here, right now,¡± he said through his teeth, his voice quivering. ¡°But I will not show you such mercy.¡± Nearby, the hunters finally came so close that I could hear their private chatters and the instructions being called out to each one from the voice of my fianc¨¦. If they¡¯d only been there two seconds ago they might have heard me. Jason squeezed my throat tighter as I wormed my fingers under his. Please, Jason, I thought, You¡¯re hurting me. ¡°Do you think I care? If I had any compassion for your adversity before, you just destroyed it,¡± he said, his grip easing. ¡°Your blood will no longer be enough to satiate my thirst for revenge.¡± He moved quickly, folding my chest across his arm while the other hand tore the back of my dress open, leaving my skin bare to the prickly grass beneath it as he threw me down onto my back. ¡°No!¡± I coughed the air from my lungs, nudging my elbows into his chest, but he separated my hands in his tenuous grip and forced them onto either side of my head. ¡°I wasn''t going to do this to you, Ara, but I need him to see you suffer, and this is the only way.¡± ¡°Please¡ªplease don¡¯t!¡± ¡°Keep begging, human¡ª¡± He slipped my dress quickly down my waist, jolting my hips upward as he tore it past my legs and tossed it away. ¡°It turns me on.¡± I wedged my knees tightly together. ¡°This is rape, Jason. This is worse than murder.¡± ¡°I thought you said death was the worst one could suffer,¡± he said cynically, winning the battle to compress me into stillness. I shook my head, panting heavily beneath his weight, my teeth so tightly knitted I felt a chip come loose and fall under my tongue. I never even contemplated this. I never even imagined he would be capable. I searched the grounds for a distraction, digging deep for the training Mike gave me¡ªfor the times he laid on me just like this and wouldn¡¯t back down until I broke free. But it was gone¡ªall of it. I couldn¡¯t sidestep the paralysis of fear enough to think straight. But I wasn¡¯t about to let him have me, either. I kicked my heels into the ground, rocking my whole body from side to side. ¡°Stop struggling.¡± Jason jammed the full force of his elbow onto my shoulder. I cried out, my upper body locked into submission. ¡°Shut up or they will hear you.¡± ¡°I don¡¯t care,¡± I cried. ¡°I don¡¯t want you to do this to me.¡± ¡°I know.¡± His palm forced me into silence; only a weak sign of terror survived in the back of my throat. ¡°But I promise, if you lie still, I will only hurt you enough to make you cry. After all¡ª¡± He pushed his knees into my thighs, forcing my legs up and open, ¡°You are a virgin. There are bound to be a few¡­rips.¡± My soul drew away inside me; Oh, please, no. Please don''t. I closed my eyes¡ªtried to escape to someplace else in my mind. ¡°I¡¯m going to enjoy this.¡± He repositioned himself, then froze, looking up as a yellow beam of torchlight flashed across my face for a single second. ¡°Shit.¡± ¡°Look over here,¡± called a stranger. ¡°I thought I saw something.¡± ¡°Ara?¡± Mike called. My heart skipped. I looked up just as Jason looked down at me. Please don¡¯t kill him, Jason. Please don¡¯t. Oh God. I wished he¡¯d just taken me far away. I couldn¡¯t die knowing Mike would too. ¡°If he finds us, he has to die. All of them do.¡± Jason released me. ¡°Please. Please, don¡¯t kill them! Do what you want with me, but, please just let them live?¡± I begged, staring into his softening eyes. His brow pulled tightly together. He gently took my wrist, tugging it to roll my shoulders off the ground and cradled my face close to his chest. ¡°Shh. Okay, just hold tight.¡± Before I had a chance to react, he flung like a rocket into the trees outlining the field. My stomach dropped into my hips; I wrapped my fingers firmly around his jacket, letting go once we landed on the long, scratchy limb of the tallest tree¡ªwhat seemed like miles off the ground. ¡°Thank you,¡± I said, breathless. ¡°You just remember this when I come to lie between your legs again.¡± I shivered all over, everything south of my hips going tight. The air up here was cooler, thinner, making the cloud in my head fizzle away a little. My heart was so confused by the combination of terrors that, if I was afraid of being this high up¡ªof looking out across the city and the steep valley of trees beyond the gardens, feeling as though I could land on the ground miles from this spot if I fell¡ªI didn¡¯t notice it, even though my only beams of safety right now were the splintery shelf of branch, only as wide as my hips, and the secure grip of the predator¡¯s fingers around my arm. Jason watched the men scour the scene below, then looked back at me. ¡°You know, I¡¯m in the mood for a little game.¡± ¡°What? Flesh-bombing hunters?¡± He turned and smiled at me. ¡°You¡¯re funny when you¡¯re frightened.¡± ¡°It¡¯s a common emotional reaction,¡± I said, kind of embarrassed by it. Jason just laughed through his nose, his eyes filling with fondness before he looked back down at Mike, standing a few hundred feet away¡ªtalking on his phone. ¡°If I were a human attacker, he¡¯d have found you by now.¡± ¡°I know.¡± ¡°Let¡¯s have some fun with him, shall we?¡± he said in an unsettlingly smooth tone, then reached behind my back. ¡°And since you won¡¯t be needing this.¡± My hands shot up to cover my chest as my bra came loose, leaving a cool feeling around my ribs. ¡°Just think of the things he¡¯ll imagine when he finds it.¡± Jason laughed, and we both watched as, like a ribbon on the breeze, blue lace floated to the earth below¡ªa part of me finally to touch the hands of the man I loved once more. ¡°I¡¯m sorry, Mike,¡± I whispered. Jason smiled down at my crossed arms¡ªthe kind of smile David would use. ¡°Are you cold?¡± I hadn¡¯t felt it before, but while the hope of rescue faded, a chill had seeped in. I nodded softly. ¡°Here.¡± He lifted me into his lap and wrapped my body around him; my legs on either side of his hips; my chest against the silky fabric of his suit. Perfect position to scratch his eyes out. ¡°Be nice, Ara, and you shall live longer.¡± Page 91 ¡°Stop trying to kill me and I¡¯ll be nice,¡± I said.Advertisement ¡°Right now,¡± he whispered into my cheek, making my skin crawl with the gentle caress of his fingers down my spine, ¡°I am not trying to kill you.¡± ¡°No, but you shouldn¡¯t hold me this way. I don¡¯t belong to you.¡± ¡°But you want to belong to me.¡± His words came out with a smile. ¡°You¡¯re just confusing my mind. It¡¯s not real.¡± ¡°It¡¯s as real as you want it to be.¡± I went to speak, but the truth swallowed my retort. I did want him. I wanted him to touch me. I wanted him to move his lips from their gentle caress over my shoulder, to the purlieu of my mouth, and kiss me. I had no control over my hand; I felt myself slowly move it, as if by instinct, and cup the side of his neck, my breath falling heavily against his jaw with soft little kisses. And even when I felt him grow between my legs, not one part of me wanted to move away. I saw what my brain craved, saw myself reaching down to unzip him¡ªslip him inside me, and dared not move in case I obeyed that desire. ¡°Mmm,¡± he hummed, running his hands down my thighs. ¡°You¡¯re getting hotter. This will make a nice memory to show my brother¡ªthe way you hold me as if I were him.¡± ¡°In my mind, it is him,¡± I whispered. ¡°And yet¡ª¡± he grabbed my wrists and yanked me away from his chest, ¡°¡ªwhen you scream for mercy, it will be my name on your lips.¡± I pulled my elbows in to cover myself. ¡°And in that, you will become everything you despise about him.¡± ¡°I am nothing like him.¡± ¡°An eye for an eye says otherwise.¡± Like a flash going off in my face, my mind blanked for a second, waking to a branch against my spine, my fingers clutching it tightly to stop from falling to depths of the empty space behind me. And as the shock of his slap wore down to the pain, I wanted so badly to cry out to the hunters below¡ªto David. To yell out and beg him to save me. I couldn¡¯t understand why he never came. Surely, my dad called him¡ªtold him what happened. ¡°I¡¯m sorry.¡± Jason gently laid my arm across my bare chest. ¡°It is horrible that he made you believe you meant something to him.¡± I looked up, livid with spite. ¡°I meant everything to him.¡± ¡°And, yet, you refer to yourself in the past tense. So, you understand then, that vampires move on?¡± ¡°I¡ª¡± I wiped my cheek on my shoulder, trying to blot away the last of his slap. ¡°I don¡¯t know.¡± Jason smiled sympathetically. ¡°Yes, you do.¡± Below, the voices of the hunters became louder over the savage barking of dogs, headed quickly in our direction. ¡°Oh, look.¡± Jason pointed down. ¡°Your replacement has unearthed a clue.¡± Chapter Thirty-Four I turned my head to see a shadowed figure drop to its knees at the base of the tree, his anguished, incomprehensible sobs rising up audibly, like I was standing beside him. In his open palms, the lacy fabric laid, spilling the taunting tale¡ªa truth I knew he¡¯d feared this whole time. ¡°Oh, baby. What has he done to you?¡± ¡°Mike!¡± Emily ran up behind him, barely able to catch her breath. ¡°What did you fi¡ª¡± but her words stopped short as her steps slowed, and a crowd gathered around them, dogs tugging at their master¡¯s leads, eager to catch the scent in Mike¡¯s hands. ¡°I¡¯ll take that, Mike,¡± a man said, scooping up the lacy delicate, passing it to a man in uniform. I looked away, my limbs running hot with shame. All I could control in my world were my own tears, so I held them back¡ªholding my breath as if that might keep them at bay. ¡°You¡¯re a monster, Jason.¡± ¡°Let¡¯s see if you can¡¯t come up with a new name for me once I finish with you. Now...¡± He pressed a flat palm to my chest and slowly pushed me backward. ¡°Shall we continue?¡± The scratch of bark on each bone in my spine meant nothing to me. I held onto the branch with both hands, letting tears trickle down my temples and over my ears as I watched my Zorro walk away¡ªstumbling through his own, deep agony. Emily wrapped her arm around him, and as each person finally melted into the shadows, the emptiness their silence left behind took the last promise of survival. I closed my eyes, whispering goodbye. ¡°Are you done feeling sorry for yourself now?¡± Jason asked, looking down at me with a smug grin. ¡°Should I be?¡± ¡°Perhaps not.¡± He pried my hand away from the branch and held it up, leaning closer. ¡°Do me a favour. Don¡¯t scream.¡± Would there be any point? ¡°No.¡± He moved in with his mouth open then stopped. ¡°Do you always answer a question with a question?¡± ¡°Only when I¡¯m being murdered and have no other means of defence.¡± The vampire smiled warmly. ¡°Don¡¯t worry. This isn¡¯t the murder part yet.¡± ¡°Oh, good. I can relax then.¡± I pulled tightly against him as he drew my wrist toward his mouth, the point of his fangs showing in his smile, reminding me of the story David told about the effects of venom on the human condition. The scar David left on my other hand tingled, and as the cold touch of Jason¡¯s lips mopped my flesh, I shut my eyes tight, digging my nails into the branch, waiting for the sear of his razor teeth. They popped through the surface, like the first cut in the flesh of a peach, and the scream I promised not to release etched its way up my throat. I jammed my tongue against the roof of my mouth, twisting my lips, fighting against all human urges. I felt his bite ease, felt him draw the blood up past his teeth like string up a straw, felt the spicy venom rush along my veins, pulsing and twisting them like worms under sand. All sound blotted out around me, leaving only him and I in a world standing excruciatingly still. But the subdued cry in the back of my throat turned to a high shriek when Jason¡¯s fangs tore from my flesh without loosening their hold. The skin came away with a long, peeling sensation, each nerve disconnecting with one last shudder. I couldn¡¯t scream, couldn¡¯t make my voice find my lips; they quivered, sitting parted, fighting to feel the air come past them. But there was none¡ªno air, no hope. The muscles in my wrist had detached from the bone, I was sure, leaving the edges of my skin floating on a wild, hot wind¡ªfreezing, then burning as the venom raced back through in the opposite direction. Please stop! Please. ¡°I¡¯ll stop when you¡¯re dead.¡± I tried to roll my body¡ªto send myself to the ground¡ªbut he held me fiercely, slowly smearing his tongue across the wound. I kicked both legs, hooking my heels into the bark to push my hips out from under his, but couldn¡¯t get free. And all the lies David told me¡ª ¡°The venom numbs the flesh¡­¡± ¡°You know I¡¯d never let you fall.¡± ¡°I will always protect you.¡± ¡ªthrashed about on the trails of my agony, rising in waves of hatred for all; all man, all vampires, for everything that ever was or ever would be. I wanted it to stop. Life to stop. The world to stop. I wanted to scream, to cry with all my heart and beg him to tell me why. Why? Why aren¡¯t you here? Why did you leave me to die like this? This pain didn¡¯t belong to me. I shouldn¡¯t be here. I cried, letting the sound be whatever the agony in my soul needed it to be, and as I imagined my Mike finding me, cradling me in arms of safety, saying, Baby, I¡¯m here. I¡¯m here, you¡¯re safe now, the cry came from a place so much deeper than I¡¯d ever cried before. He¡¯d make it all okay. He¡¯d make it stop. David? I turned my head to look at the empty expanse of space beside me. David. Please come for me. Please don¡¯t leave me here to die. Jason drew his lips away, moved them up my arm, over my shoulder, stopping just below the softer skin on my chest. His silky hair smelled like apple, and the softness, where it brushed against me, made me relax a little. My legs gently fell on either side of the branch, my feet dangling into oblivion. ¡°Is that it?¡± I asked softly, keeping my eyes closed. ¡°Will I die now?¡± Jason laughed against my ribcage. ¡°No. I¡¯m going to bite you again.¡± Before I could think to react, the sear of venom barred my tears and the weight of his body against mine forced the branch into my spine, as if it would rip me in half. I opened my mouth to scream, but Jason pinched the base of my throat, gagging me with my own tongue. I let go of the branch and dug my thumb into his wrist, merely making him hold tighter¡ªtrapping my anguish inside of me. Then, like holding your breath for a second too long before finally inhaling, he released my throat, leaning back to look down at me. Tiny, rasping breaths of agony lifted my chest in quick jolts. I ran my swollen tongue over the roof of my mouth, trying to open the passage again. ¡°I can¡¯t¡ª¡± I stammered. I can¡¯t breathe. ¡°Okay, just calm down. I¡¯ll fix it.¡± He rubbed his thumb across the lump in my throat, and the tension eased, oozing past my dry lips, as if the venom in my limbs had finally seeped into my muscles. I could actually feel it assimilate, like a drop of food dye in a glass of water, making the burn in my arm feel like hot sauce on raw skin. The predator wiped his sleeve along his mouth, breathing heavily as if he¡¯d just enjoyed a swig of cola on a really hot day. ¡°I knew you¡¯d taste lovely, Ara-Rose. After all, my brother always did like them... sweet.¡± I didn¡¯t see how that was relevant. I really didn¡¯t care to know how he enjoyed my blood; all I could focus on was the violent quiver of my jaw, making my teeth clatter in my mouth, and the deepest, most binding cold I¡¯d ever suffered. ¡°K¡­K¡­¡± ¡°What?¡± He pressed his ear to my lips. ¡°Kill me.¡± He sat back, a cruel smile shining out under the blood. ¡°Only if you beg me nicely.¡± ¡°P¡ª¡± I shut my eyes, moistening my throat. ¡°Please.¡± ¡°As you wish.¡± Nothing but a breath of perfect silence passed me, a cool breeze parting my lips, lifting my hair from my face as the ground rushed up to meet me. Sharp vibrations rattled through my core, resonating with the sound of dry pasta snapping between teeth. The impact of the fall struck me only as a memory when my body came to rest in a dishevelled lump at the base of the tree. Jason appeared beside me, crouching into a soft landing. Though I was weary and suffocating under pain, I could see his face perfectly in the darkness now. His tight lips broke into a malicious spread as our eyes met, and he reached down to shift my body, curving my rag doll limbs to the correct position. I could feel them move, but they felt lank and hollow, like the empty sleeve of a coat. ¡°Shh,¡± he said, brushing my cheek. ¡°Don''t cry.¡± I tried not to¡ªtried to breathe, but every time my lungs expanded, a sharp jab made me stop. I just wanted to be dead. ¡°You will be soon, sweet girl. And it¡¯s better this way¡ªif you can''t move.¡± He sat taller, indulgently eyeing my half-naked form. ¡°It won''t take me as long if I don''t have to pin you down.¡± My lip folded down tightly, trembling. I held perfectly still, wiping an imaginary cloth over my body to rid the creeping, icky feeling tingling up my spine¡ªbranching out from where his hand rested against my leg. I didn¡¯t want this end. I didn¡¯t want to lose my virginity like this. I just wanted to be loved¡ªto feel the touch of a person that wanted me like I wanted them. Please not this, Jason, please¡ªkill me, but don¡¯t do this to me. He studied my face for a long moment, the crease in his brow slowly growing deeper, his lips going tighter, his eyes narrowing. Warm tears ran in streams over the sides of my face, and the burning in my limbs ceased, giving way to a dull, knife-like sear. But my mind focused only on Jason towering over me¡ªmy legs apart beneath him, his body free to enter mine, as I had no way to stop him. I just wanted to bend my knee and kick him in the groin again, send his balls into his throat. ¡°Now, now, sweet Ara. Be nice.¡± He rose up over my body to wipe the tears from my cheeks, but stopped, his head cocked. ¡°Look at you¡ªso broken, so sad, but still just so pretty.¡± And he was just so much like David. If I watched his face, ignoring the deeper, almost timid tones of his voice, I could almost imagine he was David¡ªalmost needed to imagine he was so my heart could survive the fear. They say that fear paralyses, but that was the wrong word. It felt more like running full speed, then stopping at a dead end with no air. Each breath I took responded to my panic, rising inch for inch with Jason¡¯s lips moving down my body. He kissed me sweetly on my rib, running his thumb over the bite, then moved down along my flesh, coming to a halt at the very top of my inner thigh. ¡°He wanted to bite you here¡ªthat day he drank your blood.¡± He kissed me there. ¡°He was afraid you¡¯d die if he bit you. But, luckily¡ª¡± He looked over his shoulder for a second, ¡°I don¡¯t have to worry about that.¡± No, please stop¡ªplease don¡¯t, Jason. The familiarity of leaves rustling above me with the garden-scented breeze made my heart ache for normality. Even the stars, once so mysterious, seemed only so recognisable to my weary eyes as I watched them, wishing on each one for something, anything to come along and save me from this. ¡°I¡¯ve already bitten you, Ara. Only death can save you now,¡± he said, and like a serrated clamp broke the flesh, he sank his teeth into my leg. A surge of agony stole a squeal from my lips; it split the air like a thousand knives through an eternity of silence and echoed off the emptiness all around me. My thigh bone seemed to lengthen with the ferocious burning, making the scream move deeper into my soul¡ªresounding from the back of my throat in the highest save-me-God-save-me pitch I¡¯d ever heard. Page 92 ¡°Jason. Stop,¡± I pleaded, and finally, all life, all sound faded, my cry becoming only a distant shriek, like a whistle blowing. But even when I closed my mouth, panting as the pain blast through my hip, the whistle continued.Advertisement Then, I heard a holler: ¡°She¡¯s over here¡ªover here.¡± The whistle blew once more, echoing in my mind as if I were spinning in a giant plastic bin. Jason sighed. ¡°Why did you have to go and scream? Now you¡¯ve ruined all my fun.¡± The cold night air burned my throat as it scraped into my lungs, dragging vestiges of Jason¡¯s sweet scent with it¡ªa scent that once reminded me of love, but now, only reeked of cold fear. He landed on the grass, his body stretched out alongside mine, a cheeky grin putting the vampire to rest. ¡°They¡¯re coming for you.¡± I tried to nod. I knew this much, but I knew he wasn¡¯t finished with me yet, either. Vampires were fast¡ªhe had plenty of time. Just promise me you won¡¯t hurt any of them, Jason. His immaculately green eyes softened, turning bright as his body absorbed the life-force of my blood. ¡°I want you to know, Ara¡ª¡± he leaned down, his deep voice vibrating warmly against my brow, ¡°¡ªI¡¯ve enjoyed our time together, although it¡¯s been cut short. And I will watch when they come for you. I want to see what your replacement thinks when he finds you like this¡ªso broken, so demoralised, just a worthless, unwanted little girl that nobody cared to fight for.¡± I swallowed back the lump in my throat. The venom had burned in my limbs for so long now that they were numb to all he could think of to hurt me¡ªexcept the truth. Jason was right. David never came for me. Even until I hit the ground, I still, stupidly, believed he would come. And now I would die alone¡ªdisgraced, and all hope for an eternity of blood would only ever be a promise I wished I¡¯d made. I ruined my own life by loving a vampire. I should never have loved David once I knew what he was¡ªbut I would love him anyway, for all time. A sharp, tight grip capped my throat, and Jason¡¯s cheek touched my jaw as he sank his teeth into the curve of my shoulder. I laid perfectly still. My body twitched, convulsing without the knowledge of my brain. But I felt calm inside¡ªunable to process what I was suffering. ¡°Your blood is running thin,¡± he said, his red, wet mouth right in front of mine. I studied it carefully, seeing my David in the way he smiled, the way he closed his lips for a second like he was considering kissing me. ¡°I was considering it,¡± he said, and he looked up from my lips, his eyes cold again. ¡°I know how much it¡¯ll hurt my brother to see our lips touch.¡± He came down slowly and opened my mouth with his tongue, sinking it inside with a mix of blood and venom or spit or something that burned the back of my throat. I tried not to swallow, holding my breath, but as I coughed from the burn, spitting back in his mouth, I had no choice. ¡°Don¡¯t drown in it,¡± he said, drawing back, then turned my head to the side so the blood dribbled out the corner of my mouth. It was nearly over now. The nightmare was fading away with the stars in the sky. Only second¡¯s left, I could feel it. I¡¯d miss life¡ªmiss David, but at least the suffering would be over. I felt the fear in my eyes flood away with the serenity of near-death, and I was sure I smiled as I looked up at Jason. ¡°Tell David...I love...him,¡± I muttered weakly¡ªnot a message for Jason to deliver, but a part of the story before the end. David would hear it when Jason showed him the memory, and he¡¯d know that, even in death, it was his name on my lips. I exhaled and settled back, looking up at the sky; the stars blurred into one thin silver line, and the night sky surrounded me. For a second, I saw them; Mum and Harry¡ªnothing more than a flash¡ªjust a flicker of a memory, standing there behind Jason. They were waiting for me. I wanted to run to them, call to them, ask them to help me¡ªfor anyone to help me. But I knew they weren¡¯t really there, and that even if they were, they couldn¡¯t help. There was no help. People died every day. People suffered every day. No one came to save them, and no one was coming for me. I¡¯m sorry, Mum, I whispered inside, I know you wanted better for me. ¡°It¡¯s okay now.¡± The memory of her nodded, reaching out. ¡°Come on, it¡¯s time to go.¡± But, I need to see David again¡ªtell him I¡¯m sorry; tell him I want to be a vampire now¡ªbe with him forever. ¡°I know,¡± she said with a sympathetic smile, like everything was okay. But it wasn¡¯t. Not at all. She wasn¡¯t going to help me. She wanted me to come with her¡ªto end it all right now. Right here. ¡°Death is only the beginning, Ara.¡± She smiled. ¡°There is so much more for you now.¡± No! I want to go home! ¡°Please?¡± Cold air brushed out past my lips¡ªcolder than it should be. I thought I felt my hands shaking, but wasn¡¯t sure. The only thing I knew I felt was the warm, mucky feeling of something sticky under my head and all over the side of my neck. I struggled to open my eyes¡ªto remember where it was I had fallen asleep, or how I got there. ¡°Mum!¡± I screamed. ¡°Mum?¡± But she was gone. Everything was gone. The strange blackness of the world smothered me, tightening around my ribs, making the air thin and humid. I felt myself being pulled down, like I was swimming against a strong current and losing the fight. I tried to kick my legs, to clutch at my throat and tear away the belt of restraint, but my hands were gone; there was nothing to move, nothing to free me from the sweltering wrap of my own death. And then, from deep in the darkness, a warm grip pulled me back to the night. A hand. Something waking me from the depths of my own fear. I held onto it with my mind, focused on it with all of my strength until I heard a voice: ¡°Ara? Baby, oh baby.¡± It echoed like an old memory. ¡°God, what has he done to you¡ª?¡± ¡°Mike?¡± I think I whispered. ¡°Ara.¡± His golden voice hit the walls of my subconscious and bounced off the empty space around me. ¡°You stay with me¡­with me¡­with me,¡± it echoed again. ¡°Ara, please¡ªdon¡¯t let go¡­let go¡­let go¡ª¡± I felt a hand around the back of my head, and a heavy cold settled on my limbs, making me wish I could sleep. Just fall asleep and everything would be okay. ¡°Mi-ke.¡± ¡°Oh, God!¡± his distraught voice cut out under grief. ¡°Get help¡ªplease, she¡¯s losing too much blood. Get help!¡± Chapter Thirty-Five Nothing. No stars. No sound. I tried to open my eyes to see against the black, but as I truly noticed the emptiness for the first time, I felt my heart stop; my eyes were already open. ¡°Mike?¡± I called, but my own voice fell flat in front of me, as if I¡¯d spoken into cupped hands. I waited; waited past that moment you expect everything to be okay, past the breath you held when you thought you heard something, and finally realised what happened. I¡¯d let go. Perfect silence. Complete weightlessness; it almost made me breathless, like I needed sound or a horizon to remind me how to breathe. I couldn¡¯t breathe¡ªcouldn¡¯t suffocate because there was only emptiness where my lungs should be. All I could actually feel were tingles, shivering across every part of my body that had turned into air. I wanted to break free, but there was nothing to break free from. I was gone. Mike was gone. The world was gone. Everything was gone... Floating through space and time, I waited for morning to come and light the corners of this dark room, but the sun never rose. I wasn¡¯t sure how many days or years had passed, but this couldn¡¯t be sleep¡ªit couldn¡¯t just be a dream. In fact, I was pretty sure this was Hell. No fire, no pain, just¡­eternal blackness slowly, second by quiet second, driving you mad. It reminded me of the time I went swimming as a little girl; I¡¯d closed my eyes and floated in the water for a while. With my ears under the lashing of waves, aware only of my own thoughts, I had thought it was peaceful then, but here, in this unimaginable expanse of nothing, floating, unable to find the shore, it was just agonisingly confining. The only thing I ever found down here was the memories¡ªhidden behind shadows in the darkness. And when the darkness got too much, those memories became nightmares¡ªunhappy endings I¡¯d keep examining in my mind¡ªover and over again, never able to find the conclusion, because there¡¯d never be a conclusion. Not for me, anyway. In death, we have no resolution. My last breath would have been taken in the arms of my best friend; my naked, twisted and broken body would have stirred thoughts in him I couldn¡¯t control; he¡¯d think Jason raped me, did other unspeakable things to me, and I couldn¡¯t tell him the truth. Tears of frustration and anger wanted release, but with no face and no eyes to cry from, they were trapped, lodged like a rolled-up sock in my chest¡ªquivering and growing into a feeling I had never known before. I wanted to rattle the bars of my cage, to scream at those responsible. But the rage always wore down to misery, and when misery was unreleased, trapped in by nothingness, it turned to fear, then to rage again. It was an endless cycle. And even that made me mad, because there was just nothing¡­nothing I could do to make it stop. ¡°Let me out of here!¡± my mind called into the darkness. I imagined myself circling around, gripping my hair with both hands, falling to the floor with my head in my knees. It did no good to picture it, though. I still felt just the same. ¡°Mike.¡± I imagined myself looking up¡ªto wherever up was. ¡°Mike. He didn¡¯t rape me.¡± I needed him to know that. I needed him to know how sorry I was for leaving the dance, and for not remembering what he taught me all those years¡ªhow to survive, how to fight. ¡°Mike? Please, please be there. Please.¡± But nothing ever answered back. The rage subsided again and I watched my imagination fall to her knees. She looked so fragile and human, so broken and alone. I felt no pity for her, though, because she did this to herself. She let herself walk into the arms of a vampire, and now, she was dead. Dreams had happened in the blackness. Once or twice, I¡¯d seen myself somewhere else, only to wake in the nothing again. As I wandered forward, of full body, I knew this was just another dream. The emptiness around me was coloured with blue plumes of smoke, rising up, gripping my ankles and hips like creeping fingers. The message I¡¯d been trying to get to my fianc¨¦ was still trembling on my lips, stuck, like a ghost that couldn¡¯t cross over. ¡°Mike?¡± I said weakly into the darkness. ¡°Mike, please listen.¡± With each step I took, I could feel the fine, tickly tips of the grass between my toes. I walked through the smoke, reaching out to touch anything at my fingertips. I¡¯d take a tree in the head right now¡ªjust to feel. When the sound of soft, ragged breaths came from somewhere ahead, I looked deeper into the darkness¡ªpast the blur, past the shadows. Then, I saw him. ¡°Mike?¡± He didn¡¯t look up. As he became completely visible for the first time, so too did the world around him¡ªbut not me. The storm clouds overhead raged and swirled, lapping the horizon with the promise of a wild night. But my hair, my dress, and my existence stayed frozen in time. Mike stood hunched and shaking, one hand splayed out on something stone, while his lungs fought to find the breath that would make it all okay. ¡°Ara, baby. I¡¯m so, so sorry. I should¡¯ve protected you. I should¡¯ve been there to stop him from hurting you.¡± I watched on, my lip trembling, tears edging tightly on the brink of hysterics. Mike lost his words to grief, sobbing heavily into his fingertips, as he reached into his pocket, removing a closed fist. My thumb landed on my ring finger when the gentle tink of glass drew my eyes to what he placed atop the stone. ¡°This is where it belongs now,¡± he said and backed away, wiping a weary hand across his lips. As his shadow receded, allowing light against the words on the headstone, the core of my being imploded: ¡®Ara-Rose: Loved Eternally.¡¯ All life drew from my soul, like my existence happened in reverse for that spilt second, and the remains of the ring I once wore for love bled out over the stone, weeping crimson tears across my name. I stumbled on my heels, reaching out for something to ground me. And the dream slipped away, becoming smaller until the blackness swallowed it whole. He was gone, but I knew he still existed out there, somewhere I could never go¡ªjust like everything I loved¡ªlost in a world I would not see again; their smiles, their voices, their warm arms. All gone. They would grow old and pass, time would pass, and I would remain here. Ghosts were supposed to watch¡ªto see who was at their funeral, to see who mourned them. I was supposed to see David again¡ªto know if he came to my grave. I was supposed to sit beside him, comfort him, though he¡¯d never know I was there. Everything just turned out so wrong. How had it all gone so wrong? The imaginary me appeared in full light, just a soft, golden glow in the darkness, her pale dress billowing, like the fingers of a ghost. She was the storybook version I thought death would be. But I was the reality, sitting across from her¡ªan empty vessel, dark, invisible, tortured. There were no happy reunions in the afterlife, no peace and, from what I could tell, no God, either. I had called to Him; called to everyone I could think of¡ªeven called to Rochelle. But she wasn¡¯t here. God wasn¡¯t. Buddha. Anyone. Just me. Just me and my regrets. ¡°And me,¡± said my imagination. I wanted to shake my head. She wasn¡¯t there either. I wasn¡¯t sure there was even a mind. I knew only an eternity of nothing¡ªmy punishment, I guess, for condemning David¡¯s heart to the same. Page 93 It was the little things I missed the most, like a smile or colour or twisting my ring around on my finger¡ªmy ruby rose. Mike would be so sad I couldn¡¯t wear it. And I once thought David would be so sad that I did. But I guess time changes our assumptions. Or our hearts.Advertisement ¡°I wonder what he¡¯ll do¡ªDavid¡ªwhen Jason shows him the memory of what he did to us,¡± the imagination said. We didn¡¯t need to wonder, though. ¡°David will hate me for letting Jason hold me the way he did in the tree.¡± That was supposed to be David¡¯s right. He told me once, so long ago, that the touch of human skin to a vampire was like a thousand kisses of ecstasy; like satiating an eternal hunger with the warmth of one breath. He¡¯d never forgive me for giving that to his brother. I wished I could go back¡ªtell him I was sorry. I should have stayed on the dance floor with Mike; I should never have gone with Jason. ¡°But you knew that then, didn¡¯t you?¡± she asked. ¡°You went with Jason, knowing deep inside that he was dangerous. You tempted Fate, tempted danger, so David would realise how precious we are to him, and stay with us forever.¡± I thought about it for a second. ¡°If that¡¯s true, then I am one big, epic fail, and I will never see David again¡ªnever find out why he didn¡¯t show for the last dance.¡± ¡°Don¡¯t you remember?¡± the imagination said, smiling. ¡°He told you that vampires leave and move on without saying goodbye¡ªwithout telling people why.¡± I nodded. ¡°Yes, because it raises more suspicions when questions are asked. They simply send a letter resigning from jobs or schools and they¡¯re never seen again.¡± As I finished the sentence, realisation struck me worse than shock. ¡°Is that what he did to me? Did he leave me, and I never saw it coming? Did he convince me that he¡¯d come back so that I wouldn¡¯t try to find him?¡± ¡°I think you already know the answer to that question, Ara.¡± ¡°No. That can¡¯t be right.¡± ¡°But it is right. David didn¡¯t come¡­because David never was coming.¡± The remains of my existence suddenly gave up in that one moment. If I could have been speechless or stared blankly, I would have. ¡°Then he really is just as nasty as the memory Jason showed me.¡± ¡°Yes,¡± my imagination snickered, ¡°and you were just another victim of his cruelty.¡± Chapter Thirty-Six An alarm clock set my mind on wake; its incessant bleeping stirring me before I was ready. But the sun, usually always up at this hour, was missing. I blinked a few times, thinking maybe my eyes were still closed, and as my breath came back hot against my own lips from a flat surface right above me, I jumped suddenly. Dread filled my lungs out, making my world sink backward. I placed my hands in desperate layers over the sides, the top, the base of this space I was laying, folding my toes down, pushing against the hard there, making my head hit the firm surface above it. ¡°Hello,¡± I called, but my voice came back dead absorbed by the wood it fell against. And the tiny box got hotter and smaller around me, my shoulders folding in, narrowing my lungs. They thought I was dead. I felt my heart¡ªplaced my hand right over it to see if it was beating, but I couldn¡¯t feel it¡ªcouldn¡¯t feel the wound on my neck or my wrist or anywhere. They¡¯d healed. They were healed and I was in a box. Panic rose. A chain of fierce screams burst suddenly from my lips, blocked only by the forcing drive of each blow of my elbow, my knee, my foot being cast down on the solid surrounds. ¡°Please don¡¯t leave me here.¡± I scratched the wooden roof, my fingers splintering. But I didn¡¯t care. ¡°Please. Please, God. Please.¡± I coughed out suddenly, the air leaving my lungs in a vulgar bark, fine particles of earthy powder spiking the back of my throat. The box compressed my shoulders on both sides, stopping my lungs from expanding, denying me the breath of relief I fought for. I stopped moving then. Stopped kicking, breathing, everything, and laid perfectly still, listening to the flow of dirt rain down in a heavy pile over my ponytail, cooling my head through the strands of hair. The first rule in this situation would be to not panic. But my chest moved in quick hitches. My fingers balled up so tight my thumb cut my hand, I was sure, and I couldn¡¯t stop the thoughts entering my mind, things David told me¡ªvampires, buried alive for seven days. They survived. They lived through that, tortured, alone, unable to breathe. ¡°David!¡± I bent my knee to the highest angle it could achieve and jammed my foot against the floor, pushing on the lid of this coffin, thrashing about like a beetle caught on its back. ¡°Ahh!¡± ¡°Ara,¡± a muffled voice came gloriously through the wood then, thick with grief. ¡°I¡¯m in here!¡± I screamed. ¡°Mike. Get me out. I¡¯m in here.¡± I banged on the roof, making the dirt pile grow. But I didn¡¯t care. Mike was there. He¡¯d get me out. He¡¯d¡ª ¡°Just squeeze my hand,¡± he said, cutting off my thought. ¡°Please. Just once. That¡¯s all I need.¡± ¡°Mike. I can¡¯t,¡± I screamed. ¡°I can¡¯t get out. I¡¯m in a box.¡± I waited, listening, but this container seemed to be soundproofed¡ªfrom the inside. I tried to sit up, to move, to struggle against the pine confines, but the dirt formed a mound under my head as I lifted it, pushing my nose closer to the lid, arching my neck at an awkward, unnatural angle. And panic returned with a layer of sweat, turning the dirt to mud around my temples and nose. ¡°Oh God.¡± I looked up, shutting my eyes tight. ¡°Please. Please get me out of here.¡± ¡°No change?¡± My thoughts halted at the sound of another voice. ¡°Hello?¡± I called. ¡°No. Doc says her heart¡¯s not coping,¡± Mike said. ¡°Time will tell.¡± The other voice sounded void of all emotion. ¡°Where are you going?¡± Mike¡¯s tone peaked with incredulity. ¡°She needs rest, and my being here is....¡± There was a long pause. ¡°Pointless.¡± Only a sigh followed that, leaving me by myself again, confined in a space made for those not living. I shut my eyes tight and took slow, deep breaths through my mouth, tasting the raw, almost freshly-cut pine against my lips. I tried to imagine pretty things¡ªbutterflies, the sun¡ªnot the crawly and possibly undead creatures that might be buried beneath me. I would run out of air soon if I didn¡¯t calm down. And strangely, as my belly lifted and fell with each breath, the air trembling out of my tight lungs, so too did the panic. I looked around the dark box for what felt like the first time, and instead of pitch black staring back at me, I could make out the ridges in the panels and the oddly-angled nail sticking out beside my eyebrow. They¡¯d put me in a box¡ªnot a coffin¡ªjust a pine box; laid me down, closed me in and nailed it shut. But I would find a way out of here. Come Hell or high water. This would not be my death, and if it was already my death, I¡¯d be damned if I¡¯d let it be my eternity. ¡°How is she?¡± The voice echoed through my endless night, resonating from somewhere behind me. My eyes shot open and space, cool and airy, greeted me. I brushed my arms, feeling as though there¡¯d be dirt there. But I was clean. I couldn¡¯t remember where I¡¯d been or why I¡¯d be so dirty, but I felt dirty and starved for air. ¡°No change,¡± said a woman suddenly. ¡°Pardon?¡± I said, looking up, searching the empty room for a crack of light to mark my position. ¡°Can she hear us?¡± a man said. ¡°Who?¡± I asked. ¡°Her monitor changes when I speak. See?¡± he said, and I got the sense then that they weren¡¯t talking to me. ¡°It¡¯s just static.¡± As soon as that man spoke, I knew it was Mike. The other one sounded almost too smooth to be Mike; liquid, if that was the right word. ¡°It¡¯s not static. Look, she can hear me.¡± ¡°You wish.¡± ¡°Mike,¡± the woman whispered. ¡°Be nice.¡± ¡°Fine,¡± Mike said in a tone that indicated a set of folded arms to go with it. ¡°From what I know, the doc says she can.¡± ¡°Ara? My love.¡± Mr Smooth sounded closer than before. ¡°I¡¯m so sorry,¡± he said. ¡°Please? Please come back to me?¡± ¡°Excuse me. Are¡­I¡¯m sorry, are you talking to me?¡± I called. He didn¡¯t answer. I blinked a few times, noticing only as I looked down at my feet, that my feet weren¡¯t actually there. I held my arm out and ran my fingers over it, feeling the soft skin, but couldn¡¯t see it. There was nothing there to identify me; no nails, no skin colour, no age spots or bracelets. Not even a bed or a surface to show what kind of room this was; maybe it was a prison, a hospital, a bedroom¡ªa padded cell, perhaps even a ballroom with no people. Could even be the White House, for all I knew. But that word, Ara, rang a bell somehow. I dropped my arms to my sides, quickly yanking my hand back when it touched something cold. It stung, like dry ice, sticking to me even as I shook my fingers. ¡°Did you see that?¡± the stranger said. ¡°I think¡­I think she just squeezed my hand!¡± ¡°It was probably just a flinch. She does that from time to time.¡± I heard the silky pages of a magazine turn. ¡°Maybe,¡± the smooth voice said, dejected. ¡°It just seemed almost like she was shaking me off. Do you think she¡­?¡± ¡°She what? Knows you¡¯re here? Hates you?¡± The pages flicked again, and it sounded as though a metal-legged chair scraped along vinyl. ¡°Chances are, she was shaking you off. Maybe you should stop touching her.¡± I frowned, looking down at where my fingers were supposed to be. And, like a puppet master, I focused on them, closed them tightly and squeezed the nothing, letting go when that voice laughed, cheering with praise again. ¡°She did. She squeezed my hand. Look.¡± ¡°What do you mean she squeezed your hand?¡± Mike¡¯s voice came from closer than before and, though it was still dark, I felt space around me¡ªfelt him near me. The echoing mist of eternity flowed out through the cracks in my subconscious, leaving me solid, heavy. Really heavy. I didn¡¯t remember being this heavy. I didn¡¯t remember having laid down, on my back, but when I tried to get up, my chest stayed stuck, glued to my spine against this flat surface. ¡°Ara.¡± The smooth stranger interrupted my moment of confusion. ¡°What is it?¡± I called, irritated. ¡°Ara,¡± he said again, as if I hadn¡¯t answered him. And now I was getting cranky. It had been God knows how long since I¡¯d eaten, felt the sun, slept, or even seen my own toes, and now this person was talking at me and not answering. I just wanted to get out of here¡ªwherever here was. I just wanted to go home to Mike and lay in his arms. I was tired of the dark¡ªof the black. I couldn''t even remember where I''d been all this time or even why Mike was important to me. ¡°She¡¯s not in there, man,¡± Mike said. ¡°And if she was, she¡¯s not gonna come to the surface for you.¡± ¡°Oh, I see, so you think she¡¯ll wake suddenly to your soft, whispering confessions of love, do you?¡± Mr Smooth said sarcastically. ¡°Do you have any idea what she and I¡ª¡± ¡°Stop it. Both of you,¡± a woman said. ¡°It¡¯s three o¡¯clock. Take yourselves home and get some sleep.¡± ¡°Fine,¡± Mike said. ¡°Fine,¡± the other man said, and I heard his breath, felt it suddenly close to my face, though there was no one in this room. I held my own breath, scrunching my eyes. ¡°Ara?¡± But before I had a chance to answer him again, the surface quaked suddenly under me, my legs tilting through the earth, angling my entire body away from existence. I reached out, panicked, grabbing at imaginary branches as my head followed my feet, sliding downward. There was no wind and no trees for which to show my descent, but I felt it¡ªfelt the earth rising up under me. I tensed all over, ready to hit the surface, but nothing ever came¡ªonly the emptiness of my eternal, hollow Hell. I didn¡¯t bother to cry this time as the darkness swallowed me, and hope had been lost so long that I¡¯d never truly allowed it back in. I simply existed. In the dark. Alone. My body alive out there somewhere, an empty vessel in their living world, while my soul was slowly dying beneath it. ¡°I don¡¯t know. She¡¯s struggling to breathe.¡± I frowned, clearly having woken to the middle of a conversation. ¡°I know,¡± Mike said. ¡°They¡¯re gonna put her on a breathing thing.¡± The smooth voice sighed. ¡°I don¡¯t want that for her¡ªshe¡¯s been through enough.¡± ¡°I know, mate, but it¡¯s for the best.¡± Mike¡¯s warm energy emanated from his voice somewhere near. I wished I could feel him, like, actually touch him. ¡°I can¡¯t lose her. I¡¯d rather see her with a tube down her throat than in a coffin.¡± ¡°Don¡¯t you think that¡¯s a little selfish¡ªprolonging her life merely to save your own grief?¡± ¡°Only as selfish as to wish she¡¯d die so you don¡¯t have to wonder where she is, what she¡¯s doing, for the rest of your life,¡± Mike spat. ¡°You know nothing about what I wish for this girl,¡± his smooth voice cracked like a volcano erupting. I could hear the rumble of anger raging too close to the threshold of release. ¡°If I could heal her, I would, but you don¡¯t know what she may be suffering in this sleep, Mike. For all we know she¡¯s¡ª¡± Page 94 ¡°She¡¯s unconscious. She suffers nothing.¡±Advertisement All was silent until the smooth voice said flatly, ¡°You don¡¯t know that.¡± ¡°Look¡ª¡± Mike said; I could imagine him rubbing his face roughly in the pause that followed. ¡°We¡¯re getting off track. Right now, what¡¯s best for her is¡ª¡± ¡°For us to let her go. Stop sticking needles and tubes in her, trying to make her body live a little longer. She¡¯s gone.¡± I felt something touch my head. ¡°Her body is the only thing left of her.¡± ¡°She might still recover,¡± Mike offered. ¡°Recover?¡± his voice pitched high. ¡°Look at her¡ªdoes she look like she¡¯s going to recover?¡± ¡°Stop yelling.¡± Mike¡¯s tone of reason made my heart soar with desire to be on the receiving end of one of his lectures. ¡°If they hear you, they¡¯ll make you leave. One at a time in here, remember?¡± There was a short pause. ¡°It¡¯s five in the morning. Technically, it¡¯s my shift.¡± ¡°Don¡¯t start this again, Da¡ª¡± ¡°Look, I¡¯m not saying you have to go, just¡ª¡± Suddenly, my hand returned¡ªjust my hand, with a sharp, cold sensation travelling right through each bone in my fingers. I tensed. It hurt, like holding onto ice or snow a little too long. ¡°Just don¡¯t talk hope, okay? I can¡¯t bear to even hope.¡± The silence lingered a while, and all I could focus on was the deep burn of cold in my bones. I wanted to push it away¡ªto make it stop. It branched out from my wrist, slowly trembling up my arm and along my collarbones. I tried to hold my breath, but my lungs weren¡¯t there, a hollow void occupying my chest instead. ¡°Maybe you should take a walk. You look¡­stressed,¡± Mike said. ¡°You¡¯re right. I¡¯ve been here too long. I¡¯m losing my mind, I¡ª¡± The cold in my hand suddenly came away, replaced by a warm touch that melted the chill left behind. I knew it was Mike. I remembered touching him once, but not the reason why. I wondered if we were friends or if he loved me maybe. Whatever the reason we¡¯d touched, I liked it. I wanted him to know I could feel him; wanted him to know that, despite the fact that I couldn¡¯t talk to him, I was still here. Somehow, I was still here. ¡°Is she¡­smiling?¡± Mike¡¯s voice peaked on the edge of excited curiosity. ¡°It means nothing,¡± said the smooth voice. ¡°It¡¯s just a muscle reflex.¡± ¡°No,¡± Mike said. ¡°No, she is smiling.¡± The smooth voice sighed. ¡°I¡¯m here, baby girl. I¡¯m here,¡± Mike whispered in my ear, the warmth of his breath brushing against my hair. It was pleasant¡ªnot at all like the cold that had brought me back into reality. But though the cold was gone, I stayed, in my mind¡ªaware, in this consciousness¡ªsurrounded by the black pit of nothing. I could even smell him now¡ªMike; he smelled like¡­a feeling. Like¡­home. I wanted to go home. Wanted to be like Dorothy and find my magic slippers¡ªwish my way back. I shut my eyes tight and imagined them. Red ones, like the movie, not silver, like the book, and clicked my heels together, repeating the words Dorothy used as a spell to get home. ¡°What¡¯s she saying?¡± asked the smooth stranger. ¡°Something about...?¡± Mike paused, then repeated my words. My words. They could hear me. ¡°Do you think she¡¯s dreaming?¡± Mike asked. ¡°Perhaps. Or trying to find her way home,¡± Mr Smooth suggested. I tried harder, cupping imaginary hands tightly together, praying he¡¯d hear me again. ¡°Look at her skin.¡± A hand fell on my brow, a warm one. ¡°She¡¯s pale. Do you think she¡¯s turni¡ª?¡± Silence. An empty chill stole the hum of the world and a flat, dense darkness consumed my hope, like a vacuum sucking a hole in my belly. I was alive, but I was never getting out of here. An alarm clock somewhere out there woke me. I wanted to reach over and hit snooze, shut it up, but I was so tired my body wouldn¡¯t wake enough to move. I imagined doing it so many times that when the beep lifted me to the surface of my dreams again, I actually thought I¡¯d already turned it off. It was annoying, but, somewhere in the back of my mind, as I tried to drift back to sleep, my brain interpreted it as rhythm¡ªreminding me of something I¡¯d forgotten. Music. I remembered music. I remembered a song¡ªone I heard so long ago in a place that felt like home, with a boy I know I loved, but could no longer see when I closed my eyes. His song had the same hollow, kind of sorrowful rhythm as that beep. I opened my eyes and foggy light flooded the room, creeping along the walls and floor like the morning sun sweeping the grass in the early hours. It touched my toes, my ankles, and flowed up over my denim jeans and tank top until, as I looked around me for the first time, saw the orange trees and foliage-covered floor of a forest. I knew this place¡­ The lake! It was the lake. And that perfect song was the whisper on the breeze. ¡°David?¡± I remembered him now. Eternity. My love. The red rose. The silky voice. It was like I could see him so clearly, sitting just across the way, hunched over a blue guitar, singing that song; his voice so heartbreakingly beautiful. With each note he played, my heart beat double-time, the alarm clock beeping out there in the same rapid pattern. ¡°Oh, David.¡± I covered my mouth with a shaky hand, feeling tears track my cheeks like unfamiliar friends in a home they once knew well. ¡°I¡¯m sorry.¡± David¡¯s song echoed in the space around me, the volume dropping slowly as it faded away under the alarm clock getting louder, more powerful¡ªthe single-tone drowning out the beauty. ¡°I¡¯m sorry, ma¡¯am,¡± a stiff-sounding man said. My body became stiff too, and tight; I could feel gravity again, but couldn¡¯t use it. ¡°Once the tube is out, she may just slip away,¡± he added. ¡°But¡ª¡± Someone burst into tears; Vicki, I think. ¡°She looks perfectly fine. How can she be brain-dead?¡± What? Brain-dead? I¡¯m not brain-dead. I struggled against my confines¡ªtrying to get up. What did they mean by brain dead? ¡°The tests were conclusive, ma¡¯am. I¡¯m sorry. In some cases, the patient can stay in a coma, on life-support, for years to come. In your daughter¡¯s case, it would be best for her if she didn¡¯t.¡± Wait! No, I yelled. I¡¯m not brain-dead. Vicki. Dad. Please? ¡°Wait!¡± Vicki said. ¡°Just¡­don¡¯t take it out yet. Please? Give her more time.¡± ¡°Her father signed the forms, Mrs Thompson. I¡¯m sorry.¡± ¡°Greg?¡± her voice broke. ¡°Greg, please?¡± ¡°Vicki. Just stop,¡± Mike said. ¡°She¡¯s gone. Don¡¯t make her suffer any more than she already has.¡± Mike? No. Don¡¯t give up on me, Mike. I¡¯m still in here. They got it wrong. ¡°Hand me that tray, please?¡± the stiff-sounding man said to someone, and in my world, I clutched my own chin as the feel of muggy, sweaty hands touched it. Get off. Stop touching me! I couldn¡¯t move. I felt my body, felt my arms, my face, but couldn¡¯t get his sticky hands off me. Please? Don¡¯t let me go yet. Don¡¯t give up on me. David! Where was David? He could read my mind, tell them I was still here, help me, rescue me. But he left me, gave me away. He never even came to... A tugging sensation snaked up my throat, grating my insides like the ribbed curve of a straw. My lungs felt tight, strained¡ªas if air was being drawn in through a thick cloth over my mouth. The room went silent for a breath, then, the beeps sounded in one flat pitch. ¡°Greg, please?¡± Vicki whispered. ¡°Please don¡¯t let her go.¡± The anguished sobs of those around me flooded my heart. I focused on the beeps¡ªwilled them to move¡ªbut they rang out in monotone. ¡°Fight, Ara,¡± a smooth voice hummed, the melody dark with sorrow, as cool lips brushed softly over my eyes... Wait, cool? David? The air was so thick I couldn¡¯t breathe, couldn¡¯t catch a gasp to scream out to him¡ªto David. He was there. Right there beside me. But nothing had changed. They couldn¡¯t hear me. David couldn¡¯t hear me. And like a door slamming shut at the end of a long, empty corridor, a dead echo rang all around me. I felt myself whole¡ªfelt my fingers, toes, arms, legs, everything was here in this room with me, but I couldn¡¯t see them. I held my arm out and ran my fingers down my completely invisible skin. ¡°Tell me how to get out of here,¡± I yelled up at the uninhabited void. ¡°I know you¡¯re out there. I know you can hear me.¡± A trickling sound, like water over pebbles, filled the space around me and an eerie feeling lingered along my neck. I turned slightly, noticing a thickness to the dark, like a shadow stood there. But when I tried to focus on it, it was gone. I closed my eyes tight and crossed my fingers, willing the beeps to move again. ¡°God, please. If you¡¯re up there, please...?¡± Then, under my prayer, I heard a sound; I opened one eye and looked around, sure it wasn¡¯t possible¡ªuntil I heard it again; small and faint, and such a long, quiet pause between each one. My heart skipped a beat and the beep copied. ¡°Get the doctor,¡± someone ordered, and Vicki¡¯s high voice broke into sobs, my Dad¡¯s deep, soothing whisper rising above it with comforting words. I missed my dad so much. Would give anything to see his smile again. ¡°Mike?¡± my Dad said. ¡°Just breathe.¡± ¡°I can¡¯t,¡± Mike¡¯s voice sounded so thick with sadness. ¡°I can¡¯t. Where¡¯s the goddamn doctor?¡± he yelled. ¡°It¡¯s just a glitch,¡± the stiff man said suddenly. ¡°It¡¯s not a goddamn glitch,¡± Mike screamed. ¡°She¡¯s alive. She¡¯s¡ª¡± His voice trailed away to soft sobs under my dad¡¯s mutters. And everything went quiet again. I held my breath, listened carefully, but there were no voices, no beeps¡ªnothing. I understood then; I was a prisoner in their world. David was right beside me, and I couldn¡¯t even look at him; couldn¡¯t even hold him. ¡°Ara!¡± David¡¯s hand swept my brow, bringing the world back, desperation rising up in his controlled tone. ¡°S¡¯il te plait, mon amour, lute, bats toi pour vivre.¡± It was no good. I couldn¡¯t wake my mind. I couldn¡¯t reach over and press snooze. I couldn¡¯t even understand what he was saying to me. ¡°I¡¯ve lost her,¡± the words trembled from his lips. ¡°I¡¯ve lost her.¡± I¡¯m sorry, David, I whispered with weakened resolve. And as if David had felt me give up, his cold hand slipped behind my neck and lifted my head. ¡°Ara? My love, please be in there.¡± ¡°Mate,¡± Mike said. ¡°It¡¯s time to let her go.¡± David¡¯s arms wrapped me tightly, his hands searching, touching every inch of flesh as if to caress me back to life. Then, as the panic reduced to realisation, his hands slowed and a cold drop of liquid fell onto the bridge of my nose. ¡°Please? Fight. I can¡¯t lose you.¡± He took a deep, strained breath and pressed his lips to my brow. ¡°Je vous en prie, Dieu, sauvez-la.¡± He took another jagged gasp. ¡°S''il vous pla?t, ne l''enlevez pas loin de moi. Ne me l''enlevez pas.¡± His words hung in the back of my mind, resonating with a tone of understanding; as if I were right in front of him; they looped around me, pulling me into him, and as I touched my face to his chest, they became suddenly very clear: ¡°I¡¯m begging you, God, save her. Don¡¯t take her from me. Don¡¯t take her away.¡± His devastation broke my heart. Oh David. I¡¯m so sorry. I love you. If you can hear me, please know that. Please take care of Mike¡ªtell him I love him too. He didn¡¯t answer. I wanted him to answer just once¡ªjust so I knew he heard me, knew how much I loved him, heard the words I wished I¡¯d said when he asked me to change for him. David? Please? Nothing¡­ David? My throat hurt. ¡°Ara?¡± Something moved under me as he spoke¡ªmy body, I could feel my body, feel the bulky, uneven surface I was laying on. A cold grip tightened ever so slightly around my waist. ¡°Ara?¡± ¡°David?¡± I tried again. I could hear the terror in my cry, but it was real¡ªmy voice¡ªit came from somewhere different than it had before. David laughed from behind me, his lips on the side of my face. ¡°Yes. Yes, my love. Yes. You¡¯re talking. Open your eyes.¡± They¡¯re closed? Gravity pulled my skin, dragging it down. I fought against the push and lifted my eyelids, blinking rapidly. Bright. Light. Tears rushed to my irises to protect them from this new experience, burning my vision into a white blur. I couldn¡¯t focus on anything, but I loved it more than the breath I could suddenly feel through my lips. ¡°David?¡± I smiled. ¡°Am I¡­am I out?¡± ¡°Oui, mon amour, oui, you¡¯re safe.¡± ¡°You¡­you saved me. You pulled me out.¡± I held his hand tight over my belly as the gift of sight restored and I felt his arms become the cold that was restraining before. His chest shook under me; tears dripped from his chin beside my ear and fell onto my shoulder as I took in the room; a white room, a bed, a chair¡ªa glass window looking onto the corridor of a hospital. ¡°What¡­happened?¡± Page 95 ¡°I¡ª¡± he started, but couldn¡¯t finish.Advertisement ¡°We lost you, baby,¡± said Mike. Oh, Mike! That¡¯s when I felt my heart¡ªit was still beating, and it was strong. ¡°Mike?¡± ¡°I¡¯m here, Ara. I¡¯m right here.¡± He appeared then, by my side. The warmth, the hand I felt in my darkness, it was Mike. I didn¡¯t imagine it. ¡°I don¡¯t understand. What am I doing in a hospital?¡± I asked, rubbing my face. David looked at Mike, then they both looked at me. ¡°You lost a lot of blood¡ªthey had to put you on a life support system.¡± Mike¡¯s eyes narrowed slightly. ¡°Okay, but, what happened to me?¡± My memory hit the foggy wall of perplexity. I didn''t even remember getting up this morning. ¡°It wasn¡¯t this morning.¡± David answered my thought. ¡°When?¡± ¡°Ara, you¡¯ve been in a coma for three months.¡± Mike¡¯s voice trembled; he turned away so I couldn¡¯t see his face, but I only had to see his shoulders shaking to know he was crying. What? Three months? I tried to look around the room to get my bearings. Three months? I felt nothing then, except a throbbing in my head as I tried to piece together the last few months of my life. ¡°Okay.¡± I took a few deep breaths, bringing myself to terms with this new information. ¡°So, a coma¡ªbut why? How did I get in a coma?¡± Mike¡¯s shoulders rolled forward even more. ¡°Mike?¡± He just shook his head, refusing to look at me. I looked down at my hands, felt my face, my throat, checking for something, anything that would give me a clue. Then, I felt the silky, lumpy rise of gathered skin on my neck, and as I looked down, to nothing in particular, saw the horrid parallel lines of raised pink skin down the length of my forearm. I drew a breath, tracing the scar with wide eyes, afraid to touch it¡ªnot sure if it was really there or if this was some nightmare. ¡°Did I do this to myself?¡± Mike released the sob he¡¯d obviously been trying to restrain, and David held his breath, cradling me in his arms¡ªpressing his cheek firmly to mine with the same intensity as his grip around my waist. Then, with a wash of cold trepidation, the memory hit me. Jason did it? David squeezed me tighter. I rubbed my head, letting the tears spill out over my lashes. Jason. He¡ªhe hurt me. The cold. The dark. I remember. ¡°Shh, hush, my love, it¡¯s¡­it¡¯s going to be okay,¡± David said. ¡°What¡¯s happening?¡± Mike leaned over me and, placing his hand on my forehead, studied my face as I fell apart inside. ¡°Why is she breathing like that?¡± David stood up and laid me flat on my back. ¡°Get the nurse,¡± Mike ordered, moving a pillow from under my head. ¡°No!¡± I held my hand out, taking deeper, more controlled breaths. ¡°No, I¡¯m okay. I¡¯m okay.¡± ¡°Ara, you¡¯re as white as a ghost.¡± Mike folded himself around me, and the warm smell of home reminded me that I was safe, that I was okay now and the darkness was gone¡ªJason was gone. I rested my chin in the curve of his neck. David? He looked at me, his emerald-green eyes shining out under his low-pulled brow. Did he find me, David? Did Mike find me? I clutched Mike¡¯s shoulder tightly, studying David¡¯s face for proof of a lie, trying to feel my heart beating¡ªto steady it¡ªbut after months of sensory deprivation, everything was so loud and so bright. I couldn¡¯t feel it beating anymore. David closed his eyes, nodding, and looked away. I knew what Mike would¡¯ve seen. I knew what David would¡¯ve seen in Mike¡¯s head¡ªeven he couldn¡¯t look at me. ¡°I¡¯m sorry, Mike,¡± I cried. ¡°Oh, God. I¡¯m so sorry.¡± Mike let out a gust of air and his sad gaze drew me in as he pulled back. Tears streamed over his cheeks, his eyes falling stunned into the silence that stopped on his lips. ¡°Ar, I¡­¡± My cheeks flushed with heat; I turned my face away. ¡°No.¡± Mike took my chin in his fingers and made me look at him. ¡°No, Ara, you have nothing to be sorry for. You did nothing wrong. This is something that was done to you.¡± ¡°He bit me.¡± I touched my neck. ¡°Yes.¡± Mike¡¯s eyes, with desperation hiding in the corners, met mine. ¡°Do you remember anything else?¡± I looked at David, who lifted his head when he read my thought; He bit me, does that mean I¡¯m a¡­? He shook his head. I¡¯m not a vampire? He closed his eyes and shook his head again. My breathing slowed entirely. I lowered my head and rested my hand across my lips. Why? Why aren¡¯t I dead then? He bit me. I should be dead, right? Our gazes locked again; David nodded. Mike moistened his dry lips, then wiped a palm across his mouth. ¡°I wish I¡¯d never let you out of my sight. Just a split second was all it took. I just¡ªI was watching you. I was right there and¡­¡± He bit his knuckle for a second. ¡°I tried to get to you¡ªbut he was gone.¡± ¡°It¡¯s not your fault, Mike,¡± I whispered; it was all I could do to console him. My throat hurt and the muscles under my jaw felt strained. ¡°I should¡¯ve protected you. It was my job, Ara.¡± Mike looked at David for a second. ¡°They¡­they say you have the same mark on your neck as that kid who died¡ªNathan?¡± What? He died from a vampire bite? David nodded. A vampire? Not you, David? You didn¡¯t do it, did you? He closed his eyes. Mike studied the both of us, no clue we were exchanging our own private words. I looked away from Mike, and my wide eyes studied every inch of David¡¯s face. There was no way David killed Nathan. I couldn¡¯t believe that. I wouldn¡¯t believe it. David looked up, his warm eyes softening as he opened them and muttered, ¡°Thank you,¡± under his breath. ¡°They just can¡¯t understand why¡ªif it was the same guy¡ªwhy Nathan didn¡¯t report an attack,¡± Mike said. ¡°Ara, you shouldn¡¯t be alive right now. Your attacker was carrying some rare tropical disease. You died!¡± ¡°I died?¡± ¡°Yes. They pronounced you brain-dead. You flat-lined, they took out the breathing tube and your heart stopped. But then, the monitor¡ª¡± he looked at the small screen behind me, ¡°¡ªit started beeping again. You kept going. Somehow, you found a way.¡± The memory of the darkness filled my mind; the air became thick and hard to inhale, closing me in, the dry smell of dirt choking me. I looked down at my hand. ¡°My ring?¡± ¡°It¡¯s here.¡± Mike pulled it from his pocket and held it up; it looked so small and fragile in his broad, strong fingers. ¡°I thought I¡¯d lost it. All this time, in the darkness, I thought I¡¯d lost it.¡± My voice quivered as the reality of being alive set in. David closed his eyes and looked away when Mike slipped the ring back onto my finger. I had no time to stop him¡ªit just happened, and the hurt on David¡¯s face tore my heart as it dropped into my stomach. ¡°They wouldn¡¯t let you keep it on,¡± Mike said softly. ¡°But I kept it close to me every day.¡± Like a habit that had been formed over years, I twisted the ring around on my finger and studied the shimmering red of the ruby, regretting having asked Mike about it. ¡°Where¡¯s Vicki? My Dad?¡± ¡°They went for coffee,¡± Mike said. ¡°They stayed for a while, but your dad needed a break¡ªhe¡¯s not doing so well.¡± ¡°Can you call them?¡± I asked Mike, but looked at David quickly. I need him to go, David¡ªI need to talk to you. ¡°Sure.¡± Mike nodded. ¡°Sure, kid. I¡¯ll be right back. David, man?¡± David snapped out of his stiff-lipped stare. ¡°Yeah.¡± ¡°Don¡¯t let her go, okay?¡± He nodded and took my hand, crushing the ring against my finger as he squeezed it. ¡°Don¡¯t worry, I¡¯ll take care of her for you.¡± Mike paused a second, ignoring the resentment we all heard in David¡¯s tone, then, with his phone in hand, closed the door, and I turned to David, trying to stop my lip from quivering. ¡°I know,¡± he said. ¡°I know where you¡¯ve been. I tried to bring you back, but I just couldn¡¯t reach you.¡± ¡°Why? Why did he do that to me?¡± David¡¯s face crumpled, but he stiffened immediately and held straight. ¡°He wanted to hurt me.¡± ¡°Why?¡± ¡°Do you not remember what he showed you?¡± Rochelle? He looked away. ¡°He¡¯s never forgiven me. I thought we¡¯d moved past it. But he was just biding his time until I fell in love.¡± ¡°But, that was fifty years ago, wasn¡¯t it?¡± David nodded, stroking my cheek with the back of his finger. ¡°I¡¯m sorry, Ara. There are no words¡­¡± He shook his head. ¡°No words I can offer you to make this all right.¡± I grabbed his hand and held it to my cheek. ¡°It¡¯s okay. You¡¯re here. That¡¯s all that matters.¡± ¡°No. What matters is that you¡¯re alive, and that this will never, ever happen to you again.¡± ¡°So¡­he won''t¡­I mean, he won¡¯t come back for me?¡± David shook his head, seeming to detain the words that might¡¯ve accompanied the action. ¡°How can you be sure?¡± ¡°Because he left you alive, Ara. For what reason, I do not know, but the fact that you¡¯re still here¡ªthat he gave you the chance to survive, and that he didn''t kill Mike when he found you¡ª¡± ¡°What? Jason was there when Mike found me?¡± I pushed myself up to sit. David nodded, pressing my chest until I laid back down. ¡°How do you know?¡± ¡°I saw it all.¡± He rolled his chin toward his chest. I looked away, going numb all over. ¡°He told me he was going to make you watch.¡± I hoped he wouldn¡¯t. ¡°It wasn¡¯t like that, Ara. He wouldn¡¯t show me.¡± His fists clenched. ¡°I all but ripped it from his mind. When I saw you here, saw the tearing on your throat¡ªI knew. There is only one person in this world who would do that to a girl everyone knew belonged to me.¡± He took off across the room, stopping by the window, with the daylight reminding us both that the real world still existed out there. ¡°I went straight to him¡ªforced him to show me. Only¡­I wish I hadn¡¯t.¡± ¡°I¡¯m sorry, David. I should never have went with¡ª¡± ¡°No, Ara.¡± He appeared beside me, taking my hand. ¡°None of this is your fault. None of it. I left you. I did this. Not you. You should hate me.¡± That¡¯s not possible, David. It¡¯s not your fault¡ªJason did this, no one else. He sniffed once, staying silent for a while, looking down at my ruby ring. ¡°I will never understand why he didn¡¯t finish what he started¡ªbut I am eternally grateful that he didn¡¯t.¡± ¡°The darkness? He wanted me to be lost down there,¡± I concluded. ¡°No.¡± David shook his head. ¡°No. He said something¡ªas he left you. Something that just didn¡¯t fit.¡± ¡°What did he say?¡± My brow creased; it felt so weird to use those muscles again. ¡°He kissed you on the cheek and touched your hair, but he did it so gently.¡± David absentmindedly copied the action of his brother. ¡°He touched you the way I would. Then he said, You don¡¯t know how special you are. I can break your body, but I¡¯ll never break this.¡± David placed his hand over my heart. I looked up from my chest and into the confusion on his face. ¡°It just doesn¡¯t make any sense. I know him; I know what he¡¯s capable of. Whatever changed his mind, you don¡¯t know how lucky you are¡ªhow lucky Mike is. Ara, he was going to¡ª¡± He closed his eyes. An involuntary shudder edged up my spine. We both breathed heavily in the silence for a second. ¡°But he bit me. Why didn¡¯t I change?¡± David drew a long breath, masking the shaking in his chest. ¡°I¡¯m sorry, Ara. You¡ª¡± ¡°I don¡¯t have the gene?¡± Hot tears filled my eyes again. I felt myself being pulled backward¡ªlike I¡¯d stayed put in the crowded lounge of an airport and watched myself leave. David looked away. ¡°But, I¡­I changed my mind.¡± ¡°I know.¡± David nodded. ¡°You just¡ªit¡¯s just not in your blood, Ara.¡± My whole body stilled, my eyes closing tightly around hot liquid. ¡°I don¡¯t want to die anymore, David. I can¡¯t be without you again.¡± ¡°I know. I know, my love.¡± He stroked my hair, holding my face to his chest, but there was nothing he could say. ¡°You can never be a vampire, Ara. The promise of eternity was never mine to give.¡± The emptiness of stolen dreams consumed me, and something died within my soul; all hope fell away to the darkness of my nightmares¡ªlike a rose, falling through eternity to a marbled ground of nowhere¡ªlaying lifeless and spoiled with a single drop of crimson on her pretty, white petal. The only colour she would ever see again. David rested his forehead to mine and tucked a lock of hair behind my ear. ¡°How can that be?¡± My words touched his lips in a breath. ¡°How can it be over now that I¡¯ve made up my mind?¡± His jaw tightened. ¡°Sometimes, Ara, life is cruel.¡± ¡°I can¡¯t do this, David. I feel like I¡¯ve lost a part of myself that I¡¯ll never get back¡ªthis can¡¯t be the end.¡± Page 96 ¡°You¡¯re marrying him,¡± David¡¯s voice quavered as he nodded toward the hall¡ªto where Mike went to call my dad. ¡°That¡¯s as concluded as things get.¡±Advertisement ¡°But you told me to. You wanted me to.¡± David¡¯s fingers tightened around my face. ¡°I¡¯m no saint, Ara. I want what¡¯s best for you, but at the same time¡­¡± He let out a heavy breath. ¡°I couldn¡¯t care less if being with me meant the end of your future.¡± ¡°Then don¡¯t let me go.¡± Hope filled my voice. ¡°Stay with me. Run away with me, I¡¯ll¡ª¡± ¡°Ara? I can¡¯t. You know I can¡¯t. I have things I need to deal with¡ªthings I must return and take care of, and running away¡ª¡± he looked down at my face, ¡°¡ªit¡¯s not the answer, my love. Life is the answer, even if loneliness is the outcome.¡± I went to protest, but David shook his head and pressed his thumbs firmly into my cheekbones, gently pressuring me to silence. ¡°You will have a good life with him. I know now that I¡¯m leaving you in good hands.¡± We both looked to the hall¡ªto Mike, to my best friend and fianc¨¦, practically bouncing around the corridor, smiling with more joy radiating from his heart than I had ever seen. When I looked back at David, he was already looking at me; his lips twitching as if words rested there¡ªmaybe words I wanted to hear him say. ¡°I don¡¯t want to have a life anymore. I want to be with you.¡± ¡°I know,¡± he said sympathetically, like an adult telling a child her mother was dead. ¡°Don¡¯t do that. Don¡¯t speak to me with such finality.¡± ¡°I¡ª¡± ¡°Please. I had a lot of time to think in the darkness, David, and none of it matters to me now.¡± I sniffled, wiping the liquid from my nose. ¡°Love. True love¡ªthat¡¯s all that matters.¡± David shook his head. ¡°You can never be immortal, Ara. I sat here, by your side, all this time, and I watched you die. I was helpless, unable to save you¡ªforced to let you fade away a little more every day,¡± his voice broke to a whisper. ¡°You disappeared into nothing, until every trace of what made you mine, what made you real¡ªwas gone.¡± ¡°But I¡¯m still here. David, I¡ª¡± ¡°It doesn¡¯t change things.¡± A tight crease pulled his brow at the centre. ¡°Look, I know I said once that I will always hope you would one day change your mind, but that hope no longer exists. It¡¯s been ripped away by reality, Ara. I will not stay with you as a mortal¡ªI have to leave.¡± ¡°Why? Am I so repulsive that you can¡¯t love me with a heartbeat?¡± David stood back and looked down at his clenched fist. ¡°You know it has nothing to do with lo¡ª¡± ¡°Then what is it?¡± I almost screamed. I could feel my face burning with heat. ¡°Why won¡¯t you just love me enough to think I¡¯m the only thing that matters? I know I messed up. I know I¡¯m moody and spoiled and I¡¯m sorry. I¡¯m sorry I didn¡¯t let you take me away, I¡¯m sorry I went with Jason, and what you¡¯re doing to me now, David, is making me goddamn well sorry I ever fell in lo¡ª¡± ¡°Ara!¡± He held a finger up, tilting his head awkwardly away as if he were fighting a deep, instinctual urge within him¡ªwhat it was, I couldn¡¯t tell. ¡°Don¡¯t say what you¡¯re about to say. If you say it, it¡¯s been said, and you won¡¯t be able to take it back.¡± I held onto the urge to yell at him, to scream at him, but I could only hold it so long; it burst out in a singular cry. I folded my face into my hand. ¡°I hate you. I hate you. I hate¡ª¡± ¡°Ara, Ara, stop.¡± He gathered me in his arms. ¡°Ara, please, please don¡¯t do this, my love.¡± ¡°No. You stop it. Don¡¯t you call me that. You can¡¯t call me that and then leave me.¡± I grabbed his shirt and looked deep into his eyes, my tears stopping. ¡°You don¡¯t know what you¡¯re doing. You can¡¯t leave. I¡¯ll die if you leave, David. I¡¯ll never be able to co¡ª¡± ¡°You have to cope, Ara.¡± He unfolded my fingers from his shirt. ¡°You¡¯ve got no goddamn choice.¡± ¡°No. I do. This is love. This is life. I¡¯m alive.¡± I tapped my chest. ¡°I¡¯m alive. We get a second chance, David. Don¡¯t waste that.¡± ¡°I won¡¯t.¡± He looked into me, and I could almost feel him reaching out to stroke my face, but though his eyes said he wanted to, his hands stayed by his sides. ¡°I¡¯m leaving you so you can live. A life with me¡ªrunning, hiding, like dogs, Ara, would be a waste. I will walk out that door¡ª¡± he pointed across the room, ¡°¡ªand you have the choice to either say goodbye to me now, or never have the chance again.¡± It hurt so much¡ªin my heart. I rolled my head back, letting my face crumple with the pain of his impassively conclusive words. ¡°David. Please. You can''t. I won¡¯t live without you. I won¡¯t, and you can¡¯t make me.¡± But he took another step away from me. ¡°I¡¯m sorry, Ara.¡± My mouth dropped with the disbelief my heart suffered for each inch of space between us. The fight in me turned to fear, and I tried to move my legs¡ªto get up and run after him, but they felt like jelly; I could barely even move my toes. ¡°David.¡± I reached out. ¡°David. Don¡¯t. Please. Don¡¯t go.¡± He looked away from me, his eyes scrunching tightly in the corners as he closed them. ¡°David, I love you. If I could take it all back, I would. Just, please. Please stay with me¡ªplease don¡¯t leave me again. I want to be with you.¡± ¡°But you can¡¯t be with me, Ara.¡± He appeared beside me, stroking his thumb over the release of tears down my cheek. ¡°I left you with scars from my involvement in your life, and it¡¯s time to put it right again. I love you too much to let you get hurt like that.¡± His voice trembled; he steadied it with a breath. ¡°And I can never watch you die again. I swear¡ª¡± he clutched a fist over his heart, ¡°¡ªas long as I walk this Earth, as long as I continue to move, I will have to believe that you are alive¡ªthat you still exist, or I will not survive this human life.¡± ¡°No.¡± I reached for him, just managing to grasp his shirt before he could pull away. ¡°David, please¡ªyou¡¯re making a mistake.¡± Behind David, the door flung open and Mike¡¯s smile dropped when he saw my face. ¡°What have you done to her?¡± he growled, bounding toward me. The tense energy tore away from the space between us as Mike pushed David aside. My outstretched hand gripped tighter, but my fingers slipped, and David backed away, one painful step at a time. ¡°Ara? What happened?¡± Mike asked, tucking my abandoned reach into my lap. ¡°No¡ª¡± I pushed up from Mike¡¯s embrace and searched the room for David; he hesitated by the door, holding it ajar as his gaze quickly averted once it met mine. ¡°I know this will be hard for you, Ara. Believe me, I will regret this decision for the rest of eternity,¡± his silky voice trembled. ¡°But I cannot love you the way you are. I will only bring you pain.¡± ¡°David,¡± I whimpered. I¡¯ll die without you. Can¡¯t you feel that? ¡°Non, ma cherie. The sun will rise again in your world, but for me, it never will.¡± ¡°Then stay,¡± I whispered one last time. He shook his head. ¡°We were just a dream of mine, Ara¡­but even dreams eventually die.¡± My eyes closed as the words he spoke touched my soul and broke my heart; when I looked up from Mike¡¯s embrace, my David, my knight¡ªwas gone. Chapter Thirty-Seven Death, those of us who outrun it, can never escape it. It held me in its clutches long enough to steal my life, and though I could breathe and talk and was capable of human emotion on the outside, inside I was a cold, putrid corpse. He left me¡ªbacked away, turned around and held his head high as he fled my life for eternity. No second chance, no discussion¡ªjust gone. My body would heal, so they told me¡ªit would take months of rigorous and painful physiotherapy, but it would, eventually, return to what it once was. But they were talking about my ability to walk to the bathroom by myself or breathe properly when sitting up. None of them knew what torments I suffered inside. Even the psychiatrist in Vicki couldn¡¯t tell. ¡°Ara?¡± She broke my reverie, knocking on my already open door. I looked up from pretending to read my book. ¡°Hm?¡± ¡°Um¡ª¡± She shuffled her feet. ¡°Emily¡¯s on the phone.¡± ¡°Vicki!¡± I slammed the book down. ¡°I told you. No phone calls. I don¡¯t want to talk to anyone.¡± ¡°But, Ara, honey, it¡¯s been weeks¡ªshe just wants to see you¡¯re all right.¡± ¡°Do I look all right? God, I can hardly even walk myself to the bathroom, I¡ª¡± ¡°Yes, you can, you did it this morning, remember?¡± She grinned. ¡°Yes, but that doesn¡¯t mean I want visitors.¡± ¡°Are you sure, honey? It¡¯ll only be a few mi¡ª¡± ¡°I¡¯m done arguing. I said no.¡± ¡°Okay. I¡¯ll uh¡ªI¡¯ll tell her to call back another day.¡± Vicki nodded and closed the door. I stared at the empty space for a moment, lip quivering, arms weighted with grief. I just couldn''t do it. I just couldn¡¯t let Em see me. I missed her so much. I missed school, missed normal life, but I was so goddamn ashamed. I didn¡¯t even want to look at my own father, let alone my friends. ¡°Hey, ba¡ª¡± I jumped, wiping hot tears from my cheeks, hurriedly grabbing my book as Mike swung my door open. ¡°Ara? Baby, are you crying?¡± ¡°Nope.¡± I held the book to my chest as he sat beside me. ¡°I¡¯m good.¡± ¡°So, these are tears of hilarity?¡± He looked at the title. ¡°Yup. Funny scene.¡± I forced a smile. Mike¡¯s eyes narrowed, his head seeming to shake, though it held still. I knew he wasn¡¯t born yesterday, but I also knew that with the prudence they all exercised with me lately, he wouldn¡¯t push for the truth. The question was etching on his lips, though; he wanted to know why I cried if I didn¡¯t remember much about the attack, and a part of him, I was sure, wondered if David had something to do with it. He asked me once, if there was some reason David had become so upset when he saw the wound on my neck¡ªmore upset than anyone else. I simply told him it was because David loved me more than anyone else, and Mike accepted that answer, temporarily. But he¡¯d eventually start piecing things together, I was sure of it. ¡°Ara?¡± Mike said, snapping his fingers in front of my face. ¡°Quit fazing out.¡± ¡°Oh, sorry. What did you say?¡± He sighed, eyes on my ring, then shook his head. ¡°Nothing. It was nothing. I uh¡ª¡± he stood up, ¡°¡ªI¡¯ll be in my room if you need me.¡± ¡°Okay, Mike,¡± I said, and let him walk away. I couldn¡¯t ask him what he¡¯d just said¡ªnot when there was a strong chance it was about our engagement. We hadn¡¯t mentioned it since I woke from the coma, and I wasn¡¯t sure I wanted to yet. I stared at the door again for a while after he closed it, trying not to embrace the past¡ªnot to look on it and remember the bad or the good. It was, and would remain, exactly as the dictionary described it¡ªthe past. As another night rolled to a close, Sam sat at the base of my bed and sketched pictures in his journal. He was good company. It was enough for him to just sit and be silent; he didn¡¯t need to probe or prod for details, attempting to assess my psychological state. It pretty clearly sat high at ¡®completely messed-up¡¯ since the attack¡ªit didn¡¯t take a genius to figure that out. ¡°What do you think?¡± He held up his book. ¡°Wow, Sam, that¡¯s amazing.¡± Not just because the grey sketch of the girl looked exactly like me, but because she was smiling¡ªsomething I¡¯d not done since coming home. He rested the book in his lap and kept his eyes on it. ¡°Ara?¡± ¡°Yeah, Sam?¡± ¡°Do you remember much¡ªabout the attack?¡± He pretended to retrace the lines on his picture. ¡°Does it keep you up at night?¡± I stared at my thumbs, clicking them over each other. ¡°Yes. It does. But I try not to think of it.¡± ¡°I¡¯m sorry,¡± he said. ¡°Me too.¡± I rolled over and covered my head with my blankets. No one told Sam the finer details of the attack, but gossip had a way of spreading. He came home late from school the other day, kept back on detention after punching a kid who told him my dad lied¡ªthat the truth was, my attacker really had¡­violated me. But no one knew what actually happened; I¡¯d take the truth to my grave¡ªhowever far away that may be. And I didn¡¯t plan to stay in New England, either. My story made the news and all the major papers; there¡¯d be no escaping the stares if I went back to school. Conclusions based on odd facts were the worst kinds of infectious humiliation. I¡¯d already planned to jump on a plane and go back home as soon as I was well. Whether that was as Mike¡¯s fianc¨¦ or not, I didn¡¯t care. I just needed to get away from here¡ªaway from it all. David once said that it was kinder for a vampire to kill a human than to leave them alive, suffering in agony until they finally passed. He was right. Death would have been kinder. Perhaps that¡¯s why Jason left me alive¡ªso I¡¯d walk the Earth for the rest of my days, not only ashamed and broken, reliving the consequences of his cruelty in every nightmare, but also that I¡¯d suffer it alone¡ªwithout David. He must have known David would leave me if I wasn¡¯t capable of change. He set out to punish David, but I was the one made to suffer. Page 97 A wild winter gale rattled my windowpane, and the darkness of the night touched every corner of my room. I couldn¡¯t remember Sam leaving, and though I heard Dad and Vicki go to bed, I couldn¡¯t remember if they came in to say goodnight¡ªlike they always did.Advertisement The music vibrating through my earphones helped filter out some of the clatter from the wind, but I should¡¯ve been more careful about the playlist I chose because, tonight, in the darkness, these songs flooded my heart with the agony of missing David. I made myself small against the wall and hugged my pillow to my chest. The skin along my cheeks hurt from the constant wiping of tears, but as the cold turned them icy against my lips, I forced myself to blot them away. Then, as I sniffled, the memory of David¡¯s scent replayed in the darkness, an apparition of him appearing before me, making me lose the fight to subdue my sobs. I could hardly breathe, hardly stop my shoulders ferociously shaking as I bawled, muffling my cries against my hands. ¡°You¡¯re not really here, are you?¡± He stared down at me, his liquid-green eyes intense with sorrow, as if our separation hurt him just as much as me. ¡°If I were, my love, I shouldn¡¯t be.¡± Then, as swiftly as he appeared, he was gone again, the tone of his smooth voice ringing in my ears as if he¡¯d really spoken. I remained breathless, watching the breeze blow in through my window, a second passing before my heart beat again. ¡°That¡¯s it.¡± I tore my earphones out and ditched my iPod across the room, tossing my pillows and blanket on top so I wouldn¡¯t have to think about it, then rolled over, shivering in the nakedness of my bed, wishing I¡¯d at least kept my blanket. But regret only lasted another few sobs as the exhaustion of healing swept me under the grasp of sleep. Morning has a funny way of turning up when it¡¯s not wanted. The unruly wind from last night receded with the moon, and the sun cast a scarlet ribbon across the horizon. Through the reflection of my antique mirror on the other side of my room, I watched a murder of crows flock in the open sky. It was early, but there was still so much beauty in the morning, despite the world¡¯s ignorance to its existence. I snuggled up under my blanket, tucking my hand under my pillow, but held my breath, feeling something small and solid slip between my fingertips. I sat up and unfolded my hand, my skin going tight with bumps as a silver chain dangled down, swinging from my heart-shaped locket, the French inscription face up, bringing tears to my eyes. He left this. He was here. I grabbed my blanket in a fist and tucked it to my chin. Why would he do this to me? Why would he leave this when I gave it back to him so I could move on? I sobered myself with a shaky gulp of air and wiped my cheeks with my sleeve. Because that was just it, wasn¡¯t it? Forever. I promised him my forever, and he promised me eternity. But I had to move on. He made me move on, though he would never let me go. And it occurred to me then, that I¡¯d never let him go either, and needed to stop trying¡ªneeded to wear this, keep David close to my heart, alive in my thoughts, because he was a part of me, and I felt nothing if I didn¡¯t love him. Mike would know; he¡¯d know I missed David, but he¡¯d accept it, because he loved me, too. I could never move on, not really. I could live for the rest of my life with Mike, and I could be his wife, but, as the fine inscription on the back of the locket read, I belonged to him¡ªto David. I always would. ¡°Forever,¡± I told myself as I linked the chain around my neck and let it fall against my collarbones¡ªback where it belonged. Day turned into night again, and I listened to the familiar sound of dinner conversation going on in the dining room, without me. Mike¡¯s booming laughter flowed up the stairs and poked me in the heart. I wished I could laugh. I wished I could laugh with Mike. But he seemed to be avoiding me. I think. Or maybe he was just trying to give me some space, I wasn¡¯t sure, but he hovered by my door a lot¡ªhardly ever knocked or came in¡­just hovered. Unless I needed something. Care and help, but no companionship. It just wasn¡¯t like him to be so distant. Before the attack, there were never closed doors between us, but now it seemed like even the windows were shut¡ªand I was all alone on the other side. A screech of disapproval rose above the loud chatter of my family and Vicki said, ¡°Greg, you can¡¯t say that. It¡¯s politically incorrect.¡± Dad didn¡¯t respond, but I pictured him laughing into his fist, his face red, his shoulders shaking. ¡°But it¡¯s true, Vicki,¡± Mike said, ¡°It¡¯s rude, yes, but...¡± I stopped listening. I didn¡¯t want to hear what they were saying. I didn¡¯t want to be a part of their conversation¡ªnor did I want to sit here wishing I was. I clutched my secret locket and waited for the arrival of another tear-provoked sleep. When the faucet stopped running and the lights and doors were positioned in their nightly rest stop, I snuggled down in my bed, closed my eyes, and imagined David beside me. ¡°How are you feeling?¡± the apparition asked, smiling at me; I could almost feel the solidity of his fingers as he trailed them along my hairline. ¡°Better now you¡¯re here.¡± He went to smile, then looked up to my opening door; I quickly tucked the locket away and closed my eyes. Mike stood in the doorway, waiting to see if I¡¯d wake, as usual, then wandered over to lock the window I¡¯d already double-checked¡ªtwice, drawing my curtains closed again after. I wanted to look up and see what he was doing then, since his gaze seemed to have a physical effect on me, as if my body knew he was staring, but if I let him know I was awake, he¡¯d stay with me for the night and I¡¯d never get back to my dreams of David. ¡°Oh, Mike¡ªI didn¡¯t realise you were in here,¡± my dad whispered into the darkness. ¡°Yeah, I like to check on her before I go to bed,¡± Mike said in a deep, husky whisper. ¡°Is she sleeping?¡± ¡°Yeah.¡± His solemn, almost broken tone obviously set my dad¡¯s mind wandering as it did mine. ¡°You okay, son?¡± Dad said, and the light filtering in from the hall disappeared. ¡°I¡¯m worried about her, Greg.¡± I opened one eye to see my dad lean against my dresser. ¡°Me too,¡± he said. ¡°I don¡¯t think she¡¯s okay, you know. She plays it tough¡ª¡± Dad looked right at me; I closed my eye again. ¡°But I never even see her cry. Not once. Surely something like this has got to leave a girl feeling something?¡± ¡°She cries,¡± Mike stated, his tone empty. ¡°I know you don¡¯t see it, but that¡¯s because she wants everyone to think she¡¯s okay.¡± ¡°You¡¯ve seen her cry?¡± I opened my eyes a little; Mike shook his head. ¡°But I hear her. At night, when she thinks everyone¡¯s asleep.¡± Mike looked at Dad. ¡°A few times I¡¯ve come to her door, trying to decide if I should come in, but she smiles and plays it cool when I catch her.¡± There was a pause. ¡°She won¡¯t talk to me, Greg, but she needs to talk to someone before she buries this grief too deep and we lose her.¡± ¡°Maybe she¡¯ll talk to Emily?¡± Dad suggested. No, I won¡¯t. ¡°I doubt it,¡± Mike said, then sighed heavily, rubbing his face with both hands. ¡°I don¡¯t know. I guess we just need to give her more time.¡± ¡°I don¡¯t know. I think we¡¯re past that point, Mike. Vicki¡¯s worried.¡± Dad combed the front of his hair with arched fingers. ¡°She thinks we might need to get her some professional help.¡± ¡°Don¡¯t do that,¡± Mike warned. ¡°She¡¯ll shut down if you do that. I¡¯ll try talking to her tomorrow.¡± I rolled onto my back and groaned, deliberately, to get them and their gossip out of my room. ¡°Okay.¡± Dad clapped Mike on the shoulder. ¡°But, don¡¯t worry,¡± Mike said, looking at me again. ¡°She is still capable of feeling.¡± ¡°I hope so,¡± Dad said. ¡°Otherwise...¡± I tensed, Dad¡¯s pause lasting a little too long. Otherwise what? ¡°I know,¡± Mike said. ¡°But she¡¯s alive, Greg.¡± ¡°I¡¯m starting to wonder if that¡¯s all that counts.¡± It¡¯s not, Dad, I thought. I wished I had died. There was a point in the darkness when I wanted to come back, but not to this. Not to the nightmares I had for the way Jason touched me, the emptiness I felt for the way David left me, and the grief that hit me when I¡¯d stand naked in the shower¡ªfeeling the exposure of my skin to the air¡ªknowing I was safe, but feeling so scared and so bare. No one warned me that being awake again would be worse. No one told me I¡¯d have bad dreams¡ªfalling, over and over again, from that tree, waking up just before I hit the ground. Life wasn¡¯t all that mattered, and I learned that, unfortunately, a little too late. The light from their world intruded on my David fantasy time for a while longer. Dad had left the door open when he walked away, but I could feel Mike lingering at my bedside; he leaned down and stroked my hair, his worries expelling with his breath, and ran his thumb down my neck¡ªthe one place he wasn¡¯t supposed to touch me anymore. I curled my fingers into a tight fist, on the cusp of losing my battle for alone time by shoving his hand away, when everything around us seemed to stop. ¡°Where did this come from?¡± he whispered to himself, lifting the silver chain from under my shirt. ¡°Oh, Ara¡ª¡± he sighed my name out, his warm, heavy breath brushing across my nose and lips. But, he placed the locket gently back down on my chest, instead of ripping it away, like he probably should have, and kissed my head, closing the bedroom door behind him. The sunlight outside reflected off the icy roads and shone through the window with its early morning glow. It felt like years since I¡¯d seen the sun, since I¡¯d looked up at the blue sky and found the summer. I wondered now if I¡¯d ever love the summer again. ¡°Hi, gorgeous.¡± Mike glided into my room with breakfast. ¡°You hungry?¡± I shook my head. ¡°Okay.¡± He lowered the plate of toast, his smile dropping with it. ¡°I¡¯ll take it back down.¡± ¡°Thanks, Mike. But¡­¡± I sat up a little. ¡°Don¡¯t tell Vicki. She¡¯s worried I¡¯m not getting enough nutrients.¡± ¡°Right.¡± He paused, chewing the inside of his lip as he studied my half-dried tears. ¡°Ara?¡± ¡°Mm?¡± ¡°No more, baby.¡± He squatted beside me, placing the plate on the ground. ¡°You gotta talk to me.¡± ¡°I do talk to you.¡± I folded my arms. ¡°No, you don''t. You haven¡¯t even been able to look at me. You flinch when¡ª¡± he dropped his hand away from my face as I recoiled, ¡°¡ªwhen I touch you.¡± ¡°Well, what do you expect, Mike?¡± ¡°I get it. I do. But I don¡¯t understand why you¡¯re pushing me away. I¡¯d never hurt you, Ara.¡± ¡°That¡¯s not what I¡¯m afraid of,¡± I said with a hint of detest. ¡°Well¡ª¡± He dropped back on his heels a little. ¡°What is it then?¡± I stared at him through a film of tears, and as the words of truth rose to the surface, at the same time the tears spilled onto my cheeks, I spat them out, ¡°I¡¯m just so ashamed. I never wanted you to find me that way.¡± ¡°What way? Ara, how do you think I found you? ¡°He¡ªhe,¡± I stammered. ¡°He said he was going to make sure that when you found me, you wouldn¡¯t sleep for fifty years.¡± Mike¡¯s eyes widened; his hands shot out so fast that I squealed and ducked my head, but he sat on my bed and held me to his chest anyway, stroking my hair. ¡°You never told me that. Why didn¡¯t you tell me that?¡± ¡°I didn¡¯t want anyone to know.¡± ¡°Well, did you tell the cops that?¡± I shook my head. ¡°I haven¡¯t told anyone¡ªanything. I only told them the basics.¡± ¡°Then, you remember more than you say?¡± His tone was soft, not angry like I expected. ¡°Mm-hm.¡± ¡°Oh, baby. Why? Why would you do that? How can they catch this guy if they don¡¯t know the full story?¡± ¡°They¡¯ll never catch him.¡± That much I was sure of. Mike ignored that comment and took a deep breath. ¡°Do you want to know what I saw when I found you¡ªcan you cope with this yet?¡± ¡°I need to know, Mike. It¡¯s been eating me up.¡± ¡°Oh, Ara. You should¡¯ve talked to me about this before now. I could¡¯ve helped you.¡± ¡°I thought you wouldn¡¯t wanna talk about it.¡± ¡°That¡¯s just silly, baby.¡± Mike laid me back down on the pillow and his hand fell gently into the curve of my neck as he studied me, swiping his thumb over my cheekbone. ¡°Mike?¡± I grabbed his wrist and pushed it down. ¡°Please don''t touch my neck.¡± ¡°Right, sorry, I forgot.¡± But his eyes stayed there for a moment, not on the jagged, silvery bite shape, but on the place the attacker¡¯s grip left a mental scar. ¡°You were covered when I found you.¡± I looked up quickly into his soulful, caramel gaze. ¡°I was?¡± He nodded, half smiling. ¡°Your hair was laying over your¡­over your chest, like it¡¯d been positioned that way. No one saw anything, and I had you covered with my jacket before anyone else came.¡± Tears of relief overflowed and swerved down my cheeks. Mike started to wipe them away, but gave up in vain when they kept flowing. ¡°You¡¯re so silly, Ara. All this time, you thought I found you¡ªexposed.¡± Page 98 ¡°I did.¡± I wiped my nose. ¡°I thought¡ªI mean, I didn''t know what he did to me after I¡ªwhen it all went black. I didn''t know if maybe he¡¯d done¡­worse, or¡ª¡±Advertisement ¡°Oh, baby. I really wish you¡¯d said something.¡± I felt pretty silly then. ¡°So do I.¡± Mike laughed softly, but the smile in his eyes faded away to something darker. ¡°What, Mike? What is it?¡± He pinched his lips, rocking his jaw. ¡°You don¡¯t know what I went through¡ªlooking for you. And when I found you¡ª¡± He let a breath out through his nose, battling with words inside his mouth. ¡°I expected, given what I was sure he¡¯d done to you, I was surprised when I found you still wearing your underwear.¡± I cringed. ¡°But your legs¡ª¡± He looked haunted, lost in disgust. ¡°You were just so¡­so covered in blood. I thought the deranged prick had actually dressed you again after he¡­¡± Mike couldn''t say it. I touched his arm, wishing I could have been there to comfort him through that. ¡°I cried when they told me,¡± he said, cupping his hand over mine. ¡°When the doctors said you were untouched, I just cried. Baby, it was so dark in that field. Without a torch, I might not¡¯ve seen you at all. And when I found you, I noticed only one small flicker of pale skin, and I ran, faster than I¡¯ve ever run before.¡± In my mind, I could see it all as it happened. ¡°All we¡¯d come across so far was¡ª¡± he paused and lowered his voice, ¡°¡ªwas your bra. And I can¡¯t tell you what went through my mind when I found it.¡± I felt my cheeks flush. ¡°Oh God, baby, the things I imagined he was doing to you while I wasn¡¯t there to protect you. I felt so helpless. I couldn¡¯t walk properly; every step I took was like my legs were carrying the weight of a train. But I kept going, just to find you¡ªto hold you and make you safe again. ¡°If you could only feel what I felt when I saw you there. I wasn¡¯t ashamed or disgusted, like you seem to think, princess. I was overjoyed. And I promise you, no one saw your body¡ªexcept for Emily; she was right beside me the whole time.¡± When he looked back unexpectedly, I nearly jumped out of my skin; Mike¡¯s eyes became soft and round. ¡°I covered you with my jacket,¡± he continued, ¡°and checked every square inch of your body to make sure I wouldn''t break you more if I moved you, and I know you didn¡¯t want me to see you like that, but I never looked at anything in that way. I was just so happy to find you still breathing. All I saw was the girl I¡¯m in love with¡ªand the only memory I¡¯ve taken with me from that night is the way you looked up suddenly, so scared, and then smiled when you saw me.¡± He squeezed my hand. ¡°You closed your eyes then, and I thought that was last time I¡¯d ever see the blue again.¡± An audible sob left my lips. Mike gathered me into his chest, tighter than ever before, and I felt nauseated for feeling gratitude toward Jason for not doing as he¡¯d threatened. But the sick feeling welled up into a circle of anger within me. My fists clenched behind Mike¡¯s back. I closed my eyes tight. One day, I didn¡¯t know when, or how, but one day, I would make Jason pay for what he did to me. Mike leaned out from our embrace and looked at my lips, then my eyes, stroking my hair off my brow. ¡°Is this why you won¡¯t see Emily¡ªbecause she was there with me?¡± I nodded, looking down. Mike took a really long breath, letting it out slowly. ¡°You know, she¡¯s been hysterical over this. She needs to see you¡ªshe blames herself, Ara, for not chasing after you when she saw you walk away with that man.¡± ¡°Really?¡± ¡°Yes. She cries every time I see her, and there¡¯s nothing I can do to console her. Will you please just see her? She loves you, just the same as we all do.¡± ¡°But¡ªshe saw, Mike. I can¡¯t help how I feel.¡± ¡°Oh, baby. Please don¡¯t be like that. Emily¡¯s your friend, and she¡¯s a girl. I¡¯m sure she¡¯s seen it all before.¡± ¡°That¡¯s not the point.¡± ¡°I know. But I¡¯m just trying to get you to understand how little any of that means when, in the greater scheme of things, we thought we¡¯d find you dead¡ªor much, much worse.¡± I wedged the tongue of stubbornness into my cheek and shook my head. ¡°Ara. Emily¡¯s not to blame. You can¡¯t hide from this, and you won¡¯t make yourself feel better by punishing her.¡± ¡°Oh, for God¡¯s sake! Fine. I¡¯ll see her.¡± Mike let out a quick huff of relief. ¡°Really?¡± ¡°Yes. If you shut up.¡± ¡°Shutting up.¡± He kissed my lips, scrunching my cheeks between his hands. ¡°I¡¯m gonna go call her. Okay?¡± I nodded and fell back against my pillows as he backed away and closed the door. It only felt like ten minutes passed before Sam popped his head around the corner and said, ¡°Emily¡¯s here.¡± I put my book down and pressed my hands into the mattress until I was sitting up properly. ¡°Send her in.¡± ¡°You sure, sis?¡± Sam asked, slightly closing himself in the room with me. ¡°Because, I know Mike kinda pushed you into this.¡± I smiled at Sam. ¡°It¡¯s okay. I¡¯m okay.¡± He nodded, then signalled into the corridor. Emily, with her hands clasped in front of her, walked very slowly into my room and smiled. ¡°Hi,¡± I said. ¡°Hi.¡± As soon as the words left her lips, she spun around to close my door, then just stood there with her head against it. ¡°Em?¡± ¡°I¡¯m okay.¡± She nodded, exhaling. ¡°What¡¯s wrong?¡± ¡°I. I have rules. Things I¡¯m not allowed to say, but¡ª¡± I waited, allowing her to pull herself together. ¡°I¡ªI just don¡¯t know what to say. I¡¯m so...so sorry.¡± She turned to face me then, and tears rained over her crossed arms, falling past her elbows to the carpet. ¡°It¡¯s my fault. I should have¡ª¡± ¡°Em. Don¡¯t. Okay?¡± I held a hand up. ¡°Just don¡¯t. Say. Anything about it.¡± After a moment, she sighed. ¡°Okay,¡± she said. ¡°Okay.¡± ¡°Thanks, Em.¡± I opened my eyes. ¡°We¡¯ll just talk about the weather then.¡± She smiled a weak smile, then sat beside me on the bed. ¡°That¡¯s what I need.¡± And we did talk about the weather¡ªthe past, the present, the future. The coming spring, the wild winter, and I know a few times Emily wondered if I was talking in code, referring to David as the rain, the sadness, or talking about the attack when I spoke of the storms. And who knows, maybe I was, maybe I wasn¡¯t. But it was nice to just talk for no other reason than to exchange words in the company of someone you¡¯d come to love. By the time Dad told Emily to ¡®let me rest¡¯, I had formed a real smile at least twice and had managed to forget about the attack for a while. ¡°Em?¡± I said as she went to close my door behind her. ¡°Yeah?¡± ¡°Can you come back tomorrow?¡± She pressed her lips into a tight line, nodding rapidly, then closed the door before I heard her burst into tears on the other side. Rising from my first dreamless slumber since I woke from my nightmare, I drew a deep breath and watched the sun rise higher in the sky until it shone through my crystals, making a pale rainbow dance on the wall above my dresser. I looked away; colour didn¡¯t belong in my life anymore. I wondered if it ever would again. I did find one moment of joy in all the gloom, though, as I extended my limbs into a stretch and, for the first time, they didn¡¯t hurt quite so much. I felt the cold as if it were only cold, not sharp pins, and could actually find appreciation in the beautiful winter that set in deep while I was in a coma. It had been a shock to my nerves when I felt the sting of the frost on that first day they brought me home. But I actually liked it now¡ªmore than I once liked the autumn. ¡°Hey? Good morning. I didn¡¯t know you were awake,¡± Mike chimed, leaning on my doorframe. ¡°I¡¯ve been awake for the last three weeks, Mike.¡± ¡°You know what I mean.¡± He gave a simple smile. He looked rested today; his hair was still wet from a shower and the smell of his fresh, powder-scented cologne filled my room. ¡°Yeah, I know. I was joking around with you.¡± I sat up in my bed. ¡°Joking?¡± He nodded, pursing his lips in consideration. ¡°That¡¯s a good sign.¡± ¡°So is general conversation.¡± I waited, expecting him to chuckle. ¡°You know, ¡®cause dead people don''t talk.¡± ¡°Oh. Ha!¡± He laughed once. ¡°Sorry, I''m not used to the lame joke game anymore.¡± I shrunk a little. I wasn¡¯t playing the lame joke game. I was actually attempting to be funny. ¡°Something wrong, kid?¡± Mike dropped his folded arms and moved to sit beside me. ¡°Nah, I''ve just been doing some thinking.¡± ¡°What about?¡± ¡°Stuff.¡± ¡°David?¡± I didn''t mean to, but I stiffened all over. ¡°Maybe.¡± ¡°Ara¡ª¡± He paused, seemingly assessing his words. ¡°I love you. And¡­I¡¯m your best friend. I always will be. But I¡¯m not stupid and I¡¯m not blind. I know¡­things¡­and I know that he¡ª¡± ¡°He¡¯s not what you think he is, Mike.¡± I cleared my throat, sorting out a response in my head. ¡°You might think you¡¯ve pieced it all together, but you''re wrong.¡± His eyes narrowed. ¡°I know you¡¯re upset that he left you, but I don''t think I''m wrong about him; I really do think he loves you and he''s just trying to do the right thing by you.¡± Cold shock washed through me. ¡°That¡¯s what you think?¡± He frowned. ¡°What did you think I thought?¡± That he was a vampire. ¡°Oh, um¡ªI thought you might¡¯ve thought he was a jerk, you know, for leaving again.¡± Mike shook his head. ¡°No, baby. Not at all. I mean, I¡­in the hospital, I saw the way he loved you. It was¡­undeniable. And I don''t know what happened between you two, maybe you¡¯ll never tell me, but you need to know that, although that part of your life is over now, I¡¯m still here. And you still have a chance to be happy.¡± ¡°I¡¯m not sure I¡¯m capable of that anymore, Mike.¡± He nodded. ¡°What if I could promise you you are? What if I could guarantee that you will one day find a reason to smile? Would you believe me¡ªat least start wanting to be happy again?¡± ¡°I¡ª¡± I frowned to myself. ¡°I do want to be happy.¡± He went to shake his head, but stopped and exhaled. ¡°Only you know the truth of that, Ar.¡± He was right. I didn''t want to be happy, because being happy meant moving on from David, and moving on meant that I didn''t love him. ¡°But I¡¯m not giving up on you,¡± Mike said. ¡°Not ever. I don¡¯t care what you say to me or do to make me mad or hurt, I love you, and I¡¯m not giving up on you.¡± My eyes watered. ¡°What if I asked you to go?¡± He didn¡¯t even answer. We both already knew the answer. But I wondered if he¡¯d stay if he knew the real reason I was attacked¡ªthat I had let a vampire into my life, then followed one to my own detriment. And I wondered how he would feel to know that the core of my sadness was not because I was attacked, but because of David, because he was gone and because time, death, and tears hadn¡¯t changed what I meant to him and wouldn¡¯t, couldn¡¯t make him stay. But Mike had stayed, even though everything he worked for back in Australia had fallen apart, and he would always stay, no matter what; if I was human, if I was weak and frail, even if I asked him to go. And that was more than I could say for David. ¡°You¡¯re a good man, Mike.¡± My head rocked from side to side. ¡°I¡¯m glad I¡¯m marrying you.¡± His frown softened and a broad smile spread across his face, like the light touching the earth at sunrise. ¡°Then...you still wanna get married?¡± ¡°Of course I do, dummy.¡± I slapped his arm. ¡°Why wouldn¡¯t I?¡± ¡°I just thought, with the whole near-death experience and all, you know, people change from those things, Ara. I didn¡¯t know if you¡¯d want the same things anymore.¡± ¡°And you stayed? Even though you weren¡¯t sure?¡± Admiration crinkled across my nose. His eyes narrowed. ¡°Ara. I¡¯m in this for life. Whether you marry me or not, I will always be here to love you, protect you, and be your friend. That will never change. Never.¡± And it really only sunk in right then, that I had missed this; all along, I¡¯d been looking across the road to the boy I thought I loved, when I should¡¯ve been looking right beside me. This was my saviour¡ªthis was my knight in shining armour. He always had and always would come to my rescue. ¡°Good,¡± I said. ¡°Because I don¡¯t want you to go anywhere.¡± He leaned down and his warm, velvet smile melted onto my lips as his breath brushed hot against my skin. It was the first kiss. My first kiss in my new life. I¡¯d been given the chance to start over¡ªcleansed of all the mistakes of the past. The hourglass had rocked and the balance tipped in reverse, but everything was back in place and, today, I began a new journey with the man I was supposed to be with. True love would be ours now and happiness would be in every breath I took beside this man. We would go on¡ªlive, as living was intended, and I would love him for forever¡ªfor our forever¡ªbecause they¡¯d always been the same. Page 99 Chapter Thirty-EightAdvertisement True love, by definition, means ¡°someone that is truly loved.¡± But true love must be reciprocated, or it is only excruciatingly unbearable and devastating¡ªa never-ending lonely night in an empty room. By the dictionary of Ara, true love means you could not live without that person. That the love you feel for them is as honest and deep as the love they feel for you¡ªa soul mate¡ªa perfect match. David was my soul mate, but Mike was my perfect match, and in only a few hours, we¡¯d be sharing this truth with the rest of the world. The presence of my hand over my belly was supposed to settle the feeling of nerves, like black bats had assembled in my gut and bludgeoned the ogre to death, but it didn¡¯t. And it didn¡¯t hide the fact that, in truth, I wasn¡¯t ready for this. But Dad wouldn¡¯t let me go back to Perth with Mike unless we were married first. So, I stood in front of the full-length, oval mirror, with golden light spreading its warm beams of morning over my bedroom floor, and let time pass around me¡ªunable to control it or make good use of it; just existing as a part of its greater plan. I reached across and tilted the mirror¡¯s frame, changing the image to the plain white of the roof. I couldn¡¯t look at the reflection staring back at me today; she was error, beautified by justification, painted in the form of a bright-eyed young girl. A young girl who was doing what was expected of her, not what her heart wanted. I loved Mike, I really did, but the quiet prelude to the tempest had me wondering if I was doing the right thing; if marrying one man, when I was still in love with another, would perhaps destroy not just my life, but Mike¡¯s as well. The passed winter was long and the blue memory of Christmas Day settled over my thoughts, blotting out the yellow of spring in my room. Mike¡¯s parents had demanded he return home for Christmas, and I spent the whole day on the armchair downstairs, talking to him on the phone. The bill was huge, but Mike just laughed and said it was small change¡ªa minor drawback in the greater scheme of things¡ªand covered the costs himself. When he finally came back, I had never been so glad to see him in all my life. I¡¯d had so many nightmares while he was gone¡ªone¡¯s that ended in him calling to say he¡¯d changed his mind about me, or some where his plane crashed while I waited for him at the airport, and some where I slipped into the darkness again, and he wasn¡¯t there to save me. I needed him, almost as much as he needed me. So, maybe I wasn''t really ready for this, but I couldn¡¯t live without him, either. I shook my head a few times, releasing the shiver of memories, and looked behind me to the near-empty room. My bed was gone, the spongy white carpet dominating the space, while the new daybed in the corner had become a shelf for all things bridal, except the bouquets, which were lined up on the hallstand beside the window. It might not have been my room anymore, but it still felt like my room, except, like me, it was changed beyond recognition. My face, my hands, everything was polished and shined, shaped and fashioned to look like the bride standing by the mirror in her wedding dress. The swirling vortex of time had swept everything up, and I was next¡ªdestined to leave everyone behind. But that was always my destiny, wasn¡¯t it? And one day soon, I was sure it would carry me away from Mike. But not today. Under my thumb, the white flowers stitched into the veil sitting over the chair back felt silky. This veil was one of the reasons Mike gave no protest over going home at Christmas time. He¡¯d salvaged a few things when he and his mum cleared out my old house after I left¡ªmy mum¡¯s veil being one of them. I don''t think I ever cried so hard as when he handed me a box, wearing that cheeky grin, and I opened it to see white tulle. He and Dad found it utterly amusing, but I was sure half Dad¡¯s tears of hilarity were owed to emotions he wouldn¡¯t admit. Outside my window, the familiar chatter of my little bluebird friend formed the soundtrack to my faraway thoughts. I snapped from my reverie, tilted the mirror back down and watched the bird dancing in the reflection, bouncing happily as if life just went on. So simple. That¡¯s it; eat, sing, dance and play. I wished I were a bluebird. I¡¯d fly away¡ªover the rainbow. But life was not a novel and people didn¡¯t really get happy endings. I finally understood all the negative philosophical one-liners this town loved so much. They were phrases invented by smart people who knew life wasn¡¯t made of dreams, even though it sometimes felt like one. David said it best, though: ¡°Even dreams eventually die.¡± We¡¯re not the leading ladies of our own illusory films. This is life and we are real. The time had come for me to grow up and, if I couldn''t live the life I wanted, I had to at least live the lie. Either way, they were making me move on. I ran my fingers over the yellow and silver embroidered cherry blossoms, flowing like a swarm of butterflies over the fitted bodice of my white dress. I wasn¡¯t totally sold on the full hoop skirt and long train, but it had been a stipulation of Vicki¡¯s that she get to help choose the dress¡ªwithout any arguments. The only thing we really argued on, the only thing I really enforced was that my bouquet be white, with only accents of yellow. No red. It caused massive debates, until Mike stepped in and told Vicki it was my choice. Vicki meant well, but she could never understand what the red rose once meant to me, how it represented the part of me that would always belong to David. That was a different time; I wish it were a different life. I took a wispy breath and felt my heart flutter as I pushed his face away from my mind. I couldn¡¯t have any thoughts of him today or I¡¯d fall to pieces. There is, and never was, a David Knight. He died in nineteen-thirteen when his uncle bit him and turned him into a vampire. He never loved me, never promised me eternity¡ªnever existed. I was moving on, as he did¡ªleaving all hope of love and destiny to the children who read fairytales. They say that spring represents new beginnings; the end of the darkness; the cloaking of faux pas¡ªthe chance to wake up and start all over again. David would never be far from my thoughts, but I would live for the rest of my life without him in my embrace. I looked at myself in the mirror again, at the bride, the woman that now stood before me: this was moving on. ¡°Ara? Are you okay?¡± Emily smiled at me from the doorway. ¡°Emily! You look beautiful,¡± I all but squealed and hugged her as she walked over to me. She held me tight. Then, standing her at arms length, I smiled, admiring her dress. ¡°Yellow is definitely your colour.¡± ¡°Well, thank you for choosing such a tasteful bridesmaid dress.¡± She smiled, running her fingers over the chiffon. ¡°I¡¯m glad we went for the shorter dress¡ªit¡¯s says spring to me.¡± I tapped my chin. ¡°It doesn¡¯t feel like spring. It¡¯s so cold today.¡± She smiled and tilted her head to one side, pausing there for a second. ¡°Is it David? Is that what you were thinking about just now?¡± A rush of hot blood shot through my stomach; I clutched my silver locket. On my own, with the four walls of my room surrounding me¡ªclosing me in¡ªconvincing myself I could move on was easy. But in the presence of those who proved life was still real and still hurt, pretending I no longer belonged to him made me want to fold over and cry. ¡°You know me too well.¡± I sighed, forcing myself to release the locket. ¡°I¡¯m gonna miss you, Emily.¡± ¡°Don¡¯t worry, I¡¯ll come see you real soon. You¡¯ll see. And as for David? Well¡ª¡± she touched my shoulder, ¡°¡ªMike¡¯s better for you than him, Ara.¡± My eyes nearly leaped out of my head. ¡°What! Did you just say what I think you just said?¡± She laughed. ¡°I know, I know. It¡¯s a bit if a turnaround, but¡ª¡± she shrugged. ¡°I''m sorry, Mike¡¯s proven himself in my books, Ara.¡± ¡°Yeah, he¡¯s pretty likeable.¡± My fingers found the locket again and held it tight. ¡°And I am happy, you know. I do love Mike.¡± ¡°I know.¡± She nodded. ¡°I just miss David, is all, and¡ª¡± I faced the mirror again, dropping the chain from my fingers and letting it fall, cool against my skin. ¡°I just needed a moment to reflect on that, I guess.¡± ¡°Oh!¡± We both looked up to the whimpering gasp as Vicki walked in and burst into tears¡ªagain. ¡°My beautiful Ara-Rose. I can¡¯t believe you¡¯re getting married.¡± ¡°Been that way for a few months now, Mom,¡± I said and hugged her, being careful of my cascading curls. ¡°I know. It just feels like we only got you a few weeks ago, and now look at you¡ªall grown up and leaving us.¡± She wiped away her tears. ¡°Oh. Look at me, I¡¯ve gone and smudged my makeup again.¡± Emily and I exchanged a humoured smile as Vicki headed into my bathroom. The wardrobe she passed through was empty now. The rows and rows of clothes she bought me, the yellow dress, my box of pictures and everything else that made this room my own was on its way home now. On a freight plane back to Perth, which, after tonight, when I officially became Mrs Michael Christopher White, I would be too¡ªexcept¡­not on a freight plane. Emily let out a soft breath, half smiling. ¡°Come on. It¡¯s nearly time. Let¡¯s put this veil on.¡± I lifted the blanket-heavy skirt and sat down on the stool near the mirror. It felt good to sit. I¡¯d been standing for too long. ¡°No looking until I get this in, okay?¡± ¡°Em¡ªmy back¡¯s to the mirror. How can I see, anyway?¡± ¡°Oh, I¡¯m sure you¡¯ll find a way, if you want to.¡± ¡°You know me too well.¡± I smirked. ¡°So, where¡¯s Alana?¡± ¡°Finishing her hair. And still trying to practice walking in those heels.¡± ¡°I hope she doesn¡¯t trip over.¡± ¡°No one will notice,¡± she muttered with a few bobby pins between her lips, ¡°they won¡¯t be able to see past you.¡± With the veil in my hair, Emily took a step back and adoration flooded her eyes like a little girl getting her first kitten. ¡°Does it look nice?¡± I asked, touching my fingertips to the meshy fabric. ¡°Oh, my God!¡± Alana squealed. ¡°Don¡¯t cry,¡± Emily warned. ¡°I¡¯m not re-doing your makeup.¡± ¡°I¡¯m not. I¡¯m not. Oh, Ara,¡± Alana said, waving her hands near her moistening eyes. ¡°You¡¯re so pretty.¡± ¡°Thanks. You look nice too.¡± ¡°I know.¡± She curtsied. ¡°Ryan said his heart stopped beating when he saw me.¡± ¡°Aw.¡± Emily and I said. ¡°I know.¡± Alana walked over. ¡°He¡¯s really sweet. So, you¡¯re all ready then?¡± ¡°Yep.¡± ¡°And you have something old?¡± She touched my veil. ¡°Uh-huh, and something new.¡± I nodded down at my dress. ¡°Okay, here¡¯s something borrowed.¡± Emily clasped her silver bracelet over my wrist¡ªover the scar David left. ¡°Well, that just leaves something blue.¡± I searched the room, half expecting to see the bookshelf behind my bedroom door where I used to keep a bluebird pin my mother gave me when I was little. ¡°Um, Ara?¡± Vicki stood nervously behind Emily. ¡°I¡ªI have something blue.¡± When Em stepped aside, Vicki reached across the pale beam of sunlight and placed something cold and kind of heavy in my hand, cupping hers there for a second. ¡°My mother gave this to me on my wedding day¡ªwhen I married your father.¡± I hesitated to look down at it, keeping my gaze on her teary eyes for longer than needed. But when I finally unfolded my fingers, I gasped, seeing the blue perfection there. ¡°Vicki! This is beautiful.¡± ¡°It¡¯s a brooch,¡± she said, turning the delicate glass blossom in my open palm. ¡°But¡ª¡± I stole my gaze away from it to look at her, ¡°¡ªthis should be passed down to Sam, shouldn¡¯t it?¡± Vicki shook her head and closed my fingers around the flower. ¡°It¡®s been passed down in my family from daughter to daughter; it belongs to you now.¡± ¡°Vicki, I¡ªhow can I ever thank you for all you¡¯ve done for me?¡± I jumped off the stool and hugged her tight, gripping the sapphire blossom in my hand. ¡°I love you, Mom.¡± ¡°And I love you, Ara.¡± She smiled and bit her quivering lips together. ¡°Now, enough clich¨¦ fussing. Where shall we pin this?¡± We placed the brooch, after much deliberation, to the largest cherry blossom on the bodice, right where the skirt met my hips, and as everyone stepped back to take a look at me, I drew a deep breath and squared my shoulders. ¡°So, that¡¯s everything?¡± The chatter of four girls suddenly burst into the roar of twenty screaming fans at a boy-band concert. I calmed myself to a picture of composure while they gathered their bouquets, then hurried into the corridor. ¡°You coming, Ara?¡± Alana turned back to look at me. ¡°Um, yeah.¡± A sigh forced my shoulders to relax. ¡°I¡¯ll just be a sec.¡± She smiled knowingly, then walked away. The silence seemed to be filled with all the thoughts I¡¯d been afraid of, all the truths I couldn¡¯t own today. So, before it could destroy resolution, I wandered out quickly, looking back for only a moment before shutting the door on the warm yellow light of the past. Dad came out of his room at the same time; I waited in anticipation for him to turn around. ¡°Dad?¡± His face moved from the thoughts of the day ahead to a round-mouthed, wide-eyed smile. ¡°Oh, honey,¡± he said, raising my hand above my head to spin me around. ¡°Look at you.¡± Page 100 ¡°It¡¯s not too overdone, do you think?¡± I looked down at the marshmallow skirt.Advertisement ¡°No, you look perfect.¡± He kissed my cheek. ¡°You¡¯re so grown up, so before your time.¡± He stopped then with a slight sigh. ¡°I¡¯m proud of you, Ara-Rose¡ªand your mother¡ª¡± Dad touched my inherited veil, ¡°¡ªI know she¡¯d be proud of you too.¡± I nodded, looking down at Dad¡¯s hand holding mine. ¡°You know you¡¯re supposed to take your engagement ring off when you get married. It goes on in front of your wedding ring after the ceremony.¡± ¡°Really? Well, here, hold on to it for me.¡± He placed my ruby ring in his top pocket with a little pat. ¡°Are you ready?¡± he asked softly. Ready? I wasn¡¯t sure if that was the right word. I inhaled a deep, shaky-yet-excited breath, and let it out in a gust. ¡°No! Wait. I forgot my bouquet.¡± I spun on my heel, hitched my dress up at the front, feeling it swish around the tops of my feet as I bolted back to my room. The warmth of my yellow walls greeted me with the sun¡¯s smile as I burst through the door and grabbed the lone bouquet sitting on the table. But, as I turned to walk away, a wave of nostalgia hit me. I took two slow steps back to where my bed used to be, and let my arms fall to my sides. It was so empty in here now. The crystals that once cast rainbows from the sun were all gone, so too were the photos on the walls, and the innocence of childhood. They were all just a memory now, and it felt strange to be saying goodbye to a place that¡¯d been such a big part of my life, for such a short time. Despite the pain I suffered here, what I was leaving behind today were mostly fond memories. Then, as I turned to walk away again, a splash of a forbidden colour caught my eye¡ªresting in the hinge of the old mirror. One single red rose. Breathless, bonded to the spot, I could no longer feel my arms or lips¡ªmy thumping heart was all that existed. No one would have put that there. I was very clear. There were to be no red roses around today. I walked over and plucked the rose from the mirror, dropping it as soon as my fingers touched the thornless stem. ¡°David?¡± A silent moment passed, but only the stammering of my wanting heart echoed back. Please be here. Please. The red rose sat by my feet. I stared at it for a moment. One red rose. The single element of colour inside a completely white bouquet; the scarlet representation of my love for David¡ªof the part of me that would always be his. I left it out. I wanted to move on¡ªto forget about him. But we both knew I was fooling myself to think I could ever move on. There was no moving on, and he wouldn¡¯t let me. No. I shook my head and took a step away from the rose. I would not let his memory reside here, in this life, with me. The past was his dwelling now¡ªlong forgotten and hidden in a dark corner of my heart, like a favourite old book at the back of a shelf. The reflection of the bride holding a colourless bouquet was one of picturesque beauty, but not what I saw in my dream, in what seemed a lifetime ago. This was a different image. I was no longer the empty shell of a girl I used to be. I had moved on, without David, away from David, and slowly, I was growing out of the mask I used to hide behind. Happiness was becoming a real part of my life, and it was because of Mike that I could finally be just a girl. Just Ara. Leaving the rose on the floor where it fell, I smiled. Mike was all I needed now. I loved David with all of my heart once, and when Mike came back into my life, my heart simply grew bigger. With one hand, I unclasped the silver chain David returned to me. ¡°I will always be yours, David,¡± I said into the mirror. ¡°And you will always have a special place in my heart, but¡ª¡± I placed the locket on the floor over the rose and stood back. ¡°But this is me saying goodbye. Saying¡­this is the way things should be. Don¡¯t let your life be about me now. It¡¯s time to move on and let things fall where they may.¡± My heart and my voice steadied then with the last of my goodbye. ¡°I love you, David Knight. I¡¯ll love you for forever¡ªbut it just has to be forever apart.¡± Slowly and reluctantly, I walked to the door and placed my fingers over the handle. When I turned back to look around my room for the last time¡ªthe rose and the locket were gone. With faltering resolution and a tender heart, I blinked back the pain, and closed the door behind me. Dad winked at me when I took his arm, and we walked down the stairs to the warm spring morning¡ªthe last morning I would ever look across the road at the oval of the school where I once met a boy. He wasn''t there anymore¡ªno longer waiting by the grass for me to take his hand. He was gone, and I was moving on. The photographer placed us in position to document the momentous occasion before we could climb into the bridal car and drive away, leaving behind all the innocence of youth and the sadness of eternal nights. Bright, sunny days were my path now. I looked up at the blue sky, just as I did that first day I came to live here, only, back then, in my heart, I wanted nothing more than to go back home, while today, the idea had me stealing glances at my dad, Sam, and even Vicki, wondering how I was going to cope with missing them. I guess life has a funny way of granting the things we want, when we no longer really want them. I came here alone, and I was leaving with a heart full of family and friends who loved me. I knew that when the night descended and I said my final farewells, I¡¯d cry, because at some point in all my growing up, I learned that home was built with the hearts of people you love; it was a place you knew you could always return, where waiting arms would greet you and make you safe. And I guess, in that sense, I never really needed to find my way home, because I¡¯d truly been there all along.