Chapter 14 – Even if you want anything else, nothing comes to mind, you


    When I timidly looked at the 2 of them, I noticed that their expressions were stiff and


    dark.


    Aah~ as expected, I went overboard. Even though I know they are nobles too… just


    (provisional) though! But, they are most probably nobles. Having said that, we are


    teadrinking


    companions and their status doesn’t matter, but it’s difficult to ask the


    question now anyway, isn’t it? I don’t regret it though.


    Keisan,


    who was staring at the floor with his head down, said.


    「Are those the only reasons why you don’t want to go to the academy? The way


    the academy is run, or the attitudes of the nobles… if there’s anything else, tell me!


    It doesn’t have to be about the academy either, I will be grateful to hear Az’s


    feelings about your daily life.」


    Nn? After making such a dark expression, you want to hear more!? Is he a M…nono,


    it can’t be, it can’t be.


    Keisan


    smiled wryly and sighed when he saw my blank expression.


    「I rarely have chances to speak to others, especially when it comes to people


    outside of nobility – you could say I have never spoken to them.


    The things I’ve heard from others are also not nearly as frank as Az’s. That’s why I


    want to hear your opinions, if possible. It doesn’t matter what it’s about. I want to


    hear it no matter what it’s about since it comes from Az.」


    He really…. has quite a high status, doesn’t he? A high status even amongst


    nobles, huh?


    Is there anything I can say to someone like that? No!? What I said just now was


    only because I snapped. Honestly speaking, I don’t even remember what I said!!


    「Before that, Aniue,


    can you give me some time?」


    Anisan


    stood up from his seat to get permission from Keisan.


    After Keisan


    acknowledged, Anisan


    came towards me and kneeled down.


    ….He kneeled!? What’s he doing? This person. While I was panicking alone, he


    stared at me with a serious look. Just what the heck is it?


    「Az. Firstly, let me apologise. Sorry for just now.


    I was at fault. I prioritised my own selfish desires and hurt your pride. This is by no


    means an excuse, but I didn’t intend to do that. I just wanted you to remain in this


    country. When I heard that you were going to Tournons, I unintentionally… But, I


    know it’s an inexcusable act. I’m really sorry.」


    It was a truly sincere apology. Can a noble, and one with a particularly high status


    at that, lower his head so easily? No, I’m sure it’s only because it’s Anisan.


    It’s also


    because he was truly apologetic. While thinking so, I suddenly smiled.


    I stood up from my seat as well, pushed it aside and kneeled before Anisan.


    I


    looked into his eyes as I replied.


    「I’m sorry too. I unintentionally snapped at your words, and along the way ended


    up venting my frustrations, even though it is something unrelated to the two of you.


    I should be the one apologising.」


    「Aah, aah…it’s fine. No problem. I’m the one who’s actually at fault. I thought I


    made you hate me.」


    「No way! I think Anisan


    is a good person after all!


    I just got slightly offended? I might have snapped, but I don’t hate you at all, you


    knogufuu!


    」


    I was tightly hugged in the middle of my sentence….I think. I didn’t understand what


    was going on in that instant because of the force and strength. All I knew was that


    my nose hit something and it really hurt, and the painful pressure constricting me.


    While I was in pain and agony, I was abruptly assaulted by a floating feeling.


    I was carried by Anisan


    over to the edge of the bed like this, and lowered onto Keisan’s


    side. It all happened in an instant, so I couldn’t quite grasp what happened.


    Anisan


    sat on the opposite edge of the bed from Keisan.


    A gishi sound came from


    suddenly, I can’t think of anything to say. I think my current posture is one of the


    reasons for that though. After all, Anisan


    is holding my hands for some reason.


    Even if he knows that I’m 12 years old, he probably can’t see me as anything other


    than a 8 or 9 year old. It’s kind of shameful.


    「You don’t have to look so worried. If you just happen to think of


    something….even if I say that, it’s too vague, isn’t it?


    U~n. Do you have anything else in mind related to the academy? Or even the state


    of the streets or country?」


    Anisan


    probably couldn’t bear seeing me troubled and lent me a hand. Academy,


    nope. I didn’t enroll so I only know things I heard from others. U~n, commenting on


    the streets and the country sounds rather grand. Is that something you could ask a


    child? No, but my mind is that of an adult so it’s alright. They might want to hear the


    views of a child though.


    「Academy, no. If you are fine with me sharing my personal point of view, I’ll talk.」


    After I said so with a sigh, Keisan


    The 2 of them exchanged glances and nodded. So it was true. It’s really scaryyy.


    「I don’t want to make such an oath.


    “Using it for the sake of the country”, it’s such an ambiguous oath.


    What comes to mind first with this oath would be that it means helping out during


    emergencies, or to support the country and defend it… These are to be expected


    and I can accept them. But, it’s not just that. How should I say it… This oath gives


    me the impression that the oath bearers are forced to work for brass of the country,


    including the King, for anything conveniently labelled as “for the sake of the


    country”.」


    How should I say it to convey the message… it’s ambiguous, which makes it hard.


    To put it simply…. I don’t want people to take advantage of it? There aren’t only


    good fellows in the world. There are heaps of wickedhearted


    people too, especially


    the leader of this country, who seems frightening.


    Above all else, Asnord of Koihana was sentenced to death because he carried out


    the stalking horse noble’s orders. Who would want to end up in a similar situation!?


    Even if my lord is the country, for example, I will definitely refuse. The greater the


    authority, the more dreadful it will usually be.


    「Good humans are not the only kind of humans out there. Bad fellows and idiots


    won’t use their authority properly. Unfortunately, I don’t have a good impression of


    the nobles in this country and I don’t trust them either. It’s not like I know all the


    nobles, and the stupid ones are probably only just one portion of the nobility….AahI


    do trust Keisan


    and Anisan


    though!」


    Seeing their eyebrows form the 八 shape, I added on in a panic.


    I wonder why…. I feel like I can see dog ears on their heads. Tails as well. Nah, just


    my imagination.


    「On top of that, I want to use my strength for the sake of what I want to protect. As


    long as it is precious to me, even if the country considers it “evil”, I will use my


    strength to protect it.」


    「Even if it means having the country as your enemy?」


    I turned towards Keisan


    when I heard his quavering voice, but he was not showing


    anything on his face so I didn’t know what he was thinking. I heard Anisan


    gulping


    from the side.


    「Even if it means having the country as my enemy. Even if the country, the King,


    chief authorities and the citizens consider it “evil”.


    But, don’t misunderstand, I will properly consider the reason why they find it “evil”. I


    won’t blindly protect it just because it’s important to me. Even if it’s important to me,


    I will listen to the reasons for it to be considered “evil” and think about it. Depending


    on the reasons behind it, I might even end up not protecting that important thing.


    But, I think the reason will have to be something quite substantial for me to forsake


    it. I’m so indecisive, aren’t I?」


    My eyes met Keisan’s


    for a short while and the one to turn away first was him,


    sighing as he did so and he covered his face.


    「Come to think of it, that’s how Az is like. When we first met 4 years ago, that was


    the feeling I got too.


    When he helped me, a stranger with grievous wounds, I asked him what he would


    do if I was actually a criminal, and he calmly answered that he would help me even


    if I was. When I asked why, he said that “it’s annoying to consider that when I’m


    trying to save someone” and that I didn’t seem like a bad person.


    What he said after that was pretty interesting too. After helping me out for the time


    being, if I really were a criminal without any acceptable reasons for committing the


    crime, he’ll bring me to the police station by any means necessary. I remember


    laughing when I heard that back then.」


    As I watched Keisan


    raise his head with a smile, I got a subtle feeling. Is it really


    something that funny? Did I say something weird? U~n, if I helped someone


    dangerous recover and end up exposing the people around me to danger, I can’t


    just leave it alone. I would have to take responsibility. If you say I’m naive in my risk


    management, I have no excuse.


    Well, I did it because it seemed fun, isn’t it fine?